#you arent trained to be a therapist and you shouldnt have to be | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vadlings · 7 months

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has anyone else noticed the fucking.. thing recently where characters in shows/books/games/everywhere start talking like a trained therapist the moment they are in a serious conversation with another character.

this is to be expected in kids' shows wherein the tone shift indicates that they are about to explain something children need to learn (like a parental figure telling the younger main character "sometimes... people want to be left alone, and that's okay 🤗☺️"). but in other stories, especially ones that arent set in the modern day and world, it's a completely jarring shift. i feel like this happens a lot when characters talk about topics such as sexuality or relationships or trauma. suddenly the writing doesnt have faith in the audience at all to understand a message like "abuse is bad" or "it's ok to struggle with conflicting emotions" without it being said gently to the sound of reassuring music by a character speaking like a self-help guide personified.

the emergence of this trend is for sure related to the prevalence of the belief that "portrayal" always = "condonement". but art shouldnt have to act like all of its audience is 5 years old and feel like it's unable to present complex themes without a mouthpiece character for the author essentially expressing "i know this thing is morally wrong, don't cancel my writing for portraying it". characters should be allowed to be messy/talk in a way that isnt the most emotionally intelligent. and if any part of the audience believes that characters' actions are always like. an assertion of how that writer thinks people should behave in given situations then god they should learn to interpret art or else they will find much of it unbearable. if you are going to question a writer's biases and the subsequent faults of their stories comprehensively then you need to understand this at least first.

#vadtalks #long post #soorry this has probably been said a million different times in a million different ways but i saw it again and got angry.. will #you gorgive me

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gentil-minou · 2 years

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Hi this is a personal ask please feel free to ignore this if you dont want to respond I will take no offense and completely understand.

This is both rant and more of an absolute no idea what to do so resources would help situation.

My best friend is probably depressed, and ive been the only person who cares enough to help them with it. Our friends have turned their back in one way or another and our families have basically said deal with it on your own. So I cant go to anyone for help, i talk to a few people a little bit abt taking care of my friend but theyre not people who can physically help us. My problem is just I’m running out of patience and im frusterated and stressed and upset. I dont blame my friend for any of their problems and im trying my absolute best to take care of them while taking care of myself but im running out of steam and I dont have any way to safely recharge without hurting them? Cuz if i take a break there is no one willing to step in so that I can recharge and come back to help. My friend is aware that I do need to take breaks but they arent exactly in the mindset to realize well how much Im stretching myself to help.

A lot of the resources ive looked at say: find a support group! Except I cant turn to my friends or family for this so I dont know what my other options are, I would absolutely love any resources that might help.

Hey anon, this isn't too personal or triggering so don't worry i will do my best.

First of all, I want to praise you for trying your best all this time to support your friend, but most of all I'm so so so proud of you for recognizing when you are reaching your limits. You're doing so much for your friend, and it's amazing but can be something so taxing. And speaking as someone who was like your friend, they are likely so grateful for you even if they don't show it, and maybe they don't realize how scared you must be but I think one day they will.

I talked about ways to find support for yourself when you don't have access to therapy here:

But in your case the thing I need to say is: dont be afraid to get an adult or parents or counselor or even in the worst case call them an ambulance.

You didn't mention your age but when a client comes to me with this sort of thing the first thing I tell them is to tell an adult like a school counseolr/teacher or even your/their parents. This might seem really scary, because it feels like a breech of trust but that means nothing when someone's life is on the line.

Second, encourage your friend to get professional support and explain her you've been feeling. Let them know, with as much love and care as possible, "I love you and I really want to help you, but I need to take care of myself too. How can I help you get the help you need?"

I once had a friend sit with me as I made my first therapy appointment. That friend also held my hand and walked with me to that appointment, and then waited for me outside. And that was the best help o ever got. Let your friend know you want to help them and show them that you can. Sit with them on voice chat while they call the therapist. Wait outside the counselors office. Do all that you can to help them, but most of all let yourself and them acknowledge that you aren't the one who can help them but that you can still be there for them by being their friend.

