#(I mean. beyond the other reasonable explanation that it is. you know. result of Dazai's abuse) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

misstinfoilhat · 5 years

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Whumptober 2019 #14: Waterlogged- Bungou Stray Dogs

I can’t remember which prompt I changed for this, but this is one of the alternative ones. ***** As he let himself fall from the tall bridge over the ocean, it felt like he was just hanging there for several seconds. The only hint of him falling was how the wind built up around him and almost took his breath away.

Always first, came the sensation of weightlessness.

The chill air of autumn ruffled his unruly locks and made them fluttered freely, tickling his cheeks and shadowing his vision. This feeling was so familiar to him now, that he didn't even feel the need to flail his arms and legs in fear as he fell- floated- on his back towards the water's edge.

No “life passing before your eyes,” no spontaneous conversion to religion and no panic. Just a rather boring and accepting realization of what was about to happen.

It was not until his back hit the water’s surface, that Dazai's expression morphed into anything even remotely implicative of giving a fuck.

The ice-cold water welcomed him, swallowing him down greedily as he slowly sank into the blackness of the dark abyss. The way life on the surface sounded muffled underwater filled him with fuzzy, warm anticipation. Anticipation for death. He offered himself fully, letting the arms of Poseidon reach out- surrendering completely, letting himself be dragged down as air bubbles rushed past him towards the small, flickering lights above. The average person can hold their breath between 30 to 60 seconds. The breaking-point comes after 87 seconds- even if it's sort of a neurological optimism. One's instinct to not breathe underwater is so strong, that it will overcome the agony of running out of air- no matter how desperate you might be as you feel like you're drowning- you won't break until you don't have any other choice.

Not until your body is telling you that the lack of oxygen is killing you and breathing might not, so... might as well inhale. And that's what Dazai did. He knew the final breath would be the ticket he needed; the ticket to the mercy of a life beyond.

Except--

As his lungs filled with water, he felt something grip firmly around his wrist. Just before unconsciousness called him in, he felt himself being rushed upwards. Someone was gripping his arm tightly, tearing him relentlessly away from his release. The last thing he noticed before his world turned to obscurity, was the gleaming glow of the surface, coming closer, and closer, and closer.

–

Dazai heaved in a violent breath just as water spurted out from his lips, hurling himself to the side, feeling gravel and grass beneath his grasping hand, panting desperately.

Gutteral coughs ravaged through every inch of his body and his lungs stung fiercely from the lack of oxygen. There was also a dull ache to his ribs which he reasoned as the outcome from heart compressions--

Which meant that he had almost made it.

Behind him, he sensed someone; someone catching their breath. His “savior”- goddamn, good samaritans, who he ignored in favor of laying still, looking dully at the dirt beneath him and wondering if there was any way to roll back into the water without being noticed.

“What the hell-” the someone behind him begun sharply- and Dazai frowned at the realization of who it was.

Not only was he going to get reprimanded for trying to kill himself again, he was also going to get shit for ruining this man's 'oh so holy' schedule.

“I saw a crab,” Dazai interrupted idly. “I felt like a snack.” He tried to quelch a few coughs, but water still spilled from his mouth.

“Don't... even try that bullshit with me!” Kunikida growled, clearly forcing his own restraints, giving Dazai a light punch in the back.

Dazai only shrugged, curling tightly in on himself with a blank expression.

He didn't want to deal with this. Not now, after another failure. No wonder the Agency didn't take him seriously when he said he wanted to die. Not that it mattered anyway. The whole point of committing suicide was to be in charge of his own fate. Death was inevitable, and up to this point in his life, far too many people had had his life in their hands. Death had been an everyday threat- an endless technique of domination used by whoever had their claws closest to his young, fragile form, late into his teens.

This was his way of showing that he was finally his own master.

Something shifted behind him, tearing him away from his musings as Kunikida's tan khakis and brown shoes came into sight in front of his vision, which was still littered with black dots that almost resembled static on an old television screen.

Dazai's ears were ringing, and he felt strangely nauseous, but it didn't seem to distract him from the feeling of absolute defeat.

The soaked loafers squeaked as the pony-taled man crouched down beside him, grabbing a tight hold around his wrist. Dazai flinched a little at the touch before he realized that his partner was checking his pulse. So, he tried to relax, kind of hoping that the idealistic man wouldn't find any- that he actually was dead and just too slow to realize it- too stupid to accept it.

He groaned softly as he felt the slow beating against the firm grasp, and closed his eyes while waiting for the minute to pass.

Kunikida frowned before he let go. “We should get you back to the agency and let Yosano have a look at you,” he said gravely, getting ready to hose Dazai back up. “No,” Dazai croaked, giving no sign of letting the bespectacled man help him up.

“What?” Kunikida asked, holding his hand out and looking genuinely confused.

Dazai shook his head with careful movements. He had a headache. But that was not a good enough reason to go see a doctor, even if it was only in their own infirmary at the Agency. “I'm not seeing Yosano,” Dazai murmured expressionlessly.

“Of course you are, you almost drowned!”

Kunikida was growling now, appalled, trying his best to keep his voice from rising.

“She... Nobody needs to know,” Dazai eventually said flatly, unable to tear his gaze away from the ground he rested on.

Automatically, Kunikida's face warped into a furious grimace and he took a deep breath, getting ready to heave out all or any knowledge he had about near-drowning experiences and how utterly stupid his bandage-wasting partner was to even suggest that... that...

But then, the tone of Dazai's voice registered in his mind, as well as the doleful expression on his face; the dark, half-lidded eyes absolutely refusing to meet his own.

Why did he never seem to remember that Dazai was actually suicidal? That it wasn't some grand scheme to annoy them or get attention- to be a nuisance and cause disorder.

Dazai hurt. Dazai hurt really bad and he had once again failed to recognize it.

Discouraged, Kunikida sighed, sitting down slowly by Dazai's side, folding his hands, resting them on his knees while he looked at the setting sun on the horizon.

For a while, they didn't talk, not a single word. Dazai honestly preferred it that way and Kunikida had no idea what to say.

“...I'm sorry,” he finally managed, downcasting his head in shame.

This time, it was Dazai's turn to be confused. He furrowed his eyebrows skeptically before he hoarsely asked, “What?”

“I said, I am sorry,” Kunikida responded slowly. “I am sorry that I don’t understand how you feel. That, I keep forgetting how hard all of this... actually is for you.”

Dazai shifted in his spot, a bit too fatigued to actually get up. The blonde man noticed his efforts and leaned back a little to help him sit up.

