#5 am ramblings

[greysfields]

in my dream last night i walked barefoot across grass with my oldest friend. we haven't spoken in years and i have so much to tell her but. in my dream we stood on the forest's rocks and watched rays of sunlight filter through the trees

#5 am ramblings #mine #i miss you i miss you i miss you #and if i saw you i woud not know what to say

[adrugand5moredrugs]

miley cyrus' Flowers has such a cozy bass line, but it's too quiet

#5 am ramblings

[authorofstories55]

desperately doing skincare for the first time in months at 5 am in an attempt to pretend my life is together after playing stardew valley for 7 hours straight

#stardew valley #stardew sebastian #stardew farmer #stardew #tumblr shitpost #shitpost #5am #5 am ramblings

[kragggon]

You know, its big gay month so I may as well give some thoughts on my end of things. Cause why not right?

Just forewarning, I am not well versed into all the stuff surrounding LGBTQ+, the concept of it is still new but its one I welcome full heartedly. Just, this is just raw ramblings from someone that doesn't know much, so yea

Anyway, so recently I have been questioning myself and who I am a lot, specifically towards the idea of Transgender and all of that.

I dont exactly hate being who I am, I don't really feel as if something is deelpy wrong with me but the best way I'd describe it is a feeling of yearning.

I sometimes just think about being someone different sometimes, and I sometimes wonder how awesome it'd be to experience things from this side. Hell maybe I'm not even trans but just gay. Who the hell knows?? I sure fuckin dont.

But its weird, sometimes i think about how my life went and wonder if I was exposed stuff when I was much younger if I wouldve come out as like, gay, trans or whatever the hell else. Its really wacky.

I guess thats what growing up under a christian household does to someone, now granted my parents were always super chill about the topic, but still, it wasnt a taboo topic just something I never got exposed to uptil I was much older.

Anyway, I guess my conclusion to all of my confusion is that I am who I am. I don't know if there is a label that would describe who or where or what I am, and tbh I'd rather keep it that way.

I like to think that anyone can be anything in this world, and no one or nothing should take that away from you. Maybe you know who you are, maybe you dont, but you should always just let yourself just be. Cause to me we're all just humans trying to get by, trying to understand what the fuck is going on. And far as I'm concerned, you can call yourself a swarm of mandevouring ducklings in a coat and I'll still treat you just like I would anyone else.

Anyway yeah point is uhhh. Y'all are based as fuck and be whatever the fuck you want cause at the end of the day it matters the most to you.

#stupidly long post i'm so sorry lmao #5 am ramblings #kinda serious

[fight4me]

Gah September. I'm one week out from the one year anniversary of a big life change. And it's leaving me feeling a little numb. It's also the one year since cars on the road came out. Who would have thunk, right? And I remember where I was and what I was posting, what other's were postings. And I totally wanted to watch cotr when it dropped at midnight. I was up. Ooh boy was I up. I'd been awake for close to two days. I was laying on the floor. I could have watched something had I not forgotten my headphones. But you know as they say, fate had other plans. I got to watch cars on the road about a week after. And then I could read all my beloved mutuals posts and frantically reblog.

It's also the month of my birth. And several other's birth. And a thousand other highs and lows.

And yet I feel conflicted about my coming birthday. A subtle reminder I'm getting older. I know age is just a number but the number seems bigger than where I am emotionally. Oh and I also have an irrational fear of the specific number due to a strange dream I had months ago, so there's that.

#Updates? #Have I done this before? #September #5 am thoughts #5 am ramblings

[linda-numba1fan]

World where everyone is a vegetable

Elvis parsley

#5 am ramblings #flop era #lol #funny #elvis presley #Elvis parsley

[ballads-of-a-bluejay]

if tumblr does add an nsfw paywall they could call it the hard hat. thank you im going to sleep

#5 am ramblings #genuinely thought of this while falling asleep #had to share

[bokkerijder]

pro-AI in the sense of "they taught a bread scanning computer to recognize cancer cells" etc etc

against AI in the sense of "we stole artwork from hundreds to thousands of artists, didn't credit them and didn't financially compensate them"

