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#Also I thought I'd replay a new day last night but where I opened my game was in dead god's pad and just spent 15 minutes vibing to satisfy
randomszzz · 2 years
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I tend to be a bit skeptical about assigning twewy’s songs to its characters; especially given the earlier incarnations song placements being rather free wheeling.  Like the songs conveyed certain ideas and energies, but weren’t really bound to A Specific Character.  (And more power to the fans that decide that those ideas belong to That Character Specifically, I guess, but its not my speed)
Having said all that, the two straight up exceptions to this are Megumi and Satisfy and Susukichi and we’re losing you.  Zero reservations there. 
#twewy#ntwewy#megumi kitaniji#susukichi#kaichi susuki#neo really leaned into transformation for sho and thats cool I guess#but sho and transformation were originally independent of each other.  transformation isn't ABOUT sho#hard to embrace it when spending an hour getting the shit kicked out of you well after hours under the covers#while someday blares and someone savors his victory with a soh-cah-toa is a vibrant teenage memory#tbf idk if megumi was originally really tied with satisfy (I think satisfy was in jp ds twewy but taken out in english#no idea what its placement was)#but yeah I can't listen to satisfy or we're losing you without thinking about them#we're losing you also really isn't the sort of music i'd be inclined to appreciate#but in light of susukichi's stuggles? I (kinda sorta) get it now#Also I thought I'd replay a new day last night but where I opened my game was in dead god's pad and just spent 15 minutes vibing to satisfy#neku too I love his floofy hair and little head nods and foot taps#I wish neo had such lively animations#so sad no party members following you in the overworld in neo :(#cute little idle animations adding characterization#Also if I was a perfectly fair human I would say unpainted counts for shiba but I'm not unpainted is my favorite song#shiba is a despicable man#but for like half of neo's track if I even tried to associate them with characters it would just be OMG ITS RINDOKA#its really not hard to associate songs with characters if you're so inclined#twewy isn't super restrictive in where songs play so there's a ton of room for song interpretation to be overrun by bias
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imkylotrash · 3 years
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Call You Mine
Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader
Request: Hello could I have reader x Kaz brekker with this prompt: "In a sea of people, my eyes will always look for you." Anonymous
A/N I imagine Kaz and the reader to be a little older in this just so that it fits with the storyline. Also, I know it's been a while but thank you for your patience. I'll try to get back to a more regular schedule now that I'm on summer break 🥰
Tagging: @bitchwhytho @music-of-melody @shadowhuntyi @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @alice-the-nerd
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You're not even sure what you're doing back in Ketterdam. Something - or someone - has drawn you here despite your vow to never return. You'd told yourself that no matter what you couldn't show your face here after what happened the day you left. But here you were looking around at the city that seemed like home but still felt so strange after your departure. You didn't know the customs anymore, but you knew that the gun hidden within your cloak would be your best friend as you roamed the city looking for the thing that had made you come back.
"Might I interest the pretty one in-"
"I'm fine." You dismiss the man before he has time to finish the sentence. You're not here to gamble your money away or get caught up in the criminal underground that runs Ketterdam. Ironically, you find yourself in front of the Crows Club though. Perhaps a certain criminal is who's been pulling at your soul.
"As I live and breathe." You spot Jesper first and it's like coming home. You don't see him though. Your eyes search in every corner but he's either hidden by the crowd or simply not there.
"I didn't think I'd ever see your pretty face again," he says engulfing your entire frame in a hug. After Kaz, it hurt you most to leave Jesper. He had been like a brother to you, and you'd left in the middle of the night without so much as an explanation. He didn't seem to mind though as he looked you up and down eyeing your somewhat new neck tattoo.
"I figured they at least deserved something to be remembered by," you whisper letting your fingers run over the birds flying up your neck. There were few people in your life that you had truly cared about and fewer still that were alive to this day. The birds were your way of remembering lives lost. Jesper knew the name of every single bird because he'd lost the same people.
