endless-summer-soldier

[endless-summer-soldier]

dr. feelgood - chapter twelve

pairing: Surgeon!Bucky x SurgicalIntern!Reader

summary: Y/N has a one night stand with a handsome stranger the night before starting her new job as a surgical intern. Little does she know, the handsome stranger also happens to be her new boss

warnings: must be 18+, drinking, some surgery descriptions, smut, self-pleasure, praise kink, oral sex, unprotected sex, rough sex, PTSD, choking, angst

word count: 3.7k

a/n: ask and you shall receive! I started doing my final proofing and got tired and decided to post so apologies for any typos, I'll fix them later lol. please enjoy this one and thanks for your patience!

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It took exactly three seconds for Bucky to come to his senses. The gentle click of the door shutting brought him back to reality and he realized he couldn’t do this anymore. He couldn’t pretend like his heart didn't skip a beat every time she came into the room. That every time she smiled at him, he completely lost his focus. She was all he thought about, day in and day out, even when he was avoiding her. He wanted a future with her. In fact, she was the first woman he'd ever met that he could see a future with. And he had messed it all up. 

What hit him suddenly, as she walked out of the house, was that if he let her go, he was just bringing on more trauma. He would never emotionally recover from losing her. He would be stuck with his PTSD night terrors and would always live life wondering what if things were different. One of the lessons he learned in combat is that life is short and precious, and it shouldn’t be wasted.

“I’m such an idiot,” he mumbled to himself. He flew out the front door, hoping he could still catch her before she took off. It was a monsoon outside, with water pouring down in buckets. He caught the headlights of her car flooding the driveway and he darted toward the vehicle without another thought. He didn’t waste time putting shoes on, running outside in just socks. While wet socks were one of his pet peeves in life, at this moment he didn’t care.

He knocked feverishly on her window before she could put the car in reverse. She was initially startled before she rolled down the window. 

“What are you-” before she could finish her question, his hand was around her jaw and his lips were caressing hers. This was the last thing she expected, but she didn’t stop him, wondering if this was the last time she’d feel his lips on hers. He was dripping cold rainwater all over her and the seat of her car but she didn’t even care. She leaned into him, savoring the taste of his gin-coated lips.

He pulled away, leaning his forehead against hers, stealing the breath from her lips. “I’m not giving up on us,” was all he said. 

That gave her the confidence she needed. This time she took the lead, placing both hands around his jaw and pulling him closer to her, smiling in between every delicate kiss. 

“I’m so in love with you,” he whispered in between kisses and she reacted by holding him tighter and running her fingers through the hair on the back of his neck. “I’m sorry I didn’t fight for us. I just wanted to protect you.”

She pulled away and nuzzled into his neck, “I know, I know Buck. It’s okay.” Their blissful moment was interrupted by the cheerful barking of a golden retriever. Bucky turned around to find Liberty running around in circles in the pouring down rain, sloshing through the mud. 

“Well shit,” he chuckled.

“You leave the front door open?” 

“Apparently,” he turned back to Y/N and gave her one more quick peck on the lips. “I better wrangle her up, Will you stay? I’ll meet you inside and we can talk?” 

She nodded and laughed while he ran off after Liberty, sliding shoeless in the mud as he attempted to usher the dog back inside. Y/N was already half soaked from Bucky’s drippage so she easily made the decision to cut the engine and run inside. She captured Liberty’s attention as she ran to the front door and the dog darted after her. Once Liberty had followed her inside, she knelt down to give the dog some attention and to keep her inside. Bucky ran inside and shut the front door behind him, sliding ever so slightly on the hardwood floor. Y/N smiled up at him as she stood up and he returned her grin. As if on cue, Liberty shook off the moisture from her fur, completely coating Y/N and Bucky in more rain water and mud. They both started cracking up, laughing at both their disheveled states as the dog simply walked off to her dog bed. 

Bucky stepped closer to her and placed his hands on her hips. 

“You know, this look is kind of working for me…” he said, narrowing the space between them.

“Oh yeah? You into the swamp monster look?” she bantered.

“More like queen of the swamp,” he said, inching closer to envelope her lips in his. Her arms effortlessly wrapped around his neck and he pulled her in even closer, so her body was flush against his. They were cold and wet and muddy, yet there was no place they’d rather be. Bucky couldn’t believe he almost let this amazing woman slip beneath his fingers. He was savoring everything about her now: her smell, her taste, her touch. But what surprised him the most was how at ease he finally felt. The past few weeks, he’d been so tense. He was worried about Y/N, he wasn’t sleeping, barely eating, and just getting by an hour at a time. Now it was like he could finally breathe again. He didn’t realize what he was missing until he had her back. And now he never wanted to let go.

She started to pull back for a breath, but he wouldn’t let her, verbally expressing his dismay with a hummed “uh-uh.” She smiled and he kept her close, kissing her again and then moving from her lips to her cheek to her neck.

“Bucky,” she giggled. He loved hearing that sound and it just encouraged him more. “We should wash the dog before she spreads more mud around the house.”

“I don’t care about that,” he replied.

“But it’s Steve’ house and-”

“I will deal with Steve’s house later. Right now, I’m not letting go of you.” He moved in close again, seeking the soft touch of her lips. And she had no working defense mechanisms. She sighed into his mouth, loving the feeling of being back together with the man she’d been longing for over the past few weeks. But the logical side of her won over in the end.

She pulled away and Bucky shifted his attention to her jaw, planting kisses up toward her ear. 

“Okay, I’ll make you a deal…” she offered.

“Mhm,” he replied, opting not to part from her skin.

“If we take a pause to wash up the dog, then we can pick this up later. In the shower.” Bucky froze considering his options. They’d never shared a shower together and it was something he’d always wanted to do but they’d never had the opportunity.

He let out a deep sigh into her neck, “You’re killing me doll.” She gently scratched the back of his neck and kissed his ear, signaling that their make out session was over for the time being. Bucky walked over toward Liberty and effortlessly picked her up in his strong arms. As he walked toward the bathroom he called out, “You better be helping me with this!” Y/N smiled to herself and eagerly ran after him.

It took all four hands to wrestle Liberty into the tub and that was only the first step. It was fortunate that Bucky and I were already soaking wet from the rain because Liberty showered us in bathwater as she splashed around in the tub. It took us a minute to find a rhythm, with one of us rinsing while the other shampooed. After about thirty minutes, I pulled the drain plug and we pried Liberty out of the tub, wrapping her in a towel. Once she was mostly dried off, we gave her a bone which she happily curled up with in her dog bed. 

I leaned against the kitchen counter, taking a quick moment to catch my breath, which didn’t last very long. Bucky approached with a smirk on his face and, without a word, swept me up into his arms. 

“Bucky!” I called in surprise.

“Pretty girl,” he countered, awfully pleased with himself.

“What are you doing?” I protested, as he started ascending the staircase.

“We’re getting you cleaned up.” Bucky strode into what I assumed was Steve’s bedroom, and before I could argue, he opened the door to the master bathroom and I was speechless. It was spacious to the point where it could’ve passed for a health spa. There was a giant soaking tub next to a window, with tealight candles lined up on the windowsill. Accompanying the tub was an upholstered ottoman holding a tray of bath salts, luxury oils, scrubbing brushes, and any other things you might need during a soak. In the corner was a beautifully tiled walk-in shower, complete with a rain shower head and a built in ledge that could double as a bench. Along the wall was a long countertop, with two sinks placed in front of the giant framed mirror. Before I could take in anymore, Bucky sat me on the countertop next to the sink, like I was a child and he was tending to a scrape on my knee. He walked over to the closet and pulled out two, lush looking, sage green bath towels, and hung them on the silver towel rack that was placed by the entrance of the shower. 

“This is…” I said, looking around the room with wonder.

“I know. Steve takes his self care very seriously,” Bucky joked. He turned the handle in the shower and the water started flowing through onto the beautifully laid tiles, mimicking the sound of the rainforest. 

Bucky made his way back over to me and I wondered what his next move would be. I was happy to sit back and enjoy the ride of whatever he had in mind. His face hovered in front of mine, as he placed his hands on the counter, his thumbs so nearly grazing my thighs. I studied his face, waiting for him to lean in and kiss me again, so that we could pick up where we left off. Instead, he planted a chaste kiss on my cheek and exited my personal space. His right hand found its way to my thigh and he slowly slid it all the way down my leg, until he was gripping my ankle. He extended my leg and brought my foot up towards his mouth, using his teeth to nip the top of my sock and carefully pull it off my foot. He planted a sweet kiss on my big toe and then repeated the process with my other foot. 

Then he moved to my hands, removing the rings and bracelets I had on and placing them carefully in a small bowl on the counter. His slow, calculated movements were turning me on more than I thought they would. As much as I needed to have him, I wasn’t going to rush through this. He removed my earrings, giving one of my earlobes a playful nip, before he pulled off my blouse, planting kisses from my collarbone down to my navel. He came back up to my eye level, but his fingers were already working on the button of my jeans. 

“I might need your help with this one,” he said, as he pulled down my zipper. I leaned back onto the counter and lifted my hips, allowing Bucky to pull at the waistband and slide the jeans off my legs. I sat back upright while Bucky kissed his way up my legs, taking a little extra time when he reached my inner thighs. I could see the hunger in his eyes and I knew that this teasing must be killing him, but it would all be worth it. His mouth found my bra strap and took it in his teeth as he lifted up slowly and released it so it snapped back onto my skin. His hands worked their way up my love handles and met at the clasp of my bra. 

“Ah ah ah…” I chided, shaking my head before he could continue. He gave me a confused look and I merely pulled at the hem of his shirt, “You are fairly overdressed.” He let me pull the shirt up and over his head and I tossed it across the room. He leaned back in, continuing where I stopped him but I simply shook my head again. I pulled the drawstring of his sweatpants loose and tucked my fingers into the waistband and he effortlessly wiggled out of the material, leaving him stripped down to my level, clad only in his boxer briefs.

“Happy now?” he asked, with a tilt of his head.

“Almost,” I smiled mischievously. He slowly closed his eyes and sent me a toothless smile, knowing what I was getting at. When he opened his eyes back up they locked onto mine like a wolf stalking its prey. It sent a chill down my spine and all I wanted was to feel his hands on me again. He placed two thumbs into the waistband of his boxers and easily pulled them down, stepping out of them and closer towards me. 

“You have some catching up to do,” he growled.  I smiled as he kissed me, this time with urgency. His hands were behind my back unclasping my bra with ease and it fell to the floor. He started kissing my neck as his hands ventured south and rested on my hips. It didn’t take him long to pull at my thong, and I raised my right hip up to aid him, and he happily accepted the help. 

I felt a bit of a breeze and shivered briefly, as my nipples hardened slightly due to the cool air and Bucky’s fingertips. He noticed my momentary shudder and grinned into the kiss. 

“Why don’t I warm you up a little,” he suggested, sweetly kissing my jaw before shifting his attention to my pert nipples. He took each one carefully into his mouth, giving them just enough attention and then continued on his journey, eventually kneeling on the ground. I hadn’t realized that’s what he meant, but I wasn’t going to complain. He gently pulled on my legs as a signal for me to come closer which I did. He ran his tongue up my sopping wet pussy to my clit and ran circles around the sensitive bud. My head fell back instinctively, missing the feel of his touch. He dove right into my folds, exploring with his tongue and forcing labored breaths out of me. 

“Bucky…” I called, running my fingers through his hair in an attempt to pull him back towards me. He took that as encouragement and increased his efforts, shooting his eyes up to watch my reaction. I let out a soft moan and pulled on his hair harder, which he seemed to enjoy. 

“Bucky, stop,” I softly commanded. He immediately stopped and pulled back, looking up to see if everything was okay. “I can’t wait anymore. I need you inside of me.”

He acted quickly, standing and collecting me off the counter with ease, and carrying me into the immaculate shower. The minute we stepped under the water, his lips were back on mine and I tightened my grip on his neck, pulling him as close to me as possible. My legs were wrapped around his torso and his strong hands were cradling my lower back. 

“God, I missed you so much,” he whispered into my neck. 

“Show me,” I challenged, feeling bolder. Bucky reacted immediately, pressing me into the cold tiles of the shower. I let out an exhale and he took that as encouragement. He expertly shifted my position so that he had a better angle to my entrance, all while keeping me secure. And then he thrusted into me and I almost came on the spot. A moan escaped my lips and Bucky picked up his pace, grunting into my neck. 

“Fuck baby,” I let out, knowing I wouldn’t last much longer. 

“This one might be quick, but I’ll make it up to you.”

“I don’t care, you feel so good inside of me.” He gave me a quick love bite on my shoulder and then gently returned me to the ground.

“Turn around,” he commanded, caressing my hips with his fingertips. I placed my hands on the shower tiles and bent forward as he pulled my hips toward him.

“You know me too well,” I smiled.

“Of course I know how my girl likes it.” He didn’t give me a warning when he entered me and I let out a squeal of pleasure. He gave my ass a smack before clutching my hips tighter and increasing his rhythm.

“You’re so wet for me, pretty girl. I’ve missed your tight little cunt.” He thrust in deeply and paused, wrapping his hand around my front to play with my clit. 

“Ohhhhh…” He was pushing my every button and I was nearing my climax.

“Those noises are driving me wild…” He picked up his pace again and I let out another moan. “Now be a good girl and cum for me.” That was all it took to trigger my orgasm. My back arched and I leaned further into the tile to stabilize myself while Bucky’s hands kept his strong hold on me. It all seemed to happen so quickly, as I panted and tried to bring myself back down to earth. 

“Wow…” I breathed through my satisfied smile. 

“I second that.” He slowly retracted and took my hand. “C’mere.” He pulled me towards him and wrapped his arms around my waist. I locked my arms around his neck and smiled up at him as he planted a few sweet kisses on my lips. 

“That was amazing,” he said, connecting his forehead to mine.

“I know, we’re pretty good at that.”

“And we keep getting better.”

“You think it’s because we’re in love now?” I suggested.

“It has to be that,” he said, kissing my nose. “Also, I didn’t pull out. I’m sorry. I got caught up in the moment.”

“It’s okay, I’m on the pill so we should be fine.”

“I won’t do that without checking with you ever again.” 

I placed a hand on his cheek and said, “I said it’s fine.”

“I know, but I still should’ve asked your permission.”

“Well, I appreciate that. Now can we get clean and spend the rest of the night cuddling?”

“We can do whatever you would like my dear.”

Once we finished up in the shower and dried off, Bucky lent me the T-shirt he packed and he put on a pair of sweatpants. We curled up together on the couch and turned on a rerun of Bar Rescue. 

I rested my head on his shoulder and he put his arm around me and kissed my temple.

“How are you feeling, pretty girl?”

I tilted my head so that I was looking at him, “Happy.”

“That’s what I love to hear.”

“All because of you,” I smiled.

“Ah, can I bring something up at the risk of ruining the moment.”

“I don’t think anything could ruin this night for me. Unless you break up with me.”

“Well I’m never doing that. But I do think we should talk about that night.” 

“Oh. Okay,” I shifted so that I was facing him, giving him my undivided attention. He collected my hands and held them tight in his.

“I know you said you pulled me out of the nightmare, but I don’t want to put you in that position again. It might not work next time. So I’m going to start up therapy again. It did help me a lot before and I only stopped going when I thought I had things under control. But I think it might be more of a lifelong thing.”

I nodded, “I think that’ll be really good for you.”

“It’s really hard for me to ask for help, but I do think it’ll make things better.”

“And I’m happy to go slow as we figure everything out. I want to make sure you feel comfortable with things.”

“Trust me, I don’t want to go slow. I’ve finally got you where I want you. But I can’t let that happen again.”

“We’ll ease back in. No sleepovers for a few weeks.”

“Well I’m not agreeing to that,” he smirked.

“What!?”

“I want to fall asleep next to you every night.”

“Yeah but-” I started to protest.

“I think we can start with staying at your house. It’s not my space and I don’t think I sleep as deeply because it's a different environment than I’m used to. Plus I’ve stayed over your place a handful of times and never had any issues.”

“Are you sure?’

“Positive,” he stated.

“Okay, we can start there and see how it goes.”

“I still want to have a back-up plan for you though. Maybe stash an air horn or something by the bed just in case. I’ll come up with something.”

I chuckled lightly, “I don’t think an air horn is going to work.”

“Why not?”

“Do you want to know what I did the first time?” 

“I am curious actually.” 

“First, I placed my hand on your cheek,” I announced as I demonstrated. “Then I slowly pulled you in closer,” He moved with my hand until his forehead was pressed against mine. “And then I did this,” I gently brushed my lips against his and he sat there stunned.

“Yeah, that’ll do it,” he commented with a small smile on his face.

“I thought if I fought back you would only push harder but that affection might confuse you.”

“And it worked.”

“It didn’t really confuse you, though. It sort of…calmed you. You curled into me and fell back asleep.”

 Bucky looked a little stunned as he considered this, “Smart. That was very quick thinking.”

“That’s why I’m in trauma.”

“I’ll give you that. But I still want some sort of back up plan in place.”

“Well I will let you think on that and come up with a plan because you probably know better than I do on this matter.”

“I can do that. So until we have a back up plan, no more sleepovers.”

“That’s fair.”

“Tonight I’ll let you sleep in Steve’s room with Liberty and I’ll take the guest bedroom.”

She wanted to protest, badly, because she couldn’t imagine leaving his vicinity. But she chose to respect his wishes. For now, she nuzzled into Bucky’s shoulder and entangled her legs with his, enjoying every second of being in his presence.

#bucky barns x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x y/n

[endless-summer-soldier]

I finished ice ice baby recently and am reading @lunaroserites hockey fic so this popping up my fyp wasn't too shocking. But! It's so funny and I can see both of the teams doing it or something similar when they're board at practice!

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRTv9aGj/

omg, I'm obsessed, they are our hockey boys

#bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes hockey player

[endless-summer-soldier]

dr. feelgood - chapter eleven

pairing: Surgeon!Bucky x SurgicalIntern!Reader

summary: Y/N has a one night stand with a handsome stranger the night before starting her new job as a surgical intern. Little does she know, the handsome stranger also happens to be her new boss

warnings: must be 18+, drinking, some surgery descriptions, smut, self-pleasure, praise kink, oral sex, unprotected sex, rough sex, PTSD, choking, angst

word count: 3.9k

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taglist sign up (for the people I'm currently tagging - please fill this out if you want me to continue tagging you!)

taglist: @tellmealovestory @mrs-bucky-barnes106 @charmedbysarge @theroyalmanatee @ozwriterchick @aya-fay @differenttyphoonwerewolf @elizabeth916 @buckyb-stan @normalgirlnextdoor @hnnhbananananana @sebastians-love @buckybarnessimpp @sebsgirl71479 @notmeddy @drewsuncrustables @lokidokieokie @hextech-bros @nats-whore @m4nulup1n @arcanebabe @tanyaspartak @jackiehollanderr @princezzjasmine @pono-pura-vida @mavrellover91 @helluvapimp @almosttoopizza @esposadomd @zannemes​​

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It was the morning from hell. I knew the moment I got in my car that it was not going to be a good day, and that turned out to be the case before I even made it into work. Now I was riding to the hospital in an ambulance, straddling a stranger and performing CPR.

“We’re about a minute out,” the EMT who was driving the vehicle called.

“Page Barnes,” I replied, as I counted out my chest compressions. The EMTs were adamant that they could handle the patient, but I wasn’t leaving his side and I was determined to keep him alive. I heard the doors to the ambulance open and the EMTs carefully unloaded the gurney keeping it as smooth as possible for me to work.

“What the hell…Y/N?” I heard. It was the first time he had spoken to me in weeks.

“Male in his forties, partially deaf. He was walking in a crosswalk and was hit head on by a car. He’s got a broken femur and has been in and out of consciousness with a really weak pulse.”

Bucky turned to the interns and said, “Take over for Y/L/N and get him to CT.” 

One of the interns came over to the patient’s side to take my place and I replied, “I’ve got it.”

“Y/N, you’re bleeding,” Bucky stated firmly.

I turned toward him, “I’m fine,” I argued.

“You need to be examined.”

“Bucky,” I pleaded. He just shook his head and held out his hand. I knew arguing was no use, he could easily pull me down and I didn’t need a reminder of what it felt like to be in his arms. I climbed toward the side and took his hand as I jumped down.

“Go take an empty bed, I’ll send someone in to check on you.”

“I’m fine, I don’t need-”

“Let’s make sure, okay?” His eyes were full of concern, and I didn’t have it in me to argue with him, even if I disagreed. I nodded and he moved with the gurney into the pit.

“Buck?” I called before he could get too far. He stopped and turned back towards me. “Please don’t let him die.”

“He’s not going anywhere. I promise.” Bucky ran to catch up with his team. I thanked the EMTs and then found an empty station in the ER where I waited and hoped for the best..

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed since our arrival, but eventually Dr. Wilson came by.

“Hey there, Wonder Woman,” Sam said, approaching the bed I was sitting on.

“Wonder Woman?” I replied.

“Oh that’s what they’re calling you now.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re a hero. And a badass.”

I scoffed, “I was in the right place at the right time.”

“Yet you still managed to get scratched up,” he put on a pair of gloves. “What happened?”

I sighed, “I was driving to work and came to a stop at a redlight. The car next to me was looking to the left to make a right turn and accelerated, not seeing the pedestrian in the crosswalk. Clint, he’s the guy who got hit, he’s partially deaf and didn’t hear the car coming. The guy hit the accelerator pretty hard and didn’t break until he saw Clint hit the windshield.”

“That doesn’t explain how you got glass in your forehead.”

“I pulled over to the right to help out and the guy who started the accident backed up and hit my car.”

“Jesus. Was he drunk?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t really talk to him.”

“So what did you do?”

“I yelled for someone to call 911 and started to examine Clint. At first he was in shock, but he was responsive. So I asked him his name and about his job and his life to calm him down. He probably has a concussion. He kept losing consciousness and his pulse was really weak so they need to look at his heart too.”

“He’s already been taken in for scans.”

“Is he stable?”

“He’s stable.”

I eased at that, feeling better already. 

“Now sit still. I’m going to pull out this glass from your forehead. Then I’ll clean out the lacerations and stitch you up.”

Sam started pulling out small pieces of crushed glass and placed them into a bowl. All the shards were pretty small, but it was still painful. I tried to keep the wincing to a minimum but it wasn’t comfortable. Talking seemed like a good way to keep me distracted from the pain.

“So they sent the head of plastics to come tend to a couple scrapes on my forehead.”

Sam chuckled, “Bucky wanted to do it himself but I wouldn’t let him. You would’ve ended up with two big scars on your pretty little forehead.”

I let out a small smile, “Yeah I don’t think his talents would be best served stitching me up.”

“Stitching? You know that man doesn’t do sutures; you would’ve been glued back together.”

I let out a hearty laugh, knowing Sam was correct.  He added, “He wanted the best for you, which is why I volunteered. Told him I’d give you the VIP treatment.”

I sighed, “Just stitch me up so I can go help.”

“I’m sending you to CT after this.”

“What!?”

“You were in a car accident, Y/N. I’d be a bad doctor if I didn’t order you a head CT.”

“I don’t have any symptoms!”

“You’re also running on adrenaline. Just get the scans done and we’ll figure out next steps from there”

“Fine.” I was getting used to not getting my way today.

“Sit tight for now. We’ll have someone take you to get your scans shortly.”

“Dr. Barnes, Clint’s back from CT. He seems much more stable now. Dr. Rogers is in there examining his femur,” one of the interns provided him an update. He thanked him and headed back to Clint’s room. Sure enough, Steve was in there, examining the break in his leg and studying the chart. Bucky knocked on the open door before walking through to his patient.

“Mind if I interrupt?” he said. 

“Not at all,” Steve said. 

“Hi Clint. I’m Dr. Barnes. I'm head of the trauma team and I’ve been overseeing your care since you got here.”

 “How am I looking, doc?”

“You’re doing really well. Dr. Rogers here is going to take you into surgery to repair your femur. You have a little bit of internal bleeding that we’re gonna fix up while you’re in there. As long as everything goes smoothly, you should be able to live a perfectly normal life.”

He let out a sigh of relief, “Thank God she was there.”

“Dr. Y/L/N?” Steve asked.

“Is that Y/N?” Clint asked. 

“She’s one of our best” Steve confirmed with a nod.

“She was so badass. She came out of nowhere and took complete control of everything. I was freaking out and she just came over, started talking to me and calmed me down. She was yelling out commands to everyone and insisted the ambulance take us here. She stayed with me the whole time. It was amazing.”

“Sounds like Y/N,” Bucky said.

“Is she single? Do you think she’d go out with me? I figure I owe her dinner at the very least.”

Steve eyed Bucky and raised an eyebrow, forcing Bucky to answer that question.

“I…uh…I don’t know. You’d have to ask her.”

“If you see her, would you mind sending her in? So that I can thank her.”

Steve could see Bucky growing jealous and he hoped it might knock some sense into his friend.

“Yeah, I think she’s getting some scans done,” was all Bucky could muster. Steve jumped in to review the plan for surgery and let Clint know they were currently prepping the OR for him. Bucky excused himself and went to check on Y/N before he had to scrub in.

After what seemed like ages, all my scans were done and I sat there half-watching soap operas, waiting for the results. I heard the curtain pull back and figured it was Sam with my results.

“Can I go?” I whined. When I turned toward the visitor, I was surprised to find it wasn’t Sam at all. It was Bucky. “Hi…” I managed.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, looking at my chart. 

“I’m fine. How’s Clint?” 

“He’s good. We’re about to take him down to surgery. Steve is going to fix his femur and he has a little internal bleeding so we’re going to patch that up.”

“So he’ll be okay?”

“He should be fine.”

“Good.”

“He was asking about you.”

“Really?”

“Sounds like you did a great job at the scene.”

I gave him a half smile, “Thanks.”

“I got your scans back and everything looks good. Just take it easy the next few days. Sam will keep an eye on your lacerations and will remove your stitches in five days.”

“So I can go?” I asked.

He nodded, “I’ll sign your discharge papers. But you are going home. You aren’t sticking around here.”

I wanted to protest, but I knew he was probably right. He placed my chart back on the edge of the bed and turned to go.

“That’s it?” 

“What, did you have questions?”

“Bucky, you haven’t even looked at me these past few weeks and now you’re just gonna act like nothing happened?”

He looked up at the ceiling before looking back towards me, “We’re not doing this.”

“Come on, Bucky. Please talk to me.”

He shook his head, and just walked away, leaving me sitting there, feeling hopeless.

After a few days of restless “rest” I returned to the hospital, hoping to get cleared so that I could clock in for my shift. I had all the nurses page Sam as I anxiously sat in the waiting room.

“You’re a day early,” Sam called as he walked toward the row of chairs.

“I’m actually just a spectacular patient who follows all the doctor’s care instructions.”

Sam gave me a look but sat in an open chair and signaled for me to lean in. He gently placed his hands on my face and tilted my head to study the wound.

“It is healing up pretty nicely. We can get those stitches out today.”

“Yessss,” I celebrated. 

“Go pop in one of those empty rooms and I’ll be right in.”

I followed his directions and told the nurses which room I was taking. Sam entered a few moments later with his tools.

He started removing the surgical thread and I couldn’t stand the silence, so I made small talk.

“How is he?” I asked.

“Who Clint? His surgery went well as far as I know. You can probably go see him today.”

“Oh…I, uh, I meant Bucky.”

“Oh,” Sam said, taken by surprise. “He’s uh…he’s Bucky.”

“That’s very helpful,” I said sarcastically.

“Well I don’t know what to say. He’s…he’s not himself.”

“How do I get him to talk to me?” I hated how desperate I sounded, but it reflected how I felt. It was only getting worse for me. 

Sam let out a deep exhale. “If I knew the answer to that, I would’ve told you weeks ago.”

“It’s like he’s his own worst enemy.”

“He’s stubborn. But he’ll come around.”

“You think?”

Sam shrugged, pulling out the last of the sutures. “One way or another.”

His response was vague, but he left before I could question him further.

Once Sam officially cleared me, I changed into my scrubs. Before I officially clocked into my shift, I went to check on Clint. He was recovering for a few days in the hospital before he’d be released. I poked my head in the door and found Steve in the room, doing a quick check up.

“There’s my hero,” Clint said, smiling at me. I blushed and looked down before smiling back. 

“Am I interrupting?” I asked Steve.

“No, you can come in.” 

I stepped into the room and walked over to Clint’s side. 

“How are you feeling?” I asked him.

“Much better now.”

I smiled at him and then turned to Steve, “He’s doing okay?”

Steve nodded, “He’s doing great.”

“I told you I’d get you the best care,” I said to Clint.

“I think you gave me the best care. Without you, I don’t know that I’d be here.”

“Well, I guess we’ll never know,” I smiled. Clint grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze.

“Hey, so this situation has obviously had a big impact on me and I can’t thank you enough for everything you did”

“You don’t have to thank me. This is my job,” I replied.

“I know, but you made sure I was in good hands and taken care of. And I know I would regret it if I didn’t do this so I have to ask…would you like to go to dinner with me on Friday?”

I was shocked, not expecting this. Clint was a good looking man, and he would probably make a great boyfriend. But I wasn’t ready to give up on Bucky. 

“Like…on a date?” I asked for clarification.

“Yeah, a date,” he said confidently. I was looking at Clint but I could feel Steve’s eyes on me as I responded.

I placed my other hand on Clint’s, so that his hand was sandwiched between mine, “Clint, I am so flattered, but I’m not really in a place to date at the moment.”

“Is Friday not a good time? Because I’m flexible, we could do Saturday. Or whenever you’re free really.”

I smiled at him, “It’s not the day. I just…” I considered my words carefully, “my heart belongs to someone else.” I kept my focus on Clint, not able to handle Steve’s knowing glance.

“Ah, of course you have a boyfriend. Lucky bastard.”

“But I’ll still swing by and make sure you’re doing okay before you’re discharged.”

Clint gave my hand a sweet kiss and said, “I will always be so grateful for you Y/N. I wish you all the happiness in the world.”

“Same to you Clint. You’ve got a long life ahead of you, don’t waste it.” With that, I released his hand and stepped out of the room.

Once Sam finished removing Y/N’s stitches, he knew he had to find Steve. Sam had a busy morning ahead of him and was grateful when he ran into Steve pouring a cup of coffee in the resident’s lounge on his break.

“We gotta do something,” Sam said.

“About what?” Steve asked, sipping on his java. Sam gave him a look that said it all. “Bucky and Y/N?” Steve added. 

Sam nodded, “He’s miserable and she’s still pining. And I don’t know how much longer I can watch this.”

“I feel the same way. Two idiots in love.”

“So what do we do?”

Steve thought for a moment “We need to get them in the same place at the same time. That’s not the hospital.”

“And has alcohol,” Sam added.

“But not Pym’s. Somewhere more…private.”

“Can we get her to Bucky’s house?” Sam asked. A wide grin spread over Steve’s face.

“No, but I think we can get her to mine…”

I rang the doorbell of the house, feeling slightly nervous. This was my first “work” party and I had no idea what to expect. Honestly. I was surprised that I was even invited. I had been working with Steve on ortho all week and it had been going well. Still, I wasn’t expecting an invitation to his housewarming party. I wasn’t really looking forward to the party, but wanted to make an appearance. At the very least, I thought I might see Bucky in a somewhat normal setting where I could maybe corner him and force a conversation.

What I did not expect was for Bucky to answer the door. I’m sure I looked stunned as I said, “Oh, hi.”

“Hi…” he said, as if seeking an explanation. He was dressed in sweats and a T-shirt, and he was barefoot.

“Am I early?” I asked him.

Now he looked thoroughly confused. “Early for what?”

“The housewarming party…” Bucky was still squinting in confusion, so I added, “Steve told me to bring gin…”

Bucky shook his head, “Um, Steve isn’t here. And he’s lived in this house for three years.”

Now it was my turn to look confused. “...What?”

Bucky sighed, “This is a set up.”

Again, I said, “What?”

“They meddled. They’re forcing us together.”

“So…why are you here then?”

“I’m dog-sitting for Steve.”

“Oh,” I said, finally realizing what had happened. Despite being fooled, I didn’t feel embarrassed. And I didn’t want to go home just yet.

“So….can I come in?” I asked. Bucky looked like he wasn’t sure what to say. “I have gin,” I cheesed, holding up the full bottle of Tanqueray. 

He bit back a smile and opened the door wider, allowing me to come inside. I was immediately met by a smiling golden retriever. I placed the gin on a nearby table and crouched down in order to give some love to the pup.

“This is Liberty,” Bucky introduced.

“Hello Liberty!” I exclaimed, scratching her behind the ears as she happily panted. She quickly laid onto her back and I started scratching her belly, as she rolled around happily.

“She’s so sweet,” I commented.

“Yeah, she is pretty great.” Bucky was a few feet away in the kitchen and asked, ‘Do you want something to drink?” I picked up the Tanqueray and brought it over to him.

“Just a gin and tonic or gin and soda. Whatever Steve has.” I slid the bottle across the counter toward him as he pulled out two glasses.

“So tequila is for celebrating, whiskey is for wallowing…what is gin for?” he asked, as he poured a generous amount of gin into each of the glasses. He topped the drinks off with a little bit of tonic and then sliced up a lime and placed a wedge into each glass.

“Gin is for…heart-to-hearts,” I offered. He eyed me cautiously before handing me one of the glasses. I held it up, waiting for him to meet my glass, and eventually he did. Once we clinked, we both took a sip, and then stood there awkwardly in the kitchen.

“Are you ready to talk to me?” I offered, not wanting to waste any more precious time.

He shook his head, “Not really.” 

I took a seat at the kitchen island and pulled out another stool, signaling for him to sit. He looked at the seat before finally giving in and sitting down next to me.

He turned to look at me and yet again I said, “Hi.” This was turning into my catch phrase around him. But I uttered it now because I wasn’t sure where to start.

Bucky let the slightest bit of a smile show and said, “Hi.” He broke eye contact and stared into his drink, and I realized I might need to nudge him a bit more.

“Look, if you’re not ready to talk about what happened, that’s okay. But I can’t take the silent treatment anymore. I’m going crazy and I don’t know how to help you.”

