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#you know this but dont do anything
sleighhethereal · 3 months
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• so like
• the little ones around the mountain would get groomed by Wukong atleast once a month.
• it's just, the sight of it getting into their eyes really bothers the shit outta him.
• because we all know Wukong takes care of himself, such as; shaving his eyebrows, managing his fur, probably does skincare like cucumbers over his eyes and putting vaseline over his lips.
• so he'd make schedules for each little monkey and groom them.
• but
• the little guys hate it, they hate it so much.
• Wukong would struggle so much cutting their long fur, since the little ones would squirm really hard and he had to buy a little muzzle so they wouldn't bite him.
"Just a little— hey, heY! No biting, be grateful! You hafta look up just to see a goddamn flower!"
• Wukong always feels bad doing it because the little ones would whine like they were crying, but like— he barely touched them, so he doesn't know what to feel.
• here comes you, saving the day, because he asked you for help— promising to just fetch you via cloud.
• the plan was simple, you'd hold them while he snips at their long hairs.
• you once asked him why couldn't he just summon like ten of his monkey clones to assist him, but he'd always make up some excuse like..
"I mean, you're already here and my head hurts, ya know? Using my power just drains me, you don't want to see me in pain, do you?"
• gives you the sparkly-eyes like a wet dog
• he just wants to spend time with you but he'd never say it seriously.
• it was actually funny seeing him scold the monkeys for moving too much, or threatening to bite him.
• you'd hum the little ones silly little Disney songs or random lullabies to distract them from the razor's buzzing, since that seemed to stress them out, causing them to struggle.
• it was fun, just the two of you hanging out.
• when you guys were done after a few days, Wukong would build up courage to ask you out on a few outings... dates, if you wanna call them that.
• all perfect until Macaque decided to join for no damn reason.
• i mean, there is a reason, Macaque wants you too.
• Macaque would accidentally push Wukong into one of his shadow portals and offer his help to you.
"OH MY GODS, MACAQUE!"
"What? He's fine, he's many times immortal. He needs exercise every now and then. Enough about him, did you miss me?"
• he'd say it so sweetly as Wukong would zip back to his mountain, wet and angry because Macaque just dumped his ass into the ocean.
• that piece of shit. Macaque knows what he's doing.
• he never knew why but the little ones are always much more calmer with Macaque.
• they'd barely move and sometimes they'd fucking fall asleep.
• you didn't even need to do anything.
"Just sit still and look pretty. Now tell me, baby, how was your day?"
• fuming Wukong
• Wukong would just pout and grumble as he watched you and Macaque converse, hearing Macaque's little hidden insults about him- but you didn't know.
• they'd fist-fight when you leave, yelling and throwing insult here and there. they'd never fight in front of you, atleast not physically.
• would pinch and poke each others sides while you weren't looking, lightning struck inbetween their eyes as they fought for your attention.
• at the end of the day, they'd definitely work together to make you happy— but that doesn't magically make them get along, no.
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haunted-xander · 9 days
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Well, I guess you didn't have much of a choice either
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putridcowboy · 2 years
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the most important step in the hero’s journey is the gay sex
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wasyago · 11 months
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the brainrot won
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catboygirljoker · 6 months
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breaking news
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xigbar has died badly
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canon-gabriel-quotes · 4 months
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wear headphones :)
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Transcript:
As much as I'd love to witness more of your prowess, I'd very much like to have that body of yours.
Is that a strap-on?
Machine, I'll cover you in more than blood.
Fuck. *exhale* Shit. Fuck-God! mmmm-ohohoho. fuck. fuck. h-Harder, Machine. Mph! *whimper* Hah... Come on!
End transcription
Sorry for this. I promise this is the worst thing I'll ever post. Unless he somehow manages to do something worse.
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I can't really provide the audio sources in a neat way because this is 6 clips stuck together.
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buggachat · 9 months
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i do just have to say though.................... i feel like people who really really loved the movie's portrayals of the characters are adding aspects of the show characters onto them? you know what i mean? like i see people say that adrien and marinette were more likeable in the movie than the show, when movie adrien didn't perform a single act of kindness in the entire 2 hours despite kindness being a core trait of adrien in the show? marinette was normal and not particularly weird at all and just kind of a generic protagonist? were adrien and marinette actually more interesting in the movie than the show, or are you just cherrypicking the aspects of them you like the from the show and putting them on the movie characters to make your favorite amalgamation?
marinette fell for adrien not because he showed vulnerability and forgiveness and kindness and opened his heart up to her.... but because he awkwardly tried to help her up after being kind of weirded out by her? so like i guess she thought he was hot and that was basically it? chat noir fell for ladybug not because she was strong and confident and showed determination in the face of fear... but because she begrudgingly helped him up in the middle of a battle? so like i guess he thought she was hot and that was basically it? they fell for each other over just the bare minimum interactions? most of their relationship was a montage? like, did the movie do the work to convince you of lovesquare's romantic potential, or did you go into the movie already shipping them because the show had already convinced you?
thats totally a valid way to enjoy the movie ftr! i'm just saying.... idk it's weird to see people praising the movie for being "better" when i feel like a lot of the enjoyment of the movie actually hinges on watching the show as context for their characters. and i guess im just a cringe slow-burn enjoyer but i find it weird that people are using "faster" as a synonym for "better"
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toytulini · 10 months
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listen im ace and im pro kink at pride and whatever, but the way some of yall are wording your posts in response to the backlash against it is uh. really taking me back to the ace shitcourse era.
