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herstroywritten · 3 years

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Their Aching Firsts.

I still have no excuse for my obsession with them. Not sure how I feel about this particular story, but I wanted to post something for the start of Rivusa week for the hell of it. It’s about 7k words (I apparently can’t stop writing them once I start and their works end up being endless). Oops.

Fair warning, there is a umm *spicy* scene near the end there. I don’t usually write those and I tried to keep it as vague as I could, but I thought I’d mention it anyways. Other than that, enjoy and let me know what you think!

The first times they kissed, it was fueled by anger- he grabbed, she pulled, they crashed.

The first time they talked about it, it wasn't so much a conversation of words as it was one of looks. His eyes said "I want you and it terrifies me." Her eyes said "I think I want you, too. And I think I'm finally ready to admit that."

The first time Musa realized her new favorite jacket was once his, she stares at herself in the mirror for over an hour. She misses lunch with the gang and Riven comes knocking at her door and opens it to find her standing in front of that mirror in a state of awe. She's bathed in black leather, sleeves reaching the tips of her fingertips.

"You ok?" Arms wrap around her waist as she toys with the hem of the jacket. She looks at him through the mirror and smiles.

"I just want you to know I'm never giving this back."

He huffs a laugh as he lets his head fall to her hair, breathing her in. Lavender and something sweet that he's never been able to pinpoint. "Not even if this falls apart?"

She whirls around to face him. "I don't intend on letting that happen." Her hands are on the collar of his shirt, eyes blazing with stubbornness. He knows then that her words are a promise, a commitment and not just a comment in passing.

"I don't know, Muse. You still have time to regret all this. Regret the ruin of your reputation. What will people say?" His words are teasing, but she can see right through them. She senses his vulnerability, his apprehension.

"There are a lot of things I regret in life- yelling at my mother when I was fourteen because I didn't want to clean my room, being a bit of a bitch to my suitemates at the start of the year, hiding instead of fighting because I was too scared to see what my powers could really do. The regrets are endless. But, you, Riven, are not one of them."

He frowns, blinks away the swarm of feelings within him. "Yeah?"

She bunches her hands on his collar and pulls him down to her mouth. "Yeah."

"And what if I'm the one to end this?"

"And do what? Date some other girl for the hell of it?"

"Maybe, " he grins. "I hear I'm hot on the market now that I'm on the good side." She pulls him all the way down then, kisses him hard.

"Give it a try. Whoever she is, she won't last more than a day. And she'll defiantly never have you. Not really. I have you right where I want you, Riven. You're mine and you know it." She blazes a fire in him with her words.

"Oh yeah? And how would you know that?"

"You're here, aren't you?" She's all sass as she cocks an eyebrow at his question. "And, plus, it's kinda hard to lie to an empath."

And then she's kissing him again. This time with so much passion that he can't make sense of the world around him any longer. She pulls away only to tell him, "And I bet she'll never get that reaction out of you."

"No. No, she won't."

________________________________________________________________

The first time he calls her his girlfriend, it's not exactly in the situation she had imagined.

"Girls, I need to tell you something." Musa's voice wavers slightly as it rises above the noise that is their friends' laughs and chatter.

They're on the roof of Alfea, clustered among one another on the edges of old, shabby stones. The sky above them is dark and heavy. Stars wink at students from behind perfect clouds, ones that Musa remembers seeing in old cartoon movies that she used to watch with her parents when she was younger. From up here, the rest of Alfea seems like their whole world, its students miniature figures in a dollhouse. It's a perfect night, just as it should be. Rosalind is gone, out of the school and although that's not good enough, it's something. And Headmistress Dowling is alive and back in charge of the magical boarding school, where she belongs. From her perch up here, she can make out the headmistress' perfectly done hair as she leans back and laughs at something Silva is saying. She sees Professor Harvey heading towards their table, scolding students along the way to back away from the school's boarders. She's surprised that they haven't tried to stop all the drinking that going on. It seems that even the professors have had enough of the fighting, so much so that they're no longer focusing on the minute details of teenage life. Plus, she suspects that when they called for a party to celebrate the revival of Dowling and their taking back the school, they had fully expected the drinking. In fact, Musa had even seen Silva sneaking a few drinks to the teacher's table, but she'd never tell him that.

She can still hear Terra's squeal when Dowling had announced the party. And she can feel the toll of the heels Stella had insisted she wear on her feet. It has brought everyone so much joy, this little piece of heaven that they're being allowed, and she's been so very glad to just bask in it. After months of walking around with her headphones constantly on, trying desperately and failing to block the thoughts of despair, gloom, and pain, she welcomed the change. It had taken a lot out of her, but she had even worked up the nerve to leave her headphones behind for the party. The girls had been surprised at first, but then Bloom had stepped forward, wound their arms together, and led her outside the suite. She's been getting weird looks from them all night, little side glances with small smiles and questioning eyes, asking her if she was okay or if she needed to head out for a bit, take a breather. She'd returned them all with reassuring smiles of her own, letting them know that she was fine. And she was fine, but probably not for the reason they thought. Yes, the students around her were happy and she didn’t have much negativity to deal with from them right now, and yes her powers were getting better. But the reason she was doing so well had to do nothing with the students around them or her ability to control her magic and everything to do with the specialist across from her.

Riven and her had been a bit of a dichotomy since the start of her second semester at Alfea. They were paired together for combat classes from the very beginning of Rosalind's reign at Alfea. He'd flirted, as he did with everything that had a pulse and walked his way, and she had shut it down. Odd how that had only encouraged his behavior. Odder how she'd eventually come to appreciate it.

It was a slow transition, their thing. She had been resistant to accept she liked someone so very opposite to her last boyfriend, hesitant to give herself to that natural disaster that seemed to be Riven. Honestly, it seemed like a loss for a long time. She'd lay in bed some nights, staring at her ceiling, listening to Terra's slow breaths as she slept, and just think about the fact that just a few months ago (God, it boggled her mind that it was only a few months ago… where did time go? And how did they get here, in a school run by a once presumed dead war leader and a woman that seemed to exude death from her presence alone?) she had been perfectly happy with Sam and the silence that he brought. Sure, they had eventually called it quits once she had realized she couldn't live in silence forever and he realized she needed to learn to shield herself from harm. It had been tough, but they were friends. And she had been okay being single again. Truly, she had. So how she'd come to crave noise- his noise, loud and obnoxious emotions that sent her body tingling and her mind reeling- she doesn't know. But it had happened and once she's finally just accepted it, the ball was in his court. Too bad for her though, because just as hesitant as she was, Riven was ten times more resistant to the pull that existed between the two of them. Musa remembers all the nights they'd sneak out and he'd teach her new moves with a staff and sometimes he'd let her use his swords, teasing her as she struggled under their weight. She'd head back to her suite before the sun came up, always frustrated because couldn't he see?! Couldn't he tell? Why else would she show up every single night without fail? Why else would she stick around when the training turned to teasing and taunting turned to conversations in hushed tones? Long story short, it took him being under mind control and her breaking it for him to just finally, finally kiss her. And from then on, it had been secret meetings in different corners of the school, in their rooms when no one else was around, and anywhere else they could find some privacy.

