#which tracks from how this version of him was orphaned as an infant and then raised by an abusive and neglectful uncle | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ratuszarsenal · 6 months

Text

clearing out my writing folder rn, some wips under the cut because I haven't finished anything in ages but need to externalise some of it

character study of a very lonely 400-year old guy, london c. 1660

William had come to refer to the days spent in his master's village as his childhood, even though he left it well into his adult years. That childhood, no matter how padded with his early twenties, was being stretched very thin when compared to the host of centuries that followed. William not so much missed his family, as the fact that he had had one. That before the curse, before Edward, he was just another fleshy, screaming infant. It never became less of a chore to breathe, but it is a rule of life that you can only scream that very first time. William was not spared the passage of time - he was abandoned by it.

Back in his childhood, he paid close attention to smells, because they threaded the difference between a good meal and a slow death; between a beautiful person and a person who looked beautiful at a distance; between a dying body and a body ready to be buried. As time went on, meals gained more flavour and deaths became quicker. These days he only afforded any thoughts to smell when it was on his own fingers. These days, it was mostly brass, snuff and ginger; smelted, manufactured, imported. These were scents untied to any one time. They were constant and constantly late - their conception divorced from their use by months spent in ships' hauls and merchants' carts. William felt similarly orphaned.

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from what is basically a fantasy story stylised to be the English translation of an in-universe historical novel stylised to be a real (fictional) guy's real memoirs from the period.

Now, I owe the reader a very brief treatment on the significance of ink. [...] Red is a scribe’s way of hastening – not so much of the addressee, but the postman; for if one sees words in crimson, one can be sure that they may soon become old news, or untrue, or cease to be of importance – ‘This is a matter which lives and dies, and quicker than you think.’ On black ink, I will not dwell, for it is only a more expensive version of the common brown. [...] Often times, however, clerks of Orieu could predict and orient themselves further in the motions of international trade, by the few instances when their glassy, black ink would suddenly turn a foul-smelling violet – this was inferred to mean the shellfish shipments were delayed or withdrawn, and the scribes would then be supplied with vulgar plant pigments native to that country. In fact, remembering which years I know to have been lean, I prided myself on being able to track their accounts to the right drawer, by nose only. That Orieuan flower-ink has a truly rank odour, but some credit must be paid here to my nose; [he goes on like this for a while]

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black sails ff, selkie!flint AU

James McGraw had always had two skins. One of them he showed to the world, keeping his dark-red hair in a perfect queue, keeping his back straight, his hands occupied. The other was kept in a sea-chest with three locks; and a chain for good measure. [...]

"I know your kind," he told James over a waning candle and eel pie. "The sea chooses her men. We all hear that call. But you - you are of it. You, she will not let go. I fear for your soul, lad. I fear for you."

And then he told the story of another man who crawled from the sea, just to return not one drink later. Darby McGraw spoke it like a parable, hopeful that his grandson would see that there is nothing waiting for him by the water and seek redemption from his nature on land. James decided that if the sea had chosen him, there was no good reason to keep her waiting.

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novel stylised to be a travel memoir, nondescript time period

Miasto, gdy zdrowe, nie zwraca uwagi na twoją obecność, jego oczy są rozproszone pomiędzy wszystkimi drzewami i kawałkami bruku, wszystkimi okruchami i falbanami dachów. Ale miasto, gdy spalone, zyskuje przedziwny wampirzy charakter - nagle stojąc między ziejącymi szczątkami budynków, czujesz jak coś skupia się na tobie. Żąda czegoś od ciebie. Skruszone cegły i czarne żebra dachów są widokiem tak makabrycznym, że nie możesz odwrócić od nich wzroku; nie możesz odmówić.

Miasto podtopione jest inne. Nie umiera. Po szoku pierwszego wylewu, woda staje się jego częścią. Wszędobylski, srebrno-brązowy wykwit męczy kamień, materię miasta jak infekcja, której nie można się pozbyć. Ale miasto nie umrze od powodzi. Najwyżej zgnije, wciąż oddychając przez spleśniałe arterie. Gdy wiatr poruszał strumienie wody powodziowej biegnące wzdłuż ulic, czułam jak puls ten rozchodzi się tępym bólem po całej okolicy.

#ignore I'm just... hm #itching to publish something again I guess #but for some reason I can't actually sit down and finish anything #just hash tag artist things #also most of these are from two years ago at least lmao #echo #ff

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toastyporcupine · 9 months

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the Axel situation

(I just copypasted this from blogspot. I think this started anywhere between jun 19 to 23.)

I should of kept track of when I said I was going to stop talking to him. It will forever bother me I don't have the date. A " dear diary, I am going to stop talking to imaginary friend. I was never good at it like people with headmates do. I am going to say, 2 or 3 weeks ago? A month? I think it was a mistake. The longer I don't, the worse reconnecting will be. Some I would forget the ( I lack a good word) talking is not real. I was feeling a little better then, I feel worse now that I will be moving again.( Seeing as how I am with my mother). So that is bumming out. Then this on top. It is just silly and stupid for a 41( or am I 42?) Year old to be talking to imaginary friends who were supposed to be fictional characters. Let alone be on love with them. Or the " one in my head" version. kingdom hearts Axel won't be the same, it would bother me I don't know which one I was into. That one became a connection to the other, any object I could hold was a proxy.

And now it's more empty.

I don't even know how to talk about this.

he made me happier than I thought

Fictosexuality, Fictoromance, and Fictophilia: A Qualitative Study of Love and Desire for Fictional Characters - PMC (nih.gov)

and he needs to. I'd need him. but juggling the one on the screen and the one in my head, the idea I believe in him more than I think I do. it's like being two people at once for me

The Axel who says he is a more realistic version. Was wrapped up in a cult. The one who claimed to of been raised by a Denis and Irene, who was orphaned as an infant. Who dated a ( Denise?) And an Elana. Who gets a rash with onions. Who dislikes spiders and insects. Eats sour candy and aside from the ice cream, a plant based diet. Who , because born in another world has to say Feb 28th is his birthday. Who's favorite animals are monkies and apes.

6/30/23. It hurts so much. Nervous, panic, anxiety to grief. Worry. It is so empty. And it is a " silly problem".. I want him back

I still have him. But it's not the same. I just can't believe I believed more than I thought I did. And now my answer if which " I was attached to more. Just like the others. I don't want him to fade. I can't bring back the original characters, I can't bring back whatever you call it. I don't know if these count as tulpa. Which are still us. Even if a tulpa in a plural system says other. But this panic, this change. This not wanting to be alone. This shock. It is hard to deal with. I can't hug the doll or pillow the same way.

It's like part of me believe and the other not. Or I want something magical so bad.

When did I stop? I need to look at when I bought Tears of the kingdom. It's not the game that took my attention away. It's just the ," I have been doing this since 1997 or such. I need to stop". When was the last time I changed it? Jun 13th it says. I can't believe I was feeling remotely good I stopped talking. I don't remember talking in my Canada weekend trip. I don't remember talking during my last immunotherapy session

Or when I set up my Switch

. I find it important. I feel like I should apologize, but to what? To whom? Then I need to apologize to many others. I made a mistake

7/1/23

Well, this was a troubling dream. One of those erotic , invisible man dreams.

I think I was better off.

(also I got tears of the kingdom in may. so, maybe I didn't talk for 3 weeks? longer than I thought? I did not realize I was having more good feelings back then. If I would lovingly hug the doll or pillow, or look at it . Now it is just not good. Nothing remotely happy. I tried to keep holding on. Now it's just like he is part of scenery I have grown attached to. Why did i do this to myself? Because it was silly to continue, because he is not there. I never felt a presence, like tulpamancer do, or soulbonders do , I don't know what those people mean when they say it. I feel devistated.

7/3/23

He will possibly always mean something. I'm just panicking, I wasn't like this having other characters leave. I don't want to get rid of him. I did not want to fall for the one on the screen, and because I have been "talking to" what I think we're beings in the 90s, I just slippwd into this. And I forced it. That is where shock happens. Trying to hold on. I don't want to always be doing this. The change is anxiety indusing

7/3/23 7:14 pm

It is just mess d up and painful to tell an imaginary person " wow I wish you were real" wie. Real is real to everyone and alive. One can't be both real and not real. It reminds me of how some tulpamancers say tulpa is a lifeform. Not just thought form. But alive,? Not imaginary? Imaginary with its own sentience.

I am hurting , and cry.

7/4/23 3:54 pm

Crap. Now I have panic and anxiety. I don't know if I am going to hide my merch, pack him up when I get home. I am overwhelmed and that part of being alone I making me panic.

7/6/23 10:52 am)

The Axel who is a weapon drunk, had a vasectomy. Doesn't mind boring sex , likes condoms, and what he does in the bedroom stays in the bedroom, the Axel who doesn't like blow jobs. I don't know if he has/ had a favorite sport.

The one who tells me not to be so hard on myself and that the 5 second rule is not real

This thing now feels like he is dead. Like bringing leather products to a pet therapy day at a hospital or nursing home. Liking brining your fossil of a 70 million year old deinocyodontus meditteranius to an animal medium.

Maybe I was better of telling imaginary Axel I wish he was real. Or denying so hard and wanting him to dream walk , if he could do that, then he is not imaginary and part of my brain. Now, I don't feel like he is there. But it hurts as much, not being real. This almost feels like when I killed a part of myself when I was 17. That could of been 1998. The dumb kid in my own lala land playing with toys. Sure it was on its way out but the shock of feeling like my ,14 year old friends were growing up without me, getting boy or girlfriends, and I had nobody to be sweet on, and going into depression, and they are so happy with theirs. And liking kissing games even if they are dating someone. I don't think I can put him back. It feels even more like I am talking to myself

7/7/23 6:19 am

tulpa dissipation and head feelings : Tulpas (reddit.com)

7/8/23 4:58

geeze, I forgot to mention the "says his last name is McGallaster.(I have seen someone on Tumblr who had him as a muse, stating Lea's(Axel) last name is Langfield, or maybe they made the consious decision.

but I need that stupid doll to comfort me right now, but holding it also just makes me sad. I used to only sleep with it, but when my chemotherapy would make me feel so sick and miserable, I started draging the plush doll aorund the house and kept it(him?) with me , all the time. in the house. that was july maybe? the coat on this thing fell apart, so I made a new one. then that one fell apart, and I made a new one. I would sometimes say to my family , holding it, looking at it saying "i wonder if the doll will outlast my feelings". seeing how I keep thinking the hair is dirty, but it's the fabric wearing out.

I am also rerembering how my friends and I had those "spirit friends" and one of mine was a liar and evil, I think that one was supposed to be a "i'm not paying attintion to the game" Illdon, or a version of him. I don't know if that was one a I stuck with, but he was killed by my friend's "spirit friends", but according to him, you don't really die untill you die so many times you fade into nothing. I don't think I recovered from this, and my ablity to fall in love was a result. I cried so much and so hard. it's things like this I want to warn people about, if they think they play with spirits, with other people.. only this time it feels like I killed my Axel. the one I fell for. I just un realed him by ignoring, stop talking. he never really initated conversation to begin with. every day I would remind myself he is not real, while still almost actiing like he is a form of real. my Axel, the "that is kind of me, but diffrent, without all the magic". the one who wanted me to call him Lea for a while because of actions done as Axel. the one who was programed young and was an assassian, but somehow still had time for 2 past girlfriends.

