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intersex-support · 1 year

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Something that has been helpful for me when having conversations about what counts as intersex is to really engage in enquiry about what the label means and how we're using it. To me, it's been more helpful to think through questions like:

What purpose does labeling a variation as intersex serve?

In what ways is societal understandings of "typical" changing?

Why was the label of intersex created and has our use of the label shifted?

What ways are we building intersex community? What do we want intersex community to look like?

How do our experiences of oppression impact our understanding of intersex as a term?

What sources are we drawing from when we develop definitions of intersex?

What is the history of the way intersex has been used?

What ways has intersex community been exclusionary in the past, and is that in line with our current values?

Definitions of intersex have always been tied up with what the medical world decides to classify as differences of sex development, but especially in the past twenty years as intersex community has grown more connected, we've started to have a lot more self-determination in our communities. But I think a lot of people still really have a misconception that intersex is a biological "third sex" that is strictly medically defined, and that there are clear cutoffs between intersex and endosex.

Instead, I'd like to bring in the concept of compulsory dyadism to introduce a framework where intersex is an intentional political label used as a way to build community for the people whose variation of sex characteristics are most impacted by the stigma and violence associated with compulsory dyadism.

Sex diversity is not just limited to intersex people. Even within the boundaries of dyadic/endosex bodies, people have variations like different amounts of body hair, penis size, hormone levels, breast size, as well as things like disabilities affecting any of those traits. For example, very few people actually have all the "ideal" traits that line up with this constructed idea of an endosex body that has the exact "correct" amount of estrogen, the right size chest, the ability to bear children, "normal" periods. Many endosex people might have a variation in one of those aspects at differing times during their life, such as during menopause, for example. And this framework can help us understand how diagnoses such as endometriosis are not intersex, but people might still notice overlaps in certain experiences.

But the reason that not everyone is considered intersex and the reason that having a separation between endosex and intersex is important is because of the stigma and violence associated with straying further and further from that dyadic norm, and intersex is a label used to describe people who are the most impacted by that stigma and violence. We have been socially labeled as "deviating" the most from the "normal" sex binary, and consequentially face intersexism both on a systematic and personal level. Our collection of sex variations becomes located entirely outside of the sex binary, and as a result, we often face curative violence, social stigma, and systematic exclusion from many parts of society.

This definition isn't a perfect definition. I think we need to have room to develop more nuance around the fact that many intersex people might not feel like their experience of being intersex has brought them any personal stigma or violence, as well as understanding that there isn't going to be a universal intersex experience. Even when discussing how intersex people are the most impacted by compulsory dyadism compared to endosex people, I think it's important to recognize that within the intersex community, our additional intersecting identities are absolutely going to influence our experiences with oppression and that it's vital to intentionally uplift the members of our intersex community who are most impacted by oppression. In the United States, the creation of the sex binary was an explicitly racist process, and racialized intersex people are subject to additional layers of stigma, violence and scrutiny. (Check out chapters 4-6 in the book Cripping Intersex by Dr. Celeste Orr for a really in depth discussion of how antiblackness and compulsory dyadism are forces behind why the Olympic sports sex testing has pretty much exclusively targeted Black women from the Global South, regardless of whether or not they are actually intersex. Also recommend reading The Biopolitics of Feeling: Race, Sex, and Science in the Nineteenth Century by Dr Kyla Schuller.) I also have talked with many intersex people who are tired of us always being represented through trauma narratives in the media, and who want us to be able to build a definition of intersex that isn't based around violence or tragedy. And I think that's really important that we also share our stories of intersex joy, and pride, and healing. I think that claiming intersex can be something really radical, and that's super valuable to me.

Overall I think that if we build our discussions around who is intersex on concepts to do with our social and political location, and take into consideration concepts like compulsory dyadism, sex diversity, and disability, we are going to be able to understand why any of it matters better than if our determinations of intersex identity are based solely in medicalized concepts of a third sex.

TL;DR: Although endosex people also have diversity when it comes to sex traits, intersex is still an important label that not everyone can claim. Compulsory dyadism is a force that affects all of us, but intersex people are the most impacted by compulsory dyadism and face intersexist stigma and violence for our intersex variations. As a result, intersex is an important label for us to claim so that we can build community and solidarity around our experiences. I think it is better understood as a sociopolitical label that describes the relationship between our biological bodies and the cultures we live in, rather than as a medicalized term that described a coherent "third sex."

other intersex people feel free to add on to this post-I'm only one person without all the answers, and would love to hear other perspectives!

#intersex #actuallyintersex #intersexism #disability justice #disability #trans #compulsory dyadism #cripping intersex #anyway again! i'm just one person and i am not in charge of intersex community #these frameworks have been really helpful for me. might not be helpful for you and that's okay!#this is just kind of a long post about some things i've been thinking about bc like. every time someone sends in an ask #asking about what is or isn't intersex. where the lines are. that sort of thing #i have a lot of thoughts about how there are lines. not everyone is intersex. endosex people cannot just claim intersex on a whim.#but at the same time those lines are sometimes blurred! it's not clear why some diagnoses r automatically considered intersex and some are #not considered intersex.#and i think that it's been helpful for me to look into okay what does this say about our oppression. our community. our bodies. what is #the history and what is the present? why does it matter? why do we need the label? how does it serve us #and Dr. Orr has been really influential in their theory of compulsory dyadism #also i

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nobleriver · 1 year

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The man who gave me this was the sort of man who'd know exactly how long a diary you were going to need.

