#@MASH do the political views of these characters matter or not!!! make up your mind!!!

[charlesemersonwinchesteriii]

#ok ok I'm done now I prommy #just needed to distill my rambling text posts down into meme format. get to the heart of the matter. #when Hawkeye's like well Charles you're egotistical and pompous and aggravating..... but you're all right :) #and it's like IS HE NOW HAWKEYE?? IS HE REALLY?? OKAY #I know I'm just being a buzzkill but just. hrrgh. #@MASH do the political views of these characters matter or not!!! make up your mind!!! #watching CharHawk moments like this can NOT be the same guy #who refused to have even a one night stand with a woman #the second she said one (1) slur #MASH #Starky's Original Posts

[quirklessthot]

Overstimulation Headcanons

feat. shigaraki, overhaul + hawks

warnings: 18+

no one asked for these but... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Shigaraki

You’re feeling a little needy but Shigaraki is not in the mood to deal with you

He’s been completely ignoring you for the better half of a week in favour of a newly released video game

You won’t stop bugging him, kneeling behind him as he slouches in front of his tv, controller in an eight-fingered grip, button-mashing and cursing under his breath when he misses a jump

Your arms are wrapped around him, hugging him tightly as your hands freely roam his chest

“Tomuraaa…” you whine in his ear, pouting

You’re very distracting annoying

The final straw is when you unexpectantly place a small kiss to his neck, causing him to jerk in surprise and drop his controller. The character on screen falls down a cliff right before the final checkpoint. ‘GAME OVER’ flashes in big, red letters

Welp, there goes that level…

It’s no big deal, he’s only been working at it for the past three hours

Shigaraki whips around to glare at you

You chuckle nervously, holding up your hands in placation. “Sorry?”

Bullet vibrator on your clit while he games? Yeah, that should keep you busy

It’s simultaneously too much and not enough but after your third orgasm it quickly ventures into “too much”. No matter how much you beg, Shigaraki pays you no mind. He just leaves you like that – he’s got more important things to worry about

---

You pant and writhe in your bindings – thin but deceptively strong rope - hands tied behind your back, and legs secured in a way that leaves you open and utterly exposed. A bullet vibrator is securely taped to your clit, turned to its lowest setting as your pussy drools and clenches around nothing.

You make quite the sight.

Not that Tomura is even appreciating the view. He has his back to you, absorbed in his game. He tries to act as annoyed and unaffected as possible but the sound of you cumming over and over again has him uncomfortably hard in his pants, not that you need to know that.

If you want to act like a brat, you’ll get treated like one.

“Tomura, p-please, it’s too much…” you whimper. The steady vibration of the toy is maddening but there’s nothing you can do as it sends you into yet another orgasm.

“Don’t make me regret not gagging you too,” Shigaraki rasps, not even bothering to turn around.

Overhaul

It isn’t often that Overhaul feels the need to indulge in carnal desires but when the mood strikes him, you’re in for an Experience™

You’re summoned to his office and told to close and lock the door when you arrive, and immediately bent over his desk, skirt flipped up and panties down around your ankles. Overhaul looms over you as his gloved fingers slowly thrust into your slick hole

You’re so wet it drips down his knuckles and onto the floor

“Absolutely filthy,” he spits, as though he isn’t the one responsible for your current state

Every time you’re close (and you don’t have to say anything, he just knows), he slows down. Sometimes completely stopping and taking his fingers away, leaving you a shaking mess, desperate and begging for release

Waits until you’ve calmed down just enough before resuming

He denies you again and again until you’re so worked up and sensitive that even the slight brush of his thumb against your swollen clit is enough to send you hurtling over the edge

Without his permission, you realize after the haze has cleared

Overhaul doesn’t say anything about your disobedience, but now he doesn’t let up. His fingers continue to stroke and rub every intimate part of you, even as you’re cumming for a fourth time

You try to tell him to let up just a bit, but Overhaul silences you

It’s apparent that you love to cum, you shouldn’t be complaining

---

You cum for the …well, you’re not sure how many times you’ve cum. You stopped keeping track by the fifth orgasm and after that point they all started to blur together. You’re forced to feel so much, and he keeps giving and giving. Not because of his nature as a generous lover – the thought is laughable. Oh no, you’ve long worked out that the orgasms he keeps giving you are his way of exacting punishment. It would be amusingly ironic if pain weren’t starting to slowly seep into your pleasure.

Your hips shake and your legs twitch and if it weren’t for the expensive mahogany desk you are bent over you would fall to the floor in an overstimulated heap. When he finally pulls his hand away you could cry with relief but it’s short lived when those same fingers return – covered in a clean, new glove – and you’re immediately begging for respite.

“Please, Overhaul,” you sob, body shaking as he slowly circles your clit with his thumb. “It’s too much, I’m gonna cum again…”

He responds with a blink, face impassive under the black mask around the lower half of his face. “But I thought you wanted to cum, darling. You’re not going to thank me for giving you exactly what you want?”

Hawks

On one of his rare days off, you’d think Hawks would want to stay in bed, catch up on some much-needed sleep. But nope, he wants to take you out around town

When Hawks inevitably has to leave you alone while he tends to his adoring fans, some random guy comes up to you and starts trying to hit on you

You politely tell him you’re taken but he’s not taking no for an answer, insisting that whoever you’re with, he’s a much better choice

You’re about to just walk away when Hawks comes up to you two

The guy is instantly star-struck and asks for an autograph. He’s completely forgotten that you’re even standing there

Hawks gladly gives him one, thousand-watt smile and all

As soon as the guy is out of earshot, Hawks turns to you, wide smile still in place. “Didn’t know you were so popular, dove.”

You try to explain but he just brushes it off, stating that he’s ready to head home now

Now he wants to stay in bed, although rest is the last thing on his mind

You cum on his fingers and tongue a couple times before he even thinks about sticking his dick in you

Don’t hold it against him, though. He just has to remind you who you belong to <3

---

The feeling of the blunt head of Hawks’ cock pressing against your dripping cunt has you keening and trying to pull away while you weakly shake your head.

“No?” he asks, head tilting to the side. He continues pushing. “But your cute little pussy is just sucking me in. You’re already making a mess and we’re just getting started.”

His idea of “getting started”, in this case, is three orgasms with his fingers and an extra two on his tongue.

You open your mouth to beg Hawks to slow down and give you a break, but he chooses that exact moment to thrust harshly, rubbing right up against a spot inside of you that has you seeing stars. The feeling of his fingers rubbing rough circles into your poor, abused clit does nothing to help clear your head either.

Instead of words, a garbled mess of unintelligible noises slip out of your mouth, along with a trail of drool, as your eyes roll in your head.

With an amused chuckle, Hawks lightly taps your tear-stained cheek to get your attention.

“Don’t go stupid on me yet, angel,” he says once your bleary eyes focus on him. “Gotta make sure you know I’m the only one who can fuck you as good as this.”

#mha x reader #bnha x reader #shigaraki x reader #overhaul x reader #hawks x reader

[huntershowl]

KILGRAVE & ADEODATUS.

so i was watching this “one villainous scene: kilgrave’s confession” video because it popped up on my youtube feed, and i was very curious given how formative kilgrave was as a villain for developing adeo & his motives/mannerisms. and also how formative jessica jones was for developing seph and her mannerisms. holy shit it’s a crime that i haven’t written with a jessica yet what the fuck i gotta get on that

so i thought i’d do a little compare & contrast, for fun, and because i love* villains.  especially absolute pieces of shit like these two.  *i really hope this doesn’t have to be specified but i do not support or condone the assholes in any way shape or form, i’m just fascinated by bad people and how their minds work, especially as characters from a writer’s perspective CWs: domestic abuse is the primary one. a lot of consent talk. not a cw but gamer talk ahead, i’m sorry i’m a game designer let me live

“WE’RE INEVITABLE” something that struck out to me like a fuckin punch across the face was kilgrave’s persistence in believing that even if jessica doesn’t love him now, she inevitably will if he just keeps trying. if he just “does it right.” like... he literally. says. “we’re inevitable.” WHICH IS SUCH A GROSS THING THAT MAKES ME WANT TO KICK HIM OFF A CLIFF BUT I DIGRESS –– but it’s interesting because it’s such a short line. two words. but it’s a clear window into his entitlement & the fact that he’s never had to ask for consent for anything. not since the [redacted for spoilers, if u know u know] at least. the video goes over this at the beginning, how he never learns true empathy and he never really grows up. it’s like he’s going through life playing a video game –– if it doesn’t work out, he can just reload his save and try again. people are just NPCs with no agency to him, they’ve been programmed to support him and his journey and he’s never ever encountered an exception to that.  but imagine you’re playing a dating sim, you’ve gone through almost every love interest’s path, and when you restart the game to pursue the last one, they just... don’t. ever. fall in love with your character. they say no, fuck you, i’m not interested. no matter how many times you go back and reload, no dialogue options ever seduce, woo, or gain their favor. they’ll be friends with you, that’s chill, that’s fine, but they’re not and will never be romantically interested. when you get to the end / final act of the game, you have the opportunity to force them to fall in love with you against their will.  would you pick that option? i assume no!! because what the fuck!! but... kilgrave would. he does, every time. like a child who doesn’t understand morals yet, he mashes the button that lets him bulldoze forward until he gets what he wants. okay that’s enough ranting about kilgrave, i need to stop myself now or i’ll end up writing an essay again BUT ONTO ADEO and how this applies to him. SIMILARLY to kilgrave, adeodatus is used to getting what he wants. as a younger man, he used to kill and maim to get it, because that was all he knew as a street criminal. as he grew older, smarter and more charismatic, he realized he could use words and actions to get his way in a much more sustainable and subtle way. adeodatus has spent the last five years or so (prior to meeting seph) building up a reputation as the most generous, friendly man you’ve ever met. yes, you. everyone. his political competition, the 1%, the miners working out of factories. he’s put the time in, he’s put the work in, to take people apart like clockwork and learn each and every piece of them; he understands psychology, he understands how they work, what makes them feel good and what makes them feel bad. he understands how to lie to them.  the thing is, he is not that man. so it took a lot of work to build up an entire identity to shield the slow-beating heart underneath, the cold and calculating chessmaster that –– rather than viewing people as NPCs –– views people as pawns. he’s playing a game, and you’re a part of it. the whole city is a part of it. hell, if he hadn’t had to disappear, the whole empire probably would have been. the man is ambitious.  so the result of this is someone who is essentially puppeting himself: he’s the director and the main actor in a play. what happens, then, when someone you’re acting with goes off-script?  here’s where my long-winded rambling comes together! KILGRAVE and ADEODATUS both became bored of people. they knew how to get what they wanted from them, and when everything in life is predictable, you sort of become dead inside. there’s no excitement. there’s no danger, there’s no risk.  enter jessica / enter persephone.  jessica was the one who walked away. kilgrave had never been rejected before; he’d never been told no. when jessica left him, the first person who was able to push back against his power, he probably felt a thrill like he’d never felt before. suddenly, among characters with no true sentience, a real person had been dropped in front of him, and he wanted that. why didn’t he – why couldn’t he do it?? he became obsessive, trying to go after her the same way he’d gone after everyone else. and after they reunited, he realized he couldn’t, but he didn’t know anything else after spending his entire life mind controlling everyone he’d met.  so if he couldn’t control her with his ability, he’d have to find a smarter way to gain power over her (because that’s what a relationship is, right, just dominating someone until they love you). it became a game of cat-and-mouse. it was exciting. it was new. he couldn’t predict her because she was outside his sphere of control.  persephone was the first person in a very long time who managed to blindside adeodatus. she went off-script; he was playing on the stage against lethe, a strange, smart, demure engineer’s daughter who happened to have some bad luck in her life. then, lethe looked directly at him and started saying things the playwright had not written for her. she wasn’t lethe at all. he’d been fooled, and that was  ... it was a lot of things. it was infuriating. it was terrifying. it was exciting.  i think it had been some time since adeo had truly felt scared. the person who he thought he’d vetted, who he’d begun to open himself up to, was a killer –– like him –– and she was smart enough to keep it from him until after he’d gotten comfortable. (shows him, right?)  and that is the most interesting part to me. because like kilgrave and jessica, that is when adeo truly fell in love. it was when he felt recognized, when he felt like he’d finally met the only other real person on the whole planet. he was a monster –– he knew that. but in his mind, persephone was no different. so he could show her all of himself.  unlike kilgrave, adeodatus ‘won.’ he managed to keep seph around via blackmail –– you know, the ‘i know who you are and if you leave me i’ll have you hunted down and killed because i’m basically in command of both legal and mob justice’ –– because he couldn’t do so with subtle manipulation and control. like kilgrave, adeo believed that he would eventually be loved back. it was just a matter of time. seph just needed to adjust to the fact that they were the same, and that deep down, they belonged together. sure, he was physically and emotionally abusive, but hey, that’s love. (to him.) love is being able to treat your partner violently because that’s who you are!  of course, it ended eventually. persephone snapped, and adeo cut her throat and ran from the city. why didn’t he just stay, if she was dead and, all evidence of who he truly is would die with her? because he didn’t... actually... kill her. the cut was precise and purposeful; he couldn’t bring himself to do it, he wanted to give her a fighting chance to survive and remember him so that he could come back and try again. he wanted to have it both ways. save the city, get the girl. (not a girl, but. for the sake of the saying.)

okay last point, i promise!! i think the biggest DIFFERENCE between the two is their inner maturity. kilgrave is stuck in his child-mind. clearly, he never learned empathy, and he never made an attempt to learn or get better, because the way he was? totally fine with him. he just needed jessica. he needed that thrill in his life, and he did – in his shitty abusive way – believe he loved her. but... he’s impulsive, a short-term thinker, and he needs instant gratification.  adeo never got to have a childhood. he matured fast and stayed mature, stayed cunning and wise beyond his years, and was already abnormally smart besides. because he plans ahead and plays for the long game, because he has patience, he’s better able to wield his power successfully where he believes it counts.  OKAY I’M DONE. THAT’S ALL THE THOUGHTS IN MY GAY LITTLE WRITER HEAD. VILLAIN ANALYSIS COMPLETE.

