#(we dont need that nonsense in our lives)

[particlexxdealer]

since I keep forgetting to switch between beta and legacy (and come may we'll all be converted to beta), all of my threads will be using beta editor moving forward!

#ooc #(plus i think even when I use beta some threads say its legacy) #(and vice versa which is annoying me and my rp buds lol) #(we dont need that nonsense in our lives)

[misterradio]

have been looking at local job reviews lately and almost every single employer has people saying the pay isn't fair.... Are We All Truly Doomed To Mediocrity.......!!?? UU__UU

#original nonsense #personal #am only looking at retail jobs. dont wanna do food stuff... #its really hard to find places i wanna apply to. but i guess rn i shouldn't be picky #i mostly just want a job for the experience of having one. but man. it sucks that people can work at one place for years #and never see any real improvements in their experience.... sucks. #also i found out that one store i am considering applying to is Only in my state. what the ?! #is very weird to find out a store you see all the time is actually very restricted to your region. like publix. #okay but even if _i_ just want experience.. not everyone has that luxury... most people Need better wages to Live... ARGH #What Are We Doing To Our Fellow Creature.

[girltwinkskye]

I need to be autistic about history for a second. Bare with me. Bismarck was one of the worst people in the history of Germany. Sure he "unified" Germany in 1871. By which i mean the borders looked nicer. Did any minorities benefit from that? Poles, gypsies, frenchies? No of course not. If anything things got worse because yay we have a centralized Germany now so now EVERYONE has to behave like a German. Oh youre Polish? Well better hope we dont increase your taxes so youll have to leave the country hehe. Dont worry your old house will be settled by REAL Germans when youre gone. Oh the French are mad at us because we stole their land? Im sure that wont come to bite us for the next hundred years. In the meantime lets make sure that the Poles hate us forever. Oh they liked us before and Germans got along with them very peacefully? They could practice their own culture even though they didnt have their own country? Nonono thats over now. We are Germany now and we cant have any of that Polish people being happy nonsense in here. Lemme just completely throw our international friendships away for nothing and replace it with violent xenophobia that will make literally everyone hate us. Who needs peace and cooperation anyway when we can have racism and hatred. But atleast we "unified " Germany (for everyone who we consider to be German enough to live here). Thanks Bismarck, thanks nationalism. Good job. Nationalism is and always was a cancer on this planet and i cant wait to see the concept of nationstates burn

#196 #history #rant post

[gifti3]

Arranged marriage au with asmo

I need asmo to be in some type of royal otome slowburn manhwa

ramblings ramblings

the drama guys....the DRAMA! dont tell me a bunch of nonsense wouldnt happen

remember the post where i was like indifferent/passive aggressive asmo becoming curious about the MC fics are peak

similar thing is happening here! honestly i think theres some resentment coming from asmos side at first but mc is like ay....you do ur thing and i do mine

im not gonna make u do anything u dont want, i dont have any expectations from this arrangement. lets just try not to make each of our lives hell u know

lol i bet when asmo first meets MC after finding out that hes supposed to marry them he's like thinking "......ig theyre not that bad looking"😒 (he literally would have been flirting with them in any other circumstance)

hmmm mc needs to be apart of a pretty influential family i think since this is gonna be a political type marriage

and asmo,,,,i feel like he doesnt really engage in the specifics when it comes to politics or anything. it's just not something thats important to him. he has his side hobbies and business endeavors that cares about. But topics outside of those things are left up to his family

so perhaps one day, the head of the family (i wanna say lucifer but since i want the person in this role to give off more a mysterious vibe, where his word is final michael might be a better choice) is like... this specific family...theyre kinda important and we want them on our side so get married to their eldest who has rejected every other person ever but has agreed to marry and since u dont do much when it comes to political affairs im gonna have you do this whether you want to or not

and asmo is just like....HUH he tries to get lucifer to help him out here but lucifers like...yea dads not budging sorry lil bro (he doesnt say it like that but similar sentiment lmao)

now mc never really wanted to get married cause they didnt wanna have to go through the motions against their will and they like their life as is but their parents have been breathing down their neck about marriage for years now. And now that this BIG opportunity has present itself to their parents, it feels like the pressure is really on now! at first mc is like shit...idk if i can weasel my way outta this one

and then......they realized that maybe this could probably work out in their favor actually.....

mc agreed to married him cause asmo has a bit of a reputation as a partier and a playboy

with asmo they feel like things can stay as they are for the most part if they let him continue to do as he pleases (not like they could have stopped him if they wanted to lol)

everything can be the same, they can still live their own separate lives, just now they have the title of spouses!

and thats the plan, like i said before asmo comes in being a bit rude at first but it kinda changes to indifference and a little passive aggressiveness once MC is like...yo chill im not gonna shit on ur parade. i just wanna be left to my own things. you do you sir

yes thats the plan...thats supposed to be the plan and it was going as mc expected for a good while

but as we know if u put something or someone in front of asmo enough times hes gonna get curious

