#(thats a huge oversimplification but you get it)

[chloeangelic]

thoughts re: Rendezvous series and forgiveness

ive had some thoughts recently about how people might react to part 5 of rendezvous when it comes out, ie the final part, and i wanted to share for no real reason

discussions about forgiveness, infidelity and such below the cut

firstly, i want to say that zero iteration the word "forgive" appears in part 5. there is no discussion about forgiveness really at all, and i dont think there needs to be. one of the reasons is that i think the concept of forgiveness can oversimplify complex situations, as well as assign unnecessary value judgments to things. i often feel like being forgiven for something means that you have to label that thing as 100% bad and terrible, and theres no space for what sort of positive change it couldve initiated. this is often the case when it comes to infidelity - which is a whole different can of worms.

on the topic of forgiveness, however, whether its mentioned explicitly or not, ive noticed an extreme allergy to joel being forgiven for any indiscretions towards the MC in fics on this website. it seems like the MC herself can do anything and nobody really questions it when joel takes her back, we can cuck tommy into oblivion, joel can cheat on his wife etc, and all of that is cool and hot and encouraged until joel is the one making dumb decisions. people will literally forgive him for being a mass murderer but not for fucking someone else.

the discussions of morality, which are a huge focus in tlou, seem to stop short when it comes to fictional relationships between joel and MCs. we can all discuss why he merked that hospital full of fireflies, and most tlou fans will justify his actions, saying he did it for a good reason, but any relationship related indiscretions do not get the same treatment. i understand that people are sensitive about cheating, being cheated on is awful, but its unproductive to shut down all discussions about it

just to make it clear: i do not consider his actions in rendezvous cheating, not on katy and not on the MC. the MC feels more cheated on because she has an unhealthy attachment to him

am i defending his actions in rendezvous? no. do i think they need to be defended or condemned? also no. i choose not to see things as binary good/bad - even if i thought everything he did was terrible, whats he supposed to do? be alone forever because of indiscretions towards one person? i know this is fic, and i could write him living under a rock for eternity if i wanted, but this is supposed to be a realistic (in my definition) series, and realistically, thats not what happens to people who fuck up in interpersonal relationships. they move on and live their lives. we all hurt people at some point - its juvenile and delusional to think that just because someone hurt another person, theyre bound to suffer for all eternity.

i think there are a lot of nuances when it comes to relationships especially, and trying to label what hes doing in this series as cheating on the MC/katy, and then saying CHEATING BAD is an oversimplification and ignores the scope of emotion im trying to cover here. even calling it cheating ignores the depth of unlabeled relationships. i think the MC deserves more than that, cause if we say hes cheating on katy, were basically calling the MC the other woman, and the other woman is ALWAYS vilified - except in this case where shes the "reader" character. what if i wrote this entire thing in a different perspective, and katy was the reader?

im in the brainstorming stages of my next big series after love me back, and if i go with the idea thats simmering in my head right now, its gonna be a completely infidelity focused series, about when its acceptable to cheat, who is allowed to cheat and why, etc. joel will not be fucking anyone else in that series or cheating on the MC calm down

this might not be very interesting, and its not addressed to any anons in particular at all, ive just been thinking about it as the parts have been posted and thought id share my thoughts in case anyones interested. its hard to give my full thoughts without spoiling ch 5, so after thats posted i might write another reflection on it for anyone whos interested in my thought process behind the decisions ive made.

[somerabbitholes]

hi lol this is kind of weird to ask i know, but i wanted to take history for college and when i told my parents, they told me that most people who take history (and literature) are either a. people who want to take civil service and need to study more seriously for that i.e. not really taking history seriously or b. people who dont know what to do so they take the easiest option/women who just need to study until they get married, and basically that i would be surrounded by people who wont take the subject seriously, which could then affect my own seriousness. bc you have taken history i wanna ask you if thats like actually true or just an oversimplification or exaggeration?

we're 12 people in my specific combination of courses, and all of us want a PhD at some point, which is sort of an implicit assumption at the master's level: if you've made it this far, you're sticking with the subject. not all of us are looking to teach, but we do want to be part of the larger project of history. there are, of course, people who want to join the civil services but that doesn't mean they don't care about what historians do. for a lot of people i know, the civil services are just a stable job that'll give you money to support research and everything. like if you join the MEA through the whole civil service apparatus and are at a certain level, you get a grant for a PhD in the field you're interested in. so the thing about people just there for the job prep is a huge oversimplification; it's obviously a lot more nuanced.

but that stereotype also doesn't go away, even when you're part of academia: there's a sort of runnning joke in my department that most people who study ancient india do so because it's less investment and it prepares you for the exam, and there's sometimes a latent contempt for those who are just there too, but that's just an assumption and it goes away when you actually talk to someone who's studying for the exams. (because the problem isn't really that people who want to join the government aren't 'serious enough' about history, it's that academia and the bureaucracy work in ways that makes reconciliation or doing both so difficult). i'm not even going to touch the women thing because not a single person i know is killing time until they marry.

and i know you're not talking about this, but i just want to point out that history is not easy or self-evident. there's a very frustrating but very common assumption that all we do is read dalrymple or other popular historians or just go over chronologies until we know them perfectly. and as much as popular writing would have you believe that history is something "anyone can do" if you've got "a good story to tell", it is still something that needs training, there's value in being trained to read archives and write in a way that can be both critical and literary. people spend years extracting truth and building coherent narratives out of maddeningly disparate sources. it's more complicated than you think and you realize that the more you do history.

i don't think you need to worry about being surrounded by people who aren't serious. i'm not saying you'll never meet those people; i'm saying it won't be extraordinarily different for history. every field has them and that's just how it is. but you'll also find classmates and professors who care deeply about the subject, and they'll all love it and care about it in different ways, and that makes it so, so worth it.

i hope that helps & i'm sorry if i went off.

