#y'all are very sweet mwah mwah! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

strang3lov3 · 10 months

Text

For Science

Soft!Joel Miller x Fem Reader

Summary: Joel’s heart breaks at your misery when you’re on your period, so he does what he can to alleviate your pain.

Warnings: Fluff, smut, blowjobs, fingering, awkward Joel and Reader, period cramps, period sex, unprotected PIV. sweet sweet joel. Mutual pining

W/C: 4k

A/N: For all the menstruating Joel girlies, this one’s for you. And me too, because this shit fucking sucks. Admittedly this is very self indulgent. This isn't my favorite fic, but I hope you guys like it anyway. I feel like it's devoid of a lot of typical period fic tropes so I am unsure if y'all will enjoy. Have a great weekend!

btw, send me an ask or comment if you aren't tagged and would like to be! mwah kisses love you all <3

masterlist

as always, please leave me a comment or reblog if you liked the story! i am desperately in need of validation

Knock knock knock. “You okay in there? Haven’t seen you at all today, honey,” Joel asks as your door swings open slightly. His brows are knit together and his soft eyes are big and worrisome.

Joel hates seeing you like this. You’re huddled with your knees curled into your chest on your bed, trying to will away the pain. Your hands are clutching your stomach, you’re quietly moaning in agony.

“I think I’m getting sick,” you rasp out, your voice weak. It started with a dull ache in the pit of your stomach that didn’t seem to leave. Then came the nausea.

“Sick, hm? Can I come in?” Joel asks you. You nod yes, and the door opens wider. His footsteps are soft towards the bed as he sits next to you. “Let me check you for a fever?”

You nod again, not having much energy to use your voice. Joel places a palm first on your forehead, then your cheek. Not satisfied with the results, he repeats the action with the back of his hand. It’s such an unexpectedly sweet and caring gesture, your eyes prick with tears.

“Not terribly warm,” he mumbles. And then it catches his eye: that rusty bloodstain on your bed, heavy and concentrated to a few square inches. He leans over to check your backside, where he finds the stain mirrored on your pants. “Think you started your period, honey.” he whispers.

The cramps and nausea feel all too familiar now.

You hadn’t had a period since the beginning of your trek across the country with Joel and Ellie. Not that it was a super regular occurrence before that, but you often gave your food to the younger girl. Being so malnourished, your period disappeared. It was a welcome exit, your period was always exceptionally painful and miserable for you.

“Oh,” you move your hand to your ass and press your fingers into where you think the bloodstain should be. And yup, there it is. “Shit.” you grumble, looking at the matching bloodstain on your blanket. The last thing you wanted to do today was laundry.

Your cheeks heat up slightly. Hiking halfway across the country with someone, modesty is usually thrown out the window. You and Joel have seen each other in all sorts of intimate states, too intimate for the type of relationship you share. But still, you can’t help but be slightly embarrassed.

He must see your blush. “Hey, it’s alright,” Joel assures you softly. “I was gonna go over to Tommy and Maria’s anyway to do some laundry. Why don’t you let me wash your blanket and those clothes, hmm?”

“You really don’t have to, Joel,”

He ignores your gentle protesting. “Nonsense. I’m gonna give ya some privacy for a second, leave what you want washed outside your door. I’ll be back in a few hours,”

You smile gently, scolding him in your mind. He doesn’t need to be doing all of this for you. He smiles back, warm and shy, before exiting your room and shutting the door behind him.

You strip, changing into some sweats and fresh panties. In the bathroom are some reusable pads made from old towels that Maria gifted you when you first arrived in Jackson with Joel and Ellie. She gave the last menstrual cup to Ellie, who’s at school today. You put on a pad, toss your soiled clothing outside the door, and curl up with a book on your bed.

Joel lets himself inside Tommy and Maria’s home. Yes, there’s a community laundromat. But those often require socializing, which Joel is not much a fan of. Tommy and Maria generously offered you and Joel their to use washer and dryer instead.

He places the basket of laundry on top of the dryer and begins filling the washer with your clothes and blankets, none of his own, and sprinkles in some detergent.

Joel lied. He did his laundry yesterday. But he knew how ill you were feeling, and Joel, ever the gentleman, decided to take it upon himself to take care of this for you. The grumpy asshole did have a heart after all.

“Back so soon?” A voice interrupts. Joel turns to look, it’s Maria standing in the kitchen with her baby on her hip. “Didn’t you do laundry yesterday?”

“I did, yeah,” Joel responds.

Maria notices your soiled panties sitting on top of the blanket she recognizes as yours in the washer. “She got her period, I’m guessing?”

Joel nods. “Yeah, figured I’d take care of the laundry for her,” “Well aren’t you kind,” Maria says, impressed. Not many guys would take care of washing a woman’s period-bloodied clothing. “I thought she might be starting soon. Noticed yesterday at the dining hall she was complaining of cramps and such. She also seemed a little moodier than usual.”

Joel shuts the lid and turns on the washer. “I thought so too,” he agrees. “She was a little irritable.”

Maria puts on a pot of coffee and offers Joel a cup, to which he accepts. For a while they talk about Tommy, then their new baby. When the washer finishes, Joel moves the clothes and blanket to the dryer.

“I can drop those off for you if you’d like,” Maria offers. “You may wanna get back and make sure your girl’s doing okay.”

“That’d be great, I was actually thinkin’ the same thing,” Joel thanks Maria. “You don’t have any pain meds, do you? Poor thing looks terrible. She’s all curled up into herself, barely speakin’ to me.”

“No, I don’t, unfortunately,”

Joel sighs. “How do you deal with it, then? Cramps and all that,”

“Well, a warm bath always helps. So does a heating pad if she has that,” Maria says.

Joel nods his head. “Is there anything else? Tea? Somethin’, anything. I mean, this girl is absolutely miserable,”

“Well,” Maria starts, unsure if she’s ready to reach this level of personal with her brother-in-law. “Orgasms.”

Joel sputters into his mug as he chokes on the coffee in his mouth. “Pardon?”

“Yeah, orgasms. Have sex with her. It’s what I recommend to all the women here. It does help the cramps subside, at least for a bit,” Maria says. Joel’s face drops, his eyes go wide. “What, are you afraid of blood or something? You’re washing her bloody clothes…”

“No, no. It’s uh, it’s not that. We aren’t…we’ve not…”

Maria stops Joel, understanding. “My apologies. I thought you guys were together like that. Well, God gave women fingers for a reason,” she says, very matter of factly.

Joel blushes, images of you and your wandering fingers flooding his imagination. “Got it,” is all he says. No fucking way in hell he’s going to tell you to masturbate to alleviate your cramps. That can most definitely be a conversation between you and Maria another time, when Joel is far away from you both.

He awkwardly says goodbye then, making his way back to your shared home. Maria sends him home with some potato soup, instructing him to heat it up for you. It’s good comfort food, she says.

In your bedroom, you look to be in about the same position as you were before. Whimpering in pain, rocking your body back and forth in the fetal position. Anything to shake the hurt away.

“Hey darlin’, Maria gave me some potato soup to heat up for you. Can I make you some?” Joel’s back in your doorway, his tall frame leaning across the rickety old wood.

“No, thank you,” you whisper. “Not really hungry.” “Figures. That’s alright. Anything else I can do?”

No, you tell him. Not unless he’s willing to be your human body pillow. This entire time you’ve been bleeding, you’ve been aching for comforting touches. Strong arms wrapped around your torso, warm hands pressing on your lower tummy. The other hand holding your own, thumb tracing back and forth on your skin. Soft kisses on your forehead, your hair. You just want to be loved, gently. The way you so deserve.

Joel turns to leave then, just about shutting the door behind him.

Maybe…

“Joel?” you call out.

“What’s up, honey?”

“I was just wondering if you’d maybe hold my hand. Just for a second,”

Joel smiles sadly through the crack of the door. “Of course,” he says tenderly, like it shouldn’t have even been a question on your mind. Of course he’ll hold your hand. He meets you at the bed, sitting awkwardly next to you. He offers you his hand, which you take in both of yours. It’s dry and calloused, but so warm and comforting. “Squeeze me as hard as you need, alright? I can handle it.” Joel adjusts slightly so he’s laying next to you, his other hand stroking your hair. He smiles to himself, small and genuine.

A wave of ache overtakes your body, beginning in your abdomen and spreading up your chest and down your thighs. Your breasts are heavy and swollen and aching angrily. You groan in agony. “Fuck,” you whimper.

“What hurts? Where?”

“Everywhere,” you cry. Your hands leave his, and they find their way to his torso. You grasp his sides in your fists and squeeze, but he doesn’t complain. It doesn’t hurt, and even if it did, you’re hurting worse. In truth, he’s savoring the warmth your bodies create together. He loves being able to comfort you like this.

Joel wraps his arms around your back, dragging his fingertips up and down your spine. “You’re breakin’ my heart, honey,” he whispers. “Let me help you. What can I do?” he asks, hot breath tickling your ear.

“I don’t think you want to,” you murmur.

“Try me,”

You sigh, sitting up on his chest slightly. “Can you…massage me? My chest?”

Joel’s breath hitches and he shuffles awkwardly. “I suppose,” he starts.

“I’m sorry. I just need your strong hands, I tried doing it myself but–”

“No, yeah. Of course,” Joel interrupts. He’s at a loss for words, more filthy images of you flooding his mind. Just like before, at Maria’s. “It’s what friends are for, right?” He cringes inwardly at the word he uses. Friends.

“You’re too good to me,” you mumble.

“Nonsense, honey,” he hushes you. “Sit up, turn around. I’ve got you.”

You trust Joel completely. He can be rough around the edges, but you know how soft and nurturing he is on the inside. Joel is meant for this, taking care of the people he loves.

He spreads his legs and you lean back into the soft warmth of his torso, holding onto his denim clad thighs. He’s awkward to start, still unsure of how to do this, exactly. You take his hands and drag them up, up your tummy, stopping for a second to savor the heat from his palms radiating through to your abdomen, then continue pushing them up your body. You stop just before your breasts, his thumbs lightly tracing the soft flesh of your tits.

“You ready?” he asks, his voice steady and calm but slightly nervous. He wonders if you can hear the way his voice is wavering slightly.

“Mhm,” you mumble.

And then he gets to work. Gently, timidly, he runs his hands over the soft flesh of your breasts, then your nipples. You groan at the contact on your sensitive buds. He squeezes gently, then increases pressure experimentally. He can feel how swollen you are as he explores every inch of your chest.

“Doin’ alright?” he asks, fingers and thumbs digging deep into your breasts. He massages you intently and with such tenderness, his gentle caretaking instincts taking over.

It hurts so fucking good. The ache is amplified yet dissipates with each motion of his palms. “Yeah, harder. Don’t stop,” you plead desperately.

Joel swallows thickly and increases pressure again. “Like this?”

“Just like that, Joel. So good,”

God, how sinful you sound. Whimpering and moaning for him, begging for more. Shit, not now. Not fucking now, he thinks as his cock begins to harden under you. “Fucking moron,” he whispers.

“What?”

Joel freezes. “Shit. I uh, wasn’t callin’ you a moron. Sorry,” he apologizes gruffly. “It’s me. I’m the moron.”

“Why are you a moron?”

“I’m gettin’ a bit hard. I’m sorry,” he mumbles. He feels heat rise up his neck and to his cheeks. “I didn’t mean to.”

“My tits are in your hands, Joel, I get it. I don’t mind,” you assure him. You feel his cock half hard, pressing into your lower back and you shift a little. You both notice how he grows harder at your adjustment.

Joel chuckles awkwardly, trying to break the tension. “I’m only a man, hon. Can’t help it,”

“You’re okay, Joel. I promise,” You chuckle with him, sighing and resting your head back on his chest again as he starts massaging you once more. The stubble on his jaw tickles your face, his chest rises and falls with every second. You share a moment in the silence, made slightly awkward by Joel’s arousal. You wince as another strong cramp overtakes your body, and you curl up into Joel.

“Cramps?”

“Cramps,” you mumble. “I don’t think you can massage those away, though.”

“No, probably not,” he mumbles. “Not with my hands, at least.”

“With what, then?”

Did he really just say that? You really are a fucking moron, Miller.

“At Maria’s today, she told me a way to alleviate cramps,” he starts, speaking slowly, like he’s whispering a secret that’s not his to tell.

“How?”

“Orgasms,” he whispers stiffly. He presses his lips together in a thin line and looks up towards the ceiling.

“Oh,”

“I could give you some privacy if you wanted to try that out,” he mumbles.

“Why would you do that?” you turn to look at Joel, who is bashful and looking down. He looks at you with an eyebrow raised, and you continue, “Didn’t you just say you could make the cramps go away, just not with your hands?”

“W-well, yeah, but,” he stutters.

“I have been so fucking horny. And you’re hard too, so,”

Joel’s eyebrow is still raised, he’s eyeing you suspiciously. “Are you askin’ what I think you’re askin’?”

“You already washed my bloody panties. I’m guessing blood isn’t an issue for you,”

“No, no. ‘Course not. You want me to fuck you?”

“Yeah, you know. For science. For the sake of experimentation,”

Joel smirks mischievously. “Nothin’ wrong with a little experimentin’,” he agrees. You smile at the twang of his Texas accent.

You share another awkward moment, both unsure of how to continue this scientific endeavor. Joel makes the first move this time. “Come here,” he breathes, lifting you into his lap. “Kiss me.”

You wrap your arms around his shoulders, intertwining your fingers in the grey-brown curls at the base of his neck. His hands are on your waist, holding you steady with your thighs straddling his. He leans forward to capture your lips in a kiss, his lips are slightly chapped but so deliciously soft and warm against yours. He tastes like himself and nothing more, but his taste is addictive nonetheless.

You grind your pelvis into his bulge, whimpering at the contact on your sensitive heat. You’re craving more than his kisses, needing to feel all of him. His weight on your body, his skin on yours. His member deep inside you, massaging that spot that makes your head spin. “More,” you whine.

