sage-cryptic-wisdom

[sage-cryptic-wisdom]

As a Chatelaine for my local shire It hurts to see people think we need to keep separate the SCA is for everybody and we love to meet new people and teach them about thing. New blood keeps us going!

tbh shoutout to the over 40s on tumblr, sorry the internet acts like yall belong in the retirement home when ur literally just regular adults with hobbies

#sca fencing #sca chatelaine #west kingdom #sca west #cynagua #oertha #the mists #sca principalities #come play with us!

[sage-cryptic-wisdom]

Truth Coming Out of Her Well to Shame Mankind

[sage-cryptic-wisdom]

omg yall dont be like me

It's the time of the season where its warm and humid and those of us who self pleasure are in for a doozy:

i got a uti bc i used a cheap toy and didn't sanitize properly so here some step to prevent and help people in a similar situation:

1 sanitize any penetrative objects for your own sake, before and after your activities.

2 go pee after intercouse (both with others and solo)

3 wash yo damn hands before and after

4 don't wear to tight pants or underwear it will trap or rub bacteria into sensitive areas

5 drink plenty of water, it makes the urine diluted and helps flush out bacteria

6 eat things with vitamin c, it makes the urine acidic and also assists in the flushing and killing of bacterias

#dont be like me #sex ed #pee after sex #health #psa #sex education #uti's suck #cryptic #sage advice #advice #dont make my mistakes

[sage-cryptic-wisdom]

Popular media tends to depict catgirls as having roughly the same preferences in prey items as regular housecats, but this represents a misunderstanding of how feline prey selection works. Cats don’t hunt mice because they prefer the flavour; cats are hyper-optimised predators that will hunt and kill literally anything they can catch. Their preferences in terms of prey items are less a matter of taste and more a matter of scale: you can only venture so high on the food chain when you weigh ten pounds. Given access to the force multipliers of tools and opposable thumbs, a catgirl would absolutely look at a T-rex and see tonight’s dinner.

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text is from invisible cities by italo calvino

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i cant stop thinking of the gif of the kiwi jumping around its so funny the way that thing moves like gravity doesn’t care about it it just prances wildly and freely it falls over but it doesn’t care it just keeps moving and having fun and just keeps hopping and the party never stops it’s legitimately one of my favorite pieces of media on the internet the joy it brings me is unbridled

[sage-cryptic-wisdom]

Salt your stink, miss?

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BE BLESSED FELLOW SIMPS

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So my husband is back on his medieval warfare and tactics special interest lately, and he was telling me about how so many battles were lost because the knights would just disobey orders and break ranks because they got too excited and just went full Leroy Jenkins. Prey drive switches on and they see somebody running and they just blank out and go.

Which seemed really dumb to me, like people couldn’t be that stupid, until I got walloped in the face by a memory from freshman year of college.

It’s almost 10pm in the dead of winter right before Finals, I’m out at college in a high altitude desert in the biggest city I’ve ever been in during my life. My dorm is on the second floor of one of the newest buildings, which are still surrounded by construction zones for the other new buildings going up. Just past the construction zones is one of the city’s major roads. There is still snow on the ground outside, the sidewalks are ice and rock salt, and the parking lot is a slush pile. (All of this is relevant in a minute I swear, stay with me here.)

We get a knock at the door. One of my roomies answers it. There’s 2 creepy looking muscle dudes asking for another roommate, E. E is creeped out and doesn’t want to go see them, but they won’t leave, insisting they see her and talk to her out in the hall. My spider senses are tingling, the social anxiety override kicks in, and I go full Mom Friend and ask them who they are and how they know her. And dudes just take off for the stairwell.

And I took off after them.

I need y’all to understand that I was an asthmatic at altitude in a mountain city in winter at night in shorts and a t-shirt and no shoes whatsoever, and I somehow made it down two flights of stairs, out the door, down the sidewalk, across a construction zone, across the parking lot, and halfway to the road screaming at two beardy dudebros twice my size to “get back here you little creeps”, all before I had consciously realized that I had left my apartment. Something about watching two creepy guys run for it triggered something in me, some latent instinct to Search and Destroy. Like Fight or Flight but I wasn’t the one being threatened, they were the ones doing the Flight, and I had this deep, ferocious need to FIGHT.

I full on blanked out, y’all. I literally have no memory of getting down the stairs or across the parking lot or anything at all until I was watching the headlights on the road thinking “wait, where are my shoes?” It’s a little black hole. I was in the apartment, they took off running, and then bam, there I was. It was like an out of body experience, I was hearing myself shout at them and thinking “I sound like such an idiot right now omg,” and then I realized What I Had Done.

Not only was it stupid, it was super dangerous. Even aside from all the environmental dangers, if they were some kind of kidnappers they could totally have snatched me. And yet there I was, barefoot in the snow and road salt with no phone, no inhaler, and I was still hollering after them like a dog on a chain when one of my roommates came down in boots and a coat to drag me back inside.

And honestly? I’m still miffed I never caught the guys. That was my takeaway from that incident.

So yes, I believe it now. People are so unbelievably dumb and the prey drive instinct is absolutely real.

[sage-cryptic-wisdom]

reblog to give a plushie to the person you reblogged this from

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Reblog this fat happy boy for a good night sleep tonight

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playing beanie babies quietly by yourself in your room

[the most sinister music imaginable link yes this is the exact song i was playing when my mom found me doing this]

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IM ON MY KNEES OH MY GOD…..PLEASE RAIL ME…

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OMGG YALL

I just published the first chapter of my lady Dimitrescu x Fem!reader on Wattpad and I'm working on getting a ao3 account I'm just waiting for my account to be accepted. my Wattpad is @eternal_scout607 The story is called My lady, My love. but ill put the link underneath

Please go check it out

https://www.wattpad.com/story/269342193-my-lady-my-love-lady-dimitrescu-x-fem-reader

#tall vampire lady #lady demetrescu #lady dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu x reader #it gets steamy #vampire romance #step on me #tall vampire mommy