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touyasdoll · 3 years

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MHA Father’s Day Thirsts

In honor of Father’s Day, here are some spicy drabbles of various “daddy” related scenarios✨

Warnings: NSFW, minors DNI, daddy kink, breeding, general BDSM, impact play, choking, degradation

Pairings: Katsuki Bakugou, Eijiro Kirishima, Shouta Aizawa, Dabi/Touya Todoroki x reader

A/n: A little late on this, meant to post it yesterday, but is it ever too late to thirst??

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Katsuki Bakugo

Trying for a baby

“You’re taking my cock like such a good little slut, ya know that?” Katsuki’s long fingers wrapped your throat, squeezing the sides just hard enough to make your pussy throb around him. “Shit, baby, you feel so fucking good.”

His eyes fluttered closed and he slowed his pace to a near halt, leaning down to kiss you as he rolled his hips against yours in a rare moment of tenderness.

“I love you so much, you know that, right?” His eyes searched your momentarily, the pads of his calloused fingers brushing along your jaw.

“I know,” you reassured him, still breathless from his previous assault on your body, basking in the pleasure still coursing through you and the sudden change in the atmosphere. “I love you too, Katsu.”

“I can't wait to knock you up,” he murmured against your skin as he trailed kisses between the valley of your breasts, all the way down to your belly as he cocked his hips back, leaving just the tip inside of you. “You’re gonna look so beautiful, baby.”

"Ahh--fuck, Katsu," you couldn't help but to blush as you arched your back, shifting your hips forward to sink him back into your velvety walls, clenching around him as you whined in need.

"Eager as ever, aren't you?" The smile that pressed against your stomach morphed into a smirk as he kissed you there once more, before snapping his hips down into yours, pounding against your cervix at an angle that had you seeing stars.

Eijiro Kirishima

Telling him to cum inside for the first time

He was seated on the edge of the couch with you bouncing effortlessly on his cock, gripping onto his shoulders for support as you neared your release. His hands guided your hips, pistoning you up and down as you straddled his lap.

"Eiji, I'm so fucking close..!" you threw your head back as you felt the tight coil deep within your belly threaten to snap.

"I got you, baby, let go. Cum all over my fucking cock." His grip tightened on your hips, littering your breasts with kisses as his thumb rubbed tight circles over your clit.

You were thrust over the edge, crying out as your nails dug into the flesh of his shoulders. He groaned, still guiding your hips as he thrusted forward to meet them eagerly, muttering praises in your ear as he chased his own high.

“Fuck, baby, you look so pretty right now. Always such a good girl, coming all over my fat fucking cock,” his hand wound into your hair, gently tugging it backwards to kiss you, carefully biting your bottom lip with his sharp teeth as you continued to sputter out moan after moan. “Where do you want me to cum, baby?”

“Inside me,” you locked eyes with him, interlocking your fingers behind his neck as you ground your hips against his more quickly. “I want you to fucking cum inside me, Eiji. Please..”

“Wh-what? Ahh, fuck,” his eyes grew wider before his head lolled back allowing you to kiss and suck at the sensitive spot beside his Adam’s apple. “A-are you sure, baby?”

Your fingers knitted into his hair, pulling just enough to affix his gaze with yours as you neared your second orgasm, desperately bucking your hips atop of his.

“Yes, oh God, yes. I want you to fill my tight little cunt up with your cum. Can you do that for me, Eiji?” The words escaped your lips as a mewl, your voice becoming softer and needier as you neared your release all over again. “Want you to stuff my pussy full, pretty please, Eiji..”

“Oh fuck yes I can,” his hands gripped your ass cheeks, squeezing firmly as he continued to match your relentless pace. “Ahh—oh, shit, baby I’m gonna cum so fucking har—FUCK.”

You could feel his chest tighten, hardening slightly as his quirk activated involuntarily. His eyes were blown as his head snapped upwards, a feral growl erupting from his chest as his rhythm became sloppy. You could feel his warm essence filling you up, spreading so easily all over his impossibly hard cock as you fucked him through his release until you found your own again.

Shouta Aizawa

Trying for a baby

“C’mere, love.” Shouta smiled softly upon seeing you in the doorway of his office, patting his lap as he leaned back in his desk chair. “I’m just about done here, I promise.”

“What all do you have left to do?” You returned his expression and strolled towards him, draping your arms around his neck as you perched yourself on his knee.

“Well, it’s actually something I need your help with,” one arm snaked around your waist, his hand resting on your hip. The other brought a hand up to your face, his index finger tucking just beneath your chin as his thumb rested atop it. “So I’m glad you’re here.”

“Oh?” You glanced down shyly, flicking your eyes back to his lips, watching them curl into a smile as he pressed a gentle kiss to yours.

A sigh left your nose as you rested a hand on his chest, leaning into him. He dropped his hand from your face, hooking his fingers behind the crook of your knee as he guided your legs to part, helping you shift your weight to straddle his lap. His lips attached to your neck, drawing a generous moan from you immediately as your eyes settled on the door to the right of you.

“Sho, the door isn’t locked. Someone could see..” your eyes fluttered closed again as his hands roamed over your ass, pressing you down firmly against his growing erection. A low grunt left his lips, before he spoke again, his voice gruff and thick with lust.

“See me fucking my wife?” He stood, his hands effortlessly lifting you onto the desk, where he gently laid you down as he leaned over you, whispering into your ear. “Let ‘em see then. We have important business to tend to tonight.”

Another moan was pulled from your chest as his hands skimmed beneath your short dress, pushing it up above your breasts as he kissed his way down your torso, over your hips, tugging your panties off as he neared your most sensitive area, only stopping when his tongue grazed your entrance.

“You ready, baby?” He placed a gentle kiss to the sensitive, innermost part of your thigh as he locked eyes with you.

Your fingers tangled into his hair as you nodded, your hips shifting in anticipation until he sank his tongue between your folds, causing you to cry out at once from the intense pleasure that he was already providing. His skilled tongue lapped up your juices, occasionally connecting with your clit, dragging it in slow circles as he reveled in the way you looked right now, squirming helplessly beneath him.

“I’m gonna cum right here tonight, baby,” he darted his long tongue straight into your center a few times, licking a stripe up to your clit before he took the bundle of nerves into his mouth. “Are you ready for that? Ready for me to make you a mommy?”

Dabi/Touya Todoroki

Breeding/Daddy kink

“Say it again. You’re not too fucked out to talk yet, are ya, babydoll?” Dabi’s voice had an edge of cruelty to it, that familiar mocking tone that made your walls clench around him without fail. His eyes nearly closed, falling half-lidded as he stared down at your already shaking form, your elbows wobbling as you tried to hold your submissive position in front of him while his cock slid in and out of you, his balls slapping against your already battered clit. “Shit—you really do love being treated like the filthy fucking whore that you aren’t, don’t you?”

“Y-yes, daddy,” was all that you were able to breathe out. It was more than enough for him.

“Oh good, your mouth still works. I’m glad, because I’m not done with that yet either,” his hands left his brutal hold on your hips, one capturing you around the neck and the other palming your breast as he pulled your back flush against his chest. “But first, I need to empty my balls into this sopping wet cunt of yours. Show you the only fucking thing you’re good for.”

Your eyes rolled back as his fingers expertly rolled your nipple while the pattern of his hips became unpredictable, a sure sign of his impending orgasm.

“S’oh yesss, breed me, daddy, give me all of your fucking cum,” your hand reached back behind his head as you angled your face toward his, speaking as your lips pressed against his.

His eyes locked with yours and you couldn tell he was just as far gone as your were, positively high on how good you both felt. It was truly intoxicating, seeing how desperate he was to have you like this. You always liked letting him do as he pleased, degrading you to filth while he ravaged you, but seeing that unmistakeable look of need on his face as he held your gaze now, you understood for the first time how good it felt to holds the reins.

“Have I been a good girl, daddy? I wanna feel your cum inside my tight little pussy so bad,” you almost whined between the sweet kisses you placed on his lips. “Please, let me milk that big, fat fucking cock of yours. Want you to fuck it deeper while I cum all over.”

He wanted nothing more than to keep his eyes on you, but he couldn’t hold on any longer and the sheer force of his orgasm made him snap his eyes shut as ribbons of white flooded into you. A cry left your lungs as your walls became even more slick with the mixture, allowing his thrusts to hit you more easily, more deeply. He silenced you with a forceful kiss, holding your jaw in place with his large hand, the cool sensation of the staples juxtaposing the heat between you. A few more thrusts was all it took for you to come undone yet again that evening, your body spasming, clinging to him like he was your only anchor to reality.

“That’s it, baby, you’ve been such a good girl for daddy tonight,” his hand still held your face, his eyes boring into yours as he swallowed the moans you offered him. His head was clear while yours still swam, dizzying you in your euphoria. “Wanna see you feel as good as you make me feel, princess.”

The kisses between you turned softer and he continued grinding his hips into yours, letting you ride out your final high, making sure to lean in and press his lips to your ear while you were still out of your right mind.

“Daddy loves you, baby. Don’t you forget it.”

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arya-skywalker · 3 years

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Starved for attention Part 2 (Sanders Sides Fanfic)

Notes: Aiming for 3-4 parts total, hopefully. Sorry for the wait and hope you enjoy! This one’s a bit fluffier.

Also thanks to the TSS Fanworks Server for bouncing ideas around! Apply here to join.

TW: imprisonment, starvation, malnutrition, touch starvation, bathing (implied nudity, no details)

Part 1

~*~

Janus stirred and rubbed his eyes groggily. It was difficult to tell time down here, but something told him it was roughly morning.

“Hey, Fangs.” Virgil was in the cell with him, curled up a few feet away with pillows and blankets. “Lo said you’re touch starved?”

Janus stiffened slightly. “When did you get here?”

“While you were asleep, obviously. Logan let me in,” Virgil said with a half smile. “You look cold. Can I at least give you a blanket?”

Janus nodded slowly. “Yesss.... pleassse.”

Virgil edged closer and gently draped the blanket over his shoulders. “We move at your pace. It’s alright.”

Janus huddled under the blanket, nuzzling the soft fabric. God it felt good. He looked back over at the anxious side. “Sssit next to me?” he asked, hating how small his voice sounded.

Virgil nodded and did so, leaving a few inches between them. “You can... uh... lean against me if you want,” he said.

Warm warm WARM! Janus waited a few minutes to get used to the idea that another person was so close, then hesitantly rested his head on Virgil’s shoulder. “Mm. You’re warm,” he mumbled into the hoodie.

Virgil laughed softly. “Yeah. I know. Do you want my arm around you or nah?”

Janus nodded, closing his eyes and nestling close once he felt the comforting pressure. A good warm. “I misssed you.”

Virgil was silent for a moment. His body tensed ever-so-slightly, but he didn’t let go. “I’m sorry. I was... scared. And I didn’t know.... I didn’t think it would get this bad. How long have you been like this?”

“Sstopped keeping track,” Janus muttered, pulling the blanket closer. “Better not to know.”

“Jan. You know this isn’t good, right? You’re so fucking skinny, I could count all your bones.”

“Oh really? I hadn’t noticed,” Janus drawled, then hummed thoughtfully. “Can I move to your lap? Floor’s cold.”

Virgil sighed. “Sure, whatever.” He gently helped Janus onto his lap, holding him to make sure he didn’t fall. “You know you can’t stay down here much longer.”

“Mmm. You have a better idea?” Janus curled up on his lap, head on Virgil’s chest, soaking up the warmth. “This issss my room now. The ‘dark side’ commonsss are a messs. Any other room could corrupt me, you know that.”

“At least you’d be in an actual bed!” Virgil scowled, then bit his lip. “Unless.... unless we make this place more habitable?”

Janus hugged the pillow and squinted up at Virgil. “Thiss iss a cell. It’s not ssupposed to be comfortable.”

“Who the fuck cares? You’re hurting, Jan. You need help.”

Janus looked away, watching the chains sway. “It could hurt you if you try. I won’t die. I’ll be fine.”

“Janus, look at me. You’re hurting yourself and it sucks. Let us help you.”

Janus’s tongue flicked out, then he sighed and looked back at Virgil. “If the cell fights back, you stop. Clear?”

Virgil smiled grimly. “Yeah. Clear,” he said. “Roman should be able to make some furniture or whatever.”

“Ssstay with me. Pleassse.” Janus closed his eyes tiredly, clinging loosely to Virgil.

“I’m here. Just get some rest, alright?”

Janus wanted to protest, but it was so soft and warm.... He found himself dozing off before he could say another word.

~*~

Janus burrowed into the pile of blankets and pillows. Soft and warm. Exactly what he needed.

But Virgil was gone.

He frowned slightly and sat up, wrapping a blanket around himself. “Virgil?” Janus asked softly. But there was no answer. “Virgil!”

He’s gone. He left you again. He still hates you.

Janus shook his head, hugging a pillow tightly. No. He just.... went to get some food. That has to be it.

Footsteps. Roman’s footsteps.

“Rise and shine, sleeping beauty!” Roman sang, twirling as he approached.

“Mmm. And what if I prefer to sstay coiled up in my nessst?” Janus countered.

Roman huffed. “I brought you more food! And some tea. You like tea better than coffee, right?”

Janus nodded slowly. “Did Virgil....?”

“Yes! He told me all about it! We’re going to make this place fit for nobility,” Roman said, beaming.

Janus shrunk into his nest of pillows. “Nothing too fancy. We don’t want to push our luck,” he replied.

“Ridiculous! You deserve the best, and I will give it to you!”

Janus groaned. “Roman, pleassse!”

Roman blinked. “Oh... you’re being serious?”

Janus glared at him. “Yessss I am.” He sighed and rubbed his face. “Jussst... baby steps. Ssee how the cell reactsss.”

“Well.... I guess,” Roman grumbled, then created a key and opened the cell door.

Again, Janus stared at the doorway. It was so easy for them to open it. Why couldn’t he just...? It wouldn’t hurt anyone... Maybe he could...

Roman strode inside, created a small table by the door, and set the food down. Then he clapped his hands and grinned. “Let’s get started! You’ll need a bed and a chair and a desk and a closet and a fireplace and—“

“Ssstop!” Janus held up his hands, then sighed and shook his head. “Sslow down, Your Highnesss. Remember, keep it ssssimple!”

Roman pouted. “But mon python, you deserve the best!”

“Thiss iss not going to work if you fight me every ssstep of the way,” Janus hissed, glaring up at him. Dammit, he felt so small.

He clenched his jaw, then carefully gathered his feet under himself and used the wall as support to stand. It hurt. His legs wobbled. His head spun. This was a bad idea.

Roman rushed over and caught him. “Whoa now! Careful, my frail flower,” he chided, holding him close.

Janus whined, but clung to him. This was embarrassing. He was Deceit. He was Self-Preservation. It shouldn’t be this hard to stand! “I’m fine,” he spat.

Roman scooped him up, which certainly didn’t help. “Here now, I’ve got you!”

Janus squeezed his eyes shut, hiding his face in Roman’s sash. Too fast. Too high. He felt Roman tense as the prince realized his error.

“Oh. Do you want me to put you down?”

“Mmm. Make a bed and put me down on it. A sssimple twin bed. Nothing fancy.”

“How boring!” Roman complained, but with a flourish he did so. “Fine. How’s that?”

Janus took a deep breath and looked at the bed, running his hand across the blanket. It was not too hard, not too soft. Certainly better than the floor and pillow nest. Luckily not too fancy either— light yellow cloth, metal frame with vague snake designs. “Thank you. This is perfect, my prince,” he said, resting his head on the pillow.

Roman beamed at the praise. “Oh goodie! What next?”

Janus hesitated, looking around the cell that had been his home for.... he didn’t even want to know how long. “I don’t need much, my prince,” he said.

Roman tapped his foot. “I know! Lights!” He snapped his fingers, making a large iron candelabra appear with half-melted candles, as well as twining fairy lights around some of the chains.

Janus sighed. “Very pretty, Your Highnesss, but I don’t—“

“Books! You like to read, right? You need a bookshelf!” Roman made a bookshelf appear. “What sort of books? Classics, of course....”

Janus felt a smile tug at his lips. “Forbidden love? With a side of anarchy?”

“Of course, charm snakelet!” Roman beamed, filling the shelves with various books. “What about music?” A record player materialized on top of the bookshelf.

“My prince, you ssspoil me rotten.” Goodness, when was the last time he had actual entertainment? He reached for Roman’s hand. “Come here, pleassse.”

Roman immediately knelt by the bedside and took Janus’s gloved hand, kissing it lightly. “I’m here, treasure,” he said.

Janus looked around the cell. It was already so much better.... but yet, the grime from before remained. “My prince?” he asked quietly.

“Yes charm snakelet?” Roman replied with a dazzling smile.

Janus blushed faintly. “I.... if you don’t mind.... do you think you could.... help me bathe?” He asked sheepishly. “I know I’m disgusting at the moment but...”

Roman snapped his fingers, making a claw-foot bathtub appear, already filled with steaming water and floral-scented soaps.

Janus sank into the bed. “Oh thank goodnessssss.....”

Roman gently helped him to the bath. “You’ll be shining like the sun in no time!”

“Mmmm.... thank you,” Janus murmured, carefully slipping into the warm bath. Clean. He would finally be clean again.

Roman’s touched was light, as if Janus were made of glass that could break at any second. But the bath was soothing as any massage. Once done, Roman wrapped him in heated towels before helping him change into clean clothes.

“Thank you, my prince,” Janus murmured, falling asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

~*~

Logan visited yet again. “May I take your vitals now?” he asked.

Janus sighed. “We are imaginary. I don’t know what you think you’ll find,” he muttered.

“Your metaphysical state reflects that of a human. Well, in your case, half-human and half-reptilian. We cannot die, but we can become ill. If I find an issue that can be remedied, you will recover sooner.” Logan adjusted his tie.

Janus stared at him for a moment, then reluctantly nodded. “Very well. Do what you must.”

Logan opened the cell door and stepped inside. Janus looked away to avoid staring at the taunting path. He remained still as Logan checked his pulse, his lungs, his reaction times, and anything else that he could.

“I... have a hypothesis,” Logan said slowly.

“Do sshare with the classss,” Janus drawled.

Logan frowned. “There is no class—“

“Figure of speech. Continue, please.”

Logan cleared his throat. “I believe that observing some memories of when Thomas has utilized your function may help expedite your recovery,” he said carefully.

Janus blinked. “Watching memories of him lying and putting himself first and such?” he clarified.

“Yes, exactly.” Logan reached into his briefcase and pulled out a small box. “I have one here.”

“Does Patton know?” Janus looked at the box warily.