#im an AU girlie til the end #thats all ill ever be #this isnt even the drama part #i wanna say like several things happen #cause its not clear in my head #i just know theres potential for stupid shit happening cause asmo is doing the same shit he was doing before he got married #like sure its not a love type of marriage but it definitely doesnt look great #mcs parents probably arent gonna be thrilled when rumors start spreading #and then theres also the fact that #if these rumors are spreading then some ppl will be like #so....i can be mcs sidepiece possibly??? #omg sidepieces getting jealous and trying to start shit is on the table #dont even get me started on when asmo starts caring about MC #hes like at the “club” #and hes like....hmmm this isnt as fun as i was expecting it to be #he doesnt even know why #probably heads over to MCs #and mc is like...wth im trying to go to bed why r u here???? #i think they should live separately #i think its an option but im not sure #maybe they stay in the same home idkkk #anyways yea!!! #thats all i got rn #and maybe forever #i usually get a burst of ideas like this type it out and then forget about them lol #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmodeus x mc #obey me asmodeus x reader #prime reader insert material right here #if i was at my peak of writing this would have been asmo's datura i think

[violentviolette]

@kikokokoikoko its a long process where the specifics are going to look different for everyone

at its core recovery is the process of learning to manage ur disorder, so that it no longer causes u active distress and hopefully, u can reach a point of being content and happy with ur life. its not about curing ur disorder or making every symptom dissappear entirely and turning u nuerotypical. thats nonsense. its about making it manageable so that u can have a life u feel is worth living

for cluster b disorders recovery starts when u decide ur done with ur own bullshit. when u decide u dont want to be miserable and unhappy anymore, when u decide u actually want to try for a better more enjoyable life. it starts when u stop lying to urself, and allow urself to engage with the uncomfortable feelings living inside u in order to work through them

for cluster b disorders, the biggest first hurdle of recovery is addressing our trauma. we have been severely hurt and mistreated and are kind of like a festering open wound. were in pain and we need to acknowledge that. we need to give ourselves the time and space to be vulnerable and honestly confront that pain so we can work through it and heal from it. stitches hurt like a bitch going in, its painful and uncomfortable, but its necessary to close up the wound so that we don't always have to be carrying it around, letting that pain and anger and hurt drive our motivations and thought process and behavior

i think of recovery like a salad bar. u need a lot of different things that go into it, things like learning distress tolerance, learning healthy communication skills, unlearning the disordered and abusive mindset and worldview we were taught, ect. the specifics of what everyone needs and how much of each vary on the individual person, but its always a combination

for most people those things happen in therapy, for some people it happens on their own with an intense amount of research, for others medication helps, or leaving ur family or significant other or certain friendships, cutting abusive people who are hurting u out of ur life, moving away and becoming independent and taking control over ur life and ur circumstances as much as u can

those are all the things u use to make recovery possible. and there really isn't an "end" or stopping point. there's never a moment where ur 100% recovered and all better and never struggle again. some people need more help than others, some people backside and need top ups when life is hard, some people need that extra support their whole lives. there isn't really a one size fits all strategy or an end goal.

the goal is more about learning the process so u have the right tools when u need them, so that u can actually enjoy being present in ur life and u stop wanting to die to escape it

#jack.speaks #aspd #npd #bpd #hpd #cluster b pd #cluster b personality disorder #cluster b #recovery #dunno why it wont let me tag u directly but popping this in the tags so u hopefully see it

[gl4ssfan]

yknow, humans try every day to understand a concept we made up. we think about right and wrong, good and bad, but those concepts are entirely manmade. animals dont hesitate to kill and fight because that's what they need to do to survive. is it because we aren't fighting every day, all day just to stay alive? or are we constantly in a dance with death and we just don't realize it? is it because we have the capability of so-called complex thought and it fills our brains with things other than survival? but then why do we worry so often over little things? why do we care beyond keeping what is useful to us around, be it a person or an item? i don't know why we care so much. but we do. that, in and of itself, is humanity. the capacity to care and the chance to make a choice. i think there's something beautiful in that. ignorance is bliss, right? perhaps our inability to think about everything all at once--however much we crave being omniscient, sometimes--is what makes us good. there's that word again, right? the concept of good? i think that's beautiful too. that our caring seeps into every aspect of our existence, to the point where our whole lives are built up around nonsense concepts. the human mind is so convoluted and beautiful all at once.

#yeah sorry broskis i dont know where this came from lmfaoooo #welcome to the inner machinations of my mind #they r an enigma #giggles

[commandtower-solring-go]

I'm watching Alexander Avila's TikTok gave me autism. While this isn't the core take away of his essay, he does touch on something worth mentioning. The set up to his arguement explores the history of mental health and how it different from our modern understanding. That we didn't invent psyciatry and discover mental health doing so. And how, at some point, everything changed and the foundation for our understanding shifted.

But the he way he frames this conversations is intended to discount the validity of science and scientific method as a step in evolution. It pushes back against the idea that this is significant because it works and instead says that it works because people want it to work. Some people need it to work.

And it has filled me with a new kind of hope. I dont often feel like there is much on the horrizon. More of today, with no control over how it goes. I talk to people and when i mention i study philosophy, more and more people relate to it from Nihilism.

