#which i mean yeah normal day. but yesterday was my long day for the week and I'm just kinda really tired and overstimulated

[hazellight11]

It's been A Day today -_-

#nothing really specifically bad but. there was some discourse i was watching that i couldn't really add anything to #but it still put me in a bad mood #and also i didn't eat a good breakfast this morning so low energy all day #and i have an exam in just under 2 hours still. which is Fun #i've had my focus mode on all day aside from half an hour after i woke up #which is why i haven't really posted today #and I've been in class for 4 out of 5 hours from 11am to now (4pm) and had to study for that exam during my hour break #which i mean yeah normal day. but yesterday was my long day for the week and I'm just kinda really tired and overstimulated #which again. probably because of the singular donut i ate for breakfast #(i dont eat lunch bc i'm on campus all day and they dont serve dinner for another 15 minutes so i was going to take a nap rn) #BUT I JUST SAW THE NOTES ON MY POST ABOUT THE PATCHES AND IT MADE ME HAPPY <3

[cinnamostar]

four dates to fall in love

part one. part two. part three. part four (here). part five (coming soon).

pairing : hyunjin x gn!reader

summary : after a two year long unspoken hatred, hyunjin and you are forced to be costars in a romantic series, but when it comes to filming any of the romance scenes, you both utterly fail and are unable to get through your lines. the director threatens to take your roles away if you two aren't able to get past this within the next week, which spawns the genius idea from both your managers: can you learn to (fake) fall in love in seven dates and save your careers?

wc : 2.7k

cw : actor!au, enemies to lovers ?!, slowburn , not proofread, blood/knife ments (no injury, theyre just cooking lol), emotional vulnerability

a/n : welcome to part four. the slow burn is absolutely slowburning. things are happening. i dont have much to say other than it being hard for me to write, but pls let me know what you think!!!!!! likes and reblogs appreciated!

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“It went well?” Chan exclaimed in shock over your speakerphone.

You hum in agreement, confusion in the forefront of your mind, “Surprisingly, it went better than I could have ever imagined,” a sigh escapes you, “I don’t know, it’s weird.”

“Well, the fact he even apologized caught me off guard in the first place.”

You laugh lightly, “Oh, trust me, I still am having a hard time believing it. It’s been so long of him being an asshole to me, so seeing him like this was… very different. A little scary, if I’m being honest.”

“Yet it still went well even though it was kinda weird?”

“I mean, it was really awkward at the start which was annoying, but I can’t blame him. He genuinely did look like he felt bad, so it probably was hard to be in his position,” you think aloud, “But it was getting too much and he was putting a damper on the mood, so I tried to make him more comfortable, which worked. Then we started talking, and I don’t really know how to say it, but it felt… really nice? It made me realize that maybe I did miss our friendship.”

“Well, you guys did get along really well before everything happened. To be honest, I thought there was something more going on before then,” Chan recalls, “Though, his sudden change made me realize I was way off.”

Your eyebrows furrow at Chan’s comment, “Something more? Like romantic?”

He chuckles from the other end of the line, “Yeah, I thought something was going on between you two. You guys just seemed to click really well, better than any other costar you’ve had in the past, even to this day. Lowkey thought it was going to be a Tom Holland and Zendaya moment.”

“Jesus,” you mutter, “Definitely not that, I never thought of him that way.”

“You say that, but I remember the heart eyes you used to look at him with,” he teases.

“Oh, shut up. I did not. Besides, that’s not what’s important in the present time!”

He rolls his eyes, even though you couldn’t see it, you could feel it in his tone, “Yeah, yeah, whatever you say. You’re right though, it is a difficult situation for both of you to be in. Other than it being uncomfortable, how are you feeling about it?”

You let out a heavy sigh, “I mean, part of me is happy to be able to have a normal relationship with him, but… I’m still really mad at him for how he treated me. I don’t think it’s something I can let go of yet.”

“That’s okay. You have time to process all of that, no one is rushing you.”

“I know, but for a moment yesterday, I kinda forgot about all that. I had fun with him, and I want to keep having fun, but then I remember everything and feel so… upset that I am even letting him back into my life, even if it's for a bit.”

“Huh…” Chan muddles over your words for a moment, “That is quite the dilemma. I think you have every right to be upset at him, but I also think it’s okay if you miss your friend. I just think you have to figure out what kind of boundaries you want to set for yourself then. I think you can still have a nice time with him without him earning your forgiveness just yet. He can be a surface level friend or acquaintance until he proves himself trustworthy again.”

“You’re right, but I just didn’t like how easily it slipped my mind. Part of me feels like I should still be more on guard and not as friendly, but he makes that hard too.”

“Y/N, it’ll be okay,” he reassures, “You’ll figure it out, but it’s perfectly fine for you to have fun, while still having boundaries, okay?”

You sigh, still a bit unconvinced by his words, “I guess…”

“I know it’s hard, I can’t imagine what it's like to be in your position, but I promise it will be okay.”

“I’ll believe you just this once!”

“You say that every time, but sure, just this once. Call you tomorrow, alright?”

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It was the next evening, and you were anxiously waiting in your apartment for Hyunjin to arrive. You weren’t sure how today was going to go, and the idea Changbin had for you both today made you nervous, as it felt as a far more intimate setting than the previous dates. Although, you couldn’t entirely argue with his logic. Today, he suggested that you both cooked a simple dinner with each other, the idea being that it would help you both learn how to work together towards a common goal, which was dinner in this case.

Despite you being able to understand the logic behind his idea, it was incredibly intimidating to think about having Hyunjin in your own home, especially considering the sudden change in dynamic in your relationship. Even then, you didn’t just let anyone into your home, as you only ever had your closest friends come over for small hang outs, so this was far outside of your comfort zone, but perhaps that was a good thing. Maybe going out of your comfort zone with Hyunjin would only help you both succeed the next time you found yourselves on set, and perhaps something as intimate as cooking together would help you both ease into your roles.

A knock on the door wakes you from your thoughts, prompting you to shuffle hurriedly towards the door to open it for none other than Hyunjin. He greets you with a gentle smile, bowing his head slightly as you let him in wordlessly. There is an awkwardness that hangs in the atmosphere, indicating that you both were uncomfortable with today’s plans and he, too, was likely struggling to find the right words to say.

You take a deep breath in, almost as if you were catching your breath, “Welcome to my place!” You cringe internally at yourself, unable to handle the intensity of the awkwardness between you two and how poor your attempt was to disperse it.

“It’s really nice!” he compliments, standing in place by the entrance after removing his shoes.

“Thank you,” you respond, “Uhm, just follow me, the kitchen is this way. And all the ingredients are ready for us to use, Changbin had them delivered.”

Hyunjin follows you into the kitchen, his eyes taking in every detail around him, filling him with delight to see how characteristic of you the apartment was, it being a perfect representation of your personality. “What are we making again? I don’t think Changbin filled me in.”

“Oh, we’re just making curry udon! It’s something I’ve made before and it’s not too hard. My bad, I didn’t tell Changbin what we were making which is probably why he didn’t tell you. All I did was send him an ingredient list.”

“I forgot you like cooking,” he replies as he stops in your kitchen, quickly turning to the sink to wash his hands.

You hum in response, washing your hands after him, “I think it can be relaxing, but uh, if you want you can start with chopping the carrots and potatoes? I’ll handle the onion and garlic.” Hyunjin nods and follows your orders without much trouble, or so you think, until you turn around and see him holding the knife in a very precarious and questionable manner. Your eyes widen as you rush towards, “Oh my god, that is not how you should be trying to cut a potato. Have you not chopped a veggie in your entire life?”

He smiles sheepishly, shrugging his shoulders, “Listen, I don’t do this cooking thing often,” a gentle chuckle leaving him as he takes amusement in your concern, his heart thumping over the sudden proximity you both now shared.

“I-,” you sigh with a baffled expression, “Okay, let me just show you because I am not having you accidentally bleeding out all over my counter.” 

“You’re more worried about your counters than me?”

“Shut up,” you suppress a laugh before softly whispering, “Here, just do it like this,” you reach over and lay your hands atop of his without second thought, guiding him on how to position his hands without the risk of injury. Once you’ve become aware of how your bodies are pressed up against each other from the side, you jump away in an instant, “That’s it! That’s all you gotta do.” You’re quick to avoid eye contact with him, turning towards your own cutting board as you chastise yourself for being so careless with him at that moment.

Hyunjin’s face and ears were soon dusted with a soft pink, heat rushing across his body over the interaction that seemed so natural, but manages to mutter out a quiet ‘thank you’ before trying his knife skills out once more. Despite your momentary embarrassment, you are sure to take sneaky peaks at Hyunjin to make sure he was handling himself well. You move on from chopping and turn your attention to seasoning the chicken while Hyunjin was still focused on the vegetables, going at a leisurely place which you much preferred in this case. 

The rest of cooking goes on in silence aside from the occasional instruction or question, small witty jokes, and touches that seemed to linger more than necessary, but perhaps that was your imagination. Once everything was done, you both sat across from each other, admiring the fruits of your shared labor that was now plated in front of you both. 

“It looks really good!” Hyunjin comments enthusiastically, a wide, toothy grin spreading across his face. 

“It does, right? Let’s eat!”

Neither you miss a beat, taking a huge bite of the udon noodles, letting out a delighted groan over just how flavorful the food was. “Woah,” Hyunjin groans out, surprise at how well tonight had gone thus far with the added victory of food, “Holy shit, this is so yummy.”

“Mhmm,” you mumble out between slurping noodles, “This is better than when I make it on my own.”

“It’s the Hyunjin special that you’ve been missing this whole time,” he says matter-of-factly with a smug smile.

“You’re being pretty bold for a guy who just learned how to hold a knife today,” you tease, playfully sticking your tongue out. Your eyes catch each other for a moment between your fits of giggles, time stopping for the briefest second possible before you both avert your eyes out of nerves. What was that? You thought frantically to yourself, suddenly hyper aware of the strange warmth in your stomach that was also accompanied with the feeling of your stomach dropping. It was an uncomfortable feeling, one you didn’t know how to explain or ever experienced before, but you did know you didn’t want that combination of symptoms again for whatever emotion this was. You clear your throat, taking a sip of water as if it would wash away the discomfort, “I guess we are pretty good, huh? Maybe our acting project has hope if we are able to work this well together,” you joke, a very poor, if not disastrous, attempt to alleviate the awkwardness that seemed to follow you everywhere these days.

Your words stab Hyunjin in the heart, the guilt he had once forgotten was knocking at the door of his heart, forcing itself in without his permission. His entire demeanor deflated the moment those words left your lips, his heart writhing at the reminder that the only reason this situation existed was because of him and his blinding stupidity. Yet, here you are, warmly inviting into your home and treating him as if he was an old friend of the past, as if he had never wounded you and he couldn’t help but wonder if he was deserving of any of this. He stood still, gulping down his food before faintly whispering a hushed apology.

“I’m sorry.”

Your head snaps back up, your eyebrows furrowing with worry once you sense the sadness lacing his trembling voice, his head now turned downwards as if he was trying to mask his state. Perhaps the joke was a little too soon, you thought, now it being your turn to feel bad. “Ah, Hyunjin, I’m sorry-” you apologize hurriedly, “It was just a joke, please don’t take it too seriously. I’m sorry.”

He forces a smile, waving his hand as if to tell you to not worry about it, the words at the forefront of his tongue, but caught in his throat due to the heaviness sinking in his chest. Once again, shame paralyzed his body, the warm sensation behind his eyes reminding him to blink, reminding him he shouldn’t be so selfish in his pain when he was the cause of so much discomfort. Was any of this okay? Was any of this right? He wonders to himself, still unable to find forgiveness within himself. 

“Hyunjin,” you speak tenderly, your hand reaching across the table to touch his arm, grounding him back in the present, “I promise, it’s okay.” You knew that last bit was a lie, but it was for his own sake and comfort at this point. His treatment, his behavior, his attitude – none of it was ever okay, but you decided to ignore your own feelings and prioritize his. For the first time in two years, you cared about how he felt, you finally cared how your words harmed him, when before all you ever aimed for was a strike to his heart, but today, you chose to comfort his heart that your words unintentionally wounded. Although, your own heart and conscience briefly argued for a moment, one wanting to tend to his hurt, while the other demanded you let him rot in his misery, insisting he deserved it for what he had put you through. It was a tug-of-war you weren’t enjoying, you had almost wished you two remained in your heated hatred for one another and that nothing ever changed. Despite what your mind screamed at you, you chose to listen to your heart, you chose him over yourself.

