Love me...
Pairings: Bucky x Reader
Words: 3.8k
Warnings: mentions and descriptions of depression. Hints but no actual mention of self harm.
A.N: This one was actually very personal for me. I go through things like this periodically, and I just need some Bucky sometimes. I am not trying to describe all depression, as everyone is different, but this is just something that I go throughâŠ
âââââââ
The fork scraped against the plate as Y.n poked at her food. There is something about the way silence can be your saving grace, but at the same time, if left in it, one can easily go mad. It could be your home, or a complete mess. The way Y.n knew she was in trouble was because of this. Her head was getting to be an uneasy place to be when the world wasnât awake. Thank the heavens that morning was slipping through the cracks of the curtains. It was coming again. The ache was currently soft, easily mistaken for the burn in your lungs when you hold your breath for a few seconds too long. It blended in with the move of her muscles, or the pressure when she flicked her finger. The only thing that set it apart from the rest of the casual pains of existence was its familiarity and persistence. This pain wasnât like a prick of the finger or the stub of the toe, it was a hollowing pressure. It was as if her ribs were slowly getting smaller and smothering everything they caged. They had only shrunk slightly this morning, but Y.n noticed.
The soft padding of feet made her smile despite this. They were once imperceptible, but with time, those feet had gotten heavier with easement of their ownerâs heart. Bucky walked around the corner of the kitchen in just some old sweat pants and a messy hairdo, yawning with the back of his hand trying to cover it. Y.n watched from over her cup as she took a sip, steam brushing up against her cheeks. He shuffled over to her, dipping down to kiss the top of her head. She smiled.
âGood morning, SunshineâŠâ he said. Then, he turned and grabbed his mug from beside the coffee pot, filling it up as he noted the full breakfast cooked and ready in a pan, keeping warm on the stove. âYou were up early.â
Y.n hummed, pushing her berries to the side of the plate as she thought of the nickname Bucky had given her. âWoke up and couldnât fall back asleepâŠâ she said. âBut you were quite the sight to watch this morning.â
Bucky laughed softly and gave her an unbelieving look. âWith what I saw in the mirror earlier, I doubt that.â Â
âI said quite the sight, I didnât say what kind of sight it wasâŠâ she said teasingly.Â
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Get up Buck - B.Barnes X reader
Here it is! The final part.
I hope you all enjoy :)
TW; suicide, death, character death, swearing, (happy ending tho!)
PART 1
PART 2
âShe is to be kept on 24 hour surveillance for the next four days. She is going to be tired and weak and you need to be looking after it. It is going to be hard work for everyone involved and you need to never make her feel bad for itâ The Psych Doctor explained to Steve and Tony,Â
âI understand, I can promise she will be safeâ Tony said firmly, âIs she ready to go?âÂ
âYouâve signed all the consent forms?â The doctor askedÂ
âEverythingâs been signed and paid forâ Steve said, âIâd just like to get her homeâÂ
âOn the understanding that you bring her back the moment you canât handle itâÂ
âI donât need handlingâ Y/N said firmly appearing in the doorway of her room,Â
âI didnât mean it like thatâ The doctor said gentlyÂ
âYou canât keep me here so if you donât want me at the compound I can go homeâ She said, and Tony felt his heart break.
âWe want you at the compoundâ Tony placed his hand softly on hers,Â
âAre you sure?â Y/N asked searching Tonyâs face for any sign of uncertaintyÂ
âYesâ Tony said, picking up her suitcase that was packedÂ
âY/N, here is a few emergency numbers you can call if things get bad againâ the doctor said handing Y/N a pamphlet filled with self-help book recommendations and numbers for therapists.Â
âShe wonât need them, but thank youâ Steve saidÂ
The ride to the compound was filled by the soft humming of Wanda to the radio, Steve and Bucky muttering in the back of the car and Nat trying to pull conversation out of Tony who was clearly preoccupied with googling all the best therapists near to the compound. Y/N had her head resting on the cool glass of the window as the compound rolled into view. It was a sight she had wanted to forget, her hands balled up in her shirt trying to disperse some of the anxiety of moving in. Tony had taken her to her apartment a few hours before to get her things together.Â
âI gave Vis and Clint clear instructions for your room, your stuff will be in thereâ Wanda saidÂ
âThey wonât have unpacked it though?â Y/N double checkedÂ
âNo of course they wonât haveâ Steve said softly âWe will have to check your bags thoughâÂ
âIâm not going to smuggle in anything thatâs going to hurt meâ Y/N said with a roll of her eyes,Â
âWe canât take that risk, you can choose whoever to check through them but we have to checkâ Steve said in an authoritative tone
âNatâ Y/N said quietlyÂ
âSounds good sweetheartâ Nat said with a soft smile,Â
âMovie night tonight, what are we watching?â Tony said trying to lighten the moodÂ
âI think itâs Buckyâs turn to pickâ Wanda said gently, Bucky felt his heart squeeze
âFriendsâ He said without skipping a beatÂ
âFriends?â Tony asked,Â
âYeah, I want to watch Friends tonightâ He said, he knew it was Y/Nâs favourite show to watch when she was feeling down. It wasnât much but it was a start to making her feel better.Â
âThatâs not a movie but I guess we can watch itâ Tony said with a huff,
âY/N sweet or salty popcorn?â Wanda askedÂ
âEither, I think Iâll probably head to bed. So it might be a better idea for someone else to chooseâ She said quietlyÂ
âI want bothâ Clint interrupted, as the car rolled to a stopÂ
âNat can you show Y/N her room?â Tony said as they climbed out the car.Â
It had been two days, Tony had kept Y/N under close super-vision. Not that she would have known it. He made sure that all the agents had been briefed to know that she was to be treated normally, just like she had been treated when she was at the compound with Bucky.Â
âYou need some sleepâ Steve said as Tony slumped into the meeting room with yet another cup of coffee
âEveryoneâs either too tired or on missions to do the over night shifts of watching her, so I donât have a choiceâ Tony said âSleep is for the weakâÂ
âWhat if I took the overnight tonight?â Bucky suggested âYouâre giving her the sleeping tablets so she wonât wake up, Iâm not on missions this week so I donât mind one all-nighterâÂ
âWhat would you do if she did wake up?â Tony asked, Bucky knew it was a test. He wasnât stupid, but there was a part of him that was insultedÂ
âIâd come and get you or Steve and Iâd stay awayâ Bucky said, it was a lie, he wasnât sure how heâd react. Wasnât sure if he could stay that far away from her if she was hurting, but he had to try
âI donât knowâ Tony said warilyÂ
âItâs one night, then you can look after her 24/7 the rest of the weekâ Steve suggested,Â
âFineâ Tony agreed.Â
The night was going smoothly, Bucky felt a little like a stalker watching Y/N sleep on the secret cameras Tony had installed. But he took a little bit of comfort in watching her so peacefully, it had been one of his favourite past-times when they were together. Not that she ever knew about it, back then she would have teased him mercilessly if she had found out. He would have loved it, heâd love it even more if she was to find that spark again, but he knew better than to wish for that much.Â
Y/N stirred a little in her sleep and Bucky felt his chest tighten, she was wearing his shirt. He was sure he had lost it months ago, yet here it was. Bucky zoomed in a little on the camera to check that she wasnât waking up, her face contorting into a pained grimace. Suddenly she sat bolt upright and was desperately searching in the duvet for something. Bucky could sense the panic, his hand hesitating over the button that would call Tony and Steve. Until she stopped, her hands wrapped around something. Something that Bucky couldnât believe. And so he called for Steve.Â
âIs she okay?â Steve asked out of breath,Â
âI need you to put me in a cell tonightâ Bucky said calmly, it wasnât a request Steve wanted to hear,Â
âWhatâs going on? Do I need to call Shuri?âÂ
âSheâs got the bearâ Bucky said quietly,Â
âThe bear?â Steve asked in a dumbfounded way, he knew it was the middle of the night but his brain was desperately trying to keep up with Buckyâs train of thought
âWhen we were together we went to this bear shop, where you could design your own and she made a Bucky Bearâ He said, tears daring to fall from his eyes âShe paid extra for her bear to have a matching arm to mineâ His metal fingers flexed, âI always said that as long as she had the bear Iâd be with herâ His voice broke on the last syllableÂ
âBuckâÂ
âI need you to put me in a cell because otherwise Iâm going to go in there and I canât betray Tony like thatâÂ
âI wonât lock you upâ Steve saidÂ
âThen call Tonyâ Bucky snappedÂ
âNoâ Steve said firmlyÂ
âSteve I have very little willpower right now. I canât stay away from her when sheâs hurting like thisâ Bucky saidÂ
âI donât think you shouldâ Steve said quietly, âI think she needs youâÂ
âShe hates meâÂ
âShe doesnâtâÂ
That was all Bucky needed to hear, he was soon outside her door, his knuckles tapping on the soft wood of her door. It creaked open to show Y/N with tear trails down her cheeks. She didnât dare move when she saw Bucky, almost as though she had forgotten how to.Â
âY/N,â Bucky started but he couldnât find the wordsÂ
âWhat did you want Bucky?â She asked tiredly rubbing her eyes,Â
âI canâtâ He took a deep breath âI lied, when I broke up with you. I lied to keep you safe, I was scared I was corrupting you. I wanted to keep you safe and I fucked up. But Y/N, I need to make it better tonight. I need you to let me hold youâ he rambled quickly,Â
âBuckyâ Y/N startedÂ
âI promise I will talk to you properly in the morning, you can yell or tell me you hate me, but please I canât loose you. I wonât loose you. I need you to want to live, and I swear I will prove to you ever single day that life is worth it. Just please Y/N, if you canât live for you, then live for me?â Bucky said he fell onto his knees begging Y/N,Â
âGet up Buckâ she said softlyÂ
âY/Nâ He startedÂ
âIâve always slept better with you in the roomâ she admitted.Â
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Happy birthday Buck đ
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I loved just let me go! I canât wait for part 2! â€ïžâ€ïžâ€ïž
thank you!! It's just been posted :) xx
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Just let me go pt 2??? đ„șđ„șđ„ș
just posted :) xx
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One Week - B.Barnes x reader
PART 1
PART 3
Here is part two my loves, there will be a final 3rd part,
TW: suicide, death, character death, breakup, general sadness, suicide notes, swearing.
