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ladyelissarose · 1 year

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‘Slow Ride’

Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin x female civilian reader - Y/n is used.

The story is all in Jake’s POV.

Summary; Jake is looking for someone new, trying to find the one he wants forever. But he comes across obstacle after obstacle while trying, thinking he’ll still lose in the end. But what if he’s proven wrong?

Warnings: mentions of one slightly suggestive thought, Jake being a really shy guy behind his facade of being a cocky pilot, overall it’s Fluffy and sfw

“Hangman!! You’re unfortunately the only one with great taste in music!! So fix that damn jukebox to something that awakens this place!!”

And that was Javy ‘Coyote’ Machado howling across the Hard Deck to the one and only me, Jake ‘Hangman’ Seresin. Now, the only reason why the music was so dead today, was because my frienemy Bradley ‘Pussy- ehem… ‘Rooster’ Bradshaw just got his hand slammed on his dumb (a very nice truck) Bronco’s car door. So yeah, that hand of his was so swollen I thought it was his foot for a second. But no, it was still his hand, but just swollen. So I, with the pride of being known for having a great taste in music, I confidently walked towards the jukebox. Honestly, I didn’t even spare any woman that gawked at me a second of my attention, cause I was about to fuck the damn jukebox into oblivion with my greatest hits. I knew I was good looking, my eyes were brightly jaded, my skin was so well tanned after playing dog-fight football with my Dagger Squad. (My team won by the way) and my hair, can’t go wrong with that. I even beat the girls in all kinds of fashion competitions, they don’t stand a chance against me. Oh and my white t-shirt fit on me so nicely, all my workouts at 5am were showing off, and my Wranglers… yeah, about those. (I overheard Rooster tell my girl frienemy Natasha ‘Phoenix’ Trace that my ass looked good in these.) So yeah, I looked great and had the will power to give or deny attention to anyone. I’d get what I wanted in the end, with whoever was lucky enough to have me. Even though for the passed few months, I haven’t gone home with anyone… I grew out of one-night stands, only because I didn’t feel the same hype anymore. Before I was alright with waking up from a great night with no one next to me to prove it, but now… I craved and desired to have a beauty to wake up to and have forever. But anyways, I was now at the jukebox winking at Rooster who was having his hand nursed by Penny Benjamin, the owner of Hard Deck and the girlfriend of my boss, Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell. My full attention then went on this gorgeous piece of machinery, I caressed it’s side as I spoke to it, (yes, I was in desperate need of attention)

“Helloooo gorgeous.. so what are we playing today? Huh girl? Do we stick to 86? Slow Ride? Yup, I thought so too baby girl.”

I let my finger fall on the numbers ‘8’ then ‘6’. Soon I was waiting to hear the boring music change into the sound of Heaven’s choir in Rock. My chest puffed up and my face warmed at the first beat I heard,

‘Damnnn I could fuck this song..’

Diiiing!!!

I heard the door open, and my eyes followed it to see who had arrived, but… that’s when my heart dropped, in… adoration? The beat of the song continued to flow, as my green eyes found home on the most, mother natured, beautiful woman. God, I felt like I was going through palpitations as I watched her move in sync to the music, as if it was her own theme song. My knees were so ready to bend and hit the floor at her command, that’s just how powerful and strong her presence felt. Her skin was so unrealistically glowy, like if it was covered in the right amount of glitter. Oh! And her hair, shining in the light in its authentic shade of color made me want to run my fingers through it and feel it softness. Her bright smile was so real and graciously given to everyone, lighting up the room with every step she took. Everything on her adorning face was so perfect, I’d be damned if I put a name to it to compare it to anyone, because she was so unique and incomparable. My breath left my lungs at the sight of her goddess-sculpted body, the sundress she wore situated on her sweet curves so nicely, oh how I wished my hands could find a place on them, just to have the true word to say I was worthy to hold someone of pure ecstasy. I watched her every move, from the minute she walked in and took a deep breath at the entrance. I saw how she took each step so confidently yet slowly. How as she arrived to the bar, she helped the older man pick up his cap from the floor and return it. How she greeted Penny with utter happiness and a tight hug over the counter. Her fingers twisted her hair playfully as she went on to giggle about something Penny said, damn… if I could only hear how heavenly it most likely sounded, oh I’d want to hear it on repeat until I lost my hearing.

‘…. what a slow… gorgeous ride.. who the hell is she-‘

“Jake you’re such a freakin’ creep-“

“-SHIT!”

I jumped at the sudden voice and turned around to see the only and only Bradshaw break my moment of adoration, he was wearing a smolder but with a smirk, his brow raised high as he popped his hip at me. I clapped my sides to show my frustration,

“What the fuck Bradley-“

“What the fuck you Jake? Phoenix told me that you’ve had your damn eyes on her best friend sense she arrived.”

‘Oh shit..’

I took a swig of the beer I just stole from Bradley’s hand to drain out my thoughts as he went on to admit in a low tone,

“Listen, I know she’s hot and all-“

I choked on the beer as I corrected with a finger on his chest, poking lightly,

“No Bradshaw… she’s not hot.”

He stared at me with confusion as he whispered with a hand now on my shoulder,

“what?”

I leaned closer and confessed,

“That right there… is a goddess on this damned earth, Rooster. Hot is an understatement.”

I probably sounded like a mad man because Bradley was looking at me like I was, but then his face changed in seconds and now he was giggling like an idiot. I punched his arm lightly as I scowled at him,

“What!? Why are you giggling like a little girl Bradshaw-“

“I can’t believe the one and only Seresin has been whiplashed by that girl, of all people.”

‘Of all people? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What are you talking abo-“

“- first of all, she denies every guy, like EVERY guy. And plus, my girl Phoenix doesn’t let anyone around her… or at least anyone she thinks isn’t worthy enough for her friend. She’s a protective friend to her.”

I could feel my chest pinch a little with sadness and hopelessness, only because if Phoenix was this goddess’ protector, I wouldn’t be able to get to her. (Because I’m one of Phoenix’s greatest frienemies.)

Ughh!!! Damnit but I want her! I NEED her!! To hold her so close to me until she becomes one with me or- or like blends into me- I don’t know!!! Anything that keeps her in my reach and never let’s go. I’d kill to run up to her and kiss her blushed cheeks and intertwine my fingers with hers, get the smallest whiff of what heaven probably smells like. Man I’d make it my most important heartfelt mission, to give her complete and irrevocable happiness… she’d never have to pursue it, I’d just give it to her in any way I possibly could. If she wanted the stars or the moon, I’d find a way to hand it to her personally and wrapped up with a pretty bow. I don’t even know what her voice sounds like, ‘Slow Ride’ continues to play loudly over my head blocking it away from my desperate ears. But I’m more than 100% sure, that the minute I hear it, I won’t ever have enough of it for forever. Imagine waking up to that melody? Or being the cause of that melody? Damnnn… The things I would do to get those pretty sounds out of her… even if it was just for a moment- wait a FUCKING minute!! She’s drinks… oh my God she’s definitely a dream.

“The goddess drinks Old Fashion… man in all the years of my life I’ve never seen a woman drink an Old Fashion.. that makes her so so much more amazing-“

“HANGMAN!!”

Once again I was freaking snapped out of my trance, by the same old Rooster cock-o-doodling in my ear.

“Bro you’ve got to get a grip of yourself you drooled all over the floor-“

My instincts pulled my fingers to instantly check my lips and chin, but I found I wasn’t wet from drool, because I hadn’t drooled.

“Bradley I thought you had left-“

“-No, I hadn’t… I was trying to tell you that there will be a bonfire going on right outside of here in a few minutes… and she’s going to be there-“

My chest warmed up like it was set on fire as I gasped,

“REALLY?!”

I perked over Bradley’s broad shoulders to make sure she was still there, but he pushed me down and scolded lowly,

“Jacob. No one’s going to get her… I’ll make sure of it- I’m mean… you don’t even know if she’ll like you.. your heart will be broken.”

I pouted at Bradley’s words, he’s so fucking right.

‘I literally could be making an idiot of myself for her and she might not even see me.. well damn that sunk faster than the Titanic-‘

“Hey hey hey… don’t weary yet my pal.. there’s still a chance… you’re still in the ‘What If’ point.”

I could feel my shoulders sink a little as I looked at Bradley worriedly, man I was really taking his words personally and really needed more. So in the bliss moment of us being nice to each other (for once) I asked for more advice. (I mean he pulled off getting to date Phoenix and get her to fall head over heels for him. So he knows how to work in this kind of field of love)

“So.. what do I do then… I’ve never done this before.. you know my history with girls-“

“-Forget about them… that’s gone.”