#moffatedit #dwedit #doctor who #river song #twelfth doctor #doctorriver #scifiedit #riversongedit #scifigifs #riversongsource #timelordgifs #tvedit #when she said his frown was audible i've never understood it more than in this moment #the moment she says she doesn't love him #i can h e a r his hearts breaking #he's seen her married to another man; watched her make out with Ramone TWICE and he's confused and hurt and frustrated #bc where does that leave him #and he just wants to know am I special to you? do i matter?#and she stares right into his eyes and says no but you're terribly useful #she doesn't know it's him but that's what makes it worse bc what reason does she have to lie to a stranger she'll never meet again #and suddenly all those sacred memories - her laugh; jim the fish; all those nights he snuck out to see her; their entire marriage -#all of it was a con and he fell for it; and for her; hook line and sinker #but still he stays seated bc even if none of it was real to her; it was all real to him; and still is #do you think he loves her so little betraying him would make a difference? he died for her on the steps of berlin and he'd die again #bc she's the woman he loves and he'll never stop loving her even if she doesn't love him back #so when she confesses later that she loves him like the stars themselves his whole face transforms bc ITS REAL #and he's so giddy and relieved and in love; always madly hopelessly unapologetically in love #otp: please don't #rd edit

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queenie-blackthorn · 18 days

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sometimes i feel like i hate everyone

#if i ever say “i hate you” dont take it personally #everyone does stupid shit sometimes n thats fine but its happening sm and im sick of it n i need to speak up #chances are if u see this ur not part of the problem bc ur actually reading the shit i post #the fact that barely anyone realized that i relapsed into sh yesterday is crazy #im not doing this for attention its a fucking cry for help and most of yall are ignoring me #you ignore me when im fine and you ignore me when i need you #what am i supposed to do ffs #do i have to show you my bleeding thighs for you to ask how i am?#do you have to wait until i scream and cry and hurt myself for you to care abt me?#do i not matter unless im hurting? or do i not matter even when i am hurting?#do i have to fucking die for any of yall to realize theres something mentally wrong w me?#fuck you all youre just as bad as my parents #except for the four people who talked me out of spiralling last night #two of which were people i barely/dont know #so yeah maybe try harder n actually ask ur friends how they are #dont push them to the point where they need to be comforted by strangers

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thebirdandhersong · 3 months

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alas babes I literally cannot defend this man's name anymore except in the name of ignorance which. you can only claim ignorance for so long

#we established boundaries! no texting! limited contact! no teasing!#and what does he do the day i get sick. text me AND tease me through text #he's texted five times since (as in initiated conversation) and like. yeah i mean he's abnormally clueless but considering we had a whole #conversation where i explicitly said hey. i NEED the space. i need space if we're going to keep being friends #this is all a bit much :-)#thankfully i am 90% over him so this is not as painful as it would've been last month but sheeeeesh #i can't even defend him to my friends at this point because when i show them the texts they go what the actual hey is going on #i don't know if it's a matter of ignorance or lack of consideration or him trying to make things go back to normal #(except 'normal' for him was the time when i was crying like every day because i couldn't handle the emotional intimacy #of our strange friendship) or just sheer carelessness but mannnn what a situation #he told me that if he crosses a line to let him know and he'll course correct which like. yeah i mean i WAS thankful for that #but at the same time why is it my responsibility to draw the line why aren't YOU helping observe the line that #i drew earlier this month what is going ONNNN

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zlobonessa · 10 months

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one aspect that always fascinates me about the witch cult is how much they are used-to-be humans-but-now-not-really-are. they were just people who sometimes were good in the way people are and sometimes were bad in the way people are. and then their lifes had been altered by powers so fundamentally that they just. lost touch with any humanity that they had. how do you comprehend being a hundreds years old? how do you comprehend being able to kill a human as simply as a mosquito? how do you comprehend being beyond time, beyond aging, beyond life and death, beyond your own body, beyond your own memories? it's a horror scenario accepted willingly, horror where instead of running from monster you shake its hand and convince yourself that that's all you ever wanted, because the alternative? the alternative is the existence so miserable you'd rather die than go back. the existence that may ask you to take responsibility for your actions, navigate your own life, change who you are as a person.

they cannot do that. they never could do that. they live for years and years, having powers to do literally anything and yet led by instructions in the book, further and further conservating in the state they were from a start, the moment they took a deal.

doomed from the beginning. never having a chance to escape. never wanting to escape, instead allowing your humanity to slowly seep away as a price for not bearing the weight of that it means to be human. damn.