"I like it." Talking to Jesper makes you realise that you can leave Ketterdam but the city never truly left you. It's like no time has passed between the two of you, but you're not naive enough to think that everyone will be as welcoming. You know what you did that night, and you doubt he's forgiven you yet.
"Is Kaz here?" you ask Jesper who nods to the office upstairs. Your heart is pounding as you approach the closed door separating you from Kaz. It's been three years since you last saw him, but you've thought about him every day since then. You weren't ready for him then, but you were older now - you knew the love you felt for him didn't come twice.
"Who's there?" You open the door carefully finding his blue eyes immediately. He gets up, shock evident on his face. He didn't expect you and frankly, neither did you. For days, you had been travelling and it wasn't until you were standing in the heart of Ketterdam that you'd realised where you'd ended up.
"What are you doing here?"
"I got tired of running." Sure, why not just throw everything on the table from the start? You beat yourself mentally for being so forward with him. For all you know, he moved on ages ago and now you're just making a fool of yourself.
"You'll have to be more specific than that," he says making sure to keep his distance. It's clear that he hasn't forgotten what was said that night and neither have you. It's been on replay ever since you left letting you know just how horrible you were - and stupid, so fucking stupid for leaving him.
"I'm saying that I wasn't ready then so I fled. But I haven't been able to stop thinking about you," you say taking a tentative step towards him but it only makes him take three steps back.
"I'm saying that... In a sea of people, my eyes will always look for you. And I don't know what that means, but I know I'm tired of never seeing you." This time he stays put when you step forward. You're waiting for him to say something, but he seems frozen in time.
"It's too much. I just came back and now I'm dumping all of this on you. I'm sorry. I'll go." You're halfway to the door when he finally whispers, "stop."
"Kaz, it's okay. I completely ambushed you."
"Stop talking." You hardly dare to breathe as you wait for him to make the next move. You'd understand if he threw you out. You're not sure you would've been able to forgive him if it had been the other way around, but Kaz has a bigger heart than he lets on.
"You leaving nearly snapped me in half, but I can't pretend I didn't miss you. I kept hoping you'd walk through that very door. When a year passed, I stopped hoping." He grabs his cane for support as he makes his way around the huge desk. Time has been nothing but friendly to Kaz. He looks more rugged now, but it suits him. You just hate that you wasted years where you could've been with him.
"You said I was suffocating you. That you wanted more than what I could offer you. What should make me believe that you've changed your mind?" He has every right to throw those words back in your face, but it doesn't change the fact that each word leaves cracks in your heart.
"I don't mean it now and I didn't mean it back then. I needed you to let me go because I was scared. So, I told you the worst possible things to make sure you wouldn't follow me." You want to reach out to him, but you know better than that. He's not wearing gloves right now, and you could never do that to him.
"How am I ever going to trust you again though? Even if it was a lie, you left. I asked you to be mine and you left me." This feels wrong. You hate to see the hurt you caused him reflected in his eyes. It's painful enough to deal with your own hurt.
"I was 18, Kaz. The thought of letting myself rely on someone else like that terrified me to the bone. But I'm here now." You fall to your knees looking up at him.
"I'm telling you how sorry I am for the pain I inflicted on you. I've hated myself for it ever since." You stay on your knees letting him know that this is your surrender. Whatever he says next will be your verdict and you'll gracefully accept it.
"You hurt me. And I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust you again," he says with a tremor in his voice. By now, you're staring at your hands wishing you'd never come back.
"But I'd like to try." You almost experience whiplash when you look up at him. He doing that half-smile that you've always loved. It seems too good to be true, but somehow Kaz Brekker is standing before you saying that he's willing to give you a second chance.
"I promise I'm staying this time."
"Time will tell."
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smileyoongle · 5 years
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The Only Truth (Mafia! Jeon Jungkook)
Requested by @junglekookbook I'm pretty sure this is one of my best works. I have never concentrated so much on an imagine before. So Let's Get It?!