#>> headcanons. #>> DEVIL-TAMER. ( adeodatus damiana ) #abuse cw #{ this is so long.... i used up my whole morning for it.... i gotta go get ready for boxing now }

[heartfeltheart]

Alchemy: Magic Vs. Science

Chapters: 15/25 Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist/Harry Potter Rating: T Relationships: Edward/Winry, Lan Fan/Ling, and May/Alphonse. Primary Characters: Edward Elric, Severus Snape Additional Tags: Crossover, Teacher!Edward, BrOtp Edward/Severus. Sassy beyond measure. Series: Part 1 of 9. Summary: Magic and Science, are they the same or are they completely different? It just takes one person to point out all up and downs. Along with breaking the stereotypes that come up with being a wizard, alchemist and most of all being human. Thank you, @amynchan! D/C: I do not own Harry Potter or Fullmetal Alchemist. Discord: La Red(Mesh Mash of… stuff.): https://discord.gg/KYjmVAb Alchemy Series: https://discord.gg/DejEYNJ

“English and Edward’s accented voice.” “Amestrian or another foreign language.” “Written notes.” ‘Thoughts.’ First Name: Informal Last Name: Formal (Or used to annoy others)

"BASTARD!"

"SHORTY!"

"WE ARE THE SAME HEIGHT NOW, STOP SAYING THAT!"

"...Really?"

"You barely noticed."

"SHUT UP!"

"MAKE ME!"

Complete and utter chaos is the only way that the Auror's could describe the scene before them. The moment that Colonel Elric stood in front of an inconspicuous looking wall and yelled out 'Colonel Bastard', they wondered if the muggle had lost his mind. Then to their complete and utter shock, someone responded with a scream that they could only describe annoyance and disbelief. A light filled the alleyway and once it went away, the wall was gone, revealing two muggles. One was the fire street performer from earlier and the other one was...half naked and crying.

Colonel Elric walked up to the shorter of the two muggles and they started to argue in a different language. As those two argued, the other man started to blubber, cry and sparkle. If that was some type of magic, they do not want to know...

Soft footsteps reverberated from the entrance of the alleyway, and they turned to see a woman with blonde hair and brown eyes with a dog. The canine kept looking towards their way, occasionally baring its teeth at them warningly. His mistress paid no mind to them as she headed towards the end of the alleyway of the arguing men. She appeared to be completely unperturbed by the scene before her. One of the Auror's called out to her, to remove her from the scene, when the blonde pulled out a small muggle metal object from her person. Only one or two of the Auror's knew what that object was, their eyes went wide when the women pointed her gun at the arguing man. Without warning.... three bangs filled the air.

Bang!

Bang!

Bang!

Elric and Mustang stopped their argument, their eyes wide in complete fear as they saw three bullet holes on a dumpster that was right next to them. Smoke trailed through the bullet holes only seemed to intensify the tense atmosphere. No one spoke as they feared the beauty will turn her weapon on them.

"H-h-he-e-e-l-l-l-o-o, Lei-" Edward cleared his throat with fear clearly evident in his voice. "Lieutenant Hawkeye!"

"It's Captain Hawkeye now, Colonel Elric." Hawkeye stated in English, her voice is extremely lightly accented. It was far better than Elric's by miles.

"Captain?" One of the Auror's asked with a look of befuddlement. "Colonel Elric?"

"What the bloody hell just happened?" The Head Auror yelled out, ignored the previously asked question. He pointed a hand at Hawkeye, who still had her gun out. "You nearly killed them with that-that-that-"

"That's a muggle weapon called a gun..." One of the other Auror's piped up but paid any mind to him.

"You could have missed and killed them!"

Elric and Mustang glanced at each other with wide eyes, looks of complete shock that quickly turned into amusement. They wrapped an arm around each other's shoulders and began to laugh. It appeared whatever anger they had for each other earlier had gone and they actually looked like friends for once.

"Hawkeye missing her target?"

"She never misses! Never!"

"Who do they think they are?"

"I told you that they are idiots."

The Auror's knew that Elric and Mustang were making fun of them, even if they could not understand what was being said. They wanted to yell at them, to tell them what they are blabbering about. However, the fear of being shot by the woman or get mauled by her canine kept them quiet, including using their magic to use a spell to figure out what is being said. The gun was still spewing out smoke...

"OWWWW! What the hell Fullmetal! That was my foot!"

"Stop pulling my hair, Bastard!"

"Stop stepping on me then! You still have your automail!"

"Then move your foot!"

Hawkeye let out a sigh, she knew something like this was going to happen. It was inevitable. This was just a time bomb, ticking away to explode in complete insanity. There was only one cure for such situation...violence, intimidation, and fear.

Bang!

Bang!

The bullet soared through the air, narrowly missing Elric's right arm and Mustang's eye. Both males eyes widen in complete fear. They know that Hawkeye never misses, but that still puts the fear into them. Warning shots... They need to behave properly in front of government officials...fun.

"That's two warning shots. You know what comes next." Hawkeye stated, she casually reloaded her gun to emphasize her point.

"I am sorry, Captain Hawkeye." Edward apologized.

Hawkeye gave Mustang a pointed look and the man apologized for his own behavior.

"I apologize for my behavior." Mustang strained out, he and Elric untangled from each other and stood at an arm's length from each other. A shadow fell over them and both men swore they saw sparkles before they were engulfed in an, oh so familiar Armstrong embrace.

"Oh! Friends making up and being friends, such a glorious day!"

"Get him off from me!"

"Armstrong!"

If the Auror's weren't terrified already, they were most diffidently now.

-.-

"So... Mustang."

"Fullmetal?"

"First off, THE FUCK? Seriously, the Fuck? Why are you here?"

"Well, as per usual, I'm-"

"And SECONDLY, STOP calling me that! Really! Just 'Ed' works, for the millionth time. Are you getting deaf, Old Bastard?"

"You're still a Colone-"

"And you're still a Bastard!"

"Oh? Well, you're still a ShRiMp!"

Hawkeye sighed, sensing another argument approach. She looked pointedly at them, loudly cocking her pistol to make a point. Forget the fact they are currently in the British Ministry of Magic and surrounded by stick-wielding idiots, this was a matter of her losing her sanity. It just took that single click to get Elric and Mustang attention. Both men wrapped an arm around each other's shoulders and shook each other's good hands as a sign of friendship. An extremely forced and terrified friendship. Hawkeye gave them one last look before she continued of forward.

The moment that Hawkeye turned away, Elric and Mustang glared at each other. That went away whenever the brown-eyed blonde turned around, it was all smiles and laughter. The Auror's, Ministry Official's and many bystanders watched the scene before them with different views. Many view the Amestrians as complete idiots, there was no way they are high ranking military officials with that type of attitude. Another group saw this as an opportunity to use in their favor. If this is how they run a country, then everything will be far easier for their own agenda. The last group watched on with hidden mirth. It was amusing to watch, to say the least.

Especially the fact two grown men are terrified of a small dog and said dog's owner.

Then again, it was all fun and games until someone loses an eye or limb. In this case, it might as well be both.

After walking through the sixth corridor, Mustang cleared his throat to get Elric's attention. The Golden Blonde inconspicuously glanced over to see his superior officer giving him a look they needed to discuss something. A discussion that needed to be kept under wraps and no arguing from either of them. With a humph, Elric fell into step with Mustang without forcing their interaction to seem fake.

"Yes?"

"Is there anything else I should know before we enter?"

"Besides the fact no one seems to have common sense, whatever logic they have goes through one ear and into another and I am being honest here...I am surprised I haven't maimed or killed anyone. Or myself for that matter..." Elric rotated his left arm as he spoke, Mustang was "Besides the obvious... if you thought the Military was corrupt from within, you'll have a field day here trying to dig up every conspiracy this place has to offer."

Mustang facepalmed, he did not even bother to hide his annoyance. The last thing he needed is more conspiracies, let alone in a place filled with whackos. "Politics?"

"...I just told you..."

"Fullmetal."

"Tch. Fine. The British Ministry of Magic... What I know mostly deals with the children. I know from what I have heard from my friends here, students, and you get the picture..." Elric reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose as he caught sight of a woman wearing nothing but a horrid shade of pink. The mere sight of it nearly blinded him and by the looks of it, his military friends had a similar issue with it. "This ministry is controlling every aspect in that school. They are not teaching any subjects that could help them in a... muggle setting... They are ensuring what is taught to them, makes them stay in this idiotic world. With no chances of being able to blend into any other society. This government makes everything seem so loony, but in the background, all that is them controlling everything."

"...Are you correcting it?"

Elric slowly shifted over to look at Mustang with a deadpanned expression. Mustang gave him a slide glace to see the Golden Blonde's own expression, he coughed into his gloved hand and took that as his answer. "Should have known the answer already."

"Well no duh..."

"Here we are..." One of the Auror's said opening large oak doors to reveal a room that had a long table with chairs surrounding it. The walls had paintings, all of whom Elric assumes to be past officials of the Ministry of Magic. Now for the upcoming headaches that only meetings, paperwork and people that have nothing to do with politics could do.

-.-

Severus stared the piece of paper that laid on Edward's desk. It was a clear outline what the Alchemy Teacher expected to be done while in his absence. In this case, Severus was currently subbing for said teacher and was left at a loss. He would have thought being a potion's master would give an edge along with studying Edward's notes. It appeared none of that is helping him at that moment.

In the unspecified amount of time that Severus had known Edward, he had always managed, if only just, to grasp Edward's understanding and logic of the world. Even at Edward's most confused, angry, or seemingly deranged moments, Severus had managed to work out what was needed to maintain at least a basic conversation with the blonde. Today, looking at Edward's notes for his class, he was at a complete at a complete loss. For the first time since his own school days, Severus had zero ideas of what to do.

"Sir?"

Severus glanced over to see one of the Alchemy student's starting at the piece of paper on the desk. Judging from the student's expression, they knew what was written on it. "What?"

"Need help translating it?"

Severus looked at the student, a Hufflepuff, the piece of paper, back to the student and back at the paper. Without saying a single word, he pushed paper towards the Hufflepuff's direction. For his own credit, the Potion's Master did not take away any points. Especially after the student took the paper and went up to the chalkboard and started to write down what was needed to be done. Apparently, Edward had coded the instructions just enough for one of his students to decode it.

The topic of the day is... Noble gases.

"We are to write an essay on one of them of our choosing."

"That's it?"

"Hahaha.... no. Once we are done with that, we must write another report on how the element of our choosing interacts with five other elements on the periodic table. That is where you come in." The Hufflepuff put down the piece of chalk once they finished writing on the chalkboard. They placed the paper back on the desk and pulled out a giant chart from the said desk. The Hufflepuff placed the chart on another chalkboard to reveal a periodic table. "You are to assign each of us those five elements and write it down for Mr. Elric's knowledge."

"And you got all of that...from that?"

"Yes."

"Five points from Hufflepuff."

So close...

-.-

Vigilance. Utmost vigilance. These people were acting like complete idiots, the first moment Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody first saw the Amestrians, his first thoughts were that they have no business being in a military. They are carefree, obnoxious, and completely unbelievable in his eyes. This meeting seemed like a complete waste of time. That train of thought completely when the leader cleared his throat and went from being an idiot to an actual leader. Someone he must keep an eye out on.

What surprised Mad-Eye the most is that he thought the woman, Captain Riza Hawkeye, is the leader of the bunch. No. The supposed moron is the leader and highest ranking officer of the bunch. The way he spoke, his posture, that looks in his eye and everything about that man screams danger. It didn't help how the man used his hands emphasize his points, said hands that created such realistic flames.

"Hem. Hem."

Mustang stopped talking when that same woman from earlier, who is dressed entirely in an atrocious shade of pink and reminded him of a toad, give him a familiar looking smile. The same type of smile he had seen on people that have ulterior motives and hiding something within their own selves. For Truth's sake, he has own version of that smile. "Yes?"

"You stated that your home country of Amesty-"

"Amestris." Elric interrupted, no hint of remorse in his voice. He gave the woman a blank stare while said woman momentarily glared at him for interrupting her. "Get it right."

"Fullmetal..."

"I am not apologizing."

"Colonel Elric."