She's itching to cross the space that separates them currently and slip her arms under his jacket, an action that she'd first done on instinct but which had quickly become a habit once she had realized the effect it had on him. She's been eyeing him the whole night, fully aware of his gaze on her. There's a reason she hadn't argued with Stella when she'd been handed the lavender slip of a dress that she currently wore. She'd even managed to forgive the light fairy for the strappy silver heels she had practically forced into Musa's feet when she caught Riven staring up and down her bare legs.

"Musa? What is it? Are you ok?"

Bloom's worried tone pulls her back to reality and she forces herself to face away from Riven and toward the girls. She'd avoided this conversation for so long, but it had to come out at some point tonight and it had to happened before one of the girls found them in some shady corner with their clothes half off.

"Oh, no I'm fine! It's not that." Now, how to approach what it actually was?

Aisha's confused tone follows her reply, "Well, then, what is it?"

"Um, it's kind of a little complicated…" Musa's voice trails off and she has to physically stop herself from turning back to Riven to see if he's ok with this, with what she's about to say.

"Musa you're freaking me out a little here," Stella's eyes narrow at Musa's fidgeting her hands. Huh, she hadn't even noticed herself playing with the hem of her dress.

"Oh no! Did you actually kill that poor guy that tried to hit on you?" Terra sounds worried as Musa just groans at her words.

"Ughhh. Terra, we said we wouldn't talk about that."

"What guy?" Riven's question comes at the same moment as her whine, except his is louder and much more aggressive. All heads turn to him, and Musa curses the jealousy that she feels coursing through his veins right now. Damn it, couldn't he just keep it in long enough so she could explain to her suitemates what the hell was going on between them? His eyes are all rage and warning as he stares Terra down. And for some reason, she's all worked up at his gaze and doesn't know what to do with herself. She really shouldn't be so attracted to this side of him.

"What's it matter to you?" Aisha questions, eyebrow raising in his direction.

"It just does."

"Really, Riven? The middle school comeback? Classic."

"Stay out of it, Aisha. I wasn't talking to you."

They're bickering back and forth, and Musa can sense both their patience straining. This is not how she was hoping this would go. Finally, she steps between them, one hand on Aisha's shoulder and the other on Riven's chest. "Ok, that's enough."

Aisha glares his way one more time but steps back, Riven does not. Instead, he turns to Musa and asks her, "What guy, Musa?"

"It doesn't matter, Riven."

"It does to me."

"Well, it shouldn't. It was just some drunk dude with a bad haircut. That's it." She's trying to reassure him, to let him know that this thing they have going on isn't just something she's going to drop the first chance she gets for any guy that makes eyes her way. She knows that's one of his big insecurities. He has it in his head that he's not good enough to deserve this, something that isn't completely fucked up from the very beginning.

They're trading glances, a secret conversation of their own happening between them.

"No!"

All heads snap toward Bloom. The second she turns around, Musa knows that her redheaded roommate has figured it out. Bloom is grinning at the two of them, practically bouncing on her heels as she grabs onto Sky's arm and tugs on it. "Did you know about this?! Why didn't you tell me?!"

Sky (bless his soul) looks at his girlfriend with confusion evident in his face, "Know what?"

Except it's Stella that answers, "They're dating."

And then mayhem ensues and Musa suddenly wishes she had thought this through because she's feeling so much from so many people right now and she's not quite sure how to handle it. She tries to hide the wince that forms on her face as she tries to answer all the questions her friends are practically screaming her way, but Riven must have noticed it because he reaches for her hand and pulls her out of the circle the girls have formed around her and closer to him.

"Alight, that's enough." It's the rasp in his voice that sends her spiraling every time he speaks, and she's putty in his hands. It's pathetic, she should have more self-control than this. "Yes, we're dating. Yes, she's my girlfriend. And, Aisha, no I did not pay her or threaten her into it. Gods above!" He takes a sweep of the room, gesturing to all their friends with a hand as if to say 'you're all very welcome.'

"Any other questions?" No one speaks up. Not that Musa would have heard any of them because good gods, did she hear him right? Did he just say what she thinks he said? Is she his… girlfriend? They'd avoided so many labels for so long that it had completely slipped her mind to actually name this thing between then by the time that they had finally become something substantial. And she's been fine with that deal, with not having to name their relationship, but hearing him call her his girlfriend has send her body trembling, fire coursing through her veins and butterflies bursting in her stomach.

And then he's pulling her away, down the stairs that led them up to the roof and between hallways that blend into one another as her mind focuses on the way his hand grips hers and the lust (his? hers?) that seems to be engulfing her whole being.

She lets him lead her into his room, onto his bed, and just as he leans down to kiss her, she moves down and places a kiss on his neck instead. Looking up at him, she tests out the word that's taken over her brain since it left his lips, "Girlfriend?"

"Fuck. Is that not what this is? I, I don't know- I kind of figured- I don't know. Shit, sorry-" If she wasn't so very in love with the idea of being his girlfriend, his something (just his), she would have let his ramble continue. She didn't get to see this often, a flustered Riven, and it was a sight she found quite adorable. But, alas, she had other plans for tonight.

She bends her neck upward, uses her toes to push herself up the bed, and kisses him ever so lightly on the lips. Just enough so that he stops talking. A feather's whisper of a kiss, against which she purrs "That is exactly what this is if that's what you want it to be."

His eyes are black with want when he closes them and his hand comes up to trace the edges of her jaw. His breathing speeds up as he leans his forehead against hers, and that's how she knows he's trying to collect his thoughts, watching his words as he often does when he's scared he's about to make the wrong move, say the wrong thing. She swears she's going to get him to stop doing that around her, because she wants his thoughts, every single one of them, as raw as they are. She doesn't want the filtered version. And she can feel them, mingling into the background as his insecurity takes over. Her hands find their way to his jaw and now they're holding each other, "Tell me."

He opens his eyes, opens his mouth to tell her, just as she knew he would. He'd never deny her anything and she's learned that in the short time that they've been together. He'd collect the stars and fashion them into a necklace she could wear around her neck if she asked for the universe. He'd start and end a war if she so much as suggested it. He'd give her his soul, she thinks. All she needs to do is ask, and he breaks for her. Crack by crack. Splinter by splinter. Until he's cleaved wide open and she sees all of him.

"I do, want that. I want you." His voice is gruff, guttural. "What about you? What do you want?"

God, how does he still not get it?!

"You." A whisper, and then a kiss.

_______________________________________________________________

The first time he makes her cry, it's not because of something he said. It's because of something he did.

