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feroluce · 6 days

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Belobog was my fave main quest but a lot of it is so. Contradictory. It's like they had multiple groups doing different shit and none of them checked in with each other for consistency. And you see this so much in Gepard's profile.

So in the main quest, they made him unfailingly, unquestionably loyal to Cocolia. Gepard's character arc is him learning to question authority etc etc. And this isn't even a bad thing; that's a story worth telling! It makes good conflict between him and Serval! And I love that we got Gepard as a boss battle and I get to see him all the time in SU!

But then you look at his character stories and it's like. The complete opposite.

According to his profile, Gepard has already HAD this awakening, long before the Astral Express, and he'd already decided Cocolia sucks. Even outside of his stories, there's a pretty damning readable between him and Pela.

He even disobeyed direct orders right in front of her- he has been disobeying orders for a while now!

So I've decided I'm marrying the two different sides of this into a 1.5k fic-ish thingy, because I think there's some fun potential there with Gepard not trusting Cocolia, but still having to pretend to be a good obedient little soldier.

Anyway. I love to think of it as like. Gepard knows Cocolia has sunk into her apathy. He can see it in her eyes every time he looks at her. She doesn't care. Not about him, not about Pela, not about all his soldiers on the frontlines giving their lives to protect the citizens. And that's... It makes him bristle a bit, but ok. Gepard can deal with this. Even if Cocolia no longer cares, as long as she does her job then it's fine. Having compassion behind an action doesn't matter as much as the action itself. If Cocolia's heart is no longer swayed, then he'll just have to care twice as hard to pick up the slack. He considers it part of his duty as a captain of the guard anyway. It's fine. Gepard can deal with it.

And then, Cocolia starts coming down to the restricted zone. Issuing direct orders.

And Gepard realizes he is in way over his head.

Because Cocolia orders him to stay back and issue commands from the ramparts, away from all his comrades, away from where he can protect them.

Gepard had thought nothing could be as bad as watching a fellow guard die right next to him. But the first time he watches someone struck by a killing blow, so far away, it hurts. Every defensive scar across his arms itches, his fingers curl in want of a weapon, the cold cannot numb his hands enough as they desperately ache for his shield. It hurts.

Gepard tries to find any reason to stay. Because surely... He knows Cocolia has lost her love for her people, but surely... She wouldn't...

One day, Cocolia orders for their gunners to advance 20 yards. There are no survivors. She almost looks like she smiles.

Gepard doesn't sleep that night.

Pela brings him the report at the end of the first month; and then the month after that, and the month after that. A significant uptick in losses, and all of it started on that first day Cocolia started overriding his authority and issuing her own orders. The ends of Gepard's pens have all been nearly chewed off. Pela outright calls Cocolia an idiot, and Gepard corrects her. Cocolia isn't an idiot. Gepard had known her through Serval, knew her through all her college years and then some, and he knows how intelligent she is. It's not that she's stupid, and it's not that she's inexperienced, it's nothing of the sort.

Cocolia knows exactly what she's doing.

She must, there's no way she could make such a horrible mess of things so badly by accident. And Pela, quick as a whip, sharp as a tack, always too smart for her own good, catches onto the meaning behind Gepard's correction without any further prompting. The tent goes deathly quiet, nothing but the wind howling outside.

"...She's trying to kill us," Pela whispers, her voice swiftly suffocated by the silence.

Gepard swallows. He can't bring himself to correct her this time. There is nothing he could say that he would actually mean.

His gaze drops, back down to his desk and the reports on it. The names aren't listed, just the numbers, but Gepard knows them, knew them, and there must be something wrong, something he's missing, because why, why would she-? What could this possibly accomplish-?

“Gepard! Focus!” Something snaps right under his nose, and Gepard startles, eyes instantly honing in on Pela's irritated face as she leans over his desk. She holds his gaze for a moment before she huffs and begins to pace, wedges a knuckle between her teeth and bites like Gepard hasn't seen her do since cadet school.

Pela angrily strides from one end of his tent to the other, words hissed between her grit teeth. “What are we going to do?” In the dim lighting, Gepard can just barely see the damp spot of blood weeping under her gloves. “We need a plan.”

“A plan?”

“Wh- Yes, a plan! Unless you want more people to die!” Pela rounds on him then, all the wrath of a blizzard, winds roaring and snow sharp enough to cut.

“We don't even know-”

“What does it matter?! She killed-!!” Pela cuts off with a garbled noise when Gepard leaps up from his desk, hastily shoves his hand over her mouth. The prosthetic, not the flesh one, because he knows better than to assume Pela won't seize the opportunity to leave teeth marks in his skin.

“You're right. I'm sorry, I'm sorry; you're right. But you need to keep quiet.” Pela quirks an eyebrow at him and Gepard can read the question in her face. “Because we both saw what she did to Serval,” he hisses.

