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ohnobjyx · 4 years

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What are some of the biggest moments/clues/hints that bjyx have something going on?

Part 1

Hi, anon! I have three asks from different anons with related questions, and I think it’s something many are curious about, so let’s get into it! I’m going to make this into a three-post series, with the next two answers linked to this one. I think they are all necessary to get the full picture.

Links:

Part 2 here

Part 3 here

It’s gonna get long (and I’m just starting), so sit tight and get a cup of coffee. Nothing to see under the cut unless b/jyxszd.

Disclaimer: everything is fake fake fake, don’t take it seriously.

Wow. Where to start? There are many things in the bxg group that are going to be counted as “moments” (or candies), but here are the ones I believe the most. Of course, other bxg will offer other “hints” but these are all quite acepted in the fandom from my point of view.

Asking for “the biggest” is quite subjected to personal interpretation, since there’s no regulated consensus of which moments are true and which are not. That’s why I can offer what I think it’s widely accepted among bxg and that, of course, I think are “true”.

1) Interviews + bts videos

In almost any interview, since they started filming CQL, be it solo interviews or interviews they both participated in, you’ll be able to find “candies”. These of course, are much more subjected to personal interpretation and your views on their relationship.

To me, the interviews show that they are much closer to each other (even when they were just filming cql!) than they are to other people. They also gave a strong deja vu, but that’s for a following post.

Some of the best moments from their interviews:

In a solo interview (160 minute special, from 30:08-46:37, here with eng subs), in questions completely unrelated to dd, gg brought up dd in his answers at least six times (I think I lost count somewhere in the middle). If you compare them, when gg is asked about dd or prompted to add more details to his answer about dd, he’d end up rambling on and on, whereas in other questions he’s more concise. In his 16-minute interview, more than half the time (questions actually related to dd + questions unrelated to dd) gg is talking about dd.

There are several instances where both, when asked about “the most beautiful/handsome/looks good in costumes” person of the cast, they answered with lightning speed the name of the other.

“Wear kneepads”. The 9 minute boat video is also a treasure. Candies aside, I think it’s quite telling that they can have a conversation about everything and anything without stopping (especially dd, who was known for only talking about his interests). About the “wear kneepads” phrase, I talked in this post about how Chinese people express their love “differently” (love is love). It doesn’t imply romantic love per se, but... gg cares.

In the sina interview (190714, here with eng subs): they lied so much in this interview that even when I was just watching this interview for the first time I thought their answers were strange.

“Is she clingy?”, dd asks. “She’s not, you are”, gg mumbles (but it has been picked up by the mic). Dd’s face goes blank, but then he brokes into a small smile and says “I am...” (here the post with the video).

There’s a moment in an interview however, that belongs to a whole another category that’s the second greatest hint for me:

2) The “you have a bf” moment

For those who don’t know what happened: in an interview from one of their fanmeetings, the interviewer asked about one of gg’s old phrases (”if I enter in a relationship now, I’ll lose my job”). However, he didn’t remember it and both react very strongly to it. Here is a post with an analysis and a link to the video.

3) The informality

This is a pretty tricky one... but once you watch a few videos of gg with dd and gg with other people, it becames apparent very quickly. They’re so comfortable with each other that hitting and swearing (”are you sick/insane?”) is never taken with offense.

I think there’s an analysis somewhere, about gg and dd hitting each other. Gg hits, but with no real force behind them, and dd either hit him with his long sleeves (when filming) or with great force and speed, but not landing the blows. The few times he actually hit gg by accident, he always apologized profusely, pouring over gg (”where have I hit?”). It left no room to mistake about the good nature of their teasing and hitting.

4) The necklace

There are rivers of ink written about this one. I’ll leave a link to the best analysis I’ve seen here (both the OP and the response make a lot of sense to me).

In summary: mtjj and cp fans started to argue about the origins of the necklace. The company stated that dd had bought the necklace himself (this is the version most of the solo fans believe), but of course cp fans wouldn’t be appeased with such a weak denial, so mtjj started to say that dd should either stop wearing it or explain how he got the necklace.

It’s curious how dd escaped this situation by choosing a third option: he wears it hidden under his clothes. He wears it almost every time he appears anywhere. He even wears it to the sea.

So he can’t explain where the necklace came from, but he won’t stop wearing it either. That, at the very least, points to a romantic gift (from my point of view).

Once you start seeing the necklace, you can’t unsee it. The picture on the left is an older one, when he still wore the necklace openly, but he was still wearing the necklace in a recent photo (yes, both gg and dd has been nominated to the TOP 100 most handsome faces of 2020).

5) The kadian

I was introduced to this concept in tumblr, to be honest. I didn’t pay much attention to it, but when you see a bulk of posts next to each other... there’s a reasonable limit to these kind of things being coincidental.

But then, dd’s post on the 200529, the one about the smile with the colgate ad... that was very much on purpose. And his post on the 200521. Or gg’s posts in recent June: 200605 13:28 and 200612 13:45.

I have an ask about kadian sitting in my inbox, I’ll explain it in more detail in that one.

6) The clothes

Again, I thought at first that this was a coincidence. But then, there’s a limit for coincidences. They have a lot of clothes they either plan to buy the same one in different colours or it’s just the 23rd coincidence that with all of the clothes available in the world, they chose the same one in different colours or just plainly the same. (Here’s a good post with a compilation).

Another fact that convinced me is that many of them are “private” clothes they own, not clothes that stylists choose for them (in which case it’s most likely to be a coincidence, I don’t think they choose the clothes for a photoshoot, for instance). For example, the two sets down below were from photoshoots, so I think they were coincidences.

Going back to clothes they do share, it’s also the fact that gg wouldn’t have access or interest in certain brands and clothes, unless someone with certain interests recommended them to him or got them for him. So coincidental (again) that the only person around him like that is dd.

Or the fact that if one of them is wearing a certain piece the other has worn before (ie the coat), the other one doesn’t appear with it again. Moreover, the coat (left pictures) has been confirmed by the fans to be the same one. They asked the brand about it, and both gg and dd are wearing the same one (since it was discontinued) unless gg bought it 2 years ago and has just decided to wear it (unlikely).

Or the fact that when they appear with the same shirt/trousers, they fit them differently. Trousers are longer on dd, and the line for the shoulders are lower on gg.

Or the fact that sometimes they each wear the upper piece or the trousers of a set respectively (left). Another coincidence, I’m sure.

(Credit of the pictures in the picture).

7) Gg’s songs and his drawings

Gg hides it better, but he still has this kind of gestures. He never fails to remember the lyrics (I don’t know whether you’ve noticed, but at the far back of every stage there’s a gigantic screen displaying the lyrics), but if he does “mix them up” it’s just another coincidence that it can get interpreted as a message for dd.

And last, but not least, we have this drawing:

Gg drew this in a program last year. It’s his “ideal life”. So, let’s see what’s in it:

Gg is the figure on the left, with his cat at his feet.

For someone who doesn’t know how to ride a bike, he included one at the right. Curiously, if you observe the shadow it leaves on the sand, the shadow doesn’t match the bike, resembling a motorbike instead.

So, why is a motorbike in his ideal life? It’s maybe related to the person who approaches from the other end of the beach? Does it look familiar?

He could have drawn a clear, tranquil sea. But instead, there are quite a few waves, which resemble greatly something bxg see written quite often (the last one is the first radical that forms the “bo” character in dd’s name).

So many coincidences in this post.

#ask #my post #bjyszd #coincidences #coincidences everywhere

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lover-of-queens · 3 years

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Farah Dowling is Alive Part 2

The follow up to Part 1 or as I like to call it: look mom, I told you this degree would have uses in the real world!

If you haven’t had a chance to read it yet, you can find Part 1: Here

You know the drill, under the cut cause this is probably going to get long!

Episode 4: Some Wrecked Angel

Episode opens with our favourite trio. If you’ve read the first part then you’ll be familiar with my argument that it could be possible the writers are leaving Farah x Saul threads to pick up at a later date. I think this scene has some interesting ones. There’s a lot of effort in this scene to set Farah and Saul up as parallels - in a way that also makes them stand apart from Ben. We have them saying his name together, but also, when they discover Callum’s body, both Farah and Saul are in sync as they move into a kneeling position.

I don’t necessarily know if this could be considered an argument for them bringing Farah back, however, in the scene with Farah, Stella and Luna, Stella brings up an interesting point about Farah’s pedagogy. We’re told that Farah chooses care and time over “solely results” when it comes to teaching. In the next episode we learn Rosalind’s own teaching style involves putting her students “through hell”. I don’t necessarily know when the change will happen but given this, I don’t see any way Rosalind can remain Headmistress, especially when they’re taking pains to show Farah as better suited for the role.

Also important in this scene is Farah and Luna’s last exchange. We know what appearances Luna has helped Farah maintain - the barrier/illusion that stops Aster Dell from being seen. So, what’s interesting is Farah’s next line:

Farah: “Yes, we’ve both done a great deal to preserve Solaria’s reputation.”

This does not get addressed during the remaining episodes. Personally, this line and the amount of tension between Farah and Luna also strikes me as a potential thread that could be picked up later. I’m going to wager that I’m not alone in wanting to know what exactly they did to “preserve” Solaria’s rep. And my guess is, because Brian has mentioned that they’re going to expand on the winx world, we’re going to be finding out more about Solaria in S2. Theoretically, I suppose whatever event that is being referenced here could be dealt with without Farah on screen, but then we’d miss out on all the fun tension! Also, as of right now, fan response to Luna is nothing compared to Farah (at least from what I’ve seen).

Tattoo theory, several people have already spoken on this and I don’t want to speak over them. I’m still sorting out my own thoughts on whether it’s Farah’s or Eve’s but I will say that Farah is always wearing rings so it seems to me that if they wanted it covered they could easily do it with a ring (or makeup). If the tattoo is purposely put there then I’m going to assume its for a reason that the writers may want to deal with at a later date (hint, hint: bring back Farah).

Episode 5: Wither Into the Truth

I may do another post on this at some point if I can find enough to say to warrant it but Farah’s eye colour when she does magic. Up until now every time Farah’s done magic her eyes have glowed blue and yet in the scene where she questions Beatrix they glow light orange. Now I’d always assumed that the colour of the glow = element, which was why I didn’t know why Farah’s glowed blue to begin with; she’s a mind fairy so I would have expected the purple that Musa has. And actually the confirmation of her being a mind fairy comes from Fate’s IG page shown below, I don’t know if it’s ever explicitly stated in the show? Further, to my knowledge, Farah is the only fairy we’ve seen whose eyes glow different colours. So, a thread to pick up in season 2, perhaps?

Also I’m very interested in the use of the word “Once”. In this instance I would almost take it to mean ‘no longer is’ but the tense is present perfect (I think?) which can suggest the continuance of an action. But now I’m being overly nitpicky and technical. Also I don’t know how ‘principle’ made it through what I’m assuming are several stages before making it onto IG, but it gave me a laugh!

“Incredibly powerful” yet loses to Rosalind without a fight? Not buying it. Additionally, the use of “other forms of magic” is interesting and I figure could be taken to mean other elements. But I wonder if there’s more to it than just that. Farah shows knowledge of archaic Fairy Magic with the Nettle Amalgam, so maybe there’s more archaic knowledge out there that she knows ... that could prove helpful.

Now, back to the episode. When Farah and Hologram Luna are talking, the fact that there are two burned ones travelling together is cause for concern.

Farah: “There are two of them travelling together. That hasn’t happened since … In a long time.”

Once again we are left with a thread of something that has happened. In the same IG post as above, in the section for Saul, it mentions that he and Farah became confidants “after experiencing the Black Woods Massacre”. I wonder if that could be what Farah’s referring to here? I know the massacre has come up once or twice in conversation and correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t believe it’s ever been properly explained? To me, it looks like a great bit of backstory to get into at a later date. It may not confirm Farah being alive necessarily, but you could take it as a sign that we might see Eve again.

Lastly, for this episode, is the scene between Farah and Bloom. Specifically this part:

Farah: “I will help you get the answers you need. I give you my word.”

You can probably guess what I’m going to say at this point, a thread that can be picked up in season 2! You could counterargue that Rosalind could help Bloom with answers (as she offers in the next episode) but in my humble opinion, I don’t think it would offer narrative satisfaction. First, because we’ve been shown what a terrible mentor Rosalind is. Second, they’ve spent the first season showing how Farah and Bloom’s mentor-student relationship has developed (bloomed?) so it seems a waste to go through all of that development for nothing.

Episode 6: A Fanatic Heart

Rosalind has her little prison break. Personally, I still think there’s a lot of unanswered questions about what happened after Aster Dell, how they imprisoned Rosalind, etc. And I do hope that we get some answers in Season 2 - again these answers may not necessarily involve Farah on the screen but as every writer gets told the age old advice of “show, don’t tell”, I think there’s potential for that.

Farah immediately tries to disprove my points about her intelligence by wandering alone in the woods at night. But she’s pretty, so I’ll allow it.

Rosalind gives Bloom some answers but not all, so I do think that my point above about Farah helping Bloom find more answers still stands. Further, I find the Farah is Bloom’s mother theory to be unlikely for several reasons (this is not the post for them) but I do want to draw our attention to several lines of dialogue here.

Bloom: “You hid me from Miss Dowling.” ….

Rosalind: “The guidance you needed was love. Farah couldn’t give that to you. Vanessa and Michael could.”

There are SO many reasons why this exchange is fascinating. I’m interested in why Bloom brings up Farah to begin with - her other points could stand alone to the same affect. I’m also really interested in the direct comparison between Farah and Bloom’s adoptive parents -- if Bloom hadn’t gone to them, she would have gone to Farah? It almost seems as though the direct comparison implies that. Also, considering Bloom’s relationship with her adoptive parents, I really doubt the validity of the statement. Plus, I wouldn’t trust Rosalind’s idea of love in general.

Also, Rosalind is just so certain that Farah couldn’t love Bloom … can’t love in general? There’s just so much of Farah and Rosalind’s relationship that hasn’t been explored that I think really needs to be.

Now, the scene that always makes me cry! Farah and Bloom have had a difficult time this season and it’s all lead up to this moment of trust and vulnerability - on both sides. If you ask me, this season has been setting Farah up to be the mentor figure that Rosalind was not - Rosalind’s opposite. And they’ve worked hard at it, even when they were trying to convince us Farah might be the evil one which like lmao. I find it hard to believe that they would go through all of that work just to discard it by leaving Farah dead. Especially because what Farah admits to Bloom in this sequence feels like a changing moment for her - she recognizes things she wishes she would have done differently (being less of a figurehead, being more open) and I think its only fair that Fate allows her to follow through on those things.

And onto the scene that I really don’t want to rewatch but I’m going to do it for y’all. I’ve touched on Farah x Saul moments so it’s only fair that I touch on Farah x Rosalind ones. There is tension here (looking at each other’s lips, Rosalind getting closer to Farah, Farah grabbing her), I mean the cast has joked about shipping them. But there are several different ways to read this and you are more than welcome to your pick! It doesn’t really change my point, which is … thread to pick up in season 2? Have you started taking a shot every time I’ve said that (please don’t <3).

Farah who has shown herself to be incredibly intelligent and cautious when it comes to Rosalind turns her back on her. And we get what is probably the most important piece of evidence: the eye glow. It can mean absolutely anything, but I’d wager one of the reasons its there is to have people do exactly what I’m doing here. Theorizing about whether Farah could still be alive. I’m going to take that as a sign there’s hope (mainly because I think it would be cruel to suggest a ‘could she come back narrative’ and then … not have her come back). Also, in the Fate novel, it describes Farah’s death as “too easy”. I absolutely refuse to believe that it could be easy to kill Farah when she’s proved time and time again how powerful she is.

That finishes my episode by episode analysis. It totals well over 2500 words. If you can believe me, I still have more to say on this topic (discussing general counterarguments and possible logistics of Eve’s filming), so stay tuned for a Part 3?

#Farah Dowling #fate: the winx saga #fate the winx saga #fate SPOILERS

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isitgintimeyet · 4 years

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Just A Friend

Wow. I’m so, so grateful for the lovely response to chapter 1 of this story. I’ve never had so many notes on one of my posts before, so many, many thanks to everyone who took the time to read, like, reblog and comment on it. i do appreciate it

Thanks also to @wickedgoodbooks for the beta

Previous chapter

AO3

Chapter 2: From Scrubs to Sauvignon

Sunlight streaming through the shutters wakes me before the alarm. After the previous seventy two hours with too much alcohol, not enough sleep and shared hotel rooms, last night’s sleep was a solid nine and a half hours and I feel so much better for it.

Trying, for a moment at least, to ignore both the demands of my bladder and my desperate need for caffeine, I gaze up at the ceiling and contemplate the surgery ahead of me. Whilst it’s a comparatively routine procedure for me, I always think about the families — parents, grandparents, siblings. It’s an anxious time for them, never routine, a step into the unknown and they are putting their trust in me to look after their precious child. Their faith in me is something I take very seriously.

I have a ritual I follow every time before theatre. I take a few minutes to close my eyes and let the procedure play inside my head, my hands echoing the images in my brain. I trace the path my scalpel will take on the skin; I position, in mid air, the locations of the clamps; I work with my imaginary mallet and chisel honing the bone, the X-ray images clear in my head.

By the time I’ve finished closing the incision, the demands of my bladder can no longer be ignored. That’s my cue to get out of bed and start my day.

***********

Before I put my scrubs on, I pay a visit to the side room where Robbie, my seven year old patient has spent the night. His parents have already given consent for the operation, but I like to go and do a final check.

Robbie is sitting up in bed, a bit subdued but in good health. His mother is sitting expectantly, nervously playing with the skin around her nails. The foldaway bed has already been put away, but, judging by her red rimmed eyes, I don’t think it got much use. Robbie’s father follows me into the room, two coffees in his hands.

