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thestrategicmom · 3 years

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Jesus Take the Wheel: 4 Life Lessons Worth Embracing Today

Two weeks ago, I kicked off my 33rd year, or as Internet culture would call it, my ‘Jesus year.’ At the age of 33, Jesus of Nazareth is believed to not only have accomplished his most important work, but also been betrayed, arrested, and crucified. Now age 33 is described as the year you’re “reborn in some sense. Perhaps a mid-life crisis, perhaps an ego death, perhaps the year where you abandon old ways and start new."

Well, if the last two weeks are any indication, my Jesus year will be very eye-opening and eventful. Right on the heels of 2020, and after an amazing birthday/Valentine’s day weekend, I, like many other Texans, awoke last Monday morning to no power, no heat, and freezing temperatures. Worst of all, my family was left with no real answers about what was happening, who was at fault, or when it would end. While we’re extremely fortunate things have since returned to normal, the dawn of my 33rd year and the events of last week got me thinking, regardless of age or religious leanings, how might our world be different if we let the little Jesus inside each of us take the wheel? How much more love and growth might we experience? How much avoidable suffering and pain might we prevent?

These thoughts led me to 4 stand-out lessons from the life of J.C. that are worth adopting as we each embark upon another month, week, and day in pursuit of our uniquely ordained mission and purpose…

1) Love is Everything. Everything is Love.

If we were to take only one lesson from the legacy of Jesus, it’d be: always respond with love. In fact, I’d argue that if we weren't constantly bombarded by capitalist ideals, incentives, and inequities, we’d quickly realize that true wealth is defined by love, not money.

So how can we adopt a perpetual principle of love in our daily lives? It’s simple. Live by the Golden Rule. Whether you heard it from the Bible, Islam, Buddhism, Judaism, your parents or a school teacher, the fundamental rule remains the same: treat others the way you want to be treated. So how do you want to be treated? For most, we’d like to interact with someone kind, considerate and compassionate. So, in every situation with others, think about how you’d like to be treated and lead by example. Whether it involves listening more, being more considerate, or showing and more readily vocalizing acts of compassion daily, love is a whole mood, vibe, and guiding principle Jesus lived by that our world could use a heck of a lot more of. While we control ourselves, we can’t control other people, so don’t be discouraged if despite treating someone like you want to be treated, they don’t give you the same energy.

2) Be Authentically You

Most of us struggle with a need for approval, whether it’s general approval from others, energy spent wondering what others think, or letting your comparison to others impact how you view yourself. While these issues have plagued humanity since the beginning of time, the recent proliferation of social media has made it even easier to become preoccupied with the opinions of others. What made Jesus unique is while he wanted to be recognized for who he was, he carried himself with an unshakable confidence in his identity, value and role in this world and was not easily discouraged by misunderstanding, disapproval, and outright hatred from others.

What could we achieve if we carried ourselves with the same unshakeable confidence? What more could we accomplish if we ignored our insecurities, naysayers, and self saboteurs and moved with undeniable assurance in who we are as individuals?

3) Allow Your Actions to Speak Louder than Words

The miracles and works of Jesus emphasize one enduring theme: show, don’t just tell. While words tell who you want to be, actions prove who you really are. So how can we get off our butts, put on our Nikes, and just do it?

Set and regularly review target goals and habits: Before we can get moving forward in any direction, we have to determine where we need to go. Make a to-do list at the start of each week, then cut it down until you’re left with the 4-6 most important tasks you need to complete in the next 24-72 hours. Include at least a few items that are easily achievable and at least one regular action connected to a habit you’re looking to build. One example is waking up a little before your family so you have some time to focus on your energy and well-being before the hustle and bustle of the day starts. Another example is dedicating a predetermined amount of time per day to actively engaging with your kids. Set up a mid-week check-in to monitor your progress and adapt or re-commit as needed.

Tackle the ‘quick wins first’: The best way to build confidence and momentum around the actions you want to take is to stop thinking and start doing. Since all goals and actions aren’t created equal, it’s always smart to start with a few high-value quick wins that can get you moving forward. Remember, progress is a direction not a speed and success is a series of small victories, so start small and celebrate every step, no matter how micro, along the journey.

Prune, Baby, Prune: We can’t bear the fruit each of our lives is destined to yield if we’re carrying unnecessary dead weight. This dead weight can come in the form of toxic relationships, insecurities, habits, belongings, destructive mindsets and any other “stuff” we accumulate on our unique life journeys. Just as gardeners must regularly remove unwanted branches from their plants to improve their structure, and direct new, healthy growth, so must we! How much more growth could we experience if we regularly dedicated time for reflection, retrospection, and deliberate removal of the things that are stunting our growth? I’m dedicating February of every year and the 12th of every month to evaluating and purging the habits, belongings, and mindsets that are non-essential and occupying space that could be used to serve new goals, experiences, opportunities and beginnings. When can you set aside time for regular pruning?

4) Look for Opportunities to Serve

Whether you look to Jesus, Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa, or Gandhi, those remembered for making the most profoundly positive impact on the world lived a life in service to others. Muhammad Ali said it best, “Service to others is the rent you pay for your room on this earth.” Service is simply defined as, “helping or doing work for someone”. Living a life of service doesn’t have to be grand; it can merely involve seeking opportunities to be a blessing to someone else. Here are a few easy ways to serve others daily.

Serve Your Family: Cook a meal, help out a family member, or engage in another act of service not because it’s your turn or in search of a thank you, but because you can. Start each day seeking to answer one question for those closest to you: “How can I help you today?”

Serve at Work: We often view our jobs as just a way of making a living, but our work is a part of our service to the world. Regardless of whether you’re a lawyer, doctor, entrepreneur, grocery store clerk, or stay-at-home parent, every day your work has a reverberating “butterfly effect” on others. Approach your job as an act of service. Show respect, kindness, and genuine interest in others’ lives outside of work. Encourage, be a sounding board, and seek higher purpose in the work you do by examining why you do it.

Serve Your Community: Find ways to show others they matter and do so with zero expectation of anything in return. Mentor. Donate. Send someone an encouraging note or just smile at someone in passing (smize if you’re wearing a mask). Help someone achieve a goal or promote someone else’s idea or project. In whatever you do, seek to give the gift everyone wants and everyone can afford: kindness.

Not unlike the last year, an objective analysis of Jesus’s 33rd year reminds us that big things can happen in the span of one year. Leaders can fail, societies can be disrupted, and many lives can be lost; however, on a much brighter note, people can evolve, societies can heal, and the best gift of all can emerge: growth. So, as we close out another week, I encourage us all to embrace a posture of mental, physical, spiritual, and social growth, and if you’re wondering what that practically means, simply consider one question, “What would Jesus do?” If you enjoyed this post and would like more information on being intentional with your life, download my free ebook on living your life on purpose and with purpose. Also, check out my posts on value and goal-based living, intentional self-care, childcare and development, and relationships.

#intentionality #intentional living #intentional parenthood #purposeful living #living life on purpose #life lessons from jesus #lessons learned from jesus #jesus year #self improvement #personal development #personal growth #ways to grow as a person #ways to love like jesus #self help #self improvement tips #growth #purpose

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thestrategicmom · 3 years

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Dr. King’s ‘Love in Action’: Practical Steps for Forgiveness

Today commemorates the life and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and this year Dr. King’s message seems more needed than ever. Maybe it’s the deadly pandemic ravaging the world and disproportionately killing people of color. Maybe it’s due to recent visuals of violent, unapologetic mobs storming our nation’s Capital, or because the unjust killings of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Andre Hill are still fresh in our minds. One thing remains true, decades after his death, the realization of Dr. King’s dream seems nowhere close to our current reality.

In my efforts to stay motivated and hopeful during this time of change and chaos, I was brought back to four key mindsets I discussed in my 2020 Vision series: gratitude, intentionality, optimism and faith/serenity. While each of these mindsets continue to be critical, Dr. King’s 1963 sermon entitled “Love in Action'' emphasizes another fifth, equally important mindset: forgiveness. King describes Jesus’s painful and agonizing death upon the cross, when rather than uttering words of revenge and retribution, he simply replies “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” King explains that Jesus’s words demonstrate that forgiveness transcends a single action. Forgiveness is a permanent attitude that must become instinctive and habitual, allowing us to access radical love.

Forgiving others and more importantly yourself can assist in adopting the spirit of constant forgiveness Dr. King preached about and invite growth, improved health, peace, and divine love into your life this year and for years to come.

Forgiving Others

The type of forgiveness Dr. King preaches about isn’t the occasional acceptance of an “I’m sorry.” It’s a perpetual extension of mercy. Forgiveness is like a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it gets. Practicing forgiveness everyday helps build a habit of instinctively responding to hurt, wrong, and injustice with empathy and understanding. Here are three practical ways to move from enraged to enlightened, and welcome more joy in your life and love in your heart.

Let it out, then let it go: The worst thing you can do is to keep your emotions bottled up. So, let it out! Think about ways you’ve been hurt throughout your life. Write a letter, journal, talk with a friend or professional counselor, or channel your pain into a creative work. After you’ve begun the process of letting it out, commit to letting it go. It may take time, so be gentle with yourself. Attempt to dedicate a mindful minute each day to focusing on the pain that’s been inflicted, breathing in the emotions you feel, and breathing out forgiveness as you affirm, “I forgive. I release. I deserve peace.”

