callistajoe

[callistajoe]

fulfillment

the question i typed into the search bar read : "why do i always cry when i listen to classical music?" the cursor flashed at me a few times. i pressed enter. loading....

15.9 million results in .66 seconds.

i clicked on the first link i saw. quora. somebody else asked the same thing i had. an anonymous user answered them, "be grateful. you are just one of the lucky ones." i sighed and went back to the original project i was working on.

this instinctual reaction blindsides me whenever my ears are delighted by the inflection that goes with spoken poetry, when my eyes are met with beautifully crafted intensity and emotion on stage, when i catch myself looking upon the strikingly beautiful canvas of stars and constellations with absolute adoration in the late hours of nightfall. i find it difficult to truly convey just how deep my admiration is for creative expression, as i am unable to understand it completely myself. all i know is that the core of my being is greatly pulled towards the arts - so much so that my guttural, physical response is to shed tears - all the while with a worn, yet pleasant smile plastered across my face. the majority of my friends would describe me as "even-keeled" and typically "unlikely" to react to things with extreme emotion. but this "normality" of mine, this trait, is quickly lit ablaze when i see something that even begins to resemble the passionate thinker we all negate within ourselves. reminded by my physical surroundings, the soul housed within my blood and veins starts to fill with radiance and ecstasy - i find myself able to so easily articulate all the things i often struggle to say when i am cosplaying carelessness. being in the presence of those like me, aspirers, creators, and shameless thinkers - i am enriched - i am brought back to the intrinsic nature of a soul seeker in this universe - i am reminded of my purpose, my drive, my hopes and dreams in this life. i am shown how nature lives vicariously through my own flesh and blood as i live through it.

#classicalmusic #poet #poetry #poetic #universe #spiritual #spirituality #classical

[callistajoe]

what the universe brought to your babyshower

The night has been collecting rarities and divine specimens ever since the initial dawn broke, and some may argue that this notion began even before that. However, when you first boomed into existence and your hymn rippled throughout the macrocosm, the universe began assembling with you in requisite. What it deemed to be you in essence, it tried to attain. It would negotiate, scavenge, and even fight with pure dignity to collect all the shards of you it could locate, as its main purpose was to create something that would encapsulate who you would become. The universe was so determined to accomplish this goal, that I watched as it dove headfirst into caverns of seemingly endless darkness, guided solely by the entrancing chorale and magnetic light that your aura radiates. Even in the dead of night, your essence shone so abundantly that the universe never had to request for a flashlight to aid its way. Soon, you became a prominent part of day to day discussion amongst the stars - everybody knew of you. Everybody began to grow a liking for you, and they hadn't even met you yet.

After some time, the universe came to me with an exhilaration about itself that I've only ever seen after it had 'finished' a new work of art. (Quotation marks given as it always says that its work is never actually finished until the subject of the piece perceives it.) It grasped my hand and quickly sauntered towards an area of the sky I'd never seen before, and there lie an inky night sky strewn with fairy-like stars and dashed with sophisticated charm. Thoroughly and intricately designed, yet gentle on the eyes - penetrating to the soul, but not in a disturbing way. It truly was one of the most beautiful works I'd ever seen.

While I was lost in admiration, the universe excitedly nudged me and asked what I thought. I was quick to express my adoration and astonishment in its raw talent, but it was apparent that the universe was practically overflowing with anxious desire to see how you, yourself, felt about its illustration of everything that you are.

Now, your opinion of its creation is yours to hold, yours to make - but the point I’m truly trying to convey is that even when you feel completely alone, the universe will always be there for you. It is one of the only entities that has been working for you prior to even seeing you in physicality. It single handedly placed all of its faith in your potential, and not once did a single doubt disturb its process. So, the next time you feel as though darkness is trying to make homestead within your heart, I hope you think to visit the night; to step outside and simply speak to the universe. The universe will always make time for you, as you are its most divine creation. 

