#...but like. as a trans person i hate when people try to like... use my labels (or their labels they force on me) to say what's in my pants

[our-lesboy-experience]

hiii!!! so uh, this is sorta about 'contradicting' (?) identities in general, but i only recently found out about, like, lesboys and gaygirls and all of that, but what is it exactly? like how does it work? or is that weird to ask? i'm trying figuring myself out but a lot of stuff i've seen doesn't exactly... explain it (or explain it well), and while i guess i do get why, it's just kinda hard to understand it myself for my own identity

also, probably a question you get a lot in a hating way, but isn't the definition of lesbian nonman loving nonman? so then how does lesboy work? like is it for people with more complicated gender identites, like fluctuating genders and bigender? just genuinly confused, my apologies...

sorry for not getting to this sooner- been busier lately and didn't have the time to collect everything I needed to respond!

About what it exactly means to be a lesboy or a gaygirl ('turigirl' is the more common term, 'turi' meaning turian, another word for gay attraction to men. so I'll be referring to it as that from now on), there isn't exactly....one right way to call yourself such. it really depends on the person, but I can give you a basic definition and a list of common reasons someone may call themselves such

im gonna put a read more because this ended up being super long so sorry

lesboy is a term for any lesbian who may have a connection to manhood and/or masculinity. turigirl is just the opposite of that, a gay person (mlm/nblm) who may have a connection to womanhood and/or femininity. common reasons I've seen are:

being multigender or genderfluid

being cusper/in between trans and cis gnc (in between trans man and cis gnc woman, in between trans woman and cis gnc man)

being a system who uses lesboy/turigirl as a collective identity or when identities blur together

a person who uses man/boy or woman/girl as a means of masculine or feminine gender expression but not actually identifying as such

being a trans man/ftm or a trans woman/mtf who still identifies as lesbian or gay for personal reasons

those are far from all the reasons, everyone has their own unique experiences, but the gist is these people may have some sort of connection to manhood/womanhood while still having a queer attraction. personally, I'm multigender, genderfluid, and transmasc. lesboy I find is a nice label to express being both my bigender self and being a lesbian, as it forces people to acknowledge both without separating the two. it's cute and makes me feel validated!

as for "nonman attracted to nonmen" definition of lesbian......it has its issues. it's received criticism all around from all sorts of lesbians in the community. this definition is very new - it emerged only in the recent years, and someone on twitter had date searched it and found it didn't even really exist before 2019. and having that as the one and only official definition that every lesbian has to abide by, when lesbian is a centuries old word with so much history behind it, is a bit ignorant. people who are multiple genders or ftm or bi being lesbian is not even remotely new, going back decades upon decades, and it never stopped existing too. It's a bit weird to have a whole new definition that doesn't include all sorts of lesbians that have been here for so long and just tell them they're not welcomed anymore, right?

that's not even close to the only issue there is with it. it's been disliked for centering lack of attraction to men, or defining lesbian in relation to men, rather than who we're actually attracted to. putting nonbinary people in a new binary of either being "men or nonmen," which not all feel comfortable putting themselves into. especially when considering a definition of gay being "nonwomen attracted to nonwomen," man-woman bigender people are simultaneously excluded from being both lesbian or gay. It inherently overlaps with mspec identity ("attraction to nonmen, which is more than one gender" and "any orientation that involves attraction to more than one gender" kinda obviously overlap), despite people insisting that a lesbian can never be mspec. people have found multiple loopholes in it, (which I can elaborate on if someone wants me to, for the sake of trying to make this as short as possible), and lastly, and term "nonman" (and nonwoman) were found to have existed before to describe the degendering of black people in society. this isn't the only source I've seen for this, but sadly I can't exactly find it (or find it without going back to that hellsite called twitter and I'm not doing that to myself)

oh and as the link points out, defining lesbian by these words also ends up excluding a lot of two-spirit people from ever identifying as lesbian, myself included. which is also really racist. I don't know how you're gonna end up excluding a whole cultural gender that's common for indigenous americans to describe themselves with and try to prove it somehow isn't racist, to be honest