It's amazing the snow plains haven't thawed out yet, the amount of heat Pela can put behind a glare. The mere mention of Serval, and the smoking ruins Cocolia had made of her life and career, have her bristling up like a riled cat. The sudden hot breath she takes fans fog across his metal skin, and Gepard wisely keeps it in place until Pela finally sighs and reaches up, taps her fingertips against the back of his hand.

The second she's free, Pela bats him away and then her knuckle is right back between her teeth again, Gepard leaning back against his desk with his arms crossed to watch her resume her pacing. “If we spread the word, she'll have us discharged and make sure we can't even touch the frontlines,” Pela's voice seethes like an open sore. Gepard nods but keeps his silence. He knows better than to get in her way.

“And if you and I are both out of the picture, Belobog is fucked.” A little harsher than how he would have put it, but there's no denying that they're both important to the city's survival. Pela has the restricted zone running as efficiently as ever, and Gepard had become the youngest captain on record for a reason. “We need to keep this tight under wraps, at least for now… It can't leak to anyone higher up the chain.” Another nod. “Serval might know other discontents…” Another n-

Gepard's head snaps up. “No.”

“No what?”

“No. We're not involving Serval in this.”

Somehow, even the same tone that leaves entire squadrons shaking in their boots has never worked on her. “You're not deciding that for her, Gepard.”

Pela hadn't seen the worst of it, though, back when his sister had just been banned from the Architects. Serval's pride hadn't allowed it. Pela wasn't the one to find her passed out bottle still in hand, hadn't been the one to wash the sick out of her hair or carry her to bed.

Serval still has trouble thinking clearly when it comes to Cocolia, still can't quite bring herself to be objective. And Gepard maybe doesn't want her to be purely objective- but he would worry a lot less if she thought twice before she acted more often.

“At least let me be the one to bring it up to her.”

“Whatever, fine,” Pela gestures affirmatively at him as she paces past, and Gepard sighs. Good, at least that's one thing he can help.

From there, it's a lot of hemming and hawing and frustration. Cocolia has them under her boot, and Gepard and Pela both know it. Even with the way she's been cracking down on freedoms lately, Cocolia is still, overall, liked by the people. It's unlikely anyone would believe them. They don't even have solid proof, because most people don't know Cocolia as well as they do and won't see the clues in the same light.

The Fragmentum has been ramping up in recent years, too. Everyone is struggling just to survive as is, they can't afford a fight on two fronts. Gepard is a damn good captain, one of the best for that matter. But they're at a massive disadvantage, his experience is narrowed to fighting a defensive battle against monsters, that's all he's ever done. That's all anyone there has ever done. He has no way of finding first-hand knowledge for taking the offensive against a human opponent, and if he goes at this blind, there's no way he'll get everyone out unscathed. He's going to lose people. He's going to lose a lot of people.

He'd never thought before that Cocolia would have it in her to have someone killed. And with this new knowledge, he has no guarantee she won't go after Serval or Lynx if she decides to retaliate.

Gepard has to remind himself to breathe when he realizes this.

Pela writes down every name the two of them can come up with. Lists and lists of names and groups and anyone they can think of who might be an ally in all of this. They memorize every bit of it, make their plans of who to talk to and when. Gepard watches the sparks reflect off Pela's glasses as they burn the evidence together.

Pela finally leaves, far too late to make it home, but says she wants to stay in the restricted zone anyway to investigate. Gepard watches her make her way in the direction of Dunn's tent, watches her back until she's out of his sight and squashes down the urge to follow and keep an eye on her. His tent feels empty.

In the morning, Gepard is up before the wake up bells. He drags himself out of bed, leads his soldiers through their morning training. The same people gravitate to each other everyday. Friend groups and training partners. There's an ongoing rivalry between a few squadrons that everyone bets on. Some of them have lockets around their necks, keepsakes, mementos. Some of them wear wedding rings.

Gepard is suddenly, painfully aware of something acidic clawing at the inside of his throat, of a heavy weight low in his chest that blooms, takes up room until it threatens to spread his ribs. His mouth tastes of bile and blood.

He rearranges the schedules. Puts himself down for every open patrol into the Fragmentum, makes sure he'll be on the frontlines every single time Cocolia visits.

He only hopes that it's enough.