We live in a world with nothing to believe in. Even hope that the future will be better has fallen to the wayside. But this video reminds me of the validy of "nonsense". Or spirituality and illogic.

Its refreshing to see that kind of hope and magic, in this little way, return. That the way the world is isn't actually how the world is. It is just how its been made and we can, in fact, remake it.

[standupcomedyhistorian]

Good morning, everyone!

It is Bo Burnham's 33rd birthday today! 🥳

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BO! You've got seven more years to go per your last birthday song haha 😉

It is also my last day in my intensive therapy program. I feel SO much lighter and happier than when I started. I never thought it was possible! 🥰

I just wanted to again thank everyone who's supported me through the HARDEST month of my entire life.

The combination of being suicidal and then my ex asking for divorce on July 26th—one day after I was admitted to the psych ward—felt like the world was collapsing around me.

But I found the strength to open up during group sessions (EVERYONE at the hospital knew I love Bo's stuff haha), and some very special people there gave me the courage to go on living. Thank you, Alexia, for playing Bo's music in the gym and Donte for giving me a soft fleece blanket (the sheets were SO itchy) so I could finally sleep again.

Special shout-out to my sister. Jill has been there for me since we were kids (she's 4 years younger than me), and we've weathered the same shit from our awful parents and both have complex trauma because of it. I'm more sensitive than her in general and internalize things, but she sent me two videos that changed my whole perspective.

The first was Brent Charleton and his chart of the Ego States. This helped me reconfigure how my thinking was constantly making things worse in life. I'm basically a teenager learning to be an adult in my mind, and that is OKAY. I am learning to heal my wounded inner child, and she is thankful for the emotional support when she had none from her narcissistic mother and enabling father growing up.

The second was Tim Fletcher's series on shame. This is incredibly hard to watch (I recommend taking as many breaks as you need), but I promise you it gets SO much better when you let go of shame. All shame does is make us feel miserable...it is SO not worth it to live that way!

I know this all sounds like nonsense to most of you, but I was ready to kill myself because the intrusive thoughts had become unbearable. If you're at that state too, please watch one of these videos—I PROMISE it can get better 🌈

What made me realize my self-worth was watching my interview with Quentin Stuckey about my website. I could hardly believe that I could APPEAR that personable and happy when I was secretly dying inside.

Thank you so much, Quentin, for giving me the opportunity to be on your podcast, and I hope the weather gets better in Europe soon! 💗

And, last but not least, I have a brand-new interview with one of the most creative and inspirational Bo content creators I've had the pleasure of talking to: Dylan Case.

Please make it a priority to watch his 38-minute parody of Inside here—he is an absolute GEM and I will support his comedy career in any way I can! 🙌🏼

Thanks, everyone. I didn't think I would still be here on July 25th, but I'm glad I stayed. ✌🏼🐔

#bo burnham #happy birthday bo #i'm turning 33 #not me #bo is #I'm 41 haha #suicide prevention #please reach out to someone #i am always here if you are struggling #intrusive thoughts #complex trauma #cptsd recovery #shame is the root of it ALL #and BOY the Catholic church did NOT help #especially since I am bisexual and hid that for years too #be your authentic self #inside bo burnham #bo burnham inside #30 #7 years to go #standupcomedyhistorian #I love you all #and I feel lighter and happier now #wounded inner child #tim fletcher #shame #both of these videos help with cptsd #brent charleton

[habitat-enrichment]

Wayward Children series by Seanan McGuire

Do you ever read a book and feel a deep, aching pain because it makes you feel so seen? Almost every book in this series gives me those feels. I am close to tears as I type this, so impactful are the Doors and the people they steal. Other than Tamora Pierce, these are the books I recommend the most often. I've never had anyone come back with anything less than a positive reaction. Somewhere in them, there's something for everyone.

(Books with a * by the title can be read as a stand alone, possibly improved by but not requiring the contents of the other books.)

Currently in my life, I'm finding it difficult to focus. As I settle into Comfort Reads mode, I thought I would do a complete re-read of the Wayward Children series - something I haven't done since book 7 came out.

So, here we go..

Every Heart a Doorway *

Nancy's Door is one that I can see myself going through, which is an excellent lure for a first book in a series. Confection and its stories dont pull at me in the same way as The Halls of the Dead do. Lots of LGBT+ representation immediately, love to see it.

There's a lot of murder in this first book Actually... There's a lot of murder in all of the books featuring Jack and Jill. I blame Jill. You will too, if you decide to read these books.

Down Among the Sticks and Bones *

Did you wanna know how Jill ended up a pastel murder machine? Well, now you do. The Moors make everyone into a monster eventually.

Beneath the Sugar Sky

I think my lack of enjoyment in this book stems in no small part from the fact that I would not survive a nonsense world, so much that I try to eradicate the nonsense in my real life. It is in this book, however, that we meet the character I identify most with. Cora isnt my favorite character, but as someone who has spent a decade trying to maintain blue hair because it's the only thing that feels comfortable, this mermaid ripped from the Trenches and left with ocean hair knows me. And Christopher. Sweet, creepy Christopher. No one else has ever described flesh and bones in such a relatable way, expressed the need to step free of the meat suit so perfectly. "Im still a mermaid, my scales are just on the inside now," says Cora. "Funny, that's where my bones are," says Christopher. My heart aches. That said, there's still too much nonsense for me.