(also I won't be making a taglist for the next part so please turn notifs on so you don't miss it!)
Bucky couldnât watch, he had resulted to cleaning the blood from between the joints on his metal hand. The quinjet hummed slowly, providing little comfort to Buckyâs swirling thoughts. Steve and Wanda were talking quietly, not quietly enough for Buckyâs liking.Â
âDid you read yours?â Steve asked, gesturing to the letter that Wanda had clutched in her handÂ
âNo, I wonât. She wrote it for me to read when she wasnât here. She is here. I donât need to read itâ Wanda said sadly, her letter was still sealed in the envelope with her name neatly swirled on the front. Her eyes fell on Y/Nâs sleeping frame, Tony had taken the decision to sedate her, she had refused to be taken out of the cell, still clutching desperately to the hope of death. They had all tried their hardest to level with her, but nothing worked, everyone had tried their best, everyone except Bucky. He couldnât find a single word to say to her as she was desperately asking everyone to kill her.Â
âWe will be landing at the compound in ten minutesâ Tony said to nobody in particular but everyone stopped and listenedÂ
âI think we should take her to a hospitalâ Nat said calmly, she was too calm for Buckyâs liking. He couldnât understand how she wasnât tearing herself apart for letting Y/N get to this state.Â
âShe needs to be at homeâ Tony said firmlyÂ
âThe compound isnât her homeâ Nat answered curtlyÂ
âIt used to beâ Wanda mused, thinking of the days that Y/N had spent wandering around the compound as she watched Bucky training, or cooking together, it used to be her home.Â
âIt isnât nowâ Clint agreed with Nat, âA few months ago I would have said the same Tony, but now, well now she needs to be at a hospital. She needs to be given the choice to come back with usâÂ
âCap?â Tony asked,Â
âI agreeâ Steve said,Â
âSo do Iâ Sam added,Â
Bucky stayed silent.
ïżœïżœFine, Iâll reroute to the hospitalâ Tony said with a sigh.Â
âMr Stark, Dr Cho told me you were on your way, Iâm Doctor Simmonds, Iâll be treating Y/N today,â A doctor said meeting Tony at the entrance door to the Quinjet,Â
âYou need to treat this girl as though sheâs one of ours, understand?â Tony said firmly,Â
âI understandâ He said simply following a few nurses as they placed Y/N onto a stretcher and carried her into the hospital, âCan you tell me the extent of her injuries?â He askedÂ
âWe havenât examined herâ Nat interrupted, âShe was held for around 23 hours, we are unsure of what happened.âÂ
âI understand, now if you could all wait outside. Iâm going to examine her and let you know what Iâve foundâ He said as he disappeared behind a closed door that Y/N was lying behind.Â
âWe should have gone in with herâ Steve said,Â
âHe needs to do his job, and we need to waitâ Wanda softly said, there was a nervous edge to her words, Bucky picked up on it.Â
âCoffee anyone?â Nat suggested, a few nodded, âBucky come help meâ She saidÂ
âYou can handle itâ Bucky said his gaze still on the floorÂ
âNow Buckyâ Nat left no room for argument and Bucky followed her silently through the halls. âYou need to tell me what happenedâ She said firmlyÂ
âI donât know what you meanâ Bucky repliedÂ
âWhen you broke up, what the hell happened?â Nat said, her eyes flaming with something Bucky didnât want to deal withÂ
âWe broke upâ he said bluntly âThere isnât anything else to sayâÂ
âYouâve been seeing other people whilst sheâs been planning her suicideâ She whispered fiercely, âWhat the hell did you do to her?â It was one of the only times Bucky had seen Nat loose her cool in such a dramatic way,Â
âNothing happenedâ He reiterated simplyÂ
âDonât be that guyâ nat snapped, âFive coffeeâs please, black, double shot in all of themâ She said to the girl stood starstruck behind the counterÂ
âLook, nothing happenedâ Bucky said âWe splitâÂ
âWho made the decision?âÂ
âI didâ he replied, his eyes fixating on his boots once more,Â
âWhy?âÂ
âWe didnât work together, do you need a full rundown on my life?â He snapped louder than he wanted,Â
âJust on your breakupâ Nat replied quickly, âWhy didnât you work?âÂ
âI couldnât do it, she was too much.â He didnât mean it, he didnât know how he could explain it in any other way to NatÂ
âToo much how?âÂ
âHere you areâ the girl behind the counter placed the coffees down, Nat muttered a thank you.Â
âI like my life, I like being alone. I enjoy coming home alone. I donât need anyone else in my life to look after,â He snapped,Â
âYouâre not telling the truthâ Nat whispered âYou forget, I used to be the best interrogator that SHIELD had ever seen. I see through you Bucky, and whatever you did to hurt that girlââ
âI told her I didnât love her,â he whispered âI told her she was too much for me. Told her that she was naive and young and stupid. I said that I didnât want to deal with her or look after her or have to love herâÂ
âWhy would you do that?âÂ
âBecause I was scared, she is good. She is innocent, and kind, and gentle, and she kissed me as if I was good too. Iâm not. So I ended things, and I said things that I wonât ever repeat because the words already haunt me enoughâ he sighed âI dated those girls after her because they werenât good people, or nice people, I suited them better, there wasnât anything to ruin. With Y/N, I was killing her slowly and she didnât even know itâ Bucky said, his chest heaving once he finished ,Â
âBuckyâ Nat started,Â
âI needed her to hate meâ He said softly,Â
âYou failedâ Tony said from behind him, âI came to help get the coffeeâ He explained once Nat gave him a confused look âShe doesnât hate you, she hates herself. I dread to think what sheâs been thinking of herself the past few months because of youâÂ
âTony enoughâ Nat stopped himÂ
âY/N is lying in a hospital bed sedated because he was a cowardâ Tony snapped, âWhen she wakes up, you best hope that she forgives you, because if thereâs a shred of anything other than forgiveness in her words I will kill youâ He said turning and walking away. His words were calm, and collected, Bucky knew he was sincere. It should have scared him, but it didnât.Â
âMr Stark?â Dr Simmonds asked coming out of Y/Nâs room,Â
âHow is she?â Tony stood up from the uncomfortable plastic chair,Â
âWe need to admit her to an inpatient facilityâ His voice made Buckyâs blood run cold, âIn order to do this I need a signature from her next of kinâ he continued to explain, âI reached out to her sister, who is on file as her next of kin, except it seems that she passed away a few months back and I need to know if there are any other living relatives for me to contact for permissionâ The room went silent,Â
âHer sister died?â Wanda parrotedÂ
âAccording to our records around ten months agoâ Dr Simmonds said,Â
âShe doesnât have any other family, her parents died when she was little and her sister was all she had leftâ Bucky said stoicallyÂ
âThis isnât the answer youâre going to want to hear but without a next of kin I canât admit herâ Dr Simmonds explained softlyÂ
âWe can look after her at the compoundâ Tony said,Â
âTony, we canât make a decision like that without talking to herâ Steve cut in.Â
âI agree with the Captain, Mr Stark. Sheâs still drowsy from the sedation but uprooting her in the state sheâs in isnât a good ideaâÂ
âWhat state is she in?â Nat askedÂ
âSheâs malnourished, dehydrated, exhausted. Nothing physically wrong apart from a few minor lacerations and bruising, but sheâs not been taking care of herself. If you hadnât told me sheâd only been taken for 24 hours Iâd have guessed it would have been at least 3 monthsâ He explainedÂ
âSheâs depressedâ Tony muttered softlyÂ
âWithout talking to her at length I canât make that diagnosis, sheâs clearly grieving her sister. Amongst other things but I donât know what those are yet. Iâve asked for psych to come and give her a full examination just so we know what we are dealing with. But without a next of kin, my hands are tiedâÂ
âWhat about an old next of kin?â Bucky asked slowly,Â
âY/N would have to sign off on it, are you a past next of kin for her?â The Dr asked, eyeing Bucky with a look of distain, the pieces clicking into place slowly. Bucky nodded, âIâd have to check with the boardâ The Dr explained.Â
âCan we see her?â Wanda asked changing the subject quickly.Â
âI will ask her, but Iâm not promising anythingâ Dr Simmonds said with a nod, retuning back behind the closed door. Â
The next few minutes were painful, nobody dared to sit down in case Y/N asked to see them. Bucky could hear muffled voices behind the door and it killed him that Y/N was so close but he couldnât reach her, he wouldnât dare to reach her in case of anything making her worse.Â
âMr Starkâ Dr Simmonds said stepping out the room, âShe has agreed to see youâÂ
Tony didnât say a word and instead followed the doctor through the door and into the room. Y/N was sat in bed, restraints lay idle on the bed, untied, Tonyâs eyes went straight to them.Â
âThey took them off about an hour agoâ She said quietly, knowing what Tony was thinking.Â
âHow are you feeling?â He asked carefully sitting in a plastic chair that had been placed at her bedside,Â
âIâm sorryâ She said, calmly.Â
âNone of thatâ Tony said firmly, patting her hand comfortinglyÂ
âI didnât want anyone to know, I just needed it to be overâ She said âAnd then they came and it seemed like the best way out. Iâm sorry I put you through all thatâÂ
âYou donât need to apologise,â Tony said âLet me help you, please?âÂ
âIâve spoken to the doctor, lots of doctors and Iâm okay. Really. Iâm okayâ She promised sincerely
âThey want to admit youâ Tony said slowly, watching as Y/Nâs face fell,Â