#anonymous #answered #for later #history #historyblr #c stuff

[monsterlikerr]

THE TOWER SUCKS. THEY TRIED SO HARD TO CHECK OFF ALL THE OOOHHH SHES GONNA BE SOOOO SCARY AND POWERFUL BOXES AND ENDED UP JUST MAKING HER BLAND. ITS LIKE SOMEONE LOOKED AT A TON OF FETISH ART OF A SPECIFIC THING AND USING THAT TRIED MAKING SOME AND IT SUCKS BECAUSE THEY LOST WHAT MAKES IT INTERESTING IN FAVOUR OF JUST TICKING OFF AS MANY BOXES OF WHAT THAT THING HAS. ITS LIKE IF SONEONES INTO LEATHER AND SOMEONE WHO ISNT GOES AND JUST TAKES A BIT OF EVERYTHING EVERYONES DONE WITH THAT AND IT SUCKS ASS. LIKE. THE TOWER. FROM THE VERY BEGINNENING WHEN I FIRST SAW HER I HAD NEXT TO NO EMOTIONAL REACTION BECAUSE ITS JUST. ITS SO CLEARLY JUST "WE ARE TRYING TO APPEAL AS HARD AS POSSIVLE TO PEOPLE WHO LIKE THIS" AND IT SUCKS BECAUSE IT HAS NO AUTHENTICITY. IF IM NOT INTO SOMETHING AND SOMEONE WHO LOVES IT EXPLAINS IT TO ME ILL SEE THEIR POINT. BUT THE TOWER IS LIKE. ITS LIKE SOMEONE WHO DOESNT LIKE A THING TRIED TO GET SOMEONE TO LIKE IT. i literally like macro and its just. she just sucks so bad and is so one note that i dont even care. she makes me feel nothing. she does nothing that interesting. her entire personality is just "hehe im big and powerful" and thats it it sucks so bad. ok like the fury. blood and gore and stuff can is fine ish to me in the past it has like been a thing where it could be incredibly upsetting to see if i was in a sensitive emotional state and yet she is so beautiful... AND THE FURY IS LITERALLY THE SHORTEST THING IN THE GAME. BECAUSE SHE JUST SPLODES YOU. AFTER ONE SENTENCE. the tower is so fucking boring its the equivalent of liking a woman with huge tits and ass and a nonexistent waist whos submissive its just so so so boring and everywhere ok im fine im good now i just got . i didnt realize there were people that liked her. and that set off something in me aha.

HONEST TO FUCKING GODDDDD i'm not into macro but i am into women that r like. idk. idek i can't say similar to the tower because that's a vast oversimplification and "similar to the tower" is broad and vague and doesn't portray what i wanna say. BUT LTIERALLY AGREEEEEE it feels like they made her trying to appeal to the "big tall goddess woman step on me make me your pet." or whatever. but tbh it felt like they went so much into trying to appeal to that, that it just looped around to being... noooot appealing. at least to me. idk i feel like a lot of people draw her sexy or dommy or whatever but i don't know if people ACTUALLY like her, or if they're doing that because "well she's supposed to be sexy sooo... ok i draw her like that or whatever"

[eternaldalmations]

ok hear me out

Megamind: a Will Wood Jukebox Musical

#i cant decide how much im joking #like of course im not Serious serious #but at the same time #love me normally?? when he's pretending to bernard and dating roxanne?? #laplaces angel at the beginning?? #when he's like #i am A Twisted Fucking Cyclepath because Trauma #(thats a huge oversimplification but you get it) #will wood #wwatt #megamind

[angeloncewas]

Hi I know you're probably tired of talking about this so feel free to ignore this.

While I understand why the artist may have felt like their design was stolen and their feelings towards it are definitely valid. There are some things I wanted to point out because I find it hard to believe the narrative thats being pushed.

From a business/marketing perspective, it wouldn't make sense for the team in charge to view any fanart on social media. Not only would this give way to unconsciously copying someones work(for a lack of a better word, an implicit bias you can say), kind of like when writing a paper and wanting to avoid reading someone else's bc you can sometimes unconsciously copy a sentence or idea, but I don't see the point of having a design team being active on social media, because as a business functions, that team would be the social media team to monitor fan interactions for the purpose of keeping engagement not for merch. The reason a lot of big companies rip off smaller artists is bc they wouldn't face huge consequences. Big corporations have money and lawyers, and while I don't doubt Dream has lawyer contacts when necessary, i doubt he has them on payroll and would be able to fight a claim such as plagiarism, especially because it seems like the money he gets goes back in to the company itself and it takes sometime years for a business to ever see profit.

Not only that, but the way the artist drew their design was clearly meant to be for a retro style, as she states in her tweet. Whereas the dream design went for marketing it towards children, which again is clear. The fonts are not similar at all, both designed towards the theme they are intended for. And the colors are honestly common palettes for children. Like people have pointed out, it's something you would have worn as a child yourself, which again emphasizes what the intentions of the design are. I can keep going as to why I feel like they are different enough. But all in all, when you design something with as much simplicity as both designs have, there are going to be others out there who are bound to create something similar. There are only so many combinations and styles that can be done with something as simple as fonts and colors. Idk i just hate how many conclusions are being jumped to

I'm such a centrist here I need to buy a grill.