"..." Elric felt a drop of cold of sweat slide down the back of his neck when he felt Hawkeye give him the 'look'. He looked over at the frog and said an apology.

"As I was saying..." The woman continued, not bothering to acknowledge the apology. "You had stated that your home country, magic is impossible to do? Could you explain how is that even remotely possible?"

"Ah...That questions, I expected one of you to ask us that earlier." Mustang stated, he leaned against his chair and gave the woman a fixed expression. "We suspect it had to do with an event that occurred over four hundred years ago..."

Elric kept his expression transfixed on Mustang as the man spun the tale that caused so many deaths, heartaches, and so many broken promises. Mustang did not mention anything about Father, the homunculus, how deeply rooted the former is in the Military and so on. Only gave enough information to satisfy the Ministry Officials hunger.

Sometime later...

"These sparkles have been passed down the Armstrong family for generations and generations!"

Roy and Edward leaned slide down their respective chairs as they watched Alex go on about the Armstrong family line. One of the wizards couldn't hold back their curiosity about Armstrong's sparkles. Roy had a mental debate on whether to allow any sort of questioning towards his unit. Especially if they are personal, however... it is all going to come out one way or another.

"One question, only ask one question to each of us. Only one, don't waste it. Oh, one more thing...we are not responsible for the after effects."

The first question just had to be about the sparkles...why does it always have to be about the sparkles...

"I asked Winry to marry me...and well... I guess...I have to invite you..."

Roy looked at Edward with a look of shock. His young subordinate is getting married, Edward is getting married and is growing up. He reached over and nudge Edward with his elbow. "Are you sure you were the one that popped the question? It could be Winry that popped the question. Times have changed."

"...In all honesty... I'm waiting for Riza to ask you once Grumman passes the law."

"What law? What law? Fullmetal!"

"Nothing. Nothing. Nothing."

Roy stated at Edward before he let out a frustrated sigh. If anything, he wouldn't mind if Riza does pop the question. The only issue was the anti-fraternization law that were in place, preventing any sorts of relationships to occur between military officers. Maybe one day...maybe one day. "Where is the wedding taking place?"

"Resembool, I don't care really. Wherever Winry wants to get married."

"...Rush Valley?"

Edward paled at the thought of having his wedding at Rush Valley. It did not look pretty, not one single bit. "...Uh...Whatever makes her happy..."

Roy snickered under his breath, he needed to even the ground between them. "How's being a teacher? Killed anyone yet?"

"Ugh......" Edward slid further into his chair in complete despair. "Don't even get me started, now I know how Teacher feels like... I apologize every time I ever acted like a complete brat."

"...Did you just apologize?" Roy nearly jumped out of his seat at the fact Edward just apologized to him. Edward Elric. Apologizing. Nope, nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. What the hell have they done to him?! By the looks of it, Edward looked just as horrified as himself. "To me?"

"This place is messing with me..." Edward's body went entirely slack in shock realization.

-.-

"Go read my files." Elric stated in a bored turn, it was his turn to be asked his single question. The question of the day involved his younger brother, Alphonse. Curse the fact he mentioned his brother and people remember that one thing about his. "You have my files."

"All we have on file is that you have a younger brother by the name of Alphonse Elric and that he is also an alchemist." The hideously dressed toad woman, Umbridge, stated with a clipped voice. She had Elric's files on hand. "Elaborate on ho-"

"I am going to stop you right there." Elric cut her off, raising his hand up to cut Umbridge off. "Only one question, you already asked your question and I answered it."

"No, you did not answer the question."

"Yes, I did."

"No, you did not."

"Yes, I did."

"No. You did not..." The sickly-sweet smile that made Elric look on with hidden disgust. The woman was obviously not to be trusted and reminded him of all thing things he hated. Fake, distrustful, and far too cheerful for his taste.

"Yes, he did." Mustang intervened before the fight escalated anymore than it already has. "You asked about Alphonse Elric, Colonel Elric answered that question by saying for you to read his files."

"I asked how what his brother does for the Amestris Military, what he responded did not coincide with my question." Umbridge said in a sugary tone that hid the poison in her honeyed words. "Colonel Elric had commented that he did his work alongside with his brother, we just wanted to know what is said brother's role."

Elric and Mustang glanced at each other wondering how to make the women understand that they were not going to add any more information on Alphonse. The only connection that connects him through the Military his older brother. That's it, nothing else. What he does vary depending on the situation, Alphonse primary objective is to keep his brother in check or get the brother out of trouble. There's that other thing but that subject is not going to be breach any time soon...

"I already answered your question. Do you understand what we meant by one question? Do you even comprehend what that means?" Elric stated in an authoritative tone that made Mustang's Unit straighten their backs as if they were expecting an order. Mustang grinned at the Golden Blonde's tone of voice, it reminded so much of his own. Dare he say it, that he is looking at Elric with pride. "Do you understand what I am saying to you?"

"You make it seem like they do not comprehend their own language." Mustang commented offhandedly.

"I'm not surprised, they do not teach language at that cesspool. They do not have any type of class that teaches them the common fundamentals that are needed to be taught in any school." Elric muttered under his breath just loud enough for Mustang to hear. "Too bad they don't have a class that teaches them common sense. They all need it...severely."

"Ah...is this what you have been facing since you started teaching at Pigwarts?"

"It's Hogwarts, Colonel Bastard." Elric corrected Mustang with a snort. "Yes, at least you don't have to teach them... I must teach them subjects they should have already knew before even entering the school. No English, Math, Science, or other subjects that are needed to get by in this world."

Mustang expression went blank as he went over what Elric just informed him. The mere thought of it made him pinch the bridge of his nose to hold back his frustration. This assignment seemed to be getting better and better. "This is a complete waste of time."

"The adults in this world are useless, there is still hope for the younger generation that hasn't been tainted by their parent's view of the world." Elric mumbled under his breath.

That perked Mustang's interest, he leaned forward and gave the Ministry officials a charming smile. "Tell me about this school of yours, Pigwarts..."

"Hogwarts." Elric coughed out, elbowing Mustang in the ribs.

Mustang considered himself lucky at the fact Elric's right arm is his actual human arm. If it was still an automail limb, there might have been a broken rib or two. For now, glaring will suffice for a later time. "Hogwarts...public or private?"

-.-

"As I said before, this was a complete waste of time." Roy stated under his breath, downing down on a cup of hot coffee. He did not care for the fact he was burning his tongue in the process. "They have nothing to offer us, they are still recovering from a war that occurred years ago and the government has its grimy hands on everything. It reminds me of Amestris before the Promise Day."

"I warned you, this place has nothing to offer Amestris. The government is interlaced into every crook and crevice of the British Magical World. They make things seem kooky and insane, to hide the fact there are dark intentions behind every move they do." Edward stated in a calm tone, he slowly drank a cup of tea. He sat with his legs crossed, arms crossed and his eyes were closed. Roy was sitting next to him in a similar position and the rest of the unit is sitting around them. "The comparison of rebuilding a government and country, between Amestris and here... it's laughable. As you said, they are recovering from a war that occurred years ago and shows no progress of fixing itself anytime soon. Amestris has already redone the government to ensure what had happened, will not happen again...Colonel Bastard?"

"Yeah, pipsqueak?"

"Does the Military have control off all the schooling system?"

"Mainly in the Academy, they have been pushing schools to teach subjects geared towards alchemy. Beside that...no. There has been talking to rearrange the system to allow the schools to stray away from that and be more creat...I'm getting off topic here... Nope. If a kid wants to go out into the world, we will give them the necessary tools for them to survive. Unlike here!"

"...You really don't like this place, don't you?"Edward asked with a deadpanned expression.

"What makes you think that?" Roy responded dryly.

"Look...I won't blame anyone for not wanting to create a..." Edward waved his free hand around trying to find the word. "Treaty, truce, agreement, whatever the hell you want to call it, between those idiots and the idiots back home. It benefits them more than it will benefit us in the long run."

"Shouldn't you be trying to convince me to think otherwise?" Roy turned his head to see Edward staring at his own reflection in his drink.

"I'm thinking about my students, dumbass." Edward didn't bother to look at Roy as he stood up, he placed his cup of tea on the table. He reached towards his chair to pick up his coat, he swung the coat of his shoulder and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his pants. "They are the future of this place. If you want to change, you have to start from the beginning."

"Ugh...why do you always make things so complicated..." Roy grumbled under his breath, he watched Ed leave the café they were in and disappear down the street. He glanced down at Edward's drink and stared at it with a blank expression. "...Did he pay for his...?"

"No."

-.-

Amestris.

The Promised Day.

Non-Magical.

Alchemy.

"What the bloody hell should I do?"

Minister Millicent Bagnold sat behind her desk, scanning through many documents that were created for possible peace negotiations between Magical Great Britain and Amestris. She sat in her office as she tried to process what had occurred the last three days. It was constant meetings with Amestris representatives and Prof... Mr..... Colonel Elric. Despite what had occurred in the meeting, the Minister has a feeling that General Mustang played them like fools, and they fell for it. From the information provided for them by the military officers, the Wizarding Community have everything to gain if the negotiations go through.

What would Amestris gain from it all?

Nothing much. By the looks of it, they gain more by making not having to deal with them in the first place. They just went through a civil war almost two years ago, and they made more progress of recovering then themselves in the last couple of years. Self-sufficient. Do they need this to go through? No. Then why are they making the effort of coming here?

Millicent scanned through the files to pull out a particular file. Printed in bold red ink on the front of the file is the name, Edward Elric. This file was given to her by General Mustang's assistant personally and hasn't been seen by anyone else. She slowly opened the file and the first thing she saw is a muggle picture of a young boy that looked eerily like Colonel Elric and another one that is clearly is to be the young man. Scanning through the file, the Minister's eyes widen at the personal achievements of the Former Alchemist.

Millicent sat back on her seat, she rubbed her chin with her free hand as she held up the files for her to read with her other hand. There appeared to be multiple gaps in the story behind the Promised Day, but that is something for her not to worry. That is a personal issue that Amestris needs to hide. For Merlin's sake, the Ministry has so many secrets that it has its own branch for that. Should she consider looking into it? No. She'll leave that alone.

The Minister pulled out her wand and flicked it. The moment she did, her personal aid opened the door to her office and walked in. "Madam?"

"Bring me everything we have on Van Hohenheim."

-.-

"My butt..." Edward grumbled under his breath as he tumbled out of Dumbledore's fireplace. He looked up to see that he was the only one in the office besides Fawkes the Phoenix. The bird stared at the Blonde with curious eyes, said Blonde stuck out his tongue at it. "Class should still be in secession right now."

The Phoenix cooed out, Edward swore it was mocking him.

With a grunt, Edward picked himself up and headed out of the office. He headed towards his class to relieve Severus for subbing his class. Knowing Severus, he could be hitting his head against the wall trying to read his notes. That reminds him...he'll have to ask his Wednesday class about that. At that thought, Edward grinned. Said grin turned into a frown when he saw the Kooky Cat Lady walking towards him.

"Mr. Elric." Minerva stated in a clipped tone, she walked up towards the Alchemy teacher.

"Profezor McGonagall." Edward stated back in a bored tone.

-.-

'Late, late, late. I'm late for class!' A first-year Hufflepuff ran through the hall trying to get to his class. He had lost count of time, took the wrong staircase and had to go back to the Hufflepuff common room for his forgotten books. He stopped running when he heard harsh whispers up ahead of the hall. In a knee-jerk reaction, the Hufflepuff hid and cursed at the fact that he needed to get through that hall to get to class. Taking in a deep breath, he moved forward in hopes of not getting noticed. The closer he got, the whispers got clearer.

"Zere is a difference petveen being harsh and being strict."

Mr. Elric?

"They are children, we should not be treating them like you have been doing so."

Professor McGonagall?

"You cuddle your stutents. I enzure zey are prepared for the vorld outside zeze valls..."

What was said after that caused the Hufflepuff to pale, he retraced his steps and decided to take another route. He did not want to get caught in the middle of that crossfire. Then...there was silence. The Hufflepuff heard stomping heading towards his way and he quickly hid behind a suit of armor. He peeked between the legs of the suit of armor to see Mr. Elric stomping down the hall, all the while cursing Professor McGonagall under his breath.

The first year held his breath hoping to not be seen by the Alchemy teacher. However, his prayers were heard by someone that has a twisted sense of humor. Mr. Elric stopped stomping and cursing, he stopped in the middle of the hallway and slowly turned around. The Alchemy teacher looked at his direction and raised an eyebrow. "Cedric? Vy are you hiting? Should you be in class?"

"Sorry, Mr. Elric!"

-.-

Severus severely regrets having Edward lower the standards for students learning Alchemy. It was obvious this class had no reason, or smarts, to learn Alchemy. The assignment has been given out and he could see how lost they are. The last two classes at least knew what they were doing, or asked their fellow classmates for help.

No.

Not them.

All of them are too proud to ask for help.

Slam!

Everyone in the classroom looked over at the main entrance of the classroom to see that Edward had kicked the door in. His hands were in his pockets, a sour expression, and tension seemed to exude from him. He paused when he took note at how quiet it was in the classroom. Glancing around, Edward wonders why it was so quiet. Friday class is the talkative class. The silence wasn't helping his mood at all.

