A Useless Date
Rating:G
Pairing: Gen (Lucifer & Asmo)
Word count: 2.6k
Lucifer wasn’t sure how he ended up here. He replayed the scene again and again in his head, and yet he still came up with nothing. How the hell had he been convinced to leave his office, and head down to Ristorante Six? For a blind date nonetheless?
Read it on Ao3!
@aggressivelyarospec
took this week as an excuse to finish this fic about lucifer <3 i hope you enjoy it!
Lucifer wasn’t sure how he ended up here. He replayed the scene again and again in his head, and yet he still came up with nothing. How the hell had he been convinced to leave his office, and head down to Ristorante Six? For a blind date nonetheless?
Lucifer hated how Asmodeus could get away with just about anything. If he used his charm at the right moment, he could have the whole underworld wrapped around his finger. Sadly, Lucifer was no exception to this. No matter how much the eldest loved to preen himself on his ability to say “no” and “leave me alone, Asmo” towards his attention-craving brother, there were at times, unfortunately, when Lucifer fell into Asmodeus’s spell. And this was definitely one of those times. It was his own fault though, he admitted to that. It was his own fault for lowering his guard, believing that Asmodeus would know better to waste his time. Why did he believe it was any different?
Asmodeus had claimed that Lucifer doesn’t know how to wind down. Lucifer had argued that he did, in fact, know how to get into a reposeful state, it was just that Asmodeus’ ways differed widely from Lucifer’s, and it was him who had weird methods of de-stressing. Asmodeus had responded with a “no, you”, a phrase taught by Leviathan, which had become the absolute argument ender for those who resided in the House of Lamentation. Lucifer hated it with every fiber of his darkened soul, overwhelmingly because he had no way to fight back against a solid “no, you”.
Asmodeus had said that Lucifer needed someone to unwind with, instead of, quote, “being all broody and alone like some hermit weirdo”. Lucifer did not think he was like Leviathan in any way, but maybe Asmodeus did have somewhat of a point. Enjoying cursed vinyls and haunted pieces of art could only be enjoyable for so long without someone to bounce ideas off of. And it wasn’t like his brothers would be willing to indulge with him–not that he would want them to, they all had horrible opinions. Barbatos was someone he was willing to spend time with, but he understood that the butler was often busy with work, much like Lucifer himself. And so, with the stupid idea of letting Asmodeus continue to talk, Lucifer had quieted down.
Then his younger brother spoke of meeting someone–a demon that Lucifer has never even met before–for a date. A date, as in an attempt for a romantic relationship. For “funsies.” Lucifer detested the idea of hanging out and spending his de-stressing time with someone he didn’t know, much less date them. Lucifer had declined, with a statement of how idiotic it was, and how there was no way he would do it. Asmodeus had whined that Lucifer didn’t know how to have fun, that he was ruining everything, and that he already sorta set up the blind date and they were going to be waiting for Lucifer to show up, only to be stood up by him. And was Lucifer really fine with letting that happen?
“Yes Asmodeus. Yes I am.”
Asmodeus had stomped his foot and puffed out his cheeks into a pout. And then Lucifer suddenly ended up on his way to the restaurant, with his brother giving his thanks. How he had gotten from point a to b, he’d never know. But what he did know was that Asmodeus was in one hell of a punishment for charming him into this.
And so now Lucifer found himself at a table at Ristorante Six. Table set with bread appetizers and a bottle of their finest wine, Lucifer waited with an empty seat in front of him. He knew that he should be patient, that he shouldn’t be angry with the person, but also the half bottle of wine he had drank while waiting told him to fuck it all, that he can feel whatever the hell he wants to feel.
In all honesty, she hadn’t arrived all that late. She sat down with a small smile only a few minutes after Lucifer had. “I assume you’re my date, then?” she asked. “I mean…Lucifer? As my blind date? I guess I should’ve expected that from Asmo though…” She trailed into a polite, yet nervous laugh.
She was cute enough, Lucifer decided. Short, bobbed hair and square glasses that she pushed back up again and again, as she was always looking down at the table. Timid, but not too much where she couldn’t voice her own opinion. She had an appreciation for the arts, so it wasn’t like she was a total waste of time. Lucifer got to indulge himself a bit, both in demonus and in discussion of good art. She was interested specifically in music, and Lucifer was happy enough to admit that she had impeccable taste. In every aspect, she would be considered as Lucifer’s “type.”