He takes a deep breath in, trying to collect himself before speaking, “I just–,” a heavy exhale escapes him, “I’m just sorry. I just feel really, really, really bad for everything, but I also feel like I’m not allowed to feel bad when I was the one to hurt you.”

His eyes met yours, the glassiness of his eyes conveying the depth of his guilt, “Oh, Hyunjin,” you whisper apologetically, “Listen, I won’t lie to you, what you did was shitty. You did hurt me, but that is in the past. You feeling bad about it means you’re a good person, right? It means you’re human and that you care, but I don’t want you to let your guilt overwhelm you either.”

It was a genuine response in a moment of sudden vulnerability, your response taking him aback, but the words temporarily placating his never ending thoughts, “I guess, but… I don’t know if I can forgive myself,” he mumbles.

“You don’t have to yet, but you can learn to eventually,” you reply, “I understand it’s hard, and even I still need more time to do that myself, but I do think you deserve to be kind to yourself.” None of that was a lie, you did truly believe he was deserving of his own compassion, but his culpability helped you see the humanity in him. The spitefulness you once knew him for nowhere to be found, but instead there was only a guilt-ridden man who carried a world of humiliation. “I think I can learn to do so soon, too. Spending time with you helps. Besides, I did miss being friends with you if I’m being honest.”

The last sentence causes him to perk up, a small, satisfied smile playing onto your lips, “Really?” he asks, his ears barely believing your words, but his heart was swelling with hope. His eyes search yours, he can’t help but notice how they glimmer under the soft lowlights of your home, and for some reason, he finds warmth and comfort in them. He knows he can trust you, he knows you are being as candor as possible.

“Really, I mean it.”

“I missed it too.”

“Well, I’ll do my best to learn to trust you again. I’ll learn to forgive you eventually, just for now, it still hurts.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll learn too.”

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taglist: @kopikokrunch @icouldntcareless22 @kidrauhlschik @hhwangsmoon @lestayzone @vixensss @cupidcures @sleepyxxhead @pinkpunkdynamite @kaiyaba taglist cut off at 20 people :)

#cinnamostar writes #skz imagines #stray kids x reader #skz x reader #skz fanfic #skz scenarios #stray kids hyunjin #stray kids scenarios #stray kids x you #hyunjin x reader #hwang hyunjin x reader #hwang hyunjin fanfic #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin #stray kids #stray kids fanfic #hyunjin fic #hyunjin imagines #skz slowburn

[finnglas]

In order to explain my cats' latest obsession, I have to give you some history. Behind a cut, warnings for Cat Illness.

In 2015, both K and I were working a lot and I felt bad that my>our cat, Luna, was being left alone for hours on end. So we decided to get a second cat - thus, Evie joined the family. Now, being that Evie was about 2 years old and Luna was about 5 years old, they didn't really enjoy the Sudden Roommate Situation [SRS]. It took a lot longer than normal for the introductory methods to work. (They still tolerate each other more than anything but they seem to have made their peace, eight years on.)

Anyway, we got Evie in November of 2015 and in January of 2016 I lost my job and Luna also developed an ongoing UTI due to the stress of the SRS. (Between this and the Politics Situation at the time, I was so stressed I skipped my period for almost seven months. I don't think any of us have recovered.) Anyway, so Luna had to go on antibiotics, and the antibiotics gave her diarrhea, so we also put her on probiotics, but the probiotics (I learned later) gave her worse diarrhea, and the stress of constant upset stomach meant that she kept having ongoing UTIs which meant ongoing antibiotics/probiotics, etc., in a vicious cycle. I'm still mad at that vet because they refused to slow down to consider me asking "what if the fact that it's making her sick is contributing to the infection" and kept just assigning more rounds of antibiotics that I couldn't afford. Yeah that credit card JUST got paid off two months ago.

A N Y W A Y. The result of all this is that it tore poor Luna's stomach up to the point that she couldn't eat any kind of dry treat or kibble. Literally, one Greenie treat would instantly give her the shits. This means that both cats have been on wet-food-only for like, seven years. It's expensive, and not great for their teeth, but also Luna wasn't shitting herself constantly so you take what you can get. I occasionally tried samples of kibble that advertised themselves as Sensitive Stomach Formulae over the years but none of them were successful.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, when I was at my parents' for my dad's surgery and Kellie stayed home with the cats. She had to go get some more wet food for them during this time and while at the pet store, she eyed a bag of kibble that said it was for Sensitive Stomachs and had a strong impulse to Try It. So she got a small bag. Texted me about it. I said "You're awfully brave trying that while I'm not home to give her a bath when her back end winds up covered in poop at 2am."

But miracle of all miracles: Luna can tolerate this kibble. We started very very small - less than 1/8 of a cup once a day - and have been working our way up. We are at 1/6 of a cup once a day now, and there has been no stomach upset!

This is great news for multiple reasons, but one of them is that we can now have an automatic feeder which means that we can take short overnight trips without needing a cat-sitter. For long trips, of course, we'd still want someone checking in on them and giving them their supplement of wet food.

We have one such short overnight trip coming up in two weeks, so I took advantage of Black Friday sales on one of my favorite pet brands (their water fountain also came from PetLibro) and ordered them a two-bowl pet feeder. It came in yesterday (love Black Friday being a week long now) and I set it up last night. I tested it at the time by having it dispense 1/12 of a cup of kibble. Worked great! tipped most of it back into the granary and let the kitties have a couple of pieces as a treat.

WELL. They now cannot enter the room without paying tribute to the Fickle God of Kibble, aka Sammy the Automatic Feeder, just in case he has decided to dispense more kibble.

They just had their first scheduled 9am feeding, and both of them ran around like they were losing their minds before diving in mouth-first, so I am deeply amused and will be watching these developments with interest.

#catblogging

[lizandbo]

hi:)

could i request a scenario with mha boys where the reader is midsize and she is a foodie. she like cooking in the dorm kitchen, but her bf notices her not cooking as much and feeling self-conscious. srry if it sounds stupid :) <3

OML NO IT DOEST SOUND STUPID I LOVE THIS SO MUCH AHHHH

thankyou for requesting<333 i literally squealed when someone actually requested something :,) sorry if its long tho lol

Masterlist

if you wanna request other things go ahead!

katsuki

Since you like to cook and katsu is good at cooking, yall can have lil dinner dates yk?

anyways yeah katsuki doesnt care if you eat like 6-8 times a day n make a lot of food

whatever makes you happy and comfy is what he wants for you

Usually you make food for the two of you in the afternoons, a mini date(?)

he spots you in the dorm kitchen and makes his way over to you; snaking his arms around your plush waist, putting his head on your neck

Katsu observes the food that your stirring rn and goes:

“Are you making a plate for yourself y/n?”

“Yeah..?”

“Why’s it such a small damn batch then?”

“Im just… I guess im not that hungry today”

“Damn nitwit you think I dont notice? yesterday you only ate itty bitty snack. now today your portion of the food is rat sized shit”

he left the silence for you to answer, which you didnt really wanna answer since katsuki would quite literally explode if you told him the truth

“Theres nothing to worry about i just kinda got off tack the last two days ig”

“…fine”

the next couple days hasnt been any better

he saw you scrolling through tumblr, but around this time you were eating or at least both at the same time

“y/n stop fucking with me”

you: 😀❓

“tf do you mean”

“Im not blind y/n you stopped eating, this isnt like you”

he was practically towering over you while you were sitting on the bed

Kat stared in the middle of your gorgeous soul

“speak damnit..”

“… do you like me this way?”

“What?”

“Like.. big? and i know eating all the time wont help either”

“This is the most dumbassery I've ever encountered in my whole life, it doesnt matter to me if you are bigger than most people. the only damn thing that matters is the person who you are in the inside… im not tryna be sappy damnit”

katsu crossed his arms “now, were going to eat your f/f whether you like it or not” he grabbed your hand and dragged you to the kitchen to have a lil dinner/ cooking date

throughout the dinner/cooking date he said lil reassuring words to you to help out your insecurity

kirishima

^ this is basically how he acts after sparring

Kiri hugs you from the back placing gentle kisses on your neck, going up down n across the nape

the gesture tickles you a bit, scrunching your shoulders up a bit

he squeezes you, loving the way that your whole body feels like a pillow

“How about we go out and eat today?”

“But its really expensive, i can just make something quick for you”

Kiri squishes you even more and basically hops on the couch with you still in his arms “but we can get all the food that we want tho!”

All you wanted to do is just run away, laser all the fat off and just be done with it and feel like a ‘normal’ person, without feeling like your being judged all the time

“Yeahh but we can also eat something… more healthy”

“but you always love to eat with me! whats wrong?”

“Idk i just dont feel like it today”

“Its ok, somedays are just like that”

he kisses you quickly and yall stay and cuddle there for a bit

eventually you guys pick up some snacks together

even just picking out something or mentioning food just makes you go uneasy and eiji notices

for the whole week you havent been doing your normal cooking, just simple quick snacks after school and avoiding eating out

kiri realizes he has to do something bout this

“hey baby?”

you were sitting at the table, scribblin things down

“did you eat today?”

“Yeah i ate some cereal and thats about it”

😐 “baby no you gotta eat more, why dont you cook for us!”

you continued scribbling

“But i dont need to eat more do you even know what i look like??”

“Yes i do and its a wonderful sight”

“Eijiro no”

“Eijiro yes!”

“wtf is wrong with you kiri”

“I look like a bloated walrus or a whale about to explode”

“No you do not look”

he squat down to your tummy, lifted the fabric that was covering it kissed it a bunch of times n nuzzling and everything

your cheeks got heated really fast by the action

he looked up to you “see? you got nothing to be ashamed of, its a really nice pillow” he went to your chest and nuzzled that too “and heres your really sweet personality”

he hugs you really tightly and kisses at the crown of your head and his hands goes to your cheeks and squishing them too

“your so cute, you know that?”

“Shush”

yall ended up cooking together, mostly you tho

“Your like a wizard in the kitchen!”

“And your the goblin that never learned how to cook”

“Damn y/n ig someones grouchy”

after yall are done making the food he spoonfed you, making sure that you felt loved and understood

#Katsuki x chubby reader #katsuki x plus sized reader #Katsuki hcs #katsuki imagines #lizandbo #mha #mha x chubby reader #bnha x chubby reader #mha scenarios #bnha scenarios #katsuki scenarios #Katsuki x reader #bakugo #Kirishima #kirishima x reader #kirishima x chubby reader #kirishima x plus sized reader #Eijiro hcs #eijiro x reader #kirishima headcanons #Katsuki headcanons #bakugo x chubby reader #foodie reader

[convexicalcrow]

"Doc! Doc, where are you, brother?" Ren called as he flew into the perimeter, book clutched tightly in his hand.

It was night, which Ren did not want either, because the moon was full and his brain was buzzing with the sound of lighting filling his ears. He flew around until he found Doc fiddling with some redstone. Ren didn't know which particular monstrosity of a machine it was, but he landed and ran over to him, thrusting the book at him.

"Doc, I-I found it, I found-"

"Hmm? What's this?" Doc flipped through it, sort of recognising some of Ren's scrambled writing, but to be honest, it was all a little difficult to decipher. "Are you okay? You don't look okay."

"Last season was meant to be a simulation, yeah? None of that was meant to be real?" Ren ventured, searching Doc's eyes as he gripped his arms.

"Uh, yeah, that's what I understand happened. Why? What's this book got to do with anything?" Doc said.

"That's the moon rock book," Ren said with absolute certainty. "You know, from when I went mad? I found it in a chest under the Crastle when I was cleaning up the last of the chests I'd left there. And it's not supposed to be real. And yet it's here. I know it's mine because it has my scent on it, and yours. It smells old enough. And that's my writing. I'm sure it's the real book, Doc."

"Oh. The- right before we- oh. Yeah. Okay," Doc said, handing him the book back.

Ren couldn't read his expression as he stashed the book away. "It's been a year, Doc. Like, I think yesterday was the day it all... I've been having nightmares all week. Hiding in holes in the ground if I'm out at night and no one's slept so I don't have to see the moon. I'm terrified of storms now, Doc, in a way I really wasn't before. I hear lightning all the time. I-I don't know if I'm just not coping or if my body somehow remembers but- I'm not okay, Doc. And finding that book has just shaken me. It can't have been real. It wasn't meant to be real, right?"