He hums in amusement against your lips, thrusting his hips into yours. Cheeky motherfucker.

You swat his arm lightly. “Don’t tease, Joel. I need you,”

“I know ya do. Let’s get you warmed up then, hm?” you nod hurriedly, leaning back. Joel pulls you back in for a kiss, his hand snaking under both your sweatpants and panties. “This alright?”

“Yes, fuck,” you whine, bucking your hips into his hand. His fingers dip further, gathering your wetness and circling back up to your clit. He traces slow, steady circles into your bud, taking his time with you. He pushes his middle two fingers deep inside you, fingers curling up and hitting that sweet spot. You gasp and whimper into his mouth.

Joel loves taking his time with you. Playing with your body like a musical instrument, eliciting moans and whimpers from deep inside. Watching you dance for him, falling to pieces under his touch.

“So pretty like this,” he praises you.

You kiss him again and hop off his lap, he pulls his hand away from your core, quickly hiding it from your sight. He doesn’t need you feeling any shame or embarrassment of your body doing what it was meant to do. “Get a towel?” you ask him.

“‘Course, honey,” Joel sits up and grabs a towel from the linen closet, then walks back to your room. He shuts and locks the door behind him before laying the towel down on the bed. You stand up to meet him, unbuttoning his jeans and pulling off his shirt. He does the same to you, helping you out of your sweats and shirt. You quickly sit down on the towel and he stands before you, cock rock hard, admiring all of the curves of your figure. “Jesus, you’re beautiful.”

You blush and reach forward to pull him to you. “So are you,” you tell him earnestly. He steps toward you and pushes you back, getting ready to enter you. You put a hand on his chest to stop him.

“Is everything okay?” his dark brown eyes are big and full of worry.

“Of course,” you say. “I’m not ready yet. I wanted to taste you,” you admit.

Joel smirks. “You’re the one bleedin’ and cryin’ in pain, and you wanna taste me?”

You smile back. “For science, right?”

“Sure, sweetheart. For science,” Joel sits next to the towel, you lean over his lap and get ready to take him into your mouth. “Ah ah ah,” he tuts, “Like this.” Sitting next to him on the towel, he instructs you to face him and spread your legs. This way, he says, he can take care of you too.

You lean over, making sure your heat is still accessible to him. Joel leans back onto the pillows and lets you get to work, his fingers tracing up your thigh before meeting your center once more. Your lips part around his member, tracing the soft and warm skin with your tongue. You moan when his fingers enter you again, voice sending vibrations through his cock. “Fuck, honey,” he groans.

You play with each other like that for a while, Joel working you open with his fingers and you taking him further and further down your throat. His cock twitches, engulfed in the wet heat of your mouth.

“Stop, stop,” he begs. “Not gonna last.”

You pull off of him with a pop, and his hands leave your body. You whine at the loss.

“I know,” he soothes. “C’mere.” Once again, you’re in his lap, hovering over his cock. It’s held loosely between his fingers, tip prodding at your entrance. “Ready?” he asks you, his sparkly brown eyes are looking up at you, his eyebrows raised in anticipation.

“I need you,” you whisper desperately. And with that, Joel notches the tip at your entrance, carefully studying your features to make sure it’s not too much, not too fast, not painful. You steady yourself on his shoulders, fingernails indenting his skin. He pulls your hips down slowly, letting you savor every inch of him. He bottoms out with a deep sigh, and you lean forward to rest your forehead on his.

“Wait,” he interrupts. You frown with concern, and he bucks his hips up. You let out a yelp, partially in pleasure, partially in surprise. Joel pulls the towel under you both. “There.”

You giggle. “Good idea,” you whisper. You stare down at him, a slight smile on his lips. You start to roll your hips, letting your clit brush the thick tuft of dark hair at the base of his cock. You whimper at the feeling.

“Feel good, baby?” Joel asks expectedly.

“So good, Joel” you assure him. “You feel so good,”

Joel pulls your body down to his, letting you rest on your knees. He thrusts into you rhythmically, letting you relax against him. “Fuck, you feel nice, honey. Knew you would,”

You moan and cry, kissing and whimpering into his neck. Using your sounds and the way your body reacts to his touch, he fucks you hard, intently, but gently at the same time. It’s delicious.

You rock your hips, bouncing on his cock to match each of his thrusts. He hits that sweet spot in you repeatedly, he can feel your walls squeezing him, hear your moans becoming quicker, more frantic. “God, you’re sensitive,” he says. “Aren’t you, sweetheart?”

“Fuck, yes,” you whimper. “M’close, need t-to come,”

“You can let go,” he speaks softly, voice low and gravelly. “Come for me, baby,”

You lean back, lifting your hips slightly to give his fingers access to your clit. He takes the hint and begins circling your sensitive bud once more. It doesn’t take long before you’re falling apart on his cock, your cries and moans muffled as you bite into his shoulder.

“That’s it,” he coos, fucking you through it.

You try to take a second to catch your breath, steady yourself, only Joel has something different in mind. He doesn’t stop fucking your pussy, overworked and overstimulated. Within minutes, you’re coming again, your pussy making a beautiful crimson mess on his pelvis and fingertips. Still fucking you, he watches you come like you’re a work of art in a museum. Taking in every detail, every twitch of your face, the way your mouth drops in pleasure, how your tits bounce with each thrust.

“Too much, Joel,” you cry. “S’too much, please.”

“You give me one more, baby. C’mon now, want you to come with me,”

“I can’t,” you pant. “I can-”

“Yes, you can,” he encourages firmly. His voice is sweet but stern, and it is clear your pleasure is not to be negotiated. You will come again. “One more, one more. S’all you gotta do.”

“Fuck, Joel,”

“I know, you’re doin’ so good f’me,”

It’s almost painful, but you focus on the pleasure building once again deep inside you. You rock your hips, grinding your clit on the pads of Joel’s calloused fingertips. Right there, right there…

“You’re makin’ such a pretty mess of this cock, darlin’. Wanna fill you up, baby,”

His sweet talking sends you reeling, you love the way he praises you. “M’close again,”

“Right there with ya, baby,” he soothes. His thrusts are frenzied, cock throbbing inside you. “Now, baby,” he commands. “Fuck, need you to come now.”

Moans and cries spill out of your mouth like liquid sugar, thick and sweet and slow. You come on Joel’s cock for a third time, your body melting into his own. He comes with you, his own grunts and moans mixing with yours to create the most beautiful sounds to fill the room. His voice is deep and desperate, sounding like pure sex as he paints your insides with rope after rope of his seed.

You slink on top of him, focusing on catching your breath. His skin is sticky and sweaty as he holds you in a tight embrace, his heaving chest lifting you up and down. He pulls out of you, a mess of your fluids dripping onto the towel. You curl up next to him, your head on his chest.

“Cramps?” he asks.

You shake your head. “All better,” you pause, then speak. “But hold me some more? Please?”

“‘Course, honey. For science, right?”

You smirk. “For science,”

You lay like that for what feels like hours, Joel stroking your back tenderly. One of his strong arms wrapped around your body, his warm hand pressing into your back. His other hand is holding your own, fingers squeezing you comfortingly, thumb tracing back and forth. He presses soft kisses to your forehead, your lips. He’s loving you gently, sweetly, the way you so deserve.

tags: @swiftispunk @rosaliedepp @pedrotonin @kittenlittle24 @walkingintheheartbreaksatellite @brittmb115 @bigboiseason123 @laysmt @guiltgoreglory @aubreysylvain @leeeesahhh @oliveg95 @ifall4dilfs @alloftheboysivelovedbefore @harriedandharassed @vickie5546 @louisxosblog @southernbe @ravenouswild @luvrking @r02eg0ld @amythenortherner @walkintheprk @zpandaqueen @silkiers @angel-with-a-heart @kdogreads @boofy1998 @theoremrobin @ihatespoilers @2valentines @happy--birthday--kiddo @elissaaa @paleidiot @brie-annwyl @str84pedro @sesigsss @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @palomaluvsdilfs @kyloispunk @tiredbuthappy @yuk-for-president @jazzy-music-cat @anoverhwhelmingdin @dontatmethebeasts @venus122idkpleaze @nopealoupe @blackvelveteen1339 @monboudoir @darleneslane @bbyanarchist @spideysimpossiblegirl

#strang3lov3 #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller smut #the last of us #joel miller #the last of us hbo #tlou #tlou hbo #pedro pascal #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x reader #joel miller fluff #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller one shot #soft!joel miller #soft!joel miller x reader

3K notes · View notes

mybelovedrin · 6 months

Text

✷ ITOSHI RIN x reader. fluff, reader is a menace and rin just can't get enough of it. warnings: pointless drabbles = my fav note: i miiiisss writing on here ! sorry if there's typos. love y'all mwah

"ugh, this lipstick is too bold. i think a simple lipliner and some red gloss will be better."

"that's literally what i suggested earlier, but okay."

you let out a quiet and playful huff at the sound of his voice from the open bathroom, while looking through your makeup for that specific shade of brown lip liner between all the multiple nude, red, and other coloured ones. your look was entirely complete, except for your lips. it was frustrating. "okay, i admit i was being a smartass at first—"

"you're always being a smartass, though."

"and since when did my husband become so sassy?" you retort quickly as you scoff, giving him a look.

"...just saying." he shrugs while his eyes casually wander down your face and figure from the door frame of the bathroom. after all these years, he still thinks he's being sneaky while looking at you as if you're his air. you hold back a smile at the obviousness of it all, continuing to search for that stupid lip liner.

then you smell the familiar cologne and feel his warmth against your back as he exits the bathroom and stands behind you, his deadpan expression from the reflection in the mirror making you feel butterflies because you're the only one who knew what he was thinking. in fact, you even knew that he'd think carefully before finally speaking quietly in your ear, his voice being sweet like honey.

"you look stunning."

"thank you, rin." you flash him a cheeky smile after you find your lipliner, and he hands you a make up wipe from one of the compartments as if it was a piece of cake to remember where all your specific make up and skincare products were.

so as you wipe off the lipstick you currently regret wearing, his warm hands find their home on your hips, squeezing gently as he rests his chin on your shoulder and observes in the mirror how you wipe your lips and begin outlining them with a brown pencil. those sharp and calculating teal eyes of his looked at your lips with great interest. from your cupid's bow to the feeling of your lips against his that he could never forget— he adored it all.

however, as you accidentally get a little too much of your berry colored lip gloss on and make a noise of frustration, he instantly handed you another make up wipe. what a sweet husband.

but when you refuse it, the confusion on his calm face is enough to make you chuckle in amusement.

"keep the make up wipe for yourself." you speak quietly, staring at him as you turn around to face him and wrap your arms loosely around his neck, your heels making it way easier for you to be face to face with him.

he gives you a very lost look.

"why would i need a—"

he knows why, even before he finishes that sentence of his. it's not like he wanted to complete it anyway. he'd die a million times to have you interrupt his sentences with your lips on him.

your targets are familiar. first his lips, then his left cheek, right cheek— chin and forehead. his pale skin was now covered in shiny red lip prints.

oh, and did he mention that he'd die a million times (once again) to see the smile on your face that you offer him after those kisses?

"it's fine now. got rid of the excess. that make up wipe is yours to use, honey." you say with a soft snicker, patting his chest lightly as you grab your purse and go downstairs, leaving him in your shared bedroom with your lip gloss all over his face and a pounding heart inside his ribcage.

rin sighs, fighting the urge to smile as he pinches the bridge of his nose, a soft groan escaping his lips as he stands there for a moment, his knees weak and heart racing from what just happened.

he stares at the make up wipe in his hand for a moment, cursing under his breath as he wipes the gloss off his skin.

you win for now. he'll get you back some other day.

867 notes · View notes

giddy-goblin · 3 months

Text

Baldur's Gate 3 Fic Recs: Sharing my favs with y'all.

Requiem by marttyyriroskis: Kar'niss/Male Tav. SUCH a sweet and tender fic, and the way they write Kar'niss is just *chefs kiss* mwah. Excellent story and relationship progression between Tav and our darling drider ❤️

The Cure by BlackwaterVial: Raphael/Astarion. Guys they're so toxic I love them. Slow burn idiots take almost the entire fic to realize they're into each other. Insanely well-written.

The Fourth Ring by Vamillepudding: Gale/Astarion. By far my all-time favorite Bloodweave fic. I can't put it into words how much I adore this story. And the last line made me sob like a bitch so OK.

The Land of Gods and Monsters by hellstrider: Halsin/Astarion, Gale/Raphael. This fic is NOT complete as of posting this, but it is very well along. And also incredible. This fic is fucking incredible. It expands on the characters in ways I'd never imagine and it's oh SO tasty. Absolutely divine story.

Friday Nights by SadinaSaphrite: Gale/Astarion. Modern AU but it's delicious, positively scrumptious. Just a real comfy bloodweave fic with some angst and action and also Mystra is a punk-ass bitch (but we knew that already).

A Tale About Spiders And Precious Things by coffee_and_tattoos: Kar'niss/Male Tav. Another wonderful fic featuring our favorite drider. Well-paced and with a fun, feisty tav to boot. And also Kar'niss is a babe, i love him.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bloodweave #halstarion #astarion #gale dekarios #kar'niss #raphael #halsin #tav #fic rec

108 notes · View notes

kyoriis · 2 years

Text

BUT I LOVE YOUUUU ! ☆

featuring !! — iluna x gn reader.

synopsis !! — when you don't say ily back *gasps*.

format !! — headcanons.

warnings !! — a lil cursing. the use of word " bro ".

kyori's note !! — fist post ayyyy. pog. stan iluna besties <3

REN ZOTTO ! ☆

he just finished streaming, and he was tired asf.

"i love you baby" (◕ᴥ◕)

"mhmm" (￣(ｴ)￣)

he gasps. i just know he's a dramatic mf in private <3.

"baby?"

"..."

"aight no kisses for you" he smirks.

now that's scary but you maintained ur composure cause ur pog.