#honkai star rail #gepard landau #hsr gepard #pelageya sergeyevna #hsr pela #hsr #smacking Gepard out of Hoyo's hands and running off with him skzjmdkd #tentatively Figuring Out how to write these two... It feels a little tricky starting out with extreme circumstances like this haha #I feel like a lot of people see Gepard as naive for trusting Cocolia so much but I don't think that's quite it. He's not stupid.#He's not even naive.#He's someone who has been groomed since birth by his own parents to be an obedient Guard and nothing outside of that role.#You are not immune to propaganda etc etc #But even then there are a lot of things like all the included screenshots where he. Doesn't actually seem to like/trust Cocolia much.#I think Serval was a really good influence on him as a kid. He might have turned out much much worse without her.#and even with how I've written him here. I don't think he's normally slow to act or one to stand aside and make other people lead.#it's just that this specifically was a pretty extreme circumstance for him.#and also he openly states elsewhere that Pela is overbearing and he tries not to interfere with her work whenever possible nskzhdjdjd #Pela too. I don't know that I normally see her as someone with a bad temper or quick to anger.#But again; extreme circumstances haha #Bc like. they both would have seen what happened to Serval when she stood up to Cocolia. they know damn well what's going to happen to them.#if they fuck this up and get caught then they're done.#and I mean. What are they supposed to do? they're two people against the highest authority of the entire nation.#regardless I do love Gepard agonizing over this in the future after Bronya takes over and everything has settled down #did he do the right thing? did he make the right choice? if he went vigilante how many soldiers would have died without his protection?#would Belobog have fallen completely? how many people died because he DIDN'T run away? was it actually enough?#I love characters forced between a rock and a hard place. no good options. pick your poison.#no winning- only weighing what you can and cannot bear to lose.#make your choice and decide whether you want to rot or to burn.

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obsob · 1 year

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with th edition of my new man im happy to report my frog family is thriving

#barks #OAIAUAUAGWISVDLSBDWHDJ #BAKRBAKRBAKBARBARK BARK #im. i cannot believe how good he is #PEAK physical condition #this is what men should look like #anyway im normal #he was my frog allowance for th month....will have to wait....until may....#i also have a blue build a bear frog called Big Man but he lives at my bfs house bc i find sleeping #in other peoples houses Alarming but not...if Big Man is there

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askblueandviolet · 5 months

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(my gmail is used but im on friend's account right now) hey Macaque, what do u think of Shadowpeach? me personally, i do not think u would be attracted to Wukong and nor would he be attracted to u, because he killed u once (really sorry about that :( have a plushie and some malai tea :) ) and u tried to harm him and MK too once (that was pretty mean not going to lie, but i get why u did it so don't worry! :) )

(also, i have a character in my mind too; she is named 'Lola' and is a waitress at a cafe, and is a white bunny born mute and with no mouth but can control light like Macaque can control shadows, and Lola thinks Macaque is really super duper cool so she peeks out the window to see him so she can try to befriend him with giving him flowers and seeing him smile! she is shy so she only peeks a little, but, she is really sweet, so i hope Macaque gets to meet Lola (i want him to have someone sweet in his life, he seems like he deserves it, and very sorry if i come off as weird) )

MASTER POST

Asks Start 💙💜🩷

Previous 💙💜

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#lego monkie kid #lego monkie kid fanart #monkie kid #monkie kid fanart #lmk #lmk fanart #monkie kid macaque #lmk macaque #blue and violet #because you didnt specify what type of plushie I had to make it the most bland looking plushie in existence #but the plushie ended up turing out to look like quite the silly fella #I won't lie buddy your Lola fella seems so have some stalker traits/j #Macaque does not know what shadowpeach is #and yeah he does not like Wukong #come on guys this is a shadowpuppet account LMAO-#macaque might low-key reminisce on the good old times but that is the most it will ever go #and even that is stretching it #bear in mind that this is still post season three and pre season four #all of those shadowpeach moments hasn't happened yet #those two dumbass monkeys barely tolorate each other #anyways Macaque is a little creeped out by Lola but honestly he'll be like that with anyone who is peaking through his window #I humbly accept your apology for being weird because honestly who isn't at this point :)))#if you wanted me to add Lola to the Blue and Violet story then I am sorry to say that I cannot do such a thing #the story is far too condensed as it is right now and adding a new character to give more focus-#-isn't going to make the story any easier to digest

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l0gitex · 1 year

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normal normal normal it’s normal we’re normal and it is fine. lookat my tags boy.

#gaalee #naruto #gaara #rock lee #so okay #first of all shoutout twinvenus my other half and i are the master geniuses of gaalee worlds #okay=?#so #our shared truth of our beautiful minds abt these two is #gaara begins to feel shit and for one he cannot process it for two he cannot [normal-style] express it #so what ends up happening #because hes gaara and hes fucking strange #is he does just some absolute WEIRD intense almost threatening shit #wordlessly #jut like this and the post twinvenus made u know the ones #its literally such strange shit it is impossible to mention for lee or anyone that happens to be unfortunate enough #to bear witnss #(definitely happens that kankuro and/or tenten do btw. many times.)#it jsut keeps happening #gaara gets normal on this once they are like Actually 'Close' bc he gets the closeness in a regular way but #for aa long time before #its just #this #oaky?#thanks #now bye #wait one more thing gaara has 0 thoughts in that head of his ANY OF THE TIMES he does these things #he does not thnk about it in the slightest before during or after or ever #he just does.#no think.