He patted my chest lightly as he went on,

“… Just, be yourself and try not to change too much or over impress. You want someone to love or like you for who you really are. Kind of forget that they’re there, and just enjoy your night, and be that charming gentleman you are.. maybe you might pull it off.”

‘Man Rooster… you’re my platonic soulmate… we’re we married in another life? Ha! Perhaps. Hot bastard.’

I clapped Bradley’s cheek softly, showing my sincere appreciation. He winked at me and nodded before walking away. As soon as my eyes left him I was immediately looking for that goddess,

‘Come on where are you? I just need to make sure you’re still here-‘

“Hi handsome! You babyguarding the jukebox?”

Suddenly out of the blue this girl pops in front of me as she bounced on her heels, looking at me with huge blue eyes. I mean she was cute, but wait out of my league after I saw the goddess. Which her presence got me annoyed right away because she was taking time away from me as I was looking for my girl. I then realized I was blocking the jukebox and replied shortly but politely,

“Sorry, Go ahead ma’am.”

She then squeaked loudly and chuckled a little to hard as she said,

“Oh! Can’t wait to tell my friends you just called me ‘ma’am’!! Such a sweet man.”

She continued to bounce on her heels excitedly and giggle, I only smiled back as I was trying to be polite and make her not feel awful or weird about her over obnoxious behavior? I then was about to move over but her finger landed on my chest as she pushed on,

“Oh don’t move honey, you’re ok right there.”

She then began to lower her finger, and got me a little disgusted, cause I didn’t like how it felt.

‘Ok you’re pushing to far with your acrylics running down my nice white shirt.’

“Ok that’s enough there-“

“My friend said no buddy, now back off!”

‘Woah! Was that Phoenix’s voice? Where’s Bradley?’

I immediately forgot the girl was there clawing for my attention as I then averted my eyes and ears towards the door, where Bradley was trying to guide a couple of men outside, but Phoenix and the goddess were trying to get someone off of them too while sitting at the bar. He was a tall man, truck driver looking guy.

‘You better back off buddy- OH HELL NO!! Who in God’s name is that prick?! Why’s he getting close to her- OH HE WANTS TO TOUCH HER WAIST??- OH!! Oh shit… nice punch Phoenix- OH OH!! She can fight too.. she got him right in the nuts… that what he gets for trying to touch her.’

I seriously just witnessed these two women knock out this guy, he looked like those kind of men that don’t take ‘no’ for an answer and have disrespectful grabby hands. Those kind of men make me angry, I hate when they treat women like toys and hurt them, they don’t belong here in Hard Deck or anywhere.

‘I’m getting him out of here-‘

“Did you hear what I said? Or are you too busy think about me-“

I groaned lowly as I finally put out kinda straightforwardly, because this chick had not left my side yet!!

“No, I’m not. Now excuse me.”

I heard her whimper but I didn’t give a damn as I left the jukebox. And before I knew it, my hands had found this man’s collar, and I picked up his sagging body from the floor, he looked drunk and old.

‘What a pig.’

He didn’t even help himself stand up, so I began to drag him out while I sputtered out threats,

“You come in here again to hurt or bother anyone I will make sure it’s the last thing you do-“

Then this manpig tried to explain drunkenly,

“I was jus’ tryin’ ‘ave fun!!”

I glared at the guy being pulled by his collar by me,

“Yeah! Well I don’t like your version of fun!! So take it somewhere else and don’t ever come back!!”

I pushed him through the open doors and watched him fall on his face in the sand. I didn’t spare time to check if he was ok, screw him.

‘Asshole…’

“Jake! Thanks!!”

I whipped my head towards the familiar warm voice, of course, it was Penny. She was holding out a beer for me that made me head towards her. As I got closer she confessed,

“He’s been bothering us for a while now… but today he got worse-“

She lowered her voice while shaking her head disappointedly,

“Trying to touch my girls-“

Then Penny looked back at me and went on,

“But I hope your threat keeps him out. This is on the house.”

I smiled at Penny and took the cold beer,

“Thank you ma’am… if he’s ever back you let me know. I’ll deal with him first then I’ll call the cops. You have my word.”

“I do… Thanks for taking care of that as usual.”

“Of course.”

Then I noticed by the corner of my eye that a woman was right next to me, as she pushed her empty glass forwards towards Penny’s reach and kindly said,

“Thanks Penny, keep the change.”

I subtly watched the short interaction as Penny begged her to keep the $15 of change but she insisted it was a nice tip then. She turned to look at me while trying to slide off the tall stool, and nicely said,

“Excuse me.”

I quickly moved out of the way, but held my hand out without a second thought, she took it right away and helped herself off, and smiled while looking at the ground shyly,

“Thank you.”

I kept my eyes on my beer as I replied kindly,

“You’re welcome.”

She then turned around and walked off, now allowing me to see who it was, and I didn’t notice who it really was until she was already walking off,

‘NO FUCKING WAY!! Omg.. that was her… the goddess- I-I just talked- stupid how come you didn’t look at her. Spare her a glance!??-‘

“Are you going to stay for the bonfire? Mav is already setting it up, I’ll be out in 10 when we close. A few regular customers will be there alongside you pilots.”

I snapped out of my personal scolding as I looked through the window to see the sun setting and some familiar people outside with Maverick around a pile of wood. They all looked happy and relaxed… So I replied to Penny,

“Yes, I’ll be there. Do you need anything before I go?”

From under the counter she pulled out a large basket that held the contents to make s’mores, and a large box of caprisuns.

“Take these for you kids, and that should be it. You can go already, don’t worry about me-“

“-Are you sure?-“

“Jake, I’m positive… you already kicked out the guy and I’ll be fine. Rooster lent me his wooden bat from high school to protect myself. And Phoenix got me a pepper spray.”

I huffed a small laugh as she showed me her items, I felt a little more relieved.

“O-Ok… sounds great. I’ll see you in a minute.”

“You too son, go on.”

San Diego had the best weather for the evening, it wasn’t as hot anymore, and the breeze was warm like a cozy blanket. I walked down towards the bonfire that was already lit and growing little by little. There were sitting logs all around it, maybe two people fit on each, but it looked comfortable. So I made my presence known in my favorite line as I approached my buddy Javy, mostly called Coyote by me and everyone else,

“Evil be gone, Hangman’s coming!”

Coyote turned his head towards me and flashed me his biggest smile as he teased,

“More like Santa Claus, cause you brought us gifts!!”

I chuckled at his idiocy but immediately warned him as I saw his hands ready to snatch a pouch of caprisun,

“Hey! Get your damn hands out of here! Wait til we all sit down-“

Mickey aka Fanboy, one of the pilots I treated like a little brother came along at hearing my bantering and said,

“Sharing is caring Bagman! Didn’t know you packed snacks soccer mom!”

‘Ok now that’s not cool!’

I defended myself rightfully,

“Hey I got this basket from Penny, I was just helping her out-“

Of course Reuben aka Payback had to add to the tea,

“Awww he’s helping his mommy like a good ol’ boy!!”

I heard Phoenix laugh out loud as she too joined in,

“Such a golden boy Bagman- ooooo s’mores!! Hey Y/n!! They have s’mores! Your favorite!”

‘Y/n? Who’s Y/n- oh! OH! Y/n… such a beautiful name for a goddess… man she looks even better while close up- ok keep it together Bagman! Stay cool, stay you!’

My heart just about stopped beating when the presence of this goddess walked closer up to me and cheered happily like a little girl,

“Oooooo!! I haven’t had these for a minute!! Was it your idea to bring them along mister?”

I didn’t realize I was inthralled by her in silence until I felt a kick in my shin and Bradley scowling at me. I held in a groan of pain as I replied realizing she was talking to ME!

“I-I uh- no. Um Penny- it was her idea.. I just brought them o-out.”

Her eyes found mine as she smiled cutely and giggled, I guess at my mediocre response that was filled with stuttering.

“Oh ok! Well hey you’re a part of it if you brought them out right?”

I felt my cheeks grow so hot I had to look away and pretend that the package of Hershey chocolate bars was damn more interesting than her as I replied,

“Uh- Yeah! Yeah yeah.”

“Alright I’m here now!! I left a door open in case y’all needed the restroom or something.”

Rooster came close and whispered in my ear subtly,

“Yeah yeah? Seriously?”

I glared at him as everyone looked at Penny who had just arrived. I took that chance to glance at Y/n who was smiling at Penny, but kept looking back at the basket I was holding. She was eyeing the caprisuns. Instantly I grabbed the basket in a different way and used a free hand to pull one out and hand it to her,

“here-“

“Awww thanks!! I tell ya he’s such a sweet soul.”

