#you missed out ed (derogatory)

[livuvur]

CoS Winry sketches 💛

#fullmetal alchemist #winry rockbell #fma #fma 03 #conqueror of shamballa #edwin #ed x winry #fma fanart #fma art #my art #a very special baby who’s got abandonment issues and is just a little deranged <3 #but is oh so pretty #you missed out ed (derogatory)

[leesmustardgarden]

Cooking with a Special Puppet Headcanons

P x (gn) Reader

Warnings/Tags: General game spoilers ofc, Sophia exhibiting the symptoms of an ED but there is a genuine canon Lore Reason I do not want to spoil sorry, P is a silly lil guy (affectionate), Gemini is a silly little guy (derogatory)

A/N: I miss taking culinary classes, so I coped by making this!! This was also an excuse to test out my new silly borders hehe

The first time you bring P into the kitchen, he accidentally makes a huge mess and feels so bad he starts avoiding the kitchen. If he needed you while you were in there, he’ll wait by the door until you come out even if it takes hours

It takes a lot of encouragement and patience to finally get him back in the kitchen, and even then he’s so careful of everything around him. It doesn’t always go well, and most of the time there’s still some accident that leaves a giant mess to clean up

It’s like watching a dragon in a china shop— every so often he catches on something and oh! Down comes all the pots and pans.

Gemini finds it hilarious but while he loves messing with P, he is also the one to tell him not to push it if he’s so stressed out and to take it little by little

P so sweet, he’s so caring and careful and yeah ok he can be mischievous but not in the sense that he’d purposefully make trouble for the people he cares for

In fact he tries to help you out by bringing around food for all the residents in the Hotel so you don’t have to do everything

Polendina takes Antonia’s meals to her and Pulcinella forces Venigni to actually eat when he forgets to

It’s very funny to watch, because as stubborn and eccentric as Venigni can be he cannot say no to his no. 1 bestie

Eugenié is silly and has to be reminded to eat (she gets too absorbed into her work), and Sophia usually refuses food. It’s worrying, but she says it’s alright and vaguely explains that she doesn’t need food 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨

As the days go by and as he becomes more human and is able to control his strength better, he finally musters up the courage to ask you to teach him how to cook (which Gemini insists on being present for)

The first few times he is so shaky and afraid of everything in case it breaks, but after a few days he’ll start getting comfortable with the utensils and tools

Once he’s comfortable enough, he starts acting out small mischiefs and well

It’s hard to scold him when he’s finally overcome his fear of making a mess

“And then you carefully— No—“ The egg splats against the counter in seconds, spraying up to his freckled face. He pulls his hand up slowly, and with the most amused deadpan you’ve seen on him, turns his yolk-soaked palm to you. You don’t even fight the frown that settles on your face as Gemini coughs to hide a laugh.

“Nice one! I think—“ cough “— you’re getting better,” He says. You glare at him where P’s put him on the counter, and he laughs harder. You would strangle him, but that would probably just encourage the prick.

P looks innocently at you; his expression unchanging but a tilt in his shoulder gives away the fact that he knows what he’s doing. You’re sure that if he could laugh, he would be giggling in all his freckled cuteness. It softens your frown into fond exasperation as you reach a hand to wipe the egg off his face. He takes his clean legion hand and gently places it atop yours, pushing his cheek flush against your palm.

“Gemini is such a bad influence on you,” You say with a no heat in your voice. P looks up at you though his lashes, and you can almost see the mischief printed on his face.

“How am I a bad influence?” Gemini says indignantly, having the gall to sound offended.

You dip your hand into the bag of flour nearby, scoop out a handful, and throw it at him. He sputters and yelps, starting to complain. You’re too distracted by Gemini to notice the curious way P’s looking over at you and the bag of flour. He quietly slips his legion hand behind you when you move forward as your argument with Gemini progresses.

“That was actually so rude,“ Gemini says.

“Oh like you aren’t the one enabling him all the time.“

“When have I ever?”

“I don’t know— the art shop, for one?”

“That was such a long time ago!”

“Two days—!”

Flour hits your cheek, dusting your face in white. Gemini gets a second to laugh at you, before flour also hits him and his lamp topples over right into spilled egg. A bit away from you both, P is standing with his hands behind his back and the bag of flour peeking out from behind him. His face is twitching like it’s trying to smile, and you feel your heart melt at the sight. By the end of the day, you’re just glad the kitchen’s still standing.

#lies of p pinocchio #lies of p x reader #pinocchio x reader #lop x reader #p x reader #Lee’s writing ✍️

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

The Best Revenge Is Dressing Well: The Izzy Hands vs Lucius Spriggs B-Plot

i have been seeing. some Takes™ (derogatory). about this storyline. about this b-plot in e5. specifically, about how this storyline starts. i have seen people saying that lucius was slacking off. i have seen people saying that lucius is the one to escalates things in that first conversation with izzy. i have seen people saying that lucius deserved to get singled out.

i'm here to say that all those takes are wrong. and in case some of y'all haven't rewatched this scene in a while, i'm gonna do a line-by-line breakdown of that scene to explain why

But First, Let Me Set The Scene

in episode four, the crew is literally being held hostage by blackbeard. which means that blackbeard is in charge of everyone. which means that as blackbeard's first mate, izzy is also charge. in this scene specifically, where izzy is yelling at them for eating, the whole crew of the Revenge all straighten up and lower their heads when he enters the galley. their body language shows that they know they're supposed to be listening to him (not that they actually listen, mind you. but they know they're supposed to).

the thing that a lot of people seem to miss, though, is that by the end of the episode, the situation has changed. in episode five, the crew is not being held hostage by blackbeard.

they're getting job training from blackbeard.

this is different from being held hostage by blackbeard. technically, if you think about it, this situation makes blackbeard and his crew their guests. very honorable guests, of course! it's still blackbeard, obviously the crew don't want to do anything to piss him off. but he's not exactly in charge of everyone the way he was when they were his hostages.

(yes, i know that ed is planning to kill stede, which probably doesn't bode well for stede's crew. but they don't know that, and ed isn't going to act like that. he's just gonna give his masterclass in piracy lessons like nothing's wrong)

what i'm saying is that going into episode five, izzy is no longer in charge of giving the crew of the Revenge orders.

there's another piece to this, though. because presumably everything in this episode takes place over the same day. ed teaches them some pirate skills as they raid the french ship, then after the raid frenchie shows them the invitation to the fancy party that he found on that same french ship, then stede, ed, olu, and frenchie all go to the party, leaving everyone else back on the Revenge.

here's what i want to point out: ed and stede are most likely not around for any of the subplot with izzy and lucius this episode. when ed says they're going to the party, the very next scene is the one i'm going to dive into shortly, the one where lucius and pete get caught hooking up. and the scene right after that is ed, stede, frenchie, and olu all boarding the french party ship. we get four minutes of french party ship before cutting back to our b-plot, where lucius is getting lowered down the side of the ship to scrape off barnacles. if ed and stede are still on the ship when izzy finds lucius and pete, they’re probably busy getting ready for the party.

so, just a recap of the situation before i get into the scene that sets up this episode's b-plot:

blackbeard and his crew are guests on stede's ship

earlier in the morning, ed's crew ran a successful raid as a demonstration for stede's and his crew

after the raid, ed decides he's going to go to a fancy party with stede and two of stede's crew members

and here are some things that we can infer from these facts:

the Revenge isn't going to be sailing around anywhere, since they need to be nearby to pick up ed and the others after the party

the ship is well-stocked after the raid that morning

there's not actually anything that urgently needs doing. both of the captains are off the ship. for everyone left back on the Revenge, it looks like they have some nice downtime.

Breaking Down The "Ooh, Daddy" Scene

(indistinct chatter) (shushing) LUCIUS (whispers): Shut the-- Shut up. PETE: I'm, I'm trying to be quiet. LUCIUS: You good? PETE: I'm good.

so, the captains are getting ready for the party. lucius and pete were both present at the raid this morning. and they're hooking up in the galley while wee john takes a nap a few feet away.

"wow," you might be thinking, "i can't believe they would have sex in a public space like that! especially when they're at their job!"

consider this: they also live here. and aside from stede, olu, and jim, nobody on the ship has a room to themselves. if two crew members want to blow off some steam after a productive morning of attending Blackbeard's Pirate Masterclass, they don't have a room with a lock. there's not a ton of privacy. so they found a corner and tried to keep it down (and it really does seem like they probably tried to stay quiet while they were going at it).

another thing that's worth noticing is that pete and lucius are very clearly finishing up. they're standing up and straightening their clothes. and this is when izzy is walking into the room. he probably just walked in when they were finishing up just as a coincidence, but i've seen people suggest that he might've heard them earlier from outside and waited for them to be done. since i can't prove that this didn't happen, i'll be looking at this scene from both angles.

anyway. lucius and pete, having just finished hooking up, stand up and go to rejoin the rest of the crew. lucius turns around and sees this:

izzy, leaning against the door and staring at him intently as he sips a tin of Unidentified Beverage. and then we have this little interaction:

WEE JOHN: Oh, be a dear, and make me one of those, would ya? IZZY: No, shut up.

...during which Izzy only breaks eye contact for a few seconds. Idk how to make gifs so I'm just gonna describe it for you: Izzy begins to take a long sip from his drink and Wee John shifts, wakes up, and sees Izzy drinking something as Izzy's eyes are trained on Lucius, not moving. Wee John says, "Oh, be a dear, and make me one of those, would ya?" as Izzy drinks, eyes still trained on Lucius. Izzy lowers his drink and says, "No, shut up," and only as he gets to the word "up" does he turn his head to glare at Wee John. After a beat he looks back towards Lucius, and Wee John lays back down.

IZZY: Get back to work now, all of ya.

now, he says "all of ya," but he specifically is looking at lucius and pete when he says this. he's addressing wee john, sure, but john's not the one he's making eye contact with. this feels significant to me.

PETE: we are working... we just took stock of the rations LUCIUS: of the rations, yeah, and it turns out we are… (knocks) good. PETE: very good, actually.

interestingly enough, it's pete, not lucius, who first tries to make an excuse. lucius doesn't say anything at first, just adjusts his outfit, making eye contact with izzy as he does so. he agrees with pete's story, making a silly face and knocking on the barrel behind him, and his delivery is less hesitant, less "coming up with a halfhearted excuse in the middle of speaking" than pete. lucius only looks away from izzy when pete flirts very obviously, saying "very good, actually" in a tone and giving lucius's body a once-over. and i didn't get a screenshot of it, but lucius very quickly looks away (somewhere towards wee john's direction) with wide eyes and a shrug.

now. i know i said at the beginning that "all those takes are wrong," but i do actually know that interpretations are subjective. there are other ways to read these few seconds, but i would actually pin pete as the one being more insubordinate up to this point. he's the one who makes the very bad excuse despite how obvious it was what they were doing, and he's the one who blatantly flirts right in front of izzy.