And so, Lucifer was fine with dubbing her as a friend, and making his feelings clear. She was visibly disappointed by this, and Lucifer didn’t offer her any comforting words or emotions. He paid for their dinner, gave her a farewell of “having a nice evening,” and left. Lucifer had to give credit where credit was due, though–Asmodeus had set up a good date. If anything about him was different, he could see himself pairing off well with the young lady.
The only problem was that Lucifer had no interest in romantic relationships.
Not that he expected his brother to know. No, Lucifer was an extremely private demon, and he would never tell any of his brothers sensitive information like that. Especially since there really wasn’t a reason to say something. It was his own matter to handle, his aromanticism, and no one else's. He had done extensive research during his own time, and Lucifer kept it close to his darkened heart. So perhaps it was his own fault that he led Asmodeus to thinking that he needed a date in order to be happy; he had never informed him or the rest about his orientation because he simply did not see a reason to.
Hm. Perhaps he should say something. Lucifer knew his brother would be disappointed in this blind date going nowhere, so maybe it would be better if he knew why it never would, despite all his mischief of trying to get Lucifer out into the dating scene.
Lucifer could only give a sigh of relief when he arrived back at his study with no casualties. Both Leviathan and Mammon’s presence was quiet–arguably a bad thing, even more so for the latter–and he could hear the Anti-Lucifer League scheming in the library, which meant dealing with pranks that were a nuisance down the line, and not now, in the present. Which meant he could let himself finally properly unwind, which involved a good bottle of demonus, and a long book to read.
It wasn’t long until Asmodeus knocked on the door and let himself in. If Lucifer knew better, he would’ve told his brother to go to bed, it’s too late in the night to deal with him. But he bit his tongue as Asmodeus clasped his hands together in eagerness, eyes full of anticipation and giddiness.
“Well? How did it go?” he asked, hopping onto the desk. His body ended up shoving papers off to the side, a few slipping off onto the ground. Lucifer sighed, letting his shoulders sag as the sound of flittering paper filled the room.
“It was fine,” he answered, pouring himself a tall glass of the alcohol. “She was good.”
Asmodeus leaned in, far too close for comfort. “Aaaand?” he asked, hopeful for more.
“And we left as friends.”
“What!?” Asmodeus squawked, then was quick to cover his mouth with his hands. He quickly uncovered them and loudly whispered, “as friends!?” back at Lucifer.
“Yes Asmo,” Lucifer sighed, “we left as friends. Maybe not even that; she was kind, but I don’t really have plans of seeing her again. Is it really that big of a deal?”
“Of course it is!” Asmodeus whined. “I was sure you too would hit it off! You guys would’ve been such a cute couple, too–I could see it happening!”
“I’m sure you could,” Lucifer said. He leaned forward to rest his forearms on the desk. “Asmodeus. I really should-”
“What was wrong with her? Too timid? I figured she would be, you like ones who can assert their dominance, but it’s what made her charming! That poor dear was just so excited about the idea of a blind date, too.” He sighed, swinging his leg back and forth, despite his shoe clacking against the front of the desk as he did so. “At least tell me you let her down easy.”
Lucifer blinked, trying to remember if he did. He hoped so. Asmodeus groaned, burying his head into his hands. “I cannot believe you, Lucifer!”
“It was never going to work, Asmodeus,” he said, “despite how much you wanted it to. I’m perfectly fine with where I am right now.”
“What, being alone?” Asmodeus said, a hint of agitation in his voice, making Lucifer narrow his eyes. “Staying in this quiet and dreary room all day and night?” He leaned towards the older brother, and Lucifer did his best to keep his anger in check. “You need to find someone, Lucifer! What if–what if people keep bugging you about it? Because you can’t just have no one, that’s not how it works!”
“Asmodeus.” The fifth-born paused, then leaned back. As much as Lucifer would have loved to chew him out, to snap at him to leave and fester in the anger that started to build from his brother’s words, he could recognize Asmodeus’ look, one that was filled with desperation and sadness-fueled anger. He sighed. “At least let me explain myself.” If he didn’t get it then, then Lucifer was fine with kicking him out.
“Fine,” Asmodeus said, crossing his legs and arms in a huff. “I guess you can,” he said, as if he was in control of this conversation. Lucifer drummed his fingers on the desk in thought, trying to find the right words so that Asmodeus would understand–if he could understand.
“This isn’t something I’m keen on sharing,” he started with, “and I would appreciate it if you kept it to yourself.” Asmodeus frowned, but nodded. Lucifer continued to drum his fingers.
