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nightsister-juisid · 15 days

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Things i have noticed after being a victim of abuse: Age regression. I think I had always been childish but after what happened, this has been happening more

I didn’t even notice. Not until now, that I was thinking about buying new stuff and thought about how I been buying more plushies, using baby lotion and seeing more children shows since that traumatic event. Also doing more pigtails and a more childish aesthetic. Weird. Now I feel self conscious about my own behavior. Is this a type of cope?

I also feel bad because my predators chose me because I used to dress like a “child” (which in fact, I did not. I used summer femenine dresses, in a coquette/dollette style). And I wish people don’t see me as a child but somehow I’m just going back to childhood habits? And for what? Why?

And I can’t even talk about this with my therapists because I feel they don’t take me seriously! And I really NEED professional help

#sa survivor #sa awareness #trauma dump #trauma response #age regression #narcissistic abuse

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nightsister-juisid · 27 days

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If I could draw how I felt my abuse. I would draw a naked woman and a man, leaning over my open, naked body, sucking the meat off my bones, playing with my entrails and removing my organs from their place. All of that while she eats my heart, her mouth watering and clinging to taste its tissue. And he’s whispering into my ear that they all doing it because they love me. And I believe it. I stay on the floor bleeding out while they eat my flesh. Because I'm blind, they already took my eyes. And I only hear that they love me. And if they love me, so maybe I love them too. And I want them to be happy. Even if it means leaving myself at their whole mercy

#sa survivor #sa awareness #cannibal tw #narcissistic abuse #npd abuse #trauma dump #trauma #I don’t even know who they actually are #did I ever knew them?

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nightsister-juisid · 2 months

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Welcoming home His Majesty

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #astarion ancunin

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nightsister-juisid · 2 months

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My Tav is a high elf wizard, noble from Baldur’s gate. Can’t stop thinking about that, in another timeline, she would be going into her first society party, on her own as a young adult, and would end up tripping over her heels because she’s still learning to use them. However, a young beautiful elf helps her and dances the night away with her. His name is Astarion. He speaks beautiful words into her ears and convinces her to go home with him to have a little fun. She knows her parents would be mad. She knows she isn’t the kind of girl who breaks the rules and goes away with a stranger. But, he’s so handsome and nobody has looked at her that way. She accepts with puppy loving eyes.

However, she ends up being given to Cazador and turned into a spawn; hidden in the depths of Cazador’s palace.

Good for her in this timeline, she’s actually Astarion’s lover and not his prey.

#bg3 #astarion #baldur's gate 3 #astarion ancunin #astarion bg3 #baldur's gate iii #bg3 astarion #astarion x tav #Astarion x tav headcanons #high elves #dnd5e #dnd #why I like to break my heart this way

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nightsister-juisid · 2 months

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commission Astarion + Tav commission info

#baldur's gate 3 #digitalart #illustration #dnd5e

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nightsister-juisid · 2 months

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Being diagnosed with BPD by your psychiatrist. Being told you had minor traits but after meeting them it just went downhill for you. Knowing you will have to deal with this the rest of your life. Knowing they ruined you. They did and yet, they don’t care. They left you like a piece of trash on the floor and stepped on you while they went through the exit door. It isn’t fair.

It’s not fair. It’s not easy to think you could have just, never speak to them and you would still be all right. I want my life back, I want back my sanity and I don’t want to deal with this shit. Do they know how hurtful is waking up after a bad nightmare of they doing everything all over again? Huh? Will they ever understand?

#sa awareness #sa survivor #victim vent #venting #bpd #bpd vent

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nightsister-juisid · 3 months

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Today I went to the psychiatrist. Seems all my doctors have been concluding I’m a Cluster B type without they telling me. Not until today, this new psychiatrist basically said it to me straight into my face in the beginning of my medical appointment. And started to speak to me as a borderline (Yes, I became a diagnosis. Not a person)

You know I have mixed feelings about this, after I was SA by a classmate with borderline. Hearing those news without warning really triggered something in me. I’m not saying he’s wrong but I think he should have told me in another moment. For me, this is like hearing a death sentence. A Cluster B diagnosis is a huge thing, implies many things and mostly that there isn’t a cure for it. I’m chronically ill and this is the first time someone tells me because all my previous doctors just said I was a little “depressed”. Wow, I don’t really know how to feel

#borderline personality disorder #bpd #cluster b #trauma #sa survivor #sa awareness #mental health

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nightsister-juisid · 3 months

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At least you purr for me

#baldurs gate #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion #baldur's gate iii #baldurs gate astarion #bg3 astarion #astarion ancunin #astarion bg3

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nightsister-juisid · 3 months

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Come with me my love and live your final night

#astarion #bg3 #astarion ancunin #astarion gif #baldurs gate 3 #astarion x tav #astarion romance #baldur's gate 3

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nightsister-juisid · 3 months

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Some Astarion studies cause look at that pretty face 🥰

#bg3 #bg3 art #bg3 fanart #bg3 astarion #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #baldurs gate fanart #baldurs gate astarion #larian studios #astarion

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nightsister-juisid · 3 months

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Probably Tav and Ascended Astarion getting ready for their hosted masquerade balls on Cazador’s palace, during the epilogue

My headcanon for ascended Astarion (which is actually canon lmao) is that he turned you into a vampire bride, and treats you as his property, yes, but unless like a spawn you are mostly his pretty doll. He would have fun giving you money, dresses, everything you want (like a real sugar daddy), but you will be his real-life Barbie doll as he is dictating what’s “best for you” because that is his way to cope with the trauma of being Cazador’s spawn. He may not use you as a slave but you are still a spawn, but maybe your life will never be as bad as his because he would assure you have the comforts he considers appropriate for you.

Like Elvis and Priscilla’s relationship

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion ancunin #astarion bg3 #astarion romance #astarion x tav #astarion #dnd #vampire brides #vampire

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nightsister-juisid · 3 months

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Astarion's Tent

Has anyone paid attention to how Astarion's tent reflect on his personality?

The exteriour side is clean and elegant. There are pillows, a carpet, an expensive mirror, even a fucking plant (headcanon - Astarion is into gardening). His tent is probably the most well-maintained in the whole camp.

But take a look inside (it's difficult since he blocks the entrance) - it's a mess.

There are empty bottles with blood (as if he is an alcoholic who doesn't bother to take out the garbage). There is no bed (Halsin is also an Elf but he has a bedrol in his tent) - it's just wooden plank, a piece of rag for a blanket and some sorry excuse for a pillow. His tent is a mess like this room who belongs to an addict or a depressed person. It's dirty, full of garbage. And he doesn't have a comfortable place for sleep!

All the good things (new and clean) he has are put out in the front to others to see. When people pass by they see this beautiful picture of a gedonist-magistrate who wants everything to be in order. Dare to look inside - it's a completely different picture.

#astarion #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 astarion #astarion romance #astarion bg3 #bg3

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nightsister-juisid · 3 months

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