#yes it was often just about money

[bethanydelleman]

Okay, so this is the post where I defend first cousin marriage, which is featured in Mansfield Park, Sense & Sensibility, and also comes up in Pride & Prejudice (I mean Anne de Bourgh and Mr. Darcy, Mr. Collins is a distant cousin to Elizabeth, at least 2 degrees removed, Mr. Elliot in Persuasion is another second cousin, though his line about Anne not changing her name might be the most cringy pickup line in romance history).

Firstly, 1st cousin marriage, in general is a squick NOT genetically dangerous. Yes, the Hapsburgs did happen, but they were intermarrying like crazy and within a very small dating pool. For most people, the genetic danger is equal to a woman over 35 having a baby. Negligible.

You also have to consider why cousin marriage was a good idea. Yes, you want to maintain wealth within a family, but more than that, women are vulnerable in marriage. When divorce laws are strict, and even running away from abuse is heavily frowned upon (just see The Tenant of Wildfell Hall) it becomes very important to choose prudently. Now who should you trust not to be abusive? The man you met at six balls in heavily chaperoned settings or cousin Charles, who you've known since birth and who has always been kind to you? I'm going with Charles. And you have more allies (hopefully) in that situation. You can go to your uncle for help if something is going wrong. You have an established network.

You can see why the overly cautious and continually neglected and verbally abused Fanny Price doesn't want to chance it on the wider world! She knows Edmund about as well as a human can know another human.

Now I'm sure this didn't always work perfectly, it certainly didn't for Eliza Brandon, but I can really see the logic behind it especially in Regency England.

In most Western countries, first cousin marriage just seems weird, but it's probably because we have such large dating pools these days and much longer dating periods (usually). People don't marry in a matter of weeks, they often date for years. With the benefits of cousin marriage fairly incomprehensible, we tend to focus on the risks.

Also, we have to remember that these people were not raised being told it was wrong, it wouldn't be gross to them. In fact, in Mansfield Park the idea that it would be a real fear for Fanny to marry one of the sons comes up more than once (at the ball we are told onlookers might have thought Sir Thomas was raising Fanny as a wife for his second son). In Frankenstein, Victor's parents specifically call Elizabeth his cousin instead of sister, assumably because they shipped those two crazy kids at five years old.

Anyway, many cultures still today prefer or practice first cousin marriage. The genetic risk increase is very small (it raises from about 2% to 4%) and we now have genetic testing as well. While it may be gross to you, it is not wrong or immoral, it is a difference. I can see why women might consider it a safer and desirable option.

I'm bringing this up not just because I read way too many posts about how gross the ending of Mansfield Park is to people, but because many people alive today are married to their first cousins and if you meet one, please be civil.

#jane austen #mansfield park #pride and prejudice #sense and sensibility #fanny price #first cousin marriage #cultural differences #yes it was often just about money #its a squick not an ick #actual issue that should be addressed #people today suffer discrimination

[inkskinned]

the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school. #like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it. #was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes. #but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create'' #when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent. #speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice. #''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession. #''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt? #u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky'' #we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

[icewindandboringhorror]

sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:

thing that I already do

thing I have tried 10 times

thing I already do

thing that I don't have the money to do

thing I already do

thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail

thing that is impossible given my situation

thing that doesn't apply to me

thing that I already do

thing I have already tried

hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently

thing I have already done

#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things #out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever #all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever #or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc. #especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple #and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already #done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and #all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you. #who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3 #my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster #talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo #I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache #or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop #e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all #sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef #t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of #way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I #think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i #gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!' #like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant #mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain #or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right #now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like #most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once #that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY #Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth

[fouryearsofshades]

What’s in your opinion, your view on non Han accessories such as Miao silver, Japanese silk flowers, and other accessories used while wearing and posting Hanfu online. I’ve seen it a lot personally when looking at Hanfu things on little red book, is it complexed than we think?

Personal opinion below:

Oh are they still popular on little red book? I thought they had gone out of fashion. The latest offense is Tibetan style.

The popularity of miao silver, Japanse silk flowers, Japanese hand fan etc, however, is often because those things are CHEAP. Cheap, easily found on taobao and looked good on screen. That is it. Most people wanted to stand out of the crowd but doesn't want to spent too much time, money and energy on it. And taobao sellers, to increase exposure, will include additional keywords regardless whether it is true or not. Again, many people will not spent the time to do good research, so people will be misled and think that they are authentic Han products.