Look for meaning in the madness: The best way to turn the pain that surrounds us into power is by proactively seeking to learn from our losses. Seek to heal by finding meaning in what you’ve learned or gained because of the pain. Experience is the best teacher so try to turn every test into a testimony.

Believe in the promise of a better tomorrow: Our world is full of oppression and inequality. However, what connects forgiveness to optimism and faith is the promise of change, improvement, and evolution. We should seize every opportunity to learn from our past while releasing any pain and resentment that binds us so we can focus on designing a better tomorrow for ourselves, our children, and the world.

Forgiving Yourself

While forgiving others is important, like faith and gratitude, the most fundamental and primary form of forgiveness is forgiveness of self. In fact, the person that many of us must ask forgiveness from the most is ourselves. It’s important to acknowledge when we do something wrong or we risk falling prey to the same mistakes, but we must give ourselves the same grace and compassion that we seek to extend to others.

Own your wrongs/shortcomings: Reflect on and acknowledge things or areas you can improve. Go beyond rationalizing and creating excuses and own it! Whether it involves writing your wrong or holding a mirror confessional, take the time to articulate what you did or didn’t do, the emotions you’re experiencing, and any effects of your actions on yourself or others.

Make a ‘do better’ plan: Seek to understand the motivation behind your actions or lack of action. Ask yourself, “What underlying conditions or beliefs made me act this way or are holding me back from doing what I need to?” Create a “‘do better’ plan”. Your ‘do better’ plan should be no more than two sentences written on two post-its somewhere visible, and describe affirmations or actions you’ll now take to prevent from making the same mistake in the future.

Look on your bright side: Focus on and celebrate your bright side. Create a personal “Win List” detailing the successes or things you’re doing well. Try to come up with at least 10 wins across areas such as family, friendships, personal development, education, business, culture, service, etc. Place your list somewhere where you can see it regularly, then read through your list at least once a week or whenever you’re feeling discouraged as a reminder that you aren’t the sum of your mistakes. Continue to add to your “Win List” as often as you can. Reflecting on our wins conditions our minds to have confidence in and manifest more victories in the future.

Dr. King understood something powerful that we all can benefit from: forgiveness is a gift to ourselves more than anything else. Rather than dwell in anger, angst and anxiety over the pain that others have inflicted upon you or the pain you’ve inflicted upon yourself and others, embrace the peace and power that comes from releasing those negative emotions and grudges because, “they know not what they do…” Dr. King’s dream of equality is still being written, but we can get one step closer to his dream through “love in action” or actively demonstrating forgiveness toward ourselves, others, and our society.

If you enjoyed this post and would like more information on being intentional with your life, download my free ebook on living your life on purpose and with purpose. Also, check out my posts on value and goal-based living, intentional self-care, childcare and development, and relationships.

#forgive #forgiveness #Martin Luther King #MLKDay #MLKDay2021 #Forgive Others #Forgive Yourself #Ways to Forgive Yourself #Ways to Forgive Others #Tips for Forgiveness #Injustice #Love in Action #Dr King 2021 #Help Forgiving #Importance of Forgivenesws #Self-Care

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thestrategicmom · 3 years

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Setting and Achieving Your Goals in 2021…

What a year! Despite how good, bad, or downright ugly you thought 2020 has been, a new year comes with new possibilities, plans and opportunities. Whether your new year plans involve goal-setting, creating a vision board, or setting a few new years resolutions, consider this a chance to reflect on who you want to be and what you need to do to transform into the person you’re destined to become.

When we traditionally prepare to begin a new year, we start by setting arbitrary goals and new year’s resolutions — commitments to exercise more, get organized, or save more money. However, if we want to make a plan that truly propels us toward the future we want to create, I’ve found that a better starting point is one simple question,”Who do I want to be?”

Once we determine who we want to be, we can better identify the habits we need to develop to become said person, which is where goals become handy. Goals are small milestones that can help us gain confidence and stability at each step required to accelerate us toward our desired future state.

Check out the brief video below for practical ways to set and execute the right goals in 2021 and beyond…

In 2021, make your next move your best move, by using your goals and habits to race toward the future you want to create for yourself and your family.

Happy New Year!

Alneada

#Balancing Motherhood #Self Development #Self-Care #Goals

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thestrategicmom · 3 years

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Socially Distanced Celebration Ideas

Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, baby showers and gender reveals. While celebrations currently look quite different, celebrations are still very important and necessary! The party doesn’t have to end. In fact, it shouldn’t! Celebrating life’s milestones help us feel connected to our communities during a time when we can’t physically get together.

Need some inspiration for your next celebration? Check out the video below for tips for planning and executing a socially distanced celebration that is actually fun and memorable!

Peace, love, intentionality, and celebration!

XX,

Alneada

#happiness #Relationships #Self-Care

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thestrategicmom · 3 years

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Best Learning Apps for Kids

With our increased time at home, screen time has become an inevitable reality, but rather than a brain drain, it can actually be used to benefit your child’s learning and development. To transform screen time from your arch nemesis to your best friend, remember two cardinal principles: (1) quantity; and (2) quality.

Quantity: You want to be mindful of how much time your child is spending consuming content via a tablet, smartphone, computer, or television. Remember, what is measured is mastered, so use Apple’s Screen Time, or Zift to monitor how much time your child is spending online and exactly what they’re doing. You can also limit screen time to specific times of day to help build moderation into your screen time routine.

Quality: Be intentional about making sure your child is engaging with content that’s interactive and supports their growth and development. Prioritize mental stimulation over mere consumption. This means engaging with content that promotes phonics, mathematics, oral language development, and creativity. You also want to take time to complete the digital activities with your little one before you send them off to work independently. This provides an opportunity to model appropriate use, and demonstrate how to be successful at each activity, minimizing frustrating, unproductive moments for your child.

Check out the video below to hear about my absolute favorite educational apps for toddlers and early age children. I used many of these apps when I was an English as a Second Language (ESL) kindergarten teacher, and my husband and I now incorporate them into our routine as busy parents.

When used appropriately, screen time can be a powerful resource for growth, entertainment, social engagement, and experience. So, stop feeling guilty and start being strategic about how it’s being used in your home, and click the video below to hear about some practical learning apps that can help you do just that.

#Child Development

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thestrategicmom · 4 years

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How To Be Happy in 5 Easy Steps!

Feeling blue? Looking for ways to cope with chronic stress and anxiety?

With COVID-19 cases continuing to rise and winter quickly approaching, it’s quite easy to overlook moments of joy and fall prey to anxiety, stress, and depression. In fact, while the pursuit of happiness has been a topic of discussion for as long as any of us can remember, a recent poll from the National Opinion Research Center (NORC) at the University of Chicago found that, Americans are at their unhappiest point in almost 50 years.

So, what are we to do? First, we must realize happiness isn’t just an emotion or feeling; it’s a choice. It’s a mindset that requires we surround ourselves and consciously look for ways to create more sustainable habits that bring us joy . In the below video, I share 5 practical strategies for boosting your joy and increasing your happiness.

Prioritize habits that give you energy

Setup Gratitude Triggers

Engage in media distancing

Be conscious of your emotions

Confirm your basic needs are being met

So don’t let our current situation steal the joy you and your family need and deserve. Turn that frown upside down, and start taking steps TODAY to more intentionally manage your thoughts, habits, and feelings to seize your happy!

Sending you lots of peace, love, and intentionality!

Alneada

#Self-Care #Self Development #happiness

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thestrategicmom · 4 years

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Designing Your Best Life | Intentionality 101

Feeling overwhelmed, overworked, and completely over it! Well, you’re not alone. Often, in our journeys to “have it all” or, at least, a small piece of all that life has to offer, we find ourselves feeling this way. Why? Because we believe the answer is to work more hours, do more, lean in, try harder, and exert more energy.

The answer isn’t to do more. In fact, the answer is to do less with more intentionality.

Intentionality encourages us to direct our thoughts and actions toward a specific aim or outcome. Imagine that we’re archers. Our minds are bows, and each of our thoughts and actions are arrows. If we’re operating with intention, our arrows will be directed at and are ultimately much more likely to hit the specific targets we want, rather than randomly shooting with our eyes closed hoping that we eventually hit a target.

We must abandon the dreams and blueprints for success that have been sold to us and define what the heck we really want so we can use intentionality to turn those dreams and visions into our reality.

It's time to stop dreaming about your best life and start living it! In this video I share strategies for designing and living the life you want, need, and deserve. You can also access my exclusive free eBook, Designing Your Fit-For-Purpose Life for step-by-step instructions for designing your Fit-For-Purpose life.

So, watch the video, check our the eBook, and if you find anything helpful, do us all a favor and share the wealth. Remember, we’re all on this journey together…

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thestrategicmom · 4 years

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How to TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE | Living on Purpose with Purpose

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thestrategicmom · 4 years

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How Trader Joe’s Can Emerge from COVID-19 As The Greatest of All-Time (G.O.A.T.) Grocery Chain

The following post is not a paid promotion or endorsement.