He let out a deep breath, “I’m not good at opening up...”

 “Then just…tell me about your day.” He peered back up at me, uncertain and I shrugged, “We’ve gotta start somewhere.”

And so he did. He told me about the cases he had and I interjected with a cheeky comment every now and then to try and ease some of the tension, which surprisingly worked. Talking with him was always so easy and I just wanted to remind him of that. As the story of his day winded down, I took the liberty of refilling the now empty glasses with gin. I placed the fresh drink in front of Bucky and pushed, “Tell me about the PTSD.”

He surprised me when he didn’t argue. He mentally prepared by gulping down a third of his fresh drink.

“When I first got back from Afghanistan, it was pretty bad. It mostly manifested when I went to bed, in the form of night terrors. It was really terrible for a while. I would wake up in the morning surrounded by feathers with a knife in my bed, having attacked one of my pillows because I thought it was an enemy. I literally would walk through the house looking for weapons in my sleep. After that, I started locking the door and seeing a therapist who helped me work through a lot of it. And I started to get better. I still had the occasional nightmare, but I was able to manage it. I started to feel like myself again. I could get through most days without a flashback and I wasn’t constantly haunted by memories.”   

I could see him starting to get emotional, so I reached out for his hand.

“Seeing you, with those marks on your neck, was evidence that I’m still broken. We’re lucky that this time it was just my hands and not a knife or a baseball bat. I can’t risk something happening to you.”

“Bucky, you are more than your PTSD. Did you ever consider that maybe we could work through this together?” I offered. He didn’t look at me, focusing all his energy on the drink in front of him. “You just pushed me away without even considering our options.”

“I was trying to protect you.”

“Bull. Shit. Things got tough and you bailed. Did you know I pulled you out of your haze? You had your hands around my neck and I was able to stop you and bring you back. So I believe we can work through this. Maybe it's locking the doors at night. Maybe we don’t have sleepovers for a little while. I don’t know the solution, but I’m willing to figure out something that works.”

“Y/N…” he sighed.

“No, don’t do that. Don’t give up on us.” Now I was starting to get emotional. My voice cracked as I continued. “You know we have something special. Hell, you knew before I did. And I resisted against this the best I could because I didn’t want to get distracted. Which backfired because trying not to think about you was more distracting than just succumbing to your charms. But I figured it out and I opened myself up to something more and just when I finally accept that I’m falling in love, this happens. And the thing that hurts the most is how quickly you decided to throw this away. To throw…me…away,” the last line came out as a whisper. 

Bucky bore his eyes into his drink, unable to watch her tear up and in so much pain, knowing he caused all of this. It felt like a lose-lose situation, either way she ended up hurt. At least if he pushed her away, she still had the chance to live a happy life.

I wiped away a stray tear with the heel of my hand and took a big sip of my drink, trying to distract myself from the feelings creeping up inside me. When I looked over at Bucky, he was frozen but there was no emotion behind his eyes. He was fixated ahead, refusing to look at me. That was the moment I realized this was a lost cause. There was nothing else I could say.

I let out the deep breath I didn’t realize I was holding and placed my near-empty glass on the counter.

“Okay then,” I said, collecting the few things I brought with me. “Goodbye, Bucky.”

#bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky barnes doctor au #bucky barnes slow burn #bucky barnes series

[endless-summer-soldier]

@nicoline1998enilocin thank you thank you thank you for such kind words! you have no idea how much this means to me :) I'm glad you enjoyed this one. people like you are what keeps me writing!

fair catch

pairing: CollegeFootballPlayer!Bucky x CollegeAthlete!Reader

summary: Y/N joins the football team to prove a point and the last thing Bucky expected out of the season was to fall for the new kicker

warnings: slight injury, slight alcohol use, mostly fluff though

word count: 5.7k

taglist: @tellmealovestory @mrs-bucky-barnes106 @charmedbysarge @theroyalmanatee @ozwriterchick @aya-fay @differenttyphoonwerewolf @sebsgirl71479

Coach Fury blew the final whistle, signaling practice was over. Bucky sighed in relief and jogged over to the bench to dump a cup of water on his head. This was their last two-a-day practice due to the semester starting the following day. 

“Listen up! I have an announcement to make.” Fury was standing there with the other coaches and a small female, probably a student. Bucky figured she might be the new manager of the football team, a spot typically occupied by co-eds who wanted to hook up with football players. 

Once the team was circled up, Fury continued, “I’d like you all to meet Y/F/N Y/L/N. She’s our new kicker.”

Bucky felt Sam suppressing a cough as his water went down the wrong pipe. There was silence as the new teammate stood there, smiling confidently at them all. 

Bucky’s first thought was that she was adorable, but she was tiny. She certainly didn’t have the build of a football player. 

Steve was the first person to speak up, “Coach, Parker’s our kicker.”

“And Parker couldn’t hit the side of a barn with a frying pan.” The group chuckled and Peter shrugged, knowing he wasn’t a skilled kicker. “With Y/L/N as our kicker we can move Parker to holder.”

It wasn’t a bad thought. Parker missed more field goals than he made but he had good hands. He could catch and place the ball in the proper place pretty quickly.

“Y/L/N will practice with us tomorrow so you can all evaluate her skills then. Anything you’d like to add?” He asked her.

She provided them with a tightlipped smile and said, “Happy to be here.”  The huddle evaporated as the team collected their things and headed to the locker room. Bucky wasn’t surprised when Steve approached Y/N immediately and shook her hand, acting as the captain and welcoming her to the team. 

“Well this is new,” Sam said.

Bucky shrugged, “I mean as long as she can put points on the board, I don’t mind it.”

“Are you worried?” he asked.

“Worried? What would I be worried about?”

“I don’t know, Buck. She seems like your type.”

“I don’t have a type,” he responded.

“Sure you do. Dark hair, small stature, dry sense of humor.”

“How could you possibly know what sense of humor she has?”

“Oh, I don’t. I’m just speculating.”

“You are something else,” he said, shaking his head. They made their way into the locker room and ran into Steve on the way.

“Hey, you two busy after this?” Steve asked. Bucky and Sam both shook their heads and Steve added, “Good, because I told Y/N I’d take her out for a drink. Just thought it might be nice to get to know a few people off the field.”

“How captain-ly,” Sam mocked. Steve could read their expressions and knew they weren’t stoked about the situation. 

“Come on, just come by for one drink. Be good teammates.”

“One drink, and you’re buying,” Bucky said. He could never say no to Steve.

“Deal,” Steve replied. 

“So, why join the football team?” Sam bluntly asked. Steve had been driving most of the conversation, asking Y/N about where she grew up and her major. But Sam didn’t have the patience for pleasantries. Steve shot Sam a look as soon as the question was out of his mouth, and Sam merely shrugged.

“I’ve been waiting for that one,” she grinned, taking a big swig of her beer. “You probably won’t like this answer, but it's a bit of a political move. I was the captain of the women’s soccer team and we just found out that our program was cut, along with a few other women’s sports teams. Apparently we didn’t bring in enough money for the school, despite making the playoffs the past eight years. I couldn’t just sit back and let the administration win, so I figured I’d join the football team, try to get some media attention so I could talk about the lack of funding for women’s soccer.”

Whatever answer Bucky was expecting, it certainly wasn’t that.

“That’s pretty badass,” Bucky said.

“So…you don’t have any interest in football,” Sam stated, more than asked.

“Look, I’m an athlete. Every time I step out onto the field, I’m playing to win. And I’m actually pretty decent at kicking a football. I grew up with three older brothers so I was practically raised on the football field. Even though my motives may be a little murky, I am fully dedicated to this team.”

“Now that’s what we like to hear,” Steve said, grinning. 

“But actually, where do we fall within the division?” she asked.

The three players looked at each other, trying to determine how to answer that question.

“We have solid talent, we’ve just been…unlucky the past few years,” Steve said.

“What does that mean?” she retorted, with a raised eyebrow.

“Sam was injured most of last season and he’s our best and fastest wide receiver, so that hurt,” Bucky said.

“You're telling me,” Sam agreed.

“Then we went through a few offensive coordinators until we found one that…meshed with the team.” Steve said.

“The team or the coach?” Y/N bemused.

“The coach,” they all mumbled in unison.

“So Fury’s a hard ass?”

“You could say that. He’s harsh, but fair. And he genuinely knows his way around the gridiron,” Steve stated.

“He is a great coach, just not everyone appreciates his coaching style,” Sam added.

“Coulson has been a great addition so far. He’s kind of balanced Fury out a bit. And his offensive routes have been working pretty well so far,” Bucky commended.

“Got it, so don’t get on Fury’s bad side. Is there anyone else I should be worried about?”

“Just Bucky. He gets cranky if he hasn’t eaten enough,” Sam joked. Bucky nudged him playfully while his teammates laughed.

“We’ve got a great squad. And we really do need a strong kicker. So if you can prove to the guys that you have talent, you’ll earn their respect and they won’t mess with you.”

“Good to know.” Everything about her demeanor was calm, cool, and collected. She didn’t seem to be the least bit intimidated about joining the team. She was able to hold her own and didn’t care about what the guys thought of her. Bucky couldn’t help but admire that energy. He sensed that his friends were fond of her too and he expected they’d defend her if any of the other teammates decided to get mouthy.

“Well, I appreciate you guys taking me out for a drink, but I do need to get back. Still have some unpacking to do.” She left a few dollar bills on the table to cover her drink, even though Steve told her it was unnecessary. She was just as stubborn as he was.

Once she left the bar, Steve was the first to speak. “I like her. I think she’s going to be really good for the team.”

“I think she’s going to be trouble,” Sam said.

“Trouble?” Steve echoed, looking for an explanation.

“Half the team is going to fall in love with her. Including this one,” Sam said, signaling towards Bucky.

“What? You’re crazy, man,” Bucky argued.

“Alright, whatever you say. But I’m going to reference this moment when I give the best man speech at your wedding.”

Bucky rolled his eyes as Steve studied his face, trying to figure out if Sam was right. As Bucky’s oldest friend, he could usually read him like a book when it came to women. Which is why Bucky avoided eye contact, trying to hide any tells he might have.

Steve let out a knowing smile, realizing Sam was right.

It was the day before their first game of the season and they had just finished up practice. Bucky felt oddly content with the team. They had finally gotten into a good rhythm and he felt they were prepared for their first game against Millersville, which was one of their local rivals. They had lost that past few match ups, but Bucky liked their chances this time around.

As the team drank down their water and collected their belongings, Steve cleared his throat calling their attention.

“Listen up. Y/N has something she’d like to say.”

“Thanks Cap. I want to let you know that there will be an article in the Inquirer about me and I felt like I should explain myself to you before you read it. The reason I joined this team is because I was the captain of the women’s soccer team on campus, before they cut the program for budgetary reasons. Several sports teams were cut, all of them being women’s sports teams. There are so many female athletes here on scholarship that are now going to have to transfer out and qualified coaches are now out of a job, and it's completely unfair. So I joined the team, knowing it would get people talking and hopefully some attention would be brought on this injustice. I’m hopeful that some prominent alumni might make some donations to save some of the programs.” She paused, trying to read the reactions of her teammates, but she was mostly getting blank stares.

“I want all of you to know that I take my spot on this team very seriously, and I will do my job to help us win tomorrow. I am committed to all of you and to Coach Fury. I don’t want you to think of me any differently, I just want to be treated like a teammate. So if any of you have any questions or want to say anything, feel free.”

It was silent for a moment. Bucky exchanged eyes with Sam, wondering if they should be some of the first ones to speak up.

“That’s awesome,” Peter said, breaking the silence. “I mean not the part about the soccer team, but the other stuff.”

“Badass,” Sam said, hoping to influence the others.

“Just don’t go leaving us once the soccer team comes calling, okay?” Bucky joked, shooting her a smile that she returned.

“Alright, bring it in,” Thor directed, fanning the team into a sweaty, smelly group hug around Y/N. She tried to protest but it was no use. She emerged from the group gagging and inhaling the fresh air.

Bucky caught up with her as she collected her water jug and helmet.

“That went well,” he commented.

“Honestly, such a relief. I thought Tony was going to have me exiled.”

“Nah, he loves to stick it to the man.”

“Well, thanks for the support.”

“I’m your teammate. I’m always gonna have your back.”

The game was tied 17-17 with two minutes left in the fourth quarter. Bucky was correct in thinking they were pretty evenly matched against their rival. Their defense was struggling a bit, but the offense was doing well putting points on the board. Bucky had scored a touchdown in the first half and Steve had rushed one in on a quarterback sneak play. Y/N had pulled her weight by making both extra points and a field goal right before halftime. And now they were running on third down at the 30-yard line, hoping to pick up a few more feet so that she could easily kick another field goal. Scott ran the ball another few yards and was tackled down at the 27, which put them in good field position for a field goal. The refs moved the chains and the offense ran off the field, as the field goal unit ran on.

“You got this,” Bucky said to her, giving her a pat on the shoulder as she ran out to her position. Peter knelt on the ground, ready to receive the snap as Y/N lined herself up and took a few steps back.

Peter called for the ball, essentially starting the play and Bucky immediately saw one of the defenders jump over one of the lineman, clearly crossing the line of scrimmage before the ball had even been snapped. Yellow flags were flung in the air by the refs and gently floated down, but the play was already in motion and couldn’t be stopped. The ball reached Parker and he deftly turned the laces, as Y/N ran forward and kicked the ball, aiming between the uprights. Her laser focus betrayed her, as she didn’t see the defender making a beeline for her. Her leg was fully extended when he made contact, bringing her lithe form to the ground with ease. The ball had been tipped by another defender, but it hardly mattered as the ref’s whistles were sounding.

The defender who made the tackle was easily three times Y/N’s size, and Bucky watched as he got up with ease and Y/N laid there, motionless and broken. Peter was immediately at her side, checking to see if she was okay. He looked to the sidelines and waved a hand toward Fury, signaling him to send out the trainer. Helen grabbed her kit and sprinted out alongside Fury. 

Rage crept up on Bucky quickly, but what set him off was when the defender high fived his teammate, proud of himself. The attack felt personal. He knew he left early and continued on anyway, determined to pin the female kicker.

Bucky dropped his helmet and sprinted out onto the field shoving the defender to the ground. “What the fuck was that!” Bucky grunted. He wanted this guy to take off his helmet so he could give him a black eye.

Suddenly Steve was in front of him, separating Bucky from his new enemy. Sam must’ve been behind him, giving him a bearhug and pulling him backwards. Bucky wasn’t giving up though, he fought his two teammates trying to get through to the defender.

“Bucky, it’s not worth it,” Steve said, pushing him backwards. “Let it go.”

“She’s not moving, Steve. He did that to her!” 

“She’s gonna be okay. Cho’s out there.”

“Who does that guy think he is!” Bucky seethed.

“He’s a jackass. But don’t stoop to his level,” Sam said. More of the players had come out to break up the fight. The refs were directing both teams to go back to their benches. They should all be taking a knee right now, but the tension was too high. 

Then the ref pointed toward him and pointed to the locker rooms, ejecting him from the game. He did the same for the defender who tackled Y/N. Sam walked him toward the locker room to ensure he wouldn’t stage another attack. Steve corralled the rest of the team back to the bench to take a knee.

When Bucky got into the locker room, he had to let out his frustration. He punched his locker until his knuckles started bleeding. He barely felt the pain, he just kept thinking about the asshole who laid out his teammate. He finally calmed himself down with some deep breaths and decided to take a shower. As soon as the game was called, he was going to check on her. 

Y/N woke up lying on a bed in the training room and immediately felt the pain in her head. She let out an unconscious groan and suddenly two figures were by her side.

“Y/N! You’re up,” Steve said, still fully dressed in uniform. Helen started checking her pupils and did a basic examination.

“What happened,” she mustered. Helen handed her a bottle of water and placed two pills in her palm. She swallowed the pills without question and chugged most of the water.

“One of the defensive lineman was offside for the kick and laid you out. Ended up with a roughing the kicker penalty and he got himself ejected.”

“But did we win?” she asked. 

Steve chuckled, “Yeah, the 15 yard penalty gave us a new set of downs and Lang ran it in for the game winning touchdown.”

“Thank god. You wouldn’t have heard the end of it if you let that guy lay me out and then lost the game.” Steve smiled at her again. At least she seemed to be in good spirits. Helen placed a cold compress on her forehead and concluded her examination. 

“I’ve never seen a brawl breakout like that on the field,” Cho stated.

“A brawl!?” Y/N clamored. “And I missed it? What happened?”

“Bucky charged the field. He pushed the guy that tackled you and almost knocked his head off. Took Sam and I to hold him back. I’ve never seen him like that before.”

“Is he okay?” Y/N asked.

“Oh he’s fine. Refs ejected him and the other guy before it got too out of hand.”

“Y/N, how are you feeling?” Helen asked.

“I mean my head hurts like a bitch, and I feel a little sore on my sides. But I think that’s about it for now.”

Helen nodded, “I think you have a few fractured ribs and you might have a concussion. I recommend that you go to the hospital.”

“Oh. Do I have to go now?”

“That would be best. You should get x-rays done for the ribs and you need to be on concussion watch the rest of the night.”

Y/N felt uneasy, the last thing she wanted was to spend the night in the emergency room by herself. She just wanted a warm bed to rest in for the night. Steve read her expression and tried to help.

“What if one of us stayed with her all night? We’ll make sure she doesn’t fall asleep and if she starts exhibiting more symptoms of a concussion, I’ll take her to the hospital.”

Cho considered his proposal and eyed Y/N, who was currently pleading with her best puppy dog eyes.

“I suppose that would be fine. But she needs to get x-rays done tomorrow.”

“Absolutely,” Y/N agreed. 

Just as Helen was packing up, Bucky burst through the door.

“Is she okay!?”

“Course I’m okay, I’m super tough,” she smiled.

“And that should be the painkillers hitting,” Cho explained.

“She has a few fractured ribs and she might have a concussion,” Steve explained.

“I swear to God, I’m gonna kill that guy,” Bucky muttered, his hand clenching into a fist.

“Easy Buck, it could’ve been a lot worse,” Steve rationalized.

“You’ve got her for tonight?” Helen asked. Bucky shot a look at Steve, confused but Steve just nodded. “We’ve got her.”

Helen nodded and packed up her things, heading home. 

“I told Helen we would stay with Y/N tonight, to make sure she doesn’t fall asleep. And we can take her to the hospital tomorrow to get some x-rays done.”

Bucky nodded in agreement.

“I still need to get showered and pack up. Buck, can you give Y/N a ride to our place and I’ll meet you there?”

“Sure, of course.”

Steve departed for the locker room, leaving just Bucky and Y/N. He walked over toward the table where she was sitting and helped her onto her feet. She was initially unsteady, falling into him slightly as she gained her balance.

“Okay, that is not going to work…”

“What?” she inquired.

“Come here,” he put his hand behind her back and reached down to collect her legs, picking her up easily in his strong arms.

“This is not necessary.”

“You can barely stand up straight, I’m not risking you getting hurt even more.”

She didn’t have the energy to fight back. It would’ve been useless as they quickly approached Bucky’s black Jeep.

He gingerly placed her on two feet and opened the passenger door for her. He was ready to wrap an arm around her waist to aid her into the car, but she brushed him off and easily climbed into the leather seat. Bucky shut the door behind her carefully and walked over to the driver’s side of the car.

It was silent for a few minutes as he drove them the short way to his house. Once they were inside, Y/N made herself comfortable on the sofa and Bucky retrieved her a glass of water. 

“So…” Y/N started, eyeing Bucky, “I heard you got tossed from the game.”

Bucky let out an unconscious chuckle. “It wasn’t a big deal.”

“Oh, do you make it a habit of starting brawls mid-game?”

“This would be a first.”

“What the hell happened?” she asked.

He let out a deep sigh, placing the glass in front of her. “I don’t know…I just snapped. I saw my teammate lying there, not moving, after a cheap shot and I needed to do something.”

“So you did that to protect me? Because I’m a woman?” There was an edge to her voice and he knew he had to tread carefully.

“Honestly, I think that asshole laid you out because you’re a woman. It was fucked up. And I didn’t want him to think he could get away with that. You’re part of the team and I’ve got your back.”

She studied him for a moment and let out a small smile, accepting the answer he provided.

“Thank you,” she said plainly. 

“You’re welcome.”

They were quiet for a moment and Bucky spoke up again, “Steve should be home soon. Did you want to watch TV or something?”

“Sure.” Bucky handed her the remote and let her click through the channels until something grasped her attention.

“What the fuck is this?” Bucky asked, stunned by the blurred nudity on his television.

“You’ve never seen Naked and Afraid?” His expression answered the question for her. 

“It’s like a survivalist show. They spend 21 days trying to survive in the wilderness.”

“And they're naked…”

“Yeah, they don’t really explain that logic. Something having to do with primitivism. I think it's just for shock value.”

“Makes sense.”

“But yeah, it’s oddly addicting.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” Despite his apprehension, he settled in and focused his attention on the TV. The two made comments and jokes to each other while watching and it wasn’t long until Bucky was drawn in.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Steve came in and found them on the couch, watching the reality TV survival show.

“What on Earth…” Steve said.

“Naked and Afraid,” Y/N and Bucky said in unison. Steve wordlessly dropped his things and joined them on the couch, asking questions about the show and the episode.

“Why is this so addicting?” Steve finally asked.

“I have no idea, but it’s so good,” Y/N said. The three of them sat and watched episodes for hours, but the time flew by with ease. But the drugs and pain was starting to take a toll on Y/N. Bucky could sense she was close to drifting off, and every time he saw her head bob, he nudged her shoulder to make sure she was still awake.

“I’m just so tired…” she would say. Bucky looked at Steve for guidance. He wanted her to get some rest, but he didn’t want to risk breaching the concussion protocol. Steve pulled out his phone and did a quick Google search.

“It says that technically she can sleep, she just needs to be woken up every few hours.”

Bucky turned to Y/N, checking her reaction at the good news, but she was already in a light sleep.

“I’ll take her to my room, she’ll be more comfortable there,” Bucky said.

“Do you want me to stay up with you?” Steve offered.

“Nah, I’ll set an alarm and wake her every two hours.”

“You sure?” Steve was more than happy to help out, but he also recognized the sparkle in Bucky’s eye.

“I’ve got it,” Bucky replied. Steve nodded and gathered his things before heading to his room. Bucky approached Y/N and picked her up carefully, so as not to wake her. She easily fell into his arms and he navigated to his room. He carefully placed her onto his unmade bed and pulled the sheets over her. She sunk into the mattress and continued to sleep, curled up in the blankets. Bucky glanced over his room and realized it could use a little tidying up. The last thing he wanted was for Y/N to wake up disgusted at the mess. He set a timer on his phone, cracked his knuckles and started cleaning up.

The first two hours went by surprisingly quickly. It helped to have a task he was focused on and he put his headphones in to listen to some music as he worked. He was shocked to find it was nearing 3AM. 

He sat gently on the bed and carefully shook Y/N’s shoulder, calling her name as he did so. She groggily opened her eyes, clearly annoyed at being disturbed from her slumber.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” he asked.

She squinted at him, “Tired.”

“I know, I’m sorry to wake you.”

“It’s okay,” she responded, stretching out.

“Do you want something to eat or drink?”

“Mmm, a bottle of red wine would be great.”

Bucky stared at her before she added, “I’m kidding.” He was glad to see her sense of humor was still intact.

“How about a grilled cheese?” he offered.

“Oh that sounds amazing.”

“Coming right up.” He stood from his desk chair and was surprised as Y/N followed him to the kitchen. He poured her a large glass of water and placed it in front of her selected seat at the kitchen table.

Bucky moved around the kitchen with ease as he collected all the necessary ingredients for their midnight snack.

“Do you cook often?” she asked him.

“I try to. I like eating healthy when I can and it's easier if I just cook for myself instead of eating out all the time.”

“What’s your go-to meal that you cook when you’re trying to impress a girl?”

Bucky turned back to her, “You’re about to find out.”

She scoffed, “Grilled cheese is not your signature dish.”

“Sure it is.”

“So if you were going to cook dinner for a date, you’d make her grilled cheese?”

“Absolutely.”

“You’re full of shit.”

“It’s a great test of character. I want to be with a girl who is down to earth and appreciates a good grilled cheese.”

“No girl is going to be impressed by grilled cheese.”

“Talk to me after you’ve tried it,” he smiled. She continued drinking her water and watching him work. Her headache was fading away but her ribs still hurt a bit and watching Bucky distracted her from the pain.

Soon enough, Bucky placed a plate in front of her that held a perfectly made grilled cheese. The bread was a rich golden brown and there was the slightest bit of cheese oozing off the crust. 

“How do you want it cut?” he asked. 

“Triangles,” she responded, smiling back to memories of her childhood. Bucky slid the butter knife diagonally across the sandwich, creating two right triangles.

He placed his own plate in front of the neighboring chair and joined her at the table. She picked up the sandwich and bit off a corner.

“Oh my god…” she gushed.

Bucky merely shrugged and said, “I told you.”

“How? How is this the best sandwich I’ve ever had?” She continued to eat her grilled cheese, moaning in delight after every bite. 

“I’m just happy it lived up to expectations.”

“Oh, it exceeded expectations,” she said, wiping her mouth with a napkin. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked, as he collected the dishes and loaded the dishwasher.

“Good, but tired. And sore.”

“You want to go back to sleep?”

She simply nodded and he held out his hand to help her up. She took it with ease and he walked her back to his bedroom, pulling down the sheets so she could climb in.

As she made herself comfortable, James let out a deep yawn.

“Are you going to sleep?” she asked.

He nodded, “I’m gonna pass out on the couch for a few hours, then I’ll check on you.”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that.”

“Well, I just want to make sure you aren’t concussed.”

“No, I mean you don’t have to sleep on the couch.”

“You are not sleeping on the couch.”

“I don’t mind sharing the bed. It is yours.”

“Y/N, I really don’t mind.”

“Stop arguing and get in the bed,” she demanded. 

He wasn’t expecting her to be so direct and found he followed her direction without question. Even though Y/N was tiny, it was still tight in the twin bed considering Bucky’s bulky frame. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get comfortable. Y/N was curled up under the covers, fast asleep, and he was worried that any shift he made might wake her up. So he just stared up at the ceiling, trying to ignore her sweet scent and delicate breathing. And then she turned. She instinctively pulled herself closer to him, resting her head on his chest and placing her arm around his rib cage. He carefully placed his arm around her and gently ran his fingers up and down her torso. He focused his attention on his movements and soon enough, he was drifting off to sleep.

He was startled awake by the chime of his alarm and he didn’t want to move. He quickly turned off the ringer, not wanting to wake up Y/N just yet. She was the little spoon to his big, her petite body fitting perfectly in his. 

“Y/N,” he whispered, scratching her shoulder gently to wake her. He wasn’t sure if she was a naturally heavy sleeper or if it was a side effect from her injury, but either way his job wasn’t any easier.

“Y/N,” he called again, shaking her shoulder ever so slightly. This time she stirred, turning so that she was facing him. “Are you awake?” he whispered.

“No…” she replied. 

“Don’t make me bring in reinforcements,” he added with a smile.

“You wouldn’t dare,” she challenged.

“Only one way to find out,” he smirked. He leaned in close to her and started tickling her torso, playing her rib cage like it was a piano. She immediately squirmed, trying to evade his attack unsuccessfully. As she squealed, she also let out a breathy giggle that was music to his ears. She flipped back over so that she was facing the edge of the bed and Bucky took this moment to ease up on the tickling and squeezed her tight in his arms. She leaned into his arms before calling, “Okay, okay I give.”

“You awake now?”

“Yes, I’m awake,” she laughed. He loosened his grip and she turned back to him.

“That was not a fair fight. You’re like twice my size. And I was half asleep.”

“All I’m hearing are excuses,” Bucky countered. She pouted at him and Bucky couldn’t help but smile. “Are you feeling better?”

She nodded, “No more headache, still a little sore in the ribs.”

“My attack probably didn’t help that,” Bucky admitted.

“Definitely not. But I didn’t mind too much.”

He studied her face, counting every freckle and memorizing the pattern of her irises. He smiled noticing the twinkle in her eye had returned; it had dimmed after she took the hit but now it was glimmering again. Bucky couldn’t believe how quickly things had changed between them. He never saw it coming. Yesterday she was just his teammate, and now he couldn’t imagine a life without her. He’d always heard about people falling so fast that they don’t realize it until it was too late, but he’d never experienced it before. He leaned in closer, pulling her in tight to his chest, taking in her natural scent, and he planted a protective kiss on her hairline.

“Why don’t you rinse off in the shower before we head to the hospital,” he suggested.

“Hospital?” she whined, “I’m really fine.”

He looked at her sternly, “We’re going.”

“Do we have to?”

“Yes, I’m not taking no for an answer. I promised Cho I would take you in.”

She rolled her eyes before climbing out of bed, “Fiiiine.” 

Bucky followed her into the bathroom to grab her a fresh set of towels. As he handed her the small stack, she looked at him with a look that he couldn’t quite place. He guessed she had something she wanted to get off her chest, but wasn’t sure if she should proceed.

“What is it?” he asked, hoping his comment would encourage her.

She hesitated for a minute, weighing the pros and cons in her head. “It’s nothing,” she settled on, giving him a fake smile.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said, placing his hands on her shoulders.

She let out a sigh before saying, “It’s fine if you want to keep last night between us. Not that anything happened, but we can just go back to normal.”

The comment should’ve stung, but Bucky wasn’t letting her get out of things that easily, “Is that what you want?”

Her eyes told him everything. “I don’t mind either-”

He cut her off, not willing to accept her non-answer. He shook his head, “What do you want?”

He was pushing her, he knew that, but he wanted her to hear her say it, to make sure it wasn’t all in his head.

“I want a thousand more nights like last night. Just without the whole concussion part,” she added, with a smile.

“Only a thousand? We’re capping it there?” 

She let out a teasing laugh, “Let’s start with a thousand. If you do well, we can discuss a contract extension.”

“Trust me, I’m getting that extension. How about I give you a little preview…” he suggested, moving in closer towards her.

“Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?” she smirked. He placed his hand on her jaw and gently ran his index finger in circles behind her ear. 

“Maybe something like this…” he whispered, words grazing her lips. She closed her eyes and waited until he finally brushed his lips up against hers. He pulled her in tighter towards him as he continued kissing her. She couldn’t help but smile as he caressed her lips, knowing full well she never wanted him to stop. 

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fluff

[endless-summer-soldier]

endless-summer-soldier masterlist

bucky barnes

steve harrington

george weasley

#masterlist #bucky barnes masterlist #bucky barnes fanfic #steve harrington masterlist #steve harrington fanfic #george weasley masterlist #george weasley fanfic

[endless-summer-soldier]

steve harrington masterlist

something like that: Steve eyes a beautiful stranger at the country fair and he has a feeling she’s going to end up being someone special. little does he know, his mysterious stranger is Robin’s cousin.

part one

part two

#steve harrington masterlist #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fic #steve harrington

[endless-summer-soldier]

something like that - part two [Steve Harrington x reader]

pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader

summary: after five long years, Steve can't get that special someone out of his mind. he can only hope that he'll run into her again when he visits Robin in Chicago

word count: 11.5k (sorry, may have gotten a little carried away with this one)

part one

March 10, 1989

Steve was zipping up his duffel when he heard the familiar honk of a car horn.

“HARRINGTON!” How he’d missed that voice. Steve collected his things and called goodbye to his roommates as he walked out of the shitty house. Eddie was leaning against his van with a warm smile on his face. “There he is…” Eddie said, imitating a proud father.

“How was the tour?” Steve asked. Eddie slid open one of the van doors and Steve tossed in his bag. 

“We had a rocky start but the last few shows went off without a hitch. We’re finally getting into a rhythm and building up our fan base.” Eddie had moved to Cincinnati about a year ago to pursue music full time. His band had just completed a mini-tour, hitting Columbus, Detroit, Cleveland, and Pittsburgh. They had a few nights off once they returned to Cincinnati and then they played a few shows in Indianapolis. While the rest of the band went home, Eddie headed for Bloomington to meet up with his high school friend.

“How’s school been?” Eddie asked, as he started up the van. Steve was in his senior year at Indiana University in Bloomington. While his father would’ve preferred he attended Notre Dame, he was relieved his only son decided to attend university. Steve wasn’t sure if college would be the right fit for him, but as soon as he walked onto the Bloomington campus, he knew he had made the right choice. Steve filled him in on how his semester was going and shared his excitement for graduation.

“Can you believe our girl’s turning 21?” The two were currently driving from Bloomington up to visit Robin at DePaul University in Chicago for her 21st birthday. They had a four hour car ride ahead of them and were scheduled to get to the city around 8PM. Robin hadn’t given them many details for the night other than hitting the bars and drinking copious amounts of alcohol. Steve had been looking forward to this weekend for months, not just to be reunited with his two closest high school friends, but because he was hoping Y/N might be there. He hadn’t seen her or spoken to her since that night at the lake all those years ago. A part of him was always tempted to ask Robin how she was, but he never did, hoping to avoid her sass and knowing gaze. Even if she wasn’t there, it would still be a great weekend. He was grateful the three of them still kept in touch and that their friendship remained intact despite going their separate ways. 

The boys didn’t miss a beat, catching up on the new and reminiscing on the old. Eddie pushed his van to its limits while Steve handled the navigation. They had made it about half way there when Eddie had to pull over for gas. Steve went into the gas station to use the restroom and grab a bag of chips. He also wanted to peruse their alcohol selection to see if there was anything gift-worthy for Robin. He looked through the sparse selection and wasn’t thrilled with his options, but ultimately decided it’d be better to show up with a shitty bottle of vodka than empty handed. He chose a frosted bottle with fake purple jewel on it that claimed to be a high-end Polish vodka. When he completed his errands, he walked out of the gas station to find Eddie finishing up at the pump.

“We’re making good time,” Steve stated as they headed back toward the highway. He checked his watch again and it seemed like they could make it into the city a little before eight. As soon as they merged onto the highway, Steve ate his words.

