transtalesofdoom

[transtalesofdoom]

(putting this long and boring german law post here because it's trans-specific content)

Prev tags are technically correct; The law still has to pass the Bundesrat, but the funky new trans law (called Selbstbestimmungsgesetz) is a so-called "Einspruchsgesetz" (=lit. "Objection Law"). This means that it's not special enough to potentially infringe on the rights or finances of the individual Bundesländer (=states). If it did, it would be a "Zustimmungsgesetz" (=lit. "Approval Law").

What this means, put about as simply as my bad-at-law-but-obligated-to-understand-parts-of-it-because-im-trans mind can, is this: - 'Zustimmungsgesetze' require explicit approval by the Bundesrat. If the Bundesrat does not approve, the law cannot pass. - 'Einspruchsgesetze', like this one, can be objected to by the Bundesrat, but this objection can be overruled by the Bundestag. (Who, as we recall, already passed the law, so the odds wouldn't be terrible) - In either case, the Bundesrat would order a re-evaluation of the law first, which could lead to changes to a law being suggested first, before the Bundesrat comes to a verdict. - Every law entering the Bundestag has already been discussed by the Bundesrat. We know their stances on every part of the law. We can tell that an objection to this law is highly unlikely.

Most importantly: - The Bundesrat has almost never made use of the option to object to an 'Einspruchsgesetz'.

If you're still here and interested in the numbers, let's look at the stats 1998-2021 (as the ones from 2021 onwards are still ongoing): During this period, the Bundesrat processed 1820 Einspruchsgesetze. It objected to 31 of those. That's 1.7% of laws objected to. Of these objections, 28 were overruled by the Bundestag. This means that only 3 'Einspruchsgesetze' were stopped by the Bundesrat. (all of them during the 1998-2002 period, btw)

In the two periods before this one, so from 2013-2021, the Bundesrat has not objected to a single Einspruchsgesetz. (I'm struggling a bit to decipher the numbers of the ongoing period, but if I'm reading them right, there has been no objection there either, which puts us on a 10+ year streak!)

TLDR: The Bundesrat is almost definitely going to pass the law without objection. We are getting new names and genders to go along with our weed!

(btw sorry to hear about your weed problems, bavarians, but that sounds like a skill issue)

Thinking about how Germany passed their highly anticipated new trans law less than two weeks after weed became legal

#also to be clear im not trying to shit on prev or anything #especially bc theyre right #i only looked up the odds and fell down a rabbit hole and now im making it everyone elses problem #german stuff #trans law #boring law stuff #german law #bundesTag #deutschland content #this post taught me more than my three years of Wirtschaft und Recht #trans #transgender #genderqueer #lgbtq #weed mention #crimes against the gender convention

[transtalesofdoom]

Had to email her about something else and mentioned the new name change law, and she replied that she was thinking of me when she heard about it <3

My therapist is coming back from maternity leave, so today we had our first session in months. I sent her a heads-up on what she's missed, including my "egg cracking" as the kids say.

Talked a bit about trans doubts and health care and how it all interacts with the rest of my issues.

She was very kind and understanding, offered insights, and also immediately removed the gendered honorifics from automatic messages.

It's the small things sometimes.

#personal #posts with no bigger point #trans #transgender #genderqueer #lgbtq #nb #nonbinary #crimes against the gender convention #trans experience #trans positivity #not to form a parasocial relationship with my therapist but i love her

[transtalesofdoom]

Name Change Episode IV: A New Law

So as of today, Germany's got a new law on the books! It'll take effect in November of this year. The so called "Selbstbestimmungsgesetz" (literally "self-determination law") will allow trans people to change their legal names and gender much, much more easily.

Here's a "quick" summary of my understanding:

There is a 3 month waiting period between your request for a name/gender change and the change actually taking effect. (As such, you may already file your request in August to have it kick in simultaneously with the new law.)

Requests must be accompanied by a statement that you understand what you are doing and what consequences this will have.

Kids have to be in agreement with their parents to file a request. If they disagree, a court will decide whether the request can be granted or not.

Adults cannot change their name and gender again for a year. Children are exempt from this waiting period.