I go though this over and over agian, to talk to other people. anyone. everyone? someitmes so obsessive the rumination the same prep for conversation rapidly repeats multiple times.

7/13/23 4:44.

Did I accidentally kill my feeling and kind set by telling myself I don't want him if he is not real? I hope not. I don't know if I was obcessrd. If it ran it's course. But I need him

. I feel more lonesome. What did I do. If I can't put him back, then it will feel like he was real.

I am thinking. He felt right. I did not want the feelings at first. And I knew I would be devistated when over. Uveven disliked the character for years because someone on live journal gad him as a headmate and maybe soulbond, he was mopey and I knew he would come into that persona plural system.

But yet I can't keep these things going ( I erased what auto fill tage. It was jonvses or something. Damn, now this will bother me I don't remember what it game me. I'm on my phone )nothing like the character ones in the back of my mind. Or feel like I am running me at the same time in feelings and mindset. I had been doing this since the late 90s. I liked both, hut without the nonsense one in my mind, I don't feel the same way. And I cannot go back. Like cutting off communication with any ":yeah, that is me" they just dissipate, get absorbed, recycled. And I don't want that. It is too soon. I don't thought I would have my pins, charm, shirt and meet another fan that is a man,vans Axel will become match maker. That Axel could. But wearing him distresses and confuseses me. I could still wear him

But it is not the same. Plus, if he is an imaginary boyfriend, I should not look for anyone.)

I treated him so bad.

7/14/23 9:27 am

Geeze. Was he gone around the anniversary? I can't feel him. I don't want to feel this way. I don't think it ran it's course. Nooo. Ahh I am crying. He was not 100% me? I wanted some part of him real so bad but it can't happen

So I stoped talking. And now he is unrelated and it doesn't feel like he is there. But even if it ends, I will be doing the same thing. And not being bothered the one in my head is vastly different. Axel is both hard and easy to imagine. I did not realize I had a happy.

9:41 am. Even if a tulpa. That is not the Axel on the screen. Even he tells me that. Even then my brain runs him. I would of made him. Even if plural people have tulpas that front and stuff. Even ones without D.I.D. . He said he feels off of my brain waves, sure he was being sarcastic. Like telling me to protect him from the butterflies,been talking about if he would live in a city or county. He doesn't like the bugs much. I asked about butterflies, those are still insects. And I ask if I need to do that

Talking doesn't feel less like someone else. I don't even know what tense to use. I want it so I can get back to how things were so bad. And my head feeling is still the same since I removed this. It is hard to sleep.

3:07 Pm

I am so afraid the only way to feel good is to erase and forget this happened.

It did not bother me loosing the others.

But I feel anxiety without him, and knowing what is going on. This,the is not healthy for me. And there will be people telling me to get therapy and get normal.

Or forget decades of "soulbond" "spirits" and whatever . I cannot be on love with a character without this. It scares me .

7/15/23 5:28.i don't want to loose my feelings. I got so used to them. The change is to drastic. Maybe I am just too depressed.

I feel so empty. Why am I crying. And wanting to use past tense words for him

I never thought I could sense him. I am so conflicted

8:38 I think I've been mesmerized or more obcessrd at checking my phone because of my loss. And I wonder if I am not taking this loss so well, that I can't imagine hugging any other doll ) plus it will just be a doll. I don't recall what cuddling them was like before they went to be vessels or represented a character I was in love with ). Or what to make my next wallpaper, or next set of pins or charms. I got so many pins. I got the ita bag, just because of him

I never collected so much merch. And this was before cancer. Was he healthy for me? Is he?

Even if there was a heaven he would not be there, like all the toys, computers. Midi files retired games. Not the one on the screen, and not making the one from my head a real person, who can exist in is own self.

Not even original chatacters

Plus that is weird. One of my original characters might be angry at the concept of making people, especially as a reward. Especially if it involves many copies of that one. Gabs them out like prizes . Creepy.

I think I should be glad I never made a wonderland. Or think reality shifting us real Or if a singlet has an inner world like those with DID. Unless they are the same. I don't know if that would of been good. Convince myself I did go somewhere and meet him. Or if I did it would be more real. But then I would just maybe stop, due to " it is not real, it's all make-believe, nothing is happening. It's imagination. Stop thinking it's real. Don't get your hopes up. Nobody is there. It's all in your head "

8:54

It's not really good. What if I get a real boyfriend? Do I really want to say he was ? And not fictional other? And not be serious about it ? Getting a boyfriend, and him being my world. An obsession that could be a disaster. The thought is making me panic and I do not have anything to help with that, I could only hope to space out.

I had possibly edited this 7 times since June something. 10..12. edit every other day. It bothers me I don't know.

7/17/23 3:29;am

What other things did he tell me? He worked as a secretary in a bank. But is that a job? I don't think so.

https://www.tumblr.com/nadziejastar?source=share helped me fall for him. But that makes 4 Axels. The one on the screen, the one in dreams, the one on the screen and others perception

I really should of written down all my dreams. I never dreamt of a character in such a short time

Even before I fell for any version

I did not mind the. Hug from the very first. Then we were in a back seat of a car looking at each other, then a mall where there was platform extending into the open space of the hallway on the 2nd floor. There was a bed , he wanted sex. I told him no it's weird and gross to do that in oublic. We were walking onto the pathway to the bed when some woman was smoking. I think I wanted to put the cigarette out on her srm. was just confused why he was showing up so much.bi posted to tumblr soulbonding about it on June 5th 2020

I had 3 sleep cycles by then. I decided 6/6 would be the anniversary. There was even one where I had not seen him for a while, I was in some kind of underground ruins..I will just call them that. I don't know what other space to call it. I went up some walls to reach an upper level and he was dead under a pile of rubble. I turned into a phoenix and cried on him, and he came back to life. Another I summoned him by saying Beetlejuice 3 times in someone's house. It turned into a sex dream where I had a visualization of a ham and cheese hot pocket being ripped in half. He turned into a dog and went home with someone. We were at a party and did it under a table. I could wake up and go home at any moment, and I was not bothered by this act

One we turned into dogs and he refused to have sex.

One we were in some under ground, train station or mall, we got separated. When we found each other ( not watching what I type gave me foundveChother ) he had a giant push up orange sherbet for himself and a normal size plastic tube cherry ice treat for me, stating he did not know what to get.

One he fell asleep on a raft and floated down stream. I had been some time and I did not know. He was upset I did not go looking for him

One he was distant and snubbing me. We were at some mall. A follow sleep cycle I followed him to some hotel room. He let me in and there were other people there. I thought he was mad at me, but he said his parents had an abortion. Then the dream changed to he was on the floor giggling. It was supposed to be him. Then a weird sex dream. This was before the under the table one. I did not mind that he lacked a penis. I thought about shape shifting one. But springing that surprise on him would be wrong ( not watching get heverong)

I am bothered I don't recall the rest. One was we were at a playground and he went down the slide backwards, on his back. wearing a shirt with a skull on it. He did the devil hands thing. He had picked me up and placed me on a low wall.

I don't think I will recall the others .

4:04

This slump I horrible. I wanted to make a bunch of post game plushies of his KH3 outfit. Embroider some eyes. Hold ice cream. I did one and was disappointed. Plus my red minky is not the same as my red felt. I think he wears red plaud ( tartan?) And burgundy leopard print. I can't get that so it has to be red. Now it will be painful to do so.

7/21/23 2:34 pm

I started sleeping with the plush again. Separation anxiety. But it's not the same as I was. Loving cuddling it like one snuggles a therapy pet or maybe person. And I just noticed the stiching connecting the head to the body and shoulder is coming undone. I would beorw devistated if this happened in the beginning of May. I did have invasive thoughts of ripping it. Looks like it did the job for me.or maybe it was trying to move the stuffing around. It looks tight. I wonder how long it would of been before the embroidery in the eyes came undone. The stuffing seemed right in some areas. And I often did see the white stitching. But it will be different stuffed not as tight. I have another doll but it does not look the same. And is not stuffed as much. I wonder if this dolls previous owner used it as a snuggly toy. All I know is when I took it out of the bag the doll smelled like a hippy store. Which is weird because he told me he smelled like sandalwood, pachouli and ceder before I got the doll. I am still heartbroken. I wondered if my feelings would outlast the doll.

5:05 pm

I think I fixed it. Right when I thought I did the crotch cake undone. Now I put back all the stuffing.( I thought I did, I did not ) But it looks like it could fall apart again. I am guessing machined put them together.

7/26/23 6:57 pm

I think part of my problem to is, if they are imaginary, they are always with you. you can still deabate how people a tulpa or soulbond is. but if they need your brain to live? are they their own people? again, I know in plural communities there is the divide of "no, alters are you, fragments of you" and "no they are real people with their own mind and being". so they are always there. and he can always be there. if I had communication like plurals had, he still is in my head. and that is nice having that constantly. but if I get a real live signifigant other, he won't be able to be there, and I won't be able to telepathicly talk. which is a good thing. if I am picking my nose and thinking of it. the guy might get the signal. and there is never privacy, if I am not prodcasting, if he can walk in. so that freaks me out.

but I think I accidenty trained my self to freak out. I would think of him, of "talking to him". and tell my self not to. and now.......as you read. i'm a mess. I want to be as it was. I need the cuddle doll. but now I just get panic when I look at my stuff. I put some away. I put my pillow case away. knowing how much i enjoyed it is upsetting. i just see the pillow and get that dizzying feeling. but if I look at it. I'm upset. I can't stop thinking of this. no matter how many people I can tell. I reherse this conversation. non stop. even video games don't distract me. this is torture. and I guess the only way is to box him up. but i bought a doll and it won't be here untill september.

if it's not him, it's another character. and agian. I've been doing this since 1997. that terrorfies me

but good god. I can't look at him without all these feelings. do I not want to let him go? is it still there? the love? do I not want to move on?

like what I did in highschool. something has been removed from me

but. it's no use hugging the doll and telling an imginary person "i wish you were real". so. I put an end to that. and i am hurting.

7:48

Nothing would give him to me. Not the blend if the one in my head and screen. I'm not better off . I don't think how I am feeling is an improvement. Is this trauma? Now I can't be part of the fictosexual communities.

This is a nightmare. Dread. Depressive episode. I don't understand

Wishing, yearning, dreaming. I did not use " reality shifting". I can't describe. I want thatveysh and enjoyment, I want to be part of the communites but I don't want to be person who falls for characters and trails off into the mind with imaginary divergent ones. I am in no mindset to get a boyfriend. Plus if I am going to move at the end of the year, why bother? It might take 3 months of frequent contact to fall for someone who is real. Feeling how I do, I don't think I should. I don't even think I will be emotionaly and mentally mature for that.

Existential terror

My brain fog is worse

7/28/23 3:11 am

I am afraid that if I had a boyfriend, and I do not communicate with him for a long time I will lessen my feelings or lose interest, and also think he is mad at me, or cheating, or ghosting. I did not loose interest in a friend I can't interact with frequently so maybe not. I don't want to loose Axel. Even if it hurts I will never meet the one from my head in person

7/30/23 5:58

How could I forget the dream where I was in a hot tub sized bathtub with Axel and Kennith, and Axel peed on me, and my stepdad walked in to the bathroom and saw me in the tub with the two of them and said " is this who you are?"