and lastly, some surveys/polls have shown that the definition isn't the most widely accepted by lesbians as people make it out to be. there's this simple poll that someone posted asking how lesbians felt about the definition that received 1,529 responses, and 61.1% of voters said they disliked it. comments gave lots of reasons I've stated already. there was another survey put out that received 211 responses that for any lesbian who had a genderqueer or unique relationship with gender, and one of the questions asking opinions on the "nonmen loving nonmen" as a definition. the average among the group was slightly negative (average 2.838), and reported that the group who tended to feel the most positively about it didn't consider themselves to be trans, with the other positive leaning group considered themselves to be somewhat cis. the group that felt the most negatively sometimes considered themselves to be trans. and of the multigender participants, the average opinion was 2.255 (more negative than the overall average). When concluding, the original poster stated, "When divided by gender, the only groups to feel positive about this definition were "not trans" and "somewhat cis" participants. Multigender participants felt especially negative about this definition"

all of this shows that this definition isn't nearly the best for everyone who considers themselves a lesbian. I know it's been a way to include nonbinary people who are lesbian in it's definition, but I think it really misunderstands why nonbinary people are included in lesbianism in the first place, and just assumes that all nonbinary people aren't men and fails to recognize that multigender/genderfluid people are nonbinary too. and it's not like lesbian has to only have on definition- it can definitely have multiple and depend on each person's experience with it. if someone personally defines them being lesbian around being a nonman attracted to nonmen, and takes pride in not being attracted to men, that's totally fine. what becomes a problem is forcing all lesbians to define themselves like this and make it the standard, or else they're "not real lesbians." it is ahistorical and ignorant to require this or else you'll strip them of their lesbian status, and is really at the end of the day, lesbophobic. especially as a requirement that primarily exists in online spaces. im sure the lesbian who is not at all connected to these circles doesn't particularly care about strict requirements or whether someone is a "nonman" or not. in conclusion, it is not the best nor most accepted definition of lesbian, and deciding which lesbians are valid or not based solely on that definition is pretty exclusionary and ends up policing a lot of lesbians, myself included

#lesboy #turigirl #lesbian #gay #multigender #genderfluid #mspec lesbian #asks #tw exclusionism #tw queerphobia #lesbophobia #I can definitely elaborate on some points if asked #I do have some thoughts I've never shared before

[leonsleftbicep]

Bake Me Back To Eden

Chapter: I

Ao3 Version

Word Count: 1,375

tags: Bakery AU, Modern Setting AU, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, Vessel/II/III are dating, IV doesn't know them… yet!, Trans II, Nonbinary Vessel, Genderfluid III, They/Them Pronouns for III, It/Its and They/Them Pronouns for Vessel, Vessel and III are very creature they deserve creature pronouns

Summary: IV runs a bakery called Ivy Sprigs Bakery & Records, The Echo's work along with him. II, III, and Vessel are customers that don't yet know IV. yet! -- this is being cross posted on here and Ao3. alt names that are more "human" are used at times for the vessels, but i try my hardest to keep up with the numerical names for parts that are not being spoken verbally. The echo's or the esparas have made up names as well for i do not know their actual names and don't really want to use their actual names.

the alt names i will be using for each vessel and espara is listed below. please keep in mind that these names are fake and not anyone's actual names.

Vessel: Verna II: lii III: Thea IV: Ivy Espera/Echo 1: Evaline Espera/Echo 2: Erie Espera/Echo 3: Elanor

---

Ivy Sprig Bakery and Records. A newer place that opened up just a walk away from Vessel’s house. It was II’s idea to check out the bakery, after the couple of times he bought coffee there on his way to work. He thought it was time to show them this cute little hobbit hole of a bakery. 

III was apprehensive about all of this, not knowing if they would like anything. Vessel was just nervous in general. Vess hates going out in public, everyone stares at them because of its height. II might be the only one not nervous, for the main reason that he knew there was a certain person he had a feeling that would change their minds. 

The three of them walking through an alleyway while II led the way. “ii are you gonna kill us or something, this is shady.” III says unnerved by this as they hold Vessel's hand. “where almost there, you know i'm not a big fan of main roads for numerous reasons” II smiles as he walks, taking a turn that leads to the front of Ivy Sprigs. “Here we are” II exclaimed as the two taller beings look at this lovely little bakery, with a dark cottage core almost witchy vibe to it. “I call dibs on the records!” III calls out before they run into the cafe. Both II and Vessel giggle as they hold hands and walk into the bakery. 

they find III already scouring the records for old albums from a band they enjoy. III does squeak and bounce around when they find a limited edition color variant of a record.

“I'll go get coffee, while you watch him” II speaks softly to Vessel as he gets up on his tippy toes just to kiss Vessel's cheek. Which makes the taller blush and hum in agreement. 

II making his way to the cafe/bakery section of the shop, he knew III and Vess would be on their way soon after III found their records. II gets in line and soon feels the presence of his two tall lovers, which calms his paranoia.

