left unsaid - gojo satoru
synopsis : you tell him you love him for the first time and he freezes completely.
wc : 1k
tags : hurt/mild comfort, bittersweet ending, some miscommunication?
a/n: i was in a weird mood and wrote this in class, so enjoy this little angsty fic :P idk if this has been done before but 🤷♀️🤷♀️, gojo is so First love/Late spring coded to me
Satoru was sitting on the pavement in front of your house.
How long had he been there, waiting for you to come back out ?
Going over everything you said, everything he didn’t, everything he wished he did.
Replaying the "what ifs" over and over, his head in his hands, fingers entangled in the white strands of his hair.
You told him you loved him for the first time and he froze completely.
You must hate him now, he’s sure of it, how could you not when you bared yourself in front of him and he froze. He hates himself too. Maybe it’s for the best, you walking away now, before he can hurt you any more, before you hurt him.
It’s raining hard, he notices, he’s not sure when it started though, it must have been a while ago, because he’s soaked to the bones. But it’s far down the list of his priorities at the moment.
Satoru doesn’t hear the door opening, or the footsteps getting closer, doesn’t hear you call out his name. Everything drowned by the sound of the rain, by his own thoughts. He flinches when you place your hand on his shoulder.
“Satoru? What are you still doing here? You’re drenched…”
He’s staring at the ground, barely acknowledging your presence.
“Come on, let’s go inside.” You reach for his hand to pull him inside, but he won’t budge. His skin is ice cold. He turns to look at you, eyes filled with tears, and your heart sinks into your chest. He opens his mouth to speak but the words refuse to come out. He looks down, defeated, as he gets up to follow you inside.
He makes a few steps before stopping, his hold on your hand tightening.
“I’m sorry,” he mutters, “I’m sorry I couldn’t say I l-” he chokes up, still unable say it.
You don’t turn around, not sure if you can stop yourself from crying if you look at him right now.
“I know, I’m sorry too.”
The sky is darkening, tiny droplets are starting to fall, you’re both laughing as you run hand in hand to your house. You spent the day together at an amusement park, stuffing your faces with sweets.
He stops a few feet from your door, circling his arms around your waist.
“Toru, what are you doing? We’re gonna be wet” you don’t try to get out of his grasp, instead walking closer to him as you chuckle, and he smiles fondly at you.
“It’s just a little water.”
“True...” you reply, wrapping your arms around his neck and tiptoeing to give him a peck on the lips.
He shakes his head no, grinning, “Not good enough, try again”
So you do, who are you to refuse your boyfriend a proper kiss?
As you pull away, you decide you’re ready to tell him what’s been on your mind for weeks. You take a deep breath.
“Toru?” he hums to let you know he’s listening, “I love you”
You wait for him to say something, anything, not necessarily to say it back, but at least to acknowledge it. Instead he freezes, like a deer caught in headlights.
Your arms drop by your side. “Toru?”
“I just...” he starts rambling, “I’m sorry, I don’t-”
You cut him off, you don’t mean too but you’re raising your voice now. “You don’t? Fine, forget I said anything Satoru.” You walk away, almost running, trying your best to hide the tears forming in your eyes, but the cracks in your voice betrayed you already. All he can do is watch you leave.
You’re both inside, in silence. You try not to think about what just happened, so you make him a cup of tea to warm him up, and give him a towel.
“I put sugar in it, just how you like it.” You're uncomfortable, not knowing how to act around him anymore.
The air is thick, you’re having trouble breathing so close to him.
“Listen I-”
“You don’t have to say anything Satoru, it’s ok-”
“Please let me speak”, he cuts you off as he looks up from his cup, his eyes are pleading, still red and puffy from crying. Caught off guard, you simply nod and sit down as far away from him as possible.
“Earlier when you told me… that, I wasn’t expecting it, it left me speechless. But I didn’t mean that I don’t care about you, because I do, you’re the most important person to me, I need you to know that.” His voice is hoarse, he looks so desperate, a tear rolling down his cheek. You want to wipe it, to comfort him more than anything, but you stop yourself.
“You can’t even say it out loud?” You can guess why it’s so hard for him, the last time he loved someone it ended terribly, still your heart aches, and you find yourself wishing he would just leave.
“I’m sorry, I wish I could... but the words get stuck.”
“Do you think you’ll ever be able to say it?” Your voice shakes.
“I don’t know. I think so?” He offers you a timid, hesitant smile.
He reaches out towards your hand, holding it like it’s made of porcelain, “I’m so scared of losing you.”
Satoru is your only weakness. You can’t stand seeing him so vulnerable. It’s impossible not to cave in.
So you do. You let him hold you, caging you in his arms, his face hidden in the crook of your neck.
He takes a deep breath in. “Did you just sniff me?” You chuckled.
You feel him smile against your skin, relieved to hear you stopped crying.
“Maybe.”
“Weirdo.” you whisper.
The topic is still hanging over your heads. You’ll most likely have this conversation again, soon, when you’re both strong enough to stomach it. But in this instant, you can feel each other’s heartbeats, your tears are drying and as the rain stops, everything is fine.
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