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theleafunderneath · 6 months

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dear you,

Dating you was probably the biggest personal mistake i have made in the past year. allow me to explain, it’s apparent just how much i liked you. I even believed the thought i was “in love” with you, regretfully so. Im writing this letter to you just so i can really, and i mean REALLY, move on with myself. Will you ever read this? no idea. maybe when we graduate. well anyways, i just wanted to say that you really hurt me. In our relationship i had put in so much effort and you led me on to believe you were truly in love with me. Oh boy was i naive to think that. Am i still angry at you? most definitely not by the time you read this letter. however i had suffered through so much emotional turmoil and putting in so much effort into a relationship that never worked out. Solely because you didn’t really like me. I understand that you’re inexperienced, because yOu mEn don’t think of emotions as often as uS wOmeN dO!!!1!1! I had tried to be so understanding to it, yet to no avail there was no compromise. I was so incredibly frustrated and i had always told myself i needed to completely see it from your view. However i had believed you truly liked me from the beginning which was where i had gone wrong from the start. You never liked me beyond a platonic way, and that is not a bad thing. I just wish i knew that before i had given you my heart. because it really hurt. it hurts when you give your heart believing you could trust somebody with it and it simply gets put aside. I know i shouldn’t have taken this as seriously as i did, but embarrassingly enough, i really did think you were somebody worth fighting for. I’m sorry i’m overwhelming in terms of emotions, and I’m sorry that i wasn’t enough to have you want to stay. At the very beginning i had always tried to grow up and be mature. I worked so hard to be somebody that my boyfriend would be proud to have as his lover, but its not worth much if there was no romantic connection to begin with, is it? I really tried to mend it all, and come to a compromise. However looking at it now, it’s obvious you never valued me enough to consider a compromise. It’s just a shame how much i truly believed that it would work between us, because i was willing to change at the drop of a hat to make it work with you. It doesn’t matter how much work i would’ve put in though because it only ever mattered how much you wanted, in your heart, to put in. Well, regardless, it was “worth the shot” wasnt it? Actually, i really dont think so. I wish we just stayed friends like your heart was comfortable with. I wish denys and mark never pushed us together, because i really believe that was the downfall. Not to toot my own horn, but if there was even the CHANCE that you could have ever truly liked me back romantically, it should’ve been happening organically and through your own real feelings. Note that to the next poor sap who has to be your girlfriend. This whole thing was never truly from YOUR heart. I’m sure you just didn’t understand that, which is also okay. This is the real reason as to why i regret dating you. Well honestly, for as little as i may have resented you in the past for treating my feelings so lightly, those negative feelings still happened unfortunately! So maybe not the “only” reason, but the real reason i regret it, is solely because i can’t believe i lost an amazing friend in such a short amount of time. None of this would have happened if we never dated in the first place. I was so satisfied simply being your friend and i respected your boundaries for me to give up on my feelings. Then, an amazing friendship that lasted the past 3 years of my life, just gone. I just really wish we stayed friends. Since our break up, I distanced myself because of how much it hurt and sometimes it still does. Though, I’m sure by the time this letter gets out, i will have surely gotten over you. If we ever become as good of friends ever again, awesome. If not, thats okay too. There is not a doubt in my mind that God has a better plan for the both of us. So, thank you for everything.

with platonic love,

me.

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