III’s jaw drops to the floor all of a sudden. II just chuckles when he feels Vessel also fluster, just by the way they are clutching onto II’s shoulder. “I told you guys I would change your minds” II say with a grin as he also checks out the person they are collectively looking at.

The person in question is a lovely brunette with grays at his temples and widows peak, thin wire oval glasses low on his nose as he smiles and talks to customers. ‘Ivy’ was the name on his apron, which if they all thought right he was the owner. II had met the man a couple of times, though never really had a super meaningful conversation with him. 

“How can i help you lads today?” IV asks as he looks between all three of them. Smiling when he sees II “oh it you Lii!” IV expels like he was surprised. “Its II, i just say Lii for simplicity” II nods, knowing a lot of people find his name odd.

Ivy types out something on his ordering tablet, “i'm guessing the usual black eye” ivy smiles. II hums in confirmation, “and anything those two would like?” IV asks as he gestures to III and Vessel. “They are your partners, right? you mentioned a Vessel or Verna? And some one you called Red?” Ivy asks as he pulls out cups and starts to write down II’s name on it. 

“Black coffee, please” Vessel says with a slight shake to its voice before they just whisper to II what they want. “And a blueberry scone” II adds on, wanting to make sure vessel got all it wanted. “And what's your name sweetheart” IV ask’s vessel so he can write down the name on their cup. Vessel at first flusters at the pet name being used so smoothly. “Vess- no, put down Verna” Vessel says with a soft smile, which makes II squeeze its arm gently in congratulations. 

III smiles when IV turns to ask what they want, “what do you recommend..” III looks at IV’s name tag “..Ivy?” they finish with a smirk. IV just smiles “i fear I- it might be too sweet for you” he tries to flirt back.

II kicks III in the ankle “OW!”. this sight makes IV laugh and snort, which amazes all of them. “goodness. okay, too answer your question Red” IV say with a big grin “my favorites the cafe miel, coffee wise. but tea wise, i usually go with a london fog” IV responds as he plays with his pen “your pick though”.

III leans against the counter as they think, “I'll try the cafe miel” they say “as long as it's, as sweet as you” III purrs. “oh jesus christ” Vessel whispers “this is the same thing they did to me when we first met” Vessel tells II. 

IV just snorts and writes it down “what's your name?” he asks with a soft expression “unless you just want me to write down Red?”. III shakes their head “put down Thea, but you can call me III.. or whatever you want” III chuckles. “III you are horrible at being subtle” II groans and crosses his arms as Vessel rests its chin on his head. 

IV gets pulled away from the cashregister by evaline so she can discuss something with him. III just watches that and then giggles and turns to II and Vessel “i'm not trying to be subtle, i'm trying to get closer” III admits. 

II’s eyes widen “you just met him, Thea!” II yelps. “I feel like that's what you said to yourself when you met me, Lii” III counters, being a smart ass.

Vessel takes a deep breath “ok my loves, can we not get into a tift at the moment. Both of you need coffee, and some food” Vessel says as it takes their partners hands. Both III and II take a deep breath. 

“I'm going to finish ordering, you take III to look at the records. Try and find me something please” II mutters as he pulls away so he can finish the order with Elanor as vessel and III walk off to cool down.

After coffee and some food II and III hold hands as they feel normal now. “Sorry that i was rude” III apologizes. “I accept your apology. But you aren't wrong, there was a reason that Vessel was the one to start dating you first before I did. And it was because I felt it was too soon” II explains, even if this might be odd to discuss in the middle of a bakery. 

IV walks over after finishing up what he needed to with evaline. “Sorry I had to walk away, evidently someone wants an ambrosia salad style cake for their wedding.” IV laughs as he takes off his apron and pulls up his sleeves to expose his forearms. Which the three men gawk at, seeing the ivy tattoos wrap around his wrists and up.

“So can I get you three anything before you head out?” IV asks with a soft expression that makes his eyes look more blue then they were before. 

“Some ivycakes” III blurts out as their face reddens. “I've never heard of that, we do have angel food cake though!” IV responds obviously.

II clears his throat and chimes in, “we are good, we are just about to go purchase those records Thea picked out and then head off home.” II excuses. 

“Well, come back soon. it was great to finally meet your partners, they are very sweet” Ivy says as he makes eye contact with III. which II notices, and so does Vessel by the way it grabs II’s waist and squeezes gently.

After they pay for the records and walk out the bakery, Vessel finally speaks about its experience. “I like Ivy, he has pretty eyes. I wonder if he's single” Vessel smiles as all three of them walk together. 

