zalkoxyn

[zalkoxyn]

[zalkoxyn]

The Pale Silver Tears of Love (“Final Sunset”)

Oct. 7, 2004 Dear Diary,

Hi, how are you? It‟s been a long time since I have not written on you… Sorry if I haven‟t written on you for…ah…about two long years. Sorry if I left you here, locked in my room. Well, I hope you‟d understand why we left and have gone to the US. So, here I am again, ready to share you my secrets.

Well, tomorrow will be the first day of my fourth year life in high school and I‟m quite nervous yet excited! I‟ve already packed my things for tomorrow and I hope everything will turn out to be fine.

Your friend, Max

He then switched-off his lamp and went to sleep.

Maximillan “Max” Hall, a 17-year-old teen, is unlike any ordinary teenager. His life is covered in a veil of mystery and pain. No one knows what he feels except his diary – the diary that his mom gave him when he was still a kid. Unfortunately, his mother died when he was still young. Her car crashed when she was on her way to Max’s seventh birthday party. Max, back then, was totally heart broken. He did not eat nor sleep for a whole day, instead, he cried all night long in his locked room. Pale silver tears could always be heard dropping on the floor that night. His sobbing was full of sorrow, pain and agony.

His father, on the other hand, raised him alone. He became so rich because of his hard work. It was because of this patience which made him a very rich and powerful man. Now, he owns the Hall’s Shopping mall, the Hall’s Museum of Ancient and Modern Civilization and the school where Max is studying – the Hall’s Private School. In spite of their wealth and outstanding glories in life, Max is not that happy. It is because his father, Mr. Jerry Hall, barely have no time for him. Another reason is a deep one that covers the greater part his loneliness which is only known by his diary.

Early that morning, he rushed into the corridor halls because he was late for his first class. So, he ran as fast as he could into his class. He was so busy worrying when he accidentally bumped onto a girl. Books fell and scattered everywhere on the polished floor. The girl was so red-hot that opposed her sky blue-colored dress; rosy dyed cheeks, silky long black hair, white fair skin and angelic face. She told Max, “Would you mind being careful!? You‟re not the only one who‟s walking in here. It‟s NOT yours!!!”

Max on the other hand replied in a cool way,” Sorry, let me help you with that.” Then, reaching out his hand, he told the girl, “Hi, I‟m Maximillan Hall, my father owns the school. May I know your name please?”

The girl turned pale red, she was shocked because the boy she just shouted at was the son of the owner of the school…but pride ruled her. So, instead of apologizing, she replied with wrath, “Sure and I am...I DON‟T CARE!!!”

With smoke steaming out of her ears, she picked-up her books and went straight to her class.

Max, who was standing awkwardly being left by the snobbish yet gorgeous girl, was struck with Cupid’s arrow. He fell in love with her. He then picked-up his own books too. He picked-up his Biology book first, unluckily for him, or should I say, luckily for him, it was not his! It was the snobbish girl’s property. He read the front cover. On it, he found the title of the book, the owner’s name, telephone number and the home address. It stated:

Biology Personal Property of: Jennifer Mathews Tel. No: 7889-0986 Home Address: #4 Harwick Avenue, Aresia Sheraloine

After reading, he rushed into his class. Upon entering the door, he saw every seat to be taken. There was only one vacant seat, the seat beside his childhood best friend, Jack.

After taking his seat, he looked at his right side and more to his surprise, the person on his right was the snobbish girl – the girl he just fell in love with. Then, he looked at her and slowly raised her book accompanied with a very sarcastic and annoying smile. Jennifer, the girl, was really annoyed at him. She stared back with red, devil-like eyes with a mouth so frightening you will mistook it that it’s a shark’s. Calming herself down, and regaining her posture, she swayed her silky-long black hair to her back and sat erect in proper yet snobbish manner.

After the class, Max called Jennifer, “Hello Jennifer, it‟s me, Max, remember? The guy you bumped with in the hallway this morning? I just called to ask you if you want to get your book back.”

“You brute! Of course I do! Bring it back or else…”

“…or else what? Or else you‟ll tell our teacher about this! Duh! We own the school!” he replied with a slight chuckle.

“Why you!!!” her voice rose in a threatening way.

“Why me? If you want to get your book back again, let‟s have a deal.”