Dazai's vision immediately swam in a sudden dizzy fit, making the nausea worse and he felt like he had to barf for a moment. He let his head fall down, his balance with it. Without meaning too, he sank to the side, abruptly resting wearily on Kunikida's shoulder.

He felt his senior jostle as he bumped into him, but he couldn't help it. His energy was drained, he had a hard time breathing and he couldn't keep his eyes open. The evening and its darkness were closing in on them and the wind sent chills down his spine as he realized that it was getting pretty cold.

He wasn't sure when his teeth had started to clatter.

Half-expecting for Kunikida to shrug him off, which would result in him collapsing back to where he had lied before, Dazai braced himself.

But- nothing happened.

Kunikida sat still, sturdy as a rock, even though Dazai could feel his skin getting cold from the soaked fabric of his clothes, just like him.

It made him feel bad.

“Okay,” Dazai finally said roughly, his voice breaking halfway through the word.

He felt the shoulder he was resting his head on changing a little, assuming Kunikida had tilted his head to the side to look at him.

“Hm?” Kunikida hummed patiently, uncharacteristicly for the strict man, which only made Dazai feel even worse.

“We should get back to the Agency,” was all Dazai managed to say, still resting his head on his partner's shoulder.

“Sure, that’s... we...” Kunikda was searching desperately for the right words. He seemed nervous and unsure, again making Dazai’s stomach churn angrily in regret and a guilty conscience. Kunikida sighed finally.

“...We don't need to tell Yosano what happened. I'll say I pushed you, or... something,” Kunikida shrugged, feeling Dazai shake lightly while croaking out hoarse chuckles at the fairly plausible explanation.

“Okay,” Dazai whispered with a faint smile, moments away from sleep.

Kunikda shifted, getting up while simultaneously dragging his partner up with him, guiding his hand across his shoulders and steadying him as they began their slow ascent up towards Kunikida's car from the small bay.

Dazai was hardly able to move his feet, sluggish footsteps bearly able to move across the coarse sand. Kunikda walked slowly, patiently, carrying more than steading the man.

Finally on top of the steep hill, Kunikida helped Dazai into the passenger seat and buckled his belt for him, before closing the door and returning to the driver’s seat.

He buckled his own belt before he turned the ignition.

“Kunikida...” Dazai breathed weakly, fumbling one soaked, bandaged hand for something, finally locating it on the gear stick.

Kunikida's cold hand was pressed firmly by a different, freezing one.

Narrow eyes looked at the scarred grip on his own hand before he looked up and met a sickly pale, shuddering expression. Dazai was clearly fighting to stay awake, but his hold on his hand didn't falter for a second.

“What, what is it? Are you okay?” Kunikida asked urgently, stopping the car.

Dazai's expression warmed considerably as the corners of his mouth rose into a tired smile and his eyes once again rested shut.

Weakly, he nodded his head, letting it fall tiredly onto his own shoulder, while still keeping his hand where it was.

“I just... I just wanted to say thank you,” Dazai said softly, lastly, letting his hand slide off the gear stick and back onto his lap, letting the current drift him far, far away into the far depths of unconsciousness.

#whumptober #whump fic #whumptober2019 #no.14 #waterlogged #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #osamu dazai #Dazai Osamu #doppo kunikida #kunikida doppo #fluff #fanfiction

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joeys-piano · 5 years

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odazai :3c or if you've already been asked for it, then dazatsu!

I only have enough energy to do the Odazai one, Luka~ Since this ask is pretty long (nearly 4k!), here’s the gist if you’re unable to read the full version at this time:

Far from being a perfect couple, what’s emotionally intimate and personal about Dazai and Oda’s relationship is that despite their differences and their faults, they make strides in understanding each other and in recognizing each other’s boundaries. It’s not always perfect, there are mishaps and mistakes along the way, and certain things are a rather sore subject to them both. But something admirable and important to take away from this is that Dazai and Oda make an effort to listen to each other, to understand the undercurrent of tension and stress that lapses between them at times, and they’re both gradually moving forward with what they have learned and that adds vitality and strength to their relationship.

Send Me A Ship, And I’ll Tell You…

who is more likely to hurt the other?While it would seem contrary and even OOC for me to say this, I believe that Oda would be more likely to hurt Dazai. Before you stab me for my hearsay, let me explain. The term “hurt” can be used as an umbrella term for different types of pain: physical, emotional, mental, etc… Oda wouldn’t physically or mentally hurt Dazai. He has no reason to, and it’s not in his nature to lash out in those ways. The only pain that Oda ever dealt to Dazai was emotional.

We see this towards the end of the Dark Era arc when Oda bids his final farewell to his children before confronting Gide. In the silence of that moment, with desperation rising in his throat, we watch and listen as Dazai asks – no, pleads – for Oda to think this over and find something else to live for. For the first time, the demonic mask of the Port Mafia Executive falls. Left behind and hardly unscathed is the face of a child, of a young man who had nothing to live for but is desperately clinging onto the one person that his world wouldn’t be the same without. Despite all of this, despite this probably being the first time Dazai has ever broken from his usual composure, Oda tells him that he can’t do that.

To Oda, if he was to go back on this, his children would’ve died for nothing. Their deaths would forever haunt him if he couldn’t avenge for them, himself. What’s even more emotionally painful about this scene is that this is one of the few, poignant moments where Oda doesn’t yield to Dazai’s words. It’s hard to put up a nonchalant front and casually go along with what your friend is saying when you’ve lost some of the most important people in your world. With that established and mutually understood, Oda leaves behind a gaping hole within Dazai’s heart before departing from the scene.

But even if we forget that canon exists and we’re lawlessly frolicking through the land of AU, I still stand by the idea that Oda is more likely to emotionally hurt Dazai. Not in a sense where there’s a lack of respect or trust in the relationship, not in a sense where everything’s on the rocks and hearts are on edge, but in the sense of honesty. Of the duo, Oda is more of an honest man and Dazai knows this. So when Oda says something, the weight behind his words is even heavier because there’s no hidden agenda to obscure anything. Oda means what he says. So sometimes, whether intentional or not, what he says hurts.