"Vy so quiet? Did Brofezor Snabe do something? Zefferus, did you do zomething?" Edward asked he closed the door behind himself as he walked into the classroom.

Severus raised an eyebrow at Edward, he took note at how heavily accented Edward's voice is. Judging by that fact, Edward isn't having a good day for far. "They are clueless of the assignment you assigned."

Edward snapped his heads towards his students, said students kept their gazes down on their papers. They do not know whose worse, Professor Snape or Mr. Elric. It doesn't help that the both of them are in the same classroom. They peaked up to see the teachers started to bicker and that caused many of them to turn in their heads in confusion. This type of behavior isn't exactly seen on a day to day basis by each person, it is only shown when both males are in the same place.

"Tonight?"

"Do you want to know what happened?

"...Do I have to continue substituting for you today?"

"Well...you still have another 30 minutes..."

"Mr. Elric..."

"Fine, fine, fine. Go torture some unfortunate soul that isn't me."

"How tempting..."

-.-

Severus sat on the leather armchair in Edward's room. He gulped down a glass of firewhiskey as he took in what Edward just told him. What he was just told made him wonder how the young man in front of him is still standing, let along living. That also included the country of Amestris, just how in Merlin's beard is that place is still existing.

Edward was laying on a love seat that was covered with multiple blankets and pillows. He had one arm laying across his face to cover his eyes and in his other hand, he had a glass of firewhiskey. The Elric's tone was low and precise that only added the seriousness to what he was saying to Severus. "My father... He wanted to sacrifice himself to bring my little brother back. I couldn't allow him to do that. We made a promise you see... to not use a human life for our own needs. In the end...I traded my door to my Alchemy for my brother."

"...You met and beat God?"

"Truth, we call him Truth and he's an ass."

Edward raised his hand and peeked over to see Severus serving himself another glass of firewhiskey. "Too much information?"

"You ended up losing your leg and brother, which resulted with you sacrificing your arm for your brother's soul. Joined the military at the age 12, got caught in so much nonsense and a huge government conspiracy that involved your 400 and something-year-old father...All because you attempted to bring someone back from the dead..."

"People do stupid things for things for their loved ones."

Severus raised his glass in agreement before drowning it down.

Tag List Below:

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#Alchemy Series #Magic vs Science #FMA #HP #HP/FMA #Crossover #Au #Fanfic #Chapter 15

[letters-from-the-three-houses]

Oh man, your drabbles feed my thirst. May I ask for Dimitri/Edelgard where they kinda like each other/ flirt but know they shouldn't because of the political consequences.

our first non-byleth scenario! what would their ship name will be? dimedel? edimgard?

i think it’d be cool to mash their surnames together, like blaiddsvelg or hraeyd. bonus points because they mean ‘wolf eater’ and ‘corpse lord’! but it’d be awkward because ‘hresvelg’ and ‘blaiddyd’ encompass the entirety of their royal families

out of curiosity, does anyone else have any ships between the non-avatar characters? i like the idea of ashe/bernadetta, but that might be the crack shipper in me talking

i hope you like it!

edit: i’m more tired than i thought; fixed typos

He just kept thinking about her.

To his defense, he couldn’t help it; she was striking. Whenever she appeared, her presence commanded everyone’s attention. With her stance—strong and graceful. With her gaze—determined and imposing. With the way she looked and walked and bent to no one’s will. No matter where she went, eyes would follow. People would speak. Heads would turn. He wasn’t the only one that was drawn to her.

But he was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to feel like this.

Expectant, if he had to name it, wondering when he’d see her next. Like if he stared at a space hard enough, she’d magically appear.

(And he knew it was stupid, but he’s caught himself looking out into space, just thinking about her, more often than not.)

It was troubling.

“Why am I acting like this?” he muttered. What once began as a solo study on blood magic had soon devolved into a daydream about Edelgard—and he was tempted to smack himself with his book the moment he realized. “What does this even mean?”

Oh, he had ideas. But he didn’t want to accept them.

He tried to refocus, but the image of her kept coming back. The way her hair swayed when she walked, how her eyes narrowed when she was in deep thought, how she—

He stood up, chair screeching back as he grabbed his things and left the library.

Gods, this needed to stop. Pacing down the hallways, he distracted himself with other thoughts. He thought about the essay the professor recently assigned. That was due soon, so he noted to start on it sometime this week. An upcoming test, on various leadership tactics that they had been practicing. The theory of reciprocity in blood magic…

Rounding the corner, he bumped into someone.

“Ah,” he said, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying attention. Are you al—”

His eyes widened.

Edelgard.

She noticed just as quickly as he did. “Dimitri,” she greeted, giving him a polite nod. His heart thumped. “What a surprise meeting you here of all places.”

“Huh?” He took in his surroundings, eyeing the corridors until he realized he was heading towards the Black Eagles dorm. “Oh, I didn’t notice. Apologies, I didn’t mean to come here.”

(And a teeny tiny part of his brain said liar, you were hoping you’d run into her.)

“I can see that.” She looked amused, then pointed to the way he came from. “The library is that way, in case you’ve forgotten.”

“The lib—” His eyes fell on his study materials. “Oh—yes. Right, the library. I was going to the library to do some revision.” What? No he wasn’t. He left because he couldn’t concentrate. “There’s a test next week that I need to study for.”

Yes, he drawled to himself. Because studying blood magic would help in a tactics exam.

How deep of a grave could a man dig for himself?

Edelgard, at least, didn’t seem to notice his internal suffering. “What a coincidence! My practical will be in a few days, so I was going there to study as well. Since we’re going the same direction, let’s walk together.”

“…Of course. It would be my pleasure.”

There was a fine line between self-hatred and torture, he thought. A line so small, each foot was on a different side.

“You have Professor Byleth, yes?” Edelgard continued talking as they made their way to the library. “I’ve heard the assignments are difficult. Very theory-heavy, so they say.”

“It’s not as bad as people think,” he said. “There are no trick questions; everything comes from the material. As long as you pay attention, you’ll do fine.”

“Even still, the class average remains woefully low.” She glanced at him. Thump. “Or perhaps not, if one was conscientious enough to pull the grades higher. Diligence is charming, don’t you think?”

He nodded, trying his best to keep his voice from cracking. “There’s always room for improvement. If you keep putting in effort, it won’t go to waste. The only surefire way to fail is to give up.”

“Reasonable point.” Thump, thump. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

The walk there was uncomfortable. Dimitri was hyperaware of everything that was happening: the sound of her shoes hitting the floor, the awkward hold he had on his books. What should he say? How should he say it? Were his feet working? Was he walking too close to her? If his housemates saw him right now, what would they think?

At that last thought, he winced, drawing back as he tried to put some distance between them. He had to pull himself together. Whatever…this was, it was inappropriate of someone his rank and status. It was unlike him.

(And yet, he didn’t seem to mind.)

When they reached the library, Edelgard found them a seat by one of the windows, hidden away from view behind a couple of bookshelves. They settled in, strewing their papers all across the table. Book in hand, Dimitri cracked it open, but his eyes wouldn’t keep to the text.

Instead, he studied her lashes—long and pretty—and her eyes—elegant and stunning—and her—beautiful—

She caught him staring. “Is something the matter?” she asked.

He cleared his throat and showed her a random paragraph. “Do you understand what this means? I can’t wrap my head around it.”

“'Blood magic’?” She looked confused. “That’s not part of the curriculum.”

“Yes, well, it’s interesting.”

She raised an eyebrow. But she smiled. And he wanted to say it was fond, like she found something endearing, but he pinched his leg to stop. “There are wise men and there are fools. Sometimes, they are one and the same.” She leaned over to take the book from him, hair draping around the pages. He held his breath. “You must be lucky, because I can’t tell which one you are.”

“…Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

“What else would it be?”

He frowned. “An insult, of course.”

She let out a giggle. Short, hidden behind the palm of her hand. What would it be like if she laughed out loud? “Then imagine it as you’d like. So, what was it that you didn’t understand?”

She knew a lot about the subject, explaining the theory behind how the magic was casted, the effects it had on the user, and how to minimize the drawbacks. At some point, he realized that it was a section that he had already read and understood. But still, he sat there, riveted, hearing the lull in her voice that he’d listen to for hours upon end.

And it made him feel.

He didn’t want to acknowledge it. He really didn’t. It would complicate things, make it harder for himself later down the line. There was too much at stake for him to take this seriously. He couldn’t compromise everything else for the sake of…of this.

But for now, sitting here, watching her face light up as she whispered—to him and him only, without the world as an audience—

Perhaps he could stay a little longer.

a/n: headcanon that dimitri gets flustered when he’s crushing real hard and fumbles around not knowing what to do. edelgard plays it cool and flirts sneakily

[asks are open!]

#fire emblem three houses #fe16 #fe3h #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #edelgard von hresvelg #asks #headcanons #scenarios #anon #prerelease

[0poole]

Edge of Tomorrow VS Groundhog Day VS Undertale

So me and my family just recently rewatched Edge of Tomorrow, which naturally led us to rewatching Groundhog Day (Except it was my first viewing, apparently it’s one of my parent’s all-time favorite movies) and while doing that I realized Undertale deals with a similar concept to the two films. And, since I’m so in love with basic concepts taken to their natural extremes in stories, I really feel like talking about it. I don’t really know what there is to get out of me talking about it but hey I feel like doing it anyway.

So yeah, I love stories that revolve around one simple, basic concept. You don’t need any interstellar wars with deep political intrigue or complex interpersonal relations to hold up a story if you just say “hey, here’s a weird thing that’s going on and here’s what happens because of it.” From there, you could basically do anything and keep me interested. 

Obviously all the stories are good ones, but I definitely think there’s a hierarchy in how the idea is dealt with. 

Edge of Tomorrow is probably the worst of the bunch, mainly because it feels like the “Time Travel” aspect of the movie is just a sort of tool inside of a normal alien-action movie with the shitty alien hive mind plot device that I actually can’t stand at all anymore but that’s a rant for another day. I still like the movie, obviously, because I like the concept and the aliens at least look really cool, but after watching Groundhog Day I’m realizing there’s some iffy-er feelings about it. First of all, the thing I realized without even having to watch GHD is that they really try to explain too much. The whole problem behind that is that, even with the explanation, it still makes no sense what so ever. Apart from the hive mind device, I also hate it when alien species are presented with “biological superpowers” like they just naturally evolved to control time somehow. Obviously until we actually meet any aliens all bets are off, but as far as we know that is completely ludicrous. The whole “Time Travel” ability is so supernatural that, even when they say “That’s just how the aliens are and getting dissolved by their blood gives you the same power too but only while you still have their blood” is so contrived that you just think “Okay. Sure.” 

I feel like, if you’re to explain anything like this, you really have to make it realistically work or just forego it all together. If you try to give rules to something, all you’re doing is giving Youtube movie reviewers the ammunition to dismiss your whole movies because of plot holes. For example, the plot hole of the main girl character somehow knowing that getting your blood replaced removes your power even though she would have to die to truly be sure. When you try to explain everything, the viewer expects you to explain that too, and as far as I remember it was just a “It felt like it was gone.” Also, spoilers, at the end of the movie when Cruz woke up in the helicopter after destroying the center of the hive mind, it sort of confused you because you weren’t really sure where the starting point for the “Time Travel” starts. If he just woke up on the ground like he did before, you’d just accept it, but changing the location and time makes you think there’s something else at work, and therefore we should at least have some idea of what it is. That one’s kinda just a side affect of the quirkiness of time travel though, especially because he went back in time to right about when the aliens died as a whole even though he technically did that in the future, and yet his current time is seemingly drastically affected by it because he somehow got a higher rank after destroying them... It’s just a mess, and it feels like a mess because we expect an explanation, even though it would just be arbitrary anyways. Again, since something like this just can’t be explained well, trying to explain it just doesn’t feel satisfying.

But to be fair, the one thing I loved about both of the films is the editing as the main character gets into a routine with his infinite day. The way they shrink everything down in time slowly but surely, and then when emotions strike high they show us most of the generic events again. Really, it’s one of the few times you can confidently say that the editing was the best part of the movie. Usually it’s just the acting, plot, characters, etc, but you rarely get something where the editing is in the forefront.

Also the glowy spaghetti aliens looked cool.

But for Undertale, I really only realized it sort of used the same idea as I watched Bill Murray kill himself a dozen times. Unlike the films, Undertale of course could be more meta about it and say the “Time Travel” is just video game logic applied to the canon story itself. Also, the events are being experienced by multiple characters, including the player. It was basically one of the selling points of the game, because the idea of video game logic as a plot device wasn’t really as well known as it is now (thanks to it itself for popularizing it). It didn’t really have to explain much because it was sort of built upon what we already know, i.e. that we die in the game and reset time to our last save point. All they had to do is just say “Hey, that’s called ‘Determination’” and that’s it. When you have Determination, you come back from the dead and keep going. Considering they didn’t try so hard to explain that in detail, you can somewhat pass off the little things, like why the stars specifically are the points at which you come back, etc. When you don’t try to explain things so hard, “plot holes” just become irrelevant details.