âThey saidâ
âThey canât though, because of your next of kin. They need a signature and itââ
âSheâs deadâ Y/N bluntly whispered Â
âI would like for you to come and live at the compound for the next few weeks, just until you get back on your feetâ He said softlyÂ
âI wonât put you or anyone else through thatâÂ
âYou mean Buckyâ Tony said, he knew it was risky to bring him up but he needed to know how best to help Y/N.Â
Y/Nâs eyes glazed over sadly, and she pulled her knees up to her chest.Â
âThis isnât his fault. Believe it or not the breakup was actually probably the least bad thing that happened this yearâ She said with a half hearted chuckle,Â
âIâm sorry, I should have been there for youâ Tony said, âeveryone is here to help. Just let us look after you for a week. Thatâs allâÂ
âI promise Iâm okayâÂ
âI know you are, I need to do this for me, let me helpâ Tony said, it was a lie. He needed to know that Y/N was somewhere safe and once she was there for a week he could convince her to stay longer, he was sure of it.Â
âOne weekâÂ
âOne weekâ Tony nodded.Â
Tony had instructed Wanda, Bucky and Steve to set up a room for Y/N whilst he filled out some paperwork for Y/N.Â
âHow are you feeling?â Steve asked Bucky as they walked through the empty compound, towards one of the guest rooms,Â
âI donât think you should be asking me thatâ Bucky kept his eyes trained on the ground. His shoulders hunched,Â
âThis is as hard on you as it is on herâ Wanda saidÂ
âItâs not, I never tried to end my life. I made her do that. It was my words that forced her into that positionâ Bucky said, his filter had gone, he was bleeding raw emotions onto the floor of the compound and he couldnât stop.Â
âThat wasnât your fault, you canât stay with someone just in case they get depressed when you leave. Thatâs basically blackmailâ Steve saidÂ
âShe didnât deserve this. I promised her Iâd be with her for the rest of her life. I swore sheâd never be alone again and then I left. Iâm no better than anyone else in her lifeâÂ
âShe doesnât hate youâ Wanda said,Â
âWhat?â Bucky asked,Â
âI read the letter, I didnât think I was going to but I couldnât stop myselfâ Wanda said pulling it out of her pocket âbut she told me that it wasnât your faultâÂ
âStopâ Bucky said,Â
âBucky she didnât do it because of youâ Wanda saidÂ
âShe needs some plants in hereâ Bucky said firmly as they opened up the door to Y/Nâs new room,Â
âBuckâ Steve startedÂ
âAnd her fairy lights, on the ceiling, she likes them to look like starsâ Bucky continued. âWe donât have very long, we need to get startedâ
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Part 2 of let me go is written buttt it isnât finished do you want a part 3 or for me to finish part 2?
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Hi everyone!! To everyone asking I donât have a tag list but you can turn on my notifs if you want updates for when I post things đ
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Hi everyone!
Iâm so so pleased that everyone is liking Let Me Go, this is a bit of a favour but please support creators
I have a tip button at the top of my page and I have a little Etsy shop where you can buy little gifts.
Times are hard and creatives often always work for free so please support us.
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Thank you đđđđ
Just let me go - Bucky Barnes x reader
Okay this one is ANGSTTYYY Also there will be a part two! Posted tomorrow :)
TW: kidnapping, swearing, suicidal thoughts, guns, angst, sadness, suicidal ideation, also I haven't proof read this aha I'm sorry!!
âSergeant Barnes, there is someone here to see youâ One of the agent said as they stepped into the training room,Â
âWho?â Bucky replied curtly, being halfway through a session with Nat he didnât exactly want to be interrupted no matter who it wasÂ
âI donât know but she looks upset, if I was you Iâd be worriedâ the agent said with a laugh, making a few of the other traineeâs laughÂ
âDonât forget your rankâ Bucky said bluntly,Â
âSorry Sargent Barnesâ The agent said,Â
âYou can start sparring, Iâll be back soon and I expect to see some improvements from yesterdayâ Nat said following Bucky out the room,Â
âWho do you think it is?â Nat askedÂ
âI donât knowâ Bucky saidÂ
âWhat about that girl you went out with the other night?âÂ
âI donât think sheâd come hereâ Bucky said with a huff, âshe didnât like meâ he saidÂ
âOoh what about the girl from Tonyâs party?â Nat suggested, it sounded as though the idea of Bucky having a girl round was entertaining to her, Bucky narrowed his eyes at Nat,Â
âNoâ He said bluntly,Â
âTensions killing meâ Nat said with a dry laughÂ
âCome on Nat, leave it aloneâ he said, turning the corner to the common room, he stopped immediately his breath hitching in his throat for a split second,Â
âY/N?â Nat beamed running over to give her a hug almost knocking her off of her feet âItâs been like a year since I saw you!â She grinned,Â
âHey Natâ She said gently,Â
âYou have to stay for dinner, Wandaâs cooking, sheâll want to see you. So will Steve, and Tony, oh and Sam!â She said âIâll text them all now, theyâll set up a place for youâÂ
âNat, I donât thinkââ Y/N startedÂ
âI donât want to hear it, youâre stayingâ She said pulling out her phone and quickly tapping a message,Â
âY/Nâ Bucky said bluntly, his voice void of all emotions.Â
âHeyâ Y/N cut herself off unsure of what to call him so deciding against calling him anything, her eyes wandered to his arm, âthe black and gold suits youâ She said softly âAlways said silver wasnât your colourâÂ
âShuri agreed with youâ Bucky nodded
An uncomfortable silence settled across the two of them,Â
âI should goâ She said quickly,Â
âWhy did you come?â He asked a part of him not wanting her to disappear, not againÂ
âI, uh I found, I found thisâ Y/N said her cheeks flushing red as she passed Bucky a t-shirt, one that he had forgotten about, but it certainly looked more worn now than how he remembered it. His heart squeezed at the thought of her wearing it after everything
âThis is why you came?â Bucky saidÂ
âYouâre right, it was stupid. Iâm gonna goâ Y/N said quickly, shaking her head as she turned, Bucky knew how she felt. He had imaged many times making an excuse to go and see her, he just didnât think she was the kind of person to go through with it.Â
âY/N! Oh my, Nat said you were here. Iâve just laid the table dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes which is just long enough for you to catch me up on your life! Sorry Buck, but sheâs with me until dinner. Then you can have her backâ Wanda said not offering Bucky or Y/N a second option.Â
----
âSo Y/N where have you been?â Tony asked as they all sat down at the table âitâs like you dropped off the face of the earth
âJust around,â She said quietlyÂ
âI came by your apartment, but it was emptyâ Tony said,Â
âI had to move outâÂ
âYou moved out?â Nat said âHow come?â She said worry filling her voiceÂ
âLife happensâ she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Buckyâs eyes fell on her face, watching how her eyes studied her plate not daring to look upÂ
âWell things always find a way of getting betterâ Wanda said squeezing Y/Nâs hand on the top of the tableÂ
âHow about you guys, Iâve seen good things on the newsâ Y/N said softlyÂ
âWeâre okayâ Steve said,Â
âIâm pleased,â Y/N said with a smile that didnât quite meet her eyes,Â
âWhatâs your new apartment like?â Wanda asked,Â
âItâs niceâ Y/N said gently ,Â
âYou should give me the address,â Tony said commandinglyÂ
âIâll send it over to you, I still donât quite know it off by heartâ She said, it was a lie. Bucky knew it was a lie, even if he couldnât hear her heartbeat pick up, he would be able to tell from the way she couldnât look at anyone in their eye.Â
âWhat part of town is it?â Steve pressed,Â
âI really appreciate you guys having me for dinner but Iâm going to head homeâ She said quickly, âIâll see you guys aroundâ She said picking up her coat,Â
âI'm sorry if I said something wrongâ Steve apologised quickly, he shouldâve known better than to press her, Bucky thought
âYou donât need toâ Tony said trying to savour the dinnerÂ
âWhy donât you stay for a movie?â Wanda suggested,Â
âI need to goâ She said standing up and quickly hurrying out of the roomÂ
A gentle silence fell across the room, âI shouldnât have asked herâ Steve saidÂ
âItâs not on youâ Wanda said âI donât think that anyone could have convinced her to open up to usâÂ
âIâll find her address and go over tomorrow, itâll be easier without anyone else thereâ Tony said fiercely,Â
âShe wonât talk to youâ Bucky saidÂ
âAnd sheâll talk to you?â Tony snapped âYouâre the reason we are in this mess in the first place. She is my friend and I will do what I think is rightâÂ
âWhat even happened when you broke up?â Wanda askedÂ
â Nothingâ Bucky saidÂ
âDonât lieâ Tony snappedÂ
âWhat the hell did you do? I thought you two were fineâ Nat askedÂ
âYou told us all you two were fine after the breakupâ Wanda saidÂ
âLeave him aloneâ Steve said sternlyÂ
Bucky sighed softly âShe just came to drop off a shirtâÂ
âNobody drops off a shirt after a yearâ Tony said âShe wanted to see you and you couldnât even give her the time of dayâ He snappedÂ
âSheâll be okay, Iâll come with you tomorrow, we can check in on herâ Wanda saidÂ
Bucky didnât dare to say anything, he just nodded gently. It was a thank you, all be it a silent one, but a thank you none the less.Â
----
âTony, you need to see thisâ Wanda said as an alert popped up on the screen alerting Tony to a new message, they had been in Tony's lab for a few hours scouting out Y/N's new apartment.