“Sorry, Doctor Claire,” he nods at the coffee. “I didna get ye one. D’ye want one?”

I let the doctor reference pass. As a surgeon, my title is no longer doctor. Officially, I am Miss Beauchamp, but prefer my juvenile patients to call me Claire. Quite a lot of the parents seem to call me Doctor Claire. I suppose they like the reassurance that I am actually a proper doctor.

“No, thanks.” I smile. “Are we all set then?”

They nod nervously.

“Aye,” Robbie’s father agrees. “We need tae get it done.”

“How long will it take?” Robbie’s mother looks directly at me, wanting a definitive answer.

I hesitate. I don’t like to give precise times. If the surgery goes longer then parents start to fear the worst, and that’s not always the case. So I give a vague answer. “‘Till lunchtime… you could always go and sit outside in the little garden, it’s a lovely day.”

His mother looks down at her hands and shakes her head. “No, I want tae be right here …”

She doesn’t finish her sentence, but she doesn’t have to. I know exactly what she’s thinking.

I turn to Robbie, blissfully unaware of his parents’ thoughts. He beckons me to him.

“When I wakes up,” he begins in a stage whisper. “Can I have a treat?”

“What sort of treat did you have in mind?”

“Can I have a MacDonald’s? But no’ a kid’s meal. I’ve never had a Big Mac.”

I glance at his parents who nod at me before I whisper back, “Of course you can, but don’t let nurse Geillis see, will you? She can be ever so naughty. She’ll be trying to steal your chips away, if you’re not careful.”

And with that, I stroke Robbie’s little cheek before saying my goodbyes and head out to get changed.

**********

Robbie’s surgery went to plan, no nasty surprises or tricky complications. I call in to check on Robbie’s parents before they head to recovery. They look totally different to when I saw them this morning. Still worn out of course, I don’t think they’ll sleep properly until their little lad is home with them, but their faces shine with sheer relief. I have warned them about the long road ahead, with many hours of physiotherapy and exercises, but, for today, I’ll let them have their moment of pure happiness. Reality will hit them again soon enough.

As I leave the waiting room, making my farewells, Robbie’s dad thanks me once more. I can tell he’s unsure whether hugging me is appropriate or not, so he settles for a handshake. His wife has no such qualms, wrapping me tightly in a hug, whispering her thanks until her husband reminds her that they need to be with their son. I point the way and head down to the nurses station.

Geillis is sitting there, looking very busy on the computer. I pull up a chair and sit next to her. The screen is filled with images of our weekend in Barcelona.

“What?” She looks at me as if I’ve accused her of something. “I’m on ma lunch, aren’t I?”

“How was your night then?”

Geillis beams from ear to ear— she’s like the cat who got the cream. “Nay bad, nay bad at all. After two nights away, Dougal realises what he’s got wi’ me, and he dinna hesitate tae show me, if ye ken what I mean?”

She winks at a poor medical student, who blushes and busies himself with a set of medical notes.

“Geillis,” I warn. “Behave yourself.”

“Anyway, pet, how was yer evening? Another tryst wi’ Professor Randall?” Her face says it all. Geillis thinks about as much of Frank as he does of her. Literally the only thing they have in common is me, and it’s getting pretty wearing.

“No, I was worn out and— oh, that reminds me.” I fumble in my pocket for my phone as I carry on talking. “I’ve got someone else’s suitcase. I hope they’ve got mine.”

I glance at the screen. Two missed calls and one message. All from the same number. All from the number I called last night, the James-Fraser-isn’t-here-don’t-call-again-ever number. Looks like this James Fraser has a jealous or suspicious wife-partner-girlfriend-housekeeper.

“Catch up later, Geillis, I need to deal with this.”

I rush back to my office to try and sort the suitcase problem out.

The message is brief and to the point.

Hi, Jamie Fraser here. I think I have your case too. Can we arrange a swap? I live in Glasgow. Hopefully you too. Where and when? I’m free after 5 today.

After five will work for me too, I just need to pop home and pick up his case. Now, based on his wardrobe choices and his one message to me, he doesn’t actually seem like an axe murderer or sex pervert, but you can’t really tell, so I think about a public location.

How about the benches by the cafe at Kelvingrove Park? 5:30? Claire Beauchamp

A couple of minutes later his reply appears on my screen.

Fine. See you then. I’ll be the one wheeling a black Samsonite. JF

**************

It’s another glorious sunny day here in Glasgow. Just ideal for going for a stroll in the park. I do feel a bit conspicuous with a suitcase trailing along behind me — kind of like an upmarket bag lady.

There are no other suitcases around, so I perch on a bench. I fire a quick message to Geillis, just so that she knows where to direct the police if I disappear and then wait. It’s not too bad waiting. The sun is still warm, so I stretch my legs out trying for a tan. With my eyes closed, I lift my face up to soak up the rays. I may get panda eyes with my sunglasses on, but I don’t really care. The warmth is so good and I can feel myself relaxing totally —

“Ahem.”

I am conscious of a shadow across my face. I open my eyes and quickly stand up.

He’s tall. That’s the first thing I notice. A good few inches taller than me, and I’m 5 feet 9. And broad. Broad enough to block my sun. His hair is red, very red and the sun behind him creates a fiery corona around his head.

He’s a Viking. A Viking in a navy blue suit and a crisp white shirt. How many of those white shirts does he own, I wonder?

“Claire Beauchamp, I presume. I recognise the case. That red ribbon on the handle, such a unique idea.”

He smiles, a lopsided half grin and holds out his hand for me to shake. “Jamie Fraser.”

“Claire Beauchamp,” I say somewhat unnecessarily as we shake hands.

He sits down. “So,” he begins politely. “I hope ye havena come far out of yer way.”

I join him on the bench.

“No,” I gesture vaguely to my right. “I live not too far from here. How about you?”

That lopsided grin appears again. “Nah,” he gestures to his left. “No’ too far at all.”

There’s an awkward moment of silence. We are not really here for small talk, but is it too rude to just dive in and do the swap?

“So,” Jamie breaks the silence. “About the cases…”

Apparently it’s not too rude.

“I ken ye have ma case there, on account of ma contact details being in it, but what about this one? How do I ken this is yers? Black Samsonites with wee red ribbons seem to be awfa common ‘round here. As proof, can ye mebbe tell me something that’s in it? Something identifiable?”

And at this, my mind goes blank, what did I pack?

“Er, denim shorts… black flip flops… white vest—”

“Weel, they’re all verra common. Is there anything a wee bit more… unique?”

Is it my imagination or is there a twinkle in his clear blue eyes as he says this? And then I remember exactly what’s in my case and start to blush.

“There may be some hen party bits and pieces in there too. It was my friend’s hen weekend, so I think there may be some, er, stuff from that, you know, er, handcuffs… shot glasses…”

He puts me out of my misery. “Och, that’s fine. It’s yers, right enough. Here ye go.”

And we do the exchange, just like in the spy movies. Except in those, the cases are filled with bank notes and the top secret blueprints for a submarine base, and not white dress shirts and an assortment of shot glasses shaped like penises.

Our phones beep practically simultaneously. I pull mine out of my pocket. Jamie does the same and glances at his phone.

Mine is a text from Frank confirming tonight’s arrangements “I’d better go. Plans for tonight, you know.”

“Snap. Plans here as well.”

“Goodbye then. I’m not sure whose fault it was, the mixup at the airport. So why don’t we both say sorry, or neither of us?” I suggest as I stand up and smooth the creases from my skirt.

“Sounds good tae me. How about neither?” He smiles again. “Ms Claire Beauchamp, nice to meet you.”

“Mr Jamie Fraser, likewise I’m sure.”

And with that we head off, me to the right and Jamie Fraser to the left.

************

Frank had said 7:30, and, sure enough, at 7:28 my intercom buzzes and I let Frank in. He arrives at my door carrying a large bunch of lilies and roses. No, not a bunch, I can’t describe it as a bunch… carrying a large bouquet of lilies and roses, beautifully arranged and hand-tied. Clearly not a supermarket purchase. Nor is the wine he also hands to me. A chilled bottle of my favourite Sauvignon Blanc, only available from quality wine merchants in the city.

Frank can be incredibly thoughtful and generous, and I am suitably grateful. I pop the flowers into the kitchen sink while I try to locate a vase big enough to hold them. He walks in as I’m scrabbling around on my hands and knees, bum in the air, head buried in the cupboard under the sink.

“So what are we having for dinner?” He asks as he pours the wine. “Are you cooking?”

I emerge victorious, having found the vase wedged between a bottle of sink unblocker and an unused can of spray starch.

“Sorry?”

“Dinner?” He repeats, helping me to my feet.

“I’ve not had a chance to cook. I told you about the suitcase confusion, didn’t I? Well, I had to get that sorted. I thought we could have something delivered. That’s ok, isn’t it?”

“I’m sure that will be fine, darling. What would you like?”

What would I like? What I would really like would be a huge, great pizza full of carbs and grease and pepperoni and cheese that pulls into strands when you try to take a slice. And to sit on the floor with the pizza box between us watching Netflix and drinking beer.

But, that is clearly a rhetorical question.

“Thai?” Frank doesn’t wait for my answer.

Thai is the only acceptable takeaway in Frank’s eyes, eaten at a table, on proper plates. I nod my agreement. After all, he’s brought me wonderful flowers, and a gorgeous bottle of wine. He deserves to have the choice. And I can have pizza with my friends any time.

“You ring the order through then, while I arrange these beautiful flowers.” I say and kiss his cheek.

And that is our evening sorted - takeaway, a couple of glasses of wine, Newsnight on the television and then to bed for a bit of sex.

So, that’s food, drink, mind and body all sorted. I should go to sleep feeling satisfied with everything. I should… shouldn’t I?

#outlander fanfiction #outlander fanfic #Just a Friend #Jamie Fraser #Claire Beauchamp #Chapter 2 #fluff

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nightswithkookmin · 4 years

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Hi I just want to ask something. Do you think Jungkook has been always like/love Jimin the way he is before or just when he started to glow up. I'm just asking this bc you know Jungkook has been always rank Jimin last on looks or said he look different without makeup before. I know he didn't meant harm to Jimin but do you think Jimin has been trying to look good and go on extreme diet to be loved by Jungkook or Jungkook has been always trying to hide his feelings for him but act tough

Huh?...

What an interesting question....

For a moment there I thought I had already discussed this in my blog posts? Chileee.

Now you'd have to specify which period in time you consider a glow up point for Jimin. Do you mean the period of 2014/15 when he was starving himself, passing out on stage and bleeding through his nose to stay anorexic? *Side eyeing you.

To me, Jimin's 'glow up' coincided with their debut in 2013. Those fine abs, sculpted muscles yet soft toned feminized features- sorry Jimin, you weren't fooling no one.

This was also the period I noticed JK showing overt signs of sexual and emotional attraction towards Jimin. Jimin just seemed oblivious to it. And he would begin his own whipped journey around 2015/16 in my opinion.

Personally, I believe JK fell first for Jimin and 'turned' him- turned for lack of a better word. I don't buy into this whole Jimin fell first JK fell harder rhetoric.

But I think JK's interest in Jimin began long before this period. I don't think Jk had fully grasped the concept of his own sexuality much less to have come to terms with it in any time before 2012- before Jimin arrived in Bangtan- ok maybe he had a vague idea of it, but I do believe Jimin was his sexual and romantic awakening.

Jk and Jimin have two very distinct and opposite idol personas. I keep saying this.

Since we don't know them in person, I think it's safe to assume every aspect of them we experience on screen is a persona.

That persona is a facade, a curated wall on which they project bits and pieces of their true self and often put up a performance of this identity for our consumption.

In Jk's persona, he likes to retract and conceal aspects of his true personality and censor himself a lot while JM likes to amplify and exaggerate his true personality and put up a performance of it.

As I've said, it's mainly due to their backgrounds. JK was given a lot of leeway in his upbringing which he feels puts him at a disadvantage because he ends up exposing himself too much. Thus he likes to retract and hold himself back.

Jimin coming from a conservative background with many rules and what not revels in the new found freedom Idol life gives him so often he doesn't hold back as much as JK does. But that doesn't mean that who they really are in real life.

So often you'd hear people say Jimin looks more serious in person than he does on camera while JK is said to be more expressive than he usually is on camera.

But here is the thing, concealing his feelings is not JK's nature it's his choice. And this is very important to note. He chooses not to do certain things on camera while Jimin chooses to do certain things on camera.

So when JK is not showing his feelings for Jimin it's not because he can't show those feelings, it's more like he doesn't want to show those feelings.

Thus when people say he wasn't showing his feelings for Jimin because he was shy I raise my brows- Shy my ass. Lol

Was he acting tough then? Hmmmm. He likes to act tough no two ways about that. I've said he has a good poker face between him and Jimin. If you are not careful you might think he doesn't like Jimin. But trust me, that man is whipped on god.

But I don't think that's what he was doing in those early dynamics.

I think he was hesitant in pursuing Jimin openly at the time because he wasn't sure about Jimin's sexual orientation much less whether or not Jimin reciprocated the feelings he had for him.

And you could tell not knowing these about Jimin terrified JK a lot, hence his hesitation.

But later when he was certain of both he became more confident in the way he expressed himself and his feelings for Jimin.

Prior to this you could see him fishing and testing the waters with Jimin, slowly pushing Jimin's boundaries- a gentle touch here, a lingering stare there.

He would often pay attention to the things Jimin would say but especially about his romantic and sexual preferences. Like when Tae said he felt Jimin liked men and when Jimin was asked about why he liked JK and JK seemed like he wanted to know.

Then he went through that phase where he seemed obsessed with Jimin's reaction to when other guys sexualised him and expressed interest in him. He seemed very attentive to these little details in a way that seemed to me as if he was fishing for confirmation that Jimin actually liked men and liked him- in a nonplatonic manner.

I feel Jimin noticed these things too in JK but was mostly fascinated by it. So often he would go out of his way to express his sexuality, exaggerate it and perform it as if to let JK know he was ok with JK liking him in that kind of way. Often, you'd see him egging JK on to touch him where JK seemed hesitant, reassuring JK- I think y'all know the bit I'm talking about. I feel JM wanted JK to feel comfortable expressing his interest in him- he ain't slick.

I've said Jimin's persona is a performance. I can see how to JK that could be very confusing. Hell, half of the fandom still read Jimin wrong to this day. Is he gay, bi, straight, a woman, a man, bigender- it's a lot of questions. Legitimate questions.

And I think for JK, seeing Jimin behave like the rest of BTS with the skinship towards him was equally confusing. So often he would shy away from it. Jk was going through puberty, everything was heightened for him.

It's also important to consider the possibility that, if JK was LGBTQ plus that he was going to hide it and not come out to his bandmates for as long as he worked with them- because it's none of their business first and foremost but also because it would have affected their attitudes towards him.

I mean look at the fear and panic with which they greet Jikook when Jikook breath anywhere near eachother in public spaces- not to call them out or anything but I don't think if they were straight that they were going to treat them same. I mean Taejin is as wild as Jikook but.... sigh.

So then going on to catch feelings for one of such said band mates who gives off queer vibes, he had better be sure about him before coming out to him and confessing to him lest he risked his career and friendship with him.

If Jimin wasn't LGBTQ plus it would have been cruel of him to act the way he does with JK honestly. For instance Joking about marriage knowing full well the fight LGBTG plus couple have to put up to have this basic human right- of course JK would yeet himself out of that conversation. I'm talking about that Jikook Vlive and all the time JK has squeezed his face disgruntledly when Jimin has asked him to have his kids- like why Jimin!

Jimin I feel because he is Bi whatever doesn't take this gay business seriously at all. If you've ever dated a bisexual you'd know the feeling. He is my bias and I love him but God he frustrates me for Jk honestly.

What annoys me most is I know how deep he is into JK. Like I've never seen a man so in love with another man in my entire queer life! Like shut up whippidy whipped ass we saw your face at Manila. You like that man. You like him.

Let JK put up a front and you'll see this tactless homegirl descending into that space we all hate so much and embarrassing himself left right left clinging on to JK seeking validation and reassurance- like can you be serious in your life for once Park Jimin. 😒

Anywho, I went off on a tangent there. Sorry.

But yes, this is another aspect of their dynamic I feel most people get twisted. Jimin enjoys JK's expressions of interest in him- however way he does it. Jk enjoys it too when Jimin shows him he wants him. Remember magic shop? Show me, I'll show you? And that line JK sang to Jimin that made Jimin nervous on Live with VMin? Yea...

They love each other and they love when the other is showing and expressing their love. Hell, isn't that why they are constantly trying to find creative ways to communicate their love? 5/8, love letters punctuated with sorries? Chileee.

Could Jimin's look be a contributing factor to JK liking him? Let me put it this way. People are attracted to people for a plethora of reasons, physical appearance being one of them.

Looks attract people, emotional connection binds them and make them stay. I have said this time and again JK is attracted to all of Jimin-looks, everything. When asked which part of of Jimin he liked most he put all of Jimin as the answer.

With regards to JM's weight, I think the tears he shed on stage during the performance of I Need You says it all. Jimin was killing himself and it was killing JK. Jimin wasn't doing all that out of self love much less for the love of JK.

He was doing all that because he wanted to be an Idol in every sense of the word. He was killing himself for his career. A career JK was once willing to walk away from and JM advised him to stay.

Jk defies the dictates of his career with the piercings and tattoos and gay pubs- the emphasis is mine. Y'all think he is about to be demanding of his life partner to look like what now? Chileee.

And when JK was starving himself and losing weight who was it that brought him down that ledge? Jimin. If it was a positive thing I thing he would have encouraged him.

