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Thank you for being there. . .
"A hundred times a day , I remind myself that my inner and outer life depends on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am receiving" - Albert Einstein One's life motto can be challenged at times, the noise emanating from the negative minority can be a buzzkill to the real good things that are happening around. We have witnessed individuals with rare talents, great musicians , athletes and business leaders who have created history broken records and made ground breaking innovations . We have read their achievements in tabloids , watching them have huge fan following. But we have also experienced another variety of greatness, those who are soft , quiet in nature and escape the extravaganza. Those individuals who are making history in their own unique ways. They come in the form of mother, guardian, friend, a teacher ,or family member who are the rock, the dependable, honest, encouraging and respectful of others. They find ways to lift your spirits and make you a better person in small ways. If we look closely at their life styles we begin to understand how they exercise their Choice to act. How they make the choice not to be driftwood that passively floats with the tides and currents of the day but, take responsibility steer clear. How they are teaching us to be the creative force of our lives. I would like to share Marianne Williamson' s quote- " Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented , fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be ? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine , as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. Its not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others".
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Me lift thee and thee lift me . . .
“Me lift thee and thee lift me, and we ’ll both ascend together” - John Greenleaf Whittier.
What a powerful quote. It reminds me of relationships in any scenario can develop an immune system, a nurturing ecosystem.
We face many situations in our lives but if we have mutual respect, understanding and a win win frame of mind we can handle it well.
When there is no mutual respect , one tends to feel powerless ,helpless and disempowered. Every situation gets blown up to large proportions.
This story is about a mother, who resolves a fight between her son’s in a very profound way…
“My nose is bleeding! He head -butted me!”
My nine year old son , Jet was hollering his bloodied nose, leaving a trail of blood to the bathroom. My seven-year old son, Michael, had let him have it, an altercation over control of the TV remote.
My first thought , on this day of extended winter school break, was , “It’s eight-thirty in the morning and these two are at it again. I can’t go through another day like this.”
I sent Michael to his room for a time -out and got Jet cleaned up. Then I called both of them into my bedroom for a talk. I didn’t feel angry with them, only disappointed in my leadership of our home; not creating the conditions where they could live in harmony and work out their differences.
I sat between them with an arm around each. “Let’s get this figured out. You guys are fighting and hitting a lot and it upsets all of us. Jet, would you tell Michael how you are feeling right now?”
Jet started straight ahead and shouted, “My nose hurts! You hit me for no reason! You kept pinching me and I told you to stop! The only way to get your attention was to take the remote and then you head -butted me.”
Michael was angry, too, and he started his rebuttal:“You always hit me–”
I interrupted Michael and asked him to tell us what he just heard Jet say.
Michael said-“ I’ve always got the remote and nobody likes me.”
I prompter Michael : “What else did you hear Jet say?”
“His nose hurts and I was pinching him and he got in the way of my head,”
“Jet , is that what you said?”
“Yes . He didn’t have to smash my nose!”
“How do you see what happened to Michael?’
"Let always gets to do Anything he wants! When I’m watching TV he always turns the channel! When I m playing with something, he takes it away and says it’s his!”
I said,“Jet, what did you hear Michael said”
“"Michael thanks that o take over everything and get to do anything I want.”
“Is that right, Michael?”
“Yeah.”
We went through few more rounds of - what did you hear him say and did he get it right?-
The mood in our home changes for the positive literally in a few minutes. The boys started to look at each other, smile , and make jokes. The tension was gone and feelings were understood. It was okay to move to problem solving with my boys.
Them I asked, “ The next time you guys disagree on the TV channel or anything else, what can you do besides hit?”
Jet thoughtfully answered,“Go do something else or talk to your Dad,"Michael added, "Go outside or play Playstation.”
“How about if you look at the TV listings for one or two programs each day and talk with each other ahead of time about what you want to watch?”
“That’s a good idea!” They were through talking now; their Rollerblades were calling them.
