softjaspers

[softjaspers]

okay wait- i just went through my inbox and knowing people still love some of my work?? BESTIES- I promise ill write at some point, dont know when, but i will :))) and it will be so much better than anything else from before- my skills have evolved so much since my last fic 

Have i been dead? Yes. Am i sorry? also yes. Have i been writing for twilight? no. have i looked back at my old writings and thought of them as nowhere near as good as what my writing skills have evolved to in recent times? Yes, oh fuck yes i have.

Im currently screaming and crying over it.

[softjaspers]

Have i been dead? Yes. Am i sorry? also yes. Have i been writing for twilight? no. have i looked back at my old writings and thought of them as nowhere near as good as what my writing skills have evolved to in recent times? Yes, oh fuck yes i have.

Im currently screaming and crying over it.

#what was with the first person pov sis??? #twilight #personal #update #twilight fanfiction

[softjaspers]

Im rereading twilight because I got the white collection as a birthday gift, and it’s literally so much funnier than I remember it being. It includes some of my favourites lines such as:

"Stupid, shiny Volvo owner"

"The wasting of finite resources is everyone’s business"

"I thought newton was dragging your dead body off to bury it in the woods."

"I looked like a half-drowned cat"

This isn't even all of them...

#twilight #twilight saga #shitpost #quotes

[softjaspers]

AITA for wanting my girlfriend to stop talking to her best friend?

u/EddieDepressi

-

I (17M) have this girlfriend (18F), let’s call her Isabella. We’ve been going out for a few months now, honestly when we first met I was kind of…a lunatic (my sisters words not mine). I tried scaring off my now girlfriend because I thought of myself as a freak, the first time she saw my face I looked constipated, which you’d think would be enough to scare off any girl but she’s not like other girls clearly. I call her stupidly stubborn. Anyways, she’s great, smart, pretty, brave, but naive and you’ll see where this comes in.

-

Isabella has this friend, we will call him jerkob (17M). At first he was an okay guy and looked out for my girlfriend like a good friend would, but lately he has been acting like some toxic alpha male. And he smells SO BAD, almost like a stray dog who hasn’t bathed in years. I’m very sensitive to smells, and it’s entirely disgusting. You’d almost think he WAS a dog. He has no respect for my relationship with my girlfriend, and I know he has feelings for Isabella, you don’t have to read the guys mind to know this it’s written all over him. I’ve tried to tell my girlfriend this, but she insists that he’s a good friend and she needs him. I will admit, we had a rough patch where I left her for a few months to go to Italy with my family (my brother tried to kill her and I threw her at a wall but really it was just a misunderstanding). She was heartbroken, and jerkob was there when I couldn’t be. We’ve got past this now, and we’re happier now that we’re together. I’ve apologized profusely for this and promised her that it wouldn’t happen again, and that I wouldn’t leave her a second time, that I would stay with her for eternity. Jerkob still holds it against me, but he’s really just jealous that he’s not the one in bed with her every night. He tries to claim his body temperature is better for her?? Man, take the hint, she isn’t interested in you, and I find that to be such a disrespectful take on this.

-

An incident happened recently, he forced my girlfriend to kiss him because if she didn’t he would risk killing himself because he found out that were engaged (a little young, I know, but I love her). And IM the manipulative one? How DARE he treat a woman like that, if he really cared for her he would respect her wishes. I will admit, I’ve been a little crazy too, but not like this. All I did was sabotage her truck so she couldn’t go see him, I thought he was dangerous to her, but at least I apologized for this to her and she understands why I did it and I have no intention of doing it again.

-

We got into an argument because I really want my girlfriend to cut him off, but she refused. I can’t understand why my girlfriend is choosing him over me, he is so clearly unhinged and needs HELP for his deranged brain. She knows how he feels about her, and even after kissing her without consent she still thinks he is important to her too. Am I the asshole for this? Because I really don’t think I am, I’m only looking out for her.

#op youre TA but so is this jerkob guy I think Isabella needs to leave you both #for your hot sisters maybe #r/amitheasshole #amita #twilight #twilight saga #shitpost #edward cullen #Jacob black #bella swan

[softjaspers]

*Edward and Rosalie arguing*

Edward: dont walk away just because you know I’m right!

Rosalie: Or maybe it’s the fact that I just don’t wanna hear smack from the guy who gets jealous of his phone when it dies!

#edward you sad little freak #twilight #incorrect quotes #edward cullen #rosalie hale #shitpost

[softjaspers]

I was wrong edward isn’t a tiktok e-boy he’s doesn’t have the strength for that. He posts videos about his snails who live in a fishbowl with moss because it’s the only pet he can’t eat while also occasionally making existential TikToks and r/AmITheAsshole posts about Rosalie.