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lyhil · 7 months

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OC-tober 22 - "The All Seeing Eye of The Commander's Shadow"

Meisi belongs to @cheddargoblin

(tyvm tucking him into my pocket)

#gw2 #bweirdoctober #guild wars 2 #gw2 oc #others ocs #asura #gw2 asura #art #RRRAAAARGHHHHHH MEISI #i fucking........i'm gripping him in my fist so so so tightly #to be the mastermind helping the commander #to have that work relationship slowly erode your friendship with them #but i'll still be loyal and stand by your side and move you in the logical direction #i'll do what you cannot even if i'm starting to lose understanding of why #i cant let you go i wont bear to let you go i will keep moving you forward long after you've wanted to give up #shaking and trembling #also the fact he can see ghosts is SO COOL its so cool #SORRY i did totally just go and add an eye effect bc i thought it would suit him lmfao #i thought it would be sick if he had a cool eye effect if he ever purposely channeled or tried to seek a ghost out or smth....#just know i'll be eagerly sitting and absorbing everything you post about him #HOPE U LIKE THIS...SORRY I GAVE HIM A FANG BC I THOUGHT IT WAS CUTE #<- tags from a week ago

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oldhabitsdiescrming · 1 month

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while i'm on my soapbox, let me say one more thing.

i see the critique of 'you sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days'. i have seen every variation of complaint about this line specifically. how dare she criticize him for being mentally ill? (nevermind that the same was immediately done for her.) how dare she leave him just because he was depressed? how dare, how dare, how dare?

and i just, i think it's telling in many ways. as someone with depression/someone who has recently gone through a year-long depressive episode, i think this is severely taken out of context. the beginning of the song even includes a piece of that puzzle- i stopped tryna' make him laugh. the chorus asking how much sadness he believed she had in her, the multiple mentions of her bearing the weight. i've been on that side of this dynamic as well, that realization that someone you care about is hinging their happiness and healing on you. you have to bear the brunt of this because they, through no fault of their own, have settled into a fog.

it's already difficult enough of a situation, knowing this loved one is depending on you, but when you struggle with depression yourself? when you're hinging every day on being what this specific person needs to feel like they have something real to hold onto? there comes a certain point where, if you don't leave, you're going to lose yourself. you're never selfish for choosing yourself. depression looks different for everyone, and sometimes it does have that dangerous lead into dependency. you have to realize when you're breaking yourself with the same tools you're using to build them up. you just have to.

#tate.txt #taylor swift #let me be clear: if this was her stating she left him SOLELY BECAUSE he was depressed then that would be entirely different #but their situation was obviously incredibly complex. the lyrics of that song do show the weight of bearing what the other person needs #and disregarding how much you're falling apart until it's too late #stop villainizing people for taking care of themselves for fucks sake.#AND WHILE I'M AT IT.#she has every right to be angry that he put that weight on her.#that shit is traumatic.#you cannot hinge your happiness on other people and expect them to remain unscathed.#you can spend years shattering yourself so you can build this one person back up. those are years you won't get back.#it's okay to be angry while simultaneously understanding that no one is truly the worst in the situation.

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humanveil · 5 months

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discussion topic: dean winters comes back to cameo. on a scale of 1 to 10 what is the animosity level btwn brian and elliot

#need to know if i'm alone in thinking that it wouldnt be as explosive as fics make it out to be #terminal svu brainrot #like okay yeah yeah. I Get It. but also.#what reason does elliot have to resent brian other than misplaced self-hatred #assume they see each other. Assume Elliot Knows. yes i imagine he's pissed but is all that anger not directed at himself first #the girlies love a fist fight & okay yeah it Could be fun BUT. is brian not a stand in for himself?#would elliot not be hurting brian in lieu of hurting himself #is brian's hypothetical animosity not born from feeling defensive of LIV #lasting remnants of resentment because HE was there HE was with her at her lowest and he KNEW he wasnt who #she really wanted but he did it anyway because he loved her. he really did love her!#idk. i dont think they'd be friendly exactly #but i struggle to always buy the extreme hostility #like they're meatheads but also they are standing there tense as fuck gritting their teeth trying to rein it in for liv's sake #also cannot believe im saying this but i think there is a level of maturity w brian with this specific issue.#like he lived with elliot as the third person in his relationship the same way kathy lived with olivia as the third to her marriage #this is the man who was THERE who helped clean up her apartment and sat in that court room and told her she was the love #of his life and then followed it with 'you were never going to bear your soul to me'#like. do you get it. or is my memory of 2.0 that poor that i am wildly misreading the sitch

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corvidclub · 4 months

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Ok so ik that fanfiction often requires characters to act ooc but I've seen multiple (tbf like 3) accidental pregnancy fics in the bear tag....and I just want to have my own 'he wouldn't fucking say that moment' and say that there is not a single universe in which Sydney Adamu would ever carry an unwanted pregnancy to term. If the concept of abortion didn't exist my girl would invent it to not have to do that shit lol.