Dazai isn’t someone who’d flourish his heart at his sleeve. Or in other words, he’d rarely admit if he was hurt by something Oda had said. I’d imagine that Dazai would take Oda’s words into consideration and resolve to do better if disappointment is what’s lingering in the air. Having known him for a considerable amount of time, Oda would notice the slight shift in Dazai’s words and body language and realize that he had hurt him.

who is emotionally stronger?At a first glance, it seems 50/50. Oda and Dazai both possess an incredible amount of resilience and resolve, so I have no idea who would be emotionally stronger than the other! I’d say that they’re both equals when it comes to this^^

who is physically stronger?At first glance, you’d think it’s Oda. Former-assassin, former glorified handyman of the Port Mafia, and probably dragged a very drunk-off-his-ass Dazai from the Bar Lupin after a long Friday night…

This question ultimately depends on what you mean by physical strength. If we’re talking about endurance and physical prowess, I’d say that Oda has the upperhand in that department. If we’re talking about endurance in regards to physical pain and taking into account the body’s rate of healing after being afflicted by a series of injuries, Dazai wins in that department. They’re both physically stronger than the other in different ways.

who is more likely to break a bone? Dazai has probably broken as many bones in his body as there are stars in the sky.

who knows best what to say to upset the other?Dazai. Sometimes, whether he means well or not, he knows exactly what to say to garner a rise from Oda. Sometimes it’s through a careless phrase or a careless set of words, sometimes it’s through an overly elaborate explanation when only a word or two would suffice or sometimes, Dazai drifts a little too far and Oda is reeling him back. Oda is a writer, after all. He can decipher many of the nuances behind Dazai’s words.

who is most likely to apologise first after an argument?Dazai is aware when he takes an argument too far, so I could see him being the first to apologize. There are moments where he’ll fixate on a little thing and an argument escalates as a result of that fixation. Oda would’ve grown tired of it and would try to move on, but Dazai would reel the topic back into the foreground of the conversation until A] Oda tells Dazai that he needs some time to himself or B] Oda may have to raise his voice so Dazai would know that he doesn’t want to continue the conversation anymore.

Dazai never realized he had a habit of fixating on certain things in conversations until he saw how upset Oda was during one of its first occurrences. Before Oda could apologize for raising his voice, an air of exasperation at his tongue, Dazai apologized first. He’d apologize for not paying attention to Oda’s boundaries, for pushing Oda beyond his comfort zone, and for ignoring his repeated asks/requests to change the topic of conversation. Dazai initially ignored these things because this is the same tactic he’d used to whittle information out from traitors, criminals, and hostages that had found their way into one of the Port Mafia’s interrogation rooms. He didn’t think that old tactic would emerge in his and Oda’s relationship, but now he knows.

who treats who’s wounds more often? Oda is one of the very few people that Dazai trusts enough for this job. Dazai is intimately aware of how vulnerable he is while his wounds are getting treated, and he trusts Oda enough to know that the man won’t stab him while he’s getting stitches or rubbing ointment over his bruises.

who is in constant need of comfort? Having forsaken his humanity while living under the Port Mafia’s name, there are moments where Dazai reaches out for Oda and cuddles into the man’s arms. Because within that moment, while surrounded by Oda’s warm and tight embrace, Dazai feels a little more human. He feels like he’s able to continue on this path of being a good person, a person striving towards the light. He feels a little safer, able to let down his guard and simply be himself. He feels whole, even though he’s a few cracks away from falling apart. Oda is the embodiment of Dazai’s strength, so Dazai snuggles against him to regain that strength.

who gets more jealous? I can see slight shades of this from both of them. Where for Oda, the jealousy manifests as a want to protect Dazai from others that might be using him for their own good or for worse. And for Dazai, the jealousy manifests like a calm before a storm when he quietly confronts someone on what their intentions are with Oda. Jealousy, especially when in regards to love, isn’t an emotion that I write about often so I’m not sure how to answer this^^

who’s most likely to walk out on the other? Dazai. Not because he wants to, but because it’ll protect Oda and the world that Oda believes in.

who will propose? It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a man with everything to live for would want to share that everything with the man he has longed for. For someone as exquisite and as eccentric as Dazai, marrying him in a church was one of the last things on Oda’s mind. But to marry him like this, with Life and Death as their sole witnesses, perhaps it wasn’t a strange idea after all. In a beautiful yet peculiar way, it made sense to die together in order to live together.

So after an unsuccessful attempt at leaping from a bridge and falling into a river, while Dazai fished him from the edge of the embankment and congratulated him for surviving his first suicide attempt, Oda proposed right then and there. When Dazai reached out his hand, Oda clasped a wet engagement ring against his palm and asked if Dazai would marry him. The only sound that registers to Oda’s ears are the quick, short breaths that unfurl from Dazai when he realizes what the latter has just asked. He mumbles quietly, more to himself than to anyone else, that he’d only bring Oda trouble. Without missing a beat, Oda replies that in loving someone for who they are, to know their flaws and love them too, was an honest kind of love. That’s how Oda described his love for Dazai, and Dazai just stares at him before a smile threatens to break his expression.

who has the most difficult parents?Considering I know nothing about their family history, I can’t answer this question with confidence! If I were to guess, I’d say Dazai.

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? During the soft lulls where they’re walking together, occasionally brushing hands because they’re walking so closely to one another, Oda reaches out for Dazai and Dazai intertwines their fingers together. They fit so naturally, hand in hand, as if there’s nowhere else that their hands could be.

who comes up for the other all the time? I don’t know what this question means.

who hogs the blankets? Occasionally, but more often than Oda could count, he’d sleepily climb into bed and discover that all the blankets are gone. The fleece, the cotton, the synthetic wool, the heater-blanket that Dazai has cherished during the past four years of their relationship, and the thin sheet that Oda often drapes under because his body overheats at night are gone. Disappeared. Vanished, like they were never here. Patting his hands around the bed, eyes still closed and heavy with sleep, Oda tries to figure out where everything had gone. Eventually, his hands meander from his side to the bed to Dazai’s. Where his fingers thread through Dazai’s hair, where his palm lightly taps Dazai’s snuggled cheek, and….where Oda’s hands discover a large and fluffy blanket cocoon where Dazai’s body should be.

It takes about fifteen seconds before Oda feels like he has enough energy to open his eyes, and what he sees makes him wonder if he’s dreaming. Dazai had wrapped all of the blankets around himself, and he’s currently snugged like a burrito on his side of the bed. If the light snoring is of any indication, Dazai is fast-asleep and has already drifted off to La La Land. Sinking into the bed slowly, Oda carefully rolls onto this side and tries to peel the cocoon off from his husband. He knows that Dazai gets cold at night, but this is rather extreme. Especially since the heater-blanket is so closely snugged to Dazai, Oda fears that his beloved will be dead by the next morning because of overheating.

One measly inch at a time, pausing every now and then when Dazai moves or wiggles around, Oda takes his time as he slowly unravels the cocoon. With each layer that he manages to peel off, Oda can discern a sweet smell. It’s faint, almost like the vanilla body wash that’s in the shower right now, and Oda can find the smell on the sheets and it’s even stronger with every blanket-layer he manages to pull off from Dazai. Ah, Dazai must’ve fallen asleep as soon when he got out from the shower. Probably cold from the lack of steam around him, it would’ve prompted him to fashion this blanket cocoon. It all made sense now. The last blanket-layer, the heated-blanket, remained untouched as Oda gathered the rest of the cocoon and lazily dispersed the layers around the bed. Draped under his thin sheet, now secure and slightly protected from the cold, Oda can finally sleep.