“I don‟t want to spend my time with nonsense things like you!”

“Are you sure? „Coz if you don‟t want, you‟ll never see your book again and you‟ll have to deal with me every hour of the day in the school. And, oh, by the way, fix that temper of yours. You‟re so high tempered I can feel your heat emanating from the phone.”

With so much wrath, Jennifer screamed and turned off the phone.

That night, Max once again did his daily routine – to write in his diary:

Oct. 8, 2004 Dear Diary,

I just had the best day of my life. I met the girl of my dreams! I and “my girl” met, well, actually bumped on each other in the hallway this morning. I instantly fell in love with her at first sight… (His happy smile suddenly frowned) That‟s all for now... Good night.

Your friend,

Max

....to be continued

#story #love #lovestory

[zalkoxyn]

And the irony of it all now that you are gone is I keep missing you more than ever. I love you more than I ever had. This longing, this feeling, this love keeps growing and growing each day that passes by. But you are no longer here and all I can do is stare in the void night and look back at the memories we shared, crying, pouring these pale silver tears of love.

#love #love thoughts hugot zalkoxyn #i miss you

[zalkoxyn]

I die a little inside from every sight or memory of you.

#hugot #love #pagibig #thoughts

[zalkoxyn]

Disclaimer: Song is an original composition by an independent singer from Baguio City. I apologize as I have forgotten who was it already.

#original #opm #originalcomposition #love #lovesong

[zalkoxyn]

A Hopeful Message From a Broken Heart

We've all had our hearts broken at least once in our lives. In each of us, there is that one person who we loved with all our heart and has not returned that love. When you wake up to that reality you feel like your world has shattered. You feel like you will never love that way again. That person is all you think of and she becomes your world. It feels like you will never love that way again. You ask yourself why is this happening to me? Am I not good enough? What's wrong with me?

Then, as time goes by, you get answers to your questions. You begin to realize that it all happened for a reason. You then realize that the person is not the one for you. The more you analyze the person, the more you see differences. You realize that you don't know that person like you thought you did and vice versa. Then comes the understanding that you deserve someone who will love, cherish, appreciate you and never take you for granted.

Once you reach this point, the pain of never having her starts to minimize. It becomes a learning experience. You learn more about yourself. You learn to recognize the qualities you do want in a person. You learn that you will love again and even stronger. When two people love each other mutually and give to each other freely, love grows and matures. If it weren't for the experience of our broken heart and those lessons we learned along the way, we would not be the loving, understanding people we become.

All past hurts teach us and mold us into becoming better people with successful relationships. If you are experincing a broken heart, just remember that even though you have been hurt and disappointed, love will come again. Just hope!

"It is no small thing to say not just what the world wants to hear but what you truly believe, to do not just what the world thinks you should do but what you know you must, to be not just who the world wishes you to be but who you really are."

#love #hugot #thoughts #zalkoxyn #emo #essay

[zalkoxyn]

I choose to love you in silence for in my silence I find no rejection. I choose to love you in my loneliness for in my loneliness no one owns you but I. I choose to adore you from a distance for distance shields us both from pain. I chose to imprison you in my thoughts cause in my thoughts, freedom is for me to decide I choose to kiss you on the wind for the wind is gentler than my lips. I choose to hold you only in my dreams for in my dreams there is no end…

#love poem #love #emotions

[zalkoxyn]

But our love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it.

-A Walk to Remember

#quote #hugot

[zalkoxyn]

Ang Panimula

Lumaki ako sa probinsiya. Yung tipong dagat at bundok ang nakapalibot sa akin. Pero malaki ang mga pangarap ko sa buhay. Sabi ng mga magulang ko, matalino ako. Kung sabagay ikaw ba naman eh nasa honor roll since grade 1 to high school iisipin talaga ng ibang tao matalino ka. Kaya naman noong 4th year high school na, dumating na ang isa sa pinakamalaking desisyon sa buhay ko. Ano ang kukunin kong kurso sa kolehiyo at saan ako mag-aaral. Sabi ng magulang ko, isang option lang anak. Sa Baguio. Wag sa daw sa Manila dahil magulo, maingay, at ang polusiyon ay nakakamatay. Pumayag naman ako dahil gusto ko ng malamig na klima. At heto na ang pangalawang tanong, saan ako mag-aaral sa Baguio? Dalawa lang ang options ko. Ang una ay UP. Pero dahil sobrang hirap ng UPCAT, malabong makapasok ako. Hindi guaranteed. Kaya ang pangalawa ay sa SLU. Kaya naman nagtake ako ng parehong entrance exams sa nasabing unibersidad.