In An Absent Dream *

Who doesn't love a good goblin market? The first time I read this, I didnt love it. I thought we didnt need a prequel for Lundy, she was already dead and gone from our story. Now it's in my top 3 of the series, and I cant finish the last chapter without sobbing. Removing what we know of Lundy's future leaves an exquisite, classic goblin market story of rules and fair value and the temptation of loopholes. It's the same lilting song that has tempted people for years Come buy, come buy

Come Tumbling Down

I love learning more about the worlds behind the Doors. Seeing the Moors in all its bloody glory in a terrifying delight. Can you hear the Drowned Gods calling, too?

Across Green Grass Fields *

As a life long Horse Girl who misses being surrounded by horses, I never stood a chance at this being anything other than my favorite book in the series. Do you dream of unicorns and kelpies? Then you'll want to walk through this Door, and along the way you'll learn there's no right way to be a girl.

Where the Drowned Girls Go

When the title of this book was released, I was so excited. Stories of other Drowned Girls is as close as I can get to sinking to the bottom of my lake to dwell as a monster of the deep. This was... Not it.

Lost in the Moment and Found *

First of all, I live for authors who put trigger warnings. This is the most heartbreaking book in the series, in part because readers can no longer ignore the predatory nature of the Doors. Unfortunately, the adults gaslighting children is super triggering and the first part of this book makes me dissociate like hell, so my opinion is mostly formed on the part of the book after the Door appears.

There's some fun little references to the other books that enrich the reading experience, like Antsy shopping in the Moors.

Mislaid in Parts Half-Known

This book was such a disappointment. There was so much potential and I was so excited about the concept, but it's just... Lacking. Like, it's fine. It's a 3 star book. I loved learning more about the Doors and the Compass, but it was more of the other half of Antsy's story than a separate book.

Further Thoughts

The next book is about Nadya and her Drowned World, which should be great. I think after that, we're obviously being set up to see a Kade/Prism storyline. Not sure how I feel about that.

I think the page limit barrier is going to start making things difficult at this point. If there's going to continue to be these grand adventures with returning characters and an overarching plotline that ties the universe together, as opposed to each book being able to be read as a stand alone, more pages might be required.

Most of these books make me cry, which is the sign of a good book as far as Im concerned. I dont remember most of the books I read, let alone feel so impacted I have actual emotions about the book.

#seanan mcguire #wayward children #2024 reading challenge #series review

[volivolition]

hello we return to ramble about music because music is one of our biggest hyperfixations ever. hai [Do let us know if you're ever tired of us sharing music though Shauaiakdjcjsjdfj]

Do you have a favourite song? A favourite band or musician? PLEASE do share if so, we're always looking for new music especially from friends!!

We have!!! song reccs for you :] Song for the Dead and Song for the Deaf, both by Queens of the Stone Age! Both songs are very red to us [we have synesthesia] and they remind us collectively of Phys Instrument and I!

-PT

HAI HELLO!! my music friends the furies!! (hjfkjh dont worry, i love hearing from you!! :D <33)

2. ooh, thank you PT, i was just listening to Song for the Dead on the subway the other day, it sounded so cool!! i assumed it was a Physique vibe, but so cool to hear who exactly :D im listening to Song for the Deaf now, just really good guitar for both of these songs, the words are sung more lyrical in this one :0 the ending is amusing, just silence and then laughing to the instrumental hdkjh <3 extremely red vibes, you're so right for this <3 thank you for sharing the PT and Fizzy songs :D <33

1. oh god i have to put this under a cut. tl;dr: my current favorite song is Too Sweet by Hozier because it reminds me of Voli and Chemi :]!!

hgkjh did you know my bio used to say "i can relate any hozier song to disco elysium"? the statement is hyperbole, but i love hozier so fuckin much heres just a bunch of nonsense:

"Too Sweet" is a volistry song. to me. ("I take my whiskey neat~" "My coffee black and my bed at three...") echem thinks voli's too uptight ("You keep telling me to live right / to go to bed before the daylight... / but then you wake up for the sunrise... / don't you just want to wake up... / lost in a haze?") and voli thinks echem is too hedonistic ("If you're drunk on life-" "Babe, I think it's great~" "But while in this world... / I aim low / I aim true and the ground's where I go / I work late where I'm free from the phone / And the job gets done / But you worry some, I know.") and in this way they're "too sweet (morally/indulgently)" for each other, but they fall in love around the "You know, you're bright as the morning, soft as the rain" "Pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape" mark because they start to balance each other out so they're not overworking/refusing all joy and not giving in to every temptation/dangerously ignoring health and responsibility for dopamine and they're GOOD FOR EACH OTHER... im. not normal about them ever i could write essays about them :'] (also the bells in the chorus just hit different i love that shit man...)