WEE JOHN: Yeah, we all heard you. LUCIUS: Yeah, we love an audience.

so, as if there were any doubt, wee john confirms yet again that lucius and pete were just hooking up in the corner. both pete and wee john have acknowledged that fact more openly than lucius has. pete by openly flirting and giving lucius a whole once-over, wee john by basically just saying "yeah, you guys were pretty loud just now."

and lucius snaps back to wee john sarcastically, because of course he does. he's a sarcastic gay.

IZZY: Oh, I see. You think you're cute?

this is weird to me. this is incredibly weird to me.

the only thing lucius had said before the "we love an audience" bit was just going along with the lie that pete came up with. he didn't start off trying to make excuses, and he definitely wasn't doing anything to flaunt how cute he is. even his "we love an audience" isn't delivered cutely, he says it sarcastically like he's annoyed.

and yet, izzy puts down his mug and walks towards lucius. he delivers his "you think you're cute?" to lucius and only lucius. by absolutely no means is lucius the only one in the room who was "slacking off." pete was hooking up. wee john is asleep in a corner. nobody is working. but lucius gives one snarky line and izzy is already targeting lucius specifically. and lucius's snarky line wasn't even directed at izzy!!! he was talking to wee john!!!!

in my opinion, izzy singling lucius out at this point in the conversation is what started escalating things. suddenly, instead of izzy speaking to "all of ya," he is only talking to lucius. and for the fucking life of me, i cannot understand why that is.

(i mean, i can, but only from a perspective that is not flattering to izzy)

LUCIUS: Actually, I think I'm just so-so, but I've decided to carry myself like I'm cute. PETE: (laughs) Worked on me. IZZY: (chuckles) Ooh.

another iconic line from lucius spriggs, everyone.

this is the first time lucius directs anything that could reasonably considered snark towards izzy. and he says this line in a very joking way, smiling, and it gets pete to laugh (and flirt openly, again).

and then izzy laughs. and at first, lucius and pete keep smiling, like they're all laughing together.

IZZY: (forced giggling)

i genuinely feel like up until this point, the vibe in this room was very playful. wee john had asked izzy for a favor and just shrugged and gone back to sleep when told to shut up. pete halfheartedly lied and wholeheartedly flirted with lucius after being told to get back to work. lucius made a little quip about being so-so but having confidence, and when izzy started laughing along, lucius at first acted like izzy was being genuine.

like. i feel like izzy had a chance here to not try and throw his weight around and tell people what to do. he could've laughed it off and walked away, let wee john keep napping and let pete and lucius go do whatever they were gonna go do. but he didn't. maybe he felt like these three were being disrespectful, maybe he thought there were urgent tasks that needed to be done, or maybe he just likes telling people what to do. i dont know.

what i do know (despite how badly i wish i could forget) is what izzy does next:

IZZY: Ooh, ooh, Daddy. Daddy.

yeah.

he also. doesn't look away from lucius. once he starts saying daddy.

there are. two things that i think this could be about.

the first is if izzy, like us, only caught the tail end of lucius and pete hooking up. that means he's just saying this with no prompting. and the only reason i can think of for him moaning and saying "daddy" is because he thinks that's what lucius and pete's sex sounded like (and the way this came after lucius's "i carry myself like i'm cute!" and the way he made eye contact with lucius the whole time makes me feel like this is what he assumes lucius specifically sounds like during sex). and like, based on how he weirdly chose to single out lucius with his "you think you're cute?" line, this is not a nice imitation of lucius and pete. he's mocking them.

which, if i were pete and lucius, would make me feel very uncomfortable and violated.

the second possibility is if this izzy actually heard all of pete and lucius hooking up, and this was something he heard them actually say. which was not an option i thought of, but i saw someone else saying that this was izzy knowingly imitating the sounds of lucius and pete's sex, instead of just assuming he's imitating those sounds.

and if i were pete and lucius, this would make me feel even more uncomfortable and violated!!! there's no fucking privacy on this ship unless you're jim, olu, or stede, so there's zero doubt in my mind that everyone's kinks get aired out like dirty laundry. but someone making fun of those kinks is something else entirely!!!

either way, izzy makes everyone in the room uncomfortable.

idk, watching this scene, it looks like lucius is vaguely afraid. at the very least, he's uncomfortable and weirded out.

and i've realized that i've run out of images i can add to this post so the rest is just gonna be typed out:

IZZY: Your lot days of lyin' around doing fuck-all, it's through. You're all getting specific duties.

izzy shrugs off the awkwardness, looks at lucius for a moment, then shifts his gaze to pete and delivers his first sentence above. as he does so, he points his finger at lucius and pete, waving it between the two of them. when he gets to "you're all getting specific duties" he raises his voice and turns away, towards wee john's direction but not fully looking at him entirely.

LUCIUS: No thanks, Iggy. I only take orders from my Captain.

and now, twenty-nine images later, we get to where lucius "escalates" this conversation. frankly, i think the conversation was escalated when izzy said to lucius, "you think you're cute?" and it was definitely escalated even more by the "ooh, daddy" bit. lucius now feels very uncomfortable, and he lashes out.

remember: izzy is a guest. he's blackbeard's first mate, and blackbeard has chosen to stay on the ship as a guest and give the crew pirate lessons. like, i'm literally just going to link an old post i made about this line, because from lucius's perspective his bitchiness is so fucking warranted.

IZZY: My name is Mr. Hands, First Mate Hands, or God, as far as you're concerned. And I've got just the job for you... bitch. Follow me. LUCIUS: Yep, absolutely.

now, the thing with izzy is that he's not very creative and he's very bad at adapting to change or to new, unfamiliar situations. and ed sticking around a ship full of mediocre pirates to give them "job training" while secretly planning to murder their boss and steal his identity, which probably means most of these other pirates are gonna get killed or left for dead somewhere, is probably not a familiar situation for izzy. for him, the "uszh" is capturing ships in battle, making the crew repair the damage, and then executing the crew. so he's not used to a several days of job training with crews of weird misfit pirates.

so from izzy's perspective, i kinda get it. usually when he's hanging out on another ship like this, it's a literal invasion. he's used to barking orders at people and telling them what to do. he's used to hitting the backs of their heads when they're eating and he's used to telling people to get back to work. he's not used to taking other crews on raids like they're job shadowing him, and he's not used to being left behind on some other ship while his boss goes off to a fancy party with the captain of the ship he's stuck on.

i kinda get why his instinct here is "i'm fucking in charge here, who said they could have sex in their down time? why are they having fun, don't they know that blackbeard is planning to kill them all?" he's used to just bossing around the crews of ships they've taken over, not hanging out with them for a week.

i also think he specifically gets so nasty here and screams "bitch" in lucius's face because he tried to make fun of lucius and pete with the "ooh daddy" thing and ended up embarrassing himself. so when lucius called him iggy (justified, imo), izzy escalated that shit even further, stepping into lucius's space and practically spitting in his face when he called him a bitch. in his mind, he just embarrassed himself in front of some shitty pirates who are gonna die soon and don't even know it, and he wants to re-assert his dominance here. because god fucking damn it, he's in charge here. they don't know that technically it's still an invasion, but izzy doesn't know how to interact with a crew outside of that situation.

IZZY: Come on.

yeah and then we get izzy walking away without giving any specific duties to pete and wee john, just lucius. and lucius stays behind for a minute to talk to pete, then izzy screams "NOW" with a level of rage that feels really disproportionate to me, and then lucius runs after him and the scene ends.

maybe izzy was going to give “specific duties” to all three of them before lucius called him iggy. i don’t know. but we never see that happen, we only see izzy continue to seek out lucius for punishing tasks. the showrunners chose not to follow up on what pete and wee john did after the “ooh daddy” scene. and like, come up with whatever reasons you want for why that is. but izzy was already singling lucius out even before lucius finally snapped and “talked back” to izzy

In Conclusion

to recap:

in this episode, blackbeard is acting as a guest on the Revenge. he is giving them job training, but he is not functioning as their captor anymore

now that they're guests, izzy is no longer in charge of telling stede's crew what to do outside of "pirate lessons"

at the beginning of the episode they raid a french ship, which means they're all stocked up on supplies

stede and ed (aka the captains) are going to a party, leaving the rest of the crew with some down time

izzy does not know how to deal with down time on a ship that he has technically invaded and is technically still holding hostage, but he can't let them know he's holding them hostage

izzy especially does not know what to do with down time when his captain isn't there. he's in charge with no supervision. nobody is around to tell him to chill out

lucius and pete do not have a private place on the revenge to have sex during their down time

pete is the one to try and come up with an excuse for what they were doing

pete is the one to openly flirt with lucius in front of izzy

when izzy first singles lucius out, both pete and wee john have been more flippant about the sex than lucius

izzy's "ooh daddy" was an attempt to mock lucius, and it made everyone in the room incredibly uncomfortable

calling izzy "iggy" and being rude after the "ooh daddy” thing was incredibly valid from lucius's perspective

we do not see izzy give pete or wee john any tasks

and one more thing about this plotline that doesn't come up in this scene but is very important to understanding the situation:

nothing izzy makes lucius do actually needs to get done.

you don't need to know shit about boats to know this

all you need to know is that lucius doesn’t do any of what izzy told him to do, and we never see anyone else do any of what izzy tries to get him to do, and there are never repercussions for that.

the ship doesn't fall apart. they sail with no problem. everything with the boat is fine.

izzy was just bossing people around because that's all he knows how to do. and he singled lucius out specifically, for reasons i don't feel like arguing about right now.

and just to back myself up, that this is not about izzy making stede's lazy stupid crew do basic chores that need to get done and they're all bad pirates for slacking off, i present to you one of the screenshots from the DMs with alex sherman:

the sentence that gets cut off at the beginning is “These were supposed to show that Izzy is power-hungry but also just not that good with power.”

#ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd meta #lucius spriggs #izzy hands #dizzy izzy #mine #meta #txt #sc #og #s1e05 #wee john feeney #black pete #alex sherman

[bunnygirlcentral]

Under Lock and Key (Eddie Munson X Reader Smut)

Pet play, humiliation, degradation, cum feeding, strong and derogatory language, hair pulling (to an excessive extent), incorrect use of a doggie crate, incorrect assembly of a doggy crate

No beta i go down like the whore i am

READER IS 18

Gif not mine

   To be completely honest, it wasn’t your fault. You hadn’t slept well at all the night before, and you missed breakfast. So when Eddie came to pick you up from your house that morning for school, your morning was already off to an awful start.

  “G’mornin baby, ready for school?” Eddie greeted you with a smile. Even though he hated school, he started trying to get you excited about it, especially since you were both getting ready to graduate. You shrugged, letting out an “I guess” before buckling and reclining your seat just a bit, dreading the school day to come. 

 As usual, you were right about how your day had gone. Needless to say your entire day sucked ass. Failing a test in english, and tripping at lunch and spilling all over yourself. And as much as Eddie tried to help, even he was not immune to your frustrations, and to say things were tense when you got to his trailer was a bit of an understatement. 

  “What the fuck was that? Huh?” Eddie huffs as he opens the door to his trailer, as always stepping aside to let you in first. 

  “Don’t know what you're talkin’ about Eds” You say, rolling your eyes while toeing off your converse before feeling a hand on your chest and suddenly feeling the door against your back.

  “At lunch, and in fourth period. Acting like a fuckin’ cunt. I get you had a bad day but that doesn’t mean you can just act like a bitch, especially when I’m the one cleanin’ you up and tryna make you laugh and shit.” He hisses at you, causing your breath to hitch in your throat.

   You scoff, not wanting to admit that maybe he was right. But you weren’t one to give in so easily, and maybe if you pushed him enough, you’d get a sweet release of the day’s pent up aggression. One way or another. “So what? You did the bare minimum of what boyfriends do Ed. Do you want a fucking prize? Hm? Would that make you feel better?” You were mocking him now. Beyond the point of bratty now, and if you weren’t in such a shitty mood you may have stopped but you didn’t. You shoved him, turning on your heel “Maybe instead of watching while Carver and his fucking goons were tripping me and laughing when my lunch went everywhere.” and instead of taking another step forward to his room you felt his hand grab yours. The cold metal of his rings digging into his soft palm and the next thing you knew he’d thrown you onto the couch. 

   When you met his eyes you could tell you’d fucked up. You’d wanted to push his buttons, sure, but now he was livid. “Shoulda done something huh? Yeah alright, I’ll fuckin’ do soemthing.” You feel his hand in your hair and then the sharp pains as he drags you off the couch, starting to tear up as he yanks you to your feet and his gaze softens momentarily “Do you remember the safeword princess?” Your heart swelled at the question, not that it was an uncommon one, but because of the way he took care of you even when he was pissed off at you. “Peaches.” You answered firmly before he nodded and continued pulling by your hair to his room, not sparing a glance as you pitifully stumbled behind him, trying to keep up with his pace. 

   When you entered he shoved you in, closing the door behind you and locking it before pushing you onto his bed, starting to strip you wordlessly. It was only after he all but ripped off your jeans that he looked up at you, running his hands up your thighs. “Are you going to apologize or do you still plan on being a btich?” Your silence was the only answer you gave him, causing him to sigh. “You asked for it..” He focused all your attention on your cunt as he moved his hand up, letting his fingers play with your labia before dipping them into your hole ever so slightly. “ See you’re so bitchy to me when you have a bad day. But if you’d just been a nice little girl,” without warning he thrusts two fingers in, making you gasp as a few tears spill out of your eyes. “This pretty little hole would be getting filled with my cock instead of my fingers.” You whine, trying to buck your hips into his hand before your weak attempts are met with his hand holding your hips down as he tuts. “Ah ah ah, good whores wait to get what their masters give them. And I know you've had trouble with remembering basic” he thrusts his fingers into you hard. “fucking” another thrust, this one harder than the last. “manners, but try to use that empty little head to be good for me, okay?” He pulls his fingers out again and you huff in protest. 

   “Eddie please-” Before you can even finish your sentence he slaps your thighs, hard enough you can feel welts in the wake of his rings. “That’s not my fucking name you dumb cunt. Try again.” He practically growls at you, and you gulp. You’ve rarely ever seen your loving and devoted boyfriend so mad before, and for a moment you consider acting out more often to provoke this behavior again. But your mind shifts back to the current situation and you shake the thoughts out of your head. “Master please, wanna cum, can’t you finger me until I do?” 

   At that Eddie grins, not in the sweet and loving way you’re used to, but in a sadistic, almost evil way. He doesn't answer you as he gets up and off the bed, crouching down before pulling out a thick, metal grated slab, and your heart plummets. He only uses the crate on special occasions, or when you’ve truly made him mad, and you start to shake, knowing what’s coming next. He makes quick work of setting it up, and soon enough it’s shining in the low lamp light of his bedroom, the door open, in a mockery of invitation.

  Eddie steps back, grabbing your arm again and yanking you off the bed. “Get in.” Is all he says before he pushes you to your knees, and the tears sitting on your lower lash line finally spill over as you crawl, humiliated, into the crate meant for a large dog. “Master please, I.. I just had a bad day and-” he slams the door in your face, causing you to jump from the sound. “Don’t wanna fucking hear it. You acted like a brat all day, and now it’s time to pay the piper.” He smirks down at you and your tears roll down your cheeks, causing your carefully applied makeup from that morning to run. “Oh you poor pathetic mutt. Look so fuckin’ sad” he walks over to the bedside table against his wall and fishes out his polaroid camera, turning back to you and walking to the crate in quick strides before crouching down to your level and snapping a photo. “You know what they say about pictures, they’re worth a thousand words.” 

  He tosses the camera onto his bed as the photo prints, allowing it to develop before fiddling with his belt and dropping his pants, followed soon by his boxers before unceremoniously stepping out of them and closer to you. His right hand wraps around his thick cock, already dripping with precum as his left hand starts to play with his balls. “See baby? If you’d been good today this’d already be inside you. Stretchin’ you out” he swipes his thumb over the leaking slit, hissing softly “and causing you to lose your mind. Instead you’re gonna have to watch Master play with himself, all without your help.” You pout, whining and letting out soft curse as he strokes himself, feeling the throbbing in between your legs grow stronger. Almost as if he can read your mind he tuts, shaking his head “If I see you lay one finger on my fucking cunt I swear you won’t cum for a month you slut.” His breath shudders as he starts stroking faster, fondling himself and dropping his head back, letting out a deep moan. 

   “Fuck, if you’d just been good you woulda had this cock all to yourself and instead” he chokes a bit, and you know he’s close already. “You’re just gonna sit here and get covered in my fcuking cum.” He swears a few more times before you feel it, the sticky, thick, and white substance shooting out from the head of his cock and all over you and the cage you’re stuck in. You both sit quietly for a moment before Eddie’s getting up and poking a few fingers through the bars of the crate to swipe some of his come off your cheek, and then pushing his fingers into your mouth. “There you go sweetheat. Can’t waste a single drop. Gonna clean you up and then we can watch a movie.” You shift, biting your lip and looking up at him. “Can I cum tonight? Please Master?” He laughs a bit and you fill with hope before he shakes his head. 

“Not a chance honey bunches.”

#eddie munson imagine #eddie munson smut #eddie munson #eddie x reader #Eddie Babie <3 #mdni #stranger things smut #tw: cage #tw: degradation #tw: cursing #tw: bullying? #tw: slapping #Eddie Munson Smut #eddie my beloved #smut

[ninjamelissajulien]

Rewatching Crystalized after a long time- here are my thoughts.

The first third isn’t bad (season 1), honestly it’s still funny

Fugidove you weirdo (affectionate)

I still hate the mayor/the new ninja/ronin

Pythor you bitch (derogatory)

Nya my beloved, how they wasted your potential

Skylor my beloved, how they wasted your potential

Pixal my beloved, how they wasted your potential

Mechanic you motherfucker

HARUMI MY BELOVED CHILD YOUVE RETURNED TO ME

I hate how they changed the overlords voice, rebooted was the best version

I think the overlord intercepted harumi’s soul while it was on its way to the departed realm. Overlord can never truly die, so he’s stuck in an ethereal void. That’s why no one else was around

Harumi, my beloved scrimbly, your body was literally crushed and probably impaled by rebar and concrete

Oni temple still ugly as shit

“Fall of the monastery” is homophobic because my favorite girls got the shit kicked out of them and I’m gay so it’s homophobic

Also Pythor is misogynistic like bro Nya saved your ass from wohira

Also mechanic is misogynistic

Fantastic fights tho

MINI PIXES

I love the minipix 7 saved her mama first 🥹

We did not need the fakeout death for Nya

I love the samurai x mech and Nya’s Sam x outfit

I think they took off the overeffect on pixals voice in Darkness within - that just gave Crystalized extra bonus points in my book

Lloyd dangling sideways is so stupid but funny

Ok but like that wasn’t the last time you fought, technically that was the SECOND to last time shitlord, Zane killed you last time lmao

The coming 👀 of the king

But they didn’t lose??? They killed you???

Golden master was better tbh

Ah, the ugliest fortress in the entire series

Uglyass motherfucker

Harumi my scrimbly

Harumi really be like I hate you but maybe we could be friends but also no I despise you but maybe???

ACAB

Harumis such a brat- I love her so much

GARMADON RETURNS

Garmadon is the funniest motherfucker

The fact that they didn’t get to fully acknowledge Harumi and Garmadon is a missed opportunity

Christofern is an innocent victim

Mechanic motherfucker I want you to die

I forgot about Zane’s head trauma reverting him to the ice emperor. Such a missed opportunity

MISAKO MY BELOVED!!!!!

T*mmy fuck off

Pixal being a badass like usual. Queen!!!!

They put her effect back over her voice

JESUS CHRIST ZANE

ronin redeeming himself 🫡

Pythor you annoying bitch

SKYLOR YOU ARE A QUEEN I’d let you punch me any day

When skylor put her hand on Cole’s head, his scar was glowing

Skylor god I love you

Kai you got trauma we need to discuss

RACER 7 aka BLAZY H. SPEED!!!!!

I would burn everything for Pixal

Jennifer you say the word and I would kill for you

THE PIXANE SPIN

“You brought me back.”