But the bigger selling point for Undertale is the characters, and Sans especially is the one made the most interesting out of the concept. Flowey did have the power, and he just went full psychopath on everyone just to see what happened, which naturally is another key point of the game. Him being completely devoid of emotion and sympathy also made him relatively interesting, but Sans being completely unable to control any of it was basically why I like him as a character. Naturally a lot of these characters are sort of one-off personalities, which is definitely fine because of how fun and well written they are. So, you see Sans and you’re like “Okay yeah, he’s lazy and makes jokes. That’s him.” But then you fight him, and say he’s so lazy because he can’t muster up the courage to do anything because he knows that when the player resets the game he’ll just go back in time like he never did it. That’s basically the next ideal step in exploring the concept. GHD is the most basic version of the idea, where the guy that time’s focused around just does whatever he feels like, EoT is when the guy uses the power to save humanity, and UT (or just Sans’ character) is about how a person without this power would react to someone else using the power. It’s actually seriously interesting, and a perfect way to explain a character’s personality. Also, you can’t disrespect an amazing battle theme. 

But, as you’d expect from the order, Groundhog Day is the king of them all, because it is just pure concept. Literally nothing supernatural happens to Murray (and yes I refer to characters by their actors sometimes sue, me) to cause the “Time Travel,” and literally nothing supernatural happens to him to stop it. All the movie is is just “This is happening and this is how he reacts.” Frankly, for something like this, that’s the ideal. You go to the movie in order to see what happens when a guy has to relive one single day no matter what, and that’s it. No extra bells or whistles. You get exactly what you came for, and you get it in such high quality it’s perfect. No one has to care why it’s happening.

First of all, I love how it’s focused around Groundhog Day and the weather as a whole. Weather is so unpredictable that even the professionals have to assign a percentage to it. It’s one of the least predictable things we know of, and that’s exactly why it’s perfect here, because it shows for absolute sure what’s going on. Murray can predict everything, so he could even predict the most unpredictable thing in these circumstances.

Second, it’s a great mish-mash of two key elements of the concepts from both EoT and UT. From EoT, he used his knowledge of the day to his advantage, like anyone would, but using the knowledge differently at different times (i.e. knowing he’ll meet an old friend, to remembering his name, then to punching him in the face, then to buying out his insurance, etc). From UT, he feels like it is happening out of his control, so you get the middle-late section of the movie where he spirals into a deep depression, and throughout just changing his personality. It all feels so natural. At first, you’d totally say “Yeah, I’d do that if I were in his shoes” and towards the end you’d say “Yeah, that’s probably how I would end up if I were actually in his shoes...” I mean, personally I’d go the skill-learning route first but that’s besides the point. You come in wondering what would happen to the guy, and you get exactly that. It just feels right.

Plus, it was just written extremely well, both in the natural progression of his character and in the humor. I’ll always die on the hill of movies having to make you laugh before they can make you truly cry. It lets your guard down. I swear, the day where Murray realizes his actions have no consequences is one of the best parts of any movie I’ve seen. It was so hilarious and fun, even though internally you’re a bit like “What an asshole.” Then you get to the montage of him nonchalantly killing himself, and you really just feel bad for him. Considering humans, as you’d guess, experience a full range of emotions, showing his full range makes him feel so much more human, making him easy to sympathize with. Then, with the cathartic solution at the very end (which is where I usually cry to be honest, not sure why), it feels so good to see him break out of the giant loop of emotions he went through, especially since he seemingly got the best possible ending out of all of them, where he didn’t brute force his way into his love’s heart, and found the goodness inside of him by ignoring his personal interests and consistently doing things to the benefit of others, even though he knows he’ll just have to do it again tomorrow. I’m not sure where to fit it in cleanly but the turning point of him realizing he can’t do a single thing to save that homeless man’s life was seriously heartbreaking, because he felt even more out of control than he already did. 

But yeah, this post was pretty much just a stealth way of me saying how much I like Undertale and Groundhog Day and also mentioning how much I hate the hive mind alien plot devices.

Seriously. What kind of alien species would evolve to be that dependent on a single being? Surely one wrong move means their extinction, right? How could an entire species exist that long under that principle? I would kill for a movie that makes it seem like their aliens are a hive mind, but then once they kill the “queen” the drones all turn on the heroes and wail on them, and after they’re done they just biologically convert one of them into a new queen. You know, like how it actually happens in nature. Every cliche needs exactly and only one instance where another form of media points at it explicitly and laughs, and I’ve yet to see that for this damn hive mind cliche. At least go the Alien route and make the enemy a single organism, so there’s no funny business. I mean I’d also kill for more movies like Valerian where there are so many normal, human-tier aliens that just exist together in a society like actual sentient (sapient) beings. Baby steps, though. I just want good aliens.

#edge of tomorrow #groundhog day #undertale #rant #rambling #opinions #time travel #poole

[obfuscobble]

Passerby here - in regards to Fate/Grand Order, the reason they don't explain stuff in detail is because they kind of already did? The Fuyuki prologue in the actual mobile game is a longer, more in-depth tutorial, while the anime is an hour-long film. They can't do EVERYTHING in the short time slot they have. Also, the "explanation on Servants" thing is something repeated in every adaption and spinoff and just gets very redundant after a while, so it getting cut is understandable.

Also, arguing that they HAVE to explain EVERYTHING for newbies within the short 1 hour time slot for the F/GO anime is nonsensical considering the setting of Fuyuki - everything and everyone in Fuyuki (such as the statue Medusa Lancer destroys) only has significance if you’re familiar with Fate/stay night proper, and explaining EVERYTHING would waste time, especially since the premise of “Chaldea has no idea what originally happened in Fuyuki” makes explanation impossible anyway. Basically, you’re treating the Fate/Grand Order anime like some sort of standalone story, when in reality it’s more like the Rogue One to Fate/stay night’s mainline Star Wars, or the Fantastic Beasts to Harry Potter. Even if it’s a spinoff, demanding that it explain everything all over again is pointless and would detract from the plot given the very limited timespan, especially when the premise IS so heavily based in past installments. I hope you understand my points here.

I perfectly understand your points, but please keep in mind that you are making the exact same points as your predecessor which I have already rebuffed politely by reiterating my points of debate.  I thank you for trying to state this case in more detail again, but my counter points remain solid and admittedly mired in my initial reactions to the material.  The strength of my initial negative reactions is what prompted me to write my post, and upon re-view of the film, my problems with its structure, choreography, and colour design remain.

If I may attempt to restate your points, trying hard not to make a strawman : 1. there’s more info on everything in the game, 2. there’s more explanation of everything in the rest of the Nasuverse media, 3. this is for fans who already know everything and trying to explain too much in a short one hour featurette would be wasteful, 4. this should absolutely not be viewed in a standalone manner.

1. there’s more info on everything in the gameI understand this.  But the movie was, as I was approaching it, supposed to get me pumped to play the game had I not already done so.  It did not.

2. there’s more explanation of everything in the rest of the Nasuverse mediaI understand this.  But it doesn’t defend against bad story structure.

3. this is for fans who already know everything and trying to explain too much in a short one hour featurette would be wastefulI contend this.  Allow me to voice my contention in two manners, one polite, and one rude.Politely: Fans who enjoy this are absolutely deserving of their enjoyment, and as a fan placation vehicle this movie is certainly fantastic.  I do not want to rid anyone of their enjoyment of this featurette.  People should hold on to their joy where they can find it. : )  However, I still believe that a shortened running length was not truly a bar to cut out all explanation.  I’m not expecting someone to dump typemoon.wikia.com onscreen.  I was simply stating that within the world that the movie itself created with a protagonist who knows nothing and a fresh new aspect of the Nasuverse being presented, that a tiiiny bit more explanation would have been completely natural to present within the storytelling framework of the brand new setting.  To fully explain Servant structure and the history of Fuyuki is not necessary.  To explain more about Chaldaea and how it interacts with these structures is highly desirable.  That Fuyuki is a mystery to Chaldaea is absolutely fine and a good mystery to hook the audience.  That Chaldaea remains a complete mystery to the audience, apart from clichés that the audience can place upon it through inference, is unforgivable.Rudely: yeah I get it they made a pretty movie out of your waifus look at your waifus in good animation happy new year nasufans here’s a tv special to sell more nasushit including 5000 yen dvds but it’s worth it because WOW YOUR WAIFU she’s moving and going UGUU this is such a CATHARTIC pandering MOMENT you can’t wait to heal her with YOUR MAGIC RITUAL YA KNOW WHAT IM SAYIN[* “your waifu“ in this case referring to the fandom at large, not you specifically, holdharmonysacred, as I do not wish to make assumptions about you.]

4. this should absolutely not be viewed in a standalone manner.You bring up a comparison of Fate/ Grand Order to Rogue One and Fantastic Beasts.  Here is where I very much would like to make more comparisons, as I have seen those movies and their attendant series as well!  However, first it is important to keep in mind that whether one chooses to view a film as a standalone vehicle or as a chapter of a larger narrative is up to the individual viewer.  Yet, ask any good author or script editor and they will tell you that the internal story of a feature should hold itself as a standalone story with good arc structure.  While it’s true that Grand Order had a proper arc structure (problem, mysterious anomaly; action, fight to stop anomaly; resolution, bad guy temporarily wins, time to steel ourselves to do this again), I feel that it failed to present a story that an outsider could care about.

Honestly, Rogue One also failed to impress me as a standalone vehicle.  It was infinitely more pandering than Grand Order, although at least it didn’t leave too many questions unanswered.  Largely, it had more running time to establish its world, which Grand Order did not have.  What Rogue One had in common with Grand Order was a dearth of likeable protagonists.   At least the motivations of Rogue One’s antagonists are clear though, unlike R.E.O. Lev’s.

Fantastic Beasts actually worked as a standalone film.  Parts of it that connected directly to the Potter storyline [erhem, Grindelwald] were frankly its worst aspects.  Yet apart from that, the movie clearly established through its action and a bit of exposition the stakes of its world.  There are wizards and magical beasts and non-wizards, the wizards try to hide from the non-wizards, never the twin shall meet, and in America magical beasts are not allowed to run free in non-wizard areas.  The audience doesn’t have to know about rulings of the wizengamot or the history of wizarding in America to appreciate these in-story rules.  Magic is shown throughout the movie, and major magical plot points like the obscurial are explained, though not exactly perfectly.  But a bully attempt is made.  One can watch Fantastic Beasts without knowledge of the Potterverse and still follow its structure while appreciating its characters who are presented with definite emotional ties and stakes in the movie.  It’s not an outstanding movie, but it does very well to establish the basics of its world.

On the other hand, I maintain that Fate/ Grand Order failed to firmly establish the very basic internal rules that its world runs by either through exposition or onscreen action, preferring to hint at them, and that its characters were flat, especially the main character who could have been replaced with a soggy cardboard cutout for all it would have mattered. 

I understand that the main character of this movie is supposed to be an audience insert surrogate, and a standin for an in-game protagonist, but that’s honestly no excuse for having him be void of emotional reaction to anything in the world around him except Mash.  Mash is hurt?  Oh noes, she’s pretty and talked to me so I guess we’re dating and now I’m upset.  I’ve been transported to some techno-magic base? Oh well.  Everyone else here has died en masse?  Oh well.  Now I’m in the past and things are attacking me?  Oh well.  That girl just died? Oh well.  The guy who was nice to me turns out to be evil and he has some weird plan to do with wiping out the entire human race?  OH WELL.  I’m not asking for him to scream or anything, but the most proactive action he took in the entire movie to move the plot forward was to hold Mash’s hand in her climactic battle, and even then he did so blandly, not even a “ganbatte” or a “You mean a lot to me so don’t give up.”  Every other scene where he took an action, he had stumbled into that place or been pushed there by other characters or the plot at large.  The guy fell asleep during the one scene that would have explained shit to him and therefore us.  How are we supposed to like him as a protagonist?

In conclusion, I do indeed understand the points you laid out in your asks, but feel that I have previously responded to most of them.  Of the new concerns you bring up, my previous complaints about Fate/ Grand Order still hold sway.  And yet, I do not at all wish to say that people should feel bad for liking Fate/ Grand Order.  My stance is that I did not enjoy it, and it failed the rubric by which I was watching it.  You state that my rubric is flawed, and that is a fair enough criticism.  Please continue to enjoy the Fate/ universe and the Grand Order game.  I hope they all bring you lots of continued enjoyment in the coming year!

#fate grand order #analysis

[vileart]

Ultra Dramaturgy: Rosie Kay on tour

Scottish-born choreographer returns with subversive new show, MK ULTRA

• A new dance work, performed by seven young dancers, explores conspiracy theory within the entertainment industry and the idea that child stars are brainwashed from a young age • Lady Gaga designer Gary Card creates his first costume designs for contemporary dance • Adam Curtis, known for Hypernormalisation that recently featured on the BBC, is a creative collaborator on the show and has created short films to be shown throughout What was the inspiration behind this performance?

This is the third part of a trilogy of works, tackling big ‘non-dinner-party’ topics! The first was war + the body (5 Soldiers), the second was exploring religion through the body (There is Hope) and this final part was to be politics and the body. I went in quite a few directions to begin with, exploring the novel 1984, surveillance, propaganda and even torture. 