#re zero #sorry for being barely comprehensible myself i just think about this. a lot.#like the sheer fact that all of them lived either literally or technically (lye) for thousands years #and yet they still hold grudges for stuff that happened lifetimes ago #never progressing never changing despite the fact that their whole life is now technically about Progression To The Goal #to do more work! (nobody except petelgeuse actually cares about the cult goals on the personal level)#to collect more names! (there are never gonna be enough names) to collect more wives! (same thing here)#to be loved by someone who could never love you back because he stucks in his own role and unreachable goal #to be loved by everybody even though you are completely disgusting by your own volition #none of this matters but hey if you convince yourself that it does it doesn't suck so bad!#and if you admit that it doesn't then the only option is to ask yourself what am i doing here actually! and you not gonna love the answer!#well i sure am talking A LOT about them. sorry.#also that's the part where i'm slowly pointing at regurein- [I'm shot at the back of the head]#[my bloodied hand still draws “I'm a monster who hunts monsters” in sand tho]

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quorras · 5 months

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every time i see someone call tron 'cyberpunk', i lose ten years off my lifespan

#note to self literally never read letterboxd reviews of movies i like i cant do it anymore kdjfgkdssd #say you saw the movie and the plot and visuals went right over your head without saying it #like. in what world is tron dystopic?? cyberpunk in itself is an offshoot of dystopian fiction. tron is not about an imagined future #tron is about an imagined PRESENT. thinking about our PRESENT relationship with technology in relation to the times each film was released #tron is in equal measures hopeful and critical about technology. that is NOT cyberpunk #the only CyberPunk that matters in tron is the Tron2.0 character of the same name #i will admit that tron's plot is cyberpunk derived but its. idk man its not the same thing #thematically its different. visually i think tron shares developmental artists with blade runner where the cyberpunk visual stereotype was #- established #but blade runner is more pure cyberpunk thematically than tron is. does that make any sense #and. and. listen to me. i am number one retrofuture fan. i love syd mead. i love moebius. but listen. just because they worked on tron -#- does NOT mean tron is thematically OR visually retrofuturistic either!! the visuals match the time it was made!! thats not retrofuturism!#thats normal scifi based on the every day!!!#tron is a sandbox and at the end of the day anyone can do whatever they want its all just for fun #at the same time. the entire story of tron is being severely misrepresented when labelled as cyberpunk. and it makes me sad #these are very shallow thoughts i just miss literary thematic analysis sometimes. my film studies classes cannot come soon enough #rex speaks

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front-facing-pokemon · 10 months

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#another bonus under the cut where i got up under their big head to get 'em a little closer and a little more front-facing #aggron #aggron is just cool. a big metal bitch who *could* hug you but is probably actually just gonna obliterate you. is that anything #i think i prefer lairon more. it's kinda just a little metal creature and i think that's awesome but aggron stands up #and normally i'm a big big fan of when pokémon stand up. when everyone wanted sprigatito to not stand up i was like #please stand up. because i am a furry and i knew it was gonna become favorite pokémon material if it did. and it did and meowscarada is #wonderful and i love it and it's one of my top like 10 of all time. but aggron is like. i dunno. a little too gruff for me #i think aron and lairon are cute and i'm generally a fan of and user of cute pokémon but aggron is very. how you say. aggressive #and also… ron… aggressive ron. new show on netflix i just reinvented aggretsuko but for pokémon #also weirdly every furry on the face of the earth likes aggretsuko but for one i've never had a netflix account and for two i just #don't ever watch shows. it's just not something that works in my brain. having to get them‚ and then just taking the time to sit down and do #it just never does anything for me. the last show i watched was because i was over at a friend's house and he was like hey. we're watching #this show now. i want you to see this show. and it's a show that folks generally lamented for a lot of reasons so i was like iii dunno about #that one! but he was like no trust me it's fine. and then i was like. kinda uninterested at first but it turned out to be really good #and i'm still ashamed. that i liked it as much as i did. so i will not say what it is. it's not supernatural. it's a short-ish show #but like it was good and i didn't expect it to be. which has nothing to do with aggretsuko OR with aggron for that matter #literally idk. look it's distraction (AGGRON DISTRACTION)

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bylertruther · 11 months

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do you ever think about how will probably wishes he was braver?

that he could tell mike the truth about himself without having to speak in code. that he could stick to his guns when he's been wronged and stand up for himself rather than tucking tail and turning the other cheek. that he could be less shy, less sensitive, less cowardly, and maybe then his loved ones wouldn't forget about him as often as they do.

maybe then they would pick him first, rather than leaving him for last. maybe then they would want to hang out with him and hear what he has to say. maybe then they would treat him like they used to, like he can still take care of himself just like they can, instead of like a fragile little thing that they pick up only when they need him. maybe then they would care about him as much as he cares about them. maybe then he wouldn't doubt that it could all come crashing down once they know who he really is, and always has been, because the rest of him would've been enough.

like, maybe he wishes he didn't freeze or run away so much. maybe he wishes he wasn't so afraid all the time, of every little thing. that he could be brave like mike, el, or his mom. i mean, el's been through so much, too. why can't he be more like her? why does he have to hide behind her? he hides behind her when the monsters come crawling back, and he hides behind her when he can't bring himself to say what he really means—even after getting on her case about it.

he spent so much time on that painting. he didn't let anyone see it—it was that special to him. why couldn't he own up to that? there's no monster in the van with him; it's just him and mike and this painting of the party, nothing inherently incriminating or romantic, and still—he can't help himself. he retreats back into the shadow, shrinks into himself, and tells lie after lie to the person that he never lies to, that he knows doesn't fucking deserve that, just because he's too scared.