If you revert to a previous gender, you must also revert to the names you had at this point. (ie, if I were to detransition, I would return to my birth name. I would not be allowed to choose a new female name.)

You may request new versions of all sorts of official documents to have them updated with your new name and gender, obviously at your own cost. The old versions will remain on file where applicable.

Being nonbinary does not exclude you from laws using gendered language (ie "no man or woman shall commit arson" would still apply if you are legally neither)

Revealing or uncovering a person's former gender without their permission is punishable by fine (although you can probably only take legal steps if this was done with intent to harm you).

If you are legally nonbinary, you may request a gendered passport under a few restrictions (This is necessary if you are travelling to countries where only binary identities are acknowledged and/or you might fear prosecution)

The law only covers the legal, bureaucratic aspect of a name and gender change. It does not settle any medical or social aspects. As such, there's quite a few... "shortcomings":

Trans people, or generally gender-nonconforming people, can be barred from gendered spaces at the owner's discretion. (They may or may not have legal options to fight back, but at that point the discrimination already happened)

There is no clear stance on sports. Both inclusion and exclusion seem allowed. (Again, that's not what the law is for, but codifying that exclusion may be allowed is still yucky.)

In case of crisis or war, changes will still be granted, but ignored in regard to the draft etc. Trans women requesting a change during or less than two months before a war would therefore be considered male and drafted.

Overall, it's about five steps forward and one step back, and that's a lot more than we usually get. We can also consider ourselves very lucky that the final version of the law does not include the paragraph in which any name/gender changes were automatically transmitted to law enforcement. You can imagine how that would go.

If I may drop my long form serious tone for a moment:

AAAAAAAAHAKJD OH MY GOD IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED I CAN CHANGE MY NAME THIS YEAR ALREADY HOLY SHIT OH MY GOD HJBSAKJDSADVADAS

Thank you.

#genderqueer #trans #transgender #crimes against the gender convention #lgbtq #nonbinary #queer #trans experience #trans law #some good news for once!! #german stuff #legal stuff #technically from yesterday because its 24 minutes past midnight #holy shit i still cant believe it #long post #also if i got any of it wrong and you believed me without double checking thats kinda on you for blindly trusting some tumblr post

[transtalesofdoom]

Very important update!!!!

As of today, the new law has been passed! Barring any cosmic level injustices, it will take effect in November. Trans People in Germany will be able to change their legal name and gender entirely based on entirely on their own identity within this year.

The new law is far from perfect, but it is a massive step forwards.

I'm getting myself a new name for Christmas :D

Rant on the legal process of changing your name (where I live). (It's not the US.)

!!! HI THIS IS NO LONGER ACCURATE !!! AS OF NOVEMBER 2024 THE PROCESS IS MUCH EASIER !!! WORKING ON A POST ABOUT IT !!!

Originally figured I should start this side blog with my (not actually) tragic backstory or something. But then I wanted to rant instead.

So here's the current situation on changing your name in Germany, where I live:

Absolute fucking bullshit. Currently, you need confirmation from two separate doctors (three in some places) that you are a trans man or woman to request a name change. You have to pay these evaluations yourself. This also enables you to change the gender marker on your ID. You can take an illegal shortcut by finding a doctor to forge papers saying you're intersex, which entitles you to change your name and gender marker.

There are plans to reform this policy by November into a new law that allows every person to declare their own name and gender within reason. You no longer need to provide any medical evidence, but your name and gender cannot be changed frequently (you must wait like, a year? three years? in between) and when changing back to a previous gender, you have to retake the name you had back then. Still leagues better than what we have right now.

Also the names you choose have to be actual legal names. They will check in an actual physical book if your name exists. Thankfully, Germany dropped the requirements for names to be clearly gendered a while ago, but we still have a bunch of restrictions on naming children. (And I am going to assume they apply to trans name changes too but there isnt much material on that.) As a fun sidenote, you can legally name your child Adolf if you have a valid reason for it, but you cannot name your child Judas. You know, because of the negative connotations.