I was amazed at how understanding each other’s feelings and viewpoints raised their self-esteem. They were so pleased with themselves differently, more capable and in control because of the ideas they came up with. It reminded me of the power of treating people as if they are responsible and then noticing what happens.“
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I and thou
When the trust is at high level and you make mistakes , it hardly matters. Because people know you and your intentions. May be this is why heart takes precedence over our brains. It is from this heart , trust begins to flow and manifest in our lives. Want to share this story which I came across- " When I was first asked to take leadership of this project , I was thrilled with the opportunity. My wife and children were supportive, so I threw myself into it wholeheartedly. I felt a great weight of responsibility and was driven and energized by a sense of purpose. In the second year of the project, I worked literally day and night. The importance of the work consumed me. I felt I was doing well in stay involved in the kids lives, including ball games and dance recitals. I usually had dinner each evening with the family. I thought I was managing pretty well. The last six months were the most intense, and it was during this time that I noticed how often my wife was becoming frustrated with me -- usually over the smallest things( at least they seemed so to me). I became increasingly irritated at her lack of understanding and support of the work I was doing especially as such a critical time. Communication became more strained even over minor issues. When the project was finally completed, she didn't even want to go to the celebration dinner. She went, bit obviously didn't enjoy herself. I knew we had to talk, really talk. So we did. And the floodgates opened. She started to share what it was like to be "alone" all this time. Even when I was home, she felt I was somewhere else. Because our tradition of having weekly dates became much less frequent and because I usually stayed up long after she retired each night, we didn't talk and share like we use stock, and she felt more and more isolated, unappreciated, and disconnected. I wasn't communicating much of anything. My nearly single minded focus on my work and other commitments became a constant reminder of where my thoughts and feelings were not focussed. She reminded me that I had even forgotten her birthday until the day was half over. And it wasn't the forgetting that was so bad, as it was a symbol of what the whole year had seemed like. When I asked her why she hadn't opened up and shared her concerns earlier, she said she din want to upset me and distract me from the project. I looked in her eyes and saw deep pain and loneliness. I felt horrible. I was amazed and embarrassed that I had been so clueless. O apologized and reassured her that there was no person or thing on earth more important to me than her. But my words dint seem to get through. I realized that too many other things had communicated something different for too long. My apology and commitment is reprioritize my life helped , but it didn't make things all better overnight, it took days and weeks and months of consistent effort talking , sharing , being there, making and keeping promises , putting aside work at the end of the day for the family, and apologizing and regrouping when I got a little off track before the full feeling of trust and emotional connection was restored and exceeded what is had been before. My real learning was that you could be deeply committed to a marriage , love your spouse , live in fidelity and loyalty toward one another, be committed to raising your children, and still have your relationship and trust deteriorate. You don't have to speak harsh , unkind words or be disrespectful to hurt someone. With one who is very close to you, all it takes is neglecting the heart , mind and spirit. Final I'm learning what would we do without the pull of such relationship s that help us get outside ourselves and become equal to our potential??"
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A message to Garcia. . .
"When the war broke out between Spain and the United states at the turn if the century, the American president needed to get a message to a Cuban revolutionary named Garcia. He was hiding somewhere on the island of Cuba out of reach of mail or telegraph . Nobody knew how to reach him. But an officer suggested that if anybody could do it, it would be an officer by the name Rowan. When McKinley gave the letter to Rowan in Washington D.C., the officer dint ask , "Where is he at? How so I get there? What do you want me to do when I m there? How will I get back?" He just took the message and figures out how to get to Garcia. He took a train to New York. A ship to Jamaica. Broke the Spanish blockade to get to Cuba in a sailboat. Then wild carriage rides, marching and riding through the Cuban jungle. Mine days of traveling later, Rowan got the message to Garcia at nine in the morning. That same afternoon at five, he started his return journey to the United States.
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When Patton Oswalt came to know he will be a single dad for the rest of his life, he was not prepared for it. He wanted to hide himself under the covers with his daughter Alice. Sudden deaths of near and dear ones leaves a person juxtaposed with two incompatibles . To cope up with the loss and be prepared for what comes next. We all have to face the fact that our lives will end one day. How do we reflect on activities of today and tomorrow in the light of this end ? . . We all have challenges everyday , but are we taking some time to see whether we are in the right direction? You may be working very hard climbing the ladder of success , what if it is leaning against the wrong wall ? What are going to do about it? All things are created twice 1)In the mind & 2)In actual. As a child you were told what to do , but as you grow up all the plan and foundation is laid out in front of you. Don't worry you still can create your first impressions of your self. How can you do this ? You can be aware of the scripts you are using currently that determines your current behavior . You can weed out the scripts that does not fit into your life . Redefine . You can practise visualizing of events in your life where there is a conflict between who you are and what you want. Consciously start visualizing how you would be in those moments. .