Eddie merely peered over to Steve and read his expression as you jinxed us. Steve tried to remain positive, thinking maybe it was just a minor fender bender that they were clearing out of the road. 

It wasn’t. They crawled along the highway for about 45 minutes before Eddie lost his patience. 

“I’m getting off at the next exit so you better find us another route.” Steve expected this would happen and had been marking some backroads that would ultimately lead them back to the highway, hopefully past the traffic buildup. 

“I’m on it.” Eddie cut over to the right a little early and followed a few cars riding along the shoulder. They exited the highway and were surrounded by fields and farms. Steve told Eddie to keep driving until they saw some more road signs so that Steve could determine where they needed to go. They continued down the road but then the van started to wobble a bit. Steve looked at Eddie with panicked eyes and Eddie responded, “It’s fine, she does that all the time.” His tone wasn’t quite believable though. A few minutes later it happened again and Eddie announced he was going to pull over briefly. Steve held his forehead in his fingers, stressed about their current situation. It suddenly felt like fate was trying to keep him out of Chicago. He wasn’t giving up that easily. 

Eddie got out of the van and circled the vehicle, inspecting it for signs of concern. Eddie knocked on Steve’s window, interrupting Steve’s desperate thoughts. Steve cranked down the window.

“I found the problem,” Eddie said.

“How bad is it?”

“It’s a flat tire.”

“Please tell me you have a spare.”

“Harrington, how irresponsible do you think I am?” Steve didn’t answer him and Eddie added, “Yes I have a spare. And I’ve changed a tire before.”

Steve climbed out of the van as Eddie opened the doors for the back, collecting his tools.

“Do you need help with anything?” Steve asked his friend. Eddie genuinely seemed to know what he was doing and Steve didn’t know that he would be of much assistance. 

“Nah, I’ve got it.” 

Steve peered off in the distance and saw a strip mall about a half a mile away. 

“I’m going to walk down there and see if I can find a phone to call Robin. Just let her know we’re on our way but maybe a little delayed.

“Great idea, I knew I kept you around for a reason.” Steve shook his head at his friend, grabbed the maps from the front seat, and  then headed down the road toward his destination. Maybe if he met a helpful local they could give them a good route to take. He hoped that by the time he returned, the car would have a new tire and they would be back on the road.

The walk didn’t take him too long and it gave him an opportunity to clear his head. He walked into a small grocery store and was greeted immediately. He let the motherly cashier know his predicament and she was more than happy to help. First he called Robin and the call went to voicemail. He left her a quick message letting her know they were running late and would meet them out at the bar. He just asked that they leave a spare key for them to be able to get into her apartment and drop their stuff off. Once he finished the call, the cashier, who’s name he learned was Cindy, gave him a good back road route that would lead them back to the highway when they got closer to Illinois. He thanked her graciously and walked back to Eddie and the van.

True to his word, Eddie changed the tire and was packing up the van, ready to get going.

“You did that quick,” Steve commented.

Eddie shrugged, “I basically grew up in a mechanic shop. I learned how to change a tire when I was five.”

“Impressive.”

“Did you get a hold of Robin?”

“Left a message on her machine. I told her to leave us a spare key and we’d meet up with them later. Annnnd a very nice lady in the grocery store gave me directions so I know where we need to go.”

“So efficient. We’ll be back on track in no time.” The two piled into the car and, once again, headed north to Chicago.

The duo did make up some time by opting to ignore some speed limits, but they still ended up more than fashionably late. They pulled up to Robin’s address, a row home in Lincoln Park. Eddie let Steve out of the car with the bags while he circled the block in search of free overnight street parking. Steve located the hide-a-key in a potted plant near the front porch and opened the door, dropping the bags by the front steps. He wandered around the house and into the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of tap water that he promptly chugged. There was a piece of notebook paper pinned to the fridge with a magnet that read, “Lily’s Bar, Lincoln and Altgeld St - meet us there!” Robin was always a great communicator.

Steve dug through his backpack looking for a fresh shirt that didn’t smell like Eddie’s van. He put on a printed button up and threw on his oversized denim jacket, needing an extra layer from the crisp March air. Eddie barrelled in a minute or two later, ready to party. Steve locked the door behind him and returned the key to its rightful hiding spot. 

Steve checked his map to figure out the general direction of their destination and found it wasn’t too far, he guessed a seven minute walk.

“You nervous?” Eddie asked him.

“Well I wasn’t…” Steve commented, remembering the potential upcoming encounter he was about to have. 

“Did you ask Robin if she was coming?”

Steve shook his head, “Didn’t want to be disappointed if she wasn’t. Figured I’d keep that little sliver of hope alive.”

“I’m sure she’ll be there. She’s Robin’s cousin and one of her best friends.”

“I don’t even know if she still lives around here. She could be at school in California or something.”

Eddie gave his friend a look, “We’ll find out soon enough. No sense worrying about it now.” As if Steve hadn’t been worrying about it the whole drive up. It was the build up that was getting to him. This big dramatic scene that had played out in his head. They had a moment together one night almost five years ago, and Steve hadn’t stopped thinking about her since. Tonight things would be different. In a perfect world, they would still have a strong connection and would be drawn to each other immediately. In a more realistic world, things would be awkward and they would never see each other again. Either way, it would give him closure and he could hopefully move on from this fantasy.

They approached a bar with wood paneling, tall dark windows, and a hanging black sign that displayed an outline of a shaggy haired woman. It was a dive bar with character and live music was flowing out the open door. Steve and Eddie handed their IDs to the bouncer and easily walked into the bar, in need of a few brews. They beelined it to the bartender and Eddie flashed his winning smile and was quickly greeted. He nudged Steve, “What do you want?”

“Budweiser,” Steve said absentmindedly, skimming the bar for his old friend and her very beautiful cousin. It was loud with the live music and packed considering it was a Saturday night, which put Steve into stimulation overload.

As Eddie flirted away with the bartender he added, “Hey, do you happen to recall serving a round of shots to a group celebrating a 21st birthday?” 

“Oh yeah.”

“They still here?” he followed up.

“I think they went upstairs to try and get a table.”

“Thank you darling. Much appreciated,” Eddie left a few extra dollars on the bar to show his appreciation.

“Laying it on a little thick there,” Steve murmured.

Eddie shrugged, “It’s the Munson Method. I recently developed it and found that if you butter up the bartenders early on in the night, they remember you, thus serving you quicker, and often providing more potent mixed drinks.”

“I’ll have to remember that one,” Steve chuckled, still skimming the crowd for a familiar face.

“C’mon lover boy,” Eddie said, taking the lead after recognizing the look on his friend’s face. Eddie headed toward the corner and up the stairs, where the sound of live music was replaced with the loud chatter of college students. The second floor was mostly tables, all of which were currently full and covered in beer bottles. There was a small bar along one wall where people were collecting cans of beer and plastic cups full of mixed drinks. 

A flash of pink caught Steve’s eye and he turned toward the corner to find Robin, sitting pretty in a hot pink feather boa and a plastic tiara.

“Found her,” Steve said, pointing toward the crowded corner. There were a lot of people surrounding her and Steve quickly looked for Y/N, but found himself disappointed with every glance. He didn’t see her. His heart would’ve skipped a beat if he even thought he saw her. Yet here he was, happy to see his friend but missing the butterflies in his stomach. 

Eddie and Steve walked over to the table and Robin’s eyes lit up when she saw them.

“MY BOYS!” she screeched when she saw them approaching her. She jumped from her hair to put her arms around their necks in a squished group hug.

She let them go and turned back to the group, “Friends, these are my boys.” Then she sat back in her chair and continued sipping on what looked like a Long Island Iced Tea.

“I’m Eddie, this is Steve.”

“I see you’ve been taking good care of her,” Steve joked, referring to Robin’s inebriation.

The group shifted to make space for them at the table and provided a dozen different names that Steve wouldn’t remember. 

Steve let out a deep breath, admitting defeat that his potential soulmate wasn’t here. He chugged the rest of his beer and went to the bar to get another. He would cope with alcohol. It was a bad plan, but it was what he needed tonight.

He stood at the crowded bar and looked for an opening to make eye contact with the bartender. There was a girl in a purple fringed jacket who was on the shorter side currently ordering and Steve slid in behind her, hoping he could order once the bartender filled her order. He saw the bartender pouring a line of layered shots which she then slid towards the girl. There were probably eight shots and he almost considered offering her help. But then she impressively bunched all the shooters together and grasped them in her talons, focusing on her grip before she took a deep breath and picked them all up. She turned quickly and ran full force into Steve, somehow only dropping one of the shots. He reached out instinctively and placed his hands around hers to stabilize the glasses. She looked up at him and Steve could’ve died right there. It was Y/N.

“Hi,” she breathed, her expression softening from frustration to shock.

“Hi,” he responded. 

“You probably don’t remember me. I’m-”

“Of course I remember you,” Steve smiled.  “Can I give you a hand?” 

“Um yeah, can you take some of these back to the table and I’ll grab a few more?”

“You got it.” Steve took six of the shot glasses and left her with one, as she turned back to the bar to order again. He placed them in the middle of the table and Eddie said, “Aw Steve, you shouldn’t have.”

“We have more coming,” Steve announced, so that people knew to wait before taking the shots.

“We?” Eddie asked, looking up at Steve. He merely shrugged and walked back to the bar, Eddie’s eyes following him. When he saw Steve sidle up next to a petite brunette, he had it all figured out. 

“Son of a bitch,” he muttered to himself with a smile.

Steve returned to Y/N’s side as she collected the remaining shot glasses. She ordered a replacement for the one she dropped, as well as two extra shot glasses for himself and Eddie.

“I’m gonna get a drink, do you want something?” he whispered into her ear as she collected the shot glasses.

“Yes, could you get me between the sheets?” Steve’s heart dropped into his stomach and his eyebrows rose.

“What was that?” Steve asked, not believing what he had just heard.

Y/N blushed, “The drink. Between the Sheets.”

“Oh. Ohhh, yes I will get it.”

“You didn’t think I was coming onto you this early in the night, did you?” she flirted with a glimmer in her eyes.

“A boy can dream, can’t he,” Steve added, sending her a smile back. She held his gaze for a moment then took the remaining shots back to the table, leaving him at the bar. He ordered her drink and a rum and coke and returned to the table.

He walked the drink over to where Y/N was sitting and considered lingering for a moment but decided to play it cool. He placed the drink in front of her and she turned around quickly to thank him. She looked like she wanted to say more but then Robin was tugging at her sleeves, pulling her into her conversation to settle an argument.

Steve gave her the signal to go ahead and stated, “We’ll catch up later.” She gave him an enthusiastic nod and then turned over to Robin.

He returned to his seat next to Eddie and tried not to make eye contact, ignoring Eddie’s knowing eyes.

“Someone looks happy,” he commented.

“Shut up,” he said, nudging his friend.

“Is this moment everything you hoped it would be?” Eddie teased.

“I’ll report back at the end of the night.”

“Fair enough.” 

Before they could continue their conversation, Y/N stood up and called for their attention. She held up her shot glass and signaled for everyone else to do the same. She gave a toast to Robin, but Steve didn’t hear a word she said. This was the first time he had gotten a proper look at her and she looked as good as ever. She was in a purple fringe jacket with a black corset top and black jeans. Her hair was straighter, but teased with side bangs that framed her face. But her smile was just as infectious as it had always been. He watched her, laughing with Robin, and longed to hear that beautiful sound again. He had to figure out a way to get her alone.

After a few more drinks (and a couple rounds of shots) Steve had loosened up and had a plan in place. The live band was still playing downstairs and he felt it was time to move the party to the main event. He enlisted Eddie’s help and Eddie ran over to Robin and took her hand, pulling her from her chair. He wasn’t sure what Eddie said to her, but he saw Robin’s eyes go wide and she called to the group and said, “Guys, there’s dancing downstairs!!”

The table all stood up and followed Robin and Eddie. Steve hung behind, letting everyone else go before him. Y/N walked over and stood next to him, watching the others head downstairs. 

“Dancing, really? Was this your idea?” she accused.

He shrugged, “I may have made a suggestion.”

“I’m glad you guys made it. I heard you had some car trouble.”

“Yeah, hit some traffic then got a flat. But we weren’t gonna let that stop us from celebrating Robin’s special day.”

“I know she’s wasted right now, but she’s so grateful you guys made it. All she could talk about all week was how excited she was to see her hometown friends.”

“Wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”

“How’ve you been Steve?”

“Doing pretty well. Finishing up my last semester and getting ready to graduate, which is crazy.”

“Where’d you end up?”

“Indiana. What about you?”

“Northwestern. Didn’t have it in my heart to leave Chicago just yet. How do you like Bloomington?”

“It’s been great. Very different from the Hawkins small town life, but still feels…I don’t know, comfortable?”

“That’s great! I’m so happy for you. And what-”

“Y/N! Come dance!!” Robin had barrelled back up the stairs and interrupted their conversation by pulling Y/N’s arm. She looked back apologetically at Steve and he gave her a smile, following their lead. He figured if he couldn’t talk to Y/N he could at least try to dance with her.

It was packed on the dance floor as college kids were flocking to the band. Steve imagined this is what it was like at the shows Eddie played. The girls were dancing with each other and some of Robin’s other friends and Steve found a spot with Eddie.

Steve waited for his moment and when Robin spun Y/N around and she landed a few feet in front of him, he slid in and put a gentle hand on her hip. She turned her head around casually to scope out who was touching her, and she eased when she realized it was Steve. She found his free hand and held it in hers, leaning back into him a little more. Then she spun into him so that she was facing him and moved her hands on his shoulders. They were in a slow dancing position but they were moving at pace with the upbeat music. He could feel the tension building between them and all he wanted was to taste her lips again.

He was pulled from his thoughts when the frontman of the band made an announcement.

“Alright, we’re gonna switch it up a little here and invite a friend up to the stage. Munson, get up here.” The crowd cheered, particularly the birthday crew, as Eddie clambered up to the stage. The frontman took off his guitar and passed it to Eddie, who strummed a few test chords. Eddie walked over to the drummer and bass player and they nodded their heads together before the drummer counted them in. The former frontman took a spot next to the bass player as Eddie took position center stage.

The song started with some aggressive, repetitive guitar chords that Eddie hit hard. Then eventually the kick drum came in, holding a steady beat.

Then Eddie started to sing, “When I get to the bottom, I go back to the top of the slide. I get to the top and I go for a ride. I get to the bottom and I see you again. I see you again.”

The crowd went wild at the Motley Crue cover and Eddie’s vocals were throaty and intense. 

“Do you, don’t you want me to love you. I’m coming down fast but I’m miles above you. Oh tell me, tell me, tell me, come on tell me the answer. You may be a lover but you ain’t no dancer.”

A flock of coeds had made their way through the crowd and were now salivating at Eddie’s feet and he was loving every minute of it.

“He’s really good!” Y/N nearly yelled into his ear. Steve hadn’t seen Eddie play in a while, and he had to give it to him. The guy knew how to work a crowd.

“Helter skelter, helter skelter, helter skelter…”

The song continued and included a killer guitar solo that Eddie absolutely crushed. When they finished the song, the crowd went wild, screaming and cheering as they drew out the final notes. Eddie gave a thank you to the crowd and high fived the other band members. The front man came back up to the mic and said, “We’re gonna take a quick break and then we’ll be back with some more tunes for you.” The crowd sighed in disappointment and then quickly flocked to the bar for another round of drinks. 

“Should we go find him?” Steve asked, wanting to give his friend a clap on the back. Y/N agreed and they moved towards the side of the stage, hoping they could intercept Eddie before his newfound fan-club.

They heard him before they saw him. He was buzzing off the natural adrenaline high and was speaking his praises to the band. When he saw Steve and Y/N waiting for him, he said his goodbyes and approached them.

“Where’d you learn to play like that?” Y/N cooed.

“That is all self taught baby!”

“You were incredible!”

“Seriously man, you killed it out there. One of these days you’re gonna be selling out arenas all over the country.”

Eddie put his hands together in a prayer position to show his gratitude. 

“So how do you know those guys?” Y/N asked.

Eddie shrugged, “I shared a joint with them somewhere in Ohio. They’re on the college circuit too. I recognized them and gave them a wave when we walked in, but I never expected them to call me up like that.”

“I think you’ve got some fans looking for you back there,” Steve said, signaling over his shoulder.

“Well it’d be rude to keep them waiting, right?” He smiled. Steve gave his pal a pat on the shoulder and watched him walk off.

“You want another drink?” Steve offered, hoping he could keep Y/N to himself.

“Yeah, definitely.” They wove their way through the crowded bar and Steve ordered them a few cocktails as he tried to shield her from the bustling crowd. He picked up the drinks and paid his tab, then led the way out of the crowd. He found a spot along the wall with a ledge where they could rest their drinks. He held his plastic cup up to hers and they cheers-ed, taking quick sips of their beverages.

“So are you liking Northwestern?” he asked, hoping to pick up the conversation where they left off. 

“Loving it. It’s north of the city, so it's a little quieter but I can come back into the city easily enough to visit family and friends.”

“Best of both worlds. What are you studying?”

“Psychology.”

“Tell me you’re going to school to be a therapist.”

She shrugged, “It’s possible.”

Steve beamed at her. “You are going to be so great at that.”

“I’m still coming to terms with it. It feels weird to follow in your parents footsteps, you know? Like is this something I actually want to do or is it just all I know.”

“Well, I wouldn’t know anything about that. But I genuinely think you have a talent for it. You’re so easy to talk to and I can tell you actually, like, listen to what I’m saying.”

“Oh yeah? As opposed to all the other girls you spend time with,” she teased.

“You’d be surprised. Half the time I think girls only talk to me because they like my hair.”

“It is really nice hair,” she added. 

“Thank you, but there’s more to me than the hair.”

“The handsome good looks?” she teased.

He blushed, “Well I don’t know about that.”

“I do. You’ve got a lot going for you. The girl you're dating right now is a lucky lady.”

“Oh, no. I’m not seeing anyone.” 

“Really? I just assumed…”

“Nah, I’ve been kind of hung up on someone and haven’t really dated much since then.”

“Oh,” she replied. He could see her brain moving, trying to understand where that left them.

Before he could reassure her, the crowd cheered again, signaling that the band had returned to the stage. The loud guitar riffs confirmed that. 

“Are you seeing anyone?” Steve asked her, hoping he knew the answer.

“What?” she called, struggling to adjust to the noise coming from the amps.

“Are you seeing anyone?” he repeated, this time a bit louder.

She pointed toward her ear and yelled, “I can’t hear you.”

Steve sighed, but quickly recovered as an idea entered his head. He leaned in close and whispered into her ear, “Do you wanna get out of here?”

She looked up at him with an amused expression on her face. She stood on her tiptoes and he leaned closer to make it easier for her.

“And go where?”

He shrugged and moved his lips toward her ear again, “Anywhere.” She looked up at him as he kept his face close to hers. A smirk was spreading up her face and she held his eye contact as she said, “Okay.” They chugged down the rest of their drinks and snuck out of the bar. Steve made eye contact with Eddie as they left so that he would know not to look for them. Eddie gave him a wink and a smile and Steve shifted his gaze away from his friends.

The moment they stepped outside they were met with the cold air, but they could also hear again. 

“That’s better,” she commented, happy to be away from the hustle and bustle.

“Know any good spots around here? Maybe somewhere a little more quiet.”

She looked up at the sky and pouted her lips, thinking through some potential options.

“Mmm, I’ve got it.” She started walking down the street and took a few turns down some side streets.

“Are you planning on mugging me in this alley?” Steve asked, eyeing their surroundings.

“Oh stop, it’s a short cut.”

“You shouldn’t be taking shortcuts down alleyways late at night.”

“Okay, Mom,” she joked.

“I’m serious! Don’t put yourself in a dangerous situation.”

“Okay, okay. I hear ya,” she waved him off, but secretly she thought his concern was kind of cute. They walked back onto the main street and stopped at a small storefront on the corner.

“Here we are,” she announced. Steve opened the door for her and she stepped inside first. The bar was cozy and warm, much different than the establishment they came from. There were a few people sitting at the bar, drinking out of stemmed glassware. They took two empty seats at the bar and skimmed through the cocktail menu. When the bartender approached Y/N requested two glasses of water and she ordered a whiskey smash. Steve ordered the same, making it easier on the bartender.

“This is much better,” Steve said.

“I can actually hear you, which is nice.”

“You say that now,” he joked, “Get a few more drinks in me and I won’t shut up.”

“Well lucky for you, I’m a really great listener.”

“I know this about you,” Steve smiled. He was trying to figure out how to ask her if she was single. She was giving him all the signs that she was, but he still wanted to confirm.

“You never told me what you’re studying.”

“Education. I’m going to be a middle school history teacher.”

Her face lit up, “That’s amazing. I can see you being so good at that, you’re so patient. And I bet you’re great with kids.”

“I’ve had some practice over the years. And as much as they can be a pain, I’ve really enjoyed seeing them grow as humans.”

“There should be more teachers like you out there. Growing up we had so many teachers that just did the bare minimum, handing out worksheets or making us watch videos. They lost all the respect of the students. But I don’t think you’ll be like that.”

“I hope not.” 

“What do your parents think of your career choice?” Always with the hard hitting questions. Yet oddly enough, he didn’t mind answering.

“My mom has been very supportive. My dad…let’s just say he wasn’t thrilled. He loves to remind me that it won’t be easy to support a family on a teacher’s salary. I could care less about the money. I spent my whole life being the rich kid, wondering if my friends were hanging out with me just because I had the nicest toys and a pool in the backyard.”

She placed her hand on top of his, showing him her support. 

“Robin and Eddie don’t see you that way.”

“You’re right, they don’t. And they really showed me what it means to be a true friend. I was really insecure before I met them, and I was kind of a jackass. I was friends with terrible people and treated others outside my circle really poorly. And then I met Robin and she called me out on my bullshit. She helped me realize I didn’t have to try so hard and I could just be myself.”

“She’s really good at that,” Y/N added. “She did the same thing for me when we were growing up.”

“Really?” Steve asked.

Y/N nodded. “I was always really shy and worried a lot about what people thought of me.  And she taught me not to be like that. She told me that I was awesome and if people didn’t see that, then it was their loss. And slowly but surely I started to believe that myself, and that’s when I finally began to feel confident.”

 “I’m gonna have to thank her for that next time I see her. Your confidence was one of the first things I noticed about you. It’s extremely attractive.”

There was a brief moment of silence between them, nothing uncomfortable, just quiet. And Steve figured now was as good a time as any. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

Her brow furrowed, “Yeah, you can ask me anything.”

He tried to see if there was a more subtle way of putting it, but there wasn’t.

“Are you…currently dating anyone?”

She smirked, “Is that what you were trying to ask me at Lily’s?”

“That’s not an answer,” Steve countered.

“No, I am not dating anyone. You know how you said girls are mostly interested in your hair?” 

“Yes…”

“Guys are mostly just interested in my ass. Doesn’t make for a great dating pool.”

He thought about complimenting her ass, but it felt distasteful.

“I’m really sorry you have to deal with that. I mean, guys are assholes but you deserve better than that.”

“I’m starting to think that not all guys are assholes,” she flicked her eyes up to him at the comment. By now, their drinks were mostly ice cubes.

“Do you want to get another round?” Steve asked. 

“Actually, can we go somewhere else?”

“Sure,” Steve replied, knowing he would follow her anywhere.

“I want to show you my favorite place in the city.” Steve smiled. He wanted to see her favorite place. He wanted to know everything about her. And she seemed to be letting him in.

“This is it!” she smiled, arms spread out as she walked onto the shore of Lake Michigan.

Steve looked out across the lake ahead of them, stunned by the size of the water.

“Wow,” was all he could manage. Y/N turned around to find him stopped in his tracks, taking it all in. She walked back towards him and stood by his side.

“Amazing, right?” she said, peering up at him.

“I feel like I’m looking at the ocean…”

She nodded, “It has that effect on most. But if you get a clear day, you can just barely make out Michigan across the way.”

“That’s wild.”

“I know it’s not as quaint and picturesque as your lake in Hawkins, but it’s amazing when you consider there’s a full city right behind us.” Steve looked over his shoulder, peering at the illuminated skyline. 

“I can see why you like this place,” he commented.

“I always felt like the lake brought me a little bit of peace, away from the hustle and bustle of the city.”

They stood there for a moment, listening to the distant sounds of the city that contrasted with the calm of the water in front of them. At some point Steve took her hand and they walked further along the sand, sitting just shy of the tides.

“This is nice,” he said. He thought it before he realized he had spoken it out loud. But he meant it. They fell into an easy, comfortable silence. Neither of them needed to force conversation. He was happy just sitting there in her presence.

“I’ll give you another thirty seconds,” she stated.

“We’re leaving already?”

“Not exactly,” he looked at her, expecting an elaboration, “Just…enjoy the next few seconds.” Steve was utterly confused, which made it impossible for him to relax.

“Times up, come on!” she said, quickly standing up. She kicked off her shoes and tore off her jacket, throwing it onto the sand. Steve sat there still, wondering why she was running straight to the lake. She unzipped the back of her top and let the fabric drop to the ground. She turned back around toward him, wearing a simple black bra and her jeans. “Are you coming?” she asked playfully. She didn’t have to ask him twice, he would follow her anywhere. And her lack of clothing certainly helped.

She unzipped and wiggled out of her jeans, leaving them splayed across the sand as she ran toward the water’s edge. Steve couldn’t get his clothes off fast enough, despite the chill in the air.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked, finding it strange to be the voice of reason. “It’s gonna be freezing.” His shirt was off and he was working on his pants.

“Come on Stevie. Live a little,” she winked over her shoulder before running into the icy water. She shivered at first but powered through, knowing she had to force herself in to get acclimated.

Steve followed her lead, albeit with slightly less excitement. When the water hit his skin, he tried not to think about how cold it was. He focused all his thoughts on catching up with her and keeping her warm in his arms. When he reached her, she was out deep enough that she was treading water. 

“Took you long enough,” she smirked at him.

“I wasn’t sure if you were serious.”

“Didn’t think I was spontaneous?”

“Didn’t think you were crazy,” he joked. 

“Only a little bit,” she smiled back. They bobbed in the water together, eyes locked on one another, and Steve was contemplating what his next move was when she spoke. 

“I think about that day all the time,” she confessed. Steve almost told her that he did too, but she didn’t seem like she was finished. “I’ve replayed it in my head over and over again. And it all was perfect, but there is one thing that I would change.”

Steve tensed slightly, unsure where she was going with this.

“I wish I would’ve given you my number. I just had it in my head that I was going to be coy and mysterious and, looking back, that was stupid. And now I’ve spent all these years thinking about you after spending like four hours with you and…I don’t know why I’m telling you all this, probably because the cold-”

Steve heard everything he needed to hear. As she spoke he slid in closer and closer and a dumb smile was spread across his face. She felt it too, this was the confirmation he was waiting for. He cut her off suddenly, his hand cupping her jaw and his lips were on hers. He took her by surprise but she melted into the kiss almost immediately. Her arms wrapped around his neck and she brought him closer, wrapping her bare legs around his waist. His free hand moved to the small of her back and the skin to skin contact reminded him that they were scantily clothed. Whatever his expectations were for the night, this surpassed all of them.

He pulled away for a moment, connecting his forehead with hers as he caught his breath.

“I’ve been waiting five years to do that,” he spoke onto her lips. She smiled and let out a breath. “Well we can’t have you waiting any longer,” she said, leaning into him again. He held her tight as he kissed her again, giving her a playful nip on her bottom lip. She deepened the kiss, allowing him access into her mouth. She played with the hair on the back of Steve’s neck and he let out an unconscious moan, which generated a playful smile on Y/N’s lips, as she continued kissing him. 

Steve had almost forgotten about being submerged in ice water, until he noticed Y/N’s shoulders twitch in a shiver. He had lost track of how long they’d been in the water, which meant it was probably time to get out. 

He pulled away from her slowly and ran his hands over her shoulders in an attempt to warm her up. “Come on, let’s get you dried off before you catch a cold.” 

She nodded and he gave her a quick peck on her nose, which she giggled at. He reluctantly released her and she took his hand, guiding him out of the water. The minute the air hit the two of them they were shivering, teeth clattering at the cold, as they ran back to where they left their clothes. Y/N struggled to pull on her jeans and didn’t even bother with the corset, instead throwing on her jacket. Steve dressed quickly and she pulled at his arm, urging him to come with her, which of course was unnecessary.

They ran through the streets of Chicago, stopping only when there was a car approaching, and within about ten minutes, Y/N led him up the stoop of a brownstone. She easily unlocked the door and led Steve inside. All the lights were out, save for a single lamp, and the entire house was quiet.

“So this is my house,” she said in a sing-song voice. It was small compared to the spacious house Steve lived in, but it was still beautiful. And it felt like home. There were school portraits and family vacation photos strewn all over the walls. It could’ve been a set for a sitcom, it looked that perfect.

“Well this is cute,” Steve said, pointing to a photo of Y/N in her elementary school years. Y/N peered over and winced at the awkward childhood photo. 

“Oh god, that’s the worst one,” she said, covering her face with her hands. “I blame my mother for letting me out of the house like that.”

Steve chuckled, “Are you kidding? That girl would’ve been my third grade crush.”

She scoffed, “Maybe if you liked chapter books and jigsaw puzzles. I was pretty introverted.”

“And I always liked shy girls.”

She blushed and looked at him for a moment too long, wondering if he could read her mind. He didn’t disappoint when he took a step closer and gave her a sweet, affectionate kiss on the lips.  She looked up at him, a smile extending up to her eyes, and wanted to remember this moment. 

“C’mon, let’s get you out of these wet clothes,” Steve offered.

Y/N raised an eyebrow, “Steve Harrington, you big flirt.”

Steve blushed, “I genuinely did not mean for that to sound so sleazy.”

She simply shook her head and smiled at him, before she led him up the stairs. Her room was on the third level, so they made their way up two flights and walked past several closed doors. When they reached Y/N’s room, Steve couldn’t help but smile. Her room was exactly what he would’ve expected. There was a shelf full of books and a turntable with a crate of records under it. She had a movie poster of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off taped to the wall overlooking a small desk covered with writing utensils and pictures of her with her friends. But what caught his eye was a familiar looking Members Only jacket slung around the back of the chair.

“You still have this?” Steve said, pulling at the sleeve of the jacket. 

Y/N turned around towards him and a faint blush crept up her freckled cheeks.

“Oh, well yeah. I thought you might want it back someday.”

“Not deserving of a hanger?” he picked the jacket up 

“Um, sometimes it stays in the closet.” Steve read the guilty expression on her face and followed his instinct. He brought the familiar fabric to his face and gently inhaled.

“It smells like you,” he smiled.

“It gets cold here,” she shrugged. He looked at her in amazement and she couldn’t maintain his eye contact. “Are you enjoying this? Because it’s mortifying for me.”

“I am actually,” he smiled. “But it could be worse.”

“Oh really?” she challenged.

He merely shrugged, “You could keep a Care Bear in your closet because it reminds you of a pretty girl.”

Her jaw dropped into a smile of disbelief. “Are you serious?” He didn’t say anything, but instead gave her a tight lipped smile and an eyebrow raise as if to say “guilty.”

“Did you bring him with you this weekend?”

“Hell no. Wish Bear is not emotionally prepared to be reintroduced to the woman who abandoned him in the backseat of a car.”

Y/N couldn’t keep in her laugh. “Tell him I’m terribly sorry that I was distracted trying to find him a new daddy.”

Steve’s eyebrows rose as a grin spread across his face. “What was that?” he challenged.

She immediately put her head in her hands, “That…that came out wrong.”

“There are so many things I could say right now…”

“And on that note, I’m going to take a shower.” Steve said nothing as she rushed out of the room, cheeks burning red. She popped her head back into the room to say, “Oh, make yourself comfortable. I’ll be quick.”

“Take your time, sweetheart.”

Y/N showered quickly, letting the warm water melt off the embarrassment from the situation she just escaped. Steve was here, in her childhood home, in her room. She had no idea where the night was going, but she wanted to savor it. Enjoy every minute with him while she could, because she didn’t know what tomorrow would bring.

She emerged from the bathroom in nothing but a towel and took a deep breath as she stepped back into her room. Steve was looking through her crate of records and turned towards her as the door opened. Upon seeing her in just a towel he turned his back toward her, not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable.

“Sorry,” he instinctively apologized, “I won’t look.”

“Oh, it’s fine. The shower’s all yours anyway. I put some clean towels out in the bathroom for you.”

“Thanks,” he walked past her and inadvertently brushed her bare shoulder, sending a small shiver down her spine. He was grateful for the escape because the sight of her in nothing but a towel was too much for him to handle. 

Once she heard the water running, she changed into a pair of sweatpants and a Northwestern T-shirt and pulled her wet hair up with a scrunchie. Then she raided her brother’s room, in search of a pair of gym shorts and a T-shirt that Steve could wear. She folded the borrowed clothes on her bed and curled up with a book, attempting to distract herself from the boy in her bathroom, which proved to be difficult. 

She was overthinking things, as per usual. She tried to convince herself that she was okay with having a one night stand with Steve, but she wasn’t sure that’s how she actually felt. She wanted more with him. The connection and chemistry was there, but the path forward was unclear. 

Steve interrupted her internal monologue when he emerged from the bathroom. And Y/N made the mistake of turning to look at him. He was glistening from the shower with his wet hair disheveled, yet somehow framing his face perfectly. There was a towel wrapped around his waist but Y/N’s attention was drawn to his firm pecs, covered by the slightest amount of chest hair that matched the happy trail that ran from his navel down to the edge of the towel. She wanted nothing more than to feel his body pressed on top of hers. Luckily, she was completely frozen by his bare form because her instinct was to take his hand and pull him towards her. 

“Good water pressure,” he smiled at her, breaking her trance.

“Oh yeah. It’s one of the things I miss most when I’m at school.”

“I’d be happy if I could get a third of that in my apartment.”

She contemplated her response, running different replies over in her head, but ultimately all she gave him was a smile. It’s not that things were awkward, but there was tension in the air and she was trying to tread lightly.