#rambles '24 #ok to reblog btw #all my posts are ok to reblog #if not i would make them unrebloggable lmao #edit: i am a fool #i said that thinking this would maybe get 5 notes or something #and now we're here lol

[dolly-macabre]

I may be struggling with productivity more now that I'm off Wellbutrin... but at least we factory reset my old tablet. The new one sucks chode 🤣

I've got a horror movie crossover piece going right now 🖤

#talking.dolly #5 am ramblings

[spinzzy]

I somehow never have enough Kingdom Hearta content on my blog...

so sadge

#kh #5 am ramblings #kingdom hearts

[goth-tof]

Early Mornings ~

This is not a "Rise and Grind" vibe type of early morning. (lol)

Recently began waking up at 5am to get into a rhythm for a new possible job. (Manifesting Aggressively) I didn't realize how much I'd enjoy it, to be honest. Granted, the first few minutes after my alarm my body is half dead and I'm delirious, but after the initial horror, the rest of the morning goes quite nicely. Having time to make a nice little coffee/breakfast and sit on my porch for a bit and read something/watch the sunrise has taken what feels like pounds off my mental stress. Then come back in for the "morning shift" (opening blinds, cleaning up a bit, lighting some candles, watering plants) and getting things done before it's even 10am. Its been quite lovely!

I see a lot of tiktoks discussing the absolute exhaustion of being a femme between the hours of 2pm and 5pm which is still absolutely happening. (Doesn't help with the chronic pain and constant overheating during the summer added on of course.) But, so far I haven't noticed it being worse than before, and mentally its been easier since I don't feel like I still have so much to do in a short amount of time before the day ends. AND I won't lie as long as I don't have work during that three-hour "shut down" window as I call it I will often take a nap as a treat. I feel like a big part of adulthood (especially neurodivergent adulthood) is acknowledging that you can do things like take a nap if you need it and actually take care of yourself in the way you specifically require to function.

#early morning #5 am thoughts #5 am ramblings #self care #self healing #nature #outdoor #porch #enjoying life #autistic women #autistic #nap #2pm to 5pm burnout #heat sensitivity #chronic pain #chronic joint pain #orthostatic hypotension

[nonaonann]

My favorite funnies to do are just, taking things literally, or denying the obvious with something crazy. (Rereading this post for spelling, I've realized I just have Dad humor, so.)

Friend: "You're right."

Me: "Well I'm not left."

.

Me: *freaks out because a VERY scary and VERY large bug just flew into my head, freaked out, and bbBzZz-ed*

Friend: "It's just a june bug."

Me: "It's July?"

.

Me: *warming up something in the microwave*

Family member: "Oh, are you warming up something in the microwave?"

Me: "No, I'm talking with unicorns and throwing pancakes like frisbees."

.

My brain is blanking, but I think I've offered some good examples.

#dad jokes #dad humor #im a comedian. i swear #im funny #promise #5 am ramblings

[atelierlili]

Katniss is the black cat that goes for your ankles the moment you want into the room. She feral.

Peeta is the orange cat that knocks things off the table behind your back and look real smug and innocent afterwards.

#everlark #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #thg #the hunger games #just thought #Peeta’s singular orange cat brain cell is used to love Katniss only #5 am rambling

[xlillyle]

Why in my humble opinion the episode brings the Mersault arc to a satisfying end regarding Fyodor, Dazai, Chuuya and the message it has

So, there's a lot of energy buzzing around in the fandom with the latest episode and I felt like some things have not been pointed out enough, therefore I'm gonna share my thoughts on the parts of Mersault. This is a thread that focuses on the conclusion of the Mersault arc as presented in the most recent episode of the anime in season 5 and I will elaborate on what I think the message of the Mersault arc is, what Fyodor's role in this arc is, I will comment on why I think he was defeated and why it fits the message and I will also go into more detail of how Chuuya and Dazai play into all of this and what I think happened in Mersault.

I'd like to start with these panels from the manga, chapter 77:

Together with this one from chapter 105:

I think these panels convey the core message of the Mersault arc very well and its goal: Everyone is just human, no matter how smart. And humans are capable of amazing things and even moreso if they come together. This is the greatest difference between Fyodor and Dazai who have been countless of times painted and stated as each other's equals - yes, they are intellectually of a level most can only dream of, only rivaled by Ranpo, but unlike Fyodor, Dazai has learnt to trust humans and understands their bonds to each other.