That was the blue eyed girl who was annoyingly back, snatching away the drink I held out for Y/n. Y/n stepped back and shyly looked away, she looked sorry for even trying to reach out for the caprisun, which made me feel upset. I then saw a hand being shoved in my face as that voice squeaked,

“I’m Beverley! I’m a Baywatch girl here on this beach. I’ve seen you play with your friends before.”

‘You spy on me? Ew.’

I didn’t want to shake her hand, so I held it under the basket as if I needed to hold it with two hands as I calmly replied,

“That’s nice- Um Bradley! Want a drink?”

Bradley’s eyes found mine as he let go of Phoenix’s waist and quickly gave her a kiss on the cheek, as he saw me sending him puppy eyes of desperation, he was smart enough to know what was happening as this Beverley kept staring at me. He jogged towards me while saying,

“Sure Jake, thanks pal. Hey Beverley, uh I thought you had a party to go to, I remember you telling Nix about it-“

“Oh it’s ok!! I prefer being here with you guys!!!”

‘More like prefers to try and get the guys!!’

Phoenix then all of a sudden called her over for some reason, saying something about her having to grab some napkins at the bar, hence sending her away from me. I sighed in relief when she ran off to the Hard Deck. I knew Phoenix was a savior and had my back while she sent me a wink as she approached me whispering,

“She works for Penny, although she does a great job, she’s not a good girl. At least not for you ok?”

I nodded right away,

“Ok, thanks… for getting her off of me.”

“Anytime.”

She then went back into Bradley’s arms, leaving me alone for a minute, until I heard a soft voice ask,

“May I grab one?”

Of course it was Y/n, probably now worried to grab without asking, but I made sure she knew she could grab as much as she wanted as I smiled,

“Of course, don’t have to ask ok?”

She sent me a small smile while raising her hand to grab one, I instinctively lowered the basket so she could grab one easily.

Her doe eyes already glistened with the light of the fire hitting them, but I could swear they glowed brighter as she took it from the basket, her fingers brushing against it as she beamed,

“thank you!”

My mouth went dry for gods sake before I could respond, so I dumbly shook my head with the best smile my nervous self could offer. But she seemed to appreciate it, because she sent me a gorgeous toothy smile before working on opening her caprisun. Soon Penny walked up to me and cooed like a mother, not helping the fact that my wing buddies kept teasing me about being a ‘mommy’s boy’,

“Jake, son, you could’ve put the basket down. It’s a picnic basket so it can go on the sand. Let’s set it here in the middle so everyone can reach.”

I let out a simple ‘oh’ and listened attentively and followed her simple instructions. I then stood up to my full height and stretched a bit, while watching stupid Bradley come up to me while swaying his hips like a model and mimicking in a high pitched voice,

“Jakey, son, I want the basket here instead-“

“Bradley leave him alone or he’ll push you into the water like last time.”

‘Thanks Mavdad.’

It was nice that Maverick treated me nicely too, always being on my side when needed. He patted my shoulder before picking up a caprisun, and walking off so calmly after giving me a smile. I felt bigger than Rooster as I ‘threatened’,

“He’s right Bradshaw, so be nice to me.”

Phoenix smacked both our arms at once as she scolded,

“Hangster! Sereshaw! Whatever you two like to be called, don’t start or we’ll tie you up til midnight. Now sit down.”

Coyote put his hands on his hips as he mocked the both of us,

“Now sit down boys-“

“-Shut up Coyote. Nuh- uh, move over I’m sitting next to Bob, Rooster and Hangman can have each other tonight. I’ll take Bob.”

I watched Bob blush lightly as Phoenix ruffled his hair then bopped his nose as she situated herself next to him. He was usually very quiet (a stealth pilot in the flesh) but he was great company. A couple of times when I couldn’t sleep at night. I’d call him over to the near by cafe and we’ll literally just sit in silence and read each other’s newspapers until our coffee ran out. Or he’d do the same. Anyways. I sat down like Phoenix asked after I got my pouch. Without realizing who sat next to me, on my left, because Rooster sat on my right on a different log. I began to smell something sweet. Like cashmere woods? But with a hint of vanilla? Smelled like something you’d want to walk into after a long day, and just find comfiness in that aroma. That was until I heard the sweetest voice ask me,

“Is it ok if I sit here?”

‘Oh holy cow… there’s no way.’

“Uh..”

The words ‘Yes have a seat’ were hanging off my tongue but wouldn’t come out!! I was acting like an idiot, but before I could say anything, that DAMNED squeaky voice god forsakenly returned,

“I took this spot already sweetie! See my sweater there? You can sit next to me on the next log though?”

Y/n raised her bows slightly and sent her a small smile,

“oh, sorry. Sure.”

I frowned at seeing this chick’s sweater next to me, claiming the spot.

‘How did I not see the stupid sweater!??’

And I couldn’t move away, cause then I’d look like an ass for leaving her alone, because the rest of the spots were taken. So Beverley sat next to me, as I watched my girl walk slowly away after giving me an apologetic smile, she sat at the next log, but she was accompanied by Coyote, who made her feel welcome by patting her upper back with a small talk.

‘At least I know she’s safe with Javy… he’ll keep her safe and good company.’

I then felt vey uncomfortable, Beverley kept scooting closer to me, bumping into me quite on purposely. She giggle it off and squeak out ‘sorrys’. But I did my best to ignore her as Maverick began to tell his good old stories about his days with his pal Iceman. His best friend and Wingman. Those stories always made my heart sore with warmth, they were so real and very relatable sometimes. On the funny parts of the stories or when Penny and Mav would playfully argue back and forth about him exaggerating some parts I could hear the sweetest melody of laughter near by, and it was Y/n who would throw her head back and laugh so freely. I’d feel myself smile at such a lovely sight, she was so carefree and involved. Soon conversations were held between one another, as we enjoyed our s’mores that Penny made and passed out. (She really likes to treat everyone like her kids, and enjoys doing everything for us, like a mother would.) Y/n had gotten up with Phoenix to help her out, they were happy swaying with one another while toasting the marshmallows and listening to Bradley try to play the ukulele with a hurt hand.

‘Damn I wish I could take a picture of her and frame it above my bed-‘

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Gooooooood damnit… here we go. Be brave and short Jake.’

“No I don’t, but I’m happy without it for now. I like being alone.”

I made sure to be so damn clear. But I could see the gears turn in her head as she went on,

“Oh! That’s ok, I feel the way sometimes too, maybe we could practice dating if you like-“

“Noooo I’m fine.. haha.. yeah. Seriously.”

She sent me a small frown but then scoffed in a tone she thought sounded seductive,

“You’re just afraid of having a good girl like me around huh? Just admit it Jake.”

‘Yeahhhh no.’

I laughed it off, still trying to be nice,

“I’m not afraid of anyone, I just don’t want someone right now-“

And that’s when my words pushed to her to make a move that had me standing up, she had placed her hand on my thigh, but WAYYY up my thigh and squeezed it,

“Ok! I-I-“

Everyone looked at me shocked at worriedly, like if I was the crazy one when I abruptly stood up. Silence filled the area for a few seconds which drove me nuts right away. I then collected my thoughts for a split second as I said,

“I’ll be right back.”

I then didn’t spare anyone a glance as I darted towards the restroom, hoping I wasn’t being followed by anyone.

I took a few minutes to wash my face with cold water, and cool down. I got a little upset at the whole situation, wishing that this girl Beverley hadn’t ruined it, I had my chance with Y/n, but she took it away. Maybe now Y/n thinks that I don’t want anyone in my life, because I had said that quite out loud, and then I was stuck next to Beverley who was all over me and talking so loud and so much, acting like if we were together and stuff. I now wanted to go home, but at the same time I didn’t... I wanted to see Y/n one more time.

‘Maybe I’ll say I had too many s’mores and say goodbye. That’ll give me a chance to see her one last time-‘

Knock knock knock!

I stiffened while leaning over the sink, if it had been one of the guys they would’ve just walked in, but this person knocked, meaning it was a girl.

‘Please don’t be Beverley! please don’t be Beverley!-‘

“Hi Jake, um… it’s me Y/n. Phoenix wanted me to check on you.. are you ok?”

‘Oh! Damn an angel has arrived.’

My feet took me to the door immediately and my hands opened it right away, my breath left my lungs once again as there she stood, with a concerned look on her face.

“I- uh. Yes, I’m ok… just needed a breather. Too much s’mores you know?”

She nodded with a small huff of laughter,

“Yeah… I had like 4 already… but uh, you sure you’re ok? Phoenix thought you were a little off, And I thought the same.”

‘So you were watching me? Did you see I was in desperate need of your attention? Of your hands on me, your eyes on me? How I crave YOU?’