Pixal has the coolest mechs because she deserves it

Garmadon sprint past, screeching, with a barrel is my favorite

“Uh oh? What does uh oh mean?” A callback to season 13 💙

“Pet plant” Lloyd that’s your brother have some respect

I’m gonna be honest- I forgot the overlord was the literal threat this season 😭😭😭

Why do the dragonites have tits????

I literally still can’t believe they have to “jump up kick back whip around and spin”

And the reveal was when the paper was “fold” ed you motherfuckers

Why did the coolest form of the overlord come TWO EPISODES AT THE END

Coles crew showed up

VANIA MY BELOVED SCRIMBLY

MINIPIX

MAYA EDNA BENTHO LOU (💔)

SALLY YOU QUEER QUEEN

Dragon form is literally so dope tho

I’m still not a fan of the “plot twist” with the overlord x devourer

Anyways KICK HIS ASS HARUMI GO BABY GIRL GO

Mechanic shut the fuck up honestly

OKINO

Cole mocking Vangelis is so fucking funny

It hurts to see Lou honesty knowing he’ll never speak again

ADAM

VANIA MY BELOVED

Is it me or is Kai really handsome in his dragon form

Cole and Vania’s hug 🥹

PIXANE SPIN 2.0

Oni Lloyd my beloved

ROTSM 2: Electric Boogaloo

I like to think that it is the ninjas spirits that protected Lloyd and defeated the overlord, not a golden power

Inner Steel is a good song shut up

Overall honestly not a bad season, has some hiccups and missed opportunities but not as bad as I think it’s judged

#ninjago

[knowlesian]

here’s the thing that gets me about that missed talent show: it wasn’t even about the fucking talent show.

because what’s a talent show, when everything goes well? showing off (zero percent derogatory) and then being appreciated for who you are and what you can do. 

fresh from lucius’ encouragement, ed’s trying to figure out what else he can do. maybe he doesn’t have to lay down and die to make it all stop: maybe he can lay down his burdens, take off his armor and clothe himself entirely in red silk, loving the things he’s wanted most and kept hidden away openly while he sings a song so vulnerable most of us would rather leap into the sun than perform our personal version of it in public.

the talent show was never an endpoint, it was supposed to be the start of something new. a chance to ask himself: who is edward teach if he’s not performing being blackbeard, anyway? he knows stede made him happy: but stede’s gone, potentially for good. so what else makes ed happy? 

it was never about a talent show. it was about: who am i, if i’m not pleasing anyone but myself with it? what makes me happy?

aaaaaand then we never did get to that damned talent show; ed ends the season very sure what makes him unhappy and swallowing the questions the talent show would have let him ask back down before he can give them voice.

anyway i will meet these writers OUTSIDE and i will aggressively cry at them and then they’ll be sorry

#truly wtf @ this team #absolute demons! unfair! churlish! insubordinate! #i love it

[hello-god-its-me-sara]

Happy Spooky Scary Season!

Have my [current] master list for southern Jonathan Crane giving aneurysms to everyone around him posts

he's definitely outed himself saying shit like "smells like it's gonna rain"

Jonathan: smells like it’s going to rain Joker: what Riddler: the Batman: fuck

[insert joke about southern jonathan crane and sweet tea]

he definitely say's "ain't"

as well as “well bless your heart”

jonathan: well bless. your. heart. batman: run robin! r u n! *batman grabbing robin by his collar* joker: oh even I know that’s not good

honestly all of that good ol' southern condescension

(and batman thought alfred was dry and petty, don't mess with the south)

I keep seeing tiktoks that Batman villains haven’t faced true fear until they go up against Alfred

And true

However [comma] Alfred would undoubtedly be taken out by southern Jonathan Crane’s grammar

Two minutes later Alfred is lying on the floor shaking and muttering about “y’ain’t” and “would/could/should’n’a”

this isn’t a dig at Alfred is a dig at the British

also the fact that he was raised in Deep South Georgia by his great-granny (who was probably alive for The Great War) is highly underutilized

he says "fix/fixen/fixed"

(I broke my Candadian friend saying "fixen")

also probably says "yonder"

he gave everyone a new phobia (to his delight) explaining what cicadas are

jonathan: sometimes i miss the cicadas singin at night riddler: the what now? jonathan: *explains* ed: *horror* batman and robin listening in: *also horror* jonathan: happy little accidents

he says "coke" for soda

"go on, git!"

remember he's Georgian southern, not Appalachian southern, or Texan southern, deep Georgian southern

there is a difference, sometimes they don't all get along but they all unite to give the North a big middle finger (#southern solidarity)

going around saying "reckon"

southern use of double negatives

you know the first time he says “I ain't never” it probably sends batman into a coma

and the southern use of double and triple contractions

contractions all the way down

he's definitely called someone a "yank/yankee"

in a derogatory manner bc his great granny raised him and that woman probably remembers the civil war lbh

jonathan: *muttering to himself* stupid yanks riddler: i beg your pardon? joker: what'd you just call us batman and robin listening in: why did that sound like a slur?

just Jonathan Crane and his southern grammar (or lack there of if you ask Alfred probably)

#jonathan crane #southern jonathan crane #southern jonathan crane giving aneurysms to everyone around him

[ebijinua]

hallownestian dictionary update #2

current words: 20 / 200

feel free to help assist in the dictionary by adding your own words, and i'll see if they're gud enough to be added in. :>

----

words starting from #13 to #20

Rodule (/rAH-duel/, /ɹˈɑːduːl/), verb.

/ Frantically moving from one place to another. /

"Lurien's butler roduled across the spire to catch up to his liege."

Aclod (/ACK-load/, /ˈæklo͡ʊd/), verb.

/ To motion one's arms; to wave goodbye to someone. /

"Lemm acloded his last client before stopping his shop for the day."

Dolecrotter (/dOHl-craw-ter/, /dˈo͡ʊlkɹɔːɾɚ/), noun.

/ Phrase used in the Groundwest Providence of the city. Describes bugs who entered through the City of Tears from either the Royal Waterways or the lower, still developing King's Station. /

"My family was full of Dolecrotters! They still proudly identify with such a title as if the King himself appointed it."

Taumig (/tAW-mehg/, /tˈɔːme͡ɪɡ/), noun.

/ Derogatory phrase. Phrase used in the Surfwest Providence of the city. Mainly used by the Upper Caste. Used to portray the bugs of Groundwest and Groundeast Providence as 'inferior or otherwise poor and lacking of importance'. /

"This night's a blessed night. I got called a Taumig by those there upper caste members. Have you as well?"

History — Taumig is a combination of two words, "Tautaginosac (/tAU-tah-gee-no-sack/, /tˈɔːɾɐd͡ʒˌiːnəsˌæk/)", meaning "ruthless savage" and Migoserafe (/mih-go-see-rAH-fay/, /mˌɪhɡo͡ʊsˈɪɹɑːfˌe͡ɪ/), meaning "inferior body". Combined, Taumig means, "A ruthless savage with an inferior body". The idea was said to have come after a Gluttonous Husk was furious at finding out a poor citizen from the Groundwest Providence somehow snuck into the upper caste society and took some of their food.

Biquiddac (/beh-qui-dac/, /bˈe͡ɪkwɪdˌæk/), verb.

/ To refine something, like an object or one's self. /

"The workers biquiddaced the fabric on the chairs, making sure they were of fitting quality for the incoming husks."

Hoygrammed (/hOI-gram-ed/, /hˈɔ͡ɪɡɹæmd/), verb.

/ To hoard, keep close to. /

"You give an unfortunate bug some Geo and they'll hoygram it like no tonight." / "She hoygrammed the Geo that was gifted to her."

Cosepper (/cOH-seh-per/, /kˈo͡ʊsɛpɚ/), noun.

/ To refer to the four-legged bugs that assist in transporting bugs across the city. /

"Don't forget to call for a Cosepper. They're active today so don't miss any of them."

Jornatti (/jORn-nah-tee/, /d͡ʒˈoː͡ɹnɑːtˌiː/), verb.

/ Feeling weak; A weakened state of emotional, physical, or mental reasoning. /

"I don't feel well today. I oh so do hate feeling like a jornatti sometimes."

#hollow knight #hk #hallownestian dictionary #hallownest #dictionary #hk au #hollow knight au

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

BTS!! Don't Hurt Yourself

BTS: Write a dvd commentary about a passage from the fic (I cannot pic a fav so I'm just gonna give any old passage, I chose this one because I have a fun backstory about when I wrote it)(Full disclosure I own dvds but its been so long since I watched dvd commentary that I don't really remember what it's like so I'll just talk about the passage and how I made the decisions I did and how it came about, you know, the making of the passage.)

Spicy. alright I can do spicy.

Stede had always thought that a desire to hurt another individual out of malice or hatred was something that was intended to be done without their consent, that it would be dampened by the thought that the other person was into it. He was somewhat surprised to find that Izzy’s openly asking for it did not cheapen his own sadistic pleasure in giving the bastard what he deserved.

And he did deserve it, Stede decided as he pressed the head of his cock into Izzy’s tight, wet cunt. Izzy deserved to get smacked around and spat upon. Not just for the stunt with the blow job and the secret phone call, but also for calling Edward a whore, and a twat, and every other unkind derogatory thing he’d said in that courtroom and out, and for being generally an unpleasant, nasty little man that no one wanted to be around, and for causing Ed so much grief.

First of all, Bonnet, you are also causing Ed grief by fucking his husband but I digress

anyway. Backstory: This is from Chapter 7 of Don't Hurt Yourself. A chapter which I slaved away on for I think about two months, because I had written up to the point where Stede and Izzy Yaoi prat fall onto each other and Stede ends up with Izzy's tit in his hand or whatever, and I had no idea where to go from there ie how to get Stede's cock in Izzy's cunt in a way that was at least realistic enough for me to be satisfied with it.(emotional realities not physical realities, as is my right as an ofmd fic author, David Jenkins school of writing ect.) It's a problem I have with writing both Jack/Stede and Izzy/Stede, I have to seamlessly bring them from bitching at each other like they do in the show to fucking each other. Its not as easy as it sounds.