Fyodor doesn't.

It's a message that is heavily implied and then outright stated by Dazai in the last episode:

The reason why Fyodor fails is that he doesn't trust in people and because he doesn't understand humans in that regard - he thinks that he is above this concept, thinks he can manipulate them and that they're just pawns. It's shown in the way he talks about Sigma, it's shown in the fact that he chose to use Chuuya who is Dazai's partner against Dazai to dangle him in front of Dazai and it's shown when he mocks Dazai for not being "able" to use a "gravity manipulator" and drops the famous line of them having a "shallow bond".

Fyodor is arrogant and very confident in his own abilities, including the one to control those around him. That's what makes him slacking though, he can't comprehend that a plan that relies on a bond and trust would be able to deceive and defeat him and the closer he gets to his goal, the less he cares. That's why he allows Dazai this last speech in 109 too, he doesn't think anything can defeat him. Dazai is at his wit's end, Fyodor is the winner. There's no way that Dazai has a backup plan, Fyodor is a genius and he already thought of everything that could possibly be, so there's no way, right?

Mersault always was about showing what humans are capable of and what they can achieve and that trusting in your allies, in your bonds with the people you love, makes you more capable and achieve higher goals. And it's exactly what happened.

Dazai states that he doesn't have control over all things, that he had a lot of uncertain cards. But he trusted in his allies and it pays off. He wins not because he has it all figured out from the start and a backup plan for the backup plan of the backup plan, he did his part of the plan and adjusted to the scene and left the rest in full trust with his allies.

This pilot stabbing Fyodor worked because Dazai trusted in the agency and Ranpo and them taking over control the vampires in time. And the rest of the Mersault story before all this?

That brings me to my next point, actually. We learn in the episode that it was all a SKK scheme:

Now, some people were unsatisfied that a plan that simple couldn't fool Fyodor, but I think that is exactly the point of it. Chuuya is a great actor (in Stormbringer he fools with grief and shock Albatross in thinking he saved the in two halves separated Doc for example) and the simplicity of this plan is what makes it so good against Fyodor - why would he assume that the great Dazai, his intellectual equal, another genius, would go through with such a plan?

And it's even better because it isn't actually Dazai's! Now, I have seen a lot of people talking about this and I admit that I assumed the opposite originally as well, that this was all Dazai's scheme, but thanks to a moot I took a closer look on the storytelling and I realized something:

Dazai describes here the moment he realized that Chuuya is on his side in my opinion. This wasn't a "Dazai orchestrated the whole thing and sent Chuuya a text to haul his ass over to Mersault" because it doesn't fit with the storyline. Especially the speech in chapter 101 stands out here - a lot of people are making jokes about how weird and gay of a plan the speech is, but I actually think, based on the situation and the voice acting from Mamoru Miyano, that this goodbye speech is a genuine one.

The speech in 101 seems very genuine down to the point of his fake goodbye in the end, meanwhile the tone of a similar speech in 109 has completely shifted.

And what happened between 101 and 109? Exactly. The elevator.

So, what I'm thinking is this: Dazai saw that Fyodor had Chuuya under control and he knows his partner, he can't quite believe that Chuuya would get himself captured, it's gotta be a plan, right? Soukoku isn't actually the brains-and-brawn duo even though everyone thinks that, but Dazai knows how capable and smart Chuuya is. He hid Arahabaki from him and figured out Rimbaud after all.

But still, there is this bit of doubt nurtured by fear - he trusts Chuuya, but what if this isn't his Chuuya? So his goodbye speech is both:

An attempt to snap Chuuya out of it, an attempt to communicate with him, the hope that carries him because this is his partner, right? Stupid Chuuya that always fights and always clings to life and knows to appreciate it a lot more than Dazai.

But also a genuine goodbye, just... in case. Because he could never forgive himself if he doesn't say goodbye to Chuuya, JUST IN CASE. He trusts and believes in Chuuya, but he can't not say goodbye to him, just in case that Fyodor really got Chuuya.

