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I had this problem with my one experience with romantic attraction - I wanted the feelings gone. So what did I do?

I stopped interacting with the target of said feelings, then I did my best to shut down any thoughts I had about them. It was hard at first to shut them down, but it gradually got easier and easier until eventually, about a month or so later, there wasn't much left. I also avoided interaction with them after the fact for fear of "relapsing", so to speak (whether or not that would've actually happened, idk).

As an aro I’m just curious. How do you get over someone? Because I had what felt like a crush for the first time since…ever, and I genuinely cannot stop thinking about this person. It’s been like, idk, a year now. Do the feelings ever go away? I don’t want them.

#greyromantic #aromantic #aro #arospec #aromanticism

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Of course I know him, he's me

Help me prove my family wrong!

I don't know if this post will break containment, but will you like/reblog if you are or know a man who is asexual? All of the people in my life seem convinced that being Ace is a 'girl thing' and that Ace men don't exist!

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does anyone want to be best friends that also live together and go on adventures together but like mundane adventures like ikea and target and also wants to lay our heads on each others shoulders when sleepy but also have separate bedrooms but also enjoy spending most of our free time together��…. just me? ok

#literal dream right here

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REBLOG IF YOUR BLOG IS A SAFE SPACE FOR AROMANTIC PEOPLE AND IF YOU THINK THEY ARE VALID

I want to see how many people actually are willing to say this and not just act like it

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As someone who has been living with severe suicidal ideation my entire life I wanna tell you all something, you don’t have to stay alive for yourself. People will say it’s a bad idea to live for external things because they’re temporary, and it’s true living for yourself is ideal but if you’re not to that point yet that’s ok too. 

I’ve lived for my dog for the past 4 years, before that I lived for my snakes, before that I lived for my cat. You can live for whatever needs you and whatever matters to you. Live for your best friend, live for your plants, live for your pets, live for your animal crossing town. Live for whatever keeps you alive and the day will come when you can live for yourself.

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idk, maybe some people will think this is a hot take, but...

“If greysexual/romantic people feel attraction then where is the line between allosexual/romantic and greysexual/romantic?”

There isn't one.

There. Isn't. One.

That's how a spectrum works. It's a gradient. There isn't a line.

When is this colour no longer blue?

Is it still blue until it's completely red? Or do you see that there is red in it as soon as it starts becoming purple? Or somewhere in the middle? There is no line. Everyone will have a different answer.

(And I would argue that, considering all that comes into play with attraction like frequency, intensity, favourability/repulsion, gender, and so on, it is much more complicated than a 2D gradient like this.)

Yes, this means two people with very similar experiences might label themselves differently. Yes, this means someone who needs a bond to unlock attraction might feel allo-, but someone who experiences frequent, fleeting attraction feels grey-.

So if you're not sure whether your experience is more allo- or grey-, just go with what feels right.

And if you're using this attraction argument as some kind of “gotcha” to exclude grey-aspecs from asexuality and aromanticism then I don't know how to explain to you better that that is how a spectrum works.

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Post corrections/clarifications are my favorite genre of humor: a compilation

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with the note that invisibility isn’t privilege I’d like to remind people how erased aro people are

like I work with several queer people, gay and bi and such. Not one of them knew what aro or queer platonic was before I told them

during pride month you know what flag they don’t have in general stores? Aro

Even at pride itself when I went last year, there were four aro things. That’s it. Do you know how depressing that is to go to the queer place specially and you have to stop at every single stall to scour for a single thing to represent you?

we need to normalize aromantism. We need to stop more than friends and “you laughed at what he said you’re in love!” Or “you spent the night with her just admit you’re gay” attitudes. Romance is not required to be a human and it’s not required for intimacy. It should be just as known and accepted as being gay.

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no offence but i think a lot of us me included don’t actually want romantic love as badly as we think and really are just lonely and crave a closeness and intimacy that feels out of reach in friendships because of society’s emphasis on marriage and the nuclear family so we project that into the never ending search for a perfect love and a soulmate when really we all just want to mean something to someone

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To any suicidal followers I may have: This is a sign to not kill yourself. You are loved and the world is special because you are in it. Keep holding on.

Reblog this when it’s on your dash. You will save someone’s life.

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do you actually want a partner that bad or do you just want to be important to someone. do you just want to be loved without the boundaries that you think comes with an appropriate friendship. do you just want to feel special and love someone who loves you back wholeheartedly. do you just want someone to depend on

#I wish I had an answer for you

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Just thought I'd come back to this to add that, as many people in the notes point out, if you're incompatible with someone like that and there's no compromise where everyone's happy, then absolutely break up; no one should be in a relationship they're not happy with.

The purpose of the original post was to scutinize the unfair expectation from many that the ace should always be the one to compromise in an allo/ace relationship, as well as the belief held by some that it's somehow acceptable to demand sex from a partner who's unwilling to have sex.

It's always, "aces can still have sex" but never, "allos can go without sex"

Kinda makes it feel like aces *have* to be the ones to compromise in allo/ace relationships

#asexuality #asexual #ace #lgbtqia+ #lgbtqia #lgbtq #lgbtq community

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Aroaces/aroacespecs, what did you identify as first?

Aro/arospec, then later aroace/aroacespec

Ace/acespec, then later aroace/aroacespec

Straight, then later aroace/aroacespec

Gay/lesbian, then later aroace/aroacespec

Bi/pan, then later aroace/aroacespec

Aroace/aroacespec was the first label I felt comfortable identifying as

Other

Not aroace/aroacespec

Note for straight option: this means thinking you were attracted to the opposite sex and the like, not just being presented with a lack of other “options”

#I was adamant that I was heterosexual for so long #turns out I was wrong

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Also don't bombard them with a bunch of invasive personal questions unless they explicitly give you the green light to do so. If there's something about asexuality or aromanticism that confuses you or that you otherwise don't understand, look it up; you're not owed any kind of explanation or justification.

Not to mention, it gets tiresome having to explain this stuff over and over again.

On that note, if you want to be a good aro/ace ally, then please put in the effort to educate yourself on both; it's really nice to tell someone that you're (in my case) aroace and for them to already know what that is and not need a whole lecture explaining the topic.

the dos and donts of having someone come out as asexual/aromatic to you:

don’t ❌

-tell them they’re too young to know

-tell them they haven’t found the right person yet

-make comments about how “confusing” being gay has gotten

-invalidate their place in the lgbtq+ community

do✅

-tell them you’re proud of their bravery, that coming out is hard- especially for aspec people

-tell them you either a) understand or b) will do research to better understand them

-reassure them that their identity and feelings are valid

-support them in coming out to others close to them!

#asexuality #asexual #ace #aromanticism #aromantic #aro #aroace #arospec #acespec #aspec #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #lgbtqia+

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Possibly will get me roasted but saying "aros can still feel other types of love/some aros are capable of a little romantic attraction" is the same as saying that a bisexual person could "still date a man/woman".

People don't exist for you to make them palatable. We are allowed to exist in our raw forms and do what we want with them. Who you date, if anyone, is no one's business, regardless of how you identify.