“The ivycakes thing was about his ass… i asked for a slice of his ass” III explains. 

Both II and Vessel look over at III in surprise.

#BMBTE #sleep token #sleep token band #vessel #sleep token vessel #sleepy cryptid boys #the duck can write #sleep token fanfiction #sleep token headcanons #sleep token worship #sleep token ii #iii sleep token #iv sleep token #vessel sleep token #sleep token iii #ii #vessel ii #vessel iii #iv #vessel iv #sleep token iv #bakery au

[toc-the-elder]

I've spent a lot of time being a bit confused by posts by trans people talking about being worried they're faking it and not really trans.

And yeah. I get you now.

I was doing some casual research to find out when the earliest date I could apply for a Gender Recognition Certificate is (depending on what level of evidence they ask for), and for some reason, I had the thought of "Oh god, you mean I can't change it back?"

I don't know where this thought came from. When I interrogate my own thought process, and ask at what point I would like to detransition, I don't have an answer for myself. There is no point where I think existing as I was would ever make me happier than living as the woman I can be. I suppose the finality of the certificate is what scares me a little, but isn't that the point? Isn't the whole point to try and close up all the legal loopholes someone might use to treat me as anything but female? And why should the finality of the thing scare me? My whole transition has been a series of finalities. I have already endured and bloomed under final, permanent changes to my body. I have already declared myself to the world. I know in my heart of hearts that I desperately want and need my surgery. It's been perhaps my deepest personal desire my entire life. I have been fucking diagnosed with the trans disease.

I shouldn't be shocked at the finality of any of this. And the fact that I am gave me a bit of a wobble. Like what if I'm not really trans? What if all these years have been just some silly mistake or not really me or self-delusion or just talking myself into something and what if I go through with all of this just to regret it?

Well, the alternative is going back to how I was, and I know I already regret that. I know I'm wrong when I suggest to myself that I'm not really trans. Because as much as I hate the way the NHS medicalises transness, they are treating me for gender dysphoria, and I grow more comfortable with what I see in the mirror every day. They boil transness down to gender dysphoria, and I certainly experience that, and embracing my womanhood makes me experience it a lot less. I know that non-trans people probably don't regularly and invariably picture having their intimate experiences with a different genre of genitalia.

Sometimes I have a moment of doubt, but by every metric I can think of, I am trans, and thus a woman.

#and honestly making myself a woman by accident doesnt seem so bad #trans #transgender #hrt #cw gender dysphoria #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia

[uncanny-tranny]

Once you stop thinking about queer people's labels as strict indications of what's in their pants and who they do/don't bed and instead view queer people's labels as how they interact with the world, you'll find that you'll get along with queer people better and treat them better, I think.

#queer #lgbt #lgbtq #like of course some people use labels in the way i described first and i don't think that's inherently bad... #...but like. as a trans person i hate when people try to like... use my labels (or their labels they force on me) to say what's in my pants #i think there's a fone line between somebody using a label in the first way i described and somebody forcing their understanding of other... #...people onto them. like. #i think it can be a small shift in thought but it's helpful #it reminds me of the shirt that went around of the boston dyke march (<3) shirt design... #...which basically listed who was welcomed at the march and it was a super long list #if anybody is wondering what i'm talking about wrt the last two tags i have the image on hand

[thottybrucewayne]

No, real question. How you a transmed and nonbinary?

#thotty speaks #They said 'oh people don't take you tenderqueer nbs seriously cause yall won't get on hrt/get surgery to show us youre serious #Look I want to get on t. I wanna do a lot of things to make me feel more at home in my body that I'm not sure about yet #Safety wise etc and it just...as a Black person for you to not understand other Black trans people being hesitant abt jumping into surgery #or worrying about pricing and post surgery care and being under medicated etcetc #Not to mention that I shouldn't have to do these things at YOUR pace to prove that I'm trans like... #You got top surgery money? You tryin to nurse me back to health when I take days to try to heal? #I just hate this argument cause you can ask any nb who medically transitioned if people 'take them seriously' and usually the answer is #A resounding no! Most people see nbs who medically transition as 'just trans with extra prns' and 'still about clothing' #idk I just hate the idea that I have to 'earn' legitimacy by rushing into something I haven't even found a proper safety net for #I feel like if you doin all this yappin but you not going out of your way to look out for people just starting hrt or need help post op #just shut the fuck up #idk it just find it funny like you do not benefit from that transmed shit at all but do you ig

[kindnessoverperfection]

I've found that, when interacting with others (or myself), it's useful to consider the lessons I'd want to teach a growing child.