#like carrying her flaky coworker/boss's baby as a starless 20 something chef living with her dad? no way could that ever be her #I don't even necessarily view syd as consciously childfree or anything #more like kids literally cannot and will not exist in her mental conception until she has achieved her chef goals and owns property #also like ik ppl generally portray syd as the somewhat normal one while carm is completely detached from normalcy #but I think he's wayyy better with kids than syd is like #his childhood was obviously terrible but he grew up with siblings and all the neighborhood kids like claire tiff and the faks #so I think he has some mental conception of standard kid things even if basic/dated like ketchup and ghostbusters #whereas syd just had her dad and maybe grandparents and probably felt the need to grow up super fast after her mom died #and was the precocious and responsible kid that teachers loved but the other kids thought was weird/annoying #and has no idea what is normal for any given age #like don't get me wrong carm is also bad at taking care of kids due to being seemingly the youngest in the entire family until eva #but I think he can tell the difference between like a 5 vs a 8 year old whereas syd cannot #the bear #m.text

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keingleichgewicht · 1 year

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YET ANOTHER [very funny] / [deeply sad] dichotomy in how hua cheng is pleasantly, openly, immediately willing to resort to bloody murder* if anybody says anything remotely cruel or derisive about xie lian in his presence (*if murder would be inconvenient e.g. if it would make xie lian sad, then he will also settle for being the pettiest bitch imaginable forever); on one hand i have not stopped laughing about the image of xie lian napping on hua cheng's shoulder and hua cheng unflinchingly giving everybody in the room the "If You Wake Him Up I'll Fucking Kill You" evil eye the whole time; on the other hand it stands in vicious contrast to xie lian's own utter disregard for what is said about him, or how he is treated, or for his own health or safety or dignity point-blank, and what is hua cheng's protectiveness if not a move of desperation, because when it's other people he can at least do something about it, but when xie lian starts saying these things about himself, well then,

#tgcf #tgcf lb #it speaks #xie lians constantly nonchalantly putting himself in the path of danger he dismisses his own pain thoughtlessly he says #things like oh dont worry im not scared of drowning yes i dont have any spiritual power but ive drifted on water for months #at a time plenty of times before lol!!!!! not like its gonna kill me!!!!#and every time you can feel the pressure on hua chengs poor broken heart cranking up horribly because he really cannot #fucking bear to hear it but he also really really does not know what to do about it. if its other people then you can beat them up!#which thank god hes really good at! but when its xie lian himself saying these things with the usual bright unfading ^_^ smile on his #face thinking nothing of it. Well Then What #what can you do about it. how can you survive it. im just saying i think its very justifiable that hes a little unhinged on the subject

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revengesworn · 8 months

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so i know i asked you all if i should post about the ending but in the end I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF, I'M SORRY, tr ending discussion under the cut

as a summary of my previous thoughts on the ending... my number one problem with it has always been the lack of an explanation for how mikey/takemichi managed to leap back in time together. to me, this makes it seem like they just got lucky that the leap worked at all, which ruins the theme of "you shouldn't take on your burdens alone/rely on your friends a little."

the reason it ruins it is because it comes across as like... mikey was right to push everyone away, because when he finally gave into his impulses and trusted takemichi like he told him to, he LITERALLY KILLED TAKEMICHI. and it was seemingly just luck that they both managed to go back??

i have, however, had thoughts since then which make the ending work a bit more for me personally. mostly, that the reason the curse was broken/they were able to go back was still ultimately a direct result of mikey deciding to trust takemichi/breaking the mindset of "i have to take everything on alone." specifically, in part because he trusted takemichi to save him and "gave into" the dark impulses, but mostly because in the moment takemichi was dying, he begged him to come back. basically he was asking takemichi for help; asking him to prove his beliefs right - that mikey should and can rely on others, and that it's okay to do so. basically i'm trying to help the ending to make thematic sense (to me), is the idea.

now... that's interpretation of the final leap is kind of a stretch. and not really stated or implied in canon, unfortunately. BUT i do think there's some symbolism to support it, like the heavy emphasis placed on mikey's tears that are implied to play a reason in why the leap worked (at least that's what it looked like to me??). mikey has been set up as a character who believes that crying is weakness, so seeing him openly cry represents the shedding of that belief/being willing to ask for help.

but anyway i've said all this before, so what are my new thoughts? well, not much tbh WHOOPS but in the past, i interpreted the dark impulses as being a result of not the curse on shinichiro/karma directly - the punishment for THAT was shinichiro's death at kazutora's hands. instead, mikey's DI are more a circumstantial result of him having been dead in the previous timeline.

and also in the past, i said that the DI appear due to his desire to not rely on others, and are therefore broken when he admits he needs help. i still hold to that, but now i also really like the idea of like... they also come about as a result of him believing he doesn't deserve to be saved, & that he can't be saved?? and therefore it's not just him admitting he needs help that breaks the curse - but also him admitting that he wants to be saved at all. maybe even coming to believe that he deserves it, or at least that he wants a future with everyone.