I think calling it blatant theft feels like an oversimplification of the situation to me. Because you're right, there are some key differences and outside sources from which some of the similarities may have been drawn. Do I think that's what happened? I don't know. I'm on the fence. But it's for sure not impossible like some people are making it out to be. I also agree with what you said about big corporations versus Dream's business - while Dream isn't hurting for money, they're not the kind of massive industry that can be careless.

Regardless of whether his team did or didn't do it and his responsibility aside, I stand by my initial statement that Dream didn't know. And I think this not because I know that he's a wonderful, moral person - I like him, yeah, but I don't know him like that - rather, it just doesn't make sense considering all of his past controversies. Dream knows how his fanbase is and how closely his every move is tracked; he was and is never going to get away with stealing ideas, much less art, much less art from a community artist, much much less art from a community artist that he apparently follows on his fanart acc. He's just not that stupid. Even if you hate him, I think that makes sense from a marketing perspective - he's gotta keep his fans supportive and placated. (I have a more positive opinion on him than this, to be clear - I'm just pointing it out for argument's sake.)

#angel answers #anon #discourse #long post

[synthmusic91]

thoughts? kjfhlkjdfh asking bc i rb'd the original post from u a bit ago because i agreed w/ original poster but i just saw this rb of it and wanted to know what u thought. ciaran(.)tumblr(.)com /post/652413157345820673/there-is-a-genre-of-posts-thats-obsessed-with-the

well first of all i hope this isn't a bait ask. this reply really doesn't deserve the time and effort i put into refuting it, but there was a point in time when i was emotionally confused by these..."arguments", so whoever u are, anon, i hope this is helpful. i also recommend some distance - literally, "go outside and touch grass", which is a lot more difficult than it sounds, but it needs to be done. anyway, here's my "analysis":

for context, here's what the post in question said:

and the tags:

at a high level, we can see that what ciaran is saying doesn't really respond to what OP was talking about. for this reason, i'm not going to bring in much of what OP said, because it's uncontested in this context, and look at ciaran's reply. i'll try to break this up...

EDIT: i had a long-ass response here, but then i realized it was dumb because the source material is dumb. i cut out most of it, but here are the highlights.

"there is a genre of posts that’s obsessed with the notion that fandom is something much larger, more prevalent, and more able to affect the way media is processed and consumed, than it actually is in reality."

so, as we can all see on tiktok and, indeed, on the electronic lore olympus billboard that takes up a side of a literal skyscraper, fandom is no longer the niche thing that "fandom olds" make it out to be. also, we can't ignore how many (white) fandom players go on and work in the industry (cassandra clare, whoever wrote 50 shades, man idk much of anything so there's probably many more). so this comment is sort of myopic. and since this is what characterizes the rest of the reply, well...it's not great.

also don't look up lore olympus; it's basically a dd/////lg fanfic that happens to be one of the most popular series on the line webtoon app, which is rated for teens...and for $1 to the creator's patreon, you can view not sfw p*dophilic art, so. also obviously i didnt do that; there was a video essay about this. i can't find it though

"ironically but understandably, these posts are made by people who are so terminally fandom-poisoned that they ascribe phenomenal power to it, and think of it as some great evil that must be defeated (by making posts on tumblr, which is obviously a very influential thing to do)"

"fandom-poisoned" is such a nebulous term, especially since it appears to mean "has had some really significant, (in this context) bad experiences with fandom." this is, first of all, a huge assumption to make about a stranger, and second, not the own they think it is. i'm just going to link this post, and hopefully you can see how it relates.

anyway, the "making posts on tumblr is meaningless" is um...interesting, seeing as off the top of my head i can think of two very influential tumblr blogs that talk about really important issues, Gradient Lair and Red Light Politics. I don't know as much about Red Light Politics, but Gradient Lair is frequently cited by academics (not getting into academia nonsense now but... -_-). also, they sound more pissed that the original post did gain traction, but whatever. this paragraph doesn't really make sense, but nothing here does, because i wasn't given much to work with.

"...and then because these people have basically no imagination and unfailingly pick on others for their own faults, they project their own experiences on everyone they perceive as being more ‘in fandom’ than them,"

jesus christ. i'm going not say anything about the tone of this because i put too much effort into this for some rando to call me a cyberbully.

i think what they're thinking about is how there appear to be some "fandom critical" people who try to, holistically, "ruin everyone's good time" by "stirring up drama" about popular fandom artists/writers/whoever else idk. oftentimes these people will also make jokes about fandom whatever, seemingly picking on random people's interests.

however, if you look at the long history of fandom racism, fandom's normalization of p*dophilia, and even general fandom harassment, and then you look at fandom's visceral, unwarranted reaction to criticism regarding these things, you can quickly see that disillusionment towards fandom is entirely reasonable. as for the joking, well...this an oversimplification but not everyone needs to like what you like. it sounds like they just need to get over themself.

and go “You, a 27 year old queer blogger who is into [tv show/anime/movie] an embarrassing amount, are now going to be the face of Capitalism” with no self-reflection or critical thought given to how fucking cringe it is-"

so, i'm regretting putting so much effort into this because this is so fucking long and i have to analyze this nonsense...it feels like i'm back in my feminist thought class. nightmarish. but anyway, this seems to deal with- [CUT FOR LENGTH. nothing important was missed].

EDIT 2: actually here's a summary of what I had. it deserves better than to be a response to this nonsense, but first it detailed how this took 1. the op's post and 2. a comment that we don't even know if op agreed with and misinterpreted that, and threw quite a fit about this- and i hate to say this because this term is misused so often by redditors, but- strawman.