Summary: You thought your life was perfect with your prince charming by your side. But what do you do when you realize that the person you thought you loved, has too many skeletons in his closet?
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You rubbed your hands together to keep them warm, hissing as the cold wind fanned your face. The overcoat on your body wasn't enough to keep you warm. The weather report had predicted snowfall by the night. And even though you knew about it, you didn't take any precautions.
You continued to walk faster, motivating yourself by thinking about how warm your bed must be. It was already dark and there were barely any people on the streets. The streetlamps were flickering, making shivers run down your body. If this was a movie, then you'd probably be hearing footsteps behind you by now.
You could see your house in the distance, sighing in relief as you walked right past a dark alleyway. And that's when your feet stopped.
You could hear someone's groans, as if they were in pain. You turned your head to glance at the dark path, trying to come up with a decision. There were two options. Either you could play hero and check what was going on. Or you could go home and have a nice hot bath followed by a cup of hot chocolate.
As tempting the latter sounded, your morals wouldn't allow you to do that. You were a doctor after all. Taking in a deep breath, you courageously walked into the alley, praying under your breath for your safety. You reached the dead end, your eyes searching for the source of those noises you had heard.
And that's when you saw him.
Leaning against the wall with bruises and cuts littering his face. Your throat felt constricted when you saw the blood seeping through his white shirt underneath his jacket. His eyes were closed and all he could do was groan in pain.
You quickly rushed to kneel beside him, carefully shaking his shoulders to keep him conscious.
"Hey Mr. I need you to keep your eyes open, do you hear me? Stay with me until I get you some help, okay?" You said gently, your heart pounding in your chest. He seemed to be able to hear you for his eyes opened a little.
"Don't need....your help." His voice was a whisper but you heard what he said. In that moment, you wanted to scoff. Even when he was dying, he didn't need your help? Sounds like a bunch of bullshit.
With a shake of your head, you placed his arm across your shoulder, lifting him up with all your strength. He was way heavier than he looked. Thankfully, your house wasn't very far, you just needed him to stay conscious and carry some of his weight for you.
You were panting by the time you reached your house, your hands fumbling with the lock as the stranger leaned onto your small figure. You could feel his shallow breath on your neck while you unlocked the door and pushed it open. And as if on cue, he fell down on the floor, completely unconscious.
"Shit." You cursed and ran inside, lifting him by his shoulders, just enough to drag him to the couch. It was gonna be a long night.
💔💔
Your head hung low as you stared blankly at the floor of the grimy basement where you were being held captive. Dried tears stained your cheeks along with blood from the little cuts across your face. The pain in your thigh had subsided. Or maybe you just didn't care anymore. The scalpel which was dug deep into your thigh was glinting in the little light which came from the small bulb on the ceiling.
"Oh, looks like your dear boyfriend kept you in the dark all this time."
"He is a gangster. A gangster who I thought I killed about four months ago."
"Still willing to die for him, doll?"
Your kidnapper's voice kept replaying in your head. Your heart felt heavy and....broken.
The man you were so in love with, lied to you. He lied to you about who he was. He lied to you about everything.
That night in the alley. He hadn't been robbed. He had been beaten up by a mafia gang.
The nights when he didn't come home, he wasn't working. He was killing people and fixing deals.
The times when he came home with bruises on his face, he didn't walk into a pole. He was out on shootouts.
Your heartbeat fastened on hearing gunshots outside the room, knowing very well that he was here. The door to the basement opened and someone walked in with staggered footsteps. You didn't react when your hair was harshly pulled back and a metal was placed against the side of your head. More footsteps entered the room but you didn't look up, your eyes finding the floor very interesting. A sob threatened to escape your lips but you pursed your lips. You were afraid to look at him. Afraid that you'd forget and fall back into the web of lies that he had spun for you.
"Let her go and I won't kill you."