Jk allegedly called Jimin his Mochi in that infamous graduation night track video. Did you see his reaction to when James Corden called Jimin Mochi? Baby fat cheeked Jimin was cute not ugly. And even if you think he was, JK still found that attractive. Jimin could be looking like my Aunt Becky and Jk would still fuck him.

Have you seen JK freeze frame to take snapshot photos of Jimin? It's almost always pictures of Jimin looking like the wicked witch of the west. He loves him some park Jimin memes. Loves that man to death.

How many times have he said Jimin looks beautiful without makeup? Remember the Vlive Jimin didn't want to be on camera because he didn't have makeup on? What did JK say?

Jk isn't a shallow person you know. He really isn't. He doesn't strike me as the kind at all. Questions like these presupposes that JK is a vain shallow person who only likes people for their looks. Don't get me wrong, it's a valid question, one that I'm happy to discuss but it also exposes the biases against JK and indirectly, Jimin.

Do you feel JK is shallow? I find a lot of people do and it breaks my heart.

Have you heard any of his songs? His GCFs?

He barely idolizes his subject matter's looks and appearances. You gave me the best of you, so I'll give you the best of me. What I found in you is real. That's doesn't sound shallow to me.

They work in a highly competitive and highly vainglorious environment. I think they know more than anything the dangers of vanity- it's fleeting. They put themselves through so much to appease the vanity matrics, to subject people they love through the same.

I've talked about how because JM comes from a demanding home and work environment that acceptance is one key aspect of his love language. He wants a person who loves him for who he is and accepts him without placing expectations on him.

If JK was this shallow JM wouldn't honestly have found him attractive much less love him to begin with. He wouldn't have found fulfillment and nourishment from JK. He loves JK because JK's values and upbringing makes him the perfect person for him to trust himself fully to.

Besides, for JK to be only attracted to JM because he glowed up, he himself must have been a ten from the onset which he wasn't let's be honest- no shade to him but he wasn't exactly packing now was he?

BTS are pretty but they've all undergone hefty transformations throughout the years, magic foreheads and all. So if you wonder if Jimin's glow up contributes to JK liking him, then you'd have to wonder if Jk glowing up also contributed to Jimin finding him attractive- it's a vicious cycle.

As for JK ranking Jimin last... did he ever rank himself first? No. He ranked Jimin last and himself second to last consistently. If he found Jimin unattractive he certainly found himself as equally unattractive only one step above Jimin.

I honestly think he was just teasing Jimin. He loves teasing Jimin because it's how he flirts with him. It's just the masculine energy in him I guess. V does this too when he flirts with Jimin. He teases him about his pinky, his Mochi cheeks and his glow up- Iland anyone?

Why y'all think JK looked away sharp when JM dropped to the floor?? He recognized what V was doing- don't mind me. I'm trolling. Lol. But deadass.

Jimin teases JK too by acting like he is available most times. It's the feminine energy in him. Girls like to tease their crush by amplifying their sex appeal. What better way to amp up your sex appeal than by having other people show interest in you? Jimin is a tease. Bless him.

Besides, when JK ranked Jimin first in looks he ranked himself last. I hope y'all don't think it's because he has low self esteem?

He ranked himself and Jimin last because he wanted to humble himself and by extension Jimin because he sees himself as Jimin's equal and as such recognizes their place as the youngest within the group. As he has explained, as the youngest, he places everyone else above him.

I honestly don't think Jungkook had always been interested in Jimin. But somewhere along the line while he came to terms with his own sexuality he began developing feelings for Jimin. His glow up had nothing to do with it. In my opinion.

I think Jimin caught him off guard? It's that red string serendipity destiny voodoo working its magic that orchestrating their love. In my opinion.

I don't think either of Jikook went searching for this love thingy either as I keep saying. It wasn't planned, it wasn't foreseen, it just happened to both of them but at a different pace.

I hope this helps?

Signed,

GOLDY

#jikook #jikook theories #kookmin analysis #kookmin #kookmintheories #jikook analysis #jikook scenarios #jikooktheories #Ask response #ask goldy #GOLDY #nightswithkookmin

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dlamp-dictator · 3 years

Text

Allen X’s Favorite Operator Lore

Good news, I beat 7-16. Turns out I just needed to use FEater’s S2 to punch the Heralds into Blaze and everything was smooth sailings... really gotta’ remember that Specialist are more handy than they look in the right situation.

Now it’s 7-18 that can just get fucked. This is probably the most teeth-grindingly annoying boss stage I’ve fought since a few runs of Nioh 2. Seriously, this second phase is just ludicrous. Patriot can one shot any ranged operator with his spear toss and can attacks ranged operators if he’s adjacent to their tile.

“AmIyA cAn TaNk PaTrIoT’s SpEaR tOsS aLlEn”

Fuck you. My Amiya is E2 level 60 and no she fucking can’t.

And trying to space out Operators is near impossible with not only the Altar there in middle, along with mortars bombarding everything if you clump together. You can place a healing defending to lighten the burden, but the jetpack guerillas just annihilate everything with they’re increased attack anyway.... geez man, this stage is hell.

Anyway, while I’m... cooling off from all that, I wanted to talk more about some of my favorite Arknights characters from a lore perspective. Wihle last time I discussed my favorites/highlights from a gameplay perspective, this time I’ll just be going over some characters I like from a lore perspective. Now, I’m not super deep into lore as some other folks, but I do like reading into it to have a better idea of the characters and learn some fun and interesting facts about them.

I’ll also keep this to operators that aren’t often talked about too often like in my last post too, along with Operators I specifically own. So no Ifrit and Rhine Lab lore, no Silverash, no Lappland or any of the popular operators with interesting lore that people have already talked about.

Something I find hilarious about Dur-nar is that Rhodes Island treats her snack ring like some kind of drug trade. There are secret passwords, go-betweens, middlemen, and so many hoops to jump through just for a piece a candy at Rhodes Island. Children of Ursus showed that there are some huge leaps and bounds you have to go through just to get a treat. What’s even more funny is that this strict restriction on snacks is due to Hibiscus and Dobermann hatred of sweets and unhealthy foods.

I think Greythroat’s got some of the most interesting lore, namely her personality. Despite working for Rhodes Island and being involved with the company long before she became an operator she actually has a very negative stigma toward the Infected, borderline hatred and discrimination in fact. This is due to her parents, Oripathy researchers, dying due to what I believe is hinted at to be an Infected riot and the event traumatized her. Despite this, she still works for Rhodes Island and even shows slow signs of moving past her stigma after working on a few missions with Amiya, becoming a go-to operator in her group. I think this line in her archives hit my the hardest:

Very few people know about what exactly transpired on that mission, with Amiya and GreyThroat both seldom mentioning it. What is certain, is that GreyThroat is no longer blinded by a myopic hatred. However, is her heart actually free from the shackles of hate? It is not that simple. People who seem to easily let go of a deep-rooted hatred are not trustworthy.

That last sentence is what made me pause a little just from how true it is. Anyone that can easily throw away their hatred and beliefs aren’t folks worth keeping around, as they were either faking it or easily give into pressure. But... people that change slowly, that can at least show signs of moving past their stigmas... these people are those that can make true change, if slowly. It’s things like this that make me really curious about the writing staff, the kinds of people and experiences they have when writing a world like this.

Sorry, that got a little deep, let’s go back to the fun stuff.

Utage I find interesting just for the fact that she’s an ordinary Japanese Higashinse exchange student that can just... fight like an absolute demon. Most of her archives pin her as this fashionable gal that loves shopping and keeping everyone up on the latest trends and then a throwaway sentence about her being a complete monster when on the battlefield that makes most other operators terrified of her. I just find the dichotomy hilarious.

Franka is a devious prankster troll that’s in charge of training the three-stars in swordsmanship. I find this hilarious, more over that shy little Melantha confirms that Franka is a good teacher despite her teasing nature. And need I remind you, Franka’s files state that she hazes the people she teaches. In what way we can’t say, I’d assume light teasing and a rather serious sparring session with her dagger, but... no real data or evidence of that is explained.

Of course... whether Melantha is being honest in her appraisal of Franka or is just too polite and kind to rat her out is another matter entirely, but it’s confirmed that she at least does give them apt training after the teasing is done. I’ve said it a few time before, but I really want a Black Steel event.

Anyway, I’ve said my piece, Amiya’s S3 is now at M2 and it’s time to give Patriot another shot. Wish me luck... I’ll need it.

#your dictator is speaking #arknights

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brianblase · 3 years

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Wizardry Spoon Cereal. The High-Protein, Low-Carb Cereal That is All Over Instagram—and It's Quite Acceptable

I'm always failing to return to customary oat.

Brian Blase

When I began telecommuting in the start of isolate, I ended up on a cereal kick. I at long last had the opportunity to plunk down and have breakfast in the first part of the day. But, one bowl was never enough to keep me full until lunch, so I'd be ravenous again several hours.

My morning meal presumably required more protein to keep me satisfied. Yet I would not like to surrender the accommodation (and taste) of cereal. So when I got an email about a high-protein, low-carb oat brand that might actually keep me full for more.

After a speedy look at Wizardry Spoon's site, I understood I'd been seeing the brand all over Instagram. You can't miss its very vivid stylish. With more than 171,000 adherents on the stage, it has a bigger online media following. Its Instagram-commendable cereals had sprung up on my investigate page. I chose to check this protein-stuffed cereal out.

Sold in cases that incorporate 4 boxes of oat every, Wizardry Spoon offers a lot of various fun flavors. You can pick the assortment pack. It incorporates exemplary flavors like iced, cocoa, blueberry, and fruity. You can decide on a solitary flavor on the off chance that you know what you need. Additionally the Nutty pack, which highlights two boxes. Every one of the brand's most up to date contributions: nectar nut and peanut butter. Perhaps you’re asking yourself, where can I buy magic spoon cereal? You can purchase magic spoon cereal in amazon or Walmart. Check here for more information.

https://www.amazon.com/magic-spoon/s?k=magic+spoon

My opinion about Sorcery Spoon oat

I went for the Nutty choice, among the magic spoon cereal flavors, and when my bundle showed up, I presented myself with a bowl as an evening nibble. It would pose a flavor like cardboard, yet I'm still in shock how delightful it was. It helped me to remember normal oat, a piece crunchier, which was an or more for me since I disdain when oat gets spongy. Additionally, it tasted sweet enough to fulfill my sweet cereal yearnings. What's more, not normal for some other "sound" protein-stuffed tidbits. Wizardry Spoon didn't leave an awful persistent flavor in my mouth.

In any case, the genuine test was checking whether it would keep me full from breakfast to lunch. Around 9 a.m. the following morning, I had around two servings. One is in fact 3/4 cup with unsweetened vanilla almond milk. The other a cut banana before continuing with work for the afternoon. Following two hours, I was hoping to feel hunger. It happens not long after I eat a customary bowl of oat. In any case, I am dazzled to find that I didn't feel any cravings for food until after 1 p.m.

I additionally love the capricious boxes. Every one has some good times character on the front and a labyrinth on the back. It is extraordinary. In case you're the kind of individual who likes to understand bundles while you eat you will love it. It brought back nostalgic cherished recollections of having cereal for breakfast. Especially before making a beeline for the bus station for school.

Is Wizardry Spoon cereal sound?

At the point when you take a gander at a case of Sorcery Spoon oat, you'll see a huge load of popular expressions. Magic spoon cereal ingredients include high-protein, keto-accommodating, sans gluten, and then some. The nourishment realities shift somewhat by flavor. Most have 110 calories, 11 grams of protein, 10 grams of carbs, 4.5 grams of fat, and 0 grams of sugar for every 3/4 cup serving. The cereal was pretty much as solid as its nourishment name appears, I tapped Makayla Meixner, MS, RDN. The main dietitian at GreenChoice to confirm.

As per Meixner, Sorcery Spoon's nutrition facts suggests high protein sum is incredible. This is because it will help save you more full for more. "Besides to the fact that protein is significant at breakfast. This is to 'break the quick' and supply your body with much-required amino acids. It's also helpful to spread your protein consumption out for the duration of the day to keep up bulk," she adds.

And afterward there's its low sugar content. "Conventional oats contain high measures of added sugar," notes Meixner. "Unreasonable added sugar admission may add to heftiness and constant sicknesses. The Dietary Rules for Americans prescribes restricting added sugar admission to under 10%. This is for your every day calories."

Most kinds of Enchantment Spoon contain 0 grams of sugar for every serving. A serving of Iced Pieces grain, in correlation, has 14 grams of added sugar. See the difference. Wizardry Spoon gets it's anything. From a mix of allulose, priest natural product separate, and steviol glycosides. It "gives pleasantness zero calories or carbs," as indicated by Meixner.

Be that as it may, there's one drawback to sans grain oat. "Its large scale cosmetics might be best for those after a low-carb or ketogenic diet. But its micronutrient cosmetics doesn't pile up to other grain-based cereals," says Meixner. Be that as it may, you're not stuck between a rock and a hard place in the event that you actually need it for breakfast.

"To help supply a few supplements Sorcery Spoon is inadequate. With regards to, you can finish off the oat with your number one nuts and seeds," she says. "Nuts and seeds contain almost no carbs. Contains differing measures of selenium, zinc, iron, and a few other helpful supplements. Additionally, some plant-based milks, for example, soy milk—contain iron, and unsweetened assortments. It contains less carbs than cow's milk per serving."

Cost is another factor to remember. It's a direct-to-customer brand. Wizardry Spoon is accessible to buy on its site, and at $39 for 4 boxes, it's not as modest as your average oat. Be that as it may, the brand thinks about its oat to protein bars and shakes. This makes the cost of $1.39 per serving appear to be more sensible. In case you're hoping to save, you can get 10% off of your request by picking the buy in and save alternative. This brings the cost per case down to $35, besides to free delivery. (Try not to stress, you can drop it whenever.)

Enchantment Spoon will not be the lone food I have for breakfast. I realize that I'll go after it at whatever point I'm wanting a bowl of cereal. Or when am feeling too lethargic to even think about cooking toward the beginning of the day. It tastes astonishing and keeps me feeling full. I can't envision myself returning to customary acquired oat once more.

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tearsofthemis · 4 years

Text

Tears of Themis : Chapter 1 “Social Snobbery” Part 7 [Investigation Stage]

[Previous Part] | [Masterlist] | [Next Part]

youtube

▌Location- QingPing Restaurant

(Xia Yan doubts that this case was caused by accidental food poisoning since it’s suspicious that pesticides known to cause harm to humans would be found in a restaurant where people are eating and drinking. And to make things troublesome, the accused is adamant that this was caused by his own negligence.)

MC: “Then let’s start looking into the pesticide and how it made its way into the restaurant. Even if the incident happened two weeks ago, there should be residual powder left.”

Xia Yan: “Yeah, the pesticide used in the restaurant and the spring water that came in contact with it are our main focal points right now.” We were interrupted by a phone notification. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and checked the voice message Zuo Ran left me.

Zuo Ran (voice message): “The case isn’t as simple as we thought it would be. Pay close attention to Fang Yuan. Call me if you run into trouble.” MC: (Lawyer Zuo shares similar doubts in regards to the case, and now he’s also suspecting foul play from Fang Yuan?)

Zuo Ran: “Hey, what’s wrong? What happened?”

The sound of Zuo Ran’s voice startled me. I only then realized that I had accidentally dialed his number - and a video call at that.

MC: “!!!” ~~~In call~~~

Zuo Ran:

“Wrong number?”

“Forget it, you don’t need to apologize. As long as you’re okay.”

“The study guides for the intermediate exams… did you mean to leave them at the law firm?”

“That’s fair, the books are heavy and a nuisance to carry around.”

“Ah, there’s no need to worry that the case investigation will hinder your study progress, I’ll help you organize the key topics and questions for the exam.”

“No need to thank me. I’ll let you get back to work.”

~~~End call~~~

(After Zuo Ran hung up, I pressed a hand to my chest and let out the breath that I was holding.)

Xia Yan: “That person just now, was he your boss? You seem scared of him, is he bullying you?” MC: “Not at all. Lawyer Zuo is our firm’s executive elite lawyer, and a senior of mine. He’s one of the best in the industry. Although he’s strict, he would never bully juniors such as myself.” Xia Yan: “Really?”

MC: “Yes, really.” Xia Yan: “If you say so. Regardless of whether it’s work or personal troubles, you can rely on me to help you. I’ll have you know, I’m quite impressive myself.” MC: “Of course, Mr. Most-Impressive-Detective!~”

~~~Investigation starts!~~~

▌ [Examine powder sachets and mug]

MC: “Hai O’Sen powdered beverage? I’ve heard that this company’s wellness supplements have been all the rage these past two years.”

Xia Yan: “Consuming four or five packets in one go is way past the daily limit; overconsumption of supplements is harmful to the body.” (Xia Yan and I both reached out to grab the sachets, and our fingers touched. His fingertips felt hot against the back of my hand. I looked at our hands, then turned to look at Xia Yan.)

Xia Yan: “...We’re still so in sync, it’s like our brains work as one. C-cough! Why do you think Mr. Fang would consume so many packets?”

MC: “Ah… XinRan did mention that Mr. Fang has heart issues…” (What’s wrong with Xia Yan? He jerked his hand back as if he had gotten an electric shock. I pondered on what Xia Yan said earlier, and we gradually fell back into work mode.)

MC: “I think Mr. Fang’s been consuming supplements as placebo effects.”

Xia Yan: “But there ought to be side effects to his health if he’s been drinking so much of it…”

▌ [Examine receipt stuck under ledge]

Xia Yan: “Ow…” MC: “What’s wrong?” Xia Yan: “I cut my hand. There’s a piece of paper stuck under the cabinet, so I was trying to pull it out. My hands are too big, I can’t seem to grab it.”

MC: “Ha.. I’m sorry I can’t help but… laugh!” Xia Yan: “Then, may I inquire of this all-mighty lawyer with small hands to retrieve it? Ah, be careful not to cut yourself as well.”