If a child makes a mistake, I wouldn't want them to feel shame. I wouldn't yell at them, humiliate them, or in any way indicate to them that their mistake is a reflection of their worth or of who they are as a person.

Instead, I'd want them to associate the process with love and joy. If they say something that hurts someone's feelings, or otherwise ostracizes someone in some way, I'd compassionately explain to them. Ideally, they'd walk away knowing why they said / did it in the first place, how to handle similar situations in the future, and would accept the consequences (e.g. if a friend no longer wanted to hang out with them).

While the consequences may sometimes be painful, I'd do my best to instill in them that mistakes are human and natural, and that the process of learning from these mistakes is an opportunity to improve connections with others and express love.

I have a tendency towards excessive guilt. Memories in which I've said / done something ignorant or hurtful are infused with this guilt and shame- but ideally, I'd feel a sense of love and peace, and perhaps happiness, when looking back on them. Because they were moments of growth, moments I learned how to be more compassionate (even if the actual learning came years later).

So I'll put this out into the void:

When you make a mistake, that is not a reflection of you as a person. It is a moment in time, a moment which was informed by your past experiences. Humans are not static labels, or monsters in an RPG game. We are social creatures who live and learn and react and grow and experience and love. Be gentle with yourself and move forward knowing you're doing so in accordance with your values.

#parenting #internet culture #self compassion #i'd also want to teach them critical thought of course - there are varying ideas of what constitutes mistakes or ignorance or harm #and that's a messy subject which is often a challenge to teach and is beyond the scope of this post but it's important #to avoid being subject to manipulation or becoming reactionary #but anyways #to clarify something in the tags here: it's okay of course to feel bad. that's a normal response. but it's not necessary. and a culture of #shaming people for their mistakes isn't helpful in the same ways it isn't helpful to do that to a child. people become defensive and/or #self-hating. divisive and reactionary and more easily manipulated. fearful and ashamed and avoidant. afraid of disagreements or of trying #anything new. increased all-or-nothing thinking and blowing things out of proportion. it just doesn't help in the long run #sometimes when someone says something i want to express hatred and mockery towards; i think of my trans friend who's full of light and love #and compassion. who came from a smaller more conservative community and used to have some of those same stances (and may still hold some of #those feelings/anxieties). and i remember that i can be firm on my boundaries and spread love and acceptance and safety *without* spewing #vitriol at anyone who makes even a minor mistake. i want people who were impacted by oppression and bias to have space to grow and #find safe communities and be able to think for themselves. i dont want to push them away or be another person in their life screaming at #them. there's always a person behind the screen. #like that doesnt mean i have to interact with them. in fact in most cases it's better to step away. and there are still unsafe people out #there- but yelling at them won't do any good either. saw a tip to focus on the people you want to help rather than the opposition #and that's been super helpful for me

[wild-at-mind]

Don't want to tone police anyone else, but I kind of hope that if anyone sent me a misguided ask trying to 'correct' some terminology I used for my own self-identity, I'd be able to reply in a way that didn't frame myself as superior for being out longer than the asker.

#i've only been out for like 5 mins anyway so i kind of hate that anyway for maybe personal reasons?? #i met a lot of trans people my age this year who also didn't come out during their entire 20s for Reasons #and we all agreed it fucking sucks and feels like wasted time #and i'm well aware people come out much much later than that and the same applies #as a transmasc person i have detected a small amount of 'well how would you know you only just came out like 5 mins ago' #from other transmasc people about my age who have been out way longer #and i understand where they are coming from i guess but i also can't help it #and i hope our community never has to be divided by supposed privilege lines of who came out when and who spent more time as 'cis'... #maybe people are already trying to do this but i hope not because none of that stuff is fixed enough to be an axis of oppression #though it does change our experiences of life of course it's never as simple as 'privileged vs oppressed' on things like this #in particular there's one transmasc person in my local area (there aren't many lol) who i really want to connect with but who has made #implications that they see people like me as trans babies of sorts #like not talking about me but someone else they said of a long-time friend of theirs who just came out as transmasc #'i could have used that support 10 years ago!' #i was just like :/ well they aren't talking about me but is this how people in my community see me?? #anyway i think if we can't have compassion for and acceptance of each other's unique experiences it will stand in the way of intra-communit #connection

[selfundiagnosed]

what part if my blog makes trans misogynists feel safe and comfortable following me. Quickly please! you know who you are! Unfollow me you fucking weird bitch acting like you have x ray vision beneath peoples clothes. Dont think youre immune to my eye beams because you make believe you have your own for weird perverted nefarious purposes. And then displace that anger at your perverseness towards transgender people. Lawwwwl.