The breakthrough of the writers block came for me the same night I did magic mushrooms for the first time. My dealer told me that they would take about 3 hours to kick in (they took half that amount of time) and I was like, well I have three hours to spare so I might as well try to bang out a couple paragraphs. (it was the day I posted "why is it so much easier to write when the edible is about to kick in" It was not an edible I was waiting on. Idk why I said edible I regularly admit to drugs on here lmao.) So I managed to write a lot of the dialogue and then these two paragraphs. But the shrooms kicked in as I was finishing up the last paragraph, which meant that I ended it with some absolutely inebriated drivel about the word fuck and how it's used to convey both hate (e,g. shut the fuck up, fuck you) and sex that I had to delete when I was sober and I very rapidly lost the ability to write after that.

Anyway now that the fun back story is out of the way let's actually talk about what's happening in these two paragraphs. Stizzy hate sex! Stede and Izzy are sometimes hard to make fuck because Stede simply does not think about him, but they're also incredibly fun to make fuck. Muppet vibes off the charts especially when they're doing bdsm (which is the only kind of sex Izzy knows how to have). Miss Piggy slapping Kermit energy but they're not married.

I also tend to think Stede has a dark side. He's as mean as he is nice and he's real fucking nice. I love it when he's evil, because I'm horny about evil men. I think if Stede would think about Izzy long enough he could get dark with it (a vibe which is not incompatible with muppetry broaden your horizons for the possible.) and I think the only way to make him think about Izzy long enough is to have Izzy wrong Ed and make it clear to Stede that Ed was wronged and put Izzy in Stede's direct line of sight.

Basically, I want Stede to have hate sex and I want him to realize he's a sadist. I tried to convey that here. I think that Stede as a character has the capacity for so much love and so much hate. It's an important balance to strike when writing him, if you go too far in one direction you turn him into an unrecognizable monster (which I've seen certain people do) but if you go too far in the other he becomes an unrecognizable woobie baby which is so fucking boring dude. I hope I got across his sadist awakening well. he still needs a second one where you learn you can do it to people you like tho...

The ask meme

#divorce court au #stizzy #drug posting

[limetameta]

I liked your rant! What is one of the things you want to say about the Kimblee Never Went To Prison AU that you feel the readers haven't picked up on? Me included. I'm kinda clueless *shy*

Howdy! I yell a lot, but don't be shy to come into my dms or my ask box lmao.

The thing I want to underline for the Crimsonverse specifically pertains to Kimblee's humanity. In canon, we don't really see him interact with many people in a friendly manner. We do in the manga mainly; he's the most human in the manga. But brotherhood writes him as a lean, mean killing machine. It doesn't take a pause and breathe some levity into him or otherwise doesn't spend any time aligning him with human beings. Which I understand! Because Kimblee in canon is an antagonist and is supposed to be seen on the side of the homunculi. They take him out of prison, they give him the ph stone, they set him on our beloved characters. They're the ones whom we expect Kimblee to be aligned to and loyal to. (which makes that last stint with Pride vs Ed such a COOL moment because you're reminded that Kimblee's human. And he doesn't like hypocrites lmao) Now when I rewatched FMAB in February and March of this year (2k22 let's go, be kinder than the previous ones) I kept thinking about how Kimblee's humanity is so unexplored in fanon. Most of the time he's this sociopath with violent tendencies, this paragon of destruction and chaos. He does have violent tendencies. He does have a penchant for destruction. But all of this is always something that he's in control of 100%. It's a calculated effort on his part. It's not something that just HAPPENS to him.

He can be incredibly polite. He can hold conversations. He's not some imbecile that makes things go boom all the time.

Kimblee in MC is a human being. He's surrounded by human beings. He has a cat. He has hobbies. He has likes and dislikes. His entire identity doesn't hinge on his being the Crimson Lotus Alchemist. On being a human weapon.

Even though there's a common theme in the crimsonverse where OTHERS have a big problem differentiating the Crimson Lotus Alchemist/Bomber of Ishval from Solf J. Kimblee.

This story is mainly the story of human complexities. It's a favourite subject for me to write.

So, now you have Kimblee who's a human being (but doesn't have the ISOLATION that he does in canon while he's in prison) - if anything Good Guy Maes Hughes and Best Girl Gracia Hughes have made it so that unfortunately for Kimblee, he's USED TO people now. He's USED TO belonging in a little group, a social circle to call his own. Which will, down the line, be devastating for him because a human weapon works best when you're isolated. When you don't have others to rely on or others to rely on you. Kimblee in canon is an island.

MC Kimblee? He wasn't allowed to be one. And the homunculi, at the end of the day, are not and cannot be human beings. They are the monsters that built Amestris on foundation drenched in blood. They never miss an opportunity to call Kimblee a human being (derogatory). But they don't understand that, yes, Kimblee's a human being - and yes, he might have been curious about a world where the homunculi win and humanity loses (were he not PULLED into being human, not just being a weapon, but actually surrounding himself by the people he cares about and those who care about him) FMA is and always will be a story about found family. About how love changes a person, either platonic or romantic or familial.

The question has been posed in MC in regards to Kimblee's humanity by people he's not friendly with. Armstrong is a good example. He wonders if Kimblee even is human if he could do the things he's done in Ishval? Mustang doesn't think Kimblee's a person. Edward thinks he's violent. But you see all of these moments paralleled by the homunculi constantly hammering in the fact that to them Kimblee is a lowly human. Kimblee is beneath them in every way shape or form.

Objectively speaking, Kimblee is a human being through and through.

But his subjective view on the world is rather muddled at the moment. Right now it's like he's a trapeze artist thrown to walk his line while everyone around (his friends, his coworkers, people, homunculi) is watching him. He's toeing the fine line between human and weapon, and he isn't quite sure on which side he'll land.

#ask #metallic crimson #solf j. kimblee #kimblee

[sk3tch404]

Lmao np <33 I always enjoy drawing Yandere's as pathetic lil meow meows hehe (funfact: I actually drew Rory first but after I finished his lineart I was like, wait shit I don't have a full color reference- and then I hyperfocused on drawing jay instead lol)

Also, you 🤝 me: jayce + jack o' lanterns = stonks ✅ ✅ ✅

Also also, ngl if Darling were self-aware she'd def hate me, because I always try to speedrun the Bad ending first lmaooo

Also^3, every time I hear baggy pants, I can't help but remember the boys I went to school with a few years ago, who wore the most ugly, most a t r o c i o u s pairs of baggy pants I have ever seen 💀💀

For Reference: https://imgur.com/a/fZsHsF7

This is what I'm talking about^^ like pls,, just sTO P-

About the blue reference, the paragraph I meant was the one about how I only liked EJ so much because of his BLUE mask 😔 young me truly set the bar too low (maybe it's because of him that I'm attracted to most fictional mad scientists/doctors with no morals now, damn this bastard 😒)

Oh, and the OG mikey myers Movie is the 1978 one! ^^

And finally about the Christian Gang /hj (every holiday Yandere of yours has/used to have strong Christian influences but these three are still considered extra Christian to me so I'm just gonna start calling em that lolololol)

Gonna be honest, when you revealed that one of them was gonna be Christmas, I immediately headcanoned him as just some guy in Christmas elf costume- thank god that's not the case though (I say, even though I know damn well that I'm still gonna draw him in that costume the nanosecond you drop a ref for him, because he's a lil skrimblo who needs to get a reality check via me shitposting him into humility)

Also ofc the twins are ginger 😒🙄 /derogatory /j okay but fr, whenever I see a fictional ginger online I'm like ....Ed Sheeran??? 😱😱 (coughcoughchildecough)

-Ren'py anon

OKAY OKAY I'LL DROP A SMIDGE OF RORY SPRITES SO U CAN COLOR IT BBG

He only wears shades outside lol

HEHEHE YES JACK O'LANTERN STONKS GO UP IN THE BRAIN CELL ACTIVITY

Eh, I mean, its always fun to get the bad ending first though. Just to see then get all angry and violent 😍 good shit tbh

MC would def hate you, but I feel like it would take a bit to get the bad bad ending yk? I don't have the obvious, good/neutral/bad choices most of the time (although there are some choices that will obviously lead to negative consequences lol)

JAYCE ONLY WEARS THE ONES IN STYLE RN NOT THOSE LMAOOOO

Though they can look good if done right, those boys at school were definitely not doing it right 💀

Now I understand the blue reference! Ugh how did I MISS IT SO BAD 😭 gosh you were going crazy abt him and the color blueeeeee

I understand how that all kick started ur obsession with fucked up men. We are one in the same 😎

Hehehe thank you for the confirmation! I will be watching Myers stand there menacingly as I look up fics of him 😍

It's so funny that you call them the Christan gang, but it's not gonna have all the significant original values and whatnot. It's just a global holiday thingy that everybody does regardless of religious background (Though I'm glad you still see their origins and acknowledge their important purpose to many other people!)

GOD HELP WHY? I ONLY WATCHED LIKE 10 MINUTES IF THAT ELF MOVIE WHEN I WAS IN 6TH GRADE DURING LUNCH? WHY WERE THEY PLAYING IT DURING LUNCH YOU ASK? BC OF CHRISTMAS OR SMTH IDK, BUT IT WAS OKAY IG

It would be very funny to see him as an elf that works at the mall as a side 😇 He needs it anyway

Regarding the Twin's, THEY HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE MAKE GINGER JOKES, SO BAD. THE MINUTE SOMEONE SAYS ANYTHING ABT ED SHEERAN AROUND THEM, THEY EITHER ZIP OUT OF THERE OR FIGHT. NO IN BETWEEN.

Typical gingers 🙄 so sensitive dude

Childe is one of the only gingers I can tolerate. If these two didnt have a life and played Genshin, they would favor Childe so much.