It had started like any other day- breakfast, classes, social gatherings at the end of the afternoon. Musa and Terra had just left botany lessons and were heading towards the specialists training grounds to meet up with Sky and Riven before they all went to grab dinner together. It had been all fun and games, Terra and her grumbling about how ravished they were and laughing along at each other's comments. But Musa had sensed the uneasiness that radiated from the training grounds the second they had rounded the corner of Alfea's large lawns. Silva was especially on edge, and the fact that he had all the upperclassmen and the best of the specialists lined up as he walked back and forth between them shouting orders could not be a good sign. And with an insane mastermind on the loose, Musa had feared the worst as anyone else would. She'd taken off running, and Terra had followed without any questions, trusting her instincts.

She only caught glimpses of Silva's orders. "… Five burned ones… Two upperclassmen faries out there already… We need to leave now- I'm going to need ten of you out ASAP. Five more will guard the school grounds… Any volunteers?"

Her heart stopped when in her peripheral vision, she saw Sky and Riven's hands go up. This would be the third one this month that they had volunteered for, and the last time they left the school grounds Riven came back with a broken foot that he's still limping along on. The word left her mouth before she could think about it, "No!"

He turned to her, surprised to find her standing among the specialists. "Musa?"

She can't be bothered to greet him, not right now, not when he's practically signing up for his own death. So, instead, she stares him straight in the eye and says it again. "No."

But Riven is as stubborn as she is, and she knows he's been itching to prove himself again, to make up for what he did under the control of Rosalind just a short while ago. His words crush her soul, "I volunteer for the outside team." He's talking to Silva, who's eyeing the two of them with an intrigued look on his face. He nods curtly at Riven's words. But Riven is looking at her, his jaw set and tilted upward with determination.

"Alright, Sky and Riven, you'll lead the charge. Get your weapons. We leave in five minute. Go!" And then he and Sky are running toward their weapons bags, Musa and Terra hot on their tracks.

She catches up to him just as he's strapping on his swords. Her hand comes to pull at his wrist, motioning for him to face her.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?" He won't look at her, won't meet her eyes. "Riven, I'm talking to you! You can't just volunteer yourself up for everything that could kill you! What the fuck is wrong with you?! Whatever you're trying to prove, stop it!"

He's reaching for his fighting boots, switching into them. Whether he's just not listening or if he just doesn't care, she can't tell. She wants to kill him. She wants to kiss him.

"Please," she can't believe she's begging. "Please, Riven. Your foot. You can't-"

"I'm doing it, Musa." She sees fury, internalizes it before her insides form it into something tangible and she can see it, feel it. It's red and blinding and raging.

"I'm asking you not to." He won't say no to her, he hasn't done it yet. She asks and he cracks for her right? Right?

Wrong.

"LET'S GO, SQUADRON 1!" She barely registers what Silva's command means until Riven is standing up.

"I'm sorry, Musa." And she knows he means it, because when his hands fall to her shoulders, quick and rushed, they're firm. He leans down to kiss her goodbye or as a form of apologizing, she's not sure, but she turns her head away from him and he ends up kissing the space between her cheek and jawline. If he won't look at her, then she won't look at him. And if he won't listen to her, then she won't give him the satisfaction of her approval. It's petty, she know that. She senses his emotions deflate at her actions, the feeling of rejection cutting into his heart like a shard of glass ripping through flesh. But she's seen this movie before, she knows how this story ends. Too many specialists have left the school's walls wounded and eager to pick a fight, only to come back on the brink of death or even worse, they haven't come back at all. And the idea of him becoming one of those statistics hurts more for her than her rejection will ever hurt him.

She doesn't turn to watch him leave, but she hears his boots beating against the pavement as he rushes to catch up with Sky… and then silence.

She's so numb by now. Numb to death, to feeling, to crying. She doesn't cry. Not when Terra comes to hug her from behind. Not when they're back in the suite and Bloom is practically sizzling with anger at the fact that they didn't think to bring her along on the mission and that Sky is being sent on yet another mission. Not when it's midnight and Dowling informs that the specialists made it back safely.

She doesn't go down to greet them when the other girls rush out the door. Terra lingers in the doorway.

"You sure you don’t want to come?"

"I'm good." She's staring outside the huge window of their living room, refusing to look down at the ground and try to make out if someone is missing in the mass of specialists standing in the courtyard.

"Musa-" She feels pity and worry coming from Terra, and she doesn't want to deal with it right now. She just wants to be numb for a little while longer.

"I said, I'm good."

Once Terra is gone, she turns away from the window and goes to sit by one of the couches. She counts the floorboards by the main doorway of the Winx suite. One, two, three, four, five, six…

She counts them three times over before the door finally barges open, it's hinges creaking from the immense force of the push just enacted upon it.

Riven's eyes frantically search the room before they finally fall on her. He walks towards her, limps actually. (She knew his foot wasn't healed, no matter how much he insisted it was.) He has blood splattered on his right side. His or someone else's, who knows? And when he finally reaches her, and falls to his knees in front of her so that they're eye level with one another, she finally cries.

He reaches for her. She pushed him off. "Fuck you, Riven. Really, fuck you."

"I'm sorry. Muse, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I-"

"Why don't you ever listen? You keep walking into wars as if they're welcoming parties. Do you want to die?! Do you have a death wish? What the fuck is wrong with you?!" She's being mean, unfair. She doesn't care. If asking won't work, maybe screaming will. And she's exhausted. Exhausted of worrying about him every time he leaves. Exhausted of wishing he would listen. Exhausted of fearing he's the one that didn't make it back, because it's almost been him so many times by now.

"I had to Musa." His voice is soft, odd in comparison to the loud tone he usually takes when they argue about this topic.

"You always have to! You don't have to prove anything Riven. And you most certainly don’t have to die for no fucking reason!"

"You don't get it-"

"So explain it to me!" He sighs deeply, and closes his eyes. "No, Riven. Explain it. What don't I get?"

He finally opens his eyes, throws a string of colorful swears at the ceiling before moving his gaze back to her. "It's not just proving something. It's that if I go and… if I go, then one less specialist has to go. And that's one less person with people that care about them having to go. And that's one less tragic death, and then a whole lot less people hurt. If I go… who cares, you know? And, honestly, shouldn't it be me? A taste of my own medicine and all that. After all the shit I helped Rosalind do." She senses his bitterness, feels his anger and destitute.

He's an idiot.

"You're an idiot, you know that?"

"And you're beautiful," he quips back. She watches that smirk that she's come to love make its way onto his face.

"Flattery won't get you very far in life, Riv." Except, maybe it will. Because somehow and for some reason she's here, and she's crying over him.

It's like he can read her mind, not the other way around, "I think it's gotten me pretty far as of right now. I mean, you're here." The look he gives her has her twitching in her seat and she has to remind herself that she still has more to say to him. She can't just let him off the hook that easily. He leans up to kiss her, and she places her hands on his chest, gently pushing him away.