#poetry #poet #universe #spirituality #youarenotalone

[callistajoe]

An Artist’s Dream

A few nights ago, I found myself consuming the sounds of a well-rehearsed orchestra. As I listened, I saw shards of myself speckled throughout the works of symphonic composers who lived long before I was ever privy to this existence you and I are experiencing now. I bore witness to my own essence confidently yet slyly peeking through the hearty bows of the violin, carefully residing in the stools the instrumentalists sat upon, and even shining through the proud musicians themselves. While my eyes and ears witnessed this scene, the soul housed within my blood and veins became inspired. It began to bang impatiently on the door of self-doubt, pleading to be released of the hold that society has had on me - for all the core of my being has ever truly wanted has been pure connection and complete authenticity. However, this is not what we, as a society, generally tend to prioritize. If we as a community weren’t so adamant about compliance and uniformity, maybe there wouldn’t be a need for me to speak up about the undeniable, blatant dampening that our society casts upon individuality. I want to live on a planet where people truly revere creativity and the arts - and not just on the surface. I want those around me to experience creative expression for all that it is. I want people to at least once in their lives, do nothing but absorb a piece of rhythmically daring music in its entirety, to thoughtfully gaze upon a bloggable painting and allow the intricate combination of vibrantly dull colors and mountainous brushstrokes to reignite their isolated instinctual sense of inspiration and motivation - I want people to devote their undivided attention to a piece of spoken word, and not only let it into their hearts, but invite it over for a meal, maybe - to encourage the piece to bring thoughts full of richness and depth to the table. Maybe, just maybe, then will more of us realize that creative expression is what summons the intrinsically humane aspects of ourselves as people. It is what binds us together as one beating vessel of the macrocosm - it is what has the power to reveal the complex, underlying system of roots that we all stem and grow from - for we are only one people, one heart and soul, one being - divided by the physicalities and materialistic aspects of this existence. I can only hope that I’ve reached the cores of some of you in this audience - and to those of you I have, I want you to know that I see you, and we will one day experience the universe I’ve spoken of.

#writing #writers #youngwriter #poetry #female poets #art #soulsearchers

[callistajoe]

*****e

i used to find you in beautiful paintings that were never illustrated in resemblance of you. your presence would make itself noticeable in inanimate objects that i had given subtle life to via the aid of my wandering imagination. your pain was always hidden by anger - you'd throw nuclear-packed words at my face and expect me not to implode. you deemed me heartless, yet that was far from the truth. your message would sprinkle like radioactive dust all along my being, contaminating my sense of self worth and misconstruing my ability to change. i used to find you in all things good and bad; both in the midst of day and the dead of night. i used to hear your voice crying to me when it was pitch black outside; luring and seizing me with guilt induction. i used to find you aimlessly lingering in the depths of my sexuality - you were really the first to open that door for me. and for that, you will always symbolize a major factor of the discovery that is my identity.

but now, I only see perturbing dashes of oily paint filled with hope and opportunity on those same precious wholes of creativity. i see people like myself staring back at me through the dips and lines of the individual strokes; channeling an energy and drive identical to that of mine, encouraging me to follow my heart and soul. to accept myself for who i truly am. i reflect on your natural defense mechanism and realize that i no longer need an radioactive suit to mask myself of this substance; for my being has evolved and become resilient to such digs. i only find you in conversations where i am asked about the pride flag hanging in my room, or when someone unknowingly and curiously asks me to explain the shapes and pieces that have joined together to mold me into the person that i am now. i sleep uninterruptedly and solemnly, for the most part; exception being when i jolt awake due to a dystopian dream or the pinging sound of a cat knocking a glass over. the chambers of my mind finally filed away your lengthy and complicated papers and are printing out new, clean, blank ones. i now dedicate a great deal of focus towards my spirituality and my innate sense of self - i spend more time with my friends and family, doing things that are good for me and my wellbeing - as this is where life has taken me ever since our split. i can only hope things are the same for you.

despite our past, i'm glad we happened, and i still care for you. i truly do wish you the best.