Logan adjusted his tie. “No, not yet. I made sure to choose a memory related to his education so it would be less suspicious.”

Janus took a deep breath and held out his hands. “Alright. Let me sssee it,” he said.

“Please tell me if you feel anything... strange,” Logan said, then placed the box on Janus’s open palm.

Janus opened the box, trying to ignore how much his hands were shaking. A warm light filled the room and the memory played out before his eyes.

Thomas, laying in bed, coughing— definitely a fake cough— begging his mother to let him stay home from school. Somehow she believed it. But as soon as the door closed, Thomas bolted to his feet and ran downstairs. He made himself breakfast of frozen waffles piled high with various sweets and put on the tv to watch The Office. A mental health day. Thomas was playing hooky to a day to himself. And apparently catch up on homework, but whatever.

Janus gasped once the memory faded and closed the box, feeling a burst of energy.

“Did it work?” Logan asked.

“I... think sssso,” Janus said slowly.

“How do you feel?”

“As if I downed an expresso with a chocolate pastry. A jolt of energy that will likely come crashing down in the not-so-distant future.” Janus tightened his grip on the box. “May I keep it?”

Logan wrote something down, then frowned. “Of course not. I must return the memory to Patton. Please hand it over.”

Janus hissed, recoiling with the box in his arms. “Sssay you losst it!”

“I will not engage in falsehoods if it can be easily avoided. Deceit, give me the memory, please.”

Janus glared at him. “Don’t want to.”

“You are being unreasonable.”

“Don’t care.”

“Deceit—“

Janus bared his fangs. “Get out!”

Logan took a step back. “I am only trying to help you without hurting Thomas or Patton. Surely you understand?”

Janus glared at him, holding the memory close to his chest. His tongue flicked out. “One day,” he said finally. “Let me keep it for one day. Then I will give it back.”

Logan hesitated. “You should not watch it too many times. Thomas might notice and begin obsessing over the memory.”

“Noted.”

Logan bowed his head and left, once again locking the door behind himself. Janus waited until the logical side was gone before rewatching the memory. His strength would return in time. He simply had to be patient.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #aryaskywalker writes #janus sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #tw starvation #tw imprisonment

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dontasktheradiodemon · 3 years

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Sands #4 (1/4/2021)

Click here if you’re like “What the heck is this about?”

Alastor and Sir Pentious @hiss-and-vinegar hang out on the beach! Alastor offers to make magic stuff for Sir Pentious out of an old shed snakeskin Sir Pentious gave him and Sir Pentious asks for baby things for his hypothetical future children. They talk about Sir Pentious’s future plans for setting up a household outside Hell. Alastor dodges around admitting his worries about the few friends he’s left in Hell for the extermination, but eventually spills his woes and Sir Pentious comforts him.

Sir Pentious

The sea was calming to look at. Always, just so, the smell of the air around the sea was something that sent him back to the few parts of his life when he felt calm, when he felt happy. Picnics with ⬛ ⬛ ⬛ ⬛. And now he could have picnics with Valera. Already had one of those by a sea in Hell. His tongue flicks and he touches his blushing cheek a moment. Away, restless thoughts.

He leans on his cane, just a touch, and sits in his coil.

Alastor

And then the peace and calm is disrupted by a whole-ass Radio Demon springing out of Sir Pentious's shadow. "Hello!!"

Sir Pentious

FLOOP goes the HOOD. BUWAGH!!! HE'S HISSING!!!

Alastor

"Oh, don't give me that look! You're happy to see me, aren't you? Be honest!" He flops to sit in the sand next to Sir Pentious. "I've been looking all over for you!"

Sir Pentious

Oh it's Alastor! Oh it's the Alastor he likes... His hood relaxes, and he sTRAIGHTENS his hat. "YOU SSSTARTLED ME! OF COURSSSE I REACTED THAT WAY." Huff. He's going to look over at the deerman, "YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR ME??? THERE ARE ONLY *TWO* SSSSIR PENTIOUSSSESSS HERE, UNLIKE THE MULTITUDESSSS OF YOU!"

Alastor

He's grinning impishly. He's a little terror and not ashamed at all. "It's true, the place is rotten with radios and suffering a scarcity of snakes! And you've been outdoors practically since we got here. I expected to find you sunning on the rocks. When you weren't there, I thought, 'Well, not a problem, I'll look for his footprints and follow them,' and you can guess how little help that idea was!" Studio audience laughter.

Sir Pentious

SNORT. He flicks his tongue at Alastor with a *smug look* and slowly slithers around the other, "OH! WELL! JUSSSSST FOLLOW THE TAIL SSSTREAKSSS IN THE SSSAND! I AM NOT HARD TO *MISSSSS.*"

Alastor

"Have you ever heard of a private eye tracking tail streaks instead of footprints? Sherlock Holmes would take one look at the trail and say 'Why, this isn't the man we're after! See the way he weaves back and forth in the street? It must be some drunk fellow!' Granted, Mr. Holmes doesn't track many snakes, does he?"

He turns to watch as Sir Pentious slithers around him. His head can turn freakishly far. Is he a deer or an owl? "Anyway, I've found you now! And I've got a question for you!"

Sir Pentious

Humph, thinking of Sherlock Holmes describing him as drunk gets a Face out of him, but he's quick to dismiss the thought. He tilts his head, and flicks his tongue again, "A QUESSSTION? WHAT IS IT?"

Alastor

"I've still got the majority of that shed you let me have—all but the bits I made into pouches. And lately I, well..." He loses his jollity for a moment and has to glance away self-consciously. "I don't think it's appropriate for me to have it, really."

He hops back to his feet. "So! I thought *you* ought to decide what to do with it. I could return it to you to deal with, I could dispose it myself—or! I could use it up more creatively! Whatever charms and baubles you want, name them and I'll make them. Up to you!"

Sir Pentious

Oh, the *shed.* Sir Pentious had been ever so happy to *not* think about it ever again, and it seems that even the offer to take it back makes his entire face scrunch up *strongly.*

"I *DO NOT* WANT IT. EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT..." Gag. He touches a few talons to his mouth delicately, ew ew ew.

Once he's feeling less *reviled* by the suggestion, his head swivels a little, "AND WHAT KIND OF CHARMSSS AND BAUBLESSS ARE ON OFFER? ALASSSTOR, I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE OCCULT LIKE YOU DO."

Alastor

"All right, all right, don't you worry. You'll never have to see it. At least, not until I turn it into something more palatable!"

Alastor shrugged. "Why—try me! Name something you want done—something influenced or tweaked in the fabric of reality—and I'll tell you whether or not I can make it happen. I told you all the things snakeskin is good for—protection, luck, rebirths and fresh starts... make a pocket, purse, wallet or gloves with it to protect your things and money from being lost, but I doubt you'd like that direct contact with your skin, would you? And since it's a piece of *you* it can be used to represent you in most workings! I can do spells, potions, gris-gris, alchemy... Or you could ask for something *really* out there and I'll figure out how to make it happen, I always love a good challenge!"

Sir Pentious

Yes he would not like to tuch it. Sir Pentious slithers around Alastor a little more, like he's pacing except the circle around Al is getting smaller. His hands are behind his back as he thinks, his eyeballs rolling around in his sockets as he thinks about it. What *would* he want to have made that could become *protection*? He didn't really need anything else considering his airship was already aligned with the stuff. Hmmm...

💡 His head turns, whips around practically to look at Alastor... "... WHAT ABOUT CHARMSSS TO PROTECT OFFSSPRING."

Alastor

Alastor's smile stretches wider. "You know, I *thought* you might want something like that! I've already marked out part of the tail to make more pouches—like the ones I made for your ship, but a few different ingredients. I can have some on standby to await any children who will need them. But I won't be able to use up all the skin that way unless you have *dozens* of children! I could do some more elaborate protective magic—dolls, for instance—or you could come up with more you want for the rest?"

Sir Pentious

.... <:umboy:738987081992372234>.... His hands are fidgeting with one another, as he thinks on something... He wouldn't like to tuch his own shed, but.... "MAYBE... SWADDLING CLOTHING...? OR LITTLE BLANKETS MAYBE..." His eyes are getting so big thinking about it..............

Alastor

Alastor pauses. "Sir Pentious, if they were swaddled in your shed, would you be able to touch your own children?" He laughs. "I could use it as a lining inside some blankets?"

Sir Pentious

"AH. RIGHT." He clears his throat. Don't look at him. "YESSS, THAT WOULD DO."

Alastor

"I'll have to get some help from Rosie for the sewing! I can do basic repairs, but I'm not very skilled at making stitches look *nice*. And future royalty deserves only the best!" A trumpet fanfare plays for these hypothetical future royals. "That should take up most of the skin."

Sir Pentious

Oh! He loves the fanfare. Sir Pentious straightens up, adjusting his robe as he smiles all smugly, eyes closed. He's preening and petting down his hood, "WHY YESSS, ONLY THE *BESSST* AFTER ALL!"

Alastor

"So! A few bankets, maybe a few dolls—I'll see what I can get out of the skin and let you know if there's more to use up after that, sound like a plan?"

Sir Pentious

Penny is going to curl up around Alastor. Just slither over his legs. Crunch.

"YESSS, THAT SSSSOUNDSSSS ACCEPTABLE, MY DEAR FELLOW. HOW HAVE YOU BEEN ENJOYING THISSSS PLACE?"

Alastor

His legs belong to the tail and the sand now, goodbye cruel world. He leans against Sir Pentious. "Oh, it's been a grand time so far! We lost the piano, but between pestering the guests and experimenting with all the exotic food in the kitchen, there's been nearly enough distractions to keep me from wondering how things are going back home! What about you, my friend?"

Sir Pentious

Hmmm. He is hopeful that the airship is *fine*... it would be a pity to go back home and find out he'd have to start work on *another* ship without ever having flown the latest one. Sir Pentious leans on himself, "IT'SSS NOT MY FIRSSST TIME HERE, I MUCH PREFER THE AIR ON THISSS WORLD. GOOD TO ESSSCAPE FROM THE SSSULFUR. YOU KNOW, I HAVE AN ESSSSTATE WAITING FOR ME, AFTER I KILLED THAT OAF WHO CONTINUED TO THREATEN MY LOVE."

Alastor

"Do you! To the victor go the spoils! You'll have to give me the grand tour sometime soon." He stares out at the ocean thoughtfully. "I suppose you're going to be spending more time here than Hell pretty soon, aren't you? New house, new spouse, kids being planned..."

Sir Pentious

Sir Pentious looks out over the water, too. There's an air of... melancholy about the way he does it, and about the tone of their conversation. He drags his talons along his scales and nods his head. "THAT I MAY BE. I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT. I HAVE A FUTURE TO LOOK FORWARD TO WITHOUT THE CONSSSTANT DISSSAPPOINTMENT LOOMING A SSSLITHER OR TWO BEHIND ME. MY PLACE OF WORK SHOULD BE HELL, BUT MY HOME?" He leans down on his tail, which also happens to be the portion that's crushing Al's legs. "HAVEN'T I LIVED IN HELL LONG ENOUGH?"

Alastor

"Long enough—like it's not supposed to be an eternal thing." He laughs weakly. "But I understand. Who would choose to live in Hell if they had any other options?"

He pulls back his hands from where he'd casually rested them on Sir Pentious's tail to give him room to lean. "I'll miss you."

Sir Pentious

"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN..." Or maybe he didn't. Sir Pentious found it so hard to get up day to day, and sometimes he couldn't even muster the energy for his maniacal conquests! What was the point when no one feared you? To be stomped down over and over and over again? Yes, it was Eternal Punishment, he knew it well... and he was tired of hurting every day.

Penny turned, resting his head on his folded arms to look up at Alastor. His brow creases... "You can alwaysss come sssee me."

Alastor

Oh, he knew. Sir Pentious wasn't the only one Hell had worn down. At times the only thing that kept Alastor moving was schadenfreude.

Sir Pentious looks so lovely like that, all curled up and looking up at Alastor. Alastor has to look away. "When you've got a new household to manage and a new family to take care of? How often are you going to want to entertain a house guest, really?"

Sir Pentious

"YOU'RE MY BESSST FRIEND, SSSO I'M SURE I'LL BE ABLE TO MAKE TIME, YOU DOLT." Penny gave a smile, tongue flicking, "I WILL NOT LET YOU REBUKE ME! I'LL HAVE YOU *ABDUCTED* IF I MUSST, NYA HA HA!"

Alastor

"Hah!" His tense smile relaxed a little. "You won't need to do that! Just call for me and I'll come. But if you find you're too busy for a mere friend, I won't hold it against you."

Sir Pentious

Sir Pentious reaches a hand up, and *flicks* Alastor's bang out of his face.

"A MERE FRIEND. MMHM. YOU'RE ALWAYSSS TRYING TO MAKE YOURSSSELF APPEAR SSSMALLER THAN YOU ARE. I'D WANT YOU TO MEET MY CHILDREN, ALASSSTOR."

Alastor

Alastor doesn't flinch. "Oh, I don't mean it that way! What's a friend next to a family, that's all I meant. It's not that a friend is *smaller*—just that family is *bigger.*" He smiles crookedly. "Meeting them should be the bare minimum! If you didn't want me to do at *least* that much, I'd be mortally insulted."

Sir Pentious

The serpent gave a slow blink, watching him and then shrugging his shoulders. Alastor's probably just doing that thing where he talks a lot? Probably to wave off the awkwardness of having told him he'd miss him--not that Pentious thought it an awkward thing to say, but he was well aware of how Alastor felt about him, and how saying things so honestly seemed to give him living heart syndrome.

"OF COURSSSE I'D WANT YOU TO MEET THEM, WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT?"

Alastor

He's going to be working off the awkwardness of saying out loud that he'll miss his best friend for the rest of the day.

"Of course you do, right. See, I'd—thought that meeting them would be a given. Not a special privilege."

He pauses, musters up what little remaining capacity for vulnerability he has for the day, and asks, "Is... is that where it caps out, then? I'm involved enough to make the kids' acquaintance—shake their little hands, 'how do you do, nice to meet you'—and that's as much as I'm going to get to know them?" He cuts off the urge to keep babbling—*if so that's fine, I wouldn't trust kids around me either; but you talked like you were going to want me around more than I'd been expecting and that actually is what I was expecting*—and waits for a reply.

Sir Pentious

..... Sir Pentious sits up, suddenly, looking quite offended. His head jerks back, and his hood is raised quite high, every eye staring pointedly at the deerman in front of him. His robe droops just enough to reveal the eye on his chest as well, and it, too, is staring.

"WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR, ALASSSTOR? DO YOU TAKE ME FOR SSSOME-- SSSOME--" He didn't even have a word for what he wanted, he just looked *hurt* at the assumption that he'd only just expect Alastor to meet his children and then be off. With each word, his head jerks forward, as if he's fighting back the instinct to strike-- that threatening snake instinct. Penny takes a deep breath, slow exhale, then another deeper breath... slow exhale.

His hood lowers, and he closes his eyes. "I WANT YOU TO BE *APART* OF THEIR *LIVESSSS*, BUT FIRSSST THEY MUSSSST TO *MEET* YOU, THAT'SSS ALL I *MEANT* BY THAT. WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT ABOUT ME, AFTER EVERYTHING?"

Alastor

Relief washes over Alastor's face. "Okay! Okay, good. I'd thought—I'd *hoped* so, but—well, I wasn't going to assume."

Sir Pentious

"YOU DID ASSUME! SSSOMETHING COMPLETELY *OPPOSSSSSITE* OF WHAT I'D DO!" Huff. His arms fold and he looks away.

Alastor

"I didn't assume! I asked for clarification, didn't I? I took you at your word and not a step further than your word, and then I asked you if that was what you meant or not!" He leans as far as he can while all coiled up, trying to make eye contact with Sir Pentious. "*Hey.* Come on, now." He's got that affectionate tone reserved for trying to coax an angry cat out from under the furniture.

Sir Pentious

Oh no, the affectionate tone is working, Pentious keeps glancing at Alastor, his mouth in *such* a pout as his long neck allows him to turn his head practically backwards.... and if Alastor leans the *other* way, he's going to turn it back around! Still much pout...

Alastor

"Oh, is that how it is! You're never going to look at me again." He sighs dramatically—and then, just like the dramatic fool he is, starts singing: "I miss your voice, the touch of your hand; I long to know that you understand. My buddy, my buddy~ Your buddy misses you~~"

Sir Pentious has probably only been refusing to look at him for like, thirty seconds.

Sir Pentious

It is IMPOSSIBLE to avoid smiling when Alastor starts singing like inches from your face. He's screwing up his mouth, trying not to break!! But he turns back around, watching the fool singing. There's a grin on his face, and he's squeezing his own cheek, kind of embarrassed. Not embarrassed. What was the word for this feeling? When your best friend is singing *inches from your face* so dramatically!!!

Alastor

Mission accomplished. Alastor bumps his shoulder against Sir Pentious's, grinning back at him. "All right, so what *should* I do if you say something and I can't tell which way you mean it?"

Sir Pentious

"SSSSPEAK UP, IMMEDIATELY SSSO!" He frowns, but it's not quite the pout from before. Sir Pentious bumps back, "DO NOT INTERRUPT ME, BUT DO NOT SSSIT THERE MAKING ME OUT TO BE SSSOME KIND OF VILLAIN WITHOUT SSSTANDARDSSS."

Alastor

"My friend, I know you are a villain with the *highest* standards! All right, so I'll ask. Like I asked this time." Nudge.

Sir Pentious

"YOU MADE INCORRECT ASSUMPTIONSSS THIS TIME, FIRST! DO NOT DO THAT!" Very easy, clearly.

Alastor

"Oh, okay, I'll just switch off my capacity to draw conclusions based off of the words that other people say. I'll just not think until I'm sure I have enough information to think the correct thoughts! I don't know how I'll figure out I've got enough information if I can't think about it, but hey! It's a work in progress." He smirks wryly at Sir Pentious.

Sir Pentious

He knows that Alastor is teasing him, but instead of responding to it, Sir Pentious just nods his head, arms folded. A short, firm nod, "GOOD!" That settles that!

Alastor

Innocently, Alastor asks, "I don't want to *assume* anything, here—did you miss the sarcasm, or do you think I can really turn off my brain?"

Sir Pentious

"I DON'T THINK YOU CAN TURN OFF YOUR BRAIN AT ALL!! NOT WITHOUT HEAVY DRINKING." He smiles, and PUSHES Alastor playfully-- he would have pushed him down but there wasn't far to go with Pentious' tail everywhere.

Alastor

He pushes back. "Ha! True enough! I got rid of that dial. You can switch the station, but you can't turn me off and can't adjust the volume!"