"I care."

"What?" He's confused by her words.

"I care. If you go, and something happens. I care." She feels the surprise bloom from within him, and then a sense of overwhelming tenderness takes up his mind, and hers along with it. Her hands reach for him, " Come here."

This time, he obeys her. And as she kisses him, he cracks for her. Splinters for her. Lets her see him while he kisses her as if he's kissing her for the first time ever, ravaged and hungry for her. She sees it all- all of him falling into her and consequentially falling into place in her mind, in her heart. His insecurities, his fears, and his wishes. She doesn't shy away from him, but kisses him harder. His thoughts are exactly what she thought they were from the very beginning- a natural disaster. But she doesn't fear falling into them anymore, and in fact she thinks she likes them. She thinks she likes the way his mind works- ten emotions at one time battling to win out over one another. And when he pulls away, she likes the way his green eyes look at her like she's the whole world and the way his hands hold her tight enough for her to know that he doesn't think she's fragile but with enough care that she feels like she is all that he owns.

"Don't you ever," he's panting as he moves to place kisses along her jaw and at her collarbone, above her shoulders, anywhere the collar of her shirt will allow him. "Don't you ever pull away from me again."

She knows he's referring to the other afternoon, when he had left for the mission and she had closed off. "Why? Did I hurt your fragile ego?"

She's teasing, he's not. His hands are in her shirt and moving up, up, up until the offending piece of clothing is off of her. He's eager to kiss down her body, hands roaming the planes and curves that he must have memorized by now. He's kissing, kissing, kissing. Kissing away her tears, kissing right above her beating heart, kissing along her waistline. Frantic, needy, and-

Oh.

Oh. She thinks she's in love.

________________________________________________________________

The first time they slow down, she feels as though she has seen heaven.

Riven's lips on her lips, steady and firm yet gentle, as his hands lay splayed over her bare sides and his thumbs dig softly into the dips of her hipbones. One of her legs is tangled in the sheets around them and her other is hiked up above his hips, her heel digging into his spine. He moves inside of her, and when she feels her hips meet his, she slides her hands over his shoulders and lets her nails graze his back. He watches her below him, eyes asking if she's ok, she smiles at him and says, "Just… stay. Don't move for a bit."

And he does, closing the small space between them to catch her bottom lip between his teeth and pull on it before he continues with his love bites down her neck, behind her ears, onto her chest. He's making his way as far down as he can in their current position, and she's melting into him and fuck, she wants him to keep going. But she also wants him to slow down because she's on cloud nine right now and from up here she can see the stars in his eyes, can catch them between the kisses of his lips. Her hands move from his back, leaving behind what she can only assume is a mass of fresh red marks. They move to his chin as she drags him back up to meet her on that very cloud and then they're eye-level with one another once more. She feels the want form within him, she always does, but it’s an odd thing to actually see it emulated in his eyes. And there's something else there too, something she can't quite place and doesn't dare to assume of. When his lips brush hers for the umpteenth time, slowly shaping her name between them, she feels herself sink farther into him, a feat she had previously deemed impossible.

And her lips part in a whimper because oh good god, how had they never done this before? They were always so rushed, pulling at each other's clothes and stumbling into bed, falling into one another in a tangled mess of limbs and lust. Perhaps it was the fact that they had kept it in for so long, refusing to admit they liked each other and once they were together, not wanting to tell others for fear of shattering whatever fragile state they were in. Their relationship had started with fighting fueled by longing, innuendos charged with so many suggestions, and eventually an aching want that Musa still couldn’t wrap her mind around. Really, she shouldn't be surprised at how touch hungry the two of them had been at the beginning of the relationship. (How touch hungry they still were.) But right here in this moment, as she opens her eyes, she regrets not slowing down and taking him all in sooner.

He is a sight to behold, with tiny and larger scrapes all over his body that somehow added to his physique instead of taking away from it. They are tens of thousands of stars and she traces them over and over, forming constellations with his imperfections. The pads of her fingers run over the features of his face, committing every bit of him to memory, and as they skim the tiny scar above his left eyebrow, the question slips from her lips before she can stop herself.

"When did you get this one?"

He pulls away from her, just slightly so that he can see her face, and his eyes are darker than she's ever seen them as he lazily responds with a "Hmm?"

She's high on want and adrenaline, but she vaguely wonders if this is something he might not want to talk about. Too late to back out now. Plus, she'd like to know. "This scar. Above your eyebrow. How did you get it?"

Riven stiffens at her answer. She can feel his insecurity downing upon him, clouded by the desire and the want that still course through his body but slowly easing its way to the forefront of the battle that is his mind.

"I have them too," Musa whispers as she braces herself against his chest and heaves her body upward, brushing her lips against that very scar in question.

She moves back down again, and pulls her left arm slowly away from under him. She turns her head slightly to her left shoulder, using her index finger to point to a sliver of skin that's more taught and whiter than the rest of her. "I got this one when I was twelve. Tried to climb a tree that was too high off the ground. Had to get six stiches. My mom freaked out."

His eyeline follows her movements, and he stares at her shoulder for a few minutes. His gaze has her squirming a little, suddenly aware that she's naked in front of a boy she's very much into and that she has just pointed out one of the many flaws on her body. But then his eyes flicker upwards and he leans down and kisses her scar, just as she had kissed his.

"You're fucking perfect, you know that right?" She could cry.

"If you're trying to get in my pants, hate to break it to you, but they're already off," she teases, her voice soft and a smile on her lips. How else was she meant to respond?

He chuckles at her words, his laugh causing her to catch her breath as it does each and every time she hears it. It's an occasion that has become more common since they got together but which is still far and few in between. The sound vibrates off his body onto hers and has her writhing under him.

"Love, I would never consider your lack of garments a disappointment." He circles his hips above her, and she groans at the pressure. "And I would most certainly never forget being the one to take them off you, especially when you insist on making those noises."

Her eyes are blown wide as she grabs onto his forearm at the side of her head, where his fingers are buried in her hair. Her chest heaves up and down, up and down, heart beating so fast she's certain its rhythms are all in her mind and that it's no longer there. She's fairly sure she lost it somewhere between meeting him and getting here, to this moment.

He stops his teasing, opting instead to arch down once more and kiss the scar on her shoulder. He kisses it over and over until she feels her heartbeat slow down and her breath return to a somewhat normal pacing.

She tugs on his locks, silently motioning for him to come back up. Up he comes, and she's glad that she's somehow convinced him to continue denying her nothing.

"Tell me."

He knows she's referring to his scar.

They're nose to nose, foreheads touching, brown eyes boring into green ones.