“So there’s fresh clothes at the end of the bed for you. Hopefully they fit, they’re my brothers and you’re probably close to the same size.”

“Thank you, I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

“And there’s extra toothbrushes in the drawer to the right of the sink.”

“You are truly a gracious host,” he smiled, collecting the clothes and retreating into the bathroom. He came out a few minutes later and she took his place in the bathroom, washing her face and brushing her teeth. Steve took a careful seat at the edge of the bed and waited, realizing this perfect night was coming to an end. He noticed she’d tensed up a bit recently, and he hoped it wasn’t because he was making her uncomfortable. He ultimately decided to follow her lead because he didn’t want to risk crossing a line.

When she walked back into the room, Steve finally took in her appearance. She was in sweats and a T-shirt, hair pulled into a messy bun, with no makeup on, and he was floored by her natural beauty. 

She caught his eye and said, “What is it?”

He smiled at her and shook his head, “Nothing, I just like looking at you.” She blushed and joined him on the bed, leaning against the pillows and pulling her knees into her chest.

“So…what now?” he asked her. She peered at the clock on her bedside table and realized it was nearing 2AM.

“I think now we just go to bed.”

“Bed it is,” he said. He nodded and stood up, wondering how he should end this night with her.

“What are you doing?” she questioned.

“Oh I just figured I’d go sleep on the couch or the floor or something.”

“Steve…don’t be stupid.” They eyed each other for a few seconds before she signaled for him to approach, saying “Come on.”

“Are you sure?” he confirmed.

“Of course I’m sure.”

He certainly wasn’t going to argue with that. She pulled the comforter down and slid underneath and he easily followed her lead. Once they were settled, she stretched out toward the side table and turned off the lamp. 

It was awkward for a beat. The double bed fit two, but in close proximity. They were both looking up toward the ceiling and Steve heard Y/N pull in a deep breath. She eventually shifted so that she was laying on her side facing him. He easily turned his head towards her and his hair fell over his eyes. Without thinking, she brushed the hair off his face. A verbal thank you wasn’t needed; it was communicated by the look in his eyes.

“I should warn you that I’m a bit of a restless sleeper,” she spoke.

“Not a problem for me. I sleep like a log.”

“The real question is do you snore?”

A smile spread up his face, “Now how do you expect me to answer that?”

“With a yes or no.”

“How am I supposed to know if I snore if I’m asleep when it happens?”

“Has anyone told you that you snore?”

“No, but I don’t think there’s many people that would know if I did.” 

“I don’t believe that for one second.”

“Why not?”

“Because…look at you. You can’t honestly expect me to believe you haven’t had hookups before.”

“I’ve had hookups before, just…not a lot of sleepovers.”

“And why’s that?”

He studied her face as he came up with an answer. “I don’t know. I think I didn’t want to give anyone the wrong idea. It seemed like if I spent the night, there was maybe hope that something more would happen. But I never met anyone I wanted more with.”

“Yet, you’re sleeping over tonight…”

“Well this is a completely different situations because I’m from out of town and-”

“That is not the answer I was looking for,” she interrupted his rambling. Now he shifted so that he was laying on his side, fully facing her. 

“Oh no, you don’t want me to get all sappy.”

“Oh I absolutely do. Girls love it when guys show their vulnerable side.”

“Really? I’ll have to remember that,” he joked. She playfully hit his chest in response. And they laughed for a moment before he gave her a genuine response.

“Y/N, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but I’m crazy about you. Always have been. You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, I was drawn to you the moment I first saw you, before I even knew who you were. And then I talked to you which made me realize you were someone I needed to have in my life. So to sum all that up, I’m here and sleeping over because you are someone special.”

Her cheeks naturally flushed as she smiled at him, and she turned more into her pillow in an attempt to hide her amusement.

“Come on now, don’t hide that smile from me.” He carefully slid his fingers between her cheek and the soft pillow, angling her so that she was facing him fully. She took this opportunity to lean in closer to him.

“Do you really mean that?” she whispered. She wasn’t sure why she was looking for confirmation. In her brain, this all seemed too good to be true. 

“Without a doubt.” He held her eye contact and she believed him whole-heartedly. She moved in closer, at a painfully slow pace, and then her lips finally connected with his. They melted into each other, as Steve easily wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her as close to him as possible. 

With every second that passed, Steve found himself growing more courageous. First he slid his hand under the hem of her shirt and placed it on the dip of her waist, drawing little circles on her warm skin with his fingertips. When she tugged on his shirt to pull him closer, he gained another boost of confidence. He pulled back for a brief moment, but before she could protest, he peppered kisses up her jaw and gave her earlobe a gentle tug with his incisors. She let out a heated breath and he smiled, planting a kiss behind her ear and working down her neck. 

With each new spot Steve explored, he lit a spark under Y/N’s skin. It was like he was thoughtfully stringing Christmas lights but the final result was that Y/N was getting very, very turned on. Steve paused for a breath when he reached the collar of her T-shirt.

“Can I take this off?” he boldly asked. She was flushed but didn’t have to think twice about answering. She sat up and Steve gently pulled the shirt up and over her head, careful to ensure it didn’t get caught anywhere. As she lounged on the bed in a simple bralette, it suddenly didn’t seem fair that Steve was still fully clothed. 

“Your turn.” Steve cocked an eyebrow at her suggestion, but easily gave in, reaching behind his neck to pull the shirt over his head. She couldn’t help but notice the flex in his bicep as he shed his tee and felt her attraction increase even more. His hair was perfectly messy, falling over his chocolate brown eyes that were currently fixated on her lips. 

She needed to feel his touch again. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him on top of her. He was careful not to put his full body weight on her, but she wanted the skin-on skin contact. He found a comfortable position where one of his legs rested on the mattress between hers. As he closed the gap between them, he could feel the anticipation emanating off her. The minute his lips met hers, she tightened her grip around him, wanting to feel all of him. He allowed himself to drop some of the weight he was holding up, which increased the contact between them. She loved the feeling of his bare chest on top of hers and she ran her fingers through his hair, forcing a small moan out of his mouth. As her arousal increased, she became bolder. She untangled her fingers from his hair and tucked her arms under his, giving her access to his back. He was currently tracing small circles on her side with his fingertips, barely tickling her and making her giddy. She countered his motion, taking it a step further by digging her nails into his trapezius and slowly pulling down. She felt Steve’s breath catch momentarily as she caught him off guard, but he recovered quickly, deepening the kiss. He pulled away, rubbing his nose with hers in an eskimo kiss, before focusing his attention on the spot where her neck met her shoulder. He leaned in close, his lips gently caressing her soft skin before he slowly sunk his teeth into her flesh. She let out a small gasp but held Steve’s head in place so that he wouldn’t pull away. Her entire body was tingling and she could feel her underwear dampening with every second and Steve’s current actions were only making things worse. As he shifted to come back up to her mouth, he adjusted his position and in doing so, his leg slid up and his thigh brushed between her legs. When he found her lips again, the friction between her legs continued as Steve’s thigh retained its position. And then she felt his erection pressing into her hip bone and she pulled away.

She leaned her head back and shut her eyes, “Fuck…”

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Steve looked at her, concern plastered on his face.

She sighed as she looked at him, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. We can stop if you want.”

She rested a hand on his cheek, “Steve, I want this so badly and I thought I could be this cool, laid back girl who can have a one night stand but I just keep thinking about what happens tomorrow morning. I can’t give myself to you tonight because it will crush me when you leave.”

He turned into her hand and kissed her palm. He contemplated sharing the bit of information he’d been waiting to bring up all night, but he decided to wait. He didn’t want it to come across like he was trying to persuade her to change her mind. 

“You are very wise, my dear,” he smiled at her. “I already can’t stop thinking about you and I haven’t even seen you naked yet.”

She blushed and let out a small laugh, and he couldn’t resist kissing her again. He leaned in first with a peck and then gave her a soft, deeper kiss. 

“Will you still cuddle with me tonight?” she asked him, giving him her best puppy dog eyes.

“Only if I can be little spoon,” he teased.

“Nooooo….” she whined. He kissed her on the cheek and then fell back onto the mattress, pulling her tight into his chest.

“Settle in cuddle bug,” he said, kissing the nape of her neck. She made herself comfortable in the bed and intertwined her hand in his. She let out a deep sigh and melted into his arms.

“Goodnight Steve,” she said.

“Goodnight Y/N.”

The morning sunlight crept through the blinds, waking Steve from his peaceful sleep. He smiled when he found Y/N curled into him, her cheek pressed against his chest and her arm draped around his torso. A part of him thought it all might’ve been a dream, a trick his mind was playing on him after years of longing. Yet the evidence was right in front of him: the smell of her grapefruit shampoo, the sound of her steady breathing, and the feel of her warm, soft skin. He didn’t dare move a muscle for fear of waking the sleeping angel in his arms. 

He eyed the digital clock on her nightstand and saw it was around 7:30. He’d gotten less than five hours of sleep, yet he’d never felt more refreshed. He never wanted this moment to end, so he savored it by tightening his grip on Y/N and lightly tracing patterns on her back with his fingertips. She shifted slightly and let out a slight groan, a sign that she was waking up. Her eyes fluttered open and she squinted up at him.

“Good morning,” he smiled down at her.

“Hi,” she squeaked, “You’re still here.”

Steve looked down at her in shock, “Are you crazy? Of course I’m still here. Where else would I be?”

She shrugged sleepily and he kissed her forehead, tightening his grip on her and pulling her in closer. 

She let out a deep sigh, “I think I’m still in denial about…all of this.”

He nodded, “I had the same thought when I woke up.”

“Do you like coffee?” she asked, out of the blue.

“I love coffee.”

“How about I go make us some coffee,” she suggested, sitting up to stretch.

He nodded in agreement, “Do you want company?”

“Yeah, sure,” she smiled at him. As they climbed out of bed, Y/N took his hand and led him down the stairs. She expertly maneuvered the coffee pot while Steve took a seat at the kitchen island. 

“Sorry, I’m not a morning person,” she explained. 

“How’d you sleep?” he asked her.

She turned toward him and replied, “Surprisingly well.”

“Surprisingly?”

“I wasn’t sure how I was going to sleep with someone else in my bed.”

He tilted his head and looked at her funny, “Then why did you let me sleep there?”

“Because I wanted you there,” she said sincerely.

“Well I’m glad I didn’t keep you up.”

“I mean, you did a little bit,” she gave him a knowing smile, “but I didn’t mind.”

As the coffee finished brewing, Y/N poured them two cups and brought over some cream and sugar. She sat down next to him and took a deep sip of her coffee, needing a little extra courage for this next part. 

“So…what’s your plan for today?” she offered.

“Um, well I’ve gotta get back to Robin’s at some point. All my stuff’s there and Eddie parked his van there and he’s my ride home.”  

“Are you heading back to Indiana today?”

“Yeah, at some point. 

She nodded, thinking through her words and how to breach the subject on her mind. 

“So-” she started

“I should tell you something,” he said at the same time, not meaning to cut her off. He sounded serious and she felt her heart sink into her stomach, realizing this was all coming to an end.

“Go on,” she replied, eyeing him with curiosity. She almost didn’t want to hear what he had to say. This was probably why Robin seemed to keep them apart.

“Well I’m graduating in a few months, so I’m in the fun process of looking for a job. And I actually have an interview in a few weeks for a teaching job in Oak Park.”

Her eyes widened and she clarified, “Oak Park, Illinois?”

He nodded, trying to read her expression.

“So you’ll be back in a few weeks?” she smiled at him.

Steve tilted his head, not sure that she fully grasped what he was saying.

“If all goes well, I’ll be moving out here in the summer.”

Her face turned from contentment to pure joy as things finally seemed to be coming together. She had no words to express her feelings, so instead she reached out and wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. He embraced her around the waist and hugged her back, planting a kiss on her cheek.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” she asked, as she moved back to her seat. 

He sighed, “I was trying to find the right moment. Early in the night, I didn’t really know what was going to happen and didn’t want to be presumptuous. And then you kind of pumped the brakes last night and I felt like mentioning it then would’ve seemed like I was just trying to get in your pants.”

She looked at him with soft eyes, realizing how truly considerate he was, “You are unbelievable.”

“Is that a good thing?” he asked, eyebrows raised. She responded by placing both hands on his jaw and pulling him towards her so that she could express her emotions with her touch. She captured his lips in hers, kissing him gently but with passion.

When she pulled away, Steve gazed into her loving eyes, “Can I take you out to dinner?”

She smiled and said, “Steve, it's 8AM.”

He rolled his eyes, “Not now. When I’m back in a few weeks.”

“Where are you gonna take me?” 

“I hear this city has some pretty good hot dogs,” he joked. She laughed and leaned into him. “I’ll take you wherever you want to go.”

She stood up unexpectedly and walked across the kitchen, grabbed something from a drawer, and walked back over to Steve. She took his left hand and pulled it towards her. She uncapped the pen in her hand and carefully wrote a series of ten digits on Steve’s forearm.

“Had to make sure you wouldn’t lose it,” she smiled at him. 

“You’ll regret giving this to me. I’m gonna call you three times a day.”

“It’s a good thing I like the sound of your voice,” she complimented. He placed his hands on her hips and brought her closer. She countered by placing her hands on his shoulders. She looked at him adoringly, wanting to run her fingers through his tousled hair.  

“What are you thinking about?” he posed.

She let out a sigh, “It feels like this might be the start of something special.” He leaned up from his sitting position to find her lips and she graciously accepted his advances. As they slowly pulled away, she added, “I really hope you get the job.”

“Even if I don’t get this one, I can find another job in Chicago. But I really hope I get this one.”

“Tell me about the job!” she mused. He returned to her chair and slid closer to him, sipping on her coffee and he gave her the details of the opportunity. It was the first time she saw the passion he had for his career and it was incredibly attractive. He was so excited to teach in a public school in an urban environment and he wanted to help mold these young people who may not have been given a lot of opportunities. He explained that he knew he grew up with a silver spoon in his mouth and he wanted to give some of that back to others. He explained that it probably wouldn’t pay much but he’d have the summers off which would be nice. Y/N still had another year of undergrad followed by two years of grad school, which meant they’d have a lot of time to spend together during their breaks.

“You’re gonna get it,” she smiled at him.

“You think?”

“If you repeat that same spiel to them, they’ll hire you in a heartbeat. You have this twinkle in your eye which shows that you’re excited about the opportunity and you care about your future students.”

“Is that the therapist speaking or my future girlfriend?”

“Well aren’t you sure of yourself? You haven’t even taken me out on a date yet.”

“Oh I’m going to nail the date. In fact, I’d go as far to say that you just might fall in love with me by the end of it.”

She blushed and tried to hide her smile. All she could think was that she couldn’t fall for him on their first date because she was already in love.

#steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington x you

[endless-summer-soldier]

this is a masterpiece! the butterflies I had while reading this. such a great slow burn and the chemistry between the two was so well written.

Steve Harrington x fem!reader [22.4k] A biggie. Best friends to lovers, summer, childhood, pining, crushes, a kiss that wasn't supposed to happen, the last cherry popsicle and three promises.

When you were both eight years old, Steve Harrington handed you the last popsicle and told you he loved you. 

It was the most innocent kind of talk, from the mouths of kids, fresh faced, summer freckles, ankles dipped in the pool and sunburn on your cheeks. 

You weren’t truly sure you both knew what those words meant back then, the depth and meaning that they held. But you said them back, lemon and sugar on your tongue and he’d beamed at you, brighter than the Indiana sun and that was that. 

And that night, when you were camped out on his bedroom floor, the first day of summer vacation and his bed sheets draped across your heads, he shared his secret stash of twizzlers with you, lips tinted red and pinkie fingers linked. 

His eyes were solemn when he whispered to you, the dulled yells of his parents downstairs acting as his backing track. His mom was slurring a little, his dad laughing mirthlessly and something smashed. You had both flinched, moved closer together between the pillows and stuffed animals.

You remember his mouth brushing up against the shell of your ear, hushed promises falling from his lips, the kind that only an eight year old could make. 

Steve Harrington promised you three things that night:

One, he’d always be your best friend. 

Two, he’d always protect you from everything bad and scary. 

And three, he’d never break your heart. 

He only kept two of those. 

Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?

“I think Jessica is coming over,” Steve said as he handed you a can of soda, the cold condensation on it making your fingers slip over his. 

You screwed your face up and rolled your eyes behind your sunglasses - Steve’s sunglasses - ‘cause it was a rare Saturday that you’d managed to get off work together, seventeen and desperate for time to do nothing with your best friend. 

It wasn’t meant, but you let the sound of annoyance slip from your lips, stretching yourself out on one of the Harrington’s sunloungers. Steve looked at you from where he’d sat himself down by the pool edge, exasperated and somewhat fond. You picked at the edge of your bikini bottoms, peachy orange and still damp from the water. 

You scrunched your nose, looking over at him from over the top of his old Ray Bans as he took a sip of his cola, eyes on you, waiting for you to talk. He knew you wanted to say something, could tell from your face, the way you twisted your lips and fidgeted with your swimsuit. 

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” 

If you didn’t know the boy well enough, you’d have thought his tone was condescending, maybe even a little mocking. But when you were both fifteen, he’d stood by your side at the counter of the ice cream parlour, watching your cheeks flush a pretty shade of pink when the older guy behind the freezer had winked at you, handed you your cone and called you ‘sweetheart’.  

Steve had called you the same ever since, never getting tired of the way you lit up at it, all soft and full of affection, lips twisted to hide your smile, nose turning pink. 

“I thought it was just gonna be us hanging out today?” You asked, trying to keep your voice level, casual. 

It was silly the way your chest was hurting, an anxious creep across your bones, making your skin too warm in a way that the sun wasn’t. It wasn’t necessarily because you didn’t like Jessica, you didn’t really know, honestly. 

But you’d been in Steve’s life long enough to know that not many of his girlfriends had liked you. It made hang outs and movie nights awkward, a fresh set of eyes on you, watching the way you and Steve interacted, holding back from the way you’d normally touch him, keeping your head off his shoulder, throwing your legs over the arm of the chair instead of his lap. 

You’d go to the kitchen, the bathroom, bringing back more snacks and a drink only to hear the boy being interrogated about how long had Steve known you, didn’t she have a boyfriend and god, why was she always here?

You’d stand with your back against the hallway wall, a packet of twizzlers crushed to your chest as you listened for Steve’s response. It was always the same, sure and strong and leaving no room for argument. It made you feel warm and a little safer, like you belonged in the Harrington house just as much as him, brought up in the large home with its pool and absent parents together, barbecues in the summer, Christmas in the dining room, mom and dads by your sides. 

“She’s my best friend,” he’d always say, “where she goes, I go.”

Some girls put up with it for longer than others, dirty looks given to you out of the car window when Steve would insist on dropping you home too, a messy press of a kiss pushed to your cheek before he made sure you got in your front door okay. 

There were girls that were done after bumping into you in the school hall, a sweater on your frame, the hem almost covering your shorts and god, they’d think, that looks awfully familiar. They’d sit in whatever class they had next, eyes on the chalkboard but their minds trying to decide if they’d seen that sweater on Steve’s bedroom floor before, thrown lazily over the back of his desk chair. 

You’d find them arguing about it at his car after school, voices clipped and raised, drawing a little too much attention and you’d hear your name said like a curse. Steve would let them walk away, hands rubbing at his eyes and when he’d pull himself onto the trunk, he’d find your gaze across the parking lot and he’d smile, a little soft and a little sad. 

But he’d look at you from the driver seat when he was taking you both home, eyes flickering with something else as they dare to roam across your shoulders, your chest. You’d catch him staring, brows raised and your knowing smile would make him blush but he’d tell you, everytime:

“Looks better on you anyway.”

Steve shrugged, looking a little guilty but swung a leg into the pool, letting the water swish around his shin. 

“I know, but,” another shrug, his gaze on the blue tiles, “she’s my girlfriend.”

You sighed, pushing yourself off of the lounger and walking over to the edge of the pool, chlorine and cedar from the garden filling the warm air. You poked a toe to the boy’s side before sitting down next to him, both feet in the water and the garden slabs sun-warmed against the back of your thighs. 

You nudged a shoulder into Steve’s, fighting a smile when he did it back, shuffling closer so your arms brushed together. 

“We haven’t hung out just the two of us in ages,” you told him, trying to sound annoyed but your words came out a little mournful, huffy even. “It’s been weeks.”

You knew it wasn’t Steve’s fault. Between school and both of you working weekend jobs, it was hard to find time to see each other. And since the startling realisation of finding out there were kids with superpowers out in Hawkins, other worlds that held monsters and magic, you figured trips to the cinema were at the bottom of both of your lists. 

“M’sorry,” Steve said anyway, and you hated the way he sounded, like he really meant it, like it made him sad too. “If the kids didn’t need rides to the arcade all the damn time, maybe we’d-”

You rolled your eyes, fond. “You know it’s not the kids I mind, Harrington.”

And that was true. You and Steve had taken your unofficial babysitter roles pretty seriously, and with six twelve year olds to wrangle together, it would’ve been a hard enough job without the threat of impending doom lurking behind every corner. 

You’d grown up thinking monsters only lived under your bed, hiding behind your closet door, and they could be banished with a flashlight, a kiss from your mother, the promise of chocolate chip pancakes in the morning from your father. 

But you’d grown up too fast, seeing things that weren’t supposed to be real and you hated the way you knew how to butterfly stitch someone's skin back together, how you’d seen too much of your best friend's blood. 

He pressed his nose to your shoulder, warm skin on warm skin and he let his teeth graze you, a playful threat of a bite before he sighed, knowingly, understanding. 

“Jess said she likes you,” Steve offered, hands on the grass as he leaned back, head tilted to the sun. He was watching you from under his lashes, the length of them casting shadows over his cheekbones. “Said you had chem together and you were crazy smart.”

You scoffed, laughed mirthless, because the only reason Jessica Preston knew you had class with her was ‘cause she used you to cheat off of you before you moved seats.  

“I bet she did,” was the only answer you gave, because the garden gate was suddenly squeaking and Steve was standing up, splashing water over your thighs as he greeted the girl in question. 

“Jess, hey!” Steve called out, reaching for her and pressing a kiss to her lips. His came away glossy and a little pink as Jessica reached into her bag, pulling out a tube and quickly reapplying. He gestured to you, smiling, “you two know each other, right?”

You grimaced, holding your hand up in some sort of wave before you pushed Steve’s glasses onto your head. 

“Sure,” you said, not sounding sure at all. You stood up, brushing drops of water and small flecks of gravel from your skin. “Chemistry, Mrs Telford’s class.”

Jessica squinted at you, pretty features twisted in confusion and Steve wanted to jump head first into the pool from the awkward silence that had filled the yard. 

“Right!” The girl finally gasped out, all false smiles and white teeth. “Totally! Of course.”

And then, you were dismissed.  

“Steve, there’s a party tonight,” you heard the girl tell him, stomach twisting as you walked past them, grabbing your shorts from the lounger and dragging them up your legs. “Matt’s parents are gone and,” she tapped a finger on his chest, trailing it down his sternum. “So are mine.”

You wondered if you had too much sun, wondered if the heat was what was making your insides bubble, your chest feeling too tight. You found your way into the kitchen, the open patio door doing nothing to curb the same heat that had leaked in from outside. 

You ran the tap, waiting for it to turn freezing before filling a glass and chugging it, back pressed against the counter so you didn’t have to look out the window. 

You could still hear them though. 

“You can pick me up, right? I’ll be ready at eight and then you can stay over at mine,” Jess was practically purring and it made you slam the now empty glass down into the sink a little harder than you meant to. “We’ll have the place all to ourselves.”

“Uh, actually, we’re having a movie night later,” you froze, turning to look over your shoulder to see Steve gesture to you through the window. Jess followed his hand, lips downturned and eyes holding venom. 

“You’re kidding right?” The girl asked, disbelief spilling from her lips. “I’m offering you a night in my bed and you’re turning me down for Back To The Future with her?”

It was actually The Goonies, you’d wanted to tell her, but Steve was licking his lips nervously, eyes flickering between you and Jess and you really wish you could say something to save him. 

You stepped out the patio doors, arms crossed self consciously over your chest. “Steve, it’s okay, we-”

Steve shrugged and he didn’t look surprised when Jessica stepped out of his embrace, glossy lips twisted in shock and annoyance. 

“We’ve had it planned for a while Jess,” he explained, “movies, pizza and-”

“Well come after,” Jess demanded, like it was simple. “Or better yet, just do your stupid movie night some other time.”

Steve looked confused, staring down at the girl as if he was wondering which part she wasn’t understanding. You grimaced, eyes wanting to fall shut ‘cause you knew what the boy was going to say and god, you wished you could hide from it. 

But then he was explaining to her that you were staying over, crashing at his like you always did, like you had done for years. 

Steve said it so plainly that you almost wanted to laugh. In fact, your lip twitched, the threat of a smile pulling at it and you turned, toeing at the grass as you waited for the impending blow out. The boy had an endearing habit of stating the truth with such a sincerely soft tone, almost oblivious to the carnage his honesty could sometimes cause. 

“I’m sorry,” Jessica stated, voice climbing a little higher in volume and pitch as she took in this new information. “I could’ve sworn you just told me you had another girl staying with you tonight.”

Steve scrunched his nose, mouth parting as he wondered what he was supposed to say to that. He floundered, hands gesturing wildly as he tried to gain some control on the matter. 

“Jess, what? It’s not a big deal, it’s not like that.”

And he was right, it wasn’t. Not yet. 

Nothing had ever happened with you and Steve, not when you were pressed together at night, side by side in his bed, moving closer as you slept, pillow creases on your cheeks, hands close to places you shouldn’t have been touching. 

Nothing happened in the mornings either, when you were both soft with sleep, hair mussed and misbehaving, warm hands and toes pushing into the other's skin as you tried to find the comfort of that lazy feeling in each other. 

You’d never noticed him stare at you when you got out of the shower, skin still damp, hair pushed back from your face and a too big shirt clinging to your thighs. He never realised you held your breath when he pulled his top off at night, body warm and solid beside you, fingers desperate to trace a map of constellations across his back, freckle to freckle. 

Your realisation that your best friend wasn’t just attractive, but was pretty, was a slow burn. It came as you aged, an appreciation growing as you did, Steve too. You noticed the boys in your class as they grew taller, filling out, and you didn’t realise the same was happening to Steve until the summer you both turned fifteen. 

You’d spent school vacation at his parents lake house, watched him laze shirtless on the small motorboat, new muscles flexing, drops of water casting tiny rainbows across the tanned skin it clung to. He’d grown his hair out, chocolate brown strands out of control and messy, boyish as it was pretty. You didn’t know what to do with this new information, new feelings, and when Steve continued to throw you over his shoulder, playing in the shallows of the lake, his wide hands spanning the curves of your thighs, your hips, you ignored the burn his touch left behind. 

Jess huffed out a laugh and it sounded dangerous, a little like a threat. She found your gaze, held it until hers dropped to scan you up and down, doing her best to make you feel small. 

“Whatever, Harrington,” she shoved past Steve, shoulder edging into his chest as she headed for the gate. “Ask your little friend to suck your dick instead.”

You burned at her words, eyes wide as you stared at a crack in the patio, refusing to watch as she stormed through the gate, the hinges protesting loudly as it was slammed shut, leaving you both in silence. 

The trickle of the pool filter was the only sound for a minute, maybe two, then you heard Steve sigh, heavy and world weary. You looked at him, feeling a little guilty. 

“Shouldn’t you go after her?” You asked. 

Steve gave a half shrug, already moving to sit down on the lounger that you’d spent your morning on. You joined him, sitting on the end so you didn’t touch, like you weren’t supposed to after Jessica’s accusation. 

“Nah,” he told you, “it’s fine, it’s… whatever.”

You snorted and the sound made the corners of his mouth lift a little, eyes flitting over to you, always interested in what you were going to say. 

“That’s a new height of romance, Harrington,” you mused, foot dipping into a small puddle of pool water. You drew lines and shapes on the dry concrete with your toe, watching the sun dry them out almost instantly. “It’s whatever?”

“I dunno,” Steve sighed, reaching over to pluck his sunglasses back from the top of your head and pushing them over the bridge of his nose. He looked good with them on, you mused, too pretty, too nice. “Wasn’t like we had that much in common.“

“Then why date her in the first place?” You asked, face twisting with annoyance.

Steve had developed a habit in freshman year of dating girls who gave him nothing more than wandering hands in the back of his car, passive aggressive comments when he missed their calls and whiplash when they found out about you. 

A smirk tugged at his lips, a handsome match with his Ray Bans and messy hair and he turned to you, eyebrows raised. 

“You’re a pig,” you muttered, trying to sound disgusted but Steve was pushing his fingers into your sides, hands dragging over your ribs and you were laughing despite yourself, “get off me!”

You were ignored, unsurprisingly, and you wondered if Jessica had made it back to her car yet, if she’d driven away or if she had heard your shriek of delight when Steve suddenly stood and scooped you up. 

One arm was wrapped around your waist, a wide, rough hand pressed against the skin just under your breast, his thumb grazing the of your bikini. The other curved itself on your thigh, your body held tight to his as he ran with you, hurtling you both to the edge of the pool and you pressed your face into his neck when he jumped, bracing yourself for the cool water. 

Steve didn’t let you go until you both surfaced, his feet planted on the bottom of the pool as he pushed you both to the surface. Your hands were around his neck and you gasped, water dripping from your lashes and lips, hair a wet mess and he was laughing. That soft laugh that made any summer day feel warmer than it already was, a laugh that reminded you of fresh lemonade and bedroom sheet forts. 

He let go of your legs before you waist, letting the lower half of your body slide out of his grasp and slide against his, so you were chest to chest, your abdomens pressed together and you almost lost your footing, chin slipping under the water, eyes gazing up at him despite the way the sun made it hurt. 

Maybe it was the way you pressed a hand to his stomach to ground yourself,  feeling the muscles tense under your touch, maybe it was the way you were looking at him, maybe he just forgot he wasn’t supposed to look at you like that. But something happened and Steve cleared his throat, letting go of your waist and allowing himself to fall backwards and under the water. 

He reappeared a few feet away, hair darker and slicked back, eyes a little wild as he looked at you, like you were suddenly dangerous. 

And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you. 

You weren’t overly fond of Nancy Wheeler, not at first. 

You couldn’t deny that the dislike you felt for the girl stemmed from jealousy and your own inability to get a handle on your feelings but, you had to admit, she was better than most of the girls Steve had dated before. 

Pretty, smart, sharp and with a keen eye. She liked journalism, the quiet and even you. You shared the knowledge of The Upside Down, bonded over the fear you both felt for her brother and his friends and when you passed each other in the hallway, you nodded, civil and overly aware of all the things you’d both seen together. 

You weren’t joined at the hip and you didn’t love how she slid her hand into Steve’s, or how he kissed her at her locker, telling you he’d catch up with you at lunch. You’d spent months telling yourself you weren’t jealous of Nancy, just that you missed your best friend and you resented the way the girl took up all his free time. 

You missed the way he snuck in your bedroom window, a pointless task and waste of his energy, ‘cause your parents would hear him clambering up their drainpipe, eyes rolling, fond and affectionate, ‘cause it was Steve. 

He’d always told you that he did it for the fun of it, to see you smile when his head appeared over the sill and so you’d help him clamber over the window frame. He’d spend the late hours with you, whispering about nothing and laughing about everything, shoulder to shoulder in your bed until you both fell asleep, sprawled on top of the sheets, his shoes in the middle of your floor and his arm slung over your waist. 

You liked it when the sun woke you early, the curtain still opened from when you’d forgotten to close them after Steve’s sudden appearances, the light pink and peach as it leaked into your room. It painted stripes of light and shadow over your walls, over the boy’s broad shoulders and cheek, the other smushed into your mattress, hair a mess and lips parted sleepily. 

You got to admire him like that, when his eyes were still closed and he was so unaware. Steve couldn’t catch you staring, wondering if his lips were actually as soft as they looked, if he knew how pretty you thought he was, if he thought you were pretty too. 

He still picked you up for school in the morning, his BMW sat at the end of your drive but his clothes were sleep creased, hair mussed from spending the night with Nancy instead, sneaking through her bedroom window and not yours. He still smacked a kiss to your cheek when you parted for class but it wasn’t the same, he wasn’t quite just yours anymore and you hated the way it hurt. 

So yeah, you could appreciate that Nancy was a nice person and seemed to be good for Steve - at least, until she wasn’t - but you didn’t have to like her for it. 

When she broke your best friend’s heart, you’d found him sitting on the hood of his car after school, lips downturned and expression sour, nothing but worry beating in your chest ‘cause you hadn’t seen him since the morning before and no one answered your calls to his house that night. 

But then rumours started swirling around the halls, floating over tables in the cafeteria like wildfire and you couldn’t fucking find him. You saw Nancy in the library during your free period, her head bent close to Jonathan Byers as they whispered about something you couldn’t hear, their hands on the table, fingers too close to touching and Nancy had the right to look guilty when her gaze met your own. 

So you’d marched straight over to Steve and he crumbled a little when he saw it was you, slipping off the hood and letting you usher him to the front seat. He didn’t really hesitate when you held out your hand to him, silently asking him to let you take care of him. 

He placed the car keys in your palm, eyes tired, face sad and you were desperate to fix it. You hadn’t seen Steve like that before and you didn’t know what to do, his pain was yours, your heart beating hard against your chest until you felt like your bones were bruised. 

There were talks of the girl cheating on him, wandering around late with Jonathan and you knew they shared the same worries and trauma that you all did when it came to knowing things the rest of the town didn’t, but you didn’t know what was happening between the pair. 

So you drove him home, listened when Steve told you that he loved her, that he didn’t know how to fix it. But then it was and then it wasn’t, a game of on and off, yes and no, that you couldn’t really keep up with. 

It all came to a head on Halloween, after months of leaving your window open for no one. 

Steve climbed in, startling you, hands finding your bedroom floor before his feet did and when he stood, eyes meeting yours, you wanted to be mad at him. 

It had been a week since you hung out, passing in the halls and waving when you could, exams stressing you out and his time taken up by Nancy and all the parties he seemed intent on going to. He’d given up trying to get you to go with him, sick of it all after the second time, a spare part, third wheel, an audience to his kisses with Nancy. 