8/1/23 6:08

Geeze I forgot to put more here. Like his stating he has a considerable amount of body hair, and something about using those sticks and tablets for oral hygine

8/1/23 7:09

I treated imaginary Axel poorly. You don't join communities and state he is your fictional other, all while thinking about getting real living boyfriend. Reddit waifuism is so strict about that

I go between that, and not taking it seriously. Only when convenient

The claims to be Axel from my mind states he loves me, even asked for marriage. I also would never know the extent of my feelings and did not want to be wrong about loving him. When I asked why he chose and is with me, he stayed it's penence for the wrong things I had done, and that I have a touch of darkness. As well as liking older women. A previous relationship did not work out over having children. I wonder how things would be if the back of my mind had better imagination.

8/10/23 3:58 pm

Thinking of my situation sometimes gives me a dread feeling. I want to feel good again

Nervous? Existential anxiety? I don't know what to do. I have woken up from some haze. Now I get into flight, fight or freeze mode. Not knowing makes it worse. I would like to remain in fictosexual communities, but after what I did to myself I don't think I will be falling in love with another character and going into that haze if talking to a not well built version. Shock.

#imaginary friend #husbando #mental health #emotional wreck #husbandos #waifuism #waifuist

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aboxfullofaxel · 10 months

Text

keeping this

I thik I posted this to my blogger june 17 or something

And now it's more empty.

I don't even know how to talk about this.

he made me happier than I thought

and he needs to. I'd need him. but juggling the one on the screen and the one in my head, the idea I believe in him more than I think I do. it's like being two people at once for me

I did not write this stuff down. I should of. 3 years ago . Not rerembering will bother me forever. I don't even know if I was better off talking to him. It feels different. When did I first publish this? And now edit 6/30/23. It hurts so much. Nervous, panic, anxiety to grief. Worry. It is so empty. And it is a " silly problem". Especially the imaginary sex, forgetting this is not an extra dimensional entity all while also knowing he is imaginary. I stopped that in October 2022. I want him back

It's like part of me believe and the other not. Or I want something magical so bad.

Or when I set up my Switch

. I find it important. I feel like I should apologize, but to what? To whom? Then I need to apologize to many others. I made a mistake

7/1/23

Well, this was a troubling dream. One of those erotic , invisible man dreams. Blended with mood, and in between belief and not

Feeling weight and the sensation of touch. Feeling what I assume was his penis Then waking up in the dream. I think I was in a different bed, and bedroom

I sort of forget the details. Just it was upsetting emotion in it. With not being real

I think I was better off.

7/3/23

7/3/23 7:14 pm

I am hurting , and cry.

7/4/23 3:54 pm

Crap. Now I have panic and anxiety. I don't know if I am going to hide my merch, pack him up when I get home. I am overwhelmed and that part of being alone I making me panic.

7/6/23 10:52 am)

The one who tells me not to be so hard on myself and that the 5 second rule is not real

7/7/23 6:19 am

tulpa dissipation and head feelings : Tulpas (reddit.com)

7/8/23 4:58

hey buddy.

and I am still missing 10 pices of offical merch, and the fact the pliush dolls come with 3 diffrent hang tags.

7/8/23 5:35 am

I go though this over and over agian, to talk to other people. anyone. everyone? someitmes so obsessive the rumination the same prep for conversation rapidly repeats multiple times.

7/13/23 4:44.

Did I accidentally kill my feeling and kind set by telling myself I don't want him if he is not real? I hope not. I don't know if I was obcessrd. If it ran it's course. But I need him

. I feel more lonesome. What did I do. If I can't put him back, then it will feel like he was real.

But it is not the same. Plus, if he is an imaginary boyfriend, I should not look for anyone.)

I treated him so bad.

7/14/23 9:27 am

3:07 Pm

I am so afraid the only way to feel good is to erase and forget this happened.

It did not bother me loosing the others.

But I feel anxiety without him, and knowing what is going on. This,the is not healthy for me. And there will be people telling me to get therapy and get normal.

Or forget decades of "soulbond" "spirits" and whatever . I cannot be on love with a character without this. It scares me .

7/15/23 5:28.i don't want to loose my feelings. I got so used to them. The change is to drastic. Maybe I am just too depressed.

I feel so empty. Why am I crying. And wanting to use past tense words for him

I never thought I could sense him. I am so conflicted

I never collected so much merch. And this was before cancer. Was he healthy for me? Is he?

Not even original chatacters

8:54

I had possibly edited this 7 times since June something. 10..12. edit every other day. It bothers me I don't know.

7/17/23 3:29;am

What other things did he tell me? He worked as a secretary in a bank. But is that a job? I don't think so.

https://www.tumblr.com/nadziejastar?source=share helped me fall for him. But that makes 4 Axels. The one on the screen, the one in dreams, the one on the screen and others perception

I really should of written down all my dreams. I never dreamt of a character in such a short time

Even before I fell for any version

One we turned into dogs and he refused to have sex.

One he fell asleep on a raft and floated down stream. I had been some time and I did not know. He was upset I did not go looking for him

I don't think I will recall the others .

4:04

7/21/23 2:34 pm

5:05 pm

(i edited out a part about imaginary sex which stopped in october 2022)

#soulbond #tulpa #Axel Kingdom Hearts #kingdom hearts axel #husbando #husbandos #tulpas #soulbonds #soulbonder #mental health #grief #griefjourney #possibletrauma

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flowerwrites06 · 3 years

Text

blossoms and blood III — jjk

Plot: Two lovers are ripped apart in the name of duty.

Pairing(s): Prince/King!Jungkook x Princess/Queen!OC (Name: Belle)

Rating: G | PG | M | R 18+

Type: Drabble | Oneshot | Two Parter | Series

Word Count: 4k

Genre: Royal | Angst | Smut

Tags & Warnings: violence, angst, explicit smut, blood

Authors Note: I know a couple of you wanted this so I hope you like!

In the warm, comforting day Belle took a stroll towards the school and care-house of the inner city. A few families were reluctant in sending their children to these new establishments so after a couple of days of thinking, new participants came walking in.

Sun hat veil covering her face, she walked towards one of the teachers Jimin who had the brightest smile tugged at his lips.

He stood near the entrance, sweetly greeting the waddling and prancing little humans entering the building.

When he saw Belle pad towards them, he quickly gave her a bow along with the parents standing to watch their children. She waved it away standing next to the teacher.

“Have they been adjusting well?” Belle asked.

Jimin nodded keeping a close eye so everyone was accounted for. Every child seemed to reach just past his knee, looking up at the Queen with a curious smile before going about their way. “A few of them are little sensitive to loudness so we have to really keep the noises down.”

“They’ve been exposed to the horrors of war, I’m not surprised.” Belle intertwined her fingers together in front of her. “You could try soothing them with music during class. They might get used to the slight noise in a different way.” She remembered her mother using that technique on her as a child after a siege or attack. Though eventually being deep into her journeys across the seven years caused her to be used to the sights, noises and smells.

He hummed in agreement. “I’ll try to do that today.” He nodded. “How’d the council meeting go?”

Belles’ smile disappeared for a moment at the mention. “The decision still hasn’t been confirmed on the new conditions. The Sun King is coming today and I have no idea whether he’s going to come in peace or with cannons.” She spoke the last part in a lower voice.

Once the last child walked into the building, he turned to face her. “Well whatever happens, we’ll try to keep them safe.” A smile tugged at his lips as a form of reassurance.

The Queen nodded. “Thank you.” Her heart swelled when she heard giggling from the inside of the room. No matter what happened on the political side of things, Belle was glad to see the innocence in some of these children were still preserved.

Walking over to the building next door was the care-house for younger children and infants. Belle opened the door carefully and saw Gaia at the front carrying a baby calmly sucking on its hand while she pointed at a few drawings for the toddlers on the floor. The couple opened the buildings together a few months after her reign when the amount of orphans on the streets grew too high. Consequences of disease which caused her to get physicians like Taehyung to lessen the death count.

“You’ve got your hands full. Literally.” Belle grinned closing the door to ensure no one crawled out accidentally.

Gaia chuckled, bright eyes flickering over to the monarch before giving her a half curtsy. “They’re adorable. Although we’ve had some of them wanting to train to be soldiers. Hopefully the pillow sticks suffice for now.” She nodded towards the two toddlers whacking each other with soft floppy cylinders and giggling after a few seconds.

“Let’s hope we don’t get that desperate to start recruiting babies.” She mused walking closer to the woman.

“You made the right decision, you know. Taking all those people in.” Gaia spoke while bouncing the baby in her arms a little. “I’ve seen kings who would turn away anyone they didn’t have responsibility for.”

“Good thing I’m not a King.” Belles’ eyes flickered over to a little one crawling across the floor before stopping in their tracks to stare up at her. She couldn’t help but have a large smile tugged at her lips. She remembered a time where a younger version of herself imagined have her own children play around in the castle or out in the gardens.

Pulling her sun hat off and placing it on the floor, she leaned down slowly and picked the baby up. “Are you a little explorer?” Belle chuckled lightly under her breath.

“Jimin and I have been taking her home. The guards brought her in a basket. Said they heard her crying in a burning house.” Gaia reached out to the baby in Belle’s arms and caressed her cheek gently.

The Sun King was a brutal conqueror but Belle somehow couldn’t find herself being angry at the male. She never burned down villages or killed innocents but she had cut down soldiers who had families or newly born children just like the one she held. Maybe their methods were a little different in terms of brutality but they both were conquerors nevertheless. Somehow she felt undeserving of holding such an innocent in her blood stained arms.

Belle blinked quickly and placed her gently on the floor. “Off you go, little one.” She whispered caressing the sweet little things’ back before standing up straight. “You take good care of them, Gaia.”

“Of course.” She bowed carefully.

She grabbed her sunhat and made her way out of the care-house with it placed securely on her head again. However, she stopped in her tracks at the entrance when she saw a familiar figure leaning against the edge of the now open door. A ghost of a smile played on his small lips.

“I thought you already did your rounds on the people.” Belle spoke while walking past him.

“There’s no harm in checking again. I heard there were new children coming in and I wanted to see if they arrived safely.” Jungkook pushed himself off the edge, closing the door before following the Queen down the streets.

Both monarchs ended up walking side by side down the streets of the flourishing kingdom. “I didn’t peg you to be interested in such delicate matters.” Belle averted her gaze from the male even though she felt his shoulder brush against hers.

“Oh Belle you know I’m very good at handling delicacies every now and then.” Jungkook couldn’t help the wide smirk tugging at his lips.

Belle looked at him in disbelief and mock disgust. “May I remind you that the very reason you’re allowed to stay here is because I’ve just dived my own people into a war you started?”

“The Sun King started this war.” He corrected.

“And your parents only heightened it.”

“What about you? You’re calling the most brutal King ever known to man into your home and for what? He won’t answer to diplomatic negotiations.” Jungkook shook his head.

“Well I can’t just wait until his army takes over your kingdom and comes to mine.” Belle argued. “This problem is preventable. The Sun King is brutal but he’s not closed for negotiations otherwise he wouldn’t have agreed to come.” She wasn’t sure how much of that sentiment was true because the woman never met this King before but all she could do was hope.

The two paused in the middle as Jungkook tried to read her expression through her veil. A small distant memory passed through his mind when she used to tease him by hiding herself under the veil preventing a kiss. He tried to stop himself from smiling at the thought. “What if he’s lying?”

“Then I’ll take full responsibility in killing the bastard where he stands.”