âHave you seen where she is living?â Tony said scanning through the photos that FRIDAY had brought up on his screen âitâs worse than I thoughtâ Â
âTony nowâ Wanda said fiercely,
âWhat is it?â Tony asked, turning around, his face dropping when he saw the screen. âIs that?âÂ
âY/Nâ Wanda finished
âWho sent thisâ Tony askedÂ
âI donât know, itâs anonymous. I canât trace the signal eitherâÂ
âFRIDAY, call the team and get them into the conference room nowâÂ
âYes Mr Starkâ FRIDAY answeredÂ
âWe canât tell Buckyâ Wanda said,Â
âWe can and we will because he is going to help usâÂ
âThatâs a bad ideaâ Wanda saidÂ
âHe once was one the best assassins, no debate. As much as I donât like the tinman, he can and will help usâ Tony said leaving little room for debate.Â
âTony what the hell? Weâre meant to have the week off of missionsâ Nat said, sitting down in a chair with a mug of coffee nursed in her hands
âThis is differentâ Tony said,Â
âHow so?â Steve askedÂ
âThis is personalâ Tony said sternly,Â
âItâs Y/Nâ Wanda whispered,Â
âWhat happened to her?â Bucky askedÂ
âI was sent this videoâ Tony said
 âWe thought it was best we watched it togetherâ Wanda addedÂ
âFRIDAY, play the video pleaseâ
The screen went dark for a moment and then lit up with a picture of Y/N locked in a room, Bucky felt a strange wave of familiarity wash over himÂ
âTell your friends what we wantâ A voice spoke, it sent chills down Buckyâs spine, he put her in this position. He had done everything to keep her safe, after all these years, this was his fault.Â
âThey wonât comeâ Y/Nâs voice was strangely calmÂ
âDonât be difficult girl, tell them what we wantâ The voice spoke againÂ
âYou want the soldier, you want someone whoâs gone. But hereâs the catch. Even if he wasnât gone, even if the solider still existed he wouldnât come. Not for me.â She saidÂ
âWeâve done our researchâ The voice mused, there was a hint of amusement in itâs voice, as though it had caught Y/N out,Â
âYour research is wrong. I havenât spoken to Bucky in a year, he doesât careâ Y/N snapped, a gunshot sounded through the conference room, making them jumpÂ
âTurn it offâ Buckyâs voice was quiet but cut through the entire roomÂ
âShooting blanks at me wonât workâ Y/N snapped âIf youâre going to kill me then kill meâ
âTurn it offâ Bucky said once moreÂ
âWe want the soldatâ The voice behind the camera spokeÂ
âThen youâll have to find someone who he cares about, because it isnât meâ She snappedÂ
âYou have six hours or she diesâÂ
The camera turned off and the room went dark. All eyes turned to Bucky,Â
âWhen was this sent?â He saidÂ
âBarely ten minutes agoâ Wanda answered softly,Â
âLetâs start at her apartmentâ Steve said firmly âWanda, Clint youâre with me, Tony, Nat you should try and find something from the video, there might be an idea of where theyâre keeping her.âÂ
âI need to go as wellâ Bucky saidÂ
âNoâ Wanda said âYou need to stay away from thisâÂ
âI spent years tracking people down, I think Iâm the best chance we have to finding Y/Nâ He said challenging anyone to speak out against him
âIâll go as supportâ Sam said patting Buckyâs back comfortingly.Â
âWe need to go, nowâ Steve saidÂ
----
Steveâs skin crawled at the sight of Y/Nâs apartment. He hesitated before pushing the door open, it creaked and echoed through the tiny studio. Clothes were thrown across the room, plates were stacked up by the sink, two blankets were half heartedly thrown across the bed, no sign of a duvet or pillow. Bucky had to tear his eyes away from her apartment for a minute to regain his composure.Â
âI canât believe she was staying hereâ Wanda said stepping into it
âIt was a means to an endâ Steve said,Â
âI should have helped herâ Wanda sighed softly, her eyes falling on the pile of clothes in the corner of the room, Â
âWe didnât knowâ Clint said
âWe should haveâ Wanda snapped âLook at how she was living, we should have been able to helpâÂ
âShe was always good at survivingâ Steve said firmlyÂ
âShe shouldnât have had to be, we are her friends and the moment her and Bucky split we left herâ Wanda said, tears building in her eyesÂ
âThey must have taken her here, look at the messâ Steve said changing the subject quickly,
âNoâ Bucky said softly âThis is Y/Nâ Bucky said with a sigh
âWhat do you mean?â Clint asked âthis is normal?âÂ
âWhen she got busy, she used to get messy, never put things away. Found it hard to do anythingâ Bucky said swallowing tightly âWe argued about itâ He admittedÂ
âSo did they take her here, or not?â Sam askedÂ
âNot here, this is normal for her. It didnât happen hereâ Bucky said firmly
âOk so thatâs somethingâ Sam said, attempting at a loose sense of positivity
âIt mustâve happened by the compoundâ Wanda said âthink about it, if they wanted Bucky then surely theyâd be keeping tabs on him. When she left last night they must have taken the next best thing to get to himâ She saidÂ
âWe need to look at security camerasâ Clint suggestedÂ
âWho wants Bucky though?â Sam said, âI think weâre focussing too much on Y/N, rather than on what they wantâÂ
âHydraâ Steve said through pursed lipsÂ
âIt canât beâ Wanda saidÂ
âIt has to beâ Clint confirmed âIt makes the most senseâÂ
âSo who are we looking at? Zemo?â Sam askedÂ
âMaybeâ Steve said âDoesnât feel right thoughâ, Steveâs thought was cut short by his phone ringingÂ
âSteve, Iâve got an addressâ Tony said, âsuit upâ
----
Bucky couldnât stop shaking, heâd been on tougher missions, heâd been in tougher briefings, he had almost died more times than he could count. But this felt like the worst day of his life,Â
âWeâve been sent an address,â Tony saidÂ
âItâs a trapâ Nat saidÂ
âWe donât know thatâ Steve suggested, âWho sent it to you?âÂ
âIt came with a video, it was from the same people as beforeâÂ
âWhatâs the video?â Sam asked, noticing the tension that had fallen across the room,Â
Tony instructed FRIDAY to play the video, Y/Nâs face was brought up on the screen,Â
âY/N tell them what you just told meâ The voice spokeÂ
âNoâ She spat through gritted teeth, her hair was matted with blood which dripped slowly from a wound on her hair line, her face was bruised and Bucky was silently pleased he could only see to the base on her neck, anymore and he was sure he would throw up. The skin he had once pressed kisses to so gently was purple and blotted with blood.Â
âOur captive here has a death wishâ The voice said again, âShe had her little suicide letters in her pocket when we caught herâ it sneeredÂ
âShut the hell upâ Y/N snapped, there was something in her eyes that scared Bucky, she looked so void of the love that she had once been filled withÂ
âShe was on the top of a building when we found her, sheâs only got 3 hours left avengers. Are you going to give in to her wishes?âÂ
âJust kill meâ She whisperedÂ
âWhat was that?â The voice asked, it was mocking her, teasing her, it was a sight that Bucky couldnât standÂ
âKill me!â She shouted, her voice sent chills down each of the spines of her old friends âJust kill meâ She said settling into a bought of sobs,Â
The video stopped and cut to a map with a pin placed directly in it.Â
âWe need to goâ Steve said âWe leave in 5âÂ
----
The quinjet landed softly and Bucky could feel a knot growing in his stomach, he had been on enough rescue missions to know the ways that this could go. It was an old hydra base, one that Bucky was sure shouldâve been emptied years ago. But here it stood, admittedly it was partly falling down but the cells were deep underground and the structures were built to last. He knew that much well enough, if he strained his ears he would swear that he could hear Y/Nâs cries, but he convinced himself it was all in his head.Â
âSheâs going to be okayâ Steve saidÂ
âI canât loose her Steveâ Bucky admitted âIâve lost her once, I canât watch her dieâÂ
âThen donât let herâ Steve saidÂ
Bucky followed behind the rest of the team, Wanda stood beside him,Â
âDo you want me to take the fear away?â She asked under her breath, knowing nobody else would be able to hear herÂ
âNo, I need itâ Bucky said, he didnât explain anything else but Wanda nodded,Â
âLetâs go get Y/N homeâ Wanda said
Bucky followed Tonyâs lead, any other mission he would have tried to take the lead off of Tony but he couldnât for this. Y/N needed Tonyâs planning, Y/Nâs life couldnât be in Buckyâs hands. He would never forgive himself if anything happened. They descended into the base, it was too quiet for Buckyâs liking. Hydra would never have kept it this quiet, something was wrong.Â
âWelcome home soldatâ the words echoed through the halls,Â
âThey know we are hereâ Steve muttered,Â
