scrumpyfan43

[scrumpyfan43]

Since everyone seems to love my sex shop stories, here’s another one.

Phone calls were literally a game for us. Not all phone calls, but there was a specific brand of call where guys would creep on us. 90% of the workforce at the sex shops was women. So we’d get dudes calling jacking off or trying to get their jollies from us.

The game: make them hang up. We could have hung up. On a few occasions I did, but for the most part we made a sport out of getting creeps to go flaccid. It really depended on a caller.

You couldn’t just go in for belittling them straight off- some guys wanted that. You had to tailor your strategy to the perv. Overall it was pretty fun and it turned an aspect of the job that could’ve become a major bummer into a fun sport. We’d get excited when the phones rang.

So one day the phone rings. I pick up and it was very clearly a young teen who was putting on a deep voice. I was utterly delighted, I’d never had a crank call before. He said, “I have a dildo emergency! Can you deliver 5 boxes of dildos to my home?!”

It took everything in me not to crack in that moment. It was so funny. It was like three kids had walked through the door in a trench coat and the phrase “dildo emergency” was one of the funniest things I’d ever heard.

But I kept it together. In smooth customer service tones I replied, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear you’re having an emergency, but due to the nature of our product we do require people to come pick it up themselves.”

The caller audibly deflated. Some of the deep voice he was putting on bled away when he said plaintively, “But it’s an emergency…”

“I’m sorry, sir, rules are rules.”

He hung up. I burst out laughing and told my coworker what had happened. She said, “I will buy you lunch if you call back and pretend you can deliver something.”

This sounded like an all around win for me, and the kid hadn’t used anything to block his number. So I called back.

“Hello!” This was before caller ID was common for home phones and so he picked up in his totally normal voice, several octaves higher than before.

“Hello, I’m calling regarding your dildo emergency?”

“Oh! Hem hem,” he coughed, getting his voice back into character for me. “Yes! The emergency!”

“Well I’ve spoken to my manager and it’s your lucky day. We’ll be able to make a delivery after all. Five boxes you said? We can swing it by later, we’ll just need your name, address, and credit card number.”

He was thrown by needing to provide info and was silent for a moment then said, “Well how much is it for five boxes?”

“About five hundred dollars, sir.”

He slipped out of his character voice to exclaim, “Five hundred dollars?! What kind of dildos are they?!”

“Just standard six inches with balls, sir.”

This was his breaking point. He started wheezing with laughter trying to repeat the phrase “six inches with balls” incoherently.

“So your address and card info?”

He hung up and I broke down laughing too. We both got a kick out of it, and I won the game twice in one day.

#prank #business #retail #customer service

[scrumpyfan43]

"Would you change your genitals if you could" yeah, make it Bluetooth enabled.

#genitals #problems of the cyberpunk future

[scrumpyfan43]

Mr. Vampire III [ Hong Kong ] • 1987

#vampire #kung fu #folding #imprisoned #jar #hong kong #dramatic sting

[scrumpyfan43]

this man personally inspired decades worth of showa scientists inventing shit like ultra death beams and juice that makes your eyes explode who think that these inventions could be used for the betterment of mankind somehow

#godzilla #dr serizawa #sexy #oxygen destroyer

[scrumpyfan43]

Angel concepts

#angel #monster #no face #weapon #bow #sword #spear #veil

[scrumpyfan43]

i don't go here but from everything i've seen izutsumi dungen meshi is like a catgirl but instead of the starting point being "anime woman" it's "Lisa Patrikeyevna illustration" and they worked their way backwards from there

(the Golden Sickle art by Natalia Trepenok)

#izutsumi #catgirl #cat #animal person #dungeon meshi #thinking

[scrumpyfan43]

#thinking #star trek #star trek tng #jean luc picard #data #alive

[scrumpyfan43]

when I was a kid for some reason I thought Lola Bunny's last name was "Rabbit" and that she was actually Jessica and Roger's daughter. And the reason she wasn't in the original Loony Tunes is just that she wasn't born yet

I mean can you blame me. Look them and look at her. She's got a good blend of both of their features.

#who framed roger rabbit #space jam #roger rabbit #jessica rabbit #lola bunny #crossover

[scrumpyfan43]

people say folks with adhd struggle with "delayed rewards" aka long term goals and as such we tend to focus more on short term rewards. what they don't talk about is that at when we Do accomplish long term goals we don't actually feel anything proportionate to the amount of work we did to achieve it. In my head I suffered for a while and then money spontaneously appeared in my bank account.

#update #adhd #yeah

[scrumpyfan43]

#updated #eagle #igel #hedgehog #german #predation #looking

[scrumpyfan43]

#crying #squonk #ugly #cryptid #pennsylvania #fearsome critter #american culture

[scrumpyfan43]

silly werewolf transformation

#werewolf #transformation #somersault #animation

[scrumpyfan43]

#sick as hell #tricycle #robot #piston #supercharger #rc car #animatronic

[scrumpyfan43]

Jean-François Rauzier — The Library of Babel (c-type print, mounted on aluminium, 2013)

#library of babel #labyrinth #hexagon #fantasy landscape

[scrumpyfan43]

love how Tsuburaya Productions didnt want to make just more of the same in 1966 so they were constantly Getting Weird With It

watching this as a child in the 60s? I would've shat my pants I think

#ultraman #60s #tokusatsu #weird thing #jiggling

[scrumpyfan43]

One of the teaching of Istriff the Wise, back in the ancient days of the Gobbb dynasty, was to always carry the Big Weight and the Little Weight wherever the Goblin king and his court go, as a reminder. The tradition persist today, and the Big and the Little Weight follow the Royal caravan, usually from a distance. Sadly no Goblin remember what the weights are suppose to symbolise, and if many theories are held by Goblins scholars, the consensus is to keep the tradition "just to be safe". It's worth noting that the two weights were likely from a bigger set, and the dwarven engravings they display comfort the theory that they have been gifted or stolen at some point. Higher def and process on my Patreon.

#goblin #weight #heavy #tradition #for funsies

[scrumpyfan43]

#scurrying #creature #forest #locomotion #fantasy landscape #black void