"About a year and a half ago. Right when things started to get messy in my life. Messier than usual, I mean. Back then I was a bit of a nerd, hung out in the greenhouse all the time-"

"Yeah, I've heard a few stories from Terra," she cuts him off, a smile playing on her lips at the idea of Riven hunched over a lab bench with pretty vines all around him. It's a sight she hopes to one day see with her own two eyes, a side of him she knows she's so very close to opening up.

"Yeah, well, I'm sure you know how much of a dick I was after I started distancing myself from them. Sky, he got real mad one day. We were in Specialism class, learning some new sword tricks. I said some shitty things and then he tried to play the Saint Sky card. I got mad, I fought dirty. Scraped his arm with the sword. He finally snapped at me, landed a good blow right above my eyebrow." He laughed a bitter laugh at the memory. "Nearly missed my eye, the wanker. He apologized for two months straight. Either way, we both ended up in the infirmary and I figured I couldn't get rid of him. He kept me around and I stayed, almost like when we were children and we fought over dumb shit like who was the taller. Only difference now is that his scar healed and mine stayed."

That last sentence was loaded with so much, and Musa wanted to ask more but she didn't want to push her luck. She smiled at him, nudging his nose with hers. "So you used to fight over who was taller? The mental image of a baby Sky and baby Riven getting angry over something like that is almost, dare I say, adorable?"

He scoffs. "We were not adorable! We were two very manly twelve-year-olds with very some very manly, very reasonable arguments."

"Mmm," she hums against his skin. "Is that what you two have to this day? Manly arguments?"

"Are we really bringing Sky into the conversation while we're in bed?" She laughs, a full on laugh that comes from within her because his words were not what she had expected. "If you must know, now we argue over who’s got the hotter girlfriend."

His eyes are all mischief when she shakes her head at him. "Glad to see you two have really grown up."

"And I'm glad that I got the hotter girlfriend, because I'm not sure how else you've managed to keep me completely turned on while bringing up my best friend in the middle of us fucking."

And then it's her turn to tease him, turning her head slightly to the side so that she can catch his earlobe between her teeth and whisper in his ear. "I'll make it up to you."

And then she's flipping them over so that she's on top and she feels his breath catch. She smirks down at him mischievously and then they're off again, finishing what they started. She makes sure to go slow, to feel every bit of him as she moves, catch every angle of him below her and store it in her mind for safekeeping.

And when it's over and he's lying on his stomach, back facing the ceiling, she moves herself on top of him once more. Only this time, she kisses every scar on his body, sometimes asking where and how he got them until he finally gets the hint and starts sharing their stories before she can even ask. There are so many of them, some tiny and some much more noticeable. All of them have stories. She vows to herself that she will one day know all of them. That she will be there to soothe the next scrape, the next trauma. With each one of her kisses, she can feel the natural disaster within him reach a rhythm, not quite silenced but at peace.

They don't sleep that night. Only once she's sure she's kissed every inch of his body does she finally worm her way back into his arms, but they're both wide awake at that point. His eyes watch her in the dark, hair loose and splayed around them like some sort of blanket. It had been in pigtails at one point in the night.

"What are you thinking about?" she asks.

"I…I just," words knot in his mouth. His eyebrows furrow at her in frustration as he tries to untangle and spell them out for her. "God, I love you."

Just for that, she kisses his body all over again. And again. And again.

________________________________________________________________

Their first times have been nothing short of unexpected. It's never how either of them imagined all these firsts would go. They're not soft and tender, though there are moments like that in-between, but neither had expected that. Their raging passions did not allow for it. But what they had expected was a lot more arguing, a lot more push and pull. Instead, they seemed to somehow fall right into each other- crash and burn style, no holding back.

Their firsts were painful lessons that needed to be learned. They were gnawing pains that needed to be had, throbbing emotions that had to be felt and delt with. They were stinging feelings, these firsts- stinging because they felt too much too soon and too fast and neither knew what to do with all of that expect for let it bubble until it exploded before them in an aching manner.

Their aching firsts.

#rivusarevolution2021 #rivusa #this is pure angst #I can't say I'm sorry for writing it #firsts

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ask-hunterxhunter · 4 years

Note

Can I get a request for yandere Silva, Uvogin, and Phinks?

Phinks has been done already, you can read it here.

Uvogin

Uvogin is often described as animalistic and you need to know this is not limited to when he is fighting: This man is the sort of person who is fartoo connected with his most primal instincts. Normally, this is not exactly abad thing, but in his case, it is and it can easily become worse when he’s pushed into Yandere Valley, especially considering his personality,not to mention the “take what you want even if by force” mindset of the Troupeand how they already don’t exactly give a damn about who they hurt to achievetheir goals.

While not one to beat around the bush or hide his interest once it isprovoked, Uvogin is not stupid and the Troupe is the only thing that mattersfor him, so he is usually careful with “normal” interactions and tends to preferone-night stands (far safer in his opinion and besides, he doesn’t have anyemotional attachments outside of the Spider and doesn’t care to have), meaning itwill be a surprise for him when he realizes he is thinking of you with far morecare than he’s used to and also more often… It would be easier if it was simplylust, but somehow, it doesn’t feel like that.

Despite the initial surprise, once this starts and realizes it (whichwill be pretty soon), Uvogin won’t want to put an end to it or try to forget you(while, in fact, his obsession grows). It’s simply not in his nature. In fact,once he realizes he wants you, whatever past might be between you won’tmatter, even if you’re meant to be enemies or if you’re hunting the Spidersdown (in a way, in his obsession, Uvogin may find this exciting). Once he issure he wants you for life, he’ll also make his intentions clear.

Hey, it’s not that you actually have a choice, but he thought you mightappreciate the pretense all the same. Sorry, sweetheart, he isn’t a chocolateand roses kind of guy, remember? When the Spiders want something, they take itand he’s no different.

Despite the circumstances that led to you two meeting, even if yourealize the danger you’re in and decide it might be smarter to find a hell of agood place to hide for a while (hoping he’ll get over you or something), thiswon’t do more than buy you a few days. Going to the authorities and beingplaced in a safe house is useless just as well. The Spiders stick together and isvery likely some of them (such as Shalnark) will help him get to you if things geta little more complicated. While some stalkers may give up their currentobsession with time, this tactic won’t work with Uvogin. No matter where youare or the security you have, he will find you.

Hey, if he has to kill (read: slaughter) some morons along the way, it’snothing that will keep him up at night. It will be a pretty gruesome scene andunless you’re unconscious, you’ll see it as he drags you along with him. On a note, Uvogin might not kill your family (at least not this time) or your friends (if he’s completely sure they are indeed just friends, thoughthe chances are not as good as with your family). Also, contrary to someothers, Uvogin won’t drag this “game” for longer than necessary or just take histime as he corners you. Yes, he is a predator and a hunter, this sort of thingis fun and all, but why waste time when you’re so close? Especially if you’vemanaged to stay away for what he deems to be too long. What may happen is that,when the perfect opportunity to get you comes, he will let you run -literally-and believe you’re safe before catching you. Uvogin doesn’t mean this as torture,it’s just that it’s too fun for him to let it pass.