"babyyyyyyy i love you" insert more whining.

if that doesn't work well, our alien prince will use plan b. tickling.

won't stop until you say ily back LMAO.

laughs proudly when you say it cause he's a cheeky mf. ( pls i love his voice sm bro- )

SCARLE YONAGUNI ! ☆

mommy-

so y'all were cuddling.

"i looooove you" she kisses ur forehead, expecting a response but you just nod.

she literally goes (´⊙ω⊙`)！

"love, is something wrong?" she asks a lil confused.

"y/n?" oh shoot not the name-

idk why but i feel like she'll lowkey try to remember if something upset you because she's such a sweetheart.

she won't talk unless you say something so u finally tell her it was a prank.

will yeet you lovingly off her lap ( ◜‿◝ )♡

scarle yonaguni supremacy indeed.

KYO KANEKO ! ☆

baby boy just yeets himself onto you to tell you how much he loves you.

"god i love you so much mwah" ( ˘ ³˘)♥

"wanna play smash bros?"

are you fr? y/n are you seriously ignoring ur adorable lover? honey no.

"umm uhh sure?" he replies, his voice slightly breaking.

HOW DARE YOU HURT HIM YOU-

literally for the entire three matches you both played he looked more and more sad :(

the guilt that filled you when you looked at his lil pout was enough for you to explain that it was a prank and apologize.

"so umm so like can you say it now?" he chuckles, hugging you.

"i love you too kyo."

don't do that again, or else ಥ_ಥ

MARIA MARIONETTE ! ☆

my precious lil being.

how could you do this to her y/n?

"i love you" she says shyly, hiding her face in her hands.

"mhmm"

she's confused. (・o・)

was this supposed to happen?

that's not what she learnt from google tho-

like my girl literally goes out of the room to ✨research✨ ur reaction.

a true #girlboss indeed.

like your had to chase her down and explain it to her lmfaooo.

"oh" pls i love her sm aaaaa.

please tell her ily again bro.

ASTER ARCADIA ! ☆

pretty boy was always pretty nervous when it came to expressing love.

"i love you y/n" he whispers (◍•ᴗ•◍)

"....."

i feel like he's very sensitive when it comes to this type of stuff.

he gets very worried. immediately apologizes before dashing out of the room.

ur lover is crying cause of ur stupid ass prank y/n. ಠ︵ಠ

"ASTER BABY NOO IT WAS A PRANK" you try to comfort him.

poor baby :(((

stop crying after a lil while.

"i love you too ! i love you so much" you kiss his forehead <3

cuddles to make him happy. NOW.

AIA AMARE ! ☆

she knew what was going on.

queen shit amirite?

"i love you, you lovable idiot." she smiles.

but that sweet smile turns into an amused smirk as soon as she hears no response. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

"babe please, you're too easy to read"

if you still don't budge or pretend to be confused. ( which is epic btw i would just surrender lol )

"no more cuddles" and you know she's deadass about it too.

instant panik.

a prank <<< cuddles from aia amare 😍

so you end up admitting it because who tf would wanna be banned from cuddling with such a beautiful woman?

aia : 1, y/n : 0.

#✍🏼 — dua's works !!#iluna #iluna x reader #aia amare #aster arcadia #kyo kaneko #maria marionette #ren zotto #scarle yonaguni #ren zotto x reader #scarle yonaguni x reader #aia amare x reader #aster arcadia x reader #kyo kaneko x reader #maria marionette x reader #vtuber x reader #nijisanji x reader #luxiem #noctyx

1K notes · View notes

starryriize · 3 months

Note

assign your moots with their bias & a trope!! tell us why too 👀

| oh this made me giggle i love being cupid fr!! i’m not sure if these are tropes, but i hope you enjoy them <33 mwah mwah i love you (i also only did these for the mutuals that i talk to the most so to my other mutuals, i don't know you well enough to have a good judge of character)

@chiiyuuvv | anton & stolen glances !!

first up, YUVIE! ik you're super friendly BUT you're also quiet and reserved. so, i think having stolen glances with anton makes a lot of sense! you're both cute introverts 😭🥹 i could see anton being nervous to approach you, but you're also stealing glances at him and then both of you blushing when you look at each other at the same time

@kehnarii | fuma & love at first sight !!

heheehe my bae <33 i think you'd be so cute with fuma especially love at first sight!! idk i could see fuma literally speechless bc of your kind personality and the fact that you could pass as a model is an added bonus for him 🥹🤭 it's so cute bc you fall for him at first sight too :( arghhh you guys would be an adorable couple fr

@hyvelxve | seeun & christmas love !!

Ahh hyve!! my child :(( i could seeun seeing you in the falling snow and being all wide-eyed and like "woah...." 😭 idk what gave me this idea but falling in love at Christmas seems to fit you so well?? (i could be wrong tho 🥹) BUT idk seeun gives off cliche-holiday romance vibes like buying the same ornaments and he finds it cute that you like silly ornaments like him

@rizzkisworld | maki & return to hometown !!

i feel like you and maki were the childhood besties who separated to chase your own dreams. 😭 and you travel back home to see that maki has also come back to his roots !! very hometown love coded with all the grandmas asking you both, "when are you gonna confess" lmao 😭 it's very spur-of-the-moment confession in a little record store or smth (PLS THIS IS SO CUTE 🥹 y'all are the duo of the century in that town)

@yuniniverse | zhang hao & love letters !!

yuni! my first impression of you was that you're so fun to be around oh em gee😭 maybe it's bc of valentines but i just know that hao is a romantic (fight me on this i swear) it's like putting notes in your books when you're not looking 🤭 and you open it and you're kicking your feet giggling bc he sounds cheesy. you eventually write back notes and stick them in his books for him to find. 😭 ARGH this is tew tew cute

@cherrycolaberry | jaehyun & long train rides !!

maybe it was my first impression, but you have such a sweet and introverted personality 😌 (which i think jaehyun needs bc that man is energetic as hell)!! anyways, i could see him falling for you as you both are seated next to each other on the train! you realize that you have stuff in common and you would exchange numbers🤭 and that's how your relationship starts (stop i should write smth about this fr)

@cupidseok | eunseok & roommates to lovers !!

argh the loml! i feel like you fit the roommates-to-lovers trope so well 🤭 bear with me bc i can see you and eunseok being roommates under the circumstances that you both need places to stay bc apartments are expensive.😭 he thinks you're cute when you wake up needing coffee :( and then he brings home flowers home one day with a gift and tells you that he's liked you since you became his roommate 😭🥹

@lunicho | taesan & friends to lovers !!

bunny! the taesan to my leehan🧚🏼‍♀️!! anyways, i feel like you and taesan would instantly click 🤭 you're a really fun and relatable person so i could see taesan being your friend, best friend, to lover!! idk if it's me but i could see you guys meeting as strangers because you both took a walk at the same time 😭 instant BFFs me thinks, but then you guys go on dates and say things that friends don't say...which leads to you guys dating and being the cutest couple fr🥹

@leejeongz | jeonghyeon & falling first but he falls harder !!

eeeek maybe it's your vibes but i feel like jeonghyeon would fall for your cool, nonchalant vibes!! i could be wrong but i also think you guys have similar personalities...you fall first (bc who wouldn't 😭) and he slowly begins thinking about you more and more...leading to him falling for you harder 🥹🤭 he goes home kicking his feet and giggling in bed lmao

#laur’s thoughts 🧚🏼‍♀️#ARGH this was tew cute to do

52 notes · View notes

inmyheadimobsessed · 1 year

Text

More Than I Should {pt. 2}

pairing: riri ✘ black!fem!reader

chapter summary: headaches, everyone gets them! your most recent one stems from poor decision making. but the one that reoccurs has a name: riri williams. she's in your head, and alone time with her only causes more pain, and more problems.

word count: 12.9k (juh vibe twin)

chapter contents: angst(barely tbh), cussing, arguing, more of riri being an asshole, reader says something vaguely homophobic, VERY brief mention of menstruation

tags: @verachii @rxcently @widowmakker @fetchyourlife @blackgcomica @n7cje @shurisbbymama @bestfriend491 @mocha-aya @uhwhatsay @shinsousliya @bratydoll @shuriri4life @letitias-fav @axailslink @chidinma @xoxo-dede @percsane @generallysapphic @mbakuetshurisprincess @quintessencewrites @adeola-the-explorer @dejaonline @bubshri @zayswriting @la-reine-insane @shurisjournal @shurismainbxtch @playhousedistee @cafehyunji @bigbigbigfan @andibecamethestars @saintwrld @mysticalmarss @sweetalittleselfish-honey @ogbells16 @marsolgy @randomhoex @chatitajens @cuddl3s4shur1 @abenomeiiii @6-noir @melanated-queen @yamsthoughts @lppriceisright @shuriislut @playgurlxoxo @kya-rose @shuriszn

divider by: @firefly-graphics

note: okay i'm keeping this note short and sweet. hope y'all like this literal dissertation lmao. also sorry if you asked to be tagged and i didn't, just learned i can't tag more than 50 people soo yeah, yikes! love you still though. enjoy! mwah mwah!! <33

↬ series masterlist

There was hardly any action that came without consequence. An irrefutable fact, you knew this. But knowing a fact, and acknowledging a fact, differed vastly from your ability to care about it. This was the manner in which you behaved last night, there was no care for repercussions, no worry about aftermaths; the promise of consequence fueled you as you ignored your burning throat and staggered steps.

You could not, however, ignore any of it now though. The pounding in your head made sure of that. Heavy eyelids stayed hammered shut, rejecting your pleas for them to open, and your body ached in sync with your throbbing brain.

The night was but a distant memory as you tried, and failed, to recall its events in full. Small flashes appeared behind your locked lids: Music. Dancing. Hakeem’s hands on you, his lips. He smelled good. Drinking, lots of drinking. You were alone and then you weren’t. Riri. Her hands. Her eyes.

Riri had driven you home, held you close, and made sure you were safe. You mulled that thought over, surely that couldn't be right. The rattling in your skull made it hard to discern if your mind was just conjuring things, filling in blank spaces with what you wanted the truth to be. And your phone’s neverending pinging on your cluttered nightstand only worsened your splitting headache.

You groaned, eyes finally peeling themselves open, and reached for the device. It was nine in the morning and you had work in an hour. Great. Tired eyes adjusted to the blinding brightness and fluttered down to the notifications rolling in.

Keem: I'm sorry

Keem: Baby please don't be mad

Keem: Text me back, I’m sorry

Keem: I should've come back I know

Keem: Can you answer the phone, please

Keem: Riri said you got drunk and she took you home

Keem: Are you okay?

Keem: Are you awake yet? Want me to bring you breakfast?

Keem: I know you're mad at me, can we just talk?

Keem: At least leave me on read so I can know you're okay?

That string of texts solidified it all. You were not making anything up. Vivid glimpses flooded back to you now, one apologetic message after the other. Hakeem had left you. You were at the party only because he’d asked, a party in which you knew no one, and he just left you behind. No call, no text, and with Riri of all people. With the girl who despised your presence, though some of her behavior last night could counter that claim. You granted Hakeem’s request, tapping the messages app on your phone and leaving him on read.

The notifications stopped coming after that. It made you smile a little, knowing he was anxiously waiting for you to acknowledge his messages. He was aware you were awake, he knew you'd read his texts, seen the missed calls, and he would have to sit with your decision to willfully ignore him.

You pushed your cozy pink duvet off your body, preparing to stand. Truthfully, there was no recollection of falling asleep inside your head. Everything after getting into Riri’s car was foggy. And there it was, that sensation you'd experienced only a handful of times, but each occurrence came with such intensity, you recognized it instantly. Dread. It was collecting inside you, pooling in your stomach and mixing with your growing nausea as you tried recounting your conversation with Riri. Surely there was one, you talked a lot when you were drunk.

If your past encounters with alcohol were to be used as evidence, there was no doubt that you'd made a fool of yourself.

So maybe this hangover was a blessing, certainly not the one that arrived in disguise, no. You felt every ounce of pain, every whir inside your brain, and your world shifted when your toes dug into the carpet. Nothing about this was concealed or covered, you were well aware of everything going wrong inside you, but it was a blessing all the same. Anything that provided aid in your forgetting a drunken conversation with Riri would be deemed a blessing.

Another groan, this one long, this one annoyed as you wiped your eyes and trekked to the bathroom. There was absolutely no way you'd be turning on the light, the sliver of sunlight peeking through your curtains would have to be enough. But even that was too much.

You spared a glance at yourself in the mirror and you rolled your eyes. One of Hakeem’s shirts draped loosely over your tired exterior, making you all the more irritated the longer you stared at your reflection. “Ahh fuck.”

Sleeping in makeup, another thing that has never once worked out for you. Your eyeliner was smudged off at the ends, no longer holding its sharp winged shape. There was one strip lash stuck to your cheek, and the other one stayed put, sitting pretty right along your lash line. Your hair, oh your hair. She was doing her own thing, and you thought it best to leave your frizzy curls alone. Everything about your appearance was disastrous, coordinated perfectly with your innards. A matching set, both scheming with plans to demolish you. And it was working, their scheme.

There was no desire to fight back, not even a pinch. Brushing your teeth was painful. Washing your face, exhausting. Warm water cascading down your body though, that would remedy you, all of you.

It was immediate, your mind's trailing to her, to Riri. You’d hardly stood under the drizzling showerhead for long before your thoughts decided to betray you. But the two of you resided on different pages as of late, which was a thing you weren’t used to, considering your brain was usually your best friend. The muddling of that relationship was all your doing though, with your recklessness, and your impulsiveness. One could also blame Riri for your being at odds with your head. She always clawed her way in, in spite of all your efforts to keep her out.

You tried not to think about her as you lathered your wash rag, closing your eyes in attempts to push her away, but her face stood fierce in your mind's eye. Riri’s face. Despite the permanent scowl she wore when around you, Riri was very beautiful. It was an objective observation, calling her anything but would be a lie.

