girlyapril1517-blog

[girlyapril1517-blog]

something positive in my life is learning to cook food at home. I look for receipe and I printed them out. I try to cook them and eat.

I like going out, listening to music/song, singing, trying new restaurant foods, watching drama show that includes chinese, japanese, & Korean, shopping, and looking at baby clothes to dress up my doll that makes me happy and enjoy my day a little bit better. I also type a review of trying new restaurants and done watching a drama show.

Recommendations:

Chinese:

-Promise in the summer Eng Sub

-Miss lucky go! Eng Sub

-The love you give me Eng Sub

-love you seven times Eng Sub

Japanese:

-Mischievous Kiss and Mischievous Kiss 2 Eng Sub

Korean:

-Playful Kiss Eng Sub

-Wedding Impossible Eng Sub

-Lovelyn Runner Eng Sub

-Blue Birthday Eng Sub

Let me know if you enjoy the show!

I posted this as a QotD but I think it’s a good one!

What is something positive in your life right now? It can be big or small (even if that's that you got to have your favourite tea this morning).

Is there something positive you can do to give you a moment of happiness, peace or enjoyment? If possible, make time to do that this week. Maybe it’s taking the time to sit and just enjoy a cup of your favourite tea. Maybe it’s planning to have some dog snuggles. It can be big or small, just try and do something to bring a little joy to your week!

Feel free to share if you do so! Maybe it’ll inspire others!

#indoor activities #outdoor activities #positivity #enjoy #show recommendations

[girlyapril1517-blog]

I really need this! :) Every day feels exhausting to me. I also feel I am behind in life while everyone is going forward in life. I haven't been working that much. I want to be a hardworking person. I did work on April 19 and April 20 which can be tiring to me. I got a job in October 2023 but due to my conditions that makes I am not able to do the job. I am disappointed in myself for that. I am trying to explore more jobs. it's embarrassing that I don't have much job experiences.

I know you’re tired. I know sometimes it feels like you’re going backwards. I know it’s exhausting.

It’s okay if you need to rest. It’s okay if you need to take a break from your healing journey. It’s okay to just stop for a bit.

Just please don’t give up. You’re going to get through this.

#mental illness #mental health #healing #trauma #recovery

[girlyapril1517-blog]

Promise In the Summer Chinese Drama Show Review:

I started watching this show on YouTube on April 4th-April 8th! The episodes are 5-12 minutes while they are 7-13 long episodes. A few episodes are funny in episode 8 where Chuxia looks at Qilu, in episode 13 where Qilu tells Chuxia he has her diary and tells her if he has read it or not, in episode 14, when Chuxia is getting the back and sits in the front of the car, and episode 15, when Chuxia promise Qilu that she won't cross the line to disturb him while he is sleeping. It was sweet that Qilu tutored Chuxia, Qilu taught Chuxia to dance, and Qilu applied ointment on Chuxia's hand where she burned from the coffee. They were cute doing the 1-minute touch task in episode 8, doing physical touch with their phones in their hand in episode 10, Chuxia steep on Qilu's feet to dance, and Chuxia went under the blanket and cuddle with Qilu in episode 14. I really enjoy the show!

#chinesedramashow #review #chinese

[girlyapril1517-blog]

Tigger Warning: abuse and suicide. Sometimes my mom would seriously use her words to not understand me. every time I am NOT ready to go to the doctor or to therapy. it feels like forcing me to go when my body and I don't feel like going and it also feel not ready. It take me more than 3 weeks to recover from that. When I start my depression and anxiety journey, I was Suicidal and say I am going to kill myself when I was 16 or 17 when I was a junior year in high school. it was suiciadal thoughts. my family ignored and judged me for getting attention is NOT I imagine the help that I need. It got worse and worse for me in 2017-2023. I still blame my mom and my brother in 2017 to now which is true sometimes. I have questions like If I was a junior year again, will my family will be more supportive or not supportive is NOT my fault for what I am going through in life? Will my aunts from my dad's side of the family will still tell me mean and rude comments to me in person? Will things change or won't change for me in life? In 2017, I had the worst depressive episode, 1 week or 2-4 weeks, I realized that I need help. I was going to therapy and taking medication at that time. I feel more comfortable when my mom say when I am available. I sm still learning about more of my journey, what will make me happy and healing, and etc.