"No, it wasn't meant to be real," Doc said quietly. "I... I just thought the lightning in my head was normal. But you hear it too?"

Ren nodded. "It's like white noise, and then it cracks, and I see flashes behind my eyes when I'm sleeping. My nerves have been shot all season. Like I'm being electrocuted all the time. And I don't even have any mechanical bits anymore! That's also weird, you know?"

Doc brought him into a tight hug, and Ren held him back, whining softly, his body trembling as thunder rolled across the sky in the distance.

"It's been a year, huh? I'd almost forgotten," Doc said, rubbing Ren's back gently.

"It's been a year. Doc. What do I do if it's real? What does any of that mean if it's real?" Ren said.

"I dunno. But you can stay here with me as long as you need to. Maybe I don't want us too far apart either, you know?" Doc said.

"Yeah, we went through all that together. I'm not ready to-"

Ren paused, unsure of what words he even needed or was trying to find. He clung tighter to Doc, burying his face in his chest, seeking all the comfort he could find as the thunder rolled closer and the sky flashed behind them.

#hermitcraft #fanfic #rendog #docm77 #moon big trauma #auditory hallucinations #nightmares #hurt/comfort #big hugs #it's been a year #and i'm not sure i've recovered either tbf #i just want them to base together again #is that too much to ask

[dominimoonbeam]

Totally Normal Meet Cute Script - Part 3

The final part to this absolutely normal meet cute story!

warning: it's not a normal meet cute... it's a slasher. you're in a slasher. good luck!

Performed by Jouska over on his youtube and his patreon!

Part 3 - It Always Ends at a Party

I absolutely agree, a house party is a bad idea.

But if we were going to go, we should go together, right? Safety in numbers.

Really, what would be safer, glasses, being the only two people staying home or being in a frat house packed to the rafters with other people?

[laughs] Okay, safe from a serial killer, obviously. Not safe from…everything else that can go wrong.

It’s not a fire hazard. It’s just a party!

I’m not saying that we should definitely go, I’m just saying that maybe we should think about going. It would be fun, and the last couple months have been… intense.

It’s not until next week anyway. You can think about it. Here, I’ll tack the flyer up on your corkboard right between this incredibly detailed list of goals for the year and… Is this an expired coupon for soft serve? Why do you still have this?

[laughs] You’re lactose intolerant!

I’m tossing the coupon.

What else do you have up here… I’m seeing a lot of sticky note reminders and take out menus…

I still have a half hour before my class starts. That’s plenty of time to get across campus.

It is for me… You should really reconsider coming out running with me in the morning. We can do a light jog! We’ll take it at your pace, just around the campus and back. You’ll love it, glasses. Okay, that’s a lie, you’re going to hate it, but I will let you complain the whole way and after we get back, you’re going to realize how much more awake you feel. It’ll change your whole day!

Really? [surprised] You’ll really give it a try?

Wait, are you agreeing to go running so you can turn down the party?

[laughs] I would take that deal, yeah… I’d much rather have you to myself in the morning than share you with a bunch of people at a loud party.

I’m not trying to charm you into anything!

That’s just flirting, glasses. I’m flirting with you.

[pause]

Wait… Did you not realize I’ve been flirting with you? Oh, glasses… Come on!

No, this isn’t a joke!

I’ve been sleeping in your bed for the last four nights!

[laughs] Extenuating circumstances?

Uh-huh… and what about when our study session turned into a make out session yesterday?

Are you blushing? Now? You weren’t blushing when you kissed me!

If we’re not dating, then we’re at least more than friends.

No? So, this is how all your friendships look?

I don’t know why you’re cramming all your books into that bag like you’re about to leave. This is your room and you just got back. I know your schedule, glasses. You have no more classes today. You even changed into your comfy clothes. Which you did right here in the room with me, by the way. I saw everything.

[laughs] Oh god, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this red before…

So, you can kiss me, and sit in my lap, and snuggle up against me at night, so long as we never talk about it? Is that what’s going on here?

[closer, smiling] Am I like… your secret boyfriend? You know, I’d make great arm candy if you want to parade me around some. Like to, say, a party full of our peers?

[laughs] Okay! I’ll drop it for now. You can think about it. [kiss] I’m going to class. I’ll pick up dinner on my way back and then we can talk some more about how we’re definitely not a couple…

-

Glasses, why is my stuff in the hall? Are you throwing me out? I can’t tell because you folded everything so neatly…

Oh shit, you’re actually angry. Why?

Which dead girl?

What are you—

Oh.

Yeah… I mean, I met Casey a few times, but I didn’t know her.

What? Who have you been talking to?

I’m not lying to you! I… I slept with her a couple times freshman year. We were at some of the same parties and had some friends in common.

No, she was just using me to try to make one of my friends jealous. And that was fine because it’s not like I was hurt. We barely knew each other.

Why does it matter what friend?

[laughs unhappily] You don’t think I have friends?

Come on, glasses…

No, I stopped hanging out with them.

[raises voice] Because they were assholes! Because they made me feel like an asshole!

[pause]

[sighs] I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to yell.

Nothing happened. I just… I didn’t like myself or my life, and realizing that was rough. I bailed on everything I could. On clubs and on friends. I just, bailed, and no one fucking noticed.

[to himself] No one noticed. That’s the kind of friends I had.

Are…Are you seriously asking me that? I’m not using you. I was trying to get my life the way I wanted it and I just…I always had a crush on you and I decided to get to know you better.

Bullshit? Are you kidding? I’m telling you—

Just because you can’t see how amazing you are, doesn’t mean that I don’t! You care a lot about everything you do and everyone in your life.

No! I’m not trying to get you to fall for me just to make myself feel better. I can’t believe you’re—

[pause]

[confused] The guy from my building?

Okay, yeah, I did say I didn’t know him… I didn’t want to talk about it! So what if I did? I told you, I hadn’t talked to any of my old friends more than a few words for the last year. I never really knew them—

I didn’t know the couple! What the fuck are you even driving at?

You… [realization] Glasses, do you think I’m the killer?

Logical? No, it’s not! I was with you when we found those bodies! Do you think I’m some sort of deranged mastermind? You think I set it up like that? Why? To scare you into my arms? Oh my god, of course! And then I killed the guy in my building, somehow knowing that my dorm would be closed and I’d get to come knock on your door? If I’m this fucking brilliant, then why would I need you to be my partner for the final? Clearly, I’m a genius.

What?

[quieter] You don’t really think that. You’re upset about Casey and scared about the murders so you’re spinning out. No. No, if you thought I was planning to murder you, you wouldn’t fucking dump my shit outside and wait for me to come back to argue with you about it. You would have called the cops. Did you call the cops, glasses? No. Because you know I wouldn’t hurt you, or anyone else.

So what if I knew them? You probably would have too if you went to a party or joined a club, or just fucking looked up from your books!

No, of course I didn’t just make friends with you for the final project. You… You looked lonely. You looked lonely the way I felt lonely. And the more we talked, the more I liked you. That’s all. There’s nothing shady or murderous about it.

[pause]

[sad/tired sigh, annoyed] My building is open again, so I’ll move my stuff back to my room.

Fine, glasses. Have it your way. I’ll see you around.

-

[house party sounds, muffled music and background voices]

[surprised] Glasses? What are you doing here?

My roommate told you— You mean, you came to see me?

It’s been a few days… I didn’t think you wanted to talk.

[sighs] No, I’m sorry. I should have told you the whole truth, but I didn’t have anything to do with it. I barely knew them.

Glasses… Look at me. [softer] Look at me.

You know me. I would never hurt you. You know that, right?

You… [smiles] Yeah, I’d love to be your partner for the final.

Wait, did you come by yourself?

You shouldn’t have done that. The campus has a whole buddy system rule in place. [mock gasp] I can’t believe you broke a rule!

[smiling] So, you were counting on someone walking you home? I can definitely do that. You want a drink while we’re here?

Yeah, take mine. I’ll grab another. Do you want to meet some people? Or do you want to go hide in a corner and make out?

Yes, that’s exactly what happens at a party, glasses. Later we summon a demon with a Ouija board, but first we’re going to play spin the bottle and kiss some strangers… [laughs] I’m joking! About the Ouija board and the bottle. We’re still kissing strangers.

Ow! No hitting, we just made up!

Okay, stay put, I’ll be right back.

[party sounds]

[other voice, muffle from distance] What the hell is that?

[power going off, music cutting off, other voices rising in panic] Who did that? Turn the lights back on! It’s not funny! Someone—

[a scream, foot falls as everyone starts running]

Glasses!

Is that you? Oh, thank god. No, no, I don’t think that’s a prank…

[another muffled scream]

Come on!

Don’t let go of my hand. I think there was a closet over here…

[horror sounds (I’m so sorry audio creator)]

[opening the closet door and then closing it, muffling the sounds even more]

Shhh… It’s okay.

[breathing, sharp inhale]

[heavy footsteps walking slowly by outside, floorboards creaking, standing there, killer breathing hard in his mask, dramatic pause, walking away]

[exhale, still whispering] I think he left. It’s okay. We’re okay. We’ll just wait here until the police show up.

[nervous whisper laugh] I guess I did manage to get you in a closet even without spinning the bottle…

Did you see him through the crack in the door? Yeah. Yeah, he was huge. And that mask? What the fuck was that about? Did you recognize him?

I don’t know, glasses. I feel like if we knew a guy that size, we could recognize his build even with the mask on. There can’t be that many of them lumbering around campus…

What? No, I don’t smell anything… Oh shit.

Yeah, that’s smoke…

[muffled fire sounds]

[coughing] I don’t know. He could have started it, or it could just be a candle that got knocked over… Either way we need to get out of here.

We can’t just sit here and burn. Even if he’s waiting, we have to make a run for it.

Here. [keys jangling] Hang onto these. We’re going to bolt for my car. I parked along the woods, near the footpath.

You’re holding the keys in case… In case you get there first, glasses. Unlock the car, get in, lock it, and drive.

[laughed a little] I know you don’t have your license, but I know you can do it.

If a cop materializes just to arrest you, then at least you’ll be safe, right?

Right.

[coughing, fire crackling] No, if you get to the car first, don’t wait for me. I’m faster than you. If I’m not with you… Just don’t wait for me, okay? I’ll be there or I’ll find another way. He’s probably moved on by now anyway.

You can do this. You are the smartest, strongest person that I know. Just run and don’t look back.

Okay…

Three.

Two.

One.

[throwing open the door and running, fire sounds, footfalls, another door, muffled fire and the sound of the night] Go. Gogogo!

Keep going! I’m right behind you!

[running, gravel]

You see the car?

Yeah, just—

[reaching the car, fumbling the keys and opening the door]

[stops, silence]

[night sounds, muffled fire sounds, far away sirens, his pained groan somewhere close by]

[popping the trunk, gravel steps, pulling something metal from the trunk]

[speaker panting, fighting with the slasher]

[injured, surprised] Glasses? What are you—

No! Don’t come back. Just run!

[thwap as glasses hits the slasher]

Oh shit. Hell yes, hit him again!

[another thwap and someone thudding down]

[speaker panting, struggling to his feet, sirens getting closer]

You came back for me…

[coughing laugh] I think this is a little above and beyond for study buddies, glasses.

I got stabbed in the side trying to save you and you came back and fought a serial killer with my baseball bat, I think you can admit we’re more than just partners for the final.

[fire sounds. sirens]

Does this mean I get to move back into your dorm room?

[smiling] Yes, you can keep the bat.

[pained laughs] And you were right about the party being a bad idea… and a fire hazard.

[fire crackling, house falling apart sounds, cop cars skidding to a stop on the gravel]

Oh shit… Glasses… Where did he go?

He was right there. I didn’t even hear him get up.

Yeah, let’s get out of here. I think I might need that ambulance.

[think Halloween theme song fade out]

-

- Authors Note: I imagined this story as a meet cute going on in the background of a college campus slasher flick. In my head, the killer is primarily terrorizing someone else on campus and if it were a movie, Glasses and Dash would be background characters. When the killer vanishes at the end, he's probably loping off through the woods after his final girl to have that last battle before the credits roll.

And do I feel like an asshole for leaving instructions like "horror sounds" and "think Halloween theme song fade out"? Yes. I do.