As you washed your body, as you let the soapy streams from your rag trickle down you, you couldn't help your drifting thoughts, couldn't fight them. What did Riri’s face, her beautiful face, look like last night as she drove you home? She was probably annoyed, that was a given. What did you say to her on the drive? There were remnants of accusing questions on your tongue, the taste they abandoned in your mouth rancid as it blended with the minty freshness of toothpaste.

Being curious about what you’d said to her was reasonable, it was rational. Your mission was to make her like you, get Riri to be something resembling a friend to you, and if you’d said anything to offend her last night, wanting to know was a warranted response. Right? No matter the level of embarrassment. Especially given that she was gracious enough to take you home. She didn't have to, she didn't want to, but she did. You ran the warm cloth along your neck, your shoulders, across the small of your back.

She’d touched you there. That you remembered. It was dizzying: the press of her digits, the way they indented your flesh. Riri was kind in her embrace. You were still having a hard time accepting that Riri Williams would be kind to you. Why would she be kind to you? Perhaps it was pity that drove her. The girl abandoned by her boyfriend. Drunk. Sad. Lonely. Of course she pitied you, you gave her ample reason to. If only you retained more, if only the specks behind your eyes would arrange themselves accordingly.

You decided to end your shower, your headache was subsiding, but thinking about Riri, trying to understand Riri was pulling it back. The shower had to remain your sanctuary, a safe place that she was not allowed to infiltrate. You deserved that at least.

Once you were dressed in your work uniform: blue polo with the Freeda’s logo, tan khakis, and your beat-up black vans, you exited your room. Dealing with your hair, you decided, would be tomorrow's problem. Your body still housed exhaustion, but the Tylenol you swallowed alleviated some discomfort. Opting for a low-tension hairstyle was your best bet: a low, very loose puff that poked out the back of your matching Freeda’s cap.

When you emerged into the living room, the sight of your roommate lounging on the couch with a bowl of Lucky Charms cradled in her palms, startled you. She had not been home in days and you’d grown used to living alone. You also enjoyed having the food you paid for to yourself as well. “Talia, what I tell you bout eating my shit?”

Her eyes did not leave the Tv screen as she scooped another spoonful into her mouth. You eyed her, watching as droplets of milk tumbled from the utensil to the cushions, growing annoyed with her lack of effort to clean it, or eat at the table. “I thought you bought it for both of us.”

You rolled your eyes, heading to the kitchen to fill your water bottle before leaving. There was already too much bouncing around in your head, and you refused to add Talia being a slob to that list. The time on the clock read 10:15. You were already late. Fantastic. A quick text to your manager would at least buy you some time, an hour at best, but you couldn't complain.

“Oh, those came for you.” Your gaze followed Talia’s finger and landed on a bouquet of flowers sitting on the floor, leaning against the door. The image pulled a memory to the forefront of your mind, the memory of you in that same position. Your back pressed flush against the door, you trying to catch your breath.

Something about last night made your heart race, even now. Your mind omitted that part, maybe it was best you couldn't remember, even though a small part of you yearned to know. Riri was involved, undoubtedly. Her essence always found itself present whenever your heart sprinted.

Your groan made your roommate turn her head, clearly more interested in your relationship drama than the show on the screen. Did Hakeem really think flowers, you picked them up and examined them, with a corny note would fix things? He was unbelievable.

“He dropped them off when you were in the shower. I ain't let him in though. He was fidgeting and looking all forlorn, so I just guessed y’all was fighting or something.” She stood, taking her bowl to the empty sink, and instead of washing it, she just set it down. Another thing that irked you about Talia. But she was real, the closest thing you had to a friend on campus, which was sad. Maybe this was why you sought after Riri so much; you needed female friendships. Talia would do for now though, even if she was messy and she ate all of your food.

“We are. But it’s whatever,” You lied, reaching for your bag. “I’m finna head out, and please wash that damn bowl T. You see it wasn’t nothing in the sink.”

“Don’t do me, Ima wash it, damn.”

•••

Taking the bus did not tend to be an activity enjoyed by most, and that was understandable. The fumes, the strangers, the waiting; these were all deterrents. None that affected you, however. The smells: burnt diesel and other mystery aromas were not favorites of yours, and the waiting was certainly not ideal, especially when you were almost an hour late to work already. But, you enjoyed people watching, guessing the destination of unknown persons. The authenticity of taking public transit was a lore that enticed you for some reason.

And it had ever since you were a child. It was not a stretch to say you loved taking the T. It cleared your head, made you think less. The morning rides consisted only of you and Steve Lacy massaging your eardrums. Quite literally no thoughts, solely vibes. This was your constant, a constant that never varied. Until now, as you sat, head vibrating against the window of the rumbling bus.

Your trip to work was one you looked forward to, it was your peace. Dealing with entitled customers was a stressor, evidently, so you reveled in your tranquil journey. Your music calmed you and kept you sane until you had to face the inevitable.

But Hakeem’s likeness being present in your mind only served as a source of agitation, his audacity. Flowers? Flowers were supposed to make you forgive him? Had he bothered to get your favorites, then maybe you’d be willing to hear him out. Did he even know your favorite flowers were Tulips? Ignoring your bubbling annoyance was near impossible, your brain refused to erase the image of wilted weeds on your floor. Using The Lo-Fis as an instrument of escape was not working either.

The texts were back, and every buzz felt from your phone tucked between your thighs made your eye twitch.

Keem: You get my flowers?

Keem: You at work yet? Can I swing by after I pick up my car?

Keem: I miss you baby

Keem: I know I fucked up, but can you please talk to me?

You: I hate Daisies.

The vibrations ceased and you grinned, but your leg continued its aggravated bouncing. The elderly lady seated next to you shifted some, clearly uncomfortable with your movements. Could she feel how angry you were? Possibly, but she would just have to deal with it. Two more stops until you got off. So much for enjoying your bus ride to work.

Your eyes rolled at the mere thought of Hakeem's face again. His pretty face, his pretty stupid face. Were relationships supposed to feel this way? This could very well be standard. It wasn’t like you’d know, you had nothing else to compare this one to, no other notches in your belt. Couples fought, your parents did, but they still loved each other.

It was possible you were overreacting. Many of your friends from high school would be urging you to forgive Hakeem. Should you? A question you pondered as you stepped off the bus and into the busy street. Forgiving him so soon didn’t feel right, primarily when you considered the severity of the situation. He left you alone at a party with dozens of strangers. Any number of things could've happened to you in that house. It was a huge fuck up, he knew this, and it was not something you were prepared to move past. And certainly not without a conversation.

But there was no desire to speak to him, so a conversation was off the table. Blowing up your phone would not change that.

Steve Lacy still sang sweetly to you on your upward trek, the question still thunderous in your mind. Your walk was short and familiar enough as you approached your destination. Daze ended, effortlessly transitioning into Out of Me Head, and you knocked.

Once. Twice. The door flung open right as you prepared for a third. “Yo, I told you to give me another hour, why you–”

Riri’s stunned expression forced you to smile hesitantly. “Hi, Riri.”

She glanced over her shoulder quickly, then back at you. Emotionless eyes on a stern face took you in, and you watched the way she sifted through expressions. Riri peered behind her again, before stepping completely out of her garage and shutting the door. She stood in front of you now: arms crossed and biceps flexing in her white tank top. Her braids were in a ponytail today, accentuating her facial features. The style brought those cheekbones out of hiding, simple, but cute.

She sounded bored when addressing you, “Aren't you supposed to be at work?”

It dawned on you then, that you were indeed supposed to be at work, and some of that off-the-hook buzzing your phone was doing could very likely be Benny. Realization settled in when you assessed your surroundings. You missed your stop, unconsciously, and somehow ended up here. At Riri’s garage. This wasn't something that's happened before. You never missed your stop, not ever. Every day, you rang the bell two stops after passing the KFC on the corner of Anchor Street, then you walked ten minutes up the road to the crosswalk, before finally arriving at the back of Freeda’s.

This was your routine, it had been for months. Usually, you followed a strict schedule, one that you rarely ever strayed from. Organization was important to you, punctuality was important to you, so it was safe to say you felt thrown.

But these were the consequences stemming from your decisions last night, the ones you claimed not to care about. The waking up late, the unsatisfactory ride, and the ending up here. All repercussions of your actions.

“Oh! Um, y-yeah I–” Stumbling over words around Riri was apparently your brand, you were trying, but the way she eyed you intently made it difficult. More difficult than need be. Damn those eyes of hers. Striking, intense, and curious. Enunciating in her presence was an impossible feat.

Staring back at her with the same intensity, that was your body's defense. Involuntary, but it seemingly did the job, because she shifted, and her arms loosened.

Riri cleared her throat, pushing her fists into the pockets of her sweats. It was only now that you realized she seemed fidgety. Her eyes were bloodshot and she was sweaty. She huffed, but it wasn't in annoyance, which was a first for her. “Um, what are you doing here?”

“I came to uh, say thank you. For taking me home I mean. I know you didn't have to but–” Was that why you were there?

She shook her head, “Nah it's cool. Not like I was gon leave you there.”

Ouch. That stung, and you could tell she knew that, that's why she said it. Riri only studied you like she was breaking you apart, digging beneath your surface in search of something. Something she wanted and could only find in you. It iced your skin, even in the warm air and you hugged your middle, making her chuckle knowingly.

“That all you came for? To say thank you? Cause I got shit to do today.”

You nodded, and she took that as her cue to leave. Desire to ask her about last night scorched your throat, the things you’d said. There was little reason to believe you hadn't embarrassed yourself, any time you had alcohol swiveling in your system, this was a given. So it was not a matter of if you had, but more so the extent. Riri held all the answers, but you weren't entirely confident in her willingness to bestow them upon you. Every encounter with her was evidence to back this claim.

Riri Williams enjoyed having the upper hand, in every situation really, and with everyone, but dominating you — besting you, scratched a particular itch she seemed to always have. It did not take long to pick up on this fact, and you knew she would dangle the answers you sought over your head if need be. You decided to ask anyway because what did you have to lose? Dignity? Shame? Surely you’d already lost those in Riri’s eyes.

“Actually th–” The door opened before she could turn the knob and you gasped.

A girl, almost the same height as you, maybe a few inches taller, emerged gracefully from inside the garage. Stunning. That was the only word your brain allowed you to think. She was stunning, breathtakingly so.

Tattoos covered her arms, twisting, turning, stretching, and connecting with the ones on her neck and chest. Each one of them a chapter in an overarching story. You wanted to read that story. They complimented her deep complexion well, so did the gold jewelry in both her nostrils, and the ones that ran along the length of her ears. A star-shaped ring poked through her septum, and it matched the one dangling from her belly button. And when she spoke, you took notice of the bead in her tongue.

“Oh hi! You're cute, who are you?” The compliment struck you. Hard. Her smile sucked you in as your eyes scanned her body. It curved in all the right places, all the places yours did not. This girl — this woman — exuded self-assurance. All the confidence in the world belonged to her, and she wasn't opposed to sharing, but only if you deserved it. You had to earn it. You wanted to earn it. Desperation drove your need to absorb the beams flowing off her person, and your face said as much.

Riri’s sly smirk did not go unnoticed, your awe amused her, but it was something you'd pay attention to later. Right now, all efforts were focused on her mystery girl. She made you feel small and insignificant, but there was no doubt she would build you a wall of security if you begged. You wanted to beg: for her name, her friendship.

Dark eyes and fiery hair colored your world as you racked your brain for your name. You had one and you knew it up until a second ago, the syllables danced right on your tongue.

You blinked. She was dead set on getting an answer, but you hadn't one to give. “I'm…”

Riri pulled the taller girl in by her perfect hips, fingers sliding over the many waist beads decorating the base of her spine. “That's Keem’s girl.”

Mystery girl’s arms draped Riri’s neck. She dragged them along her damp skin and your eyes chased her short manicured nails; you watched every move they made against Riri. How her thumbs grazed her jawline, how fingertips pushed against the nape of Riri’s neck, brushing the stray curls sitting there softly. She smoothed her palms over Riri’s throat, and the scientist grinned darkly. “Ahh, Keem’s girl.”

Your existence slipped their minds, this you were sure of. And you were proven correct when Riri squeezed Mystery girl’s ass in her flared, patterned, yoga pants. When you gasped again, Riri flicked her eyes to you, but it was only briefly. Her smirk, the one you'd witnessed hundreds of times over the past three months, was now in its deadliest form. She shot it directly at you with the intent to kill. And if you hadn't known better, you would have thought yourself dead.

Riri nodded against Mystery girl’s forehead. “Yup, Keem’s girl.”

You did not enjoy the way they placed emphasis on his name, Keem’s girl. They slurred it like you belonged to him, something possessed and owned. The two of them behaved as though you were some part of a secret only they shared, and you despised that too. How did this girl know you? How well did she know your boyfriend?

Mystery girl pulled away from Riri, but Riri yanked her back. The image of that exchange sparked a flicker of familiarity inside you. Riri was strong, her hold willful. You knew this from experience and you felt sorry for the girl. She did not at all look perturbed by Riri’s grip though, in fact, she looked as though she enjoyed it.

“Ri baby, I gotta go.” She whined, but Riri refused to let her go.

She giggled when Riri got on her tippy toes to kiss her neck. “I know.”

“So let me go? I was with you all night.” She giggled again, this time from Riri’s hands trailing her exposed back. She was with Riri all night? After she dropped you off?

This was an intimate moment between two women who were comfortable with each other in every way imaginable. You should look away, you should leave, go to work. But your pupils were locked on their embrace, locked on the way Riri showed affection.

“I'm seeing you later?” Riri laced her fingers through Mystery girl’s hand and she smirked down at the smaller girl.

She stayed silent for a beat, only eyeing Riri, making her anticipate an answer. And Riri was very much on her toes as she waited, eager to know. You too, found yourself anxious to know as you pursued her unspoken words. Would Riri indeed be seeing this Crimson-haired goddess later?

She bit her lip and Riri gasped, “Ion know. You wasn't really nice to me last night.”

“You know you love when I'm mean.”