Helpful:

-when I am available

-I usually have a lists of words that my mom says to me that make me feel happy, not happy, and not helpful which I read them out loud.

-songs that I like listening to

-loud music dance party

-hugging a big, medium blanket

-cuddles with my cat

-self-care videos on Youtube

NOT Helpful:

-advices

-saying sorry

-recommendations

-don't like being questioned to go to the doctor, therapist, and etc

-don't say how long will I heal for

-it depends on different topics of the podcast I listen to

-antidepressants

I will see which ones help me and which ones don't help me. Everyone what helps them is different than me. Everyone healing and journey is different than me. I know that I am NOT alone.

sending love to all my folks with unsupportive, neglectful, controlling or abusive parents. if you’re still living with them, please remember it won’t have to be this way forever. do your best to protect your own self and your privacy! you don’t owe them anything, no matter what they tell you. i am rooting for you and i want you to know you deserve a better life than living in the shadows of shitty parents.

#tw: abuse #mental illness #mental health #tw: sucidal thoughts #tw: suicial

[girlyapril1517-blog]

I agree. every day I do lay down more because I need a lot of time for rest and naps. It took me more than 3 weeks to recover from being depressed all of the time. I don't go out at all as well. I have a fear of sleeping in my room because I would be depressed even more. I sleep in the living room instead of my room. it is hard when I hear my mom say that I am lazy. It is also hard when my mom says how long am I going to heal as well. I do listen to my body that I need more rest than doing more right now. I can't do things I normally can do or people doing more than I can do. I wish I could do more but I can't right now.

it’s so frustrating to be constantly pushing myself to do more than my body can/should handle and to find that, when i inevitably can’t do that anymore, people assume im just being lazy. i’m trying so hard and still i just can’t seem to get things right.

i really need to work on setting better boundaries about what i can & can’t do, and i need to work on clarifying that those boundaries will change from day to day depending on how im feeling.

but i also really need the able bodied people around me to recognize that im not being lazy/selfish or ‘just wanting to lay around all day’ when i say i can’t do something. i need them to respect it when i say that i can’t do something, and i need them to remember that being disabled means *not* able to do all the same things that able bodied people can.

#mental illness #mental health

[girlyapril1517-blog]

I thought that I had to do more since no matter how small I do for myself. I also want to do more but I can ONLY do small things so that I can accomplish it due to how much I am hurting or doing in life. I need small baby steps to get to where I can do big in the future no matter how small I am doing right now.

your worth doesn't rely on just how small you can make yourself to fit in places you don't belong. you are not defined by how many sacrifices you can make until you are hurting.

#mental illness #mental health

[girlyapril1517-blog]

Helplines Website:

I did find UK helpline website:

hopefully, it will be helpful to the people in the UK. I wonder if this website will help or not? here is the link:

In the US:

you guys can use 988 or CalHope/CalHope Connect. here is the link:

Hopefully, It will help people out there!

#mental illness #suicidehotlines #helplinewebsite #hopefully it helps #mental health

[girlyapril1517-blog]

I did find UK helpline website:

hopefully, it will be helpful to the people in the UK. here is the link:

In the US:

you guys can use 988 or CalHope/CalHope Connect. here is the link:

PLEASE STOP SCROLLING! 

THIS IS YOUR SIGN!

Today’s month is suicide prevention Day!                   

This is ALL the updated Suicides Hotlines Numbers:

PLEASE comment your updated suicide Hotlines Numbers! 

Indonesia is NOT available.

Sweden is unknown.

Mexico is NOT available or incorrect.

