mercurialmink

[mercurialmink]

I hate that I still love you.

[mercurialmink]

~Flame~

You were present in my life for one season.

You were a main character in only one chapter of the book that is my life.

Yet, your name has been written in every chapter after.

I used to think that maybe that meant you and I were destined to be together, here and now.

Then I realized that perhaps we are meant to be together, not in this lifetime, but in another--in book two or three of our lifetime stories.

Until then, we've got lots of character development ahead of us.

But at least next time we're together, we'll have beautiful stories to share.

#moving on #healing #twin flame #ex partner #im rooting for you

[mercurialmink]

[mercurialmink]

I miss you and your idea your warmth, your presence, your fragrance when enveloped by absence, I miss you Today i miss you just like i did yesterday and i will miss you tommow just the same.

nocturne, excerpts from my journals

[mercurialmink]

Not You

He's gentle.

He's kind.

He doesn't leave me behind.

And best of all

He's always on my side.

#ex partner #relationships #heartbreak #heartache #unrequited+love #new love #healing #we're a team #yet I'll always love you

[mercurialmink]

[mercurialmink]

“She watched the stars collapse knowing that like her, they held onto their light for as long as they could.”

— Wilder

[mercurialmink]

Happy Birthday

Dear big bro,

Today is your birthday. Today you would've been 30 years old, and I would've rubbed my youth in your face just to be cheeky. It's your birthday, yet it's the 5th one you haven't been alive to celebrate. Obviously, I wish you were here. I wish you had made it past 25.

If you were here today, I would watch a movie with you--any movie you would've wanted to watch. I would buy you an ice cream cake and sing happy birthday like every other year. I would even smoke a black & mild with you outside because I know how much that would've meant to you.

I would tell you how proud of you I was then--and still am now--for getting up each day and trying again even though it wasn't easy (it was excruciatingly painful). I would tell you I forgive you for the pain you caused when you were in the throes of your battle with addiction. I would tell you I love you--that I always did even when I was hurt and angry--and that I always will.

And I would also apologize for not being there for you when you needed support most. I would tell you I'm sorry that I closed myself off in my pain instead of trying to understand you.

And of course, I would thank you for being my big brother--for being such an important and beautiful part of my life.

Happy birthday, Zach.

I love you and I miss you (always).

#cw grief #cw loss #cw addiction #grief cw #loss cw #addiction cw #tw grief #tw loss #sibling loss #heartache #i miss you

[mercurialmink]

At a certain point, I realized I couldn't try to make us work anymore. I realized I couldn't, and even more, I realized I didn't want to be the only one fighting for us any longer.

I realized I want so much more than to keep myself stuck feeling how I've felt my whole life--lonely.

So I let you go.

#heartache #unrequited+love #healing #unrequited love #ex partner #love #moving on #heartbreak

[mercurialmink]

The cuts I have from you didn't scar.

But the memories of you leave me disfigured.

[mercurialmink]

Oscar Wilde, De Profundis // @i-wrotethisforme // Jorge Louis Berges // @smokeinsilence //@viridianmasquerade //Jorge Louis Berges // @honeytuesday // Kaveh Akbar // F. Scott Fitzgerald // AKR //Olivie Blake, from “Alone With You in the Ether” // Kaveh Akbar, Pilgrimage

[mercurialmink]

My favorite way to punish myself for existing

Is holding onto people I should've already let go.

#heartache #unrequited+love #unrequited love #conditional love

[mercurialmink]

[mercurialmink]

“Promise me not to hide yourself when you’re in pain, it’s unfair that we laughed together but you cried alone”

— Unknown

[mercurialmink]

Daddy Issues

Oops

It happened again.

The words that left your mouth

Transformed you into my father

And left me an obstinate

Shameful human mistake

Who would rather die than look you in the eyes again.

#that about sums it up #shameful #i hate this #trauma

[mercurialmink]

Swimming Lessons

The thing about him is

I'm not "crazy" about him

But it turns out that's a good thing.

He and I--

We see each other fully.

We disagree.

We say ugly words to each other.

We struggle to understand.

But

We still love.

Every time I want to run away,

He shocks me.

He shocks me back to life

By staying even when it's hard--

Even when my emotions are tidal waves

That knock us both over.

He stays.

He stays

And weathers the storms with me.

He stays

And treads water with me.

He

Stays.

#love #healing together #real love #relationship #healing #partner

[mercurialmink]

“I think you lost all interest in this world. You were disappointed and discouraged, and lost interest in everything. So you abandoned your physical body. You went to a world apart and you’re living a different kind of life there. In a world inside you.”

— Haruki Murakami, 1Q84