Your body's reaction to that line was odd. A strange feeling, one you were unaccustomed to. A whimper? You swallowed it back down and blinked, you should really get to work. But your feet were planted in the gravel, unmoving and awkwardly standing as the two women devoured each other before you.

Riri was the first to break the kiss, and she exhaled. “So I'm seeing you later.”

“I ain't say all that.”

She wiped her lip with the pad of her thumb, “But I am seeing you.” A statement, not a question. Riri was confident in this, she was certain of it.

Mystery goddess girl rolled her eyes and kissed Riri on her cheek, “You gon see me Ri baby.”

“You know I love when you say my shit like that.”

The girl smiled and backed away slowly, eyes still locked on Riri’s frame. “Yeah? I’ll make sure to say it like that tonight then.”

“Bye Keem’s girl.” And with a flirty wave, she was off, strutting toward a jeep that rivaled her afro’s flames.

Her scent danced past you as it followed her, lingering in your air, permeating your pores. She smelled of shea butter and incense. Jojoba oil and fresh vanilla. It was all too much, too heady, and that throb from this morning returned. Only this time you welcomed it, this time the pain was necessary if you planned to keep her aroma in your memory. “B-Bye…”

Your eyes scurried after her, widening at the way her hips switched. Your own hips couldn't — wouldn't — move that way if you dedicated your life to making them. It was obvious she was a lot, but a lot was enough, it would have to be if you planned to make Riri’s gorgeous, goddess, mystery girl your friend.

Riri watched you watch her girl, and those searing eyes of hers rose in temperature the longer you stared. She’d been eyeing you for a minute, so long you were beginning to sense her bustling...annoyance, was it? When you spun to face her, you learned you were indeed correct, Riri was annoyed.

Funny how that worked. Minutes ago she was making out with the most gorgeous girl, blissfully ignoring your existence, and now, your existence was all she paid attention to. Her quick way of shifting between emotions was truly something. She scrutinized you in that tense way she did, and you wanted to shy away from her glare.

“Why are you still here again?” She didn't wait for your response. Riri opened the door and stepped through, so naturally, you followed her like the lost puppy you were.

•••

The garage was messier than when you were there last. Riri’s tools were scattered about, half-done sketches and crumpled sheets of paper littered the floor, scrap metal too. Dull, clunky, and unpolished.

There was a lack of organization, lack of structure in the way the parts were disbursed, like she’d just dragged them in and left them wherever. You stepped over each of them carefully, inspecting them intently. It was eerie really; you’d imagined what Riri’s brain would look like if it were to explode countless times, and the scene before you now, matched your conjured scenario perfectly. The accuracy astonished you.

The endless scribbles on her board were to be expected, dimensions for something she was clearly building, or rather something she was enhancing. The dented steel and iron plates in the corner told you as much, but identifying the something was another task entirely. It had your gears turning though, your own mind alive and brimming with possibility.

Fighting the impulse to touch her things was hard, they were pretty, and you were curious. But you heeded her previous outburst; upsetting her once more was not in your plans.

Riri disregarded you completely, attention stolen away by her work on Hakeem’s silver Toyota.

That stupid Toyota. He’d kissed you for the first time in that car, after your second date. He was sweet, so gentle in the way he'd held your face and brushed your lips. The pair of you had many memories wrapped up in that car, but now, you only wanted to smash it. Break the frame you placed it in, the frame that housed your memories, and undo all of Riri’s work on the vehicle.

“Ugh.” Your scoff was loud and apparently alarming enough to perk Riri’s ears, and she let a chuckle slip.

She seemed fine with your still being there, unperturbed and content to continue ignoring you. Why were you still there? Why weren't you at work? You’d texted Benny a half-assed lie about cramps, he didn't question you, and it made you grateful for the terror menstruation awoke in most men.

So now here you stood, aimlessly gazing and fidgeting around Riri’s safe space, a safe space you'd infiltrated twice now. As your brain spun in deliberation, you shifted your weight from your right leg to your left with a huff. You still wanted to ask her about last night, but you could not decide on the best approach.

“Bruh, if you just gon stand there looking lost, can you just be quiet or something? Damn. All that heavy breathing.”

Her admonishment caught you off guard, you weren't aware she was paying attention to you and you truly didn't know what to say. “Uh...”

Riri’s head emerged from under the car’s hood and she leaned on the front of it. Her eyes were glued to you immediately after, scanning your work uniform up and down. Yours, however, panned to every other thing that occupied the same space as the two of you: the car tires, the cloaked bike sitting unbothered next to her car, her computer screens.

Another staring match would not be smart, you hadn't the stomach for it. The goal was nonchalance, but it was a failed attempt, you knew this the moment you caught her snide chuckle.

“If you insist on being here, for whatever reason, you could at least help me.”

Surely you didn't hear her correctly. Riri Williams wanted your help? Your face must've given your bewilderment away, because she rolled her eyes and parted her lips to clarify, “I meant like hand me tools and shit. No way Ima actually trust you to work on Keem’s car. You might fuck around and pour peroxide in his gas tank or something.”

You bit back a laugh and she quirked a brow. She wasn't wrong, fantasies about sabotaging his motor, slashing his tires, and removing his spark plugs were rattling around in your head, especially with it sitting right in front of you. But you'd never do anything too crazy.

“Peroxide in the gas tank is definitely an idea. Luckily for him I'm not insane.” You stepped over to her hesitantly and stood beside the vehicle, awaiting instruction.

Riri huffed, holding in her own laughter, “Right...” Gloved hands pushed off the car’s hood and her head disappeared again.

“Hand me that ten millimeter.” Riri outstretched her palm, waiting for you to press the tool into it.

She loosened the bolts with the socket and you watched her wrist twist with practiced precision, popping them all off one by one, and a line of sweat trickled down your back.

“His alternator is fucked up, ain't it?” Your neck craned nosily as she examined the way the serpentine belt was wound, paying close attention to its connection to other components around it. You knew she'd have to reroute it again once finished, back around all the engine pulleys. Once she had the belt removed completely, she scanned it for frays. And just as you’d suspected, there were many. She’d have to replace that too.

All those times you’d warned him about his dimming headlights, the countless times you'd pointed out his check engine light, his battery light. Hakeem’s dashboard always twinkled and blinked. And he promptly ignored all of the flickering. You knew something was up with his car, long before that grinding noise emerged too. His car was old, and with old age came problems, but a lot of this could've been avoided if he wasn't as stubborn as he was.

“Yup.” Riri plucked the corroded car part off the side of the engine and presented it to you. Luckily, replacing it was a quick fix, even quicker with Riri at work. She bit her glove off before swatting sweat from her temples with her bare hands and you swallowed harshly.

You coursed each of her motions, watching as she walked over to her messy work table and rummaged through the clutter for the replacement part. Her shoulder blades flexed as she dug around and Riri spoke to you with her back turned. “So, you gon tell me the real reason you showed up here? And why you ain't at work?”

“Just to say thank you. For last night.” She was in front of you again, swirling the part in her hand and your mind alike. It was larger than her entire palm, but she fisted it like a pro.

That smirk was back, less murderous, still as sly. “You sticking to that, huh?”

“You think there's another reason I'm here?” The warmness of the garage and the heat radiating off Riri who stood impossibly close were on a mission to strangle you, you were sure of it. She inspected the alternator in her palm, then her eyes panned to you. She inspected your posture, assessed your breathing, then shook her head.

Your hip was still pressed into Hakeem’s car, the socket wrench still dangled from your digits. Averting her glare was never a thing you could do for long, so eventually, your eyes met. Amusement clouded her pupils, amusement and intrigue. Something else too, but you wouldn't touch that, not now.

She bit her lip, eyes still taunting you. “I know why you're here.”

“Why am I here?” Immediately, you regretted the question. The tilt of her head, the curve of her lips, and the narrowing of her eyes alerted you that her answer would not be one you enjoyed.

“You wanna know if you said any weird shit in the car when I drove you home. If you revealed your deepest darkest secrets to me and what not.” She snorted.

You didn't speak, too stunned at her blatant expression of knowledge. Were you that readable? Were you that predictable? Your inhales were uneven, Riri knew this. Her focus on your floating chest told you that. Your polo cloaked your sternum, sheltered those previously exposed parts from the night in question, yet somehow Riri Williams still stripped you bare with those brown orbs of hers.

“I–”

Riri stepped away from you and back to the car, but her eyes lingered on your bearing, marking down its abrupt shift. “You ain't say nothing for real. I mean you said stuff, but not like nun crazy. Well, I mean...”

“What did I say?”

“You wanna hand me that?” She pointed to the belt tensioner bar with a grin and you obliged anxiously, though you could tell she had no plans to answer your question.

Gloved fingers grazed yours delicately, and the sensation tugged on a raspy exhale. You knew this contact; the feeling, the picture was fresh in your memory, albeit skewed. Hands, fingers, reluctance to let go. Riri’s hands, Riri’s fingers, Riri’s reluctance to let go. Of you, of your hand. You blinked, struggling to arrange your thoughts behind your lids.

Another blink. A snapshot of an image. The image of Riri at your door. One more image. Riri’s palm protectively holding yours: tentative, reassuring, grounding.

Fingers snapping in your face pulled you out of your head and back into the world around you. You had to adjust to the lights and your eyes panned down to your boyfriend's car just in time to see Riri replace the battery. She tightened the hold down bracket as a final step and shut the hood, making you jump.

“Aye, can you go start the car for me real quick? The keys are on the seat.”

You nodded slowly, mouth agape, and those amused irises stalked you as you hopped in the front seat. When you turned the key, the engine roared to life, and missing the little self-satisfied smirk that formed on Riri’s lips was impossible. She was proud of herself; it was endearing. You were grinning soon after, voluntarily, as you watched her clean her hands with a nearby rag.

She was thorough with it. She swiped the cloth between her greasy digits and your mind ran back to the detail you uncovered moments ago: Riri Williams held your hand. Those same fingers held yours. What were you to do with that information?

“Aww shit, my baby sounding nice Ri.” The chipper chime of Hakeem’s voice caused your eyes to roll, and it returned your irritation at full force. His footsteps approached the car and you shoved the door open before he could speak to you, jabbing him right in the abdomen.

You were beginning to understand Riri’s love for a good scowl, the one you tossed his way was dangerous, and seeing him recoil satisfied. Hakeem held his stomach, watching you exit his vehicle winningly, and without so much as a word. You caught Riri’s expression, and you were stunned to see her laugh. This laugh was real, one that harbored no sympathy for her best friend. She was genuinely delighted at the sight of him doubled over in pain.

Having Riri on your side made your empty stomach flutter. You’d made her laugh. A step in the right direction, you thought. Possibly.

“Damn baby, not gon say I ain't deserve that, but damn.”

You rolled your eyes again at his words and backed away when he tried pulling you in for a hug. “Fuck away from me.”

Hakeem threw his hands up, “Aight, aight, you got it. But why you not at work? I was gon pull up after I got my car.”

“Ion know what would make you think I would want that. Ion even wanna see you now.” You spat, and his eyes pleaded with you. It wasn't working though, it wouldn't work this time. “And if you must know, I'm not at work because I came here to thank Riri for making sure I got home safely after your bum ass left me to go do whatever the fuck you was doing with random ass niggas last night.”

He tried stepping closer, but you cut your eyes as a warning, and he stepped back again. “I shouldn't have left, but I can't lie, I knew you'd be good with Riri.”

“Aht aht, leave my name out of it.” Riri had taken to tidying up her clutter a bit, tossing things she had no use for. The moment Hakeem mentioned her name however, she readily put a stop to it, and her scolding eyes knocked her best friend down a few notches.

You nodded, letting his words sink in. “So no apology, no accountability? Right, okay. Yeah, fuck you Hakeem.”

His steps were quick behind you as you trotted toward the door, you knew they would be. A small part of you wanted him to follow you. When his fingers brushed your wrist, your legs halted and he spun you. “I'm sorry. I am, I'll never do no shit like that again, that's a promise.”

“Anything could've happened to me in that house Hakeem. I ain't know them people,” Your glare remained stern. “And your bitch ass just decided that it was okay to dip. And let's not forget you did say you were coming back. Didn't you say that?”

Your words were nails, spiteful as they hammered into his chest with force. You took note of the way his face twisted as you recounted his wrongdoings, he was hurt and disappointed in himself. Good. He deserved to hurt, you wanted him to. “I should've believed Riri when she told me you weren't coming back.”

“I'm sorry. I know it ain't enough, but I really am sorry baby girl.”

That rogue baby girl tossed in there should do the trick, it should be the thing to compel your immediate forgiveness. Because those remorseful eyes, and those dimples he kept hidden weren't holding it down on their own. His pretty frown did not move you, so he relied solely on those two words. Unfortunately for Hakeem though, you would not be so easily swayed. It just would not happen, not on his terms.

“You can be sorry. I believe that you are, but you're not forgiven.” You spared a glance at Riri who'd stopped what she was doing. She listened to your word exchange with your boyfriend, and her eyes dazzled with something akin to pride.

She cleared her throat, crossing her arms as she leaned against the parked Toyota. “Y’all done? Cause Keem I need you to get this relic out my garage. Just sitting here it's devaluing all my other shit.”

“Yeah and I gotta get to work. Bye Riri, thanks, again for not being a lame ass piece of shit.”

He reached for your wrist once more, and you let him, despite all of your fibers fighting against it. “Please, just let me drive you? Just let me do this one thing before I leave for the weekend?”

Your eyeroll was to be your yes. It was all he’d get. He grinned softly, and fuck, there they were. Those fucking dimples. Why were you so weak over a division in a person's zygomaticus major? You would have to conduct a study on this very question eventually.

He moonwalked away like a dork, a very cute dork, and you reprimanded yourself for nearly giving in completely. “Alright Ri, talk to me. What's wrong with my baby?”

She regarded him with disgust, and the sight was nice. Seeing that glower directed at him and not you made you blush a little, and you scolded yourself for that too.