i've been meaning to draw Echem with the song "Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene" just for the title alone lmao... but it's absolutely a bop and i enjoy it :]

"Jackie and Wilson" is TRULY LIKE. IS ANYONE SEEING THIS. "Cut clean from the dream at night / let my mind reset / Looking up from a cigarette and he's already left" "He'll know me crazy, soothe me daily, better yet, he wouldn't care / We'll steal his Lexus / be detectives / ride 'round picking up clues" IS ANYONE ELSE HEARING THIS THAT'S FUCKING HARRY AND KIM. HELLO??

my other alternate bio used to read "From Eden is such a de song. if you even care" i need everyone to listen to this and tell me its not a disco elysium song ogughgjkh!!! "Honey, you're familiar / Like my mirror years ago" "Innocence died screaming" "A rope in hand for your other man to hang from a tree" HOZIER MY MAN YOU DID IT BUDDY THAT'S THE GAME!!!

i can perfectly imagine which skill is singing which line to harry in "Almost (Sweet Music)" as he gets over dora and falls in love with kim. imagine them smoking on the balcony together while the skills swirl around them, invisible to kim but nudging harry and each other.

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] - Let's get lost and let the good times roll! SAVOIR FAIRE [Medium: Success] - Let's smoke rings from this paper, doll~ SUGGESTION [Medium: Success] - Blow sweet and thick 'til every thought of it don't mean a thing. PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT [Medium: Success] - I got some color back. EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - He thinks so too... INLAND EMPIRE [Formidable: Success] - I laugh like me again... She laughs like you. RHETORIC [Legendary: Failure] - I wouldn't know where to start... PERCEPTION [Medium: Success] - Sweet music playing in the dark. VOLITION [Godly: Success] - *Be still*, my foolish heart- COMPOSURE [Challenging: Success] - Don't ruin this on me...

"First Time" is harry and dora ("the first time that you kissed me / i drank dry the river lethe" YOU MEAN THE GREEK RIVER THAT MAKES YOU FORGET EVERYTHING HOZIER???), "Eat Your Young" is truly a Disco Elysium vibe song of political ideology, do i even have to mention "Take Me to Church" for the idolization of Dora? and "Like Real People Do" [just straight up starts sobbing on the floor.] when the... the two people with similarly sad pasts learn to grow and heal together... we should just kiss like real people do... fucking hell man...

i also like!! AJR (current fave: Inertia [waltz time my adored]), The Oh Hellos (Hieroglyphs [the beat! the melody! the lyrics! singing together! ough my love... i miss choir]), The Altogether (See The Day [makes me cry. volition song i think]), American Authors (Luck [longtime favorite]), and Ricky Montgomery (currently it's Cabo but god this man's got bops. This December. Line Without a Hook. Get Used to It. Snow [<- desaturated blue song]. My Heart is Buried in Venice. okay thats it i promise hdkjh)

#volta transmissions #chemi chats #[hands you 19 songs with excessive commentary and. disappears under mysterious circumstances. :)] #hgjkgh just kidding thank you for asking I CHERISH YOU!!!! #suggestion recommendation

[spikeinthepunch]

i made a post a bit ago before the reddit black out even happened, talking about how many AI written articles i find when searching for answers on stuff- usually things a little more specific (questions for video games, tech, everyday things but more specific to you, etc. not just "what city is this state in"). its bad- i basically get that or i get reddit threads when i google. and before the reddit black out, i hadnt thought too much about how those AI threads would be.... the only thing left behind if i didnt have reddit. still i watched the reddit black out live, i watched /r/funny go private at midnight. and yet it didnt really hit the importance of reddit until i went on the next day looking for help on a mac laptop i was restoring and realized all the reddits i checked were private. needing mod help for my server, all private. searching reddit for a game i couldnt remember, private.

theres a lot on the internet that needs to be preserved, kept alive, kept relevant. over and over i see people reminisce on old forums and how theyre gone and be brought back- and i think no ones follows through with the format because places like reddit at least fulfill that to some extent. staying with the mainstream is easier and its understandable, bc its relevant and trying to start up your little forum and advertise it isnt easy. Reddit being mainstream becomes the useful google option for a niche forum subject without being a lone forum you probably wont find in typical google search.

and now Reddit isn't available. the most mainstream iteration of those lovely little forums of discussion and support is not available. does it hit now? does it sink in now how bad this is? the past year- maybe even less than a year- has been so so chaotic and bad for the internet. instagram starting turning into tiktok a while back with its changes to feed and format. youtube has slowly followed suit with forcing short's as more relevant for creators than normal videos. twitter did... well, all of That, a lot of Things. Reddit goes along to make their API paid for. Discord turning to the methods on social media, with username changes and more. tumblr is also shifting so much of their entire deal, i think you should all be prepared for tumblr to become unrecognizable too because theres many hints of it happening- some already here.