Despite our changed COVID-19 reality, there’s one thing that remains constant…our need for food. While some may depend on takeout or even growing their food, there’s a high likelihood that you or someone in your household will be thinking about, planning for, or venturing out to do some grocery shopping in the near future. Last week, it was time for me to restock on groceries, so I put on my mask and ventured out to one of my favorite grocery store chains, Trader Joe’s. Founded in California in 1967 by a man named Joe, Trader Joe’s has earned a cult-like following over the last decade.

Why do I and so many others love Trader Joe’s so much? I’d say it’s a combination of their high quality one-of-a-kind products, crazy affordable prices that are generally 16% lower than other grocery stores, and customer service with a genuine personal touch. I’ve always been impressed with Trader Joe’s fundamental value proposition based on their products, people, and pricing, but seeing their COVID-19 safety measures during my most recent visit, made me realize that Trader Joe’s has the potential to earn the title of G.O.A.T., greatest grocer of all time.

While some may argue that Trader Joe’s has already reached G.O.A.T. status, I see some room for growth. Below, I go in depth into Trader Joe’s fundamental strengths (Product, People, and Pricing), their new COVID safety measures, and an opportunity for them to emerge from COVID-19 as the greatest grocery store of all time by expanding into minority communities .

Products

You can’t start a discussion about Trader Joe’s without talking about their products. In fact, if you’ve ever heard someone rant about how great Trader Joe’s is, they probably began by talking about an amazing specialty product that can only be purchased at Trader Joe’s. Whether it’s cookie butter (a delicious biscoff-cookie-flavored spread), or a 10-minute frozen bag meal that tastes like your favorite takeout restaurant at a fraction of the price and risk, Trader Joe’s products have become even more vital now that we’re spending so much time at home.

Here are some of my favorite products (Bonus: Click here to download a free Trader Joe’s shopping list I created):

Undeniably Delicious Frozen Foods: In my humble opinion, Trader Joe’s has some of the best frozen foods I’ve ever tasted, and they’re clearly cheaper than frozen items at other grocery stores. Frozen meals are a quick and easy way to make lunch or dinner in minutes with little prep and minimal cleanup. Some of my go-tos include:

Chinese take-out replacements: Mandarin orange chicken, BBQ chicken teriyaki, the mildly sweet and spicy beef and broccoli, and chicken fried rice. I typically serve the first three with minute rice and bam! Dinner or lunch is served.

Indian take-out replacements: Chicken Tikka Masala (just buy it and I promise you’ll thank me later), vegetable panang curry, and butter chicken with basmati rice

Italian take-out replacements: Mushroom and Black Truffle Flatbread (decadent but so damn delicious), roasted vegetable lasagna (a little pricier than other items but also feeds more people), fettuccine with mushrooms, and stacked eggplant parmesan

Hamburger Helpers: If you’re looking for some frozen meat patties to jazz up your ordinary burger, look no further than Trader Joe’s frozen food aisle. From the turkey burgers and chili lime chicken burgers, to the salmon burgers and mahi burgers (which I like to complement with my favorite seafood seasonings or marinades), their frozen burger patty options are the truth!

Desserts: So, I’ve hated chocolate my entire life (Yes, I know it’s weird…), so I haven’t truly been able to enjoy all the amazing frozen desserts Trader Joe’s offers. However, their macarons, which are also found in the frozen aisle, are one of my all-time favorites. They’re $4.99 for a dozen and allow you to imagine yourself enjoying each bite in a quaint little pastry shop an hour outside of Paris. Don’t we need more food like this in our lives right now? Oui. Oui.

Tasty Yet Budget Friendly Wine : I first discovered Trader Joe’s in college when I was introduced to Charles Shaw wine, or ‘2 buck chuck’. Yes, for just $1.99, you could have your pick of a regular sized bottle of decent red or white wine. While my wine taste has evolved since then, Trader Joe’s still has a large collection of inexpensive, yet tasty wines that I enjoy.

Crazy Affordable Organic Fresh Produce: Another area where Trader Joe’s shines is their fresh produce. Not only do they have a good variety of items, but their organic and non-organic fruits and vegetables are also typically cheaper than their competitors. While there are some who say Trader Joe’s produce doesn’t stay fresh as long as other grocers, that hasn’t been my experience to-date.

Snacks and Munchies: It would take multiple posts to describe the variety of chips, popcorns, and dips Trader Joe’s offers, but here are my top 5 absolute must-haves:

Speculoos Cookie Butter: Think about buying a jar of peanut butter only to find out that someone replaced the peanuts with those delicious biscoff cookies they give away on Delta Airline flights. There are so many different ways to enjoy this finger-licking good spread, but my favorite is dripped over apple slices, or fresh strawberries

Restaurant Style Tortilla chips: I’d put Trader Joe’s restaurant style tortilla chips head-to-head against any other grocery store’s tortilla chips. Heat them up in the microwave for 10 to 15 seconds and you’d swear they came straight out of your favorite Mexican restaurant.

Roasted Plantain chips: Delicious and a great snack for little people; can easily be paired with guacamole, queso, or any of your favorite dips

Spinach and artichoke dip: While this is technically in the frozen food aisle, I placed it here because it epitomizes the very essence of an appetizer or snack. Warm the dip up in the microwave per instructions on packaging, and garnish with grated parmesan. Serve with pita chips, tortilla chips, or crackers. It’s crazy delicious. Nothing more to say.

Rhubarb and Strawberry soda: So this isn’t a snack per se, but I couldn’t end our product list without shouting out one of my fizzy indulgences and the perfect addition to any mocktail or cocktail. It’s great by itself, and can be used to create a simplified twist on the strawberry mojito. Bottoms up!

Pricing

Beyond products, what makes Trader Joe’s value proposition so compelling, particularly during this time, are its prices. At most grocers, you have to pay a premium for quality; however, at Trader Joe’s, that isn’t always the case. You can easily get quality, uniqueness, and affordability all in one place, and often from one item. Why is that, you ask? 80% of Trader Joe’s products are made for its private label, which means their supply chain costs are much lower, allowing them to pass these cost savings on to consumers.

People

While their products and pricing help Trader Joe’s stand out amongst their competition, many would argue that their strongest attribute is their people. As a proud customer, I would describe Trader Joe’s culture in one word, community. From their friendly cashiers to their crew members passing out samples with a smile, they seem like they’ve cracked the code on how to keep their employees engaged, productive, and seemingly satisfied, which is increasingly comforting and pretty inspiring during times like these.

Safety Precautions

Products, pricing, and people have always been integral to Trader Joe’s value proposition; however, I’ve been extremely impressed by how thoroughly Trader Joe’s has adapted to our “COVID-19 new normal” with updated safety precautions. While all businesses are taking additional precautions to help ensure safety amid the constant threat of COVID-19, Trader Joe’s was one of the few grocery stores that made me feel like they’re taking the precautions because they genuinely care, and not as a check-the-box license to operate. I’m not sure if it’s the fact they limit the number of shoppers inside the store, have a strict separation of clean and used grocery carts, or the sight of crew members walking the aisles wiping down items, but they’ve created a level of safety/security that I’ve rarely felt in public since COVID-19 became a reality.

Path to Greatness

While Trader’s Joe’s value proposition is defined by a combination of superior quality, uniqueness, community, and affordability, for its entire history, Trader Joe’s has been a luxury reserved for the educated, privileged, and disproportionately white subset of America that happens to live in one of the high-income areas where the company sets up shop. But, what if Trader Joe’s opened stores in underserved communities of color, helping to combat the countless food deserts across this country? Not only would this provide families in these communities with access to quality, healthy, and affordable food, it would also provide earners in these communities with practical training on customer-centric management, operations and service. While it may sound a little crazy, if done right and in combination with other policies in support of their crew members’ safety and the broader fight for a more just future, Trader Joe’s could send a powerful message and show that they believe in and stand for something far bigger than just paper and green ink.

I’d like to close on a note of gratitude and action...

Trader Joe’s, I appreciate you. I appreciate your products. I appreciate your crew members, and I appreciate the fact that you’re not charging me an arm, leg, and kidney for a bag of avocados. Most of all, during a time when community and public spaces have become synonymous with danger and illness, I appreciate the added safety, communal solidarity and consciousness I felt when I walked into your store.

So Trader Joe’s, consider this a call to action. I implore you to share your shopping experience of empathy and dignity and demonstration of community and love with people who need it most: people living in food deserts across this country who don’t have access to healthy yet inexpensive organic produce and quick meal options; people who would tremendously value and benefit the jobs, skills and employee experience you offer, and people who, just like you and I, want simply to feel their lives, basic needs, and futures matter. During a time of unprecedented uncertainty and fear, you have a transformative opportunity to model a much-needed form of social innovation that pushes us forward as a country and society by championing equality and community. While it may sound idealistic, I believe we can help create a clearer path for these underserved communities to achieve a more just and hopeful future, one grocery store, one policy, and one person at a time.

So what do I need from you as a reader?

Support the fight to ensure equal access to quality nutritious foods by clicking here to sign a petition asking Trader Joe’s to make plans to open at least two stores in the next 18 months in underserved, minority communities.

If you know others who would value the information listed above and feel comfortable holding our corporations to a higher level of accountability for people over profits, then share this post and ask others to sign the petition.