Through my research, I came across an online world of conspiracy theory, some I’d heard of, or were on my periphery, and others that were new to me. When I came across the conspiracy theory that pop stars are under the control of ‘The Illuminati’ (some kind of shadowy elite that control music, fashion, entertainment but also politics, science, finance) I felt that it was an exciting area to explore. 

The theory is that children are picked, and then undergo some kind of brainwashing, which was invented by the CIA (this is partly based on real historical events - the CIA developed brainwashing experiments in the 1950s and 1960s, one such method was code named MK Ultra). 

These pop stars then are catapulted into extreme stardom and while achieving worldwide global fame, are under a strict and ultimately destructive kind of brainwashing that can start to affect them, hence the breakdowns. It’s a fantastical theory, but it hit me with something true about the world we live in now - our weird celebrity culture clashing with ‘real news’ of war and atrocities, and our distrust in news and now ‘fake news’. I think we are all questioning what kind of reality we are living in.

After deciding on the subject matter, I wanted to know if it were just a small group of fanatics that knew about it, or if young people were aware of this alternative information about mainstream pop stars. 

I conducted workshops with 14-25 year olds all over the East and West Midlands and asked them ostensibly about their view on ‘mainstream’ media. Eventually, the magic words ‘the Illuminati’ would be whispered and when I told them I wanted to know everything about this, they erupted! 

One girl was heard as she left the workshop saying ‘I can’t believe we just talked about the illuminati in the classroom’. Young people not only knew about the theories I’d investigated, they’d known about them for a long time, and they were also aware that it may or may not be true. This was such an interesting state of being to me, that Adam Curtis and I returned to interview quite a few of the young people I’d worked with initially to include their opinions in the show.

Is performance still a good space for the public discussion of ideas?

Well, there are others ways of course, through writing, through talking, through other art forms and media. For me, dance helps me understand the mysteries of the world - some things can be killed if explained or rationalized, so many ideas live in the felt, lived and emotional dimension. I think dance has the magic to capture that. 

I also want to make people think and to challenge their perceptions, and so through my work, I use dance, but also non-linear narrative, character, video, music and documentary to help audiences find different ways into my world. I think we crave group experiences, and so a performance can give us a shared experience, and with my work, hopefully the space to have your own interpretation of it. I love that fact that in dance you do have to think and interpret a bit. 

You have to watch and go, ‘OK what’s happening here’. I let layers of meaning be revealed, but I like not to be too explicit at all times, and leave areas of question and doubt. These form spaces that you join together in your mind.

How did you become interested in making performance?

I think I danced before I could talk. Dance for me was a way of making sense of the world. The world is so vast, so confusing, and I felt things so strongly, that dance was at once a strong discipline and daily personal practice, with its ritual and repetition. 

It was also an emotional release, a place I could channel my heart and soul through my body and find that it communicated deeply with people. Now I perform far less, but I seek this quality from the artists I work with, and I help draw it out of them. I think my company are extraordinary dancers, but they are also exceptional performers, actors and communicators.

Is there any particular approach to the making of the show?

Yes- there is a very particular way I’ve made this work, and its quite odd. After the research on the Internet and with groups of young people, I spent time with my company doing task-based work and trying to find the physical language of the work. It’s a hybrid world of pop, street, hip-hop dance styles but I wanted it to have an Avant-Garde cutting edge feel with contemporary and ballet techniques running through the movement vocabulary. I couldn’t find it at first, so I went into the studio on my own and improvised with the music tracks I thought captured the feel of the work. 

I realized that this highly original, and slightly weird language was in my body, so I filmed my improvisations, normally doing 3 or 4 on a set theme or set section of music, then chose the best, or the one I thought captured what I wanted, and gave it to the dancer. Each dancer received a video of their solo and they all received a video of the unison work. The first week was a bizarre sight. 

They were plugged into laptops and iPads with headphones in, each meticulously learning their sections alone or in groups. It was a little alienating for them at first, but we’d do sharings every few hours and it was incredible how this language developed through all their bodies.

Does the show fit with your usual productions?

For one, I don’t have a ‘usual’ production. I think all my productions are unique, but together they add up to a body of unique works with unique approaches to subject and form. MK Ultra is the work I wanted to make, and it really does make sense if seen with its predecessors, 5 Soldiers and There is Hope. Through these three works, I’ve tested myself enormously, whether it be through the intense research, through the methodologies of each work, which felt very authentic to the subject matter, or though the results. 

MK Ultra is like the others in that it is very visual, has emotional depth, and its quite intricately choreographed, but it’s not like the others, because the subject matter demanded very different things from me. I’m interested to see where I go next, as I feel my palette is now ready to stabalise and become more highly articulate, perhaps in fewer directions.

What do you hope the audience will experience?

I want the audience to go with me on a brainwashing experience. I want them to sit on a lovely line between mainstream pop entertainment and disturbing avant-garde art! MK Ultra is

visually dazzling, over stimulating, beautiful, disturbing and funny. I want audiences to be on the edge of their seats and also let their brains go free!

What strategies did you consider towards shaping this audience experience?

Wow- we’ve used a lot here! We have mind-boggling original documentary footage from Adam Curtis, which includes interviews with MK Ultra victims and the CIA boss who sanctioned it, we’ve got full-on illuminati referencing, mind bending video work from Louis Price, we’ve got trippy repetitive music composed by Annie Mahtani, and of course we have seven utterly incredible, athletic performers who give it heart and soul. We also have Gary Card’s stunning costumes, which have been described as a ‘work of art’ in themselves, or alternatively, ‘a masonic rave’! I find the work overwhelming. It’s at once glossy pop and heart-felt art. It’s beautiful.

Rosie Kay Dance Company, headed by artistic director and choreographer Rosie Kay and winner of Best Independent Company at the Critics’ Circle National Dance Awards in 2015, finishes its UK tour of MK ULTRA in Stirling on Thursday 18 May at Macrobert Art Centre. The show has created headlines in The Guardian, Financial Times and iNews for its exploration of mind control and subliminal messaging within the entertainment industry - a theory that grew from the CIA's real mind control experiments in the 60s. Following several years of research with young people into the world of contemporary pop culture and their theories around who pulls the strings behind the scenes of politics, economics and the entertainment industry, MK ULTRA will bring a hypnotic, supercharged mash-up of dance, music, costume and film to the stage. Renowned for tackling pertinent and challenging subject matters, RKDC’s latest work is timely in the context of ‘fake news’ and ‘alternative facts’ as it explores how easily fact and fiction can get tangled. Born in Scotland, Rosie Kay is one of the UK’s leading female choreographers and is renowned for her athletic movement, rigorous research and intelligent theatricality. Kay, a research associate to the University of Oxford School of Anthropology and Museum Ethnography, choreographed the hit feature film Sunshine on Leith and is best known for the five star and award-winning 5 SOLDIERS. Also featuring in the team is sought-after designer Gary Card who will be designing his first costumes for contemporary dance. A set designer, illustrator and one of London’s most talked about talents, Card has worked with pop stars such as Lady Gaga, designing props and headdresses for her Monster Ball tour. His designs have also featured in the collections of Comme Des Garçons, Topshop, House of Holland, Nike, Adidas, Stella McCartney and Penguin. Rosie Kay had this to say about the show: “MK Ultra is the result of three years intense research, which have taken me through the world of surveillance, state police, torture and brainwashing, through to pop culture, mainstream media and celebrity breakdowns, all the way back to politics and a comment on the post-culturism state we are in now. Spending time exploring the deep rabbit hole of conspiracy theory took me into strange realms of CIA brainwashing, celebrity training and Illuminati symbolism hidden in pop culture. At a time when everything is fake, or at least we don’t trust what’s real any more, MK Ultra looks at what this world really feels like and what affect it is having on us, whether we know it or not. Be prepared for high-energy, high-octane dance, a mash up of dance styles, subliminal and secret messages, incredible video, light and costume visuals, music that wraps around your senses and a deeper, darker political edge. Be prepared, there is twerking.” Filmmaker Adam Curtis said: “Over the past twenty years millions of people have given up believing in the grand stories told them by politicians and others in power. This has created a vacuum into which have rushed all kinds of strange and bizarre stories about the hidden forces that are really controlling the world. I find them fascinating - because, on the one hand they show how in our chaotic and uncertain time people are desperately seeking evidence that someone, anyone, is really in control. But at the same time people also hate the idea of control - because everybody these days wants to be an independent, free individual. And I think it is the tension between these two - the desire for control and the desire for freedom - that leads to such strange and bizarre stories rising up. I think Rosie’s idea to explore this strange world is brilliant. Because it is a way of looking at how people really see the world today. It’s a way of looking behind the shiny surface of modern society - a surface that the politicians and their journalistic allies are desperately trying to hold in place - and seeing the real tensions and anxieties that are actually shaping how we feel today.” MK ULTRA will feature seven outstanding dancers- Shanelle Clemenson, Harriet Ellis, Shelley Eva Haden, Lizzie Klotz, Joao Maio, Ryan Munroe and Oliver Russell. MK ULTRA is supported using public funding by Arts Council England and is commissioned by DanceXchange, Warwick Arts Centre & Birmingham Repertory Theatre. from the vileblog http://ift.tt/2rZUIb2

#Theatre #Blogger #visual art #Edinburgh Fringe #Experimental Critique

[davidegbert]

App Watch: the best new iPhone and iPad games released this month

Byline

Chris Kerr

App Watch: the best new iPhone and iPad games released this month

It'd be an understatement to say that the Apple App Store is a big place - there are thousands of new titles hitting its digital shelves each and every week.

It's an unprecedented situation that often results in great games being overlooked, buried under a mountain of soulless endless runners, tepid Candy Crush clones, and uninspired MMOs.

With that in mind, we want to shine a spotlight on those games fighting the good fight. Here are this month's most interesting new releases.

These are the newly released games that'll keep your tablet or smartphone 'appy this April

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April 2017 • March 2017 • February 2017 • January 2017 • December 2016 • November 2016

April 2017

Dynasty Warriors: Unleashed (£Free + IAP)

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My friend. You have been chosen. Only you can unite the three kingdoms and fulfil the vision of your ancestors. If you fail… blah, blah, blah. Look, I won't bore you with the story details, because we both know that isn't why you're here.

You're here because this is Dynasty Warriors - the frantic hack and slash franchise that arms you to the teeth, chucks you into enormous battles, and whispers "go nuts" softly in your ear. And that's exactly what you'll be getting with Dynasty Warriors: Unleashed, which manages to bring the long- running series to mobile without losing any of that maniacal, spear-twirling, button-mashing magic.

Well, actually the buttons didn't make the cut. But you know what I mean.

Download Dynasty Warriors: Unleashed here for iOS

KAMI 2 (£Free + IAP)

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Remember KAMI? The breezy puzzler from State of Play Games that massaged the mind with its colourful conundrums. Well, it got a sequel!

The aptly titled KAMI 2 is just as much fun as its predecessor, but packs an even bigger punch thanks to the inclusion of more than 100 hand-crafted puzzles and thousands of daily challenges.

But wait, there's more. Because this time around you can create your own gorgeous papercraft riddles and share them with the world. Just try not to make them obscenely difficult. It's meant to be relaxing, y'know?

Download KAMI 2 for iOS here

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The Frostrune (£4.99)

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Hey, did you say you're a huge fan of classic point-and- click puzzlers? And you also happen to enjoy digital dishes inspired by Viking folklore and wider Norse mythology? Well boy oh boy, isn't this your lucky day.

That just so happens to be precisely what Snow Cannon Games' moody puzzler The Frostrune is all about. And there isn't even a catch, because The Frostrune is a superb slice of vintage point-and-click gaming that tells a well-crafted, compact tale that intrigues from the first second to the very last.

If that sounds like your cup of tea, then sip away my friend, sip away.

Download The Frostrune for iOS here

The Elder Scrolls: Legends (£Free + IAP)

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Fus-ro- dah! Sorry, I had something stuck in my throat. Now, where were we? Oh right: The Elder Scrolls: Legends.

First of all, put away that axe. You won't need it in this corner of Tamriel. In these parts we let our cards do the talking. That's right, in The Elder Scrolls: Legends, Bethesda has traded-in the steel and spells in favour of (digital) cardboard. Because, much like Hearthstone, Legends asks players to build a deck of cards - based on the world and lore of the titular franchise - and duke it out with players around the world in pursuit of those all-important bragging rights. 

There's also a solo story mode that'll teach you the ropes and get you started, but the real draw here is the multiplayer. So grab your best deck and get yourself down to the arena. You don't want to keep your adoring fans waiting.

Download The Elder Scrolls: Legends for iOS here

Oxenfree (£4.99)

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A group of troubled yet inquisitive teenagers make their way to a strange island for some coming-of-age shenanigans. Everything goes exactly according to plan and they get the first boat home after a night of sensible pop-drinking and PG-13 storytelling. The end.

In a world without '80s horror movies, maybe that's how Oxenfree plays out. But this isn't that place. This is a world that thought up the likes of Jason, Mike Myers, and Freddy Krueger. A world where teenagers should know better than to go exploring strange places, and doing silly things like "splitting up" and "throwing parties" and "opening supernatural rifts."