Nauna akong kumuha ng exam sa UP. Sus maryosep! Ang hirap. Nadurog ang mga pangarap kong makpasok. Sabi ng mga anak ng officemates ni mama, malaking honor raw na makapasok sa UP. Iba daw ang preference lalo na pag maghahanap na ng trabaho. Eh ako naman, wala lang iyon sa akin. Ang goal ko lang naman talaga ay makapagtapos at makahanap ng matinong trabaho para mabuhay ko ang mga magulang ko. Gusto ko mapatayuan sila ng magandang bahay. Yun lang. At dahil hindi siguradong makakapag-UP ako, kumuha na rin ako ng entrance exam sa SLU. At heto lang ang masasabi ko, nadalian ako except sa Math na part ng exam dahil mahina talaga ako sa mga numero.

Natapos ang ilang buwan ng paghihintay. Bandang Pebrero noon pag maglalabas ng resulta ang UPCAT. Umagang umaga, tinawag ako ng mga teachers namin sa faculty room. Congrats daw dahil pumasa raw ako ng UP. Tuwang tuwa sila para sa akin. Ngunit hindi ko naenjoy ang moment kasi naman kakabasted lang sakin nung babaeng nililigawan ko at that time. Durog na durog ang puso ko. Ganun talaga pag first heart break. Feeling mo wala ng bukas ng naghihintay para sayo. Parang titigil ang mundo mo dahil hindi naging kayo. At higit sa lahat, hindi mo na siya makikita kasi maghihiwalay na kayo ng landas.

Dumating ang graduation. Hayan, puro iyakan na. Bye bye dito, bye bye doon. Mamimiss kita dito, mamimiss kita doon. Yun ang trend. "Wag kang makakalimot ha?" "Kita tayo pag napadaan ako ng Baguio." Malungkot at masaya ang pakiramdam. Malungkot dahil mahihiwalay ka sa mga taong kinalakihan mo. Dahil alam mong pagkatapos ng araw na iyon, magkakaroon na kayo ng sari-sariling buhay. Oo, maaring magkakaibigan pa rin kayo pero alam mong deep inside, mayroon at mayroong magbabago.

Sa bus terminal, hinatid ako ng tatay ko. Yun kasi ang unang beses na aalis ako sa amin. Malayo ang Aparri sa Baguio. Nasa 13 hours na bus ride ang biyahe. Kasi naman hindi via Ilocos ang ruta nung bus na sinasakyan ko. And by hinatid, I mean sasamahan ako ng mabuti kong ama sa Baguio para medyo makapagsettle down muna ako. Si mama naman, hayun, umiiyak na. Nahawaan tuloy ako. Pati ako naiiyak na pero kasama ko tatay ko kaya sinibukan kong pigilin. Pero teary eyed na talaga ako. And then umandar yung bus. Umandar na ang simula ng makulay at madrama kong buhay. There was this part of me, if I only knew what would happen, I would not have chosen to board that bus on that day. 

#buhay #talambuhay

[zalkoxyn]

Hindi ka magiging lubos na masaya kung iisipin mo ang iniisip sayo ng ibang tao.

The Great Al

#thoughts #quotes

[zalkoxyn]

Magandang Gabi, Pag-Ibig

Magandang Gabi, Pag-Ibig

Magandang gabi, Pag-ibig. Kamusta ka na? Matagal na rin tayong hindi nagkikita.

Pasensya na sa istorbo, Pag-ibig. Mabilis lang naman ito. Gusto ko lang hingin ang konting pansin mo.

Salamat pala, Pag-ibig, Sa yakap. halik, at pagkakataon na pinagsaluhan nating dalawa.

Talagang masayang umibig, Pag-ibig, At kahit patlang ka sa buhay ko ay dumampi ka sa labi ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit nagawa mo pa rin akong piliin sa kabila ng hindi ko paniniwala sa 'yo.