If you enjoyed this post and would like more information on being intentional with your life, join my mailing list for updates and check out my posts on value and goal-based living, intentional self-care, childcare and development, and relationships.

#Trader Joes #The Strategic Mom #Groceries #Shopping

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thestrategicmom · 4 years

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2020 Vision (Part 4): Using Faith to Find Serenity in Times of Disruption and Despair

Over the last few months, weeks, and days, many of us have told ourselves to have faith countless times, or said it to friends and loved ones to provide hope when things seemed hopeless. The U.S. COVID-19 death toll has well surpassed 100,000, over 40 million Americans are out of work, and for those of us fortunate enough to be physically healthy and still employed, the erosion of boundaries between our personal and professional lives is taking a significant toll on our mental health.

To add insult to one hell of an injury, I feel a sick sense of déjà vu as new cases of Black Americans being killed in their homes, gunned down while jogging, and mercilessly choked on video show that the fight for the mere acknowledgement of black life has made little, if any, progress.

It’s in these moments that the power of our renewed 2020 vision and our four focus areas (gratitude; intentionality; optimism; and faith/serenity) come to the forefront, while also remaining the backbone of who we are, who we want to be, who we ultimately become, and how our influence/energy is shared with those around us;

First, we explored gratitude, the seed of joy. Gratitude challenges us to find peace and contentment by being appreciative for what we have and what is. Gratitude is the beginning, the alpha. We can’t begin to see or appreciate what joys, opportunities, and possibilities lay ahead if we haven’t taken the time to appreciate what is and what’s already come to pass.

Second, we focused on intentionality, our directional compass and giver of focus. Intentionality pushes us to define our values and infuse meaning and purpose into our thoughts, decisions, and actions. Intentionality not only helps us envision the life we want by figuring out what matters most, it also gives us a guide for determining what steps we should take to make our vision a reality.

Third, we explored optimism, a mindset filter and problem-solving strategy. Optimism empowers us to harness our positive energy to maintain a sense of resilience, hope, and resourcefulness when dealing with life’s inevitable challenges. Optimism is both a confidence that things will work out, and an acceptance that if they don’t, you can and will bounce back. Optimism helps train our minds to see challenges, disappointments, and sometimes, outright failures, as temporary setbacks rather than permanent roadblocks.

Unfortunately, as recent times have shown, sometimes we face Goliath-sized challenges that are so scary, so complex, that even the strongest of optimism isn’t enough. Herein lies the power of our fourth focus area, faith and serenity. Faith is defined as ‘complete trust or confidence in someone or something.’ Faith sustains us and offers us the solace we need to keep going no matter what we’re enduring or the obstacles ahead. Regardless of what you have faith in, having faith is critical to a life of love, happiness, and fulfillment. When used properly, faith culminates in a feeling of serenity, which is defined as a state of being calm, peaceful and untroubled. Serenity offers a deep-seated peace and unlocks the ability to connect with our purpose by believing that everything will turn out all right in the end.

While we typically think of faith through the lens of God or religion, faith is a much broader concept that also involves having faith in ourselves and extends to having faith in others.

Faith / Trust in Something Bigger

There will always be uncertainty, ambiguity, and challenges that are too overwhelming to wrap our heads around. This is where believing that we’re a part of something bigger than ourselves becomes so critical. Whether it’s trusting in a higher being like God, spirituality, or some other value system, it’s important to trust that we are all part of a bigger picture, which in turn gives serenity to our crazy and often unsettling realities.

Dedicate time to connecting and improving your faith: The same way we carve out time to feed our minds, and our bodies, we have to similarly carve out time to feed our souls. Build habits that help to sustain and grow your faith. Pray often, read inspiring books and religious texts, and engage with others who can challenge or push you in your faith.

Make Space for Your Inner Voice: Have you ever sat in a dark room alone with no sound? The silence can initially feel quite unnerving, but if you resist the temptation to grab your phone, you’ll start to really notice what’s on your mind. These moments create time and space for your inner voice to speak. Some call this inner voice God, others call it their gut, but regardless of what the voice sounds like, we must create the quiet space for us to hear it. So find ways to quiet the noise and negative self-talk through prayer, meditation, or even just incorporating a one-minute mindfulness exercise into your day.

Reflect on who came before you and those who’ll come after: The most readily accessible evidence that there’s a bigger plan at work is demonstrated by legacy. Our parents, grandparents, and great grandparents lived through similar yet uniquely different challenges, and their decisions and actions allowed us to be here today, living this version of the present. Similarly, a brief glimpse at your kids and the possibility of what they can achieve long after you are gone is another way to begin to envision what this far-reaching forest could be, even though you’re just a tree.

Faith / Trust in Self

A key element of faith that’s often overlooked is faith in self. We must trust in ourselves and have faith that we’re good enough to reclaim the power we often surrender to our fears, and boldly create the life we want. With intentionality and effort, self-trust can get us out of our own way and offer an internal GPS that enables us to more confidently act, make decisions, and seize all that life has to offer.

Give your Intuition some Credit: One of the best ways to reinforce trust in yourself is to reflect on your life, focusing on times when your inner voice has served you. Maybe it was a leap of faith that changed your life for the better, or maybe you listened to your intuition about your health or your children, and it made all the difference. For me, it was the decision to move to Nashville to pursue my JD/MBA, where, little did I know, I would grow leaps and bounds in my thinking and faith just in time to meet my soulmate. Reflecting on these moments reminds us to trust ourselves and have confidence in our ability to make decisions without crowdsourcing the answers.

Be honest with yourself: Like my papa would say, ‘Say what you mean, and mean what you say,’ which implicitly means ‘say what you mean, and do what you say.’ If there are commitments you make to yourself around areas like health, your relationships, or your development, follow through with them. It’s been really difficult to stay disciplined with my writing and exercise given how mentally and emotionally draining the last few months have been, but I refuse to give up on myself. Yes, I’ll take a break, but I won’t quit, and frankly neither should you. Quitting undermines our self-confidence, but honoring these commitments enables us to build trust and faith in who we are, who we can be, and the impact we can make.

Faith / Trust in Others

Believing and having faith in yourself and something bigger are just part of the equation. We’re not in this thing alone, so we can’t forget to have faith in each other. Trust that there are others that care about your well-being, support you, and want to see you win. While people aren’t always good and often fail to meet our expectations, we can’t lose hope in their ability to be good and do better.

Let your light shine: We all have talents, strengths, and gifts that can inspire, motivate, and help others. This is our light onto the world, and we should seize every opportunity to let it shine. Embrace the countless ways to share your gifts every day. For me, it’s writing, cooking, teaching, and chasing any opportunity to be a light and blessing to someone else. Think about what’s important to you, what you’re passionate about, and what you’re good at. What problems in this world can you use those gifts and strengths to solve? Now, stop thinking and start doing. Whether at home or beyond our homes, trusting others with our gifts is how we use our lives to serve a greater purpose.

Give people an opportunity to grow and improve: If you take a look at the news, reflect on history, or consider your personal experiences, you’ll likely come up with a laundry list of reasons why not to have faith in people; however, despite what we’ve heard, seen, or experienced, we can’t stop believing in others’ ability to listen, empathize, grow, and as Spike Lee would say, ‘do the right thing.’ Acknowledge the hurt and pain of the past but don’t dwell on it; lead with love, openness, and acceptance. Peaceful protests attended by thousands who are risking their lives to demand that our public servants, neighbors and government officials honor the sanctity of all human life is an inspiring example of faith in people. So, don’t just sit on the sidelines, join the movement! Whether it’s sharing your experience, actively listening and looking to learn from others, or working with like-minded people to be the change you want to see, keep trusting, keep believing, and keep building a more just and loving community, brick by brick.

Whenever in doubt or whenever your faith begins to waver, return to gratitude. Think of the things you have, your experiences, your gifts, and most importantly, the people that surround you. They are living manifestations of something bigger, and constant examples of the enduring impact we can make on that bigger picture when we love, encourage, and appreciate one another.

Right now, the future may seem somewhat dark and uncertain, but faith allows us to believe and have confidence in a future we can’t see, people we don’t know, and a version of our self we haven’t yet discovered. When combined with gratitude, intentionality, and optimism, we have everything we need to shine a light on our path ahead and forge a way to manifest our vision individually and as a collective society. This in turn enables us to attain a sense of peace, or better yet serenity about whatever lays ahead this year, next year, and long after our lifetime. We all have burning questions about the future of our family, our country and our society, and while faith doesn’t answer the questions, it gives us serenity in knowing that regardless of the answers, everything will turn out okay. So... Have faith!

#Vision #The Strategic Mom

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thestrategicmom · 4 years

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2020 Vision (Part 3): Using Optimism to Guide Your Personal Journey and Give Your Story The Ending It Deserves

Being a mom, you quickly become familiar with captivating educational kids tv shows. One of my daughter’s favorites is a Netflix show called Charlie’s Colorforms City. In each episode, Charlie has a goal or mission, but he encounters countless obstacles intended to stop him from achieving it. He solves problem after problem until he encounters an obstacle that seems insurmountable. Just as he’s about to give up, Charlie turns to the audience and asks, “Is this the way our story ends?” He then exclaims, “Not if we’re the ones telling this story!” Charlie’s call-and-response is a powerful example of how a simple shift in our outlook can have a significant effect on our outcomes.