when i made my personal website over a year ago, it was partially fun but it was a statement for myself too. it was recognition that social media had become unhealthy for me, and i didnt like how it was The thing that existed now, and that bigs corps suddenly taking more and more control of the web was bad and not something i wanted to be stuck with. but suddenly its not just a gentle step to the side i have taken, still knowing i can be on social media to see my friends and build an audience. but now it feels more like all the walls are crumbling around me, and soon i will have no choice but to jump ship entirely. i went from one, to the other, to tumblr where i had always been- the one site that stuck out from the others at least. had an 'old' format. in many ways you need social media.... because its how you made your friends, its how you stay in touch, its how communities get built these days!!

we can try to move back to the independent, the personal sites, the forums, but we all know its not easy. thats truth. its not going to spread as far as we'd hope, many will not follow suit or not know they can. i can only imagine all the old, tech unaware people who will continue to use the internet, never realizing why they struggle to get info or unknowingly follow nonsense AI articles, and have no idea that anything exists outside of the bubble theyre forced into. Not even the old people, but the young generations that will grow into that too and not get out of it.

im just waiting for the mainstream internet to just become entirely unusable from our perspective and its dreadful to me. trying not to be a doomer but i dont think its something you cant ignore when something as simple as googling slightly more specific questions brings nothing but AI nonsense articles or reddit posts and when one of those massive and only relevant sources is down, there is suddenly nothing.

[simp4konig]

EEEEE HELLO HELLO

IT IS I….. A PERSON WHOS A WEE BIT TOO OBSESSED WITH COD AND ITS PPL

anyways I JUST WANTED TO SAY I RLLY LOVE UR KÖNIG WORKS SO FAR WE LOVE OUR BBG

🥺🥺

HE NEEDS MORE LOVE FR AND EVERY1 ELSEE ignoring my crazy nonsense……

anywayss :3 im here to leave a small thought: tooth. ROTTING. FLUFF. we all need domestic könig

OFC U DONT HAVE TO DO THIS BUT WE ALL NEED KONIG BBG IN OUR LIVES anyways bye have a nice day (or night) :3

🥺🥺

YES 🤩🤩!!✨WE LOVE DOMESTIC KÖNIG 🤭🤭

My rqs are ""closed"" (in air quotes bc in all honesty without rqs idk what to write LMAO🤠😔 so PLEASE keep tjem coming, ill get to them eventually!!,🥲they are only closed bc i dont eant to keep delaying the longest-awaited requests even fuether ☹️💔)

thank you qnd i hope YOU have an evem LOVLIER DAY!!! 🥰💖💖

[m0rguepixie]

who wants to recreate the blair witch project irl with me i need to explore woods and abandoned cabins there in a group we can be hysterical i dont mind im just so obsessed with blair witch especially because of the time and space control aspect time getting fucked up is the scariest thing to me i remember when we freshly moved into our house and i once slept so long i woke up in the evening and i came downstairs and i asked my mom if i am in a dream and i dont remember her answer im not sure if this memory i have was a real life experience or a dream another one from the time we recently moved in is when i woke up on a weird time once again and went downstairs to the guests room and the sun was very orange and i didnt know if it was a sunrise or a sunset i think i checked all the clocks and the time they all showed was nonsense and i shouted my family members' names but i found out was alone at home i also doubt if this one is a real life experience or a dream and the last moment i can think of where im sure it was real and we kinda played it as a game pretending its scary on purpose but after a while we actually convinced ourselves it might be a bit real my family went to visit my parents friends and they have a daughter and have a house where they spend their weekends on countryside and the daughter took me and my brothers to play to a playground and football field in their village but we got bored there soon and moved across the road to the other side near a construction site and sat on the pile of bricks and it was a hot day with dry air and the sun was still up even though we were there the whole day and the time seemed to pass so slow so we started to make up that we are stuckt in a time loop and as we were sitting i started to think i see the dust filled air twirling from how hot it was and we eventually actually started to believe theres so weird time shit going on but kept adding scary made up suff and we were watching those cabins in front of us and the girl took us to a mouldery falling apart barns and made up a story of a murderous witch living in it and i tried to support her tall story to scare my brothers but myself i also actually started to believe it and we were peeking through its wooden boards to see the witch and because those crannies were too narrow it was easy imagine things and think you saw a figure there or mutilated bodies as tiny rays of light were getting inside and when we were going back to the parents' friends' house it all got topped with a bunch of owls flying out of some building's tower and making horrible noise out of all sudden actually those owls were a local curiosity and heritage site but at that moment the moment of shock tied that day all weirdly together

[thonking87]

Vent post time! If you dont wanna read vent, dont read below the line!