(this was originally written on 10/14/20 and was edited on 12/29/21.)

#writing #poetry #internalized queerphobia #heartbreak

[callistajoe]

the tale of the giver & the takers.

the giver saw the effects. they saw how society laid its bare, callused hand upon the takers, and the giver was the one who dared to treat the solid print it left. they offered a hand, to which many desperately latched onto - naturally so. but, that soon became unruly - it just wasn't enough. people began approaching the giver with issues of a much grander scale, demanding more than just a hand. the giver being a giver, they started to offer the takers a hand as well as a leg... you can only imagine what occurred once that pair became too little. this became a repetitive, toxic cycle that went on until the giver had nothing left to offer. all they had left was their pure essence, the rawness of their being; a glossy, yet tattered pearl torn from a lone shining oyster down below. the giver had been used - it had been taken from without reimbursement. the giver physically could not aid the takers anymore, and so they had to set aside some time and dedication towards healing. healing from the emotional labor they constantly endure in order to help people who take advantage of their empathy. the takers inhabit the giver's residence without paying a dime, but the giver is too shy to make a fuss about it. all they want to do is help. many times it's not intentional; the taker doesn't consciously want to harm the giver, but it still happens - and the effects are most prominent. no one has ever thought to ask about the giver's state of mind, they just continued robbing their limbs from them - because, if the giver is able to provide such wisdom and comfort, shouldn't they be able to just utilize their own advice too? to the taker, it's nothing more than a physical detriment... however, the emotional impacts carry a lot more detriment than any physicality could possibly harbor. nonetheless, the takers acquire what they need and walk on, leaving the giver without any limbs at all. at least the takers had limbs in the first place.

when will someone acknowledge and treat the giver the same way they treated the takers? will their kindness ever be returned?

so giving, yet the loneliest of them all.

#writing #metaphor #therapistfriend

[callistajoe]

i hope the schoolboard reads this someday.

how is it that people can write such magnificent essays by hand in fine ink, under a time restraint, and receive a perfect score? yes, i can write - i actually love to write - but how do you manage to write the final product in one rapid sweep? my work is not light, nor is it easy, but it's also not heavy, nor is it hard. my words naturally flow to me, that is true - but why can't i write for your prompt? is it because i can't seem to write the way you want me to? is it because i just don't know the topic well enough? or is it because these things just don't really matter to me? i do it all all for that letter grade i seek, which for some strange reason determines the life i'll lead. i don't work based off numbers or stats, nor do i need scientific books or algebraic facts. sure, assignments based on the latter might fill the time, but they don't fulfill my soul. the time spent trying, and only half succeeding, to soak in a lecture leaves my mind to ponder, do these things even matter to these teachers? they're people, just like you and i, but they continue to talk about the same material that's been reiterated since the beginning of time. if we think about the substantial figures in our society - the big and mighty ones like george washington and abraham lincoln may come to mind, and as they do, you'll probably think about their acquired knowledge from years of education, the book-smarts they attained, the experience they had in ruling a government - all of which fostering a significant pedestal in history for them. but, these two aren't within the category of icons that i want you to recognize in this context. it's not those that are revered highly or widely known - certainly not the ones that the commoncore system will dare to speak upon. it is those that spread the love, peace, and encouragement to those around them, it is those who have seen the innerworkings of enlightenment, it is those who offer their practically burnt out torch with those they catch wandering aimlessly in the dark. it is this type of interaction which propels our evolution forward. it is not the iq levels, the sat scores, or knowledgeability about chemical equations that draw us to the light; rather, it is the authenticity within that we have the ability to unveil.. something alike a delicate peony stuck in time, patiently waiting for your gaze to recognize its potential. it will bloom in you at exactly the right time, in precisely the way it should, for your being is a sanctuary that can withhold the most pristine delicacies that nature has to offer... if you so let it. but... that requires time and connection to one's self. i don't think that these organizers of the schoolboard truly care about this, or any of these things, and they are the ones who dictate how we spend a large majority of our time. they can spew up some facts about how the teenage mind works, but they won't even acknowledge what the priority of our learning really should be around. for nobody in this developing society reveres the soul's pleading as much as we seekers do... perhaps the individual teachers might care a bit, but they'll never crack the foundation of the educational fortress. they don't wanna lose their paycheck. that's too much of a mess to clean up after, too bright a flame that wouldn't be easy to stomp out.