And then the elevator scene happens and Dazai realizes: He only has one way of surviving, but he will not drag Sigma into this, not if he can help it. And he made a promise to him, after all. So, Dazai pushes Sigma out, makes sure that Sigma is alive like he promised. Then he keeps falling.

The only one that can save him now is Chuuya and Dazai decides to trust him. If this is his Chuuya, Chuuya will save him. Because that is what they do: Soukoku come to each other's call, they trust each other with their life and in return get that life saved by the other.

And if this isn't his Chuuya? Well, then Dazai died for the sake of the agency and he probably thinks that this is a good way to die, too.

But he doesn't die. He gets saved by Chuuya of course, how could he have ever considered something else? Chuuya came to his help and he has a plan. So, now all Dazai has to do is play along, just like in old times.

I wanna talk about this specific part of 109 too - I saw people arguing that the fact that Chuuya has been acting all the time made the scenes less impactful for the plot or their bond, but I actually would argue the opposite. Like I just laid out, in my opinion he only learnt just before this that Chuuya is on his side. That means, they don't have an actual plan that they discussed before, but they're good, they're Soukoku - we have seen in Dead Apple during the Dragonhead's Conflict and in the Dragon fight 6 years later what they are capable of without much communication.

But this is not only a way to show off their flawless communication and synchronization again, it also shows us something that we always knew but that is now plainly laid out: Dazai trusts Chuuya with his life. He trusts Chuuya to shoot, but not kill him.

Truly, you could say:

"The core characterization of Dazai and Chuuya's partnership is based on pure trust where both of them are capable of leaving each other's life on the other's hand without a second thought or doubt." - from the Dead Apple guide book

Chuuya acting from the very beginning as vampire and Dazai finding out along with a leap of faith and them proving once again the close bond they share is exactly the way this arc was supposed to go and the fact that it was predictable in that sense doesn't make it bad writing. In contrary. Asagiri set up and delivered the message of the arc extremely well, the arc had a clear red string following through all of it.

And this is why, in my opinion, this arc was actually written very well and why Fyodor's defeat is actually a good break for his character arc (because I don't believe he is dead, but this here is already way too long and many others have pointed plenty why he probably isn't dead) and why I really like the message of the Mersault arc.

#bungou stray dogs #skk #soukoku #bsd #chuuya nakahara #bsd skk #dazai osamu #dazai x chuuya #bsd spoilers #bsd analysis #fyodor dostoevsky #bsd fyodor #bsd season 5 spoilers #bsd season 5 #this was... a lot of me rambling but i really wanted to illustrate this point #because i loved this entire episode #yes all of it #this was entirely focused on skk and fyodor because i am mentally ill but the rest of the episode slaps too #xlillyle bsd threads

[chickenoptyrx]

....I just wanted to draw gators :T at this point these 2 are more 'a representation of my last 2 brain cells' then they are actual characters 😅

#im living vicariously through the cartoon guys #because i want to A. pick up gator (strong man style) #and B. ..pick up gator (hug) #ok but so i recently found out an area where i take stupid little walks for my stupid little mental health #has! GATORS!! (potentially. theres signs.) #and this is great cause seeing gators would def heal me as a person #but ok so when i look for hiking places i always look north cause the terrains more hilly #but now im lookin south more cause turns out i AM in fact far enough south to see gators!! #and yeah looks like theres a handful of nature reserves w hiking trails the same distance away as the little mountain trails i go to #its flatter and the trails are less extensive so ill hafta see if i think its worth it #but then too theres a really big black water swamp that.. further away then i wanna drive.. #but also i drove 5 hrs once just to go to mammoth cave as a day trip so.. we'll see.. #my friend says he wont go w me tho :T he'll just report me missing #this has been a tag ramble about my sudden outset intrest in seeing a gator #my bullshit #lol barely but still #also- i told myself not to over do it drawin the scales or coloring it #and as you can see i dont listen to myself ever #lol they look outta place but idc i got to draw 2 of my favorite characters and also ALLIGATORS :U #living the dream rn

[kaleidescopic]

stop asking who wears the pants in the relationship and instead start asking whos the sex worker in post war france and whos the soundcloud autotune rapper

#5 posts in a row i am not ok #ride the cyclone #rtc #kal rambles!! #rtc musical #nischa