#renpy anon #sorry this took ao long to answer #rory flynn

[iamnot-theboynextdoor]

stede is gay and knows it, ramble below

i think the first time i watched ofmd i was viewing it through the lens of "stede doesn't even know he's gay, proceeds to be The Most Stereotypical Flamboyant Ever, therein lies the comedy, up until ed kisses him and then a lot of things make terrifying sense to him"

but it makes more sense that stede always knew, and it heavily contributed (if not a core responsibility towards) his alienation from the world he grew up in.

i still believe that ed was his first ever romantic connection/contact with another guy. but like, the badmintons and co would bully him for being a [insert derogatory term for gay here], and then when he was at That Age where he was supposed to be Noticing Girls or whatever that means, he realised he was Noticing Boys, and had the horrible thought of "my bullies were right??? i AM a [insert derogatory term for gay]??? Oh God No. am i that obvious that they knew before i did? who else knows? does my father? is that why he has such contempt for me?" etc.

and so stede Knows but never Acts. he marries mary, has children, cries himself to sleep.

the revenge is a sanctuary, of course. stede embraces his theatricality and flamboyance and encourages everyone to talk about their feelings - but he doesn't share his own. partly because he's trying to maintain his authority (a lost cause but he doesn't know it)/high status/does genuinely see the crew as Beneath Him (both in a classist way and in a he's almost trying to be their surrogate dad way (the man has Complexes) ).

but also because he thinks he's a bit past it.

headcanon territory here, but i'd love a fic with stede and lucius just talking about being gay. (A Bell Tolls as my WIP Idea list grows longer.) stede very nervously asking lucius "are you... y'know..." and lucius deadpan being "you cannot seriously have any doubt that i am gay. not even you are that clueless." and stede, terrified, says out loud for the first time "me too... i think... maybe...?" and poor lucius biting back the urge to go NO SHIT because he can Tell that this is stede's first step out of the closet and Oh God you're telling him he's gonna have to be babygay stede's queer mentor on top of everything else? he better be getting paid for this

stede doesn't go too into depth about his own feelings (hypocrite that he is) or lack of experience, but i can see lucius being all "so do you think anyone onboard is hot" and stede going "oh, i couldn't. i'm their boss. and i've never... i'm past it, i've missed my window", and lucius' heart does break a little for stede because nobody's Too Old to have a First Romance.

(lucius is up for mutiny, as much as he feels sorry for stede, because lucius always aligns himself with whatever he thinks are his best odds of staying alive ("i'm a strong reader and writer" to the english navy") and he isn't going to be stede's Sole Defender in a mutiny)

so stede knows he's gay, and then ed shows up, and stede really is just grateful to have a platonic friend (who also happens to be blackbeard)! and of course stede is Totally Oblivious to the fact that ed has a crush on him. the idea of reciprocity is unfathomable to stede, that doesn't happen, people don't see him romantically, people barely tolerate him at best, right?

it's hard to say when stede starts his crush on ed, and when stede Realises he has a crush on ed, and when stede Realises that it's mutual. i think stede is YET to realise that ed's feelings for him are more than just a fleeting whim. he realises it's of Mutual Importance after his conversation with Mary, but i doubt he has any idea of the Extent of how much ed is affected by him not showing up... that's gotta be the crux of s2. for me, stede's internal timeline goes:

develops a crush on ed: "do you fancy a fine fabric?"

*realises* he has a crush on ed: (ok i don't have a definitive answer for this stage it could be literally any time between ep4 and ep7. i think it's less of an "oh." moment and more of a blossoming feeling)

realises ed likes him back: The Big Damn Kiss

realises he and ed have genuine, mutual feelings for each other: "his name is ed."

realises ed was In Love with him: YET TO HAPPEN.

i get a lot of enjoyment of reading "you wear fine things well" as ed falling in love with stede and stede obliviously being like "wowe friendship :)". but i can't deny the possibility of stede putting on most of the obliviousness as a front. i do think stede still has no idea about ed's feelings or the significance of This Moment. but i think if he was genuinely "wowe platonic friendship and absolutely no ulterior motive from either of us :)" he wouldn't have stopped to look back.

my headcanon is that from the "looks like there's trouble in paradise!" line, stede thinks that ed and izzy are Currently Together. so when stede looks back, he's thinking "it's a shame he's taken. oh well."

(meanwhile ed and izzy are Not Currently Together (in a romantic sense) but they were, they've had 30 years of an on-off nebulous romantic-sexual thing that is all at once unspoken and naturally unassumed/kismet/doesn't need to be spoken about and Really Fucking Needs To Be Spoken About, they're married they're divorced they're still living and working together, they're pining they hate each other they need each other, i hope you die i hope we both die... in summary they're Off and in their "I think we should see other people" phase (but then ed actually does and izzy is like Hey What The Fuck You Weren't Actually Supposed To) )

but then izzy leaves. and stede is like. right. we're going treasure hunting. this is my Boyfriend Material Audition. AND HE WOULD HAVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT IF IT WASN'T FOR THAT MEDDLING CALICO JACK-

this is a lot of words to just say- it's funny to imagine that stede's Gay Awakening is the exact moment ed kisses him and not a moment sooner. but i think he knows already and just never put it into words as such.

#have i made this post before? memory issues be like #our flag means death #i'm not eloquent and repeat myself a lot blame it on my a d d babey

[wisteriavines]

obscurity

my hero academia prompt:

I don't have the motivation to write it out neatly, so here it is in bullet points & for the purpose of this prompt, I will be using she/her pronouns for the main character

quirkless oc is our main character

she does not have big dreams or aspirations; is rather laid back about everything

the only reason she applied for UA is because some kids said she couldn't do it & oc is known for doing things in pure spite

she's accepted in Gen Ed 1-C

she & shinso become friends through the power of being outcasts and having cats

oc is chronically sleep deprived -- some teachers suspect that even aizawa gets more sleep than she does

her life is just full of coincidences

like, no officer she didn't know that the man that tried to mug her yesterday was an arsonist

or that her middle school best friend that went missing half-way through third-year is now a serial killer

if you haven't already guessed, the arsonist was dabi

he threatened quirk use against her but oc just had one hell of a bad day and was not impressed

like dude, that's old news, figure out a new threat and try again later

also, she’s kinda broke. all she has in her pockets are some coins she found in between the seats of the bus she took

“Look, I’m not gonna criticize the way you go about mugging people, but wouldn’t it be better to take my groceries too?”

the best friend turned serial killer won't stop stalking her

yes it's toga himiko

no she isn't going to report this to the police

they made a pinky promise in first year about not turning on each other should they become villains

you don't break a pinky promise

that's like treason

she'll call the cops on dabi though, no problem

she'll even use the taser she's allowed to carry against him

“I won't hesitate, bitch."

oc is directionally challenged -- Zoro from One Piece Bad

it's how she meets izuku, by somehow finding herself in his neighborhood

some old middle school bullies have him cornered and oc starts a fight the moment she hears "quirkless"

izuku has to drag her away from the unconscious and twitching bodies

he is very afraid because oh my god, are they dead - you didn't kill them did you?

oc is a mess, evidently

i would say that's fine but it's not because oc has another bestie from middle school that enables her

bestie is a nonbinary oc that likes pranks and mechanics

they follow oc into UA because they had nothing better to do

they're in the support course, class 1-H with hatsume

the two of them set an entire classroom on fire once

they've been banned from working together (not that it stops them)

shinso would like to know what the hell he just got himself into

“Why are all your friends dangerous or scary?” “…but you’re not dangerous or scary?”

oc does not see what the problem is

her mother does though

but like that woman is lowkey toxic so

believes quirkless to mean fragile

oc literally can't ride a bike anymore because of one scrapped knee

also the mom kind of wants to control everything in oc's life

oc's older brother is an asshole (affectionate)

her dad is rather willowy (derogatory)

the dad needs to grow a spine and the mom needs to see the error of her ways

the brother has moved out for college so like there isn't much going on with him

anyway, oc is just in the middle of things without knowing and generally not caring when she finds out

she meets the rest of the league and has opinions on them

specifically: kurogiri is a literal god-send of patience and tomura needs to fuck off with his daddy issues because she has enough of that on her own & from interacting with dabi

also, this "sensei" guy is kinda sus and why is no one else seeing that?

idk what the timeline is at this point but

oc & bestie act as support for shinso in the sports festival

oc backs out from the third event because ha no thanks

again, being directionally challenged, oc gets lost and somehow hears todoroki's whole tragic backstory

she is unsure what to do with this information

but decides to go to izuku (they're friends after the whole disaster of a first meeting) on how she can help

no one knows how, but "help" ends up with kidnapping todoroki

not that he minds, it's kind of fun

also somehow, oc convinces todoroki to dye his hair and change his name

class 1-A takes it stride and aizawa honestly doesn't want to know

he does get to know, though, because oc spills the beans to the principal accidentally

aizawa is now a protective and mad dad

shinso has resigned himself to his fate of somehow always getting involved by the second visit to the principal's office (don't ask about the first visit)

lets skip through the timeline to the eri arc (i'm calling it that)

since she is "associated" with the league, chisaki knows about her

he decides to kidnap her because she's quirkless and "clean"

oc should, logically, be afraid

she is not

she is furious instead

because what the fuck why is there a little girl here with multiple scars on her arms and legs

if someone from the league doesn't kill chisaki, she will

as you can see, oc has grey morals

somehow the league of villains turn into the league of vigilantes

they blame oc

all for one is not amused but he’s a fried potato head so his feelings are invalid

Discontinued Writing

Line Divider credit: @rookthornesartistry

#wisteriavines #obscurity au #discontinued wip #mha #bnha #original character #shinso hitoshi #toga himiko #dabi #quirkless #quirkless discrimination #hitoshi shinso #hitoshi x original character

[addictofanimation]

Another Kaeya Gets Kidnapped Prompt (Part II)...

Kaeya groaned in pain as he rolled onto his side as his ribs shifted uncomfortably in his chest. He could barely fight back the nausea as his stomach rolled. That boss really hadn’t been joking when they said that he would regret trying to escape. His head was pounding and he could feel the bruises sting as they marked his skin. 

It had been a long time since he was beaten this badly. 

Kaeya could hear the activity just outside of his cell as his new guards paced back and forth impatiently. He would bet all of his future paychecks that they probably wanted to rip the door right open and beat him again just for them being forced to watch him. 

Not that he can blame them. Guard duty could be so boring, especially when the prisoner is nearly unconscious. 

Time seemed to blur together until he finally heard the door grate against the concrete as the boss came strolling in. They were frustrated that Diluc hadn’t shown up with the money yet and demanded to know why. Kaeya merely smirked and said that he had told them so, that Diluc wouldn’t waste his money on him. The boss was furious as they grabbed his face again, looking closely at his face as if looking for something. They make an off comment about still being able to make some money off him. 

Kaeya tenses as the words went over in his head. Make money off of him how? Were they going to sell him to somebody else? 

Thankfully, he didn’t have to think too much about it when the sound of fighting could be heard from outside. The boss looked irritated, but went towards the door to see what the commotion was all about. They barely made it to the doorway before they were stopped by flames. They barely jerked back in time to keep from being burned.

Diluc was standing in the entryway. 

And he looked p****d. 