Traditional Han accessories are expensive because they are often not factory made. For example Japanese lantern and Japanese mask are often used in China because Japan had ordered a lot of those products from China and the production lines have existed so it can be made cheaply and easily. But Chinese masks and lanterns? Often there are no factory lines available and they have to be hand made so they are rather expensive. (People will complain if they found the local organizers used them but often it is too late. Japanese building and vectors are also a common offense. Because those designers are often freely available online while Chinese stuff are often not digitized.)

The price does come down slightly nowadays as more people promote Han culture and there are factory products, such as chanhua, now they are available in packs of premake pieces and sellers can just put them together instead of rolling each leaves and petals themself.

In short, I think professionals (including designers, make up artist, influencers etc.) should avoid using those accessories (unless there is a good reason to use them) because it perpetuals the wrong image, but random people~ eh whatever. People can buy imported stuff as international trade has always been a thing. People can also include anything that is meaningful to them, either to speak of their heritage or as a memento.

#Or they are just ignorant. #my friend runs a hanfu buying service #a lot of people have the wrong idea about the cost of hanfu #and accessories #they asked for x price #you can't even get a dress from uniqlo for that price #a t shirt yes #they often just want something bling bling #and cheap #basically it is just money issue #most people doesn't care about culture #or honour #or whatever #rants #fouryearsofshades

[elegyofthemoon]

ok but i'm just thinking about one of the memory logs for sakura and how mobius tells sakura that what happened to her after her mantis surgery is at least better than what happened to both mobius and kevin after theirs, but from then on, sakura is no longer human and no one else will look at her like a human like before

then you timeskip over to when sakura is trying to save rin from MOTH, and she's arguing with kevin about how the MANTIS soldiers will always be outsiders and a threat to MOTHs because of the surgery. and how this treatment is what makes sakura afraid for rin and inevitably leads to her doom i :(

#yes i was replaying ch 12 again (WELL IT WAS BC I WAS STREAMING FOR A FRIEND) #i think i replay ch 12 way too often somethings wrong with me lmao #idk how to describe the feeling #a drop of water that ripples out over time basically #that instilling of a fear that blows up later #sakura may not care how people think of her BUT FOR HER SISTER YEAH OF COURSE SHE WILL CARE SO MUCH ON RINS TREATMENT #and my god. poor rin. #listen i just really love sakura T _ T #like every rendition of sakura i adore lmao #ik yae sakura is different from sakura but narratively speaking its kinda juicy the repetition of an older sister who loves her younger #sister so deeply that it inevitably kills her #well not kill. she gets trapped in a box in the village arc but still asdfajdlkh #avil plays hi3 #IM REALLY THINKING ABOUT IT I WONDER IF SAKURA RANKS OVER FU HUA NOW FOR FAVE CHARACTER BC I THINK OF SAKURA SM LMAO #she actually might be aldkfalasjfh #anyways someday ! i wanna commission someone to draw sakura and lightning switch clothes #i start my job today so i will now be getting money :D #but i have to be very mindful on expenses alsdkjafh

[caffeinatedopossum]

People who offer solutions to my problems should all be required to take part in a 30 day free trial of living with all of my conditions just to ensure that their helpful tips are realistic and not actually just one more obstacle on the list of never ending obstacles that I have to manage everyday

#listen i dont hate getting advice or well meant suggestions #however i am exhausted and overwhelmed and constantly managing the maximum amount of things i can manage #i would like real help #i also would like to see how other people manage my conditions because i honestly dont know if im naybe just being a baby about it or not #like i wanna know how this effects other people but also would never wish this upon someone #i just need to know that I'm doing my best #or if im not i need to know what i can do better #i just reeeeally dont think my friends understand the amount of energy that it takes to barely manage #im at the point where i spend half the week resting in preparation to take a shower and do the dishes #and the other half recovering from doing them #if i even did #yes i dont shower very often i know its gross blah blah blah #its usually like 4 days between showers atm i think #dishes is like one to two weeks tho #i cant keep up with even the bare minimum amount of things and it sucks #all of the real solutions cost money #i also hate to list all of the ways that the help is not helpful when people are trying to help #because then i sound like i dont want help :(( i sound bitter and mean #and i dont wanna come across that way

[dandyshucks]