Source for most of this: My good trans friend who has a 5-year head start on being trans and the bureaucratic shitshow that comes with it

#some good news for once!! #trans #trans rights #trans wrongs #name change #legal bullshit #transgender #genderqueer #lgbtq

[transtalesofdoom]

Rambles about TERFs, miscommunications, and echo chambers

Accidentally looked at a TERF blog and by accidentally I mean I clicked on it and scrolled down knowing it was a TERF, and didn't leave the very moment it made me uncomfortable.

Yikes, dudes. I know algorithm-based social media creates echo chambers, but yikes. It's so sad. They call themselves feminists, and I want to believe them. I'm going to believe that they want the best for women. But they've been so misled, so caught up in their anti-trans rhetoric, they've lost the plot.

This isn't something that's exclusive to TERFs, either. Every stance, no matter how well-intentioned, will eventually turn harmful if taken to a strong enough extreme. Let's do an example I frequently fall into myself:

"Gender is such a complex spectrum that applying a norm based on genitals at birth is detrimental." I think, if we sat down and discussed this calmly, TERFs and I could agree on this. There are more ways to be a woman than just one. There are more ways to being a man than just one. Neither is abnormal for not adhering to stereotypes. (Nonbinary identities are a different talking point for now, this post is getting long enough.) "There are no cis people." This is what I say more often. To me, it's the same stance, but I've exaggerated to the point of being reductive. What I mean is the same as the above. I'm trying to say that gender is too multifaceted to compress into a binary system, that the way we've structured the system makes it impossible to find any standardized norm that doesn't exclude a majority of people. I mean to convey that gender is an experience, and no person ever has the exact same experiences in their life. If I say "There are no cis people" to my agender roommate, they know what I'm trying to say. This is because we've had similar discussions. We've gone down the path from "Gender is such a complex spectrum that applying a norm based on genitals at birth is detrimental." together. If I say it to my cis cousin, he looks at me like I've lost my mind and tells me he's worried about the online circles I've been in. He has no context for my statement. I've reached a reductive extreme. If I now go into my local (read: online) trans positive echo chamber, I can say "There are no cis people" and some folks in my echo chamber will understand what I mean and echo it. And some people will not understand what I mean, but echo it regardless. And some people will fully misunderstand what I mean and echo it. I get no pushback for the reductive wording. They don't get any pushback for their reductive wording or misunderstanding. The cycle then repeats, until the statement has completely alienated an entire demographic.

The TERF echo chamber works the same. Every echo chamber works the same. The rift between factions and their respective echo chambers widens and widens. It's near impossible to have a productive conversation with a TERF, not because we're both bad at discussing, it's because we're working on entirely different levels. I'm not going to convince someone that trans people aren't evil if they fundamentally do not believe trans people exist. I can point to as many examples of trans people doing good as I want, but if you believe that the act of being trans is an inherently malicious act of deception, that won't sway you.

I've seen a bunch of discussion between TERFs and trans allies about whether trans identities, rhetoric, people, etc are dangerous to children or women or society or whatever. And it will never get anywhere. Because one side argues that a group of people should get to exist in peace. The other side does not believe this group of people is real.

I wish I had the patience to sit down and explain to every TERF calmly and respectfully why trans people are in fact real. Talk them through the science and the experiences of trans people. Show them why misogyny and transphobia share a common root of upholding the status quo and suppressing minorities. But I don't. I don't have the strength to repeatedly advocate for my very existence. I don't have the energy to explain that my experience with gender is both scientifically backed and valid even without scientific backing. I don't have the patience to convince people that I'm not a threat to anything but the status quo, and that the status quo should be abolished.

I'm a feminist. I'm a trans. I'm a woman. I'm not a woman. All of these are exhausting. And they'd be a little less exhausting if we could stop infighting and focus on our real enemy: Ronald Reagan.

Recommended reading: my post on the connection between transphobia and misogyny.

If you've read this far, and you'd like to engage in discussion, do so respectfully. I will block anyone who completely ignores the point of this post and resorts to attacks rather than dialing it down to find common ground to work from. Good faith discussion only and from all sides. I'm not your battleground. I'm tired.

I also welcome the addition of any comprehensive, accurate, and respectful source.