(I’ve rarely seen Xia Yan be this deflated, and it’s probably unprofessional of me to be joking with him while we were working. I knelt down, and with the help of the flashlight on Xia Yan’s cell phone, I tried to free the piece of paper.)

MC: “Hu… it’s difficult. I got it! It’s a receipt.”

Xia Yan: “The time of purchase was two weeks ago, on Thursday. The item purchased was Insect Repellent 330…”

MC: “It’s an industrial pesticide, you usually won’t be able to purchase this from the stores here.”

Xia Yan: “The receipt also has the payment information. We have the first and last four digits of the credit card used for the transaction, so we can find the person that purchased the pesticide.”

▌ [Examine spring water container]

MC: “This should be the spring water sourced from YunXia mountain. The filling date is recorded on the side here. The production date is the same date as the incident. This jug is the same one that was delivered to the restaurant two weeks ago.” Xia Yan: “The container’s opening is narrow since it is to be placed on top of a dispenser for drinking. In this case, a pump would be affixed to it in order to retrieve the spring water. The likelihood of accidentally contaminating the spring water would be very difficult.”

MC: “That means whoever is behind the incident must have done it with malice.”

Xia Yan: “It’s a shame that the water container has been scrubbed clean of any other clues or fingerprints.”

▌ [Examine front door lock]

MC: “The door employs a fingerprint lock, and the door itself is free from any signs of forced entry. If the narrative is that this was a case of sabotage, then the culprit isn’t just anyone looking to extort money, but maybe one of the restaurant’s employees?”

Xia Yan: “To be more specific, the culprit would be anyone with fingerprint access, not necessarily just the employees. The restaurant’s employees would share liability if anything went wrong in the first place, so they would face the risk of being laid off. Especially if it was discovered that there was foul play, they would most likely be the ones to shoulder the repercussions. Unless one of them holds a personal grudge against Mr. Fang, under regular circumstances, an employee would have little motive to try and sabotage their workplace.”

MC: “But who else would have fingerprint access? Even XinRan had to ring the doorbell to get in. And there’s no way Mr. Fang would try and ruin his own livelihood…”

(I mulled over the possible suspects as Xia Yan pulled out a tablet from his bag and plugged it into the finger scanner’s power connector.)

MC: “Are you trying to…?”

Xia Yan: “To find the other people with access, all we gotta do is check the fingerprint IDs registered.”

▌ [Examine the water pump on the shelf]

Xia Yan: “This must be the pump that they attach to the spring water container.” ▌ [Examine water pump’s nozzle]

Xia Yan: “Look, there’s some yellow crystallization on here.”

MC: “Is this the leftover residue from the pesticide after it had dissolved in the water?” Xia Yan: “The amount of crystallization implies that the concentration of the dissolved pesticide was very high. But of course, this would be one of many possibilities.” MC: “One of many possibilities… What if someone rubbed the pesticide all over the spout? We can’t eliminate that theory, either. Regardless, we can say with certainty that Mr. Fang was lying when he claimed that the water was accidentally contaminated.”

▌ [Examine prints on water pump]

MC: “If only I had brought magnetic powder to lift these latent prints off of the water pump, then we could confirm whether or not anyone tampered with it.” Xia Yan: “You mean this stuff?”

(Xia Yan pulled a small bag filled with a powdery substance out of his shirt pocket.)

MC: “Why would you carry that around?”

Xia Yan: “As a professional, I gotta make sure I have all the tools on hand. How could I not take my gear everywhere?”

(Xia Yan used the magnetic powder and lifted several prints from the water pump. We have no way to cross-reference them at the moment.)

▌ [Examine pesticide packet in the drawer]

Xia Yan: “This must be the pesticide that Mr. Fang sent his runner to buy. The convenience store receipt was kept with it. It reads that the time of purchase was two weeks ago on Monday.”

MC: “Mr. Fang is a meticulous person. If it were me, I would’ve tossed the receipt two days after purchase. It says here, Mr. Fang purchased… Bugger-Off. Wait that’s not right, I recall that this type of insecticide is harmless to humans.” Xia Yan: “Yeah, it’s harmless towards mammals, which makes it suitable for use in households with pets. That reminds me, you used to be extremely scared of cockroaches when we were little. What about now? Are you still scared?”

MC: “We can still be friends if you drop this subject right now.”

▌ [Examine blue powder by the wine rack]

MC: “That’s strange, why can’t we find any trace of the pesticide that they claim they used? It would be counterintuitive if they sprinkled it on the ground and then wiped it up soon after.” Xia Yan: “That’s something worth looking into… Eh? There, by the corner of the wine rack, there are some traces of it left.” MC: “Judging by the blue color of the powder, it looks like any other insecticide you can buy on the market.”

Xia Yan: “It may look like it, but after we perform a compound analysis, we’ll be able to say for certain.”

MC: “Y-you even have equipment for that with you?!”

(I looked all around to see where Xia Yan would hide bunsen burners and beakers, kind of hoping that he could pull them out of thin air like magic.)

Xia Yan: “You don’t have to stare at me so intensely… we won’t need to actually test it using a chemistry kit…” (Xia Yan pulled a palm-sized device out of his bag. It looked like some sort of electronic screen with a thin dropper attached to it.)

Xia Yan: “This is the D-type Rapid Composition Tester that I modified; it’s capable of detecting common compounds.” MC: “D-type, huh… does that mean there’s an A-type, B-type, C-type that came before it? I doubt that you studied hard in your bio-engineering program.”