Will those kids ever learn? Probably not. But it makes for one hell of a video game, so we're not too cut up about it.

Download Oxenfree for iOS here

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Ticket to Earth (£6.99)

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So your mining colony is going bust and you need to get on the last ship back to Earth, pronto. But there's a catch: there aren't enough tickets for everyone, and you aren't part of the one percent that gets to go back home.

What do you do in the face of such brash, political lunacy? Lay down and accept your fate, or stand up and fight for what's right? That's the Orwellian premise propping up Robot Circus' episodic puzzle-RPG, and that's not even the half of it.

Peel back the layers and you'll find a rewarding, tactical combat system, deep character progression, and psychedelic visuals that prove dystopian fiction doesn't always have to be drenched in drab grey.

Download Ticket to Earth for iOS here

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TypeShift (£Free + IAP)

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TypeShift is the latest word game from SpellTower creator Zach Cage, who's become something of a linguistical legend in these here parts. Once again, Cage implores players to manipulate those crazy little things we call letters to solve puzzles by putting words back together.

According to Cage himself, TypeShift is best described as "anagrams meets wordsearch, with a sprinkle of crosswords." We'll be honest, that sounds a little complex for our taste.

Fear not, though, because Cage also happens to be something of a game design whizz, and what he's done is take that mouthful of a concept and turn it into a well-oiled, super-smooth puzzler that's a masterclass in every sense of the word.

Download TypeShift for iOS here

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Virexian (£Free + IAP)

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Virexian is an '80s disco on steroids. An eclectic trip of a game that shares more in common with a herd of stampeding wildebeest making a beeline through a Jackson Pollock painting than it does a video game. If that hasn't' already sold you on First Mutant's on-the-go, all-action roguelike then I don't know what will.

Except maybe if I told you that Virexian is basically the lovechild of Geometry Wars and a fully-automatic paintball gun. Yes, I have no idea how those two things would mate, but that's besides the point.

The point is that if you like chiptunes, neon-splattered visuals, and watching giant pixels go 'boom,' then Virexian might just be the love of your life. So, let's get you two acquainted.

Download Virexian for iOS here

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March 2017

Turmoil (£5.99)

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Dig, dig and dig some more - because that's the only way you're going to hit the big time in the land of the free, where oil is worth more than its weight in, well, gold. Business is hard and times are tough, but if you're savvy and willing to bet it all on a big payout, you might just be able to ride the 19th-century oil rush all the way to the top.

Whether you want to play by the rules or bend them is up to you — after all, in this industry it's not honesty that matters, only power.

Download Turmoil for iOS here

Archer Dash 2 (£Free + IAP)

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Dubbed an "endless shooter" by developer Gray Giant Games, Archer Dash 2 takes some vintage tap-to-dodge infinite sprinter essence and throws it in the blender with a healthy portion of Robin Hood shtick and some hearty retro visuals.

Peel back the pixel art curtain, though, and you'll see there's an awful lot going on behind the scenes. In fact, Archer Dash 2's smorgasbord of mechanics can feel a little overwhelming at first, but stick with it and you'll soon realise the reward of a good old-fashioned challenge.

Download Archer Dash 2 for iOS here

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Narcissus (£Free + IAP)

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Think you're a dab hand at multitasking? Good, then Narcissus is the game for you. But be warned, this little blighter is going to put you through your paces.

That's because in this finite runner, you've got the unenviable task of guiding not one, but two versions of the titular egotist to the end goal. The thing is, the levels aren't as perfectly reflected as Narcissus' lovely mug, so you'll have to keep your eyes on two alternating sides of the same coin if you want to save him from certain death.

Download Narcissus for iOS here

The Warlock of Firetop Mountain (£4.99)

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Remember those Fighting Fantasy gamebooks from days gone by? Well, the good folks at Tin Man Games have taken one of the very first, The Warlock of Firetop Mountain, and given it a 21st-century lick of paint.

Instead of plain ol' paper adorned with archaic letters, Firetop Mountain now takes place on a fully 3D digital playing board, making for an experience that's as gorgeous as it is engrossing. That winning aesthetic is joined by a revised grid-based combat system that forces players to think more strategically about how they take down their foes.

Oh, and if you're worried the digital switch will have sapped the old-school adventure of its soul, put those fears to bed. If anything, it feels more alive than ever.

Download The Warlock of Firetop Mountain for iOS here

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Gravity Galaxy (£Free + IAP)

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One-touch, planet-hopping puzzler Gravity Galaxy casts you as an intergalactic explorer with a simple mission: see the stars - and collect a few along the way.

As you hurtle through the cosmos, slingshotting around planets, nabbing power-ups and outrunning the odd supernova, you'll have to think fast and act even faster if you want to return to Earth in one piece.

Download Gravity Galaxy for iOS here

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Causality (£1.99)

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Cause and effect. They're the things that make the world tick over, with every action resulting in a subsequent reaction. But those words take on new meaning when you can control time - and that's exactly what you'll be doing in Causality.

As a venerable time lord, you'll need to rewrite the history books to help a band of stranded astronauts reach safety. By working with your past selves, you should be able to alter the world around you to guide each intrepid explorer back home. Of course, I say 'should' because it's never really that simple, is it?

Download Causality for iOS here

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Tavern Guardians (£2.99)

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Take a well-polished hack-and-slash and mash it together with an addictive match-3 experience and you'll have something that tastes… I mean looks a little bit like Tavern Guardians.

In this premium hybrid, swathes of monsters advance through tiles on the game board, and the only way to stop them (and their dastardly plans) is by slashing them to ribbons using some quick-fire matching skills. It's not just you against the world, though.

And, with four different adventurers to choose from, each with their own unique hero abilities, I'm sure you'll win the day in no time. Well, sort of sure.

Download Tavern Guardians for iOS here

Glitchskier (£1.99)

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Pitched by developer Shelly Alon as a "nervewired" action shooter, Glitchskier is the stuff of retro dreams — a sensory thrill-ride soaked in synthetic, saccharine neon charm.

While most of you will be pulled in by the shooter's evocative visuals and splendid electronic soundtrack, you'll be staying for the gameplay, which riffs on the likes of Asteroids and Geometry Wars while adding a few neat ideas of its own.

Download Glitchskier for iOS here

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February 2017

Splitter Critters (£2.99)

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Splitter Critters does exactly what it says on the tin. See, there are these critters, and you've got to guide them back to their spaceship by literally splitting the world around them.

It's more than a little bit similar to Lemmings. But there's nothing wrong with that because, hey, Lemmings was terrific. The difference here is that instead of trying to navigate around dangerous obstacles, you can remove them from the equation entirely by slicing up and tearing levels with a flick of your finger.

Unfortunately, just like those pesky lemmings, these critters are as hapless as they are cute, so you'll need to do all of the legwork. Typical.

Download Splitter Critters here

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A Normal Lost Phone (£2.99)

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There's a phone in your hand and it doesn't belong to you. But it's owner is long gone, so you'll need to have a quick nosey if you want to track them down.

That's the general gist of A Normal Lost Phone, an intimate narrative adventure game that morphs the decidedly mundane occurrence of stumbling upon a lost mobile into something preposterously compelling.

As you sift through the life of a complete stranger, poring over their private pictures, emails, and text messages, you'll begin to unravel a mystery that's guaranteed to tug on your heartstrings.

Download A Normal Lost Phone here

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Sky Dancer (£Free+IAP)

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Not at all based on the Elton John song of similar name, Sky Dancer is an endless runner that doesn't care about high-scores and collectibles. I mean sure, there are scores to beat and coins to collect, but this one is all about the journey, not the destination.

That's because the devs over at Pine Entertainment want to take players on a zen-inducing trip through the skies. As you soar through the air, leaping between floating islands like an expert trapeze artist, you'll feel a sense of calm wash over your body.

Indeed, It's rare for a high-score chaser to feel so gloriously liberating. So hold me closer Sky Dancer. Count the headlights on the highway.

Download Sky Dancer here

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Star Wars: Force Arena (£Free+IAP)

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The Force is with you, young Skywalker. But you are not a Jedi yet. Now you can prove old man Vader wrong by jumping into Star Wars: Force Arena and taking on other players from around the world in fast-paced real-time battles.

Like a cross between Clash Royale and every MOBA under the sun, Force Arena asks players to bring together a team of iconic Star Wars heroes or villains before throwing them into quick-fire skirmishes where the objective is to take your opponents base without surrendering yours.

It's hardly a novel concept, but Force Arena is a tight, well-oiled offering that makes good use of the Star Wars license. Now we've got that out of the way, tell me, did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the wise?

Download Star Wars: Force Arena here

Bubble Witch Saga 3 (£Free+IAP)

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Bubble Witch Saga 3 is everything you'd expect, and that's no bad thing. Especially if you're a fan of well-rounded, super slick puzzlers from the best in the business.

After all, it's no secret that developer King — you know, the studio behind a little game called Candy Crush Saga — knows how to make compelling match-3 score chasers, so it won't come as a shock when I tell you that this threequel is one of the best on the App Store.

It doesn't reinvent the wheel by any stretch of the imagination, but a few tweaks here and there, like the inclusion of new game modes and characters, help keep things interesting. Sure, it's not going to blow your mind, but it's another solid entry in an exceptional series.

The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth (£14.99)

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The definitive edition of Edmund McMillen's critically acclaimed roguelike has finally arrived on the App Store. If you already got your mitts on this one before it made the leap to mobile, you don't need me to tell you why it's a big deal.

But what if your mitts were predisposed at the time? Well, allow me to explain. The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth is a tale of sorrow and all-out- action. Poor Isaac has been locked up in a basement by his overzealous religious parents. The only way to escape? Fight your way though hordes of monsters and demonic creatures.

Randomised dungeons and permadeath means finding a way out won't be easy, but Rebirth's rapid-fire, fleet-footed gameplay turns what could be a frustrating slog into a thrill-a- minute rollercoaster ride.

Download The Blinding of Isaac: Rebirth here

Drop Flip Seasons (£Free+IAP)

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Look, just put the ball in the bucket and we can all go home for supper. It's easy. You just need to open a few gates and let your spherical companion drop to the…wait. What's that triangle doing there? Okay, just move it out of the way. Flip that isosceles. Oh, and slide over that equilateral.

That's Drop Flip in a nutshell. Like a DIY project for gravity-addicted, shape loving maniacs, BorderLeap's physic's based puzzler asks players to manipulate contraptions of all shapes and sizes with one not-so- simple aim in mind. Think putting a round object in a bucket is easy? Think again, hombre.

Download Drop Flip Seasons here

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Red's Kingdom (£1.99)

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Mad King Mac has kidnapped your dad and pinched your prized golden nut - c'mon, he called himself the "Mad King," are you really surprised? - and now it's down to you to save the day.

To do that, you'll need to step into the shoes of Red, a spritely fox with heaps of courage. Actually foxes don't wear shoes, but you get the picture.

Your quest will take your through strange lands, littered with dangerous foes, shiny collectables, and head-scratching puzzles. Can you save the day, or will you be outfoxed? Muster your courage, because it's time you found out.

Download Red's Kingdom here

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January 2017

Super Mario Run (£Free+IAP)

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It's-a-him, Mario! And he's on your smartphone for the first time ever. That's right, Nintendo made its full-fledged mobile debut (Pokemon Go was Niantic's baby) in December with the launch of Super Mario Run, but was it worth the wait?

The simple answer is, "yes." Super Mario Run is a supremely polished one-touch platformer that manages to streamline the classic Mario experience you know and love without sacrificing any of its charm. Terrific level design, compelling challenges, and uber-responsive controls ensure Nintendo's mobile transition is a call for celebration, rather than frustration.

Download Super Mario Run for iOS

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Dawn of Titans (£Free+IAP)

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You might think Dawn of Titans' biggest draws are its stunning visuals and dedication to letting giants smash things up. Okay, I'll admit, those are the cherries on top, but the real hero here is Dawn's remarkable control scheme.

All too often are mobile RTS' bogged down by dodgy controls, with most devs struggling to find a scheme that can cope with the complexity of large-scale conflicts. Dawn of Titans clears that hurdle with eye-rolling ease. Here, your units can be sent to their deaths with simple taps and swipes, and while things do get a little more complex as skirmishes wear on, generally speaking, it's a joy to behold.

If you think tactically, you'll be able to set traps and dictate the flow of battles without ever breaking a sweat, meaning you can stop worrying about finicky controls and start worrying about that titan tearing your troops limb from limb. Poor little guys.

Download Dawn of Titans

The Walking Dead: A New Frontier (£3.99)

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The third season of Telltale's critically acclaimed take on The Walking Dead has finally arrived, and while the studio has gone on to tackle a number of big name franchises like Game of Thrones and Batman in the meantime, this is the one fans have really been waiting for.

Times though, haven't changed. And as most of you will remember, when you're trying to survive the zombie apocalypse every single choice matters. Life and death are in your hands, but it's not a question of good vs. evil. It's simply a matter of how much you're willing to sacrifice to see out the day.

