*me pretending to be an astronaut because I'm too high* Huston, the oxygen levels in this room are quite low
0 notes
My voice feels like a balloon
2 notes
·
View notes
I feel like drake and josh
5 notes
·
View notes
Holy fuck
ravioli filled with smaller raviolis
26 notes
·
View notes
Mischief fucking managed, my dude.
3 notes
·
View notes
Who's the one wizard You-Know-Who always feared? Frank Sinatra
2 notes
·
View notes
.... go on
ravioli filled with smaller raviolis
26 notes
·
View notes
Me: (friend) said you can finish the smarties but I think she took them home...
My roommate (in a guilty voice): she didn't take them home...
2 notes
·
View notes
Mom: wake up, we're going to church
Friend: probably not
1 note
·
View note
Canadians are attracted to flickering lights. That’s why they can’t drive; there’s too many distractions.
1 note
·
View note
how to do physics: e=mc2 and use some fucking equations
1 note
·
View note
my mouth just got weird
2 notes
·
View notes
My town doesn’t have an ice cream truck. We have an ice cream 15 passenger van.
2 notes
·
View notes
are you a chicken whisperer?
1 note
·
View note
Always get a full breakfast.
8 notes
·
View notes
You are genocide. You are a mass extinction event, riding around on the back of a saber tooth tiger, bashing people's skulls in.
13 notes
·
View notes
I don't respect jobs, I just use them for money.
10 notes
·
View notes