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Weight

I wanna start losing weight again but i m so scared. Right now i can handle my thoughts. Normally I would think about how fat i am and how ugly. But i was able to handle it. Still i m not happy with how I look. But I don’t want it to get out of control again. I’ve got no clue how one is able to lose weight in a normal way. Last time i tried to I stopped eating the whole day. During the day i only smoked cigarettes and drank black coffee. Only in the evening when I got home i ate. And even then i only ate salad.

I shouldn’t talk about losing weight and complain. I should start losing weight and getting more confident.

But i m scared as fuck.

- Sarah

#weightloss #lose weight #bulimique #bulimiia #anxious #what should i do #girl #help #advice

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The fact that Sir Patrick Stewart and Sir Ian Mckellen are best friends in real life makes me so happy

x

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I would love to be a singer, dancer or artist. A talent on which I could be proud. But I am just able to write my own stories in my head. Cause every time I try to write em down I ruin them.

#me

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A thing i never told u

So i’ve never told you this about me. One reason i haven’t told you this is because it is quite personal and the other reason is that i have the feeling that if you tell the people about this specific problem they often judge you and think you only wang to be noticed.

I am dealing with bulimia.

It all started 3 years ago. I did a lot of sports and thought i would eat really healthy. But in reality i ate nearly nothing only vegetables and fruits mostly and when i ate something different unhealthy sweets or stuff like that i went to the bathroom and threw up. I wanted to ged rid of it. First i only did it once in a while then more often and in the end always. As i thought it wasn’t enough i bought tablets which were against gaining weight and stuff like that.

I didn’t even think that there could be anything wrong with me until my best friend noticed it. She noticed the marks on my arm from the cutting which i always tried to hide or i told lies about them that i haven’t cut myself. She noticed my extreme weight loss and that i wouldn’t want to eat anything when she was arround.

A few months after it started i got a boyfriend he noticed everything and helped me to get better. While we were in a relationship it was alright not that worse but we aren’t together anymore and my boyfriend after him (now ex) made everything worse. He treated me like i wasn’t worth anything.

So it got worse again and now i am not really a bulimic person any more it got more like anorexia.

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Why?

Why is he always in my mind?

I can’t stop thinking about what he is might doing right now. If he messes around with another girl and tells her he’s in love with her and means it serious. Even if he just want’s to fuck.

I never knew if he’s telling the truth or if he’s lying. There where clear moments. Crystal clear. Like ice. I was able to look in his eyes and knew it is the truth. But I’m no longer sure if anybody ever told me the truth.

He’s an asshole sometimes but there’s a reason for that.

He treat’s me bad like i am worthless. But i would be able to tell him to stop. To let go of him and search for a better person, a better boyfriend. But i want him.

#why #truth #lies #love #wheredidthelovego #what happend

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People.

You just have to smile and be nice n friendly to everyone. Nobody would ever assume that there could be anything wrong with you.

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Do ya know that feeling?

It’s kinda destroying yourself when a person you used to speak to every single day is missing. Two moths ago my boyfriend broke up and he has also been my best friend but now we don’t speak anymore... even if we said we’d stay friends because we are now in the same class and we share the same friends. I miss that fucking idiot... It gets better sometimes because I now got new friends through school and god knows I love them already so much(!) The Thing is..when you sit there at home completely alone you start thinking. And thinking can be a pretty good thing but also the worst thing in the world. 

With the thinking the feeling came.... This feeling you get when you miss somebody so much and you know it is never gonna be like back then again...

Please don’t tell me I am the only one who gets that kinda feeling..... 

xo Sarah

#friends #miss #no more #not anymore #idk anymore #back then #broke

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Only the gentle are ever really strong.

James Dean

#james dean #jd #jamesdean #strong #strengh #gentl #gentle #quote #life quotes

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You’re not doing well and finally I don’t have to pretend to be so interested in your on going tragedy, but I’ll rob the bank that gave you the impression that money is more fruitful than words, and I’ll cut holes in the ozone if it means you have one less day of rain. I’ll walk you to the hospital, I’ll wait in a white room that reeks of hand sanitizer and latex for the results from the MRI scan that tries to locate the malady that keeps your mind guessing, and I want to write you a poem every day until my hand breaks and assure you that you’ll find your place, it’s just the world has a funny way of hiding spots fertile enough for bodies like yours to grow roots. and I miss you like a dart hits the iris of a bullseye, or a train ticket screams 4:30 at 4:47, I wanted to tell you that it’s my birthday on Thursday and I would have wanted you to give me the gift of your guts on the floor, one last time, to see if you still had it in you. I hope our ghosts aren’t eating you alive. If I’m to speak for myself, I’ll tell you that the universe is twice as big as we think it is and you’re the only one that made that idea less devastating.

Small, Lucas Regazzi (via 7-weeks)

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Just a little introduction

So before I start this blog I just quickly wanna say some things.

The first thing is that I may will some times write something when I’m angry or sad and this blog isn’t for judging it is for sharing and maybe also helping each other. I am not forcing you to read those post’s.

I know that there won’t be that many people or maybe there won’t be any people who read this stuff but if there are or will be, 

I won’t accept any bullying on here and nothing similar to that.

We all have hard times and good times or better-than-usual-times but that’s completely fine and normal.

Please accept my privacy. 

I don’t think that there will be pictures of myself or my friends you will only know my name. Maybe forever maybe not.

So there it is:

Sarah xo

#introduction #james dean #audrey hepburn