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its-captain-sir · 3 years

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BATTALION BREAKDOWN

Alright y'all, here it is, my breakdown of what I think a GAR battalion SHOULD look like. Full disclaimer before we get into it: I tried to research this stuff on wookiepedia as best I could but 1. there wasn't a ton of information out there on some of the things I had questions about and 2. some of it just makes No Sense when you put it together, so a lot of these numbers were made up by me and what I thought made sense based on what we see in the show and just simple logic. Feel free to accept/ignore parts as you please! Also, I'm gonna try to explain the rationale behind certain things as I go along but if you have any questions about this, you can send an ask/reply/reblog this post with your question and I'll do my best to answer it :)

Now that all that's out of the way, here's all the actual info beneath the cut.

Basic Organization

Essentially, the GAR breaks down into four tiers at this level: battalions, companies, platoons, and squads.

Battalions are the largest groups with 576* members and are all numbered, such as the 501st, 212th, 104th, etc. The only exceptions to the numbering convention are the Rancor Battalion that guards Kamino and the Coruscant Guard. Personally I believe that both of these should be double, if not triple, the size of a regular battalion, which could potentially explain the difference in names. Battalions are led by a clone commander and Jedi general + a padawan commander if the Jedi has one. 4 companies make a battalion.

Companies consist of 144 members and are all named. Using the 501st for example, this would be Torrent, Tide, Wave, and Typhoon. Note: Torrent, Tide, and Wave are canon/widely accepted fanon, but Typhoon is something me and my friends came up with. You're welcome to use the name as the fourth 501st company in your wips if you want! The names don't have to be related, but my guess would be that they often are. Companies are led by a captain.** 4 platoons make a company.

Platoons consist of 36 members and are simply referred to as the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or 4th platoon under their company. Platoons are led by a Lieutenant. 4 squads make a platoon.

Squads consist of 9 members and are named. I don't have names for any 501st squads unfortunately, which is why those spaces are left blank in the picture. As a content creator, you'd have a LOT of freedom when it comes to these because there's so many within a battalion and it seems like they can be named just about anything. Squads are led by a sergeant.

*Numbers for this and subsequent numbers in this section were taken directly from wookiepedia

**One problem people tend to have with this is that Rex is a captain, and yet he seems to be in command of all of the 501st. I think most people have figured this out already but the clone wars writers really just threw names around willy-nilly when it came to all the military stuff. Rex should by all intents and purposes be a commander, and my personal in-universe explanation for this is that while he was skilled enough to go through ARC/command track training, he wasn't originally meant to be a commander and his CT number is what barred him from the title initially. Keeli would be another example of this.

A few comparisons just to illustrate it a bit better:

1 battalion = 4 companies = 16 platoons = 64 squads = 576 members

1 company = 4 platoons = 16 squads = 144 members

1 platoon = 4 squads = 36 members

1 squad = 9 members

Please note that these numbers do not include the officers. There would be 64 sergeants, 16 lieutenants, 4 captains, and a commander added to this number to make a total of 661 clones in any given battalion.

Now I could have just stopped here but I have a tendency to want to get way too specific in my wips so I went a little further:

Internal Battalion Assignments

To make the numbers a bit easier, this just looks at what would be found in one company, you can do the extra math if you want to know the full battalion numbers.

I tried my best to remember what kind of specialized troops showed up in the show since wookiepedia wasn't much help, and I ended up breaking these assignments down into medics, heavy gunners, ARF and tank operators, scouts, tech specialists, and standard infantry.

Medics total 16* within a company, one for each squad. Within the medical corps, they're further broken down into junior medical officers (JMO), medical officers (MO), senior medical officers (SMO), and the chief medical officer of the battalion (CMO). Any internal promotions would probably come from the CMO, maybe a SMO on occasion. When pertaining to medical issues, they do often outrank any other officer, but in combat, JMOs and MOs only hold the rank of private (underneath sergeant) and SMOs and the CMO hold the rank of major (between sergeant and lieutenant).