💔💔
You sat in your cabin, looking through the files of some patients. Your clinic had already closed but you were staying back. Mainly because you didn't want to go home yet. It was Saturday night and everyone was out partying. Too bad you didn't have any friends.
A knock on the door made you look up as you replied with a 'come in'. It was the new receptionist.
"Miss Y/L/N, there's someone here to see you. I told him you weren't seeing any patients now but he said he's your friend."
You frowned and tilted your head. Friend?
You nodded and told her to let him in. She left and a minute later, the door opened again as he stepped in.
Your breath hitched as he walked towards you with a small bouquet in his hands. The last time you saw him, he had disappeared without a word and you never heard from him again. It had been a month since that incident. You would be lying if you said you weren't hurt. You had treated him for three days at your house, only for him to disappear on you. You hadn't even gotten a chance to find out his name. So much for helping a stranger...
"You look a lot different than I last saw you." You stated, watching him as he shifted his weight from one leg to another. There were no more cuts on his face, not even scars. They were all gone. He curtly nodded and looked at you.
"I wanted to thank you for that. I owe you."
His voice was gentle but his expression was blank. At one point, it looked like he had no idea what he was doing. You smiled and glanced at the bouquet of orchids in his hand.
"Those for me?" You asked, nudging your chin towards the flowers in his hand. His eyes shot up to your face before glancing at the bouquet.
"Oh yeah." He handed it to you as you smiled and took in the scent. Orchids were your favourite. What a coincidence that he decided to get these for you. You didn't notice how his eyes were trained on your face, a soft smile spreading on his own as a result.
"And I also needed to apologize for... leaving without saying anything. So, I was wondering if you'd join me for dinner?" You looked at him to find him scratching the back of his neck. You bit your lip and glanced at the files. It's not like this was important anyway. Also, this man was extremely handsome and you knew you'd regret it if you didn't go. One dinner wouldn't hurt.
"I'd like that." You smiled, standing up and packing your things.
"My name's Y/N, by the way. I don't think you remember since you were pretty much out of it." You stated, taking your purse from under the desk as you recalled how he was barely awake when you had kept him at your house.
"I remember....how can I forget?" You failed to hear the last part as you turned off the computer on your desk and got ready to leave.
"And what do I call you?"
"Jungkook. Jeon Jungkook."
💔💔
You flinched a little on hearing another gunshot followed by a heavy thud from behind you. Your kidnapper was dead. You could tell.
You closed your eyes and continued to keep your head down, a low whimper escaping your lips. Your head was spinning and you couldn't breathe anymore.
You felt a hand on your thigh and you sharply inhaled on feeling the scalpel move.
"This'll hurt a little."
You heard his voice and rage filled you. You didn't want him near you. Your chest rose and fell rapidly, indicating that your breathing was becoming very erratic. Suddenly, the scalpel was pulled out followed by pressure being applied to your wound. You could feel the tightness of whatever was being wrapped around your thigh, the pain making it harder for you to stay awake.
You slowly opened your eyes, seeing him taking off the ropes from around you. You leaned back on the chair, feeling your eyes getting heavier.
"No, Y/N. Stay with me, please. Don't you dare close your eyes. Do you hear me?" Jungkook said, cupping your cheeks. You mumbled something as your body fell limp. Jungkook placed his ear next to your mouth to hear what you were trying to say.
"Liar..."
💔💔
You sat beside Jungkook on the sand, watching in content as the waves crashed against the shore. The sun was setting, colouring the sky in beautiful colours. The single orchid in your hand swayed with the wind, your hair getting tangled behind you.
A sudden tap on your shoulder made you turn your head, your lips forming into a smile on seeing a little girl standing in front of you with a shy smile.
"Hi there, darling! How can I help you?" You asked sweetly. Jungkook sat quietly and watched the whole exchange, wondering how you were so nice to everyone.
"I just wanted to tell you that you're really pretty..."