#dont be fuckjng stupid in my space when im off my meds. thanks #save us both the humiliation #is it like hate following or are you really that fucking dumb and clueless and braindead #can people just like not be fucking insufferable all the time #like can people just get off the internet and get involved with real life human beings and at least TRY to ATTEMPT to make connections #you desperately need it #terfs are always so terminally online they cannot formulate real life relationships and theyre such miserable ass individuals #like MISERABLE and taking it out on trans people its an arbitrary and obessive explanation to their pain #but its just like damn. youre such an unsufferable person. #the way you post how do you like fucking act irl i know your dumb ass is stipid quiet

[ghost-of-someone]

literally just saw some radfem bullshit on my dash, & then when I went to their blog to block them not only was it full of anti-trans half arguments & accusations of other people being childish, but one of the very first posts was about how a certain show would be better if one of the main characters was a young woman instead of an old man because they "don't like old people"

#there is no point to this other than i'm pissed and tired of having terf bullshit pass my dash #i feel like i'm gonna have to get that eye thing because i don't super vet the blogs i interact with casually #so as long as they're not immediately anti queer i usually don't notice #and then i've got fucking radfem shit in my 'based on your likes' feed #all because i interacted with feminism stuff that - without the anti-trans lens - seemed totally fine #& like terfs are already shitty people but i feel like the anti older person sentiment just further highlighted the fact that #terfs are just shitty hypocrytical people who play the 'poor me boo hoo you're all childish' card & act like they're so fucking superior #& that any trans folks are terrible #and then turn around and spout all kinds of bigotry #but it's okay i guess because they've got a vagina <3 (& experience the exact same kind of misogyny that tons of us do but they're special) #ALSO #I learned what 'moid' means and you guys are fucking assholes #men are not just mindless sex freaks you fucking cunts #& the fact that you think that just shows how warped your sense of the world is #you 'hate the patriarchy' but aren't interested in actually dismantling it #how could you when you don't even view half of the people involved as really human! #fuck off #terfs and radfems aren't welcome here and you can all kick rocks #i try my best for this to be a queer friendly space and i want that to be clear right fucking now #if anyone who follows me has bothered to read this please let me know if i've accidentally reblogged something from the 'drop the t' crowd #i am not the golden standard queer or whatever the fuck the term is #but i dont ever want someone to think that i'm part of that crowd

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

i find it very interesting and odd how people react when someone (who is very much in the public eye) comes out as trans and changes their name... on letterboxd if you have any reviews of elliot page's movies before he came out, you're expected the change his name if you wrote it out in your review... and they'll even go to reviews from like OVER A DECADE AGO and say "um it's elliot now bro, you should change this 🤓☝️" but it's so funny cause it just feels revisionist to me like... did elliot himself ask you to do that? did he ask you to forget that he was ever "ellen"? it's really odd because it's almost always cis lgb people doing this and they never stop to wonder if they shouldn't bother simply because it doesn't hurt anything. if someone was deadnaming him ON PURPOSE AFTER THE FACT, then i completely understand why you would comment on the review and whatnot - but it's just crazy seeing a review from like 2016 that says "i love elliot page 🩷" because you just know that they went back and changed it. i can understand why it makes people uncomfortable... but it's weird that we don't allow trans people themselves to control the narrative on things like this, y'know? are we entitled to change a review simply because you're deadnaming him NOW even though you weren't when you wrote the review 5 or 6 years ago? does elliot want people to act like he was never "ellen"? or is it more likely just that it makes cis lgb people uncomfortable because thry think they need to have a strict adhereance to things like this - so much so that they wish they could go back in time so they never wrote his deadname, even if there's no way they would have known his inner life at the time 🤷‍♀️

#i used to be obsessed w watching his movie in 2018 (when i identified as a lesbian lmao) so most of my reviews of his movie use his deadname #and i'm just like... 'should i change it? but it's from 2018 so like obviously they'll know i'm not trying to deadname him on purpose' #but then i look at actual popular reviews from.before he came out that use his name and they're all like 'you should edit his name' etc etc #and it's just like. we should interrogate that a bit right? we do we want to revise someone else's history (elliot - & the OPs to a degree) #i don't think there's any good answer to this because no trans person is going to feel the same about it #and i'm simply nonbinary (hate talking about it tbh i don't like labels lmfao) so idk if i'm completely offbase or what but. yeah #i just think people should ask themselves why they need someone to change their letterboxd review just bc someone goes by a diff name now #like change you reviews by all means but don't let ppl bully you into it just because they're to stupid to look at the date and realize #that you're not being an asshole #i don't see why it matters #but by all means lemme know if i'm being an asshole