Buy The Walking Dead: A New Frontier for iOS

Don't Starve: Shipwrecked (£3.99)

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Just when he'd finally mastered the art of surviving in the grassy wilderness, Wilson has gone and gotten himself shipwrecked on a desert island. Will that lad ever learn? Well actually, he'd better learn fast if he's going to get out of this one.

Unlike that famous volleyball, our Wilson doesn't have a certain Tom Hanks to rely on. That means you'll need to use every ounce of wit at your disposal to keep him alive. Don't be fooled into thinking this is a tropical paradise, because behind those palm trees is a whole world of danger where everything (yes, literally everything) is trying to kill you. New seasons, new creatures, and new biomes might be the talk of the town, but it's still the same old story: do or die.

Buy Don't Starve: Shipwrecked for iOS

Galaxy on Fire 3: Manticore (£Free+IAP)

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Galaxy on Fire quickly established itself as one mobile gaming's most important standard bearers. Each entry has raised the bar, delivering experiences that some have even dared to call "console quality."

Now while I wouldn't go quite that far, there's no denying that Galaxy on Fire 3 is edging nearer to that holy grail. For starters, the game looks phenomenal. Each vast stage is filled edge-to-edge with colour and intricate detail, imbuing the universe with a genuine sense of grandiose scale. Combat is fast, responsive, and fluid. And if you're finding things a little too easy, don't forget to turn off auto-aim. Because jetting through space shouldn't be as simple as dusting crops.

Download Galaxy on Fire 3: Manticore for iOS

ShapeMe (£Free+IAP)

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ShapeMe is a balmy match-em-up from Umbrella Games that packs a surprising punch. At its core, the game is a simple geometric puzzler that asks players to merge shapes in super-quick time to blast through levels and save the dreams of a kingdom.

The story takes a backseat here, but lets face it, that's not what you're here for. What you're after is a puzzler with bite, and despite it's fluffy trappings, that's what you're going to get. It's time to shape up, or ship out.

Download ShapeMe for iOS

Apollo Justice - Ace Attorney (£Free+IAP)

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Fancy yourself as something of a legal eagle? Well, you might always win those dinner table arguments, but how'd you fare in a real courtroom? Find out by slipping on the well-polished shoes of Apollo Justice, a rookie defence attorney who's about to hit the big time.

You won't just be strutting your stuff in front of the judge, though. No, there's more to being a lawyer than fancy words and killer suits. There are crime scenes to visit, evidence to collect, and witnesses to interrogate before you even think about putting together a case. Any objections? I thought not.

Download Apollo Justice - Ace Attorney for iOS

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Bully: Anniversary Edition (£4.99)

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To celebrate the 10th anniversary of its tongue-in-cheek, schoolyard shenanigans simulator, Rockstar has given Bully a new lick of paint and slapped it on smartphones.

The Anniversary Edition features all the extra content from Bully: Scholarship Edition, improved lighting and textures, enhanced graphics, high-res support, and new multiplayer challenges. So, if you and your friends have ever wanted to find out who can dissect a frog the fastest, or take control of a flying squirrel (wait, that's not on the curriculum), now you can.

Buy Bully: Anniversary Edition for iOS

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December 2016

Don't Grind (£free + IAP)

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Picture the scene. There's a cute banana hovering above two giant buzzsaws. Its fearful, wide-eyed stare pierces your very soul. You have the power to save it. But the question is; do you?

If you're me, the answer is no. I let that banana tumble straight on down into saw town, mainly because I just wanted to see what'd happen. Following that admittedly sadistic incident, you'll be pleased to hear I did my best to save every sentient critter I came across - be it banana, pumpkin, or chicken leg.

I'd like to say my motivations were selfless. But, honestly, I was in it for the high-scores. That's right, if there's one thing I love more than animated fruit being turned to mush, it's topping leaderboards.

And the only way to get to the top in Don't Grind is by doing exactly that; saving your terrified companions from the toothy blades below. You won't always succeed, so try not to take it too hard when your digital friends get ground to a pulp. They probably had it coming.

Download Don't Grind for iOS

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Flip King (£free + IAP)

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Once Christmas has passed and New Year has left you hanging, there's not much else in the way of festive commemorations to look forward to. That's until you remember that Pancake Tuesday, more commonly (and wrongly) referred to as Shrove Tuesday is right around the corner.

And what better way to get into the Pancake spirt than by honing your flipping skills in Qwiboo's one-touch score chaser, Flip King? As simple as the name suggests, your aim is to flip, flip, and then flip some more until you become the undisputed master of the flip.

No, not the Master Flipper, but the Flip King. A title steeped in history and renown - or, at least, that's what I tell myself.

Download Flip King for iOS

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Yankai's Triangle (£2.29)

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Every triangle has three sides. So you can slap three triangles onto one triangle to get four triangles. Then you just need to, erm, take three more triangles and stick them…

Look, the more you think about Yankai's Triangle, the more confusing it gets. So I'll just say that the vibrant puzzler is a confounding and altogether mesmerising concoction pulled from the remarkable psyche of Circa Infinity creator, Kenny Sun.

The game was pitched by Sun as a love letter to those equilateral enigmas, but if that's the case, I have no idea what language it's written in. Still, just because I don't speak Triangle, it doesn't mean I can't appreciate Sun's work. And make no mistake, there's a lot to appreciate here.

In fact, I'd go as far as to suggest that Sun is quickly establishing himself as one of the App Store's master craftsmen. One glance at Yankai's Triangle should tell you that much, but the proof, as they say, is in the pudding. So go get yours.

Download Yankai's Triangle for iOS

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Icarus (£free + IAP)

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Tell me, do you recall the tale of Icarus? The young boy who attempted to escape from his island prison with wings made of feathers and wax, only to meet his fiery doom?

Ah, you do? Well I wish I hadn't mentioned it now, because it has absolutely nothing to do with PlaySide's game of the same name. But you have to admit it was a sweet intro.

In fact, serene puzzler Icarus - A Star's Journey turns the Greek myth on its head by challenging players to catapult a fallen star back to the heaven with the help of your trusty fingers. Easy, you say? Funny. That's what Icarus said.

Download Icarus for iOS

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Football Manager Mobile 2017 (£free + IAP)

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The App Store has made a new signing. Someone called F. Manager. Heard of 'em? If you have, then you don't need me to tell you that it's a name worth remembering, and that Football Manager is one of the most addictive, all-consuming games in existence.

If you've not heard the name in a while, or ever (where have you been), then allow me to briefly introduce you. Football Manager Mobile 2017 is the portable version of Sports Interactive's long-running footy management sim.

It's a detailed, deep, and rewarding title that lets you take charge of (almost) any team you can think of and guide them to the very pinnacle of world football. Fancy taking a League 2 team to the Champions League final? You can do it. Want to sign a handful of young stars for your local side and tear up the league? You can do it? Want to take charge of Leeds and get sacked in weeks? You. Can. Do. It.

Download Football Manager Mobile 2017 for iOS

Party Hard Go (£4.99)

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Have you ever been to one of those parties? You know, the one where you weren't actually invited, but you could overhear it from your bedroom so you decided to hop on over and maim every single person in attendance?

Oh yeah, me neither. But that's about to change, because butchering revellers is precisely what you'll be doing in Party Hard Go. Erm… hurray? Just make sure you don't get caught, because what you're doing isn't strictly speaking legal. In fact, it's not legal in any sense of the word.

Download Party Hard Go for iOS

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SteamWorld Heist (£7.99)

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Turn-based shoot 'em up SteamWorld Heist is a melting pot of ideas that somehow manages to strike the right balance.

You'll bump into everything from robo-pirates to starships, but at SteamWorld's core is a trickshot mechanic that imbues the game with its own unique sense of identity. What? You didn't think traipsing halfway across the universe would be easy, did you? No, you're bound to get into a scrape or two.

It's at times like that when you'll need to think outside of the box, bouncing bullets and bombs off of walls to pull off impossible, live-saving shots. And what better reward for being an upstanding pirate Captain than the respect and admiration of your clanking crew? Only kidding. There's loot. Lots and lots of loot.

Download SteamWorld Heist for iOS

F1 2016 (£7.99)

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"…and Lewis Hamilton has won the Driver's Championship for the second year in a row! Can anyone stop him?"

That's what the (former) defending champion might've heard in his dreams last week, or perhaps it was what you heard when you rewrote the history books in F1 2016.

On the surface, that's the big selling point of F1 2016: the chance to sit behind the wheel and live out your own Formula 1 fantasies. And a fleshed out career mode featuring 22 drivers, 11 teams, and the full Formula 1 circuit, means you can do exactly that.

But you'll also be doing it in style, because F1 2016 really does feel the part. Every aspect of the game has been polished to perfection, and at times I was left wondering how Codemasters managed to cram so much into a mobile game.

Download F1 2016 for iOS

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November 2016

PinOut! (£free + IAP)

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You're a mobile gamer, so you're no stranger to endless runners. But what about endless, er, pinballers?

It's not exactly a phrase that rolls of the tongue, but that's exactly what PinOut is: an never-ending journey through a neon flavoured pinball machine of seismic proportions.

Much like your classic game of pinball, the aim is simple: use a pair of paddles to keep the ball in play and amass points. The only difference here is that PinOut's digital tabletop is infinite, so you'll have to beat the clock as well as the board if you want to rack up a world-class score.

Download PinOut! for iPad and iPhone

Masky (£free + IAP)

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Guess what? You're going to the ball. And not just any ball, but the annual grand costume ball! We knew you'd be thrilled.

Actually, we should probably warn you, because there is one catch. People like to dance at this ball. At least, we assume they're people. We haven't actually seen behind their masks.

They've also got atrocious balance, which means you've been put in charge of leading the lively shindig. All you need to do is help your fellow revellers stay on their feet and everything should turn out fine. Don't worry too much about the magic masks, either. We're sure they're quite harmless…

Download Masky for iPhone and iPad

Epic Orchestra (£free + IAP)

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The golden age of rhythm gaming might've ended when the likes of Guitar Hero and Rock Band lost their star power, but there's still some life in the old dog yet.

Epic Orchestra is proof enough of that. One of the simplest rhythm games you'll ever play, the streamlined one-touch title uses four basic commands to put you in control of a charming, retro orchestra. Even on the hardest difficulty setting it's hardly taxing, but that feels like that point.

See, Epic Orchestra doesn't try and baffle you with an endless stream of overly complex instructions. Quite the contrary. It's a relaxing, zen-like experience that's more concerned with serving up tiny slices of musical escapism, and that's exactly why we love it.

Download Epic Orchestra for iPhone and iPad

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Mini Metro (£3.99)

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Anyone who's forced to catch the tube on a regular basis will know how much of a nightmare it can be. That's why there's a 100 percent chance you won't believe me when I say that a tube simulator can be…fun.

You heard me right. Mini Metro proves that the rigours of underground transport management can provide warm, fuzzy entertainment. It also proves you can create a game about inner-city infrastructure that looks and sounds stunningly beautiful.

Download Mini Metro for iPhone and iPad

Eggggg - The Platform Puker (£1.49)

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The bizarrely titled Eggggg - The Platform Puker is one of the strangest morsels I've come across in quite some time. Why? Well, as the name suggests, the game is a platformer centred around one odd mechanic: puke.

Look, I was sceptical at first. But once you get past the undeniably peculiar concept, you'll find a rewarding two-touch platformer that puts most of its competitors to shame.

As for the puke, there's a simple explanation. Gilbert - the star of this show - has a pretty visceral egg allergy. The poor guy just can't keep them down. Alas, it just so happens they give him the power he needs to survive in a world populated with angry cyborg chickens. Swings and roundabouts, really.

Download Eggggg - The Platform Puker for iPhone and iPad

Vikings: An Archer's Journey (£2.29)

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If you like your platformers with a little bit of bite, then Viking: an Archer's Journey might just be for you.

What initially looks to be a by-the-books endless runner is elevated thanks to some slick projectile combat, power-ups, and elementary platforming. It's a formula that works well, and although it's hardly overflowing with originality, it's one that's undeniably compelling.

What makes Viking's a must have is the procedural world around it, with each of its randomly generated levels sporting a gorgeous, wintery coat steeped in minimalist beauty.

Download Vikings: An Archer's Journey for iPhone and iPad

Oh…Sir! The Insult Simulator (£1.49)

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If verbal sparring and interplay, by which we mean expertly forged insults at fellow humans, is your jam, then Oh…Sir! The Insult Simulator is the game you've been waiting for.

A delightfully kooky experience that challenges players to get one over on their opponent by stringing together a series of inspired insults, Oh…Sir! truly is a game unlike any other. In fact, I don't have a single bad thing to say about it. How terribly ironic.

Download Oh…Sir! The Insult Simulator for iPhone and iPad

Level With Me (£free + IAP)

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As we all know, life is a balancing act. But it's nothing compared to the perplexing challenges found in Unept's tilting puzzler, Level With Me.

Seriously. Have you ever tried balancing bowling balls, motorcycles, dynamite, and even people using nothing but bubbles. It's pretty difficult, you know, especially when you're trying to stop a whole gaggle of humans from being blown to smithereens.

Think you're up to the task? Yeah, so did I.

Download Level With Me for iPhone and iPad

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