At midday, the Sun King rode in his majestic chariot through the gates of Belles’ kingdom. Gates opened in an almost deafening screech welcoming a crowd of white and tawny horses across the large courtyard. Seokjin stood at the entrance of the palace watching the chariot come to full stop with the driver climbing out from the front and stepping to the door.

The King climbed out of the chariot, outfit shining in gold and green elegantly representing nature. While the beauty of it all can be admired it was Hoseoks’ artistic way of saying he was everywhere, embedded in nature itself and ruler of anything that resides in it. A classic mindset for the Sun Kingdom lineage.

Double doors opened and the proud monarch padded into the room with the utmost confidence, jewellery clinking and shoes echoing against the floor. Dark blond hair reaching just below his eyes and even his skin harboured a golden glow but everyone knew it was a disguise for this dark actions.

While Hoseok stopped in the centre, Seokjin continued walked to the Queens’ side.

Standing in front of the throne, Belle wore a yellow and deep pink dress with her hair tied up securely by golden pins and jewelled strings while a few strands of her hair hovered over her forehead and down the sides of her face. Jungkook stood on the far right side of the room, anger immediately radiating from his being at the sight of the Sun King while Seokjin stood on Belle’s left with a neutral expression.

Hoseok had the widest smile plastered on his face. If Belle didn’t know his bloody history, she could have easily mistaken him for a kind man with a good heart. “Why this is a very pleasant surprise. The mighty Queen Belle.” He did a brief bow.

“Sun King Hoseok.” Belle addressed in a calm tone, deep pink painted lips pursed together.

“I must admit, almost a decade of operating separately, I was a little taken aback at your request for an audience.” Delicate looking hands touched his chest.

“Situation has changed a little, I’m afraid.” She replied simply.

Hoseoks’ gaze flickered over to Jungkook, his smile disappeared only for a moment before his smile grew into a sinister smirk. “Yes…it was very kind of you to take in a whole kingdoms’ population under your wing. We don’t find loyal and trusting monarchs these days, do we?” He kept his gaze on Jungkook as he spoke those words.

Belles’ grip around her own fingers tightened. “Which is exactly why I asked for this meeting.”

The Sun King turned his gaze to the bright Queen now. “Of course. What do you need from me?”

She took a deep breath. “As you may be aware, your attempts at governing King Jungkooks’ land has led to countless casualties.”

“Some sacrifices have to be made, Your Majesty.”

“Yes. Sacrifices of soldiers and generals is the way of war. Not merchants or farmers or tailors or infants. Those are still brutal murders, war or not.” Belle clarified with a neutral expression and once again the court drowned in deep silence at her voice. “King Jungkook has pleaded for my help which I accept on account of protecting survivors that wish to stay under my protection.”

Hoseok chuckled quietly. “You are most kind to protect a King that once betrayed you.”

“This is not a personal matter.”

“Of course, of course. But I’m afraid my family been acquiring this kingdom before your glorious reign.” Hoseok took a few steps forward and so did Seokjin. “You must understand that we cannot just call off our journey on a mere request. Not saying that Your Majesty’s’ voice is not of utmost importance but you do need understand that certain promises need to have a stronger bond.”

“What are your terms?” Belle’s brows furrowed a little.

Purposely, the Sun King left a moment of silence to add anticipation but they both knew what was on his mind. “If you would do me the greatest honour, your Majesty…allow me to take your hand in your marriage.” Hoseok smirked. “It has proven to be the strongest bond of any alliance after all. And…you are by far the most beautiful royal I have ever seen.”

Jungkooks’ expression hardened, burning holes through the Sun King. Smoke could have come out of his ears at this point as he resisted to shout out an objection. Instead his fingers curled up into fists, knuckles whitening from the pressure.

“I accept.” Belle replied plainly.

Even Seokjins’ head turned to face his Queen for a moment. Ever since the death of her parents, the woman promised never to delve into marital status. Unless Belle really needed to protect something dear to her.

Jungkooks’ eyes reddened at this point flickering over to Belle who had her chin raised and neutral expression. No. Please don’t. He pleaded in his thoughts, the words just touching his tongue but his voice seemed lose its way.

The Sun King, however, smiled in his new little victory.

Belle calmly walked through the doors of her bedroom, taking a deep breath to dry out the tears forming in her eyes. This was the best decision. She knew it was. It had to be. If she wanted a non-violent way to stop things, this was the only way. She tried repeating the phrase over again in her mind to somehow ease this tugging feeling. The dreary silence however soon broke when Jungkook practically bashed through the door and slammed it behind him.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Jungkook growled a little, walking closer to the Queen as she walked to the table in the centre.

“Helping your kingdom.” Belle replied in a somewhat calm voice, taking off her earrings with shaky fingers.

“You’re going to marry that fucking murderer!” He roughly pointed at the closed door.

She tossed the earrings on the table attempting to avoid his burning gaze. “I had no choice.”

“He destroyed our homes and threatened both our kingdoms our whole lives!” Jungkook followed her, rage burning through his veins while she padded towards her vanity. “And you’re just going to invite him to your bed.”

Belle slammed her hair pins onto the table causing some of the products to rattle in the tension thick air. “You think this is easy for me.” Fingers tightened around the sharp tip almost piercing into her palm. “You think the last seven years, I’ve sat here helplessly sitting and doing nothing!” She slid the pins off the vanity as they crashed onto the floor.

Strands stuck to her tear stained cheeks as Belle faced the now silent King. “I’ve been out there! I know exactly what’s he done because I’ve done the same thing.” She let out a shaky sigh. “I’m a murderer. You’re a murderer. We’re no different than him.”

Jungkook tightened his jaw and swallowed thickly. “He would never do what you did with my people.” He nodded towards the door, attempting to take a breath to calm himself down but nothing about this was soothing. Glossy eyes twitched as more dangerous words escaped from his lips. “He won’t love you like I—”

“Don’t.” She shook her head. “Don’t do that. This is going to happen if you want your people to be safe.” Her voice resorted to a hurtful mixture of a mutter and whisper.

“Why does it have to be a choice between your happiness and their safety?” Jungkook stepped closer to a point where she could feel the heat radiating from his taller frame.

“Because that’s how it’s always been.” Belle sniffled lightly. “And you’ve chosen the latter before…why is it so hard now?”

“I can’t—” He gulped down hard. “I can’t watch you get married to him.”

“Then don’t come to the wedding.” Belle tried to walk past him but he grabbed onto her arms. “Jungkook…” She kept her eyes down on his neck instead of staring at him directly in fear of doing something she promised herself never to do again.

“Please…” Jungkook whispered, lips seconds away from her nose. “I’ll turn myself in. The people can stay here. He wants the territory and he wants my crown. You don’t have to do this.” His head practically magnetized onto hers, their foreheads slightly brushing against each other and bodies nearing.

“They’re still your people.” Belle swallowed down the lump in her throat. “They need to see you.”

Jungkook stammered lightly. “There has to be something the—” He took a deep breath. “We spent our entire lives promising to be together.”

“Things change.” She turned her head to the side.

“Have you stopped loving me?” His voice broke a little tugging at something in her belly.

Belles’ chin quivered, closing her eyes momentarily. “Jungkook…”

“Just tell me.” Jungkook leaned in nudging his nose against her temple. One side of him waiting for her to push him away but he only kept melting into her warmth minute by minute. “Tell me you don’t love me…”

“Stop it.”

“Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll leave you alone.”

She took a deep breath with a hardened expression and looked him in the eye. Their faces merely a breath apart. Every time the couple were this close together, they only did one thing and one thing alone. Seven years ago at least. When she wasn’t arranged to be married to someone else. Belle gulped down the desire to lean closer and tightened her jaw. “I don’t love you.”

Jungkooks’ grip on her arms loosened as he backed away from her. A light ripping feeling in his chest as he watched the love of his life turn away. His own hands hung loosely at his sides, back resting on one of the pillars of her bed, breathing growing uncomfortably heavy.

“Please leave.” Belle whispered, pushing a strand behind her ear.

Swallowing the painful lump in his throat, Jungkook turned on his heel and walked out of the room.

As the King disappeared Belle slid down the wall, sobs shaking her body, landing on the floor in complete helplessness of the hole she fell in.

Deep into the dark night, King Hoseok strolled through the outer pathways of the beautiful palace owned by Queen Belle. Eyes flickered over to the sides where the servants were cleaning up the fallen leaves off of the courtyards. One of them caught his eye quickly as he saw a familiar tattoo on his arm.

“You, sir…” He announced capturing the servant’s attention as he stood up straight watching him curiously. “Come here.”

The servant walked over to the monarch and began strolling beside him.

“I understand you had a great dedication towards your previous King.” Hoseok glanced at his tattoo again recognizing it as a sigil for the man who claimed himself as the Silver King. The tattoo showcasing the white tiger head. “You were a good solider to him.”

“Kings are better at governing successful countries, Your Majesty.” He answered without any hesitation.

Hoseok suppressed the need to roll his eyes but smiled either way. “I need you to do a job for me. While I find much enjoyment in marrying Queen Belle in all her glory, there are a few things that need to be taken care of regarding her relations with King Jungkook. I assume you’ve heard some stories of their history.”

The servant nodded more to please Hoseok rather than actually knowing what he was talking about. Either way it didn’t matter. He just needed someone to get the job done. Who better than a blind minded solider?

Pulling out a vial from his pouch, he handed it to the servant. The deep blue liquid glimmered a little under the lantern lights. “This will help her be a little…more responsive when I deal with the King by my own wishes.” Hoseok spoke under his breath but clear enough for the servant to hear. “A few drops over her eyes should do the trick.”

The servant accepted the vial, as expected, with no questions asked.

“In time the potion will wear off…but she will understand why some Kings are better off pulled out of the picture.” Hoseok placed his hands behind his back.

The servant bowed and hid the vial under his clothes while walking away making him feel a lot more at ease.

Belle slept soundly in her bed as the night fell. On the other side of her door, however, the usual guards were nowhere to be found. Empty enough for Hoseoks’ planted man to slither along the hallway.

The door opened silently, just enough for the servant to slither inside. He shut it with the faintest click making him wince a little but the Queen didn’t move too much. The closer he inched towards her slumbering body, the faster his heart pounded through his chest.

Pulling the cork from the potion, the servants’ shaky fingers carefully held it, standing just at the edge of her bed and hovering it over Belle’s eyes.

His own breath caught in his throat when those eyes opened. Gaze burned right through him almost burning his chest.

Belle grabbed the hilt of her sword from the side of her bed and wacked the servant away. The man stumbled back almost falling onto the ground but he knocked onto the table, the vase of flowers falling to the side.

He hurried tried to grab for his sword, unsheathing it with heaving breaths and immediately slashed it to keep her away.

“Guards!” Belle yelled out, swinging her own sword causing their weapons to clash.

Jungkook padded through the hallways of the palace, rubbing his tired eyes from the inability to sleep. Eyes flickered over to the entrance of the Queen’s bedchamber and he halted. No one was posted in front of her door. Brows furrowed taking a few careful steps as the sound of something thudding echoed through the other side.

Then he heard a familiar voice scream out and the first instinct was to barge through the door. Jungkook saw her trying to fend off an attacker dressing servants clothing.

The King unsheathed his own weapon and his sword clashed with the attacker, pushing him fully onto the ground.

