helikespoetry
drucore
books, poetry and taylor swift.
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you'd think that your twenties are for you to accomplish your goals, but it's often the brutal time when you lose all sense of happiness and ambition as you witness the ghosts of everything you had once strived to be
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wow, okay
“Before the truth can set you free you need to recognize which lie is holding you hostage.”
— Unknown
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a quiet, comfy room at night and i'm hugging my side pillow like it's my lifeline while the black dog plays in the background. maybe this is it.
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Julia de Burgos, tr. by Jack Agüeros, from Song of the Simple Truth: The Complete Poems of Julia de Burgos; "To Julia de Burgos"
[Text ID: "in all my poems I undress my heart."]
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It's okay if it takes a little longer than you thought.
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yk those friendships where you get into brutal fights (maybe not physical) and still make up because thats what friends do? yeah, i never had one of those.
all my life, i've seen people around me fight and make up and although i am not (usually) a violent person, it always made me want that bond with someone. to be so rash and yet get together again. it's a kind of freedom. the kind where you dont have to worry about upsetting your friend.
i've always walked on eggshells around my friends, the few that i have come across in these years. every time i think about pointing something out, i back away. what if it destroys the relationship? it'd be my fault. i dont wanna lose the one or two friends i have.
i love them, i do, but i often feel restricted. is that the right word? god, is this too much? shutting up now
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in another life, i would have really liked to share an apartment with you in Manchester, where we would have nice cool jobs and we would have had that platonic, cute, sweet, mundane love. we'd fight like siblings- i'd bite your fingers and you'd throw your punches- so chaotic, so different but so fun.
yeah, we would have been the best of friends.
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how is it that i'm surrounded by academic overachievers who work so hard all the time (yes they struggle, but they strive) and i'm just, idk, me?
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im so scared of people leaving me. like, they could be someone i once adored or someone i just befriended. and i already know in my mind that this is going to end- they're going to leave. maybe, that makes me sabotage relationships? and when it's the last straw, when i know we're unsalvageable, i utter a single, cry of "please dont leave me" too softly for them to hear me.
and then they leave.
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i still dont know what to do when youre tryna move on from a friend. like, i dont want to speak to you ever again, but i still remember exactly how your bedroom looks. i memorized your number but i never wanna call again. i know your birthday but i dont wanna wish you. i hope you get all the nice things, i just wish i never have to see you again. i am calm, but theres a rage. i hate you. no i dont.
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can someone tell me what i'm supposed to do with all the information from past friendships? we're probably never gonna speak again but i still know things about them that serve no purpose anymore. i dont want to remember. what do i do
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i've tried to be nice to the people around me but they're so damn annoying like bro stfu
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yeah it's my life, but is it mine enough?
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"I swear I couldn’t love you more than I do right now, and yet I know I will tomorrow"
- Leo Christopher
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2014 called me up, but i only heard your voice.
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