But oh, he’s roused from his slumber and it’s barely been five minutes! As he opens his eyes, Oda realizes that he’s slowly being turned. Somewhere in the midst of sleep, Dazai had instinctively reached out for Oda and is currently tangled yet snuggled under the man’s arms and legs. It was as if Dazai could sense that his blanket cocoon had been destroyed, so he carefully crafted another. Where instead of reaching out for the sheets, Dazai reached out for the warmest thing in the vicinity. So that’s how a very toasty Dazai and a very sleepy Oda would fall asleep on most nights. Where Dazai is secured, warm, and affectionately cuddled while Oda tenderly embraces him and feels a little colder when Dazai steals his thin blanket and is too tired to fish for it again.

who gets more sad? Sadness isn’t the only thing that lingers when Dazai is upset, but frustration crackles like a fire if he’s left to his own devices. Maybe sadness and frustration aren’t the only feelings, caged within his heart. Perhaps, there’s a note of exhaustion that unfurls as a whisper because Dazai keeps it to himself.

Sometimes, there are moments where he doesn’t have the energy to be a good person. Sometimes, he feels less inclined to help others and wishes for them to figure out what they need to do instead. Sometimes, it really bothers him how others have a much easier time of being a good person while this is something that Dazai still struggles with. Two, four, six years down the line. He’s tired, emotionally and mentally drained. Unable to put up his usual antics at the office and is aware of Kunikida and Atsushi are staring at him, brows knitted with concern. Dazai leaves the agency early that day and when he gets home, he’s writhed with shame and disappointment with how he’s been acting.

When he left the Port Mafia with Oda, he knew it’d be hard. He knew he’d struggle with being a good person, he knew he’d have to persevere and push through whatever he was dealing with, and…Dazai’s thoughts are interrupted when the front door opens and Oda is watching him with a peculiar glint in his eyes.

The door had been unlocked, but no one was coming inside. That was why Oda opened the door, concerned that something must’ve happened. And he looks at Dazai and sees the weariness in his eyes, Oda takes Dazai by the hand and slowly leads him to the kitchen where he can sit down. Dazai is so stiff that he’s unable to ease into his seat, even with the helpful coax of Oda’s hands at his shoulders. A series of tight, worrying knots are hitched at Dazai’s back so Oda massages the aches with a delicate touch.

During moments like this, Oda knows better than to ask Dazai of what’s bothering him. During moments like this, Oda’s first priority is for Dazai to feel comfortable. And then after that, they can work through and talk about whatever is on Dazai’s mind. Oda gives Dazai a choice on when he wants to talk about these things and tries his best not to urge Dazai to speak if the latter doesn’t feel like speaking. By taking things at a slower, more flexible pace, Oda knows that Dazai will be more honest with him when they’re finally speaking. He knows that Dazai won’t be hiding anything from him, and he knows that Dazai won’t be putting up a front to seem strong in Oda’s eyes.

After about an hour, after an early dinner, after a warm and lazy bath where Dazai messed with a rubber duck while Oda shampooed his hair, and after spending nearly the entire evening snuggled at Oda’s side while the latter is reading a book of poetry, Dazai finally speaks. His voice is quiet, his words are murmured into Oda’s skin, but Oda listens to him. He closes the book of poetry and gives Dazai his full, undivided attention as Dazai whispers what’s been bothering him. He confesses his fears, his worries, and everything in between while Oda rubs small circles along his back.

After hearing Dazai’s concerns, Oda talks to him. This is one of those rare and few moments where Oda speaks a lot more than he usually does while Dazai is quietly listening. Giving advice isn’t one of Oda’s strongest points, so he talks from his own experience and how he kind of figured out that being a good person is more than just being good. You can still be a good person, even if you have bad thoughts or impulses at times. You can still be and become a good person, even if your past wasn’t grounded in a good place. Oda tells Dazai that sometimes being a good person involves struggling through, working against, or even despite these things. That Dazai isn’t any less of a good person because he has to work a lot harder than others, but that he’s grown into a stronger and more self-aware person that recognizes where pitfalls are and consciously makes the choice to do more good rather than harm.

Despite being a writer, sometimes words aren’t Oda’s strongest points. He hopes that what he said helped Dazai, even if it was a little bit. Because in truth, Oda’s still trying to figure this out for himself. He’s been through whatever Dazai’s feeling right now, he’s thought the same thoughts, and felt the same frustrations that would leave him out of it for weeks. During those times, what helped Oda the most was having Dazai with him and having someone to talk to. During moments like this, Oda wants to be there for Dazai even if he isn’t quite sure of what to do. But the effort and company sure helps.

who is better at cheering the other up? Considering the above, I think it’s Oda.

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time after they make silly jokes?A glass or two of whisky has been dropped on multiple occasions because Dazai doesn’t know his own strength when he playfully slaps Oda on the shoulder. The two would be joking about something and Dazai would tell the corniest, worst joke in the history of all jokes. And while he’s laughing his butt off, his hand starts flying and makes an impact with Oda’s shoulder. After a few times, the couple has agreed to an unspoken rule that jokes should be reserved at home. Where the cups are made of plastic, where the alcohol is much cheaper, and where there isn’t a bartender to apologize to whenever a portion of whisky goes flying across the bar.

who is more streetwise?Dazai without a doubt. He knows where all the local gangs are and used to antagonize them when he was younger, more brash, and more trigger-happy with a gun. Since joining the ADA, he has mellowed out and has used his street knowledge to aid the agency when they’re busting arson loots and drug trades.

who is more wise?Dazai has more wisdom when it comes to life, death, and the role of violence when the opportunity is in one’s hands. Oda has more wisdom when it comes to experience, philosophy, and the role a person takes if they’re wanting to reform their life. It really depends on what kind of wisdom you’re talking about.

who’s the shyest? People would say that Oda’s the shyest out of the couple because he’s quiet, he doesn’t speak very much, and he isn’t one for rowdy environments. They would say he’s shy because most of his activities are very introverted (writing, reading, preferring home rather than going outside, etc…) People would often say that if it wasn’t for Dazai, it’d be a wonder if anyone would notice Oda at all. While these assumptions have some truth to their foundations, anyone that knows Oda knows that he isn’t shy.