âSheâs down hereâ Tony said, taking another set of steps downwards, Bucky could hear her shallow breaths getting louder slowly with each step he took.Â
âY/N?â Steve called out,Â
âI told you to fucking kill meâ Y/N screamed, Tony immediately picked up the pace to a run following the sound of her voice. Their footsteps echoed through the concrete walls, as they came across a long hallway filled with cells made of glass. Buckyâs skin crawled at the sight. This was what he wanted to protect Y/N from, she shouldnât see this. Â
âKIll meâ Her voice rang through the cells,Â
âSoldatâ Bucky turned to find the voice behind him. âDo the honours?â The man said, he was older than Bucky thought he would be.Â
âWeâre surroundedâ Steve said,Â
âThereâs no getting out of thisâ The man sneered,Â
âThatâs kind of where you are wrongâ Tony said smartly, âYou really think thereâs only four of us?â He laughedÂ
âWhat?âÂ
âThe rest of our team have cleared out your base, and theyâre on their wayâ He said with a smirk âAlso not only have we got two super soldiers, weâve also got a freaky witch and me, ironman, you might of heard of meâÂ
âIronman, you forget. You have an unstable winter soldier on your team, All I have to do is say a few words and heâs under my control right?âÂ
âDoesnât work anymoreâ Bucky snappedÂ
âIâm boredâ Nat said sneaking up from behind, with a wicked grin she pulled the trigger and the body fell to the ground with a thud. Instantly Bucky turned and shot the guard who was keeping him surrounded âGod why are all the people we go against so boringâ Nat said with a huff, once they had dealt with the guards.Â
âLetâs just get Y/Nâ Tony said letting out a breath.Â
Wanda took a step away from the group into a nearby cell, it was as though she felt her.Â
âGuys sheâs hereâ Wanda called,Â
Bucky took a deep breath and turned the corner, Y/N sat slumped on a chair, out of breath and covered in bruises and dried blood.Â
âPleaseâ She whimperedÂ
âWeâre going to get you out of hereâ Wanda said slowly untying her gentlyÂ
âPlease noâ She criedÂ
âYouâre safeâ Steve said kneeling at her sideÂ
âNo Please, let me goâ She saidÂ
âWeâre letting you go, youâre going to be okâÂ
âNo, pleaseâ She sobbed again âYou have to let me dieâ She cried as Wanda pulled the ties away from herÂ
âY/N, we canât do thatâ Steve said,Â
âYouâre going to be okayâ Tony promised
âJust let me go please?âÂ
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Just let me go - Bucky Barnes x reader
Okay this one is ANGSTTYYY Also there will be a part two! Posted tomorrow :)
TW: kidnapping, swearing, suicidal thoughts, guns, angst, sadness, suicidal ideation, also I haven't proof read this aha I'm sorry!!
âSergeant Barnes, there is someone here to see youâ One of the agent said as they stepped into the training room,Â
âWho?â Bucky replied curtly, being halfway through a session with Nat he didnât exactly want to be interrupted no matter who it wasÂ
âI donât know but she looks upset, if I was you Iâd be worriedâ the agent said with a laugh, making a few of the other traineeâs laughÂ
âDonât forget your rankâ Bucky said bluntly,Â
âSorry Sargent Barnesâ The agent said,Â
âYou can start sparring, Iâll be back soon and I expect to see some improvements from yesterdayâ Nat said following Bucky out the room,Â
âWho do you think it is?â Nat askedÂ
âI donât knowâ Bucky saidÂ
âWhat about that girl you went out with the other night?âÂ
âI donât think sheâd come hereâ Bucky said with a huff, âshe didnât like meâ he saidÂ
âOoh what about the girl from Tonyâs party?â Nat suggested, it sounded as though the idea of Bucky having a girl round was entertaining to her, Bucky narrowed his eyes at Nat,Â
âNoâ He said bluntly,Â
âTensions killing meâ Nat said with a dry laughÂ
âCome on Nat, leave it aloneâ he said, turning the corner to the common room, he stopped immediately his breath hitching in his throat for a split second,Â
âY/N?â Nat beamed running over to give her a hug almost knocking her off of her feet âItâs been like a year since I saw you!â She grinned,Â
âHey Natâ She said gently,Â
âYou have to stay for dinner, Wandaâs cooking, sheâll want to see you. So will Steve, and Tony, oh and Sam!â She said âIâll text them all now, theyâll set up a place for youâÂ
âNat, I donât thinkââ Y/N startedÂ
âI donât want to hear it, youâre stayingâ She said pulling out her phone and quickly tapping a message,Â
âY/Nâ Bucky said bluntly, his voice void of all emotions.Â
âHeyâ Y/N cut herself off unsure of what to call him so deciding against calling him anything, her eyes wandered to his arm, âthe black and gold suits youâ She said softly âAlways said silver wasnât your colourâÂ
âShuri agreed with youâ Bucky nodded
An uncomfortable silence settled across the two of them,Â
âI should goâ She said quickly,Â
âWhy did you come?â He asked a part of him not wanting her to disappear, not againÂ
âI, uh I found, I found thisâ Y/N said her cheeks flushing red as she passed Bucky a t-shirt, one that he had forgotten about, but it certainly looked more worn now than how he remembered it. His heart squeezed at the thought of her wearing it after everything
âThis is why you came?â Bucky saidÂ
âYouâre right, it was stupid. Iâm gonna goâ Y/N said quickly, shaking her head as she turned, Bucky knew how she felt. He had imaged many times making an excuse to go and see her, he just didnât think she was the kind of person to go through with it.Â
âY/N! Oh my, Nat said you were here. Iâve just laid the table dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes which is just long enough for you to catch me up on your life! Sorry Buck, but sheâs with me until dinner. Then you can have her backâ Wanda said not offering Bucky or Y/N a second option.Â
----
âSo Y/N where have you been?â Tony asked as they all sat down at the table âitâs like you dropped off the face of the earth
âJust around,â She said quietlyÂ
âI came by your apartment, but it was emptyâ Tony said,Â
âI had to move outâÂ
âYou moved out?â Nat said âHow come?â She said worry filling her voiceÂ
âLife happensâ she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Buckyâs eyes fell on her face, watching how her eyes studied her plate not daring to look upÂ
âWell things always find a way of getting betterâ Wanda said squeezing Y/Nâs hand on the top of the tableÂ
âHow about you guys, Iâve seen good things on the newsâ Y/N said softlyÂ
âWeâre okayâ Steve said,Â
âIâm pleased,â Y/N said with a smile that didnât quite meet her eyes,Â
âWhatâs your new apartment like?â Wanda asked,Â
âItâs niceâ Y/N said gently ,Â
âYou should give me the address,â Tony said commandinglyÂ
âIâll send it over to you, I still donât quite know it off by heartâ She said, it was a lie. Bucky knew it was a lie, even if he couldnât hear her heartbeat pick up, he would be able to tell from the way she couldnât look at anyone in their eye.Â
âWhat part of town is it?â Steve pressed,Â
âI really appreciate you guys having me for dinner but Iâm going to head homeâ She said quickly, âIâll see you guys aroundâ She said picking up her coat,Â
âI'm sorry if I said something wrongâ Steve apologised quickly, he shouldâve known better than to press her, Bucky thought
âYou donât need toâ Tony said trying to savour the dinnerÂ
âWhy donât you stay for a movie?â Wanda suggested,Â
âI need to goâ She said standing up and quickly hurrying out of the roomÂ
A gentle silence fell across the room, âI shouldnât have asked herâ Steve saidÂ
âItâs not on youâ Wanda said âI donât think that anyone could have convinced her to open up to usâÂ
âIâll find her address and go over tomorrow, itâll be easier without anyone else thereâ Tony said fiercely,Â
âShe wonât talk to youâ Bucky saidÂ
âAnd sheâll talk to you?â Tony snapped âYouâre the reason we are in this mess in the first place. She is my friend and I will do what I think is rightâÂ
âWhat even happened when you broke up?â Wanda askedÂ
â Nothingâ Bucky saidÂ
âDonât lieâ Tony snappedÂ
âWhat the hell did you do? I thought you two were fineâ Nat askedÂ
âYou told us all you two were fine after the breakupâ Wanda saidÂ
âLeave him aloneâ Steve said sternlyÂ
Bucky sighed softly âShe just came to drop off a shirtâÂ
âNobody drops off a shirt after a yearâ Tony said âShe wanted to see you and you couldnât even give her the time of dayâ He snappedÂ
âSheâll be okay, Iâll come with you tomorrow, we can check in on herâ Wanda saidÂ
Bucky didnât dare to say anything, he just nodded gently. It was a thank you, all be it a silent one, but a thank you none the less.Â
----
âTony, you need to see thisâ Wanda said as an alert popped up on the screen alerting Tony to a new message, they had been in Tony's lab for a few hours scouting out Y/N's new apartment.
