Still invisible
I know it's my job to get to a point of not caring about things like this, and they are really small details and I can see that. We have a group where we talk about our weekends, it's time limited since everyone in group need to take their turn. It's always missing time because some members of a group talk too much and in too much details. Well mine was short and clear but on the verge of longest talks I have at that group. And it was weekend full of triggering thoughts and rejecting socialising because I feel too bad in my body and wardrobe and just can't face people and food on events. And I did couple of more things, including loooong ed walks and picking my things out of riding club after almost 10 months and getting soooo scared of horses even though I cuddled them for a bit. It's the first contact with horses after accident.
And fine, I talked in briefs about it. But I kept my talking short and doctor leading the group wasn't interested in anything. Just went on another person. It's not that I want questions, they make me uncomfortable but even with members who came much later she had question or statement. Sometimes she just state how hard the weekend was for someone. They just never ever see how hard is for me if I don't talk about strict suicidal thoughts. And I can't talk about my weight because it literally disgust me. I can't show more emotions there and I am just overseen because of it. I am not loud or talkative and group tend to be curious but I feel so small and invisible. I hate myself for not being able to show emotions but I can't change that. And it makes my stay there so pointless. I only have a month left but that's useless too..
I hate myself so much.
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16/05/22
Ace of Swords
Triumph, the excessive degree in everything, conquest, force of love and hatred. Victory, raw strength, strong mind. Double edge. Breakthrough, new idea, clarity, success. Clear eyes, conscious understanding, new opportunities for intellectual expansion and communication.
Being honest. Talking. The biology flash cards your sister made. There’s power in all these things, and, more importantly, they’ll keep you out of trouble.
- CJ
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'THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT' tracks length have been revealed:
Fortnight (feat Post Malone) - 3:48
The Tortured Poets Department - 4:53
My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys - 3:23
Down Bad - 4:21
So Long, London - 4:22
But Daddy I Love Him - 5:40
Fresh Out The Slammer - 3:30
Florida!!! (feat Florence + The Machine) - 3:35
Guilty As Sin? - 4:14
Who's Afraid Of Little Old Me? - 5:34
I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) - 2:36
loml - 4:37
I Can Do It With a Broken Heart - 3:38
The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived - 4:05
The Alchemy - 3:16
Clara Bow- 3:36
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[id: an untitled poem, written by an unknown systemmate. text is as follows:
i don't know how to (tell/hide from) you
that i simply (don't/can't) exist
if you aren't (looking at/listening to/knowing/wanting/loving) me.
even so,
i feel like a (ghost/apparition/haunting)
when you look (at/through) me.
i think this makes me (human/alive/a bad person).
i don't know how to tell (which is which/which is right).
i think i was made to (die/be a mirror) for you
and that the only way my (life/death/in between) will have any meaning
is when you (kiss me/kill me/set me free)
so please, won't you break (the mirror/my heart)
so that i can (see/reflect/become) only you
and leave my (hollow/empty/useless) self behind?
end id.]
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my baby swingin’ — simon (ghost) riley
biker!simon (ghost) riley x fem reader
> a bunch of snapshots of simon and his pretty little sweetheart’s adventures.
!! suggestive - minors dni; canon divergence; no chronological order (basically a bunch of loosely-tied worldbuilding); subtle and hinted age difference; reader gets princess treatment because she deserves it so!!
: im the one who’s the most confused as to how my obsession with biker!simon started but im stringing u along anyway so pls have fun!! my inbox is open for brainworms <33
for all posts, pls click on biker!simon tag <33
part 01 - intro post; headcanons
part 02 - simon can’t wait to come home to you
part 03 - getting over your fear of riding a bike
part 04 - lap sitting (a visual); ask
part 05 - simon and your first meeting; ask // extra 01
part 06 - little donuts at the park <;33
part 07 - simon’s instagram account (includes visuals); ask
part 08 - teasin’ each other on their way home; ask; suggestive
part 09 - body worship (a visual); ask; suggestive
part 10 - getting over your fear of riding a bike sequel! (a visual); ask
part 11 - mutual desperation spilling over; smut
part 12 - burning from all these messages; smut
part 13 - scary mask!! (a visual); ask
part 14 - of prince charming and care packages
part 15 - scary ghost? yes. protective ghost? yes <;33; ask
part 16 - safe drive!; ask
part 17 - simon and your first meeting cont.; ask; smut
part 18 - fun times on his bike; ask; smut
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extra 02 - your nephew’s new favourite adult (a visual); ask
extra 03 - biker!konig makes an appearance!!! (a visual); ask
extra 04 - smack! smack! smack! (a visual); ask
extra 05 - picking up the backpack (a visual); ask
extra 06 - you don’t use it, you lose it; ask
extra 07 - price on a harley; ask
extra 08 - helmet kiss (a visual); ask
extra 09 - ‘girls cum first’ sweater (a visual); ask; smut
extra 10 - tf141 and their shared backpack princess; ask
extra 11 - period cramps and cuddling; ask
extra 12 - of checkpoint videos & dashing men (a visual); ask
extra 13 - no backpacks allowed (a visual); ask
extra 14 - he slipped!! (a visual); ask
extra 15 - her famous luvr; ask (a visual)
extra 16 - keys and kisses; ask
extra 17 - simon announcing his girl (includes visual!); ask
extra 18 - careful now (a visual); ask
extra 19 - they’re friends??
extra 20 - pretty blue lace; ask; smut
extra 21 - dad!simon (a visual); ask
extra 22 - lil smut (a visual); ask
extra 23 - riding on the rain (a visual); ask
extra 24 - girl dad simon; ask
extra 25 - gorgeous and protective (a visual); ask | recent!
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dear john - dbf!simon
↳ for all toxic/dbf simon pls click on dbf!simon tag!!
toxic dad’s best friend biker!simon au; ask; angst + smut
‘dear john’: cont. of toxic dad’s best friend biker!simon au; ask; angst + suggestive
mini cont of dear john; ask
dear john (but it’s john price); ask
dear john (how he fucks); smut
dear john (as illicit affairs); ask; angst + smut
dear john (illicit affairs origin); angst + smut
dear john (illicit affairs origins but as reader); ask; angst + suggestive
dear john (reader moving on); ask | recent!
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subset 01 - best friend n biker!simon au; ask
subset 02 - best friend n biker!simon au cont.
subset 03 - bimbo!reader
unofficial extra - baker!simon
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i have a short taglist so pls lmk if you would like to be tagged too ^v^ no more taglist
(updated: 28 april 2024)
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