Xia Yan: “Wrong again, I graduated from my Master’s program with high honor distinctions!”

~~~Investigation ends!~~~

(After we finished preliminary investigations around the restaurant, Xia Yan and I sat down and discussed what we found. Xia Yan also took this time to run tests on the yellow crystals found on the nozzle of the water pump, as well as the pesticide sampled near the wine rack. The fingerprints lifted from the body of the water pump was compared to the fingerprint IDs registered in the door lock. On closer investigation, we also managed to lift fingerprints from the Insect Repellent 330 receipt. Lines of data and formulas appeared on Xia Yan’s computer, but they all looked like mumbo jumbo to me. I turned my attention to the cut on the back of his hand as it was starting to swell as it bled.)

MC: “We should take care of that cut on your hand.”

(I pulled out a packet of alcohol wipes and tried to not disturb Xia Yan as he worked.)

Xia Yan: “A cut? Where?”

(He smiled when he saw that I was staring at his hand with worry.)

Xia Yan: “Ah, I would’ve forgotten about it if you hadn’t pointed it out.”

MC: “Why are men always so careless. The underside of that cabinet probably hasn’t been wiped down in years. What if your cut gets infected?” (I pulled his hand toward me, and before he could complain, I unwrapped the alcohol wipe and dabbed it on his cut. I blew on it as the alcohol evaporated.)

MC: “Hang tight, it might sting a little. It’s a good thing that I always keep these disposable wipes when I go out for investigations. I often use them to disinfect things.”

Xia Yan: “...” (Xia Yan stayed quiet for a long time, so I looked up to glance at him. A pink blush settled on his cheeks, and it made his amber eyes look brighter than usual.)

MC: “Y-you…” Xia Yan: “Ah.. Uh… I’ll remember it well. Next... time, I’ll be careful. I’ll make sure you won’t have to worry.” MC: “Okay, as a hotshot detective, you better keep your word.”

I smiled at Xia Yan, and he turned even redder. He awkwardly coughed and scrambled to change the subject.

Xia Yan: “More on the results, there’s something questionable about both the fingerprints and the pesticide.”

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[Previous Part] | [Masterlist] | [Next Part]

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《CREDIT》 Translator: @humi-and-co Editor: @hallowsivy 《未定事件簿》Tears of Themis is a 2020 Chinese otome game by 米哈游Mihoyo. All original credits go to 米哈游Mihoyo.

《OFFICIAL ACCOUNTS》 Official website: https://bbs.mihoyo.com/wd/ Official WeChat account: 未定事件簿 Mihoyo official website: https://wd.mihoyo.com/

#tears of themis #teras of themis translations #otome #otome game #未定事件簿 #xia yan #zuo ran #夏彦 #左然

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maggiesroger · 4 years

Text

The story of Reputation

Aka how I think the tracklist should’ve been

1. ...Ready for it?

It’s a really good opener to the album and introduces Tays Reputation as a persona. This person is ruthless and knows it. They’re a serial dater and it’s very very similar to the blank space persona. Tay begins the bridge with “Baby let the games begin!” It could be just a line used for opening the album, but it could also mean “Let this happen. I’ll never let you go, but I’ll play games the whole time (according to my reputation).”

2. I Did Something Bad

Tays Reputation (what I’m calling the persona on this album) got with this guy, and started playing games but she likes it. The verses are what seem to be the bad things she does (possibly the things in her dreams from rfi). People say she did something bad, but it doesn’t matter to Tays Reputation. It felt good to her. “They’re burning all the witches even if you aren’t one. So light me up” is probably one of the most important parts of this song, and where Real Taylor happens to shine through. Real Taylor isn’t a witch, but her reputation is. But maybe it isn’t so bad that she’s getting burned (at least they were electrified?).

3. Gorgeous

Who is that? Is that.. is that a gorgeous guy? But.. but I’m with this other guy I’m playing games with... Oh gosh I’m gonna die if I can’t be with this person. Maybe I’ll invite him over if he’s single... no that’s honestly worse. (Aka this song is crush central but also frustrating crush central where you want to leave your boyfriend for this guy but that’s really bad to do. This is also where Real Taylor starts to come in on the album.)

4. Getaway Car

Taylor does it. She leaves (presumably) Tom for Joe. The most prominent line that follows this narrative is “I wanted to leave him, I needed a reason.” Joe is her reason for leaving/switching to the other side. This song also is one of the few that includes a key change, which represents her “switch to the other side.” It could also just be for drama in the bridge but we know taytay better than that.

5. Delicate

In keeping with the track five theme, I think delicate should stay here. Delicate is when Real Taylor is the most prominent and vulnerable. She got into an actual relationship but it’s not Official™️ yet. This is the delicate stage of the relationship, and where Tay has anxiety over whether or not Taylor’s Reputation is what Joe really thinks she is. She’s scared that he might leave her because of her reputation, and rightfully so. She spent two whole songs saying all the bad things Taylor’s Reputation has done. But is it cool that she likes him? Is it chill that he knows her deepest darkest secrets? Because it’s really delicate and she doesn’t want it to break. The bridge explodes into her hoping and praying that the relationship works. “Sometimes when I close my eyes I pretend your mine all the damn time!” Because she likes him. Like a lot.

6. King of My Heart

Okay okay Tays relationship has officially begun and holy. shit. This is the honeymoon stage but Taylor has decided that he’s the king of her heart already because she’s been waiting all this time for someone who finally is what she needs and he is that. She fell in love fast and all at once, but it isn’t so fast that it’s dangerous like Red. The tour visuals (and daylight) confirm that this relationship is golden (like a crown). This kind of explains some of her anxiety too, since she’s afraid that it might turn out like Red did (hi Cornelia Street). He’s the King of Her Heart, Body, and Soul and that’s enough for her.

7. So it Goes...

I think this one is about the ~sexy~ times with the king of her heart, and finding out that Joe is really really good at the ~sex~ and together they’re really good at the ~sex~. I think we see a little bit of Taylor’s Reputation in the chorus in the line “I’m not a bad girl but I do bad things with you.” But above all, I think she hints at how much everything aligned perfectly for both of them to get together, and it uses sex to symbolize that. Specifically, I see this in the line “All the pieces fall right into place.”

8. Don’t Blame Me

Taylor’s Reputation comes back for a bit, but she’s changed a little. She found a lover and won’t let it go because it’s her drug. To be honest, this one seems a little self-explanatory. Don’t Blame Taylor’s Reputation for this magnetic force pulling her in so strongly. I also think this has a possibility of being a sort of undercover Blank Space, but the guy is the one that “traps” lovers into a relationship just by the way he is.

9. Endgame

If I could throw away one song, it would be Endgame. It doesn’t quite fit here, but I’m not mad at where it ended up. Endgame is another self-explanatory song, but Taylor and the other featured artists make the verses a really powerful love song. Tay has found her endgame, the person she wants to be with forever. He’s made such an impact on her life that she’s ready for the endgame.

10. Dress

Another sexy song, but Dress has a hidden layer of a really sweet love song underneath it. In the bridge, Taylor sings “Even in my worst times, you could see the truth in me.” He stayed when no one else did. This is a “flashback” song, looking at the past details and explaining how Taylor is so vulnerable and herself around this guy. She bought that dress for him to take it off, even if it makes her nervous and her hands start shaking. She can’t explain it but he made her feel that way.

11. Look What You Made Me Do

The return of Taylor’s Reputation!! But this time it’s in a really complex and sort of meta way, where she looks at writing rfi and idsb (and tiwwchnt) as the thing the drama made her do. The verses are simple and take control of the narrative of the story. She doesn’t like his titled stage and how he gets away with everything, so she tells him. The bridge is another explosive moment, ending with one of the most iconic lines Taylor has ever written. She says in the voice of Taylor’s Reputation that she killed the old Taylor (the Real Taylor), for what I’m assuming is the clap back of the century. It’s sort of like “In the Death of her Reputation, she felt Truly Alive” but the opposite. Taylor’s Reputation had to kill Real Taylor to save herself and take control of the narrative. All in the context of a phone call.

12. This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Taylor’s Reputation is again still here, but she’s helping explain to those who hurt her why she’s here, and why she had to kill Real Taylor for a moment. She’s been burned and had to save herself after they rained on her parade. Again, the bridge is where Taylor is talking to the people who really stood up for her. Her real friends, her baby, her momma, and even the people who hurt her. It’s kind of a “Thanks for making me tougher.” and an ironic “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

13. Call It What You Want

Taylor’s baby is really what kept her sane through all of that mess, and call it what you want is his thank-you note. Everything came crashing down (They took the crown but it’s alright) but he built a fire just to keep her warm while they hid from the world. She fell in love with him and found real golden love in spite of the fears and hate she was getting. Also I just really love this song and could write an entire book on how perfect it is and also it’s track thirteen

14. Dancing with Our Hands Tied

If Call It What You Want is the fire keeping Taylor warm inside her hideout with her lover, Dancing with Our Hands Tied is the dark and cold outside world. Taylor explains her anxiety best in that January Third diary entry (I’ll try to link it if I remember). She dances with her lover with their hands tied because the outside world is so so so toxic for her that she just wants to cuddle up and ignore everything but her lover while she waits this out. He represents safety and security in the trying times.

15. New Year’s Day

This simple piano ballad is a beautiful closer to the album. It symbolizes new beginnings with the person that will be with Taylor through it all. She’s confident that he’ll be there to help her on New Year’s Day, after the metaphorical chaotic new year’s eve party and the real-life shit storm that was her life in 2016/2017. He’s gonna have her midnights and will also be there to help clean up the mess afterward. Vulnerable Taylor also makes an appearance in the line “Please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere.” Overall I think this metaphorical New Year’s Day clean up time is a perfect end to a complex album that showcases Taylor’s amazing lyrical skills and her ability to twist her struggles into art. Reputation is obviously my favorite album, and I tried to explain the way I listen to the album and understand it’s complexities. This is my longest post ever, so thanks for reading it all the way through!

-Claire

#reputation #lyrical analysis #best album of all time

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loadingluke · 5 years

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2-7 weeks post stage 2 update!

Hello! Thought it was about time for an update. Time has gone by incredibly quickly. I’ve been pretty preoccupied with life stuff and honestly stage 2 recovery was pretty uneventful once I was out of the hospital and resting. Strap in though, as this is gonna be a long one.I think the best way I can update you all is by doing a rough update of the past few weeks, and then I will talk specifically about the healing of each section.

GENERAL HEALING FROM 2-6 WEEKS

My last update was from 2 weeks post op, so feel free to go back to that if you want some context. Following that update, I had my first appointment at the continence clinic for my first void trial! I got to the clinic at 7:30am, and this was located at Greenslopes. Goossen came in and had a bit of a look and took my urethral catheter out- he said there wasn’t any resistance which was a good sign. I was then taken to the waiting room area and given some water...and then it was time to wait.

The room itself was quite nice, there were a huge selection of recliners and some TVs, and nurses who were offering food and coffee while I waited. I had my 2L bottle of water and just started chugging. Once I felt the urge to pee I went to the bathroom, and on a table was a selection of bottles all labelled with peoples names. I located my own and then had my first attempt and it went well! I was expecting it to hurt or be uncomfortable, but it didn’t hurt very much at all, possibly because I was so well hydrated. I then went to the consulting room and had an ultrasound on my bladder to see whether or not I completely emptied my bladder. The nurses then measured how much I peed to see if it was all normal. All was looking good so I was sent back into the waiting room for another 2 attempts before I’d be cleared to leave. The other two attempts went off without a hitch and so I was sent off back home, with my SPC being switched to a flip flow instead of a bag. From now on, I will be solely voiding from my penis, but if there is any issue like a stricture or for whatever reason I can’t pee, I have the SPC as a backup option.

The rest of this week was pretty uneventful. The only issue I noticed post urethral catheter removal was that the next few days I had a few issues with bladder spasms, but it passed pretty quick and wasn’t an issue again as long as I took my ditropan. I was oozing less and less, eventually to the point where I only needed 2 pieces of gauze on my scrotum and no more giant pads, and the best part...normal underwear instead of the hospital ones I’d been wearing for 2 weeks 🥰. I just chilled at home, drinking my water and peeing when I needed to- and thankfully there were no issues. I didn’t need to use the SPC at all, and now that it wasn’t being used and I was back to normal underwear it was actually not too bothersome. My family returned to Hong Kong and so I didn’t do too much besides waiting for my next appointment so I could go home. At this point, I was pretty much off pain meds besides random instances of pain or if I overdid it.

On Tuesday I had the SPC removed. This was also at the continence clinic at 7:30am. The nurses started to remove it but found that it wasn’t coming out. They were trying to be very gentle and unfortunately it wasn’t budging. They decided they would wait until Goossen came in to do it. In typical fashion, he removed it in 2 seconds with a few solid tugs. Luckily for me, it was so quick that I didn’t really have time to register what was happening and that it hurt before it was all over, lol. My drainage hole was dressed and I was told to contact him or the hospital if I had any issues. He stressed that I am not to be catheterised by my urethra unless it is done via camera and by someone with experience, and if not to just get an SPC, or, in case of emergencies, a large needle through my spc scar to aspirate urine if I can’t be catheterised. After shuddering at the thought of that I was all set to go and I was cleared to go back to Melbourne the next day.

My flight home was fine. I was a lot more mobile this time around compared to how I was post stage 1, and although I was taking it easy travelling didn’t completely wipe me like it did last time. I had some panadol just to manage my pain during the trip, but I don’t think I really needed it. I was feeling pretty back to normal now at 4 weeks post op, and boy was I glad to be home. I spent a few days relaxing, and then started back into GAMSAT study which took up the majority of my time.

The GAMSAT was last week, I was 6 weeks post op. For those unfamiliar, it is an exam you need to take to apply for most postgraduate medicine programs and consists of 3 sections that total about 5.5 hours. It’s a mammoth of a day for anyone, let alone someone who had a 6 hour surgery not even 2 months prior. I was feeling pretty back to normal luckily, and I think it went okay…but I’ll find out in November. I applied for accommodations before surgery as I was unsure how I’d be feeling post op, and so I was allowed to bring some pain meds in just in case, as well as a pillow to sit on. Apparently this was a strange request as when I entered the room the lady went “Oh! You’re the pillow man!” lol. I was actually seated in a separate section to the other people sitting the exam due to my accommodations, which was nice as it meant the whole process was smoother and there was less waiting around which I think was good for my body as I was getting a little sore towards the end. I’m just glad it’s all over now!That is about it for my general update, now I’m going to go specifically into how the different wounds/sections travelled and how I managed the healing. I have my next post op in mid October, so I’ll do another update then. I have a date booked for stage 3 for early next year, but at the moment it isn’t confirmed so I’ll find out at my post op if we are all good to go ahead then, so fingers crossed 🤞

GLANS

At this point, I would say my glans is fully healed. I am very happy with the shape and how it looks, it looks better than I could imagine. The scar underneath the corona looks just like a circumcision scar, which has made me feel a lot better about the general look of my penis. So far it hasn’t flattened, but I am going to keep an eye on it. As for the progression of healing, it changed quite a bit. For the first week and a half it was pretty uneventful, and I just had combine dressings on it to keep everything in place. Eventually the glans started to bleed and ooze quite a bit and so I was having to change it more frequently, so I started using gauze on my glans, wrapping it around the incisions and taping it in place. I would change this every day, and use saline-soaked gauze on the wound for about 15 minutes every morning before redressing it to keep it clean as per Goossen’s recommendation. It was pretty sloughy and gross for about 3 weeks, but started settling around the 4 week mark. Eventually I didn’t need gauze anymore and it looked pretty much healed. I occasionally use a little bit of fixomul on the glans, two strips on either side to hold it back so it heals raised, but I stopped doing that as I didn’t really like having to take it off and at this point it doesn’t look necessary. I had a little area that took a little longer to heal, and that formed a bit of a scab. I just left it be and eventually it fell off. This has left s little divot in my glans, but it’s pretty subtle and not really noticeable. I’m super super happy with how it all looks, aesthetically it looks better than I could have dreamed!

SCROTUM AND VAGINECTOMY SITE

I’ll start with my vaginectomy site, which has honestly been the easiest part of recovery. I’ve had no issues at all with the healing of this, it all healed well and all the stitches dissolved no problem. The amount of relief this has given has been huge for me, knowing it’s gone makes me feel so much more at peace. Nothing really to say though as it was pretty uneventful and healed as well as one could hope, with no complications or issues.

My scrotum has taken its time to heal, and this has been the longest process of the whole surgery. Because of the shape of the wound, it’s very hard to actually manage, as you can’t really stick things in place or anything. I had quite a bit of ooze coming from a small hole behind my scrotum, which I just used some gauze on and changed when needed. I also had some ooze coming from the seam line where my scrotum joins in the middle, which I also used gauze for. I would salt bath both wounds for 15-20 minutes a day after my shower and I definitely think that helped. By week 5 most of the ooze was gone, and I felt a lot more comfortable. The hole behind my scrotum is now completely gone, and the seamline looks normal.

The look of my scrotum isn’t pretty, and honestly it looks a little strange without any implants. It’s kinda shrivelled and deflated, but I know implants will improve its look significantly. The right side is quite a bit larger than the left, as the left had some tissue removed in stage 1, but over time this has settled and it looks a lot more even now. I think it’s important to mention this because there is very minimal info regarding the actual scrotoplasty aspect of phallo.

Right after surgery, the scrotum was looking pretty small and Goossen was concerned about me potentially needing tissue expanders to create enough room to accommodate the implant and pump- but since healing I think it has actually descended rather than retracted as we expected. The scrotum looks quite a bit larger now since I last saw him, and I think shouldn’t pose an issue for implants, but I’m not a surgeon so we shall see in October. I’m crossing my fingers that we will be okay to go ahead with stage 3 as planned, as if I need another op before stage 3 it would throw out my timing quite significantly...so we shall see. If it needs to be done it needs to be done, but I’m hoping that it will be fine to proceed without them.

URINATION

The part I was most concerned about of this whole surgery experience was no doubt my urethral lengthening- as this is where most complications typically stem from. I have been super lucky, and haven’t had any issues from the day I could stand to pee. Having the catheter was irritating, but it was so worth it for this result. I am so much more comfortable now and because of this, I’m drinking so much more water! I used to avoid drinking so I wouldn’t have to go to the bathroom because having to think about what I had in my pants stressed me out. Now that that’s not an issue I’m so hydrated. It’s great. I’m still stressing that something is going to go wrong, but there is no reason to. My stream is super strong and nice and straight and hasn’t changed at all. I don’t feel pain or irritation which is good, but the fear is still there and probably will still be there until I’m further down the line.

The sensation of peeing is weird. I can feel it in my natal urethra, and then it going through the bend where the new urethra and my natal urethra join, and then nothing. Because of this, it took a long time for me to not feel like I was just going to pee on the floor as it feels like it is exiting where it used to. I also was quite paranoid I was leaking because of this, even though I had no fistula or any reason to be stressed about it. This took a few weeks to get used to but wasn’t really something I saw discussed pre op. I can feel the urine through my urethra when I hold my penis as it makes it feel stiffer which is super cool.

My number one tip for if you’re having a catheter or just in general for this stage is to drink. Drink as much as you can and then drink more- it helped with the bladder spasms, it helped with the pain and with a catheter especially it’s important to keep things dilute. I had my 2L bottle with me that I took everywhere and I made sure to drink at least that entire thing every day and it made a huge difference, as once I forgot and the bladder pains and stinging was a lot worse. Drinking so much water during my recovery really got me into the habit and I’m really glad about it as it was definitely something I didn’t do as much as I should, and I feel better for it.

I had a bit of issue with post void dripping for a few weeks, and I combatted this by using a bit of gauze or toilet paper on the end of my penis to catch any remaining drips. I noticed this improved heaps at 5 weeks post op, as a lot of the swelling went down and it is easier to milk the urethra. I haven't had any issues with dripping since then really, which is good as it was getting kind of frustrating.

MISCELLANEOUS

My incision from where the full thickness graft was taken for my glansplasty is healing well. Pretty uneventful. I put fixomul on it when I can be bothered, but due to its location it doesn’t seem to stretch much anyway and so this may be overkill. My SPC site is closed over, but at this stage is still kinda scabby. I’m just letting it be, it’ll heal in time. Pics of both are attached.

Since stage 2 I’ve noticed an increase in hair growth on my penis, probably due to the increased blood flow to the area. Although it’s a lot better since my electrolysis, this is still super disappointing. Part of me wants to wait until after stage 3 to continue with it as I’m not too keen to put all the time and money into it just to have it all grow back again. For the time being I’m just trimming it and I’ll make more of a decision later.