Does Jouska somehow make that magic happen anyway? Yes, he does!

Will I learn to stop doing it? ...No.

#audio script #jouska #dominimoonbeam #slasher 101 #clover down #halloween #<3

[teal-fiend]

doctor's visit

Doctor’s Visit

The pred goes into the doctor's at a clinic that they haven’t been to before, so their information isn’t up to date. They talk about the fact that they’re a pred and what that means for them in terms of health.

–

“Have you ever really discussed your status as a pred before?”

“No, I guess I haven’t.”

“Alright, well I’ll explain to you the situation, and what it means for you to be a predator medically.

In layman terms, you have a condition that is present in approximately 0.2% of the population. It usually manifests in the patients early 20s - which is around your age - and speaking of which, when did you have your first prey?”

“I think I was 18 actually” “Oh, you’re an early bloomer it seems. How long did you have cravings before then?”

“Uhh, it was pretty much around the same time I think. After I started wanting to eat prey I did it soon after.”

“Interesting..” the doctor said, “many predators are able to ignore their cravings initially, waiting months or years even before they act on them. Of course some people don’t get cravings until later into their life as well - would you say that you have difficulty managing cravings?”

“I think so, I mean, It’s pretty much impossible to ignore.”

The doctor typed a note into the pred’s file

“On that note, how often do you consume prey?”

“Once every three days or so,” 

The doctor looked surprised, “well, that is within the normal range, however, once a week is standard. Every 1-2 days is considered too often, and 3 weeks apart is too few. Do you eat supplementary foods?” “Like, just normal food?”

“Yes”

“Sometimes, but mostly I just rely on prey.”

“Okay, well I suppose this isn’t an issue now, but if you were to move to an area with a higher predator population, you might be required to rely more on supplements, since at the moment you’re consuming more than double the average amount of prey. Do you know about maintaining your territory? That’s to say, do you have a relationship with preds in the region?”

“Yeah, I have like 4 hectares around where I live where it’s my designated hunting area.

“Do you smoke or drink?”

“Sometimes” “Sometimes to both?” “Yeah,”

“How often?” “About once a week or less.”

“Alright, You might want to be careful, because preds are at higher risk of developing heart issues. Related to the diet and stress of hunting, there are avenues that you can take if you’re looking into quitting. I’ll send you an email if that’s okay.”

“Sure”

“Okay, what else… hm… how about I check your vitals?”

The doctor checked the blood pressure and heart rate of the pred, and then their height and weight

“Have you eaten recently? Prey, specifically” the doctor asked

“Yes, yesterday”

“The measurement might be a bit off then.. I’ll note that down, but perhaps you can try to time it differently on your next visit.”

“ Also, You’re missing your tetanus shot, so we could do that afterwards if you’d like. A nurse will do that for you, not me. But in the meantime, do you have any questions or anything else you’d like to go over?”

“Um, I don’t think so.” “Alright then, see you next time.”

#this is just kind of a way to lore dump on how a pred/prey society could function #i kind of like preds being the same species as prey #or at least i think this is a way it could be implemented in a way that doesn't require too much to change about society #and why are some people randomly preds? no one knows but they just go with it because it's always been that way #v.ore #soft vore #tw vore #digestion #fatal vore #vore writing #vore fic #vore digestion #implied digestion #v/ore

[adambja]

Hi! I have a quick question about your free tapes. I think you already answered this question but this has been bugging me all day so I'm sorry if this question seems redundant. Yesterday was Day 2 of listening to your tapes and everything was going well until all of a sudden my mindset dropped, like a lot. All of my old worries and doubts and fears came rushing back and it really just scared me because I thought I was back to square one in working on my mindset. It happened today as well and it wasn't as bad or as long as yesterday which I think means it's getting better but I'm still left with this feeling of dull worry in my stomach. So I guess my question is, is this normal? Because, when I used it on Day 1, I felt the happiest that I'd ever felt in a long time and within those 24 hours I also was at my lowest point. I just want to make sure I'm doing everything correctly and not messing up any instructions. I've been listening to both tapes 6 times a day for 1 hour while I'm doing other stuff and occasionally affirming for some of my desires. I've been doing this thing where I've been asking my subconscious what I need to do in order to enter the void this week through the specific method I want to and it has just been telling me to ask for help from others in order to get rid of my negativity, which I guess makes sense since I've been a lurker on Tumblr for 2 years and haven't ever really communicated with any blogger through asks or direct messages until I asked you for the free tapes. But yeah, I don't really know if I'm just being paranoid or whatever but I just wanted to be sure and hopefully ease both my conscious and subconscious mind. Sorry for the long ask and if this is repetitive. Have a good day!

Stop listening to it while doing things at this point

Again it's normal because you are distracted!!

Just listen to it in a comfortable position you can just play it overnight!!

If it didn't change after this contract me thru DMs because I wanna understand what exactly happened to you cause this can't happen unless you actually choose it or did something then this happened!

Also another thing is your ear okay? If you feel like anxious when it comes to the ear area then contact me here I will give you a massage you can do everytime you experience anything like this! 🫶🏻

Sending you a lot of love baby

Don't be sorry for wanting to be better you did the right thing by typing that long ask and asking me about it 🫶🏻🫶🏻

#law of assumption #loassumption #loa #self concept #neville goddard #loa success #success stories loa #self development #self esteem #void success

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

U N P L A N N E D, the meeting vol. 2

Harry woke up to the sound of his phone buzzing around 6am. He reached for it quickly, pressed it to his ear as he squinted his eyes to adjust to the light that poked through his curtains.

His own house, which he decided was his second favorite place to wake up in Los Angeles now that he’d experienced rolling over to see Y/N with her eyelashes fluttering against a pillow. He was sure that would be burned into his memory for a long time to come. 

Now though, a week after he kissed her in the kitchen and again in the living room and again in her bedroom, his heartbeat rose when he answered the phone. 

“‘Lo?”

“Hi, sorry to wake you up–it’s Y/N.”

“Are you alright? What’s wrong?”

“I’m fine–how do you pick up so quickly, anyway?”

“You’re in my favorites,” he said, a hoarseness in his voice when he adjusted in bed. “Rings super loud even if my phone’s on do not disturb.”

Maybe that was a bold confession. Harry blamed the half-asleep state and tried to focus on the words she said.

“Listen, I accidentally told Glenne and Lexi and Heidi yesterday that it’s a girl.”

“Oh–okay.”

“You’re not mad?”

He cleared his throat. This didn’t exactly seem like something worthy of a 6am phone call, but the sound of her voice sent a warmth through Harry that erased any resentment. “No, I mean–I know we didn’t say when we were going to tell people, but, s’exciting. Were they excited?”

“Super,” he could hear the smile on her face, the comfort in her voice. “We looked at cute clothes.”

This woke him up. “You went clothes shopping without me?”

“No,” she laughed at his tone. “We just looked. But we can go together soon, if you want.”

He let his head fall back to the pillow. He wasn’t about to say it, but he would do anything she asked at this point. “Mmmm, I do want.” 

“Okay, well, go back to sleep,” she said, voice quiet in the early morning hours.

“Okay,” he said. “You too.”

She hung up, Harry stared at the ceiling and made a mental note: wake up at Y/N’s more.

But week fifteen was quiet. Harry listened over and over to the songs that he’d already finished for the album, desperately trying to decide what was missing and what it needed. Y/N was busy at work and somehow, Harry had managed to convince her to have her mother down so their families could meet. 

Mimosas and brunch at Harry’s? Glenne was thrilled and even Jeff had relented, okay, you’re right, it’s a good idea.

So now Gemma sat on the couch and his mother paced nervously near the foyer. 

“I see their car!” Anne said, a bounce of excitement when she peered out the window. A cloudy summer day in Los Angeles, Gemma had complained all morning about how the weather here was supposed to be better than London.

“Don’t freak them out, mum--”

“Please don’t be weird” Harry laughed, his own anxiety crested when he came to stand beside her. Sure as shit: Y/N, Lexi, and Y/N’s mother stepped out of the car, Gemma came to stand behind Anne and even Glenne seemed intrigued from the kitchen. 

Jeff, who already had a mimosa in hand, laughed at the excitement in the room, though Harry wondered if he was just putting on an act. 

“Alright,” Harry turned to see his family, a hand on the doorknob before he tugged it open. “Act normal. Cool, natural, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Anne waved, a toothy grin when Harry finally let them in. 

Y/N was nervous, either Harry had gotten better at reading her or the anxiety was written on her face clear as day. Probably both, he decided, when he leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. 

She swatted him away quickly and Lexi laughed. Y/N’s mother smiled at Harry and offered a hand.

“So nice to finally meet you,” Harry greeted, a rumble of nerves in his stomach when he wondered: should I have hugged her? 

“Thanks for having us,” Y/N’s mom replied, a serving dish in her hands. “I made these–they’re lemon!”

“I love a good lemon pastry!” he smiled at her, stepped aside and shot Y/N a wink when he revealed the crowd standing behind him. Anne and Gemma had taken a few steps back, almost like now they realized they actually did need to play it cool. Harry saw his mom’s eyes sweep Y/N’s figure, now obviously pregnant.

“Y/N,” he motioned to his family. “This is my mum, Anne, and my sister, Gemma.”

“Hi–nice to finally meet you in person,” she smiled nervously.

Anne’s arms opened instinctually, a smile on her face when she pulled Y/N closer. “Lovely to meet you, we’re so glad you could all come.”

“We wouldn’t miss it,” Y/N’s mom smiled behind her, Lexi took the pastries into the kitchen, the moms hugged when Y/N moved on to Harry’s sister. 

Harry watched the exchange for a second, his sister opened her arms and Y/N joked about her nausea, it’s been easing up the last two weeks. 

“I’m definitely having sympathy nausea,” Lexi laughed, stepping aside before Harry pointed around at the entire group and did a rundown of names. He brought them all towards the kitchen, Glenne pointed out all the food she’d made and Jeff pointed out the things she’d gotten catered. 

A breakfast casserole, mini quiches, small bacon finger sandwiches. Harry slid the pastries right next to the sliced banana bread that Glenne promised she made from scratch.

“Most importantly,” Lexi picked up a bottle of champagne that Harry had opened before their arrival. He reached for orange juice in the fridge, turned around and passed it to Glenne who was waiting with an eager smile. 

When she poured a drink for Y/N’s mother, Harry could sense the tension had broken a bit. Maybe it was the way Y/N’s shoulders appeared to relax, or maybe it was simply that a glass of champagne with a splash of juice was a peace offering like no other. 

He looked over at her, the corner of his mouth pulled up without thought and hers did too. He was only tugged out of the moment when he heard his mother’s voice. 

“Wait–he’s not drinking?” Anne asked, happily accepting a glass passed down the line from Glenne.

“You say that like it’ll be impossible,” Harry shot her a look. Did she really have that little faith in her son?

“S’a big undertaking, no?” She let her eyebrows rise, shot a smile in his direction before looking to Y/N. “A bit harder for you, right?”

She let out a dramatic sigh, “I’ve never wanted a mimosa so bad.”

“We have mom-osas,” Glenne said with a playful grin, jiggling the container of juice around as if Y/N would fall for it.

“That sounds mediocre at best,” Y/N rolled her eyes, pulling a laugh from all of them--even Jeff. 

Glenne was more than happy to accept the compliments about her cooking, gushing on and on about how helpful Jeff had been to make sure she could bring everything here and still keep it warm. 

Harry wasn’t shy about reminding her that he’d been just as instrumental to their brunch debut: he had the oven preheated and serving platters ready. He supplied the champagne and paid for extra catering. 

Gemma was quick to nudge him: get over yourself! 

He sat next to Y/N at the dining table and let the encouragement from his family pull the excitement out of him: we’ve got another doctor’s appointment next week, we’ve got to start doing some shopping for clothes. We can’t wait to meet her.

The morning went well enough, funny stories were exchanged and there was already a lot of talk about baby showers and birth plans and Harry wished for a moment that he could have a second alone with her. 

He’d been reeling since he spent the night at her place--what did it mean, why did he like it so much? Was she just as confused or was she annoyed that they’d now crossed whatever invisible boundary had been drawn in the sand from the moment she showed up at his front door with the paperwork from Dr. Weston?