“Well ain't shit wrong with her now. But you had hella misfire which was cause of your rusty ass alternator. I replaced that. And your serpentine belt cause that was tore up. Battery was damn near fried. Ima be honest Keem, I really don't know how you was getting around in this car.”

He laughed, because only Hakeem would find hilarity in a situation so dire. “How many times I done told you about that damn car Hakeem?!” You yelled from your spot at the door, arms crossed in annoyance.

“Ain't my fault I'm God's favorite.”

Riri scoffed at the same time you did, and she met your eye line briefly before turning all her attention back to your boyfriend and his death trap. “You not nobody favorite.”

“Nigga did you sleep here?!” You became alarmed by his immediate disregarding of his car. Seconds ago his voice held its signature cheery beat, now though, Hakeem's tone dipped far below the octave you were familiar with. His eyes turned erratic and accusing, darting between Riri and the pillows and blankets on the tattered couch perched at the back of the space.

She tensed instantly at the question. Her jaw locked, there was a gulp, and you studied the measured way she exhaled. You recognized panic, exceedingly well, and that's what Riri did now. She panicked. Hakeem’s question flared fright inside her, and she stumbled over a reply. “Nigga why you in my business?”

A deflection, and a weak one at that. Hakeem thought so too, his expression unimpressed and demanding, but it softened as he looked at her. “Ri, did you sleep here for real?”

“My girl was over last night.” This was your first time hearing her voice emerge so small from her throat. Riri, who always seemed sure of herself, sounded meek, and wounded. Shame stormed her eyes and she flinched when Hakeem spoke again.

He shook his head, “That's not what I asked you.”

“Hakeem, if you wanna drive me to work Ima need you to get on that like right now. Cause I'm already late.”

He ripped his stare from Riri to you, contemplating. You could tell he wanted to continue hounding his best friend, but he also wanted to ease back into your good graces. And if Riri’s quivering lips were an indicator, she wanted an out from this conversation, needed one. So you decided to grant her that by stealing Hakeem's attention. It didn't take long for her to catch wind of your gesture, and those eyes of hers brimmed with appreciation. Riri appreciated you.

You tried not to read into it. You fought your smile. And you lost.

Watching her only broadened it, and you could've sworn there was a slight rise in the right corner of her lips. Or maybe you just wanted there to be.

Hakeem grumbled, “Alright baby let's go.” He glared at Riri. “But we ain't done.”

You walked over to where they stood, and climbed into the front seat with your bag. Riri pressed the garage door opener, and her thumb stuttered. She was still shaken. Miraculous. It was miraculous that you caught that, it was such a subtle thing, barely anything. But you were attentive, you noticed most things about everyone. Observing was a hobby, and it was a hobby you exceeded at.

Hakeem climbed inside and turned the key, cheering when the vehicle revved awake. He rubbed the dash, pressing his face to the wheel and you groaned. “That's my girl. I knew you still had some fight in you.”

As he backed out, your anxiety grew. After having a look under his hood, you weren't entirely confident in this car’s ability to take you anywhere. The bus was safer. “If you kill me in this thing Hakeem we done for real.”

“Ima see you Ri.” He laughed and you waved hopefully at Riri. She didn't return it; expecting her to was wishful thinking

Hakeem was zipping down the street moments later. Your nausea was back now, and with it came that same dread from this morning as well.

•••

Fifteen minutes later, Hakeem pulled up to Freeda’s. All his attempts to talk to you on the drive were proven failures; you drowned him out with your airpods.

“Thanks.” It was emotionless, but you feigned that. Emotions were in fact flowing through you, bubbling ones, ones that scorched. But you swallowed them and allowed them to simmer. He was leaving the city in a few hours. You wouldn't see him and he wouldn't hear from you for the next two days, longer if you had any say in it.

Hakeem's hand grazed your thigh as you moved to get out and you shot him a look. “Just, can you do me a favor while I'm gone?”

“No.” You shifted again, but he pulled you back. “Nigga, don't–”

He reached for your hand, you wanted to snatch it away, but a tender kiss to your knuckles softened your hard exterior. Damn him. “What do you need?”

“Check on Riri for me? Just swing by her dorm, make sure she good?”

You laughed, but his face never moved. Hakeem was authentic in his concern, making you sigh. “Riri don't like me, Keem. And she damn sure won't want me checking up on her.”

“Just, please. She got some stuff going on and I just wanna make sure she don't work herself to death or nothing. That's it.”

Unrest on Hakeem was not a sight you were used to, and it was all for Riri. It made you revisit the panic you witnessed in her eyes. That was strange for her, strange for the Riri you knew. The Riri you’d grown to know carried herself with unshakeable confidence, and you’d never seen even a crack in that. Until today, until Hakeem questioned her about where she spent the night.

It was a question you saw no fault in, if you had noticed the scene he did you would've wondered the same. Inquiring about it would've been off the table, you didn't share the relationship they did, so you couldn't. But it would've been a thought.

Something about that sentiment bothered you. “Okay.”

“Thank you baby.”

You moved for the door again, but you stopped. Your own question barring you this time. “Keem, do you know a girl with a red afro, lots of tattoos, lots of piercings?”

Your description of Riri’s Mystery girl was kept vague on purpose, surely if he knew her that would be more than enough to garner you an answer though.

“Kinda tall, big ass…” He trailed off and you tilted your head, urging him to continue, daring him to try you. “Big ass smile, um, that's what I was gon say. Yeah I know her, Zariyah. She got a big ass smile.” He was audacious. Dumb and stupid and immensely audacious.

“And how you know her exactly?” Your brow quirked, and he shifted uncomfortably under your scrutiny.

Hakeem cleared his throat dramatically and your eyes rolled. “Uh that's Riri’s girl.”

“As in girlfriend?”

He made a curious sound as he rubbed your knuckles with his thumb and it served as nothing more than an irritant. “I mean…”

There was no doubt your face displayed confusion. Was it not a simple yes or no question? “Do you know her in the way Riri knows her?”

This made him chuckle, and it was loud too. “Oh nah nah nah. Zariyah do not swing that way.”

“Huh?”

“She’s gay. Like, gay gay. And she's all about Riri.”

Gay gay. And all about Riri. Okay… The way she spoke earlier made it seem like she knew Hakeem personally. But maybe you read into it too much? Her energy was obscuring that's for sure, and that could've been a factor in your misunderstanding. “She's a lesbian?”

“Yeah.”

“But she’s so pretty.” It was the wrong thing to say. Hakeem's face told you as much. You didn't plan to say it, but the words were on your tongue and out of your mouth before you had the chance to bite them back.

He let your hand go, practically shoved you away, and it startled you. “What you mean by that?”

“No, she's like, I–” Fuck. Words, you needed words to explain your slip up, but even they wanted nothing to do with you now. They avoided you; disappointed and disgusted, and it was with those same emotions that your boyfriend looked at you.

“Bae, you can't be saying shit like that.”

You nodded, you agreed with him. The mere utterance of the sentence crawled your skin. You were trying, unlearning. “I know. I didn't mean it like that. I know pretty girls can be lesbians I just–”

Your breathing increased rapidly and you spluttered nonsensical words. “Baby relax. You're good.”

“I'm sorry.” He guided you through an exhale with a small smile and once again those dimples centered you. Hakeem grounded you just by being, it was a skill, your favorite thing about him. He’d learned you so wholly and the ease in which he did it astonished you.

“You're good. Just, don't say nothing like that again.”

You nodded once more, and this time you smiled back at him.

He squinted at you in that mischievous way he often did and you mentally prepared yourself for what would come. “Why you asking about Riy anyway?”

“So she's Riy now?”

It sank in for him then, and your drive to crawl into a hole was at its strongest. “Oh, she's jealous. You jealous of Riy baby girl?”

Were you jealous? You rolled your eyes at him, “Don't be doing all that. Ain't nobody jealous. I just saw her with Riri earlier and she seemed to know you, and me. So… I was just curious.”

“Mhmm. Okay. We already done established she’s gay as hell. And don't look at nobody who ain't Riri. And if she know anything about you, it's cause I be talking bout you a lot, so you're good, I promise.”

He grinned and you groaned, “I gotta go.”

“Can I get a kiss?” The pearly whites were on full display, so bright and blinding that you almost gave in. But then you remembered you were still angry with him, and he was not forgiven.

You opened the door and leapt out, then slammed it. That was answer enough, but his grin did not waiver. He smiled at you the entire time, waiting for you to make it all the way inside before pulling off.

•••

After your shift, you craved only a single thing: your bed. Your comfy duvet, the plushness of pillows against moisturized skin. Aching muscles yearned for that sensation, to sink into your mattress and be whisked into slumber.

Unfortunately, this luxury was not awarded to you. Because you had homework. And you happened to be a good girlfriend. Which is how you found yourself at Riri’s dorm clutching your backpack and preparing to knock.

Your knuckles rapped at the wood and it took less than a minute for the door to open. Riri’s nose was in her phone, grinning as she swiftly typed a message, and curiosity got the better of you. Prying eyes stole a quick glance at her screen before she caught you and she stuffed the device into her back pocket. The only information you were able to gather was the contact name: Z Baby.

Her decision to acknowledge you was not one made lightly, her grimace displayed that. Her decision to acknowledge you with contempt, however, that you knew came with ease.

“Bruh, you have got to be kidding me. The fuck do you want now?”

You swallowed hard and cleared your throat. You came prepared for this question, for this reaction. “Hey Riri.”

“What do you want?”

Stern irritation glazed her words and you could empathize with that. This was the second time in one day you’d shown up at her door. Well, doors, plural. And you did so unprompted, though your being here now was only to bring your boyfriend comfort. “I thought maybe we could do our homework together?”

“And why the hell would you think I would want that?”

You hadn't expected her to say yes. Yes was easy, and Riri was everything but. “Ion know, I kinda been struggling with some of the concepts and since you're pretty good at this stuff, I just thought maybe you could help me?”

This was not entirely true. Yes, some of the concepts in your differential equations class were hard, but they were supposed to be. You were fine with that, it didn't hinder your ability, you were only looking for a way into her room.

Riri tapped the small whiteboard pinned to her door with her pointer finger, gesturing to the problem written on it. “What does that say?”

“Collatz Conjecture has never been solved, Riri.” You rolled your eyes. So much animosity in such a small body, no way she wasn't exhausted.

“Then why did you knock? The instructions was right in your face. Solve, or don't knock. You know, the way you keep showing up kinda feels like that.” She pointed to the board again.

“What? Like I’m putting you in the 4 2 1 loop?”

She smirked, “Exactly.”

You huffed, growing impatient with her antics. Instances like these reminded you why you avoided her, but that ceased to be the case these days. “Look, I know you don't like me but–”

“Oh? You know that?”

You sighed again, “But, my roommate’s out with her friends, Keem’s out of town and we aren't really in the best place anyway, as you know. And I hate studying and doing homework alone so I wanted to study with you. We have the same class so it makes sense.”

Most of that was a lie. Being left alone was something you enjoyed a lot. You hated unwanted persons being in your space, which was why you understood Riri’s attitude towards you showing up out of the blue. But again, you were a good girlfriend, and Riri deserved to have someone check on her. Even if she made the deed impossible.

“You don't got friends?”

“No.” You spat it harshly, but it was a truthful spit. Something shone in her eyes at your admission. Understanding? Relation?

Riri shifted, pulling her phone out and checking the time. “I got company coming over in an hour, and you gon be up outta here before she get here.” She stepped aside, allowing you in and you shot her a winning smile, one that she scoffed at.

“Sit on the bed, don't touch shit.” Powerful words, shaking words. They drilled into you, her tone laid their foundation, and you did exactly as you were told.

Once settled, legs crossed and bag unpacked, you jumped straight into your work. You chewed on your eraser, deep in thought as you pondered over the questions before you. Riri sat inches from you at her desk, submerged entirely in her phone screen.

Surprisingly, she hadn't shifted her eyes to you one time in the past twenty minutes. This, you weren't expecting. Riri’s exacting gaze was one you’d found yourself used to, one you anticipated whenever you were around her. Whether she shielded it, which she hardly ever did, or not.

But now, even as you sat, unattended on her bed, she paid you no mind. It wasn't an action that you were bothered by, just one you weren't prepared for. It was new, but you could adjust to new. A sigh escaped you as you moved on to the next problem on your homework, and you looked over at Riri. Her smile was still resting on her face like something built in and permanent.

“Your girlfriend is really pretty.” The rumble of your own voice startled you with the drawl of each syllable. This was not something you'd plan to admit, but it was out, and the statement had Riri’s attention.

She spun in her chair to face you, and there they were. Deep brown globes; melted and murky, and forceful as hell. They forced their way beneath the surface of your skin, scanning, searching. “What?”

“Your girlfriend. She's really pretty and seems really cool.” You’d been thinking about Riri’s Mystery girl all day. Her aura, her fragrance, that gold bead punched into her tongue. She was an unforgettable being. A being, you’d found this was the best way to describe her. Otherworldly.

Riri laughed, shaking her head as she eyed you. “Yeah. Zariyah is real cool.”

“She looking for friends by any chance?” You knew your eyes bore desperation. It was hard to care though.

“You wanna be friends with Zariyah?”

You nodded, excited. “I mean, well, yeah.”

“Riy would eat you alive.” And the way she said that sparked a thrill of intrigue. “You ain't ready for that.”

“Ready for what?” Desperate eyes turned curious, and you squinted at her.

Riri’s laugh was always a tad jeering when it was genuine, and you noticed that now with the way she chuckled at you and your request to befriend her girlfriend? Was Zariyah her girlfriend? Hakeem hadn't exactly clarified that for you. “Focus on them problems you working on and stop asking bout my peoples.”

“Can I ask about last night then?” You watched as she sucked in a breath and visibly tensed. Glazed eyes froze on you; their amused tint disappeared, and now, Riri regarded you with uncertainty.

One eye twitched, only for a second, but you saw it. Her panic from earlier brewed beneath that twitching eye, preparing for a spill, but Riri was not the type to let it boil over, especially not in front of you. You weren't Hakeem and you had no exacting effect over her emotions. None that were positive anyway, and none that got her to open up. She could hide whatever was going on from you, and feel no guilt or shame.