As I’ve mentioned, I had burial of my original genitals this stage- and since this sexually I feel a lot more comfortable. I am able to tell where it is located at the base of my penis, but honestly I don’t need to find it as just using my penis is enough. I haven’t lost the ability to orgasm, nothing really feels different in terms of the feeling compared to pre burial, just that now I’m not super dysphoric after. That’s all I’ll say about that as it’s pretty personal, but we are all good in that department lol.

Emotionally I feel great, being able to stand to pee has been huge for my dysphoria and I feel awesome about it. I’ve used urinals without issue, and it’s so nice not stressing about an STP failing or there not being any stalls. I also feel a lot more comfortable now that the vaginectomy is done as I still had a lot of dysphoria relating to those parts, so it feels like a weight has been lifted off me. As much as the first few days were awful, recovery for this stage has been a lot less stressful and I’ve been able to bounce back pretty quickly. I’m looking forward to my final stage and for this chapter to be over. As always, let me know if you have any questions, my inbox is always open as well if you want to ask something privately. Hope the past few weeks have been treating you all well!

#ftm #trans #phalloplasty #phallo #rff phallo #rff phalloplasty #rff #dr goossen #ftm australia #trans australia #trans man #trans guy #lukes phalloplasty #stage 2 #phallo australia #phalloplasty australia

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dobriks-hoeshit · 5 years

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A Team Effort

Request: Hi! I was wondering if you could please do a piece about David where him and the reader tell all their friends that the reader is pregnant? Thanks so much! 😊

A/n: This is inspired by a YouTuber Casey Holmes! She recently shared she was pregnant in a super cute video and I cried and loved it so that’s where the inspiration is coming for this. She has a vlog channel and a makeup channel, so whatever floats your boat you should check her out! Also this is relatively long, so you’re welcome?

——

“Alright guys, welcome back to this special edition vlog! It is the 28th of October, and I have a gut feeling right now.” You rubbed the side of your face, feeling emotional in every way possible.

“I know this is a bit TMI but I realized this morning I missed my period, which hasn’t been irregular since I was about 18, and I’ve gained a bit of weight. I noticed I was gaining weight but I didn’t think anything of it because we’re going into winter and I’d like to hibernate anyways.” Letting out a quick sigh you continued on talking to the camera. “So today while David is out of the house, we are on a mission. I am going to go to the store and buy a couple pregnancy tests, and then we’ll go from there!” You finished off the clip of the vlog with a big smile and a thumbs up before stopping the video. You plopped down into your bed before letting yourself fall onto your back, sighing loudly. You had to give yourself a minute before you became overwhelmed. You were pregnant. You could feel it in every fiber of your body. You were achy, you missed your period, and you’ve gained weight. You were only 21, and David only 22. With you both being so young and totally unprepared, you didn’t even want to know if what you felt was true. With David at the peak of his YouTube career you didn’t know how he would react. Obviously you hoped he’d be happy, but at the same time you couldn’t expect too much from him not even being able to tell what you were feeling.

As soon as you made it to the store you made a b line for the pregnancy tests. How ironic that they put them so close to the condoms. You must have been standing there looking through the different brands of pregnancy tests for a solid 20 minutes before you made your decision and grabbed about 5 of them. You didn’t even want to face a cashier, opting for self checkout to save yourself from mild embarrassment.

When you finally got to your house you immediately went to the bathroom, throwing your keys haphazardly towards a table. Breaking the vlog camera back out after you used all the pregnancy tests, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding before turning on the camera. Propping it up on a shelf in your bathroom you were ready to go.

“So I took as many pregnancy tests as I could pee, and it’s been a couple minutes. I haven’t looked, I’m extremely nervous.” You paused letting out another breath looking down before making eye contact with the camera, “Okay guys, lets do this.” You let a soft smile grace your lips.

Closing your eyes was the only way you could get yourself to pick up the tests. You couldn’t face the truth quite yet, and you didn’t know if you even wanted to look. Of course, you knew you had to whether you liked it or not, if you were pregnant you can’t just ignore the issue until it goes away. Kids and pregnancy are a commitment you weren’t even going for. At least not at this exact moment in your life. Realizing you were in thought for far too long you opened your eyes with the pregnancy tests in hand. Tears sprung to your eyes, ‘ohmygod’ tumbling from your lips multiples times. You couldn’t help the laugh that bubbles it’s way out. Pregnant. You were pregnant.

“Well it looks like we have to start budgeting for baby Dobrik.” You shrugged your shoulders, laughing through the tears that escaped your eyes. “Now we have to tell David” Bringing your face closer to the camera you sent it a wink before turning it off again.

Having actually seen the results, you couldn’t help but let you heart flutter at the thought of a kid. Your own baby. With your hair and David’s big puppy dog brown eyes. Even if you couldn’t stop the rapid tears that fell down your cheeks, you were still dare you say it, happy. That’s it, you were happy. Ecstatic even, because you felt beyond lucky that if you were going to go through something as tough as a young pregnancy it would be with David. He had to understand, right? So you fabricated a plan to surprise him.

—

“Alrighty, so I’ve got this bag here with one of my pregnancy tests and a pair of cute little baby shoes. I think what I’m going to do is set up my camera, wait for David to get home and then I’ll tell him I picked up some surprise matching Halloween costumes. He’ll open it and then bam! A shistar surprise. He should be here any minute, I think I’m going to throw up out of nervousness but here we go!” You shot your camera a quick thumbs up before sitting on the couch and turning the tv on to stage your casualness. David had texted you a bit ago saying he was on his way back from filming with friends, so you made sure to be ready at any moment.

“Helloooo!” A tired voice rang through the house, which you immediately recognized to be David. Instantly your palms started to sweat, your nerves kicking in once again. You shot a quick glance to the camera before replying to your boyfriend.

“In here!” You yelled back, hoping your voice sounded as calm to him as it did to you.

“Hey baby how was your day?” He plopped down on the couch next to you, lazily throwing his head into your lap as he always did after a long day. Out of instinct your hands ran through his hair, lightly scratching at his scalp causing him to let out a sigh of relief.

“Pretty good,” you started, “I got us matching costumes for that Halloween party, they’re in the bag if you wanna look at it.” You nervously bit your lip, nearly drawing blood. You were trying so hard not to let your voice waver. Tears were ridiculously close to surfacing in your eyes as you awaited his response.

“Ooo!” He responded with a child like giddiness, drawing a giggle from you. You watching as he immediately tore into the bag, confusion crossing his face as he pulled out the baby shoes. “Uh babe, these are cute and all but I don’t think they’re going to fit me.”

“Keep going.” Your response was short, and you could almost hear a tinge of happiness in your voice if you weren’t mistaken. You were actually beginning to feel excited. David did as you said, pulling out a small baggie with the dreaded pregnancy tests. Instantly you sucked in a breath, holding it as you watched the wheels turn in his head.

“Wha-“ He immediately turned to you, eyes wide as he they searched yours. “You’re pregnant?” David’s voice comes out in a higher octave and you’re not quite sure what that means for you.

“I’m pregnant.” You confirm. Blinking tears away as they came. David flung himself toward you, tackling you into the couch behind you before peppering your face with sloppy kisses. Letting out a string of laughs the nerves started to bubble away as overwhelming happiness overtook you. He was happy. He was happy that you were carrying his little baby in you. It was a dream come true. A very scary brutal reality dream, but a dream nonetheless! “You’re not mad?” You ask, lightly pushing him to sit back up.

“Mad? Y/n this is amazing! Sure this wasn’t expected, definitely not expected, but you’re the love of my life. I’m terrified but I think the happiness overtakes that. We’re having a baby! Holy shit!” He grabs you cheeks before kissing you repeatedly. Over and over again until you finally remember the camera you had set up.

“Well I’m glad this is the reaction I got, otherwise I would have to scrap this whole video.” You bite your lip to contain your smile as you pull away.

“You’re recording this?” He asks looking for the camera, “that’s my girl.”

The two of you had spent a lot of time thinking. About two months of thinking to be exact. About many things involving baby Dobrik. You were keeping the baby, obviously, you two loved each other enough to make it work. Your next predicament was telling all of your friends and family. You had decided to break the news at all your Christmas parties. Figuring it’d be the easiest with all the gift giving going around, you would turn your announcement into just that. A gift. Every single year your friends played a game called white elephant. It was a perfect idea to the two of you. Having someone open a “present” that will be a copy of an ultrasound you had gotten done, a pair of baby shoes and a cute little clickbait onesie David had gotten made specially for this moment.

The party was in full swing. Friends gathering for the usual holiday party with tons of food music and all around festivities. You were nervous to say the least, having no idea how your friends would react. Not letting your nerves show was the most difficult part of the night, but you were doing a damn good job. Every now and then David would send you a look across the room, and he was excited. He had been talking about this moment for weeks. His friends meant the world to him, not as much as you but pretty close.

“Everyone gather around for white elephant!” Someone yelled through the house.

David was instantly by your said, his hand resting on the small of your back as he leaned over to kiss your head. He could barely contain his smile causing you to also grin. This was it. David pulled out “his”, meaning your, vlog camera casually as he started to record. He was always recording, so this didn’t raise any questions with your friends. You wanted your friends reaction in the video you were in the process of making.

The game was in full swing, going on for about 20 minutes before someone finally picked up yours and David’s gift. Immediately your hand found his hand without the camera, squeezing it tightly as your palms became to sweat. David whispered something into your ear but you couldn’t hear him. You were so nervous the only thing you could focus on was the box in Jason’s hands. He grinned wildly as he read it was from you and David, instantly open the box to see the contents. The grin fell from his face as Trish gasped beside him. Everyone looked at each other obviously confused, while David grinned proudly you were biting you lip out of nerves.

“No.” Jason started looked between the two of you. “No, you’re kidding.”

“Nope.” David responded as he rubbed his thumb along the back of your hand before looking at you.

“Oh my god man!” Jason jumped up causing David to, instantly attacking your boyfriend with a hug. You too stood up as Trish grabbed the open box from where Jason had set it down, proceeding to show the whole group. Audible gasps and cries of joy coming from your friends as they saw the big words ‘Baby Dobrik’ written in the box caused you to let out a laugh as tears of joy sprung to your eyes. Everyone jumping up and hugging eachother as Zane’s iconic ‘oh my god’ rung out. The first people to hug you were Natalie and Corinna. All three of you wrapped in each others arms and jumping with joy, Corinna eventually moving on to talk to David.

“I can’t breathe.” Natalie joked, pulling a funny face causing you to laugh.

“Me too!” You agreed before Natalie brought you into another hug before moving to David.

The rest of the night was filled with hugs and congratulations from everyone. Not a single person in the room disappointed or worried for the two of you. You had finished your game of white elephant, everyone settling down and eventually leaving yours and David’s house. You both wished the last person a good night before collapsing on the couch together.

“Well they took it well.” You breathed out, swinging your legs up onto David’s lap as you did so.

“Yeah they did. I’m so proud of you.” David spoke in admiration as he rubbed your legs in front of him.

“Hey now, this baby was a team effort.” You winked as you leaned over to give him a tired kiss.

He let out a chuckle before grabbing your hand and bringing it up to his mouth to lay soft kisses on your fingers. A permanent grin sat on both of your faces as you reflected back on the night. Your train of thought was interrupted as you realized you needed to close out your video. The video that had taken almost two months to complete. You shot up off the couch, searching for your camera as David questioned what you were doing. When you found your camera you let out an ‘aha’ before sitting back on the couch next to your boyfriend. You hit the record button with a large smile on your face.

“There we go! This is where this video ends guys. I am officially 8 weeks and 1 day pregnant, which is about two months and I can’t wait to bring you guys on the rest of my 7 month journey. So stay tuned, we love you guys, and don’t forget to like and subscribe!” You joked at the end before looking at David who was already looking at you. He leaned over to give you a sweet kiss before bringing his hand up to cover the camera as he grinning at you, officially ending your favorite video you’ve ever made.

#david dobrik #david dobrik imagines #david dobrik x reader #vlog squad imagines #vlog squad

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magefeatheredfic · 5 years

Text

It’s not technically Valentine’s Day here yet, but I’m getting ready for bed so I figured I’d slap my @mysmevalentinesdayexchange fic up real quick! Happy Valentine’s Day to @leiram-art I really hope you enjoy it!

Pairing: Saeyoung x MC

Rating: G

Word Count: 4,500

All throughout their lives, ice cream had been the rarest and most treasured treat for the Choi twins. When they were young: because they had no money, because they weren't allowed to leave the house together, because they weren't allowed to ask for unnecessary things - or even necessary ones. When they were apart: because Mint Eye offered luxuries like sweets few and far between, because the mere thought of ice cream reminded 707 of the person he'd been, and the person he'd left behind; above all, because neither of them felt very deserving of it at any point in that span of time. Now that they're reunited: because Saeran's anxiety prevents him from leaving the house almost as effectively as their mother had, and because keeping it in the house seemed like it would taint the speciality of it, ruin all their memories of ice cream as the highest reward.

But it's still cold enough in February that the ice cream parlor nearest to their apartment is almost always empty, even on Valentine's Day, and an empty shop is the most inviting kind to those with anxiety. Saeyoung has been awash with loneliness ever since he weaseled himself out of his job as an agent - “Nothing is stopping me from getting a girlfriend anymore, and I still can't manage to find one!” - and Saeran's mental health is still trying to bounce back from the seasonal depression, and both of these conditions are only exacerbated by the impending doom that is the lovey-dovey holiday. As such, the brothers decide to treat each other to a nice ice cream outing on Valentine’s day, so that neither of them is stuck moping around the house over their lack of partnership.

The bell above the door jingles when they enter, catching the attention of the girl behind the counter. “Welcome!” she calls, glancing up at the boys and throwing a bright smile their way.

“Oh no,” Saeyoung whispers, coming to a halt just inside the doorway, one arm held out to stop Saeran in his tracks as well.

Saeran looks down at the hand on his chest, brows furrowed, then looks to Saeyoung. “What's wrong?” he asks. Saeyoung nods his head toward the cashier.

“She's cute,” he answers, sounding positively mortified.

Saeran sighs, pushing Saeyoung's arm aside and continuing into the shop. “Wait!” Saeyoung hisses. He grabs Saeran by the sleeve, tugging his brother back. “I need time to prepare myself!”

“Prepare yourself a little closer to the counter, so I can see what flavors they have,” Saeran says. “You look like a creep hovering in the doorway.”

Saeyoung groans, and follows Saeran across the dining area. Saeran examines the case of ice cream flavors, while Saeyoung tries to control his breathing. Talking to beautiful women as an agent, when he simply needed to use them to finish a job, had been easy. Flirting with any cute girl he saw when he knew he wasn't allowed to have relationships, and therefore it didn't matter whether or not she reciprocated, had been a piece of cake. But actually approaching a girl who looked cuter than anything his imagination could have cooked up, and smiled like she might actually understand his sense of humor, when he was free and able to have romantic intentions? Speaking to her face to face?

Saeyoung felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest.

“Are you guys ready?” her voice chimes, startling Saeyoung out of his thoughts. His eyes dart up to her face, and he feels his cheeks heat when she smiles at him. He smiles back, but his mind blanks itself of all verbal responses. Luckily, Saeran speaks up.

“I think so.”

The girl turns her attention to Saeran, but Saeyoung can't take his eyes off of her. “Cup or cone?” she asks. Saeyoung watches the way her lips wrap around the question, the way her tied-back hair swings over her shoulder when she turns to grab Saeran's choice of cone. “And what flavor would you like?”

“A scoop of vanilla and a scoop of chocolate.”

Saeyoung's eyes follow her as she ducks down to reach into the display case, scooping out Saeran's order. She steps a little further down the line, stopping in front of the toppings display. Saeyoung finally manages to tear his eyes away when she glances back at the pair of them, asking Saeran, “Any toppings?”

Saeran steps over to take a look at the options, while Saeyoung pretends to be incredibly interested in the menu board hanging overhead. “Chopped peanuts. Please.”

She hands Saeran his cone once he's confirmed that he doesn't want any more toppings, then returns to Saeyoung. “And for you?”

Saeyoung allows his eyes to return to her when she addresses him, and his lips return the smile she gives him without any input from his brain. It doesn't occur to him that he should be replying until she prompts, “Cup or cone?”

“Ah!” The question manages to startle Saeyoung out of his stupor, and kick his brain into gear. Her interaction with Saeran had been so standard and plain, he wanted to immediately separate himself from any idea she might have that he and his twin were identical in personality as well. “A cup, please,” he replies. His eyes flick down to her name tag, and he leans in as he reads it. “MC.”

Her smile brightens when he uses her name, and she bats her eyes at him when she turns to grab his cup. “And what flavor would you like?”

Saeyoung blinks, his smile falters. He realizes that he has not so much as glanced at the flavor options. His eyes drop down to the display case, and he hums thoughtfully. There are too many flavors for him to make a quick decision, so he improvises. Leaning his arms on the display, propping his chin up on one palm, he fixes her with a bright grin and asks, “What does the chef recommend?”

MC snorts out a laugh, glances from side to side, then leans over the glass. “Don't tell the other patrons, but we don't actually make the ice cream ourselves,” she tells him in a playful stage whisper. Saeyoung reels back with an exaggerated gasp, holding a hand to his chest in mock offense.

“What a scandal!” he proclaims. “I don't think I can eat here if you didn't milk the cow yourself out back of the shop!”

Saeyoung watches the laughter bubble up and spill from her lips, and his heart melts. Off to the side, Saeran rolls his eyes, licking at where his ice cream has started to melt down the side of his cone.

When her laughter dies down, MC straightens up. “If you really wanna know what I'd pick, though, we just got in this new specialty flavor that I am obsessed with.” She taps the glass, pointing to a tub of light yellow ice cream. “It's honey buddha flavor, based on the chips!” Saeyoung's eyes widen as they snap down to read the label, confirming her claim. “Some people don't like the saltiness of the flavor mixed with the sweetness of ice cream, but I think it's a perfect combo!” She reaches for a sampling spoon, but Saeyoung waves his hands to stop her.

“Say no more!” he announces. “I'll take three scoops of the honey buddha flavor. You, miss MC, have exquisite taste!”

MC beams at the silly compliment, and when she ducks down to scoop his order, Saeyoung thinks he sees a hint of a blush on her cheeks. When she stands and starts toward the toppings Saeyoung follows her automatically, not wanting her to walk away from him, even just those few steps.

“And for toppings?” she asks. “Do you like nuts, too?” The sparkle in her eye and the quirk of her brow tell Saeyoung she knows exactly what she's doing when she adds, “Or do you prefer cherries?”

Saeyoung waggles his eyebrows in return. “Can't a man enjoy both?” he answers, his voice low.

MC fakes a gasp, covering her mouth. “It appears we both have scandalous secrets!” She giggles, before lowering her voice. “Don't worry, I'll keep your secret if you keep mine.”

Saeyoung slathers his words in exaggerated sincerity, pressing his palm to his heart and giving her a slight bow. “You're the truest friend I've ever made in an ice cream parlor.”

The pair descends into a fit of laughter, causing the few other customers sprinkled throughout the shop to turn in their direction. Saeran steps away from them, waiting by the cash register at the end of the counter to avoid any unwanted attention. MC takes a few deep breaths to calm herself, but her voice is still is still bubbly when she asks, “So, chopped nuts and cherries?”

Saeyoung nods emphatically, still chuckling. “And sprinkles, too! Rainbow, not chocolate.”

“A honey buddha sundae with nuts, cherries, and rainbow sprinkles?” MC asks dubiously, though her grin is still in place. “That has got to be the most interesting sundae I’ve made in a while.”

“Then I guess I’ve got to be the most interesting customer you’ve had in a while!” Saeyoung’s heart thuds through his chest at the brazen line, but he’s on too strong of a roll to let his anxiety stop him. To his surprise, MC’s smile never falters.

“Oh, definitely,” she confirms. Saeyoung grins widely, a soft chuckle escaping from his lips, and MC's cheeks flare. She ducks her head as she loads on his choice of toppings, hiding her blush behind the fringe of her hair. Saeyoung watches her fondly, admiring her embarrassed side just as much as her joking side. When his sundae is complete, she hands it to him over the display case, then heads toward the register.

“Ah, sorry for the wait!” she apologizes to Saeran upon seeing him waiting at the register, as if she had fully forgotten he was also there.

“It's no problem,” he replies with a shake of his head. MC sends him a thankful smile, and proceeds to type their order into the register. Saeran glances up at Saeyoung, who’s watching MC's fingers tap at the screen with the most smitten expression Saeran has ever seen his brother wear. He stifles a sigh, marvelling at how utterly hopeless Saeyoung can be; he knows that Saeyoung won't take the final leap to close the deal on his own, so he tries to nudge the pair in the right direction.

“Your boyfriend must hate that you have to work on Valentine's Day,” Saeran comments in what he hopes is an offhand manner. MC chuckles anxiously, her fingers pausing momentarily in their task.

“I'm sure he would, if I had one,” she says, looking up at him with a tight-lipped smile. “As it is, I'm free to work while everyone else is out on their dates.”

“A national tragedy,” Saeyoung laments. “A girl as sweet as you deserves someone to spoil her on Valentine's Day. Hell, every day!” The sincerity in his voice catches him off guard almost as much as her. MC laughs, but it's jittery, as if she isn't sure whether or not he's still joking.