#serious post #long post #trans #transgender #genderqueer #lgbtq #queer #trans experience #misogyny #transphobia #terfs may look at this post without threat of my hooves #in fact terfs probably should look at this post #terf #crimes against the gender convention #trans rights #social media is a prison #be fucking kind to each other #peace and love

[transtalesofdoom]

The link between the patriarchy and transphobia becomes incredibly obvious once you realize that most, if not all, transphobia is about women being victims.

Trans Women are framed as men trying to take advantage of the inherently weaker """normal""" and innocent (read: cis) women. Invading their safe spaces. Following them into bathrooms and changing rooms to assault them. Competing against them to gain an unfair advantage (that they have because they're just naturally stronger, faster, smarter, tougher, etc). Taking away resources from the poor, disadvantaged women.

This rhetoric never acknowledges the sexism it's based on, nor questions the reason why women would need separate spaces in the first place. Women are victims, but if we blame the trans ones, we don't have to acknowledge what they're actually victims of.

Trans Men are seen not as men, obviously, but as women who have fallen victim to harmful ideology. Told to reject their natural feminine traits. Desperate to escape the chains of the patriarchy, they've been tricked into perceiving themselves as the "other" gender to change sides. They're not men, they're just confused, poor unfortunate souls. Victims of indoctrination.

This view, which is common among TERFs, not only frames women as easily manipulated fools, but by focusing on that, it once again gets to ignore the wider circumstances. Which is incredibly ironic. The idea itself is based on the patriarchy and sexism being so awful that people hate it and themselves so much to join an even more oppressed minority, yet somehow it remains agnostic to the patriarchy as the central problem.

If we vilify trans people, we can ignore the systemic injustice. Hell, we can even reinforce it. Men are Predators! Women are Prey! Those are inherent traits they cannot ever outgrow!

It's vile.

TLDR: Gender Essentialism is the Root of All Evil and if you consider yourself a feminist or any other form of gender related activist, but cannot recognize this, you will fail.

#rant #long post #genderqueer #trans #transgender #crimes against the gender convention #lgbtq #nonbinary #queer #feminism #terfs may look at this post without threat of my hooves #in fact terfs probably should look at this post #stop reinforcing the patriarchy with your attempt at feminism #we have a common enemy and its not trans people #its ronald reagan probably #that being said if you put anything transphobic in the notes i WILL stomp you to death with my fucking hooves #misogyny #transphobia #gender essentialism

[transtalesofdoom]

Personal experiences with Gender Roles as an AFAB Transmasc

I know not everyone's big on describing yourself with your assigned gender, but for me, it is a pretty significant part of myself and my upbringing specifically. And that's kinda what this post is about.

Growing up as a nonbinary transmasc, there weren't a lot of opportunities for me to have strong feelings about my gender, whether that'd be dysphoria or euphoria.

Presenting masculine-ish as a girl is pretty easy. It's socially very acceptable. We even have a word for it. Tomboy. If there's a non-derogatory version for feminine-presenting boys, I'm not aware of it. I wasn't a full butch tomboy, I kept my hair long and happily wore dresses to special occasions. I also wasn't exposed to particularly strong gender roles. My godfather wore his hair long. My mom being a single mom meant she had to fill the dad role too. My grandparents were equal to each other, even if my grandma was the housewife and my grandpa was the breadwinner - roles that they mostly wrapped up by the time I came around. My gender expression was never about gender, really. It was about convenience. Pants are comfier and allow free movement. Make-up just takes up time in the morning. Flat sneakers are comfier than anything with heels. I wore quite an amount of pink, not by explicit choice, but because they were convenient hand-me-downs. Wearing a pink sweater was more convenient than having to go shopping. Once I got older, I cut my hair short. Also for convenience, of course. (Spoiler: That one wasn't for convenience.) So I didn't really have an opportunity for an "aha" moment when expressing masculinity for the first time. It was just always kinda happening. And it wasn't particularly special. It wasn't like presenting more feminine bothered me, either. No "aha" moments from that side.