But now wasn’t the time or place to address it, so Harry ate a lemon pastry and told Y/N he’d call her that night, a farewell hug at the door. This time, Y/N didn’t swat him away when he pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

Four pairs of eyes on him when the door latched shut and he turned around. 

“...Yes?”

Gemma looked to Anne, Anne looked to Glenne, Glenne looked to Jeff.

“I think it was very successful,” Anne broke the silence first, a smile when Gemma nodded. 

“Most importantly she seems like she can put you in place if need be,” his sister teased. “And we all know the need will be.”

“She can definitely handle him,” Glenne agreed, heading back towards the kitchen to clean up. 

Anne disappeared upstairs to use the bathroom and change out of her Sunday best, Gemma rounded the island and sat at a stool. “What’s your take on all of this, Glenne?”

Harry let out a sigh--one he didn’t bother to hide from his sister and two close friends.

“I’ll ignore that,” Gemma shot him a glance.

Glenne wiped the counter down with a sponge when she nodded confidently. “She’s a good human. Good job, good values--can be a tad bit anxious but--nothing too neurotic.”

Harry smiled at the way Glenne spoke about her, a warmth in his chest when he found a seat beside his sister. 

“And you’re being nice to her?” Gemma narrowed her eyes.

“Nice to her? ‘Course I am--”

“You’re taking responsibility, figuring out how things will work?”

“What do you mean how things will work?” 

Jeff laughed at that, a shake of his head as if all of these meetings were a waste of time. 

“Custody, fiances, living arrangements,” Gemma shrugged her shoulders, Harry could always count on his older sister to be practical. 

“We’re figuring that out,” Jeff answered for him. 

“What he said,” Harry pointed a finger across the kitchen.

“Speaking of figuring things out,” Jeff’s eyebrows were raised now, he took a dish from Glenne and found a spot in Harry’s fridge. Once he turned around, he put his hands on the granite counter and took a deep breath. 

“Have you slept with her?”

“Well…yeah,” Harry made a funny face, Glenne and Gemma both let out a snort of a laugh when Jeff rolled his eyes. 

“I mean recently--post pregnancy?”

“No,” Harry said, eyes looking over to Glenne. What did she know? Was she in on the secret?

Her eyebrows lifted and she broke eye-contact, okay, Harry thought. That’s a yes. Gemma caught it too. 

“Why do you look guilty?” Gemma’s eyes went wide in excitement. 

“Yeah, Glenne,” he watched her with a threatening glare. “Why do you look guilty?”

Glenne rolled her eyes at Harry. “Don’t do this to me.”

“What do you mean?” Jeff was suspicious now, less excited than Gemma but just as confused and eager to know more.

“This isn’t fair,” Glenne looked between the three of them. No way was she about to rat out her friend and possibly create more drama than there already had been.

“Glenne…” Jeff eyed his girlfriend and hoped to God that she’d spill it. Getting information from Harry thus far had been like pulling teeth, Jeff decided, so if his girlfriend post-mimosa was the way he was going to get the actual truth, he’d take it.

“Harry…” Glenne tossed the metaphorical hot potato back to him. 

Gemma was amused by all of it, another sip from another mimosa and a smile when she waited for her brother to crack.

“We have not slept together.”

“But?” Gemma pressed.

“But,” Harry shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know if I would call it a totally platonic relationship at this point.”

“Oh Jesus, Harry--” Jeff couldn’t keep the anxiety in. A sigh escaped his lips and Harry’s brow furrowed low on his forward. 

“Oh Jesus, Harry, what? You really hate the idea of us together that much?”

“That’s not what he means,” Glenne tried to break the tension. “Right Jeff?”

Harry watched his friend expectantly. “Well what does he mean, then?”

“I’ve said it a thousand times, I just want you to be careful.”

“Harry--careful? With his heart?” Gemma fought the smile on her face, “the boy who made a cake for his year four crush and spelled out her name on top with little candies?”

Glenne thought this was cute, a clicking of her tongue when she pictured it that pulled an eye roll from Jeff.

“I’m not trying to be a dick. I like her--Y/N’s great--which is even more the reason why I don’t want you to fuck it up. Things could get messy and--”

“I don’t know why you’re saying all of this as if it’s news to me,” Harry shot him a look. Did Jeff really think he was that stupid?

No, he didn’t. Jeff didn’t think Harry was stupuid at all. But Jeff knew his friend well enough to know that he’d develop feelings for Y/N and things would be blissful until the going got rough. And Jeff, despite not being a father yet, knew that it would. 

“We care about you guys,” Glenne held up her hands in an attempt to slow the conversation. “We just want what’s best for both of you and the baby--okay? Let’s all remember there’s a baby involved in this.”

“Hard to forget,” Harry said with a quick sigh. 

__

Harry tried to act cool when he walked into Lexi’s birthday party, like his eyes didn’t scan the room immediately for her or like he hadn’t been sitting around checking his phone every half hour to see if she’d finally called. 

It’d been a whole week since their mums met, a whole week of Harry replaying the day and wondering what it would be like one day when one of them had a baby strapped to their chest. 

They’d texted a bit--the usual, how’s your day? How’s your week? What have you been up to? 

He knew she was busy at work with the impending departure of her boss, figured that maybe this was her pattern: get close, pull away. He wondered if they’d be doing that dance for the next 18 years. 

So Harry greeted Lexi with a kiss on both cheeks before he found a seat beside Y/N, a single kiss to her cheek and a hand on her thigh beneath the table that she didn’t shrink away from. 

“How’re you? How’re you feeling?”

“Fine,” she said, a small smile in his direction before the waiter appeared behind them.

“Water’s fine,” Harry said. “M’all set.”

She smiled a little, rolled her eyes as if Harry was being dramatic or something. “Go ahead.”

“No,” he turned back to her, brows furrowed together. “If you’re not I’m not.”

“I can’t,” she corrected, “there’s a difference. Water with lemon, please.”

The waiter disappeared and Jeff called Harry’s name--they laughed about an email miscommunication from the other week and when he turned back to see Y/N, Harry could tell something was up. “S’everything okay?”

“What? Yeah, what do you mean?”

“I dunno,” he shrugged, rested an elbow on the table and let his mouth get close to her ear to talk over the noise of the restaurant. “Haven’t seen you in a bit, not since our mums met.”

“I’ve been busy,” she said casually. “Levi’s last day is this week, so there’s a lot happening.”

“Alright,” he relented, unsure how far to push it. See, that was the thing. Harry didn’t know Y/N that well--he didn’t know her well enough to sit there and take the stand that something was off and demand any type of answer. He threw in a final observation: “You just seem distant.”

She didn’t reply, patted his thigh under the table and thanked the waiter for their drinks once they were delivered. She yelled across the table to Glenne with a smile on her face and sang happy birthday when they brought Lexi a slice of cake. 

When they all made their way out to the parking lot, the night is just getting started, Lexi reminded, Harry walked beside Glenne towards his car. 

“I’m gonna head home, I think,” Y/N said from behind him, her pace slowing after she said something to Jeff.

Glenne pouted when she turned around to see her friend. “Aw, what? Why?”

“I don’t feel well,” Y/N admitted, a lurch in Harry’s stomach at her words. “Just a headache, so, I don’t want to be a party pooper.”

“Do you need a ride?” he asked, his hands in his pockets when he scanned her face. 

“No–I came with Lexi but I’ll just uber.”

“I can drive you,” he shrugged. “S’not a big deal.”

“Yeah, sweetie, let him take you,” Glenne nodded, folding her arms when she pouted again. “I’m sorry you don’t feel well.”

“It’s fine,” she brushed it off. “I think it was just the noise of the restaurant.”

Jeff nodded, kept quiet when Harry pulled out his own keys and nodded towards the Tesla Y/N had become quite familiar with.

“M’over there,” he said when he looked over to Jeff and Glenne. Any protests? No--Harry looked to Y/N.

“Okay, well,” she said. “I’ll talk to you both later.”

She gave them each a hug, fell into step beside Harry when Glenne called over her shoulder. “Let me know when you’re home!”

The parking lot was wet, asphalt still damp from a passing shower earlier in the night. When Y/N climbed into the passenger seat of Harry’s car, he turned to see her. “How bad is your headache?”

“I’ve had worse, but I’ll probably just go to sleep when I get home.”

He watched her again, pushed his lips out in thought but then started the car. “Why don’t you come to mine?”

“It’s late,” she said, a tiny shrug when he glanced over and smiled at her. Did he need to be more direct?

“I know–I mean, you can stay over if you want.”

Silence, he put the car in the reverse and turned left out of the lot. 

“I have extra rooms,” he added. 

“I’m alright, I can just go home.”

He looked at her quickly, a sideways glance out of guilt. He wasn’t trying to pressure her, didn’t want to make her uncomfortable and he certainly didn’t expect anything. But at this point Harry felt like it was almost pointless to pretend he didn’t like her, didn’t want to know what it was like to hear her whisper in his dark bedroom. He was also nervous that at any second something could go wrong and Harry just knew that Y/N was downplaying whatever physical ailment had washed over her during dinner. 

“I know you can go home. I just–I don’t know. I’m not trying to be paranoid but if you’re not feeling well I’d rather have you be somewhere where I can–y’know–take care of you.”

She glanced over at him quickly. “Okay,” she said, leaning back in the seat and closing her eyes. “Fine.”

“Well I don’t want to force you,” he said, his voice smaller now, almost embarrassed. 

“You’re not,” she sighed, “I’m just trying to not puke in your Tesla.”

He laughed, “say the word and I’ll pull over.”

The rest of the ride was quiet, she cracked a smile at his joke and that gave Harry the confidence to lead her upstairs and into his bedroom, you can have a change of clothes and then we can watch a movie or something.

She stood in the center of the room when Harry disappeared into his closet. He knew the pair he’d give her: the gray ones with the knotted drawstring that he’d had for almost five years. Worn in and comfortable, the ones he always put on when he didn’t feel well.  

“Here,” he said, coming back out with the sweatpants in hand. “These might be big on you, but, they’re my favorite pair–” he looked up, saw her eyes welling with water and felt his stomach drop. “What’s wrong?”

She shook her head, laughed a little like she was being silly or stupid. “Nothing.”

“Y/N, what’s up?” He stepped closer to her now, dropped the pants on his bed and brought his hands to her shoulders. “You’re freaking me out.”

She rolled her eyes and used her thumbs to wipe away the moisture. “I’m just sad.”

“Sad?”

“Sad,” she nodded, a big sigh like the emotion had been trailing behind her all night.

“Why are you sad?”

“I’m tired and scared and confused.”

Harry watched her for a second, the words hung heavy in the room when he contemplated the right response. Comfort her? Hug her? Words of affirmation or reassurance? He didn’t really know what the right thing to do was--so he settled for what felt most authentic. 

“I know,” he said, pulling her into him. “Me too.”

She stayed like that for a second, breathing against his chest with his arms wrapped around her. After a second she pulled away, looked up at him and wiped the water from the corners of her eyes again. Harry felt the urge to kiss her, tell her he’d been thinking a lot about painting the room down the hall a light shade of pink. 

Those weren’t the only dreams Harry had been having--which is why he was so caught off guard when she stepped forward and kissed him, their bodies melted together instinctually and, for a second, Harry was sure this was another daydream he’d conjured up while sitting in traffic on the 405. 

He guided her over to the bed, a smile on his face when she let him tug her dress over her head. But the anxiety echoed and it sounded a lot like Jeff--not exactly the sound Harry wanted playing in his head when he was potentially about to get it on. 

Was this wrong? Was this messy? Was this a mistake?

Maybe, he decided, but it didn’t stop him from moaning into her both when she wrapped her hand around his length. She was hesitant a little too, nervous like last time but somehow more familiar with his body and the way she left a trail of goosebumps on his skin.

When his fingers slipped between her legs she smiled into him, her back arching up to meet him. A laugh escaped her lips when she felt him grind up against her. He pulled back, looked down at her and smiled. “Do you want to?”

She nodded, the most unraveled and beautiful Harry had ever seen her. “Please,” she said through breathy pants when he teased at her entrance, “please, just do it.”

“Alright, Nike, relax,” he joked, another kiss when he leaned down to hover over her, ignoring the way she rolled her eyes. He pressed into her slightly and let out a low hum. “You feel so good,” he said, settling into a rhythm.

“And we don’t have to worry about a condom,” she wiggled your eyebrows at him, gaining a throaty laugh.