Finally, search for "crisis services near me". Show them to your friend and encourage them to call thoae hotlines (the natuonal suicide hotline has saved my life multiple times). Next time they go to you for support and its too much for you, let them know and tell them "hey I'm going to call them and sit with you while you talk to them."

The line between friend and therapist can get blurry, but that's why it's important to set your boundaries. And remember that you need to care for yourself first of all.

#sorry if this was too rambly #i really do wish you all the best darling #even i make sure to limit how often i check my voicemail/email when im off the clock #you arent trained to be a therapist and you shouldnt have to be #mental health #asked and answered #tw 'depression'#tw 'burnout'

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therapy101 · 7 years

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can therapists diagnose personality disorders?from my understanding one of your answers said that therapists arent the best at diagnosing, can you explain a little bit more about that? like what disorders they can usually diagnose, if they shouldnt diagnose at all, etc?

hmm- I must have miscommunicated. there are some therapists who cannot diagnose (but the groups vary by state- for the US). but most licensed mental health practitioners can legally diagnose, including therapists of all disciplines. what I may have been trying to say (not sure which post you’re referring to) is that if you are looking for a thorough diagnostic evaluation, the discipline to see for that is a psychologist, because we receive literal years of training in diagnostic evaluation. other disciplines, including psychiatrists and master’s level social workers, don’t receive that kind of training. but a psychologist can be a therapist, so that doesn’t exactly match up with what you understood. when it comes to personality disorders, along with some other diagnostic categories including autism and schizophrenia spectrum disorders, I tend to think it’s best to have someone with a) general diagnostic evaluation competency and b) specific diagnostic area expertise to reach the diagnosis. Those disorders are just tough to diagnose and unless you really have the training and expertise, it’s easy to get it wrong- even for high quality providers.

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phyrgon · 7 years

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ableist slurs in therapy settings

(in this i describe how the word choice of therapists can lead to those that desperately need help feeling shunned in the very place they should be getting it, very much ok to reblog) I find it interesting how many mental health experts think that they can use the term cr*zy so loosely there’s 3 ways to use it, extremely (seems north americas primarily, and more recent), overly excited/passionate (recent), and it’s historical use...the first two are bad to use cause there are better terms that aren't rooted in oppression that mean the same thing and the fact that its historical use is used today to demean people doesn't help...but usually people dont know the history so it’s bad but understandable the historical use (warning for using the ableist slur, even if stating how bad, and reference to asylumns), a basic is that it was used as diseased/sickly and quickly went for people with mental illnesses (ussually deemed more severe like bpd, borderline, bipolar, schizophrenia) and closely related to the term ins**e (which again, was used to other and stigmatize those with severe mental illnesses) and it has evolved to a multimeaning “colloquial” (aka the fact that here it in casual conversations and tv shows dont deem it as a slur even though it is) used in a negative manner meaning ridiculous/unhinged and tieing in to the normalization of ableism (now to talk about how that specific is how used in therapy) I myself am this and have been called it since i can remember one of the 2 therapists at my dbt group kept using the term cr*zy to describe why wouldnt do something cause might look like that, i explained to him after the first time why bad, he claimed it was a self describer so ok. I stated even if someone that can reclaim it, you shouldnt in a group therapy setting, and then asked if he ever even got called it because of mentall illness, he admitted no, then kept doing it and i slowly felt ostracized from group

prior therapist when i casually stated that when people use it in historical way i try to get them one on one and explain why wrong, her response “you think in too black and white terms, like imagine if someone was shouting racist things, you might want to call that out, but what happens if they’re trying to recover from alcoholism” knowing full well that alcohol isnt racism juice, it just makes you feel more free to do and say stuff already wanted, if racist while drunk, you are a racist