“...How does that one saying go?” he asked aloud, unsure of where to start. “‘I swing for the other team?’”
Asmodeus stared, almost looking gobsmacked. “I–I believe it’s ‘batting for the other team’; or ‘swinging the other way.’” His eyes widened. “Wait, are you telling me you’re gay? Because I always thought you didn’t care! That makes so much sense!”
Lucifer frowned. “I–no, Asmodeus; let me finish. Yes, I don’t care, but not in the way you think. It’s more like I refuse to bat for any team. In fact, I hate baseball, and I refuse to take part in it. I do not care for either team, and I’d rather die a gruesome death than swing for them.”
Asmodeus stared at him, mouth slightly agape. He stayed silent, closing his mouth, opening it again to speak, only to close it once more. Lucifer sighed and shook his head. “I don’t know why I tried to explain it to you,” he said. “It doesn’t matter either way–it isn’t your problem.” He didn’t expect Asmodeus to understand; he didn’t expect anyone to understand, and he had accepted that.
But Asmodeus still gaped at him, until he asked in a whisper, “you’re aromantic?”
Lucifer found himself a bit surprised. “I don’t care for labels,” he answered, careful to avoid answering. The truth was, while he didn’t care for them–not entirely–he did find one that made him smile, because the idea of calling himself heartless, and not by demons who hated him, felt nice. “But…yes, I am.”
What happened next was a blur of pink, as Asmodeus let out a loud squeal that borderlined a sob and Lucifer leaned back, astounded by what was happening. Asmodeus, from across the table, leaned over to wrap his arms around Lucifer’s neck into a tight hug. The large, pink sweater that the younger wore was itchy against Lucifer’s skin, but decided to stay quiet.
“You’re aromantic?” he asked again, loud in the first-born’s ear to make him wince. Asmodeus’ voice wavered as he continued, “why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I didn’t think it was important,” he said, voice low. “I didn’t think you’d care this much about something so trivial.”
“You idiot,” he sniffled, “I’m aromantic too!”
Huh? “What?”
“Why didn’t you say anything? If you did, I–I should have known! I deserved to know!” He pushed himself off of Lucifer, and moved to hug himself tightly. “I would have been so much happier if I had known. To know one of my other brothers was aro, too…? I always thought that, I don’t know, it was weird for me to feel like this! Which yeah, is dumb of me to think so, but–I don’t know!” He gripped his hair in frustration. “Do you know how happy I would have been had I known? If I knew that you, or any of my other brothers would understand? I thought I was alone in this!” Tears started to spill now, and Lucifer cringed as he watched it mix with his brother’s mascara.
“I’m sorry,” he tried. “I hadn’t realized this meant that much to you.”
“You should have told me earlier,” Asmodeus continued, doing his best to stifle sobs. “It would have at least made it easier, not being so alone.”
“You’re right,” Lucifer admitted. He hated opening himself up, even with his brothers. But he hadn’t realized how much it meant to them when he did. “I’m sorry that you felt alone for so long; I promise that you aren’t.”
Asmodeus nodded at that, and kept quiet for a short few moments. He then asked, “how long have you known?”
Lucifer took a few seconds to consider it. “Ever since my creation, I believe.”
“Oh.” Asmodeus shifted. “I’ve known a few years after we fell. Becoming the Avatar of Lust helped me realize, I think.”
“Good,” Lucifer said with a nod. “I am happy for you. I’m sorry I never told you.”
“It’s fine, I guess,” Asmodeus replied, and gently wiped his eyes. “It just means a lot to me, I guess.”
He nodded. In a weird way, Lucifer was happy too, after learning that his brother was the same as him. Well, maybe not weird, but unexpected. Lucifer never would have thought Asmodeus would share the same label as him. He internally smiled, just a bit, at the idea of having someone understand him. It was a nice feeling.
“So!” Asmodeus clasped his hands together into a pleading motion, eyes now shining with hope and pleading looks, substituting the previous tears that welled and threatened to fall. “How about we go out tomorrow for brother bonding time?”
“Asmo…”
“Please? Come on, how long has it been since I got to spend time with my favorite older brother?” Lucifer gave him a blank stare, and Asmodeus met him with the same pleading look. He scolded himself for always letting Asmodeus get away with things.
“Fine,” Lucifer answered, and Asmo lit up at the answer, “I’ll go. But only this one time; I still have work I need to catch up on.”
“Of course!” his brother chirped. “It’s a date then!” He winked, and Lucifer shook his head, though couldn’t keep the smirk of amusement off his face.
A date, then.
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