perfecttragedyflower

[perfecttragedyflower]

Locked out of my old account.. nice

#locked out #old account #new account #actually bpd #actually ptsd #bpd #ptsd #bpd thoughts #bpd vent #ptsd recovery #complex ptsd #dear diary #motherhood #vent post #tw vent #vent #ptsd life #tw ptsd #tw eating issues #tw anxiety #tw anxious #tw anxeity #anxienty #tw depressing thoughts

[perfecttragedyflower]

Being the bigger person sucks

#be the bigger person #actually bpd #actually ptsd #bpd #ptsd #bpd thoughts #bpd vent #motherhood #ptsd recovery #complex ptsd #dear diary #mother in law #family issues #family fight #funeral services #death in the family #big emotions #time #better than you and you know it #mother #my son <3 #my sons #overnight

[perfecttragedyflower]

I'm tired of never being good enough

[perfecttragedyflower]

Being broken ruins my life everyday in a new way

[perfecttragedyflower]

Sometimes I miss you still

[perfecttragedyflower]

I hate getting high, i see my wrist tattoo and I remember how I promised myself to never do crystal again and yet here I am with a pipe in hand crying to myself about where my life is going...

[perfecttragedyflower]

Its hard to believe that my little lady M is turning three on Monday

[perfecttragedyflower]

We broke up.. I saw it coming.

[perfecttragedyflower]

We both saw it coming but I was the only one outting effort into fixing the problem that, in the end, is out of my control.

[perfecttragedyflower]

I just wanted to matter more then drugs to somebody.

[perfecttragedyflower]

Now I'm fighting to convince myself taking two points in one hit wouldn't be the best way to spend my money when my parents take my kids on vacation.. fall asleep forwver while everyone's away.... they'd send someone over to find out why I'm not answering so it wouldnt be them finding my body. My kids are so used to me failing them it isn't funny. They wouldn't even wonder where I went or 'why didn't mummy love me'. They've never known a mothers love thats focused only on them wholeheartedly. They have from others though experienced that level of loving energy. Why do they need me? Why can't I give up? What's the point of them being around me? What if all I do is give my kids ptsd?

[perfecttragedyflower]

Feeling so sick. So worthless. So ill

[perfecttragedyflower]

You asked me to help you.

Said you were hungry, missed your dinner at the shelter, if you slept with someone else already her why not ask her?

[perfecttragedyflower]

I brought you pizza after my son went to sleep.

I don't think you even thanked me.

I walked around all night with you while you yelled at and belittled me about things I can't change...

Meanwhile you still don't recognize your own addiction is why you are where you are, not because of me.

[perfecttragedyflower]

[perfecttragedyflower]

"If I told you my whole story, would you book it?" @damejamil_91 (Instagram author)

[perfecttragedyflower]

Hate if you have too, as long as it gives you the energy you need to better your life.