From then on, it’s hopeless.

You can reason, cry, argue, or yell that this isn’t love, but Uvogin won’treally give a damn, even if he doesn’t enjoy to see you in distress (if hislevel of obsession allows him that, at least). In his mind, you can call thiswhatever you want, but he wants you with him, so that’s it. Besides, there aremany types of love, and this is the love of a thief. Get used to it,little love, because you’re not going anywhere. Note that Uvogin isn’tdelusional enough to insist that you do love him and just doesn’t knowit yet, but this doesn’t mean he will care whether kidnapping you was crossinga line or not. While won’t take pleasure or be indifferent to your suffering, itwon’t make him regret his actions not even for a moment. If anything, hemay point out that the sooner you get used to your new life, the sooner thingswill start to get better.

He just knows he loves you and wants you with him, so what else matters?

It’s pretty disturbing how Uvogin will act all nice and gentle when you’renot trying to escape even if you’re defying him (this if his obsession isn’t onthose hellish levels where the instability becomes far too intense for him toeven resemble who he used to be, in this case, it’s better to keep your mouthshut) and, surprisingly, for someone who can be so ruthless and brutal whenfighting, it’s unlikely Uvogin will be violent around you (well, with you). It’s not that his personality will change, but in his own way, he’ll be affectionate…

Not a sight anyone who has fought him would expect and not that it makes thingsany better, no matter how much he says he loves you while dismissing how muchpain he’s causing you. Uvogin will often want you near him, wanting to enjoythe moments he has with you when he’s not doing some job with the Spiders. In thosetimes, if no one can stay back to what you, Uvogin won’t hesitate to force you insidea cage or place a chain around your ankle and locking you in your room. If youcry, he will just joke that he’ll miss you too, love.

The rest of the Troupe is no better, either, but then again, did youexpect anything different?

When you try to escape, Uvogin is likely to allow you to go until acertain point before catching you… It’s an interesting game of tag and whatbetter way to make you understand you can’t ever leave? If you keep insistingor if we’re talking about a rescue, though, it won’t be pretty… At all. Manyanimals get irritated with what they consider an invasion of their territory ora “threat” to their mates and, well, remember how Uvogin bit through a man’sskull once? Yeah, what happens will be along those lines and he won’t hesitateto make you watch.

Or maybe you can try asking nicely for him to spare their lives?Maybe you can be kinder to him in return? Yeah, Uvogin won’t hesitate touse them as levarage to force you into showing him some affection, even if it’sfake (which he’ll escalate into an attempt at seducting you very soon).

Of course, you don’t need to know he killed them anyway (or thatsome other member of the Spider did). Come on, you didn’t really expect them tolet someone get so close and just walk away, did you?

Silva

Silva is not a man who has much of a care for morals and even in a normalstate of mind he’ll consider all the options he has to achieve his goalsand get what he wants. This relentness will only become stronger once hebecomes a yandere for you and while this can often be said for any Yandere, the fact that Silva already has this streak doesn’t mean anything goodfor you. Silva is already used to do disregard limits, already has connections and means, so he won’t hesitate when he decides to pursue you evenafter you’ve rejected his advances.

Not being an impulsive man, it’s unlikely that he’ll become obsessed withyou after a single meeting (though some interest might be incited), regardlessof how you first cross paths: Maybe he met you while chasing a target, maybeyou’re a friend of Killua and came with Gon, Leorio and Kurapika to rescue him,so on. Your following meetings might be brief, he may just hear something aboutyou, but eventually, he will find himself growing… Curious. He’ll then decideto find more about you whenever the opportunity arises, since there are very veryfew people he considers “interesting” outside of his inner circle. You don’t evenhave to be a Hunter for that to happen.

At first, it will be apparently harmless enough (for a Zoldyckassassin, it should be said): He may read about your work, or watch a match ifyou fight in Heaven’s Arena… In a sense, at first, his view will be completelyanalytic: If he watches you fighting, for example, Silva will first focus onyour style, your abilities, your strong and weak points (only later he’ll be focusingmore on you). It’s extremelly hard to say what he’s thinking, but there probablywon’t be any darker intentions just yet. Silva is truly just curious.

There will come a time when second-hand information won’t be as satisfyingfor Silva and he’ll decide to watch you from afar personally. It is nothing outof ordinary for him, after all, there have been times when he observed histarget for some time before killing them… Well… He knows he doesn’t want tokill you, but he isn’t that sure of what he wants with you either (at least atfirst) and this will frustrate him for a good while, as it’s rare for him toget confused or unsure of what he things or feels.

Watching you from afar, seeing you personally, seeing you smile tosomeone else, will change that. Silva will realize very soon that he wants you… He may take one or two days to consider the situation, to think about whatis happening and if this isn’t a passing idea or if he isn’t mixing things up(an irony, considering obsession isn’t love). In the end, Silva will decidethat while things did not start this way, it’s how they are now.

What about Kikyo, you ask?

It depends… We haven’t seen much of their interactions to be completelysure of whether or not there is actual love in that marriage. When it comesdown to it, there are two options: They truly love each other (as strange as itmight seem considering how this family is) or Silva met Kikyo, saw something inher that would be useful for the Zoldyck’s bloodline and manipulated her to thepoint she is completely devoted to him now (I’ve read somewhere Kikyo came fromthe Meteor City. If that’s so, then marrying a powerful, rich man with areputation such as Silva must’ve seemed a dream come true to her, so no wondershe would do whatever he desires). As such, there are also two options of howthings might work in this scenario: Either Silva would kill Kikyo and make itlook like an accident (which he would be able to pull off to the point even hischildren wouldn’t think otherwise) or Kikyo, due to her blind devotion to Silva,wouldn’t mind him having a mistress (which she would consider as a pet of sorts).

In a way or another, Silva won’t care about what he has to do to makesure you’re his, regardless of your (or anyone else’s) opinion on the matter.

At first, Silva will try more normal means of getting to you (courting you,we might say) since he’d much rather have you coming to him willingly, but itwon’t take long for him to determine whether this may get the desirable resultsor not (Silva is great at reading people and remember he won’t have problemswith “checking” on you to know how this idea is going). From them on, hisattempts will start to get unsettling, as there will be an undertone of threateven with the most innocent of gestures: It’s his way of telling you this isyour last chance of doing this the easier way. He’s being nice for now, butthis can change. While most guys may be somewhat insistent without it becoming harassment, it won’t be so with Silva. Long before the time comeswhen he warns you he is not taking “no” for an answer, you’ll alreadyhave the feeling you’re in serious trouble.

Silva has many means of getting to you: From kidnapping you when you’remost vulnerable, to threatening your loved ones to bribing policemen working onkeeping you safe to just hand you over… He has many options and he’ll know whichone works better depending on the circumstances. He will prefer to not involveyour family or closest friends, since it would be counter-productive in thelong run.