“Yeah… well,” she pauses, unsure of what to say. Her eyes flick from Saeyoung to Saeran, back to Saeyoung, and a grin spreads across her face. She gives an exaggerated shrug. “I think I'd rather be single than out on a date with my brother.”

Saeyoung laughs, the return of the joking atmosphere putting him more at ease. “That's fair,” he concedes. “Though you have to admit, I couldn't ask for a more handsome brother.” He takes a wide sidestep to throw an arm around Saeran's shoulders, tugging his twin against his side. “He looks just like me!”

MC giggles as Saeran shrugs easily out of Saeyoung's hold, a well-practiced art. “Platonic dates are healthy,” he defends, despite his exasperation. “That's what our therapist tells us, anyway.”

MC brings a hand to her mouth to try and stifle her laughter, unsure of whether or not Saeran is joking. “In that case, I won't hold you up any longer,” she says. “Your total is…” She glances at the screen, pauses, and her gaze returns to Saeyoung. “Actually, I need a name for the order first.”

“Saeyoung.” He gives a goofy smile along with his name. “I'm Saeyoung.”

“Okay, Saeyoung,” MC replies, returning his grin. “Your total's going to be…” Saeyoung pulls out his wallet and pays her the specified amount, and as the twins start to walk away, MC calls, “Have a great day!”

Saeyoung turns back toward the counter, holding his ice cream aloft and giving MC a deep bow. “Already accomplished!” he announces. As he straightens up, he says, “I hope yours is even better.” MC smiles and waves them off, and the brothers find a table across the dining room, near the front window. Saeran watches in mild horror as Saeyoung digs into his loaded sundae and melts into his chair almost immediately.

“Dare I say, this is almost as good a combination as real honey buddha chips and Phd. Pepper!” He scoops up another spoonful, making sure all of his toppings are represented, and holds it out toward Saeran. “Try it!”

Saeran stares at the spoon, then flicks his gaze up to Saeyoung. “Absolutely not.”

Saeyoung shrugs, taking the bite himself. “Your loss; more for me!”

The brothers make idle conversation as they finish off their ice cream, discussing the tentative plans for the RFA’s next party, the success of Jaehee’s cafe, the reasons why Vanderwood has kept in touch with Saeran but not Saeyoung. The conversation lulls as Saeran finishes his cone, and Saeyoung absentmindedly stirs his melting ice cream while staring dreamily off into space. Saeran follows his brother’s line of sight, and finds him watching MC as she wipes the fingerprints from the glass above the display cases. Saeran rolls his eyes as he turns back toward Saeyoung.

“Do you have any idea how hopeless you are?”

“Eh?” Saeyoung drops his spoon, startled from his daze by Saeran’s words. Saeran shakes his head.

“I have no space to complain about not having a girlfriend; I never leave the house,” Saeran starts off. “Meanwhile you complain about wanting one all the time, then a girl flirts with you like that and you still don’t ask for her number.”

“You can’t just ask a woman for her number while she’s working, Saeran!” Saeyoung replies, picking up his spoon and pointing it at Saeran accusingly. “It’s disrespectful and predatory. It’s in poor taste!”

“Staring is predatory too, idiot.” Saeran leans an elbow on the table, resting his chin in his hand as he levels Saeyoung with his unimpressed gaze. “Besides, it’s different when she clearly wants you to.”

Saeyoung’s mouth snaps shut, the response he’d prepared dying on his lips. He squints at Saeran, leaning across the table, and whispers, “Tell me what you know.”

Saeran sighs. “Obviously you were flirting with her, right?” Saeyoung nods. “And she was replying in the same way. So she was obviously flirting with you, too.”

Saeyoung sits down, frowning. “Well, we were just joking around. Just because I meant it in a flirting way doesn’t mean she did, too.”

Saeran buries his face in his hands, taking a deep breath before looking back up at his brother. “Okay, well. Did you hear her ask any other customers for their names?”

Saeyoung looks down at the table, thinking. “Well, no,” he says, looking back up. “But that doesn’t mean any-”

“It means she wanted to know your name, specifically. She certainly wasn’t looking at me when she asked.” Saeran leans back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest. “She’s single, she has your sense of humor, she clearly likes you as much as you like her. Why are you making excuses?”

Saeyoung’s eyes fall back to his cup of melted ice cream. He swirls what’s left of the concoction with his spoon, watching the trails of color bleeding from his sprinkles. “You of all people should know,” he mutters. “Saeyoung doesn’t flirt, 707 does. Just because she likes Seven, doesn’t mean she’ll like Saeyoung.”

Saeran’s shoulders fall, guilt over his prodding hitting him in the chest. He forgot sometimes that Saeyoung had almost as little self confidence as he himself had. He casts a glance to MC and wracks his brain for something he can say to convince Saeyoung not to let her slip away. He could tell the two of them would be good together.

“You know, something my therapist told me, back in the early days when I refused to talk to anyone… was that if I didn’t want people to abandon me, I couldn’t just assume that they would and push them away first.” He turns his gaze back to Saeyoung. “If you want her to accept you for more than just your jokes, you shouldn’t just assume that she won’t. There’s probably more to her than jokes, too.”

Saeyoung turns his attention back to MC, watches the way her hair swings as she walks, the small smile that curves her lips as she works, and he wonders what she could be thinking about. He wonders if she’s thinking about him.

“Make up your mind soon,” Saeran says softly. “We’ve been done with our ice cream for a while, and we can’t keep sitting here forever.”

Saeyoung stands from the table without looking at Saeran. “I’m gonna do it,” he says, and Saeran cracks a smile.

He takes a few deep breaths as he crosses the dining room, mentally preparing himself for what he was about to do. How long had it been since he’d asked someone out? Had he ever asked anyone out with actual romantic intentions, and not just as a joke or a ploy? He couldn’t remember. He clears his throat as he approaches the counter, catching MC’s attention. She smiles as she turns toward him, and all thoughts fall from his head.

“Hey! Did you enjoy your sundae?” she asks.

“Oh! Yes! It was delicious. A perfect combination!” Saeyoung gushes, and MC chuckles.

“I’ll have to try it myself one of these days, then.” She smiles at him for a few moments, and when he doesn’t respond, she asks, “Did you need anything else?”

“Ah, um. Well!” Saeyoung fumbles for words, one hand rubbing at the back of his neck anxiously. MC cocks her head to the side, watching him curiously. He takes another deep breath, and tries again. “Well. I know this is inappropriate to do, and I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable! So feel free to say no! But. If you’d like. I’d, um, I’d really like to take you out to dinner tonight. So you aren’t alone on Valentine’s Day.”

The bright smile that breaks out across MC’s face could light the entire shop. Saeyoung’s heart flutters in his chest.

“I’d love to!” she answers, before quickly reeling her enthusiasm in. “But… it’d be almost impossible to get a last-minute reservation on a night like Valentine’s Day. How about another night?”

Saeyoung grins, cocking an eyebrow at her, ready to tackle the challenge. “I’m very resourceful,” he promises. “If anyone can manage a last-minute dinner reservation on Valentine’s Day, it’s me.” MC laughs, and pulls a napkin from a nearby dispenser to write down her phone number and what time she would get off that afternoon.

“I’ll definitely be impressed if you can manage something tonight,” she says as she hands him the napkin, “but don’t be embarrassed to set the date for another night.”

“I’ll see you tonight.” Saeyoung smiles widely, then returns to the table where Saeran waits for him.

“Told you so,” Saeran comments simply, but Saeyoung pays no mind to the tease. He grabs Saeran by the sleeve and tugs him toward the door.

“Come on, I have arrangements to make!”

The twins go home, and Saeyoung starts his preparations. He calls in every favor he’s owed, and asks for more on top of them. It takes time, negotiation, grovelling, and a healthy dose of teasing being dumped upon him, but he manages to get everything sorted out and ready by the time MC gets off work. He gives her time to get ready after letting her know that their reservations are made, and when she texts him her address he sets off to pick her up.

Saeyoung pulls up to MC’s home in his cheetah-print porsche, wearing his best suit, with a bouquet of red roses in his arms, and the surprised laughter that rings from her lips when she opens the door is worth every penny and every ounce of effort he’d spent. She runs back inside to put the flowers in water and then reemerges, taking Saeyoung's offered hand and following him down the driveway to the car.

“I hope you didn't rent a car this flashy just to impress me,” MC teases.

“Rent?” Saeyoung gasps, affronted. “Are you implying that my precious Purrsche is a lady for hire?”

“Purrsche?” MC asks, laughing with disbelief. As they approach the car, Saeyoung pulls open the passenger side door for MC to get in, while also stroking the vehicle's hood lovingly.

“It's okay, baby. She didn't mean to call you a lady of the night,” he murmurs to the car. “She just needs to get to know you! She'll see what a classy woman you are!”

With a small smile on her face, MC pets the dashboard. “Deepest apologies, Madam Purrsche,” she says, earning her a grin from Saeyoung.

“See?” he says, with a pat to the hood. “You two will be fast friends.”

After ensuring MC is safely inside, Saeyoung closes her door and goes around to the driver's side to climb in as well. As they drive, MC asks questions about what kind of restaurant they’re going to, how far away it is, whether she’d dressed up enough, or too much, and Saeyoung answers them all cryptically. When they reach their destination, sooner than MC had expected, she gazes up at the building Saeyoung leads her toward with a confused furrow to her brow.

“Is… this a restaurant?” she asks, prompting a nervous laugh from Saeyoung.

“Well… not technically,” he answers. “It’s a coffee shop owned by a couple of my friends. They close early in the afternoon, so they said they’d let me borrow it for the night.” He fishes the keys to the shop out of his pocket, unlocking the door and holding it open for MC. The inside of the cafe is decorated with red and pink streamers, heart-shaped balloons coating the ceiling, and vases of vinyl roses on every surface. Just inside the door waits a blond boy in an ill-fitted suit, two menus in his hand.

“Welcome to Saeyoung’s Valentine Bistro!” the boy greets. “My name is Yoosung, and I’ll be your server tonight. I'm really glad you're real, because when Saeyoung asked me to do this, I thought he might be pranking me!”

“Yoosung!” Saeyoung hisses, but MC laughs nonetheless.

“A pleasure to meet you, Yoosung,” she greets, bowing to him slightly.

“You too! Let me show you to your table.”

Most of the tables in the cafe had been cleared away, lined up against the walls, leaving only one table in the center of the dining room. Yoosung leads the pair to this lone table and sits them down, leaving them with the menus as he heads off to fetch their drinks.

“All dishes prepared fresh by Chef Saeran,” MC reads from the top of the menu, a smile on her lips. “Let me guess, your brother?”

“Clever girl!” Saeyoung praises. “Believe it or not, he was much harder to wrangle into this than anyone else.”

“Saeyoung… this is beautiful,” MC marvels, gazing around the redecorated coffee shop. “You really put all of this together just this afternoon?”

“I told you I was resourceful.” Saeyoung smiles at her, watching the wonder on her face as she takes it all in. Her smile falls slightly as she turns back to him.

“But… why?” she asks, and anxiety starts to claw at Saeyoung's throat. Had he gone too big too fast? Was his grand romantic gesture too much for her? Did she not believe he had really accomplished it in one afternoon, and now she thought he was stalking her? Dozens of possibilities race through his mind in a matter of seconds. The disappointment must show on his face, because she quickly rephrases. “I mean! It's wonderful! I just don't understand… why you'd go through so much trouble for someone you just met.”

Saeyoung’s expression softens into a smile, and he reaches across the table to take her hand. “I can't really explain it,” he says sheepishly. “There was just something about talking to you that felt… right.” MC mirrors his smile, rubbing her thumb gently over the back of his palm. “For a long time I wasn't allowed to have any emotional attachments because of my job, so I don't have a lot of experience in dating. But something told me that if I didn't go all out for you, I'd regret it.”

A blush rises to MC's cheeks, and she breaks eye contact to take one last glance around the cafe. “Well, this is definitely all out,” she says with a laugh. Returning her gaze to Saeyoung, she flashes him a playful smile. “You could have taken me to Burger King and I would have been impressed.”

Saeyoung laughs, relief lifting the weight from his shoulders. “I'll remember that... for next time?” he says, his voice hopeful.

And when MC smiles, Saeyoung's world lights up.

“I can't wait.”

#mysme fic #mystic messenger fic #mysme #mystic messenger #saeyoung x mc #my fic #sfw #I really hope you like it I had so much fun writing this fjksljf #i'm always so anxious to write seven bc I feel like i never get his character Quite Right #but!! I had so much fun with this thank you for the opportunity!! big love happy valentines day~

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fmdalyssia · 5 years

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HELLO Everyone! Alyssia is finally back! She’s one of my most tragic muses–ever, slightly revamped, with a bit of a new development to her completely – so for the most of you its a hello again with this beautifully tragic muse of mine ehehe. I’m excited to bring back to you Alyssia in her entirety, my inspiration for her came rushing in like raging waves of the sea after my exams, and in the process while she was away she developed a little bit more both backwards and forwards. Compared to before, Alyssia has completely taken two steps back instead of forward and recessed back into the person that she hates to be the most (her real self) due to some external…issues, so if any of you are really interested in her, below the cut is a little more tldr about her! If you’re interested in hitting this hot but tragic mess, please hit the LIKE button and I’ll slide slowly but surely into your dms! I can’t wait to let her develop and explore her further with everyone!

♫ Profile ♫Biography ♫Personality ♫Connections ♫Trivia

COMPLETE TRIGGER WARNING

Alyssia was born Park Da-hee to an alcoholic dad and a mother that died far too soon in her youth. Probably because of her dad’s alcoholism and her mother’s early death that it really led to Da-hee having the most tragic childhood and life ever–though not that she would ever tell that to anyone or blame them for it.

Her mother died when she was 4, so she has no memories of her mother, and her earliest memory is of her dad puking his guts out from an alcoholic night

Its said that she looks exactly like her mother in features, who was a very beautiful woman before her untimely demise

Lived in Jeju, situated in one of the poorest areas – her family is considered to be impoverished

Her childhood memories were never good, the sexual assault that her father did to her lasted for 12 long years, and she came away with more than just a little bruises

Till now she doesn’t understand how people could have seen her and not noticed the signs of someone in desperate need of help and abused

Earliest period that she ran away was when she was 6 years old. A family friend found her and brought her back to her dad – and that night her father abused her for running away.

12 years of abuse took a toll on her, and she learnt slowly to put on a perfect facade for herself in front of others, whether it be in school or not.

She had a lot of suitors throughout her schooling years, even her trainee years, lots of boys would come and give her flowers, because of how pretty she looked.

She really hated being given flowers, because somehow those flowers all seemed to die hours after she holds them, as though telling her that she’s not good enough to keep them as beautiful as they were.

She was scouted whilst singing one day by a scout – singing was always something that connoted pretty bad things and good things for her, partially because her father always demanded to hear her sing so that he could hear the fear in her voice shake, and the good – because she found that it was a good way for her to release all the tension and stress.

Being scouted on her birthday gave her hope, and Da-hee started to plan on running away to Seoul to audition. She had saved some money from working some odd jobs here and there, and a part time job that she forged her father’s signature for permission to.

She researched BC for one entire night, before sneaking away in the dead of night, stealing all of the money that she knew her dad had, and just with her clothes on her back and a simple change of clothes in her bag.

She successfully audition into BC not because of her sweet voice (which would have blossomed if given more attention), but because of her visuals.

BC nearly dropped her amidst her trainee period, because Da-hee had so many psychological problems (ptsd, panic attacks, night terrors etc.) and most of all skinship problems and issues that they thought she wasn’t lucrative to keep.

They gave her one more chance, and determined to prove that she could stay on (so that she wouldn’t be sent home), Da-hee CREATED the stage persona ALYSSIA.

Alyssia is the more confident, sassy, sensual, quirky but enigmatic part of Da-hee that has been amplified and brought to the surface. Compared to Da-hee who shrinks back, Alyssia is the personality and persona that Da-hee has conditioned herself so much to believe that she sometimes can’t tell which she really is.

As Alyssia she can tolerate a lot of skinship with people, is open, laughs loudly (and a lot), has no issues with befriending people, lesser panic attacks etc.

The only people that would have seen Da-hee at her worst would be her BEE members, and even they don’t really know the cause behind why she’s like that (they could speculate, but she never confirmed why she had so many night terrors and panic attacks) [ BEE MEMBERS WE CAN PLOT HER TELLING THEM ABT HER PAST]

Da-hee is the completely opposite to Alyssia. She’s like a wounded animal that can’t stand on her own, like a broken glass haphazardly pieced together to form some semblance of sanity and respite. Baggy clothes, timid voice and flickering eyes, Da-hee usually resurfaces after her panic attacks and after she’s ran away from something that triggered her. She’s usually hiding in nooks and crannies, in the darkest spot and the most hidden spot of the current place that they’re in that she can find, and she hates people seeing her so broken and in pieces.

She’s very affectionate towards girls, and a little jittery towards males, though she seems to make more male friends (the irony)

To a lot of males she seems standoffish, but she really is trusting and gullible, because of the lack of affection (plot!). Alyssia usually finds herself in toxic relationships where she gives everything to the male and receives almost nothing but manipulation in return (connection!)

Her skin crawls everytime she finishes filming a music video, because of the sensual choreography and the looks of people when they film her dancing. When she gets nervous, she’s usually overly affectionate, so bear with her–

She’s an idol actress!! (that’s something new) :D BC decided to play on her visuals and sent her for acting, claiming that it would help her get out of her shell more easily. She’s currently working towards her newest acting project for a lead, and is pretty acclaimed in acting in her supporting roles.

She actually parties. Quite a lot. Aly found that partying helped her sometimes, as did alcohol, because she’d be too inebriated to feel too much. (people who party xD come to Aly)

She hates cigarette smoke, because it practically reminds her of her dad.(pls be careful around her when smoking, it triggers her sometimes, she also has cigarette burns scattered all over her body, so it's definitely triggering for her)

AS OF 2019, she has resigned happily with bc (doubt that happy thing lol) BUT another issue has occurred which made her recess a bit into her frightened self.

Her dad moved from Jeju to Seoul, and is currently blackmailing her with evidence of her past childhood abuse, threatening to reveal that she’s not that quirky, happy go lucky and pure Alyssia that most people know.

She’s been sending money to her dad ever since he got hold of her phone number, but the very fact that he’s here in Seoul completely terrifies her.

Current count for people who know that she’s being blackmailed? 0. She didn’t even tell her members nor her manager about this situation, and simply bore everything on her shoulders. [potential plot of others finding out about her being blackmailed hmu]

Congrats for tolerating the long winded intro! Here’s a happy Aly for you :3

#fmdintro #||OOC**♫ diamonds in the skies #||tw: night terrors #||tw: insomnia #||tw: panic attacks #||tw: csa #||tw: alcoholism #((look at that tw tags dkfkffjk))

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elizabethrobertajones · 6 years

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How after the mixtape are Dean and Cas' romantic feelings not considered canon? That shit was not subtext and even if you disregard the Mary and John Led Zepplin connection, mixtapes are almost exclusively romantic in fiction not to mention the whole returning one as a break up and framing of the scene. I just don't understand how even to the GA that was ambiguous. Honestly these moving goalposts are very confusing to me. Aside from PR not mentioning it I don't get what more the show needs (1/2)

to do, to establish that yes it’s written as romantic but that they are not in the being together stage. We don’t know what will happen in the future but to me 12x19 pretty clearly showed that at least at that point in their relationship, that’s where they were at. I wondered if you had any thoughts on it because it’s been nagging at me for a while? (2/2)

I mean, yeah, I have a LOT of thoughts about it because it was a sea change in the way Destiel presented, for me. There’s been MULTIPLE moments which took it up another notch, at pretty regularly spaced intervals through the show. I know my personal limit, when bingewatching 4-6 for the first time after an unintentional break from the show, was 6x20. Everyone who got into the ship without being prompted has a a moment along the way, whether it was considering all the ship teasing seriously, or thinking something about the narrative, or whatever, got to that moment where they actually hit the goalposts and started taking it seriously.

I think several of the past moments that I find really important are also statements of intent - 9x18 for me was when I went from casual viewer and while I believed in Destiel I also saw it entirely as a subtextual creation that was not sort of… for serious consideration as a narrative tool/character endgame the show would ever even nod towards at the end of the day… to definitely thinking they were at the very least intentionally building their story with these blocks, and that it was worth investigating and exploring… That was Metatron asking us to consider the subtext and how it was a part of the story. That it wasn’t something that passes by like that but that there is an awareness and that it can and will give the story meaning. The episode being so full of strong Destiel subtext, it put me firmly where I am now in meta fandom with an overnight transformation >.>

And 10x05 was the other one where there was a serious goalpost, where “Destiel” was said in text and a pseudo Destiel depiction happened on screen… To whatever degree it was jokey or wish fulfilment or could be interpreted this way and that as a statement to how Destiel stood in the text, it gave it a weight and presence it hadn’t had before. Even though fans had had a name for it all along, there’s something very important about naming the thing within the story and even having Sam sound out different versions of the name with pedantic detail. Between that and “I’ll just wait here then” it really established Destiel in the subtextual building blocks of the show in a fascinatingly meta way.

Then for all the random canon events of maybe extreme shippiness, it was 12x19 that for me was a real SHIFT when it came to perceptions and presentation in the story, because of course even on the surface level it’s an extremely romantic trope to give a mixtape, and ignoring all the other analysis of the scene which only makes it worse, it betrays an enormous amount of emotion and care between Dean and Cas, in a way that’s coded strongly to our cultural perceptions as a romantic gesture having passed between them. Which means it’s another goal scored when it comes to… upping the ante of not-quite-canon-ness?