That's the other thing you noticed earlier. Shame, painted so prominently across her beautiful face. It complicated her features, blurred them sort of. Shame did not belong there. You couldn't comment on it though, not now. Because that wasn't why you were there. You showed up only to ease Hakeem’s mind, not to pick at Riri's.

“Last night?” Her question was guarded, like she was waiting for something.

You sighed with a nod, “You said I didn't reveal my deepest darkest secrets.”

“You didn't.”

“But I did embarrass myself?” This question’s answer existed already, but you asked anyway because apparently you had a humiliation kink.

Her eyes stilled, relaxing once she realized your inquiries weren't going to be about her. “Oh most definitely.”

“What did I say?”

Riri tilted her head curiously, allowing her pupils to fill with mirth. “You really don't remember what happened last night?”

Your own words of the night eluded you, that was correct. Something else cloaked them. Riri’s hand on you, in yours, those images transcended anything you could've said. Those you had no choice but to remember. Riri’s touch lingered on you still, the heat of her caress was…so much. It was mainly the shock of it really, because you didn't understand it. She puzzled you with her hot and cold, and you didn't like that.

You shook your head, and her body loosened some more, regaining her signature nonchalant slouch. “Well, you cried. Like a lot. And you screamed at me to get away from you, and not to touch you.”

“I think I would remember crying.” You didn't, but it tracked.

“You did, and you tried to run away from me, then you fell, so.”

You groaned at this, slamming your closed textbook against your forehead. “No...”

“You also accused me of being in love with my best friend, which was just…yeah.”

Another groan, this time accompanied by a heated blush. “Fuck...”

“Then you choked yourself with the seatbelt tryna get out the car after tryna convince me you was strong quote ‘like that iron girl from youtube.’” She let herself laugh as she recounted your behavior, and you did the same, even though you were stewing in a pot of embarrassment. It was nice though, seeing her this lax. It gave you a semblance of hope. Maybe you hadn't screwed things up so terribly, and Riri was not entirely closed off to the idea of friendship.

You did, however, pay attention to her purposeful omission of certain details. She did not mention embracing you, nor did she bring up her lingering fingers.

“Was that all? Please tell me that was all, god I can't take anymore.” A test.

One that she failed. “Yeah. I think that's it.” Probably the first test Riri Williams had ever failed in her life. It left you more perplexed than before, but you were beginning to suspect constant confusion would be your new normal when it came to her.

Like her warm fingers, Riri’s gaze lingered on your body as you sat with your legs crisscrossed on her bed. Your laughter subsided, and the cycle was spinning once again. Your skin prickled and tightened. She blinked and you exhaled. Riri licked her lips, fixating specifically on your thighs. And suddenly, the air in the room was too thick to breathe in. Your shorts felt too short and you regretted not opting for sweats. Goosebumps crowded your arms and your neck heated the longer she watched you.

When her phone pinged, it stole her attention and you thanked the universe for making that happen. If Riri stared at you for any longer, you were sure spontaneous combustion would be the end result.

She was once again consumed with her phone and the conversation happening within it. And she'd done it again, flicked the switch that made you an afterthought. The action only cemented how trivial you and your presence were to her.

Returning to your homework was a smart idea, though it took you a minute. You were waiting to see if she would turn around again, but she did not. So you copied her, letting your work consume you and you tuned out her small chuckles whenever a new text message rolled in.

Your professor had assigned some tough problems, but they weren't anything you couldn't handle. A few sighs of frustration did slip whenever you hit a roadblock, though. Which was where you were now, stumped by a particular equation. You sighed again, this one long, this one grabbing Riri’s attention finally.

“Bruh, you gotta shut up or go. You fucking with my concentration.” You weren't entirely sure what she'd enraptured herself with at her desk, but it was not homework. She tinkered with something, and it buzzed lowly. Truthfully, she too was fucking with your own concentration, but you couldn't tell her that, not when she was allowing you to be in her room.

“This problem is really hard, it's just taking me a minute.”

She huffed and you could only assume an eyeroll came along with it as well. “I don't care. Like I said, shut up or get out.”

“Is it in your nature to be bitchy all the damn time?” You dropped your pencil, eyeing her back.

Riri made no move to turn, she only grumbled a response, shoving her face closer to her desk and whatever she was fiddling with. “You in my space blowing your hot ass breath every five seconds. I got the right to be bitchy.”

“Ugh. I’ll go once I solve this.”

“Well hurry up. And I'm not helping you, if that's what all that huffing and puffing is about.”

You scoffed at her, there was absolutely no way she thought you were begging for her help. “Girl, ain't nobody asked for your help.”

She laughed smugly and you watched her fingers clamp around a small screwdriver. “Oh, you didn't?”

“Nah.” Tossing her infamous line back at her made you feel triumphant, because it seemed to still her movements. She dropped her tools and wheeled her chair closer to where you sat on her bed, intrigued. Riri snatched your notebook, scanning the page and the equations you had scribbled on it.

“You got some shitty ass handwriting.” Once she was finished, she tossed it back at you. “And ain't no way you solving that tonight.”

“I can.”

She stood, spinning the chair so the back was facing you before sitting back down with her front pressed against it. Her eyes screamed for a challenge, and you were prepared to give her one. “You really believe that you can, this is so interesting.”

Your glower made her laugh some. You were one eye roll away from yet another splitting headache, it was draining, but Riri Williams was relentless. “You know we're in the same class right?”

“Yeah, but I done seen you almost break your neck tryna stay awake in there.”

“Doesn't mean I don't know the material.”

“I've never seen you confident before.” The way she spoke her sentence made your insides bustle. There was some underlying meaning, but it wasn't one you could figure out. You were focused on the problem at hand, and you were focused on proving yourself.

Your quipped response made Riri’s eyes flare. For a second, it shook you, but only slightly. You stood firm in your declaration because you knew your potential. “I'm confident in my ability to solve this equation.”

“Bet money.” It flew out of her quick and you groaned. Of course she would take this route. A childish one, but you were willing to indulge.

“Five dollars says I can.”

She shook her head, unconvinced, “That's baby money. And for a problem that long, nah.”

“Well Riri, that's all I have in my wallet right now.” You whined. She was truly impossible.

“Fine. Five bucks, but you gotta solve it in five minutes.”

You rejected this proposal, because it was insane. “That's not fair.”

“Well.” She shrugged and you could tell that she wouldn't change her mind. Accepting was your only way out. You would not be bested, and you quite liked the idea of being five dollars richer.

“Okay, fine.”

You grabbed your pencil again, this time determination fueled you. Before, you were ready to give up, eager, but Riri’s taunting put a stop to all that. You would show her, she would see just how capable you were.

Examining the equation before you with a straight face was not easy. Honestly, a lot about what you were looking at puzzled you, but Riri didn't need to know that. Your eraser tapped your chin, mind whirring. “Okay… so I can't separate it because there's two terms on the bottom.”

“This is hilarious because it's so easy.”

“Bruh shut up! I'm tryna think.” Her eyes widened, and she flinched at your outburst. You startled yourself with it too, but it only seemed to make her already existing grin wider.

Again, you went over the different ways to solve it, there were a few, but you were after the easiest route. Time was of the essence. “Fuck, substitution!”

Riri hummed approvingly beside you, “There you go.”

“All I have to do is let u equal the square root of y, but then I’ll have to find du, ugh!” You looked at your work, then over at your laptop. Two minutes, you had enough time. “Okay, okay square both sides. Now I have u squared equals y. Take the derivative, so 2udu equals dy…”

“Times ticking ma.” She was so smug about it, so sure you’d lose. It enraged you. Having others doubt your capabilities was not something you were used to. If it happened, you were never made aware. Until Riri. She doubted you, and merely for her own enjoyment. You envisioned smacking that smirk right off that pretty face. You could do it, right now. Her strength rivaled yours, sure, but she wasn't very big. You could do a lot to her, a lot that she would not be able to counter.

You scribble the last of your answer right as she called, “Time.”

She reached for the paper, inspecting it thoroughly. Her eyebrows raised and your face grew hot the longer she revised your work. Now you were doubting yourself. Did you make a mistake? It was possible. A mistake would throw the entire answer off. And Riri would catch a mistake, however minuscule. You studied her face, searching tirelessly for a tell, anything that would let you know where her head was at.

No. You wouldn't do that to yourself. You refuted the idea that you’d failed. That was not a possibility. You did the work, you studied the material and Riri Williams would not make you feel–

“Damn. Guess I owe you that five.”

Your smile spread like a Cheshire cat’s. It consumed your entire face, every corner, and Riri only watched you, eyes colored with something resembling wonder. “I told you!”

She wheeled her chair back over to her junky desk and plucked a crisp five dollar bill from her wallet. She then presented it to you, only to snatch it back when your fingers grabbed for it. Riri rested her chin on the back of the desk chair, smiling softly to herself at each of your failed attempts to capture the cash. God, she was annoying.

You frowned and on the seventh try, you’d finally had enough. “Just keep the damn money Riri.”

“Slow ass. Here.” She awarded it to you: palm up and bill sitting still inside it. You could seize hold of it, but how were you to know this wasn't another trick? You squinted, and she smirked daringly. It was sick, the way she gained pleasure from taunting you. You reached for the money anyway, and Riri didn't snatch it back. Instead, she captured your hand, lacing your fingers together. Your eyes instantly shot to hers with a low gasp, only to find she was already watching you.

Riri held onto your hand for what felt like forever, and you let her. She kept those deep browns on you, picking apart your reaction to her touch with a soft grin. Your own eyes were locked on the way she clasped your fingers. Something about the stark contrast of your long lavender acrylics, entwined with her short silver nails entranced you. The bill was still pressed between your palms, but its feel was lost on you. You just felt her: the heat of her palm, the tight of her grip.

She eventually let you go, she let you take the money too, and not once did she speak a word. But there was reluctance in her release, just like there was the night before. And there was a stutter in your chest. Your body blazed under continued inspection. How the hell did she do that? Why?

A ding sounded from her desk making the pair of you jump. She regarded you quickly before scooting over to check her messages. You needed to exhale; you were becoming lightheaded from all the gasping you’d been doing.

Anxious eyes panned around the room, and a picture in a bizarre looking frame on her nightstand stuck out to you. You ran your fingertips along it, it was crafted with care, you could tell. Cute. The picture residing within it was of a tall dark skinned man and two little girls with pigtails. He embraced them both as they stuck their tongues out. You smiled at the image, knowing immediately who one of the girls had to be. “Oh, is this you? Baby Ri–”

“What the fuck, don't touch that! I told you to leave my shit alone!” Riri flew to your side, yanking the frame from your hands. A hurricane of emotions flooded through her, its waves were rapid, and it worked hard to drown the Riri you knew from moments ago. This unforeseen monsoon altered her entire demeanor before your very eyes. Her shoulders knotted, she tightened her jaw, and there was lightning in her irises.

The picture was obviously important, and this reaction shouldn't be one that surprised you. You’d gotten comfortable, a foolish move. Your own guard was let down, and you’d assume Riri was doing the same. This assumption was an inaccurate one.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to–” Your outstretched arm was to be an olive branch, but her body jerked away from you, and your hand collided with the frame instead. You watched it plunge to the floor. You waited for the clatter, for the sound of glass breaking. The shattering of shards pierced your ears and you winced, letting your eyes flutter shut.

Terror stirred inside you as you honed in on the tatters of the picture frame. Meeting Riri’s gaze right now struck real fear into you. You could already feel her rage, taste her fury.

“Get out.” She whispered it. Two words made every hair on your body stand tall and you shivered under their hiss.

You found her face for a few seconds, and you gaped at her. Words had forsaken you once more, and you couldn't blame them. “Riri, I–”

“Get the fuck out of my dorm.” She dragged her hands down her face in attempts to wipe away some of her exasperation. “Why the fuck are you still here? I said get the fuck out!”

Riri’s voice cracked at the end of the sentence, stretching your guilt, widening it until it encompassed you and stiffened your entire being. But you obeyed her demand nonetheless, and you began gathering your things in the silent room. Even sound knew to make itself scarce in order to avoid Riri’s wrath. Her eyes were glued to the shards on her floor, and she barely moved.

You mumbled nervously under your breath as you repacked your bag, “I told Hakeem coming here was a bad idea, fuck!”

“Hakeem told you to do what?” The deepness there in her tone was enough to immerse you in the abyss that was now the space you shared with Riri. Or rather her space that she shared with you, and it put a stop to your movements.

“What?” You stared hesitantly at her and she narrowed her eyes.

“Did Hakeem tell you to come check on me? Is that the whole reason you showed up here to fucking bother me and break my shit like a dummy?” Venomous, each word intended to puncture and kill. “You know what, ion care, don't answer that. I'm sure your answer will just piss me off even more. Just fucking go.”

Your inability to leave well enough alone would be your demise one day. You nodded, and headed for the door. “I really am sor–”

Riri slammed the door angrily in your face, and you sighed. You’d deluded yourself into believing a breakthrough was made tonight, that you’d scratched the surface on some of her walls. You sought her friendship, but after tonight, there was no doubt she'd built new barriers. Fences that shot up to the skies. Walls that were impenetrable. And remain that way they would, for their sole purpose was to keep you out.

348 notes · View notes

dckweed · 2 years

Note

Hey! So I thought of something a little different.. could you do a billy Hargrove x female! hopper reader (Byers/hopper family dynamic hopper and Joyce are together) where the reader has been feeling a little bit guilty for losing her virginity to billy so she’s been very down lately. While having family dinner, el and Jonathan have been sensing that something might be wrong with the reader and ask her if she’s fine and ofc she just snaps at them, but hopper honestly just thinks it’s teenage angst which just makes the reader more upset so she abruptly leaves the dinner table, then Joyce comes to talk to the reader and she tells her how she’s feeling, what happened and they have a heart to heart.

ahhhhh anything for my favorite requester! hope this is what you wanted, mwah!

p.s. im sorry if this gets really dark/heavy im in a really sad mood, someone called me a bad mom today and that bothers me in ways that no one can understand.

p.p.s did i open myself up for a part? probably. let me know in the comments if y'all want a second part to this lmao

warnings: SEX IS MENTIONED but safe to read for all ages as no actual smut is depicted. mama byers, clueless papa hop, sad reader, guilty reader, depressed reader? not too sure on that bc i write this before i even write the request lmao.pregnancy mention.