Sir Pentious

Penny thinks a moment, tapping his chin. "SSSOMETIMESSS I CAN'T TELL IF YOU'RE JOKING OR NOT. PERHAPSSSS YOU SHOULD WINK OR SSSOMETHING WHEN YOU ARE BEING SSSARCASSSSTIC, MAKE IT VERY OBVIOUSSSSSS."

Alastor

"I'd look like I'd developed a facial tic, I'd be winking so often!" He played a short phrase in Morse code, one glowing eye flashing brighter with each beep. "I'm never a hundred percent sincere or a hundred percent facetious, I don't know how I'd signal you if I'm somewhere in the middle. But we'll figure something out. I'm a poor entertainer if the audience doesn't get the joke, aren't I?"

Sir Pentious

"INDEED, INDEED." Sir Pentious nods again, resting his head back down, "OR MAYBE YOU'LL JUSSSST HAVE TO BE MORE LIKE VALERA AND I, AND SSSAY 'THIS IS A JOKE' ALOUD."

Alastor

"Oh, how gauche! I'm sure I can do better than that. Maybe I'll have to wear a neon sign around my neck that says 'laugh now' and flash it on when appropriate." A beat. "That's a joke. But I hope that one was obvious?"

Sir Pentious

He smiles... Really wide. Look at that! Penny feels a lot better about that.

"THISSSS TIME, BUT AS SSSSOON AS YOU SSSSAID YOU WERE JOKING, I FELT ANY DOUBTSSS DISSSSSIPATE!"

Alastor

Okay, good, obvious but not 100% obvious—but what *could* be 100% obvious, really? "Maybe I'll give the 'laugh now' sign to my audience so I'm not winking every ten seconds. I think they've been slacking lately anyway. It's about time they earn their pay." Studio laughter. "Ha! No, I don't pay them. They do this out of love for me!" Bitter studio laughter.

Sir Pentious

*SNRK*. Penny gestures at him with a claw, "ARE THOSE POOR SSSSOULSSSS YOU GATHERED UP OVER THE DECADESSSS?"

Alastor

"They might be!" His answer is utterly gleeful. "Maybe I'll tell you someday. I like keeping a little bit of mystery around me!"

Sir Pentious

"FASSSSCINATING THAT YOU CAN, YOU TALK SSSSO MUCH." He smiles, resting his head back down again. Prrrp.

Alastor

"The trick is to not say anything important! Be interesting, not sincere! Audiences don't want sincerity, just a colorful facsimile of it."

Sir Pentious looks comfortable. What if Alastor, just. Sort of. Flops across him. Is that alright? He's about to hear loudly if it isn't.

Sir Pentious

He's not going to raise a fuss actually, he's just going to lift himself up... and lie across Alastor. THE SMUGGEST SNAKE. Welcome to pretzel city. "AH, THAT'SSSS TRUE. A COLORFUL FASSSSSSSSCSIMILE!!! OR... FASSI-SMILE? NYA HA HA!"

Alastor

“A facile facsimile smile.” This is a weird angle to be pressed down at. He wiggles a bit to get comfortable, and then relaxes. Okay. Flopping is okay. Sir Pentious had even reciprocated and increased the flop. “... This is nice. I can’t remember when I was last at the beach.”

Sir Pentious

...................................... Sir Pentious can remember when *he* was last at the beach. And he's just. Staring. At nothing in particular, his entire face is *hot pink*.

Alastor

Alastor is 100% oblivious. Brief silence? That means it’s his job to fill it! “I tried visiting a couple back home long ago, but they really aren’t worth the trip. I know there are nicer ones in the outer rings, but it’s quite a pain to sneak out—you really need a bigger goal than the beach for it to be worth the effort...”

Sir Pentious

........ Oh shit Alastor is talking. Sir Pentious clears his throat, "YESSS, YOU REALLY DO... I ENJOY THE ssssSEA OF SCREAMSSSS AND TORMENT, THEY REALLY SSSOUND MUSICAL AFTER A SSSCERTAIN POINT."

Alastor

“Huh. Well, I’m all for musical screams. Maybe I’ll give it a visit sometime.” He closes his eyes. Comfy.

Sir Pentious

"YESSS. AFTER I BLOW UP A PARTICULAR TREE." Mhm. Not even gonna elaborate. He thinks a moment, "HOW ARE VAGGIE AND THE OTHERSSSS? I THINK YOU'RE THE ONLY ALASSSTOR WHO BROUGHT ANYBODY."

Alastor

After he whats a particular what?

The topic moves on before Alastor can ask. “Oh—they’re all well enough! About every time I’ve left the kitchen Niffty’s been lurking outside waiting for an opportunity to clean up, hah. Angel’s been repeatedly using my antlers as a coat rack, I think he’s having a grand time. I haven’t seen Husk, no doubt he found something fermented and passed out face down in a puddle of it.” A pause. “Vaggie’s been glued to her phone. Getting updates from Charlie. I don’t know how she can stand it—this is the first time we’ve had an opportunity *not* to worry about the extermination, why is she squandering it?” He huffs. “But I suppose she doesn’t have much to worry about but the hotel. The only one she had to leave behind is Charlie, who isn’t in danger.”

Sir Pentious

"I CAN'T IMAGINE CHARLOTTE IS ENJOYING MISSING *THISSSS* PLACE. ALL THE SSSSPACE, THE FRESH AIR, THE MUSICAL NUMBERSSSSS." He clears his throat and extends his forearm, "*MY BUDDY~*"

Alastor

Alastor’s mood had been slowly starting to sink as he discussed the extermination, but it shoots straight back up at that. If he wasn’t being pinned down by a snake he’d be sitting bolt upright. “*My buddy~ Nobody quite so true~!*” He laughs in delight.

And then his mood gradually dips again. “You didn’t have to leave anyone, right? Just the eggs?”

Sir Pentious

"JUSSSST THE EGGSSSSS. AND MY TAILOR." He waves a hand, "SHE'LL BE FINE, I'D BE MORE CONCERNED FOR THE ANGELSSSSS, NYA HA HAAA!"

He returns to the Snenison Sandwich, "I CAN MAKE MORE EGGSSSS. THAT IS, HAVE MORE MADE.... I BROUGHT A FEW TENSSS OF THEM."

Alastor

"Your *tailor?*" He laughs. "Are you close? Or do you just appreciate her work?"

Sir Pentious

"SHE'SSSS A TAXIDERMISSSSST, BUT SHE'SSSSSS THE ONLY ONE WHO GETSSSSSS MY MEASUREMENTSSSSS DOWN PERFECTLY!! I SUPPOSE SHE'S NOT REALLY MY TAILOR BUT NO ONE USUALLY ASKSSSS." He snickers, "SHE'SSSSS RATHER GOOD AT WHAT SHE DOESSS. VERY SHORT TEMPERED."

Alastor

He laughs more loudly. “A taxidermist! Of course! Who else would get the measurements perfect!” He tries to think of a pun for a short-tempered taxidermist. Nope. Nothing coming. He can’t always be on his game.

Sir Pentious

Prrr prrr. Crunch Alastor. He's entertained from being able to feel that boney body under himself. Enrichment.

"SHE'D LIKELY NOT TAKE ANYONE NEW, BUT SHE ISSS IN THE CANNIBAL COLONY."

Alastor

“Oh, *really!* Why, I spend half my time around there! What’s her name, is she someone I know?”

Sir Pentious

"HER NAME ISSS MONARCH, SHE'SSSS A... HMM. WELL, SHE LOOKSSS LIKE A BUTTERFLY AND A SSSCORPION AT THE SSSAME TIME. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE MET HER, SHE WORKSSSS THERE BUT SHE DOESN'T CARRY THE SSSAME *AIR*, IF YOU UNDERSSSTAND MY MEANING."

Alastor

"I'm not familiar with her! I'll have to look her up. See whether she exists in my neck of the woods, too. If not, I'll have to go *bug* yours!" He finally got in a pun. He was proud.

"I wish I could have brought some of the colonists out here. But, well." A shrug. "Seemed like a poor idea."

Sir Pentious

It had been on Penny's mind, really... the Sir Pentious from Alastor's neck of the woods, so to speak. He didn't know how to bring it up, or if he *should*. Another awkward argument was definitely not on Penny's list of things he wanted to do during the escape from Extermination. He clears his throat... "DO TELL?" At least this way, he wasn't being too specific.

Alastor

They're both gonna dance around it huh. It's waltz time. "I mean—not for the obvious reason!" He laughs. "I'm sure any cannibals I brought along would be perfectly well-behaved guests, especially with their afterlives on the line."

Sir Pentious

It's waltz time!

"HA! MONARCH WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN WELL BEHAVED-- WELL, NOT IF PEOPLE ATTEMPTED TO BOTHER HER. I REMEMBER COMING IN FOR MY APPOINTMENT AND SHE'D GUTTED A CUSSSSTOMER FOR INTERRUPTING HER WORK, WAS TURNING HIM INTO SSSOME KIND OF COAT HANGER." Prr prr prr. "IT WASsss INTERESSSSTING TO WITNESS!"

Alastor

"Ha! It sounds like it was the other fellow who wasn't behaving! Seems fully deserved to me!" That purring was like having a massage chair lying on his back.

Sir Pentious

"NYA HA HAAAAAAA! FULLY AGREED!! BUT WHO'SSSSS TO SSSAY UNDER *ALIEN* SSSSTANDARDSSSS." Sir Pentious preens, "THE VECI FIND ME ABSSSSOLUTELY TERRIFYING AND BEAUTIFUL, AS THEY SHOULD! SSSO QUICKLY THEY BOWED TO ME, AFTER ALL."

Alastor

"As they *should*!" A round of ghostly applause.

Sir Pentious

Hmm.... He's looking at Alastor. 👀

Alastor

Why is Sir Pentious looking at him? Did Alastor say something weird? Was the applause too much? Is Sir Pentious expecting him to say something? What is he expecting? Alastor doesn't have anything to say. Nothing *specific,* anyway. He always has a hundred things to say, but nothing particularly relevant—

"I'm worried about them." Oh never mind, apparently he does have something relevant to say. "Not the Cannibal Colonists, they can handle themselves. And the ones that *can't* handle themselves—well, I'll see them one last time at the post-extermination potluck." (Weak studio laughter.) "But I left friends."

Sir Pentious

"YOU COULD HAVE BROUGHT THEM ALONG, I'M SSSSCERTAIN, PROVIDED THEY WOULD NOT HAVE ATTEMPTED ANYTHING *TOO FOOLISH* WHILE VISITING VALERA'SSSS ESSSTATE." He lifts a brow, though in his mind he wonders if Alastor means the other Pentious. Probably not friends... present tense.

Alastor

"I didn't want to put all my eggs in one basket." He laughs weakly. "This is the first time we've tried this. Until we got here, we didn't know this was going to work. Technically we *still* don't know. Sure, we're safe right now, but what if we open a gate to go home and find a squad of angels on the other side waiting to take out the jail-breakers?

"So I decided to split my odds. Ensure some of the people that matter are here, in case this works—and leave some of them in Hell, in case this backfires horribly."

Sir Pentious

........ Gulp. Sir Pentious' anxiety creeps back up, and he rubs at his throat to try to quell the lump within. They broke jail a few times! And nobody punished them, but would angels be different? Mmmhf. Don't think about it... but he's definitely not as soft to lie on right now, getting tenser.

"I SSSSEE. IT WAS A NO BRAINER FOR ME, JUSSSST BRING MYSSELF FROM MY OWN VERSION OF HELL. THERE'SSSSS NO ONE THERE THAT I'D BE WILLING TO RISSSSK MUCH FOR. IT'SSSS EXPENSIVE TO CLONE ALL OF THE EGGSSSS AGAIN."

Alastor

Oh, he can feel that tension under him. He feels around until he finds one of Sir Pentious’s hands so he can take and squeeze it. “I wouldn’t have come along this year if I’d thought we’d be safer in Hell than here. I would have asked Valera to host a guinea pig for us and hunkered down in the hotel. But... you know. There’s still that little bit of uncertainty until we get back.”

Sir Pentious

Oh it's hand holding time. Don't mind him as he holds so tight he threatens to break all the bones in Alastor's hand. CRUNCH. Other than that, he looks completely Fine!!! "YOU PROBABLY WOULD HAVE SSSSSAID SSSSOMETHING, YESSS. I'D *IMAGINE...*"

Alastor

He squeezes harder! Not enough to threaten bones, though. “I would have said something.” In a faux conspiratorial tone, he adds, “Now, the hotel crew? *Them* I’d be willing to use as lab rats, sure! *Not* my best friend.”

Sir Pentious

"...WHO *IS* YOUR BEST FRIEND AGAIN?" He thinks, "IS IT THAT... ROSIE AND FRANKLIN PERSON? I THINK YOU'VE MENTIONED THEM BEFORE."

Alastor

A moment of awkward silence. "Are *you* the one joking now, or have I not been making it blatantly obvious enough that it’s you?”

Sir Pentious

OH. He. Covers his face, hood FLOOPING UP!!! don't LOOK AT HIM---

"I THOUGHT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT OUR RESPECTIVE ***HELLSSSS*** SHUT UP!!!"

Alastor

He’s trying not to laugh. He barely succeeds, but it doesn’t stop his invisible audience. “I’m counting interdimensional finalists in this competition, not just the local contestants! But no—I meant, if I thought this was the *more* dangerous option, I would’ve fought tooth and nail to persuade you to stay in Hell until we’d seen whether hiding on an alien planet works for other sinners.” He pats Sir Pentious’s hand, he’s not giving that back any time soon. “As for *local* friends... oh, these days I’d say it’s a toss-up between Rosie and Mimzy. Depends on what kind of friend I need more at any given time.”

Sir Pentious

HUFF. Penny uncovers his face, but he is turned away, arms folded.... Well, one is. His tongue flicks and he is sulking!! It'll pass.

"AND WHAT ARE THEIR USES? SINGING?"

Alastor

“Oh, both of them! It’s a good thing they hardly know each other because if either of them heard the other’s singing chops, I’d be out *both* my favorite duet partners!” He laughed. “But aside from *that*, well... Rosie is the kind of friend you go to when you need a Mary Poppins. Mimzy is the kind of friend you go to when you need a Roxie Hart.”

Sir Pentious

He understood one of those references. His head comes back around to tilt, making a squinted look, "*WHO?*"

Alastor

“Roxie Hart! From *Chicago*? Haven’t seen that one? Think of, uh...” He wracked his brain. He couldn’t think of a comparable Gilbert & Sullivan character. “The ambition and callousness of Lady Macbeth with the personality and body of Ophelia.”

Sir Pentious

Oh! He understood that reference! Sir Pentious looks smug, suddenly. Esteemed Sir Pent, Knower of Reference. "AH, THEN I IMAGINE YOU'RE RATHER SSSSKILLED AROUND SSSSUCH SSSSORTSSS. YOU'D CHARM THE LADY MACBETH WITHOUT ISSUE!"

Alastor

“I do better with the Lady Macbeths than with the Ophelias, truth be told! Give ‘em the brush off and next thing you know you’re fishing them out of the drink, what a pity. Nobody’s drinking out of *that* well for a while.” Studio laughter. “But I like Mimzy, she’s all right. I think we were friends before we ever met each other, can you imagine that? I’d gossip about her movies and her personal drama on my show and she’d gossip about my show to the papers, and by the time we crossed paths in Hell it was like running into an old pal.”

Sir Pentious

SNORT. Penny adores gallows humor. He puts his clawtips together, hood lowered once more as he seems to have calmed down from that hissy fit.

"I'D SSSAY THE CHANCESSSS OF THAT HAPPENING ARE SSSLIM, BUT WE *ARE* HAVING OVER POPULATION ISSUESSSS.... SSSTILL, I HAVEN'T MET ANYONE THAT I KNEW THAT SSSSSURELY BELONGSSSSS IN HELL. LIKELY LYING LOW!"

Alastor

"Hah! Afraid of what you could do to them, no doubt." Is he calm now? Alastor reaches up and tugs Sir Pentious's head down to get him to lay on Alastor again. Pressure from friend good. "Mimzy's the only one it's ever happened to with me, and it wouldn't have worked out if we weren't both famous."

Sir Pentious

And he lies on him again. Squish. Local serpent is warm from the sun. Feels like a particularly squishy loaf of bread. Fresh from the oven.

"HMMM, SSSTILL. NO CHANCE OF IT HAPPENING IN THE LIVING WORLD NOW! THOUGH, MAYBE YOU COULD MEET SSSSSOME FOLKSSSS WHO REMEMBER YOU FROM THEIR LIVING DAYSSSSS, IF THEY PASSED RECENTLY!!"

His eyes are half moons as he taps his temple with a claw, "THEY'D SSSAY! 'I FIGURED YOU'D GO TO HELL, HA!'"

Alastor

Deer in the middle of a bread loaf. Venison sandwich. "Hah! If they did say that, it would only be with the greatest of affection! I played an amusing troublemaker on air—but no one would have called me evil then." He sighed. "But someone who's a hundred years old would have been only thirteen when I died. The odds of new arrivals that remember me are getting lower every year."

He poked Sir Pentious's tail. "I wonder how many people said that when you arrived, ha."

Sir Pentious

He makes a face, rubbing his cheeks a little in thought. "WELL I DON'T KNOW! AS I'VE MENTIONED, I'M NOT AS WELL KNOWN AS I'D LIKE TO BE! PERHAPS THERE ARE THOSE WHO KNOW ME, BUT HELL SSSEEMSSS CHOCKFUL OF AMERICANSSSSS!"

Alastor

"Apparently, we're just a uniquely terrible nation!" He laughs. "You know, every time you mention Americans not knowing who you are, I get this... this little bit of mental whiplash before I remember you did all your work in England."

Oh, they've looped dangerously close to the topic Alastor wants to talk about but keeps dancing around. Should he go for it? "... I'm most worried about him."

Sir Pentious

AHA-- Pentious clears his throat a bit, putting his fist to his lips. DOn't sound too excited, or look that excited for that matter. He glances to Alastor, "THE PENTIOUSSSS FROM YOUR VERSION OF EVENTSSS, YES?"

Alastor

"Right." He laughs ruefully, "I'm sure he wouldn't have come here even if I'd offered. 'Hello there, old friend—how would you like an all-expenses-paid vacation to a parallel universe, courtesy of the man who backstabbed you, in the middle of an extermination? All you have to do is step through this little portal you have no power to summon back up yourself if you need to escape!' Hah. Sure."