By then we had walked toward the bar, away from the restroom as I answered,

“Yeah, I’m ok. Thanks for…”

And the words died on my lips, as I finally focused on her, beaming in the light of the moonlight shining through the windows. I couldn’t describe it, oh god I couldn’t. If I could wake up to this everyday, I’d be a happy man forever. Satisfied to the brim, never letting go. Her height reached up to my chest, which I thought was the most adorable thing, I could embrace her and cover her with my arms, keeping her completely safe. My heart beat wildly in my chest, and I couldn’t get enough air in my lungs, she definitely took my breath away. She hadn’t said a word either, she just looked up at me, with hope and what looked like love in her eyes. And that… was when my desperation to claim her caught on, I leaned forward quickly towards her and closed my eyes. Waiting to feel-

“Oh! Jake..”

She whispered my name as she stopped me by putting a hand on my chest, her eyes now wide. I immediately regretted it and felt stupid and wrong,

‘How could I be so stupid?!’

“I’m so sorry- that was so wrong-“

“Tell me the truth.”

‘What?’

I was confused as I asked,

“Wait what?”

She kept her hand on my chest as she repeated out of breath,

“Tell me the truth, if you really want this too I’m all in.”

‘Oh heaven..’

I sighed a relief, and raised my hands to grab her face, I smiled as I felt her fit perfectly into my hold. I leaned my forehead on hers as her other hand raised on my chest, resting them there.

“Jake? It’s ok-“

“I want you.. I need you. Please I know I’ve barely heard your voice and have seen you for the first time, but this feels so right- oomph!!”

And her lips caught me off guard as they locked onto mine. Her delicate arms wrapped around my neck and pulled me flush against her. I dipped my head to kiss her deeper as I lifted her off the ground and held her tightly. This was better than checking off anything on my bucket list, she completed me. Her soft lips touched mine so lovingly and softly, though I could feel the passion in it all. If I died like this… I’d die a winning man. A cute whimper fell from her lips as I pressed harder and squeezed her hips, not getting enough of feeling her on me. I had instantly grown addicted. We made out there at the bar, passionately and freely, feeling like we were the only ones on earth. She gently pulled my hair as her other hand held my cheek, I let out a low moan which gave her entrance to slip her tongue through my lips. Once she did that, it got a bit more intense and heated, but still very nice as we held one another. But soon nature called, asking us to split apart to take a good breather in. But we didn’t separate far, keeping our cheeks pressed on one another. I could feel her warm labored breaths hit my ear, and I heard her whisper,

“Phoenix never asked me to come… I just wanted to find you.”

I awed lowly at her confession, and only held her tighter as I admitted,

“I thought I lost you.”

She hummed and pecked my temple,

“You had me the minute you helped me off the stool. Literally.”

I moved my head to look back into her eyes shocked at that fact. She smiled and nodded, while I leaned closer once again as I said before I kissed her,

“So getting to you was a slow but blissful ride then.”

She laughed through the kiss, and feeling her smile through it too, only made me fall harder for her… damn having her now was a winner, but indeed a slow ride.

#jake hangman seresin #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake seresin fluff #jake seresin #jake seresin fanfiction #jake seresin imagine #jake seresin x reader #jake hangman seresin fic #jake hangman x reader #hangman x reader #hangman angst #hangman fluff #hangman #top gun #top gun hangman #hangman imagine

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fnvminorcharacterpoll · 7 months

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FNV Minor Character Poll - WINNER-TAKE-ALL SUPERFINAL

Left: The Challenger, Trudy, proprietor of the Goodsprings Saloon. —"If you were able to get Ringo out of this mess, you'd have a decent reputation around Goodsprings. I'd even set you up with a discount."

Trudy's designated cheerleader is @sas-afras! trudy is, as the "town mom" of goodsprings, a representation of the people whose lives will most be affected by the state of the mojave by endgame. someone who just wants to live their life in peace, who has no stake in nor control over what happens to the dam, who no one in power wants to give a fuck about. she is the everywoman!! the proletariat worker!! MY MOM!!!!!!!! the fact that she can die so quickly in the first hour of the game as part of the couriers first "moral choice" (as simplistic as it may be) is a microcosm of that role, and its a shame she didnt get the development time she deserved. i love her and her hidden lesbian polycule. also, i will die on any hill if that hill is a woman. VOTE TRUDY!! Trudy was the twentieth seed in the tournament overall and a semi-finalist in the A-side bracket. She beat Ignacio Rivas, Francine & James Garrett, and Fantastic before being defeated by Keely in tournament semi-finals.

Right: The champion, Beatrix Russell, hired guard at the Old Mormon Fort and potential sex worker at the Atomic Wrangler. —"Longing makes the heart grow fonder, but I’ve always been a fan of hog-tying my lovers to make sure they can’t escape.“

Beatrix's designated cheerleader is @fnvminorcharacterpoll (@fallout-lou-begas)! That's right, it's me, your tournament organizer and the operator of this blog. In the interest of avoiding bias, I've refrained from using my platform this way to advocate for my own favorite picks during the tournament (r.i.p. ranger ghost), but now I have no such qualms. Why? Because the tournament is over. We have a winner! Beatrix Russell, a phenomenal and worthwhile character who's funny, rowdy, sexy, filthy, old, weird, rough, and immediately fascinating fights for her life to get the title belt, and now my opposing cheerleader refuses to recognize the results? The audacity! The shamelessness! The Fallout: New Vegas Minor Character Poll tournament blog would ordinarily not even entertain such audacious claims of illegitimacy, but if my opponent wants Trudy to step back into the ring so bad, then by God, she can step in the ring. We'll all go one last time. But Trudy's in over her head: Beatrix has won every bracket she's entered in a landslide. Meanwhile Trudy got knocked out by Keely, who Beatrix beat! See, Trudy, the numbers don't lie: and they spell disaster for you in the superfinals. Beatrix was the seventh seed in the tournament overall and the winner of the tournament overall. She beat Chomps Lewis, the Lonesome Drifter, Siri, Daisy Whitman, No-Bark Noonan, and Keely to become the grand champion.

[Bracket | Info & FAQs]

#fallout #fallout new vegas #fnv #trudy #goodsprings #beatrix russell #superfinals #grudge matches

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cowboyjen68 · 6 months

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Hey, Jen! I'm working on a couple farms this year, and the mornings are getting rather cold. Any brand recommendations for some good work overalls and gloves?

Much love from Texas ❤️

If you want a full zip up i recommend Walls insulated Coveralls. For Bibs and Hooded Coat Tractor Supply brand Ridgecut women’s. They are affordable and sturdy. Don’t forget to button the bottoms to prevent wear and tear on the pant legs. I’m short but they button perfectly over my boots to prevent dragging.

The best warm and durable gloves I’ve found are Plainsman.

Wrangler Flannel lined cargo pants (Legacy Style) are comfortable, warm and cheap. They won’t last much past one season but the cost makes that okay.

I’ll link a tiktok I shot in response to a similar question.

#lesbian #butch #warm clothes #insulated bibs #rural life #farm life #tractor supply

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howdoyousleep3 · 8 months

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Walk with me here, I’ve been thinking of being fucked by farmer Steve. And he has the facial hair of nomad Steve, and a hairy chest

He's wearing overalls but just overalls so you can perfectly and clearly see his arms, the veins on said arms, biceps, pecs, hairy chest and he'd be such a teasing flirt, he'd be calling me his pretty boy, compliments, looks up and down my body, and be a little shit and wrap his arms around me to guide my hands when doing something

And he'd fuck like an animal, being held down as he's railing into me, and omg the beard burn from him, and how sloppy he’d be with kisses too

Yes, yes, yes, yes I will absolutely walk with you here. Farmer Steve just hits different and he's such an indulgent, delicious thought. Especially him in his overalls or his Wranglers or his flannel. 😵‍💫 The size of him would be obscene, alarming almost.

And he works so hard all day, his days unimaginably difficult, but he's so sweet to you when he comes home for lunch and then again in the evening before the sun goes down. He always wants a piece of you, always wants some sugar, always pulls you close with a rumble and that look.

And you're absolutely right; he fucks like a savage. He fucks like he has a need that can only be itched by you, by your sweet bitty body. Rough from the start, sweet with his words, he'd surely whisper his praise and thanks into your ear and into your neck for taking such good care of him, for giving him this, for letting him have your little hole.

He wrecks and ruins you every time, leaves you to go tend to the farm more than disheveled, panting and sweating and aching. And surely with a sweet smack on the ass.

And surely hungry for more when he returns home. ❤️

#askK #farmer steve #love the idea of him being so big and burly and charming and fucking like an animal #LOVE IT

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witchofthesouls · 1 year

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Hi! I would like to request some Team prime things with a tiny child, about 15 months to 24 months, thrown in the mix. I.E they place a bell on the child to make sure little baby doesn't go squish and stuff like that. Please?