after all, he DID technically manage to save everyone (but himself) in the bonten timeline. it's not just that he needs help because he can't save everyone by himself. it's also that he needs help so that he can save himself, too, and that he deserves to be a part of that happy future he created for everyone as well.

does that... make sense?? at all?? lmao i feel like it's a meaningful distinction a bit, but idk if i phrased it in a way that makes that clear or that is indeed coherent at all. regardless though. those are my ending headcanons. but god i wish wakui implied all this a little more than what we got KSJFHDSKF

#ooc #headcanons.#ending talk.#but also!! it's not just takemichi who saved mikey! everyone else did too!#without relying on the whole of the new tokyo manji gang takemichi wouldn't have been able to do what he did.#similarly #mikey did manage to protect everyone! he's not as weak/powerless as he might fear he is. BUT.#being protected alone isn't what would make everyone happy. to save EVERYONE; he needed to rely on others.#to save himself; he couldn't bear everyone's burdens alone. only by admitting he needed help could everyone be saved in the end.#...i'll admit i'm biased in that i like to emphasise how mikey did still manage to protect everyone in the bonten timeline #because otherwise his lack of agency / the feeling that he never got to achieve anything just makes me so damn sad #but yeah!! the message is “rely on your friends.” both because you CAN'T take everything on alone.#but also because you DESERVE to have help too!! etc.#i've said my piece i'm so sorry i literally cannot help myself #apologies for mostly just repeating what i've already said in other posts. lmao

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dutybcrne · 9 months

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Prior to falling into the Abyss, Ajax had always been a rather fussy eater, at times only ever willingly eating select fruits, fish ( either simply in fillets or sometimes in crepes ) or deruny his mother would make because he just couldn’t stand everything else. To her worries, this even continued well into his older years too, even if he did slowly start coming to terms with other foods when she’d worked to adjust them so he could eat them a lot more comfortably.

After he’s fallen into the Abyss, he seemingly did a complete 180, to his parents’ surprise. From then on would not only eat all the foods he used to hate and even new ones he’d never had before, but he WILL finish everything on his plate, and without complaint. While his father took this with full relief, his mother still couldn’t help but worry about what that meant for her poor boy.

#hc; tartaglia #//Not counting desserts as Food-Food—a lot of though he could stand; easy #//But others he REALLY needed to warm up to #food ment tw #//His pickiness did not change; mind you #//His mother was right to worry Something was up #//There are still many foods he cannot STAND bc the textures or tastes are just Hell #//But bc of his time in the Abyss; he will habitually choke it all down regardless; & make it V hard to tell how unpleasant it rlly Was #//Bc down there; he did NOT have the luxury of being too choosy. Skirk made him WELL aware of that. Carried right into his present day #//signs are all subtle; a fist might be pressed against his thigh or the tabletop if it really bothers him though; he can’t hide that #//Or have the slightest grimace as he chews/swallows; but that only someone LOOKING for it or who knows him V well can pick out #//Sometimes he might even feel sick/queasy after bc it was just so unpleasant to him #//But he’ll try his hardest to not actively hurl—can’t WASTE food after all #//What would his master think?#//Certain other foods like soups and meat dishes he could bear after his mother made the adjustments for him #//He is forever grateful she genuinely took the time to work around his sensory needs/tastes #//Loves her very much; misses her food so so much too #//Chef Mao is near the only other person whose foods he’d eat without complaints—esp since the man also made an effort to accommodate him #//Bc he happened to notice Taru’s subtle reactions to his food and pried the truth out of him with genuine interest and care #//He deffo became a VERY hearty tipper at the Wanmin Restaurant while all was well; was a bit sad things Soured bc of his stunt with Osial #//He can cook for himself decently well; but not Truly to his own liking—not entirely. It frustrates him greatly #//If Traveler were to become one of those people who can cook to suit him bc they cared enough to learn? He might just marry them; lmao #//Jkjk #//Or am I #disordered eating tw #//Tagging jic

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s4pphoiduser · 1 year

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microdosing coming out by macrodosing "ooo i wanna look Just Like Him. HIM. HE HIM HIM HIM. JUST LIKE HIM." like oh look at the broad shoulders and wide, flat chest. oh, oh, so interesting, isn't it? wouldn't it be fun if i were a guy? imagine That!