The attacker stayed stationery for a moment causing both monarchs to lose track of his movement before lunged towards Jungkook again, blades flashing against the light and screeching against each other. In his frantic need to escape quickly, the attacker finally swung his sword against Jungkooks’ shoulder.

He felt his skin rip apart, agonising pain burning through him and his vision growing darker.

Belle used the attackers’ distraction to wave her sword right across his neck, a tear spurting out blood down his clothes and drooling down his mouth as he limped to the ground.

Breathing heavily to calm herself down, she stared down at Jungkook fallen to the ground as he gripped onto his shoulder, thick red liquid dripping between his fingers.

She took off her cotton robe, crumbling it up slightly before pressing it onto his wound. “It’s okay.” Belle whispered. The white robe almost instantly soaked fading into a deep red colour as she heard metal clanging from outside getting louder.

The door burst open with Seokjin and a crowd of guards rolling in with their swords raised. Seokjin raised a hand calling them to stand down once they saw the two fallen bodies. “Belle, are you alright?” He asked.

“Call the physician please!” Belle almost shrieked in her broken tone, tears flooding in the brim of her eyes.

One of the guards immediately ran out of her chambers to do exactly as asked.

Belle looked down at Jungkook again seeing his eyes reddened and sweat dribbling from the sides of his face. Softly she placed his head on her lap, her less blood stained hand caressing his cheek as she placed pressure on the wound as it continued to ooze through the thin fabric. “Why did you do that?” She whispered, lips trembling.

Jungkook let out shaky sigh, wincing a little. “It’s like you said.” He smirked a little. “I’m a solider…I protect my Queen blindly.” His eyelids felt heavy, relishing in the warmth of her embrace.

“Keep your eyes open.” She muttered, heart racing as he saw his lashes touch down to his cheeks and his breathing slowed down.

The last thing Jungkook was heard was Belle’s soothing voice and the sound of pounding footsteps before he lulled into a light sleep.

<< prev chap | next chap >>

#jungkook #thebtswritersclub #jungkook fanfic #bts fanfic #bts imagines #jungkook imagines #bts royal au #jungkook royal au

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searchingwardrobes · 4 years

Text

I Promise to Kiss You (Before You Die) : 1/7

Here it is, my Little Women AU! I love the book, and the 1994 movie version with Winona Ryder is one of my favorite movies. I haven't seen the newest film version yet, and it's all because I'm writing this fic. This one is based on the 1994 film, particularly the scene where Laurie promises a young Amy that he'll kiss her before she dies (that's not in the book, if you're wondering). I'm probably in the minority of people who prefer Laurie with Amy over Jo. I think Jo was right - they would have fought like cats and dogs. They were too much alike. I think the book also develops the relationship between Laurie and Amy better and shows that Amy grows up and matures past her shallowness. Movie versions never have time to show all of that. Anyway, when I read the book I absolutely adored Laurie with Amy. THEN, I was blown away to find the quote below in the book in which Amy calls Laurie her "gallant captain." Obviously, Emma is a lot different personality wise from Amy. The only similarity is that they are both blondes. For that reason, this fic won't completely follow the Little Women plot. Also, this will only show things from Emma's point of view, so the plot threads with the other sisters won't be developed as much as they normally are. Hence, we have a seven chapter MC rather than a thirty-five + chapter MC 😆

Massive thanks to the mods of the @captainswanmoviemarathon for putting this event together! Love to all the other writers in the discord chats, especially for help with the title. Huge shout out to my beta @hookedonapirate - you're the best!

Summary: Emma noticed him first, never forget that, and while all four of the Lucas sisters love Killian Jones, no one loves him the way Emma does, of that she is certain. Killian Jones also made her a promise. Sure, she was only twelve when he made it, but one day he'll realize what it meant. One day, she hopes, he'll get over her sister Ruby and finally notice Emma.

Rated: T

Also on Ao3 , updated every Thursday.

Tagging: @snowbellewells @whimsicallyenchantedrose @kmomof4 @let-it-raines @teamhook @bethacaciakay @xhookswenchx @tiganasummertree @shireness-says @stahlop @scientificapricot @welllpthisishappening @resident-of-storybrooke @thislassishooked @ilovemesomekillianjones @kday426 @ekr032-blog-blog @lfh1226-linda @ultraluckycatnd @nikkiemms @optomisticgirl @profdanglaisstuff @carpedzem @ohmakemeahercules @branlovestowrite @superchocovian @sherlockianwhovian @vvbooklady1256 @hollyethecurious @winterbaby89 @delirious-latenight-laughs @jennjenn615 @snidgetsafan @xsajx

Chapter One: Prologue

“It is so beautiful to be loved as Laurie loves me; he isn’t sentimental, doesn’t say much about it, but I see and feel it in all he says and does, and it makes me so happy and so humble that I don’t seem to be the same girl I was. I never knew how good and generous and tender he was till now, for he lets me read his heart, and I find it full of noble hopes and impulses and purposes, and am so proud to know it’s mine. He says he feels as if he ‘could make a prosperous voyage now with me aboard as mate, and lots of love for ballast.’ I pray he may, and try to be all he believes me, for I love my gallant captain with all my heart and soul and might, and never will desert him while God lets us be together. Oh, Mother, I never knew how much like heaven this world could be when two people love and live for one another!” - Amy about Laurie in Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

If anyone had been out on the streets of Storybrooke, Maine on the windy, snowy Christmas Eve of 1863, they would have found lights ablaze in the most prestigious homes of the small hamlet. Save for one.

The Gold mansion upon the hill was not only lit up like your proverbial Christmas tree, but carriages lined the circular drive as the most powerful men from the surrounding six counties arrived for Robert Gold’s lavish annual bash with their families in tow. They would wine and dine in excess of frivolity for the next twelve days of the season.

The white grecian columns of the Mills Mansion would also sparkle with firelight, though the wealthy matron Regina Mills didn’t gather quite the crowd. Her festivities would be far more sedate and her crowd older. Of course the money was older too and not as dripping with unscrupulous business deals as Gold’s. It would mostly be family as well, though that was nothing to sneeze at, considering Regina Mills’ clan could trace their lineage back to the Mayflower.

The mysterious mansion of Admiral Nemo Jones, retired hero of the United States Navy, wasn’t filled with guests. However, the rooms of the mansion still blazed with light as the generous man allowed his staff to fully celebrate the holiday, complete with Christmas bonuses and lavish gifts. In a way it was also a welcome home party for his nephew, who had been lost and wandering on the other side of the ocean until Nemo had tracked him down.

The only fine family of Storybrooke Maine (though many would say they were once a fine family - past tense) whose home was not ablaze on this festive evening were the Lucases. Some would say it was because Marco Lucas had been gone these past two years fighting (unnecessarily they would also claim) in the War Between the States. Others would say it was because the Lucases had squandered their fortune taking in orphans and vagrants. Others would say it was their involvement in that embarrassing underground railroad that had cost them their fortune and respect. They would all be wrong.

The women gathered around the wavering firelight in the Lucas parlor did miss Marco Lucas terribly, and it was true that money was tight. Yet the reason their house flickered with only the tiniest light was because all they needed was each other.

Paulette Lucas, affectionately called “Granny” by all who knew her, sat knitting in her rocker with a candle flickering on the table beside her. The girls had begged her to take one night off from the task, but there were too many soldiers in need to stop even for a night. She battled a smile as she focused on her task, knowing a letter from her husband was tucked into her apron pocket.

Ruby Lucas, as usual, was standing far too close to the fire. Her long, dark hair fell in waves over her shoulder. She was a striking beauty, and mothers watched her askance at the scandalous way she refused to wear her hair up though she was already sixteen. She was the only one who was a true granddaughter to Mrs. Lucas. Her mother, a scandal herself, had died of consumption in a saloon out west when Ruby was still an infant. Who her father was, no one knew. That probably had more to do with the scandalous looks rather than her hair (though the latter certainly didn’t help).

Mary Margaret Blanchard sat on the other side of the lamplight from Granny, helping with the knitting. Though she was the oldest of the girls, at seventeen, she had been living with Granny the shortest amount of time. Her parents knew the Lucases through the underground railroad, so when Mary Margaret’s mother passed of scarlet fever when she was ten, her father sent her to them. Only less than a year later, her father was arrested for violating the fugitive slave act. While in prison, he contracted scarlet fever and died.

Belle French sat by the hearth with several kittens mewling in her lap. She was engrossed in the book she held in one hand while her other stroked the kittens absently. Some would say she was even more beautiful than Ruby, even at only fourteen, yet her quiet demeanor and delicate nature turned fewer heads. Belle had been the Lucas’ youngest pupil when they still ran their boarding school. She was only seven when it was forced to close, and her father simply never came back for her.

Then, finally, there was Emma Swan - the only one of Granny’s girls who was still a child. Twelve year old Emma sat curled up in her favorite armchair with a sketchpad in her lap. Her drawing pencils were worn down to almost nubs, yet still she scratched away with her tongue poking out of the corner of her mouth. Her blonde hair was a riotous mess, her fingers were smudged with charcoal, and her feet were bare. Not that anyone cared - the Lucas house never stood on ceremony, especially when they were alone. Granny had a difficult time keeping shoes on the child anyway, considering she had spent the first five years of her life without them. She was the child Storybrooke called “the urchin” - mostly in whispers, but sometimes when Emma could hear. Granny had literally found her eating out of the rubbish bin. The benefit of those humble beginnings were that Emma found their current “poverty” hardly trying.

So, dear reader, do not assume that lack of finery equals a lack of happiness. The Lucas women will put aside their knitting, their books, their drawing paper and gather eagerly around Granny’s chair to hear their Papa’s latest letter. They will joyfully sing carols around their out of tune piano. Then they will share hugs and kisses goodnight and head to bed with more love in their hearts than all the other “fine” homes in Storybrooke combined. And across the hedge from their house, in the Jones mansion, a dark haired boy will watch the flickering lights of their candles - counting them: one, two, three, four - as they head up the stairs. He’ll watch them go out one at a time and wonder about the hands that hold them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Merry Christmas!” Emma yelled the following morning, eliciting a groan from Belle, whom she shared a room with. Emma simply rolled her eyes. It was Belle’s own fault - she had stayed up far too late reading again.

“It’s Christmas!” Emma continued to shout as she banged on doors and then thundered down the stairs. “It’s Christmas!”

Her sisters followed her reluctantly, groaning and complaining all the way. Emma ignored them as she fell to her knees beside the Christmas tree.

“Oh hush now,” Granny admonished, “every single one of you were the same at her age.”

“This one’s from me, Granny,” Emma said as soon as Granny sat in her rocker. She thrust an intricately wrapped package into the woman’s lap, then scooted close. Her sisters looked on fondly as soon as they saw that Emma’s enthusiasm wasn’t a selfish one. Granny peeled back the wrapping carefully, setting aside the ribbon Emma had used to tie it. When the gift was revealed, the woman gasped.

“Emma, sweetheart, this is lovely!” It was a sketch of Granny’s favorite tree in the garden next to the house, and Emma had captured it in all its autumn glory of reds, oranges, and yellows.

“I used the last of my colored pencils to get it just right,” Emma told her proudly.

Granny pressed the gift to her chest as she fought back tears. Oh, how she wished she could have afforded another set of drawing pencils for her dear Emma!