Sir Pentious

"WELL, I'M SSSSURE HE'S FINE! HE'S A SIR PENTIOUSSSSS. WE TEND TO *BOUNCE BACK*, AS IT WERE. YOU COULDN'T KEEP ME DOWN IF YOU TRIED! NYA HA HA!" He meant that more generally, but he immediately regrets it, "ER, GENERALLY SSSSPEAKING."

Alastor

Funny, because Alastor thought he'd done a pretty good job of putting a permanent damper on his own Sir Pentious's prospects, and by the sound of it this Sir Pentious's Alastor had done much the same.

But, like, had they been *exterminated?* "Right. He'll probably be fine. Right? He's been fine every year before!"

Sir Pentious

"EXACTLY!" Well, yes, that was true, but Sir Pentious wasn't ERASED and THEREFORE he couldn't be kept down. He did always bounce back! Eventually... He pats the Vension Sandwich, "SSSO YOU'VE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, REALLY. I CAN'T IMAGINE THE ONE EXTERMINATION WHERE YOU ARE HERE, THAT WOULD BE THE ONE WHERE HE'D GO *KAPUT!* THAT DOES NOT SSSSOUND LIKE ME."

Alastor

"It does sound like *Hell,* though. The *one year* I couldn't intervene if I saw angels swarming the airship." He sighs heavily and puts a hand on the one patting him. "But no. Hell wouldn't go to the trouble of orchestrating an end to *you* designed to torment *me* if it didn't also make sense for you. And you're right, it doesn't sound like you." So he keeps telling himself, but he's noticeably tensed up since this topic came up.

Sir Pentious

Sir Pentious can feel the way that Alastor's tensing up, and he frowns. What to do? His face screws up in thought, and he uncrushes the other so instead he can take both of his hands, pull him into a nice Hug, and rest his chin atop the other's fluffy head.

"IT WILL BE OKAY, MAN."

Alastor

*Oh.* Did he seem freaked out enough to warrant all this? He didn’t want that. Fucked up how if you start talking about how you feel suddenly people know what your feelings are.

He shuts his eyes, returns the embrace, and leans into Sir Pentious. “Right.” Long, long sigh. There’s nothing he can do about it from here. At a minimum, for the next few hours, it *is* okay.

He’s not going to fully relax until he’s home and *sure.* But all the same, the reassurance is... reassuring. “Thank you.”

Sir Pentious

What would be comforting? HMMMM...... He offers COBRA PURRING. Deep., raspy GASPING hissing sounds, don't you feel better Alastor. DON'T YOU.

Alastor

Being subjected to rattly growly snarly breathing? HE ACTUALLY FEELS VERY COMFORTED. He tries to match Sir Pentious’s breathing, and the ambient hiss of radio static around him rises and falls in sync with the raspy purrs. ASMR.

Sir Pentious

OH! ASMR!

He looks like a contented smiley face.

"THERE, LISTEN TO ALL THAT SSSSTATIC, YOU SSSSOUND LIKE YOU!"

Alastor

“Who did I sound like before?” Don’t mind him if he gets kinda droopy, he’s just sagging/relaxing against Sir Pentious. Resting his head on Sir Pentious means he can listen to the cobra purring more easily.

Sir Pentious

"I DON'T KNOW. A MAN WHO *WORRIESSSS*!" A shrug! He's looking out over the water again, tongue flicking.

Alastor

A laugh. “Oh, well we can’t have that!”

Sir Pentious

Hee hee. He smiles, that big wide smiley faced kind of look. How could someone so DIFFICULT TO LIKE be so FRIEND SHAPED. Sir Pentious is content to look at the water like this, for however long Alastor wants to remain in his coils for the duration of it.

Alastor

Alastor was going to be content to stay exactly where he was for a good long while. He'll just play some cheerful instrumental songs and enjoy the view and the company.

#hissandvinegar #chat log

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nachosforfree · 5 years

Text

Deceit couldn't help but enjoy walking through the imagination. There was always something new and interesting there. He just made sure to stay away from Remus's territory.

It wasn't that he didn't like Remus or his...ideas, but going there was dangerous. And scary, though Deceit wouldn't admit that part.

He much preferred going through Roman's territory. It looked like a disney forrest, full of amazing creatures, beautiful and terrifying. Not terrifying in the way Remus' land was, though.

Terrifying in a way that made him respect Roman, for making such things.

Deceit stopped at a creek flowing with golden water, watching a family of pure white deer on the other side.

"They're beautiful, aren't they?" The sudden voice made Deceit jump and turn to face it.

Roman was standing next to him, also watching the deer that had now begin to run away. It seemed they had also been spooked by Roman speaking.

"You come here a lot," Roman noted.

Deceit pulled his capelet tighter, looking away from Roman, "No, I don't."

"Yes you do," Roman sat down, placing his sword on a nearby rock, "I can sense it."

"You couldn't possibly keep track of everything wandering through here."

"Yes I can. I made most of the stuff wandering through here."

Deceit couldn't argue with that.

"So what brings you here, Deceit?" Roman asked.

"Your brother is wonderful, and never makes me want to run away from that place we call home," Deceit also sat down, keeping an eye on Roman's sword, "So I come here."

Roman hummed, "Remus is…" He tried to find the right word to describe his twin.

"A nuisance." Deceit muttered.

Roman chuckled and nodded.

They sat quietly, watching fish jump out from the golden water into the air before falling back in.

"I'll never understand how you can make such a place." Deceit spoke quietly.

"Well, of course you couldn't. You aren't creativity."

Deceit gave a small agreeing shrug, looking down at his gloved hands.

When he looked over at Roman, he saw him bringing new creations to life. Small red rabbits, which hopped away the moment they gained sentience. It was pretty fascinating to watch.

Roman caught Deceit's gaze and gave a small smile. He waved his hand and suddenly there was a weight around Deceit's shoulders.

A small yellow snake coiled itself around Deceit, flicking its tongue out at him.

"Oh," was all Deceit could get out, lifting a hand up to pet the snake lightly on the head.

"It looks like you," Roman said, before going back to creating bunnies.

"It does not," Deceit protested, but a smile threatened to make its way onto his face as he lifted the small snake off his shoulders and let it wrap around his arms.

"You can keep it, if you'd like."

"I can take it out of here?"

"Yeah, things don't just magically disappear if they leave the imagination."

Deceit could feel his human half heat up, "Right."

He pet the snake again, "Thank you, Roman."

"Don't mention it," Roman made eye contact with him, "Seriously. Don't. I doubt Patton wants us hanging out like this."

"He isn't so scary."

"He can be."

Deceit rolled his eyes before slowly standing up, "Thank you, again."

Roman smiled and gave a nod, "I just figured you like snakes, with the...y'know."

"Yesss." Deceit blushed when he couldn't stop the hiss of the S.

Roman gave a grin at Deceit's red face, "I guess you can call me the snake charmer now."

Deceit gave a small smirk back before sinking out of the imagination, back to his own room.

There was a new tank sitting on his floor when he got there, a note attached to it.

"Forgot to give you a place for him to stay -Prince Roman".

Deceit rolled his eyes at the prince part, but appreciated the fact his new pet had somewhere to sleep rather than roam freely around his room.

He moved the tank to a corner and placed his new snake inside it.

"I should visit the imagination more often," Deceit said to himself with a small smile, before going to his bed.

He had those red rabbits and white deer on his mind all night long.

#em writes shit #deceit sanders #roman sanders #sympathetic deceit #thomas sanders #sanders sides #ts deceit #ts roman #ts roceit #roceit #me writing roceit at 4:30 in the morning? maybe #fic

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gottanerdout · 5 years

Text

Based on this post.

Stuck

GA, 1790 words

Summary: An attempt to make Crowley comfortable while in his snake form goes embarrassingly awry.

(AO3 link)

After the dust settled and their relationship inevitably shifted into more, the idea of moving in together had been a bit of a given for Aziraphale and Crowley. Months and months after settling down, Aziraphale had long since gotten used to the quirks of sharing a home with the demon, chief of which was what he termed his snake periods. Crowley had desperately attempted to hide the fact he needed some time to recharge himself in a form closer to his demonic nature at first, making excuses as to why he would suddenly disappear a few days every so often. It took finding the then-serpent hidden away in their backyard sleeping instead of ‘out on a trip’ for the angel to finally understand what was happening and realize, distressingly, that Crowley had been keeping it quiet out of fear of how he’d react to it. The shame he seemed to associate with it broke his heart to see and Aziraphale wouldn't stand for it.

From that moment on, he never passed up the opportunity to normalize it. The first month after finding out, Aziraphale spent a good amount of time dotting their cottage with spots intended to be comfortable areas for him to hide or sun himself, depending on his moods. When Crowley finally started to opt to being around him more openly while he was a serpent, he never rebuffed him being nearby, no matter what he was doing at the time. He would even occasionally find the demon had turned sometime in his sleep and their usual tangle of arms and legs were replaced by his lithe, long body wrapped protectively around him and even that he barely batted an eye at. After all, the choice to stay in bed and run his fingers gently along his scales was always an easy one, especially with how contented Crowley seemed to be when he did it. Hiding it away became a distant memory soon enough, which was exactly what Aziraphale wanted to happen.

The idea of getting silk sheets had been born of knowing what Crowley’s preference in sleeping attire was. Surely, he surmised, if he enjoyed the feel of silk against his skin, the same could be said against his scales. It would be a nice surprise, he decided, and knew he'd have to wait for the right moment to spring it. Biding his time, the angel’s chance finally came a month or so after the idea had crossed his mind. He’d been sitting in the reading room engrossed in one of his books when he suddenly felt the familiar sensation of the demon slithering up his pant leg. It didn’t take him long before he had coiled himself up in his lap, a sensation that wasn’t much different than having a weighted blanket placed on him. It was pleasant, just like all the quiet moments he had with him were.

“Taking a nap, dear?” he guessed, not looking up from the page. He did lift the book a bit so the sunshine that was coming out of the window near them bathed him in warmth a bit more, though.

“Yesss,” Crowley hissed out, the sound coming out like a contented sigh.

“Alright. Sleep well,” he replied, reaching down to gently scratch under his chin. He smiled when he felt his forked tongue tickle his wrist as he did.

Moving him wasn’t an immediate thing. Instead, Aziraphale waited until the sun had long moved on from the window he was sitting in front of, only then putting the book aside. He looked down at the serpent fondly before snapping his fingers - a miracle to change the sheets was more than a little frivolous, but he barely gave it a second thought as he gathered Crowley into his arms.

The one thing he’d certainly learned about Crowley – as a snake and in his more human form as well – was when he slept deeply, nothing short of another apocalypse could wake him (if that). There was no reaction at all to being jostled about, even when he went so far as to loop him a bit around his shoulders for easier transportation. Walking through the cottage with his carefully carried bundle, he eventually made it into the bedroom a few minutes later. Unsurprisingly, their bed now sported inviting silk sheets, black as the ones Crowley considered his favorite pair. It took another few minutes to properly unwind him from his body - he’d started to unconsciously cling to him in the new position he’d had him in already – but he finally was able to set him down on a sunny spot in the middle of the bed.

It didn’t take long for Crowley to curl up again in his sleep, and after being sure he was alright, the angel left him to rest. The afternoon passed by lazily afterward, the day eventually easing into a pleasant dusk. Aziraphale was sitting at their kitchen table, sipping the tea he’d just made for himself and deciding what he’d like to eat for dinner.

He was snapped out of his thoughts abruptly by an unexpected source.

“Azzziraphale!” came a strained cry from their bedroom, the sound edged with something too close to panic. Clattering the teacup he’d been holding to its plate, he didn’t even think before he was rushing toward the noise, heart leaping into his throat. He burst into the room, half expecting him to be under attack, and instead found something altogether different.

In all the planning he’d made to surprise him, he hadn’t considered the fact they, by design, were slick to the point of slippery. Had he thought about it, he may have realized the surface likely wasn’t one a snake could easily move on. Instead, it took him seeing Crowley desperately attempting to get off the bed and not finding any way to propel himself forward for it to dawn on him that a mistake had been made.

“What isss thisss?” the demon demanded, looking as irritated and frazzled as he’d ever seen a snake before.

The angel would insist later that he tried valiantly not to react to the sight. There was no stopping it when it happened, however, the laughter that immediately bubbled out of him so forceful he ended up bent over with them. By the time he pulled himself together long enough to take the situation seriously, he was breathless with tears in the corner of his eyes. Crowley had given up by then and was curled on the sheets, looking absolutely miserable.

“Oh dear, darling, I’m so sorry -“ he attempted out, words undermined by the fact he still hadn’t gotten himself quite under control as he approached the bed. The serpent glared daggers at him when he tried to reach out, and while he knew he wouldn’t snap at him, Aziraphale did treat it as him not consenting to being touched and withdrew his hand. “Please, let me help you.”

“Go away,” came a grumpy, sharp reply, Crowley's head now partially hidden by a coil of his own body. He knew the serpent well enough that he would stubbornly wait until he was human-shaped again before asking for help after the fit Aziraphale just had, and the guilt that came after that realization dried up his laughter far faster than anything else could.

“You must understand, I was simply trying to surprise you with something nice. I hadn’t even considered it might be difficult for you to move on,” he explained himself, hoping context would soothe his frayed pride. It did not. Shoulders slumping a little, he added, a little more quietly, “I shouldn’t have laughed. That was cruel of me.”

Aziraphale climbed onto the bed then, offering his arms out in a motion to show he was willing and able to help him. Crowley didn’t look interested in taking it at all.

“It’sss not funny,” he muttered, crossly.

“You’re right. Won’t happen again, I promise,” he agreed, contrite. He watched the serpent size him up and though still looking rightfully unamused, he seemed to relax his stance a bit. Aziraphale didn’t quite make a move to lift him yet. “May I?”

The demon considered the offer, eyes narrowed into slits. After a long moment, he finally let out a glum, “Yesss.”

It wasn’t much work gathering him up again. He put him on the ground carefully right after, having a feeling he didn’t much want to be held longer than he had to be. Sure enough, without a word, the snake slithered out of the room, disappearing into the house and Aziraphale let him leave, deciding to give him the space he clearly wanted. He did, however, take the offending sheet off the bed and replaced it with one of their usual ones, not wanting it to be an issue for him any longer. Discarding it to the side, he continued to leave Crowley be, knowing he was hiding somewhere and would come out when he wanted to. Despite not being tired in the least, he opted to go to bed alone for once a few hours later, hoping it’d tempt him to come out.

It took a little while, but the temptation proved successful. Not long after he started dozing, he woke up to the sensation of something flicking against his cheek. Opening his eyes, he found two yellow eyes staring back, glinting a little in the moonlight that was illuminating their room.

“There you are,” the angel realized, looking at him with a hopeful expression. “Am I to assume I’m forgiven?”

Crowley said nothing, though he did butt his large head against his forehead affectionately, then lowered it to rest on his chest. It was as close to a yes as he was going to get.

Aziraphale was nothing if not persistent. The next morning, instead of throwing the offending sheets out and never speaking of what happened again, he instead realized he had perhaps gone about it all in the wrong way. There was, after all, more than enough of the sheet to create bedding for one of his baskets. It didn't take long for him to complete the project once he set out to do it, replacing a far inferior sheet he had had in it beforehand. Not making a big deal of it, he left it out for Crowley to try – or not – at his leisure, then went about his business for the day. It was only a few hours later that he happened past it and found the serpent curled up in it and soundly passed out, soaking in the noonday sun.

He watched him sleep for a moment, a smile growing on his face at the sight of it, then quietly continued onward into the next room.

#Ineffable Husbands #crowley #aziraphale #good omens #good omens fic #me: well this post is funny #also me: writes cute shit instead of funny shit whoops #my writing

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luckyspike · 5 years

Text

Spooky Halloween - A Good Omens Fanfiction

in which the line between the real world and the supernatural gets a little thinner

and the ineffables deal with it as well as they can

Everyone who knew Crowley’s true nature - these days, this included the Them, and a select few adults - assumed that Halloween would be prime time for the demon. It was, after all, the eve of the spirits, when the physical world pulled in closest with the supernatural, and the borders between the two broke down. It was the day when spooky was loved and celebrated, and surely Crowley would be all about that, wouldn’t he?

It was why Anathema was struggling particularly hard with Crowley’s outright refusal to show up at Adam’s Halloween party. “Come on, Crowley, you have to be kidding, what do you mean you don’t go out on Halloween?”

“I don’t,” he replied firmly. In the background, she could hear something that sounded suspiciously like plants being ripped out of the ground. “Stay in all day. 24 hours.”

“But it’s spooky. You love spooky.”

“Yes, but you know there is such a thing as too much of a good thing.”

“Oh?” She thought it over. “Like, too reminiscent of Hell, because I could convince him to tone down the decorations.”

“No, not that.” She heard him huff, and there came the sound of a body flopping into the grass. She had trouble not smiling, imaging the demon sprawled out on the lawn of the cottage, because she knew him and knew that was precisely what he was doing. “Me.”

“What about you?”

He groaned. “You can be really thick sometimes, you know it, Book-Girl?” She bristled, almost snapped a reply, but he had plowed on. “The boundaries between the human world and the supernatural are blurred. My corporation can only keep it together so well when that border breaks down.”

“Oh.”

“I mean, Aziraphale’s too,” he added, as an afterthought. “But he just gets sort of gimpy on that leg and has some extra eyeballs. He could - and he has - pass it off as a costume if he really needed to. Whereas me, well …” He sighed. “If I don’t just go serpent altogether I can hold a vaguely-human shape but it sort of stretches the limits of credibility to say it’s a costume or makeup or what have you.”

“Ah. Sorry I, uh, didn’t think of it that way. I think I understand now.” And she did. Crowley made some kind of non-specific noise on the other end of the line, and she went on, “Seriously, sorry.”

“Eh, don’t be. Natural assumption, really. And I have gone out on Halloween,” he added, “but because I needed to do some proper demon things. The scales and the horns really do help.”

She tried to imagine Crowley looking anything like a proper demon, and failed miserably. “I can imagine,” she said anyway. “Well, alright. I’ll tell the Them … something. Say you’re not feeling well or something.”

“Just tell them the truth. Adam’s the Antichrist, I hardly think demons doing demon things is going to be a shocking revelation.”

“Well, no, but I think if I tell them you’re spending the day cooped up because you look properly scary for once they’ll be even more disappointed you didn’t put in an appearance. You know how they are.”

“True.” He sighed. “That’s fine then, tell them whatever. And, ah, enjoy the party.”

“You’ll be alright by the weekend? I was thinking that new movie about the possessed priest -”

“Oh, yeah. Like I said, twenty-four hours, back to normal. Mostly. Might be a bit of ash around the fingertips but I’ll definitely be fine by Saturday.”