I then went on to discuss how, for example, PoC can uphold systems of white supremacy. while obviously no person of color is going to be the "face" of white supremacy, the discussion still needs to be had, especially within that group. similarly, while fandom constituents may not be the face of capitalism, there needs to be a discussion, within fandom, on how they support and are defined by capitalist (and other) systems.

it was really too good of a point to be making for this trash reply. I could go say more, but I'm still trying to stay on topic, unlike ciaran.

"to act like random people on the internet, end users with no influence over corporate decisions, are the ones personally responsible for the fact that late-stage capitalism has destroyed popular art and culture in an increasingly sordid attempt to make money."

we've been over the "no influence" bit - because in fact fans do have influence, especially since media creators are literally fans, etc etc. i'm tired of people acting like they have no power and using that as an excuse to support and perpetuate harmful, easily avoidable behavior.

also, to act like the nebulous system of late-stage capitalism is the only cause of bad media is ludicrous. first of all, someone has to make these so-called "corporate decisions", and the people making artistic decisions are, again, overwhelmingly members of "fandom." this comment is really trying to keep marvel trash and lore olympus-esque nonsense in the same atomic, indivisible category lest someone catches a whiff of nuance.

"the above post is a great example of this phenomenon because op admits freely that they only think fandom is destroying media because they have been spending more time in fandom and thus have an over-inflated sense of its importance in greater culture. posting your own Ls indeed."

i'm so tired. this person literally has 120 works on ao3 like...who is spending more time in fandom.

and the tags:

#i assure you that fandom has no bearing on my actual real life #and if it does on yours. then that is your problem #it's also a very funny problem to

now this is just egregiously tone deaf. you do not need to do more than a cursory google search to find a bottomless well of examples of fandom harassment, threats, doxxing, and violence, much of which is racially motivated. you can see why it would be bad to make fun of this. 

also the way that “fandom has no bearing on their actual real life“...120 fanfics on ao3. 120.

conclusion:

the reply clearly misinterprets of op's point, and as such, does not refute it. they responded to another issue altogether, which is that of the sanctity of their ~coping mechanism~ or whatever it is. their argument in this respect was, in my opinion, delusional and pathetic, especially given that they wrote it on someone else's unrelated post.

FINAL NOTE: i cut out lots of this because the reply went in so many different directions, so some stuff might not make sense. let me know if you have any questions.

#answered #anonymous #fandom #long post #q slur #s

[khiphop-discussions]

THATS WHY I LOVE PALOALTO! He did his words on his instagramatory. And he is right.

Why carw of what peoole say about hiphop when hiphop is about doing what you love, feel, think etc without carring what others say.

YOU JUST DO YOU AND THAT IS HIPHOP

I get where you and him are going. And I don’t want to be a debbie downer. But something about this doesn’t sit right with my spirit.

I think it’s a HUGE oversimplification of hip-hop. A lot of hip-hop is more about survival than being carefree or whatever. I feel like a lot of hip-hop is actually “makeshift therapy” so to speak and...survival. The originality and innovation of hip-hop and the Black community at large is HUGELY due to the fact that African Americans constantly have to find ways to get around the ever changing obstacles that white supremacist, patriarchal, classist, etc America kept (and KEEPS) putting in our path. Which is why I think originality and innovation became such important parts of hip-hop.

Hip-hop was formed to unite street gangs in NY. To stop them from killing and doing other stuff that wasn’t good and would land them in jail or 6 feet under. Obviously the “roots” of hip-hop start much earlier. But the “unite the youth/gangs” was where it really started to form into what we consider “hip-hop”. So again, it goes back to survival for why hip-hop was made.

This isn’t fully in-depth and might not fully make sense cause I wasn’t expecting this BUT I hope you can kinda understand why what he said doesn’t fully sit well with me. While hip-hop HAS allowed for being carefree and breaking away from the white supremacist mainstream (and so A LOT of hip-hop IS carefree and doing what you want and love), it’s more than JUST that idea that makes something “hip-hop”. Hip-hop runs MUCH deeper than that surface level, superficial idea. 

But yes, now that I’m done writing an African-American Music History essay? Yes, I DO like Paloalto. And I DEFINITELY understand what he was getting at. 

LOL

#asks #Anonymous

[lizzy-frizzle]

LONG POST! Psychology Basics and Pitfalls: Manipulation and Toxic Relationships

Today I will be tackling a pretty important topic. Toxic relationships, and manipulation tactics that people use to coerce others. One thing to note, is that people can display manipulative behaviours, but not be actively trying to manipulate you, so if your loved one displays one or two of these behaviours that doesn't mean they are toxic or trying to manipulate you. Furthermore, I will be providing every link that I used to get information on this, however I also use examples from my personal life, and experiences. I would like to note that I am NOT a psychologist with a doctorate or anything, I am just a dude that has read too many psychology books, and I am working on my degree for psychology. So take what I say with a grain of salt, and generate your own opinions based on the facts presented.

First, we need to recognize toxic relationships. A toxic relationship is easy to recognize from the outside, and not necessarily easy to see when you are in one. Some signs of a toxic relationship include; victimizing themselves, you spending most of your days trying to avoid them or dreading being around them, every argument ending with you being the bad guy, them never doing anything wrong, etc.