Oda’s quiet because he’s observing the world, the people, and the environment around him and acts accordingly depending on that observation. He doesn’t speak very much because often, he doesn’t need to speak at all. Or if he does want to speak, he’s carefully choosing his words and deliberates if what he wants to say makes sense, if what he says is polite, and if what he says is meaningful/necessary to the discussion. His activities are rather introverted because he’s a writer. He spends his days at home, working on his manuscript or reading a good book to entice his imagination, and it’s pretty hard to write on the go when you can’t control the weather or the people around you. Oda’s quiet and stoic nature is one of the first things that distinguishes him from a crowd, and people are often drawn to him because there’s this mysterious allure and atmosphere surrounding him. Were it not for Dazai, it’d be a wonder if anyone would talk to Oda at all.

But when the world sees that this dashing young fellow, tackling Oda into a surprise hug, all of the people can breathe a little sigh for Oda’s not as intimidating as he looks.

who boasts about the other more? If Kunikida had a notebook for every moment Dazai talked about Oda, he’d be drowning in a lot of notebooks. Without fail, Dazai would boast about a lot of Oda’s accomplishments. No matter if they’re big or small. Since Oda rarely goes out because he’s working on his manuscript, Dazai takes it as his duty to remind the world of what a good, sweet, caring, and hardworking person his husband is. In which Kunikida will argue how such a good husband married a slacker like Dazai. And in turn, Dazai will have a hand at his chest and dramatically accuse Kunikida of such slander! They would be at each other’s throats were it not for Oda, calling in at the right moment to calm Dazai down and to apologize to Kunikida on behalf of his husband’s behavior.

who sits on whose lap?The simple answer is that they take turns. Dazai sits on Oda’s lap during soft, calm moments where they’re both reading or watching the TV. Oda sits on Dazai’s lap when the latter wants a good cuddle session and claims that he has an easier time when Oda’s on his lap.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #oda sakunosuke #dazai osamu #odazai

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bsd-bibliophile · 6 years

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You really helped me to understand dazai’s real side, and the way you explained in detail was very helpful , i didnt know he was very “complex” if thats the right word for it? thank you! 🙏🙏 I also was wondering if its not too much or go into more detail of what characteristics would someone need for dazai to open up to them, if thats makes sense? Again thank you🙏🙏

I would think that for Dazai to open up to someone all he needs is for them to accept and put forth the effort to understand him. The real Dazai-sensei also made me feel like that was all he wanted, but no one in his life ever seemed to give him the acceptance and understanding he was looking for.

»»————-　　»»————- »»————-«« ————-«« ————-««

Because I know the real Dazai Osamu better than the BSD character, I’ll try and use his quotes from No Longer Human to explain how he viewed other people and what he may have wanted from them:

How Dazai Viewed People/Society

“Unhappiness. There are all kinds of unhappy people in this world. I suppose it would be no exaggeration to say that the world is composed entirely of unhappy people. But those people can fight their unhappiness with society fairly and squarely, and society for its part easily understands and sympathizes with such struggles.“ (source)

“For someone like myself in whom the ability to trust others is so cracked and broken that I am wretchedly timid and am forever trying to read the expression on people’s faces…“ (source)

“Society. I felt as though even I were beginning at last to acquire some vague notion of what it meant. It is the struggle between one individual and another, a then-and-there struggle, in which the immediate triumph is everything. Human beings never submit to human beings. Even slaves practice their mean retaliations. Human beings cannot conceive of any means of survival except in terms of a single then-and-there contest. They speak of duty to one’s country and suchlike things, but the object of their efforts is invariably the individual, and, even once the individual’s needs have been met, again the individual comes in. The incomprehensibility of society is the incomprehensibility of the individual. The ocean is not society; it is individuals. This was how I managed to gain a modicum of freedom from my terror at the illusion of the ocean called the world. I learned to behave rather aggressively, without the endless anxious worrying I knew before, responding as it were to the needs of the moment.“ (source)

“I am congenitally unable to take much interest in other people.” (source)

“I have tried insofar as possible to avoid getting involved in the sordid complications of human beings. I have been afraid of being sucked down into their bottomless whirlpool.“ (source)

“I am convinced that human life is filled with many pure, happy, serene examples of insincerity, truly splendid of their kind—of people deceiving one another without (strangely enough) any wounds being inflicted, of people who seem unaware even that they are deceiving one another… . I find it difficult to understand the kind of human being who lives, or who is sure he can live, purely, happily, serenely while engaged in deceit.“ (source)

What Dazai Feared, Lacked, and Wanted From Others

“I felt so grateful, so happy for that gentle smile that I averted my face and wept. I was completely shattered and smothered by that one gentle smile.” (source)

“Though I have always made it my practice to be pleasant to everybody, I have not once actually experienced friendship. I have only the most painful recollections of my various acquaintances with the exception of such companions in pleasure as Horiki. I have frantically played the clown in order to disentangle myself from these painful relationships, only to wear myself out as a result. Even now it comes as a shock if by chance I notice in the street a face resembling someone I know however slightly, and I am at once seized by a shivering violent enough to make me dizzy. I know that I am liked by other people, but I seem to be deficient in the faculty to love others. (I should add that I have very strong doubts as to whether even human beings really possess this faculty.) It was hardly to be expected that someone like myself could ever develop any close friendships—besides, I lacked even the ability to pay visits. The front door of another person’s house terrified me more than the gate of Inferno in the Divine Comedy, and I am not exaggerating when I say that I really felt I could detect within the door the presence of a horrible dragon-like monster writhing there with a dank, raw smell.” (source)

“People talk of “social outcasts.” The words apparently denote the miserable losers of the world, the vicious ones, but I feel as though I have been a “social outcast” from the moment I was born. If ever I meet someone society has designated as an outcast, I invariably feel affection for him, an emotion which carries me away in melting tenderness.” (source)

»»————-　　»»————- »»————-«« ————-«« ————-««

Based on the quotes above, Dazai-sensei doesn’t hold other people in high regard. He feels like they are untrustworthy, boring, unempathetic, insincere, and view everything as a competition. To him society is a free for all and people everything people do is motivated by moving up in society, getting more people on their side, and proving how they are better than the next person. Dazai-sensei doesn’t have any reason to go out of his way to build a relationship with someone and he won’t unless his fundamental view of others changes.

Even though Dazai-sensei doesn’t trust others, he still leads a very lonely existence. This puts him in a sad predicament because while he can’t trust others he craves and needs others in order to be happy. In No Longer Human he mourns the fact that while he is polite and follows society’s rules he still hasn’t experienced true friendship. He has played the part of a clown in order to keep others from becoming angry with him; it’s better that they are laughing at him than judging, criticizing, or belittling him. Because of this he will never be comfortable around someone who doesn’t understand and who hasn’t experienced being a “social outcast” the way he has. Dazai wants a friend who accepts him for who he is, is sympathetic of the struggles he goes through because he doesn’t fit the mold, who he doesn’t have to act and put on a show for, and who will be able to truly care about him. Even a simple “gentle smile” at a moment when he is weak and exposed, where most people would look down on him or be stern with him, could reduce him to tears.