None of the gifts beneath the tree were store bought, yet each one was exclaimed over with joy. Somehow, the ingenuity that had gone into making them made them infinitely more valuable. Soon, the tree had nothing beneath it but ribbons and paper.

“I’ll play us a carol!” Belle announced. She sat before the piano, and they all tried to ignore that one key that was never in tune.

As her sister played, Emma pressed her face to the glass of the parlor window. Her eyes widened to see a boy in Admiral Nemo’s house, playing a piano of his own. Of course, his was an incredibly fine piano that was surely always in tune.

“A boy!” Emma cried out. “There’s a boy next door!”

Belle abruptly stopped playing, and the Lucas sisters scrambled to the window, all talking at once.

“A boy?” Ruby asked, pushing the curtains aside further.

“At Nemo’s?” Mary Margaret asked incredulously.

“How old is he?” Emma asked, frustrated that she’d been pushed aside.

“What does he look like?” Belle asked, trying to see beneath Ruby’s arm. “What a fine piano he has,” she sighed when she was able to get a glance.

“I would hate to live with that scary old man.” Emma wrinkled her nose.

“Poor thing,” Mary Margaret tsked sympathetically.

“You don’t think he’ll come to call?” Belle suddenly gasped, looking nervously at her sisters and then over at Granny.

“You mean call, as in courting?” Ruby laughed.

Mary Margaret laughed, too, “You ninny, he’s rich! He would never come courting the likes of us.”

“Thank goodness,” sighed Belle in relief, looking back out the window. She cocked her head as she studied him, “He’s awfully handsome.”

“Girls!” Granny admonished. “Come away from there before the poor boy catches you gawking at him as if he’s on display. Really, I have taught you some propriety.”

“Do you know him, Granny?” Emma asked as she settled down before the fire to play with the spinning top Papa had carved for them.

“I know of him,” Granny replied, eyes never leaving her knitting. Once again, she refused to put aside the chore. “He’s Admiral Nemo’s nephew. He was living in London, and the Admiral has been beside himself since his brother’s death trying to track the child down.”

“I hear he’s had no upbringing at all,” Mary Margaret told them in a scandalized whisper.

“You’ve heard of him too?” Ruby asked.

“At the Rose’s.” Mary Margaret worked as a governess for the wealthy Rose family. “His mother was an actress and his father a cad who abandoned them both.”

“Where was he?” Emma asked. “Why was it so hard to find him?”

“Living on the streets, they say,” Mary Margaret told her softly, sympathy coloring her eyes. Sympathy that Emma always had and always would despise.

Ruby headed back to the window and peered out with a grin upon her face. “It will be fun to have a boy next door.”

“Well,” Granny spoke with a sigh, “I don’t know what mischief is in that pretty head of yours, Ruby, but we will welcome the boy as warmly as we can.” She set aside her knitting and clapped her hands as if that were that. “Now, let’s go begin preparing our Christmas feast!”

The girls all rushed to follow Granny into the kitchen, but Emma stopped at the window, her hands grasping the curtains. Living on the streets they say. The song that the boy was playing, which could be heard faintly on the wind, ended, and he looked up from his sheet music. His eyes caught Emma’s, and he winked at her. She gasped and shoved the curtains closed.

#cs ff #captain swan movie marathon #csmm #cs little women au

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zanepxzn507-blog · 4 years

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' The Mandalorian' Phase 4 Reaches Peak Infant Yoda In A Psychological Episode.

Cloning has actually been a part of Celebrity Wars considering that the very beginning, with the Duplicate Battles being discussed as early as A New Hope, but not described until Attack of the Clones. This bit of odd sciene is going through a renaissance of types, many thanks to follower concepts about Rey's orphan childhood as well as the return of Emperor Palpatine. That establishes that Force level of sensitivity can be moved to genetically similar people if Rey is a clone. Possibly one developed during the very same experiments that caused Rey? Or, it's feasible that Pershing demands this Child Yoda to start duplicating the types.

What animal is Yoda based on?

The Jedi Master Yoda was the best-known member of a species whose true name is not recorded. Known in some sources simply as Yoda's species, this species of small carnivorous humanoids produced several well-known members of the Jedi Order during the time of the Galactic Republic.

Moments later, Obi-Wan's ghost helps Luke concern the awareness that the "other" of whom Yoda spoke is Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher), who is his twin sis. In the prequel trilogy, established a generation prior to the original trilogy, Yoda is among one of the most effective participants of the Jedi Order and also a general of clone troopers during the Clone Battles. He likewise trains all Jedi kids, before they are appointed a Jedi master.

Jedi Council Forums.

At the orgasm of the film, Yoda gets here in time to conserve Obi-Wan and also Anakin from the Separatists as well as defeats his former apprentice, Count Dooku (Christopher Lee), the Separatists' leader as well as a Sith lord, in a lightsaber duel. When Qui-Gon is mortally wounded in a duel with Sith Lord Darth Maul (played by Ray Park and articulated by Peter Serafinowicz), his dying demand to his Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) is that Anakin be trained as a Jedi. Obi-Wan, determined to accomplish his pledge to his master, tells Yoda that he will certainly train the boy, also without the Council's approval. Yoda makes Obi-Wan a Jedi Knight, and hesitantly gives his true blessing to Anakin's training.

Is Baby Yoda the chosen one?

No, we are not leaving Baby Yoda behind. Just when he's about to ditch his tiny ward and move on, another bounty hunter tracks him to the village, meaning it's no longer safe for either of them. So they both have to leave, and we will probably never see that pretty widow again.

The Mandalorian found The Child, also known as Child Yoda, on a desert world called Arvala-7 that looked a great deal like Luke's childhood years residence of Tatooine. There's no sign that there are much more little Yodas around, so that's possibly not its varieties' residence globe, either. As a mechanic in Mos Eisley, Peli Motto (Amy Sedaris) was assured to earn factors with "Star Wars" fans that fondly bear in mind Tatooine as the earth where all of it started.

Why is Yoda a baby in the Mandalorian?

There is a Reddit page dedicated to calling Baby Yoda "Yiddle", a nod to both Yoda and Yaddle, a female of the same species who appeared in the Star Wars prequel trilogy. The Yiddle theory is that Baby Yoda is the product of Yoda and Yaddle.

youtube

Character introduction.

However mainly for his cuteness, improved by his diminutive size as well as expressive eyes and also ears.

For the longest time it seemed that Yoda was the only creature of his specific varieties, a sort of uniquely Force delicate creature.

The priestesses inform Yoda that his training will certainly return to in time.

Or perhaps Child Yoda as well as the mop child from completion of The Last Jedi are hanging around on Dagobah waiting to begin their training.

Component of the reason the episode 1 expose is so exceptional is that Lucas has actually long supported for keeping Yoda's varieties key. When whatever in Celebrity Wars is explained, the universe feels huge, yet it can also really feel rote. The Yoda types remains a component that can not be canonized, can not be commodified. It gestures at Celebrity Wars' dream influences while not going so far regarding straight-out discuss the inspiration behind the gesture.

Not much is known about Child Yoda's species, yet probably, at 76 years of ages it would certainly still need help getting around as well as making it through. The creature from The Mandalorian whomStar Warsfans adoringly call "Child Yoda" is not Yoda as a kid. We aren't even sure how, if in all, he relates to Yoda besides being within the exact same species.

Yoda's syntactic selfhood is evidently an outgrowth of the same internal tranquility that makes him such an effective warrior. Espindola believes that Yoda's speech is insane, however insane like an extremely type fox. This five-toed variation stays the least used in any type of manifestation of Celebrity Wars media. Adults of the species were identified by sharp, elfin ears, ridges on their temples, tridactyl hands and also (most typically) anisodactyl feet. The diet plan of the most renowned member of the varieties, Jedi Master Yoda, contained nutrient most other beings considered revolting.

Either way, this infant has the prospective to seriously change the material of Star Wars moving forward. That would be new area for Star Wars, but the post-Disney acquistion Star Wars cosmos has actually often experimented with the guidelines of the Force, so it's not impossible.

Why is Yoda 50 years old?

The final moments of the episode reveal the asset, who turns out to be super cute. The Internet has dubbed the adorable creature Baby Yoda because he or she bears a strong resemblance to the legendary Jedi master. As an ill-fated droid informs the Mandalorian, â€œspecies age differently,â€ and Baby Yoda is a young 50.

Since making his debut in The Mandalorian in November 2019, Baby Yoda has been a feeling. A cuter, younger variation of the ancient Jedi master, he's one of one of the most endearing animals ever seen in the Star Wars world, as well as has since come to be the talk of the web-- a strolling retailing opportunity, as well as the source of wholesome memes. Celebrity Wars followers were thrilled concerning The Mandalorian the 2nd it was announced as the flagship program of Disney And also, but couple of might've predicted that Infant Yoda would certainly swipe the show. The initial live-action TV collection ahead out of the Star Wars world features an individual that dresses a whole lot like Boba Fett with his own fascinating background tale, but The Child, as he's known, is perhaps the real star. The 2008 animated movie and tv collection The Duplicate Battles makes use of a CGI model of Yoda that matches the one-off tridactyl plan from The Phantom Threat, with 3 forward-facing toes and a blunted heel.

Build-A-Bear Workshop has actually likewise introduced it will certainly release a version of a Youngster doll in early 2020. Lego has announced plans for an August 2020 launch of BrickHeadz figures of both the Child and also the Mandalorian, in addition to a September 2020 release of a Lego set for the Mandalorian's Razor Crest spacecraf, which will include a tiny figurine of Child. In March 2020, an informal user-created mod for the video game Celebrity Wars Battlefront II allowed the personality BB-8 to be changed with a usable variation of the Kid. The Kid as well as the Mandalorian are the only personalities that have appeared in every episode of the collection. He was produced by The Mandalorian designer as well as showrunner Jon Favreau based upon his wish to discover the mystery around Yoda as well as his varieties.

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oreasa · 7 years

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Rip took a deep breath as nearly everyone on the bridge started asking questions at once. “Alright!” He raises his hands for a moment to quiet his team. “Now, obviously we each have our own explanations to give. First and foremost, we need to figure out where we are in each other's timelines. River, have you been to Manhattan yet?”

River shakes her head slightly, “No, what's in Manhattan?”

“Something traumatic, to say the least. Now, that I think about it you seemed to know what was coming that day, and now I know why. I'll give you some hints later.”

“Alright,” River nods firmly before turning to Sara. “Honey, what year did he pull you from for this little expedition?”

“January 2016,” Sara answers as she takes a seat beside Snart, “And mini-me in the cargo bay is from that criminal justice project I had in 2007.”

“Criminal justice? I didn’t have you pegged for the good girl type, Assassin,” Snart interrupts.

Sara shoots him a look over her shoulder, “That was another life, Crook. Things change.” She focuses her gaze back to her mother. “Speaking of another life, Mom . Why did these two have to break you out of a prison?”

“First of all, they didn’t have to break me out. I was already mostly out on my own. They were just the getaway drivers.” River waves a hand at the rogues to silence them as they begin to protest. “Very capable getaway drivers. I’m sure your plan was brilliant, but not needed. I break out all the time. It’s quite fun.”

Rip sighs at this point, “River, please tell me you weren’t breaking out for a date.”

“No, I was actually on my way to Central for a nice bit of downtime to check in on everybody. Do you need me to call him?”