Specifically, when a person is manipulating you and being toxic in general, they will make you feel bad. They will say things like, "You are the only thing that makes me happy", "You never talk to me", they will generally make you feel like the relationship is one way. You will feel like you are putting in all the work, and they are doing nothing, or very little. You must must must keep in mind that no one is responsible for another persons happiness. You are not in charge of making your significant other happy, you are in a relationship because you enjoy their company, but it should not be the only source of happiness. Moreso, if you find that you are consistently cancelling plans, and trying to avoid them, there might be a reason for that. Manipulators will make you feel guilty about everything. They will put you down. They will make you feel like crap. If the only reason you are friends with someone is because you are afraid they will hurt themselves, or will be angry at you, then that is a sign you are in a toxic relationship.

Signs of manipulation include, Lying, being two faced, victim blaming, warping the truth to suit their needs, withholding information, yelling louder and louder, attacking you ad hominem, and generally using logical fallacies. FOr the logical Fallacy examples, Jennifer shall be your best friend. Hasty Generalizations, "I just met jennifer, and she seems like a loud and unpleasant person", Post hoc ergo propter hoc, "You are hanging out with jennifer, so you must be cheating on me with her.". Genetic Fallacy, "Your mother was a horrible person, and you are just like her." Either/or, so with this one, I would categorize it as an Ultimatum. If anyone gives you an Ultimatum choose the option that doesn't involve the person giving you the ultimatum. The idea that there are only two possible options is completely baffling. You will almost never be in a position where you only have two options, so the person giving you the ultimatum wants you to think that you are trapped, that you have no other options, they want you to submit to their will and so they give you two options, "You can either stay with me, or you can live on the streets" When you put it like that, it makes it seem hopeless, but there's no way your friends will let you be homeless on the streets. Someone somewhere will give you a couch to sleep on. Ad hominem is an attack on your person, "I'm not going to listen to you argument cause you're a dumb whore". Doesn't really offer much to a conversation does it? Red Herring, avoiding key issues, "I need you to survive, if you kick me out, I'll live in the streets!" While, yes kicking them out may put them in a bind, if they are toxic it is imperative to keep yourself safe first. They also have friends that will offer them a couch. Straw Man fallacy is a very popular one in today's news, oversimplification of a viewpoint. "You don't want to kiss me because I'm ugly" something really simple and dumb where even leaving their mouth you just kinda double take and go, "HOW?!?"

Fun fact: Salespeople at car dealerships are usually successfull because they are excellent manipulators. Just watch them.

Other manipulation tactics involve not giving you any time to make a decision, "If you want to move in with me, you have to do it today, otherwise the offer isn't on the table" (I'm not good at examples, I'm trying my best though) So this would be like, a huge freaking decision and they want you to make it in minutes, or hours. Moving in with someone, specifically, is a huge decision and should not be made in an hour. Another manipulation trick would be what I shared yesterday, Door-in-the-face technique, an example would be like, "Why don't you come back to my room to have sex?" and then after a no, "Well why not just make out for a little bit". Making a more reasonable offer after an outrageous one makes the second one more appealing, and you'll be more likely to go for it, this is a sales technique and you gotta be careful about it.

Other things to watch out for are: A person making you feel like they are their only hope, as such, "You can't be mean to me, my parents and family have abandoned me and I have no friends" Basically an outright lie for most situations, keyword "most". Hiding things....ooooo boy, hold on this needs its own paragraph.

So if your partner is hiding things from you it could be harmless, I'm going to preface this paragraph with that. They could just be buying you a christmas present and don't want you to see it. HOWEVER, if you notice consistent behaviour then maybe you should look more into it. This part is based off personal experiences, and is not backed by studies that I can find, but I have found it to be true: If a person is trying to avoid a person, or hide something on their phone they are going to put their (smart)phone face down whenever placing it on a table or something. I suspect it's to prevent you or whoever from seeing who is messaging them, this could just be them avoiding someone they dislike, but it could also be them hiding messages between them and someone else that they don't want you to see. The way I see it, if you are in a relationship with someone you need to have absolute trust, and that comes with being open about what's on your phone. I will give candi free acccess to my phone in a heartbeat. I have nothing to hide. If you don't have trust with your partner, then who CAN you trust? Really? Like, if you don't trust them with your phone, than you have more issues than I thought. Key things to look out for in a person hiding something is placeing their phone face down, deleting messages, using obscure messaging services, etc. Or freaking out when you try and look at their phone, or go into a specific app or folder. This is a big red flag for me, and if they are hiding something it needs to be addressed before the relationship can continue to flourish and blossom.

Now, you have recognized you are in a toxic relationship, what do you do? I tried searching many articles and blog posts on a good healthy way to do things. Most of them fall short on this part. So let's go with my suggestion and how I've handled toxic relationships in the past, I don't. You cut that person out of your life ASAP and never look back. A manipulator in a toxic relationship will do everything in their power to try to "win you back" but it will never be an apology. They are not likely to admit blame, and will never be the reason the relationship failed. They will have a hard time admitting to real responsiblity, "I'm sorry for the way I acted" is a kind gesture but it admits to nothing. In their mind they still haven't done anything wrong, and in fact if you accept their apology you are just absolving them of all guilt. They will go back to how they were and you get nowhere. When leaving a toxic relationship you will feel like you are at fault. You will feel depressed. You will feel like you messed everything up. You will feel like you could have saved it. BUT. YOU. CAN. NOT. If you are reading this, and you are trying to get out of a relationship and feel trapped, you are not the reason it failed. That is the manipulator. They are usually excellent at what they do. My therapist always told me that I have to put my happiness first, and while I don't think thats needed all the time, if you never put your happiness first you will be miserable. If you are unsafe, if you feel suicidal because of the emotional torment that the abuser is putting you through. Please get out of that relationship. Live with a friend. Go to abuse shelters. You should not feel guilty when you are the one that is abused. If you are the manipulator, if you see the things I've said and you know you are responsible for trapping someone in a relationship that is making them miserable, seek help, because anyone who pushes someone to suicidal thoughts is a soulless demon of a former human.