I WANNA BE A JANITORRRR

#i've been thinking that'd be a fun job for YEARS but now that i am thinking about julian so often im like YES THIS IS MY CALLING #imagine... if i finally get back into employment... and its all because of a little janitor on a silly little podcast giving me the push... #i AM wanting to finally go back into working though so i can stop just bleeding money. at least staunch the flow a little #i did the math and if i work 12 hours a week at min wage then that'll cover rent and groceries hopefully each month #AND THEN if i work more... i'll have spending money.... OHHHH HOW LOVELY THAT'D BE #if it weren't for covid then i would absolutely go work part time at my old DQ job bc it was honestly fun fdsjkl #i just got burnt out and landed in the psych ward (true story) SO. if i worked only part time then that wouldnt happen again... #BUT. unfortunately. covid exists. and i'm not aiming to catch it again lmao. already was disabled by it once. i dont want MORE. #BUT I WANNA BE A JANITORRR i love cleaning (not my own space though FSDJKL) and i wouldnt have to talk to people.... #DREAM JOB. TBH. #dandy.cmd

[scarah-screeeaaammss]

I hate resellers. Like a lot. like okay I get it, sometimes that's the only way someone can keep themselves on their feet. I'm not mad at them. I'm pissed about people who clearly don't need to go thrifting and reselling who do it anyway and it's like bro. Come on. Don't you feel a little bad? don't you know that thrifting is already getting more expensive??

#personal #obviously there is a lot of nuance to this like i know this #but so often i just see people going out of their way to buy things that people could have had otherwise and then selling it for more #like fuck off okay its also not helping the pricing on second stuff rn anyway #i have found so many items at thrifts lately that are way more expensive than they have any right to be #and its like bro its not even worth that come on #like i said i get it if thats the one thing youre able to do to have money #i have been there once or twice bc of emergencies #again those are not the people im mad at #but god. its so infuriating #like also again yes its your money and time and you can do whatever you want with it #but do you ever stop to think about who youre affecting and who you might end up hurting? #its that rich kid 'upcycling' all over again i think #oh and then resellers as in im gonna buy this limited item and then double its price for no reason #like truly fuck off if you do that #i know sometimes you might end up selling later on for whatever reason (i get it be it boredom or money is tight) #but those ones who'll put up the listing before theyve even bought the item? fuck those guys fr

[karmaphone]

90000% of me quitting my therapist is because of three reasons: trying to force a patient to be happy (especially a patient who comes from a broken home and whose issues largely stem from forcing themselves to be or appear to be happy) despite the fact that they're living in a bad situation and have no control over their life, and because she kept blaming my problems on astrology or my astral body or what might have happened to my grandmother or my mother in the womb instead of listening to what I was saying about my situation, and also blaming my disabilities on my trauma/astral body like sorry but my joint pain & exhaustion come from the fact that they're constantly dislocating not because I haven't processed whatever trauma happened to me in the womb disjdbskdbfsjsnd

#was talking to someone for an hour about my problems nice? yes #but not nice enough to pay a hundred dollars a session for when we have no money #I'd start getting into an issue and she'd interrupt and lead me down a weird rabbit hole when I just wanted to talk about how like #my MIL makes my world smaller by constantly being on the couch and she'd try to have me be like 'wau maybe I can use Astral Energy to #fill up my Energy Meter because I'm disabled and don't fucking have any' #like how is my mom getting heat exhaustion when she was five months pregnant with me more relevant than how often my time loss blackouts are #literally the only thing I got out of MONTHS of sessions with her is to chill the fuck out abt what my brain and other parts are doing #'ohhhhhh so you can't change anything about your situation? sounds like you need to CHOOSE to be happy :)' like Satya I've been on lexapro #since I was like 15 if I could just fucking choose to be happy instead of a depressed fuck then I would #also?? I'm not the kind of system where I can pick and choose who gets to be out! I don't have a gatekeeper! I can't just magically decide #that the 'happier' parts of me can get called to front or whatever I literally have no control over that what the fuck #like yeah I know I mentioned ONE TIME that I had a younger part who's happy but I also told you THEYRE NOT AROUND OFTEN & I CANT SUMMON THEM #THERE NOT INDEX CARDS I CAN PULL FROM A BOX ITS MY BRAIN HITTING SHUFFLE WHEN SOMETHING STRESSFUL HAPPENS

[dxitydoo]

Mmm

#as someone who is in both Jewish and trans spaces #and who just so happens to work at a game store during release day 1/too-fucking-many of The Game That Shall Not Be Named #I’m getting a lil bit tired of only ever seeing ppl criticising it for transphobia #like obviously yes pls do not line the billionaire’s pockets with any more money she can use to make trans ppl’s lives worse #but like #the game is also grossly antisemitic?? #and that so often just gets straight up ignored or glossed over #even at work the ppl that are criticising the game will often only talk about jkr’s transphobia #and it’s Bugging Me #I mean #not as much as the ppl who are excitedly talking about getting the game #they’re defo worse #but ugh