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People work for money ,but go the extra mile for recognition and acknowledgement. . .
Have you come across individuals who withhold information?…
People who push you, ignore you and make you feel forgotten?. .
I bet you have come across atleast one such individual.
Failing to recognize talent is like depriving an individual of his motivation. It robs people of closure, which is fundamental in any interpersonal transaction.
Closure comes in many forms from saying our last good byes to the departed , to a basic “Thank you” or “You’re welcome” .
Most of the time people fail to recognize as they have this misplaced need to win!!
Failure to recognize happens because they “just got too busy”, “they expected exceptional performance” , “ they never realized how important it was to others”, or simply because - “ they were never recognized , so why should others be anyways?”
Successful people are under the notion that “they"are great achievers because they are focussed on “their career/ performance/ progression/etc…”
How can we ensure we do not fall into this trap?
You can ask yourself some specific questions…
1. Who are the most important people - family / direct reports/ customers in my life?
2. Have I recognized them for their contributions this week?
3. How can I make sure their efforts are valued and recognized?
By doing this you are pushing your people to outperform themselves. It creates an atmosphere where everyone can thrive. There is trust and an environment for excellence.
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Modern day Ironman
“Nobody is better than me, but I am better than nobody else…” >When our hearts warm up to a thought , to a purpose , to an idea of a vision we tend to consciously or unconsciously shift our paths. Character is one of the most underrated things in life. Especially in a world where our external projection of self is rewarded , to internal self reflection. >The heart can be guided only of it is willing to go looking for answers to tread into the depths of the Underwood that forms a man. It cannot be taught of - ‘Change’ or 'To - change’. >We may have come across certain individuals who are in tandem , who have achieved the internal integration. They are calm, composed and inward directed. Their minds are in cohesion with their heart. They are the one s who have lived life a little and have learnt from the difficulties early in their journey. >You don’t notice these peoples are the like to live by themselves, they don’t believe in proving to be useful. >They are soft people who answer with conviction when challenged. They are not-disturbed when provoked , they show resilience when to get what they want. > You never hear them boasting about themselves ever. They make you feel elated whenever you speak to them , they always listen to you from the heart. These are the people who have built what it is called the’ Character ’. These are the people who always strive for balance in their lives mentally,physically ,emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.
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Change isn't easy. . .
If you had to attend your funeral from say 5 years from today , how would you plan your life for the remainder of the days? I was watching this movie, which starts of with a man having died and having left a will to his foster son. This foster son having recently survived a 100 feet fall off a tanker into the ocean. The will says that the dead man has left his son one Villa, and donated everything else to charity. While this guy is wondering his life should have some purpose as he survived a 100ft fall and the movie goes on and on. . . Now this caught me off guard, do you also feel the same way? Sometimes , may be... Coming back to the part where you have to plan your life for the next 5 years and executing. Would it help to start from making peace with the past? Especially,..When you are given a second chance .......would you start doing things differently? Would you not consider every day as a gift, a present you would cherish? As I was thinking about these questions and how I would decide to choose to 'Change' my current life style to have a more meaningful life. Reflecting on this, it gave a perspective . The things which I would no longer worry about and the things which I would start to do on a daily basis. . . . So I have decided to practice being in the moment and exercise my choice to respond to situations... Funny how movies can jolt you to make the 'Change'
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To be , or not to be...
We’ ve been stuck up many times in vicious loops,circling around same issue. Not knowing how to go about it. We ’re in shock or disappointed with the turn of events. We feel juxtaposed to doing things which we would not have done given a choice. How can we get out of that infinite loop to start feeling better? One way is asking right questions. What happens when we start asking questions? We shift the focus from worry towards reading the situation. Psychologist say that when you ask questions to yourself , you brain racks through the knowledge you have acquired and throws back am answer. Yes try it!! Now how do we know what are the right questions !! Try these for starters… >What would I do if I wasn’t scared? >What is life expecting out of me now? >What are my values? >Whom do I trust? >Am I empowering myself or not? >What am I grateful for today?