»»————-　　»»————- »»————-«« ————-«« ————-««

Because Dazai-sensei is like that, it is my assumption that BSD Dazai would also need the same consideration, acceptance, and empathy from someone in order to trust and befriend them. Ango remarked a few times that Oda needed to be more stern with Dazai and keep him in line, but Dazai opened up to Oda because he never did that. Oda understood what Dazai was like, listened to him go on about death and suicide, accepted him, relied on him, and gave Dazai the chance to be himself and drop the act he put on for everyone else. Dazai never felt threatened, unwanted, unnecessary, or like Oda was looking down on him. Where others would be shocked or give him disapproving looks, Oda never did that to Dazai. That is why Dazai was able to consider Oda a friend.

In the current plot line Atsushi is filling that role. Atsushi is the only member of the ADA who shows concern for Dazai. The other members accept that Dazai is the way he is, but they don’t go beyond that and try to understand why and even if they do understand they don’t do anything about it. Dazai knows that there are people who understand what he’s like. Mori, Chuuya, Hirotsu, and most likely other members of the Mafia as well fell into this category but Dazai was never friends with them or had much of a relationship with them outside of their roles within the Mafia. So ever since Oda died Dazai had been alone and friendless. But after Atsushi joined the Agency things have changed. Where most people would just let Dazai go try to off himself and not worry about it Atsushi was different and, even though he was starving and on the brink of death himself, he dove into the water to save Dazai’s life (and how many people have ever tried to actually stop Dazai from dying?). Where the rest of the ADA just continued with their normal day after Dazai went missing Atsushi was the only person who wanted to search for him. Even in less life threatening situations, like the party to welcome Kyouka into the Agency, Atsushi is the only person to notice that Dazai isn’t there and wonders where he is. Of course Atsushi isn’t the same as Oda, but there are similarities and Dazai has surely noticed them. Dazai also seems to open up more toward Atsushi than anyone else, and that alone shows how much Atsushi’s concern and acceptance of him has affected Dazai.

»»————-　　»»————- »»————-«« ————-«« ————-««

So… this was another really long explanation. I really love Dazai-sensei (to point out the obvious). I hope that my rambling makes sense, and thank you for the ask!

#asks #dazai osamu #dazai #quotes #novel #no longer human #analysis #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd

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catsbythegreat · 6 years

Text

wip week day 5: your previously unpublished wip

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs Pairing: Chuuya/Dazai

I don’t know what this means, but I’m assuming it just means a wip that hasn’t yet been published until part of it is published in this post? Although I also have a wip that both has never been published and doesn’t have a publish date in mind, so I can talk about that since all the other wips have been talked about.

So I have a wip in a document that’s just called ‘dark era’ that I’ve been chipping away at for a few months. I don’t have a direction that I want to take it, and I don’t know how long it will be. I don’t have a plot. I just wanted to write a story about Chuuya and Dazai’s time in the Mafia after Fifteen, but that’s a pretty broad topic. Some of it has to do with Chuuya discovering Corruption (since he doesn’t seem to have it in Fifteen yet) and some of it about how their relationship forms, and then crumbles as Dazai loses more and more of himself during his time in the Mafia as he realizes it won’t give him what he wants.

I want all of that, but I don’t know how to put it down, so I’ve been writing bits and pieces. Here’s a pretty long excerpt under the cut. Warning for suicide attempt, and spoilers for Fifteen:

Chuuya didn’t mind Dazai touching him, but there were times when Dazai minded being touched.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Chuuya found him on the roof of a somewhat tall building near where their mission had taken place. Dazai disappeared shortly after, because one of the buildings they’d raided had rooftop access. And, well, he couldn’t turn down an opportunity like that.

He was peering over the edge when Chuuya found him, wondering exactly how likely it was that he’d die if he jumped. They were eight stories up. Eight stories should have been a guarantee, just like jumping off the Bay Bridge should have been a guarantee, but if it wasn’t a guarantee the result would be painful.

Chuuya grabbed his suit jacket and yanked him back, and Dazai felt his heart sink in disappointment. He hadn’t even been given the time to make a decision--it had just been ripped from him.

“Such a loyal sheepdog,” Dazai said, turning around, “concerned for his master.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Chuuya growled. Dazai knew that particular insult would sting, and the only reason Chuuya hadn’t punched him was because of the situation.

“Does it scare you?” Dazai asked. “That I want to die?”

“No,” Chuuya said. There was hesitation in his voice.

“Lots of people do,” Dazai said. “It’s not gonna go away just because you pulled me off this roof. You might be saving me from many suicide attempts, and each time I’ll resent you. Until one day you’re too late. So you should just give up.”

Chuuya stared at him. “We’re supposed to be partners. That’s what partners do.”

“That’s what partners do,” Dazai repeated, but in a mocking tone. “That’s precious, Chuuya! It’s almost like you think the world is kind. And maybe you do, despite having seen otherwise. It would make sense that you don’t know what things are like still, since you spent over half your life in-”

“I value trust,” Chuuya interrupted.

“Most people in the Mafia don’t,” Dazai said. “We’re partners to get a job done. That’s it. We’re partners because Mori said so. If you want anything beyond that…”

“I take my job seriously,” Chuuya said.

“So do I,” Dazai said, “which is why I don’t entertain foolish notions of trust and having each others’ backs. We work well together and that’s it. You know what happened last time you put your trust in others.”

Chuuya was quiet for a moment.

“You don’t even like me as a person,” Dazai added.

“No, I don’t,” Chuuya said. Which actually stung a little, but Dazai had long since stopped being completely hurt by people disliking his personality. “But I need you.”

The words hung between them.

That was a shock. Dazai wanted to be needed, but only in certain ways. Chuuya never specified which one. Dazai couldn’t even think about how he could be needed by Chuuya, of all people, when Chuuya had only ever acted like Dazai was a pain in the ass.

Chuuya turned around and walked away.

The worst part was, he didn’t look embarrassed as he said it.

Dazai broke into Chuuya’s apartment that night.

Chuuya was awake. The only reason Dazai couldn’t sneak up on him was because he had to pick the lock, and opening the door made noise. Chuuya pinned to the wall the second Dazai walked in before he realized who it was.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” he snapped.

“Why aren’t you asleep?” Dazai asked.

