Buck: I have a crush on someone but Iām scared to say who.
Eddie: Just rip the bandaid off.
Buck: Itās Tommy.
Eddie: Put the bandaid back on.
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Buck: Eddieās chapstick tastes really good.
Hen: You guys kissed?!
Eddie: No, he took a bite of it.
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Buck: Once again, if youāre praying on my downfall, please pray harder.
Chim: Since you insist, letās wrap this shit up.
Eddie: Chimā
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Tommy: My man gives the best head.
Eddie: On God he do.
Marisol:
Buck:
Tommy: The fuck?
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Buck: Cooking together is not romantic, move out my fucking way.
Eddie, scrambling the eggs: What the fuck?
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Buck: Iām a piece of trash.
Eddie: As someone who cares about the environment, I am obligated to pick you up. Is 7 okay?
Buck: You smooth motherfuā Yeah, 7
is fine.
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Lena: Buck would throw himself in front of a moving car for you.
Eddie: Buck would throw himself in front of a moving car for fun.
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7 years old Chris: Alexa, can reindeers fly?
Alexa: No.
Buck and Eddie, who were sitting on the couch minding their own business, turn to look at Chris with horrified expressions in their faces:
Alexa: Reindeers cannot fly.
Chris, angry and disappointed: Santa Clause is not real?!
Eddie, panicking: Buddy, calm down! Donāt listen to her!
Buck: Yeah, Alexa does not know what she is talking about!
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Buck: I would like to proposeā¦
Eddie: *freezes*
Buck:ā¦ an idea.
Eddie: Oh.
Buck: We should get married.
Eddie: Ohā
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Eddie: Really, Christopher? Really?
Chris: Dadā
Eddie: No, I have to ground you, I canāt believe itā¦
Eddie: Iām grounding you. You are grounded.
Chris: Butā
Eddie: Nope, you are grounded. No tv.
Chris: My tv is broken.
Eddie: Well, no computer.
Chris: I need the computer for homework.
Eddie, looking around the living room: Fine, thenā¦
Eddie, looking at Buck whoās standing behind Chris: Then no Buck.
Buck: Excuse you?! No Buck?!
Eddie: NO BUCK!
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Hen: Alright, what happened?
Eddie:
Eddie: Buck told me he broke up with his girlfriend.
Hen: Ok, and?
Eddie: And I accidentally said āthank godā right to his face.
Hen:
Hen: Eddieā
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Hen: So, why didnāt it work out between you and Taylor?
Buck: Wellā
Eddie, without thinking: I sent him back to her with my handprints on his asscheeks, soā¦
Hen:
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Taylor: You canāt spell āIndependentā without āDependentā.
Eddie: And you canāt spell āGo fuck yourselfā without āFuck youā.
Buck:
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*Random person being mean to Buck during a call*
Eddie, to Hen: Here, hold my morals. Iāve got some sketchy shit to take care of.
Hen: Eddie, you have no morals.
Eddie: Even better.
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Chim: I donāt think Iāve never seen Eddie cry.
Chimney to Hen: Have you ever seen him cry?
Chimney to Ravi: Heās never cried in front of me.
Buck without looking up from his phone: Yeah, in bed.
Buck: I was so good that he started crying.
Hen:
Ravi:
Chimney:
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Buck: Have you heard the joke about the gaslighter?
Eddie: Noā¦
Buck: Yeah, you have.
Eddie: No, I havenāt.
Buck: Youāve literally heard it already.
Eddie: NO, I HAVENāT.
Buck: Yes, you have.
Eddie: I DONāT KNOW IT?!
Buck: Youāre crazy.
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