But then he froze, his eyes went a bit wide and his lips parted. “Is it–uh–are we allowed to do this?”

“What do you mean?” She asked, hips involuntarily rocking into him. Her eyes were closed, focused on the way their bodies felt together.

“We’re not going to like, hurt her, right?”

“No!” She said, her voice high and squeaky when she stifled a laugh.

“Well I don’t know,” Harry laughed, almost embarrassed once he started moving against Y/N’s center again. “I’ve never had sex with a pregnant woman before,” he tried to justify his concern. 

“Good to know,” she nodded a bit sarcastically, tugged on his arms to bring him back down to her. 

It went like that for a while, a playful air to a moment Harry was sure would be locked in his brain for the rest of eternity. He loved the way she said his name, breathless and desperate when she found the release of orgasm. He picked up the pace and finished shortly after, flopped onto the mattress beside her when she giggled. 

“What?”

“You called me Nike.”

“That was a good one,” he smirked. “M’quite clever.”

They both stared up at the fan on the ceiling, it circled and circled and Harry felt a little silly for being as nervous as he was. He’d done this countless times--but never before with the acquaintance turned friend turned maybe something more that was pregnant with his child.

“I don’t really remember the first time, but, I think that was better.”

“Me too,” he laughed. “And we know that we didn’t get you pregnant this time.”

She giggled and rolled over to see him, close enough for Harry to see the freckles on her nose when she thought aloud: “maybe we shouldn’t have done that.”

“We could probably say that about a lot of stuff right now.”

She nodded, let out a sigh and reached over, tracing her finger over the black ink on his chest. He watched her for a moment, noticed the way her lips curved up when she stole a glance at him.

“Were you avoiding me before tonight?”

Silence, a playful look of guilt on her face when her eyebrows arched. “Maybe.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I don’t know what we’re doing.”

He smiled a bit. “Neither do I, trust me.”

“I don’t want to fuck this up.”

He nodded, was about to say that they wouldn’t--that they’d figure it out and everything would be fine, but something on the floor vibrated beneath her dress that now lay crumpled on the floor. She reached over and grabbed for it, slid a thumb across the screen. “S’Glenne,--hey, sorry I didn’t call, I’m home.”

Harry’s brows went north at her lie, she gave him the finger and mouthed be quiet. 

He watched as she nodded along, told Glenne she was feeling a little better already. Her expression changed after a second, though, frustration or anxiety or something crossed her face and Harry felt his forehead wrinkle with curiosity. 

“We just had coffee, Glenney, we were just talking about some logistics.”

Coffee? With who? 

“No, sweetie, everything’s fine.” 

Was Harry supposed to pretend he wasn’t listening? He was naked atop his own bed, letting his eyes trail around the room when he let out a whistle. 

“Alright,” Y/N said, stifling a laugh. “Well I’ll talk to you in the morning, okay? Tell Lexi I say happy birthday again!”

They said goodbye and she hung up, a bit of a bashful smile on her face when Harry let out a laugh and sat up. 

“She sounds trashed.”

“She’s getting there,” she said. 

“What was she asking about?”

She blew air between her lips, reached for the t-shirt he’d brought out for her and tugged it over her head. “I had coffee with Jeff the other day.”

Harry nodded slowly. “Why?”

“Just to talk,” she paused. “Glenne said there’s a photo, like, a paparazzi photo.”

“Fuck.” Jeff must have been annoyed.

“Yeah, but it’s fine.” 

A text dinged on her phone, she inspected the screen and then flipped it around to show Harry the photo in question. 

There was no way Y/N hadn’t known this was coming--and, Harry realized, there was no way this was her first time in a pap pic. She was friends with Lexi and frequented cast parties. She’d been to parties before with Jeff and Harry and their other friends who drew attention like that. 

“What’d you–uh–what’d you talk about?”

“Just logistics,” she gave him the same answer she’d given Glenne. Harry felt his lips curl up at the sides, bullshit. She brought her eyes up to his, a quick realization that while Glenne had been buzzed enough to buy it, Harry wasn’t. 

“Yeah?” He challenged, “what kind?”

She looked around the room, let her shoulders rise and fall with her breath. “Just–”

“Not letting things get messy?”

She was quiet for a minute, eyes on the hardwood floor until she chanced a look in his direction again.

“He’s giving you the same lectures?” He smirked, wiggled his eyebrows and then let himself flop back on the duvet, another laugh escaped his lips and floated up to the ceiling.

She stood with her hands on his hips, bit back the smile that mirrored his. “Guess they have a point.”

He nodded slowly, like he was thinking about it. Like he was ready to make his case or justify his own beliefs. Instead, he looked over at her. “Do you want a cup of tea?”

So she followed him downstairs and sat at the island, the same place where Glenne had poured mimosas for their mothers and Gemma put him on trial. Neither of them mentioned the sex or the sweatpants and neither of them dared to ask what any of it meant.

Harry flipped off the burner when the kettle came to a boil, poured its contents into a mug when the teabag rose up to the surface. “Have you thought at all about, uh, moving in?”

He pushed the cup across the granite, got honey from the cabinet overhead and refused couldn’t bring himself to look at her. 

“Sort of.”

Okay, so she wasn't going to give in that easily. Harry cleared his throat, came around the island with his own mug and sat beside her. “The photo made me think about it, s’all. S’probably more private here.”

“Yeah.” She took a sip and was quiet for a second. “I don’t want to be in the way, you know? I think that might make things messier than…they already are.”

He waited, moved his head side to side in thought. Maybe it was selfish, his desire to have her close or be under the same roof. He didn’t want her to do anything that made her uncomfortable, and he certainly wasn’t trying to twist her arm. 

In Harry’s eyes, having her here made sense. If they were going to do this together, it’d be easier for her to sleep in a room down the hall than across town. It didn’t have to be now, and it didn’t have to be forever.

“Yeah–no, I just, think it’d be nice, you know. We can get ready more that way and once she’s here it’ll be easier. There’s enough room if your mum wants to come or if my mum wants to, y’know, to help out or something.”

“S’a good point,” she said, a small nod when he brought his eyes up to look at her.

“Yeah?”

A shrug of her shoulders, a playful smile before she rolled her eyes. “Yeah.”

“So–do you want to?”

“We can try it.”

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Try it.”

But Harry knew that this was a slippery slope. He knew that sharing a kitchen and an address was a big step, one that came extremely fast for two people who had just chosen to sleep together for the first time without the aid of whatever cocktails they’d nursed that fateful night. He knew that his heart pounded every time she walked in the room, he felt his stomach flip when she called. 

But he didn’t know where this was headed or how to figure that out. So instead of getting nervous, he decided he’d get excited. There was plenty to do to prepare for a new chapter that neither of them had expected. And Harry knew that if he couldn’t control something, he had to make peace with it. Which is why he stared at the ceiling that night wishing sleep would come, a terrifying and thrilling thought circling his brain like the fan that spun overhead. 

Harry was falling. Hard.

table of contents | talk to me | the playlist

AN: WOW. I mean, we already knew Harry was falling hard, but at least now he knows it too. Sorry I've been a little MIA pals, some exciting personal news coming soon!

#unplanned #idkthisisjustforfanfic #harry styles fic #harry styles fan fic #harry styles stories #harry styles x reader #harry styles reader insert #harry styles blurb #harry styles imagine #harry styles fiction #harry styles writing #harry styles x ofc #harry styles x you

[lucysweatslove]

Updates regarding ADHD diagnosis and treatment!

The neuropsychologist finally billed me. By this, I mean I guess I was technically billed over a week ago, but I never received an email or any communication about said bill. I decided to log in to the portal yesterday to check, and I saw the invoice was just sitting there. It’s still ridiculous that the whole thing cost me $360, more ridiculous that thousands was billed to insurance, and also annoying that I could’ve had my report this last week if I had received communication that I was invoiced and had a balance to pay. But, at least it’s done, and I should hopefully have the full report sometime this upcoming week.

My insurance apparently did have an issue with the Strattera and did require a PA. I thought it needed that, then they filled it but my Wellbutrin was delayed which took another week… I ended up picking them both up at the start of June, and the pharmacy tech was all “oh it looks like insurance still needs a prior authorization for the atomoxetine.” She pressed some buttons and then it went through, only a $10 copay which is fine, but I got a mail letter for insurance recently basically stating that my medication had required a preauth and oh yeah a 30 day supply retails for over $1000?? But then it’s on the formulary and the “discount price” is only $68.30. It’s just weird to me that the pharmacy / pharmaceutical companies can say it’s basically $34.50/day (that’s $17.25 for ONE single capsule) if you don’t have insurance. Random rant- while I think insurance is great in general I wish routine healthcare was much more affordable without it and insurance could be used for the “oh shit” moments. Like car insurance- it doesn’t pay for gas or routine maintenance or new tires or whatever but will if you get into an accident (although I will say, gas is expensive but at least it’s not $34.50/day expensive). Yeah programs like goodrx exist and are great, but if anybody can use those, why the exorbitant pricing up front? Why not just… make things accessible? The people who need the lower prices the most are those who can’t afford insurance, may not have access to goodrx / maybe wouldn’t even know about it… idk.

Anyway I started the Strattera last week- maybe Wednesday? I can’t remember the exact day now. I’m only taking 18mg which is a pretty low dose but I am getting annoying side effects already. Hypersomnulence during the daytime (literally like 2hr long naps that I can’t fight off midday), but then sleep maintenance insomnia at night where I wake up at like 4AM, still tired, but I can’t fall back asleep easily. Also an increase in general aches (ironic to me as duloxetine, which also has norepi function, is often used for some chronic pain), headaches, and horrible tummy troubles (feels like the food poisoning all over again). Those could be related to my period though- it’s just worse than what I normally experience in my cycle. Thankfully I haven’t noticed any real effect on my heart- I don’t feel weird or fluttery which was a concern I had. But alsoX I don’t notice any effect yet on my executive functioning, which makes sense since it isn’t an instant medication and the normal starting dose for adults is 40mg (so I’m taking literally less than half of that). I am still trying it out, holding out hope that side effects will stop enough that I can increase the dose and try 36mg for a week or so before I see the psych NP next, but I’m not optimistic it’s going to be a good, effective medication for me.

#personal #adult adhd #adhd #medication #adhd diagnosis #why does healthcare suck so much here #and why is my body so stupidly sensitive to all kinds of medication

[sucktacular]

Cw health scare, passing out, food mention, weed + being high, mention of blood work/needles

Had a yucky time last night that was very scary and wanna vent about it

and honestly kinda hope maybe someone that has low blood sugar moments or panic attacks or whatever the fuck could give me some insight if you're comfy doing so!!

Other wise just ignore this post :3 I'm okay now! But obv will get it looked at, prommy.

Also cw disordered eating... I don't mean to do it for any particular reasons I'm just very bad at remembering to eat, eating enough, and having too low energy to make anything lately. I got fresh groceries yesterday night tho so I'll be back to eating right for a bit.

So I uh nearly passed out at 3am alone in my kitchen trying to make a sandwich and I'm kinda pissed that my body is shitting out on me and now I gotta go to the human mechanic and get my stuff looked over cuz uh... Not normal happenings

I got up after laying down in bed for a while trying to sleep but got hungry and I was a little zooted too to be fair. Collected myself. Got all dressed to leave my room and was totally fine. If it was from standing up too fast it should have definitely hit me by that point but I was fine.

Went down and took all the things out of the fridge I needed for a sandwich. Slow and meticulous , not too fast cuz I was stoned and like to take my time to be quiet. Opened the bread, got a plate, opened the mayo, mayo'd my bread, then I went to open the deli chicken and started greying out and getting really light headed and weak and shakey and cold. So I waited a moment and it kept getting worse so I sat down and propped myself in the corner of my cabinets to try and help. Drank my chocolate milk and tried to wait it out. I've had low blood sugar act like that before- cold, shakey, grey vision, weak, etc - cuz I've kind of always been really bad at making sure I eat meals and last night i had just been eating chips, crackers, and chocolate pretzels all night. Snjcjsbjdks. I've been snackless for a few days so I NEEDED snack overload.

Anyway it kept getting worse over the minute or two to the point my vision was like white and black tv static with tunnel vision. my head felt super pressurized and I couldn't hear? I've had tinnitus since I was a tiny child but it really felt like those movies when everything is muffled and all you can hear is a very tiny faint high pitch ring. I could barely hear my tinnitus which was ... Deafeningly silent and that's WEIRD. I've never heard... Nothing? So that was scary. My whole body felt sweaty and hot and I just didn't know really what to do.