I sort of feel like Cas’s death and return and all the connected stuff from the moment he’s stabbed through Dean saying “I do” and hugging him under the romeo+juliet glowing neon cross was either a further upping of the ante, or just showing us how to play in the rules which now exist post-mixtape, where this is the level of implied canon it’s at now…

I mean I honestly keep saying and I mean it that pretty much since the mixtape or 12x23 I’ve been quite lost about how to handle Destiel in the sense that these were goalposts I didn’t even know I would expect the show to meet, or that if they did it would be the implied canon ending of the show where it gives us an equivalent gesture and leaves us to wonder what it was about. Instead it happens at this point and we’ve got over a season of Dean n Cas portrayed as exasperated husbands and all my interest and expertise in lawyering subtext to prove how gay it is has been left behind in its wake, so I’m just here to enjoy myself and see how it pans out now, because I set my own personal goalposts of what I assumed the show would do much lower than what Dabb set? Like, the reverse problem of people who keep moving them rather than examine the subtext and see what it says fairly without trying to lawyer their way out of what all these implications are instead. :P

But at least the mixtape made it very clear to me that you can now sort out the people who will NEVER accept something as good enough proof that the show even has romantic subtext for Dean n Cas and refuse to understand why people see it or ship it. To discount that entire conversation and the clearly expressed feelings of concern for each other, regardless of shipping, in order to claim that they don’t mean that much to each other and it’s ooc to suggest otherwise, means they’re doing the harder work when it comes to interpretation and THAT is a flipping of the stances from pre-mixtape where plausible deniability and doubt and stuff all mixed together to make it at least an awkward sell to people who hadn’t thought of it that way yet, and empowered people who wilfully didn’t want to see it.

The Cas death arc just gave us more fodder for where shippers do less work than people who actively want to deny that Dean cares.

But for general audiences, I think it’s quite easy to get stuck at the stage where I was pre-9x18 where Dean n Cas might even seem to be somewhat a ~confirmed couple~ except that people will lend it no credit to intent or their importance to each other in the emotional endgame, just for reasons of it not being done, or not thinking it’s possible, or in general not putting in the attention and time to piece together the relationship that a definitive canon statement would cause them to do a double take on. And that even if they then say they knew it all along, because many of these goalposts are unmissable in some senses, the credibility lent to the ship is fully missable without knowing to give it. Which is the whole problem, really.

I’ve known the show long enough to feel its old school bones pretty deeply so I feel like that affects my personal perspective on… owedness of canon or where I started to take it seriously, and how much of the old gods of TV vs new gods possibility I would casually see in its genetic makeup. So 12x19 - being written by the new gods of TV - took the show a step further as Dabb seems to be the first showrunner of that generation of TV writers vs the ones who would play the subtext game forever - and that’s really unsettling to me. In the sense that there’s some sort of storytelling subversion thing going on here and my understanding is still kinda maybe rooted in an older postmodern take than what might end up being labelled something entirely new by future scholars… And a lot of that to me is in expectations and tropes no longer being what they were and I end up thinking of all the factors from the mass-saturation of media vs everything having to be new and individual to be considered worthy, to the effect of the internet, and the political climate in America, and the world the younger millennial writers grew up in (and we can see that literally warring with Buckleming’s old school writing in the show), and not just storytelling but representation of all walks of marginalised life coming into it, and it’s all a bunch of stuff that probably soon there’ll be a bunch of interesting scholarship on, but in the mean time we’re all riding the wave and in my personal experience I feel like we don’t even know what our surfboards are any more.

I mean 12x23 seriously knocked me into orbit when it came to my understanding of the show, and I haven’t recovered yet. And since I spend a lot of time over-thinking as a matter of course, this is a tiny percentage of the ridiculous musings I have on it all and why I can’t just get mad at it for goalpost issues, and why I feel people lag behind and stuff. I feel like WE are lagging behind, even the people who claim to know everything about the show and analyse it all the time, and the best we can do is take it as it comes and see… But this is very much an utter fascination with watching Dabb era shed Carver era’s subtext cocoon and start testing its bizarre, mirrored, fractal wings.

#Asks #dabb vs cars #top 13 zepp traxx #riverboat gambling #12x19 #destiel

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uberaalison · 6 years

Text

Analyzing Emison

If you follow my blog, you probably noticed that Emison’s been on my mind today, judging by my posts. I’ve made a lot of brief, mostly snarky posts about why I don’t like their relationship, but I thought it was time I actually sit down and put together one big, comprehensive post detailing their whole relationship, from season one to season seven, and how I view it. I’ll put it under a cut because of length, and so any Emison shippers (or anyone else) can feel free to just skip over it if this isn’t your cup of tea.

Season 1

I was sour on any idea of an Emily/Alison romance from the very start. The first glimpse we get into their relationship, in fact, is mean and taunting in nature. This exchange doesn’t exactly set the stage for a couple I want to root for.

Since Alison isn’t actually a current character yet, this season basically just establishes Emily’s feelings for her and where their relationship stood before Alison disappeared. We learn that Emily was in love with Alison, her first crush, and was confident enough in her sexuality to give Ali a kiss. What followed was Alison verbally berating Emily, completely rejecting her advances, and treating her with cruelty for expressing her feelings.

The infamous “locker room scene” is what turned me off of them from the very beginning. There is no way, in my mind, that this can be chalked up to “internalized homophobia,” as I see so many fans attempt to argue. Alison knew that Emily was attracted to her. She knew this, and yet she still participated in seductive behavior by undressing in front of her, showing off her bra, and asking Emily to hook it for her. There is no way she didn’t realize exactly how her behavior was coming across, especially since she hadn’t initially rejected Emily’s kiss not long before. She was goading Emily into making a move, just so she could shoot her down and crush her self-esteem as soon as it happened. I firmly believe that if it hadn’t been for Ali’s mocking, judgmental attitude toward her sexuality, Emily wouldn’t have struggled nearly as much with coming out (and even beyond just this scene, I will never accept internalized homophobia as an excuse for tearing another person down).

This season also establishes the idea that Emily was “special” to Alison. We get a few glimpses of Alison treating Emily differently, telling her things like “you’re the only one I can really trust.” Although I understand why these sweet little moments could come across as genuine, I see them as nothing more than Ali giving a little so she could take a lot - she buttered Emily up to make sure Emily’s feelings for her wouldn’t dissipate, then hurt her even more with her constant little jokes and comments. It’s a classic cycle of abuse.

Seasons 2 - 3

Just like in the first season, these seasons continue to focus on Emily and Alison’s relationship purely through flashbacks. One of the biggest Emison moments comes when Ali pulls Emily from the barn in season two. She saves Emily, seduces her once again with “you’re my favorite” comments, and kisses her. Even as someone who’s about as anti-Emison as you can get, I admit that this is the first time I ever viewed Alison’s feelings as potentially genuine - but more on that later.

All in all, there’s not much to say about these seasons since there isn’t much to go off of. Emily’s biggest character development comes from finally embracing her sexuality and managing to let Alison go - the symbolism behind her removing the bracelet Alison gave her at last is a wonderful metaphor. All signs point to Emison being nothing more than a step in Emily’s journey, not an actual relationship to root for.

Season 4

It’s no coincidence that the season I start to dislike Emily’s character is the same season that Alison returns. As soon as the girls find out that she’s alive, she starts right back in on attempting to isolate Emily from the others: From her sneaking into Emily’s room and guilt-tripping her (although I have my doubts as to whether that scene actually happened), to promising to meet her at the Kissing Rock and never showing up, to insisting that Emily is the only one she can trust and demanding that she keep their clandestine meeting a secret from the other Liars. According to her story in the finale, she stopped suspecting the girls the night she went missing, so why exactly is she unwilling to let anyone but Emily in? It’s just as Spencer says: She’s playing games with them, attempting to reel Emily right back in through manipulation and isolation.

It was disgusting to see Emily start choosing Alison over her friends, putting the girl who did nothing but make her feel small and insecure above the girls who stood by her side no matter what. I’ll never understand why the writers were so willing to do such detriment to Emily’s character just for the sake of this ship. She’d come so far regarding her feelings for Alison and had really grown into herself, as a character and as a person. It was a shame to see her revert back to the little love-struck teen as soon as Alison reentered her life.

Season 5

This is where my dislike of Emison really cemented. Alison returned to Rosewood, and it was like nothing ever changed. She started bossing her friends around again, commandeering their lives with her lies, and sucking them back into the drama that she created.

I couldn’t possibly analyze my viewpoint on Emison without discussing “Miss Me x100,” one of the ship’s most instrumental episodes. For a lot of people, this episode confirmed that Alison truly did have sincere feelings for Emily. For me, it basically did the opposite. But wait, you might say, Alison came right out and confessed that the kisses she and Emily shared had been real. But let’s actually look at the context of that scene:

Alison is back from the dead. Hanna has made it explicitly clear that she wants nothing to do with her, Spencer is fed up with her games, and Aria is stuck in her own world, as usual. Emily is all Alison has left, and Ali knows that she’s the easiest to influence. But then Emily drops the bomb: She’s going to hang out with Paige, and Alison isn’t invited. In that moment, Emily chose Paige over Alison. It’s not by chance that Ali suddenly decided to admit her feelings for Emily right at that moment. Regardless of whether or not Alison actually did feel an attraction to Emily, there is no way her confession wasn’t intentionally manipulative, a clear attempt to sway Emily back over to her side. And it worked.

Also in this episode, we see Emison sleep together for the first time. Again, it’s easy to consider this evidence that Alison had to have had sincere feelings for her, but every time I watch that scene, I can’t help but think of how the rest of the episode plays out. The girls discover that Ali lied to them about her confrontation with Mona in the church, and Emily in particular is furious. That night, Alison goes to Emily’s house to ask for forgiveness...and she does so by stroking Emily’s hair and leaning in for a kiss. This, to me, is undeniable proof that Ali took full advantage of Emily’s feelings for her to manipulate and control her. And using sex or romance as a method of coercion is a classic sign of toxicity.

One of my favorite storylines in the whole show is Emily finally turning against Ali and breaking away from her at the end of 5A. I couldn’t stand her blind loyalty to someone who was so obviously manipulating and lying to her, and Emily giving Alison a piece of her mind at last was extremely satisfying. To me, that confrontation outside of Ali’s house was meant to be the end of any romantic prospect between them.

Season 6

There really isn’t a whole lot to say about this season because it contained next to no hints of romance between Emily and Alison. They barely even interacted as friends, let alone potential love interests. The only thing I can really say is that this season really showcased Alison’s inherent selfishness, and why Emily deserved much better. Yes, it was nice of Ali to stay with Emily during her procedure, but from wallowing in self-pity instead of supporting her traumatized friends, to callously disregarding their fear of Charlotte and manipulating them into advocating for her release, to to throwing them under the bus for Charlotte’s murder the second she wasn’t happy with them...I thought we were supposed to believe that Alison had gone through some sort of reformation, but all of season six seemed to prove otherwise.

Season 7

And finally...here we are. Once again, the first half of the season passes with absolutely no romantic interactions between Emily and Alison (Emily accuses Ali of murder, for god’s sake). Until - surprise - Paige reenters the picture. Suddenly Ali is jealous, petty, and partaking in the same bitchy behavior that she was supposedly so remorseful for when she first returned to town. Apparently this was supposed to convince us that she truly did love Emily, but her sudden jealousy was so over-the-top and juvenile that it just made her come across as unhealthily possessive. It also made no sense, considering just a few weeks before she’d been in love with someone else and throwing Emily under the bus for Charlotte’s murder.

I know this is a very unpopular opinion, but Ali’s pregnancy reveal left a bad taste in my mouth, too. How convenient that she drops that bomb on Emily right after she notices Paige getting close to her again. And how funny that she was quick to criticize Emily for hanging out with Paige while dating Sabrina, but she had no qualms about kissing her that very same night.

For the second time, we see Alison suddenly declaring an attraction to Emily when she has no one else, when she’s hit rock bottom and feels abandoned and alone. Why does she never seem to have these feelings otherwise? Call me crazy, but this doesn’t scream “authentic relationship” to me. It feels more like Alison considered Emily her last resort.

I’m not even going to really go into the implanted eggs storyline because I feel like I’ve already made it pretty clear how i feel about that, but over the course of season seven, we’re supposed to get a sense of Alison finally coming to terms with her sexuality and her true feelings for Emily. The main problem is that this comes only on the heels of finding out that she’s pregnant with Emily’s baby. From that point on, it really didn’t matter how they handled Emison getting together. There was no way they could frame it so it didn’t seem like it was only happening due to the pregnancy.

My other big problem, aside from the rape baby storyline in general, is that I never actually bought into Alison’s genuine feelings in this season. She was given numerous scenes in which she confessed her love for Emily, and yet...not one of them was convincing. Even her proposal in the finale was centered completely around how much Emily loved her. Not once did she actually discuss why she loved Emily. That fact, plus their completely wooden love scenes, did nothing to convince me that Alison had any feelings for Emily beyond loving the way Emily worshipped her.

So there you have it, thanks to anyone who got through this essay that’s longer than anything I’ve written for school all semester. When it comes down to it, Emison was toxic and inconsistent up until the very end. Alison jerked Emily around for years, treated her as a comfort object and last resort, and never truly seemed to return her feelings. She manipulated her, lied to her, and never really gave her a genuine apology for her terrible actions. Emily, the way I see it, deserved better, and hopefully this post gives a little more insight into why I dislike Emison so strongly and just can’t buy into some beautiful love story between them, because I still continue to get regular asks about it.

#pll #pretty little liars #pll rant #long #anti emison

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light-of-being · 5 years

Text

05.02.19 (treading tentatively forward)

Today was good. Long, exhausting, but good.

Last year was really hard for me and I spent pretty much all of it in survival mode, which is kind of just a sad way to live and was bad for my academics, leadership roles, etc, although I accept that there was no other way at the time. I can confidently say that I’m probably a lot better at coping now than I was before. But I wanted to take a more proactive approach this year -- to live more...intentionally, so to speak. To kinda build a life beyond just survival.

My main concerns were around energy and being able to do this without just collapsing entirely. I find it hard to imagine successfully sustaining studies, health and household tasks simultaneously. But perhaps I’m just being excessively miserly with my energy and I should just allow myself to be tired, to do things beyond the point of exhaustion, and then rest. I’ve been afraid that the rest wouldn’t help, that the exhaustion would become paralysing, as it often has. But the truth is, I haven’t allowed myself to reach that point in a long time because I’ve been afraid, so I don’t actually know whether that still holds at all. I might just be able to be achy and tired, get a really good sleep, and then get up and live another full day. I’m going to experiment with that, let’s see how that goes.

I got books from the library last week, but I didn’t get very far with reading them (probably coz they were slightly dense and not-so-slightly boring and depressing). So I returned those today, and got new ones that I’m actually excited about, intend to, and actually expect to read. I made deliberate efforts to pick out those that are accessible and/or noncommittal, such as a collection of short pieces that I can approach and abandon easily while still having appreciable gains.

I spoke to a therapist while on campus about problems in the general direction of this post. It was actually quite fruitful. I expressed a lot of concern about disintegration/falling apart/losing control that comes with the swamp of uncertainty surrounding my dissociation and my history of experiencing such. The sense of stumbling in the dark. I won’t pretend that I feel any more confident in being able to hold it together, but I do feel more willing to have faith. I’m slowly becoming more comfortable with the idea that I’ve rarely actually put shit behind me, but rather fled from them, that I still carry the corpses of all of myself that I’ve killed. She said we need to explore that and the past more the next time. I agree, I think. I’m still not sure what that’s meant to achieve, but I’m slightly less sure it’d be a waste of time. She says I need to put down the corpses to make space for those I’ll collect in the future, if I think that’s going to happen. Which seems fair, although I’m not certain speaking about them will put them down any better.

I took some time out yesterday to exercise (active) self-compassion. Most of my recollections and thoughts of the past had been so tainted by the visceralness, terror of recurrence and uncanny sense of similar-but-other, that I’d never bothered to look back at those stranger selves as people of their own right. I mean, if they were actually strangers, I would probably have responded to them with empathy and support, but all I was doing to myself was recoiling. So I extended to them an olive branch of sorts. Forgave them for not making it through, appreciated them for doing their best nevertheless. Promised kindness and greater support henceforth. Which was, in turn, inductively comforting to me.

But I was also angry. Very angry. At my parents, my bullies, everything that had put me in these positions. People whom I’d thought I’d long forgiven, although I’d never even properly given myself a chance to be angry at them. I’d jumped to “they did their best and didn’t know any better” type of thinking and knew I couldn’t reeeally blame them for it if I was applying my own approaches consistently. Never mind that I’d only just grokked after yeeears that this hadn’t been my fault, that it wasn’t due to anything being fundamentally wrong and horrible about me, that they were just...fucked up, and were in fact doing this to everyone. That this was wrong.

I felt, last night, the same kind of mental shift I did long ago when I moved from “slavery was 30 years ago we need to move on coz it doesn’t matter anymore” to “wow no this is still affecting every part of people’s lives and will continue to, we can’t just ignore it”. The same kind of bitterness I see when people talk about how a lot of white people in this country never apologised, still look back to apartheid nostalgically, don’t begin to accept any responsibility or even understanding of the harm they caused...and yet we’ve “forgiven” them and “reconciled”.

Idk. I’ma write out a lengthy exposition of exactly what they did and how it affected me at some stage. I wanted to send it to my mother, or even my father, but sensibly, I probably won’t. It won’t have any productive benefit: while I’d really like them to understand and accept responsibility, I’ll almost certainly get only invalidation and hostility. Soo I’ll probably just write it for my own sanity and hopefully at some point (actually) let go.

So yeah. I’m working on things. This morning I also joined tai chi again, conditional upon being able to opt out of physical contact and social chit-chat things. I bought pretty candles that I look forward to using for meditation things and general niceness. I finally got around to buying a lace curtain so I can open the dark ones without rendering my entire room exposed to the fkin street, and I swear, the outside light transforms the ambience. It’s the best thing. I like light, a lot. I’ve set up my journal for this month, and it’s very pretty and welcoming. My bursars emailed today confirming that they’ll fund me again for this year, which although was expected from the T&Cs, brought a huge sense of relief for my financial state.

Classes start on Monday. I’m very slightly anxious about the workload and the fact that it’s final year and everything counts A Great Deal, but the content seems really cool. I dropped my maths course last year because I was overwhelmed by my own head, and I think that contributed to reduced stability and grounding. I’ma be doing it this year, which is nice. Algebra was pretty cool while I was doing it before I dropped, and Discrete Maths has always been exciting.

Applied cognitive psychology seems overall like a very exciting course. It covers stuff including neural networks, decision making, memory in forensics, clinical cognition and evolutionary cognitive psychology. There’s also an Actual Research Project done in groups: complete with research proposal and poster, and the power to grant kids course credits for partaking...which is in equal parts extremely fkin cool and absolutely terrifying.

Computer science has been said to be challenging, which is probably nice (and also, again, slightly scary). We’re doing more in-depth and probably more complex things like networks and operating systems, which is cool and superior to the largely superficial programming stuff we’ve spent so long on. I enjoyed last semester (concurrency, computer architecture, etc -- conceptual things) so this should probably be good as well.

I’m looking forward to the structure of lectures and the purposefulness of having assignments etc to do. I’ve also been reminded (again today) how much I like my (very beautiful) campus and how it brings me a sense of peace and belonging (generally when there’s nobody else there, not when scared new first years are anxiously attending everything...but anyway).

Things are, for now...okay. I’ve always liked beginnings. I’m willing to try. I’m holding out a tentative hope.

#personal #life update #positive #reflections #long post

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