I sometimes feel so overwhelmed with dread and distain because of what humanity has become. I see horrors enacted by our own kind by the large powers that be and feel so genuinely powerless. And some will say that protesting will help but like. Honestly? It never feels like enough. Most modern press is in the pockets of the government or corps and its not like theyre going to support whats right, theyre only interested in continued profits. The alternative to this is like active destruction of the powers that be but they've placed themselves in a situation where everyone suffering from the system are also completely reliant on it. If I were able to go off the grid what would I even do? Grow food? Hunt? I havent got those skills. I grew up learning to troubleshoot machines. I could hypothetically learn to do those things but I dont have the time to, due to the powers that be owning the food being produced right now, as well as the land I live on, and the devices and machinery I use to communicate and transport myself around. I dont have a yard to grow food in. I dont have the time to sink into it because I need to work to get money to have a shelter at all. Even if we tore down all the powers that be and broke the chains that bind us, what then? Who makes the food? Who builds our homes? Who keeps the water flowing? What happens when we get sick? What about the people who literally cannot live without medications? Everything in our lives is built to make us rely on large entities that only seek to benefit from us as a people. I dont even know if we could hypothetically break out of this situation as a societal whole if we all wanted to anyway. What with military force being enacted on basic nonbasic protests already. Its just terrifying to think what governments would do if large swaths of their population where to reject their government and claim the lands they live on as their own. From whats happening right now it would just result in death and carnage until all that remains are those who stayed subservient to this abusive system in the first place to survive. So many are trying to find joy in their day to day life and disregard the bad or avoid or minimize it but it shouldnt be there in the first place. Im tired of it all. Im rambling, ugh. Whatever, this was probably all nonsense anyway, im tired.

#vent #vent post #tw vent #fuck capitalism

[xuriri]

Lovers

Seokmin x reader!!

Genre;fluff , slightly angst(or not hehe), collage au!!!

Warning;sick reader

How do we describe seokmin as your boyfriend?

seokmin as your boyfriend would do everything in his power to make sure your life was as joyful and fun as possible. one of the most important things to him is your happiness. dates with him will almost always be nights on the town to see a movie, dinner, or just a long drive. he loves to spend time alone with you, and in return, desires words of praise (whether it be about your relationship or other things). more often than not, time alone with him turns into a much-needed nap. In fact, when seokmin had to share a bed with his roommate wonwoo once, he ended up hugging him because he's so used to that other person being you. (and months later, his friends tease him about it still)

Silly right and as for seokmin he would describe you as a loving person with a unique personality strong independent woman and lastly a wife material to him he even swear to be with you forever

Its the student council's meeting that time and as he spotted you through the door making your way to the table and as set an eye on you he couldn't think more he was like dude this woman will be the death of me

He likes to listen on your rants whenever you feel annoyed or hating something or rather someone then end up hating it too bestie vibes

And have i mentioned? You have been together for 4 years and had been living with each for 2 years now? That's insane

You guys just clicked together and it's almost perfect not until..

"I'm breaking up with you seokmin"

This words rang in his head many times he couldn't process the words the inky question running through his head was

Why?

Why the sudden blunt Decision when everything is so perfect between the two of you?

"why? What happened baby? Did i do something wrong? Is this a prank "

He asked as he tried to held his woman's hand but she backed away

"no seokmin you didn't do anything wrong you're perfect"

She said not looking at him property this made him annoyed

"then why are you suddenly asking for break up? If it's a prank this isn't funny i swear "

She looked at him with a blank face although they say eyes can't lie you can still see the hint of guilt in her

"I'm going abroad tommorow I'll be living there for good and i dont think LDR would work on us "

"is that all y/n? Is that all the reason why you have to be breaking up with me? We can do it actually well i can why are you doubting our relationship?"

He said almost shouted each words

"you know we can't ,if you can do it well I can't we just going to overthink a lot and might not handle it properly"

You could really tell seokmin is deeply hurt but also angry at the fact that you are now doubting the relationship and not trusting him

"dont you trust me y/n? Dont you have a Faith in our relationship? You know it deep down that we can handle it! Trust me baby we can, stop this nonsense please i loveyou so much don't do this to me"

He was tearing up now seeing him like this makes her even more guilty

"im sorry seokmin but i made up my mind ,Im breaking up with you and that's it i hope you find a better person for you"

"you're the only person who's better to me! I dont understand your reason right now baby im not agreeing of us breaking apart I can't let you....go"

He kneeled down on her while crying making her teared up a bit it's not her intention to hurt him it's just she have to do this for his own good

"goodbye seokmin I'm really sorry"

She turn away from the man and Walked away leaving the poor man behind in his knees crying for her to come back

.

.

.

.

Seokmin's POV

"man it's been a 7 months aren't you moved on already?" Jeonghan reminded me

Still haven't moved on i still love her but i also hate her for leaving me out of the blue

"she's-"

I was interupted by the sound of my phone i look at the phone caller i was surprised to see ,y/n's mother calling me i answered it

"hello?"i ask in the other line her mom was sighning deeply

"i need to tell you something seokminah "

"im all ears "

"my daughter didn't mean for you both to break up she was blunt i know i know you deserve to know "

"know what mrs l/n "

"y/n before you two even broke up 2 weeks before that we Rushed her to the hospital because she fainted only to find out her lung cancer was getting worse

She's scared about things wouldn't work between the two of you because she said she's dying she can't have you worrying about her she dont want you to be lonely "

The phone ended

She's sick and didn't even bother telling me? I could be in her side right now fuck

"tell cheol i wont be home I'm booking a flight to canada it's urgent "

Y/n's POV

Knock knock....