Over the last few weeks, we’ve been creating a renewed 2020 vision by working through our four focus areas: gratitude, intentionality, optimism, and faith/serenity. In part one, we focused on gratitude, which trains our minds to see and appreciate our circumstances: what we have, who we are, and the people that surround us. Then, in part two, we focused on intentionality, which allows us to think and act with greater awareness and appreciation for what we want and value.

"“Is This The Way Our Story Ends? Not If We’re The Ones Telling It!” " -- Charlie, Charlie's Colorform City

This week, we turn to our third focus area, optimism, which is defined as the “tendency to look on the more favorable side of events or conditions and [..] expect the most favorable outcome”. You can think of optimism and gratitude as two sides of the same coin. While gratitude stems from a positive outlook and acceptance of the present, optimism encourages a positive outlook and acceptance of things to come, which is justified when you’re operating with intentionality. Optimism is a mindset that anticipates positive outcomes, thus raising our personal energy level and increasing the energy of others.

Be What You Want to Attract

Everyone knows people that always bring drama and zap your energy whenever they’re around; we also know people that have a great demeanor and give good vibes wherever they go. Whether positive or negative, the key difference is their energy. With effort, we can manage our energy, curbing negative emotions while intentionally fueling positive energy and outcomes, and allowing an optimistic outlook of the future.

Be aware of your thoughts: Be conscious of your thoughts; they are seeds that can either grow into flowers or weeds.They’re powerful, magnetic, and over time, shape your reality. Being conscious of your thoughts and emotions or “thinking about your thinking” is not only a powerful habit for your well-being, it’s also an important trait to teach and model for your children.

Be mindful of how you interact with others. What type of energy are you giving off?

Start your day intentionally with gratitude and things that bring you joy, positivity, and motivation. Whether it’s an affirmation, meditation, prayer, or empowering lyrics against a funky bass line, develop an easy routine to calm your mind and nurture positive vibes for the day ahead.

Throughout the day, take periodic mental pulse checks of how you’re feeling.Try to neutralize any negativity as quickly as possible before it starts to fester.

End the day with another easy routine to relax your mind and reflect on the positives of the day and the things you’re grateful for.

Seek the silver lining: There’s strength to be forged from struggle and lessons to learn from failure. Train your mind to immediately look for the good in a seemingly bad situation, to find the happy in the sad, and see the gain in your pain. For me, being in the house for the last two months has been really hard, but the extra time I’ve been able to spend with my 19 month old daughter and my husband has been priceless.

Replace energy vampires with energy boosters: Happiness and positive energy are infectious and contagious, but so are bad energy and negativity. ‘Energy vampires,’ drain our emotional energy, and while they’re often people, they can also show up in the form of toxic habits, like wallowing in past regrets, harboring feelings of anger and resentment, or becoming too consumed with what others think. Work to replace these negative influences with ‘energy boosters’ in the form of people, habits, and thoughts that add to our positive energy reserves.

Focus on the Solution, Not the Problem

When properly used, optimism can be a very handy strategy for problem solving, allowing you to focus on the solution rather than getting caught up in the problem.

Go from ‘Why Me’ to ‘What Next’: Optimists acknowledge the possibility of things going wrong, but they quickly move to “What can I do to make the situation better?” Optimism doesn’t require denial or ignoring what’s going wrong in our lives; optimism instead encourages us to acknowledge the negative, distinguish between what we can and can’t control, and take actionable steps to create a positive future. Think about what seemed like the worst moments in your life. Now, in retrospect, reflect on how those moments propelled you forward and made you into the person you are today.

Embrace reality: It’s impossible to look on the bright side if you haven’t taken the time to recognize and appreciate the full picture of your reality. Consciously taking time to accept ‘what is’ equates to self-awareness and allows you to identify what steps can be taken within your control to improve your situation for the better.

Acknowledge the worst-case scenario: Pessimism isn’t innately bad, but the problem arises when we allow our minds to fixate and wallow in the negative for too long. Defensive pessimism involves anticipating the worst-case scenario in specific terms, but doesn’t fixate on the potential negative outcome. Instead, it acknowledges the possibility, considers the impact, makes a plan in case the scenario becomes a reality, and quickly redirects attention to more productive, positive thoughts.

Think about a worst case scenario. For example, what would happen if you or your spouse lost their job or passed away?

Ask yourself follow up questions to assess the scenario and come up with solutions: For example, do you have any other skills or trades you can monetize? What would it take to maintain your quality of life? What are your monthly expenses, and which expenses can be cut or deferred, if necessary? Do you have any money saved up just in case, and if not, can you start putting money aside?

Use the answers to your questions to create a plan. For example, you can commit to putting a certain percentage of your income into an emergency fund until you have a buffer of at least a few months, just in case.

Whether we realize it or not, our minds can either be our greatest weapons or our biggest threats. When we encounter problems or challenges, no matter how insurmountable they may seem, we should think of Charlie’s Colorforms City, and ask ourselves, “Is this the way our story ends?” It probably isn’t. We tell our own stories with the decisions and actions we take each day. Conscious thought and optimism can help us place things in the right perspective and acknowledge that everything difficult we’re experiencing is temporary, limited in scope, and manageable. Often what feels like an ending is really just a new beginning. So write your story rather than having it written for you, and remember, tomorrow is another page. While there are likely all types of conflicts, plot twists, and cliff hangers ahead, thankfully you know the author!

#The Strategic Mom #Self Development #Development #Vision

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thestrategicmom · 4 years

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2020 Vision (Part 2): Oh, The Places You'll Go... With Intentionality

Disclosure: Some of the links included are affiliate links, meaning at absolutely no cost to you, I will earn a commission if you click through and purchase any of the great books I reference.

"You have brains in your head, You have feet in your shoes You can steer yourself Any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy [or gal] who’ll decide where to go." -- Dr. Seuss

In last weeks’s post, we started to create a renewed 2020 vision by focusing on gratitude, the first of our vision focus areas: gratitude, intentionality, optimism, and faith/serenity. Together these can help us align our vision and goals to achieve greater joy, fulfillment, and purpose during one heck of a year and beyond.

I’m not sure if it’s the quarantine fatigue, or the fact that I’ve read it countless times over the last few weeks to my daughter, but Dr. Seuss’s Oh, the Places You’ll Go has been on my mind a lot lately. In addition to being an ode to resilience, optimism, and exploration, the book reminds us that we have some control over where life takes us. While it’s overwhelming to think about all the things we can’t control right now -- this virus, the economy, or our jobs -- it’s encouraging to redirect our focus and energy to the things we can control.

There is a difference between going to a store and going to a store with the intention of purchasing a specific item. In the context of 2020 vision, intentionality, our second key area, is the essence of focus. Intentionality is defined as “being deliberate or purposeful with your thoughts and actions.” Derived from the Latin word intentio, which means “directed at”, intentionality is all about consciously directing your mind and energy towards a target or goal that you want to manifest. If we determine who and where we want to be, and make decisions and cultivate habits with the deliberate goal of achieving those targets, we can literally will our aspirations and vision into reality. In short, intentionality is about doing stuff on purpose.

Below are three simple ways to sharpen your 2020 vision by mastering the art of intentionality, allowing you to use this unprecedented time to define, design, and attain a renewed sense of happiness and purpose.

Know/Learn Thyself

At its core, intentionality is all about living proactively rather than reactively; it allows life to happen for us rather than to us. However, before you can consciously create a plan and vision for your life, you need to figure out where you’re going. What do you want? What drives, defines and matters most to you?

Discover Your Compass: Whether we realize it or not, we all have core values that determine what we believe is important, fulfilling, and meaningful. However, even though core values give our lives meaning, we rarely take the time to consciously identify which values matter. Consider your most meaningful life experience. What were you doing? How did you feel? Which core values were on display? While your personal values may not necessarily point you to an exact destination, they are a trusty compass that can help determine the right direction to go.

Set Up Some Milestones: While our values give our lives directional guidance, goals are practical milestones that confirm our progress in the right direction.

Based on your values, what are some goals that can be your milestones?

For every goal that comes to mind, ask, “To what extent does this align with my core values and vision,” and prioritize, as needed.

Goals should start off small and actionable, but should continue to stretch you over time.

Your goals can be as simple as starting to journal with a goal of writing down a sentence or two recap each day, or starting to exercise by walking around the block once a day for a week.

The best goals keep us moving forward while still being attainable. Once you complete a goal, level up and identify the next milestone to start working toward. Maybe your journaling goes from a couple sentences to a page or two over time, or your exercise goes from walking around the block to walking or running a mile.

Act Accordingly

Now that we’ve defined what motivates us, and identified practical ways to more intently focus on the things that matter, it’s time to start acting. Acting in accordance, or better yet, in advancement of your values is how you take small steps toward living your literal best life.

Build Conscious Habits: Habits are nothing more than daily routines and rituals triggered by a cue, prompting us to take a certain action in hopes of receiving some reward. Habits aren’t just what we do, they’re who we are. Habits are our code, how we’re programmed to behave. James Clear’s Atomic Habits shares the most effective way to build intentional habits: focus not on what you want to achieve, but instead who you wish to be. If we use Clear’s Four Laws of Behavior Change to build identity-based habits, congruent with our values, we’ll be well on our way to creating a Post-COVID life that’s personally fulfilling and successful.