[purring-tiefling]

mgfdfgjpiopph hbh

#vent i guess #yes in the tags. its my fav place to live. leave me alone #soooo im not sure if it's my mood jumping bc im on my period but #literally the last 30 minutes i only think about how little i get out of my current relationship #i don't care about money. i have a great job rn and it's me who sends money to the partner #so it's not about. material gains or whatever #it's just that she has so many issues. and we can't talk about them too often because i don't want to make her #life more miserable. so i end up shutting my mouth #also she expressed distress at the idea that im so anti-alcohol recently #to which i offered her to break up with me if she's unable to change my mind or if she doesn't want to never drink #she said she doesn't want to break up. but. i think she still wants to drink sometimes #but she herself is as anti-sigarettes as i am anti-alcohol soo make it make sense. there's barely any fucking difference between the two #soooo yeah this is what im currently thinking and stressing about

[thevoidshere88]

┐⁠(⁠￣⁠ヘ⁠￣⁠)⁠┌

#y'know just thinking ive had a lot of run ins with almost dying #since i was a child i had a severe breathing problem that mom said it looked like my chest caved in when i breathed #besides that point i got hurt running in school cracked my forhead open #got attacked by an abused pitbull almost killed me it was trying uts vest to go at my throat i dont even remember what age i was #ate medication at 4 or 5 idk what age i was and had to get my stomach pumped but they over filled my stomach #out of my sister's ive been the most sickly and visited hospitals often as a child #it seems like they've all forgotten all that ive been through and dont take my health seriously anymore #i feel like my mother cared more about me as as a child then as an adult i am incapable of taking care of myself and they know that or just #ignore it all together #i am having so many health problems that might be serious but i know i cant go to them to go see a doctor because nothing ever gets done #when i do ask so its pointless to ask anyone at any given point #plus the mental side of things too i ask for help i dont receive it my mom takes my lil sister's health and mental problems the most #serious that the seriousness of mine gets washed away and ignored #and i cant leave them i cant go somewhere else to live because i have no money coming in and no friends where i live so I'm stuck #their is alot i dont remember about my childhood and alot of the stuff i do is not happy #just feel like ive been dealt a bad hand in the family aspect #i dont think ive ever felt truly cared for a day in my life since growing up to now #i might be really in my feelings and in my head a lot because its the time of the month but idc #my mom says the scars on me are scars on her heart but i dont think she really cares to know a lot of my scars physical and mental are #because of her #yes i blame her #i love her i do but i still cant forgive her for alot of what shes done to me and caused me to feel as a young child

[airagorncharda]

For any followers of mine still living with parents, guardians, family, or even just with roommates and who've never lived alone and/or fully on your own terms (whether ye be 16 or 60), I have TWO pieces of wisdom for you for when you eventually do:

You WILL discover that you were wrong about some shit you felt pretty strongly about before. Maybe you never realized how often your mom ACTUALLY cleans the bathroom and it turns out she asked for help really rarely. Maybe, much as it grates to admit, putting $50 into a different savings account every paycheck really IS the ONLY way to save any fucking money. Maybe that big rolling trashcan you resented your roommate putting in the kitchen, and got in that big fight about, really WAS super convenient and now you have to buy one for yourself after they move out and take it with them. Maybe blanching vegetables so they retain their color when cooked actually DOES enhance a meal, pretty food slaps actually, and the reason you didn't think it was worth the effort is because you were depressed.

You WILL also discover new shit that works SO much better for you than everything you'd been taught. Maybe you'll discover that dropping trash off at a recycling center at your convenience works way better for your brain than getting it picked up on a set day. Maybe you'll realize you don't actually hate tofu, you just hate how your family cooks tofu. Maybe you'll love being able to walk around the house naked whenever you want. Maybe you'll find you thrive in a space with giant framed nude photography, or taxidermy animals, or fandom themed Everything. Maybe you'll realize that keeping the thermostat set like 5 degrees colder (or hotter) than is typical makes you sleep better than you ever have before in your whole life.

The point of this wisdom is: Stay humble, but also, stay excited. There's no point pretending you weren't wrong about shit you were wrong about, just eat the crow and move on. But also, there's so much to look forward to about your own space-- even more than you could ever imagine when you don't have it yet.

#my posts #my thoughts #idk what to tag this #adulting #i guess #hope #? #most of these aren't me specific but the recycling center and blanching food definitely are

[inkskinned]

you're in the habit of denying yourself things.

if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.

but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?

what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.

and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.

you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.

so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.

it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.

sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.

oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.