I think it's a little more difficult for transmascs to experience and especially identify gender dysphoria. Because growing up female, you're taught over and over that what makes you female is awful, inconvenient, and shameful. Boobs are heavy, painfully sensitive, they get in the way, and give you back problems. Wearing a bra hurts. Not wearing a bra hurts. Bras are expensive, too, but don't you dare show them in public. They're only acceptable in public when they're on poster advertisement models, looking seductively for some reason. When it comes to boobs, no one actually likes having them, but a lot of people enjoy looking at them. There's thousands of jokes about dicks or dick related masturbation. Middle schoolers draw dicks everywhere. It's the height of comedy. You ever see a vulva drawn somewhere? Know a joke or even a euphemism for masturbation involving a vulva/vagina? No, that's taboo. Periods are awful. There are so, so many things I could say here about menstruation, social stigma, pain, and so on. I'm not going to. You've heard it all before, countless times. Of course you hate your period. No one likes their period. There's another whole section I could write about women's role in society as caregivers, about emotional labor, everyday sexism, but you've heard all that as well and the post is long enough already.

Of course you hate being a woman. Being a woman is miserable.

And within this atmosphere, within this external and internalized misogyny, within this misery, how do you differentiate? How do you tell apart dysphoria and the pain of womanhood you've been told is normal? A lot of terfs use this a talking point. They like to claim that trans men are just women who couldn't cope with the misery of the patriarchy. This post isn't about debunking that, but I'd like to briefly go on record and say that they're full of shit. Trans Men are Men. Trans Women are Women.

As someone who hasn't experienced a lot of gender dysphoria or euphoria, this does leave me with the occasional wave of doubt. Are these really trans feelings? Do I just hate being a woman, the way every woman does?

Then I remember that gender is an entirely fake concept and I can do whatever the fuck I want.

#i think this is something we need to talk about more #transmascs reading this i love you and youre valid #terfs if you even look at this post i will stomp you to death with my hooves #crimes against the gender convention #long post #trans #transgender #personal #genderqueer #lgbtq #nonbinary #queer #nb #enby #transmasc #trans positivity #trans experience #trans men #trans masc #transmasculine #gender roles #misogyny #feminism #internalized misogyny #female socialization #afab

[transtalesofdoom]

Fun fact: After I realized I was transmasc, I completely forgot periods would still apply to me. Three weeks in and I was so baffled before I remembered I was running guy software on woman hardware.

why do i have a period i literally have he/him in my bio

#trans #transgender #transmasc #queer #genderqueer #crimes against the gender convention #lgbtq #trans experience #humorous #nb #nonbinary #menstruation #period mention

[transtalesofdoom]

I'm a bit conflicted about getting he/him'd online. Online pronouns in general are a weird thing.

Back when I was a woman, I was pretty insistent on people using she/her, because people would use he/him by default. When strangers immediately used she/her, half of the time they were about to be sexist. (Genuinely had a guy request to talk to a different moderator because I clearly was on my period. Don't miss my moderation days.)

Now I'm fine with any pronouns in theory, and he/him is my favorite of the bunch. But when people use he/him for me now (not counting online friends), it's almost definitely because that's their default. They just assume I'm a guy because everyone's a guy. And what am I gonna do? Correct them? "Hi yes my pronouns are indeed he/him, but not like that"?

There isn't really a pronoun that tells me people have perceived me in all my complexities. Before, she/her would at least be an indicator that I was more than the default Mii to them.

I know there's neopronouns, but they don't feel like something I want for myself. No pronouns is an option, but I know that gets annoying to implement.

So really, I'm fine with any, but you must also submit a 500-word essay on what my gender means to you emotionally, spiritually, and carnally.

#i was working on a lengthy rant but then tumblr decided it should cease existing #crimes against the gender convention #genderqueer #trans #transgender #lgbtq #nonbinary #queer #nb #enby #pronouns #rambles

[transtalesofdoom]

told my temporary psychiatrist I was trans and she asked in which direction

Perfect Reaction.

#crimes against the gender convention #trans #transgender #genderqueer #lgbtq #nonbinary #queer #nb #enby #trans experience

[transtalesofdoom]

The Label Thing - personal experience

I've talked previously about labels I've considered, used, or decided not to use in passing. Let's talk about it in a bit more detail!