of course he'd feel like a mistake sometimes. of course he'd hate who he is (if That script is to be believed), when he can't even talk to the one person that would understand without lying straight to his face, over and over again, like a fucking hypocrite. of course he'd feel so lost without the person that tells him it's okay to be this way and shows him that there is indeed strength in it. of course he'd hate who he is when he's encouraging someone to be true and speaking about their courage, all while being incapable of taking his own advice, and giving the credit for all of his love and efforts and emotions to someone else.

so many people died to bring him back, so many people died just because he didn't stay dead when maybe he should have, and for what? so that he can continue to hide rather than live his life? so that he can turn into a "worse" version of himself? so that he can live in fear? so that he can continue to ache for a past that he can never return to, while everyone else moves forward and berates him for not doing the same? time stopped in the upside down when will went missing, and he's been stuck there ever since, too. too much has happened for him to move on from. too much has changed—he's changed. he's too different now, in every way, and the older he gets the more clear it becomes.

of course he'd feel like a mistake. of course he'd hate who he is. he's the common denominator here: in his loneliness and in this war. the boy who came back to life when others didn't. the boy that got possessed and couldn't fight it. the boy that turned into a liar and a coward and must learn to live with it, even if it's at his own expense. the boy that can't let go of the past and whom the past won't let go of either, because even after everything, he's still connected to this great evil that won't let him go. they got it out of him, and yet the tether remains, because of-fucking-course it would.

just—why? why him? why can't anything ever go right with him? why is he always the outlier? i think that overwhelming amount of fear, shame, grief, guilt, exhaustion, and loneliness would wear anyone down, let alone a teenager that never asked for any of it and has experiences so unfathomably unique that the only other people that could have possibly understood are literally dead.

#will byers #byler #mine #long post #will #anyway. this is how i always interpreted the i hate WHO i am line especially in conjunction with the word ''mistake'' + being different #within the context of EVERYTHING that's happened to will and continues to happen to him and how unique it is to him in this narrative #bc rly. if you were will.... wouldn't you feel like a mistake? even outside of that outside of the supernatural i'm speaking to my #friends that have ''Something Wrong'' with them. when something happens to you and you're not the same after and you're surrounded #by people who are able to move on and be normal—don't you ever have those moments where you feel like a mistake? when you're #growing up and still interested in your same old interests but your friends start moving on and then you see that they went back to #those interests in your absence—don't you feel like you were the problem then? when people are able to be brave and you can't #find it within yourself to overcome your fear—don't you hate that feeling? don't you feel that negativity towards yourself when you #know that you SHOULD do something but you can't bring yourself to and it works against yourself? like. everything that has happened #to will E V E R Y T H I N G !!!!!!!!!!!!! can easily make anyone no matter what part of him you relate to the most understand that #u kno wht i mean? anyway. i jus wanted to bring this up bc his life is a fucking tragedy even without the gay stuff n his current pov on th #and the way that That conversation always centers on fear and bravery it's like. obviously being gay is not easy in that era but i don't #think that line is ''i hate being gay'' with no factoring in of the great many things that have happened to him which alienate him further #as well as with how he does want mike to know and his alan turing poster and his talk with jonathan etc etc #his conflict has always centered around how other people treat him and his issue with that bc that's what makes him feel bad #that just because he's different that doesn't mean that he's Different and must be treated as such #he's different and has people that make him feel BETTER for it like look at s2 for example all of those talks abt using what he perceives #as a weakness abt himself as a strength that no one else can bring to the table. and in s3 when he still believed in being a nerd #and never getting girlfriends etc but when it came from mike thts when he called himself stupid n started down this path bc now #there's that sprinkle of doubt. n tht doubt is the scariest thing in the world—understandably so #also. he literally has an evil monster in his brain like bdkfjhsbkdjhfbskj IT'S JUST A LOT.#he is different for many reasons and has even more reasons to hate Who he is the kind of person that he is #jus my take 😁👍

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persephoneflouwers · 2 months

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Anyway, free Palestine from z*onists, liberals and slothful hearts.

#if you’re still putting zionists on my dash #at this point I will just say you’re uneducated #but since it’s basically impossible to be uneducated on a phone recorded genocide #i will only say you either don’t care or you live in cognitive dissonance #and if you don’t care there’s nothing I can do for you #but if you care and you decide to ignore #then what are we even doing?#honestly that’s what I call privilege and chronically online activism #and fine it doesn’t matter to you bc this is tumblr and whatever #(seriously you don’t care that scumbag of Ben W*nston recruites young people for the IOF?#really you dont care the Az*ffs finance the IOF?)#seriously you don’t care about where you money goes? i dont believe it #what your money does? i don’t believe it #what drives absolutely insane is #people like me who speak up about this and call them (H L) out for the wrong things they fucking do #are ACTIVELY silenced and alienated blocked and hated on here #it’s actually insane to me that I AM the bad person here #when your fave goes grocery shopping with people who will put an bullet in a palestian child brain if they have a gun on them #(which they obviously do since they’re ✨*********✨)#I AM accused of being a hater. I AM accused of being the bad guy #i wish this was a joke lol #and I know people will hide behind and anonymous inbox and say ‘stop being a fan’ pr whatever #bc the point IS NOT being a fan at all #it’s that people are being ethnically cleansed from this fucking planet #with the complicity and responsibility of ‘western big democracies’ and YOU have a voice #you have the power of boycotting of speaking up of expressing your disapproval and disappointment #and you are not doing it because it feels safer for you to just support people who already have all the privileges and power and influence #and it’s disgusting really the way people act like this is normal or should be accepted as normal #and if this will be another round of Angie gets blocked by everyone in fandom so be it #i’m tired of being silenced and censored in this place