Heavy gunners total 16 within a company, again one for each squad. These are the clones who have been trained to use the Z-6 rotary blaster, like Hardcase and Hevy.

ARFs and other tank operators total one platoons-worth spread throughout a company, or 36 members. ARF troopers are the ones who drive the AT-RTs (the really bouncy walkers you can see used on Ryloth and Umbara) and other tank operators encompass, well, the operators of all the other ground vehicles we see used. The ratio of each of these seems like it could be fluid based on the needs of the battalion and their mission, so I didn't go too much further into this.

Scouts total two squads-worth spread throughout a company, or 16 members. To me it makes sense that one of the lieutenants within their company would specifically deal with their recon reports, simply because it's more organized and practical.

Tech specialists total one squads-worth spread throughout a company, or 9 members. Honestly this is where I grouped anything else left over, like the bomb squad members we see in the blue shadow virus episode, any slicers, etc.

Standard infantry totals the remaining 49 members in a battalion. They're strictly the fighting force on the ground. This doesn't mean that they're the only ones who do the actual fighting, just that they aren't specifically trained for any other specialization.

*These numbers and the subsequent numbers in this section were not taken from any canon source. They were calculated simply by what I thought would make sense to have.

LAAT/is and Starfighters

Again, I tend to be way too specific in my wips so not only did I go through all of the ground fighting force, but I started figuring out the some of the space forces attached to a battalion as well. This doesn't go into a ton about the Republic Navy because frankly, as soon as I read "7400 crew members on a star destroyer" I exited out of that tab cause that's a little Too Much to try to figure out, but I will cover how I think the gunships and fighter squadrons should work.

LAAT/is (gunships) total 48 per battalion, or 12 per company. However, two per company are usually held in reserve to make sure there's always something available for easy transport to/from the ground. This brings down the number to 40 per battalion, or 10 per company. Gunships take two people to man, so the total number of those pilots for a battalion is 96, or 24 for a company. There's also room for two gunners, which would bring the battalion total to 192, but from what I remember in the show the side guns rarely have someone in them, so I don't think the full 96 LAAT/i gunner positions would be filled. I also think the LAAT/i gunners could be temporarily reassigned from the main star destroyer crew (because 7400 is a LOT, they can spare 96). Wookiepedia said that the gunships could hold 30 troops for transport, but that seems like it'd be really cramped quarters. My guess is that each one would hold somewhere between 14-17 comfortably depending on how many people need transport and how many gunships are in use, which is what I kept in mind to come up with the original number of 48 for a battalion.

The Starfighter Corps consist of 5 separate squadrons, the standard* being two squadrons of Y-wings, one squadron of V-19 Torrents, one squadron of Z-95 Headhunters, and one squadron of ARC-170s. There are 12 in a squadron, plus a squad leader and two usually in reserve, so that's 15 total ships in a squadron and 75 total ships overall. Y-wings require a pilot and a gunner, so the total number of members in a battalion's starfighter corps equals 105. However, I believe some battalions could have up to double** these numbers if they're frequently in space battles, like Anakin and the 501st, or if they have a name that suggests it, like the 327th Star Corps. Squadrons seem to often be named after colors, but that isn't always the case, ie. Shadow Squadron.

*This standard isn't canon, it's just what I believe makes sense based on the number of ships types available and how frequently they are seen used in the show. The Y-wing bombers seem to be used a bit more than the rest, which is why I think there would be two squadrons of them.