You chuckled and leaned forward, holding her small hands in yours. "Maybe I am. But certainly not as pretty as you." You said, handing the orchid to her. She grinned and mumbled a thank you before gently kissing your cheek and running away.
You laughed and turned back to find Jungkook staring at you with a fond smile.
"What?" You asked, tucking your hair behind your ear. Jungkook lightly shook his head and sat up straighter, focusing all his attention on you.
"You really are pretty..."
You blushed as your heart did a little flip, biting your lip in nervousness on seeing Jungkook lean closer to you.
It had been a couple of weeks since you started going out with Jungkook. He never said anything about dates, avoiding all your questions by saying,
'I like your company.'
But you couldn't deny the fact that you had grown to like him. Though you still didn't know a lot about him, you liked him. Because he made you feel like you were special.
He glanced at your lips, moving closer until your nose brushed against his. He gently placed a hand on your cheek as you closed your eyes, his lips pressing against yours.
It was gentle. As gentle as a feather. His lips were soft and you felt like you were on cloud nine. His hand moved to the back of your neck, pushing you closer against him. Hesitantly, you tangled your fingers in his hair on feeling him deepening the kiss. It was so passionate that you couldn't help but feel light headed.
You both pulled away, gasping for air, your forehead leaning against his.
"What are you doing to me, Y/N Y/L/N?"
💔💔
You opened your eyes, wincing on feeling the throbbing in your head. With a lot of struggle, you placed a hand on your forehead, feeling the smooth surface of a bandaid beneath your fingers. You frowned slightly and let your mind wander to your last memory before you blacked out. Everything came crashing down on you like a brick wall. The lies. The kidnapping. The torture. Jeon Jungkook.
Immediately tears filled your eyes and you sat up, finding it difficult to breath.
Your heart hurt, it felt like someone was trying to rip it out of your chest. The only man who you had come to love, lied to you. He made a fool out of your feelings. He fed you lies upon lies until someone else spilled out his secrets.
Too busy dealing with your emotions, you didn't notice the bedroom door opening.
Jungkook entered the room in which you lay unconscious, sighing in relief on seeing that you were now awake. He wanted to run to you and hide you in his arms. He wanted to kiss you and ask you if you were okay. He wanted to tell you how grateful he was that you were alive.
But he couldn't.
Not after seeing the tears running down your face. Not after seeing the way your eyes widened when you spotted him.
You pushed yourself against the headboard, ignoring the bouts of pain that covered every inch of your body. Jungkook's heart broke on seeing you like that. He knew that you were aware of the truth. He knew that there was probably no chance of you forgiving him. But he had to try. He had to try because it was you. It was always gonna be you.
With cautious steps, he approached you, placing his hands up as if to surrender.
"I'm not here to hurt you, my love."
You furiously shook your head and pulled the thin blanket, clenching the soft material in your hands. Your lips quivered as you tried to say something.
"I-I don't wanna talk to y-you." You stammered, looking at him with all the hatred you could gather. Jungkook wanted to shoot himself on the spot. He knew he shouldn't have hid anything from you.
"Y/N, I had to do it. Please just let me explain." He begged, his eyes displaying all the sorrow that his heart was drowning in. You shook your head again, clearly showing him that he couldn't change your mind.
"You lied to me. You're a liar. This whole relationship was a lie. You never loved me. You never cared. I don't know why you did this but I don't think I wanna know anymore. Just leave me alone."
Jungkook's knees gave out and he fell to the ground, clasping his hands in front of him as if to pray. He was begging you. On his knees.
"That's not true. Just tell me this, would you have loved me back if I told you what I did? Would you have even let me take you out if I told you who I really was?" He asked, trying hard not to cry. But he couldn't hold it in. He was so close to losing the love of his life. He probably already lost you.