#me randomly throughout the day: [showing a picture of some guy] don't you think it'd be so nice if i looked JUST LIKE HIM? hehe #being trans is fun #incoming in the tags:#dysphoria #sometimes i feel like maybe im not actually trans and that im just ~an imposter~ because it's ''''''trendy''''''#and then i remember that i literally cannot bear calling myself a girl + my chest makes me so.... [no words for it] +#everytime i have to accept what i have DOWN THERE whenever i pee or like idk put on underwear i have to like.#pretend that i dont know what what i have is and that i am a small child again who does not know that people have different parts #until like. halfway through last year i thought everyone wanted to be out of the skin they were born in. i thought it was a normal thing #brought on by puberty.#and i also thought that maybe i just felt that way because i didn't look ~conventionally attractive~#but then i started ~working on myself~ and changing these things and i still couldn't stand the fact that this was my skin.#that i couldn't tear it away so i could finally be ~real~#i remember that i was watching a video and i thought he looked cool but at the same time the voice in my head that was like #'you want to look like THAT so bad and that's going to k ill you' and i had to pause the video and look away for a sec because #i couldn't accept that i just didn't look like that....#like yeah dude. you're trans #not 'not like other girls' in a pick me way but 'not like other girls' in that im a guy and feel incredibly alien in my body #sorry i started talking about all that. i'll tag it no worries

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nothazellevesque · 3 months

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a man self immolated in front of the israeli embassy in washington dc yesterday. not just any man. an active member of the us air force. he live streamed his death, and said that he refused to be complicit in a genocide any longer. he said that compared to what palestinians were facing every day, setting himself alight was nothing.

let me reiterate. an active duty air force member burned himself alive because he was so disgusted by what the us government was openly supporting. he live-streamed his own suicide, so the whole world could bear witness as a man in his military uniform set himself on fire to protest his government’s complicity in the horrors that we have all been forced to watch happen in real time. he became a new horror. footage of the immolation blurs him out the moment the fire catches, but you can hear him. it is over in seconds, really, but you can hear him screaming. he shouts “free palestine” until his body physically cannot make any sounds other than guttural screams of agony. and then he falls silent. a police officer arrives and points a gun at his still burning body, shouting at him to get down on the ground. and it is over.

his name was Aaron Bushnell. he was twenty five years old. and he isn’t here anymore because the political ruling class has decided that genocide is perfectly fine as long as it preserves imperialism. in the coming days, people will try to discredit him. to say that he was mentally unstable. they will try to bury his actions to save face and defend israel’s propaganda. do not let them. aaron knew what he was doing. he knew what he was doing when he put on his military uniform, set up his twitch stream, and made his final walk up to the embassy. he knew what would happen to him when he flicked that lighter. do not let them forget. aaron’s blood is on the hands of the political ruling class.

#free palestine #free gaza #from the river to the sea palestine will be free #Aaron bushnell #aaron’s livestream likely made it so much harder to bury this like the media did to the last person who self immolated #the least we can do is not forget him #gaza strip #gaza #palestine

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inkskinned · 11 days

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it's because the bear wouldn't kill me just for being a woman. the bear doesn't kill me for fun. the bear can be shouted at, and will leave me alone. the bear won't make a tiktok complaining about how i crossed to the other side of the path when i saw him coming. if a bear kills me, it's just being a bear: it cannot understand logic. it is not acting out of malice - just fear or hunger.

bell hooks once wrote about how porches might be the only outside space left for women - it is still the domain of the house while it is also outside-but-safe. when i am in the woods, i am in the bear's home, and he has a right to defend his property. outside spaces - anywhere at night, certain parks in the day - those are often implicitly "owned" by men. i cannot explain the feeling of knowing when you have entered a man's "territory." you walk into a place and just know you are in their space. you get a sick sense - you're in danger.

the other day a group of about 8 men were fooling around in the woods while i walked my dog. i had to go around, take the extra 3 miles just to avoid them. it's okay, i like walking. this wasn't even a #feminism moment. it was just a tuesday.

what a plain and easy question. only one of the situations is seen as a tragic accident. i would rather die and have a park bench erected in my honor rather than have my family questioned about why they let me, an adult, walk in the woods in the first place when i should really be at home in the kitchen.

i worked in retail and food service. i have had women say and do absolutely heinous and abusive things to me - not because i was a woman, but because i was there, and they were angry. the way men treated me when angry was different - it was because i was a woman. you can always feel the difference, how there's an undertone of i'd hurt you worse if i could get away with it. i keep seeing people try to cite stupid statistics. why is there always a strange rage whenever women agree on things? like men can argue their way out of our lived experiences? it isn't a buzzfeed quiz - which of these traumas are you? 10 super cute ways not to fear strange men.

i have actually (thrice!) seen a bear in the wild, by the way. i died each time, obviously, and am a ghost writing to you. (it was scary but completely and utterly fine). the second encounter was a black bear with her cub. she looked at me like - do we have to do this or are we good? my dog was busy sniffing a bush, completely nonreactive. i felt like i was in a sitcom: feminist poet reacts - does she actually mean she'd choose the bear? my only thought was - she's so beautiful. her paws are massive.

and there's a part of me that feels the rage spinning out in a corner. why do we have to come up with quippy little comments in order to teach men empathy. would you rather die in a car accident or due to a mugging? and would you rather your house burn down due to an electrical fire or due to arson? gee willikers - it's almost like we're human people, and want to risk the accident versus the intention.

i would rather my last thought be oh shit, a bear rather than i'm a person too. why doesn't that matter? why don't you care?