Sources: http://www.jstor.org/stable/24332280?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201510/14-signs-psychological-and-emotional-manipulation https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-is-state-mind/201708/how-recognize-toxic-individuals-and-toxic-relationships https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/lifetime-connections/201709/toxic-relationships-you-deserve-better https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201603/8-signs-toxic-friendship https://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/659/03/

Useful Links: http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx https://www.domesticshelters.org/search#?page=1

#suicide #psychology #emotional abuse

[clockworkkatana]

why did rome fall (I already asked your girlfriend but wanted to compare notes - no cheating guys)??

constantinople

i mean, okaythere isnt one specific reason by any means - rome wasnt built in a day and neither did it fall in one - but rather a whole host of them, all incredibly complex and nuanced and im going to be here for fucking hours arent i but mostly its constantinople and the audacity of naming a city after yourself and instantly moving there and declaring it the new capital of your empire and when i say that i mean actually just splitting your empire in two because you wanted a change of locale

also full disclaimer i prefer classical antiquity to the constant teenage deathdrama of late antiquity if your teen angst bullshit included political intrigue, murder plots, assassination by stabbing, assassination by poisoning, assassination by strangling, assassination by decapitation, assassination by the praetorian guard, forced abdication, forced abdication and execution, forced abdication and mutilation, forced abdication and blinding, torture, exile, and im literally still just listing ways emperors were deposed do you potentially see a possible trend and/or theme that could possibly be indicative of a federal fucking issue with regards to the roman political theater: a circus, or rather, the panem et circenses of every history major who ever thought it was maybe a little telling that “murdered roman emperor” is its own fucking category on wikipedia with subcategories to spare

also second full disclaimer im qualifying ‘fall of the roman empire’ as ‘fall of the western roman empire’ because byzantine is its own thing and im not particularly interested either in that portion of it or typing up a whole new dialogue just on the eastern roman/byzantine/ottoman empires because its too far removed from the prelapsarian concept of rome and the aesthetic ideal of the roman empire to count in my opinion

anyway

we begin, as a great deal of roman history lessons begin, with a murder(there are diatribes i could go on about how really when you think of it all of roman history begins with a murder - romulus to remus - so is it any wonder her demise begins the same way but im not even started yet so thats a bad idea just on general principle)march 19, 235. mogontiacum, the citadel that would become the city of mainz in germany. a tent flap is thrown open, and forth strides a young man in a fury like one possessedhe is severus alexander, 26, emperor of rome, and hes fucking pissedwhy so upset? enter a man named maximinus thrax, a barbarian from thrace and a goliath of a manmostly illiterate, but then soldiers never cared for literature, and it was soldiers who rallied around maximinus, soldiers who murdered severus and his mother for choosing diplomacy over open war, soldiers who proclaimed a barbarian from the black sea the new emperor of rome, and soldiers who legitimized that claim in the senate

thus begins the crisis of the third century, a fifty-year period that sees no less than 26 claimants to the imperial throne (the empires youngest emperor reigns during this time, gordian iii, who took the throne at 13 and ruled for six years before his death and was, by my account anyway, a nice kid), the fracture of the empire into the competing factions of roman, gallic, and palmyrene, a great deal of plague, a slew of invasions from the north, and some good old-fashioned economic depressionso basically a tuesday

i wont get too into the brunt of everything because im gonna be here all night as it is but while, yes, the crisis was indeed averted and the empire restored by diocletian in the early 284, the crisis of the third century marked a huge shift in the history of the empire as a whole (from augustus to severus alexander was 26 names and 262 years, from maximinus to diocletian was 23 names and 49 years) and is actually the turning point from classical antiquity to late antiquity, which i mean is telling in and of itself but frankly its only due to diocletians reforms that rome managed to survive the next 150 years as it did but im getting ahead of myself

diocletian was, by all accounts, a good ruler: he came up from nothing, the son of a peasant farmer who rose up through the legion ranks before being declared emperor after the deaths of carus and numerian he only reigned a single year as the sole emperor - he appointed his friend and fellow soldier maximian as augustus of the west, and from there he delegated further, appointing junior co-emperors called caesars (romans had a thing for titles based on previous rulers - part of the imperial cult, in a sense) to create a tetrarchy, a rule of four which actually worked out for him? with maximian and constantius dealing with germanic tribes in a scorched earth campaign along the rhine and galerius fighting the sassanids to the south, diocletian was able to secure the border (didnt even have to build a wall, fancy that) and focus on much-needed imperial reform, though perhaps his greatest achievement is that he was the first in the history of the empire to abdicate and retire peacefully and voluntarily, living out the rest of his days in the small town of spalatum (now split in croatia)

without diocletian, things, as they tend to, go to shityet another roman civil war burns itself out for the next 8 years or so before we get constantine the great, who takes a bunch of diocletians work and either rolls with it or upends it based on whether or not it suited him at the time, and its with constantine where the empire really starts hemorrhaging