new therapist, related to something with mom, stating i could be safer doing a certain thing cause she’ll either get exhausted or start yelling while you seem calm and then everyone will say shes cr*zy i stated how there’s much better words like stalkerish, evil, overly agressive or unruly. and how i’ve been called that slur constantly by my mom and explained historical usage her response “well I know it’s historical use, i was just using it’s colloquial use, and i was using it against your mom so it’s ok” using a slur against a bad person doesnt make it right, and the fact that you know it’s history just makes it worse, i stated that she should probably try in general to reduce it because there might be those in therapy like me, but arent comfortable speaking up, she stated it was rare (meaning people like those with schizophrenia who are routinely called the slur, being rare doesnt mean not important to care about) this all leads people with severe mental illnesses to slowly but surely feel unwelcome in therapy, and because of that they are less likely to open up about things it doesnt help that in united states cause of capitalism, people that are well trained are more likely to help rich people over the poor and forgotten and tend to go more as a hobby then actual issues (theyre more likely to talk about an unruly worker...lower income has been shown to have much higher rate of mental illness) and for psychiatrists they have the lowest acceptance of insurance or sliding scale compared to any other doctors. or after being therapist/psychiatrist for a while teaching at a high end college (one of my therapists) so the people that are more needy(severe mental problems, financially at risk) where if dont get help are more likely to end up homeless then the rich people in therapy are given to low quality therapists, rigid times where if overworked cant come, and told ableist slurs making them feel unwelcome and all in all, get much less help then they need

#ableism #therapy #bad therapists #information post #actuallyschizophrenic #racism /#ok 2 rb #classism #long post /

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childishbamboon · 7 years

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anya, i have a friend who is a transmlm who is in an abusive relationship. they've confided to me about this person's physically abusive past and acknowledges that it's bad. however, they also say they "don't feel threatened" and keep justifying and defending their behavior. as a friend i'm extremely concerned but i don't know what to do because i've spent hours trying to help and i'm not trained or anything for this. i've suggested hotlines/centers etc. and i'm worried. idk what to do.

helping out friends who are in abusive relationships is a really tricky matter. the very nature of abuse means that, often, the person isnt aware that theyre being abused or, if they are, wont or cant leave for a number of reasons. in this case, it sounds like your friend is approaching awareness, but is probably holding themselves back from reaching it fully.

unfortunately, when it comes to dicey situations like this, there isnt much that you can do. the only way for a victim of abuse to get away from their abuser is to first realize that they ARE being abused, but they arent going to listen to anyone who tells them so. they have to find it out for themselves. this doesnt mean you shouldnt do ANYTHING, of course - as their friend, you’re a crucial part of their recovery!

the best advice i can give is to sit them down one day, alone, away from their partner (like, if they live with their abuser, maybe take them to your house or to the house of another close friend). tell them that you are worried for them, that the way their partner treats them is scaring you, and that you are worried about their well-being and safety. tell them that you are going to stand by them no matter what, but that you also understand how scary it can be to confront that reality, so you wont press the issue too much. give them some resources they can use - you said you suggested hotlines and help centers, and thats a very good thing! recommend those same places again, maybe suggest a therapist or counselor of some sort, and tell that you love them very much and want nothing but their safety and happiness.

from there, you have to let time do its thing. your friend will likely come to realize their predicament on their own, but you have to support them during this. if they come to you venting about their partners abusiveness, agree with them wholeheartedly, maybe share an anecdote about another friend that you know had a similar experience (if you have one, of course). tell them that you want them to be safe, and that if they need to get away from their partner for however long, you are there to help them!

the key to navigating this situation is being supportive. stand by your friend as much as you can. if your friend has others they are close to that are aware of your friends circumstances, get them all to rally around your friend and give them reassurance and comfort! one major reason why victims of abuse stay is often a fear of what will happen to them if they do leave, or if theres anything for them to pursue outside of the relationship. as a friend, you can show them that, yes, there is something worth leaving for - their relationships with all the other people in their life who love them.

but ultimately, you have to leave this situation to time. obviously, keep tabs on your friends well-being - be sure they are as safe as they relatively can be, offer them whatever comforts you can (whether thats a place to stay for a while or just a day away from their partner) - but try not to push too hard. one of the first things an abuser does when latching onto a victim is to convince them that their friends are trying to keep the two apart out of jealousy or malice, and if you push too hard on your friend to leave their partner, itll only confirm what their partner is saying. its a very fine line, but i have faith that you can navigate it well. good luck, and i hope your friend is able to escape that horrible person.

#relationship stuff #friendship stuff #abuse/ // /#anya's anons

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