I think it was low blood sugar but + weed made me have a panic attack? Maybe? Or really bad low blood sugar. Because I HAVE been having light headed episodes and feeling weak lately... Which I chocked up to vitamin deficiencies (B12, D, or iron are problems of the past so I started taking those every day for the past week or so.)

Kind of super mad doctor I saw last week insisted I don't need blood work and to just take my new meds, cuz there's definitely something going on here and while blood work probably wouldn't have stopped last night's episode from happening, at the very least I could be a step closer today than i am. :(

Uhm... Yeah anyway it was really scary and I was on the floor in the kitchen with just Frankie watching me for a hot maybe 2-5minutes... Hard to tell how long. Not a super long time but more than just like 1-2 minutes. Felt better. Tried to get up and finish sandwich making. Got grey and weak again. Sat down some more. EVENTUALLY my vision and hearing went back to normal. Finished my sandwich weakly and packed the stuff away sloppily and had to turn the hallway light on cuz I couldn't see in the dark at all. Went to my bed and ate my sandwich and still felt fucked but eventually went right back to normal.

I do still feel airy headed and not totally alert but that's been kinda how it's been this past few weeks.

So uh... Mmm. Don't like that at all. Phone on me all the time now. Doctor visit again soon for this issue specifically. Partner suggested it sounded like a panic attack or when they get a vasovagal response to needles and nearly pass out. I definitely got scared and panicked cuz it was awful and scary and felt like I was dying. I did some 5seconds in 5 seconds out breathing exercises and it helped quite a bit to calm and focus me in the moment. Which was neat! They ain't lying about those exercises even if you don't know what you're doing. Focus on the counting and the breathing in and out softly.

Uhm.... So yeah if anyone actually genuinely has a comment or experience with that I'd love to hear. Otherwise I'm okay so far today and keeping an eye on it...

Problem also is I don't... Well, I have agoraphobia basically and it's very hard for me to go to a doctor without help from a friend or my partner and I can't figure out any online telehealth things in Ontario that don't cost money or aren't just for prescription renewals so uh not sure what to really do. I know I need to get it looked into but my GOD you know how fear will make you not care for yourself? Gestures. I'm trying so hard not to jump to the conclusion that it might be pre diabetes because my family has no history thankfully but the signs arent looking good..

#sucktacular sucks #me: im gonna be so safe about my info online. no tracking me!!! #me also so heres all the health conditions im struggling with yall lol #mostly a vent but also like dont be shy if u do have a thought about it #cuz it helps me look into it until i can get to a doctor to talk about it. I WILL. but it might be moment

[venus-haze]

WIP Wednesday (Friday oops) thank you so much for tagging me @flaggermuser!

Since I'm posting a Bo fic next week, take some of the Soldier Boy x Reader casting couch fic that I did a lot of work on yesterday.

“What got you into the supe business?” he asked while you threw back your third shot of the night.

You giggled, the alcohol and his presence making you feel uncharacteristically bubbly. “I’m going to sound like such a kiss ass if I say it.”

“Now I gotta hear it.”

“You did—Don’t look at me like that, it’s true! Oh my god I drove my parents crazy talking about you when I was growing up. Your D-Day speech from ‘The Soldier Boy Story’ was my senior yearbook quote.”

He licked his lips, “Yeah? Was I the first guy you got yourself off to?”

“Excuse me?”

“C’mon, I didn't get voted America’s sexiest supe two decades running without being finger-banging material. So what was it? Poster on the ceiling? Magazine under the pillowcase?”

“Poster on the ceiling,” you answered quietly, the lightness you’d felt in his presence suddenly feeling oppressively dark as he nearly gave you whiplash at how quickly he shifted the tone of the conversation.

“Which one?”

“You’re standing on a tank, and the tank gun is sticking out between your legs—“

He grunted in approval. “That one’s a classic. You’ve got great taste, sweetheart.”

“I’m sorry," you said with a nervous smile, "what does this have to do with Payback?”

“Everything. I mean, it’s my team. Wouldn’t wanna work with someone who doesn’t like me,” he said, as if asking a prospective hire about their masturbatory history was normal. “I need people on my team who respect me and know how to take orders. No second guessing when the going gets tough.”

His intense gaze made you feel six inches tall, looking up at the looming symbol of American heroism. You may as well have been standing at the foot of the Lincoln Memorial, trying to scale your way up Honest Abe with your bare hands. The implication of his words weren’t what caused your sudden feelings of discomfort, but rather frustration at your own naivete for going into this so-called interview without considering this would happen. Stars were born under pressure, you knew as much from your powers, but figuratively, it’s how things worked in Hollywood too. Thinking Vought would be an exception to the rule was laughably short-sighted. 

Even if you didn’t get into Payback, you’d already admitted your long-standing infatuation to his face. You’d fantasized about him, imagined he’d be every bit of the all-American dream man and then some. The place in your heart that was still filled with mushy nostalgia for the world’s first superhero hardened to stone before you could blink. Turning him down would be weak posturing at best and get you on Vought’s shit list at worst. 

“I’m a team player. I’ll do whatever it takes,” you said.

“Why don’t we take this somewhere a little more private, then?”

No pressure tags: @ventiswampwater @crash-and-cure @raccoonspooky @zaras-really-dreamless @rottent33th @powerofelvis @elvisabutler @blindmagdalena @its-monster-mash

#this has nothing to do with the excerpt but the reader is a goofy ass hero named galaxy girl #battie signals

[mariacallous]

It’s so nice that everything’s back to normal at the office now, isn’t it? If “normal” means mass layoffs, empty office buildings, confusing return-to-office policies, AI panic, and the whiplash-y feeling that just when employees were starting to redraw some boundaries between work and home, an economic downturn has forced society to fret even more about work. Managers are channeling this too by emphasizing “efficiency”—at least if they’re not among the many managers Mark Zuckerberg has laid off in his quest for, well, efficiency.

In this sense, Simone Stolzoff’s new book couldn’t be better-timed. The Good Enough Job: Reclaiming Life from Work posits that we—and Americans, especially—have fetishized work to the point that we’ve lost our identities to it. “For white-collar professionals, jobs have become akin to a religious identity: In addition to a paycheck, they provide meaning, community, and a sense of purpose,” says Stolzoff, a designer who has worked at IDEO and written for The Atlantic, Quartz, and WIRED.

The book kicks off with a parable about an MBA type urging a fisherman to scale his business into a global operation. The fisherman replies that he already has what the MBA is promising he could achieve in the long term: enough success to feed himself and his family, as well as plenty of time for leisure. The MBA is, of course, befuddled. It’s a tiny but meaningful story that goes down as easy as an oyster; the book makes a tasty meal of snackable tales and anecdotes. 

The Good Enough Job, which I’ve been reading this week, also includes reporting on the decline of organized religion, the rise of always-online work culture, and our willingness to use work as a means of self-actualization. It all adds up to a stark portrait of a society truly obsessed with work. That’s risky, Stolzoff says, especially in light of the recent layoffs in the tech sector. I talked with him about our relationship to work and whether it’s possible to achieve any kind of work-life equilibrium in the modern era. The book comes out in the US on May 23. 

WIRED: Why is office work so weird right now? Assuming you agree that it is, in fact, weird. 

Simone Stolzoff: Yeah. I’m reminded of when I worked as a summer camp counselor growing up and during our training the camp’s director always said, “Kids’ biggest fear is that no one is in control.” And I think that is happening for office workers right now, without a clear mandate or a clear vision of what the future of the workplace looks like. It feels like everything is in flux. Managers are dealing with their own uncertainty around the reevaluation of the role of work in their lives while they’re also trying to be leaders and speak with confidence about a future that no one can really predict.

Just yesterday someone told me, “I am a manager and my employees are coming to me and being forthright about the fact that they’re updating their LinkedIn profiles and their resumes.” She has been telling them that she’s doing the same. Increased uncertainty has led to much more open communication about the fact that even jobs that felt stable, are not necessarily such. But this also speaks to the fact that no one really knows what the future of work holds and people are making it up as they go along.

It sounds like a continuation of the pandemic, in the sense that this has all led to some people being their most vulnerable and transparent at the workplace. 

It’s a combination of both the pandemic and the economic climate. An employee at YouTube was telling me about how Alphabet is making workers come into the office three days a week. And she said that on the one hand she thinks it’s bullshit and that the company is just trying to justify the capital expenditures that they’ve made on offices. But she also admitted it makes sense because morale is low and employee workplace culture is nonexistent and coming back to the office is really one of the better ways managers have found to facilitate a more collectivist identity.

You write about “workism,” a phrase coined by Derek Thompson from The Atlantic. How does it play into the current workplace dynamic? 

The basic idea that Derek laid out is that workism is treating work akin to a religious identity. It’s looking to work not just for a paycheck but also for a community, a sense of identity and purpose and meaning in your life. 

There are a few risks to that. One is that it’s just not a burden our jobs are designed to bear. When we look to work for transcendence, it creates these massive expectations, and jobs can’t always deliver on those expectations. A second risk is that over-investing in just one aspect of who we are is risky because those other aspects of our life might be underinvested in. We’re not just workers, we’re also friends, siblings, parents, neighbors, and citizens. As so many people found out during the pandemic, if your job is your sole source of identity and you lose it—what’s left?

You argue that workism is generationally distinctive and write about your own Italian family and how your grandparents worked to live—and the emphasis was really on live. They had structure to their days, but there was that long break in the middle of the day where they went home and ate orecchiette with the family. Work-as-a-religion seems relatively new, or at least industrial age new.

There are many possible explanations of how we got here—economic explanations, historical explanations, political and cultural explanations. The one I focus on in the book is this huge objective value that Americans give to the workplace. You know, we’re an incredibly individualistic country, where we treat CEOs as celebrities and we plaster “Always do what you love” on the walls of our coworking spaces. There’s this push toward wanting work to be our means of self-actualization.

You can pair that with some historical trends, for example the decline of organized religion over the course of the past 40 years, which has left a spiritual void in many American lives. You look at policy decisions in this country, the way that we tie health care to full-time employment for so many people. You look at the historical factors, how our country was founded and the way capitalism and the Protestant work ethic were the two strands entwined to form our country’s DNA. 

And what we’ve found is that, unlike our peer nations, like France and Germany, where at-work time has steadily decreased since the beginning of the 20th century, certain subsets of Americans are working more than ever. And this is a historical anomaly. In the past, the richer a person or a country was, the less they worked, because they could afford not to.

Of course, the majority of people not just in the US but in the world do not work to self-actualize, they work to survive. Wages have been stagnant for the past 40 years, so they’ve had to work harder to buy the same loaf of bread. But the argument of my book is that regardless of what type of job you’re in, we now all live in this culture of productivity and thinking our self-worth is somehow tied to our output at work.

The danger of that, you write, is that we end up taking work events quite personally if they don’t go right. 

Totally, yeah. There is research around the value of what researchers call self-complexity, or just kind of cultivating different aspects of who we are. This also makes sense intuitively, right? If you’re rising and falling with the professional successes in your life, then one piece of negative feedback, one comment from a coworker can throw your life into a funk. But if you’ve cultivated other aspects of who you are, then maybe you’re having a bad day at the office but you feel like you have a very supportive partner or you’re having a good day with that recreational softball team you play on, then there are other aspects of your life that make you feel whole and aren’t predicated on market forces or what your manager or boss says.

The tricky question is where to draw the line. We need money to survive in this world. But as you write, work can be incredibly paternalistic and often exploits people who are most dutiful and hard-working. Is there a formula for finding the right amount to invest in work?

If there was one main question driving the book, it’s how to balance the pursuit of meaningful work without letting work take over your life. I’m not anti-work. We work more hours than we spend doing just about anything else in our lives, so how we spend that time matters. But I also think that the more we can be clear-headed about work’s role in our lives and understand that fundamentally it’s an economic relationship, the better.

We’ve been told that jobs are meant to be callings and vocations, and thinking of it as an exchange of your time and your labor for money is not the most sexy thing in the world. But I actually think that a more transactional approach to work can liberate both employers and employees. It frees employers to focus on setting clear expectations about what good work looks like, and it frees employees to, for example, advocate for fair compensation. More broadly, it frees employees to treat work as a living and not the entirety of their lives.