“Why aren’t you?”

“I had a question, actually.”

Chuuya stepped back.

“You said you needed me,” Dazai said. “That’s a stupid thing for you to admit.”

“I don’t need you,” Chuuya said. Dazai opened his mouth, but Chuuya continued, “I can lead missions fine without you. I haven’t yet, here, but I know how. I can fight. I’m a better fighter than you. My Ability is more useful for combat than yours is. I can do mission reports. If it came down to it, I could plan a mission on my own. Maybe it wouldn’t be as good of a plan, but it would be a plan.”

“So you lied to me to get me off the roof,” Dazai said.

Chuuya hesitated. His expression was guarded, which Dazai found interesting, because Chuuya was so expressive.

"No," he said after a moment. "I didn't lie."

Dazai tilted his head to the side. "Chuuya, you said you needed me, and now you just said that you don't actually need me. Which is it?"

"I don't need you in the way you think I meant," Chuuya said. He looked away for a moment, seemingly having an internal debate with himself.

Dazai waited, quiet. He wanted to know exactly how he was needed.

"Sit down," Chuuya said after a moment.

"Is this a long explanation?" Dazai asked. "Chuuyaaa, I have work tomorrow."

"Like you care," Chuuya snapped. He went into the kitchen to get something and Dazai flopped onto the sofa. He sank into the cushions. Leave it to Chuuya to have a comfortable sofa. Dazai thought about breaking in more often just to nap here.

Chuuya returned with two glasses of water.

Dazai raised an eyebrow. "Who knew Chuuya was so hospitable!"

"Shut up," Chuuya said. He was fidgeting with his glass. "Anyway, do you remember what I told Rimbaud?"

Dazai took a sip of his water. “I do. Go on."

Chuuya took a moment to begin talking. "I just...your Ability...nullifies my Ability," he said.

Dazai nodded. "Very good, Chuuya. You've successfully remembered what happens every time I touch you."

Chuuya glared at him. "Shut up. I told him that I’ve sealed my power."

"You did." Dazai leaned forward a bit, now very curious. "But you use it all the time."

Chuuya shook his head. "That’s my Ability, but that’s not...that’s not it. You know there’s more to it than that.”

Dazai did know. There was the monster that Rimbaud had described, the powerful entity that destroyed everything in its path. Chuuya hadn’t shown that to anyone, and Dazai wondered if he was even capable of releasing that kind of power anymore.

"It’s not...you know, sometimes I do feel the urge to just...let go,” Chuuya said after a moment. “But that would be a terrible idea. I don’t remember how I came out of that last time. I don’t actually remember much, except for what I’ve found out.”

"Do you think it really matters now that you’re here?” Dazai asked. He wanted to see what Chuuya thought. He knew the answer himself: it absolutely mattered. This was a power, a trump card, that Mori would absolutely want to use.

“The Boss knows about it,” Chuuya said. “He’ll want to use it. Or at least see if it works, and how it works.”

“And what about you?” Dazai asked. “Do you want to?”

“I don’t know what I want,” Chuuya muttered.

Dazai frowned. “How?”

“I don’t know who wants what,” Chuuya said. He sounded frustrated. “I don’t know what’s me.”

“You,” Dazai repeated. “You’re overthinking it, Chuuya. Everything that you think and feel is you.” He knew why Chuuya would feel otherwise.

Chuuya’s face twisted in anger. “No it’s not! I don’t want to fucking tear everything apart.”

“I can’t help you with your identity crisis,” Dazai said, “if that’s what you came to me for. I can only tell you one thing: Mori will use your power, no matter what you or the thing inside you wants. I’m guessing you already figured that out, which is why you’re having a crisis over it. But that’s how it is. You better get used to it.”

“I know that,” Chuuya snapped.

“Besides,” Dazai said, “you started this whole thing by saying you needed me. You want me to stop you. Or, you want to know just how inhuman you are. If I can’t stop you, then whatever you are goes beyond just an Ability. You might even lose yourself forever.”

Chuuya paled, but Dazai couldn’t keep the excitement out of his voice at the possibilities presented to him.

“You don’t want to know,” Dazai continued. “You’ve never had the opportunity to have that question answered before, because you’ve never been in the presence of an Ability user who can nullify all Abilities without exception. But part of you does want to know, just so you can stop wondering. Words reassuring you that you’re still you aren’t enough. You need physical proof, which means you need to face the part of yourself that you hate.”

Chuuya stared at him. But he couldn’t deny it. Dazai could see it in his face.

“Would you stop me?” Chuuya asked after a moment. “Or would you just let it go on to see what happens?”

#wip week #bungou stray dogs #soukoku #skk #fic games #fic excerpts

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blackjacketmuses · 5 years

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frost blue, burnt umber, tea orange, vermillion, coral, bougainvillaea, currant, crimson, mallow, cadmium yellow, anise, new leaf, sanguine, cool grey for you newest muses~

frost blue: does your muse enjoy the snow and cold? or are they the type to enjoy summer more?

Dazai: Dazai hates cold weather. Hates it! He’s too skinny for this he hates being cold, catch him burying himself in six blankets or draping himself dramatically across a space heater. He’s not a fan of sweaty weather, either, but summer is less awful.

Poe: Edgar prefers the snowy season and winter most of all, mostly because it’s the season for blankets and warm drinks and snuggling up in your room to write. And really, ‘strangers stuck in a building during a snowstorm’ is a classic mystery trope and one of his favorites.

burnt umber: how stable is your muse, mentally and/or emotionally?

Dazai: Ahahahaha. Okay, no, he’s actually fairly stable? In a, uh, very specific sort of way. He’s functional, by some description, and not A Mess, but...he’s stable in that we can expect him to keep his cool and not have a meltdown? But he’s definitely not...he’s mentally stable, I’d say, yes, but not emotionally stable. He’s just very good at pretending otherwise.

Poe: Ha, not really? He’s far better now than he was at the bottom of his epic downward spiral, but he’s definitely not the most stable man. Too much anxiety and depression and cripplingly low self-esteem and shyness.

tea orange: what is something that your muse is fascinated with?

Dazai: Suicide. I mean, besides that, uh. He actually has a fascination with reading about gods and monsters and folk legends? Part of that is absolutely because of Chuuya and Arahabaki, but part of it is a desire to both find something so out of the normal that it might actually kill him, or find an explanation for why he is how he is.

Poe: Cryptography! Word puzzles and ciphers and codes are so neat, and he loves making them and solving them. He’s considering making some to give to Ranpo to try out for a change of pace from mystery solving, but he’s not sure if the other man would be interested...

vermillion: is your muse courageous, or would they consider themselves to be more of a coward?