Make Deliberate Decisions: While habits are routine, and often subconscious, decisions typically require more effort and thought, and should be approached with just as much, if not more, intentionality. Reflect on your core values, goals, and ‘who you wish to be’ when making decisions, particularly big ones. Dig deeper and for each decision ask yourself, What’s my motivation? What am I hoping to achieve or gain? And what will happen if I say no? Fully understanding and appreciating your rationale, incentives, and alternatives is the best way to make decisions that may not always be perfect, but are well-informed, deliberate, and defensible.

Be Consistent, Be Accountable, But Give Yourself Grace

While our core values tell us which doors to seek, and our actions are the keys to those doors, consistency is what keeps those doors open long enough for us to create the outcomes we want. Consistency requires building small, empowering habits, but it also requires holding ourselves accountable and just saying no to excuses.

Even as I attempt to hold myself accountable for consistently writing, I’m quickly learning that excuses are very effective lies we tell ourselves so that whatever we aren’t doing isn’t our fault. We don’t have time, we’re too busy, or we’re just trying not to go crazy while being confined to our homes. While all of these points are valid, if our goals and habits are truly rooted in things that matter to us, we should work to find a way before trying to find an excuse.

Living with intentionality is a journey. Your values will evolve, your goals will change, and you’ll inevitably make decisions and engage in habits that aren’t necessarily aligned with either. And that’s okay. It’s okay if there are moments when we fall short and aren’t operating with precise intention. This is a continuous process. Forgive yourself, give yourself grace, but keep your eyes on the prize. Being consistently mindful of your values and intentions can prevent you from acting in ways that undermine the vision and life you want to manifest.

By this point, COVID-19 has pushed us all outside of our comfort zones, living in a wild west of uncertainty, disruption and change, but imagine who we could be, what our lives could become, and where we could ultimately go if we made decisions and spent our time and energy mindfully rather than mindlessly. Armed with intentionality, we can use this time of forced introspection, (which feels oddly similar to Seuss’s Waiting Place) to determine the places we want to go, who we want to be and forge a path to get there! Designing and manifesting a life of intentionality may seem like a tall ask, but if we “step with care and great tact” there is no doubt we can and will succeed, “98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.” So, use this time while you’re trapped at home to define what intentionality means to you, your family, and your future, and oh, the places you’ll go.

If you enjoyed this post and would like more information on being intentional with your life, check out my posts on value and goal-based living, intentional self-care, childcare and development, and relationships.

#The Strategic Mom #coronavirus #intentionality

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thestrategicmom · 4 years

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2020 Vision (Part 1): Using Gratitude to Create a Life of Joy

When discussing the concept of vision, many think only in terms of eyesight; however, vision is simply the ability to see and plan for what’s ahead. When it comes to our eyesight, 20/20 vision is recognized as normal visual clarity, but last year, as we approached the year 2020, the term ‘2020 Vision’ became a popular way to describe the intentionality, foresight and focus we sought to have as we embarked upon a new year and decade full of promise, possibility, and opportunity.

Unfortunately for most, the impact of COVID-19 on the health of people, companies, and world economies has put our positive 2020 outlook in jeopardy. As we work to define our ‘new normal’, having a vision, or better yet a 2020 vision, seems more important than ever before. It is more critical now than ever to train our minds to focus on what’s ahead, and intentionally visualize, design, and manifest new and improved ways of living for ourselves and our families.

I’ve come to the conclusion that there are four critical focus areas to achieving a renewed 2020 vision. These focus areas are gratitude, intentionality, optimism, and faith/serenity. If you’re an Avengers fan, you can think of these focus areas as real-life infinity stones that grant us the power to reshape and redefine our reality and purpose for the better. Since explaining these focus areas required too much explanation for one post, I decided to break them into a four-part series, with each post exploring one of the focus areas starting with gratitude.

Gratitude

Gratitude is defined as ‘the quality of being thankful.’ Many only think of gratitude externally, focusing on being grateful for the kind acts of others, which is extremely important. However internal gratitude is arguably even more important, and focuses on the spirit of acknowledgement and appreciation for what we have, rather than the things we don’t. It’s a ‘glass-half-full’ mindset that views everything in our lives as a privilege, or better yet a gift, rather than a right, and has been scientifically proven to improve mental and physical well being.

No matter your circumstance, there are people who have persevered and survived worse. Vision and perception are inseparably connected and adjusting your perception by adopting a filter of gratitude can be a powerful and indispensable habit for growth, well-being, and happiness. Just as photo filters can improve the way certain moments and images are captured and memorialized, gratitude can improve the way we experience and perceive life.

Below are three easy ways to use that warm hug of an emotion and mindset known as gratitude to sharpen your 2020 vision:

1) Don’t Allow Comparison to Steal Your Joy

From a young age, we’re taught to organize things around us based on comparison. As we grow older, these comparisons are increasingly used to contextualize ourselves against others. From our bodies and bank accounts to our children and homes, our thoughts, words, and identities are often deeply rooted in comparison. While comparison, when properly used, can be a meaningful accelerator of self awareness and growth, it skews your perceptions towards the negative when improperly used.

Scrolling social media or the Internet, comparing our behind-the-scenes footage to the highlight reels of others can lead to destructive mindsets. It can also dupe us into misinterpreting the joys, successes, and values of others as our own. Instead, focus on your values, your joys, your aspirations, and your blessings, and encourage your children to do the same. Being grateful for what you have is key as there are countless things we take for granted that others would give anything to have.

2) Change Your “Have tos” for “Get tos”

Life during and post-COVID will have its challenges, but one way to use your gratitude filter to make it a bit easier is by replacing your “have tos” with “get tos”. “Have to” implies a chore or duty; while “get to” suggests a privilege or gift. For example, working from home? The idea that you ‘have to’ work from home while caring for your children, or that you ‘have to’ find new and interesting things to do with your family while being stuck at home sounds daunting, but listen to the subtle difference when you replace ‘have to’ with ‘get to.’ I ‘get to’ work from home while caring for my children, or I ‘get to’ find new and interesting things to do with my family at home. Reframing your obligations as opportunities is just as much about the words as it is the spirit behind them, and it can be a remarkable weapon for you and your family against the war with hopelessness, anxiety, and grief currently being waged in our minds.

3) Be An Equal Opportunity Thanker

Don’t discriminate against anyone or anything in expressing gratitude. Take time to appreciate people, things, experiences, and yourself!

Be thankful for the people in your life like your spouse, your kids, your parents, and even that crazy relative who alway drinks a little too much during holidays and family gatherings. The reality is that some people guide us by giving us a blueprint of what to do or how to be, while others guide us by showing us what not to do or how not to be. Be grateful for both of these lessons.

Be thankful for the simple and mundane things around you that many of us take for granted, like the sun beaming against your face, the smell of coffee and the warmth of the mug against your hands, or the gift of joy that seems to fill your soul when you see your little one laughing. Savoring these simple experiences not only makes them more memorable, it’s empirically proven to boost your psyche and increase happiness in less than a week.

To graduate from basic gratitude to higher order gratitude, we also have to push ourselves to be grateful for the things that don’t bring joy; the things that instead bring disappointment and loss -- the layoff or furlough (reframe to I get to have some time off or I get to find a new job that will be a better situation for me), the difficult child (realize that children go through phases and that there are others that would literally give anything to have a child), or perceived failure (be grateful for the lessons that can be taken from the failure). It’s in these instances that gratitude can actually be most powerful. As we perceive life through the more advanced lens of higher order gratitude, it trains our minds to perceive our stumbling blocks as mere stepping stones and can be unbelievably freeing. Put simply, to truly maximize gratitude, we must be thankful for the storm, the rainbow, and everything in between.

Oprah Winfrey once said, “Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.” While we may not know what next year, next month, or even next week holds, we and our families can manifest a life of joy, contentment, and even abundance by adopting a perpetual lens of gratitude. They say hindsight is 20/20; however, foresight and insight can also be 20/20 when we strive to continuously view life through a filter of appreciation, acceptance, and acknowledgement, rather than expectation and entitlement. No matter what you may lose or have lost, there is still so much to be grateful for and even more to be gained. Start and end your day by applying a filter of gratitude, and watch how you’re able to improve your joy and peace today and sharpen your vision for tomorrow.

#Vision #The Strategic Mom

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thestrategicmom · 4 years

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Honey I’m (Always) Home: Navigating your Closest Relationships During Social Isolation and Beyond

Shelter-In-Place. Quarantine. Lockdown. Social Isolation. No matter what you call it, approximately 75 percent of Americans and millions more across the globe are currently confined to their homes in hopes of reducing the spread of COVID-19, aka coronavirus. In my last post on nurturing relationships in the era of coronavirus, I discussed the importance of investing in relationships that give you energy and joy during this time of isolation. While that’s a good principle for dealing with relationships in general, it can be a bit more challenging when it involves maintaining relationships with those closest to you...literally. If absence makes the heart grow fonder, many would argue that quarantine does the exact opposite.