While with Illumi you at least can walk around the mansion and thegardens, it won’t be so with Silva: You’ll be kept in a room deep within theZoldyck estate and the only times when you’ll get out will be accompanied byhim, when Silva decides you need/deserve a walk around the gardens. As he willtell you with a smile, there isn’t any way you can escape, so don’t bother totry. Don’t worry, though, you’ll have anything and everything you might wishfor. And it’s true, Silva will have no problems with pampering you even if younever ask for anything.

Why are you surprised he knows so much about your likes and dislikes, mydear?

In a way, it’s not so different than it was with Alluka and, just like itwas with her, it won’t mean anything when you don’t have your freedom. Don’tbother asking for it either. Silva won’t ever let you go (and he will tell you thatquite clearly if it’s necessary).

While some Yanderes might at least feel bad about seeing you suffer,regardless if they understand the depths of what they’re doing and how terribleit is, it won’t be so with Silva. Oh, he knows what he is doing and he believes he loves you, he does, but he’s not a man to be moved by the suffering ofothers even if he claims to care for them. Your tears are just a necessary eviland Silva won’t let you go just because you’re crying. The most compassionate reactionhe may have is to just hold you close and start whispering how things will bealright once you realize how much he loves you.

One thing you should never forget, and that makes the situation evenworse, is that Silva is and always will be, a manipulator. Being theonly one who you have contact with (he may let the butlers serve you from timeto time, but they won’t be allowed to really talk to you), he knows theloneliness will end up making you talk with him. At first, it will be innocentconversation, nothing that appears to have importance…

But Silva will reach the topics of your “previous” life and twist thingsto his advantage. You talk of how you love your friends, how you miss them?Silva will lie that they haven’t even tried to rescue you or remind you of badtimes and arguments you had or anything else he can use against them (andbecause he stalked you, he knows quite a few things), slowly poisoning yourmind with doubts, while acting all sweet and caring.

Silva won’t isolate you just physically, but mentally and emotionally aswell, doing his best to convince you he’s the only one who truly loves you, whounderstands you. He wasn’t kidding when he said he wants to be the only one you’llever think about.

Also, while other Yanderes may truly want you to love them, Silva won’tcare as much. Oh, he wants you to love him, he does, but asfrustrating as it might be if it doesn’t happen, he will content himself withhaving you there. Besides, he knows it will be just a matter of time until yourgive in and accept the situation…

After all, it’s not like you can ever leave, is it?

#headcanon #yandere #hxh #silva #zoldyck #uvogin #hunter x hunter #silva zoldyck #yandere headcanon #I always have so much fun with those #silva would be one of the worst yanderes #hunterxhunter #hxh headcanon #hunter yandere

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juneybugwrites · 5 years

Text

How Ellery Got Suspended

Real quick authors note! Hey guys it’s June, also known as @twilighterly! This is my account I’m using for non fandom related writings!

I’m honestly so proud of this one, mostly because I stuck through it and wrote a whole damn story like dope wtf who knew I was capable of that? Not me

Anyways y’all know the drill! Enjoy!

Trigger warning ⚠️: schizophrenia, hallucinations, graphic depiction of violence

Wordcount: 2,398

—————

Moments like these were my favorite part of living; sitting with Ophelia was one of the most normal and comforting moments. I always desired normalcy. When sitting with her it’s like all the little voices disappear, a moment of calm, if you will... Moments like these I wouldn’t trade for anything... except maybe have a normal and functioning brain.

I’m Ellery Silva, and I was diagnosed with schizophrenia at the age of 7 years old. Most others with schizophrenia get diagnosed in their thirties. Guess I’m one of the quote unquote lucky ones. Please get that I am saying that sarcastically, seeing as shadowy figures and feelings of people touching and grabbing at you isn’t the most pleasant experience.

I spent my younger years trying to ignore what looked to be small animals scurrying around in the corner of my vision... Like most other people with my diagnosis, the things I see have gotten worse as I grew older. I never could tell my school psychiatrist that. As a mentally disturbed person I spend a lot of time striving to go above and beyond my peers, trying to make it known that I can function just as well or better than them... Why? I... can’t quite answer that... Maybe I think that if I can prove my worth I won’t end up like just another kid in an institution.

I could vaguely process the sound of my girlfriend’s voice... What was she saying? Everything I was hearing sounded so waterlogged and suddenly I was in my head again with no escape in sight. Suddenly there was no city lights beyond the suburb my house resided on, there was nothing past the roof, there was no house, just the platform I sat on... And I was alone, Ophelia was nowhere to be seen anymore, just white residue on the shingles where she once sat. All I could see was myself, the dark shingles of my roof under me, and the awful visuals my mind was painting for me.

I could feel the presence of someone other than Ophelia next to me... This wasn’t the blonde haired beauty with glimmering brown eyes... This wasn’t the girl who always managed to calm me down. This was fear. This was the being I spent my days hiding from, keeping my eyes down, hands to myself, cowering at the thought of it reaching out to touch me... This was pure and absolute evil. People always say ‘Hear no evil. See no evil.’ But I feel it! I always feel it and it doesn’t go away! This is something I could not pry off of me, it’s gnarled hands always ready to seize my throat, clasping me so tight I don’t think I could breath.

The fear of becoming that is always eminent, seemingly looming over me with black claws outstretched... And I don’t know how to get away from it. Sometimes I wonder if it’s even worth fighting back, like maybe my fear is completely justified in the sense of I’m just blindly hitting in the dark at something I can’t see, fully knowing of the fact that it’s going to one day sneak up and swallow me whole. Maybe it’s not even worth fighting anymore... What am I fighting for? Who am I fighting for? My grandfather? Ophelia? Me? Have I been fighting for too long? Maybe I’m just a worn veteran, beaten and bloodied from a war I wasn’t even meant to fight in. Am I fighting for the right thing?

Mr. Balinski, the school psychiatrist, seems hell bent on telling me that the war I’m waging is the wrong one. He believes I’d be better off at a school that can suit my ‘special needs’ rather than in a public school, insisting to my grandpa that he was an evil and stingy man for not placing me in an institute. But my grandfather always struck him right back, being a gold light in my life, a white knight ready to defend me. He would always retort that

I had a right to knowledge the same as every other kid in the school as long as I didn’t hurt anyone. Until then, I was safe.

I could barely process the feeling of my cold tears running down my cheeks until I felt delicate yet shaky hands cup my face in the palm of their small hands, tearing me violently from the nightmare I’d sunk into. I screamed, closing my eyes tight in a panic... It couldn’t get me, not yet. I wasn’t ready to give up the fight.

“Shhh... El... ‘M here... It’s alright now... safe now...”