"Maybe I would have! Maybe I wouldn't. That gives you no right to lie to me. You played me, Jungkook. You fucking played with my feelings. I fell for a man who doesn't exist. What should I do with this revelation?!" You spat, pointing your finger at him. In that moment, Jungkook couldn't tell if he still had any hope left or not. He wasn't sure what would make you stay. He wasn't sure if that was even an option for you anymore. He knew he did wrong. But that was the only way to make you love a monster like him.
"I didn't play you, Y/N. I hid the truth from you. Please, I just need one chance to prove how much I care. I'll leave all this. We can go somewhere far away from here and start afresh. Just, please, don't leave me." Jungkook cried, hanging his head low in shame.
You were surprised to see him crying. He had never ever cried in front of you. And the sight broke you. You wanted to forgive him. You really did. Because you loved him a lot. He was a big part of your life now and you didn't want to let go.
"Tell me one thing that was true. Give me one good reason to stay." You said, your voice holding a certain level of coldness to it. You were slipping away from him and Jungkook could feel it.
He fell silent for a minute, processing his next words very carefully. He couldn't lose you. Not now. Not ever.
You smiled bitterly, nodding to yourself. This was it then. Everything was-
"I love you. And I always meant it."
Jungkook looked at you with hopeful eyes, watching your gaze soften. You melted. You knew you did. You were a goner for him. You were so in love with him that you would have hated yourself for not forgiving him. What had he done to you?
"I just need you to be happy. Whether it's with me or away from me. Although I'd like it if it's with me..."
You sniffled, looking at the floor. Wiping away a tear that trailed down your cheek, you cleared your throat and locked eyes with him.
"If something ever happens to-"
"I'll never let anyone hurt you again. I promise."
You smiled softly, shaking your head at how determined he sounded.
"I was gonna say if something ever happened to you, I'm not sure I'll be okay with losing you like that."
Jungkook's breath hitched, his feet pushing him to stand up. He took one long step towards you, caressing your cheek with his rough fingers before kissing you. Even after doing this for three months, you hadn't gotten used to it. His kisses always felt new and they took your breath away.
"You're my home. I'll always come back to you."
You smiled against his lips, his words making you feel warm and fuzzy.
It was true. You were his home and he was yours. No matter how many times you doubted your love, the feeling of being home would always overcome it. Cause that's what you do. You always come back home.
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❤️❤️
Let me know your thoughts! Hasta la vista, babies!
-XX
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High Fidelity - My Top 5 Heartbreaks
Have you watched High Fidelity on Hulu? I just started but almost instantly my mind shifted from getting to know a character to thinking about my own. My top five heartbreaks. In chronological order.
1. My College Love
If you were fortunate to experience falling in love in college as you're also exploring true freedom, you might identify with this one. Football player. Stole my heart quickly. But, the heartbreak that comes with young love, immaturity, college environment is harsh. On again, off again. He cheats. He comes back. At some point, after 4+ years, my heart couldn't take anymore. Ironically enough, at this same time, his realized the err of his ways and proposed a lifelong commitment. Today, I'm still unsure if it was the infidelity or the absolute necessity to say no that caused the biggest heartbreak. This guy will always have a place in my heart. I'll always wonder what if.
2. The Real World, A Real Relationship
This one started off fun, but without commitment. As the relationship progressed, the more in awe of him I found myself. He was the type of guy who made going to the grocery store fun. He always made me feel like the prettiest girl in the room. He always made me feel like I was his future. Eating out, we always looked at elderly couples trying to determine which one would be us. In the end, 5+ years later, he decided he didn't want a future with me. His words were "I could marry with you and be happy. But, I can't say I cannot live without marrying you, and that's the kind of love I want." He ended up cheating and marrying the girl less than 6 months later. He might be the one ex that I would welcome back into my life without a second thought. He was that guy for me.