“Good,” she said, like they were discussing a brewing cold or sore throat, and not Crowley becoming an eldritch horror for a short period of time. “Alright, well, uh, good luck I guess. Hope it’s not too bad.”

“It’ll be awful, but thanks all the same.”

It always started at the stroke of midnight. Crowley and Aziraphale waited for it, knew it was coming, and took up stations where they would both be most comfortable. Aziraphale settled in n the library, books stacked high and at the ready, and an old but serviceable cane leaned up against the side table. Crowley carefully spread a few cheap old blankets over the couch and placed the iPad and his phone in easy reach. Preemptively, they both let their wings out, and Aziraphale took the time to rub some of the ache out of Crowley’s bad wing while his hands were still unfettered by eyeballs.

“We really have to look into fixing this,” he murmured, working the stiff joint of the wrist a little looser and ignoring the way it cracked, bones grinding arthritically. Crowley made a little noise of appreciation. “Even just the joint - I don’t know how we could get the feathers to grow back, but if we could get this wrist less contracted -”

“Can’t be done.” Crowley sighed, and Aziraphale let the wing go, the better to allow the demon to slump sideways into his chest. “Would’ve done it if I could.”

“I know that, dear boy.” He ran his hands down the leading edge of the wing, following the warped bone into Crowley’s shoulder and rubbing the muscle where the limb attached. Crowley sighed again, happily this time. “But I’ve never helped you look for a solution before.”

“S’pose not. Still don’t think there’s much to do about it, though. I mean, short of getting God or Raphael to fix it.” He snorted. “And fat chance of that.”

“I’ll have a look anyway. Perhaps - oh.”

The clock on the buffet chimed. One, two, three, all the way to midnight. Crowley groaned. “Here we go.”

It wasn’t a painful transformation, but both had scars from the Great War, and the aftereffects weren’t enjoyable. When all was said and done, Aziraphale was leaned back into the couch, massaging his right thigh, and Crowley was carefully extricating himself from the angel’s lap, mindful of the ash raining from his form and Aziraphale’s newly-visible multitude of eyes. Cautious of the eye now in his palm, Aziraphale grabbed the tip of Crowley’s broken halo - horns, now - and guided it away from his wing. “Careful.”

“Sorry.” They exchanged a look. Exasperated, frustrated, but most of all, tired. It wasn’t a terrible trade-off, one day each year, but neither particularly enjoyed the in-between form that Halloween forced, and it had grown old over the years. “I hate this.”

“Me too.” Aziraphale sighed, and closed most of his eyes, although a few along his wings stayed open. “Twenty-four hours.”

“Ugh.” Crowley made a vague gesture, head leaned back over the sofa, eyes closed. “Don’t even feel like doing anything.”

“Take a nap?” Aziraphale suggested. He stood, hobbling from the couch to the chair, and picked a book from the top of the pile. “I’ll be reading.”

“Mm. What book?”

“Oh? Ah.” He didn’t bother to close it again, and instead blinked open the eye on his palm to read the cover. “It’s contemporary.” This was said with the same tone as he might have informed Crowley of a particularly insistent customer in the shop. “But I suppose it was well-reviewed. It’s a signed first edition.” Crowley made an interested little noise. “‘The Da Vinci Code’ by a Dan Brown. Supposedly has a good deal of Bible lore.”

“Haven’t you read that?” The demon looked up, grinning, and Aziraphale didn’t mind the fangs. “C’mon, you can’t have missed that.”

“I didn’t. I’m just getting to it now. Have you read it?”

“Nah. Downloaded it ages ago but then everything happened with the kids and I forgot about it. Meant to, though.”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows. “I could read aloud, if you’d like. Good a way to spend the next 24 hours as any.”

Crowley hummed. “Can’t say I disagree. If you’re going to read, though, ah, and I don’t need hands -”

“Of course, dear.” There was a relieved hiss, and after a few seconds an enormous black winged snake was draped over the couch, coils heaped on coils to fit on the now-sagging piece of furniture. Leisurely, Crowley slithered forward, off the arm of the couch and across the empty space between there and Aziraphale’s chair. “Come around,” he encouraged, while Crowley draped the front length of himself around Aziraphale’s shoulders, until the tip of his snout was tucked under the angel’s chin, and the length of himself with his wings was resting on the floor, wings splayed out lazily. “Comfortable?”

“Yesss. You?”

“Budge off my right shoulder a bit, there’s a love. Right.” He turned from the title page, and started to read: “Fact: The Priory of Scion - a European secret society founded in 1099 - is a real organization.” He stopped. Frowned.

“Wasss it? Don’t remember that one,” asked the Serpent of Eden.

“I’m fairly certain it was not,” replied the angel of the Eastern Gate. He read on, expression growing more disapproving by the word. “In 1975 Paris's Bibliotheque Nationale discovered parchments known as Les Dossiers Secrets, identifying numerous members of the Priory of Sion, including Sir Isaac Newton, Botticelli, Victor Hugo, and Leonardo da Vinci.’ Well, that’s utter tosh. Who published this pulp?”

Crowley’s forked tongue flicked the tip of his nose, and Aziraphale heard a hissing sort of laugh. “Who caressss? Go on, I want to hear thisss.”

All in all, it was not a bad way to spend 24 hours. By the midway point of chapter one, Aziraphale was so bent out of shape about the inaccuracies that he all but forgot about the ache in his leg, or that Crowley dribbled a little ash onto the rug every time he laughed. At some point, cocoa appeared, and Aziraphale pretended not to notice as Crowley sipped at it, even though the sheer size of his snout made stealth a bit difficult, considering the gentle thunk he made every time he shoved his nose into the cup. The reading went a bit slow, too, considering they had to stop roughly every five paragraphs to criticise something, or point out some inaccuracy, but the interludes were mutually enjoyable, and neither found they minded.

Ordinarily, Aziraphale would have been able to read a book of that length within 24 hours. It was the reason for the other books settled within easy reach, after all. But when the clock again chimed midnight, and the eyes faded back into the ether, Aziraphale just paused, marked his place with a finger between the pages, and took a sip of fresh, warm tea. “Well, there we are. Another Halloween.”

“Yeah.” Crowley stretched his newly-returned limbs - wings included, he was loath to put them away yet if he didn’t need to, it felt so good to let them breathe now and then - and flopped back onto the couch. “Not the worst I’ve had. Possibly top ten best, actually.”

“This book is dreadful.”

The demon patted the sofa next to him. “Well, yeah, but in a good way. C’mere, I gotta know what happens.” Aziraphale grumbled a little but he obliged, moving over to the couch once again with his usual gait, although he too left his wings out, albeit without the eyes. He settled, and Crowley slouched up against him, a tumbler of scotch suddenly in his hand. “You think they find the Grail?”

“I rather hope not, honestly.” Aziraphale scowled. “It’d be a real shame if he butchered that as well.”

“You know there’s a prequel?”

“No.”

“Honest truth. Called Angels and Demons.” Crowley waved his free hand. “Whole series, actually. Never read any of them.” He raised an eyebrow. “Might be fun?”

“You have a strange definition of fun, Crowley.” Absently, he kissed the top of Crowley’s head, ignoring the way the demon’s hair tickled his face. “Comes with being a demon, I suppose.”

“Comes with having a sense of humor. We should read them.”

“No.”

“Well not right now. Later.” He gestured vaguely. “After I get the garden cleaned up for the winter, maybe.”

“Hm. I’ll have time to read a few palate-cleansers.”

“There’s the spirit.” He snuggled in closer, right wing wrapped around Aziraphale’s shoulders and the left covering himself like some kind of massive feathery blanket. “Go on, let’s see if they get the Grail.”

Aziraphale sighed, defeated and resigned, although Crowley could see the tiny movement well enough to note the little twitch at the corner of the angel’s mouth, almost a smile. “Very well.”

He turned the page, and kept on reading.

#good omens #good omens fanfiction #good omens fanfic #crowley #aziraphale #the da vinci code #spooky eldritch angels and demons #dont let the text fool you #i unabashedly love the da vinci code #i wish i didn't enjoy fanfiction so much

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shadows-bitty-fun · 5 years

Text

A little Gift for you

Blaise was worried for Evanora whenever she had to go anywhere and he couldn’t go along. He could always feel how anxious she was when she was going to meet a client even if she’d talked with them before. So he looks up on the internet to see what he can do and stumbles over something that can help! And if it gets him to go out with Evanora for once? Then that’s just a bonus!

Chain lamia’s (Blaise) are from @vex-bittys

Twister lamia’s (Rowan) are from @selkiesbittybonanza

Lich bitties (Darko) are from @mythical-adoptions

Dawn and her bitties mentioned are mine as well, they can be found at @dawnsbitties

WARNINGS: Rude as heck person, vague mention of panic attack

Blaise hated it. He really, really hated it. Evanora, his mate, was off again to see a client about the order they’d placed. He would be fine with it if he’d be able to come along and keep her calm, something he was good at and loved doing. But no… The client was scared of snakes, so the thought of a lamia coming along had scared them enough for Eva to say she was going to come along.

And Blaise was left alone at home feeling the anxiety she couldn’t keep from going through the bond.

Rowan was watching him, having set up a kiddie pool in the backyard as he hadn’t wanted to go to the lake today. There was some wildlife who was using the lake at the moment and the last time he’d gone they’d been scared of him. He didn’t want to scare them off seeing as they had young, so the kiddie pool it would have to be for a while. He was watching Blaise stare at the door, or more precisely his tail that was going a mile a minute. He wasn’t happy.

“She’ll be back ‘fore ya know it Blaise. Ya know she will. No need ta rile yaself up like that.”

“i know rowan… but ya don’t feel it… ssssshe’sss sssso anxiousss…”

“Yea, so ya say… But ya can’t do ‘nothing when she’s out and ya can’t go along.”

“i knoooooowwwww….”

Blaise could hear that Rowan let out a sigh, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted to have his mate here. He wanted to lay over her to keep her from going anywhere and just nap with her! Well, that or something else, but he couldn’t do that with Rowan around. Not because he didn’t want to, but because Eva felt bad about it.

He really needed to ask the other lamia about him taking a day away from the house again.

Trying to distract himself, Blaise goes to the computer to load up his usual game… Only to see it’s updating. With the connection that they have it would take a while, damn it! Well then there was always looking around on the internet for a while. Or going out and joining Rowan in the kiddie pool, but he wasn’t really in the mood to splash around. Not at the moment. He didn’t know how, but he ended up searching around to see if there was something you could do to help someone who had mental problems, most likely because he wanted to help out his mate.

That’s how he found the Litches.

Reading over them again and again, he knew these were perfect! A service bitty! There was no one who could tell he couldn’t come along as it would have a official proof that it was a educated service bitty, so Eva could have someone go with her at any time!

Now to plan this out…

Getting the phone - with a look of confusion from Rowan who now were interested enough that he’d gotten out of the pool and was drying off - he called up the number to another center that he knew of. He’d seen it on his travels, even got to talk with the lamia that protected the place, so he got their number as well.

“Hello! Dawns Bitty Center, how can I help you?”

He couldn’t help the smile that came over him. “hello dawn. remember me? the chain with sssscarsssss?”

“Oh my goodness honey! How are you doing! If you’re calling, have you found a bond?”

“i have. my name isssss blaissse now.”

“Oh sweetie, that’s so good to hear! I have to admit, when Blaze told about you I started worrying so much about you. Is your owner nice to you?”

“very…” He couldn’t help but blush. “ssssshe’sss my mate now.”

Even Rowan could hear the squeal from the phone as he held it away from his skull, grinning.

“OH MY GOD DEAR THAT IS WONDERFUL! I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!”

He waited to make sure he wasn’t going to get yelled at once more before putting it back to his ‘ear’.

“well, that issss not why i called you.”

“Oh of course, of course, what’s on your mind dear?”

~ o ~

Blaise was so proud of himself. He’d set up a few meetings between himself, Eva and Dawn to let them get to know each other for a while, something that went better than expected. Evanora was calm around her and the bitties at the center she owned - he had a blast being there and napping with the Shyfluff’s using his coils as a warm hiding place that felt safe - so now it was time for the next step.

“... So, you want me to come along.”

“Well yes sweetie, if you want to that is.”

“But it’s just you adopting, won’t it be weird for me to come along as well?”

“about that love..”

Evanora was clearly surprised about Blaise being awake right now. He would usually be sleeping at this point but he had talked to Dawn about suggesting it now and he felt like it would go well.

“they have service bitties. meaning bitties that’s trained fer dealing with things. and well… i’d been thinking.. since i can’t alway be with ya when customers meet up with ya… maybe ya could have one of them? their type is a ‘lich’, something about magic…”

He got her phone and found the page, showing her the information. He could see her reading it over, getting more interested the more she read. Once she was done she was thinking for a bit, petting Hyper the shop’s official Hyperfluff who at the moment was just laying and relaxing on her lap before looking to Blaise.

“You really think one of these could help me out?”

“yesss. i’m ssssure about it love.”

She seemed to think about it for a while before suddenly looking to Dawn.

“Is this why Blaise have been asking to come here? Because he wanted you to be there to support me as I went to a new shop to adopt?”

Both Blaise and Dawn looked sheepish after that, telling enough.

“Your mate just wanted to be sure you’d be comfortable about going there sweetie. He really cares for you and want you to be comfortable. And I’ve wanted to adopt a few of the bitties from the place anyway, so I’ll be going there anyway.”

Blaise looked closely at Evanora after that, he could see she was thinking it over. He really, really wanted her to be fine with it. Her having a Lich would mean so much as he’d be able to feel calm when she goes out without him and it would help her for sure as well.

It took a good while before let out a sigh before nodding. “All right, I can see the good things of adopting one, so I’ll go. Besides, it would help to go along with you Dawn… You have a car after all and the center is on the other side of the city…”

Blaise couldn’t help it. He was so happy that his mate agreed to this that he hugged her close, his tail wrapping around her several times… But her arms were still free at least as he gently purred to her.

“Oh my… Well, I’m glad you want to go Eva. But we’ll have to wait a bit it would seem.” Dawn couldn’t help but point out, chuckling at the now very much trapped female who was laughing as well along with holding onto her mate.

He didn’t care that it would be a bit longer before they’d get to the adoption center, he needed a moment to just be happy he’d been able to help her out.

~ o ~

Eva wasn’t feeling too good about this now that they were here. Blaise could tell easily with how much anxiety was coming off her right now as they were headed in. Evanora was doing their best to try and calm down and Blaise was doing their best to send calming emotions through the bond to help them out. He didn’t really notice that they were inside before Dawn spoke up. "Hello?" She called out carefully. "Is someone around?"

At the front counter was a young skeleton as well as another Chain lazing behind her. The Chain in question cracked open an eyesocket as Lusty - the skeleton and owner of the shop - smiled at them.

"Hello! Welcome to Mythical Adoptions- Oh, I see you got your own Chain there?" She chuckled. "Bama's lazing about behind me, obviously."

Said lamia lifted the tip of his tail, waving it slowly in a greeting. "Hey."

"So how can I help you today?"

Evanora seemed to calm down a bit more as she was spoken to, smiling.

"Well... My worry-ward of a mate here wouldn't leave me alone today, so he came along..." Blaise rolls his eyesockets at that.

"you were anxioussss love. not going to let you go alone when you are." He told her plainly, giving her a look of 'I dare you to speak against it'. She didn't obviously.

"Well, we're both here looking for some bitties to adopt! Me more than my friend."

It was Dawn who spoke up then, grinning.

"I run a shop of my own, but I still love getting some new ones myself. I've been looking at the Faeries and the Kitsunes and thought they could be great ones who might also be able to help a bit, as well as the Dietyrus and Harbingers."

"I'm looking for a Lich myself," Evanora spoke softly "while Blaise here is wonderful at keeping me calm for the most part, being full-sized means he can't always come along. Not to mention not all likes snakes. So he found the Liches and decided having one could be good for me."

Blaise couldn’t help the pride that swelled in his soul as Evanora stood up and spoke up. His mate was just great, getting out of her comfort zone like this.

"Lich are great, they all trained in many aspects of both Emotional and Service bitty supports, so I'm certain we can find one for you!" Lusty said, letting out a sharp whistle.

A Faerie flew over quickly, landing on the counter.

"Sweetling, could you go tell the Lich that someone is here to adopt? Then come by the Kitsune enclosure, they also wish to adopt a Faerie and Kitsune and you and your brother might just be perfect~" She told the Faerie who was beaming with a wide smile. He quickly flew off.

"Alright, he'll find a Lich for you- and likely we'll hear a Dietyrus along the way, so let's go meet the Kitsunes."

Blaise and Evanora mostly followed along with Dawn after that as she met up with and adopted the bitties she wanted. It didn’t take long at all before a Lich landed on Evanora’s head and he knew she would have jumped had she not felt him before he started to speak.

"Well, well, quite the menagerie coming along here~ So who wanted to adopt me~?"

"Hello... that would be me." Blaise was looking between the two of them while sending calm waves trough the bond to her, happy that Evanora was at least feeling calm around the Lich.

"Didn't mean to scare ya out of your skin there, Kiddo." the Lich chuckled.

"I-it's fine! Really! It's... N-not really hard to... spook me. Tend to jump at sudden noises." Evanora carefully says, before looking back up at him. "B-but I'm working on it! I want to be better about that... As well as getting better over the other... Well, hardships... That comes with being autistic..." Blaise was gently rubbing her back now, giving her some comfort while hoping everything was going to work out. He hadn’t heard Eva stutter like this in a long while!

"Lucky for you Lusty took personal care of those of us excelling in Autism training- she's Autistic too. Wh better t'learn from than another Autistic? I know yer all different but it does tend t'help." the Lich said, teleporting onto your shoulder.

Evanora smiles and - once the Lich is on her shoulder - nods her head a bit. "It really makes me feel safe and I know you'll do great." She tells him, Blaise making a sound of agreement with a grin. He had been the one to suggest this after all.

They both listened as Dawn was naming her new bitties, Blaise grinning at a few of the names, before looking to Evanora and the Lich.

"I already have a name for you as well…” Now that was a surprise, Blaise hadn’t thought she’d have a name just yet. “Darko, it means gift. And I feel like it'll be a gift to have you helping me out." She looks to the side after saying that, something that Blaise finds adorable, clearly embarrassed. "T-that is, if you like the name!"

Luckily, with a chuckle, the now named Darko told her he liked it.

~ o ~

Dawn set Evanora, Blaise and Darko off at the mall close to where they lived as they needed to go shopping for a few extra items before going home, Dawn waving to them as her and the other bitties drove off to the center that had been closed while she was gone.