Not bells. But a leash. The toddler will be leashed for their safety and everyone else's piece of mind.

The Autobots had severely underestimated how fast those little, chubby legs will speed away. One moment they're in their playpen, the moment there's no eyes on them, then they'll escape and make their way across the base without care to look in any direction.

The Annual Running of the Minis/Toddler Track becomes an inside joke in the Autobot base. As does child-wrangler. The saying Easier than Toddler fishing becomes a base staple.

Jack and Miko suffer from Single Child Syndrome and have really small families or are too distant to actually interact with, so they really don't know about tiny humans under the age of kindergarten. It's Raf to the rescue.

The base fridge has a stock of lemon juice now because the internet had failed them with breaking the toddler's pacifier habit. Now the baby asks/demands a little cup of sour to dip their binky and suck on it.

June Darby has soooo many stories about bitty Jack, especially his imaginary friends and how he was little robber at vending machines to feed the animals outside. Not a thief because requires sneakiness. Oh no, Jack literally waited at the base of the machine for snacks to drop and darted away.

Because there's a smaller and far more impressionable human, there's parental locks on the TV now. Much to the kids' displeasure. Miko is trying to sweet talk Bulkhead into allowing full access to anime because of the sheer variety. Ratchet stopped it because of the sheer variety.

The base gets a lot of reruns around the Winnie the Pooh series. Specfically The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh and the Book of Pooh. And the Muppets whenever the little one is around.

The moment Eeyore spoke on screen everyone now understand their excitement over Optimus. They think he's the donkey. Optimus and Eeyore do sound eerily alike...

Ratchet, despite his gruffness and initial upset at another human at the base, does have some ideas on DIY crafts for the baby when the kids are searching for activities to keep them occupied. As does Arcee from her old profession as a shopkeeper near a creche and an educational facility.

The Autobots made a little monster because of the invention of the Crane - a combination of a leash and a fishing rod. Now the baby would simply hide and sit just to have one of the 'bots activate the instrument to gently tug them across the floor by the designated overalls.

They also liked being dangled by the back of those overalls by a 'bot's pinched fingers. Practically wriggling and pretending to fly around like a superhero.

Because kids say the damnest of things and model the people around, it's hilarious to see a tiny rendition of Bulkhead, I needed that, complete with hand gestures. Ratchet absolutely denies looking like that and the baby mirrors that grouch. Including the scoff.

Instead of vroom vroom with toy cars, they mimic the beeps and chirps from Bumblebee.

They called Jack and Miko "old," so the bots are "dinos."

Likes pushing their books to Optimus because of his voice. He reads to them poems, nursery rhymes, and Dr. Suess. Much to their utter delight, he picked up Winny the Pooh for them.

#cmstars2 #ask #transformers #transformers prime #tfp #jack darby #miko nakadai #raf esquivel #june darby #ratchet #arcee #bumblebee #bulkhead #optimus prime #optimus #maccadam #hey yall Peter Cullen voiced Eeyore and Optimus Prime #What a fucking treat #my writing

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bobimpresa · 2 months

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Wrangler overalls hardware

#bobimpresa

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sebsxphia · 2 years

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I bought a pair of wrangler overalls and they make my ass look so good and now i can’t stop thinking about being on the Ranch with Rhett and wearing them.

Or teasing Jake with them when visiting his parents in Texas.

- @sandbarbirdie

@sandbarbirdie UGHHH BIRIDIE WHAT A VIBE!!

i bet you look amazing in them bestie!! 🥹🥹

both of them would agree that you’re being a tease in wearing them. with rhett, you’re bending over and helping him out with the ranch work and he’s getting more and more frustrated. “darlin’, you could’ve worn anything else while you help me out. why the pants that make your ass look that good?” you love playing innocent with him, so you simply turn around while carrying the buckets and give him a quizzical look. “abbott, i’ll have you know these are ranch appropriate. workers wear them. you’ve just got a dirty mind.”

with jake, it’s fully intentional. “i wanted to wear something cowboy like, when visiting your parents.” you give him a twirl in his parents spare bedroom that you’re currently staying in. jake only groans and catches you in his grasp, pulling you back to stand in between his thighs as he sits on the edge of the bed. “you do this on purpose, don’t you?” you bring your hands around to play with the hairs at the base of his neck. “maybe.” you give him a little smile. “why?” a beat. “because, i want you to fuck me in your parents barn.”

tee hee thank you so much for this wonderful lil idea bestie!! 💌💖

#💌you’ve got mail #sandbarbirdie #rhett abbott #rhett abbott x y/n #rhett abbott x reader #rhett abbott x you #jake hangman seresin #jake hangman x reader #jake hangman seresin x reader #hangman x reader #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin x you #jake hangman x you #hangman x you

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carharttme · 1 year

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Beachlife in bibs!

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ares857 · 1 year

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internet finds

If you want this project to continue, you can use the Paypal donation button on the web page of the blog. Any donation is welcome.

#overalls #dungarees #shirt #tie #hat #beard #skinny #skinny guy #wrangler #cool #cool look #cute #cute guy #hot #hot guy #white shirt #street style #park #sneakers #socks

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l1ft-l1ft1ng-l1ft3d · 11 months

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What I l1ft3d 5/1/2023 - 5/31/2023

B@rn3s & N0bl3:

- 6 books (5/1/2023)

- PaperSource Mountain tote bag

- 5 books (5/6/2023)

- B&N canvas tote bag (teal)

- ShedRain Windjammer umbrella

- 6 books (5/11/2023)

- 3 books (5/16/2023)

- 8 books (5/18/2023)

- Out of Print Eric Carle Hungry Caterpillar tote bag

- 4 books (5/19/2023)

- Moomin tote bag

- Keep Calm and Read On bookmark

- 3 books (5/22/2023)

- Fjallraven backpack

- 8 books (5/26/2023)

- B&N canvas tote (gray)

- 4 books (5/30/2023)

¢V$:

- CeraVe Renewing SA Cleanser

- Billie Whipped Shave Cream

- Kitsch The Satin Pillowcase (Ivory)

- CeraVe Acne Foaming Cream Cleanser

- Cottonelle Flushable Wipes

D1ck'$ $p0rt1ng G00d$:

- Nike sportswear crewneck pullover sweatshirt (yellow)

- Nike Sportswear embroidered logo t-shirt (black)

- Nike Sportswear athletic shorts w/large elastic band (chartreuse)

- Nike Sportswear athletic shorts (blue)

- 2 Nike Sportswear embroidered logo t-shirt (guava, gray)

- Nike Sportswear athletic shorts (burnt orange)

- Nike Sportswear cotton shorts (gray)

- Hydroflask 24 oz. bottle w/sip lid (pastel aqua)

- Nike Sportswear crewneck pullover sweatshirt (black)

- Nike athletic shorts w/large elastic band (gray)

- 49 brand Giants pullover hoodie sweatshirt (dark gray)

- Nike Sportswear crewneck pullover sweatshirt (gray)

- Nike athletic shorts (mauve)

- Nike Sportswear graphic logo oversized t-shirt (olive)

- Adidas crewneck pullover sweatshirt w/elastic bottom hem detail (charcoal)

- Calia polo neck pullover sweatshirt (blue)

- Calia short sleeve t-shirt (gray)

- Calia sleeveless t-shirt (white) 71

- 2 pairs Calia athletic shorts (tomato bisque, goldenrod)

- Nike Sportswear crewneck graphic logo pullover sweatshirt (ivory + aqua)

- Nike DriFit athletic shorts (black)

- Calia polo neck pullover sweatshirt (olive)

- Stanley 40 oz The Flowstate Quencher H2.0 Tumbler (Tigerlily)

- 47 Giants long sleeve baseball shirt

- Calia polo neck pullover sweatshirt (florescent yellow)

- Calia straight leg crop sweatpants (gray)

- Stanley 30 oz Ice Flow Tumbler with Flip Straw (lime + forest green)

- Nike Sportswear crewneck sweatshirt (yellow)

- Nike bike shorts (black)

H0bby L0bby:

- 2 X-Acto knives (regular + small)

H0m3 G00ds:

- Yeti Rambler Colster Can Insulator

J.C. P3nn3y:

- Levi's Shaping Capri jeans

- Wrangler graphic logo t-shirt (light blue)

- Adidas Cloudfoam tennis shoes (rainbow)

- Levi's 501 Cut-Off Short (dark denim)

- Levi's crewneck embroidered logo pullover sweatshirt (pastel pink)

- ANA sleeveless sundress (olive + white tropical flowers)

- ANA button-down polo neck sundress (olive)

- ANA spaghetti strap dress (olive floral)