This is something that so many tech workers in particular have discovered recently, especially at companies like Meta and Twitter and Microsoft and other places that have had layoffs. I’ve spoken to so many employees that say, basically, “I used to think this was my life’s work, my dream job, and the past year has shown me that this is just a job.”

I’m trying to introduce the framework of the “good enough” job. For one person that could mean working in a particular industry or having a certain job title, and for another it’s getting off work at a certain hour so you can pick your kids up from elementary school. Rather than thinking about work as this endless pursuit of perfection, it’s more about having an approach that allows you to understand that what you do for work is not the entirety of who you are as a person.

[astramthetaprime]

Sh*t just got real

So I was sitting here yesterday on a day off, turning in job applications online in between reading IceMav fanfic, when my stepfather calls me.  

Normally he doesn’t do that.  We don’t get along.  There was an incident in 2021 when my mother took a fall and ended up in the hospital then a rehab hospital for three weeks, and my stepfather took it as a grand opportunity to use me as an unpaid therapist and marriage counselor.  For which I endured considerable discomfort because hello, it’s my mother he’s slandering.  While my mother and I also don’t really get along (dear god the masking is in full effect), she is my blood and listening to accusations that she’s an alcoholic when I know she’s not set me against him.  Then my mother made some accusations against him, and yeah it all went downhill from there.  End result, I really don’t want anything to do with either of them.  

Still, my stepfather calls.  My mom woke up yesterday morning, started to get out of bed, and her legs didn’t hold her up.  She fell again, and had been on the floor for several hours.  And instead of calling 911 himself, he calls me asking if he should call 911 and if I could come to their house and call 911 for him.  Because he apparently can’t hit 4 buttons on his phone.  

So I put some clothes on and immediately left to go call 911 for them.  Because people who are twenty-five years older than my frivolous autistic ass can’t hit four buttons on their phones.  Yes, your legs no longer working warrants calling 911.  

So the ambulance came and they got Mom off the floor and took her to the hospital.  Where Mom was argumentative and resentful and once my stepfather got there I left since she clearly didn’t want me there.  I didn’t want to be there either.  

There is the possibility that she may have Alzheimers or some kind of dementia.  It has not been diagnosed so until it is I am assuming she means everything she’s saying.  I am autistic, I am unable to parse neurotypical facial expressions and subtext for people who are entirely in their right minds, much less when they’re out of their minds.  So as per autistic standard procedure I am taking it all at face value.  And she doesn’t want me there.  So I left.  

I’d rather not go back.  But because she’s my blood I have to.  My stepfather refuses to let the rest of my family anywhere near my mother.  Fine.  I’m the only point of contact.  And oh yeah, I’m on my feet 7 hours a day and exhausted when I get home, and I need my days off to recover but yeah, I’m the only one who can deal with this.  

Fark that.  She doesn’t want me there.  I don’t want to be there.  I’m not a farking therapist or marriage counselor or dementia therapist.  She doesn’t want any help, don’t give her any help, leave her to die.

Am I reacting badly?  Maybe.  Do I care?  I don’t know.  Can medical science do anything to cure the degeneration of aging?  No.  Does she have Alzheimers or dementia?  She has not been diagnosed as such.  Am I going to have to quit my job to take care of people who resent me and treat me like shite?  Undetermined at present, but grimly expected.  

I got a forebearance on my mortgage for six months a couple weeks ago.  So I’ve got six months to get another better paying job.  I do have an ace in the hole that could solve that situation permanently and in my favor inside of a week.  In short, I have a means to pay off the entire mortgage.  I haven’t done it so far because the means in question is in an investment account and as long as it’s in there it’s making free money.  But I will if it ends up I have to quit my job.  Because fark this shite.  If I have to go through this hell, I’m freaking going to secure the house I built as my own.  This is my citadel, this is my fortress, this is my Tranquility, this is my home.  

Something worth living for has to come from this hell.  

#allaboardtheangstexpress #parents getting old #Tranquility House

[occult-roommates]

Kino had a baby

On the evening of April 13th, Kino finally gave birth after being pregnant a whole ass year. Thankfully, they did find a solution on that whole “where would an alien give birth”, which is, they did in Lilah’s apartment, assisted by a midwife. This is fine, Lilah threw an amnesia spell at them. Is such a spell unethical? I mean...yeah, it is but...Yeah...

Anyway, a few days later, as they were starting to feel better, Kino went back to the apartment with their new baby. Which, thank god their girlfriend is a shapeshifter, that excuse was gonna do a lot of heavy lifting considering the child was blue, had black schlera, and had pointy ears...Because of fucking course they had inherited none of Lilah’s earthling traits. And the technology to build a human form is on Kino’s home planet, so that is not really an option either. Though the alien will never forget the poor midwife face when the baby came out looking like they were deprived of oxygen, and unable to tell if they were a boy or a girl. Cause you know, it’s one thing to have an intersex child, it’s another one to have a stillborn.

Charlie: Awww, they’re so cute. So, what’s the name? I know just yesterday you still hadn’t made a decision. Kino: Well, first of all, Lilah and I have decided to raise the baby like a human boy for simplicity sake, but who knows maybe one day he’ll want to be something else, so you can just say he. Second, I have manage to convince her to give him a Sixamese name. I’m a bit worried Earthlings will think it is weird, but he, there’s thousands of culture on both Earth and Sixam who all use wildly different name. Also, the meaning is so lovely, it means beloved friend in my first language. Charlie: Ok, so what is it then? Kino: Joseph.

Charlie started to laugh, assuming this long introduction was a set-up to that very normal reveal, but no, Kino was dead serious. Joseph means beloved friend in their first language, and is even mildly common in their native country back in Sixam. Now how they managed to live several years on Earth and never come across anyone named Joseph, especially in a part of the world where it is a common name, that’s another story.

Dawud: Hey, can we see the baby? Kino: Of course, here he is, my son, Joseph Gurafee-Silvercloud. Daniele: But why does he have to sleep next to my bed? I’ll be the one constantly woken up at night when it’s you who couldn’t be arsed to wear a condom. Dawud: Dan, we are five people in a tiny bedroom, everyone will be woken up if he starts crying in the middle of the night.

And then, when everyone was done with looking at little Joseph, Akva came back from work. Just like everyone else, she went to see the baby...Yup, that is a newborn all right. All wrinly and small and you’re not too sure if he’s really that cute or not. A baby. That is when it hit her...

Akva: I’m going for a walk. Charlie: It’s like 11 pm? Akva: Mind your business.

Outside the apartment, a weird sort of sadness came over Akva, one she did not want to admit she was feeling. It’s been almost two years, and in those two years she had been acting as if nothing was, but now, well...Life had changed, her situation was different. The semester was ending in two weeks, that was the perfect time for her to go on a little vacation in California.

After avoiding it for so long, it was time, she had to visit Paisley.

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#ts4 #sims 4 #the sims 4 #simblr #ts4 simblr #occult roommates #kino gurafee #lilah silvercloud #joseph gurafee-silvercloud #charlie yi #daniele rossini #dawud sahan #akva singh #cw pregnancy #OcRo s2

[rosesradio]

Ej and Gina being neighborhoods after their break up at camp

hey ! i already did this prompt here but i'm happy to write more in that universe, halloween addition ! i was working on this yesterday finished it today, so here we go. it’s a long one, 950 words ! enjoy <3

if you like my work and would like to share it with other people who might like it, reblogging is a nice way to do that, and it means a lot to me, so thank you to those who do that <3

Gina wasn't thinking about it.

She couldn't care less, frankly. Just because EJ was her neighbor--and ex-boyfriend, at that--didn't mean she cared about her interactions with him, and when they might occur. Sure, he'd driven her to school a few times (she was only weeks away from getting her license, though!) and was generally pleasant to be around, but that didn't mean she was excited to see him.

When her mom asked if she wanted to watch a scary movie, Gina said she might later in favor of sitting on the porch, giving out candy to the neighborhood kids. She was dressed up, after all, so what was the use of staying inside?

The kids, however, were few and far between. There was a bunch earlier, and now...nothing. Gina wondered if they’d moved on to other neighborhoods, or maybe it was getting late...but oh well. More candy for her, then.

Scrolling on her phone, she checked out what her friends from the drama club were up to. They’d agreed to have their Halloween party yesterday, that way they could do whatever else they wanted on Halloween night. Carlos and Seb were attending a different Halloween party dressed as Mike and Will from Stranger Things while Kourtney was having a horror movie marathon with her boyfriends Jet and Howie. Ricky posted a video on his story of Big Red tossing a piece of candy into the air and landing right in a kid’s basket, which was...a creative way to hand out candy--

“Trick or Treat,” a familiar voice said, and Gina looked up to see EJ, smiling at her with his bucket out expectantly. As expected, his bowl was already full of the candy he was supposed to be handing out. “Oh, you have Reece’s cups? My mom got all fruit candy, no chocolate. I suspect the neighborhood kids are gonna unionize and strike against our house soon.” he commented, as if that were a perfectly normal thing to say, as he sat down beside Gina on the porch.

Gina snorted, covering her mouth as her face flushed. “Hard to have a strike with no kids,” She replied, nodding to the empty darkness. She paused, taking in EJ’s costume. Black shoes, black jeans, a red long sleeve, little devil wings, and a headband with devil’s horns. “Hey, weren’t you the one that had all that criticism towards the costume department during the shows? You’re costume is pretty lame, Eej.”

EJ scoffed, a hand pressed to his chest, faux-offense written across his face. “Excuse me, Porter, I worked hard on this--”

“You told me yesterday that you thought of your idea and got your things together in a day,” Gina replied with a knowing look.

“Yeah, well...it was a hard day’s work,” EJ held his ground. “The line at Spirit Halloween the day before Halloween is like Black Friday.”

Gina laughed softly, shaking her head. “That’s why it pays to be prepared ahead of time. I got what I needed as soon as Spirit opened.”

“Hm,” EJ hummed, glancing at Gina’s costume. She had on a simple white sundress she’d thrifted, long socks with gold flats, feathery wings, and a headband with an attached halo. “You kept your costume a secret all month, so I thought it’d be something from, like, a TV show or something. But it’s an angel. It’s cute,” EJ added as an afterthought, as if worried he come off as rude. It was odd, this playful bickering game they played, never knowing where the limits were. EJ, her ex-boyfriend, calling her cute...that seemed like a limit.

But Gina kinda liked that. She was never one to play by the rules.

“An angel and a devil...two of the most popular Halloween costumes, who would have thought?” Gina asked. “I guess it’s nice to have a paired-up costume with someone,” she glanced up at him, the eye contact brief before becoming fascinated with the jeweled outline of her flats. “Even you,” she playfully nudged his shoulder.

“Yeah,” EJ laughed. “It’s just a stupid coincidence, but I...I thought about it, a bit. I’d never had a girlfriend that long-term or serious enough to ask, but I thought we’d do couples costumes. But it’s okay that we didn’t, because I ended up dressing how I wanted, and you did, too, and we still...”

“We still accidentally matched...” Gina concluded, looking back up at him, shyness either ebbed away or pushed down. She smiled. “But I like it that way. We look good, like this...”

“Yeah,” EJ replied with a sheepish smile, seeming to study Gina’s expression, then. She was wearing some intricate, cloud-like eye makeup, but she had a feeling he wasn’t paying attention to that. “We do...”

Gina felt the tension thick as October fog, as if she could cut it with a knife.

“Do you want, um--”

“Would you like--”

EJ and Gina stumbled over their words, laughing it off, and Gina scratched the back of her neck nervously as EJ cleared his throat.

“Sorry, you first,” Gina offered.

“I was going to ask if you wanted to come over and watch a movie? Ashlyn’s there, if you wanted to hang out...” EJ rushed, as if pretending to act nonchalant; Gina could sense it from a mile away, and she smiled slightly.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” she nodded, taking another casual glance over the dark, empty street. “I doubt there’s gonna be anymore kids--”

“Great, more candy for me, then,” EJ grinned, taking the candy bowl from her and starting over to his house.

“Hey, wait! Save some for me!” Gina called, though he only ran faster, making Gina laugh as she followed.

#this was fun. i might post the two long ones within this 'reconciliation-verse' (i gotta find a better name) onto my ao3 #rose's asks #portwell #gina porter #ej caswell #hsmtmts #my fic