#he has like 50k followers #he is in fact the asshole btw #twilight #twilight saga #shitpost #tiktok #edward cullen #hc

[softjaspers]

And to specify WHAT KIND of candy, literally anything like emmett will buy an entire shelf full of whatever candy he can get his hands on but he does go out of his way to buy the big full size chocolate bars

Ive never seen a post about a headcanon for any character that conflicts with my own perspective on them and just makes me go "this ain’t it chief" UNTIL I saw someone say that they think Emmett would give protein bars to kids on Halloween and that’s just where I gotta draw the line like sis-

[softjaspers]

Emmett would A) drive around town in a car full of candy and throw it at unsuspecting children or B) get a nurf gun to fill with candy and shoot children with it (or his siblings)

Ive never seen a post about a headcanon for any character that conflicts with my own perspective on them and just makes me go "this ain’t it chief" UNTIL I saw someone say that they think Emmett would give protein bars to kids on Halloween and that’s just where I gotta draw the line like sis-

[softjaspers]

Ive never seen a post about a headcanon for any character that conflicts with my own perspective on them and just makes me go "this ain’t it chief" UNTIL I saw someone say that they think Emmett would give protein bars to kids on Halloween and that’s just where I gotta draw the line like sis-

#respect but like ur wrong #take it back I SAID TAKE IT BACK #twilight #twilight saga #Emmett cullen #shitpost #headcanons

[softjaspers]

My mom said we can start an Emmett cult if it’s okay with your mom

#my mom will make us boiled eggs 🥚 #if You don’t have a mom I’ll sign your permission slip for y’all #Twilight saga #shitpost #emmett cullen #emmett cult

[softjaspers]

Im not convinced emmett complied with being subtle and a loner at school. He would absolutely chat up the person sat next to him in class until they were wishing he would shut up. He was the one who notoriously started the snowball fights outside school. He took gym class very seriously and got everyone riled up. He asked the teachers stupid questions to make everyone laugh in a boring class. He was the kid who yells halfway across the halls to get someone else’s attention. He came to school dressed up for Halloween in one of those large blow up dinosaurs. He’s the one-

#emmett: y’all know what’s suspicious? looking like LOSERS #emmett cullen #Twilight #headcanons #twilight renaissance

[softjaspers]

Rosalie: I got a new chapstick, wanna taste? ;)

Emmett: hell yeah I do

Rosalie: *puckers lips*

Emmett: *takes the chapstick out of her hand and takes a bite* thanks babe

Rosalie: -_-

#twilight #twilight saga #twilight renaissance #shitpost #incorrect quotes #emmett cullen #Rosalie hale

[softjaspers]

Emmett doesn’t give enough fucks about anything so I feel like a confrontation would go something like this

Aro: if you and your family ever cause any trouble for us we will hunt you down and string you from the ceiling while you watch each other D I E

Emmett: nah.

Aro: good- wait, did you just dare say "nah" to me? YOU INSOLENT, SPINELESS LITTLE WEASEL-

Emmett: check your vibes dude. I know someone who can help with that.

Aro: ..

Emmett: so-are we done here or-

Aro: get out.

#twilight #twilight saga #twilight renaissance #shitpost #incorrect quotes #emmett cullen #aro volturi

[softjaspers]

I realize a good percentage of my posts are just of emmett and Jasper being a chaotic duo and Edward being a sad little freak but I don’t care they live in my mind rent free I’m an emmett blog now

#Im gonna rewrite twilight from Emmett’s perspective but it starts 4 years earlier #jasper is always getting him into trouble #edward just wants to get eaten by a whale at the bottom of the ocean and I feel that #twilight #twilight saga #shitpost

[softjaspers]

I find it hard to believe that Edward stayed a virgin for 80 years when he literally lives with emmett the frat boy wingman who drinks I love women juice on a daily basis

#emmett: what about her she’s hot #edward: the only thing hot in here is the bad lighting #emmett the de-virginator #wait that sounds bad #twilight #twilight saga #twilight renaissance #shitpost #edward cullen #emmett cullen

[softjaspers]

How dare you hide this wonderful addition in the tags

Carlisle is supposed to be the matured dad of the cullens but mans is 23. He has as much of his shit not together as the rest of them. He’s the equivalent of a depressed college student taking care of his hungover frat buddies.

[softjaspers]

Carlisle is supposed to be the matured dad of the cullens but mans is 23. He has as much of his shit not together as the rest of them. He’s the equivalent of a depressed college student taking care of his hungover frat buddies.

#twilight #twilight saga #twilight renaissance #shitpost #Carlisle cullen #the cullens