I like labels. It's a personal preference, and I understand why someone wouldn't, but I like having words to describe myself with. I like having a handful of terms to explain my experiences quickly. I also like knowing that there's more people with these experiences, grouped under my label. Makes it feel a little less lonely.

Before the whole gender thing, I had already picked out the labels of biromantic asexual. Gender never really meant anything to me, and why would I care about stuff like genitals if I didn't intend to interact with them. Opted for bi over pan because it sounded nicer and the flag was prettier.

And then the gender thing happened and I suddenly had an entirely new experience to describe. One that was still developing.

The first day after I had come out to myself, I neither liked the term "man" nor "trans" for myself. Both seemed too solid for what I was. I was a dude or a guy, but a man? There's the whole societal aspect to it, how trans men can get treated poorly for "becoming the enemy", that I won't get into here, but it definitely was at play. And "trans" had an oddly definitive feeling to it. Like I had a gender and goal in mind, when I very much didn't. This was weird to me, because I knew that's not how the label is used. Anything that isn't cis can be labeled as trans. But at first it felt like I was appropriating it.

Nonbinary was a pretty safe catch-all. I was, by the very definition, not binary. Nor did I think anyone else was, but that was beside the point. Genderqueer was another option worth considering, since my gender was most definitely queer, but something about it didn't really click with me. Maybe it was the flag and the fact that certain trans-exclusionists used the same colors because they fancied themselves suffragettes.

I became a little more comfortable with it as the compound of transmasc. That was me. I was transing into the masculine. Not very committal, but a descriptor of what I was up to with the gender.

I still liked the term "woman", weirdly enough. Having watched so many Woman-Power movies (shoutout to Oceans 8 and Birds of Prey specifically), it had taken a while for me to fully embrace that label to begin with, and once I had managed to find it empowering, I didn't want to let go of it again. Even if I was transmasc, "Woman" by Kesha was too good of a song to leave behind. I was a motherfucking woman!

I did a bit more snooping around into other labels to see if anything would stick. I found and read the comics by ND Stevenson, and came across the ones where he describes being bigender. And I liked that description. It resonated with me. Especially because he references the Kesha song, I guess. 'Vibrating between genders too fast to see' felt relatable. So maybe I was bigender?

But I wasn't vibrating between male and female. Those were a part of it, sure, but there was more. And also less. I was every gender and no gender simultaneously. And while that is a possible subgroup of bigender, it once again felt like using the term, although I liked it, wouldn't properly convey my experience.

That night I decided to coin "fuckgender", only to discover that not only did this label already exist, but it also described exactly what I was feeling. (Not to be confused with genderfuck.) And yet, while that was a fun little anecdote, it wasn't what I wanted from a label. And the fact that other people were using it, thereby turning it into a functioning microlabel, made it less appealing to me, somehow.

Instead, I decided to embrace "trans" as an umbrella term for the time being. I didn't really need to define it any further. "transmasculine nonbinary" worked well enough to convey my identity to others. I could elaborate for those who wanted to know more. For myself, the label was the same as my gender. It was kinda there and kinda not, both everything and nothing all at once. More of a general vibe than an actual word.

And that works for now. Maybe that will change. Probably, even. I might embrace bigender, or multigender, I might find my trans experience to be binary enough to go by trans man. Maybe I'll do a U-turn and become a nonbinary woman.

There's only one way to find out and personally, I'm excited for it.

#trans #transgender #personal #crimes against the gender convention #genderqueer #lgbtq #nonbinary #queer #nb #enby #transmasc #transmaculine #bigender #multigender #labels #label #microlabels #trans positivity #trans experience

[transtalesofdoom]

By far the funniest part was when she called me for a scheduling thing and I, someone who answers the phone with my full name, picked up and froze up because I haven't settled on a name and therefore had no idea how to answer the phone.

Unfortunately I don't think I can register "panicked silence" as my new legal name

My therapist is coming back from maternity leave, so today we had our first session in months. I sent her a heads-up on what she's missed, including my "egg cracking" as the kids say.

Talked a bit about trans doubts and health care and how it all interacts with the rest of my issues.

She was very kind and understanding, offered insights, and also immediately removed the gendered honorifics from automatic messages.

It's the small things sometimes.