Blaise was keeping a close ‘eye’ on the bond to see how Evanora was doing, not wanting his mate to get overwhelmed with everything that was going on. So far she was doing good, the new bitty on her shoulder a good help as well. Darko seemed like a great service bitty. And that vest was cute really.

“All right, we just need a few things so that your life around the house will be easier, then we can go home.”

“Sounds good ta me kid.”

Taking a deep breath, Evanora lead the way as they all headed into the mall. The first few shops were fine, Blaise tagged along and the staff were fine with it. The last one though…

“You’re going to have to leave the bitties out here miss.”

“Well, Blaise can wait out here, but you can’t tell me I can’t take Darko here with me.”

“He’s a bitty, a pet - something that’s not allowed here. So yes I can-”

“He’s a service bitty. I have the print right here.”

Blaise watched as the guy looked the paper over so many times, clearly trying to find a loophole in it… But when he found none he let out a sigh.

“Fine, the bitty can go in… But that one,” he pointed at Blaise who wanted to hiss at him, “is staying out here.”

Once the shop manager walked back in Evanora turned to Blaise, smiling. “I’m sorry love, wait out here for us all right? I promise I’ll find something for you in there okay? But we’ll have to play by this guy’s rules… And there’s a few things I need in here.”

He didn’t like it. He didn’t like it one bit, but he let out a small breath.

“‘kay. ssstay ssssafe though, okay?” Blaise asked, getting a nod and a kiss before watching as Evanora went in, Blaise being stuck outside looking over the bags. Not that it was too much of a problem… People avoided him because of his snake half - at least he had a feeling that was what kept them away.

He hoped Evanora would hurry.

- POV CHANGE -

I walked around in the shop, looking for a few things for the house. I knew that Darko could teleport around the place, but I wanted to make things easy for him so he didn’t have to. So a few things to make ladders around the place was in order… I just wished the shop owner would stop giving me that look.

Ever since entering the shop, he’d been standing in the corner, clearly judging me for simply having a service bitty. I really couldn’t see the problem in it; he wasn’t doing any harm and he was helping me not feel as anxious about everything. Even if the dude wasn’t really doing anything for it…

“Excuse me, you’re in the way!”

Oh dear, that made my anxiety spike. Another person was looking at me with a look that just screamed ‘I’m better than you and don’t want to waste time talking to you’. Getting out of the way I send the person a nervous smile.

“I-I’m sorry miss, I didn’t mean to.”

She just snorted at me. “Whatever, just move out of the way now. You’re in my personal space and I don’t like that.” She was looking more like I was a piece of rotten meat rather than a person.

I would have just nodded and went on my way, but then…

“Goodness, they even let in a beast like that? What has the world come to… I thought I could be free of those little creatures in here.”

Excuse me…

EXCUSE ME?

“Huh? Oh, you’re talking about my service bitty, Darko here?” I asked, turning to her. He was sitting on my shoulder, patting the back of my head to try and keep me calm. But he wasn’t stopping me right now.

“... That thing is a service animal? Oh dear lord, what has the world come to…”

“‘ey miss, don’t know if ya know, but you’re being rather rude right now.” Darko spoke up, frowning. I could see his eye flaring up in anger at this woman, not that I could blame him.

“Please control that pet of yours, I don’t want it biting me and getting something from him.”

Oh, now it was on.

“If anything, miss, I’d be worried that he got some sort of jerk disease from you. He’s telling you that you’re being rude to try and let you change your ways so that you weren’t such a bitch, but I see that you can’t be helped. And if this shop find people like you to be their main target, you know what? I won’t be supporting it. So have a nice day miss, also have a nice day to you sir! Hope you’re happy about your customer here bitching away another paying customer that had wanted to buy quite a few things!”

I didn’t wait around to hear what they were going to say before storming off in rage, knowing that Blaise would follow along the second he saw me. I walked for a good while until I found a corner where I was fairly alone.. Before kneeling down and having a bit of a breakdown.

It took a good while before I could tell what was going on once more. Blaise was holding my hands - preventing me from doing any damage - and Darko was standing on one of my arms, talking to me and holding a hand to my chest.

“There ya go kid, nice and easy… Ya all right… Nothing’s hurting ya. Ya away from the lady and ya fine…”

“come on love, ya with us now?”

I carefully nod my head, making Blaise let out a sigh of relief. Darko moved to the backpack for a moment, returning a second later with one of the water bottles I had packed.

“Here kid, ya were breathing rather harshly earlier.”

Feeling my throat were as dry as a desert, I gratefully took the water, drinking it slowly when Darko reminded me to.

“Uh, is it okay to come closer to you now?”

I looked over surprised as a man stood there, looking like he was out of place. After a few seconds I realised I hadn’t replied so I nodded to him, watching him come closer but not longer than I had an arms reach of air around me - not including that Blaise had his tail wrapped around me, something I found comfort in.

“I overheard what the lady was saying to you and your service bitty there and felt bad on the two of you’s behalf. No one should be treated like that, she was in the wrong. What were you in there to look for anyway?”

It took a bit before I could reply, still feeling like my throat was too dry.

“I… Was going to make my house bitty-friendly. Ladders and stuff like that, seeing as Darko here is the first of mine who’s the size he is…”

The guy smiled at me before pointing off to another place.

“Well, there’s a shop nearby where they have doll things. They sell high-quality stuff and they’re fair in the price. They even make the things so bitty owners can benefit to shop in there. Want me to show you?”

Darko looked to me, speaking softly. “Ya feeling up for more today? Could just ‘port us to the front gate so we can head on home.”

I thought it over for a bit. This guy seemed nice, I still needed the things and just like Darko said, he could teleport us to the exit if I really couldn’t take it anymore. So, with a smile I nodded.

“I think I can handle one more shop for today…”

It turned out for the better, Darko constantly telling me I was doing good and reassuring me that I could get away just by being there… I had a far easier time being at the mall.

And then coming home and seeing Darko interract with my cat while his vest was off was just… Too precious.

I had to get a frame for the image of Darko napping on the cat… Who was taking a nap on Rowan who’d curled up on the couch.

I need a new couch as well at this point.

#story #Chain Bittybones Lamia #Blaise the Chain Lamia #Twister Bittybones Lamia #Rowan the Twister Lamia #Lich MythBitty #Darko the Lich MythBitty

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alltheprettygirlsintheworld · 5 years

Text

On serpents and senses

My entry for day four of @ineffablehusbandsweek

Prompt: Senses- touch/sight/hearing/taste/smell

Words: 1112

Summary: No matter what he did, Crowley couldn't escape the cold. It froze through his scales and seeped into his bones, leaving him feeling hollow. The once warm sand underneath him offered no comfort as he curled in on himself, desperate for any warmth. He couldn't change back into human form even if he had wanted to. Stupid humans and their bloody stupid magic.

On Ao3 here

---

No matter what he did, Crowley couldn't escape the cold. It froze through his scales and seeped into his bones, leaving him feeling hollow. The once hot sand underneath him offered no comfort as he curled in on himself, desperate for any warmth. He couldn't change back into human form even if he had wanted to. Stupid humans and their bloody stupid magic . Crowley hadn't even known about these ridiculous rituals until he found himself trapped in one, and apparently, in this form. And while he did enjoy being a snake, it certainly had its disadvantages. Like, for example: no way to stay warm while alone in the desert at night.

He coiled himself tighter, trying to escape the freezing numbness that was making its way through his body. How in the world other snakes survived this on a daily basis Crowley would never understand. Aziraphale would though, he would say something about how those snakes were built for the desert, while Crowley much preferred more tropical areas while in snake form. Eden had been nice for that. Lush green leaves and tall grass that he could weave through as the newly-made sun warmed his scales. Crowley shivered, another wave of cold shooting through his body.

He needed to move, he knew it. He could find a rock of some kind a burrow underneath it. But it was so cold, and as the feeling pierced its way through his muscles, he found that moving was getting harder and harder. Would it really be so bad if he went to sleep now? At least if he was asleep he wouldn't be aware of how his body was beginning to ache more and more with each passing moment. He hissed in frustration, forked tongue slipping out, as he tried to smell anything that might mean warmth. Wait. He knew that scent. Sweet smelling and slightly dusty.

"Crowley?" Aziraphale asked, bending down slowly to look at him.

"'ello, Azziraphale" Crowley hissed at him, trying very hard not to look like he was minutes away from freezing to death.

"What- why are you- Crowley, you're freezing."

"I am aware of that, yesss" Crowley shivered despite himself.

"Oh dear ." Aziraphale muttered, seemingly in both exasperation and...fondness? Crowley couldn't think about it any more because suddenly he was in the air. "Crowley, I am going to bring you back with me, you can protest all you like, but I won't have you freezing to death in the desert." Aziraphale's hands were soft, gentle, and oh they were warm . Aziraphale paused for a moment, seeming to contemplate something as he tilted his head and examined Crowley, before he lifted him and gently hung Crowley around his neck.

"Is this alright?" Aziraphale asked, running two fingers along the length of Crowley's body.

"Sssssss." Crowley shivered again, this time for a very different reason. He curled himself around Aziraphale's neck. He was so soft and warm, so nice compared to the rough sand that he had been struggling with. His tail hung over Aziraphale's chest and, abandoning any sense of self-respect, he let his head rest just above Aziraphale's collarbone.

"Let's get you home now, shall we?"

"Sssssss." Bless it, he couldn't even get a proper word out. He was too distracted by the fact that he could not only hear but feel the angel's pulse as he rested his head. The gentle da -dun, da-dun, da-dun of Aziraphale's heartbeat lulling him into a sense of calmness as the angel continued absentmindedly petting him.

"Are you going to tell me what got you into this mess in the first place?" Aziraphale asked after about twenty minutes of silence.

Crowley had warmed up enough that this time he could at least make out a full sentence without hissing too much. "Went to a village. Minor temptation. Get a chief to attack another tribe. How wasss I ssupposssed to know that they actually had a ssspell to trap demonsss?"

"So you're... stuck like this?" Aziraphale asked, moving his hand to rest on the coils on his neck. "I had wondered why you hadn't changed back, but I wasn't going to ask."

"Ssso polite."

"Rest dear," Aziraphale said gently. Crowley could feel the waves of calmness Aziraphale was sending towards him, urging him to go to sleep.

Crowley had never been one to resist temptation.

When Crowley awoke he was lying down on a straw mattress, alone, and naked other than a blanket that had been laid on top of him. He looked around the room, not quite sure where he was. It looked like he was in a clay/mud home, with one window letting air in and an open archway leading into another room. The room was bare, save for some clay tablets resting on a small table, but something about it felt...lived in, and comfortable. There was a knock outside the archway and Crowley sat up, leaving the blanket around his waist.

Aziraphale walked in carrying a cup filled with water and a sliced papaya in his hands.

"Ah, you're up I see."

"Yes. Er- angel?" Crowley asked, turning to look at Aziraphale as he set the fruit down on the table. "Where are we, exactly?"

"Harlaa."

"Oh."

"Please don't tell me this is the place you were ordered to send those people to attack." Crowley said nothing, not meeting the angel's eyes.

"Of course it is." Aziraphale sighed, rolling his eyes in exasperation.

"Thank you, Aziraphale." Crowley froze. The words had just- slipped out. Aziraphale turned to face him. Shit. It was too late to back out now. "For helping me out back there."

"You're ver-"

"Dont." Crowley cut him off. "If your people hear that you rescued a demon they might come after you. Just- just take it okay?" Aziraphale nodded slowly. He silently handed Crowley the fruit and the water. Crowley downed the cup of water, he knew he didn't need it, but it felt nice after being in the dry sand for hours. He reached for the papaya and then flinched.

"Crowley, are you all right?"

"Yeah, just- in pain. Sore from the cold."

"Let me fix that." Aziraphale leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to Crowley's forehead. Crowley didn't even bother to hide the sigh of relief that left him as warmth spread through his entire body and the pain disappeared.

"Better?" Aziraphale asked, standing up straight.

"Ngk."

"Good, now you can join me for a proper meal." He turned to walk out of the room before freezing in the doorway, turning back to face Crowley.

"And Crowley?"

"Yes?"

"You might want to put some clothes on."

Crowley felt his face heat up.

#ineffable husbands week #ineffable husbands week 2019 #Day four prompt #senses #touch #sight #hearing #taste #smell #Crowley #Aziraphale #Good Omens #Ineffable Husbands #Snake Crowley #Good omens fanfic #hurt/comfort #also on wattpad

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bleachanimefan1 · 3 years

Text

Turtles Forever Part 75

The Real World Part One

Splinter was watching Leo and Yuuki as they were doing their training.

"Falling Rain Kata," Leo said as they swung their weapons.

"The way of harmonizing oneself in action. This is the spirit of yardo," Splinter said as Leo and Yuuki put out some flames with their weapons. "The mind, body, spirit, and weapon, working in harmony. Balance is all." They take out more candles and Mikey watches from the couch.

"I love comics," Leo blinked from his interruption. "You wanna know why I love comics, Leo? I know you wanna know."

"Michelangelo, enough!" Splinter scolded. "Leonardo and Yuuki are training. You may join them as you seem to have too much free time on your hands."

Mikey cringes and looks over at Donnie who was talking to April. "Um, I think I hear Donnie calling me. Coming Donnie!"

Suddenly, the lair begins to shake.

"I think we're having an earthquake!" Donnie called out. A portal started to form as he rose from out of the pool in the center of the lair.

"Master Splinter, what's going on?" Leo questioned, as Donnie rushed in.

"We've seen that kind of energy before," he pointed out, and as soon as he did, the ultimate ninja emerged from the portal.

"Drako!" Splinter exclaimed.

"And the Daimyo's son," Leo finished. "This is what we've told you about, Master Splinter. They've merged somehow, combined together."

"All into one ugly package," Raph commented as he walked into the room, squinting his eyes from the bright light. Mona had rushed in along with him, after putting Elizabeth down for a nap when she heard the commotion as well.

"We told you we would return," the Ultimate ninja declared. "We told you we would have our revenge!"

"Revenge this, whack bag!" Raph yelled running to them, spinning his sais. The Ultimate ninja used the time scepter freezing Raph in midair as he jumped to kick. He grabbed Raph with his tail, throwing him into the pillar.

"As if you could simply fight us! We control time and space with Lord Simultaneous time scepter! We are unbeatable," the ultimate ninja declared.

"Someone quick!" Donnie called as everyone jumped at the ultimate ninja to stop him. "Grab the-" He shoots out another blast of energy freezing everyone.

"Now we will have our vengeance," Drako said. The Daimyo's son glared, looking at Leo.

"Leonardo, destroy him first!"

"No, we agreed. The rat first then the Daimyo, your father," Drako answered, looking at Splinter.

"Then Leonardo." The Daimyo's son replied.

"They will pay, all of them." Drako declared.

"Yes, all of them will learn the meaning of suffering across time and space!"

A bright blinding light engulfs Leo. Leo quickly wakes up.

"Drako!" He turns and sees as strange purple lizard in front of him, a tokage. "Drako?"

The creature stares at him for a moment before running off. Leo stands up and sees that he was in a hole and climbs out of it, to see a grassy field as he stood on the hill. "Master Splinter? Guys?" he asked, looking around. He hoped that they were doing okay, without him right now, especially Yuuki. Leo growled as he clenched his fists. If the Ultimate Ninja does anything to anyone, he is gonna...

No, right now, he need to keep calm. Find out his surroundings then focus on the Ultimate Ninja.

Then Leo noticed a couple of buildings within the distance.

"Okay, Drako appears in the lair then the lair goes away," he told himself. "or maybe, I went away. This looks like feudal Japan," Leo said as he looked at the buildings of a village in the distance. "I have to find the others. Drako could be-"

Suddenly, two horses stopped in front of Leo, nearly running him over. The riders were thrown off from their horses.

"Are you alright? You came out of nowhere and-" Leo asked, concerned.

"Ninja scum!" the cat swords-woman shouted, pulling out her sword. She had long black hair which was tied up in a white bow and brown eyes.

"What?" Leo asked, confused.

"You won't have him! I don't care how many ninja clans come!" she declared.

"Ninja clans? Have who?" Leo asked, still confused. "I think you should calm-"

"You will not live to see another sunrise! So swears, Tomoe Ame!" she exclaimed, charging at Leo.

"Stop!" he shouted, waving his hands. "I don't want to fight you!" Leo ducked and moved out of the way as the swords-woman swung her sword at him then Leo blocked the sword with his own.

"I'm not your enemy!" Leo insisted, pushing her back. She growled, coming closer to him as he backed away.

"Ninja deceit!" she yelled. Leo blocked her sword again the knocked it out of her hands. He sweeped his leg, tripping the swords-woman as he knocked her down. Her sword landed on the ground next her, just as she moved out of the way. Leo approached her as she stared up at him.

"Please, if you have any honor in you ninja, spare my lord. Take me instead." she begged.

"I'd like to think of myself as honorable and a ninja," Leo held his hand out to her. Tomoe Ame looks in surprise, before taking it, and Leo helped her up.

"Forgive me. I am shamed of my actions. I mistook you for-" she replied, ashamed. However, she stops when the two of them heard a groan.

"Huh?" Leo asked as they looked to see a small panda child, lying on the ground.

"Lord Noriyuki!" Tomoe Ame exclaimed, worried, rushing over to him. "My lord!"

"Who are you guys?" Leo questioned.

"He is Lord Noriyuki, head of the Geishu clan," she explained. "I am his retainer, Tomoe Ame."

"Wait," Leo answered, in realization. "you don't by any chance know a samurai named-"

Then the ground began to shake and soon the three were surrounded a group of large moles. Leo pulled out his weapon as the moles burrowed their way towards him. He blocked one's claws and jumped out of the way before the others surround him as they came out from the ground. Leo kicked one away as it jumped at him from the air. Tomoe Ame ran over to Noriyuki to defend him only to get attacked as well. She pushes one away, when another came out from the ground startling her, making her let go of Noriyuki. Leo jumps on top of one.

"What is going on here?!" Leo demanded. Tomoe Ame was knocked down to the ground as she tried to defend herself.

"The Mogura ninjas have come for Lord Noriyuki! We must protect him!" she called out, seeing an mole come towards her. She throws him off and sends him crashing into another behind her. Leo noticed that Noriyuki was surrounded by a few mole ninjas and jumped over to him, kicking two away. Tomoe Ame was surrounded by five ninjas as they dug around underneath her and she started to sink into the ground.

"Tomoe Ame, no!" Noriyuki shouted. Leo tried to dig her out, but there was no sign of her.