âHave you seen where she is living?â Tony said scanning through the photos that FRIDAY had brought up on his screen âitâs worse than I thoughtâ Â
âTony nowâ Wanda said fiercely,
âWhat is it?â Tony asked, turning around, his face dropping when he saw the screen. âIs that?âÂ
âY/Nâ Wanda finished
âWho sent thisâ Tony askedÂ
âI donât know, itâs anonymous. I canât trace the signal eitherâÂ
âFRIDAY, call the team and get them into the conference room nowâÂ
âYes Mr Starkâ FRIDAY answeredÂ
âWe canât tell Buckyâ Wanda said,Â
âWe can and we will because he is going to help usâÂ
âThatâs a bad ideaâ Wanda saidÂ
âHe once was one the best assassins, no debate. As much as I donât like the tinman, he can and will help usâ Tony said leaving little room for debate.Â
âTony what the hell? Weâre meant to have the week off of missionsâ Nat said, sitting down in a chair with a mug of coffee nursed in her hands
âThis is differentâ Tony said,Â
âHow so?â Steve askedÂ
âThis is personalâ Tony said sternly,Â
âItâs Y/Nâ Wanda whispered,Â
âWhat happened to her?â Bucky askedÂ
âI was sent this videoâ Tony said
 âWe thought it was best we watched it togetherâ Wanda addedÂ
âFRIDAY, play the video pleaseâ
The screen went dark for a moment and then lit up with a picture of Y/N locked in a room, Bucky felt a strange wave of familiarity wash over himÂ
âTell your friends what we wantâ A voice spoke, it sent chills down Buckyâs spine, he put her in this position. He had done everything to keep her safe, after all these years, this was his fault.Â
âThey wonât comeâ Y/Nâs voice was strangely calmÂ
âDonât be difficult girl, tell them what we wantâ The voice spoke againÂ
âYou want the soldier, you want someone whoâs gone. But hereâs the catch. Even if he wasnât gone, even if the solider still existed he wouldnât come. Not for me.â She saidÂ
âWeâve done our researchâ The voice mused, there was a hint of amusement in itâs voice, as though it had caught Y/N out,Â
âYour research is wrong. I havenât spoken to Bucky in a year, he doesât careâ Y/N snapped, a gunshot sounded through the conference room, making them jumpÂ
âTurn it offâ Buckyâs voice was quiet but cut through the entire roomÂ
âShooting blanks at me wonât workâ Y/N snapped âIf youâre going to kill me then kill meâ
âTurn it offâ Bucky said once moreÂ
âWe want the soldatâ The voice behind the camera spokeÂ
âThen youâll have to find someone who he cares about, because it isnât meâ She snappedÂ
âYou have six hours or she diesâÂ
The camera turned off and the room went dark. All eyes turned to Bucky,Â
âWhen was this sent?â He saidÂ
âBarely ten minutes agoâ Wanda answered softly,Â
âLetâs start at her apartmentâ Steve said firmly âWanda, Clint youâre with me, Tony, Nat you should try and find something from the video, there might be an idea of where theyâre keeping her.âÂ
âI need to go as wellâ Bucky saidÂ
âNoâ Wanda said âYou need to stay away from thisâÂ
âI spent years tracking people down, I think Iâm the best chance we have to finding Y/Nâ He said challenging anyone to speak out against him
âIâll go as supportâ Sam said patting Buckyâs back comfortingly.Â
âWe need to go, nowâ Steve saidÂ
----
Steveâs skin crawled at the sight of Y/Nâs apartment. He hesitated before pushing the door open, it creaked and echoed through the tiny studio. Clothes were thrown across the room, plates were stacked up by the sink, two blankets were half heartedly thrown across the bed, no sign of a duvet or pillow. Bucky had to tear his eyes away from her apartment for a minute to regain his composure.Â
âI canât believe she was staying hereâ Wanda said stepping into it
âIt was a means to an endâ Steve said,Â
âI should have helped herâ Wanda sighed softly, her eyes falling on the pile of clothes in the corner of the room, Â
âWe didnât knowâ Clint said
âWe should haveâ Wanda snapped âLook at how she was living, we should have been able to helpâÂ
âShe was always good at survivingâ Steve said firmlyÂ
âShe shouldnât have had to be, we are her friends and the moment her and Bucky split we left herâ Wanda said, tears building in her eyesÂ
âThey must have taken her here, look at the messâ Steve said changing the subject quickly,
âNoâ Bucky said softly âThis is Y/Nâ Bucky said with a sigh
âWhat do you mean?â Clint asked âthis is normal?âÂ
âWhen she got busy, she used to get messy, never put things away. Found it hard to do anythingâ Bucky said swallowing tightly âWe argued about itâ He admittedÂ
âSo did they take her here, or not?â Sam askedÂ
âNot here, this is normal for her. It didnât happen hereâ Bucky said firmly
âOk so thatâs somethingâ Sam said, attempting at a loose sense of positivity
âIt mustâve happened by the compoundâ Wanda said âthink about it, if they wanted Bucky then surely theyâd be keeping tabs on him. When she left last night they must have taken the next best thing to get to himâ She saidÂ
âWe need to look at security camerasâ Clint suggestedÂ
âWho wants Bucky though?â Sam said, âI think weâre focussing too much on Y/N, rather than on what they wantâÂ
âHydraâ Steve said through pursed lipsÂ
âIt canât beâ Wanda saidÂ
âIt has to beâ Clint confirmed âIt makes the most senseâÂ
âSo who are we looking at? Zemo?â Sam askedÂ
âMaybeâ Steve said âDoesnât feel right thoughâ, Steveâs thought was cut short by his phone ringingÂ
âSteve, Iâve got an addressâ Tony said, âsuit upâ
----
Bucky couldnât stop shaking, heâd been on tougher missions, heâd been in tougher briefings, he had almost died more times than he could count. But this felt like the worst day of his life,Â
âWeâve been sent an address,â Tony saidÂ
âItâs a trapâ Nat saidÂ
âWe donât know thatâ Steve suggested, âWho sent it to you?âÂ
âIt came with a video, it was from the same people as beforeâÂ
âWhatâs the video?â Sam asked, noticing the tension that had fallen across the room,Â
Tony instructed FRIDAY to play the video, Y/Nâs face was brought up on the screen,Â
âY/N tell them what you just told meâ The voice spokeÂ
âNoâ She spat through gritted teeth, her hair was matted with blood which dripped slowly from a wound on her hair line, her face was bruised and Bucky was silently pleased he could only see to the base on her neck, anymore and he was sure he would throw up. The skin he had once pressed kisses to so gently was purple and blotted with blood.Â
âOur captive here has a death wishâ The voice said again, âShe had her little suicide letters in her pocket when we caught herâ it sneeredÂ
âShut the hell upâ Y/N snapped, there was something in her eyes that scared Bucky, she looked so void of the love that she had once been filled withÂ
âShe was on the top of a building when we found her, sheâs only got 3 hours left avengers. Are you going to give in to her wishes?âÂ
âJust kill meâ She whisperedÂ
âWhat was that?â The voice asked, it was mocking her, teasing her, it was a sight that Bucky couldnât standÂ
âKill me!â She shouted, her voice sent chills down each of the spines of her old friends âJust kill meâ She said settling into a bought of sobs,Â
The video stopped and cut to a map with a pin placed directly in it.Â
âWe need to goâ Steve said âWe leave in 5âÂ
----
The quinjet landed softly and Bucky could feel a knot growing in his stomach, he had been on enough rescue missions to know the ways that this could go. It was an old hydra base, one that Bucky was sure shouldâve been emptied years ago. But here it stood, admittedly it was partly falling down but the cells were deep underground and the structures were built to last. He knew that much well enough, if he strained his ears he would swear that he could hear Y/Nâs cries, but he convinced himself it was all in his head.Â
âSheâs going to be okayâ Steve saidÂ
âI canât loose her Steveâ Bucky admitted âIâve lost her once, I canât watch her dieâÂ
âThen donât let herâ Steve saidÂ
Bucky followed behind the rest of the team, Wanda stood beside him,Â
âDo you want me to take the fear away?â She asked under her breath, knowing nobody else would be able to hear herÂ
âNo, I need itâ Bucky said, he didnât explain anything else but Wanda nodded,Â
âLetâs go get Y/N homeâ Wanda said
Bucky followed Tonyâs lead, any other mission he would have tried to take the lead off of Tony but he couldnât for this. Y/N needed Tonyâs planning, Y/Nâs life couldnât be in Buckyâs hands. He would never forgive himself if anything happened. They descended into the base, it was too quiet for Buckyâs liking. Hydra would never have kept it this quiet, something was wrong.Â
âWelcome home soldatâ the words echoed through the halls,Â
âThey know we are hereâ Steve muttered,Â
âSheâs down hereâ Tony said, taking another set of steps downwards, Bucky could hear her shallow breaths getting louder slowly with each step he took.Â
âY/N?â Steve called out,Â
âI told you to fucking kill meâ Y/N screamed, Tony immediately picked up the pace to a run following the sound of her voice. Their footsteps echoed through the concrete walls, as they came across a long hallway filled with cells made of glass. Buckyâs skin crawled at the sight. This was what he wanted to protect Y/N from, she shouldnât see this. Â
âKIll meâ Her voice rang through the cells,Â
âSoldatâ Bucky turned to find the voice behind him. âDo the honours?â The man said, he was older than Bucky thought he would be.Â
âWeâre surroundedâ Steve said,Â
âThereâs no getting out of thisâ The man sneered,Â
âThatâs kind of where you are wrongâ Tony said smartly, âYou really think thereâs only four of us?â He laughedÂ
âWhat?âÂ
âThe rest of our team have cleared out your base, and theyâre on their wayâ He said with a smirk âAlso not only have we got two super soldiers, weâve also got a freaky witch and me, ironman, you might of heard of meâÂ
âIronman, you forget. You have an unstable winter soldier on your team, All I have to do is say a few words and heâs under my control right?âÂ
âDoesnât work anymoreâ Bucky snappedÂ
âIâm boredâ Nat said sneaking up from behind, with a wicked grin she pulled the trigger and the body fell to the ground with a thud. Instantly Bucky turned and shot the guard who was keeping him surrounded âGod why are all the people we go against so boringâ Nat said with a huff, once they had dealt with the guards.Â
âLetâs just get Y/Nâ Tony said letting out a breath.Â
Wanda took a step away from the group into a nearby cell, it was as though she felt her.Â
âGuys sheâs hereâ Wanda called,Â
Bucky took a deep breath and turned the corner, Y/N sat slumped on a chair, out of breath and covered in bruises and dried blood.Â
âPleaseâ She whimperedÂ
âWeâre going to get you out of hereâ Wanda said slowly untying her gentlyÂ
âPlease noâ She criedÂ
âYouâre safeâ Steve said kneeling at her sideÂ
âNo Please, let me goâ She saidÂ
âWeâre letting you go, youâre going to be okâÂ
âNo, pleaseâ She sobbed again âYou have to let me dieâ She cried as Wanda pulled the ties away from herÂ
âY/N, we canât do thatâ Steve said,Â
âYouâre going to be okayâ Tony promised
âJust let me go please?âÂ
PART TWO
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not even in a sexual way but iâm just craving affection because i feel like crap i just want someone to hug me for a couple of hours and tell me iâm going to be okayÂ
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reblog to give the person you reblogged it from a little heart lollipop
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What would people like me to write this weekend?