----

Diluc was fuming as flames flowed around his sword. While there had been plenty of fighting when it came to the lackeys, the one thing the tavern owner wanted the most was to find the person behind this whole operation and teach them a lesson. 

The person who took Kaeya. 

When they finally found the cell they were looking for, he had barely broken a sweat. The other two were also keeping up with him pretty well, though they hadn't needed to do much fighting and mostly just watched Diluc let out all of his anger on the kidnappers. The fighting had seemed to help him calm down and they both breathed sighs of relief. 

Then they finally found Kaeya and the anger came right back. 

Kaeya looked like he had been dragged through the Abyss and barely made it back out with his life. His face had a huge bruise and he was bleeding out of his mouth (most likely internal bleeding or he bit his tongue, but the amount of blood hinted at the former). He probably had worse injuries that he couldn't see.

The sight seemed to strike something within Diluc and the flames surrounding his blade seemed to swell with his rage. He rushed forward and didn’t give the boss a chance to react before he plunged his claymore into their chest and set them ablaze. 

He barely noticed when the Traveler and Jean had moved to get Kaeya loose from his bindings. By the time he turned to them, they had removed the ropes and had helped Kaeya sit up against the wall as Jean checked his ribs. The sight of his brother alive (if a little banged up) made something in him finally break. 

Kaeya tensed when he saw Diluc coming over, his expression unreadable. He couldn’t tell what the older was thinking when he made that face. He could hear Jean telling Diluc to wait, sounding very alarmed, but her voice was lost when he felt Diluc grab his jacket and jerk him forward. He winced, but didn’t make any noise beyond a light hiss before he found his face buried in his brother’s shoulder while the man clung to him like a child who found their missing teddy bear. 

Kaeya could hear the older calling him an idiot and almost every derogatory insult he could think of, but it was ignored when he felt the shoulder of his torn and dirtied shirt begin to turn wet. 

Diluc was crying. 

Kaeya’s own face was wet with more than just blood and sweat. 

He winds up clinging to his brother just as tightly as they both silently cried. The past fourty-eight hours seemed to finally catch up to both of them, the stress hitting them all at once. Kaeya whispers how he thought Diluc wouldn’t come for him, but Diluc is quick to reassure him. 

I will always come for you. 

Kaeya winds up staying the night at the cathedral for an overnight observation, but is moved to Dawn Winery when Barbara deems him safe to move. He spends the rest of his leave being “mother hen-ed” by Diluc (more like bullied into recovery because Kaeya is a terrible patient). 

And if he winds up moving back into Dawn Winery, that was between him and Diluc. 

#genshin impact #genshin impact au #genshin kaeya #genshin diluc #genshin jean #genshin traveler #genshin aether #genshin lumine #kaeya gets kidnapped #protective diluc #protective jean #protective traveler #protective aether #protective lumine #kaeya protection squad #kaeya has amazing friends #long post #my post

[hopetofantasy]

Culture, parallels & meta - S3 E1

Previous season Prologue: Vlogs (1) - Vlogs (2)

°

Zaterdag 21:43

The time lapse already showing us a string of places that will be important later, like the dark alley, the Meir with Noor’s workplace, the university neighborhood, the Scheldt river where the boys hang out, ...

Perfect parallel: 

The second season starts Zoë’s POV with a (washing machine) door, whilst the third opens with a door to a party that Robbe attends.

Robbe glances back at Noor passing through the shot this episode, an action he repeats when he spots Sander in the second episode. - A very subtle hint to where his love life may lead.

The first one starts with two unknown LGBT+ girls kissing at a party, the last episode shows two known LGBT+ boys (Sobbe) kissing at their own party.

The aerial shot through the floor to introduce us to Robbe’s POV here and the aerial shot through the roof to say goodbye to him in the last episode.

Moyo saying “No one would do you” to Aaron in this episode, Aaron realizing “No one here wants to do me!” in the last.

Where’s Wally? Noor greeting Marie, accompanied by Jana and Britt. Max dancing with Keisha in the crowd.

How ‘meta’ of you: Newsflash, yes you are!

Nod to the OG: 

The deliberate messy POV: following everyone that we know already and then slowly settling on the Isak version in a tub.

Robbe saying Noor looks like ‘Natalie Portman’, which is what people said to the OG Emma when they flirted with her. Everyone, except Isak, that is.

Oop, there it is, the homophobia / heteronormativity: Moyo keeps pressuring Robbe into explaining what type of girl he likes. The boys laugh it off when he answers that ‘he doesn’t have a type’.

Lost in translation: Moyo mocks Noor’s Dutch accent, making his ‘g’ and ‘st’ sound harsher, while also adding ‘hoor’ at the end - a typical word used by the Dutch to emphasize a point.

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Jens is playing with the weed bag. Keisha is one of the girls that Moyo mentions as Jens’ ex-girlfriend or ex-fling. Not only did Noor nót flush the toilet, but she didn’t used any toilet paper either!

°

Zaterdag 22:44

C is for culture: 

Noor rescuing Robbe on her scooter - In Belgium, you’re allowed to drive a moped or scooter once you’ve reached the age of 16. Nothing is needed if the vehicle doesn’t go above 25 km/h. If it stays between the range of 25-45 km/h and max. 50 cc, you need to pass a theoretical exam, 4 hours of driver’s ed and a practical exam to get the license. Anything other than that, has a whole new set of restrictions, types of driver’s licenses and minimum ages.  Noor and Robbe are, however, still breaking the law. As long as you’re not 18, you’re not allowed to have an extra passenger with you. Especially if they’re not wearing a helmet. (Plus they ignored a red light. Those rebels!)

“You do know that you always have to have it with you?” - The Belgian law states that everyone above age twelve, has to get an ID to identify themselves. Some might have had a Kids-ID already - for travel purposes - but that’s not mandatory. However, once you're fifteen years old, you’re obligated to carry your ID with you at all times.

Perfect parallel:

Luca being all jealous whilst staring at Noor and Robbe making out in S3, her glaring at Maud and Robbe every chance she got in the last season.

Robbe and Noor having fun on the scooter while screaming and Robbe filming their adventure in this episode. Robbe and Sander doing a similar thing, but on their bikes in a later episode.

Wink to other remakes: Robbe sporting a brown jacket. (Eliott, anyone?)

Surprise bitch, guess who: It’s Willem Chanterie, the on-set costume designer and social media production assistant!

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Noor has a ‘Fuck Trump’ sticker on her helmet. Robbe says “Hey, it’s red” in a very clear Antwerp accent. 

°

Zaterdag 23:11

Hello from the outside: The garbage truck they sprayed, still drove around the city regularly. The art piece itself is named ‘#Genoeg mama' (= ‘#Enough mommy’). It blames the consumer society as toxic, making young people its victim.

Oopsie: Inside the graffiti den, Noor suddenly sports a tote bag with supplies, even though we never saw her wearing that in the previous shots.

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Noor has black combat boots. The photographer is obviously Sander, in case you have missed that subtle clue.

°

Zondag 13:41

Lost in translation/Oop, there it is, the homophobia / heteronormativity: 

“Check die pekie’s”. The word ‘pekie’ is actually Amsterdam slang for ‘beautiful girl, girlfriend’. In recent years, more and more Dutch slang are making their way into the Flemish dialect, because of the Dutch rap songs gaining popularity with the youngsters.

“Vamos, flikkers”. The word ‘flikkers’ can mean ‘wussie’ as well as a derogatory term for ‘homosexual’. Again establishing the fact that the boys use a lot of homophobic or toxic words for each other.

Robbe’s clumsiness meter: +1, him tossing the bag behind Jens instead of into his hands.

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: There is a football right next to the skateboards.

°

Maandag 16:04

C is for culture: “The whole art school was talking about it” - 

Secondary school is divided in four sections: general, technical, art and vocational. Which section you choose can have effect on further education. In one of these sections, you pick what you want to study from your first to last year (‘directions’). That means that you have some courses purely focused on the direction and others that are obligated for everyone, regardless.

Art high schoolers can choose to go to work or study a specialization afterwards. Their coursework isn’t solely art based, there are general required courses too. That’s why some foreigners - including the Dutch - come to Belgium, since they’ll get a more rounded and higher level of art education than in their countries. ‘de!KUNSTHUMANIORA’ is the high school in Antwerp Noor goes to and is known for having students with unique styles.

Perfect parallel: 

Noor waiting outside the school for Robbe and him reacting somewhat confused here, Sander doing the same and having an instantly happy Robbe in a later episode.

Robbe having no problem kissing a girl ‘as a straight guy’ in front of the gates in this episode and scared for what might happen if he kissed a boy ‘as a gay guy’ later on. 

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: The insta caption underneath the art work says ‘An inspirational message on a Sunday! Just discovered this in Antwerp city today. Artist unknown... Can you remember when you last called on your mother?’ (That last sentence, oooofff, the symbolism!)

°

Dinsdag 14:57

C is for culture: 

“Yes, mini enterprises are so chill.” - Mini enterprises are often used as a tool for Economics in the fifth/sixth year. The goal of these is to ‘learn whilst doing it’. Like the name specifies, mini enterprises are actual miniature companies set up by a group of students. During the school year, they’ll try to work together on commercializing a product. All aspects of entrepreneurship are at play here: writing a business plan, holding meetings, doing bookkeeping, marketing the product, produce and sell it, ... If the enterprise idea is good or well executed, it might even win a national prize by the company making this education formula.

“What if he contacts child protection services” - Actually, those services doesn’t really exist in Belgium. There are, however, other youth organizations for these types of things, like JAC - Youth Advice Centre, CLB - Centre for Student Guidance and the Centre for Mental Healthcare.

Perfect parallel: The boys hyping Aaron up to walk over to Amber and talk to her - yet he fails in this episode, them doing the same and he succeeds (after some fails) in the last episode. 

Oop, there it is, the homophobia / heteronormativity: Jens saying “Damn, seems like someone is on his fucking period”, after Robbe snaps at him due to the difficult telephone call with his dad.

Lost in translation: Jens saying “Mijn kop staat er niet naar” (= “My head’s not standing there”) can actually mean different things: I’m not in the mood, it’s not the right time, I don't want to do it, my head’s all over the place, ... It depends on the context, on which interpretation would suit the situation the best. 

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: The girls are all fawning all over Britt’s cellphone, so there is a good chance that they’re discussing (pictures of) her boyfriend, Sander. Also, Jana’s braces are gone! 