Dazai: Well, Dazai doesn’t think in terms of courage/cowardice? He has a very utilitarian “if it needs done, it needs done” view of things; no matter what it is, if it’s necessary to do, he’ll do it. More generally, I’m not sure he even can feel genuine fear? He can be concerned or worried or shocked, but real fear is a little beyond him.

Poe: Oh, he absolutely thinks of himself as a coward! He refuses to fight and would much rather just avoid any confrontation altogether, and hates raised voices and loud noises and crowds. (He does however have an extremely high tolerance for spooky/scary things and occult creepiness, he loves that shit, so there is that.)

coral: what is your muse's romantic and sexual orientations?

Dazai: Bisexual biromantic. However, he’s also...I wouldn’t say he’s demisexual or demiromantic, but though he’s absolutely flirtatious on occasion (of late, it’s just a new thing he’s playing around with trying) and has had sex before, it’s not something that he really puts much thought into. Feelings are hard enough to parse without putting romance into it, and he sees sex as more of a way to feel things and as a release more than anything intrinsically tied to romance. He is capable of it, though, it’s just. Complicated to say the least.

Poe: Edgar is absolutely deeply, deeply asexual, and he’s not very sure about romantic orientation? He has had crushes on a few girls before, but he’s very much also crushing hard on Ranpo. So I’d really put him as biromantic, but still somewhat closeted.

bougainvillaea: would your muse consider themselves as blunt, or do they beat around the bush instead?

Dazai: Ha. He can be vague about things when he wants to be, and he is a lot of the time --- he treats a lot of things as only need-to-know basis, especially his plans --- but when the chips are down he can be pretty brutally blunt.

Poe: He hates being straightforward, it makes him anxious that people will be mad at him, so he’s gotten really good at beating around the bush and talking around things. He is a mystery writer after all.

currant: what's something that absolutely disgusts your muse (can be a person, place, thing, ect)?

Dazai: Waste of life. He’s very pragmatic and efficient and straightforward with all he does, and even if his plans are left mysterious and a little convoluted at times they’re all plotted to get the result as quickly and simply as he can manage; he hates any sort of thing where people die or are hurt for no reason, like how Mori basically threw Oda away, or Mori releasing Q without caring about collateral damage. Can you tell he isn’t a big fan of Mori? He didn’t like him before, but despite him being genuinely devoted to the mafia, his habit of making moves that don’t seem to care about getting people killed who don’t have to get killed has really not helped.

Poe: Bad writing!! Purposefully bad writing!!! Writing that shows you give zero fucks about the actual characters and plot of your work, just the end goal of whatever you’re writing!! Writers selling out and going paint-by-numbers with their plots because they care more about the money than the work itself!! He’s very passionate about this!!!

crimson: how passionate is your muse about the things they love most?

Dazai: Passion is difficult. I wouldn’t say that he’s passionate about the things he cares about most, even suicide, but he’s devoted. Passion implies a level of emotion that he’s not really capable of experiencing quite as much as most people, but he’s devoted to the things he cares about, so that’s in a way the same thing.

Poe: Super passionate. Mysteries and writing (and to a lesser extent the occult and cryptography) are basically the only things that get him excited and able to actually talk and gesture and get really happy and passionate and vibrant, that really let him come out of his anxious shell and be the huge dramatic dork that he is.

mallow: what sorts of things might remind your muse of those close to them? any scents, objects, sounds?

Dazai: Wine, stupid fancy hats, cats, curry, bourbon and jazz music, schedules, the sound of a chainsaw, butterflies, straw hats, piles of candy, stuffed rabbits or stuffed tigers, a default cellphone ring, black coats, ochazuke.

Poe: Candy, newsboy caps, the smell of grapes and the ocean mixed together, snowglobes and tea, the scratch of a pen on paper, green eyes.

cadmium yellow: what subjects or topics does your muse avoid, because they bring up harmful / painful memories?

Dazai: Don’t talk to him about the mafia, don’t talk to him about Lupin, don’t talk to him about Ango or Odasaku, don’t ask him about his history with Akutagawa or Mori, don’t ask him about why he’s so obsessed with suicide (and expect a straight answer). In fact, he tends to avoid talking about anything from before he joined the ADA as much as he possibly can. He’s started a new life, as far as he’s concerned, and wants the ADA to know as little about who he was then as possible. Not necessarily that he cares if they think less of him, it’s just...he wants to do what he promised Odasaku. He doesn’t want to bring the person he used to be back into this.

Poe: He doesn’t talk about his parents much, and he sure as hell avoids talking about the six years between his defeat at Ranpo’s hands and his arrival in Japan with the Guild. He can give basics to others if necessary, but he doesn’t want to relive that time.

anise: when it comes to self-care, what does your muse do to take care of themselves? do they take care to spend time on it, or do they feel they don't deserve it?

Dazai: What’s self care? His sleep patterns are pretty irregular if he sleeps at all, and he either eats normally or forgets to eat for days at a time, it varies wildly at best. Self care for Dazai is, in all honesty, trying to kill himself. Yes, you can be worried, this is definitely unhealthy.

Poe: Self care is blanket burritos, hot cider or mulled wine, and a good book. He has enough bad days that sometimes this is literally all he can do, and though he’s trying not to drink as much anymore, it still happens.

new leaf: what message would your muse send to their past self, if any

Dazai: He can’t think of anything, and even if he could, it’s not like it’s going to change anything. What’s the point in it? He knows the person he was wouldn’t listen.

Poe: Please don’t give up. If you keep working hard, you’ll see him again and he’ll acknowledge you.

sanguine: does your muse typically have an optimistic, pessimistic, or some middle ground outlook on life?

Dazai: He’s pretty realistic, almost pragmatically so. People are idiots, prone to thinking emotionally, evil people exist and win more than they lose, and life is full of bullshit and things you can’t stop or change even if they suck. But somehow, people still live. People still live, and that’s...probably enough for them. As for personally, it’s....a lot more complicated.

Poe: He’s pretty pessimistic as a general rule, poor thing.

cool grey: if your muse could ensure one thing for certain in their future to come, what would it be?

Dazai: (manga spoilers) If he could ensure one thing in the future, it would be that the ADA gets their reputation back after they defeat Fyodor and can go back to their usual lives without being hated or chased down or accused of things they’d never do/have never done. He doesn’t care so much about himself, but he wants the rest of the ADA to get their lives back.

Poe: One thing for certain? That none of the people he cares about die or are lost to him. What’s going on right now is scary, and he’s afraid for the people involved in it. (That, or that he gets to keep Ranpo’s respect.)

#;hc: dazai #;hc: poe #multiimuse

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