personally i think constantine gets too much credit there are like maybe three people in history who deserve the title of ‘the great’ and just because you got venerated by the dominant religion in all of western civilization doesnt mean youre great it just means youre not a fan of persecution and i mean thats cool but im not a fan of persecution and im certainly not so titled, no i just get dubbed ‘the pure’ because i dont hit on every maiden from here to camelot listen lance buddy gwen was better off with arthur and you just need to get the fuck over yourself alreadythis turned into a roast track for lancelot all of a suddenanyway constantinea lot of it is because of the whole religion thing which ill go over briefly but likeyes he pulled off a lot of reform that did a lot of economic and social good and he stopped the persecution of christians which i mean yes is a good thing and yadda yadda yawn listen he fucked up big time with constantinople alright you could narrow down a lot of this answer to just the word ‘constantinople’ and frankly youd be the better for not reading and having forced me to write what has to be like at least a thousand words by now but all in all constantinople in my mind marks the period where shit really starts tanking because up until then - with the crisis and the tetrarchy, etc - the empire had been divided but never so explicitly and finally separated. this is a major turning point for the empire as it actively splits the whole of rome pretty much down the middle - diocletians tetrarchy had done this before, yes, but not nearly as callously nor as resolutely: once every great while a strong emperor would reunite the west and east under one ruler but eventually hed die and it would be civil wars all over again until we came back to east and west

from constantine it was a slow march towards the grave for rome - the crossing of the rhine, a constant plague of invasions and failed wars that slowly chip away at her lands and resources and put considerable strain on her already absolute shite economy (turns out an economy dominated by slavelabor and conquest isnt feasible when you lose all your wars and your empire is splintering before your eyes)

the last “true” emperor of what i, anyway, consider rome - and even that is up for debate - is romulus augustulusonly 14, and his claim disputed everywhere beyond italy, but it seems fitting, to me: named for romes founder, called ‘little augustus’ after her first emperorhe is deposed - but not killed, exiled to a seaside castle where he disappears from historical record - by odoacer, who becomes the first king of italy, as there was no more empire to rule, and with the death of the office of emperor so dies the state of the empire

this is a vast oversimplification of a lot of things and you should also read radias answer which is probably better than this one - i summarize a lot in my theses and probably need to work on thatbut yeah pretty much there you have itblame constantinople

#historia stercore tremendum #long / #im so tired but also bless you for this #Anonymous

[isaacathom]

i wanna put an elven volcano into the world of Shano fe Yula (as a direct results of the planar collision 1000 years ago). but im trying to figure out how to make it obviously alien. because it is. its just not of this human realm. its magic as fuck. it would perhaps explain why elves were more magically advanced at the time of the Collision and thus the ones to discover the ‘Planar Sea’ and thus, the dwelling place of spirits. that shits hyper magical.

i sorta want a bunch of floating shit? just because thats cool. or stuff to do with cold, as a contrast to the deserts that start as soon as its rivers end. and some glowy shit. and its all perfectly normal to the elves, of course, and is a huge reason theres s giiiiiaaannnt community of elves along the eastern seaboard. on this specific continent, its the place that is most like home. its a cultural thing. its also highly rumoured to be the location of a functional portal to the elven plane, so a lot of weird shit happens in the area. like, yknow, Necromancy.

i want it because its cool but its also for like, the world, yknow. for instance, its a perfect location to explain why the necromancer knows pretty flawless elven. as such a culturally significant location for the elven diaspora, even prior to the Great Division, it is the stronghold of elven culture. elves in other locations are statistically likely to have ‘mutated’ elven accents, wherein they speak like humans would. some of the vowels would sound ‘weird’ to native elves, and some sounds just get weird. but around this elven volcano, the ‘native’ elven accent has been preserved. of course thats a gross oversimplification, and the elven language would have internal variety. but if you wanted to learn authentic elven, you go there. which includes necromancy. because of course it does. where the fuck else are necromancers going to go. its the most planar-magical location on the continent. perfect for summoning the souls of the dead

so thats cool! :)

#story blogging #the thing about necromancy is that it is a form of 'planar magic' ie a sort of teleportation #actually straight forward teleportation magic was lost in the Great Division (since it relied on the two planes being close) #but summoning a spirit is basically opening small portals between your plane and the Planar Sea to drag them through #and is really a natural progression of the Planar Magic that blossomed in the wake of the Collision. its just..... ethically sketchy yknow

[addcrazy-blog]

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That's Higher, Mac or Home windows?

This Week’s Dialogue: Windows 10 As opposed to MacOS

Apple’s software program has long been heralded as a Higher designed and less difficult to use the gadget, with Home windows being a less smooth but more adaptable choice. Is there nonetheless fact to that oversimplification? Nicely, both structures at the moment are so feature-congruent that the antique rivalry doesn’t precisely keep actual anymore. each structure offer all the major functions you’d assume of a contemporary working gadget and, for each day usage, the general public might be high-quality with either.

Mistakes loading media: Record couldn’t be played

It’s the info, though, wherein they differ. If you’re a gamer, you’ll probably need to stick with Windows mainly because you may adapt your own hardware to fit your desires. That could imply constructing a soup-ed machine from scratch or simply upgrading your portraits card.

On the disadvantage, Windows is greater of a goal for viruses and malware really due to the fact the diverse variations of Home windows have a lot of the market share that it’s a clean target. That doesn’t imply MacOS is proof against malware; it’s just a much less frequent target.

both MacOS and Windows 10 have voice assistants, with Cortana on Windows and Siri on Mac. While they may be beneficial when you simply want to test the weather or look for some thing on-line, we’ve determined that we don’t use all of them that an awful lot. It feels a little much less natural than using voice assistants on a telephone and computer microphones don’t always paintings that Properly.