But he stood by your bed with the most forlorn expression on his face, features soft and watery and you simply pulled back the sheets, shuffling over to the side that had been made yours when you were both seven, so Steve could claim his. 

The boy toed off his shoes, his jacket falling to the carpet as he shrugged it off and you felt like a kid again when he crawled across your mattress, shuffling underneath the covers and pushing himself against you. 

Steve got as close to you as he could without asking for a hug, his pride already seemingly too hurt to put himself out there, even with you. But he didn’t hesitate when you turned into him, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into you, your nose pressed into his hair. He smelled like smoke and weed from the party, a little like Steve underneath it. 

He returned your touch instantly, seeking it out with a desperation that almost shocked you, eager to accept it when it was offered. He tugged you in by the waist, arms wrapped around you and his face pressed into the crook of your neck. 

He wished he told you then, that you smelled like summer and afternoons by the pool, like cherry popsicles and promises and home. But he didn’t feel brave enough, not then, not yet. 

“We broke up,” Steve finally mumbled, voice a little broken and muffled by your neck and hair. “She broke up w’me. Called us bullshit.”

You frowned, confused, pulling back a little in the hopes that Steve would look at you and explain but his grip on your waist only tightened and you patted at his hair, smoothed the almost curls at the nape of his neck and whispered his name. 

“Steve, hey, babe, what?” You received a groan in answer but you persisted, shuffling out of his grasp and gripping his chin with your finger, pushing at him a little pleadingly until the boy looked up and met your gaze. 

“What happened?”

Steve didn’t answer until you pulled the sheets over your heads, your own little bed fort that let the dim light of your bedside lamp filter through, soft and warm and hazy. You let go of his chin, your hand smoothing his hair back from his face and he pushed his cheek into your touch as he spoke. 

“Nancy, it’s over,” he told you, a frown pulling at his brow, “she said the whole relationship was bullshit, that I was bullshit.”

You held your breath, letting him talk as you smoothed a thumb over his cheekbone, feeling him relax into you despite the way he was letting his words tumble from his lips, mixing in with his emotions until he was stuttering over himself. 

“She, she said we were just acting like we were in love?” Steve caught your stare, his eyes confused as he looked at you, as if he could find an answer in your gaze but you just gaped at him. “Said that I only thought I was in love with her ‘cause I was too busy tryin’ to pretend I wasn’t in love with someone else, or some shit like that, I don’t fuckin’ know.”

“What?” You whispered, voice full of surprise because what the fuck? 

“Right?” He answered, indignant and wide eyed. “I don’t know what she was talkin’ about, she would answer me, just told me she wasn’t in love with me and god, fucking Byers took her home.”

“Jonathan?”

You screwed up your face, hardly even reacting when Steve groaned again, pushing himself back into you, his face comfortably pressed into your chest, just above the swell of your breast, his mouth warm through your shirt. 

It should’ve startled you, the proximity, the intimacy, especially after missing him for so long. But it was still Steve, your best friend, the boy that promised to be there until the very end. 

“Why’d Jonathan take her home?” You asked, your cheek pressed to the top of his head as you spoke, the sheets fluttering around you both as Steve shifted, arms wrapping around you more, pulling you until you were flush with his body. 

He couldn’t have been touching more of you if he tried. 

“She was drunk,” he mumbled into your chest, lips moving over your shirt, making the material shift across your skin and it lit you up, body electric and the air buzzing. “I told him to. She didn’t want me.”

You sighed, eyes closing at the pained sound in the boy’s voice and you let him hold you, your own hand taking into his hair, scratching at his scalp in a way you knew he liked. 

“Steve,” you murmured, soft and sympathetic. 

He whispered your own name back to you, his tone the same and it made you smile. You could feel his own against your chest, lips lifting, breath coming out in a small huff. 

“You could still talk to her tomorrow, y’know?” You said conversationally. You hated yourself for trying to fix it for him, for attempting to out the girl back between you both but fuck if you weren’t a good friend. “Maybe she just said all that shit ‘cause she had too much to drink.”

You twirled a length of the boy’s hair around your finger, making it curl. “Was it Jack Templeman’s punch? That dude makes rocket fuel in a bowl, she might have been absolutely wasted.”

Steve shook his head before he pulled back, falling into your pile of pillows and gazing at you.  

“Nah, I don’t wanna chase her,” he said and despite the sadness in his voice, he sounded sure. “I don’t wanna be with someone who thinks I’m bullshit. I mean, I know I’m not perfect, but damn, bullshit?”

You shook your head, gaze hard and you wanted to shake him, to make him understand how wrong Nancy was. 

“Steve, you're not bullshit.” He held your stare, lips parted. “You’re the furthest thing from that, I’m sorry I don’t know why Nancy said that, I wish I could-”

He stopped you before you could continue, a small smile lifting at his lips and he found your hands between the tangle of sheets, tugging you over to him and onto his chest. You lay your head there, protesting when Steve’s finger poked at your cheek, fond and soft. 

“I know what you’re gonna say, sweetheart, and it’s fine.” He sighed, sleepy and weighted. “You don’t need to fix everything for me, not this time, anyway.“

You fell silent, thinking about the times Steve was referring to, wondering if this was finally the year he stopped needing you. The thought made your chest hurt, your eyes blur and you sniffed. 

“My dad’ll be home from that conference soon,” he mumbled softly and you could tell without even looking at Steve that he had his eyes closed. “You can come fight my battles for me then, how’s that sound short stuff?”

It was silly, his words. The way they made you feel. Like you were needed again, important. Like he didn’t wanna face the things that scared him without you. It hurt that after all those years, he still felt like that about his own father but it calmed a part of you to know that he didn’t seem as cut up about Nancy Wheeler as he once was. 

“Are you okay?” You asked, tentative, and you made a face ‘cause god, that seemed like a stupid fucking question. “Will you be okay?” You asked instead. 

Steve hummed noncommittally and you craned your neck to look up at him, smiling when you were proven right at his closed eyes. His lashes fluttered against his cheeks as you shifted over him, tucking yourself into his side. 

“I mean yeah, sure,” he murmured, voice dropping lower and rougher as sleep pulled at him. “I’ll be fine. I’ve got you, haven’t I?” 

He turned his face to yours at that, nose nudging at your forehead as he blindly sought out your features, pressing a soft, warm kiss to your temple. 

“M’sorry,” he whispered into your hair and you stilled, swallowing the lump that had caught in your throat. “I’m so sorry I’ve not been around.“

You squeezed your eyes closed at his words, letting them burn until you were sure you weren’t going to cry. 

You wanted to say it was okay, to soothe him, to make Steve feel better but the lie got caught on your tongue and you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him something that wasn’t true. 

You shrugged instead, lips twisted to keep them from turning downwards, his words heavy on you because god, you’d missed him so much. 

“I missed you,” Steve whispered and fuck, it lit you up inside. “Like, really missed you.”

He was soft and gentle with it, words brushing against your temple, breath warm, hands twisting in the sides of your shirt, barely grazing at your skin, head butting at yours playfully. 

He was Steve, he was late nights, long days, summer rainstorms, driving lessons, flunking your test, Saturday afternoon drives, feet on the dash, music too loud, smile blinding. 

He was a little bit yours again. 

“Yeah,” you sighed, feeling a little lighter than you had before, eyes falling shut like Steve’s. “I missed you too, Harrington.”

Steve’s breath was becoming slower, chest falling heavy and lazy and you both curled into each other on instinct, sleep pulling both of you together, the same way it did when you were both ten and piled on the sofa, movie still playing. 

“You still my best friend?” His voice was a soft mumble, and you heard the worry there, hidden behind a crack of humour. 

“Yeah, I’m still your best friend.”

—————

You didn’t see Nancy until a week later, and when you did, you didn’t expect her to corner you at your locker, big eyes wide and asking if you could talk. 

You met her after school, walking to the opposite end of the parking lot from where Steve would be waiting on you, perched on the hood of his car as usual. 

Nancy saw you coming, her face a little nervous as she bid goodbye to Jonathan who’d been standing beside her and you watched as they squeezed each other's hand before he took off. 

You raised your brows as you approached, tugging your headphones to sit around your neck and you wondered what Nancy Wheeler could possibly have to say to you. 

The world wasn’t ending, the kids were all safe and she wasn’t your best friend's girl anymore. 

She squinted at you, trying to work out your mood, your emotions but you remained a little stoned faced, wondering if Steve would be pissed if had to see you here. You knew they’d spoken since Halloween, a chat that Steve had said felt too formal and stilted, but the air was cleared enough that they could cross paths when dropping Dustin, Will and Lucas at Mike’s house, an awkward wave exchanged from the front door to the car. 

“You wanna sit?” Nancy asked, gesturing to a bench that sat by the edge of the school line, shadowed by trees that provided a little coverage from the wind that was picking up now that winter was approaching. You kicked at the leaves on the ground and shoved your hands into your jacket pocket, holding it tighter to your body. 

“Sure,” you muttered, following her across the grass, leftover rain sticking to your boots. 

The sky was still blue, a crisp Fall day that turned your nose pink, numbed your fingers and had you wishing for a Hawkins summer, the smell of sunscreen and cut grass replaced with rain and the promise of snow. 

You sat on opposite ends of the bench, bodies turned to face each other and with the safety of your school bags between you both. You picked a dead leaf off the sole of your shoe, waiting for the other girl to talk. 

“Look, I don’t know what Steve’s explained to you,” Nancy said, voice cracking a little with what seemed like nerves. “You know, when we spoke the other week.”

You shrugged, “I mean, not much,” you answered, “but it’s really not my business to know.”

Nancy nodded at that, appreciative, “I guess but I just want us to be friends, you know? I wanted you to understand why I broke it off with Steve. He’s a great guy but-”

“I know he is,” you interrupted, brows pulled together in confusion ‘cause there was never any debate about that. You softened a little when Nancy smiled at you, lips pulled up and eyes a little knowing. “Sorry, that was rude.”

“It’s fine,” she told you, voice lighter than it had been before. “Like I said, Steve’s great… I guess I just didn’t love him the way I should’ve. And maybe that would’ve been a little easier if I didn’t see the way he looked at someone else.”

You frowned, staring at the girl as she looked back at you, silently willing you to catch on. 

“What?” You asked, “I thought this was about you and Jonathan? You can’t act as if you haven’t been glued to Byers hip since this happened.”

Nancy had the right to look guilty, picking at her nail before looking back up at you. “Yeah, no, you’re right. I didn’t mean for what happened with Johnathan to happen… it just did, but that doesn’t make it okay.”

She brushed a curl from her face, bringing her bag down to her feet so there was less separating her from you. The wind rushed at you both, stinging your cheeks and whipping at your clothes before it settled back down and let Nancy speak. 

“I’m not blaming this on Steve, I’m not, and I shouldn’t have said he was bullshit,” she rushed out, “maybe we were just meant for other people you know? And think that, maybe, Steve doesn’t know that he’s already found his person.”

“I genuinely don’t know what you’re talking about,” you huffed, “but whatever. I’m just glad I don’t have to hear the two of you arguing every other day.”  

Nancy nodded, smiling at the way you were avoiding her gaze, your mind suddenly racing with what she’d said. 

“For what it’s worth,” the girl murmured, foot nudging friendly against yours, “it would probably make it a lot easier on the poor guy if this girl could admit that she was in love with him too.”

“Alright, yeah,” you stood up suddenly, cheeks flushed and your head a little scattered. “I think you’ve got it twisted Wheeler, but, uh, good talk.”

The girl hid a laugh, pressing her lips together as she watched you gather your bag, eyes shining. Nancy nodded, looking up at you as you stood a little awkwardly. You raised a hand in a goodbye, a small smile lifting at your lips in what seemed like an amicable agreement. 

You stopped before you got too far, the sun in your eyes as you squinted back at the girl who was still sitting on the bench. 

“Hey, Nancy?” She looked at you, eyes surprised. 

“Yeah?”

“Are you happy?” You asked and she was taken aback at how genuine you sounded. She paused, eyes flicking over to where Jonathan’s car was parked, engine idling as he waited for her. 

She nodded, resolute. “Yeah, I am,” she answered quietly and confidently. 

You nodded too, surprised at how it warmed you to hear that. You never wished ill on the girl, you just didn’t like how she broke your best friend, leaving you to put him back together again, piece by piece. 

“I’m glad Steve’s got you, you know,” she called back before you could start to walk away again and her words made your heart stumble. You swallowed, looking at her with parted lips. “He’s lucky to have you.”

And well, wasn’t that a statement to behold?

When you finally clambered into Steve’s car, bringing the chill and some stray leaves from the outside, Steve was frowning softly, concerned by your lateness. 

He looked at your flushed cheeks, pink nose and glassy eyes from the sharp wind and cranked up the heat, pointing his vents to your side too. 

“Where’ve you been?” He asked, voice worried, “I was gonna call in the kids, start a search party.”

You laughed, a little strained after the conversation you had, rubbing your hands together for warmth and you shrugged, noncommittal. 

“I was uh, just catching up with a friend.”

Can I go where you go? 

When Steve got a job after graduation at Scoops Ahoy, it was supposed to mean free ice cream and catching a late showing at the cinema after his shifts. 

It brought you Robin Buckley, Steve in a sailors hat, a new flavour of ice cream every month and fucking Russians. 

You thought dimensions and demogorgons were about as much as you could handle but Dustin came back from camp with a new gadget he’d built, some kind of high tech radio that looked like it was held together with duct tape and paper clips but the thing actually worked. 

It worked well enough to pick up secret codes from underground labs, translated by Robin and well, fuck. Suddenly you were trapped in an elevator that wasn’t actually supposed to be an elevator and Erica Sinclair was going to miss her Uncle Jack’s party. 

You knew Steve wasn’t happy with you, you could tell by the way his jaw was set, the way that he looked at you when he thought you weren’t paying attention, and his lips twisted and his gaze dropped when you tried to catch his gaze. 

It made the air in the elevator crackle and buzz, tension on top of tension as you moved around each other, looking for a way out, hardly touching, hardly speaking. Robin twisted her lips, sympathetic, when she caught your gaze, your face flushed with annoyance. 

He’d told you not to come. 

Not out of meanness, or because you had fallen out, simply because he didn’t want you in harm's way. You’d ended up yelling at each other, a hundred feet below the mall and trapped in a metal box because why did it matter when Robin and the kids were stuck there too?

Steve, of course, cared that he had another friend, a thirteen year old and a ten year old to keep safe and he had every intention of doing so. But he couldn’t help but feel sick, his stomach rolling, at the thought of you being put in a dangerous situation. 

You’d told him that he was being stupid, that you weren’t leaving him. You thought you’d seen all the dangers Hawkins had to offer, you could handle yourself, you could help him. 

His worst fears came true when you all got split up, Dustin and Erica hopefully somewhere above you all, on their way for help, for something, anything. 

But then a man came, tall and dressed in uniform, badges adorning his chest, and he took one look at the way Steve stood in front of you when he entered and swung for the side of his head. 

The boy fell backwards, dazed, groaning at the shock and pain of it all before pulling himself off of the floor, body slow and sluggish. He lifted his head in time to see the same man gripping you by the back of your neck, hair fisted painfully in his grasp as he pulled you out of the room. Robin was yelling, swearing as she tried to get a grip on you, her hand wrapped around your ankle from where she was on the floor but you were pulled from her easily, a swift kick sent to her stomach for the audacity of her trying. 

Steve felt his heart leave his chest, plummeting to his stomach, his blood running cold and everything around him slowed down. His vision was fuzzy but he could see the panic on your face, lips parted in a gasp as you tried to get to grips with what was happening. 

Russians. A lab. Under Starcourt Mall. 

He couldn’t move fast enough and he wanted to yell out, he wanted to run. But it was like being trapped in a bad dream, body damp, sheets tangled around his limbs as he tried his best to scream, to move, but nothing fucking happened. 

The door slammed shut before the ringing in his ears could stop and he could taste blood in his tongue, metallic and horribly warm. He made his fists bleed from pounding on the door, knuckles cracked and bruised, voice wrecked from yelling your name. 

He only stopped when the man came back, pulled him from Robin's side and threw more hits to his face, his body. His skin was littered with angry bruises, almost black, skipping the shades of lavender and pink, turning inky within minutes. 

Between each punch, Steve spat out blood and asked where you were, groaning as he spoke. He was ignored, time and time again, until he lost it completely, tried to lash out, fists swinging, legs thrashing and he wasn’t sure if he was crying, or it was just blood dripping down his face but he wanted to sob, desperate for you. 

He was thrown to a chair, tied back to back with Robin as some guy in a white coat threatened him with surgical equipment that looked like it didn’t belong in a hospital and when his eyes fell shut with the weight of his injuries, he wondered if he’d ever see his best friend again. 

You were finally gathered up in what could’ve been hours later, maybe one, maybe five. A guard tugged at your wrists, taped together and red raw from where you’d tried to pull them apart and suddenly you were pushed through the same door they’d taken you from, thrown at Steve’s feet and the yelling continued. 

Who did you work for, who did you work for, who did you work for?

It didn’t end until people were dead and Starcourt Mall was on fire. 

Alarms had gone off, Dustin rushing in with an electric cattle prod of all things, weidling it like battleaxe and telling you all you had to run. You weren’t sure who was supporting who as you all tumbled back to the surface, dripping blood and tears onto the mall floor as Steve gripped your hand with a fierceness you’d never experienced from him before.

But then there were guns, El broken but still fighting, the rest of your friends, concern and confusion written on their faces ‘cause when you had all been fighting Russian Soviets, they’d been fighting Billy, the evil inside of him turning him into something different from the boy you’d seen in the school halls.

You’d held Max when he fell, body bloodied and ripped open, eyes glassy like he’d known what was coming. You left the mall that night with a new fear of loud noises, of fireworks that cracked and snapped in the sky. You knew what burning flesh smelled like, you knew that there was more to be said about monsters, more danger in the world than just the creatures that lurked in the cracks of the earth.

You knew that evil could come in the shape of a man, a familiar face, behind a uniform, a doctor's white lab coat. 

You were tired, beaten, a little bloodied and bruised and your throat was raw after you’d screamed for Steve, fists beating on the door as you went ignored. You heard him from behind the steel walls, his voice as wrecked and panicked as your own and you sobbed when you heard his yells turn to groans, sickening wet thumps of bone hitting bone, breaking up the sound of him calling out your name. 

You sat beside him in the ambulance, hands still clutching each other tightly, fear of being torn apart again ripping through you both. The medic wanted to take him to hospital, to make sure his cheekbone wasn’t shattered, that you both weren’t suffering from shock or concussion but Steve refused, just wanting to go fucking home.

The sky was angry, red and crying, plumes of black and crimson smoke billowing from the broken building and you didn’t know what to do. People were dead and the whole world seemed to be burning. 

But Steve took you by the hand, pulled you to his side as you made sure everyone was okay, as well as they could be considering the circumstances and the boy stood a little numb as he watched you drop to your knees and fold Max into a hug, tears streaking through the blood and dirt on your cheeks when you pressed a kiss to El’s forehead. 

Everyone was a little broken, barely standing, barely breathing and it didn’t seem difficult to continue the lie to your parents, calling them from a pay phone to say that you were okay, you had seen the news but it was fine, you had been at Steve’s the whole time, you’d be home in the morning.

You let Jonathan bundle you both into the back of his car, one of his old jackets thrown around your shoulders as Nancy sat in the front, Steve beside you, shoulder to shoulder, thigh to thigh. He dropped you both at Steve’s front door, little to be said between the hour of you as shock and tiredness tugged at your bodies, your heads. Hands were pressed to shoulders, squeezing softly, telling each other everything you all needed to say but couldn’t - not then, not just yet.

Thank you, I’m sorry, I’m glad you’re okay, I’m happy you’re safe.

The Harrington house was empty, as expected and the rooms felt darker and colder than they had before, empty and too big, your harsh breaths rattling too loudly and you could feel a panic building inside you, clawing at your chest. 

It grew when you looked at Steve’s face, dried blood and dark bruises making him look like he was about to fall apart and when you squeezed your eyes closed, you could hear the way he yelled your name, raw and broken.

A sob bubbled from your throat, spilling from your lips and you’d barely taken a breath before Steve was in front of you, arms pulling you into him, a hand around your neck, foreheads pressed together. It was supposed to ground you - and it did, in a way - but the cries still came, stuttered and broken, the heavy kind of sobs that made your body heave with the exertion of it all. 

Steve held you through it, both of you swaying unsteady on your feet in the middle of his hall, shoes streaking dirt across Mrs. Harrington’s white tiles. Neither of you could ask the other if they were okay, ‘cause the answer was obvious but when your tears finally stopped, your face wet and your head sore, the boy took you by the hand and led you up the stairs. 

He walked past his bedroom door, the little slice of heaven you most wanted at that moment in time, the only place in the large house that truly felt like home to you both. It was a surprise when he nudged open the door to the main bathroom, rarely used due to all the ensuites that were accessed through bedrooms but the large corner tub there suddenly looked like a gift from above. 

You felt like a spare part when Steve let go of you long enough to turn the taps, filling the bath with hot water and a mixture of his mother’s expensive soaps and bath milks, sweet smelling bubbles and steam filling the room. 

You found a first aid kit underneath the sink, pushed to the back of the cupboard, unused and when you motioned to the boy to sit on the closed toilet seat, he did without arguing. He spread his legs for you without you needing to ask, standing between his knees with a bottle of antiseptic and some cotton balls, more tears slipping down your cheeks as you mumbled out apologies, dabbing the stinging liquid into his skin.

Steve simply held onto your legs, eyes closed and his hands wrapped around the back of your knees, his thumbs stroking over the sensitive skin there as he whispered back, telling you it was okay, it’s fine, I'm fine sweetheart. 

The cuts on his face didn’t seem as angry, as severe, when you wiped away the blood that crusted around them but the dark bruises seemed mean and vicious against the pale cast of his skin, shock seeping out all the colour from his cheeks. 

He let you press a kiss to his forehead, clutching at the sides of his head, fingers buried in his damp, messy hair and the push of your lips was fierce, conveying everything you wanted to say but couldn’t, because fuck, you didn’t know how to tell your best friend that you think you were falling in love with him. Because how else could the thought of losing someone hurt so fucking much?

Steve left you alone to bathe, skin stinging as you stripped down to your underwear, your body and bones lazy as you pulled at your jeans and shirt. You gave up when you got down to your underwear, cotton pants and lacy bralette mismatching in a clash of cherry print and forest green and they both stuck to your skin as you slid into the hot water. 

You drew your knees to your chest, eyes closed and head pressed there as you let the heat nip at you, cuts and scrapes protesting but it was good to feel something when your head felt numb, your chest hollow. You weren’t sure how long you sat there for but you could've sworn someone was calling your name, a knock on the door echoing on the tiles and your mouth felt too fuzzy to answer. 

Steve could only hear the slow, steady drip of the tap and panic rose in his chest when you didn’t answer him and he had thoughts of you unconscious and slipping beneath the bubbles. 

So he knocked once more, heart racing before he turned the handle and pushed at the door a little, calling out your name. 

He heard the water splash at the sides of the tub, movement at least. But then he heard you sniff, the noise turning to soft sobs and it gripped at his heart, crushed it a little and before he knew it, he was in the bathroom, bare feet on the tiles and staring down at you, tucked into the smallest ball you could amongst the bubbles.

Neither of you spoke as Steve pulled off the shirt and cotton sweats he’d changed into, his own eyes glassey as he left his boxers on, stepping into the water with you, sitting down in the space behind you.

It felt like the most natural thing in the world when he spread his legs and pulled you into them, your back to his bare chest as he wrapped his arms around your knees too, holding you to him. He let you cry like that, head bent over yours, the two of you curled into the water together, steam licking at your skin. You think you felt a tear drop from his eye, warm as it slid through your hair and onto your cheek and the feel of it made you search for his hand, scrambling desperately under the hot water and foam so you could link your fingers through his.

Your grip on each other was as tight as it was when he’d pulled you to your feet after Dustin saved you from pliers and scalpels, the same way it had been when a six year old Steve had helped you up from the playground, knees scraped and front tooth missing after falling from the monkey bars. It was the same touch you granted him when you were twelve and he had to go to the emergency room, his arm broken after falling off of his bike. You’d begged to ride in the ambulance with him and his mom, his ink stained fingers reaching for you, not Mrs. Harrington. 

When you had no tears left to give and the water was turning lukewarm, Steve turned the tap again, let the hot water fill the room back up with steam and soothe your tired bodies. He grabbed a sponge, tapped at your knee until you turned to him, face to face and unbelievably vulnerable. 

But you let him smooth the sponge over the bare skin that he could see, up your arms, wiping away the soot from the fire, the stubborn dried blood that didn’t want to leave. He squeezed warm water over your chest, looking at your eyes and definitely not your bra, the pretty, green lace turning darker against your skin.

He pressed a kiss to your hair when you let your head fall into him, too tired to sit up and when you couldn’t hear the far away whine of sirens in the distance anymore, he helped you stand, the water that was light pink with blood swirling down the drain. He wrapped you both in towels, murmuring the whole time that you were okay, he had you, it was gonna be fine. 

You pulled your favourite shirt from underneath his pillow, tugging it on and falling into his bed, the smell of Steve and home surrounding you in the same way that the sheets did, soft and comforting. The boy clambered in beside you, body stiff and pain settling in his bones but you glued yourself to his side, hands intertwined and pressed between your chests and you couldn’t close your eyes until Steve leaned into you, breath warm and smelling of mint as he pressed his lips to your ear as he told you: “Remember when I promised you that I’d protect you from everything bad?”

You nodded, remembering that cherry flavoured popsicle and the way Steve’s pool looked so much bigger and deeper back then. “We were eight, Steve.”

He hummed in agreement, forehead rubbing fond against your own and you revelled in the fact that you both smelled like the same cotton and lemongrass body wash. 

“We were,” he agreed, voice a soft whisper, cracking a little from the yelling that had ripped his throat apart. “But the promise still stands, sweetheart.”

You opened your eyes to look at them and he looked a little fuzzy as you teared up. But Steve shook his head gently, hand tightening around your smaller one.

“No more tears, please babe,” he sniffed too, as if the entire night suddenly hit him, “I got you now, yeah? I’m never gonna let anythin’ happen to you, promise.”

You slept then, a little broken and fitful, but every time you shifted in your sleep, the boy followed, bodies traversing across the mattress and between the sheets. When you woke in the morning, you had your head on Steve’s chest, a leg thrown over his own, your thigh hitched high over his and his arms were a vice grip around you, his face pressed to the top of your head. 

The sheets were on the floor, a pillow by the door as if it had been kicked and the sun was shining through the gap in the curtain, bright and warm and mocking. The world felt a little different after that night, and so did your friendship with Steve Harrington. 

I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all. 

Working at Family Video with both Robin and Steve meant that you got to spend a lot more time with your friends. It also meant that Robin was more privy to watching how you and Steve interacted with each other and it had the girl taking notes on your relationship with the boy like her new favourite science experiment. 

“Look, I’m just saying, he’s not really dated since Starcourt and the boy lost it over you that night.” 

You rolled your eyes, still putting away the videos that were stacked in your arms as Robin followed you up and down the aisles. The store was quiet, a Tuesday afternoon giving you little to do but you’d graduated after you fought a monster and survived the soviets, so applying for colleges wasn’t all that high on your to do list. 

Your parents had taken that news better than Steve’s, both couples perplexed at their kids' choices to stay in Hawkins and work for the summer but at least your Dad had threatened bodily harm against you when you’d told him. 

You eyed Steve who was on the other end of the store, leaning lazy against the counter as he ticked off the delivery list. He looked a little older, like you did, but the stubble on his jaw and the broadness of his shoulders made your lips part every time you chanced a look. 

He was still Steve, but he was a little taller, a little stronger. He was still late night drives and sneaking through your window, mixtapes on your birthday and cherry popsicles in his backyard during the summer. Maybe he flirted a little more with you, comments suggestive and compliments coming easier but you tried not to think about it. When you did, late at night and alone in bed, it made your head spin, your lips part, your eyes close. 

You sighed, turning to Robin to tell her with an exasperated whisper, “we’ve been best friends since pre-k, of course he was upset that I was dragged away by a fucking Russian Soviet, Robin.”

She rolled her eyes at you, stumbling over her own foot as she tried to keep up. Steve glanced up at you both at the noise, brows furrowed as you both froze, eyes a little wide and you waved, hands raised awkwardly in unison. 

“What’re you both doing?” He called out, suspicion lacing his voice and you felt heat travel from your chest to your cheeks. 

“Nothing,” Robin called out at the same time you told him you were fixing the horror section. 

Your voices piled over each other and you wanted to groan, because Robin couldn’t lie to save herself and now you both looked like idiots. But Steve just smiled, fond, and turned back to his stack of papers. 

“I'm telling you,” Robin continued, voice a little lower now, “Steve likes you, like, he likes you, likes you. Why can’t you see that?”

You stopped and turned at her last words, truly taken aback at how sincere she sounded, how confused she seemed. 

‘Cause Steve was still Steve and you were still you and nothing in the world could really change that. Steve had promised you that he’d always be your best friend, and at nineteen, that still seemed like a pretty sweet deal. 

You shrugged, pushing the last copy of Nightmare On Elm Street onto the shelf and you crossed your arms over your chest, suddenly feeling far too exposed at her interrogation. 

“It’s not like that,” you told her, whispering still, “it’s never been like that with Steve.”

She huffed, swiping a finger along the row of videos and blowing away the dust she’d collected. Robin turned, an eyebrow raised. “Would you want it to be like that? ‘Cause seriously, dude, I still can’t believe that, in like, sixteen years of friendship, you’ve never even kissed once.”

You shrugged again, holding back on telling the girl that sometimes you thought the same. 

When you were fourteen, you thought that Steve was going to be your first kiss. Looking back, you weren’t sure why, you just did. Maybe it was a feeling, maybe it was hope, maybe it was just inevitable. 

‘Cause you grew up beside the boy and never once did he feel like a brother, and that had to mean something, right? He held your hand when you watched scary movies, when you crossed the road on Main Street, when it was rush hour, just like your parents had told you to when you were seven. He never dropped your hand, he never kicked you from his side of the bed when the movies you watched together became too much. 

You went through middle school and high school still the same, joined at the hip, still sharing secrets, still holding hands when things got too hard. 

But then one summer, Hayley Collins had a birthday party and you’d been sick, too ill to attend but Steve had still stood underneath your bedroom window, features twisted with conflict as you told him it was fine, he could go without you. You remember telling him to have fun, and to bring you back some candy. 

He did. He brought you back fistfuls of sweet stuff, bags of M&M’s and pop rocks but you didn’t expect him to bring his lips to your ear and tell you a secret you never expected. 

Steve had had his first kiss. A game of spin the bottle in Hayley’s basement with her cousin who was from out of town. A girl a year older, a girl who had pretty blonde curls and a reason to wear a real bra. 

You remembered the feeling when your heart sank and the pop rocks stopped fizzing on your tongue. You wondered why the sugar tasted bitter, why your eyes were suddenly pricking with hot tears and when the boy asked if you were okay, a grin slipping from his lips, you lied and told him that you still felt sick. 

You turned to Robin, a fake smile pulling at your lips as you tried to act casual, as if her words weren’t kickstarting a feeling in your chest that you had been trying so hard to ignore for the last five years. 

You furrowed your brow, turned to the cart that was still full of videos no thanks to your friend, and picked up another pile. You stacked them until they reached your chin, until they gave you a reason to walk to the other side of the stands and take a deep breath.

“I haven’t really thought about it,” you lied, and it felt heavy on your tongue, tasting too sweet and sinful. Because of course you had. “It’s not something that’s crossed my mind.”

Robin saw right through you and you could tell by the way her brows rose and she hid her smile behind a press of her lips. 

“Sure,” she said, voice too light. “Humour me then. What do you think would happen if you did let it cross your mind?”

You stared at her, mouth agape, because what the fuck was the girl getting at. 

She grabbed some of the videos you were holding, The Exorcist close to slipping from its slot underneath your chin and she started stacking them beside you, completely out of alphabetical order, but that was a problem for another day. 

“Just listen,” she said and you hated how she sounded excited. “What do you think would happen if you asked Steve to kiss you?”

She dropped a box, cursing when the corner of it hit her toe but she bounced back up, bright eyes still brimming with all the thoughts that were swirling round her head at once. 

“Cause you know he would, right? Like the poor guy can’t say no to you, he’s never been able to.”

You made a sound of protest, heart hammering in your chest because Steve was still right there, fingers running though his hair, pen between his lips and so completely fucking oblivious. 

But Robin suddenly stopped and spun to face you. She wrapped a hand around your wrist, soft and warm and you could tell she was choosing her words carefully before she said them, a sure fire way to tell that the girl was being serious. 

“There’s a reason that none of his girlfriends have stuck around, babe,” Robin murmured, sincerity lacing every word. “It’s ‘cause he always picks you, every time.”

—————

It had been a week since Robin had cornered you at work, whispering to you about Steve and kissing and god, you couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

You thought about it when he gave you a ride home after work, sun setting, the day turning pink and casting indigo shadows over his face, the line of his jaw, the curve of his mouth. 

You thought about it when he pushed himself into you during Saturday morning shifts, his body lazy as he leant against you, his chest to your back and his head on your shoulder. It felt softer and intimate than when he’d done it before, your mind running wild with the idea that if you turned around and kissed him, right there in the middle of Family Video, he might kiss you back. 

You thought about it when you were lying by his pool, his parents gone, the kids and Dustin’s new friend Eddie starting water fights on the lawn. You’d watch the way Steve watched you, jealous eyes and lips pouted when Eddie soaked you with a water balloon, skin damp, cheeks flushed and eyes bright. You watched how he softened and lit up again, your attention on him when you shook your wet hair over his bare chest and you couldn’t help but notice how his gaze followed the movements you made when you bent to slide your shorts back up your legs. 

So maybe it was for those reasons that you turned to him one Friday night, when it was just the two of you out in his backyard, and asked him why he’d never kissed you. 