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We all need a Bucky đ
Please can I hold you? - Bucky.Barnes x Reader
Hello my loves,
I'm trying to be better this year at writing.
Summary: Y/N leaves, and Bucky tries his hardest to fix it.
TW: Kissing, trauma, family trauma, shouting, swearing, (let me know if I've missed some)
January 1st, it was supposed to be their year. They had promised each other that this was it, Bucky and Y/N. Bucky had promised no more long missions away from Y/N, Y/N had promised that she would move in with Bucky so they could finally spend more time together. A good year was what they wanted, what they deserved, what they needed. But here they were screaming at each other over Bucky not kissing Y/N at midnight. Y/N had explained to Bucky multiple times that she was at the edge, she couldnât cope anymore with arguing, and whilst Bucky never admitted it, he hated it just as much, if not more than Y/N. Yet here they were.Â
âAnd another thing, I didnât even want to go to Natâs stupid New Yearâs eve partyâ Bucky screamed âI wanted to be at home with youâ was the bit he failed to include in his insult.Â
âYou told me you wanted to be with people you loved on New Yearâs Eve, I thought it would be funâ She shouted back âYou think it was fun for me? Because it fucking wasnât. All I wanted to do was come home, the whole night, but you wanted to keep drinkingâ She seethed, Bucky wanted to tell her it wasnât true. He didnât want to drink, but he stupidly got caught up in the party.Â
âNow youâre going to get at me for drinking? Like you donât do it every single weekendâ He shouted, âThor never brings that fucking mead, I deserved to have a nice nightâ He was being mean intentionally, but he couldnât stop.Â
âI never said you didnât Buckâ She said her voice suddenly quieter, Bucky should have noticed it was because she was getting upset but he didnât.Â
âDo you have any idea how hard Iâve been working? I just wanted one nice nightâ Bucky should have stopped himself, he knows he should stop but he couldnât. He was angry at himself for not putting his foot down and saying he wanted to spend time with just Y/N.Â
âOne nice night?â Y/N parroted âThe nights we have arenât nice? Is that what youâre saying?âÂ
âNo! Youâre twisting my wordsâ Bucky snapped, he spoke with insecurity but it came across as anger and Y/N didnât like thatÂ
âBecause Iâm the bad guy right? James Bucky Barnes canât put a foot wrong, but I can. Thatâs all I do right?â Y/N said, her fears coming to the surface. The insecurity was all from her messed up childhood, Bucky knew that from their late night chats, when theyâd lay next to each other and confess everything, but he didnât realise that the fear was seeping into their relationship.Â
âThatâs not what this is aboutâ Bucky said realising suddenly how far he had taken the fight, and how distraught Y/N was becomingÂ
âIsnât it?â Y/N snapped, her eyes locked onto Bucky as a target.
âYouâre making this worse than it needs to beâ Bucky said, unknowingly adding more fuel to the fireÂ
âYeah thatâs me isnât it? Making everything worse. Donât worry Buck, I get itâ She snapped turning away from BuckyÂ
âWhere the hell are you going?â He called after herÂ
âDownstairs Buck, I need some space away from you right nowâ She stormed out of their bedroom and down the stairs. Bucky sat down on their bed with his head in his hands, he had just fucked everything up.Â
Taking a deep breath Bucky decided to set an alarm for 10 minutes, and once it had gone off he would go and speak to Y/N calmly about his feelings. That was how they were going to fix it. He knew he had messed up but he would fix it.Â
Y/N stood in their hallway, and listened to Bucky close their bedroom door. She knew she had blown things out of proportion, she had made things worse. The little voice in her head told her she had messed things up seriously this time. There was no coming back from this. Bucky hated her, she knew that much. The thought along was enough to almost break her, pulling on her trainers she left the house silently, following the little voice down the streets. She twisted and turned around the streets she used to love walking with Bucky, but now they just felt like they were taunting her as she remembered the kisses they had shared at the bus stop, and the stray cat they had wanted to adopt by the street corner. She couldnât cope with it, so she began to run.Â
The wind blew in her ears, the kind of fierce that stopped her from having to think, it was dark and the street lamps did little to ease her discomfort. She was on her way home, in the desperate hope that Bucky was asleep, or at Steveâs or Samâs. She had no idea of the time, having left her phone at home in Buckyâs jacket pocket most likely, but she sent a silent prayer to the sky that it was late enough that Bucky wouldnât still be around. She couldnât face him, not after everything she had done. Her mother was right, she wasnât made for relationships, she would always mess them up, and now she had screwed up the only good thing she had going for her. This was it. She was done. Y/N didnât notice the way her hands shivered a little with the cold biting wind, with her furious mood and growing insecurity she had forgotten a coat. As she turned onto her and Buckyâs street the tears started again, this really was the end. Her and Bucky were about to be done, finished, ended.Â
So much for their year. She mused to herself silently, revelling in the cruel twist of fate, her mother was right.Â
Pushing the handle of the door down quietly, in the hope to not wake Bucky if he was in, Y/N creaked the door open. She took a shaky step into the house, listening out for Bucky. When she was satisfied that there was no sound of him she closed the door behind her and took off her shoes.Â
âY/N?â Buckyâs shaky voice called out, she froze. âBaby?â He said coming into the hall, Y/N put her hand back on the door handle, she was ready to run again, this was not a conversation she was ready to have.Â
âDonât you dare ever scare me like that againâ He said wrapping his arms around her tensed body, Y/N kept herself tensed, she was ready to run if she needed.Â
âI know youâre scared, I know you think youâve messed this all up but I swear to you this whole argument is on meâ he said refusing to let her out of his embrace,Â
âBucky stopâ she said quietlyÂ
âIâm sorryâ He said dropping his arms, she looked up at him with red eyes âCould you come and sit down in the lounge for me?â He askedÂ
âI should goâÂ
âNoâ Bucky said âYouâre going to come and sit down and we are going to talk about this, because we are bigger than your insecurities and we are going to fix thisâ he said,Â
âOh,â Y/N said âohâ She repeated once the words had settled into her head âYou arenât breaking up with me?âÂ
âCome on doll, come sit down for me?â He saidÂ
âOkâ She said, following Bucky through their house.Â
Y/N settled herself into an armchair, where she could curl her legs up underneath herself. Bucky opted for the sofa opposite her, picking up on the fact that she didnât want to touch him just yet.Â
âBefore we start, the next time you need to get away you tell me where youâre going. I was terrified doll, I know the kind of people that are out there and if you need space, please let me come with you. I promise I wonât walk beside you or speak to you but I need to know you are safe.â Bucky said âPlease?âÂ
âIâm sorry Buckâ She said,
âNo apologies. We have to make mistakes to fix them for the future yeah?â He saidÂ
âI don think I can do this Bucky. All your friends hate me, I invited you to a party you didnât want to be at, I asked you to cut down your missions. Everything I do, makes me the issue in this relationshipâ She said,Â
âThatâs not true, everyone loves youââ
âNo they donât, they put up with meâÂ
âNo, no, Y/N. Please donât do this. I know youâre spiralling, I know that youâve always been made to believe that its your fault. But I swear to you this one is on me. I wanted to spend New Years Eve with just you. I wanted to kiss you at midnight, but I fucked up. I got drunk and neglected you. You should have been my priority at midnight, not that stupid drinkâÂ
âI shouldâve let you have funâ Y/N saidÂ
âNo, I should have kissed youâ Bucky said, his tone was final and Y/N didnât want to argue anymore.Â
âI didnât deserve itâÂ
âYou donât have to earn loveâ Bucky said, moving to the carpeted space in front of Y/Nâs armchair, taking Y/Nâs hands in his he pressed a gentle kiss to her knuckles âI love you, I want to spend my life with you and I will spend every single moment apologising to you for the way I actedâÂ
âIâm sorry for saying all those mean things Buckâ Y/N said âI didnât mean them I just wanted to make myself the bad person so you could hate me. I wanted you to hate meâÂ
âWhy did you want that?â Bucky asked after pressing another kiss to her handÂ
âSo youâd end things, so my fears could come true. Itâs sadistic, but I guess Iâm always just waiting for the end so I just wanted it to happen. Like ripping a bandage offâÂ
âOh Y/Nâ Bucky said gently âYou never have to be scared of me leaving. We will always work through our issues, youâre my life. Youâre my world, this is it for me.âÂ
âSo youâre not waiting for me to fuck up so you can leave?âÂ
âNo, Iâm notâ Bucky saidÂ
âIâm sorryâ she whisperedÂ
âNo more apologiesâ Bucky whispered âPlease let me hold you baby? We can talk more in the morning I promise. But right now I just need to hold youâ
âYou never need to askâ
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Itâs the ending I want đ
Please can I hold you? - Bucky.Barnes x Reader
Hello my loves,
I'm trying to be better this year at writing.