- ANA shift dress (black)

- Levi's denim button down shirt (med. blue)

- Levi's 501 cut off shorts

- 2 Levi's graphic t-shirts (black, white)

M@cy's:

- Kipling mini crossbody bag (cherry red)

- Kipling backpack (med., gray)

- Kipling mini backpack (black w/raindrops)

- Calvin Klein Performance full zip hoodie (electric green)

- Kipling medium over the shoulder purse (gray)

- Kipling minimalist wallet (army green pattern)

- Levi's 501 shorts (med. length/med. blue denim)

- Calvin Klein Performance full-zip hoodie sweatshirt (stone gray)

- Kipling backpack (cherry red)

- 2 Guess wallets (black - large + small)

- Levi's 501 cut off shorts (black)

- And Now This ruched peasant blouse (black)

- Levi's Shaping Skinny Jeans

- Levi's denim overall dress

- Levi's cropped peasant blouse (blue + green plaid)

- Calvin Klein Performance full-zip sweatshirt (black)

- 2 Calvin Klein Performance cropped straight leg sweat pants (black, heather gray)

- 2 And Now This tank tops (white, cocoa)

Levi's button down denim shirt (light, distressed)

- Levi's spaghetti strap sundress (checkers)

- Ralph Lauren short pajama set (white w/floral)

- Calvin Klein Performance full-zip hoodie (ivory)

- Wacoal convertible bra (black)

- Calvin Klein Performance full zip hoodie (dark heather gray)

- Calvin Klein Performance full-zip hoodie (sky blue)

- Levi's graphic logo t-shirt (black)

- Levi's button-down short sleeve shirt (green + white stripes)

- Levi's High-Waisted Mom Jeans (med. denim)

- Calvin Klein Performance logo hoodie (heather gray)

- And Now This short sleeve bodysuit (pastel blue)

M@r1n@ M@rk3tpl@ce:

- Burt's Bees Aloe & Coconut Oil After Sun Soother

0ff1c3 D3p0t:

- Pilot Dr. Grip Frosted Ball Point Pen

- Pilot Dr. Grip Ball Point Pen Refills (2-ct)

$pr0ut$:

- Badger Organic Cuticle Care

- Pacifica Silver Moon Parfum

- Hello Antiplaque + Whitening Toothpaste Tablets

- 3 Pacifica Parfums (Island Vanilla, Tuscan Blood Orange, Persian Rose)

- Zum Mist Aromatherapy Room + Body Spray (Frankincense & Myrrh)

- Olika refillable spray moisturizing hand sanitizer

- Olika hand sanitizer refill

- Pacifica perfume (French Lilac)

- Zum Mist Aromatherapy Room + Body Spray (Patchouli)

- Humble Natural Deodorant (Palo Santo & Frankincense)

$t@rbuck$:

- Sign language art Starbucks mug

- Yosemite Pin Drop Collection Starbucks Mug

T@rg3t:

- Vornado Whole Room Air Circulator (w/interchangeable base plate discs)

- Vornado Whole Room Air Circulator

- Owala Free Sip water bottle (24 oz - tangerine)

- Reusable silicone menstrual disc

- Fine'ry Sun-Phoria body mist

- Olive & June The Poppy mani tool

- Owala Free Sip water bottle (24 oz - plum)

- Fine'ry I'm A Musk Eau de Parfum

- Fine'ry Magnetic Candy body mist

- Differin Dark Spot Correcting Serum

- 2 Casaluna sateen standard pillowcases

- EOS tropical summer lip balm (set of 4)

- Being Frenshe Awaken & Uplift Citrus Amber Glow On Perfume Oil

- American Tourister hard side checkered carry-on rolling suitcase

Ült@:

- The Body Shop Moringa Body Butter (6.75 oz)

- Lanolips 101 Ointment Multipurpose Superbalm

- Drunk Elephant Virgin Marula Luxury Facial Oil

- Byoma Brightening Serum

- Briogeo B. Well Organic + Australian 100% Tea Tree Oil

- Dr. PawPaw Lip Scrub & Lip Balm Duo

- Essie On a Roll Apricot Cuticle Oil

- O.P.I. Nail Lacquer (Yank My Doodle)

- L'Occitane En Provence Ultra Rich Body Cream

- Drunk Elephant Protini Polypeptide Cream

- Origins Ginzing Refreshing Eye Cream (Original)

- Hero Force Shield Superfuel Serum Stick

- Lanolips Lip Water (Watermelon)

- Lanolips 101 Ointment Fruities Trio

- Drunk Elephant C-Tango Multivitamin Eye Cream

- Cosrx Advanced Snail 96 Mucin Power Essence

- Briogeo Farewell Frizz Rosarco Milk Leave-In Conditioning Spray

- Briogeo Farewell Frizz Smoothing Conditioner

- Kenra Platinum Blow Dry Spray (6 fl. oz.)

- Bumble and Bumble BB Hairdresser's Invisible Oil

- Mario Badescu Skin Care Drying Lotion

- Soap & Glory Hand Food Intensive Hand Balm (Original Pink)

W@lm@rt:

- 2 Prep Solutions Silicone Grease Keeper & Strainer

- Cottonelle Flushable Wipes (2-pk)

Total: 197 items

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crysdonscorner · 6 months

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#wrangler #overalls #18 months #baby

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serendertothesquad · 5 months

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I can finally go off about the Odd Squad Season 3 pitch bible (AKA happy 9th anniversary to this big lil' franchise)

I had originally wanted to do a little analysis video on this thing, and maybe I will someday, but for now here's a text version of that video.

I have not found the overall series bible -- and oh you better believe me when I say I've tried, and oh you better believe me when I say I have found shit -- but if I die before it's unearthed, then it will be, perhaps, the greatest failure in my pseudo-career as Odd Squad fandom leader. We've had cast members reveal pink drafts of scripts, we've found deleted scenes in some episodes...I just wanna see the big old pitch bible for the entire show. (Why didn't Sinking Ship Entertainment give me that when they sent me a fan package in exchange for me not promoting watching the show via VPNs? The fan package was nice but if I got a copy of a nice thick happy show bible I think it'd cure my depression!)

"But Seren, you managed to get PBS's Metadata Bank wiped from public view of everyone on the Internet who isn't a PBS employee, won't the same thing happen aga-" Shhh. Shhhhhhh. The answer is no. Absolutely not. Not on your life. Worst-case scenario is that a Season 4 bible is decided to be kept locked in a vault that's tighter than anything Disney could ever craft.

Can we move on now? Right, cool. Then let's go.

Y'know, it's sad that they continue to uphold that Season 1 and Season 2 were set in Nondescript Town, Nondescript State despite any and all evidence pointing to both being set in Toronto. I don't care if it makes it seem more local to kids. Some kids don't really have a giant-ass replica of their town's name sitting in their town's main square.

"But it's in the backgro-" Shhhhh. We're talking about the demographic that weaponizes brutal honesty better than John Wick weaponizes his own two fists. Shhhhhh. I'm willing to bet some kid has noticed that sign.

Tim McKeon and Adam Peltzman had the balls to put in a merch pitch that would have made Hasbro execs slam their hands on the table and then immediately go in for the deal-closing handshake.

No but seriously, they could have made bank on selling miniature vans. Osmerelda had a mini-van toy of her own in "Monumental Oddness", even! Odd Squad's already just slightly toyetic, one more injection won't hu- wait, the chance has passed now. Well, fuck. Never mind.

But ohhhh no, that's not even the most egregious part. The most egregious part is the fact that they called Creature Room employees...ah..."creature wranglers". Quite obviously, we know that's not all they do...I mean look at Ocean, as one example.

...Okay that's not so egregious.

Also, I, uh...well...they're not so much "roles" so much as they are "departments". You don't really go into a job interview at the local Target saying you'd like to apply for the role of part-time cashier like it's a school play and you really wanna strut your stuff. Odd Squad is a workplace. It has always been a workplace. Let's stick to the roots.

And while you guys do that, let's move on to the characters! This is one of the things I most want to see from an Odd Squad show bible, because if PBS can hike up their belts and declare Oprah to be physically seven years old right on the Wild Wild Internet, for all we know Olive could have been named Olivia somewhere in pre-production and they wanted to make her a hell of a lot more fucked-up than she turned out to be.

You know what's also sad? The fact that no one has the balls to admit that Odd Squad has precincts and it's not just smaller offices also named Odd Squad under a Big Office that's probably named, oh no you better not guess it, Odd Squad.

Let's be honest here, Opal is by far and away the most "we erased only the small smudges but she's otherwise polished" character in here. Everyone else has characterization that differs wildly from the final products. Opal...not so much. Pretty much everything said about her here is right on the money.