°

Donderdag 17:13

Perfect parallel: Robbe stating that he can’t talk to his dad or he’ll fight and Zoë getting that, as she said a similar thing to an understanding Senne about her parents in S2. 

How ‘meta’ of you: Ah, yes, fandom ship names in SKAM. We applaud!

Oopsie: If you look really hard, you see that the body type and hair of Robbe’s dad, doesn’t correspond with the version waiting at the restaurant later on.

Wink to other remakes: This shot reminding you of a certain S3 trailer?  👀

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: The numerous references to Zoënne’s relationship in their room (relationship pics, Senne’s guitar). The paper Milan gifts to Robbe is the written permission by his parent to live with them, as is obligated by law.

°

Vrijdag 20:04

Perfect parallel: 

Senne pulling Zoë up after a kiss here, just like with their first kiss in S2.

Robbe pushing Milan away after thinking he wanted to kiss him at the party in S2, them hugging it out in after talking about it in S3.

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Zoë and Milan making some healthy party snacks like cauliflower and cocktail sauce, cheese with tomatoes and salami squares. She pulls back the bottle of gin that Milan wants to steal. Senne also bought paprika and tortilla chips from Colruyt (a discount store).

°

Vrijdag 20:54

C is for culture: “Noor, Robbe’s girlfriend” - (Teen) dating culture is different in Belgium. Usually, if you have kissed, hung out, texted or just said/did something to show your mutual interest, you’d pretty much consider yourself in a relationship. It can go from 0 to 100 very quick. Unless there is, of course, an agreement that what you’re doing is no such thing. Also, nobody really ask you to be their gf/bf. It just implied or stated to their family or friends. 

Perfect parallel: 

A reluctant Robbe pushing himself to do stuff to Noor (playful dancing, kissing, riling her up) as far as putting his hands on her bra here. A totally different, excited Robbe not even thinking twice about doing these things to Sander, even licking his nipple during their reunion.

Noor pushing Robbe on the bed and climbing over him, whilst Robbe looks all sad in this episode. Him pushing Sander on the bed and being happy as Sander crawls over him during their reunion.

Oop, there it is, the homophobia / heteronormativity: Robbe tries to convince himself into liking heterosexual sex with Noor and fake laughs with his friends about having it.

Where’s Wally? Keisha laughing with Amber and later dancing with Marie.

Blink-and-y’ll-miss-it: Jens is talking to Senne. The decorations behind Milan saying ‘Welkom Robbe’ (= ‘Welcome Robbe’). Noor has a beautiful tattoo of a pin-up girl covered with butterflies on her lower arm.

#wtfock #wtfam #skam #skam belgium #cpm rewatch

[ohnomybreadsticks]

It’s melting pot Sunday! And I am here with yet another obscure-ass Witcher pairing XD Again courtesy of @jaskiersvalley and their amazing ideas! I am simply a set of eager hands willing to type out these hilarious scenarios!!

Rating: G, ~1.5K, pre-Cahir/Geralt, pre-Jaskier/Geralt, pre-Jaskier/Cahir/Geralt

Prompt: “That’s what makes you feel dumb, out of everything you’ve done?”

---

It was strange, Jaskier felt, to go from a dashing duo to a...something trio. Cahir’s addition to their little band had been strange in more ways than just lyrical, what with the fact that he had previously been their sworn enemy. Trying to capture Geralt’s young charge and return her to the Empire was a bit of a big no-no. But what, the bard had often mused to himself, was more poetic than an enemy turned friend? It was the beginning of a truly epic tale, and Jaskier was eager for Cahir to linger on if only for that.

And anyways, it wasn’t like Cahir took up that much space. It seemed like his life’s mission now was to be as small and convenient as possible, and he rarely spoke up above a soft sentence or two. It was hard to tell if this was his natural personality or his attempt at penance, but it wasn’t like Jaskier minded either way. He had been talking enough for two already, he could talk a little bit more easily and cover Cahir’s portion of the conversation.

Jaskier had bigger things on his mind than keeping track of whatever Cahir was up to now that he wasn’t actively trying to kill them. Or inactively, hopefully. He seemed harmless enough. Geralt always said Jaskier didn’t have enough sense or enough of a self-preservation instinct to have survived this long, but he clearly must be wrong because Jaskier was still here after all. Here and hopelessly pining after his strong, handsome, and kind companion.

No, not Cahir, he was fine, Jaskier supposed. But he’d been pining after Geralt since the moment he laid eyes on him all those years ago in Posada. Others might look at Geralt and see a broody, grumpy, antisocial brute, and Jaskier might call those people all sorts of derogatory names. Geralt was absolutely broody and grumpy at times, but he was also incredibly kind and surprisingly funny when you got past his very understandable defenses. He made the sort of understated jokes that Jaskier would catch two minutes later and burst into aching laughter over, quiet quips that Jaskier would argue were worth far more than any overblown stage show.

And Geralt was kind, terribly so, even if he was the one who would argue you to death over not being a good person. He always took care of Jaskier, even when it was inconvenient to him, or potentially harmful to his career and/or person (that had been a particularly bad incident, and Jaskier had sworn never to repeat it). In the evenings, when they sat together around the fire, he would nod along subtly to Jaskier’s songs, and sometimes when he was sure no one was looking, Geralt would smile at him. Just a tiny little twitch at the corners of his mouth, but it was always enough to have Jaskier’s heart beating out of his chest.

Unfortunately, the one things Geralt wasn’t was fucking observant. Jaskier had been flirting with him, hard, for years, and he hadn’t noticed at all! Not in a ‘I’m ignoring you in the hopes that you go away’ type of way, but a genuinely ‘I’m ignoring you because I can’t comprehend the fact that anyone would love me’ sort of way. Which was horribly frustrating! Jaskier had no intention of giving up, but it did get tiresome when he sang his fiftieth ballad about loving a noble warrior who hid his heart away and Geralt simply ‘hmm’-ed in approval but appeared entirely unmoved. Jaskier didn’t know any other love language aside from loud and poetic gestures, so he was worrying that he was going to run out of ideas.

And then, just when Jaskier was starting to feel like he was never going to succeed and he should just start writing ballads with their actual names in them to see if Geralt was really that dense, Cahir joined the fray. And he joined the fray in more ways than one, Jaskier soon realized. He was a far more subtle man, but Jaskier was an expert in matters of love, and he could spot the signs of a courtship from a mile away.

Cahir, it seemed, was also horribly in love with Geralt and attempting to make him see that. There just wasn’t any other explanation for the way he followed him around like a small, helpful puppy, or why he had started to interpret Geralt’s soft ‘hmm’s with the same accuracy as Jaskier. Cahir was always there, always ready to lend a hand, even when you didn’t know you needed one. Little things had started just showing up in Geralt’s pack, and Jaskier knew he hadn’t done it so must have been the work of Cahir. 

Now, Jaskier would normally have been consumed with horrible jealousy at this turn of events. He had been courting Geralt for years and now this upstart had the nerve to swoop in and try to steal his man?? Really, the nerve of some people. But...there would only really be a cause for jealousy if Cahir was getting anything out of his attempts. Which he absolutely wasn’t. Geralt treated him with the same unwavering kindness he treated Jaskier, completely missing each and every quiet token of affection Cahir held out towards him. 

And Jaskier supposed he couldn’t blame Cahir for trying, he really couldn’t. How could anyone resist someone as lovable as their Witcher? Cahir just had good taste like Jaskier! He didn’t, unfortunately, seem to be as resilient and determined as Jaskier. The bard watched as the weeks dragged on and Cahir seemed to wilt under the lack of response from Geralt. It was just too sad to see how he tried so hard and yet got nothing in return. Truly, Jaskier understood that heartache. So he did the only thing he could think of - he went to give Cahir a pep talk.

They had camped out for the evening and Geralt was out hunting after a brief quiet exchange with Cahir that Jaskier hadn’t really caught. Whatever it was must have really upset him, because the man was now glumly sitting on his own at the edge of the firelight, whittling with his knife at some piece of firewood. Jaskier carefully shuffled his way over, sitting down and shooting Cahir an encouraging smile. They didn’t spend too much time talking together just the two of them, but he had a feeling that was going to change. 

“I sympathize, you know,” Jaskier said, breaking the silence with his usual blunt delivery. No sense beating around the bush, as it were. “I’ve been trying for years, with no real response. You can’t let it get you down too much.” he continued, looking over at Cahir to watch his expression. What he didn’t expect to see was confusion, the man’s brow wrinkling up as he turned to look at Jaskier in return.

“You’ve...tried to do the same thing too?” Cahir asked, and he seemed genuinely surprised and taken aback. Maybe he was just as dense as Geralt.

“Of course I have!” Jaskier insisted, “My methods might be different, but all courtships are unique! There’s no shame in having different approaches to getting Geralt to acknowledge our love for him” 

At the word ‘love’, Cahir let out a noise that was half dying fish, half surprised cat screech. He dropped his knife in the shock of it all, which was good because Jaskier half expected to be stabbed after a response like that. 

“Love?? Love for, for Geralt??” Cahir gasped out, staring at Jaskier with eyes so wide he could see the firelight dancing in them.

“Of course love!” Jaskier argued back, not about to back down from what he knew to be true, “Don’t play dumb with me! You’re just as in love with him as I am, why else would you be following him around and trying to do anything even remotely helpful? And don’t get me started on the little gifts! I’m not stupid, blade oil doesn’t just materialize overnight.” 

Jaskier’s tirade of evidence seemed to stop Cahir in his tracks and he paled, dropping his head into his hands.

“Oh my god” He groaned, “Oh fuck. I am in love with him, aren’t I?”

Jaskier was about to say something in addition when Cahir suddenly burst out “I’m so fucking stupid! Of course he didn’t need anyone to come with him while he hunts and hold the lantern! He can see in the godsdamn dark!!” 

And suddenly all of the tension was gone out of the moment, all the excitement of the discovery of a hidden love, all of the drama of realizing they were both in love with the same man, all replaced with the sound of Jaskier’s laughter.

“Cahir, that’s what makes you feel dumb, out of everything you’ve done??” He gasped out between laughs, and Cahir could do nothing to defend himself except offer a sheepish smile. 

Oh he was going to need a lot of help. It was a good thing Jaskier was an expert in courtship.

#Witcher #the witcher #geralt/jaskier #geraskier #cahir/geralt #geralt/cahir #geralt #jaskier #Cahir #cahir mawr dyffryn aep ceallach #bready's fic