demon: I'm going to kill your husband!
Dean: my what?
demon: the angel *points at Cas*
Dean: he's not my husband?
demon: *slams fist* WHY NOT?!
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Dean: I’m bike selectional
Dean: I’m bisectional
Sam: take your time
Dean: men
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Cas: perhaps they're homophobic
Dean: but we're not gay, cas
Cas: we're not?
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Castiel taking to Y/N: "Did you get your baking done last night?"
Y/N looking confused: "I didn't bake anything last night Cas, why would you say that"
Castiel: "I heard you and Dean talking about cream pies and how Dean said he wanted to give you one"
Dean choking on his coffee, Y/N staring open mouthed
Sam laughing: "So Y/N did you give him what he wanted?"
Dean smirking: "Oh she did many times"
Castiel: "I believe we are not talking about baking"
Y/N: "I hate you all"
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dean, talking on the phone: alright man, i'll see you soon, yeah?
dean's coworker: oh who was that?
dean: my buddy cas, we've been married for seven years today
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Dean: Are you a virgin?
Y/N: Why, are you planning a sacrifice?
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Y/N: Why are you on the floor?
Jack: I'm depressed.
Jack: Also I was stabbed, can you get Cas please.
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Sam: Dean is not answering his phone.
Cas: Let me try.
Charlie: Sam and I have already tried four times each, what makes you think—
Dean, answering after the first ring: Hello?
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*2 AM*
dean: *wakes up in the middle of the night* cas? what are you doing?
cas: *sitting in the dark, squinting his eyes at his laptop* dean. this device is preposterous. it keeps hinting at a certain thing i should have done with some cookies? what cookies?
dean: *snorts*
cas: this is not funny, dean. i am deeply concerned about the functionality of today’s technology. do i need to bake cookies in order for this machine to be of service?
dean: …
dean: cas, dear, my other half, love of my life, you do not have to bake cookies if you want access to a website. you just have to accept them.
cas: but i am in no mood for cookies.
dean: oh boy, this is gonna be a long night…
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Cas: has anyone ever told you that they love you?
Dean: do parents count?
Cas: yes
Dean: then no
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Sam: Okay, but what if we went to dinner not as friends this time?
Y/N: AS ENEMIES?!
Sam: …
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*on the phone*
Cas: i’m breaking up-
Dean: i’m pregnant
Cas:
Cas: i meant the call
Dean: right, sorry, i panicked
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Cas: I have feelings for you
Dean: I have feelings for /you/
CW writers: and the feeling was friendship
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Y/N: Lucifer won’t come out of his room!
Gabriel: Just tell him I said something.
Y/N: Like what?
Gabriel: Anything factually incorrect.
Y/N, shrugging: If you say so.
Lucifer, arriving moments later: Did you just say the sun is a PLANET?
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Dean: So, what’s Castiel's type?
Sam: Green eyes, kind, oblivious, good sense of humor, pie lover.
Dean: Sounds kind of like me. Too bad we’re just friends.
Sam: Did I mention oblivious?
Dean: Yeah, why?
Sam: Okay, just making sure.
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