#personal #posts with no bigger point #trans #transgender #genderqueer #lgbtq #nb #nonbinary #crimes against the gender convention #trans experience #more rants coming soon

[transtalesofdoom]

To elaborate:

Comics by ND Stevenson || the tumblr post that shows up if you google fuckgender || Text messages I sent to my friend in the middle of the night back in january

hope this helps <3

#i dont subscribe to any particular gender tho #i trans-cend the terminology #for ease of understanding i typically describe it as nonbinary/genderqueer transmasc #gender is unknowable #crimes against the gender convention #genderqueer #trans #transgender #queer #nonbinary #fuckgender

[transtalesofdoom]

hope this helps <3

#crimes against the gender convention #gender is unknowable #genderqueer #trans #transgender #queer #nonbinary #shitpost #fuckgender

[transtalesofdoom]

I don't intend to go on HRT, but it would be very funny to have a transphobe confront me about taking hormones and changing my natural body's functions.

I have a dysfunctional thyroid. I have been taking hormones for that since age nine, otherwise I would currently be dead.

#crazy huh #trans #transgender #genderqueer #crimes against the gender convention #nonbinary #queer #lgbtq #nb #enby #shitpost

[transtalesofdoom]

My therapist is coming back from maternity leave, so today we had our first session in months. I sent her a heads-up on what she's missed, including my "egg cracking" as the kids say.

Talked a bit about trans doubts and health care and how it all interacts with the rest of my issues.

She was very kind and understanding, offered insights, and also immediately removed the gendered honorifics from automatic messages.

It's the small things sometimes.

#personal #posts with no bigger point #trans #transgender #genderqueer #lgbtq #nb #nonbinary #crimes against the gender convention #trans experience #trans positivity #more rants coming soon

[transtalesofdoom]

The Ghost in the Mirror: Coming out to Myself

continued from here; long post about realizing I was trans all along. It's a good read, 4 out of 5 stars, recommend.

During the second half of 2023, I tried a different name. Just with my close friends and online, to see how it felt. Not even really for gender reasons, just because a strained relationship with my mother made me dislike my given name. At least that's what I told myself, and to this day I don't know if that was true or not.

Christmas that year was stressful. I spent it at my grandmas and interacted way too much with my family. On the 28th, in between Christmas and New Years, I was up in the guest bathroom, brushing my teeth way too late at night. I looked up at the mirror - and the person I saw was a man.

This had never happened before. There was nothing different about my appearance. I'd had short hair plenty of times before, and the current haircut wasn't recent, either. I had always seen myself in the mirror, and every flaw that came with it. The weird, mostly cis woman shaped blob of mismatched features. But not that night. Not in that very moment.

The person in the mirror was, undeniably, me. But a guy. A dude. A man. I was scared to blink or look away, just in case the moment would pass. I tilted my head. Turned it left and right. After a while, I dare to pull faces and ruffle my hair to change the perception of myself. It stays a dude. At the most extreme, I manage 'genderless bog witch caught at unflattering angle'. But it's still a guy.

And as I look at this version of myself, that looks no different than I usually do, and yet is completely different, it all falls into place. The new name I've been trying, it's the wrong one. The guy in the mirror has a different name, the other name I had been considering. The more masculine of the two.

But what's really, truly astounding, was my face. The same face I had scrutinized in the mirror so many times. The nose too big, the eyes too slim, the mouth too droopy. Until now. Now, out of nowhere, my face made sense. Everything had suddenly come together. This was my face. A guys face. And it looked exactly the way it was meant to be. It just made sense.

And that was the first time I felt gender euphoria.

Of course, finally realizing you're a dude brings a whole new set of questions. Especially if you're not of the binary variety. I'm going to fast-forward you to the conclusion of the next few months of questioning: Gender is unknowable, I trans-cend all mortal labels, but if I have to explain it, I typically go for "trans masculine" and/or "genderqueer", and yes I can still call myself "gay" when looking at women. Everything's gay with the right attitude.

#crimes against the gender convention #trans #transgender #genderqueer #trans masc #queer #nonbinary #enby #nb #lgbtq #trans rights #long post #origin story #gender #gender euphoria #self discovery