"No!" A mole's hand pops out at him and he jumps back in surprise. Three moles jump out from the ground, when from out of nowhere an arrow was fired and lands near them. Leo saw Usagi and Gen on horses as they rode towards them. Usagi yelled as he jumped off from his horse and rolled, knocking down two ninjas. He moved away another jumps at him and Usagi kicked him down. The ninja digs into the ground, escaping. Usagi turns to the other two mole ninjas with an angry look and they dug into the ground, escaping as well.

"Usagi!" Leo exclaimed in surprise.

"Welcome to my world, Leonardo-san," he greeted him with a bow. "Your presence is as fortuitous as they are mysterious." Gen walked over to Noriyuki. "Lord Noriyuki, am I please you are safe." Usagi told him as he put away his swords.

"Indeed, thanks to this kame ninja," Noriyuki replied, bowing to Leo.

"Usagi, what just happened here?" Leo asked, curious.

Gen spits to the ground. "Ninja treachery," he chuckled.

"Leonardo-san," Usagi explained. "Lord Noriyuki has been targeted for assassination by a rival, Lord Hebi. Hebi has decreed that whichever ninja clan eliminates Lord Noriyuki, will win his favor. The attacks have been relentless." he bends down to the burrowed dirt, examining it. "Only Tomoe Ame's skill and honor have saved her lord from the ninja. Tomoe Ame's sacrifice will not be in vain."Then turns to Leo. "Gen and I will escort Lord Noriyuki to the capital city of Edo. The shogun is expecting him and Hebi will not dare continue his attacks under the shogun's watchful eye. And on the way, you can tell us how you came to be here." He told Leo as he lead Noriyuki to his horse.

The sun was starting to set beside them as Usagi, Leo, Noriyuki and Gen rode the two horses on the mountain side.

"Then I woke up in that valley. The next thing I knew, I was fighting alongside Tomoe Ame against those Mogura ninja." Leo finished, as he explained his story to Usagi.

"Drako," Usagi sneered. "I had hoped we had seen the last of him."

"I have to find Master Splinter, my brothers, Yuuki,...and the Daimyo," Leo replied. "Drako and the Ultimate Ninja both want revenge against the Daimyo,...the Daimyo."

"Wait a minute!" Leo exclaimed in realization. "Usagi, the Daimyo's war staff can send me home."

"If I can get to the Battle Nexus, the Daimyo can open a doorway to my world. I think I can remember the chant the opens the doorway to the Nexus, but my brothers helped me with the symbols." he explained.

"I know the ritual," Usagi told him. "I will help you in anyway I can, as soon as Lord Noriyuki is under the shogun's protection."

Inside of a large fortress, Tomoe Ame was thrown to the ground in front of someone. In front of her was a large snake, coiled up. "The Geishu lord should be on his knees before me, not thisss girl."

"My lord," a cat ninja approached. "We had Noriyuki, but there was...interference."

"Usssagi," the snake hissed in realization.

"Show yourself, Hebi!" Tomoe Ame demanded. The snake began to slither his way towards her.

"You will be very uuuseful, Tomoe Ame." he began to wrap himself around Tomoe Ame's body. "Oh yesss, I know of you and that you are dear to your Lord Noriyuki. Your presence will deliver Noriyuki right to me, as well as Miyamoto Usagi," He snapped his head towards his aid. "Chizu!"

Another cat ninja appeared from the shadows. "My lord," she addressed him as she bowed.

"Your Neko ninjas will deliver a message to Miyamoto Usagi for me," Hebi demanded. "And if this ninja from the kame clan interferes, eliminate them."

Leo, Usagi, Gen and Noriyuki arrived at a cliff on their way to Edo. Leo looked over the edge to see a flowing river beneath him.

"This is the way to Edo?" he asked in disbelief.

"It's a shortcut," Gen explained.

"Your shortcuts with be the end of us, Gennosuke," Usagi commented. "Come, let us head back the way we came."

A group of neko ninja surrounded them from behind. Leo, Usagi and Gen pulled out their weapons.

"It's an ambush!" Leo shouted. Usagi charged forward and kicked away a ninja before locking swords with another one. Noriyuki ran away screaming as the ninjas began to attack everyone. Gen leaps and stabs his sword into the ground, causing the edge of the cliff to give away, bringing a couple of ninjas down with it, falling into the river.

"Whose idea was this, anyway?" Gen asked, as he fought. Usagi ducked from a sword.

"Yours!" he exclaimed, angrily. "You and your shortcuts!" Noriyuki looked in shock as Leo tried to defend him. Leo blocked the ninja's sword with his hand.

"Leonardo-san!" Noriyuki called out. Leo sees two ninjas approaching the child.

"Hold...on!" Leo said as he throws the ninja into the other two, knocking them down. Chizu watched from the cliff above.

"Order the ninja on the path to pull back and the archers to move forward." she told one of the ninjas, walking away. Usagi swings his leg, to kick a ninja, while Gen ducked from his attacker's swings. Gen headbutts him, knocking the ninja out. Suddenly, a horn was heard in the distance and the ninjas ran off.

"What is this?" Usagi asked, surprised.

"Cowards," Gen laughed. Leo watched with a skeptical look.

"I don't like this, guys," he called out. "Something's up."

From above, five ninjas aimed their bows and arrows at the group, ready to fire. Leo looked up, nervously.

"There's only one way out," Usagi explained, looking at the river below. "And it's somewhere wet."

The arrows fired as they tried to back away from them. "Wait, your joking!" Gen dismissed. "I hate waterrr!" he shouted as Usagi pushes him into the river, below, jumping after him. Leo dodges the arrows with his swords and picked up Noriyuki and jumped into the river, as well. They land in the water and followed after Usagi and Gen as arrows flew into the river. They gasped as they surface, heading towards the shore.

"We must keep moving," Usagi panted as he tried to catch his breath. "Those were Neko clan ninja, they will not give up so easily."

"Easily?" Gen questioned. A ninja fired an arrow at him. "You think that was-" Leo slices it and it lands near Gen's feet, with a note attached to it.

"Easy?" Gen finished, uneasy. Usagi takes it.

"Quickly, before we are followed!" he told them and they run off into the woods.

After they found a safe place to rest, Usagi opened the note, reading it. "Tomoe Ame is alive!" he explained. "She is to be executed for crimes against Lord Hebi."

"No!" Noriyuki shouted. "We must rescue her!"

"Lord Noriyuki, I may be a stranger in your world, but this is obviously a trap." Leo answered.

"Leonardo is correct," Usagi agreed. "Your safety is paramount. Tomoe Ame will tell you the same thing."

"I do not care!" he yelled in protest, standing up. "I am Lord of the Geishu clan. I am giving you an order. If you will not aid me, I will free her myself!"

He ran past Leo and Usagi, with a determined look, dead set on rescuing Tomoe Ame. Usagi turned to Leo. "Leonardo-san, your family needs you. I cannot ask you to-"

"Of course, I'll help you, Usagi," Leo told him. "What are friends for?"

Later that night, the group arrived at Hebi's fortress to find it heavily guarded.

"We should be in Edo," Gen commented. "There are too many. No samurai can fight his way through that." He spits. "Or get paid enough to try."

Leo stood up. "We might not have to," he murmured. "If we can't fight the ninja, maybe we can join them." The others look at him, confused, wondering what he meant.

Two Neko ninjas were on watch until they heard a bush rustle nearby. They went over to check it only for a Tokage lizard to run out of it, running away. The watched in confusion when Leo and Usagi grabbed them from behind, pulling them into the bush, beating them up until they were unconscious. Leo and Usagi stepped out of the bush, now wearing the two ninjas ninja outfit.

Leo sniffed as he waved his hand in front of his face in disgust. "Phew! I guess doing laundry isn't a Neko ninja skill," he commented.

"Hmm, ninja garb," Usagi said. "I feel cloaked in dishonor. We will speak of this to no one."

The two managed to sneak past the guards that were securing the out-rim of the fortress, unnoticed. They stopped by the corner of the castle to see several guards by the gate.

"Hebi's castle gate is too well guarded," Usagi told Leo. "What now?"

"More ninja treachery," Leo answered, pointing his thumb up.

The two began to scale up the wall.

Gen and Noriyuki were having dinner by the fire in the camp nearby in the woods. "So, uh, I don't suppose you're interested in a small wager on the outcome of this little adventure?" Gen suggested until hear heard something nearby.

"Do you hear that?" Then he was grabbed by a mole ninja from behind, taking him into the ground with it.

"Gennosuke!" Noriyuki exclaimed, but he was dragged into the ground, as well, captured.

Back in the castle, Usagi had managed to sneak into the prison until he spotted Tomoe Ame in a cell, tied up.

"Tomoe Ame," he murmured. A guard came up from behind him.

"Stop! Ninja scum, how dare you enter Lord Hebi's fortress?" he demanded, pointing his weapon at Usagi. Usagi pulled off his mask revealing himself.

"I am no ninja. I am samurai!" he shouted, turning towards the guard. Tomoe Ame looked up when she heard fighting outside her cell. The door was busted open when Usagi tossed the guard into it, breaking it. Usagi stepped into her cell, with his sword ready.

"Usagi!" she cried out in warning. "No! What are you doing here? Please tell me you didn't bring Lord Noriyuki here?"

"Your lord is safe, Tomoe Ame," he reassured her as he cut her free. "Please, hurry, we have little time." He helped her up and the two walked out of the cell only to be surrounded by more guards.

"Less time than you think, samurai," Usagi pulls out one of his swords, but a guard manages to grab Tomoe Ame, taking her hostage with his blade at her throat.

"Usagi!" she called out.

Usagi raised his hands in the air as he surrendered and the guards took his swords, pointing their weapons at him.

"Take this scum to Lord Hebi," one of the guards tied him up. "He will be quite pleased indeed." They took the two away, while Leo watched from the ceiling. He quietly followed after them.

Usagi and Tomoe Ame were brought into Hebi's throne room. But, they spotted Gen and Noriyuki there as well, tied up.

"My lord, no!" Tomoe Ame called as she and Usagi were pushed towards Hebi.

"Those with honor are so predictable," the snake commented. "So easily maneuvered, so...pathetic." Noriyuki stepped forward.

"Lord Hebi, it is me you want. Please, spare the others," he kneeled on the ground. "I beg you!"

Hebi made his way over towards Noriyuki, trapping him. "Silly child, with you gone, I will pillage you clan's land and all it's treasures," he slithers around him again. "It will be...beautiful." Just as he was about to finish off, Noriyuki, Leo jumped out from the shadows from the ceiling and lands on top of snake then jumps off landing in front of Noriyuki.

"It's guys like you that give us honorable reptiles a bad name!" Leo exclaimed as he pulled off his mask. Usagi pushes a guard off of him and Tomoe Ame. Gen bends down and pushes a guard, landing on him. He pressed his hands against the guard's sword, cutting off his restraints. Two guards ran towards Usagi and Tomoe Ame. Usagi turns and kicks at one and Tomoe Ame rolled out of the way. He reaches up and cuts off his restraints and disarmed the guard and cuts Tomoe Ame's restraints off, freeing her. As the guard blocks him, Usagi kicks one away and trips one. He throws their weapon towards Tomoe Ame and she takes it.

Hebi sits up and sees Leo in front of him. "The kame!" He spatted out. "You will pay for this affront!"

Leo pulled out his swords. "I hate to point this out, but you have no arms!" he retorted. "This isn't gonna be much of a fight." In a blink of an eye, Hebi encircled himself around Leo, wrapping himself around him then threw Leo into the wall.

"Note to self: Arms are overrated." Leo commented.

"You do not fight alone, Leonardo-san," Usagi told him as he turned to Hebi.

"Nor do I, ronin," Hebi answered as more guards appeared in the room, surrounding them. They charge at Usagi. Two Neko ninja attacked Tomoe Ame as she tried to fight them off. Usagi defends himself against one before kicking him into another, elbowing the ninja in the chest. Usagi takes their spear and pins the two ninjas to the wall. He takes his sword and cuts off their hair, making them faint.

Hebi hissed at a cornered Noriyuki as he advanced towards him. Leo jumped in front of him. Hebi slithers around and throws his podium at Leo and he blocked it with his sword before it knocked him to the ground. Leo quickly rolled out of the way before the snake slammed himself on top of Leo, breaking his podium. "As I said before, pathetic."

Gen cuts a guards weapon off before catching it with his foot. He throws it up to his horn and bends back, slamming it into two guards behind him. He charges at a guard, knocking him into the door. Tomoe Ame charges at a ninja who jumps out of the way. She is knocked back into the wall and quickly ducks as the ninja swung at her before grabbing her sword as they pinned her to the ground. She glances over at Noriyuki.

"Tomoe Ame!" he called out. She turned towards the ninja in front of her and manages to push him off of her and stands up. She knocks the weapon out of the ninja's hand and Usagi kicks him down. Another ninja throws throwing stars at Usagi and he blocks them with his sword. He turns and fights off a guard then throws his other sword into a ninja's sleeve, pinning him to the wall. Tomoe Ame sweeps the guard, knocking him down and stood back to back with Usagi.

Hebi slithered his way over to Leo, who jumped away from him. He uses his tail to wrap around Leo's leg and tries to bit him. But, Leo uses his other leg to kick him, making Hebi let him go. Hebi strikes again and grabbed Leo's sword with his mouth and disarmed him. Leo's sword slid over towards Noriyuki. Hebi pushes Leo up against the wall with his tail. Leo grabbed Hebi's mouth, struggling to push him away as he tried to bite him.

"Nice...breath." he commented.

"Leonardo!" Usagi shouted in alarm. Then Leo's sword was held against Hebi's neck, making him back off. He backed away to see Noriyuki, holding Leo's blade.

"What?!"

"I will not stand by and watch you hurt my friends, Hebi!" he declared. "Look around you, villian! You are defeated!"

A guard was trying to crawl away but Gen stepped onto of him, knocking him back down to the floor. Hebi laughed.

"You think me defeated? Even if you make it out of the fortress, you are surrounded by hundreds of my ninja," he stated. The others look to see more ninjas coming into the room. "Besides, I will decide who is defeated!" He laughs evilly but stops when he hears a horn blowing from outside.

"Do you hear that, Hebi?" Noriyuki questioned, with a smug look. "It sounds as if the Shogun wishes to speak with you." He and Leo moved away from the window as Hebi slithered over to it.

"What? No!" He sees the Shogun's army marching into his fortress overrunning his own. "The Shogun's army? No, no!" The ninjas in the room began to run away. "Stop, come back and fight!" Hebi snarled as he turned to Noriyuki. "Noriyuki, the tables may have turned, but you will not be leaving here alive!" He hissed as he lunged at him, only to be kicked out of the way by Leo.

"Thisss is not over, Noriyuki!" he declared as he opened the door with his tail, escaping. Leo was about to chase after him but Usagi stopped him.

"Let him go, Leonardo. With the Shogun's army outside, there is nowhere he can hide."

Tomoe Ame ran over to Noriyuki. "My lord! I thought I'd never see you again!"

"If you were to thank anyone, Tomoe Ame, then thank Usagi, Gen, and Leonardo. For it were not them, the Geishu clan would be destroyed." He told her and he bows to Leo. Usagi and Tomoe Ame bow to him as well. Leo smiled sheepishly as he rub his head.

"You are an honorable warrior, Leonardo-san," Noriyuki adds. "I am forever in your debt."

"Thank you, friend," Leo tells him and bowed back to them.

"I'm done with adventures for today," Gen complained. "I need food!" He walked away while the others smiled in amusement. Usagi turns to Leo.

"And now Leonardo, there is the matter of your predicament."

The next morning, Usagi was drawing the strange symbols on a large stone. He and Leo had both discarded their Neko ninja outfits. Usagi finishes up the drawing and stepped back and began chanting with Leo as well. The portal to the Battle Nexus opens up in front of them.

"I can't ask you to come with me, Usagi," Leo tells him, who holds up his hand. Usagi smiled.

"You do not have to ask, my friend. I am going with you. As you say, what are friends for?"

Leo smiles back at him and the two jump into the portal.

Here's to summarize where the girls went to in their alternate universes:

Yuuki's World: Both of Yuuki's parents are alive, but no turtles, and Yoshi never left Japan.

Mona's World: A nicer Bishop and Mona relationship.

Venus' World: Chung I is alive, and Planet Turtleoid has not been destroyed and no war with the Triceratons.

Alopex's World: In an alternate universe, with the 1980's turtles where her counterpart, who goes by the name Ninjara, who is in a relationship with Raph, instead of Mikey.

Donna's World: The Owl House!

#tmnt oc #tmnt raphael #tmnt leonardo #tmnt donnie #tmnt fanfiction #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2003 #tmnt fandom #tmnt mikey #miyamoto usagi

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falloffthebones-blog · 6 years

Text

Jelly vs Candy

((ayy, I actually didn’t plan to make a drabble based on this image, but turned out it was pretty easy to re-purpose an old formerly non-canon drabble into this so.... here ya go))

The forest was shrouded in its typical silence. It was all white and grey: quiet snow all over the ground and an obscuring mist fading everything into the background. The area’s sole resident could easily match its creepiness. He was pale as his surroundings, save for his empty black sockets. The mutant skeleton slowly paced back and forth to one side of his post. One worry that frequently occupied his mind reared its ugly head again:

Someone else is going to come. Just a matter of when, Jelly thought, I’m willing to bet they’re gonna wanna finish the job.

A puff of cold air exited his nasal cavity as he stopped himself. His vacant gaze looked into the trees.

Or, everything will reset. Heh. Not sure which I prefer at this point.

His grin crawled just a little bit further up his face.

This place has become so miserable, so… rotten. But still, at least it feels like what I do matters. It’s like I make a difference: like guarding this place will actually change something. Sure, it’s basically the same old shtick, but at least I’m trying to do something good, right?

Jelly’s spine straightened. Something was walking through the snow, heading for his station. His expression went from slight interest to relaxed again.

Musta jinxed it.

As he turned, he finally noticed what his heightened animal-like senses were telling him. He felt his stomach drop.

That’s not a human. Or a monster. What is that?

His instincts were not giving him the best vibes, but still, Jelly wasn’t a coward. There was a job he had to do, for the sake of his damaged timeline. It was the only thing he had.

What came from the mists was a small creature, smaller even than Jelly. In fact, the visitor was downright marshmallowy, wearing sugar-sweet royal garb, but there was a definite evil-looking tinge to the creature, what with the pointed crown, sharp talons and toxic yellow eyes. Right off the bat, Jelly didn’t like this guy. He was caught somewhat off guard when the little creature flicked a red snakelike tongue in his direction.

“Why hello there! Hmhm. You must be Sans. Sans the skeleton,” chirped the man after squinting.

“That’s the name, buddy,” Jelly said, expertly masking the wariness in his voice, “Except most outside the timeline call me ‘Jelly’, on account of me being a pile of goop nowadays n’ all.”

