khwaabeyin

[khwaabeyin]

they're all my favs bro

some of the fruitiest detective animes i have feasted my eyes on:

(including manga)

[khwaabeyin]

City, where every stone has a story to tell...

Varanasi is older than history, older than tradition, older even than legend & looks twice as old as all of them put together."

- Mark Twain.

[khwaabeyin]

i don't understand where to start from, it's inhumane, i don't understand how it begins, where it ends, if you have read kafka on the shore by murakami, i'd explain this as a feeling into that village hidden between the deep forest.

i am present here physically, but my mind is somewhere i don't know, i can't seem to leave it, sometimes i wonder i am dreaming everything. most days I don't understand myself, what's going on in my head, i take the right decisions physically, for college, for home, for my parents, for myself but there is something completely different going in my head, it's so far away physically, and i am struck, maybe i was always there and i never understood but it's getting stronger.

i have an obsession with fiction, of all kinds, contemporary, fantasy, sci-fi, any work of fiction, film or books, i have this obsession i cannot explain well. when i am not worried about the real world problems i simply shut my mind and go there, a long time into that headspace and it's difficult to get out, i made myself comfortable, and now everything real is disappointing.

it wastes my time, i am not productive that while, i cannot focus on studies, i cannot focus on people and their conversations, all i can feel is the voice in my head screaming "GO BACK" go back where you know you belong, go back into that rabbit hole inside your head.

i fear it's comforting, i have always talked how fiction is an escape, you're not holding the steering wheel of life, you don't control anything, you just wait and see how things unfold, there's no judgements, you can only feel. it feels like a warm blanket to your head and heart, it's like your whole body is floating and you're far away from reality, you can hear someone talk but your mind is far far away from this conversation, you think, you speak, but you're not here.

i feel this too often, every once in a while i'm thrown into this pseudo-nirvana. it may be difficult to weigh if i live in reality more or the fiction. sometimes life is just a bunch of sequences happening around i have no control over, i can close my mind and run my thoughts all directions, so easy my real life fades away. or maybe i am living more, fillers with unconsciousness.

you close your eyes and you can be anyone you think of, you can be a cat walking streets of melbourne, you could be an old man sitting on an empty bus stop in 1970s, you could be anything, and once you get hang of it you'd slowly lose the visible connection from reality. the place where i feel i reside time to time.

i am truly afraid this is how I choose to live, maybe it's not a right way, maybe I am ruining things for myself, I am beyond help however, it's intertwined with my heart, it's more comfort than this life can ever provide realistically.

#spilled words #words words words #my words #journal

[khwaabeyin]

let him cook

I mean???

#sukuna #ryomen sukuna #jujutsu kaisen #nicki minaj

[khwaabeyin]

[khwaabeyin]

i hate working i hate dating i hate tasks. what about pillow and blanky time

[khwaabeyin]

she's a 10 but she has the whole main tera verse of kalank memorised, she's a tera.

[khwaabeyin]

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #gojo

[khwaabeyin]

bro how are you broke AND depressed?? like?? choose a struggle

#desiblr #desi #desi blr

[khwaabeyin]

so tired of people bombarding you with thoughts and opinion you do not need, i cannot handle it, i would rather NOT KNOW. i love being around people but lately my head cannot handle it, it's too difficult to keep up with these thoughts running parallels. i need to be selective, otherwise this could ruin my mental health.

[khwaabeyin]

tired of you happy people, i need miserable mfs like me

#desiblr #girlblogging

[khwaabeyin]

[khwaabeyin]

i swear i'd melt if someone called me mohtarma

#desiblr #desi #desi blr

[khwaabeyin]

i feel like a liar. lately i am finding it more and more difficult to understand people and their emotions. and i am afraid if this makes me less of a human.

i sing these songs mindlessly but i don't feel any of these emotions, perhaps like an imposter or an actor. how did i suddenly lose these emotions? maybe i never felt it, listening to others i feel hollow inside my heart, i cannot empathize anymore, i would understand your despair, your rage, your fear, but everything else falls off the scale.

it's a weird feeling, to live like an outsider in your own world, i watch people, make a sense of their feelings, of course i know exactly what they're feeling but i don't understand why i can't feel the same.

this makes me fear about the relationships in my life, romantic and platonic included. i lie to myself as if i want them but in my heart i don't wish for them to stay or fear for their leave. a truth i accept: everyone hurts, everyone leaves, i've etched so deep inside my brain, i don't feel anything anymore.

#desiblr #spilled words #words words words #desi #my words #girlblogging #mental health #feelings #Spotify

[khwaabeyin]

bohot hogya sona, ab hoga rona

#desiblr #desi blr #desi

[khwaabeyin]

Being a part of crowd, or watching a crowd is such a humbling experience for being alive. You are alive and so are all of them, so many of them. You are not special when there are 100s of people looking same as you doing same work as you at same time but then you all go, have your own life, do little somethings that are so so special and specific. Your existence is merely anything, but that is also so good, no one actually cares that much about anyone else, time passes anyways. Life is so fragile and common yet Being alive is so sacred and a coincidence, a rare chance.

[khwaabeyin]

reblog if it's okay for your mutuals to message you and create an actual friendship, not just interactions