Except for, uh...that third paragraph. Let me word-vomit about that.

It does not matter how hard the franchise will try and make you believe Opal is not the leader. The fact of the matter is, she is the leader, de facto, and as such, she takes charge in all kinds of situations. However, that doesn't necessarily mean she's not keen on passing the buck to her teammates, as she's done it before (see, blugh, "Odd Squad in the Shadows") and she's more than willing to do it if she has to. This is a trait I honestly would have loved to have seen in her -- an Opal who decides to go-off-queen on her teammates by saying that she's the boss and what she says goes would have been more entertaining to watch than the final product we got. Opal's an enjoyable character, but she could have used a lot more polishing to make her as perfect of a character as her predecessors. Yes, even with the story arc.

Such a good example of this unused trait in action would be with a plotline similar to "O For a Day" -- Opal is forced to fill in for an Odd Squad Director after they get ill or sick in some way, and as a result, she slowly begins to get drunk on her own power until it becomes full-blown alcoholism and it gets to be at its utter detrimental peak for the precinct and the agents that work there. Maybe she micromanages like a boss bitch so that it's micro-micromanaging. Maybe she has her sanity go weeeeeaaaaaaaow down the drain. Maybe she becomes what CEOs of corporations aspire to become. Whatever the outcome, it could have served as wonderful character development for her and showed that being a leader is no easy task and choosing one is not a "pick a name outta a hat" method.

Whereas Opal is a sort of weak expy of past characters (Olive/Otto) -- and even that could be a stretch -- Omar is explicitly referred to here as an expy of Olympia and Otto, which...well yeah, actually that's pretty accurate.

You know who he's also an expy of? Pinkie Pi- nah that joke got old fast in 2016, I'm not revivin' it again.

Omar is one agent out of the group whose personality remains largely the same, but also has something just a teeny-tiny bit...off. In this case, the thing that's off here is the fact that he's gullible. So let me word-vomit about this too, and throw some Pepto-Bismol into my Walmart shopping cart while I'm at it.

I'm going to be real with you guys, even though some of you might already be aware of this: Otto is not a gullible motherfucker. He's really not. If some random stranger on the street waddled on up to me and asked me what the first word I'd use to describe Otto would be, "gullible" would not be the first word that springs to mind. Has he had gullible moments? Oh abso-fuckin'-lutely without a doubt. He's a dum-dum blorbo sometimes and if I gotta be frank with Frank then I like him like that. But is he easily gullible? Yeah no.

Maybe Otto being gullible all the time was something that was planned for when he was nothing but an idea on paper. I've seen enough criticisms about his character development to where I could probably hang that guess out on a limb and pray to the oracle in "Nature of the Sandbeast" that I'm lucky.

But I digress. Omar's gullibility being exploited to hell and back by his teammates would have been amazing to see, but alas, it never really came to pass in Season 3. Would have made for great conflict with The Shadow when she didn't have an obsessive schtick for Opal and didn't decide to wake up and choose the "by proxy" option for her crimes.

Now where in the McFuck can I begin here? Can I start by going inside and telling the cook I'd like a McCrispy Lack of Facts with a side of large What the Fuck and a large WHOA AN ACTUAL ORIGINAL CHARACTER with no ice? Cool, thanks, card got approved and I'd like my receipt please.

To say Orla is a writers' pet is something that you could have some bobo respond to with "citation needed" and get citation...but not really enough citation. For a character that is no expy of any previous one in the franchise and is something birthed from the God of Originality in the Television Industry...well yeah, you could say that justifies it. But Orla is really a fantastic character through and through and she deserves all the love she can get. I mean it's not every day you get a character willing to make people spill their coffees by punching and kicking the ever-loving shit out of an octopus (for simplicity's sake, let's assume it's an octopus, okay? okay) on a network where physical violence can become weirdly memetic at best (I'm side-eyeing you, Arthur) and controversial at worst (I, uh...I can't name any controversies about that. I am sorry).

I'm not about to delve into the historical parts of that paragraph, largely because history is my worst subject. I can say for sure, however, that I see why they changed what she called cars. If we wanna get technical -- and I mean insufferably so -- then cars would technically be the carriage and the horse. The horse serves as the engine, and then you have the carriage as the main body of the vehicle. "Metal chariots" is a more broad term that is far more accurate, because when I, for one, think of a chariot, I think of the carriage and the horse.

Also, I'm pretty sure sandwiches were around back in her time...lemme see here...

Mmmmmhm. As I thought. And let me check the timeline of the show here...

...Oh! Well wouldja look at that! Not exactly 400 years, but close!

Yeah, something tells me a lot of writers on the crew might have gotten an A in comedy but got an F in history. That or they simply went "bitch, we don't give a fuck!"

Tim and Adam slipped in an absolutely beautiful burn that missed the show as much as that one guy who shows up to meetings several hours after conclusions.

Like I said before, and I will repeat: Orla is not an expy of any one character. She is an original character made from scratch like your mother's baked bread. I find it hard to believe that she's a copy of Otis in any aspect outside of "hey, both of our seasons have us as the feature of story arcs". I can kinda sorta see the "surprising skills" aspect, but not by much outside of the season premiere. (Which, to be fair, had her scaling a wall with the same strings the Zephyr Heights royalty used to pull themselves up, but did not have her saying anywhere that she tamed a jaguar. Nowhere does it say she tamed a jaguar. Wrestled alligators, but the fun stops with big cats that can eat your face off.)

Perhaps I can blame that on poor execution within Season 3 itself. After all, it tried to gamble with character development and it failed. And that's just one flaw out of many.

Shifting subjects, though, the most hilarious thing I find about this paragraph is her ability to come up with ideas that are out-of-the-box. Which, for those that have not watched the horror that was the second half of the season and miraculously lived, is Osmerelda's schtick. She is explicitly labeled as the out-of-the-box member of the group. They did a theft-not-theft of something from the pitch bible and slapped it onto Osmerelda and ohhhhhh maybe that's part of the reason why she's terrible as a character.

Wow. Eureka moment! How about that?!

Before I get started on tearin' apart Oswald like a huge-ass Thanksgiving turkey from the supermarket, I'd like to address what has to be one of my biggest pet peeves of the season.

"Librarian/museum worker" is not a thing. Stop trying to make "librarian/museum worker" a thing, Gretchen. It will never be a thing.

If you want to call Oswald by the correct terminology, then allow the Seren to educate you.

He is an Odd Squad Security agent first and foremost. He's got the uniform, he's got the position, he's got the duties, he's got the competence to make Owen eat dirt and live, it's all right there.

Second and backmost...he's a museum curator. A "Curator" is what you call people who work in museums. I know this because I punched it into Google because I'm a petty bitch who eats reruns of A&E shows for every meal.

For what it's worth, I will also accept "museum archivist" and "archives technician". That too.

Okay, have we got that settled? Cool beans. Let's move on.

Oswald as a character is, for all intents and purposes in existence, what happens when you take Oscar, suck every last inch of science out of him, and then replace it with an obscene level of bookbookbookbookBOOKBOOKBOOKBOOK. He's still got the same "sacrifice your lives to the devil that births oddness, here I shall stay in my safe zone" mentality that Oscar does, and he's the smart guy of the team, but that's about it as far as comparisons go. I never really pinned Oscar as a nerdy ol' bookworm anyway, though it would have been amazing and hilarious to see.

That being said, Oswald applying the power of the writing gods' hands to real life and failing tremendously would have been a great trait for him. You know the lil' man would read a book on overcoming social anxiety and pull off a Shocked Pikachu Face when it doesn't work. And then he'd read on why it didn't work, try again with the opposite, and pull off another Shocked Pikachu Face when that fails.

Ah, now, see? These are other traits I would have loved to see in Oswald.

Him being an insufferable jerk who goes "well eckshuelleh" every 5 minutes -- yes, including with exposition, that market of which Oprah had cornered for 8 years -- would have probably made Season 3 more enjoyable, at least for me.

You know what would be a good thing to add to that batter, though? Him being meta.

In Season 3, especially in the second "kids are more forgetful than a backwards elephant" half, Oswald makes a few callbacks to earlier seasons. Which is nice and all, but imagine if he pried through particular cases and nabbed specific events and relayed them to people like it's his job and livelihood. If they had enough balls to make Xavier and Xena utter jerkasses, they could have grown two more to make Oswald an utter jerk, but one with redeemable qualities. As an example of one: he's a jerk who goes "well eckshuelleh" on people, but he does it because he loves the show. He loves Odd Squad lore and history. He's a fanatic.

I mean...well...he loves it already. He's enough of a fanatic and that shit has been proven. But they don't really lean into it all that much. It might as well be more informed than anything else.