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You are all you've got . . .
“At any given moment , you have the power to say - This is not how the story is going to end”
We have been through lot of hardships , sometimes without warning and sometimes with warning.
Even with warning we may be in a very helpless place. So how do we rise above? How to stare the challenge in the eye and say -“You are mine !! And I m gonna have my way with you!”
Let’s try to understand how to build that emotional fortitude.
Remember this - “ If the amount of times we get up is just one less than the amount of times that we ’ve been knocked down, then we are spending our lives lying down” .
1. Say thank you: I am not even kidding, once you’re given a bucket full of challenge. Say it out loud : “Thank you”. Gratitude is very powerful. You just disempowered the “ Worry”. You punched it its the gut. Psychology says having gratitude shifts the energy towards the courage continuum, relieving you from stress.
2. Reframe your internal dialogue : When you say - ‘He makes me so mad’. You’re always empowering forces outside your control. Take it back . Nobody can make you mad without your consent!
3. Pause - Yes you heard it right!! Before taking the next step , take a deep breath and Respond before Reacting. You have the power to “Choose ”!! Respond comes from being Res-ponsible, meaning your taking the ownership a.k.a you are empowering yourself!!
4. Purpose - I can’t stress less for having a purpose , as it is a guiding light in one s life. Once you know the purpose of your life , you know what to do when you face adversities. It is like a blueprint in your life.
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Procrastination. . .
“You can’t just turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood.
What mood is that?
Last-minute panic”
OK let s turn the faucet..
You and me have procrastinated many times in our lives… Now what makes it so powerful that leaves us helpless. Let’s try to learn something from what “procrastination” trying to tell us….
“Its too easy” - may be the task at hand is not challenging enough to get you on the roll, think about it how many times have you taken up a task which flexed your mental faculties.
“Too big, don’t know where to begin” - OK this is something which all of us face. When we have the clarity of what we want and are left hanging in the air without resources. One way is you can chunk it down into do-able tasks, there you go with your first step. One challenge is getting lost chunking the task.. I know it is soo gratifying when you know you can slice down something .. But don’t get caught up !! Keep the eye on the prize…
“I don’t like what I am doing” - hey find something that interest s you .. Don’t get caught up with what your peers are doing.. Or don’t get caught up in the GenX paradigm of - You are only doing this because you NEED to provide.. If you are happy the people to whom you provide will also be HAPPY .. Think about it ..
“I don’t think I can deliver” - I think this is an issue with your attitude.. What is the whole point of having you abilities and your talent unutilized. Again this is what happens when you do not keep you eye on the PRIZE.. You’ ve got to trust and have faith in yourself..
Get creative, remember when you procrastinate next time empower yourself and disempower the procrastination because he s the real Mo-Jo Jo-Jo.. And always remember to keep the eye on the PRIZE!! No matter what!!
PSsst : Keep a reasonable and realistic PRIZE!
#procrastination #creativity #prize #buckup
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You ask about Poetry
I am so excited to share this piece of poetry with y’all…
You Ask About Poetry
“You ask from an island so far away
It remains unspoiled. To walk quietly
Till the miracle in every thing speaks
Is poetry. You want to look for poetry
In your soul and in everyday life. As you
Search for stones on the beach. Four
Thousand miles away, as the sun ices
The snow, I smile. For in this moment, you are the poem. After years
of looking, I can
only say that searching for
Small things worn by the deep is the art of poetry. But listening to what they say is the poem… “.
I believe poetry has the ability to touch the soul in a small tiny way… Hope you felt the same…
#poetry #hope #inspiration
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The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking
#think #change
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I would rather die a meaningful death than to live a meaningless life.
#innervoice #purpose #meaning
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A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.
#innervoice #purpose
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If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.
#change
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The only way that we can live is if we grow. The only way we can grow is if we change. The only way we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we are exposed is if we throw ourselves into the open.
#live #learn #change #growth
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