we could all use a crashcourse on what we really should be paying attention to, what we should be fostering and caring for... if we put as much time into the growth and healing of our souls as we do towards busywork and meaningless surface tasks, we'd have started to chip away at the iceberg that is evolution.

all i can hope is the schoolboard recognizes that someday, too.

#fuck the school system #writing #soulsearchers #evolution #deepthinking

[callistajoe]

what the universe brought to your baby shower.

the night has been collecting rarities and divine specimens ever since the initial dawn broke, and some would argue this notion began even before that. however, when you first boomed into existence and your hymn rippled throughout the macrocosm, the universe began assembling with you in requisite. what it deemed to be you in essence, it desired to attain. it negotiated, scavenged, and even fought with dignity to collect all the shards of you it could locate, as its main purpose was to encapsulate something that embodied you. it was determined to serve you with the finest cut of meat it could find; "a half cooked chicken breast just wouldn't cut it", it told. i watched it dive headfirst into cavernous pits of seemingly endless darkness, only guided by the entrancing chorale and magnetically radiant light that your energy exuberates. even in the pits of nightfall, you would shine so abundantly that the universe never even requested a flashlight. you became a prominent part of day to day discussion, and soon everybody knew of you. everybody began to grow a liking for you, and they hadn't even met you yet.

after some time, the universe came to me with an exhilaration about itself that i've only ever seen after it had 'finished' a new work of art (it would always say that it wasn't actually finished until the heroine of the piece perceived it. it took my hand and quickly sauntered me to a corner of the sky i'd never seen before, and there lie an inky night sky speckled with freckle-like stars and dashed with charm. sophisticated and intricately designed, yet gentle on the eyes - penetrating to the soul, but not in a loud way - unless you're avidly looking for it. it truly was one of the most beautiful works i'd seen.

the universe anxiously asked me what i thought, and i was quick to express my admiration and astonishment in its talent. however, it was apparent that the universe was practically overflowing with anxious desire to hear your opinion on its portrait of you

- step outside and look at the sky. -

so

what do you think?

point being:

the universe has been working for you prior to even seeing you in physicality. it placed all of its bets singlehandedly on your potential, and never once did it cast a doubt in that. next time you feel down in the dumps, visit the night. step outside and speak to the universe. that shit works miracles, i'm telling you. the universe will always have slots available for you, no matter what's going on in life. and, it happens to be one of the most nonjudgmental listeners you'll ever encounter. it'll always have time and space for your soul, troubled one.

[callistajoe]

Welcome.

hey :) welcome to my blog. if you’re unfamiliar with me, my name is callista, and i am an avid soul-searcher. i believe myself to be a transcribe for the universe, and i always try to look on the bright side of things. i highly enjoy anime, playing video games, spending time with friends, and most importantly, i find a grand sense of peace in talking about true connection and the overwhelmingly wonderful entity that is life. i may not have a lot of tangible experience, however, i do know that i have a calling in this body. i want to pry open the sealed door that contains the initiative for other beings to live life in a way that is void of blindness and distractions - but instead a life that is abundant with a sense of clarity and warmth.

on this platform you can expect to find various stories, quotes, thoughts, etc. from the caverns within my mind. by sharing these, i intend to get you to think about life in a deeper manner, as i know that even when i write these pieces of work i am brought to a higher sense of being. i can only hope that i strike you in some similar way, reader. 

thank you for visiting.