Well...it doesn’t have to...

Here are a few easy ways to maintain your individual sanity and collective joy during this time of crisis and social isolation:

Communicate...Even When It’s Uncomfortable:

The coronavirus and everything that comes with it (sickness, death, isolation, financial constraints, etc.) has been hard on all of us, forcing us to deal with the fear, stress, and uncertainty of what’s ahead. So communicate often; the last thing you want is passive aggressiveness or miscommunication while you’re in constant close proximity with others, and the worst distance between any two people is misunderstanding.

Set some basic ground rules that can help everyone coexist more harmoniously while you’re consistently at home.

Check in on each other during meals or downtime.

Discuss how you're each doing, actively listening and internalizing what’s said.

Watch for and observe what isn’t being said. Your children and spouse will often show you how they’re feeling better than they can tell you. So, do your best to listen to all forms of communication with the intent to understand.

Address the elephants. When two or more people spend an extended amount of time together, it’s not a question of if problems or disputes will arise, but rather when. This is not the time to let problems fester, so encourage everyone to share issues or frustrations openly, honestly, and in the moment so they can be quickly resolved.

Set Aside ‘We Time’

Spending lots of time with those closest to you doesn’t mean you’re spending quality time with each other.

Intentionally schedule quality time with your children, whether it takes the form of hosting a family movie night, trying a new dinner recipe together, or playing a board game or video game together.

If you’re married or in a committed relationship, carve out time for true emotional intimacy. Intimacy is often confused with sex, and while sex is an important component of intimacy, real intimacy is so much more. True intimacy is a sincere connection rooted in an exchange of energy, which takes time and intentionality.

Prioritize time together without phones or electronics. Find or create shared experiences and hobbies, plan date nights, and make time to get busy.

Focus on spending your quality time doing activities that bring you both joy. My husband and I are both huge hip hop music fans, so we often spend time talking while hosting our own private listening parties.

Set Aside ‘Me Time’

Carving out quality time is just as important to nurturing your relationships with others as it is to nurturing your relationship with yourself. Everyone wants and needs personal space to hear their own thoughts absent the voices of others and do the things they want to do.

Don’t feel selfish or guilty if you need to have some time to yourself.

Plan it out or do nothing. Take a daily walk around the block alone, regularly carve out 30 minutes to an hour of “free time”, or schedule one evening a week when you and your significant other spend the evening in different areas doing whatever you want once the kids are asleep (even if it’s absolutely nothing).

Give each other a license to take ‘me time’ whenever necessary. While it takes a level of compromise by the other person, it’s a very powerful acknowledgement of each others’ psychological and emotional needs.

Show Gratitude

Gratitude is literally the lifeline of any relationship, but feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it. So, show appreciation not just for the things your partner or child does, but also for who they are as a person. I’m unbelievably appreciative for my husband’s support and partnership with this blog and raising our child, so I make sure to open my mouth and frequently communicate how much I appreciate it and him. Whether directed toward your spouse, child, or other family member, showing gratitude isn’t just about saying the words ‘thank you,’ it’s about an overall spirit of appreciation you show for the joy they bring into your life.

Extended shared isolation is the ultimate exercise in interpersonal and self awareness as you seek to understand, accept, and support each other’s needs, while still meeting your own. However, it’s important to realize that it’s a process. There will be good days and bad days; days when your kids or your partner are getting on your last nerve, and days when you can’t get enough of them, but regardless of what day it is, using these simple tips will help you and your family build stronger bonds and connections, transforming these countless minutes together into moments that last a lifetime.

#The Strategic Mom #Relationships #Self-Care #coronavirus

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thestrategicmom · 4 years

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Finding Joy: Nurturing Relationships in the Era of Social Distancing

This is hard. I mean, this is really, really hard. We’re just months removed from the first reported coronavirus case in the United States, and the pandemic has already infected more than 1.7 million people globally, with more than half a million cases in the U.S. alone. While my husband and I are blessed to still be in good health, we, like many of you, are still getting acclimated to our new normal of balancing work responsibilities with full-time roles as teacher and round-the-clock caregiver.

To make matters much worse, this week, my 96-year-old grandmother was unexpectedly admitted to the ICU with pneumonia, forcing me to grieve the potential loss of one of the most important people in my life. The thought of my grandmother, who I’m named after and who’s played a critical role in molding me into the woman I am today, leaving this earth without me having another chance to touch her, hug her, or see her again in person has almost been too much to bear. Thankfully, a compassionate nurse in the ICU helped us coordinate a Zoom call on Saturday, allowing her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren to join the call, share how much we love her, and remind her of what a phenomenal woman, mother, and matriarch she is.

While I pray that I’m able to hug or at least see my grandma one more time, going through this experience has brought to the forefront some of the harsh realities being faced by the friends and families of the over 100,000 people that have died of coronavirus. It has also been a loud wake up call reminding me of the crucial importance of investing time today in the relationships that matter most while I still can.

Since no one knows when their time will be up, here are some tips on how to foster and nurture your relationships with intentionality during this coronavirus crisis:

Define the Relationships that Spark Joy

If you’ve read any of organization guru and author Marie Kondo’s best-selling books, or watched her wildly successful Netflix reality series, Tidying Up, you’re familiar with the KonMari Method, which focuses on only keeping things in your life that ‘spark joy’ as you declutter your home. But why stop there? Prioritizing relationships with people who spark joy can be of even greater importance and have an extremely positive impact on your mental health and wellness.

Identify Who’s Most Important...: When you think about the most important relationships in your life, who comes to mind? For most of us, this initial list will be some combination of your children, spouse, close friends and family. This is the first layer of relationships you should seek to focus on and nurture during this time of crisis. Not only will you be reinvigorated and encouraged by their energy, but you will more than likely brighten their spirits as well.

...But Don’t Forget to Dig Deeper: Now that you’ve established your most important relationships, it’s time to dig deeper. The other day, my husband mentioned that he was scrolling through the contacts in his phone and was amazed at how many friends and family members he hadn’t talked to in months or years because of...well, you know, life. Now he’s committed to decluttering his phone based on who’s ‘sparked joy’ over the years, and reconnecting with the people who have. In the spirit of solidarity, and because I think it’s a brilliant idea, I’ve committed to do the same. Here’s how it works:

Scan your phone contacts, making note of names that bring you fond memories (i.e. friends, colleagues, or family who you value but haven’t had the chance to connect with recently) and deleting names of people you know you’ll never contact again.

Take the initiative to call, text or email someone on that list once a day or at a minimum a few times a week to see how they’re doing.

For extra credit, look through your friends list on Facebook to see if any names jump out at you. Are there any friends, family or otherwise that have brought you joy over your lifetime? It could be your best friend from elementary school you haven’t talked to in decades or that college friend you just haven’t kept up with.

Also, consider checking in on older relatives. They are the most at risk and are worth sharing some of your joy.

Cultivate those Relationships that Spark Joy

The people over your lifetime that have sparked joy have impacted your life and helped mold you into the person you are today. On the flipside, who knows the impact you’ve had on their lives or the impact you could have just by checking in. The silver lining to all of the currently cancelled activities, postponed events, and forbidden social gatherings, is that we now have quite a bit more time than we’re accustomed to. So invest some of this extra time into making the effort with your relationships rather than excuses and watch how your energy and joy tank begin to fill up.

Stay connected: You may not be able to grab a meal, plan a trip, or even meet in person with those you care about, but technology has you covered. With video conferencing apps like FaceTime, Google Hangout, Skype, Zoom, HouseParty and countless others, it’s easier than ever to connect remotely with those that matter. Plan some virtual happy hours, dinner dates, or family get-togethers. You can even attend a virtual workout class, watch a movie or tv show together, or plan a virtual playdate.

Put it on the calendar: Because of the quarantine and life’s many obligations, it’s highly unlikely that we’ll find ourselves spending time with extended family and friends without prior planning. If you don’t schedule it, it more than likely won’t happen. So, put it on the calendar! Send a reminder or calendar invite for the day and time you’d like to connect, or set aside a rough time when both of you can plan to be available.

Use this pandemic as an opportunity to more deliberately invest in the relationships that give you energy and spark joy, because with joy comes love, hope, and peace, and our society and world could use a whole lot more of all four. While it’s unclear how much longer we’ll be in social isolation, dealing with the coronavirus, or how much longer my grandma will be with us, I’m reminded that true legacy is not defined by what we leave behind for others but rather what we leave behind in others!

#The Strategic Mom #Relationships #coronavirus

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thestrategicmom · 4 years

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Lessons From Solitary Confinement: Nurturing Self and Child Development at Home During Coronavirus

Anxious. Overwhelmed. Fearful. Powerless. These are just a few of the emotions I’ve experienced during this period of social distancing caused by the aptly named coronavirus crisis. I’m incredibly fortunate and grateful to be surrounded by my immediate family during this time; however, as an extrovert and self-proclaimed ‘people person,’ I’ve been both haunted and intrigued by the question of how to successfully cope with and manage my time, and more importantly, my mind, when faced with chronic social isolation.