'..I JUST FEEL SO STUPID..' billy hargrove x hopper!reader, ft mama byers.

You made your way slowly down the halls of school, your head down, eyes averted like they had been for the past couple of weeks. You couldn't bring yourself to look at your fellow peers, feeling as if everyone knew your dirty little secret, especially when said secret so openly smirked and winked at you whenever he managed to make eye contact.

You don't really remember what possessed you to go and do it, maybe it was just how sweet he was to you when you were alone together, or how charming he could be when he really wanted something, and he had really wanted something, you. Or maybe it was his hair, or the abs..or the way his goddamn ass looked so sinfully delicious in those tight, tight jeans he liked to wear, fuck maybe it was just because his hand wandering your body felt so fucking refreshing and satisfying, or maybe you were tipsier than you thought.

Whatever it was didn't matter you supposed, because either way you had gone and lost your virginity to Billy fucking Hargrove of all the boys in the world that you could lose it to, you had honestly always imagined that it would have been Steve, the two of you had had a somewhat flirting relationship since he and Nancy had stopped seeing each other, and you always assumed it would lead to more, but Steve hadn't been at that party, nor had he asked you out when you had so desperately hinted that you were going to be bored and alone over the weekend.

Fuck, did you do it to spite him somehow?

No, that was stupid even for you.

That night haunted you still, the way that you had felt so fucking good during it, so blissfully turned on, satisfied like you never knew you could be, barely noticing the pain of his large, thick cock sliding in and out of you as he focused your minds on other things.

But you felt so used afterwards, so dirty and broken. Billy had spent a while buttering you up too, making you putty in his hands when he was finally ready and you hadn't even noticed it, the week he has spent finding every excuse to compliment or be alone with you, to flirt so unashamedly in front of everyone who could see, with you of all people.

And when he finally got what he wanted, his own personal gratification of conquering his next victim, he kicked you out of his car and sped off, leaving you stranded at the party that he had asked you too, and leaving you too drunk to walk, let alone drive.

Your father hadn't known where you were, and you couldnt remember anyone else's number at the time, so you called the Byers' house, hoping that Joyce wouldn't tell your father. Thankfully, Jonathan had answered, and he heard your voice, you were slurring your words so horribly that he knew he had to come get you before you could even speak.

He found you slumped on the front porch, throwing up in the bushes as you had started drinking heavier than you ever had while waiting for Jonathan, you had decided to drink away the night, hoping that your somewhat brother wouldn't notice your sadness, your disgust for your own self.

He hadn't, but he has figured that something was wrong. You passed out in the car, and the next morning you woke up in the living room, blanket over your head and an empty trash bin next to you. You didn't remember him coming to get you, you didn't remember anything past your third cup of tequila after Billy had kicked you out of his car.

God, it was all you could think about, Jonathan had come to make breakfast and saw the look on your face immediately. He furrowed his eyebrows, looking at you as he poured coffee. "Did something happen last night?" He asks, handing you a mug as you shuffled to the kitchen, he had let you wear one of his tshirts and a pair of his sweat pants.

You look up quickly, forgetting your migraine. "What? No. Why would you ask that?" You ask almost defensive about the question.

He shrugs, leaning against the counter, trying not to let you know that he definitely knew something was wrong now. "Because you were blacked out drunk when i came to get you, and i could barely understand a word you said on the phone." He says. "That's not like you, Y/N..'

You just shrug, taking your mug and heading back to the couch. This was pretty much your second home now. "Yeah, well, maybe i just can't handle my tequila."

He knew that that wasn't true, and for a couple weeks he watched you continue to be withdrawn and awkward, sad and tired looking, like you hadn't been sleeping. He knew something was eating at you, and as your somewhat brother, he was concerned.

He looked at you as he drove you home from school, you looked like you had lost weight too. He wondered if there was something physically wrong with you, because what could be affecting so badly mentally that you were losing weight?

You glanced at him as he drove, wondering what the hell he was doing. "The fuck are you staring at?" And then there was that, god you'd been so mean lately, towards everyone, especially your dad and Joyce.

You didn't know why you were so angry, so sad all at the same time. Was it the fact that he wouldnt even look at you unless it was to tease you with those stupid fucking eyes of his? Or maybe the fact that he wouldn't even speak to you anymore? Acting like you didn't fucking exist, like you were just some fucking random hookup in the big ole city of Los Angeles, despite the fact that this was fucking Hawkins, Indiana.

Jonathan shakes his head quickly, turning to look at the road. "Nothing..nothing.." He says, turning into the driveway of his house. You were all having a family dinner together tonight, there was no need for you to go home just to turn around again a couple hours later and drive across town.

You get out of the car, slamming the door before stomping up the porch, opening the door and flinging your bag and yourself into the couch.

Joyce peeks her head out form the kitchen, eyebrows knitted together. She cocks her head towards you when she sees Jonathan and the boy just shrugs, shaking his head as he walks into the kitchen to grab something to drink.

"No clue, she's been like this for weeks." He says, before sucking out and heading towards his room to get started on homework.

He didn't come out again for a while, but he could hear his mom cooking in the kitchen, it smelled good whatever it was and he couldnt wait to sit down and eat. It wasn't long before he heard Jim's truck pulling up, and a few moments later he heard the front door open.

"Hey, Y/N, how's was school?" Jim asks, looking at you as he shrugs his coat off, it was starting to get cool outside these days.

You don't even look up at your father, ignoring him completely as you finish up some of your school work, quietly hoping that nobody would try to ask you anything at dinner. You hated that Jonathan was being so nosey, but you knew he meant well.

"What's with her?" You heard him whisper to Joyce, you don't hear her respond but you hear a beer can crack open and you roll your eyes. You thought it was funny how Jonathan had asked you what was wrong more times than anyone, your father barely saying two words to you the last couple weeks. You assumed that he probably thought it was your period.

God, he could be clueless.

Not more than half an hour later, Joyce was calling everyone for dinner and Eleven and Will were walking through the door, Mike's mom having dropped them off. You gave your little sister a half assed smile and ruffled Will's hair before sitting down across from the boys, next to Joyce and Eleven.

Dinner starts off quiet for a bit, and you push your food around in silence, taking a couple bites here and there, keeping your head down, not even paying attention to the conversation. You didn't notice anyone had spoken to you until Joyce nudged your knee with her own, giving you a concerned smile when you looked up startled, a quiet "huh?" escaping your mouth.

"Sweetie, are you okay? You've barely touched your dinner." She asks, glancing down at your plate. Her voice was gentle, sweet even and you felt so horrible for not eating her food because god it smelled good, but you just couldnt bring yourself to, so intensely upset with yourself that everything made you throw up if you ate more than a few bites, though you were starting to wonder if you were pregnant because you couldn't remember if Billy had used a condom or not, and you had thrown up a couple mornings in a row after a fitful couple of nights of sleep. "Y/N?"

You snap out of it, and nod your head, giving her the best smile you could manage. "Yeah, im okay Joyce," You say, looking at everyone to make it believable. "I've just been really side tracked these past couple of weeks, busy at school, ive been stressed and not really hungry.."

Jonathan scoffs from across the table, and you snap your head to his direction, glaring at him as hard as you could muster, putting all of your anger as of late in to it. If it scares him, he doesn't show it because he opens his mouth to speak and you damn near vault across the table to maul him. "If side tracked is moping and flat out ignoring everyone then sure, she's been busy at school."

You see Eleven nod, and you turn your gaze to her. "You have been really sad lately, i heard you crying the other night." She says, looking at Jim and you. "I just assumed it was your period.."

Will nodded. "Me too, Mike says Nancy gets really mean when she's on her period too." He says in agreeance, rubbing his shoulder as Jonathan reaches out to punch it lightly.

"that's my girlfriend you're talking about!" He says defensively, though he wasn't too far from the truth. She did get a little mean, but he knew that that wasn't what was happening with you.

Your father clears his throat. And you turn to look at him. "Yes, well, im sure she'd like to deal with her period without us asking about it so.." He quietly goes back to eating his food and you glare some more, feeling the familiar sting of tears welling in your eyes as you realized that your father didn't even care enough to ask if it was true or not.

You stand up from the table, your chair falling over as you slam your hands down onto the tablecloth, your plate and silverware rattling in response as everyone turns to look at you. "Gee dad, thanks for caring enough to ask if anything is really even wrong, how fucking stellar of you!" You yell, your voice thick with tears. He looks up with you with wide eyes, his mustache twitching as he starts to speak but you beat him to it, your gaze on the boy across from you. "And screw you Jonathan for even bringing it up in the first place, mind your own damn business because it didn't fucking concern you!"

You leave, taking off briskly down the hallway, opening the door to Joyce's room and throwing yourself face first onto the bed as you cry, overcome with emotions that you didn't even realize you still had.

Everyone looks after you in shock, and Joyce clears her throat, giving Hopper a dirty look. "Shame on you for not trying to talk to her about it, she's clearly been upset for a while now.." She says, before turning her eyes to her son. "And shame on you for just putting her on the spot like that."

She stands from the table and follows you, she had seen you slam the door to her room. She hesitates at first, heading you crying. She wants to knock but she figured you'd tell her to go away so quietly she opens the door, closing it and locking it behind her so no one would interupt. She had a feeling you needed a mom right then, and a mom is what she wanted to be for you.

She walks to the bed, sitting on the edge of it tentatively. "Y/N.." She says, her voice soft, calm and gentle. It was almost soothing and you sniffle, trying to wipe your eyes. You weren't facing her, but you weren't going to tell her to leave, she was the only one who seemed genuinely concerned and not just wondering why you were being mean. "sweetheart, you can tell me what's going on, whatever it is..it will stay between us girls if that's what you need okay?"

and damn it if your walls don't break immediately.

You roll over to face her, a fresh set of tears streaming from your eyes as you speak, some of it sounding completely like gibberish as you tell her about Billy and how he had essentially fucked you and dumped you. "I should have seen it coming and i just feel so fucking stupid because how could i let that happen to myself?" You ask her, your voice calmed, the tears slowed. You feel her reach out and wipe them from your cheeks, caressing them softly. You subconsciously move your head into her lap. "Why am I so upset about it? It's Billy fucking Hargrove for Christ sake.."

She continues to caress your face, smoothing your hair as she listens to you speak. No wonder you had kept it so pent up for so long, there was no way your father was equipped for this without breaking down into to tears himself, and Jonathan was just as clueless.

"Sweetie, i am so sorry that he did that to you, that was absolutely awful of him," She says, trying to muster the best motherly advice that she could think of as she looked down at you, giving you the softest smile she could. "Boys your age are complete and utter menaces, they're clueless to the hurt that they cause others, and even more clueless about other people's feelings, and Billy Hargrove is no exception, except from what I've heard, he's the type of boy that sets out to intentionally hurt people, he just doesn't realize how bad that hurt can touch someone."

You sniffle again, letting out a shakey breath as you listen to her, her words washing over you as you cling to her pants, relaxing at the feel of her hands in your hair. Where was your mom when you needed her, huh?

"And I learned a long time ago that the best way to get back at them, is to make them think that they haven't hurt you as much as they have, make them think that they didn't hurt you at all, because that's what's going to get under a boy like that's skin." Joyce continues, looking down at you matter of fact ly. "He expects to see you, and every other girl he messes with like this, it's part of the game because he knows that you eventually confront him, wanting his approval and then he'll get more out of you, and maybe if you're lucky he'll treat you like a queen for a while, until he gets bored and moves to the next girl.."

"You think?" You ask, rolling into your back to look up at her, a few stray tears still rolling from your eyes. "I didn't think about that..Dana Watson was the girl he was with before..i know they went out once..and she seemed down for a bit until one day they started coming to school together, acting like a..couple..oh my god he's doing the same thing to me!" You sit up, your sadness wiped away, replaced with the tiniest twinge of anger. Your voice is still thick with tears.

Joyce hums. "There's always going to be that one boy, Y/N, and there's always going to be the next girl..and there's always going to be some kind of heart ache caused by his hands and those smooth talking, pretty words of his." She says, looking at you with the tiniest smirk. "The only way to beat him at his own game is to act like he doesn't bother you, act like you were the one using him..walk into that school on Monday and act like he's nothing but the dirt beneath your shoe..guys eat that shit up, you'll have his full attention, and he'll chase you, begging you to give in..but you won't, because by that point, you're so over him that you couldnt even begin to care about it anymore."

You smile a little, wiping your puffy eyes. "You sound like you've been through this before." You says, looking at her. She shrugs.

"I've had my share of teenage dirtbags back in my day.." She says, and you can't help but chuckle, already feeling infinitely better about the situation, until your stomach lurches a little and you remember the other thing that you had been upset about.

"Um.. Joyce?" You asks, your cheeks flushing almost in embarrassment. "That's..that's not um..i feel even more stupid about something else actually.."

She looks at you, eyebrows furrowed. "What, sweetie?" She asks, her voice still gentle. You knew out of everyone she was the one you could trust to keep it a secret, to help you through it if it was what you thought.

"Um, okay..you can't tell my dad yet until i know for sure but..i think..i think i might be pregnant.." You say, and her eyes go wide, her face pale. You give her a nervous smile. "Told you that there was something more stupid.."

#stranger things #stranger things s2 #billy hargove smut #stranger things smut #billy hargove x reader #hopper #hopper x reader #billy hargrove #joyce byers #billy hargove imagine #billy hargrove x hopper!reader #hopper!reader #billy hargrove x reader imagine

507 notes · View notes