But jerking the subject away from that...what if God gave you a character with all the autism traits, and you decided to come out and say "nah, he's not autistic, he's a quirky lil' man"?

You're telling me you can't make the boy canonically autistic in the same way that, ohhhh, I dunno, AJ Gadgets is canonically autistic? Or that one Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood character whose name I forget? You're on a network that embraces diversity the same way wine moms embrace the triple-L of "Live, Laugh, Love" and you had an opportunity...and Tim and Adam both blew it. Out of the water. Nuclear explosion. Does autism exist in the world of Odd Squad? Is there air?! You don't know!

Okay, that's a dumb question. I was reminded that muscular dystrophy exists, along with whatever disability Xena has.

Instead, what they did with Oswald was make him so friendly and sociable with people you wouldn't believe he's been a hermit in the belly of the Big Apple for [REDACTED] years. Which is a waste, because I'd have liked for him to be canonically autistic. They spend so much time on gender and making sure girls and women triumph over men and boys that they forget about disability, y'know?

Ah well. There's always Season 4. But let's be honest, I'm fully prepared for them to laugh and say "there are no autistic people in Manchester, what a silly notion!"

Here's another pet peeve of mine when it comes to this show, and those who have followed me and my biz for a long time probably know this already.

I don't like the formality error on proud display here.

Let's set the record straight. You don't call your boss at work Manager, not unless they're one of those whoo-hoos who knows they're paying you minimum wage for busting your ass and is reveling in it. No one does. No one calls them that.

So exactly why call Oprah by Ms. O? Or even the Big O?

Yes, it's an easy identifier for popularity purposes. Yes, it's her title that everyone calls her by except for a few close pals.

But that's just it -- it's a title. It's not her actual name. It's not like her mom delivered her cesarean-style and decided to name her Ms. O to compete with Elon Musk and whatever gibberish he's named his kid this time. It's not like Oprah decided to get a legal name change to go with her meal of a free promotion. Oprah is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, her actual name, and to insinuate it's not puts you in a silly delusion with a silly mind that might not be so silly.

But, y'know...I've screamed this at people for nearly 9 years now and no one's listened. I was friends with Joshua Kilimnik and had the crew watch my stuff and still no one's listened.

...Maybe I'm the one who's deluded...

...Um.

...

Yeah okay, maybe I might have a point if they're not even bothering with title capitalization anymore.

Not much to spice up here, but if you're wondering where in the blue hell Onika came from: she's from Season 2 of OddTube. Is not an Odd Squad explorer or an oddness finder, but rather, she built an entire 2015 Mercedes-Benz Sprinter, threw some Odd Squad stuff on it, and called it half of a day, all with her own two hands.

Okay, it's hilarious that they're using teamwork and perseverance as an example of "broader themes". Yes, they are broader themes, but you also have:

Bullying

Trauma

Stop being like your family. You are not your family. You are you.

Friendship (is magic!)

Why going to work sucks ass on a daily basis

I could keep going, but I think I've made my point well with just these 5.

Nice justification for the set piece that is Oprah's office, though. That's clever. But...and it's a but bigger than any but Sir Mix-a-Lot has ever sung about in his career...this just highlights one of the problems with kids live-action shows. Had the show been animated in full, there would be no "I'll take seven slices of pizza and you can stuff your faces with the rest" to be found. Instead I must suffer in agony as I get whined at that "Odd Squad is not a cartoon".

One of the Odd Squad God's biggest mysteries is why, exactly, they axed Omar, yoted him into a single episode and a shitty-ass clickbait thumbnail, and decided to replace him with Orla.

...

No, no...actually I might know why. It may or may not have anything to do with the discussion of whether Orla is a "writers' pet" or not. No one @ me, I have theories.

But let me lay down Chris's crispy McNugget of truth for you all: while Orla does have appeal in her not understanding how technology works to save her life, Omar has somewhat equal appeal in him being a lover of traveling and buying souvenirs. Hell, if they wanted to grow balls that would make AC/DC weep, they could have cohosted the series. But alas, it was simply not meant to be.

Given how PBS Kids is planning to go the short-form route as a means of cutting costs while still aiming for quality, I'm kind of sad this never came to fruition. Imagine numerous seasons of OddTube, one for each country. All they would need to do was account for every Canadian in each country because if not then the bad guys have won.

...I mean it could come to fruition. Maybe. It might not. Maybe. Hopefully. It could be with Orli or something I dunno. She could shoot the shit or however British people say the phrase!

When I tell you folks this aged like milk, lemme tell you it aged like fucking milk. Like you could hear it churning at the grocery store while the manager does fuck-all about it.

Anyone who has absorbed enough of this franchise knows that episodes have absolutely been no stranger to rehashing mathematical concepts. And that's fine by me, because the episodes themselves aren't derivative outside of that regard. Each Season 1 and Season 2 episode is hand-crafted so it doesn't feel like a painfully obvious Xerox copy of a previous episode. Key word being "painfully obvious", keyer word being "painfully", because there are episode copies out there (see "The Trouble with Centigurps" and its mid little brother "Worst First Day Ever") that are obvious but don't actively make you say "I'm going to buy some Clorox and pour it into every facial orifice known to scientists who study human life".

Season 3 was absolutely no exception. However, instead of creating new plots and just sticking with that, they created new plots and also rehashed old ones in addition to reusing math (and science) concepts. Like plopping new pasta sauce on old shittily-cooked spaghett'. Is shit, tastes like shit.

One of the most glaring examples is with the infamous clip show episode, "Welcome to Odd Squad". Anyone can clearly see it's a rehash of "Odd Squad Needs You" from Season 2, just with new elements (a B-plot, Orpita instead of Oprah...No-Name who's essentially relatability personified). And, I mean, y'know...it's a clip show, which, in most cases, spells bad news for a series and/or a franchise. That too.

All in all, these comments are hilarious to me. Even if they are a stark reminder that in a show where comedy comes first and education comes second...there's still education.

If your first thought upon reading this wasn't "this seems more of a better fit for Wild Kratts or Cyberchase than Odd Squad" THEN WHAT THE MCFFFFFFFFFUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU GET BACK IN THE HOUSE. YOUR LITERACY IS O F F JIM YA GOTTA READ IT AGAIN.

Okay, but I digress. In a world where the rules of scientific concepts like biology and anatomy go completely out the fucking window and land right onto your uncle's Corvette, this is a very stupid lesson and I'm honestly glad they didn't go through with it. We don't need lessons on the ecosystem in a world that explicitly defies the rules of ecosystems as we know them in real life.

I just did an audible groan at that stupid-ass pun. "Mathience"? Really? Suck a peanut. Like 90% of the "odd" puns are better than that trash. Be the fuck for real.

This is a nice plot, really, but I dunno...something about it just doesn't sit right with me. Let's be realer than real here, one of the climates would have had to be the Arctic. Another one might have been in the Amazon somewhere, or another place that's humid. And the third one...yeah I dunno about that one. But this plot isn't sitting right with me. Like a bruised coccyx.

...Okay, my brain got fried there for a moment. Let's move on.

I guess it's time I air out my ire with this episode -- which is a good episode, but let me just take the time to talk about one of the things that bothers me about it.

The 44-Leaf Clover is supposed to grant whoever finds it magical powers. So where in the holy God of McFUCK are the magical powers of the Mobile Unit?

Let's be realer than realer than real here: the Mobile Unit having magical powers would have really spiced up Season 3. If not the entire Unit, then at the very least Opal and Omar, who initially went on the adventure. But that part of the Clover's lore is just dropped clear straight away like my dinner from last night. We have four normal humans with no powers who pissed off that one guy who called them politically correct. Which honestly sucks and is yet another thing we can throw into the "Odd Squad Missed Opportunities" bucket. Wow is that bucket getting full. Shall we dump it in preparation for Season 4?

...Yeh but oddness struck like a long-ass time ago. You don't get two of the same snowflakes and not find it odd. Confetti Betty's a step up, sure, but oddness is oddness. Let's try and keep continuity, hmm?

---------------------------------------

So that's it. The Odd Squad Season 3 pitch bible, properly dissected and torn through and ripped to utter shreds like a dog to a slipper. Sorry not sorry. Had to be done.

Still holding out hope for an entire series pitch bible to unearth somewhere in life. Preferably sometime before my death. Preferably on the 'Net. Preferably stored on my computer somewhere. I can and will tear into that too if it ever pops up.

But for now...we wait for Season 4 news. Since I don't want to do anything big this year for the franchise's 9th anniversary because ADD and depression and ADD, you all can have this instead. You're welcome. This has rotted in my drafts for at least two months. Take it.

#odd squad pbs kids #odd squad #pbs kids #seren speaks (about odd squad)#pitch bible

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