The familiar voice kept cutting in and out due to my waterlogged hearing... Yet what I could hear of it was comforting nonetheless. It didn’t take long after my cries quieted for me to realize it was the voice of Ophelia, and when that happened, I slowly opened my blurry eyes.

I almost jumped at the close proximity of her face, blinking a few times in order to clear the cloud from my vision. The colorful city beyond my street illuminated her graceful features in a way that made me so glad she was the first person I saw after falling down the rabbit hole that my brain was. Her platinum hair cascaded lusciously past her shoulders, reminding me of a frozen waterfall while her pale skin was contrasted with freckles as fast and beautiful as the stars above... And my favorite... Her eyes. Ophelia had big brown doe eyes that expressed anything she felt so openly, shimmering vibrantly under the light of the moon and streetlights.

Her gentle fingers drew lazy circles across the skin of my face, using stimulating motions to try and pull me fully back into reality... I could always count on her whenever I caved in too deep into myself. She knew my brain was a dangerous place and knew exactly

what the signs of a meltdown looked like and how to pull me out. I’d always thought she’d be there, and it never really occurred to me that she wouldn’t always be there to save me.

And I never thought that day would come.

I never wanted it to come.

The day after my rooftop meeting with Phe was the day I subconsciously dreaded. It

was the day that I would end up swallowed by the monster I’d conjured, and yet it also was the day my white light wouldn’t be there to save me. It was the day everything was ripped away from me in the blink of an eye... Or rather... in the time it takes to complete nearly half of a school day.

I had been running laps in the gym when suddenly the kid running next to me, I think his name was Joseph but it probably wasn’t, suddenly was the shadowy presence I’d been fighting from for so long. My lungs heaved as I desperately tried to pick up the pace, my heart pounding as I tried to get away, but the floor was falling away in front of me... I had nowhere to run and I was left with a square of ground just large enough for me and the creature, who was now reaching for me in a terrifying, contorting manner. It wasn’t going to stop until it grabbed hold of me.

Being the strong and fearsome man that I am, I screamed at a pitch that could rival the most talented of women in the opera, pulling my arms back and beginning to swing wildly. Blinded by fear and the sobs that wracked me to my very core, pushing the being over and swinging at it wildly. I wailed down on the figure over and over and over, and I wouldn’t have stopped if it weren’t for the gym teacher grabbing my around my torso and ripping me away.

The teacher just may have pulled too hard, or maybe he intended to do this, but he lost his grip on me, and propelled me directly into the brick wall that I hadn’t even noticed I got that close to in my moment of panic. I don’t really remember much after that point, seeing as my head bashed into the wall, sending me into darkness.

I’m not sure how much time passed after that but when I woke up I was in the school’s dingy hospital. My arms attempted to rub at the crust in the corner of my eyes but I only met with resistance. Confused and most likely concussed, I raised my head and look down at myself, taking note of my bloody and bruised knuckles and the spray of blood on my clothes, noting that the nurse had wiped down my skin. I had also noticed that I had been handcuffed.

My head fell back against the stiff pillow, recoiling at the sharp pain that felt like the strike of the sharpest knife directly into the center of my skull. Yep, I had definitely gotten concussed. I laid there for awhile, wondering what had happened leading up to the point that laid me to rest on the most uncomfortable bed in the existence of... beds... ever... Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, the story! Anyways.

Flashes of red flooded my vision as I tried to recall what’d really happened, and what I should’ve been seeing. Past the monster that lurked in the back of my mind, all I saw was wide, petrified eyes staring back at me, bruises forming, and teeth being broken in as I screamed in his face and wailed down on him repeatedly. I remembered the feeling of hands grabbing me... And nothing...

For the life of that kid and me I prayed that would’ve been a false memory, something my morbid brain conjured up. Though it wasn’t five seconds after that thought

before the sound of angry men yelling got closer and closer to the door to the ward I was in, before the double doors were thrown open and in came the principal, seemingly calm, followed my grandfather, who was yelling at the school psychiatrist who trailed along beside him.

“He must be expelled! We have a student gravely injured and the possibility of more!”

“Ellery is just a child! He wasn’t aware of the damage he was doing!”

“He’s a damaged c hild, and I’ve told you before we are not suited to deal with a defected teenager!”

“Will you two shut up? We have matters to deal with, and you, Mr. Silva...” The principal's tone was cold and irritated, “ You should be glad that the Montgomery’s aren’t pressing any charges for the harm your grandson caused.”

The Montgomerys wouldn’t press charges anyways, mostly because the kid just got charges dropped against him for sexual assault against a freshman around a month ago. If he pressed charges against anyone they’d face backlash so severe it’d be unfathomable, also I’m pretty sure the families of his victims would finally sue the school.

“I really wish you’d stop talking about me like I wasn’t here.” My voice was raspier than I expected, but I guess I was still loud enough at that point for them to hear me.

After that I faced suspension while waiting for the PTA to decide with the school board on if I would be allowed back our not. I really tried not to pay attention to the days that passed. I spent them on the roof of my house doing homework with Ophelia that she brought me, despite me telling her I would rather die than do my homework. She didn’t

ever take that excuse, telling me just because I didn’t go to school didn’t mean I could fall behind. I could see her becoming a teacher one day. Ophelia was so intelligent and caring, making sure that I stayed ahead of my work. She honestly kept my head on straight, and I don’t know what I would do without her.

She tried talking to me a few times about what she had heard about my ‘case’ at the school, but I just... I couldn’t hear it. I knew that this would be the end of me going to public school, and I knew that they were going to transfer me to either online school or a private institution. Neither of which I wanted anything to do with... I spent my whole life striving for a normal life, even just a snippet of one, and for it all to be ripped away from me in this way was the worst thing that my disease had done to me to date. The idea was unfathomable to me; I didn’t want it to be real in any possible way. I’d much rather have the demon that lurked over my shoulder than face this as a reality.

Eventually I admitted that to Phe, crying to her in a way so shameful yet she didn’t mind. She accepted the way I gave my heart to her, loving me despite my tears. I wouldn’t ever understand how I’d come to have someone so amazing in my life. I still don’t know how I managed to get her in my life to this day.

To this day, where I sit with her watching the sunset against the city’s skyline. The tearfilled nights were over, we were done spilling our woes to each other, tonight was a new type of night. It’d been three months since that day in gym class, and nearly every night she spent with me, telling me that maybe this was for the better. Ophelia always pressed on though, asking me what would I really miss? It never failed to make me question myself.

Now, as I sat hand in hand with her, a comfortable silence washed over us... I knew that school wasn’t what made me happy. It was moments like these, people like her, nights on my grandfathers’ roof that really made me happy. I knew from the moment I looked at her with clear eyes for what seemed to be the first time in so very long, parting my lips to speak the words that brought a grand smile to hers... That I would be okay, no matter where I went, as long as I could come home to this.

“Maybe... Things won’t be too bad.”

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