I Sighed annoyingly shout softly

"ma i said i don't want to eat! Stop it leave me alone"

The door opened revealing the most handsome man in earth ,my first love

"seokmin? What are you doing here!?"

He smiled at me

"hi gorgeous"

"stop what's going on and what? Have you seen me? Bro im bald now and looking so pale as fuck"

"why didn't you tell me about this? You lied if it wasn't to mrs l/n i wouldn't know a thing i could have been in your side for the past few months taking care of your clumsy ass but instead you keep it to yourself then leaving me behind"

" i-im sorry seokmin I didn't mean all of it i didn't mean to lie i just don't want you to worry"

"I'm always telling you in our relationship communication is important"

"go back to korea seokmin please i can take care of myself"

It hurts him i know but i really can do this alone

"no mrs l/n said i can stay here whenever i want don't tell me what i do i will stay here and take care of you"

"do you not understand seokmin!? Im dying! I'm going to die! I told you to find someone else why did you even came here"

Im now crying mess but seems like it was nothing to him as if he fully understand the situation

He came towards me and hugged me i dont have much strength for pushing him so i just let him

"I can't find someone else i promised to myself i will only love you and only you stop being stubborn love"

I just cried harder on his chest

"you're so stupid"

"yea stupidly inlove with you i know "

.

.

.

.

Seokmin's POV

It's been 4 years now a lot has changed since that day

Right now im looking at my beautiful woman's picture admiring her once more remembering the flashbacks how'd he met you ,how he did the first move and how you said yes to him

"you fought really bravely my love im ao proud of you"

Then all of a sudden a smack came to his head he turn to see the pretty woman

"why the heck are you like that i didn't die stupid"

He just smiled and scratch the back of his head

"why? You really fought it right your sickness had vanished you look so healthy Thanks to your doctor's to your family and thanks to you mylove for surviving the cancer"

He kissed her forehead then her lips after only making the girl giggle

"iloveyou min-min"

"i loveyou more infinity and beyond my love"

#seventeen #seokmin x y/n #dk x reader

[creativebrainrot]

I dont think i have many insecurities. Not much of my own experience with myself or like any of my own traits, are things im ashamed of or feel disdain for or any negative emotion about honestly.

but the one thing that i havent gotten past yet is my insecurity about my issues with communication.

i grew up with good faith treatment being a "treat" some kind of fucking theoretical "reward" never to actually be earned. i felt like i wasnt allowed to fuck up ever at all when speaking. and that didnt come from nowhere if there was any even slight discrepancy in my sentences or sentiments themselves even, i would get interrogated for it. normal simple sentences. my abuser could find a way to make me feel awful for saying i didnt like a food yesterday that today i asked to eat. you know. his child. children, who are routinely indecisive. anyway. i grew up with every fucking conversation being a minefield. we had regular conversations maybe once or twice every other month.

i identify or selfdiagnose with the labels for autism and dyslexia because their symptoms match my experience of my life and im american so good fucking luck affording a diagnosis if you even want one.

I am disabled when it comes to talking. I have times where I go nonverbal. Sometimes I cant think of anything to say. Sometimes i just cant make myself say what i have thought of, it takes too much energy/spoons. I've always been like this. I sometimes fuck a sentence up so bad that the version that comes out of my mouth sounds more like an insult than the compliment i meant to say. I lose my own train of thought, i cant spell with ease, I get distracted from my original points in my infodumping, I will say a word I just read while talking instead of the actual planned next word, i'll think a word but skip typing it, i will sort of speak "in reverse order" saying the end of the sentence then going back to the beginning. i will forget to give full context. i will say a sentence with naked intent not a single undertone or insinuation to be found i meant EXACTLY what i just said. sometimes paired with the last one it will be a turn of phrase that doesnt work and i realize in hindsight Aw Fuck the sentence probably sounded like this other intent didnt it. etc etc. it happens over text as well. I need vocal intonation to know whats up better. i cant read tone over text well. when im low energy i speak more deadpan than usual.

and since i didnt grow up with any benefit of the doubt, since i grew up with someone who would pick One Single Thing and make it my whole personality in his dumbfuck fantasy of what our lives were like, ive ended up insecure that at some point the good faith will run out. ill "do words bad" too many times and friends will "give up on me"

It got buried so deep in my head. everytime i fucked up my abusive cunt father would act like i MEANT the fucked up version. hed also pretend to misunderstand me CONSTANTLY like he wasnt actually confused but hed try to fuck with me by gaslighting me GENUINELY gaslighting me by acting like he couldnt understand what i meant when i said something because i phrased it MILDLY ATYPICALLY. he was never that stupid. The insecurity that i am operating on borrowed time with other people no matter what because of how difficult communication through text and verbal words are is so loud still and i really hate it.

But. I'm an adult now. If someone would rather be a dickhead to me about something that i genuinely cannot control, am insecure about, and try to correct mistakes caused by said disability the exact second after the mistake happens, I can tell them to fuck off.

Beauty of adulthood; no fucking ableist nonsense in my friend groups.

#rotthoughts #open journal