#writeblr #warm up

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gaysindistress · 3 months

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Things that I feel like would happen when you’re in a relationship with Simon Riley.

Simon Riley masterlist

1. First off he hates the word ‘boyfriend’.

Maybe it’s because he’s in his mid thirties or something but he can’t stand being called your boyfriend. He’s more than that but also not at the same time. You live together, have access to each other’s bank accounts (which is only because he hates it when you try to fight him about him giving you money), and you’re each others emergency contact. He thinks of himself as your husband. The man wears a silicone ring when he’s home and a necklace with the ring that’s totally not a wedding band when he’s working. Price has seen the chain once or twice and smirks, shooting him a knowing look but never says a word.

Simon cannot stand it when people get nosy and want to know what your relationship status is. You’re together and that’s all that matters. No one needs to know that you’re the beneficiary of his will and life insurance policy or that he’s put you on all of his accounts. No one needs to know that he buys you anything you want but has only ever bought you two rings; a thin gold band with a flower engraved on it and its twin a matching emerald ring. No one needs to know that when he gifted them to you, there were tears and promises of safety, love, and happiness whispered against feverish skin. No one needs to know that he has your name woven into his chest tattoo.

No one needs to know any of that because your relationship is between him and you only.

2. You are not some submissive little house wife. You are a strong independent woman and he prefers it that way.

I know this one goes against what most people say but hear me out on this. Simon has been independent since birth practically. He’s only had himself to count on for years. Even in the military, he’s only been able to rely himself. Sure the others watch out for him but if it came down to it, he’s the only one who’s going to get himself out alive.

The thought of someone else relying on him in that way is terrifying. He can’t even fathom what it would be like to look at another person and fully trust them in that way. Half the time he feels like he can’t even be trusted to take care of himself let alone another human. In theory a sweet docile housewife is great with the meals and clean house but not for him. He needs to know that you can hold your own. He needs to know that you can be independent and carry on without him if something happened while he was working. He needs to know that you will be okay if he doesn’t come back.

You have to be okay without him no matter how much it pains him to think about it.

Like I said before, he’s made you the beneficiary of everything so he knows you’ll be set financially but that’s not enough. He’s made Price promise to keep an eye out for you. He’s made you promise to let Price do that and you agreed because it’s Simon who’s asking but you’d tell anyone else to fuck off.

In addition to all of that, he’s installed the best security system the government has to offer in your house. You have a very expensive and large safe in your shared closet that he’s instructed you to only open if you feel unsafe. While you might not like it, you agree to go shooting with him so he can sleep at night knowing that you could protect yourself if he’s not home. He’s gone as far as to make sure you have all of the licenses and certificates that are needed to legally own firearms in the UK.

He’s not leaving any opportunity for you to be vulnerable or have your ‘safety checks’, as he calls them, taken away.

3. Simon Riley is a godless man…until he meets you.

Now this is entirely my own headcannon with no evidence to support it so bear with me.

Simon had a shitty childhood where his mom would pray to a god who never listened and his dad would shout verses at him when he was drunk. God was a mythical figure that he was told stories off with nothing to show for it. He did believe at one point but then his dad never got better, his mom wore bruises of every shade, and his brother found comfort in drugs.

He found himself praying when he was being tortured by the Mexican cartel. Between the flashbacks of his abusive past, he prayed to a god who had failed him so many times before to help him. He prayed again as he dug himself out of that Texas grave with the major’s jaw bone. He wailed his prayers when he found his family executed after Sparks tried to kill him.

After that he deemed himself a Godless man. Years of praying had passed with nothing. This god had decided that Simon was not worthy of a miracle so why would he continue to worship him?

That was until he met you. He finds himself praying before every mission, every time he has to leave you, every time he’s on his way home, and just about any other time he thinks of you. He doesn’t know what exactly he’s praying for other than for you to be there when he gets back.

He whispers his prayers to an absent god against your skin as he worships your body, soul, and heart. He promises to be devoted to you until his last breath and vows to find you again in whatever afterlife awaits you. He pledges to find solace in you and only you when his haunting nightmares return. He makes an oath to your heart that it will never weather another storm alone again for his will take whatever beating that comes your way. He shows you that he will love you in the same manner as a Hozier song; putting you above all else because you have become his religion, his faith, his beliefs, his life.

You have become all that he is and he thanks the god he once believed in for you. He prays again but to you, his heart, his love, and his beacon through the enteral storm of life.

#simon riley x you #simon ghost x reader #simon riley x female reader #simon riley imagine #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley #ghost imagine #ghost call of duty #ghost x reader #ghost cod #ghost #ghost x female reader

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