It could’ve been the joint you’d been sharing making you feel braver, or maybe the shadows that you were hiding in, the spaces that the pool lights didn’t quite reach. 

Maybe it was the way Steve had been looking at you each time you took the joint from his lips and put it between your own. Hair a little messy, eyes hooded, jaw slack. 

Maybe it was because of all of it. Maybe it was because you were nineteen and growing impatient. Maybe it was sixteen years of build up. Of wondering, wanting, waiting. 

The air smelled the same way it did when you were eight, chlorine and cedar from the trees, that afternoon's sunscreen mixing with weed and smoke. Your tongue was stained red from the popsicle you’d had, Steve’s blue and there were new freckles on both of your faces, noses a little pink from lying out in the sun all day. 

And when the afternoon faded into evening and the sky was lilac, Steve produced a joint with a grin, a wiggle of his brows and suddenly you were lying on the deck together, the pool filter trickling in the background and laughing soft as you blew smoke into the night. 

There was a buzz of insects from the forest that stood behind the house, the faint hum of someone’s music that played from a couple of yards over and you felt the warmth radiate from the boy from where he lay beside you. 

Your bare feet pointed to opposite ends of the pool, one of yours dipped into the water and your heads were touching, cheek to cheek. If you turned to look at him, you knew your lips could slip over his easily and the thought of it made your body fizz. 

He had just plucked the joint from your mouth, thumb grazing clumsy over your top lip, fitting pretty into the dip of your Cupid’s bow when you tilted your head, cheek resting on the patio, the slabs still warm from the afternoon sun. 

“Hey, Harrington,” you sounded quiet and lazy, like you didn’t have a care in the world. But god, your heart was in your throat, pulsing like a warning. “You ever thought ‘bout kissing me?”

If Steve was shocked, he didn’t show it, not really. His eyes widened slightly, joint hanging slack from his lips and he stubbed it out on the concrete before swallowing, hard. 

He turned to you, noses almost brushing and you watched the way his gaze settled on your lips. 

“Why d’you ask?” His voice was a hush, warm and rough. 

You shrugged, boldness faltering because he hadn’t answered your question but holy shit, he was still looking at your mouth, the way your tongue snuck out to wet your bottom lip before you spoke. 

“Just something Robin said,” you told him, nose scrunched. 

Your words made his lips part, nodding in understanding because of course Robin was involved and the girl had been at him too, hounding him in the stockroom at work, calling him out on his obvious crush on your over old, dusty videos. 

But all the boy could say was, “oh.”

And then there was silence, for a second, maybe two. It felt like minutes, like an hour, like the sky was suddenly crashing down on you, as if lavender clouds and the stars were going to bury you were you lay but then-

“I have,” Steve said, quietly sure. You looked over at him as he blew out a breath, “course I’ve thought about it. ‘Bout kissing you.”

“Oh,” it was your turn to keep silent, his admission washing over you like a tsunami sized wave, one that you weren’t sure you’d be able to keep your head above. 

You sat up suddenly, shocking Steve and he leaned up onto his elbows with wide eyes, watching as you turned to face him, legs crossed and knees knocking into his thighs. 

“Why haven’t we?” You asked, bemusement colouring your tone and you couldn’t help but press your hand to his where it lay on the deck. Your fingers brushed over his, a new kind of touch. “Why haven’t we ever kissed?”

You wondered if he could hear your heartbeat, if it was rattling against your ribs as loud as it seemed to be. You held your breath as Steve sat up too, mirroring your pose and crossing his legs until you were knee to knee and looking like a couple of innocent kids again. 

He shrugged, blowing out another breath and he tugged a hand through the front of his hair, making it stand on end. He looked a little wild, like you short circuited him, like you were half way to ruining him. 

The boy’s voice cracked a little when he tried to answer and you wondered if this was okay, if you should’ve asked but then Steve was speaking, his thumb drawing absentminded circles over your bare knee.  

“I’m not really sure,” he said and he spoke soft and quiet, like he was telling you a secret. “I suppose I just didn’t wanna lose my best friend.”

It was the answer you expected. Best friend first, the prospect of a girl to kiss in the background of his mind. You should’ve been happy, you should’ve felt loved, but the idea of never having Steve in the way you realised you wanted him was becoming more crushing by the day. 

“Or maybe,” he suddenly continued, “I guess… I guess I didn’t realise I was allowed to.”

Your lips parted at that, a small bomb dropped in the middle of the Harrington’s backyard. You waited for the pool to empty, for the small wave to hit your back, for the sky to light up but nothing came and Steve was watching you, waiting. 

“You’re allowed to,” you whispered and oh my god, you didn’t feel high enough for this, but you continued, tummy dropping and skin electric. “You’ve always been allowed to.”

You heard Steve’s breath hitch and it only felt natural when his hand came up to cup the back of your neck, thumb pressed to the spot behind your ear and god, he was leaning in and so were you. 

“I just don’t know if we should,” he was telling you but he was still moving into you and his hand never fell away from your face. 

“It’s just a kiss,” you told him, voice shot, lips falling apart and you could smell his aftershave, the leftover chlorine that stuck to his skin and he was summer, he was cherry and smoke and god, he was forbidden, he was yours. “Friends can kiss, doesn’t have to mean anything.”

“It’s really just curiosity, right?”

His nose was bumping against yours, both of your eyes fluttering closed at the feel of the other's breath falling across your lips and you wondered if he’d taste like his popsicle, blue raspberry, sugar and fizz. 

You nodded at his question, too gone to speak and the movement made your top lip brush against his. Sparks against your skin, electric, dangerous and it made you sigh. 

“Steve?” You whispered, eyes squeezed shut like you were seven again and making a wish beside your birthday cake, candles making your skin glow.

He hummed, thumb still pushing against that spot on your neck, “yeah sweetheart?”

“Will you kiss me?”

And fuck, maybe Robin was right because the boy didn’t say no. In fact, Steve didn’t say anything, he just moved into you until your nose was pressed into his cheek and his lips were plush against yours and oh my god you were kissing your best friend.  

He still tasted like raspberry, like you thought he would. Like summer and promises and pool days and a little smoke and Steve. 

It was a slow push of his lips to your own, mouths slanting over each other’s, soft and languid like you both knew this was your only chance. You thought you heard him moan, a soft, low noise that made your chest hurt and when the kiss lingered, you brought your hands to his cheeks, fingers splayed over his jaw as you tugged him a little closer, greedy. 

And when his tongue licked at the curve of your bottom lip, his hand travelled to tilt at your chin, asking you to open for him, you did, no questions asked. You sighed, blissed out, when his tongue slid over yours, a hand falling to fist in his t-shirt, soft cotton crumpled in your hand because you felt like you were going to float away. 

Then Steve was pulling back, chest heaving, forehead pressed to yours and eyes still slammed shut as he gave you another secret, pressed to the corner of your mouth, your jaw, the curve of your neck. 

“I always thought you were gonna be my first kiss,” he said it like a confession, like something holy. “M’sorry you weren’t.”

And then he was back on you, lips melted between your own and you knew that the pretty noises that you pulled from him would play like a record in your dreams for months on end. Steve was grasping at your hip, the material of your dress bunched under his hand, making the cotton hitch higher up your thighs. 

You were in his lap, wide hands on your sides, guiding you as you kissed him, lovesick, eyes closed, body buzzing and you fell across his knees, thighs shifting apart to cage him underneath you and oh my god. 

Fuck. 

You sat a little higher than him, knees planted on the deck and his head was tilted back to kiss you as you crowded him. One hand was on your jaw, thumb rubbing against your cheek as he kissed you deeper now, a little dirty and when he pulled a small moan from you, his hand clasped at the back of your thigh, skin on skin. 

You could feel him hard underneath you and it made your head feel fuzzy, your body pleading with you to drag yourself along the length of him, hips rolling, chest heaving. 

When you pulled back, panting, the reflections of the pool were bouncing off your faces, ripples of light dancing across the boy's features, hitting his eyes and turning them caramel. You felt golden when he touched you, skin lit up, the air around you both crackling like a storm was coming. 

Maybe it was still the weed, maybe it was a new found courage, maybe it was just teenage hormones and the thought of seeing each other naked for the first time since you were both four, but when Steve asked if he could take you inside, you didn’t hesitate to say yes. 

It felt different in his bedroom when you both tumbled in, colliding with the dresser as you kissed each other like you meant it, like you’d never do it again. The room felt smaller, darker, softer, more intimate than it had ever been for you and suddenly you felt like a girl at the end of date. 

Steve touched you like you were more than just his best friend and it made your stomach roll, your thighs rub together and you couldn’t quite get over the way his hand spanned the width of your cheek, fingertips grazing your hairline whilst his thumb managed to pull at your bottom lip, eager for more of you. 

It all got a little wild after that, loose change and bottles of aftershave cologne clattering off of the drawers, falling to the floor as Steve picked you up and slammed you on top of it, legs spreading for him to fit in between. Hands roamed up your thighs, pushing at the soft skin there until he hitched a knee up and over his hip, pressing himself into you. 

Your dress came off first, his shirt following, a mix of colours on the carpet and he pressed his lips to the skin he uncovered, mouth over lavender lace and delicate straps. 

It felt desperate, you felt desperate. And when he sucked a bruise into the column of your throat, you keened, high and needy. It made the boy groan, mouth vibrating against your chest as he kissed over the lace triangles covering you, his gaze flicking up to watch you nod at him before he was pushing one aside, tongue smoothing over a nipple. 

It made you grab at his hair, fingers delving deep, tugging in appreciation and you were prepared for the sound it pulled from him, low in the back of his throat and it made his eyes flutter shut. 

“Sweetheart,” Steve huffed out, hands skimming up and down your sides as he pressed his forehead to yours, “I’m gonna come in my pants if you keep that up.”

He sounded wild, unravelled and sharp around the edges. It made you feel full of power, pretty lips and lace and soft skin, and you pressed the softest kiss to Steve’s mouth, his breath coming in harsh pants and before you could ask, you were being manhandled again, legs around his waist and his hands on your ass. 

He sat you both on the bed like that, spread out pretty on top of him, knees pushed into the mattress as you pulled at his belt, holding yourself up as he shuffled out of his jeans. He sucked tiny bruises on your collar bones as your bra was peeled off, nothing but your underwear separating you both and you felt his hands drag down your back, a touch that was so affectionate and soft that it took your breath away. 

Then night seemed slower after that, like time paused for you both, just for you to remember every touch. Like the world stopped spinning on its axis just for you two, just so you would both remember the way the other felt, ‘cause fuck, you had a feeling this wouldn’t happen again. 

“We don’t have to go any further,” Steve gasped, lips barely leaving yours as pushed and pulled at your hips, helping you rock over him, body rolling across his lap. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

But you were ready to climb him, your hands grabbing at his hair to tug him back to you, kisses swallowing his words and telling the boy that you wanted exactly the opposite. 

It was strange how natural it felt, to tug the length of him out of his boxers, the feel of him hot and hard in your hand. You shuffled in Steve’s lap as he palmed you over the lace of your underwear, breath uneven. It didn’t take long for him to tug them down your legs as he slid on a condom, your foot kicking purple lace to his bedroom floor and you suddenly felt like you were underwater; body moving lazy and slow as you lifted yourself onto your knees, Steve’s hands strong and reassuring as you took him in your hand and sunk down onto him.

Neither of you moved, bodies tangled and still as you fit perfectly in his lap, arms wrapped around each other as you panted heavy into parted lips. Steve whispered your name, like a prayer, soft and broken before he pushed his lips to yours, head tilted into you so he could catch your lips deep and slow.

He grunted in surprise when you tightened around him, body clenching on his at the touch of his tongue across your bottom lip and you whimpered, hips beginning to wiggle. This was more than you’d felt before, more than wandering hands in back seats, more than a quick and fast hook-up in a party bathroom, more than fingers under skirts in your bedroom when your parents were asleep across the hall. 

“Can I move?” You ask, quiet, your hands grappling desperately at Steve’s shoulders palming over the muscles there. “I need to move, Steve, please.” If you were begging, you didn’t care, because you felt so full, so tight around him and you couldn’t help but admire the way the boy looked underneath you. 

But Steve didn’t have you waiting long, any teasing long forgotten about ‘cause he felt like he was wound too tight and you felt like fucking heaven around him. You didn’t know your eyes were wet until his thumb smoothed over your cheekbone, breath stuttering and you both gasped and swore when you lifted yourself up, just to rock yourself back down.

He moaned your name so prettily, lips glossy from your kisses and his eyes were hooded, gaze set on you, jaw slack, hands roaming across the expanse of your back as he held you to him. 

You moved over him with purpose, Steve answering with low groans and he pulled soft whimpers from you, your hand catching his face so you could look at him, gazes heavy and hot, pinned to each other. Your thumb found the curve of his bottom lip, tugging a little and Steve moaned when the pad of it slid over the edge of his teeth. “Steve,” you gasped, hips moving messy and the boy grabbed at your ass, helping you ride him a little faster. 

“That’s it, sweetheart, tell me, tell me what you want and I’ll give you it,” he pressed his lips to yours as he spoke, words slipping over your lips, your tongue and god, they tasted sweet. “I’ll give you anything.”

“More,” was all you could manage, breath hitching, eyes slamming shut ‘cause Steve’s hand dropped between you both, skin slick and he pressed his thumb over your clit; quick, hot circles that made stars flash behind your eyelids. “Close?” Steve asked, voice rough and you nodded, moving a little wilder over him, the boy reciprocated, hands holding your hips still so he could thrust up hard into you until you were biting down on the muscle on his shoulder, thighs tensing, eyes tearing up. 

Steve whispered your name when he came, arms tight around you, head buried in the crook of your neck, eyes squeezed shut, hoping and praying that he’d always remember the way you felt around him.

He kissed you one last time that night, bodies still naked and stretched out between his sheets and you didn’t say anything to each other as you caught your breaths, eyes wide on each other. There was a part of you that wished you could have the excuse of alcohol, too messy after some party to remember. You couldn’t blame the weed either, the half smoked joint still stubbed out in the backyard, hardly enough to do anything than let you both share a buzz. 

In the morning, you pulled on your clothes, wrinkled on Steve’s bedroom floor, still smelling of smoke and the boy. You tiptoed around his room, searching for your underwear, your shoes, all while the boy lay on his bed, face down, hair mussed and the white sheets barely covering his waist.

You wish you had it in you to let yourself drop back down into bed with, to have the courage to press a kiss to the freckle on his right shoulder, smooth a soft hand down his spine. But the sun was coming in through the window and your lips were still swollen from your best friend’s kisses and everything was starting to taste like a mistake. 

You didn’t know it, but Steve was awake as you left, eyes open and face pressed into the pillow that still smelled like your shampoo, heart beating wild in his chest but he didn’t move, didn’t call out to stop you. And well, that was that. 

My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue. 

You didn’t talk about it. 

A week passed and neither did Steve and before you knew it, you were a month down the line, the feel of your best friend's lips on your skin feeling like a fever dream and you didn’t know if you’d ever be able to forget the feel of him moving against you, inside you. 

It hurt to look at him, for a while. It got worse before it got better, stilted conversations and awkward eye contact, the taste of regret in both of your tongues and all the things you wanted to say to each other were left unsaid. 

But it was fine. 

Steve asked you round for a movie one Friday, videos stacked on the coffee table in his living room, your favourite sweater of his lying out on the arm of the sofa along with red vines and the good kinda popcorn. 

You didn’t push yourself into his side like you normally would and you didn’t know if that disappointed him or not, but when he dropped you off home later that night, the sky was a dark, rosy pink, the lingering smell of rain in the air and he smacked a messy kiss to your cheek before you climbed out of his car. 

It was fine. Until it wasn’t. 

Steve started dating again, one girl, two girls, three girls. Lucy on Saturday, Matthew David’s cousin Paula the next Friday, Cindy from last year's cheer squad the week after. 

You didn’t ask about it and he didn’t tell you, just poking an affectionate finger to the apple of your cheek when he told you he’d see you the next day. You were his best friend, again, still, only. 

It was fine until one Friday shift, when you disappeared into the back room a little earlier than the store closed. You came back out in a new dress, short and pretty, with blush on your cheeks and a gloss on your lips. Robin had wolf whistled, Steve had frowned. 

“Where are you going?”

His tone of voice cut you in half, accusatory and a little shocked. Steve leaned over the counter, a finger picking delicately at a lock of hair that you’d spent too long trying to get to sit nicely. 

“A date,” you told him, voice soft, gaze lowered as you tried to cram lip gloss tubes and perfume bottles into your bag. 

“With who?” Was the instantaneous response, that same tone of voice. 

You saw Robin’s gaze flitting between the pair of you, not privy to the events that took place a month prior, but not for a lack of trying. The girl was perfectly aware that something happened. She just didn’t know what and neither your or Steve had told her anything. 

“Nate Owens,” you told him and god, why was it so hard to meet his eye? “You know, he was on the team with you.”

Steve pulled his brows together, bewildered at your answer. “Yeah, I know him, why the fuck are you going on a date with Owens?”

You heard Robin’s sharp intake of breath and she watched as you squinted at the boy, annoyance on your features. Knowing what was to come, she grabbed the last of the returns and made her way to the other side of the empty store, leaving you two alone.

“What?” You huffed out, exasperated already. Your stomach was tumbling and you hated the way you didn’t know why. Maybe it was first date jitters, maybe it was the way Steve was looking at you, maybe it was because you knew you had absolutely no interest in dating anyone that wasn’t your bet fucking friend. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Steve grappled for something to say, stuttering over excuses until he tutted and grabbed the stapler, carelessly turning it over in his hands as he told you, “you’ve got nothing in common with him, like, at all.”

You scoffed, pulling at the hem of your dress and smoothing out imaginary creases, you were annoyed, something burning and twisting inside of you. “Sure Harrington, I forgot you choose all your dates based on compatibility and shared goals for the future.”

“He’s a douchebag,” Steve tried again, “he’s only after one thing.”

“Yeah, well, maybe I am too,” you said loftily and you didn’t look for Steve’s reaction, you didn’t want to. You moved from behind the counter, leaving a cloud of perfume in your wake and headed for the door. “Robs, I’ll call you later, ‘kay?”

Before the girl could answer, Steve was tailing you, moving across the store with that stupid stapler still in his hand and he called out your name, making you stop and turn.

“He’s just gonna hurt you,” the boy explained and you hated how his voice had turned a little softer. “You can do so much better than him.”

“Yeah?” You turned fully, chin raised and shoulders set as you locked eyes with Steve. “Who should I date then, Steve? Who’s good enough?”

The air felt electric, fully charged as the boy stared back, lips parting, chest barely moving as if he was holding his breath. If Robin was still there, you didn’t know, your mind only registering the way the boy was still silent in front of you. 

“That’s what I thought,” you eventually muttered, hot tears threatening to prick at the corner of your eyes. “Don’t wait sixteen years to start taking an interest in my love life Harrington, I’ve got by just fine without your advice.”

You’d opened the door by the time Steve replied, voice hot and clipped with anger and something else, a tone you’d never heard him use with you before. “Yeah, well, don’t come fucking crying to me when he turns out to be a dick.”

You laughed humorlessly, your back turned to him as you faced the night outside, the cool air nipping at the heat on your cheeks. You wanted to go home, to chance a look at Robin and silently ask her to clamber into bed with you, if she’d let you cry onto her shoulder as you ate pizza and watched reruns of Charlie’s Angels.

There was also a part of you that wanted to turn to Steve, glassy eyed and confused, to ask why it suddenly felt like you were fighting for the first time since middle school. 

But you didn’t.

You walked out into the night and let the door slam shut behind you. 

If you’d hung around, you would’ve heard Robin slam down the copy of Stand By Me that she was holding, eyes a little angry and disappointed as she looked at the boy and said: “You’re a fucking idiot.”

‘Yeah,’ Steve thought, ‘he knew he was.’

----------

You hated that Steve was right, you hated that Nate Owens was a pig, you hated that he did nothing but look at your chest over the dinner table, you hated that he tried to lean in for a kiss the minute you both got back into his car, you hated that he got pissy with you when you didn’t let him push his hand up your dress, you hated that he told you to put out or get out.

You hated that he left you on the side of the road, a little out of town, at a restaurant that you didn’t really know, dinner paid for with his daddy’s money.

You hated that when you finally found a payphone at the side of a dark gas station, you punched in Steve’s number. You hated that you started to cry when you heard his voice, you hated that he told you was coming to get you. 

Steve found you easily despite your awful directions, and when he asked if you were okay, voice quiet and gentle, you choked out a little sob, feeling pathetic and Steve told you to stay put, that he would be there as fast as he could.

He definitely broke some laws to get to you, flashing through amber lights faster than he was supposed to and when he pulled into the station only twenty minutes later, his heart ached at the way you leaned against the brick wall, half in shadows with your arms wrapped around you, the slight wind picking at the hem of you dress, lifting it from you thighs.

Steve got out of the car before you could move, pushing yourself off of the wall and he hated that your eyes were glassy, that you seemed embarrassed. You let him tug one of his sweatshirts over your head, one he specifically grabbed for you before rushing out of his door, ‘cause he watched you leave work without a jacket and if he’d been in a better mood when you were going on your date - if you’d have been going on a date with him - he would’ve teased you about being cold later.

Steve opened the passenger door, waiting for you to fold yourself into the front of his car and when he got back in, the only light coming from the old neon sign that was flashing red, telling customers that the store was open. 

He wrapped his hands around the steering wheel, squeezing it until his knuckles turned white and he glanced at you, expression almost unreadable.

“Did he hurt you?” he asked.

“No,” you shook your head, and it was true. You’d thrown an elbow into the Nate’s chest when he tried to push you too far, too fast, the sharp point of your arm catching him just below his throat and he’d turned on you, telling you to get the fuck out. “The only thing hurt is my pride, but I guess that’s on me, huh?”

Steve sighed at that, turning fully in his seat so he could face you, his hand coming up to press into your cheek, his thumb running gently under your eye, catching the tears there before they fell.

“Sweetheart-” Steve started, but you were overwhelmingly emotional, everything from the night and Nate and Steve suddenly becoming too much and god, you just wanted to yell with it. 

“What? Is this the part where you say I told you so?” You tried to sound biting, but the words hitched in your throat, fresh tears springing to your eyes. “Why’re you even here Steve?”

You knew why. 

“Cause you asked me,” he answered, simply and that was all there was to it, wasn’t there? “And I’m not gonna tell you shit, I’m… I’m sorry I acted like that early, I dunno what was wrong with me.”

You wanted to press further, you wanted to ask him if he truly didn’t know the reason he acted like an asshole. You wanted to ask if he was jealous, if he wanted you the way you wanted him, if he missed you, if he thought about you when he went on all these dates, if he wanted to kiss you again, if he thought about it all the time, the same way that you did. 

But Steve was still talking, fingers slipping from your face to pick at a stand of hair, playing with the end of it absentmindedly. The car felt too small, too warm and too dark, and you were sure that the last time you were both this close, you’d been in Steve's bed, wrapped around him as he made you come. 

“He didn’t deserve even an hour of your time,” he told you, brows knitted together in a frown. “And you deserve better than Nate fucking Owens, you’re too good for him,” he repeated his statement from earlier and it made you chest ache, your tummy tumble over because god, you wanted to be brave.

“Who’s good enough then, Steve?” You breathed it out, voice almost a whisper because you were so close to losing it, to grabbing the boy by his face and telling him how you felt, how’d fallen in love with him fuck knows how many years ago and you’d only recently let yourself believe it.

He started, wide eyed, lips parted and waiting, the same reaction he’d had back at Family Video. But you didn’t walk away this time, you let out a huff of laughter, no humour in it as you sat back in the seat and started out of the windscreen. The gas station was deserted, the night creeping into a new day, the clock ticking closer to midnight and the light was still flickering. 

It painted you both crimson, eyes brighter than they should’ve been, cheeks rosy. You pushed a foot to the dash, dress slipping up your thigh and gathering in the crease of your leg, showing off way too much skin but you didn’t care.

“I grew up with all the other guys in our grade knowing that I was Steve Harrington’s best friend,” you told him, voice hushed and cracking, “all of them too scared to touch me ‘cause your stupid ten year old ass always threatened to beat them up.”

He was still staring, lip twitching as if he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to laugh or not because it was true. But then he watched a tear slip down your cheek and it caught the light, a flash of ruby before it got caught on your top lip and you licked it away.

“Then in high school, I was a challenge, ‘cause I was still Steve Harrington’s best fucking friend. Boy’s would either be terrified to talk to me or treat me like the best prize they could win. They thought I was off limits, some thought I was your girlfriend and god, Steve, fuck…”

You swallowed, hard, breath catching in your chest and the car was so silent, the boy watching, listening. 

“I never thought that I wanted that, to be anything more than your friend. I didn’t,” you tried to sound convincing, but even to your own ears, your protests sounded weak. “But then you kissed me.”

You looked at him from under your lashes, hands twisted nervously in your lap, his sweater fisted between your fingers and you hated the way it smelled like him, like mint and cedar and smoke and suddenly, it was all too much.

“I know I asked you to,” you blurted out, eyes brimming with tears again, spilling over the line of your lashes and suddenly, you didn’t care about what you said anymore. “But fuck! Robin said that you never say no to me, that you’d do anything for me and god, I just wanted it once, I didn’t know it would go that far that night… I don’t regret it,” you rambled, words falling clumsily over the next and you chanced a look at him, his eyes full of shock but there was a softness behind it, familiar and fond. “I don’t regret it at all, I just-”

You sucked in a breath, let your head fall back onto the rest and let your eyes fall closed before you admitted another secret.

“I just can’t stop thinking about it.”

You kept your eyes closed as you kept talking, the words, the confessions, falling so much easier now that you’d started. The dark made you feel a little bolder, the silence of the boy encouraging you to just keep spilling your heart out, no interruptions.

“I thought that maybe you would feel the same, that you’d say something first, ‘cause you’ve always been braver but then you started dating that girl, then the other one. And maybe I was just stupid, maybe I was wrong,” you sighed, gazing to the side to catch Steve’s eye, a warmth blooming over your entire body, embarrassment, adrenaline and the feeling that you were throwing yourself off a cliff surging over you. “But there was a part of me that thought you’d maybe figure out you loved me too.”

You didn’t know what you expected, really. There was such a large part of you that still believed you were only going to ever be friends, that if Steve wanted more, he would've told you by now. That part told you you were imagining things, that sleeping together was nothing more than an experiment, a product of being high and bored with your best friend. It told you to ignore the way you thought he looked at you, the way that sometimes, you were so sure his touch lingered for longer than it needed to. 

But then there was a voice in the back of your head, a shit, it sounded a little like Robin’s and it told you that the boy before you would do anything for you, anything you asked. And wasn’t that why he was here now? It told you that friends didn’t look at each other like that, that friends didn’t have to untangle themselves from each other's arms each morning, that friends didn’t kiss like you had both done. 

Steve whispered your name then, a hand reaching out to catch yours. 

“You know I love you,” he whispered, voice a little shocked, a little awed. He sounded broken too, like he didn’t know what he was supposed to say, like he was terrified of saying the wrong thing. “I’ve always loved you, you’re my best friend.”

Your heart fell. 

“I- I don’t wanna lose you,” Steve said and he was rambling, falling over his words as his eyes searched your face for something he wasn’t going to find. The softness you’d held in your features was gone. “Babe, you’re my best friend, I can’t lose you-”

“Don’t call me that,” you choked out, your heart racing, your stomach twisting. You thought you might be sick. “Fuck, shit, take me home.”

You pulled your hand away from where the boy held it, your demand sounding harsh and too loud in the quiet of the car. You couldn’t look at him. The red light was still flashing, flickering and it suddenly felt like it was splitting your head in two, like it was pulsing to the same beat as your heart. 

Steve said your name again, pleading, his hand on your arm, silently begging you to turn, to look at him. 

“Can you let me explain? Please, god, I didn’t mean it like that, you have to understand-”

“Take me home, Steve, please.”

But he ignored you, tugging the keys out of the ignition and leaning forward, a hand tilting at your chin to try and a catch your gaze but your cheeks felt too hot and the burn at your eyes told you that you were going to start crying again and all you could think about was the list of boys who were too scared to make you theirs, too happy with a quick fuck in the back of their shitty cars and you never used to care because you were only ever happy with one boy. 

You knew you should’ve let him talk, that you owed him his chance to speak but the burning sensation of embarrassment and rejection was creeping up your spine like poison and you hated it, you couldn’t stand it. 

You panicked. 

You pulled at the door handle, fingers clumsy as you pushed the door open, clambering out with Steve’s sweater still swamping your frame and you could hear the boy calling your name even after you slammed the door shut. 

You made a start for the alleyway behind the gas station, somewhere the car couldn’t follow and by the time you made it a few streets over, you realised Steve wasn’t coming for you anyway. 

You got halfway home before the rain started falling, a pathetic spit that misted into the air and soaked you through. It made your hair stick to your cheeks, Steve’s sweater damp and hanging heavy on your body and by the time you reached home, it didn’t smell like him anymore. 

Good, you thought. 

Because when you were eight years old, Steve Harrington was the first big to tell you he loved you and then he promised you three things:

One, he’d always be your best friend. Two, he’d always protect you from everything bad and scary. And three, he’d never break your heart. 

It took almost twelve years, but shit, the boy finally broke one of them. 

Take me out, and take me home. 

It took Steve twelve years to break his promise to you, but only four days to fix it. 

Which was impressive really, when he spent the first three days agonising over what to say to you. You’d been avoiding him like the plague, worse than the plague, quite frankly. 

He expected you at work the next day, chest sore from holding his breath as he watched the door, eyes tired from staying up all night.

 He’d stayed in that gas station parking lot for too long after you’d left, eyes wide as he watched you leave, disappearing behind the alleyway almost instantly. 

Steve had slammed his hands on the dash, overwhelmed with everything you’d said, admitted to him, with glassy eyes and he fucking hated how he’d made your bottom lip tremble, your breath hitch and stutter as you tried not to cry. 

He’d panicked. 

And you’d left. 

He’d driven home slowly, trying to catch sight of you on the sidewalks that led home, rolling down the streets that looked unfamiliar to see if you were there, trying to find shortcuts. When the rain had started, he’d cursed, no sight of you anywhere and by the time he’d pulled up outside your house, he was relieved to see your bedroom light on, a sign you’d made it home safely. 

He wanted to knock on the door, to climb into your bedroom window and try to make you smile again, to stop you crying because he couldn’t fucking stand it when you cried, especially because of him. 

But the window was shut, a rare sight and he knew it was a hint, a very obvious clue for him to stay the fuck away. He watched your light flicker off, the house bathed in darkness and he’d sat, pushing the heels of his hands to his eyes and cursing himself. 

He should’ve told you, he shouldn’t have been so fucking scared. 

You didn’t show up at work and when he asked Robin if she’d heard from you, the girl had told him that you were sick, had called in early and spoke to Keith. 

“She’s put in a line for the entire week, actually, said it’s a bad bug,” Robin had told him knowingly. “Whatever you’ve done, Harrington, I suggest you fix it.”

Steve didn’t ask how Robin knew, didn’t press her for any more details, ‘cause he knew her too well, knew she wouldn’t tell him shit so he just slammed a video he was supposed to be rewinding on the desk, and sighed, heavy and tired. 

“I know.”

You didn’t answer his calls. With your parents visiting family out of town, there was no one in the house but you and you made a point of refusing to pick up the phone at all. 

Robin would visit, not bothering to knock as she slipped into your house, huffing and humming to herself as she climbed your stairs, barging into your room unannounced. 

She set a careful gaze on you, a lump underneath the duvet, as she dumped your favourite snacks at the foot of your bed. 

“You’re not sick, are you?” You hated how it didn’t even sound like a question, just an accusation. “You wanna tell me what happened?”

And you did, you told her everything from the joint, to your kiss, the entire night. You told her about Nate, about your confession, about the way Steve looked at you when you told him that you thought he loved you too. 

Robin listened, curled up by your pillows beside you, your head on her shoulder and her cheek resting on yours, a bag of Reece’s Pieces between you both. 

“I know that this probably isn’t what you wanna hear right now,” the girl began, patting your hand with her own, “you know, with you being all heart broken and what not.”

You huffed. 

“But I don’t believe for a second that Steve doesn’t love you, that he isn’t in love with you.”

“Robin, please,” you groaned, shoving your face into her arm, because she was right, you didn’t wanna hear it. You’d spent too long trying to convince yourself that she was right, Steve was in love with you, only to blurt out your feelings for him and have him look at you, sheer panic on his face, in return. 

She sighed, knowing it was useless trying to make you see her side of things, so she pushed her nose to your temple, blew a raspberry to the side of your head and stole another Reece’s Piece. 

“Have you spoken to him?” She asked, voice unusually quiet. 

You shook your head. 

“Have you let him try?” The girl said knowingly. 

You shook your head again. 

Another huff, a somewhat affectionate butt of her head to yours and then she turned, shuffling against the pillows until you were face to face. 

“He’s really broken up about this,” she told you and her words made you wanna cry again. “You need to let him explain.”

You sniffed, eyes watering and despite the ache that still lived in your chest, you nodded. 

“‘Cause I don’t think you said things right, y’know?” Robin squinted at you, trying to make sense of what you’d told her Steve had said that night. “He’s a guy, shit, he’s Steve. Communication isn’t his strong point.”

“I don’t know what’s more clearer than ‘you’re my best friend, I can’t lose you’. Idiot or not, he made it pretty obvious that we’re never gonna be anything more.”

The movie that you had both hardly been watching was over, the screen fading to black and the credits rolling. A love song started to play, soppy and too cheery and you grunted, searching for the remote between the sheets before angrily pressing the off button. Silence fell over you and Robin snorted, flinging herself over your lap and looking up at you with a small smile. 

She pressed a finger to the tip of your nose and you scowled. 

“Ever think that maybe he’s just scared?”

Your frown deepened and you stared down at your friend, lips parted at the absurdity of her question. 

