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Today’s gay disaster:

So two firefighters came into my store this morning. Now, we get firefighters in the store once in a while, probably because our complex is perpetually setting off the fire alarm, and every time they show up my whole team fawns over them like they’re walking sex gods and I don’t really Get It.

But y’all. Two firefighters came into my store this morning, and I Get It. Because that woman was so goddamn attractive, with her dark eyes and her muscles and her strong hands and her charming smile and her casual confidence just lounging around like she owned the place and a;dlfghadfghdfg I have never looked at ANYONE and immediately stopped breathing but y’all it HAPPENED. This woman was so stunningly handsome that I literally cannot tell you what the other female firefighter in the room looked like beyond “I think she was blonde.”

But you know what, I’m BoH so I didn’t have to talk to the stunningly handsome firefighter, and that was fine. I minded my business and tried (and failed) not to look at her. Until the next guests came in, and I said “Hi, welcome in!” reflexively like I’m supposed to.

And this firefighter. She looked at me with this cheeky little smirk, and she said, “Hey now. You didn’t welcome me in.”

And instead of saying something coy, or charming, or clever, the words that actually came out of my mouth were: “Well, you’re very attractive, and it threw me off.”

Y’all she chuckled and she WINKED AT ME. And I’m pretty sure I died on the spot.

She was so charming that I didn’t realize until an hour later that she wasn’t wearing a mask and I’d forgotten to be annoyed about it.

#amazing #queueyou

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I just don’t know what to make of this Tor edition of Pride and Prejudice

#pride and prejudice #jane austen #queueyou

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man imagine getting an anal exam from carlisle. i know the mans a good doctor but his fingers are chilly….

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I will never not reblog Ang Lee’s S&S.

Sense and Sensibility (1995) dir. Ang Lee

#sense and sensibility #queueyou #emma thompson

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Nazca is so incredibly gay, rainbows shine out from the book when she speaks.

Capa Barsavi: Hello have you seen my daughter? She’s about this tall, clearly gay, but we haven’t had the talk yet.

#nazca barsavi is a lesbian #gentlemen bastards #queueyou

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Ezri: Jean is gonna get some pussy tonight

Jean: Oh thanks Ezri, but I already have, like, three different cats

Ezri, a moronsexual: *taking off her shirt* And you’re about to get a fourth

#jean tannen #the lies of locke lamora #ezri delmastro #incorrect gentleman bastards #queueyou

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This is true art right here

SPOILERS FOR TRICKSTER'S CHOICE AND TRICKSTER'S QUEEN BY TAMORA PIERCE

I read these novels for the first time and I absolutely loved them. Unfortunately these were my first Tortallan set stories but I cannot wait to read more! In fact I loved them so much I chose to make some low quality shitposts about them. Enjoy

#tamora pierce #trickster's choice #trickster's queen #tortall #memes #queueyou

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The Lay of Leithian

#luthien #beren #fan art #jrr tolkien #silmarillion

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Jean: Ask me why I love you.

Locke: *confused* Why do you love me, Jean...?

Jean: *pulls out a 200 slide presentation* I’m glad you asked.

#gentlemen bastards #locke lamora #queueyou

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samwise “these hands are rated e for everyone” gamgee 

#lord of the rings #samwise gamgee #laugh rule

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Wuv, twue wuv, wiw fowwow you fowewer...

Jean: *carries all the groceries on both arms*

Ezri: *reaches out to help*

Jean: *switches all the groceries to one arm to hold Ezri’s hand*

Ezri: that’s not what I-okay

#gentlemen bastards #jean tannen #ezri delmastro #queueyou

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luthe, dangling in the air: do i even weigh anything to you?

aerin, holding him up by the scruff of his neck: no. it's like holding a couple of grapes.

#robin mckinley #the hero and the crown #incorrect quotes

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Locke: Sabetha gave me a “get better soon” card

Jean: that’s surprisingly nice of her-

Locke: I’m not sick she just thinks I should do better

#the gentleman bastards #laugh rule #queueyou

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At last so desperate was the case of Barahir that Emeldir the Manhearted his wife (whose mind was rather to fight beside her son and her husband than to flee) gathered together all the women and children that were left, and gave arms to those that would bear them; and she led them into the mountains that lay behind, and so by perilous paths, until they came at last with loss and misery to Brethil. (J.R.R. Tolkien, The Silmarillion, “Of Beren and Lúthien”)

#silmarillion #tolkien #queueyou

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I could see Peter buying something like this for Harriet.

• Sleeveless dress.

Date: 1928-1930

Medium: Silk

#1920's fashion #1920's #lord peter wimsey #harriet vane #dorothy l. sayers

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Honestly they’re very sweet, in a super murderous evil kinda way!!

Is it bad if Requin and Selendri are my actual OTP ?

#red seas under red skies #scott lynch #the gentleman bastards

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I love the twins’ mother name situation. Like, I know the mother name is meant to be given by the mother and Fëanor butting in is definitely over-stepping but like, do we really blame him??

I appreciate coming up with names for seven children is not the easiest, especially when two of them arrive at the same time but like, this woman literally just went “fuck it, they can have the same one”. Because naming your twins the one name won’t cause confusion at all??? I can honestly understand where Fëanor is coming from when he suggests that maybe they shouldn’t inflict that headache on themselves? And that perhaps the twins might like to have their own identities? So of course Nerdanel, troll that she is, goes and gives one of them the blatantly cursed name of ‘Fated’ and Fëanor ‘s just like “What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck???”

#silmarillion #trolldanel #honestly she was probably just DONE at that point