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pasdetrois · 1 year

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on the bachelor and resurrection

Thinking about how the concept of resurrection is touched upon in Daniil’s routes, and how the Marble Nest makes something of a mockery of it, casting him into the role of both resurrectionist and the resurrected. The man with an affinity for the living trapped in a cycle of communing with the dead..

+ the reminders that neither remaining nor returning shall constitute anything akin to a victory for him—just a trick mirror and, if you'll forgive the pun, a dead end

(p.s. the original marble nest line is a bit clearer in this connection, where the word for Sunday can also mean resurrection)

#still obsessed with aglaya's intro to him because WHAT DID YOU DO DANIIL. did he invent the patho universe's first defib unit or what #to blather on—all the (probably orthodox christian inspired) religious elements of his routes are really interesting #georgiy comparing the plan for simon as something akin to communion (+that line where simon refers to him as the closest thing to an heir!)#the marble nest gravedigger calling himself a shepherd; the clerks asking if he believes in god #(which is soo juicy to think about if you answer yes—because then it introduces a whole additional layer of rebellion to his actions)#anyway.#the idea of him conjuring up an endless cycle of resurrections in his head just feels so tragic..#he has this line in p2 where he explains his lab's baseline goal as allowing people the chance to choose when they die.#to bring them back after death has 'won' is a different matter entirely—but a distorted reflection of the latter is all he is permitted #it's just. ;-; I am literally always thinking about him. THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT #pathologic #daniil dankovsky #🍓.txt #does any of this make sense. probably not but wtv #the adventures in screenshot collecting will continue btw don't even doubt it #there is still much to read in this cosmist book so. 😌

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uncanny-tranny · 2 years

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Trans people, please don't rely on other people to tell you if your experiences or identity is valid.

It is a very human thing to seek understanding and validation (humans are social creatures and whatnot), but seeking people to tell you that who you are is valid places a ton of power in others. What happens when somebody tells you that they don't think you're valid?

And at the end of the day, it doesn't matter if your identity is "valid" or not to other people. What matters is if your identity suits you. You aren't a robot who lives at the behest of others, who can change the core of your being at the drop of a hat. You will continue to exist as you are with or without validation and with or without permission.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #when i was young i sought being told i'm valid because my environment told me i wasn't...#...but then i felt distress when i was told i wasn't valid because that's what i've been told all my life...#...nobody should have the power to take away your identity or anything like that...#...and i gave people the power to do that. i put way too much trust in strangers and they decided if they wanted me to hurt or not...#...this is why i personally dislike the posts saying '[x] is valid!'...#...it indirectly implies there is a point where you can slide into being 'invalid' and it does the same thing i used to do...#...i think more people ought to embrace that it doesn't matter what OTHERS think of who you ARE. that's shit you can't change...#...i can't convince people i am valid if they think i am not. i'm not wasting my time and energy and safety in order to fight people...#...if you think my identity is 'invalid' or 'valid' is of no consequence to me. you don't hold the power to make me change...#...i will continue to exist as i am and so will you...#...learn to embrace the idea that nobody can or should hold power over you to tell you if you're right in your identity or not #this is a really oversimplification but i'm trying to type this out as fast as i can before going to work again lol #this is NOT meant to disparage or shame people who want validation. it's more a warning or reminder #there is NO shame in wanting validation. that is a VERY human thing to need. you are NOT a bad person for wanting validation #i just want to caution people to remember that giving undue power to other people to validate who you ARE can have consequences #but it isn't your fault if you sought validation and were hurt instead. that isn't your fault. you don't deserve to be hurt

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usareiis · 1 month

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Lost my original post of this from the other day but I genuinely don't understand how Black Butler discourse ever shifted into the does Sebastian ~really~ like Ciel or is Ciel just dinner line of conversation that is pervasive as it is because Sebastian is the one that has absorbed his whole existence into Ciel's. Sebastian's face is what Ciel wants Sebastian's whole purpose is doing things for Ciel Sebastian's every hell of a butler yes my lord speech is about how he's Ciel's and Ciel is the one going around saying shit like whatever Sebastian is just my pawn 💅