“Oh yesss. I’ve noticed your oddity. Very cute,” hissed the man.

“Eh heh. Sure,” Jelly chuckled.

The two stood without a word for a time, looking across a plane of snow at each-other. The man’s grip on his striped cane tightened before he splayed his fingers and tapped his nails boredly. Jelly jammed his mitts into his pockets, his left hand clutching some kind of hidden strange device. As his slipper-adorned feet anchored deeper into the snow, the little man’s toxic eyes immediately locked on.

“So, um, you… gonna give me a name there hissy?” asked the short skeleton.

“Hm. It’s only fair, since you’ve given me yours right? Some call me Candy, but you will know me as Turbo,” he answered while looking Jelly up and down.

“There we go; that’s more like it. Good job,” Jelly said, partly thankful he even got a proper answer at all, “Sup, Turbo? I take it you’re new to the Underground, huh? I can show ya’ ‘round.”

“No thank you. If you wouldn’t mind, skeleton, kindly follow me so we can’t take this business somewhere more comfortable. I hate the cold,” Candy scoffed, before lifting his cane and trudging closer.

“Sorry pal,” Jelly said, keeping a smile in his voice but also keeping firmly planted to his spot, “Don’t think that’s a possibility quite yet. You’re giving off some seriously bad juju. Why don’t you just hang with me a bit? We’ll do lunch?”

“Listen child,” said the man as he stopped once it was obvious the guard wasn’t going to move, “I’m not here to humor your pathetic attempts at befriending me.”

“Heh. Kinda had a feeling that was the case. Guess it’s a bad habit of mine to try anyway,” Jelly uttered, before lifting his head, “But that means I’m not gonna let ya’ pass: no matter how much you wanna stare at me like I’m a steak.”

“Oo hoo hoo. I’ve taken hundreds – thousands – of copies of this world,” hissed Candy, “You are just as helpless as any other Sans who tried to stand up to me. Save yourself the heartbreak, Jelly, and don’t try to resist me: you can’t win..”

Jelly couldn’t help it as he felt his amorphous body prickle and tense. Picking up on the monster’s fear, Candy came closer. It took Jelly a few seconds to pry himself to the present and gain a hold of his better judgment. The lights in his sockets briefly flickered before becoming dark. By then, Candy was within spitting distance.

“Nah. I’ve done too much sitting around and letting things happen for one lifetime,” he said through a toothy grin, “And you really don’t need another timeline. Go home… You Filthy Virus.”

Candy sneered, bright green liquid dripping from his pointed teeth. His eyes narrowed as his lips pilled back.

“I don’t want your timeline. But if you must be difficult, we’ll do this the hard way.”

In a split second the virus had lifted his hand and swiped it across the monster’s face. Jelly stumbled and collapsed to his side. The soft matter on his right cheek and brow was slashed. He felt the blow to his health, but thankfully had absorbed most of the damage thanks to his Amalgamate state. It wasn’t the pain or even the red liquid that began to seep from his wound that startled Jelly; it was that Candy had moved too fast for him to be able to dodge.

Looking up, he saw that Candy was still standing there, when he could have easily moved past Jelly by now. Candy wanted to fight. In fact, Candy was eager for it, fascinated that his first blow hadn’t killed the skeleton. Jelly got up. A familiar blue glow illuminated the monster’s socket.

“Oo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo,” Candy laughed, “Congratulations. You’ve survived the first attack. Already, you’ve proven yourself so much tougher than most of your alternates!”

Jelly tilted his head back, his false smile growing wider.

“Oh my. Yes. Yes. Scary,” the virus purred mockingly, “Please make this worth my time, sweetheart. I am a very prestigious man, giving humble little you a sporting chance at fighting me, so count yourself as honored.”

The blue light in the monster’s socket widened before a slitted pupil appeared within it. Jelly’s pupil narrowed as Candy could briefly feel its gaze penetrate him.

“Heh heh. Sounds like someone needs a reality check,” Jelly said, “You’re lying to yourself if you think all your sins are for some kind of greater good. You know that, don’t you?”

Sneering, Candy leered, his neck snapping. His jaw transformed to become longer.

“Are you going to probe me all day, or are you going to attack?” Candy demanded.

“Welp, nothing I can say is gonna convince you to stop now. You’re gone, pal.”

“Fine, I’ll start!”

Candy lept forward, running on all fours like an animal. There was a great crack as the flesh of his neck ripped open, and out poured serpentine coils made of strong muscle and pointed vertebrae. His head was at the end of the elongated neck, deforming to become more beastlike. He snapped at Jelly’s face, but Jelly, now knowing what he was dealing with, was able to sidestep quick enough.

The ground broke open as Jelly created a platform to move him back and away from his attacker. As Candy was winding up to pounce again, two masses of white appeared to either side of him, forming melted, screaming faces. Tiny slicing shards spilled forth from the Blaster’s maws, but Candy lept into the air, avoiding the attack. Another set of Blasters appeared to surround him, but not a single one landed a hit as the serpent beast whirled in the air with expert precision.

But Candy couldn’t remain in the air forever. When he began to fall, Jelly summoned spires of bones to strike Candy on his way down. In response, Candy coiled up around himself, decreasing his surface area. This couldn’t be enough that he would avoid all the bones though. To Jelly’s dismay, Candy merely dealt with this by parting his jaws and unleashing a blast of acidic venom, dissolving any obstacles in his way.

Hoping to surprise the virus, Jelly swung his arm to one side, manipulating gravity, making Candy fall sideways toward an awaiting Blaster. Once again, his foe was just too fast, blowing the Blaster to pieces with his acidic breath. Swinging his arm again, Jelly tried to slam Candy to the ground. Candy landed on his feet, but was reduced to a crouch from the force. Other than that however, he was no worse for wear. Looking up, Candy was only met with a slightly furrowed brow, although he had a feeling the skeleton was far more perturbed than he let on.

“Didn’t I say I’ve killed thousands of you before?”

Jelly had no response other than letting loose a gauntlet of sharpened bone spears. Without so much as blinking, the virus jumped into them, weaving like a snake through water. One had to hit eventually, right? This is what Jelly thought, until he realized this invader wasn’t being held back at all, in fact, he was steadily coming closer. The spears went on and shredded the trees in the distance. Jelly halted his attack and Candy, thankfully, also halted his advance.

“Do you really think-”

Jelly wasn’t in the mood to wait for Candy to use his “turn” and sent forth another series of Blasters, which didn’t touch the virus any more than his previous attacks.

“-you can stop me like that?” Candy continued, glowering as if he had been slightly inconvenienced, “You’re extremely predictable. Just a tiny bit of cheating won’t be enough to land a hit on me, child.”

This was not something Jelly was used to. The vile deeds the virus had committed were so strong the monster could swear he smelled them. If he could just touch him, Jelly could make Candy feel the pain he caused. There must be something he could do that would have an effect.

Again, Candy came, his face becoming more and yet more viperlike the closer he got. Jelly whipped his arm out, then again, and again, and again, and again. Even as the gravity around Candy changed, his coils twisted around, still propelling his head. Jelly began to jump back but it wasn’t in time. The wind was forced from him as he was crushed against a far tree as the beast plowed into him. Candy reared back, looking down at Jelly, who clutched his chest and got to his feet.

“So, Sans, do you hope to lose honorably, or will you stoop to my level and fight like a real fucking monster!” Candy crowed.

Again, Candy struck at Jelly. Long needle fangs were inches away and threatened to sink into his skull. Jelly’s arm shook for a moment before he swiped, this time poising his pointed fingers. The snake’s face was redirected when Jelly swat him. Green snake eyes slowly opened before rolling toward the deep gashes in his cheek. The serpent cringed from the pain of the claw marks: they burned.

“Heh. Gotcha,” Jelly chuckled deeply.

The smile Jelly sported was answered with a smile from Candy, although this one was far crueler and, somehow, knowing. Candy slunk back but was only still for a moment. A flurry of green pixels engulfed the beast. His bright form began to change and grow. Before long, the virus had “leveled up”, transforming himself into a bear-sized reptile-like beast with four strong legs, a long tail and a winding adder neck and face. Jelly removed his other hand from his pocket, holding his claws ready at his sides.

“You think you’re exempt from blame for what you’ve done? There’s gotta be some kind of reason, right? You think you’re just an entity no one can understand,” Jelly stated, the bitterness in his voice palpable.

“Hahaha. I am what I am.”

“And what you are is disgusting. I can smell it on you.”

“And you are soft. I can prove that.”

With that, Candy came running at the monster, howling. Jelly hesitated before parting his jaws, screaming back at his attacker. Now Jelly was the one to grow and change in appearance; he moved like fluid as his bulk shifted toward his front end. When Candy jumped at him, Jelly leaned in, spreading his arms. The two collided, grappling each-other and digging their claws into the other’s back. They pushed against one another. Candy felt his hind legs begin to give. It was obvious Jelly was physically stronger than he was and could tear him limb from limb if he let him.

Knowing he’d never win in a shoving match, the snake dug his fangs in-between Jelly’s shoulders. A chunk was ripped away, although most of it was just the fluffy hood of his jacket. Jelly used his amorphous nature to his advantage, simply forming a harpoon out from the center of his chest and thrusting it out to stab Candy. Suddenly aware his belly was pierced, Candy squealed and let go, backing away. Jelly too backed off, a jet of the snake’s acid blood getting onto him. White gunk fell down from where Jelly was burned. The bloody harpoon reabsorbed into his body.

“Hoo hoo hoo hoo. Ah hahaha!” Candy just laughed, “Well, well. Look at you. That was a start. But do you really think there’s anything you can do that’ll stop me?”

Jelly let out a breath, shaking his head, causing some of his dissolved body matter to fly away.

“I get it already. You don’t like it when you can’t have your way, so you belittle anyone who tries to stop you. Right now, that’s me. Not comfortable with what I got to say about you, huh? That’s cuz you know what you’re doing here is wrong, don’cha? ‘Better silence that little skeleton who’s reminding me of how much of an evil bastard I really am’, right?” Jelly shrugged, “Heh, I kinda feel bad for ya’. You really don’t have any friends, do you?”

Candy sprung. Jelly didn’t flinch as the virus stopped inches from his face.

“Don’t you preach to me, you self-righteous little twerp!” Candy screamed.

“Look. Trust me bud, I know your type.”

“Oh? You think you know me huh?” Candy growled.

“I figure I know enough to make a decision, and that, friend, is to keep you from having your way.”

“Hm. Hahahaha!” the snake began to smile once again, “Oh no no no! The word ‘decision’ implies you’re making a choice. No, child, you are only doing what you’re programmed to do. That is why you can’t win against me: I know your programming, thoroughly.”

“Really? Sure feels like I’m choosing to roast your greedy ass to me.”

“You don’t believe me then? You really think you have the power to make a choice?” Candy asked, quirking a scaly brow.

“That’s ‘bout the long and short of it.”

“Interesting. Then riddle me this,” Candy crooned, eyeing the monster as he began to stalk circles around him, “If you really had a choice... why did you not choose to save your brother?”

Jelly squared his shoulders, but did not respond.

“Oh dear. That one’s still tender, isn’t it? Hmhm. So answer me; did you or did you not allow your brother to get killed?”

Finally, the toothy grin Jelly showed faltered. His expression fell into a numb frown.

“What did you do?” Candy demanded.

Jelly muttered.

“Excuse me?” Candy sneered, glaring at him.

“Nothing,” Jelly breathed.

“What was that? Louder!”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Oh ho ho ho?! Ha ha!! No, you didn’t. You sorry string of code. You know what you did; you let your own brother die! Right under your watch! Did you even care?”

For a second, Jelly felt his body jerk against his will. His anger flared and he rose his voice;

“Leave him out of this!”

Immediately, Jelly realized he yelled. He could still feel the emotions burning inside him, but he tensed, trying to keep them down. Candy just grinned wider.

“You speak an awful lot about morals and of the actions of everyone else, but at the end of the day… you, you are useless!”

That was it. Something inside of Jelly broke.

This time, it was he who came running, mouth agape and arms stretched. He took Candy briefly off guard and grabbed him, burying his fingers into the virus’s scaly skin. Pain shot up from Candy’s spine as he was dragged down. He felt his feet slip and he was thrown to the floor. At this point, Candy started to struggle and twist. He ripped himself free and glanced at the burning wounds Jelly’s claws left him. There was briefly a purplish glow mixed in with his blood.

When he returned his eyes to Jelly, the Amalagmate had changed similarly to Candy had, bigger, more muscular and with more vicious jaws. Although Jelly snarled and slathered, Candy could still see humanity left in him. He wondered if Jelly could hang onto it.

With superior speed, Candy flew toward his opponent. But he did not bite him. Instead, Jelly found everything around him turning. He began to feel nauseous as the snake’s coils wrapped around him. Limbs were crushed against his body. His middle was squeezed. Vomit and froth ejected from his parted jaws. Trying to move, he was stabbed by the pointed spikes of the virus’s armor. An attempt to let out a cry was interrupted as a bloody mixture bubbled up from his throat. Sick ran down between his teeth. His pupil rolled as Candy moved his face in front of him.

“Come on, skeleton! Prove to me you have free will! Fight me! Go against your programming! Be free! Do what you must!”

The crushing did not relent. Jelly felt as if he might explode. He clenched his teeth was if in an attempt to prevent this. Candy was right. He had to do something.

A surge of power ran down his arms as he began to push back. With a warrior scream, Jelly slowly forced the coils away from him. Despite that Candy refused to weaken his grip, the monster’s arms shook and pushed the serpent’s coils away. Jelly freed himself.

Candy was too distracted by being impressed with Jelly’s strength that he couldn’t react in time as the monster, now able to move, launched himself toward his neck. Panic shot through the serpent as he felt his throat was assaulted. Jelly’s mouth burned as the serpent’s blood filled it. He ripped away a chunk of flesh from Candy’s neck. The coils went slack as Candy slithered back, giving Jelly space. Candy simply watched as the skeleton tilted his skull back and swallowed the hunk of meat. Jelly could feel the tainted flesh bubble inside his belly.

“Get out,” Jelly thundered, bloody foam falling from his chin, “Now. Before I do something crazy.”

“But Sans. You’re so close.”

The Amalgamate’s features softened. Leaning back, he closed his eyes. Claws vanished as he drew them back into his pockets. His palm wrapped around a strange device.

“I warned ya.”

Jelly vanished into thin air. Toxic green eyes widened as Candy gaped his mouth. Curse these worthless skeletons and their tendency to teleport. Red tongue flashed. His foe’s scent returned, coming down from above. Spitting, Candy began to whip around but a weight fell upon the back of his neck. Jelly kicked down into the virus’s spine, causing an audible crunch as the snake’s head jerked up.

Candy felt his jaw slam into the ground. He wasn’t down for long before he reared to strike, but his quarry wasn’t there. Suddenly from one side, the skeleton reappeared and came toward him. Jelly swiped with one claw, while the other was hidden in his pocket, clutching his device. White claws created gashes in shining scales. Jelly disappeared before the acid blood could touch him.

The assault rapidly increased its pace. Every time Candy would throw himself, Jelly would vanish, only to appear and slash a new area of his body. Before long, the bombardment was blinding and all the snow was melted by hot blood. A rain of the virus’s green fluids fell every which way. This continued until very little of Candy’s armor was left untouched.

An agonized scream filled the frosty forest as the virus lamented the loss of his beautiful skin. This had to stop. But Jelly had no intention of letting Candy off easily. This was only the beginning. The true insult would happen when he dug into the serpent’s face. Just before he appeared again, Jelly felt a burning pain in his middle. He faltered, breathing out black tar from his nose. Candy saw Jelly teleport in front of him, his singular claw raised. But instantly, Candy noticed the other’s pause and took advantage. Striking swiftly, Candy grabbed the hand that was in Jelly’s pocket. Jelly’s claw was ripped from his pocket. The device was released. No sooner did it hit the ground, did Candy slam a foot down to destroy it.

After that, the monsters backed away, giving each other space to recover. Jelly’s breathing became more labored before he sputtered, globs of black and bright green being violently rejected from his body. Candy shook slightly, his exposed, acid-laden flesh now being stung by the frigid air.

“Hm. I honestly didn’t think you had it in you,” Candy growled.

“I—”

Jelly stopped short, seizing and clutching his stomach. He doubled over before vomiting again. A huge mass of bubbling black material fell to the ground at his feet. When he stood up straight again, it looked as if he had lost a good deal of his body weight. Still, he spoke between teeth dripping with tar.

“I had to do something. I had to stop it from happening again.”

“At what cost, Sans?”

A few seconds passed before Jelly began to limp backwards. He looked pitiful: a pained expression on his face and one arm still holding his middle. When he was in front of his sentry station, he stopped.

Candy was surrounded with pixels before shrinking down. He resumed his normal form.

“You can’t stop it. Your actions won’t change anything,” hissed the snake.

The corner of Jelly’s mouth trembled before he put his arms to either side of him. His eyes became hollow black pits. White spires rose behind him. He wound up with one claw before thrusting it outward. Bone spears rocketed toward Candy, their tips glowing with purple.

As before, Candy moved with expert precision. Each projectile flew past him: except one. Candy brought his arm to his side, spreading his fingers. Slamming his hand shut, Candy grabbed the spear. Before Jelly could register what had happened, Candy swung around. The spear flew again.

Burning. Pain. Retribution.

Jelly’s legs shivered. Sockets and jaw dripped with bile. The skeleton was speared directly through his heart. A tiny whimper exited his teeth as he could feel the karmatic curse radiate throughout his body. Forlorn black eyes watched as the virus walked to him.

“Do you feel the Karma?” Candy rasped.

Knees collapsed but still Jelly held himself up. He barely reacted as Candy closed a talon around his face.

“You tortured me. You’d have killed me too. But I suppose should I congratulate you, on finally behaving like a real monster. You know, that’s the trouble with the monsters in this game: you’re all so sure you have the moral high ground.”

Candy pushed Jelly’s face, causing him to fall onto his back. The spear was pushed forward from his body. Jelly lay in the acid-spattered ground. His breathing had become more even and his eyes more distant.

“It is done now. There’s nothing more you can do: not as long as you’re stuck in this world of code,” Candy stated, looking down at the wretch, “Death will come easy. Just close your eyes. Dream of the friends you will see.”

Jelly felt his eyes flutter closed. It wasn’t because he wanted to give up. He just didn’t have the energy go on. He felt as if he was falling as his senses vanished.

“Don’t worry. When you wake up, you will help me to build a glorious future.”

#drabble #violence tw #blood tw #vomit tw #death mention tw #body horror tw #swearing tw

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