[get-more-bald]

when you're an inherently bad person🤪

#im a firmly believe that people arent truly or inherently born evil. except me ofc #the thing is that. if im not a bad person or whatever. im just incredibly unpleasant to handle deal with or be around. which may be worse #because im actually trying to be fun to be around. in general. when im not stressed out of my mind or almost (or actively) crying. i do try #and if im inherently unpleasant. it explains everything but it means i wont ever have anyone. not really. #its like a have a bad smell around me that i cant get off. which i also fear may be the reality as well. #i do shower! i do use deodorant and sometimes the fuckign. body mists or perfumes or whatever. nice smelling shite i dont actually ever wan #to use but i must be somewhat pleasant #but do i use too much of it? not enough? do i shower the wrong way? should i isolate myself forever amd not subject people to that smell? #well! #vent post #also i never fucking smile which is apparently important in being approachable. but i can blame that on the autism #god i fucking hate being who i am #im not even talking about personality rn. being trans. and autistic the way i am. and whatever else i fucking probably am. and being a part #of this fucking family and living in this god damned place. i hate it all #its difficult and i dont want to be that anymore but i cant ever stop. i can move out in what. a couple of years? i could eventually go no #contact with that family? i couldnt. but i wont ever stop being who i am at my core. and thats so depressing and it wants me to kill myself #not in a painful way though. no cutting or whatever. pills or a quick jump would be enough

[thepoisonroom]

i'm about to generalize wildly based off of my own anecdotal experiences but what is it with some white trans people that makes them so virulently fatphobic and if you're like "uhhhhh could you refrain from constantly talking about BMI/weight bc it brings up some bad stuff for me" they act like you're being transphobic at them specifically because you Don't Get It

#yes i understand safety is hugely tied up in passing which is itself hugely linked to beauty standards and fatphobia but like #WHAT do you imagine you constantly disparaging other people's bodies using pretty upsetting language is actually #doing to push against that #because from where i'm standing it just feels hateful towards fat trans people and esp harmful for #other trans people with histories of disordered eating or body dysmorphia #which anecdotally in my experience is a lot of us and i would not be surprised if incidence rates are MUCH higher than in gen pop #also: it's my boundary and i have a right to it! #i realize this problem is not exclusive to other trans people but i just feel so betrayed when i hear it from them #maybe this is naive of me to say but i want us to be marginally better to each other than that idk #also said with the caveat that i benefit from thin privilege here and i'm not the target of these pot shots #but wow fix your hearts...... #this hasn't happened to me a ton becaue i generally try to red flag fatphobia when i meet people but a few stragglers have #gotten through here and there ugh #personal nonsense #fatphobia mention #negativity for ts

[regionbetween]

some of yall rly just dislike ftms and are proud of it. not all of us are """"transandrophobia truthers""""" and """"hate trans women and think we're better than them and think misandry is real""""" just bc we talk abt the very specific and REAL issues we face being both trans and men. the trans men who DO do this are not fighting for us and do not deserve to be taken seriously and generalized as the face of "transandrophobia" therefore all of the issues we are fucking begging other lgbt people to pay attention to get swept under the rug bc we're all just whack misogynists. im so done talking abt this. this is why a giant percentage of us go stealth and abandon the community that's supposed to help us. ive literally seen it happen. you people do not care about us and it is so glaringly obvious

#this is swinging a bat at a hornets nest because people will be so fast to claim im like a misogynist bc i recognize trans men have issues #like why do u want us to shut up so badly abt the oppression we face #i very much disagree with the guys who try to make it a competition and blame women for the issues because that is not the case at all #also trans women i know in real life have always been my biggest supporters and i ofc have shown them that same support #they KNOW how ppl view trans men they KNOW we're fighting the same fight #so it is absolutely batshit to 'blame them' and i personally never would #it is definitely the fault of cis people and this does not exclude cis queer people #most acts of transphobia i have personally experienced have actually been from people in the lgbt community #and it was TRANS WOMEN who stood up for me. trans women i hope u all know the right trans man who can actually fucking think with his brain #will always have your back #it just sucks that when we talk about our issues its immediately #oh you must HATE WOMEN HUH #like..no man. yall do hate ftms tho #u hate that we abandoned womanhood and you take it out on us and everything we do is policed like crazy #Whatever. its so upsetting truly #also im sorry but how come you guys can agree thst cis men can be victims under the patriarchy but for some reason trans men just arent #???? #maybe YOU are the ones who need to mske friends with ftms who dont live on tumblr and make stupid fucking comments about how evil women are #bc ive met misogynistic ftms too and yknow where they are in life? friendless and alone and miserable. #like not to pull a not all men but my God