#like sjdjdkdd??????#it's not that i don't think ciel loves sebastian per se bc. well. i don't think he'd ever process it in terms like that no matter what...#...kind of relationship they have bc the most important thing to him is getting him to do tasks like a dog and proving he will over and over #which is why sebastian does it all so overkill #but the most acknowledgement you ever get that ciel likes sebastian is stuff like idk the fucking book of atlantic you did good today #or if we're feeling really crazy the you were the only demon there line #like the dynamic has gotten way skewed in fandom away from the actual text #and i know why but it's still annoying bc i am not even saying this in a shippy way bc i don't give a fuck about ships #but they're so crazy entwined and in completely incomparable inhuman situations that it literally has no merit on this story to sit and...#...definitely piece together how this relationship works with real life normie standards like it literally is going to fit into no box of...#...what we think of as friends or siblings or parents or partners bc no victorian guy on the face of the earth has a real pet demon.#it's so boring you're missing the bigger picture that they're everything to each other and completely stuck together forever #does x mean y mean z? (least problematic answer only) they're stuck together! forever!#and no one has demons in real life it's all comparable to real life nothing #other than the asthma that's real #anyway. it's like fandom has made up a version of this story in their heads that is so devoid of anything that makes the story the story #twitter is like another planet for this i am mostly talking about twitter where i have been looking for news about the anime and oh boy #i have said this before but sebastian doesn't have a grip on human relationships bc he's not one and ciel doesn't give a fuck #but like this post started with and strayed from. well. sebastian isn't even trying to act like he's indifferent. ciel actually is.#and we're all missing several funny bits from that just trying to fit everything into a box #we could have more interesting conversations if we got past the same three people have been having for 20 years #kuroshitsuji #my kuro posts

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royalreef · 7 months

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(( Merfolk are hypersocial macropredators. This shouldn't be new information to anyone on my blog, but the sheer extent of merfolk sociability cannot be overstated. Their social nature is the entire reason they were able to become and specialize into macropredatory niches in the way that they have. Their close relatives, the leviathans, are an excellent example of what merfolk might have become if they didn't have their intense communal proclivities — being much more typical, expected examples of a secondarily aquatic large marine predator akin to marine reptiles of the past and whales of the present. Without their social bindings, merfolk might have entirely lost their hands for flippers, would lack their heightened connection to sound and language, and certainly wouldn't have shaped the ecosystems and the world they inhabit in the same way.

For this, merfolk relationships are complicated. They started as a way of forming a simple hunting group and handling life in large colonies, but as merfolk specialized further, so too did their relationships. More and more they focused on interpersonal politics and the complications of maintaining a large social group that was constantly evolving and shifting, which fostered the growth of their intelligence and sapience, which then led back even moreso into needing the ability to maintain and keep up with their relationships.

A merfolk in isolation is not a merfolk at all. While the exactness of this thought varies across their different cultures, it still holds true for all of them. On a literal level, merfolk can and do die of loneliness, their social needs as much of a requirement to them as the need for food or water. If you were to isolate a merfolk, to the point where they could not hear nor see anyone else, then they would endure a brutal one or two weeks, and then die. Every other need can be met, they can be otherwise entirely healthy, but without anyone else around, they cannot live.

On the more metaphorical level, a merfolk cannot exist solely on their own. Most merfolk cultures accept that the individual does not exist, and that there has to be some outside dialogue with other merfolk in order for them to even be alive. The self and identity are inherently plural to them, a multifaceted soul which exists in the bodies and lives of merfolk in a group, and which can't be broken down. Maintaining relationships and fostering them is as essential as feeding yourself, or feeding someone else.

For all of this, merfolk require much higher amounts of social interaction and connection. This is not to say that introverted merfolk do not exist, but they would be introverted by the measure of their fellow merfolk, and not by what humans might judge them to be. Much like how even the most introverted human could not endure the life of a solitary snake or spider, an introverted merfolk could not endure the life of an introverted human. Similarly, even an extroverted human could not compare against an extroverted merfolk.

Likewise, not every social interaction is the same to merfolk, and they maintain different emotional connections with different people, fulfilling a wider assortment of social needs. In fact, it is easiest to think of merfolk social structure as being like one large, interwoven, piece of lace, where each individual merfolk is represented by a single knot. They are all tied together into larger pieces, repeating patterns, all working together to create a singular, complex web of all the ways every merfolk is connected to every other merfolk.

For this, merfolk have different names for each different pattern, each different part at different scales and sizes. All are important, even if some are closer and tied nearer to the individual merfolk in question, and require greater maintenance to keep healthy.

These patterns and connections are, by far, what is most important to a merfolk. While merfolk are fully capable of experiencing platonic, familial, romantic, and sexual connections, it should be stated that this is not what the relationship hierarchy is based off of. They might be a part of that connection, but the connection itself and the place it occupies within the hierarchy is of far greater importance to a merfolk, to the extent that all else pales before it. Any point and connection within this web might be platonic, or familial, or romantic, but even a romantic connection to a merfolk might mean nothing against a platonic or familial connection if the latter outranks the former on their hierarchy of relationships.

Hence, from the smallest unit to the largest, this is (approximately) what the merfolk hierarchy of relationships looks like:

Yuu'itv + Ul’kiha

This can be thought of as the singular knot, as the individual merfolk themselves. This is what is most familiar to landfolk, as it typically does not refer to any more than one merfolk.

To the merfolk themselves, however, this is more theoretical and functional than a real part of their relationship hierarchy to be maintained. This is the building block of identity, the pieces which make up one true self, but pieces which are not as concerning or deserving of as much time as the selfhood itself.