#warm up #this isn't good #writeblr #this is complicated by the fact i can't stand up too long or i fuckken pass out and <3 hit my damn head <3 #but i did take a deep breath and buy myself the stupid rice cooker #and!!! a very cheap sushi kit!!! i have been wanting to try making sushi for literally YEARS #the kit was only like 15 dollars!!!! and i haven't purchased it bc?!!??!?!?!?!!? #..... i didn't get the mixer tho that felt. like a lot. like too much. #on my list is a kitchenaid. one day when i get a check and i have paid off my student debt #and medical debt #i will put that first little bit of cash #into a kitchenaid 5qt stand mixer (with attachments) #i really do just go into their refurbished section and stare lustily at each option #but yeah i feel guilty about the rice cooker even tho i know for a fact this damn thing is gonna be a lifesaver #oh shit also fuck i forgot to mention . poached eggs

[thymewayster]

Really good Twitter thread originally about Elon Musk and Twitter, but also applies to Netflix and a lot of other corporations.

Full thread. Text transcription under cut.

John Bull @garius

One of the things I occasionally get paid to do by companies/execs is to tell them why everything seemed to SUDDENLY go wrong, and subs/readers dropped like a stone. So, with everything going on at Twitter rn, time for a thread about the Trust Thermocline /1

So: what's a thermocline?

Well large bodies of water are made of layers of differing temperatures. Like a layer cake. The top bit is where all the the waves happen and has a gradually decreasing temperature. Then SUDDENLY there's a point where it gets super-cold.

That suddenly is important. There's reasons for it (Science!) but it's just a good metaphor. Indeed you may also be interested in the "Thermocline of Truth" which a project management term for how things on a RAG board all suddenly go from amber to red.

But I digress. The Trust Thermocline is something that, over (many) years of digital, I have seen both digital and regular content publishers hit time and time again. Despite warnings (at least when I've worked there). And it has a similar effect. You have lots of users then suddenly... nope. And this does effect print publications as much as trendy digital media companies. They'll be flying along making loads of money, with lots of users/readers, rolling out new products that get bought. Or events. Or Sub-brands.

And then SUDDENLY those people just abandon them. Often it's not even to "new" competitor products, but stuff they thought were already not a threat. Nor is there lots of obvious dissatisfaction reported from sales and marketing (other than general grumbling). Nor is it a general drift away, it's just a sudden big slide. So why does this happen? As I explain to these people and places, it's because they breached the Trust Thermocline.

I ask them if they'd been increasing prices. Changed service offerings. Modified the product.

The answer is normally: "yes, but not much. And everyone still paid" Then I ask if they did that the year before. Did they increase prices last year? Change the offering? Modify the product?

Again: "yes, but not much."

The answer is normally: "yes, but not much. And everyone still paid." "And the year before?"

"Yes but not much. And everyone still paid."

Well, you get the idea. And here is where the Trust Thermocline kicks in. Because too many people see service use as always following an arc. They think that as long as usage is ticking up, they can do what they like to cost and product.

And (critically) that they can just react when the curve flattens But with a lot of CONTENT products (inc social media) that's not actually how it works. Because it doesn't account for sunk-cost lock-in.

Users and readers will stick to what they know, and use, well beyond the point where they START to lose trust in it. And you won't see that. But they'll only MOVE when they hit the Trust Thermocline. The point where their lack of trust in the product to meet their needs, and the emotional investment they'd made in it, have finally been outweighed by the physical and emotional effort required to abandon it. At this point, I normally get asked something like:

"So if we undo the last few changes and drop the price, we get them back?"

And then I have to break the news that nope: that's not how it works.

Because you're past the Thermocline now. You can't make them trust you again.

#netflix #twitter #economics #corporations #social media

[will-o-the-witch]

Things I’ve learned about love from working for a divorce attorney

Divorce happens to everyone, there's not a "type." Even smart, well-adjusted people choose bad partners, encounter deal-breakers after you're already married, or simply change over time to where you're no longer compatible.

You can come into your own at any time, and learn to finally stick up for yourself at any age.

There’s no time window for divorce where if you stick together long enough you’ve "made it." Some people get divorced after a year and a half, others after 25 or more. Love will always take work.

People often come in ready to sacrifice everything just to get the process over with, then realize they're entitled to way more than they thought. Don't undervalue your worth just to make things easier. You're entitled to fairness.

I don't care how much you say money doesn't matter in your relationship, yes it does. Keeping your finances separate solves a LOT of conflict. Money is the #1 thing people fight over in the divorce process besides maybe the kids.

Speaking of kids, out of mountains of cases, not once has any parent even suggested the divorce was the kid’s fault.

Life really does go on after a breakup, even a major one. Everyone that comes into our office is a full and complete person just going through a rough time. I think that's important to remember.

#rabbit blabs