Summary: Y/N leaves, and Bucky tries his hardest to fix it.
TW: Kissing, trauma, family trauma, shouting, swearing, (let me know if I've missed some)
January 1st, it was supposed to be their year. They had promised each other that this was it, Bucky and Y/N. Bucky had promised no more long missions away from Y/N, Y/N had promised that she would move in with Bucky so they could finally spend more time together. A good year was what they wanted, what they deserved, what they needed. But here they were screaming at each other over Bucky not kissing Y/N at midnight. Y/N had explained to Bucky multiple times that she was at the edge, she couldnât cope anymore with arguing, and whilst Bucky never admitted it, he hated it just as much, if not more than Y/N. Yet here they were.Â
âAnd another thing, I didnât even want to go to Natâs stupid New Yearâs eve partyâ Bucky screamed âI wanted to be at home with youâ was the bit he failed to include in his insult.Â
âYou told me you wanted to be with people you loved on New Yearâs Eve, I thought it would be funâ She shouted back âYou think it was fun for me? Because it fucking wasnât. All I wanted to do was come home, the whole night, but you wanted to keep drinkingâ She seethed, Bucky wanted to tell her it wasnât true. He didnât want to drink, but he stupidly got caught up in the party.Â
âNow youâre going to get at me for drinking? Like you donât do it every single weekendâ He shouted, âThor never brings that fucking mead, I deserved to have a nice nightâ He was being mean intentionally, but he couldnât stop.Â
âI never said you didnât Buckâ She said her voice suddenly quieter, Bucky should have noticed it was because she was getting upset but he didnât.Â
âDo you have any idea how hard Iâve been working? I just wanted one nice nightâ Bucky should have stopped himself, he knows he should stop but he couldnât. He was angry at himself for not putting his foot down and saying he wanted to spend time with just Y/N.Â
âOne nice night?â Y/N parroted âThe nights we have arenât nice? Is that what youâre saying?âÂ
âNo! Youâre twisting my wordsâ Bucky snapped, he spoke with insecurity but it came across as anger and Y/N didnât like thatÂ
âBecause Iâm the bad guy right? James Bucky Barnes canât put a foot wrong, but I can. Thatâs all I do right?â Y/N said, her fears coming to the surface. The insecurity was all from her messed up childhood, Bucky knew that from their late night chats, when theyâd lay next to each other and confess everything, but he didnât realise that the fear was seeping into their relationship.Â
âThatâs not what this is aboutâ Bucky said realising suddenly how far he had taken the fight, and how distraught Y/N was becomingÂ
âIsnât it?â Y/N snapped, her eyes locked onto Bucky as a target.
âYouâre making this worse than it needs to beâ Bucky said, unknowingly adding more fuel to the fireÂ
âYeah thatâs me isnât it? Making everything worse. Donât worry Buck, I get itâ She snapped turning away from BuckyÂ
âWhere the hell are you going?â He called after herÂ
âDownstairs Buck, I need some space away from you right nowâ She stormed out of their bedroom and down the stairs. Bucky sat down on their bed with his head in his hands, he had just fucked everything up.Â
Taking a deep breath Bucky decided to set an alarm for 10 minutes, and once it had gone off he would go and speak to Y/N calmly about his feelings. That was how they were going to fix it. He knew he had messed up but he would fix it.Â
Y/N stood in their hallway, and listened to Bucky close their bedroom door. She knew she had blown things out of proportion, she had made things worse. The little voice in her head told her she had messed things up seriously this time. There was no coming back from this. Bucky hated her, she knew that much. The thought along was enough to almost break her, pulling on her trainers she left the house silently, following the little voice down the streets. She twisted and turned around the streets she used to love walking with Bucky, but now they just felt like they were taunting her as she remembered the kisses they had shared at the bus stop, and the stray cat they had wanted to adopt by the street corner. She couldnât cope with it, so she began to run.Â
The wind blew in her ears, the kind of fierce that stopped her from having to think, it was dark and the street lamps did little to ease her discomfort. She was on her way home, in the desperate hope that Bucky was asleep, or at Steveâs or Samâs. She had no idea of the time, having left her phone at home in Buckyâs jacket pocket most likely, but she sent a silent prayer to the sky that it was late enough that Bucky wouldnât still be around. She couldnât face him, not after everything she had done. Her mother was right, she wasnât made for relationships, she would always mess them up, and now she had screwed up the only good thing she had going for her. This was it. She was done. Y/N didnât notice the way her hands shivered a little with the cold biting wind, with her furious mood and growing insecurity she had forgotten a coat. As she turned onto her and Buckyâs street the tears started again, this really was the end. Her and Bucky were about to be done, finished, ended.Â
So much for their year. She mused to herself silently, revelling in the cruel twist of fate, her mother was right.Â
Pushing the handle of the door down quietly, in the hope to not wake Bucky if he was in, Y/N creaked the door open. She took a shaky step into the house, listening out for Bucky. When she was satisfied that there was no sound of him she closed the door behind her and took off her shoes.Â
âY/N?â Buckyâs shaky voice called out, she froze. âBaby?â He said coming into the hall, Y/N put her hand back on the door handle, she was ready to run again, this was not a conversation she was ready to have.Â
âDonât you dare ever scare me like that againâ He said wrapping his arms around her tensed body, Y/N kept herself tensed, she was ready to run if she needed.Â
âI know youâre scared, I know you think youâve messed this all up but I swear to you this whole argument is on meâ he said refusing to let her out of his embrace,Â
âBucky stopâ she said quietlyÂ
âIâm sorryâ He said dropping his arms, she looked up at him with red eyes âCould you come and sit down in the lounge for me?â He askedÂ
âI should goâÂ
âNoâ Bucky said âYouâre going to come and sit down and we are going to talk about this, because we are bigger than your insecurities and we are going to fix thisâ he said,Â
âOh,â Y/N said âohâ She repeated once the words had settled into her head âYou arenât breaking up with me?âÂ
âCome on doll, come sit down for me?â He saidÂ
âOkâ She said, following Bucky through their house.Â
Y/N settled herself into an armchair, where she could curl her legs up underneath herself. Bucky opted for the sofa opposite her, picking up on the fact that she didnât want to touch him just yet.Â
âBefore we start, the next time you need to get away you tell me where youâre going. I was terrified doll, I know the kind of people that are out there and if you need space, please let me come with you. I promise I wonât walk beside you or speak to you but I need to know you are safe.â Bucky said âPlease?âÂ
âIâm sorry Buckâ She said,
âNo apologies. We have to make mistakes to fix them for the future yeah?â He saidÂ
âI don think I can do this Bucky. All your friends hate me, I invited you to a party you didnât want to be at, I asked you to cut down your missions. Everything I do, makes me the issue in this relationshipâ She said,Â
âThatâs not true, everyone loves youââ
âNo they donât, they put up with meâÂ
âNo, no, Y/N. Please donât do this. I know youâre spiralling, I know that youâve always been made to believe that its your fault. But I swear to you this one is on me. I wanted to spend New Years Eve with just you. I wanted to kiss you at midnight, but I fucked up. I got drunk and neglected you. You should have been my priority at midnight, not that stupid drinkâÂ
âI shouldâve let you have funâ Y/N saidÂ
âNo, I should have kissed youâ Bucky said, his tone was final and Y/N didnât want to argue anymore.Â
âI didnât deserve itâÂ
âYou donât have to earn loveâ Bucky said, moving to the carpeted space in front of Y/Nâs armchair, taking Y/Nâs hands in his he pressed a gentle kiss to her knuckles âI love you, I want to spend my life with you and I will spend every single moment apologising to you for the way I actedâÂ
âIâm sorry for saying all those mean things Buckâ Y/N said âI didnât mean them I just wanted to make myself the bad person so you could hate me. I wanted you to hate meâÂ
âWhy did you want that?â Bucky asked after pressing another kiss to her handÂ
âSo youâd end things, so my fears could come true. Itâs sadistic, but I guess Iâm always just waiting for the end so I just wanted it to happen. Like ripping a bandage offâÂ
âOh Y/Nâ Bucky said gently âYou never have to be scared of me leaving. We will always work through our issues, youâre my life. Youâre my world, this is it for me.âÂ
âSo youâre not waiting for me to fuck up so you can leave?âÂ
âNo, Iâm notâ Bucky saidÂ
âIâm sorryâ she whisperedÂ
âNo more apologiesâ Bucky whispered âPlease let me hold you baby? We can talk more in the morning I promise. But right now I just need to hold youâ
âYou never need to askâ
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Iâve been wearing my Bucky one all day. Iâm literally in love with it đđđ
EEKKK!!
Here it is! Fandom bracelets with your faves name on!!
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