The exception, as you might have noticed, is the inclusion of ul'kiha at this rung. Ul'kiha (in the common-technical language) is loosely translated as the water that runs through someone's gills, but in the plural. Less literally, it refers to a shared breath, a breathing as one. A shared body, in less flowery terms. Soulmates, in the easiest localization.

In short, an ul'kiha is another merfolk and individual who is so close to another merfolk that they are thought of as one person. A plural-becoming-singular, if you might. Other merfolk will treat two ul'kiha as the same person, talk to them as the same person, view their relationships to them as one person. It represents the tightest, closest bond any merfolk can have.

For this, ul'kiha are rare. Most merfolk will never take an ul'kiha in their lives, and for those that do, taking more than one is next to unheard of. Ul'kiha is, likewise, the only instance where a rung in the relationship hierarchy is solely romantic, and the only true crossover between the relationship hierarchy and humanity's views on relationships. While half of ul'kiha will refuse to take any other romantic partner, this is not comparable to marriage either, as the intensity of this connection could be thought of as codependent in a way that's natural for merfolk but doesn't occur in human relationships. While ul'kiha can split up, if one ul'kiha dies and the other doesn't, the living partner is expected to never take another ul'kiha again, and quite often the loss is enough to kill them too.

Miivt'ia

These are the first few knots the initial knot is tied to, and the first true rung on the relationship hierarchy.

In a sense, the miivt'ia is a merfolk's inner circle. These are the people who they are closest to in their lives, who they have a unique and potent bond with. A miivt'ia, likewise, is a group which is exclusive to itself, and all the members of a miivt'ia will feel the same way about each other, and count themselves in each other's miivt'ia.

The closest example we might have to what a miivt'ia is would be the concept of a friend polycule. None of the members inside a miivt'ia are exclusively platonic, familial, romantic, nor sexual with each other, but they have a tight and exclusive bond which is solely shared amongst each other. In fact, each member of the miivt'ia might feel differently about every other member of the miivt'ia and have their own, unique dynamic with every other member, but all are united in the closeness given by being members of the miivt'ia.

Miivt'ia are often formed right as a merfolk is first growing up. Family members can be included in the miivt'ia, but not always, and those included are almost always siblings, cousins, or others who are similarly close in age. Childhood friendships that begin to deepen often become a part of the miivt'ia, as are the most serious of relationships. However, miivt'ia can also be created outside of these formative years, and there are many miivt'ia that essentially act like guilds or a "family" business, being closer than mere coworkers but sharing the same job.

Miivt'ia are the people with whom a merfolk has near-constant contact with. They are expected to live together, and often will share the same job, or similar jobs. All of their personal belongings are considered as belonging to the miivt'ia over any individual, and legally the miivt'ia is the individual upon which laws apply to. A merfolk without a miivt'ia is effectively homeless, and spiritually merfolk consider the miivt'ia to be the soul. Merfolk that go through the Coral Festival (Habp'll pl'qe ane'jhe Oikahj) will go through it together with their miivt'ia. Any children the miivt'ia has or adopts is considered the child of everyone else in the miivt'ia, the members all acting as parents and considering themselves equally as responsible in the care for that child. Miivt'ia are not only expected to be constantly in contact with each other and to participate in everything together, but they are expected to care equally about every other member of the miivt'ia and to feel each other's emotions as one.

For all of this, merfolk are highly loyal to their miivt'ia and will defend the members of their miivt'ia with their life. Any threat to any other member of the miivt'ia is considered a direct threat to all other members and to the individual merfolk's lives, and the loss of any member of the miivt'ia is mourned by all others to the highest degree.

There is a lot of responsibility placed upon those included in the miivt'ia, but the miivt'ia also has an emotional closeness and intimacy that isn't shared by any other merfolk in the relationship hierarchy (except the ul'kiha, see above). Being too overtly close and intimate with a merfolk can be seen as not respecting the miivt'ia and be seen as a threat to the security of the miivt'ia. Likewise, if someone wishes to join a miivt'ia, they will often endure a "courting" phase with all the members of the miivt'ia, where they attempt to forge connections equally as close to and intimate with every other member.

Dhe'jny'p usae

If the miivt'ia was the smallest initial pattern any relationship can have in the larger weave, then the dhe'jny'p usae is the actual shape of that pattern, when something becomes not just an oval, but a petal on a flower.

Dhe'jny'p usae, in common-technical language, is closest translated to "drift family". Humans might recognize the dhe'jny'p usae as being something similar to friends. They are not as close as the miivt'ia, but they might represent the next nearest thing, being a close emotional connection with associated responsibilities. The dhe'jny'p usae would be the closest other miivt'ia to the existing miivt'ia, acting as neighbors or close-knit family. If the miivt'ia had children, then they would be expected to provide care and look after those children alongside their own, and would cycle wider, communal responsibilities with the miivt'ia. Miivt'ia and members of the miivt'ia would hang out with and spend a lot of time with their dhe'jny'p usae, and this forms the base of wider merfolk sociability.

While the dhe'jny'p usae would be excluded from the private, domestic matters of the miivt'ia, they might still be gone to for emotional reassurance, or to simply have someone to talk to. Dhe'jny'p usae are expected to help in providing food for each other, and will switch out communal duties that require a layer of intimacy with each other, and legally are considered very similar entities. While they wouldn't share all personal belongings like the miivt'ia, they might share what counts for money, and be responsible for dividing it up among themselves. Dhe'jny'p usae, likewise, might live together in larger communal houses and share chores among themselves, but this might be considered closer to the individual members of a household, and its not as intensely expected for them to live together as the miivt'ia.