Sino lang ba ako, Pag-ibig? Na sa dami ng nagmamahalan ay sa akin ka namalagi? Hindi ko alam... dahil hanggang ngayon hindi kita kabisado.

Naging madaya ka kasi, Pag-ibig. Sarili mo lang ang inisip mo. Nilunod mo lang ako sa mundo mo at hinayaang hindi makaahon.

Pero hindi masama ang loob ko, Pag-ibig. Makasarili rin kasi ako. Nilasing ko ang sarili ko sa 'yo at ngayo'y unti-unting bumabangon.

Maraming salamat pa rin, Pag-ibig. Dahil sa 'yo ay naging malakas ako at nakayanang lisanin ang mundo mo.

Paalam na rin, Pag-ibig. Alam kong magkikita pa naman tayo. Maaaring bukas, sa makalawa, sa susunod na buwan, sa tamang pagkakataon...

Hindi ito tuluyang paglisan, Pag-ibig. Bagkus ay pamamaalam para sa bagong simula. Magpahinga muna kasi tayo, Pag-ibig, Dahil ilang saglit na lang ay Umaga na At babangon tayong kaniya-kaniya.

Magandang gabi sa 'yo, Pag-ibig Matulog na tayo At lalakbay pa tayo sa sari-sarili nating mundo...

#tula #love poem

[zalkoxyn]

On moving-on. Chos!

Makulimlim ang kalangitan nang bumangon ako. Ramdam kong bubuhos na naman ang ulan nang biglaan. Babaha na naman sa Mendiola. Sasabayan ko na namang magswimming ang mga ipis at kung anu-ano pang insekto at duming nakakalat. Gustuhin ko mang humilata na lang at itulog ang araw, wala akong choice kundi pumasok. Sayang naman ang kaalamang pupuno sa aking utak (Chos!)

Pagdating sa silid-aklatan, (Tuhruy. Silid-aklatan!) nilapitan ko yung kaibigan ko. Ika niya, kausapin mo si ganito, kasi hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko. Edi nilapitan ko naman itong si common friend namin. Sabi niya, "Mj, tulungan mo naman ako. Anong gagawin ko? Ang hirap hirap."

Akala niya siguro may maipapayo ako. May ma-isusuggest akong gawain na maaaring makakapagbawas ng sakit na nararamdaman niya. In the end, wala akong nasabi. Unang-una sa lahat, teh naman, sarili kong buhay hindi ko maayos. Pag sinubukan kong ayusin yung iyo o magsuggest ng kahit ano, baka mas gumulo pa. Ikalawa, nasa library kasi. Ang hirap maging overly emotional pag lahat ng tao nakatingin samin. At ikatlo, kahit napakalalim ng aking panghuhugutan, walang salitang pupuno sa kakulangang nararamdaman niya. Bilang isang kaibigan, ang magagawa ko lang ay ang makinig at iparamdam na nasa tabi niya lang ako pag kelangan niya ng kausap. Nararamdaman ko ang mga emosiyong nararamdaman niya. Pinagdaanan ko na iyan ng ilang buwan at hanggang ngayon ay nararamdaman ko pa rin. Pinakamahirap sa lahat ay ang tanggaping ang taong pinakamamahal natin ay hindi na natin makakapiling.  Mahirap, masakit. Nasugatan ka na nga, binudburan pa ng asin. Hindi pa nakuntento, nilagyan pa ng kalamansi. Ganun kasakit. Actually, mas higit pa. Walang madaliang gamot sa sugat ng puso. Unless malandi ka lang talaga at nakahanap ka na nang bagong kalandian after 24 hours! Hinding-hindi maglalaho ang sakit pero pag pinaglaanan mo ng oras, unti-unting mawawala ang kirot at pighati. At kung may kasalanan siya sayo, patawarin mo siya. Kinakain ka rin galit. Kaya dapat magpatawad ka. Kung hindi man ngayon, at least one of these days, magagawa mong magpatawad. Mas madaling magmove-on pag walang hinanakit na nararamdaman sa puso.

Hayun, teh, may advice na ako. Sana maligaw ka minsan dito para mabasa mo. May sense din naman pala ako pagnagmuni-muni nang husto.

#love #advice #pagibig #hugot

[zalkoxyn]

#music #cover