“What?” You scoffed. “I’ve watched him take down a demogorgon with a baseball bat, Robin, the boy isn’t scared of much anymore-”

“He also got his heart broken by the first girl he told he loved,” Robin interrupted. “He dates girls that he isn’t really interested in, that are the complete opposite of you. His folks are never around, he’s made his own family out of his friends.”

You swallowed, throat suddenly feeling thick, your chest tight. 

“You're probably the most constant thing in his life, y’know,” she mused, voice unbearably soft. The girl brought a hand up to tuck a stand of your hair behind your ear, the gesture fond. “He’s always had you, maybe he’s just scared to fuck things up and lose you.”

You couldn’t say anything. You didn't want to. ‘Cause that stupid burn was scratching at your eyes again, at the back of your throat and you were so done with crying, you were so over pushing your face into your pillow to dry your face.

Robin sat up suddenly, stretching and bending down to pull on her shoes. She popped another piece of chocolate in her mouth before smacking a kiss to your cheek and you were still silent, bundled up between pillows and blankets in bed. 

“Talk to him, babe,” she told you, heading for the door without any other goodbye, “ I’m sure he’s got a lot to say.”

Fuck. 

You picked and put down your phone six times before you decided to pull on your shoes and start walking. It didn’t take long to walk from yours to the Harrington’s, but you moved at a snail's pace, playing tightrope along the edge of the sidewalk before you stopped at the corner of Steve’s street, heart suddenly ready to burst from your chest. The sun started to set as you waited, hesitating. The sky turned from blue to lilac, tangerine and peach and the air became still. 

You walked up his front path, hand raised, ready to knock. 

It was a sparkler between your ribs kinda feeling, jump off a cliff kind of feeling, take a shot of tequila kind of feeling, risk fucking everything kind of feeling. 

You’d walked away from the boy, his words stuck in his throat, your name dying on his lips and now you were ready to make it up to him. ‘Cause Steve was right, whatever either of you felt, you couldn’t lose him either. 

The idea of rejection hurt, but not having Steve Harrington in your life hurt even more. 

So you knocked. 

Once, twice, three times, but no one answered. His car was in the drive, no parents to be seen and you took a deep breath before you plucked up the courage to open the door like you normally could. 

Your footsteps echoed in the large hallway and the only sound you could hear came from the backyard, the tinny sound of music playing from outside. You found him there, spread out lazy by the edge of the pool, shirt off, one leg dipped into the water and his hair messy from swimming and the leftover heat from the day. 

 Shadows from the tree branches above fell over him, cutting through the gold light, streaks of pink and rose painting his skin pretty and you stood for just a second, watching through the open patio doors. 

You tugged anxiously at the tagged hem of your shorts, the T-shirt you’d tucked into it suddenly feeling too constricting and you wanted to pull at the collar, you wanted to take off running again, because the sight of him hurt. 

Before you could step out into the last patch of sun, Steve sat up, muscles flexing, pool water swirling and he froze, lips parted and staring at you. 

It had only been four days since you’d last seen him, but it felt like far too much time had passed. You hadn’t gone that long without him in years, not since your parents told you that they were taking you to Utah to spend a summer with your grandparents. They’d cut the trip short by two weeks, aggravated and done with their fifteen year old daughter who didn’t shut up about how much she kissed her best friend. 

Yearly trips to the lake house with the Harrington’s resumed the summer after that. 

The boy whispered your name as if he’d scare you off and he sounded tired, sounded a little broken, just like Robin had said. 

You lifted your hand in an awkward wave, stepping out into the yard and into the streak of sun that stretched across the patio. It warmed you, skin lit up, a golden glow slanting over both of you and even from where you stood, Steve’s eyes looked like honey. 

“Hey.”

He stood, a hand raking through his still damp hair, making it even messier than usual and he mimicked you, hand raised, wingers waggling shyly, as if you hadn’t known each other for seventeen years. 

“I was just coming to see you,” Steve admitted and he sounded as nervous as you felt. “I tried calling you. A lot.”

You nodded, feeling guilty and it burned at your chest. “I know, I’m sorry.”

Steve nodded, bare foot scuffling against the slabs and you wanted to crawl back into your bed, already feeling defeated. It wasn’t supposed to feel like this with Steve. 

“I was gonna come round, you know,” Steve started again, gesturing to you, he looked lost, a little helpless. “Before now I mean… I just- I didn’t wanna upset you and you didn’t answer the phone so I just,” he shrugged, looking at the pool instead of you. “I didn’t wanna upset you any more.”

Almost silence; the trickle of the pool filter, the buzz of insects, the sway of the wind in the tree branches. 

And then, “I’ve missed you,” Steve said, voice softer than before. “A lot.”

You let out the breath you didn’t know you’d been holding then, feet moving forward and you let yourself fall into one of the loungers, a space beside the pool that was so overly familiar. 

You looked at the boy then, and god, he was the last cherry popsicle, he was sunshine, he was summer, he was full of promises and all your secrets, he was late nights and early mornings, first crushes and last kisses. 

“I’ve missed you too,” you told him, voice hurting with sincerity. 

It seemed to be all the boy needed to surge into action, because he relaxed at your admission, moving to the other lounger so he could sit across from you, bare knees almost bumping and he was leaning forward, invading your senses and he smelled like chlorine and sunscreen, mint and cedar and boy and summer and Steve. 

“Why’d you leave?”

“I’m sorry,” you told him, eyes suddenly filling with tears because you were so embarrassed by it all. From your outburst to your storming away, leaving the boy sitting confused after he’d come to get you. “I just- I couldn’t sit there and handle the rejection, I never should have said anything, it was so stupid of me-”

You were stopped by his hand reaching out and covering your own, that familiar warmth of his fingers twisting between yours, a wide, rough palm, calloused on your own. 

You looked at him, cheeks warm with your ramblings and he sighed, affection radiating from him as he gazed at you. He didn’t look confused this time, or panicked. Maybe a little bit scared but there was something else there and it shone a little brighter. 

“Sweetheart, I never once tried to reject you,” Steve huffed out a soft laugh, “shit, I don’t think I could if my life depended on it.”  

“What?” You froze, brows knitting together as you replayed the same conversation you both had in the car and you shook your head, confused. “You literally told me I was your best friend, Steve, that you couldn’t lose me.”

“And that’s true!” He burst out, “you just never let me finish!”

He sighed, using his free hand to scrub over his face and he took a deep breath before he faced you again. 

“I panicked.” He said it so simply, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I’m so sorry babe but I fuckin’ panicked. You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to hear those words from you, you can’t even fucking imagine how long. I just didn’t wanna mess it up, I couldn’t. I couldn’t risk not having you.” 

A sound of surprise left your lips at his words and you wanted to laugh at the irony of them, ‘cause yes, yes could imagine. But you kept quiet, letting the boy speak, making up for how you didn’t last time. You squeezed his hand instead, hoping it was reassuring enough. 

You watched him lick his lips as he thought about his next words and your brows rose when he suddenly moved, kneeling in front of you and tapping at your knee, silently asking for you to spread your legs and let him in. You did, almost embarrassed by the lack of hesitation on your par but Steve moved into the space tour created for him, suddenly too close. 

You exhaled a little slower, could count the new freckles on his nose, could see the small scar that cut through his brow, the one you gave him when you were seven and pillow fights got too boisterous. 

He smoothed his hands up and down your thighs, a touch that brought comfort and he took another deep breath, readying himself for what he wanted to tell you. 

“I’ve been in love with you since we were sixteen,” he said slowly, each word dropping like an atom bomb and you wondered if the earth was shaking. “Maybe longer, I was probably too stupid to work it out before then.”

You let out a disbelieving laugh and Steve grinned at the sound. 

“It took me a little while,” he admitted, gaze lowering as if he were suddenly shy, “I didn’t know the difference between loving you and being in love with you. You’ve been in my life for as long as I can remember.”

His fingers found the frayed hem of your shorts, twisting the strands between his fingers absentmindedly. 

“I remember Nancy telling me that, uh,” he cleared his throat, words catching on his lips with nerves and hesitation, “she uh, told me that I didn’t love her like I thought I did. That I was in love with someone else.”

You inhaled sharply, remembering the girl telling you something similar that day on the bench. You’d been confused and a little irritated at her, defensive maybe, now that you looked back on it. You remembered the way she twisted her lips to hide a grin that she didn’t want to annoy you with, eyes all too knowing. 

“I kinda realised then,” Steve nodded, eyes finding yours from under his lashes and god, you wondered when his face had moved so close to yours. “She was totally right, I just didn’t really wanna admit it.”

“Why not?” You asked, voice a little sad, ‘cause that had been years ago, and you felt overlooked, like so many missed opportunities had passed you both by and god, were the two of you really that stupid?

“I was stupid!” Steve burst out and you laughed, a little sad with watery eyes but shit, you were too. “So I kept dating random girls, anyone, really. Tried to take my mind off you, tried to forget about you in my bed.”

God, the memory made you burn. 

“I didn’t know what to do,” he whispered, still leaning into you, eyes closed like he was at confession. “Asking you out on a date seemed so ridiculous when I already know you better than anyone else.”

Your nose grazed Steve’s, and you let out a small sigh because as much as you were hurt by it all, you understood. You and Steve had seen every movie there was to see, had taken trips out of town to every concert, spent too many evenings at burger joints and ice cream parlours. You probably wouldn’t have guessed you were on a date with the boy unless he was in a tux and there was a chandelier above you. 

And that seemed like a big ask. 

“I would’ve loved to go on a date with you,” you said anyway, cause the idea of Steve pulling up outside your door with flowers in his hand gave you butterflies, tugging at your heart in a way that made you warm. 

“Yeah?” He smiled, blinding and it only widened when you nodded. 

He moved impossibly closer still, cheek to cheek so he could find your ear with his lips, hands moving to your thighs, thumbs rubbing circles on the inside. 

“I spent so long tryin’ to work up the courage to ask you to be my girlfriend,” his admission sounded like his biggest secret yet and you held your breath as he whispered it to you. “So long that years passed and we got older and suddenly the word ‘girlfriend’ didn’t seem enough.”

It was strange, but you knew what Steve meant. The word seemed too arbitrary, too normal, to describe the relationship you had with each other, how you felt about the other. 

“I know,” you told him, voice just as soft and quiet as his. “I’d still like to be yours though.”

His grin was contagious, warmer than the sun that was starting to set, brighter than the rays on the pool and you swore the world was spinning a little faster in excitement, as if the planets and the moon were just as happy as you were. 

“Yeah?” He asked, low and rough, nose pressing to your cheek, lips just brushing yours. 

You nodded, eyes fluttering closed, waiting, wanting.  

“Can we always be this close?” Steve asked, and you melted a little at the question, at that soft sincerity he always managed to give you. 

“Yeah, god, please,” you answered and your voice sounded a little husky, a little pleading because you couldn’t imagine anything else. “Can you kiss me, now?”

The boy swore under his breath, the curse mixing with a huff of laughter and he smiled against you, mouth pressing happy to your cheek and you beamed at him, lashes tickling his skin, both of you warm against the other. 

“Could never really figure out how to say no to you, y’know that?” He whispered, as if he was giving away a secret. Steve let his lips hover over yours, his hands wrapping around the small of your back, fingers playing with your belt loops, pulling you flush with him. Your hands smoothed over his bare chest and around his neck, skin hot with the sun, with being near you. 

“Can I take you on a date?” 

Something bloomed inside of you, wildflowers between your ribs, a new day of summer, a heatwave in your chest. 

“If I say yes, will you kiss me?” you asked, a little bratty, a little teasing. You’d waited so long for both, you didn’t know what you wanted first.

But then Steve was pushing into you, lips pressing down onto your own, his hand along the underside of your jaw as he used his thumb to push a little under your chin, tilting you up to his mouth so he could lick into you, adoration pouring into you. You felt the way he loved you, like the way everyone else saw it. It still felt new, his lips on yours, new in an exciting way, new in a ‘god, I could get used to this’ way.

“Lemme take you on a date,” he said again, a smile on his lips, pressing it to yours and his voice was sunshine but rougher, even warmer and it made you smile that cheek hurting kinda smile.

You nodded. 

“You still my best friend, Harrington?” 

Steve pulled back to look at you, eyes shining. “That and more, sweetheart.” And when he said that, it felt enough. ‘More’.

“You still gonna protect me from everything bad and scary?” You nudged the tip of your nose to his, voice sweet. 

“With everything I have in me,” he answered honestly, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth, catching your laughter. “Baseball bat and all.”

“Promise you won’t break my heart?” You asked, forehead to his, eyes full of every emotion you felt. Love, excitement, fear, hope, nervousness, adoration. 

“Promise you won’t break mine?” Steve whispered back, a hand on your cheek, thumb grazing over your lip. 

“I promise,” you told him, hands gripping right at his shoulders, running across the nape of his neck, diving into his hair. 

“I promise,” he repeated, and shit, you believed him. 

-----

Ko-Fi ♡

#steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington fanfiction

[endless-summer-soldier]

dr. feelgood - chapter ten

pairing: Surgeon!Bucky x SurgicalIntern!Reader

summary: Y/N has a one night stand with a handsome stranger the night before starting her new job as a surgical intern. Little does she know, the handsome stranger also happens to be her new boss

warnings: must be 18+, drinking, some surgery descriptions, smut, self-pleasure, praise kink, oral sex, unprotected sex, rough sex, PTSD, choking, angst

word count: 2.3k

series playlist

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taglist: @tellmealovestory @mrs-bucky-barnes106 @charmedbysarge @theroyalmanatee @ozwriterchick @aya-fay @differenttyphoonwerewolf @elizabeth916 @buckyb-stan @normalgirlnextdoor @hnnhbananananana @sebastians-love @buckybarnessimpp @sebsgirl71479 @notmeddy @drewsuncrustables @lokidokieokie @hextech-bros @nats-whore @m4nulup1n @arcanebabe @tanyaspartak @jackiehollanderr @princezzjasmine @pono-pura-vida @mavrellover91 @helluvapimp @almosttoopizza @esposadomd @zannemes​​

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The sunlight was peeking in through the blinds and brought me out of my slumber. I was wrapped up in the sheets, sans clothing, and knew that Bucky must be up already. He was naturally an early riser and I barely slept a wink, which is why I was still in bed later than usual. After a quick stretch, I slid out from under the covers and shivered as the cool air activated goosebumps all over me. I scoured the floor for some clothes but only managed to find my underwear. I padded into his walk-in closet and helped myself to a grey crew neck sweatshirt that read “Columbia University” (of course he went to an ivy league school). The sweatshirt was perfectly oversized, the hem landing just above my knee, and was soft and cozy. I never wanted to take it off. I walked into the en suite to use the restroom and freshen up before searching for Bucky.

When I emerged from the bathroom, I was immediately hit with the smell of coffee. As I turned to walk downstairs, I found Bucky leaning against the doorframe with a steaming mug in his hand.

“I thought I heard you,” he smiled, taking in my appearance. He was dressed in a pair of sweatpants without a shirt on, and I took a moment to appreciate his muscular form. “I love that you’re wearing my shirt.”

“Well I couldn’t seem to find any of my clothes,” I replied.

“I threw in a load of laundry this morning. Figured you might want some clean clothes.”

“You trying to keep me here longer?” I joked.

He shrugged, “Maybe.”

I walked over towards him, “Joke’s on you, I wasn’t planning on leaving.” I planted a quick kiss on his lips as I extracted the coffee from his hands. I took a slow sip and let out a sigh, “You know just how I like it.”

He gave me a playful smile and said, “That I do.” He placed his hands on my hips and leaned down towards me, connecting his lips with mine. He gently guided me backwards, step by step, until the back of my legs hit the mattress. I pulled away for a moment to place my coffee on the bedside table and peered back up at him, with a smile on my face. 

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him back down towards me, craving his taste. He kept me vertical as he ran his fingers through my hair, guiding it off my face and behind my right ear. He took my lower lip in between his teeth and gave me a careful nip before redirecting his attention to my neck. His breath brushed my ear, and right as I expected his tongue to meet my neck, he stopped.

“Baby, was I too rough with you last night?” he asked, looking at me briefly before running a careful hand down my neck. I hadn’t checked for bruises in the mirror, but I was sure they were there. My hair must’ve hid the marks inadvertently. 

“Oh, I don’t think that’s from sex,” I replied.

“What do you mean?” he asked, a confused expression on his face as his gaze shifted up to mine.

He didn’t remember. He must’ve thought it was just a nightmare. And I had no idea how I was going to tell him. I stood there, looking at him with empathetic eyes as I processed what my next step here was. How could I tell him that he attacked me in the middle of the night without making it seem like a big deal? 

I saw his expression begin to shift slightly. He was connecting the dots in his mind. He released me and took a step back.

“No…” he breathed, a look of shock and horror gracing his handsome features.

“Bucky, it’s not a big deal. We can-”

“Not a big deal!? Y/N, I could’ve killed you!”

“But you didn’t,” I took a step towards him and reached for his hand, trying to calm him down. As soon as I touched him, he pulled away and took another step back.

He looked at me with wide eyes, “You need to leave.”

“Buck, can we please talk about this?”

“Leave, now!” He shouted. I stood there, frozen in place. He broke eye contact to turn and walk into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. I didn’t want to leave him like this, in such a vulnerable state, so I followed him. I tried the handle but the door was locked.

“Bucky, let me in. Please,” I felt like I was pleading with him physically and emotionally. I wanted for him to open up, so that we could tackle this together. I wanted to be there to support him in whatever way he needed. 

“Go Y/N. I mean it.”

I placed my hand flat on the door, “Please.”

There was a beat of silence which gave me hope that he was considering opening the door. 

“Leave, I don’t want you here.”

I wasn’t expecting those words. And they hurt. 

So I gave in to his request. I went into his closet and quickly put on a pair of his sweatpants. Then I went downstairs, collected my purse and phone, and walked out the front door. I sat on his front step as I called myself an Uber home, taking deep breaths and holding all my tears until I was back in my bed.

When I got back home, I made it three steps to the couch before the tears started flowing. It was part rejection, part worry for Bucky, and part uncertainty for how we would move forward. Just when I thought we were finally starting something together, we came to a screeching stop. It was hard not to take it out on him. My instinct was to write him off as an asshole and build my wall back up. But I knew this wasn’t him. He spent weeks courting me, respecting my boundaries yet letting me know he was still interested. 

And now that he had me, he was pushing me away. I couldn’t let him go that easily, I had to fight for him too.

Once my tears dried, I thought through what my next move would be. I wanted to give him the rest of the day to process whatever emotions he was feeling. I’d see him at work and talk to him then.

“Y/L/N, you are on…ortho,” Palmer announced. I sighed but tried to hide my disappointment as I went to find Rogers. I needed to log some ortho hours, so it wasn’t the worst thing in the world, but I was hoping I’d be on trauma. 

Bucky had been avoiding me ever since I spent the night. He called out for his next few shifts and when he finally did come in, he spent the whole day in the pit while I was scrubbed into a 14 hour neurosurgery. I missed him more than I cared to admit. It wasn’t just being around him, but learning from him. I wanted to be back on trauma, studying his every move. I held onto the little hope I had that maybe a big trauma would come in that required an ortho consult.

I found Rogers studying a chart at the nurses station and slid in next to him.

“Can I help you?” he asked, without looking up.

“I’m on your service today.”

He looked up from the paperwork and appeared less than excited to see me but replied with, “Great, we have a hip replacement in an hour. Prep the patient and bring her down to OR2. Then you can scrub in.”

“Thanks,” I gave him a grateful smile. At least I could distract myself with surgery.

As we performed the surgery, Dr. Rogers was curt with me, speaking to me when he needed to, but nothing more than that. He must’ve known something happened between Bucky and I because he barely made eye contact with me. He was always protective of Bucky, but he had put in a lot more effort to converse with me a few weeks ago.

In the middle of the procedure, I felt Steve eye me from across the table. 

“What did you do?” he asked.

I furrowed my brow, “I just suctioned the-”

“No, not that. Did you sleep with someone else?”

“What?” I pulled my hands out of the patient and looked at Steve, “Are you seriously asking me about my personal life right now?”

“Only because it affects my best friend.”

I let out a deep sigh, “Have you talked to Bucky?”

“No, but I know how he is. He falls head over heels, lays the foundation, puts in the work, and then they always end up screwing him over and he shuts down. Won’t talk to anyone, doesn’t take care of himself, then eventually he throws himself into his work.”

“I didn’t-”

“It’s a shame because I really thought you were different. He never spoke about other girls the way he spoke about you. So I hope it was worth it.”

I wanted so badly to tell him what happened. If anyone would understand, it’d be Steve. He served time in Afghanistan too. But it wasn’t my secret to tell. If Bucky hadn’t told Steve, there was a reason.

“Look, something happened and it’s not really my story to tell, but I have been trying to track down Bucky and he’s avoiding me. I hate knowing that he’s suffering right now and I don’t know how to help him when he won’t even look at me. So why don’t you talk to your friend and get the full story before you throw some more accusations my way.”

I held Steve’s eye contact, not willing to back down. I so badly wanted to leave the OR, to end on that final note, but I put my career before my pride. Rogers placed his tools on the tray and calmly said, “You can close up.”

He stepped away from the patient and pulled his mask off. I couldn’t quite read his expression, so I just tried to focus on finishing the hip replacement. 

Steve stormed out of the OR and searched for his best friend. He checked the OR board and didn’t see Bucky’s name. He hadn’t heard of anything serious coming into the ER so he tried the on call room. Bucky was curled up, squeezing the life out of a pillow, with a blanket thrown haphazardly over him. Steve took a pillow from one of the empty beds and threw a heater at his friend.

“What the hell…?” Bucky groaned, propping himself up on his elbows.

“I could ask you the same thing,” Steve chided.

“What are you talking about?”

“What happened with you and Y/L/N?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Well I do. I can’t sit around and watch you be miserable again.”

“I’m fine,” Bucky defended.

“Do you honestly expect me to believe that?” Steve asked, taking a seat on the bunk across from Bucky. “Now tell me what happened.”

Bucky sighed, knowing he wouldn’t be able to get out of this.

“Things were perfect. She came over and she finally seemed like she was ready to start something serious and I…screwed it up.”

“I’ve seen the way that girl looks at you. I highly doubt things are beyond repair.”

He shook his head, “I can’t…”

“What happened,” Steve demanded.

Bucky turned to his friend and Steve noticed the vulnerability in his eyes. He looked broken. “I choked her,” he managed.

Based on his reaction, it couldn’t have been a sex act gone wrong. Steve connected the dots in his head, “You had a night terror…”

Bucky nodded his head and put his head in his hands. “She woke up with all these bruises on her neck and I didn’t remember any of it.”

“She’s not mad at you. Just go talk to her.”

He shook his head, “I can’t risk hurting her again. I could’ve killed her.”

“So instead you’re going to torture yourself and be miserable the rest of your life?”

“As long as she’s safe.”

“Bucky, you have to start looking out for yourself. You deserve to be happy too. Just talk to her.”

“I don’t know how to,” Bucky replied.

“At least think about it. She’s special. I just accused her of cheating on you and she took it like a champ.”

“You what!?” 

Steve shrugged, “I may have jumped to conclusions. But in my defense, you didn’t tell me anything.” Bucky scoffed at his friend. “I’m serious though, go talk to her. Don’t let her get away, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

Bucky knew he was right, but he wasn’t ready to face her. Steve let him be and Bucky laid back and groaned into a pillow. He needed to sleep but everytime he shut his eyes, he pictured himself on top of her, pinning her down as she squirmed from lack of oxygen. He was broken and he wasn’t sure he’d be able to piece himself back together.

After another week of Bucky’s moping, Steve realized that he wasn’t planning on reconciling with Y/N. He saw her study Bucky, a look of concern in her eye as she watched him for a little too long. And Bucky forcibly kept his head down, knowing if he made eye contact with her he’d melt under her gaze. It killed him to see Bucky revert to a shell of himself. He was pale and had constant bags under his eyes. He looked thin and there was no spark behind his eyes. Everyone noticed it. He stopped joking with people and smiling, he barely made conversation other than what was required for work. He was snapping at the interns. It was hard to watch. Steve was under the impression that if Bucky just talked with Y/N, they’d be able to figure things out. But Bucky was never one to help himself. Steve knew he’d have to nudge his friend forward, he just wasn’t sure how.

#bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes slow burn #bucky barnes doctor au #bucky x reader

[endless-summer-soldier]

hi there! just wanted to give a few writing updates since I've been slow to post as of late lol. I'm finishing up the end of my dr. feelgood series but I'm being a perfectionist which is why I'm taking my time with it. I'm also working on part two of something like that which has gotten completely out of hand but I'm hoping my steve harrington stans will enjoy it.

I also have some new fic ideas for bucky that I'm hashing out. with the cold weather coming in I will likely spend a lot of my free time writing and drinking wine so I hope to make some progress and start posting more soon!

#writing update #bucky barnes fanfic #steve harrington fanfic

[endless-summer-soldier]

Hey!

I found your Ice Ice Baby fic and I love them so much!! ❤️

Just out of curiosity, do we have the final chapter? I could find it 😭😭😢 Would love to read em! Xx

hello love! thank you for reading!

yes, final chapter is posted here !

#bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes hockey au #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky x reader

[endless-summer-soldier]

🩵🩵🩵 thank you so much for sharing! readers like you are why I love writing so much. your feedback genuinely means so much to me

ice ice baby masterlist

pairing: CollegeHockeyPlayer!Bucky x CollegeFigureSkater!Reader

summary: Bucky is a college hockey player, Y/N is a figure skater without a partner. What's happens when these two opposites start sharing the ice...

warnings: enemies to lovers trope, some alcohol use

a/n: new series coming at you! I've been working on and perfecting this one for a while so I'm excited to finally post a little teaser for you all.

series playlist

chapter one

chapter two

chapter three

chapter four

chapter five

chapter six

chapter seven

chapter eight

chapter nine

chapter ten - coming soon

#bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes masterlist #bucky masterlist #bucky x reader #bucky fic

[endless-summer-soldier]

@charmedbysarge highs and lows, had to give a little bit more tension before we wrap this series up :)

dr. feelgood - chapter nine

pairing: Surgeon!Bucky x SurgicalIntern!Reader

summary: Y/N has a one night stand with a handsome stranger the night before starting her new job as a surgical intern. Little does she know, the handsome stranger also happens to be her new boss

warnings: must be 18+, drinking, some surgery descriptions, smut, self-pleasure, praise kink, oral sex, unprotected sex, rough sex, PTSD, choking

word count: 2.8k

series playlist

taglist sign up (for the people I'm currently tagging - please fill this out if you want me to continue tagging you!)

taglist: @tellmealovestory @mrs-bucky-barnes106 @charmedbysarge @theroyalmanatee @ozwriterchick @aya-fay @differenttyphoonwerewolf @sebsgirl71479 @notmeddy @drewsuncrustables @lokidokieokie @hextech-bros @nats-whore @m4nulup1n @arcanebabe @tanyaspartak @jackiehollanderr @princezzjasmine @pono-pura-vida @mavrellover91 @helluvapimp @almosttoopizza @esposadomd @zannemes​​

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After checking on my patients and changing out of my scrubs, I walked into the parking lot to find Bucky leaning against the side of a shiny black jeep.

“There she is!” he announced, straightening his posture to greet me. “I was starting to wonder if you were standing me up.”

“I would never,” I feigned offense.

“I have a hard time believing that.”

I considered my dating history, “Sure, I’ve ghosted guys before. But I’ve never actually stood someone up. That’s just cruel.”

“Fair enough, but don’t even think about ghosting me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” I winked at him. He opened the passenger side door for me, like a true gentleman, and I climbed into the car. 

The drive to his place was short and we made easy small talk on the way. I was expecting to feel nervous in the lead up to our arrival at his place, but I wasn’t. He pulled into the driveway of a brick row home, with navy shutters and white accents along the windows. I let myself out of the car before he could open the door for me and he led me up the couple stairs to the front door. There was a welcome mat on the front porch that read The Neighbors Have Better Stuff and couldn’t help but laugh.

“Is this your version of home security?” I asked, pointing to the mat with my toe.

He chuckled, “My sister got that for me when I bought the house. And I have to say no burglaries yet so it must be working.”

When he opened the front door, I was surprised to find that his house felt very homely. I was expecting a bachelor pad, with hard edges and several shades of grey. Instead, I was met with neutral colors, tasteful art, and warm lighting. Bucky placed his keys on a hook by the front door and told me to make myself at home. I shrugged my jacket off and before I could find a spot for it, Bucky took it from my hands and put it on a hanger in the hall closet. I slid off my ankle boots and found a seat on the very comfortable sectional, as Bucky flipped a switch that started a flame in the fireplace. 

“Here’s the remote, you can find something to put on the TV while I grab us a few drinks.”

I clicked on the TV and was met with a wide selection of programs. “You have all the streaming services…” I spoke in disbelief.

“And cable,” he added.

“Sheesh, living the dream over here.”

“You know what’s embarrassing about that? I almost never watch TV,” he admitted.

I gaped at him, thinking about the intricate network of log-ins I’d collected and bartered for over the years.

He sat next to me on the couch with a decanter of red wine and two crystal glasses.

“Let me guess, this is a vintage sangiovese from a little village in the south of Italy?”

He poured a sample into a glass and handed it for me to try before adding, “Don’t give me too much credit, it’s a midrange bottle. A Spanish tempranillo.”

“Mmm,” I replied, before imitating a sommelier, swirling the wine around before taking a big whiff. I took a sip and contemplated before making my assessment, “I’m getting strong notes of grape.”

Bucky let out a chuckle before topping off my glass and filling his own. He leaned deeper into the couch and I did the same, keeping about a foot of distance between us.

“You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re trying to impress me, Barnes,” I declared.

He shrugged, “Is it working?”

“Maybe a little.”

He pulled his phone out and tapped a few buttons, before smooth jazz started playing over the speaker system in the house.

“How about now?” 

“Why have we been spending all this time at my place when you live in this literal smart home?” 

“I had to make sure you weren’t after me for my money,” he joked.

“Oh, is that not clear? I’m definitely only interested in you as a sugar daddy.” He gave me a look and I was pleased to have grated on his nerves just a bit. “But seriously, your house is incredible.”

“You haven’t even seen the whole thing.”

“Are you going to give me the tour?” I smiled.

He nodded, “I can give you a tour.” He stood up and held his hand out for me. We started on our current floor, where he showed me his incredibly clean kitchen and back deck, overlooking the water. Then he took me into the basement, where he had a room that could only be described as a mancave, with a big screen TV, comfortable seating, and a small stocked bar. There was also a small room in the back that had a home gym, full of free weights, a treadmill, and a Peloton. 

Next we headed toward the second floor, which contained the laundry room, home office, and the master bedroom. We paused when we reached the master bedroom, as I entered the room and decided to look around.

“Does this meet your standards?” he joked. I smiled at him as I walked around the bed and peeked into the bathroom. It was immaculate. Perfectly clean and tidy, well decorated, and aesthetically pleasing. I was impressed.

“Are you always this clean?” I asked, still in disbelief.

“Ever since the military. They ingrained cleanliness into me, despite my protests.”

“Remind me to thank them. Most guys I know live in their own filth.”

“Well I’m not most guys,” he said, stepping a foot closer to me. “You want to know the best part about this room?”

“Does music magically play in here too?” I asked.

“It does, but that’s not the best part.” I tilted my head, waiting for him to explain further. He didn’t speak more, but ushered me to come to him. I complied, standing about a foot in front of him, dying in anticipation. He placed both hands on my shoulders and gently guided me backwards, until the back of my legs hit the mattress. Then he pushed me down so my knees buckled and I was sitting on the bed. As I sunk into the soft mattress, I felt like I was sitting on a cloud. I instinctively leaned back so that my torso was on the bed and let out an unconscious sigh.

“This is amazing.”

I heard Bucky chuckle as he watched me, “After I got back from my deployment, all I wanted was a soft bed. I didn’t want any reminders of lumpy cots or sleeping in the desert.”

“I don’t think I can go back to my bed after feeling this one.”

“Well it’s a good thing you don’t have to,” Bucky flirted. He slowly crawled on top of me and my hands instinctively found their way around him. I gently scratched the hair at the back of his neck and studied his face, trying to read his expression. His pupils were wide and were focused on my eyes, flashing briefly to look at my lips. I could sense his heart beating out of his chest, matching my rhythm, and he let out a deep exhale that barely reached my mouth. We were in a stare off, taking each other in and waiting on edge to see who would make the first move. The edges of his mouth slowly turned upward into an amused grin and that was it for me. I pulled him towards me, desperate to feel the caress of his soft lips. His touch did not disappoint. As soon as we connected, I probed my tongue into his mouth, deepening the kiss. He placed his strong hand on my jaw and entwined his fingers into my hair.

We moved together slowly, savoring the moment instead of rushing to the finish line. Bucky had moved from my lips to my neck, planting wet kisses down to my collar bone, where he lingered, doing things that would surely leave a mark. I ran my hands up the back of his shirt, needing more skin to skin contact. I scratched small circles around his back before I whispered, “Can I take this off?”

He pulled away to catch his breath and grabbed the collar of his shirt from the back and easily pulled it over his head.

“Your turn,” he said smugly. I rose to his challenge, propping myself on my elbows to pull off my top. While I wish I’d been wearing some lacy lingerie, I was clad in a ribbed bralette in heather grey. 

“I’m sorry I’m not in lingerie, but I didn’t expect-”

He cut off my defense with a kiss, massaging my lips with his and sending his tongue in to explore my mouth.

“You are so fucking sexy,” he breathed in between kisses. “Don’t ever apologize for how you look.”

That statement turned me on even more, if that was possible. I pushed him off of me and directed him to lay next to me on the bed. I unzipped my jeans and shimmied out of them, then climbed on top of Bucky so I was straddling him.

“Please don’t make me wait any longer,” he begged. I wanted to tease him more but I wasn’t sure I could hold it together much longer either. I hovered over him, planting a few kisses on his lips before making my way down his body to his pelvis. I playfully nipped at his hip bones before unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them down his muscular legs. I could see his erection through his boxer briefs and wasted no time massaging his bulge.