[genderqueerdykes]

people often talk about the amount of transfems who have to stay closeted for safety very often, and it is a lot of people, but it's very rarely acknowledged how many transmasculine people have to stay closeted for life as well. i really think it's important to talk about both sides of this, because so many people are affected by this issue.

society is openly hostile toward transmasculine, afab, intersex, and other ""non male"" people who genuinely try to pass as men. people like to say that it's accepted for afab people to crossdress-- but it's not. truly "crossdressing" as an afab person will get you mocked and threatened. before i transitioned, people would actually approach me and tell me that i couldn't wear men's clothing when i did. this never happened when i wore "masculine women's clothing." never. cishet people can tell by the subtle differences in the cuts of clothing, it's not that black and white.

attempts to behave in masculine and male ways will get you targeted. whenever i would hold open doors for men in my conservative redneck 1,000 person population home town, they would look at me like i had 3 heads when i was pre-transition. women aren't allowed to hold open doors for men, that's a man's place. women aren't allowed to use heavy machinery or tools. women aren't allowed to try to foot the bill. you get the picture. even certain masculine behaviors will get you yelled at or berated or worse.

going on testosterone is outright terrifying because unless the person responds to it poorly or doesn't take a very high dose, the effects are almost immediately noticeable, and many are completely irreversible. while most cishets don't know what a trans man is, they can instantly tell that they hate transmasculine people once they encounter one, especially one in very early medical transition. i had the worst time in the early days of my transition because i was such a "he-she". it really is hard, cishet people do NOT like this combination of features, either once they encounter it.

it's not easy for any of us, and it's tragic when any trans person has to live their entire life closeted for fear of safety. let's go ahead and acknowledge the transmascs, trans men, intersex, transneutral, nonbinary, genderqueer, drag king, crossdressing, transvestite, male impersonating, genderfluid, bigender and other folks in this sphere of transness who also have to hide for their own personal safety. we see you, you are beautiful, you are still trans even if you can't show the entire world who you are.

#transgender #trans #transmasculine #trans man #ftm #transmasc #trans men #trans guy #trans boy #nonbinary #enby #non binary #bigender #intersex #queer #lgbtqia #lgbtq #lgbt #trans dude #transsexual #crossdresser #drag king #drag artist #transneutral #our writing

[h3nsh1n]

I wished I liked kids bcs I know everyone expects women to love them and I feel like a bad person for not doing so but I just can't, they are too noisy and too irrational for me, i don't know how to communicate with them or to make them happy without feeling ridiculous. I try so hard to find them adorable but I have the anti mother instict. I would never hurt one and I hate people who do so, specially people who have kids and act like is not the biggest responsability you could have in the world, as if kids wasn't giving half of your life to someone. It's a me problem not them. I'm a person with very poor social skills, I don't naturally know how to act around people unless I trust them a lot, and with kids is specially bad like usually I observe people and copy them and thats more or less enough but with them I just don't have a clue how to act around them. I remember when I was in school, since us the girls were eight or nine in special days we could go and play with the smaller kids and all the girls loved to do that. I went with them bcs I wanted to be like them so bad and they seemed so happy with the kids but I was just like O.O the whole time bored and feeling like an outsider.

#I don't want to seem like a pick me girl I hate men #I wanted to be like them to connect with them when I say I was different than them I mean in a bad way #Not liking men and being fat also didn't help #I wish I felt more connected to being a woman but I just hate it here #I know I'm not trans I just hate how people percive me since I am a woman #I that makes me felt less connected to my identity as a lesbian too #Bcs I know I'm not masculine but I also don't care about being femme or something like that #I think I just feel like I'm a shitty person for anyone tbh😭I know everyone feels like this but well #If anyone said they loved me I would think they were lying or confused or trying to use me for something #I just can imagine snyone loving me😔😔rip bogos #I love friendships is not like being in a romantic relationship is the goal of my life but I know is not the same of most people #And I fear and gonna end up alone😔 #vent