USA-998

Canada,Ontario-1.833.456.4566

Samaritans-116 123

Brazil-National anonymous service, 24/7, (NGOCVV) 188

Panama-+507            831-7600

Spain-024

France-3114

Austria-142

United Kingdom-116 123

Belgium-1813

The Netherlands-113      0800-0113

Romania-112 0800 801 200 

Lebanon-1564

Senegal-1515 800 00 50 50

Crotia-[phone] 

Malaysia-03-7627      2929

New Zealand-Helpline:0508 828 865        lifeline:0800543354            need to talk, text, or call:1737

Egypt-163280220816831

#mental illness #suicidehotlines #helpline #helplinewebsite #hopefully it helps #mental health

[girlyapril1517-blog]

Miss Lucky Go! Chinese Drama Show Review:

I started watching this show on YouTube from March 20th to March 28th. the episodes are 36 minutes long. The story was enjoyable to watch. The cast did an amazing job! I really like episode 1 where Chen Miren and Zhong Wei talk about their astrological sign and zodiac sign. I feel bad for Zhao Gu that the parents care about Zhao Zhi more than her. I also really like in episode 9 where Chen Miren's parents are so worried about her studying instead of going out. I wish every parents were like this! I find in episode 10 that Chen Miren doesn't want Zhong Wei in trouble but she says she was here for Huang Xiaoyue was funny. I find in episode 12 where Xu Miao Miao asks Chen Miren if she is going to sleep or if she is not going to sleep. In episode 19 where Cao Jia'er hugs Zhong Wei was it really makes Chen Miren jealous of them. Zhong Wei became a gossipy type of person in episode 20 and episode 21 to get Chen Miren back really didn't work out. I think it's cute in the episode 22 that Chen Miren and Zhong Wei start dating again. In episode 24 tell me Chen Miren and Zhong Wei still end up together but it does look like they have a happy ending.

#chinesedramashow #chinese #review #show review

[girlyapril1517-blog]

Updates on dating life:

I was dating a guy that is in the Navy military. I have to say dating someone who is in any military like the Navy is very difficult! It was an ups-and-down relationship. I started dating him on September 13, 2023, which was 6 months of dating him. It was also an on-and-off relationship as well! I was the one who called it off because he wouldn't give me a break when I asked him about it. March 25, 2024 was Day 6 of breaking up. I was still mad and upset about it. I told him my concerns about breaking up but he said that I threatened him with breaking up. to be honest, I don't want to get back together again! I am glad that I am single once again! I need a break from dating! I would like to get to know someone before dating!

#updates #dating life #breakupstory #breakup

[girlyapril1517-blog]

The Only Girl You Haven't Seen Review:

I started watching this show in English subtitles on YouTube from March 7th to March 15th. I would say it is a 10-12-minute show and I can definitely finish the Chinese drama show. This show does have season 1 and season 2 which contains all the episodes. I would say I really enjoyed the opening song of the show. In the beginning when Qi was running away but it doesn't explain why she is running away. Did Qi do something bad and that's why she is running away which I don't have any clue for the answer that she did? I would say the way Chen stabbed Qi was brutal. These episodes are in season 1. There are two things that I don't quite understand is when Li is in the wedding carrier in episode 1 when she refers to her as Qi and in episode 11 is when Xuan asks her about her childhood when she refers to her as Li. I find it funny how Xuan was pretending to fall down. I found is season 1 episode 5, season 1 episode 10, season 1 episode 11, season 2 episode 2, season 2 episode 5, and season 2 episode 17 cute.

#chinesedramashow #chinese #review #show review

[girlyapril1517-blog]

The investigation and the medical report are probably still an unknown fact about how she ended up in the water tank. I wish there were more cameras installed in the hotel to get a better understanding of the mystery elevator camera.

Let me know if I should do a murder case. I’ll have more information about it, write in the comments what murder case you would like me do to!!

#elisa lam #investigation #medicialreport #autopsy #cecil hotel

[girlyapril1517-blog]

Updates for 2024!

Hello Guys,

long time no see! Happy late 2024! It's February 21 today. it has been another ups and downs day for me. I am focusing a lot on myself and lots of things as well. I am also working on a lot of things. healing goes around and around and always mess up on some days which are hard days for me. I know I am not alone in this.

#updates

[girlyapril1517-blog]

100 likes!