His head dipped back into the mattress in pleasure, and I had barely even started. I pulled down the waistband of his boxers, freeing his erection from its confinement. I gripped him firmly, sliding up past the tip and back down in a fluid motion. Bucky let out a contented sigh, giving me the confidence I needed to continue. I leaned forward to take his shaft in my mouth, bobbing my head up and down as I massaged his member with my tongue. He reached down and tangled his hand in my hair, gently massaging my scalp.

“I’m not gonna last much longer,” he breathed. I continued blowing him, paying special attention to the tip and fondling his balls. I heard him grunt and tasted the slightly salty taste of his semen. I eased working his shaft with my mouth, opting to clasp him with my hand, as I swallowed down his load. He guided my head up off of his penis and pulled me up towards him, squeezing me into a tight bearhug.

“You are amazing,” he gushed, kissing my cheek and neck repeatedly. I wiggled out of his tight grasp to reposition myself so that I could see him better. I placed a hand on his jaw and pulled him toward me, kissing him with vigor yet again. He placed a hand on my hip, gently running his thumb over my pelvic bone. He pulled away sooner than I wanted, and I tried to pull him back to me. He recognized the look in my eyes, and gave me a soft smile as he brushed a few loose strands of hair behind my ears. 

“Don’t worry, love. I’ll make it up to you.” He gently laid me down on the mattress as he shifted his weight on top of me. He started with my lips, exploring my mouth with a slow, lingering kiss. Then he peppered kisses along my jaw, up to my ear. He tugged my earlobe with his teeth and then planted soft kisses behind my ear. He moved down my neck, applying pressure with his tongue. As he continued south, briefly teething on my clavicle before journeying down to my sternum. He slid his hands up my sides and under my bralette. He looked up at me and raised an eyebrow, as if asking for my permission to proceed. I gave him a quick nod and he peeled the bralette up, freeing my breasts. I pulled the bralette over my head and shivered slightly at the cold air caressing my nipples. Bucky picked up on my momentary discomfort and acted quickly, bringing his mouth to my left nipple as his hand massaged my right breast. I let out an unconscious moan and noticed a smirk on Bucky’s lips before he switched sides to the other breast. Things started to get fuzzy as I was entering a natural high.

Bucky moved down lower, teasing my abdomen, pelvis, and inner thighs along the way. He pulled my thong off slowly, teasing me, but then his tongue found my clitoris and I was sent into orbit. He managed to circulate the use of his fingers, lips, and tongue to all my sensitive areas. My fingers were digging into the bed sheets, looking for something to grasp as I teetered on the edge of my orgasm.

Bucky took me by surprise when he inserted a second finger and I let out a heavy breath. I shifted my gaze down toward Bucky and was met with his ocean blue eyes looking up at me. I could’ve sworn he was smiling too, even though his mouth was focused on pleasuring me. And that was all it took. I succumbed to my orgasm, shuddering and releasing all the tension in my body as Bucky lapped up my juices, savoring every drop. I felt light headed from the intense orgasm that came quickly. I’d never finished like that from oral stimulation alone. I blinked rapidly up at the ceiling, trying to refocus my eyes and sighed, “Oh Buck.”

I felt his weight shift up as he crawled up beside me, “How was that, my little sex goddess?”

I turned toward him and couldn’t hide the smile from my face. He knew exactly what he was doing to me. I nuzzled into him and said, “I don’t ever want to leave this bed.”

“Me neither.”

I was startled awake by my own gasping. My eyes bugged and I struggled to breathe as the pressure increased to my throat. Bucky was on top of me, his legs straddling my waist, but not in a fun way. He had me pinned down to the mattress and his forearm was pressed into my windpipe. His eyes were glazed over, almost like he was possessed.

I tried to call his name but it came out as more of a gasp. Then I made the mistake of trying to push him off me. I should’ve realized fighting back would just make him push harder, but I wasn’t thinking, I was reacting. 

His hands were now enclosed around my neck as he started to squeeze harder. My first instinct was to panic, but I knew that wouldn’t help break him from his trauma-induced haze. If I could just talk to him, maybe it would wake him up. Maybe my voice could break into the nightmare he was having, even just to serve as a distraction. I tried to speak again, but all that came out was a squeak.

I needed to pull him back to reality, so I tried something unexpected. If he thought I was a dangerous enemy, the last thing he would expect would be affection. I gently placed my hands on his jaw. His expression shifted slightly and his grip on my neck loosened a bit. I took the opening and carefully pulled his face closer to mine, rubbing little circles behind his earlobes with my finger tips. As his face drew nearer, his forehead and nose connected with mine and his hands released my neck. I barely brushed my lips against his mouth and felt all the tension in his body melt away. I took in a few deep breaths, relieved to have de-escalated the situation. Bucky rolled back to his side of the bed, but curled into me. I directed his head to my chest and ran my fingers through his hair, giving him a scalp massage. He fell back asleep with ease, his breaths and body weighing heavy on me.

Despite the soothing sounds of his breathing, I was wide awake. Adrenaline was still coursing through my veins from the attempted strangulation. The strangest thing was, I wasn’t upset with Bucky. That wasn’t the Bucky I knew, it was just a PTSD flare up. I should’ve been scared of him, of another attack. Yet, I couldn’t imagine leaving him. He talked a little about his time in the military but he never got into any of the specifics. PTSD never even crossed my mind, Bucky always seemed so put together. And now that I saw the darker side of him, all I wanted was to help him and protect him from his haunting thoughts.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky x reader #bucky barnes doctor au #bucky barnes slow burn

[endless-summer-soldier]

dr. feelgood - chapter nine

pairing: Surgeon!Bucky x SurgicalIntern!Reader

summary: Y/N has a one night stand with a handsome stranger the night before starting her new job as a surgical intern. Little does she know, the handsome stranger also happens to be her new boss

warnings: must be 18+, drinking, some surgery descriptions, smut, self-pleasure, praise kink, oral sex, unprotected sex, rough sex, PTSD, choking

word count: 2.8k

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After checking on my patients and changing out of my scrubs, I walked into the parking lot to find Bucky leaning against the side of a shiny black jeep.

“There she is!” he announced, straightening his posture to greet me. “I was starting to wonder if you were standing me up.”

“I would never,” I feigned offense.

“I have a hard time believing that.”

I considered my dating history, “Sure, I’ve ghosted guys before. But I’ve never actually stood someone up. That’s just cruel.”

“Fair enough, but don’t even think about ghosting me.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” I winked at him. He opened the passenger side door for me, like a true gentleman, and I climbed into the car. 

The drive to his place was short and we made easy small talk on the way. I was expecting to feel nervous in the lead up to our arrival at his place, but I wasn’t. He pulled into the driveway of a brick row home, with navy shutters and white accents along the windows. I let myself out of the car before he could open the door for me and he led me up the couple stairs to the front door. There was a welcome mat on the front porch that read The Neighbors Have Better Stuff and couldn’t help but laugh.

“Is this your version of home security?” I asked, pointing to the mat with my toe.

He chuckled, “My sister got that for me when I bought the house. And I have to say no burglaries yet so it must be working.”

When he opened the front door, I was surprised to find that his house felt very homely. I was expecting a bachelor pad, with hard edges and several shades of grey. Instead, I was met with neutral colors, tasteful art, and warm lighting. Bucky placed his keys on a hook by the front door and told me to make myself at home. I shrugged my jacket off and before I could find a spot for it, Bucky took it from my hands and put it on a hanger in the hall closet. I slid off my ankle boots and found a seat on the very comfortable sectional, as Bucky flipped a switch that started a flame in the fireplace. 

“Here’s the remote, you can find something to put on the TV while I grab us a few drinks.”

I clicked on the TV and was met with a wide selection of programs. “You have all the streaming services…” I spoke in disbelief.

“And cable,” he added.

“Sheesh, living the dream over here.”

“You know what’s embarrassing about that? I almost never watch TV,” he admitted.

I gaped at him, thinking about the intricate network of log-ins I’d collected and bartered for over the years.

He sat next to me on the couch with a decanter of red wine and two crystal glasses.

“Let me guess, this is a vintage sangiovese from a little village in the south of Italy?”

He poured a sample into a glass and handed it for me to try before adding, “Don’t give me too much credit, it’s a midrange bottle. A Spanish tempranillo.”

“Mmm,” I replied, before imitating a sommelier, swirling the wine around before taking a big whiff. I took a sip and contemplated before making my assessment, “I’m getting strong notes of grape.”

Bucky let out a chuckle before topping off my glass and filling his own. He leaned deeper into the couch and I did the same, keeping about a foot of distance between us.

“You know, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re trying to impress me, Barnes,” I declared.

He shrugged, “Is it working?”

“Maybe a little.”

He pulled his phone out and tapped a few buttons, before smooth jazz started playing over the speaker system in the house.

“How about now?” 

“Why have we been spending all this time at my place when you live in this literal smart home?” 

“I had to make sure you weren’t after me for my money,” he joked.

“Oh, is that not clear? I’m definitely only interested in you as a sugar daddy.” He gave me a look and I was pleased to have grated on his nerves just a bit. “But seriously, your house is incredible.”

“You haven’t even seen the whole thing.”

“Are you going to give me the tour?” I smiled.

He nodded, “I can give you a tour.” He stood up and held his hand out for me. We started on our current floor, where he showed me his incredibly clean kitchen and back deck, overlooking the water. Then he took me into the basement, where he had a room that could only be described as a mancave, with a big screen TV, comfortable seating, and a small stocked bar. There was also a small room in the back that had a home gym, full of free weights, a treadmill, and a Peloton. 

Next we headed toward the second floor, which contained the laundry room, home office, and the master bedroom. We paused when we reached the master bedroom, as I entered the room and decided to look around.

“Does this meet your standards?” he joked. I smiled at him as I walked around the bed and peeked into the bathroom. It was immaculate. Perfectly clean and tidy, well decorated, and aesthetically pleasing. I was impressed.

“Are you always this clean?” I asked, still in disbelief.

“Ever since the military. They ingrained cleanliness into me, despite my protests.”

“Remind me to thank them. Most guys I know live in their own filth.”

“Well I’m not most guys,” he said, stepping a foot closer to me. “You want to know the best part about this room?”

“Does music magically play in here too?” I asked.

“It does, but that’s not the best part.” I tilted my head, waiting for him to explain further. He didn’t speak more, but ushered me to come to him. I complied, standing about a foot in front of him, dying in anticipation. He placed both hands on my shoulders and gently guided me backwards, until the back of my legs hit the mattress. Then he pushed me down so my knees buckled and I was sitting on the bed. As I sunk into the soft mattress, I felt like I was sitting on a cloud. I instinctively leaned back so that my torso was on the bed and let out an unconscious sigh.

“This is amazing.”

I heard Bucky chuckle as he watched me, “After I got back from my deployment, all I wanted was a soft bed. I didn’t want any reminders of lumpy cots or sleeping in the desert.”

“I don’t think I can go back to my bed after feeling this one.”

“Well it’s a good thing you don’t have to,” Bucky flirted. He slowly crawled on top of me and my hands instinctively found their way around him. I gently scratched the hair at the back of his neck and studied his face, trying to read his expression. His pupils were wide and were focused on my eyes, flashing briefly to look at my lips. I could sense his heart beating out of his chest, matching my rhythm, and he let out a deep exhale that barely reached my mouth. We were in a stare off, taking each other in and waiting on edge to see who would make the first move. The edges of his mouth slowly turned upward into an amused grin and that was it for me. I pulled him towards me, desperate to feel the caress of his soft lips. His touch did not disappoint. As soon as we connected, I probed my tongue into his mouth, deepening the kiss. He placed his strong hand on my jaw and entwined his fingers into my hair.

We moved together slowly, savoring the moment instead of rushing to the finish line. Bucky had moved from my lips to my neck, planting wet kisses down to my collar bone, where he lingered, doing things that would surely leave a mark. I ran my hands up the back of his shirt, needing more skin to skin contact. I scratched small circles around his back before I whispered, “Can I take this off?”

He pulled away to catch his breath and grabbed the collar of his shirt from the back and easily pulled it over his head.

“Your turn,” he said smugly. I rose to his challenge, propping myself on my elbows to pull off my top. While I wish I’d been wearing some lacy lingerie, I was clad in a ribbed bralette in heather grey. 

“I’m sorry I’m not in lingerie, but I didn’t expect-”

He cut off my defense with a kiss, massaging my lips with his and sending his tongue in to explore my mouth.

“You are so fucking sexy,” he breathed in between kisses. “Don’t ever apologize for how you look.”

That statement turned me on even more, if that was possible. I pushed him off of me and directed him to lay next to me on the bed. I unzipped my jeans and shimmied out of them, then climbed on top of Bucky so I was straddling him.

“Please don’t make me wait any longer,” he begged. I wanted to tease him more but I wasn’t sure I could hold it together much longer either. I hovered over him, planting a few kisses on his lips before making my way down his body to his pelvis. I playfully nipped at his hip bones before unbuttoning his jeans and pulling them down his muscular legs. I could see his erection through his boxer briefs and wasted no time massaging his bulge.

His head dipped back into the mattress in pleasure, and I had barely even started. I pulled down the waistband of his boxers, freeing his erection from its confinement. I gripped him firmly, sliding up past the tip and back down in a fluid motion. Bucky let out a contented sigh, giving me the confidence I needed to continue. I leaned forward to take his shaft in my mouth, bobbing my head up and down as I massaged his member with my tongue. He reached down and tangled his hand in my hair, gently massaging my scalp.

“I’m not gonna last much longer,” he breathed. I continued blowing him, paying special attention to the tip and fondling his balls. I heard him grunt and tasted the slightly salty taste of his semen. I eased working his shaft with my mouth, opting to clasp him with my hand, as I swallowed down his load. He guided my head up off of his penis and pulled me up towards him, squeezing me into a tight bearhug.

“You are amazing,” he gushed, kissing my cheek and neck repeatedly. I wiggled out of his tight grasp to reposition myself so that I could see him better. I placed a hand on his jaw and pulled him toward me, kissing him with vigor yet again. He placed a hand on my hip, gently running his thumb over my pelvic bone. He pulled away sooner than I wanted, and I tried to pull him back to me. He recognized the look in my eyes, and gave me a soft smile as he brushed a few loose strands of hair behind my ears. 

“Don’t worry, love. I’ll make it up to you.” He gently laid me down on the mattress as he shifted his weight on top of me. He started with my lips, exploring my mouth with a slow, lingering kiss. Then he peppered kisses along my jaw, up to my ear. He tugged my earlobe with his teeth and then planted soft kisses behind my ear. He moved down my neck, applying pressure with his tongue. As he continued south, briefly teething on my clavicle before journeying down to my sternum. He slid his hands up my sides and under my bralette. He looked up at me and raised an eyebrow, as if asking for my permission to proceed. I gave him a quick nod and he peeled the bralette up, freeing my breasts. I pulled the bralette over my head and shivered slightly at the cold air caressing my nipples. Bucky picked up on my momentary discomfort and acted quickly, bringing his mouth to my left nipple as his hand massaged my right breast. I let out an unconscious moan and noticed a smirk on Bucky’s lips before he switched sides to the other breast. Things started to get fuzzy as I was entering a natural high.

Bucky moved down lower, teasing my abdomen, pelvis, and inner thighs along the way. He pulled my thong off slowly, teasing me, but then his tongue found my clitoris and I was sent into orbit. He managed to circulate the use of his fingers, lips, and tongue to all my sensitive areas. My fingers were digging into the bed sheets, looking for something to grasp as I teetered on the edge of my orgasm.

Bucky took me by surprise when he inserted a second finger and I let out a heavy breath. I shifted my gaze down toward Bucky and was met with his ocean blue eyes looking up at me. I could’ve sworn he was smiling too, even though his mouth was focused on pleasuring me. And that was all it took. I succumbed to my orgasm, shuddering and releasing all the tension in my body as Bucky lapped up my juices, savoring every drop. I felt light headed from the intense orgasm that came quickly. I’d never finished like that from oral stimulation alone. I blinked rapidly up at the ceiling, trying to refocus my eyes and sighed, “Oh Buck.”

I felt his weight shift up as he crawled up beside me, “How was that, my little sex goddess?”

I turned toward him and couldn’t hide the smile from my face. He knew exactly what he was doing to me. I nuzzled into him and said, “I don’t ever want to leave this bed.”

“Me neither.”

I was startled awake by my own gasping. My eyes bugged and I struggled to breathe as the pressure increased to my throat. Bucky was on top of me, his legs straddling my waist, but not in a fun way. He had me pinned down to the mattress and his forearm was pressed into my windpipe. His eyes were glazed over, almost like he was possessed.

I tried to call his name but it came out as more of a gasp. Then I made the mistake of trying to push him off me. I should’ve realized fighting back would just make him push harder, but I wasn’t thinking, I was reacting. 

His hands were now enclosed around my neck as he started to squeeze harder. My first instinct was to panic, but I knew that wouldn’t help break him from his trauma-induced haze. If I could just talk to him, maybe it would wake him up. Maybe my voice could break into the nightmare he was having, even just to serve as a distraction. I tried to speak again, but all that came out was a squeak.

I needed to pull him back to reality, so I tried something unexpected. If he thought I was a dangerous enemy, the last thing he would expect would be affection. I gently placed my hands on his jaw. His expression shifted slightly and his grip on my neck loosened a bit. I took the opening and carefully pulled his face closer to mine, rubbing little circles behind his earlobes with my finger tips. As his face drew nearer, his forehead and nose connected with mine and his hands released my neck. I barely brushed my lips against his mouth and felt all the tension in his body melt away. I took in a few deep breaths, relieved to have de-escalated the situation. Bucky rolled back to his side of the bed, but curled into me. I directed his head to my chest and ran my fingers through his hair, giving him a scalp massage. He fell back asleep with ease, his breaths and body weighing heavy on me.

Despite the soothing sounds of his breathing, I was wide awake. Adrenaline was still coursing through my veins from the attempted strangulation. The strangest thing was, I wasn’t upset with Bucky. That wasn’t the Bucky I knew, it was just a PTSD flare up. I should’ve been scared of him, of another attack. Yet, I couldn’t imagine leaving him. He talked a little about his time in the military but he never got into any of the specifics. PTSD never even crossed my mind, Bucky always seemed so put together. And now that I saw the darker side of him, all I wanted was to help him and protect him from his haunting thoughts.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes doctor au

[endless-summer-soldier]

cruel to be kind - chapter six

pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (90s college AU)

summary: it started with a dare. Bucky restlessly pursues Y/N, seeking just one date. as he chases her, he realizes she's different from she challenges him, so he starts to catch feelings. but it all falls apart when she learns about his initial motivations. based on 10 things I hate about you!

warnings: alcohol use, cursing

word count: 1.5k

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Y/N sat on a baja blanket, staring out into the ocean, wondering if he would come. Sam confirmed he was able to sneak Bucky the mixtape, but Y/N wasn’t sure that he had decoded her message. On the tracklist, she underlined different letters and numbers that read “Sat 2PM 7th St Beach.” It was subtle, which was her style, but she wasn’t even sure he would figure it out. Hell, he might not even have noticed the pattern. In her mind, it was almost like a test. If he didn’t decode the message, then things weren’t meant to be. 

She eyed the book sitting in her lap, willing herself to at least try to read to distract her mind. But everytime she finished a page, she checked her watch to see what time it was. It was now 1:56 and the weight residing in her stomach grew heavier. Who was she kidding, he wasn’t going to show up. This whole thing was stupid and she was kicking herself for ever thinking it was a good idea. She hated this feeling. This was why she pushed people away. Being vulnerable was the easiest way to get hurt. 

And now a tear was falling down her cheek. She was so in her head about things that she was crying. She quickly wiped the single tear off her cheek and laid back on the blanket, placing the open book over her face. She had to get her shit together. She would not be the girl crying over a guy. Y/N took in a deep inhale and breathed out of her mouth, calming her nervous system. The oxygen was all she needed to clear her head. Her decision was made.

She stood in the sand and tossed her book in her bag. She folded up her blanket and collected her sandals, trudging through the sand to the boardwalk.

“Don’t tell me you’re leaving already. I’m only a few minutes late, and for good reason.” Bucky stood in front of her, in his signature leather jacket, with two cups of coffee in his hands.

“What are you doing here,” she stated more than asked, adding a few more bricks to the wall that was guarding her heart.

“I got your message,” he smiled. He walked closer towards her and handed her a cup of coffee. “Figured we had some catching up to do,” he added.

She stood there, still processing this. He came. He figured out the message and he showed up. He passed the test. She hadn’t really thought through what would actually happen if he came. And now here he was, standing in front of her.

Before she could respond, Bucky stepped closer, taking the blanket out of her hands and splaying it out over the sand.

“Come on,” he urged her. She didn’t object, sitting down next to him as they looked out onto the ocean.

“I’ve never heard you this quiet before. You usually have a biting remark queued up as soon as you see me.”

“I do not,” she argued.

“See, that’s better already,” he joked, giving her shoulder a light nudge.

“I didn’t think you would come,” she admitted.

“You didn’t think I would come or you didn’t think I would decode your message?”

 “The latter is probably a bit more accurate,” she said sheepishly.

“I know it may seem like I’m just a pretty face, but I’ve been known to have clever thoughts every so often.”

His attempts at getting her to loosen up were moderately successful, but she still wasn’t willing to open up just yet. Luckily, Bucky had planned for this. He knew this conversation would take some work.

“Are you happy to see me here?” he asked.

She let out a sigh, “I am. I hate to admit this, but I missed you these past few weeks.”

Bucky placed a hand over his heart, “You missed me?”

She hit his bicep with the back of her hand, “Don’t make me say it again.”

“I missed you too. And all I wanted was to talk to you and explain things. So thank you for giving me the opportunity to do that.”

She merely nodded, encouraging him to continue.

“So let me start by admitting that I am a complete idiot and I probably don’t even deserve a second chance, but I appreciate you giving me a chance to redeem myself.”

“Good start,” she commented.

“I agreed to the dare just to get Zemo to shut up. And I think the only reason I really went for it is because you intrigued me. I always found you attractive but I never pursued you because…well honestly you don’t come across as very friendly.”

Y/N chuckled and he continued.

“And then when I first talked to you, it was like I had this need for you to like me. I wanted to figure out what made you tick, and the more time I spent with you, the more I liked you. I need you to know that everything I said was true and that the person you spent all that time with was the real me. The dare just gave me a reason to talk to you. These past few weeks I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I haven’t been eating, I’ve barely slept, knowing that I hurt you has been killing me. I can promise you, I will never hurt you again. I think I might be in love with you, and this is the first time I’ve ever felt this way so I’m still figuring it all out, but I will do anything to win you back. I’ll bring you breakfast every morning, I will carry all your books and walk you to class every day, I will give you my car. Whatever you need, I’ll do it. Just please, give me another chance.”

She was quiet for a second, processing his words. 

“Could you, like, say something?” he asked nervously, struggling to read her expression.

“I’m thinking,” she responded. “Did you rehearse that?”

He was confused by her question, but answered anyway. “I mean I had points I wanted to hit on. I think I may have strayed a little bit towards the middle but I think I ended strong.”

She gave him a small smile, “Do you really mean it all or are you just telling me what I want to hear?”

He took her hand, “Y/N, I’m not here to bullshit you. I mean every single word. You are the world to me.”

“You used the l-word,” she commented. Bucky found it cute that she couldn’t say love. 

“Yeah I wasn’t planning on saying that, but it’s true. I do love you.” He ran his thumb up and down the back of her hand. She was quiet again, thinking through her response. She never took this long to respond, usually she went with whatever popped into her head. Bucky took her hand and placed it to his chest. “Do you feel that? How fast my heart is beating? It gets like that every time I’m around you. And my stomach always feels like there’s a million butterflies fluttering around in there. You do that to me.”

“I love you too.” It fell off her lips so easily, Bucky thought he must have misheard. 

“You do?” he asked in disbelief. She bit her bottom lip and shyly nodded her head, trying to hide the smile on her lips. He lost control. He lunged at her, essentially tackling her down onto the blanket as he squeezed her into a tight hug. When he pulled away ever so slightly, his face hovered above hers. 

“Are you gonna let me kiss you?” he asked. She simply nodded and his lips were on hers, making up for their lost time. It almost scared her, how easily she fell back into the kiss. Her hand found his jaw as she held him close, not wanting him to leave her vicinity. This was the moment she’d been waiting for and it didn’t disappoint. The spark was there, the longing was there, the love was there. And in that moment she knew that she never wanted to be without him.

They kissed and cuddled for a while and then they sat there together and watched the sunset. Y/N leaned back into Bucky’s arms as he kept her warm from the crisp autumn air. They talked about nothing and everything, trying to catch up on the weeks they had missed. And in that moment she knew she would never grow tired of this. He had somehow managed to thaw her frozen exterior and taught her that love was worth the risk of pain. 

As it started to get darker, they packed up their spot on the beach and headed back to the boardwalk. She knew she wasn’t leaving his side tonight. She’d spent too much time away from him and she wasn’t ready to separate just yet.

“Keys please,” she said, holding out her hand. 

“Oh are you driving?” he asked skeptically.

“Well yeah, it is my car now,” she replied easily.

Bucky leaned his head back, “Of course, how could I forget.” He placed the keys in her open hand, before wrapping his strong arm over her shoulder and pulling her in close to kiss her temple. 

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes #bucky barnes college au

[endless-summer-soldier]

cruel to be kind - chapter five

pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (90s college AU)

summary: it started with a dare. Bucky restlessly pursues Y/N, seeking just one date. as he chases her, he realizes she's different from she challenges him, so he starts to catch feelings. but it all falls apart when she learns about his initial motivations. based on 10 things I hate about you!

warnings: alcohol use, cursing

word count: 1.8k

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He started with giving her space. He knew her well enough to know that’s what she needed. And then he started with small things. He left coffee on her doorstep, with little notes on the paper cups. Some days he would bring her a bagel to accompany her coffee. She hadn’t reached out to him, but every time he came by, the food he left wasn’t there so he only hoped she was collecting his gifts. 

Finally, he gained the courage to text her: Can we talk?

Her response was quick, and final: No.

He let out a deep breath. He would throw in the towel today, but planned to try again tomorrow.

Carol placed the brown paper bag and coffee cup on the table. 

“Looks like we have a breakfast sandwich this morning,” she commented, peeking into the brown paper bag. 

“I don’t want it,” Y/N replied.

“Yes you do. It’s a perfectly good bacon, egg, and cheese. As soon as I leave, you’ll eat it. Might as well just eat it now.”

Y/N sighed, but approached the breakfast Bucky had left for her, taking a long sip of the coffee.

“Fuck. He always brings me the best coffee.”

“Will you just forgive him already? I’m tired of tripping over your meals every time I leave the apartment.”

“Oh, well I’m so sorry to inconvenience you,” she replied, dripping with sarcasm.

“What happened between you two? It seemed like things were going really well.”

“He’s an asshole. That’s what happened.”

“Did you let him explain or did you just freeze him out?”

Y/N looked at her with contempt, giving her an answer.

“Y/N…” Carol urged.

“He fucking hurt me. For once I felt like I could open up to someone and be myself, and it was all a lie. I don’t know how to forgive him for that. This is exactly why I don’t let people in. They always let you down.”

Carol took in her roommate and saw the pain behind her eyes. She wrapped her arms around Y/N and gently ran a hand down her back in comfort.

“I’m sorry that he hurt you. Just think about letting him explain before you shun him from your life. The last thing I would want is for you to regret this decision years from now. If he is someone you can genuinely see yourself with, the least you can do is give him a chance. Boys are stupid, they make mistakes.”

Y/N let out a deep sigh, “I’ll think about it.”

Bucky had just dropped off breakfast for Y/N when he heard the front door open. He ducked around the corner and hid, hoping it was Y/N leaving for class and he could talk to her and give an explanation. He peeked around the corner and was disappointed to see it was her roommate. She picked up the coffee cup and breakfast sandwich and brought it inside. 

Bucky then thought maybe if he could get through to the roommate, then she would talk to Y/N. He approached the door again and right before he was about to knock, he heard voices coming from the other side of the door.

“Will you just forgive him already? I’m tired of tripping over your meals every time I leave the apartment.” 

“Oh, well I’m so sorry to inconvenience you.” He recognized Y/N’s signature sarcasm immediately.

“What happened between you two? It seemed like things were going really well.”

“He’s an asshole. That’s what happened.” Her words stung, but he had to admit to himself that they were true. 

“Did you let him explain or did you just freeze him out?” 

It was silent for a few moments and Bucky almost considered leaving when Y/N’s roommate spoke again.

“Y/N…”

“He fucking hurt me. For once I felt like I could open up to someone and be myself, and it was all a lie. I don’t know how to forgive him for that. This is exactly why I don’t let people in. They always let you down.”

Bucky’s already weak heart broke even further. Listening to her hurting was even worse than being ignored. He hated himself for doing this to her and he wasn’t even sure he deserved her back at this point. He had to reconsider his position. Maybe it’d be for the best if he just let her go…

Y/N opened the door in the morning and immediately felt her stomach drop when she spotted her empty doorstep. The coffee had stopped showing up a few days ago, yet every morning she peeked out to check if there was something there for her. At first she thought Carol had been taking everything, but when she asked, Carol denied the accusation and immediately became suspicious. It didn’t take long for her roommate to realize she actually cared for the small gifts being left for her.

The worst part was, Y/N hated the idea that he had given up. He messed up, but she didn’t want to lose him. So now she was stuck. She continued on with classes, feeling distracted and disinterested in the course work. She kept peering out the windows, wondering what he was doing and how he was feeling.

When her final class of the week was done, Y/N was fully ready to be curled up in her bed, binge watching Netflix and eating ice cream straight from the container. As she approached her door, she noticed her next door neighbor pulling out his keys to head into his apartment.

“Hey! You…” she called, realizing she didn’t know her neighbor’s name.

“Can I help you?” he asked with a confused look.

“Sorry, what’s your name?” she asked.

“Sam…”

“Sam, you’re friends with Bucky, right?”

“...Yes,” he replied cautiously.

“Have you…seen him lately?”

“Why do you care?”

She sighed, wondering how she was going to pull this off, “Can I buy you a drink? I just want to pick your brain.”

He shrugged and put his keys in his pocket, “I won’t turn down a free beer.”

Once they reached the bar, Y/N ordered them a pitcher of Miller Lite and they sat at a high top. She had never spoken with Sam, aside from when she yelled at him through the wall. 

“So, I need to know more about this dare.”

Sam took a big swig of beer and went into it, “The whole thing was Zemo’s idea. You yelled at us to keep it down and Bucky defended you. Then Zemo dared him to ask you out and Bucky wasn’t on board. I think he eventually gave in just to get him to shut up. I didn’t think he’d go through with it, we certainly weren’t checking in with him. But we were seeing him less and less. He mentioned to us that he was taking you to a party and then he wasn’t coming over as much. I assumed things were going well, and I think Zemo couldn’t let him have the happy ending, which is why he made a comment.”

She pondered her next question, “Was this all just a big joke for him?”

“Not at all. Bucky doesn’t do things for a laugh. He only goes for things he’s serious about. And you were all he could talk about for weeks. It was actually really annoying.”

“Have you seen him recently?”

Sam shook his head, “He’s been spending all his free time trying to win you over.”

She sighed, “Can you make plans with him? See what he’s thinking?”

Sam eyed her, “What do you mean?”

“I just don’t know if he’s still interested.”

“Oh he’s interested. He doesn’t give up that easily.”

She put her head in her hands, “I just don’t know what to do.”

Sam saw her internal struggle and knew he could be of assistance, “Let me help you.”

Y/N turned the cassette in her hands over and over again, studying her handwritten tracklist. Was she really doing this? It was so impossibly cheesy that she couldn’t quite believe she was putting herself out there like this.

When Sam suggested she do something personal for Bucky, to show him she was still interested, she had no idea how to do that. Carol was the one who suggested a mixtape, and it was kind of perfect aside from being completely cliche. Making mixtapes was a habit of hers, but she had never made one for someone else. It took time to perfectly cultivate the contents and Y/N knew if she didn’t act quickly, she’d risk losing Bucky completely.

Y/N knocked on her neighbors door and was immediately face to face with Sam, her messenger. He held up his end of the deal and was meeting Bucky at their regular bar. She didn’t say anything as he opened the door, but merely held out the cassette tape in its clear plastic case.

Sam smiled approvingly, “Here I was expecting a love note, but this is so much better.”

She rolled her eyes, “Just get it to him in a non obvious way. I want it to take him by surprise.”

“And how would you like me to do that?”

“I don’t know, just slide it into the pocket of his leather jacket or something.”

Sam gave her a look and said, “I make no promises, but I’ll do my best.”

“Sorry to drag you into all this, but I do appreciate your help,” she said earnestly.

“It’s all for Buck. He’s helped me out of more jams that you could imagine.”

She nodded and headed back to her apartment door, “Just let me know when you complete the drop.”

“Yes ma’am,” he said.

Bucky said his goodbye to Sam and closed out his tab at the bar. He tried to shake Y/N from his mind and meeting Sam for a few beers seemed like a good way to do that, but after his third beer he realized that he wasn’t in the mood to be around drunken frat boys.

He walked out of the bar and was met with a chill in the air that hadn’t been there before. He pulled on his black leather jacket. He reached into his pocket in search of a cigarette, thinking that a smoke might help warm him up on his walk home. As he pulled out the pack, he realized it wasn’t a pack at all. It was a plastic case containing a cassette tape. He stopped in his tracks to study the tape. It certainly wasn’t in his pocket when he left for the bar. As he flipped the tape over, he noticed the handwritten tracklist tucked into the case. The handwriting was a unique combination of print and cursive and every lowercase “I” was missing its tittle. As he read through the songs, a small smile crept up his face. He didn’t know all of the tracks, but the few he did recognize were songs he loved. 

Bucky tucked the tape back into his pocket and took off at a run to his car. This mixtape was a message from Y/N, and he had to listen to it as soon as possible.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes slow burn

[endless-summer-soldier]

will you be updating cruel to be kind? 💕💕

yes, I promise I will finish it!! I've been lacking inspiration as of late and want to give it the ending it deserves so I'm dragging my feet, but I will update hopefully soon!

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes x y/n