Dhe'jny'p usae are likewise the most common place to find what we might think of as typical merfolk romantic relationships. Dhe'jny'p usae more easily come and go, leaving and entering a merfolk's life, not solely remaining there for life like the miivt'ia, and for that, it's not uncommon for merfolk to have romantic and sexual relationships with their dhe'jny'p usae.

Faa'nek hus'llu

If the dhe'jny'p usae were the equivalent to people living in the same house, the faa'nek hus'llu is closer to the neighbors. These are acquaintances, support-friends, those that they are close to, though they maintain a degree of separation. If the dhe'jny'p usae was a flower, then this is the daisy chain, the interlocking patterns which form a distinct function.

More than anything else, the faa'nek hus'llu can be thought of as the connective tissue. They bridge the gap between the intensely bound and closely connected dhe'jny'p usae and miivt'ia, and the wider social community of merfolk. They do not bear the brunt of the emotional responsibility and are free to come and go in any merfolk's life as they please, but there is still a degree of familiarity here, a sense of belonging. While dhe'jny'p usae might live in the same communal house, faa'nek hus'llu live in the same town, neighborhood, community. The responsibilities they bear are far more physical, often serving as shifting turns for communal guard or repair duties, ensuring that everyone gets their turn taking care of everyone else.

The downside is that faa'nek hus'llu enjoy far less emotional connection and intimacy. What is shared and offered is far more obvious and physical, and far less detailed than that which other, closer relationships would receive. They might know someone is tired, and they might know someone is in grief after losing a member of their miivt'ia, but they wouldn't be able to navigate the emotional complexity beneath that. Trying to do so can be seen as a threat, either to your own dhe'jny'p usae and miivt'ia, or to theirs, demanding familiarity which has not been earned nor received.

A'antiu Muur'l

This is the far end of any merfolk's immediate social connections. The a'antiu muur'l is not merely the knot, nor the petal, nor the flower, nor the daisy chain, but the sides of the lace itself, the largest part that fits together with all others.

This is the community as a whole. It is a town, a city, a city-block, more of a legal entity than a social one but a social one nonetheless. The a'antiu muur'l is far more location-based than the other rungs on the relationship hierarchy, and merfolk only truly change their a'antiu muur'l with a change of physical location. The a'antiu muur'l is the community from which community names are given, and the a'antiu muur'l is to the commonfolk what a royal lineage is to a royal.

The a'antiu muur'l in common-technical best translates to "song family", and to a merfolk, this is because it is intended to include everyone that a single merfolk might hear at any given time. They are strangers to the individual merfolk, sure, but they are all singing together and speaking at the same time, and working to build the same song together to flesh out life and the place in which they live, so there is a degree of emotional connection. It is abstracted emotional connection, yes, but it is emotional connection all the same.

Merfolk might even include physical landmarks as part of their a'antiu muur'l, such as in the case of their singing buildings, or for a particularly endearing local landmark. This can include a large reef, or mountain, or entire mountain range, but so too can it include the one weird shady area where all the kids hang out that the adults don't want them near.

Ghray Uw'ghta Faahl

In common-technical language, the ghray uw'ghta faahl means "all-body". It is far more theoretical than the others, being spoken of to promote a sense of universal connection, but is not something that's quite so easily envisioned in turn.

In essence, the ghray uw'ghta faahl refers to all merfolk. All of their connections, each a'antiu muur'l, each faa'nek hus'llu, each dhe'jny'p usae, each miivt'ia, and each yuu'itv. Each and every merfolk is included, down through time, because each and every merfolk has had an emotional connection, and thus each and every merfolk fits into the ghray uw'ghta faahl.

Thus, the responsibilities here are far more abstracted, and far more represent the responsibilities all merfolk have to each other. This includes their hospitality culture, yes, but far moreso it includes a sense a dignity and a need to recognize that each merfolk has someone else and belongs somewhere within the ghray uw'ghta faahl. It's a source of recognition, and of community, and of understanding.

How much it actually fulfills that role, as ever, varies, but the thought and theory and gesture is still there, all the same.

#Most secret royal advisor || OOC #Given by Divine Right || Headcanons #And no matter what you choose‚ you're gonna live it || Wishlist #(( i am going to reread over this later and edit it then but #(( i am posting this NOW it is DONE i dont want to LOOK AT IT ANYMORE #(( BEHOLD. THE MERFOLK RELATIONSHIP HIERARCHY.#(( AKA WHY MIRANDA IS SO CONSTANTLY WEIRD AND PUT-DOWN ALL THE TIME #(( AND ENDURES UNREQUITED FEELINGS FOR HER FRIENDS THAT ARENT ROMANTIC NOR PLATONIC BUT SOME SECRET THIRD THING #(( do you realize the hell shes been going through. do you See.#(( and yes if you ask me i know exactly where each and every muse is on this hierarchy for miranda #(( yes this does have consequences and is part of why she acts the way that she does

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