#100 likes #tumblr milestone

[girlyapril1517-blog]

life can be full of ups and downs. life can be also a surprise we don't know about. life can be difficult and challenging with life lessons and you can have that which can be helpful in later life. life does have a lot of bumps in the road for the path you are going.

“Our lives disconnect and reconnect, we move on, and later we may again touch one another, again bounce away. This is the felt shape of a human life, neither simply linear nor wholly disjunctive nor endlessly bifurcating, but rather this bouncey-castle sequence of bumpings-into and tumblings-apart.”

— Salman Rushdie, The Ground Beneath Her Feet   (via ofbirdsandmoons)

[girlyapril1517-blog]

To anyone who is struggling with the holiday season and Christmas:

I want to let you guys know that I am struggling during the holiday season and Christmas!

You are NOT alone!

The reason why is my big brother blamed me for talking behind his back which I never once did that to him.

The second worst holiday season and Christmas ever for me!

If you have the worst holiday as well, I am sorry you are also going through that!

I know advices never helps. I also know I am NOT a professional or expert in this.

My DM is open if you want a listener's ear to listen and not judge!

#mental illness #hoildayseason

[girlyapril1517-blog]

A Letter to my estranged brother

Dear brother,

This is the last time I need to address and talk about this. I was talking about I want to throw up because our older sister talk about poop. Do you now know it's NOT about you? I didn't talk behind your back. If I was, I would say your name! you think everything is about you but it's NOT! you threw me under the bus believing that I was hypocritical and talking behind your back. I wasn't either doing these things to you. It's like you being into people's business which it isn't about you.

I can have good days and I have bad days. I am feeling a lot of bitterness and resentment towards you right now. you think that I need to reflect on what I now recently shared about what I am thinking and what my perspective is my opinion. I never say your opinion is wrong or anything. The singing cover is a song! GET OVER IT! If I like listening to the singing cover, it's not stopping me from playing it over and over again!

For a person like you to think that about me is just not acceptable to me. From my understanding, you talked about the past and invited me to your graduation for what you are interested in and your passion. I was happy and supportive of you. I can't change the past where I went to it. I don't have any way of stopping that. I know that you don't understand me as much as you know who I am as a person. it's not every day is going to be perfect for me! you probably think it's my fault but it's not my fault! I have to put the blame on you because you are the one who came up to me first and asked me if I had anything to say to you. This is the problem that I had with you in the past! What I am thinking about you saying I blame people for no reason is the worst statement that I have ever heard from you. people should take accountability for their actions and the words they say about what say about the other person. people should also take responsibility if they hurt the people's feelings or emotions. I just don't understand you at all when you don't even have any empathy for the other person! I can't believe I am even related to you as a brother! oh, sorry the truth hurt! I feel that sounds hurtful when I say that I am related to you as a brother. That's the first hurtful word that I did say about you!

you always assume that it's about you! STOP making an assumption when it's NOT about you! I find that is crazy! It finally takes you time for you to realize that you are not good at dealing with people's issues even though you are NOT even close to being a doctor or a professional therapist!

Now the resentment and bitterness are pretty much about you. This is what I have to say about you. I was happy that you left. you are a bad brother the way you think you are self-centered about yourself and this is what I get to get myself treated like this. wow, I can't believe I have a brother like you. I am not sorry about telling you the truth or hurting your feelings to make you feel guilty or feel bad. I heard a lot from Mom that you care about me. I find that is hard to believe and trust you. you telling me Happy Holiday and Merry Christmas makes me uncomfortable.

I would still make a decision to still have no relationship even if you blame me. I also want to go out of contact and be estranged from each other.

The boundaries: When you are at home, I want no relationship and I don't want to be around you at all. I don't want to see and talk to you. If you talk with me, you have to ask Mom. I want you to stay 6 feet away from me.

The boundaries of your words: It just never came to me that you never asked me if I was available to talk to you or not. I didn't like you coming to me to invade my personal space and ask me if I had anything to say to you. I didn't like you calling me names.

From April

#estrangedbrother #mental illness #alettertomybigbrother