While social isolation is a new phenomenon for many of us, it’s a soul-crushing, enduring reality for 80,000 to 100,000 people who spend months and even years in solitary confinement as inmates in our U.S. prison system. In a recent Mother Jones article, Keith LaMar, an inmate who’s spent his last twenty-seven years confined to a space the size of a small bathroom, shared insights on how to maintain a sound mind amid extended physical confinement.

What’s Keith’s secret you ask?

Education...

When Keith speaks of education however, he isn’t talking about education in the traditional sense of the word; instead, he’s talking about a form of self discovery that’s demonstrated in education’s root word, ‘educe’, which means “to bring forth that which is already there.” Keith shares that solitary confinement, and consequently, social isolation, is an opportunity for introspection, growth, and personal development.

While you and your family should feel content with just being during this time, or better yet, just being healthy, it’s a great opportunity to use this societal pause to more intentionally push play on your own as well as your family’s development.

Below are a few easy ways to better get to know, nourish, and grow yourself and those closest to you in the coming weeks:

Carve Out Time to Focus On You

The road to self discovery starts and ends with you, so spend some of your socially distanced time getting to know YOU. How often do you take the time to really think about what you enjoy, to explore your interests, passions, and needs, or to work toward your dreams?

Close your eyes and think about three things that, despite coronavirus, you’re insanely grateful for, or better yet, think of three things that you currently possess that you would be incredibly empty and lost if you woke up tomorrow without. Examples include family relationships, peace of mind, physical health, etc.

Now consider one change you can make over the course of a week to more intentionally operate or improve upon each of those three areas. This could be as simple as daily commitments to carve out at least an hour of quality time with your significant other, dedicate 30 minutes to some form of physical activity, or make time daily for meditation or prayer. It doesn’t have to be grandiose, lucrative, or insanely productive; it just needs to be valuable to you and intentional to serving the values that matter most.

Start by focusing on one of these areas each week, adding more as you feel comfortable.

This exercise has allowed me to define and spend my energy on values and goals that are uniquely personal and meaningful, values and goals that I’ve previously allowed others to define for me.

Foster Your Personal Growth and Development

If you’re feeling up to it, use some of this time to develop skills and explore interests you didn’t have the time to previously explore.

Use e-learning resources and youtube to learn something new.

Always dreamed of learning to code? Do it. Want to learn a new language? Go for it.

Or maybe you’re just trying to add a few new recipes to your dinner arsenal? Now is a great time to lean on Pinterest and Blue Apron and nurture your inner Top Chef.

Embrace the immense possibility that accompanies times of uncertainty like this, and use today to hone and develop skills that can set you and your family up for success tomorrow. No matter how bleak things might seem today, it’s a chance to get better and be better, so seize the day.

Get to Know Your Children… as People

As parents, we’re constantly challenged with molding, shaping, and shepherding our children into adulthood. It’s an amazing feat, and a challenge we typically don’t have the time or space to truly think about and focus on. From getting everyone ready each morning, and school drop-offs and pick-ups, to extracurriculars, dinner, and bedtime, we typically fast forward through life, doing lots of things for our children but not necessarily spending quality time with our children.

Spend this time of seclusion and social isolation to change that by getting more in touch with your children’s personalities, interests, pet peeves, and idiosyncrasies.

Who are they? Depending on their age, they could be vastly different than they were a few months ago.

Any new traits you haven’t previously noticed?

Any new interests or dislikes?

What’s something they’re really good at?

What’s their favorite thing that you do together?

What new things can you do together?

Unplug. Set aside some time without your devices to talk, play cards, or play a board game.

If you have multiple children, spend time together, but also carve out quality time to engage one-on-one with each of them. Every child shares themselves and bares their souls differently, but being able to use this unprecedented time to learn more about them will make this time more precious for both of you.

Since all we have is time at the moment, make those seconds and minutes count!

Embrace the Digital Age of Education

With schools closed, moms and dads across the globe are now the sole stewards of their children’s learning and development. The good news is, we have more knowledge at our fingertips than any other time in history; so embrace online learning tools, websites, and virtual resources. Moreover, since traditional K-12 classrooms tend to disproportionately emphasize content memorization as a result of our increased focus on test taking,

Use this as an opportunity to create a more open, personalized environment for your child that’s conducive to deep learning, practical skill-building, and critical thought.

Make it fun, make it practical, and focus on mastery of skills over content.

Use digital resources -- audio books, YouTube videos, and even Netflix movies -- to empower your child to learn more independently and autonomously, with you merely assisting and facilitating their quest for knowledge.

One of the greatest joys, but also greatest challenges in life is self discovery. Truly discovering who you are -- good, bad, beautiful, and ugly -- can be painful, but also extremely enlightening. As parents, we’re also trying to discover who our kids are and help mold them into their highest potential. Use this time, as Keith LaMar recommended, to bask and explore the self discovery uniquely suited for this type of isolation, and empower your children to do the same.

While there are feelings of confusion and loss that accompany no longer having the routines, social interactions, and community we took for granted prior to coronavirus, I truly believe that although there are many things we’ve individually lost, greater things can be found -- deeper familial bonds and connections, more intimate awareness of self, more individualized and personalized development and growth. And wouldn’t that be the most beautiful silver lining to it all?

#The Strategic Mom #Development #Child Development

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thestrategicmom · 4 years

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Am I Financially Healthy? Intentional Money Management During the Coronavirus Crisis

Another week is behind us and novel coronavirus (COVID-19) continues to have a profound effect on all of our lives. Unfortunately, the United States now leads the world in confirmed coronavirus cases, and more and more states, cities, and counties are asking residents to stay home. While social distancing may slow the spread of the virus, the economic impact of asking everyone to hit the metaphorical pause button on both travel and local movement is having devastating effects on companies and individuals worldwide. While the biggest economic stimulus package in American history may help in the short-term, we must personally take steps to ensure our families’ wellbeing. Obviously health and wellness is our primary concern, but if there was ever a time to be thoughtful and intentional regarding our finances, this is it!

Don’t worry if money management isn’t a strength (candidly it isn’t one of mine); thankfully, there are simple ways to apply basic principles of goal-based living to your family’s finances that make it easier to be better.

Here are some ways to start intentionally managing your money, whether dealing with a pandemic or not:

Where are you now?:

Start by taking stock of all of your income and expenses.

Pull up your recent bank, credit card, and other financial statements for, at a minimum, the month of February or ideally, 6-12 months, so you can see exactly how much money you have coming in and where it was being spent before the virus.

If you’ve lost your job or been furloughed, file for unemployment as soon as possible; due to the surge in applications, there may be a backlog.

If you’re in the market for employment, check out companies that are hiring due to increased demand from coronavirus like Amazon, Instacart, or Dollar General.

Bills, Bills, Bills:

Continue to pay your bills if you can. Coronavirus may have stopped our movement, but it hasn’t stopped our bills.

If not, proactively reach out to creditors, lenders, and landlords to discuss your options

Federally backed mortgages and student loans can be deferred

Many states and cities have enacted temporary eviction bans, and mandating that utilities be keep on

More and more companies are offering payment extensions or waiving late fees

Shop around to see if you can save by switching providers of services like cable/internet, car insurance, cell phone service, etc.

Focus on the essentials:

Consider how your income and expenses may be impacted in the coming weeks as the coronavirus continues to impact our communities and jobs.

Place your expenses into categories based on what’s essential (groceries, mortgage or rent, electricity, etc.) and what’s non-essential (eating out, clothes, entertainment, etc.).

Look for ways to cut nonessential recurring expenses, focusing on things that aren’t being used during the virus like gym memberships and subscription services.

Reallocate money that you’re saving from social distancing like getting your hair/nails done, Starbucks, etc. into other bills or savings.

Budget, Budget, Budget:

Create a budget prioritizing your essential expenses and building an emergency fund (if you don’t already have one) using paper, Excel or personal budgeting apps like Mint, PocketGuard, or You Need A Budget to keep your finances organized and help hold you accountable.

Quickly adjust your budget if your income is impacted by COVID-19 by eliminating spending non-essentials, negotiating with companies and focusing your funds into what’s truly essential.

Continue to look for ways to improve upon and refine you and your family’s budget in the coming months.

Boost your income:

Look for ways to make extra money from the comfort of your home. Just because you're stuck in the house doesn’t mean you can’t make money or potentially increase your income.

Think about ways to make money from home doing what you’re good at.

Great chef? Consider selling plates of whatever you’re cooking to friends and neighbors;

Know graphic design, web design or programming? Check out sites like Fiverr or Upwork for freelance jobs.

Can’t think of a talent? Get paid to watch ads, read emails, or take surveys on sites like Inboxdollars, or Survey Junkie

Start that passion project you’ve been putting off. Isaac Newton came up with the theory of gravity while he was quarantined during the bubonic plague, so find your apple tree; it may just come with an eventual payout.

We are just beginning to truly feel the effects of the coronavirus crisis (remember how normal things seemed just a few weeks ago?), but whether it’s 6 weeks or 6 months from now, one day COVID-19 will be behind us. In the meantime, as we all continue to grapple with the impacts, we have to be prepared to do more, or better yet, do the minimum, with substantially less. In the coming months, a few extra dollars could make a significant difference to you and your family. So seize this moment to take control of your finances so that you’re comfortable telling your money exactly where to go, instead of wondering where it went!

#Money #Finances #The Strategic Mom

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