The largest distinction among the 2 is the surely the hardware you is probably the use of. To dive into what sets the 2 apart I was joined On the show by way of Christina Warren and Alex Cranz of Gizmodo. Apple’s laptops had been for decades a relative gold fashionable for Nicely-designed, solid, daily use computers that you could purchase with out fretting approximately the specifications very much. There are numerous cheaper options, however, a MacBook Pro just works. But, latest updates to the MacBook Pro line that include the specific Touch Bar lead them to especially highly-priced If you need high-stop specifications. In case you need to apply MacOS, even though, you’ll essentially be tied to Apple’s hardware. (Or you could try to pass the ‘Hackintosh’ course—that is, installing MacOS on non-Apple hardware.)

Home windows, by using evaluation, is designed to work on a huge variety of hardware, from laptops to desktops and touchscreen tablets. Which means you may spend just a few hundred greenbacks to get a low-cease Home windows PC, however, Microsoft has also made a push with new high-give up hardware just like the Surface E-book. There’s also plenty of middle floors, with the Dell XPS 13 generally advocated as a notable price. After which, of direction, In case you need to build you’re personal tricked out a rig for gaming or other processor-in depth packages, then Home windows is clearly the pleasant preference.

Our Improvements of the Week

Every week to round out The Upgrade with the little Enhancements of our personal. Here’s a brief recap:

Andy: I’ve been the use of big ice cubes. Undoubtedly large ice cubes—approximately inches throughout. People say they’re Higher for drinks because they soften slower so that your drink doesn’t emerge as watered down; I don’t virtually realize if that’s the case, however, I like them anyway. I exploit those silicone trays for my massive ice. Eric: Eric’s been the usage of Data Selfie to track his Fb utilization. It saves Information regionally and generates a file that suggests you what Facebook can tell approximately you out of your conduct—like the Humans you communicate to maximum, your political leanings, or even your emotional kingdom. Thorin: Thorin’s Upgrade is going on at the grocery shop. Recently, a collection of food manufacturers has agreed on a brand new standardized manner to label expiration dates to Better reflect whether or not your food is sincerely nonetheless safe to eat.

Macs for Home windows users

This isn’t always going to be one of these traumatic “Gee, isn’t the Mac outstanding?” or “Why I selected the Mac over Home windows” articles that Apple lovers have inflicted On the rest of the world for years. I’ve had my fill of these – and they do not get any Higher, despite the fact that I’m a Mac person now.

I am penning this column for the likes of my colleagues Rome, an extended-time Windows consumer who Currently offered an iBook, or Connie, who dreams of getting one unfastened from her editor.

Windows users are specific from novices. Formed through years of enjoying, they method a laptop looking ahead to do things in a sure way. Dissonance sets in after they find that the not unusual tasks they used to carry out on Home windows are now not to be had – or, as more likely the case, accessible through a unique set of commands. Here then, is some practical recommendation from a person who is been in the trenches.

Delete. The “delete” key on a Mac doesn’t work like its Home windows counterpart. Instead of deleting the person to the right of the cursor and ultimate up to space, the Mac delete works just like the backspace key. To get Windows-fashion delete, maintain down the “fn” key before hitting the delete key.

Of Mice and Macs. Apple best Lately discovered the advantage of a proper mouse button. don’t fret. Any antique USB optical mouse will work. I for my part choose an awesome wheel to the little button on Apple’s Robust Mouse. just as in Windows, you may right-click on on an icon to activate a context-sensitive menu. On a pocket book Touchpad, maintain down the “ctrl” key and click on an icon to get the same effect.

Home windows Media Participant. Forget Home windows Media Player for the Mac. The reviews were instead bad. In fact, Forget QuickTime, which may not play AVI or WMV files, and won’t cross complete display screen except you Improve to a paid version. Download VLC Media Participant (http://www.Videolan.Org/), a free multi-platform application so that it will do all the above and play DVDs, MP3 and MP4 documents as well. For some reason, VCD playback is uneven, so for that, you can use MPlayer (also loose) or QuickTime.

Itunes, ShmyTunes. Many Human beings swear through iTunes, but If you don’t have an iPod, you’re likely Higher off the usage of VLC Media Player to play your music. It is less intrusive – it may not provide to experiment your tough disk for songs, attempt to sell you track, provide you with unnecessary statistics approximately licensing or devour up greater disk area via duplicating your songs in its own directory. It’s going to simply play your sweet tunes. On an iBook, VLC will also play music louder.

Record institutions. So how do you inform a Mac to continually use VLC to play your AVI or MP3 files? clean. proper click on any MP3 Record and pick “Get Data” from the context menu. inside the “Open with” phase, pick VLC Participant. Then click the Change All button to use the identical File association everywhere else.

Finding stuff. Locating documents At the Mac can be a challenge In case you’re used to Windows Explorer. Macs have Finder, which has subtle variations. The sidebar on Finder is not similar to the folders view on Explorer, which offers you a hierarchical view of your listing. The pinnacle 1/2 of Finder indicates you what drives – inclusive of the ones on a community – that you can get right of entry to. The lowest half of-of the sidebar incorporates shortcuts to folders and documents you operate regularly. At the same time as you are nonetheless familiarizing yourself with Finder, strive the use of Spotlight, a effective search software that permit you to locate what you want speedy. simply click On the blue and white icon At the top-right part of the screen and sort. Spotlight will fast bet what you need.

Ways to pores and skin a Mac. With the feasible exception of games, most Windows XP packages have Mac opposite numbers. For instance, there’s no Mac version of my preferred BitTorrent patron, uTorrent, but an application called Transmission does the identical task very well. There are variations of MS Office for the Mac, of the path, but there may be additionally a freeware equal called NeoOffice. The FTP software I take advantage of on XP, WS FTP, is not available On the Mac, however, I have were given Cyberduck working simply first-rate. On the spot messaging? Forget Yahoo or MSN Messenger and get Adium.

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