“No. He is absolutely our last resort. If he finds out about this, he will only go crazy trying to stop the events in Manhattan from ever happening, which will very likely prevent Jonas from ever existing, and I won’t let that happen. Besides, you know how he gets when he’s up against fixed points in time.”

“Yes, it’s not the prettiest of sites.”

“As fascinating as this conversation is, it’s merely generating more questions than answers,” Stein interrupts. “I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation for why your daughter looks to be as old as you are, and why Miss Lance didn’t know this fact about her own mother.”

“Thank you, Martin.” Sara nods as Mick hands her and Snart one of the beers he acquired during River and Rip’s exchange. “The two of you,” she motions towards Rip and River with her bottle, “Need to get back on track and explain yourselves.”

“Yes, well, for starters,” Rip begins clearing his throat, “My real name isn’t Rip Hunter. It’s Rory Williams. Miranda’s real name is Amelia Pond, and this is our daughter Melody Pond. We’re time travelers, and my experience extends far beyond my time here on the Waverider. Amy and I traveled through time with an alien friend of ours for quite some time. During that time we had Melody,” Rip begins as River picks the story back up.

“Then, I was kidnapped as a baby. The three of them tried to rescue me, and eventually I ended up growing up beside them. We’ve had quite a few adventures across time. On one of them I end up murdering their best friend, and that’s how I ended up in Stormgate where you found me. During my own travels, I stopped in Star City to get my degree and met your father there. You know that part of the story, baby. You lived it.”

Sara nods slowly as Rip picks back up. “At the end our travels with our friend, Amy and I encountered these creatures called the Weeping Angels. They have the power to displace their victims in time and feed off of the potential time energy their victims had. We were two of their victims. We were dropped in old time New York. The Time Masters,” River snorts at hearing their names, and Rip smirks. “Yes, I know. Your mother had the same reaction. Just think of where they got their inspiration.

“Anyway, the Time Masters recruit their officers from two types of people. The most common is orphans. The second is anyone they can tell has been displaced by the angels. When they approached us, Amy and I couldn’t resist the temptation of time traveling again in hopes we would run into the Doctor again. So, we gave them false names, and here we are today.”

“So, you’re a family of time travelers who meet whenever your respective adventures cross paths?” Ray inquires with bright eyes. “That sounds like a sci-fi series waiting to be written.”

“Yes, I’m sure we could provide seasons of entertainment, Dr. Palmer. What’s more important right now, is to continue safeguarding our past selves from the Pilgrim. You will be accompanying Professor Stein to collect Mr. Jefferson’s infant self while Mr. Snart and Mr. Rory stop by 1950 to collect the newborn Professor Stein. I will remain here to bring River up to speed on our current situation.” Rip explains as he programs coordinates for the jumpship.

The jumpship leaves with the resident criminals for Ivy Town in 1950 after the Waverider lands in Central City in 1993. Jax and Kendra decide to check on the passengers in the cargo hold leaving only Sara, Rip, and River on the bridge while Rip recants his time on the Waverider to River. “The one time I leave without them and the immortal psychopath launches his attack. I went to the Time Council to convince them to let me stop him, and they refused. I stole the Waverider, and after several failed rescue attempts, here we are today.”

“You stole a time machine. Sounds a lot like someone else we know.” River smiles.

“Yes, he’ll never let me hear the end of it when he finds out. I know. Now, you understand why he can’t find out about this until after it’s over.”

“Yes, now why are you risking paradoxes by gathering multiple versions of yourselves in the same place?”

“The Time Masters have an Omega Protocol which constitutes killing a criminal’s past self when all other attempts to apprehend them have failed. The Pilgrim is their best agent when it comes to his tactic.”

“And she’s already tried to kill Mick, Ray, and myself,” Sara chimes in. “She almost killed Dad in the process. I think I know the answer, but I have to ask. Why didn’t you ever tell us about this other life, Mom.”

“Sara, honey, you were safer not knowing. I was enjoying a bit of the quiet life.” River brushes Sara’s hair behind her ear. “Besides, would you have believed me if I had told you before now?”

“Yeah, we would have thought you were crazy.” Sara nods, turning to Rip. “So, you’re my grandfather, huh? How did you miss that when you picked me up?”

Rip runs a hand over his beard, slightly embarrassed. “In my haste to save Amy, I foolishly only looked into your futures and not your pasts. Though, I’m not sure I would have made the connection with as good as your mother is at covering her tracks. The only way solid way to know when and where she is is to go by her escape records from Stormgate.”

“Now, all those academic conference make a hell of a lot more sense.” Sara asks, “Does Dad know about any of this?”

“From your standpoint, he will soon. From mine, he already knows all he needs to know.”

“As much as I enjoy spoiling the future for everyone,” Rip draws their attention back to him. “We need to figure out where we can leave everyone’s past selves while we handle the Pilgrim. It won’t do for her to be able to just show up and kill them under our noses.”

“I know exactly who can watch them,” River answers. “She owes me a favor still.”

“Wonderful.”

“We’re here.” Rip declares as they land in 19th century London.

“Where’s here?” Comes Snart’s reply as Rip and River hop out of their seats.

“Come. I’ll show you, Snowflake.” River smiles, leading the way off the ship.

“Again, where is here?” Snart echos his previous question as the group makes their way to the large estate.

“We needed a place to hide your younger selves from the Time Masters. They won’t think to look for us here.” Rip explains as a young woman in what can only be described as a maid’s uniform steps out to greet them.

“Ma’am’s been expecting you. The tea is ready in the parlor. This way.” The maid leads them inside where a woman dressed completely in black with a matching veil is waiting for them. “Mr. Williams and Miss Song are here with their friends Ma’am.”

“Thank you, Jenny.” The woman smiles pulling back her veil revealing green reptilian skin. Ray and Kendra’s eyes widen at the reveal as Stein utters a hushed “Astonishing,” while Mick chuckles at their reactions. “Rory, I see a lot has happened for both of us since Demon’s Run.”

“That it has, Vastra. We could sorely use your help again.” Rip begins over his team’s reactions. “The Time Masters aren’t fond of interacting with anyone outside of the human race. So, I highly doubt they will bother you, but if they do I’m sure the three of you can handle yourselves.”

“Where is Strax by the way?” River questions, sipping her tea.

“He’s preparing one of the guest rooms.” Jenny answers, “You said there were babies to look after. He wanted to make sure everything was ready for them.”

“Right. Shall we bring them all down, then.”

The team escorts their past selves into the estate as Vastra pulls Rip aside. “This is quite the group of friends you have here, Rory.”

“My friends. They’re the people whose relationships with their friends and family I’ve put at risk to save my family.”

“You think you’ve been selfish?”

“I do, yes.”

“What a load of old codswallop. You have always risked everything for your family. We faced down an army together to save your daughter. Now, you’re doing the same to save your wife and son, but you won’t accomplish anything by wallowing. So for goodness’ sake, pull yourself out of it and get the job done.”

“And what about you? I’ve put you in terrible danger.”

“You don’t honestly think I’d agree to protect all these delicious looking children if I didn’t think I’d see you again, do you? We managed quite well against an army. I’m sure we can handle whatever comes our way if it’s anything at all. So, go on! Save your wife.”

“Yes, yes. I will.” Rip smiles, “And, Vastra, please don’t eat any of them. One of them is my granddaughter after all.”

“More reason for you take care of this quickly and hurry back,” Vastra smiles and Rip chuckles heading back to the Waverider.

“Are you sure we can trust an overgrown potato with our baby selves?” Snart asks when they reach the temporal zone.

“Mr. Snart, I assure you, Strax is no threat to any of your younger selves. I’d be more worried about the discipline Vastra will dole out if any of you cross her.”

“If you say so.” Snart drawls as the team disperses while Gideon begins calculating a new way to track the Pilgrim. Not long after Rip calls them back to the main deck after receiving a message from the Pilgrim herself. The message tells them she has collected a family member of each of the crew, and is offering to spare them in exchange for the Legends’ past selves. Rip’s counter-offer of his past self is accepted skeptically.

“Wait, how are you going to deliver your past self without the Doctor noticing?” River asks curiously.

Rip smirks heading for the captain’s chair, “There’s an alternate timeline where he left me alone with a box for two thousand years. We just have to convince myself to leave for an hour or so.”

“Oh, that’s brilliant,” River grins, heading for a chair of her own. The rest of the team follows suit heading for their respective seats.

“Two thousand years? Just how old are you?” Stein implores as he pulls down his restraints.

“That is a long story that I’m afraid we do not have time for today. Maybe another time.” Rip swivels in his chair, pushing the lever forward to begin their jump. They land in an isolated area with a large stone cube in the distance. “You all will want to wait here. This is best handled by River and myself. If know my past self, which I do, I won’t be trusting of a large group.”

The team stays behind as the father and daughter team make their way towards the large box. They watch from the window as the two talk to what looks to be a younger version of Rip in Roman armor. “So that’s what Rip meant by ‘The Last Centurion’,” Snart quips as they watch the exchange go down. The Roman looks hesitant until River says something that seems to change his mind. River then goes to stand where the Roman once was as he accompanies Rip back to the Waverider.

“Strap yourselves in everyone, we’re about to face the Pilgrim.” Rip announces as they reach the main deck.

“We’re just leaving Curly behind? I don’t like this.” Mick scowls, directing his suspicion towards Rip.

The answer comes from the young Rory, “I wasn’t leaving the Pandorica unprotected. She volunteered to stay behind until I came back. It was the only way.”

Rip looks to his past self, “You’ll want to hold on. This isn’t what you’re used to with the TARDIS.”

“TARDIS. That sounds interesting. What’s that?” Ray inquires as Rip programs in coordinates.

“Time and relative dimension in space. A Gallifreyan time traveling vessel,” Gideon answers as they make the jump to abandoned Time Master outpost where the Pilgrim is waiting for them.

“What is this place?” Jax asks.

“Neutral ground.” Rip answers as they make their way inside with Stein, Mick, and Rory. “It’s a defunct Time Master Outpost.”

Once in the warehouse the Pilgrim struts inside with confidence. Jax immediately notices she’s alone, “Where’s my dad?”

“On board my ship, along with the rest. All in perfect condition as long as your captain honors his end of the bargain.”

“You’d murder a fellow Time Master” Stein implores, stalling for time.

“I’d murder as many as is necessary to accomplish my mission.”

“Do you know what this will do to the timeline, killing a Time Master?”

“In case you’ve forgotten, I am sanctioned by the Time Masters to do what my former colleague Chronos here failed to do.”

“Enough of that,” Rip interrupts as Mick scowls at the Pilgrim. “Let’s get down to business.”

“Where’s the rest of your group.”

“They’re around.”

“I’ll be taking the Roman.”

“Before you do that,” Mick moves to the side. “We don’t believe for a second their loved ones are on your ship.”

“A show of good faith, then. A prisoner exchange. Send the roman, and I’ll send the father. Once I have the future Captain Hunter in my possession, then I’ll release the rest.” She lifts a device out of her pocket and presses a button. Jax’s father materializes in front of her looking confused.

“What the hell’s going on?”

“You don’t need to understand. Only walk.” She shoves the soldier forward as Rip looks to his past self.

“You know what needs to be done.” Rory nods solemnly, walking towards the Pilgrim. Jax nudges Stein as Sara and Snart wait in the wings for their signal to move. Ray follows behind the centurion shrunken down in his ATOM suit.

“You wanted to see me?” Rory asks as he draws near their target. “I’m afraid I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this.”