3. The Not Supposed to be a Relationship-Relationship
Coming hard off a breakup, still broken-hearted, my new roommate slyly managed to get a coworker and myself alone together late one night. We began seeing each other casually when a routine surgery went wrong, leaving me hospitalized for 2 months. Our relationship was naturally forced into serious mode when he decided to visit me in the hospital, initiating meeting the parents, and a lot of emotional attachment through my sickness and his care. Looking back, this relationship likely lasted 4.5 years longer than it ever should have. We were not meant to be together. But between my desperation for forever and his need to be repaid for his devotion through my hard times, we gave it a rocky go. In the end, I wasn't who he wanted me to be on paper. My family didn't have history he wanted them to have. I didn't dress in high enough fashion to look impressive on his arm. While I was devastated in the moment, and for longer than I care to admit, looking back, the heartbreak was the fear of starting over, of being alone, of not knowing who I was outside of the relationship.
4. The Best Friend Betrayal
I am a firm believer you do not know real heartbreak until you've been betrayed by a best friend. She was my college roommate. We dated roommates. We told each other everything. We talked constantly. We laughed even more. She was always there for me. Or so I thought. After my last heartbreak, I built a new life from scratch. I met new friends. I went out more- ok a lot more. I found my own place. And, when I was looking, I met a guy at a bar on SPD. I wasn't interested initially. I remember accidentally writing my ex's phone number on his hand and having to scribble it out and start over. I remember distinctly telling him I wasn't taller than him so it wasn't going to work. But, his persistence paid off. I went out with him and shortly after we were spending our weekends together. Until all the sudden we weren't. Never, in a million years, would I have guessed it was because he was sleeping with my best friend. She was there for me as I cried over his sudden distance. She encouraged ridiculous "stalking" to see where he was, if he'd found someone else. I cannot imagine how this excited her but the idea of beating me, feeling better, prettier, winning, getting the guy got her off. It was months later that I figured out the truth. It was via a text conversation with her. Nothing was ever said but it was like instantly, I knew. And she knew I knew (insert Friends gif, they don't know that we know that they know). We never spoke again. She divorced her current husband, married this guy, and is gaslighting everyone else now. What's crazy is, I still miss her like crazy. I still miss our friendship. But, I know, I could never face her again. Much less go back to the way things were.
5. The Greatest Love Story This Town Has Ever Seen
My high school crush. We weren't sweethearts. We never dated. It was forbidden by his mother who had no idea just how innocent I was but knew I was older. We passed notes in the hallway. I still have them. Sitting inside my nightstand drawer. He was cocky. And flirty. And smitten. Fast forward 22 years and he finds me on IG. He was married at the time so we only had casual conversations about what we were up to now, laughing about the past, talking about what we wanted out of life. A few months passed by before we spoke again. But this time, he reached out for support as his wife was leaving him. He eventually came to visit me. We texted and/or talked all day every day. The good morning texts. The sweet dreams texts. The promises of I want to be the last guy to ever kiss you. And that first kiss. I don't know if it was my hiatus from dating, feelings of high school me, or chemistry, but if i had a groundhog day, I'd want it to be that day. Nothing special about the day. We met up to go see my cousin who'd just had bypass surgery. He knew him well from their son's baseball teams. But when I got in his truck, I was mid-sentence and fireworks. He was still cocky. And flirty. And I liked it. I trusted him. I believed him. I had been honest about past heartbreaks, fears of opening up, that I had no desire to be temporary. I think he'd have signed in blood that I could trust him. That I would never be temporary. But here we are. Almost three years later. He's moved on. My heart still replays his words. The nostalgia of a high school crush and dreams of being the greatest love story crushed yet still somehow lingering.
Have you thought about your Top Five Heartbreaks? Do you have five? Or, were you lucky enough to marry your first love and live happily ever after?
I'm still searching for my forever. I'm still holding on to false hopes of something that was likely never there. But the one thing I can live with is in all of these relationship, I was loyal. Faithful. All in.
And, I may be the common denominator in these relationship, but I know that I did not fall short of loving wholeheartedly. And well, that's something.
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