yall know theres nothing wrong with being a "virgin", right? that its not inherently shameful to have not had sex, to never have sex, even if youre not ace, even if you do want to have sex someday, like, its fine that you haven't had sex?
maybe if your problem is that theyre trying to police your behavior and shame you for expressing your sexuality, you can say that? instead of resorting to "haha stupid virgin gets no bitches" like my god. do you not hear how fucking regressive that attitude is? i know, i know, youre "joking".
get a better joke
#toy txt post#god im going to regret this post im gonna regret it so much i can feel it in my bones#let it flop..........pls#internalize my message let it sink in and understand what i am saying and then let the post flop#i say. knowing the ppl who need to see such a message are the ones who will make me regret this post and regrwt not having#1 million bajillion disclaimers#virgin is in quotes bc its a bullshit made up stupid purity culture concept anyway and quite frankly i hate even seeing the word#disclaimer: the previous sentence is not me saying that it is a slur for asexuals. it is me a single individual saying this specific word#grosses me out to read and see everywhere when its a stupid bullshit binary made up or at least historically largely used#to shame largely women and i dont know why we're still using it in 2023#and ive just been. seeing such an uptick in this whole like. attitude? lately and like#im ace im minorly sex repulsed. mostly about anything sex at me bad. other adults sex at each other consensually? go wild#i like to think im pretty chill about it. i try to be. i think its fine ig to be like 'my meat is huge i fuck so much so good'#like okay not my thing but good for you. love that for you#but then some of yall have started turning it back around back to. 'haha your meat so small and shriveled you get no bitches'#'haha stupid incel virgin' like okay. didnt realize we all went back to fucking. middle school but okay#god im gonna run out of tine to get ready for my thing writing this stupid post UGH evil#but like idk we've kinda circled back to being like haha being a virgin still is stupid and silly and shameful#and if im quite honest. i do think the acecourse played a part in that bc i felt like we were making good progress in like#hey guys is fine to not have sex ever if you dont want to its fine to not want sex its fine#and then aphobes went fucking rabid on us and splintered and destroyed online communities all over but especially on tumblr#and so many aces went back in the closet we stopped talking about it we stopped spreading awareness and now this stupid goddamn like#and now this stupid bullshit attitude is back where its like funny to call someone a virgin as an insult but like no bro trust me its okay#its okay for me to do it bc im a hot queer person with huge meat instead of a cisstraight frat bro with huge meat#? like you know the issue was the behavior right? not the fact that it was straight dudes saying it? its bc the thing being said was shitty?#you know you can dunk on the puritan bitches trying to police your behavior at pride without getting us as collateral damage right#stop making me read that stupid ugly ass word ur not cool or funny#whatever#if you come on to this post to start shit i will not only block you but as many of your mutuals and followers as i can find. i will scroll#i will block this entire fucking website if i need to do not test me. i am exhausted and the acecourse ate up all my tolerance in 2015.
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Anatomy of Alastors demonic forms
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 6 months
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Wei Wuxian eats a watermelon. Yep!
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elftwink · 8 months
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to preface this post i am anti-advertising i think we should explode the entire industry but it's sooo funny when you people make posts like "and they don't even work!!" like. sorry to be the bearer of bad news but yes they do. that's why we have to put up with so many despite everyone hating them and thinking its annoying. because they actually work really well and make a shit load of money
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beatcroc · 6 months
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peppino "never tell the health inspector" spaghetti
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hey! it's a series! fake peppino world tour: [noise] [noisette] [peppino] [gustavo]<- u are here [gerome] [noisette again]
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rileyclaw · 2 years
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content warning for scary body imagery hee hee !!
the way I am absolutely terrified for belos to see flapjack for the “first" time
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rottmnt-residuum · 1 year
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part 14
oh no! raphs brain :(   ...anyway
⇇ | ⇽ | index | ⇾
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snekdood · 5 months
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so uh
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for 1. most people are gonna take advantage of black friday and wont see your specific niche tumblr post, I hate to say it
2. the us isnt running out of money for war any time soon, so...
3. this is just antisemitism???????? all we need is some (((echoes))) around the us and israel and then I'd have no reason to suspect otherwise from op...............
#why in tf do you think they care that much about getting your money rn and not before in any other war?#does it. mayhaps. have something to do w jewish people being involved now?#our tax dollars go to the govt regardless and has been for years and we already have an obscene amount of funding for military shit#preeetty sure they're not concerned about getting a couple hundred tumblr users money...#and also pretty sure one could only believe that if they're paranoid about jewish ppl.................#hard not to put two and two together and figure out op is prolly antisemitic and hopefully they just dont realize it#i say hopefully they dont realize it bc thats better than someone who knows and is pretending to be a leftist still.#if anything this pause happened bc its thanksgiving and biden doesnt wanna think about it over the holidays. thats p much it.#thats the only amount of conspiracy theory im willing to believe in this situation lmao.#but that ^ still assumes that biden has some sort of control over this that he really doesnt#and i dont think netanyahu cares that much about thanksgiving tbr...#it sounds more like to me that op is seeing this from a very american centric pov and assumes everyone celebrates thanksgiving#or cares enough about it to remember the dates.... i dont think this is as planned as op is making it out to be and any insinuation#that it IS planned sounds like conspiracy theory talk to me personally. i dont think biden is hittin netanyahu up and going#'hey thursday is thanksgiving and would be the perfect time to pause so we can (((get peoples money))) out of them#asiftheUSdoesnthaveplentyalready' like i just really dont think that convo is happening lmao.
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m340700 · 9 months
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deuce deuce deuce
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