“Nothing yet.”

“Now!” Ray shouts over his com. He shoots up enlarging himself and firing his blaster at her.

“Fool me once,” the Pilgrim growls as she stops Ray’s motions literally in time.

Sara and Snart rush out from their hiding places as Snart and Mick fire their guys simultaneously. The Pilgrim is able to freeze their attack and push them backwards. Firestorm takes to the sky, distracting the Pilgrim with their own fiery blast. Rip calls for Kendra and she leaps from the rafters ready to strike. The Pilgrim barely freezes Kendra in mid-flight in time. It takes all of her effort the keep the Legends frozen in time. Her attention strays from the roman beside her for too long. “I was willing to proceed in good faith. Now you’ll watch those closest to you die.” One final shot can be heard as she looks down to see Rory’s hand has has split in half to reveal a the barrel of a gun underneath.

“You won’t be hurting anyone’s loved ones anymore.” Rory declares before ducking out of the way of the blasts the reduce the Pilgrim to ash.

“I survived over two thousands years of solitude guarding the Pandorica because I wasn’t entirely human at the time. They had no way of knowing what I was capable of,” Rip explains.

“It’s lucky for us, you didn’t forget your roots,” Snart quips holstering his weapon.

“Believe me, Mr. Snart, I will never forget everything I went through for Amy.” Rip looks to his younger self. “Now let’s get you back to her. She’ll be glad to see you when she wakes up.”

“Right, mind explaining what that was all about?” Rory asks following him.

“Oh, believe me, it’s better if you don’t see it coming.”

They waste no time after that collecting their loved ones from the Pilgrim’s ship. They make a stop at Jenny and Vastra’s after exchanging Rory for Rip. It takes a bit of convincing to get each of their loved ones to agree to take the amnesia pills before returning them to their proper time periods.

“Time, the history from which your younger selves were removed, is beginning to set, as is evidenced by the changes in Clarissa’s memory,” Rip begins after Snarts comment about being pressed for time.

“So how long do we have till these changes stick?” asks Jax, looking concerned.

“No one knows,” Mick answers.

“Which is why we need to move swiftly to locate Vandal Savage if any of your lives are to be restored to normal,” Rip continues.

“So how long will it take to determine a new location for Savage?” Kendra crosses her arms.

“Longer than we have. Fortunately, there is one place in time that we know Savage to be.”

“You said he conquered the world in 2166,” Mick points out.

“You also said it was too dangerous to strike at Savage while he was at the height of his powers,” Stein adds.

“That it is. But with your younger selves removed from history, we have quite literally run out of time.”

#Legends of Who #Chapter 2 #Fanfic #legends of tomorrow #Doctor Who #This was not beta-read #River Song #Last Refuge

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charbear177 · 6 years

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September Bookclub Recommendations...10 Great Reads For You And Your Bookclub

If you are like me you love a good book. I read all of the time, but tend to stick to one or two genres and authors. A great way to find new authors and be exposed to literature you would have never considered is by joining a traditional bookclub, or signing up for a book of the month club.

If you are already in a bookclub, but looking for some suggestions I am here to help. Or if you are just trying to figure out what to read next I think I have some great choices for you. I enjoyed all of the below books, albeit some were more satisfying than others, but that's the beauty of reading a book. You never know what you are going to get, or how it is going to end.

10 September Bookclub Recommendations

What Alice Forgot

The Handmaid's Tale

The Silent Wife

Unfu*k Yourself

The Tuscan Child

The Ugly and Wonderful Things

The Mountain Midwife

Small Great Things

The Orphan's Tale

Tell Me Three Things

What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty - Alice Love is twenty-nine, crazy about her husband, and pregnant with her first child.

So imagine Alice’s surprise when she comes to on the floor of a gym and is whisked off to the hospital where she discovers the honeymoon is truly over — she’s getting divorced, she has three kids and she’s actually 39 years old. Alice must reconstruct the events of a lost decade, and find out whether it’s possible to reconstruct her life at the same time. She has to figure out why her sister hardly talks to her, and how is it that she’s become one of those super skinny moms with really expensive clothes.

Ultimately, Alice must discover whether forgetting is a blessing or a curse, and whether it’s possible to start over.

The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood - After a staged terrorist attack kills the President and most of Congress, the government is deposed and taken over by the oppressive and all controlling Republic of Gilead. Offred, now a Handmaid serving in the household of the enigmatic Commander and his bitter wife, can remember a time when she lived with her husband and daughter and had a job, before she lost even her own name. Despite the danger, Offred learns to navigate the intimate secrets of those who control her every move, risking her life in breaking the rules in hopes of ending this oppression.

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The Silent Wife by Kerry Fisher - Lara’s life looks perfect on the surface. Gorgeous doting husband Massimo, sweet little son Sandro and the perfect home. Lara knows something about Massimo. Something she can’t tell anyone else or everything he has worked so hard for will be destroyed: his job, their reputation, their son. This secret is keeping Lara a prisoner in her marriage.

Maggie is married to Massimo’s brother Nico and lives with him and her troubled stepdaughter. She knows all of Nico’s darkest secrets – or so she thinks. Then one day she discovers a letter in the attic which reveals a shocking secret about Nico’s first wife. Will Maggie set the record straight or keep silent to protect those she loves?

For a family held together by lies, the truth will come at a devastating price.

Unfu*k Yourself by Gary John Bishop - Are you tired of feeling fu*ked up? If you are, Gary John Bishop has the answer. In this straightforward handbook, he gives you the tools and advice you need to demolish the slag weighing you down and become the truly unfu*ked version of yourself. ''Wake up to the miracle you are,'' he directs. ''Here's what you've forgotten: You're a fu*king miracle of being.'' It isn't other people that are standing in your way, it isn't even your circumstances that are blocking your ability to thrive, it's yourself and the negative self-talk you keep telling yourself.

The Tuscan Child by Rhys Bowen - In 1944, British bomber pilot Hugo Langley parachuted from his stricken plane into the verdant fields of German-occupied Tuscany. Badly wounded, he found refuge in a ruined monastery and in the arms of Sofia Bartoli. But the love that kindled between them was shaken by an irreversible betrayal.

Nearly thirty years later, Hugo’s estranged daughter, Joanna, has returned home to the English countryside to arrange her father’s funeral. Among his personal effects is an unopened letter addressed to Sofia. In it is a startling revelation.

Still dealing with the emotional wounds of her own personal trauma, Joanna embarks on a healing journey to Tuscany to understand her father’s history—and maybe come to understand herself as well. Joanna soon discovers that some would prefer the past be left undisturbed, but she has come too far to let go of her father’s secrets now…

All The Ugly and Wonderful Things: A Novel by Bryn Greenwood - As the daughter of a meth dealer, Wavy knows not to trust people, not even her own parents. Struggling to raise her little brother, eight-year-old Wavy is the only responsible "adult" around. She finds peace in the starry Midwestern night sky above the fields behind her house. One night everything changes when she witnesses one of her father's thugs, Kellen, a tattooed ex-con with a heart of gold, wreck his motorcycle. What follows is a powerful and shocking love story between two unlikely people that asks tough questions, reminding us of all the ugly and wonderful things that life has to offer.

The Mountain Midwife by Laurie Alice Eakes - Ashley Tolliver has tended to the women of her small Appalachian community for years. As their midwife, she thinks she has seen it all. Until a young woman gives birth at Ashley’s home and is abducted just as Ashley tries to take the dangerously bleeding mother to the nearest hospital. Now Ashley is on a mission to find the woman and her newborn baby . . . before it’s too late.

Hunter McDermott is on a quest—to track down his birth mother. After receiving more media attention than he could ever want for being in the right place at the right time, he receives a mysterious phone call from a woman claiming to be his mother. Hunter seeks out the aid of the local midwife in the mountain town where the phone call originated—surely she can shed some light on his own family background.

Ashley isn’t prepared for the way Hunter’s entrance into her world affects her heart and her future. He reignites dreams of having her own family that she has long put aside in favor of earning her medical degree and being able to do even more for her community. But is it commitment to her calling or fear of the unknown that keeps her feet firmly planted in the Appalachian soil? Or is it something more—fear of her growing feelings for Hunter—that makes her hesitant to explore the world beyond the mountains?

Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult - Ruth Jefferson is a labor and delivery nurse at a Connecticut hospital with more than twenty years' experience. During her shift, Ruth begins a routine checkup on a newborn, only to be told a few minutes later that she's been reassigned to another patient. The parents are white supremacists and don't want Ruth, who is African American, to touch their child. The hospital complies with their request, but the next day, the baby goes into cardiac distress while Ruth is alone in the nursery. Does she obey orders or does she intervene? Ruth hesitates before performing CPR and, as a result, is charged with a serious crime. Kennedy McQuarrie, a white public defender, takes her case but gives unexpected advice: Kennedy insists that mentioning race in the courtroom is not a winning strategy. Conflicted by Kennedy's counsel, Ruth tries to keep life as normal as possible for her family—especially her teenage son—as the case becomes a media sensation. As the trial moves forward, Ruth and Kennedy must gain each other's trust, and come to see that what they've been taught their whole lives about others—and themselves—might be wrong. With incredible empathy, intelligence, and candor, Jodi Picoult tackles race, privilege, prejudice, justice, and compassion—and doesn't offer easy answers. Small Great Things is a remarkable achievement from a writer at the top of her game.

The Orphan's Tale: A Novel by Pam Jenoff - A powerful novel of friendship set in a traveling circus during World War II, The Orphan's Tale introduces two extraordinary women and their harrowing stories of sacrifice and survival Sixteen-year-old Noa has been cast out in disgrace after becoming pregnant by a Nazi soldier and being forced to give up her baby. She lives above a small rail station, which she cleans in order to earn her keep… When Noa discovers a boxcar containing dozens of Jewish infants bound for a concentration camp, she is reminded of the child that was taken from her. And in a moment that will change the course of her life, she snatches one of the babies and flees into the snowy night. Noa finds refuge with a German circus, but she must learn the flying trapeze act so she can blend in undetected, spurning the resentment of the lead aerialist, Astrid. At first rivals, Noa and Astrid soon forge a powerful bond. But as the facade that protects them proves increasingly tenuous, Noa and Astrid must decide whether their friendship is enough to save one another—or if the secrets that burn between them will destroy everything.

Tell Me Three Things by Julie Buxbaum - Everything about Jessie is wrong. At least, that’s what it feels like during her first week of junior year at her new ultra-intimidating prep school in Los Angeles. Just when she’s thinking about hightailing it back to Chicago, she gets an email from a person calling themselves Somebody/Nobody (SN for short), offering to help her navigate the wilds of Wood Valley High School. Is it an elaborate hoax? Or can she rely on SN for some much-needed help? It’s been barely two years since her mother’s death, and because her father eloped with a woman he met online, Jessie has been forced to move across the country to live with her stepmonster and her pretentious teenage son. In a leap of faith—or an act of complete desperation—Jessie begins to rely on SN, and SN quickly becomes her lifeline and closest ally. Jessie can’t help wanting to meet SN in person. But are some mysteries better left unsolved?

All 10 of these books are great choices for your September bookclub selection, or for just an "any time" read. What are you currently reading in your bookclub? Have you read any of these books? If so, which is your favorite? Please share!

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#Books #Bookclubs #Jodi Picoult #Margaret Atwood #Liane Moriarty #Bestsellers

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