littlestwritings

[littlestwritings]

a love letter i am too shy to send, in response to a lover letter anonymised before posting

#whether the letter this is a response to was directed at me or not is uncertain #the poem that came afterwards was definitely about me but this came a little while earlier so. unsure #though this isn’t the first unsent letter i have written him. the first came even before his poem about me #i don’t think i write particularly well but it’s nice to do regardless. and to have #also i know it’s a bit random that i suddenly went spanish at the end #but i am eternally frustrated that i need to use two separate words for wait and hope in english #writing #my writing

[littlestwritings]

Eu estou apaixonada por cada detalhe seu, cada traço do seu olhar, dos seus lábios, me cativa um pouco mais todos dias.

#other people’s writing

[littlestwritings]

I didn't plan to fall in love with you, you know?

When I met you, I wasn't looking for anything. Not even in the slightest, and I haven't been looking for a very long time. I guess part of me had given up. I've seen my friends fall in love and always wondered what it would be like, when it would be my turn, but somehow it never came true for me.

Until I met you.

The moment I laid eyes on you, I knew.

I knew I wanted to get to know you, the good, the bad, the ugly. I wanted to be close to you, hear you laugh, listen to you talk about the things you enjoy.

I knew I wanted to be more to you than someone you ran into randomly, more than someone you occasionally talk to.

I knew there was a lot more to you than that tough, hard-to-crack shell you show other people. More than the spicy humour, the eye roll and the sarcastic comments.

The moment I laid eyes on you, I knew I wanted to love you with all of the cracks, struggles and worries you have. On the amazing, sunny days and on the days where the rain won't seem to end. I want to love you as much as I wish you would love yourself, maybe even twice as much as that.

But I can see that you're not ready yet.

And that's okay, I can wait. I will wait, for however long it takes for you to let me in. You're safe with me, always.

💭

#the way i genuinely had begun to think i was aroace #and then i met him #other people’s writing

[littlestwritings]

#other people’s writing

[littlestwritings]

i just found this from december. somewhat clumsily worded but i think it’s another example of me, out of practice, just trying to get my feelings down as quickly/directly as i could and not being able to face going back to edit, but it’s sweet to see

#and it is helpful #it does help me remember how i was feeling when i wrote it #writing #poetry #my writing

[littlestwritings]

some thoughts desperately jotted down a little over a month ago on the confusing similarities between hyperfixation and attraction

#poetry #writing #autistic #actually autistic #neurodivergent #love #hyperfixation #crush #my writing

[littlestwritings]

a love letter, 1 of ?

i don’t think i let myself want, before you. i didn’t let myself see how much, how deeply i wanted. so concerned about being hurt, i hid from even myself the full picture of my desires until acknowledgment grew to mean shame. but now you… the feelings so strong they strained at the flood gates, and with your kind words they came cascading through. all the dreams of romance kept chained inside for so long, newly freed and brought to full consciousness now they have a face, a soul, to focus on. for the first time, the scales have been tipped to show desire stronger than fear, and though the fear has far from dissipated… these giddy feelings, this hope — they are worth the cost. or so i pray.

#i try not to cringe at the clumsy overused metaphors #i’m still learning how to convert feelings into words #or really understand them - any kind - enough to express them #alexithymia is a bugger especially as a late diagnosed autistic #and i think this helps. i’m getting better at it #writing #poetry #love #romance #sexuality #yearning #first love #queer #my writing

[littlestwritings]

somebody told me i should share the things i create, that it feels good to do so. i’m not brave enough to do the same as them and share poems on my real life account where people who know me will see it, but i think i can take their advice by posting on an anonymous account. tumblr is so comfy in that way. my secret den of a social media.