**While double the number of ships is certainly possible, I figure it's more common to have three more squadrons instead of the full five so there would be two squadrons of each type of ship.

~~~

That's all I got! Like I said earlier, use whatever you like, ignore the parts you don't, it doesn't really matter to me. This system is definitely what I'm going to follow in my wips if anyone is ever curious about what's going on with those.

Hopefully this is helpful to someone out there! And if you made it this far, thanks for reading! :)

#star wars refs #god this got so long HAJDHSKFHSKFHDK #I really hope all my math is right hsjskdhskfhslfj #i only caught one screw up while typing all this out so I'm pretty sure it's okay #but i apologize in advance if something isn't #ALSO sorry for the shaky lines in the visuals my hands started shaking really bad while making them hskdhskfhskfj #clones #oh look another clone wars post

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pheonixfire4015 · 3 years

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Peace in the Midst of the Storm By Eowyn38

Note: I have not written in a very long time and I didn’t have time to have someone review any mistakes. Its not my best, I am tired, so please forgive any kinks I didn’t work out. I couldn’t focus on homework so instead I wrote this. These people are fictional but often times a person will see similarities in character or circumstances with their real life that makes the fictional real. Having Elliot back has given me something to look forward to every week again. At the end of the day I just want these two to find some peace. We always get to see the trauma that does happen, but we have yet to get resolution in how an individual even begins to unravel pain and trauma. I wrote this because I guess it’s what I hope a real conversation will be between Elliot and Olivia on their journey towards healing. Its a start in the right direction, as they both have been dealing with pain and trauma in the same way. Surviving trauma is easier than dealing with the devastation it leaves in its wake. I know that based on my own trauma. Hope you enjoy.

Elliot and Olivia Reunion Post Episodes:

Rated: PG

Its 3:35 on a Friday night. Olivia is staring at the white speckled ceiling as it changes shape and color before her eyes the longer she stares. The emotions and thoughts leaving her unable to do anything else but lay there still. No amount of thinking or feeling ever seems to lead to any resolution or relief. There comes a point in life where the pain and emotions become too much and the human brain in its defense turns everything else to a numb gray haze just to continue to function and cope. It took years perfecting and working to keep her emotions in appropriate tightly locked boxes. For the job, for her mother, for the people who depend on her. Elliot was her partner and best friend, but somewhere down the line he became, well, everything. There was this sense of shame felt every time she allowed a trickle of vulnerability, need, love and longing to spill over. Elliot and all he meant was something she had wrestled with for longer than she can even recall anymore. She often would spend time thinking when and where it all began to unravel. Learning to live with the gaping hole his presence had left, comparing every man to his shadow had become an everyday battle. With each traumatic situation the desperate desire to see him come through the door to save and protect yet again was something she wished she could crush completely. But she had learned to live with it. Having him back, hearing his voice, holding him…. Had become a dream and a nightmare Liv was not prepared to deal with. Seeing him had been like a magnet snapping back to where it’s supposed to be, It was like feeling apart of herself breathe again, a part of herself she forced to become dorment.

Olivia rubbed her hands over her face to ease the dry ache of her eyes and turned on her side while letting out a sigh, longing for some relief from the weight of it all. The range of emotions she didn’t want to feel came in waves, all she wanted was to sleep to escape, but with each wave it left unending hopelessness in its wake as to how to navigate it all, wanting at times to sink into a numb haze instead. She spent her whole existence learning to live with these types of emotions. Seeing the look in her mother’s eyes knowing she was the product of rape. As one of very few females on the job seeing the male cops look at her with distrust and disrespect- having to constantly prove your worth. Coming home to an empty void of a home all thoughts of motherhood and family and connection a far-away dream. Trauma from the job, by this time... well... she had simply stopped counting the numbers of wounds left. Noah… had become the one touchstone, the one rock she could pour herself into. The one truly good thing in her life.

Elliot’s words rang in her head bringing with them questions she didn’t want to ask. He was in an emotional war desperately grasping onto any lifeline and madly pushing away at the same time. She knew and understood the signs. Watching him navigate this made her flip flop from anger, to frustration, to desperation, to love, to guilt, and then sinking into numbness. While in the same breath realizing the irony in it all. She too was drowning and unsure how to navigate her way out. His letter was clear, there was something he needed to share but in the right moment. What could he share she didn’t know, or did she know? Could she trust him... his emotions, his words? Could she trust he would not push her away, walk away yet again, leaving her with less than she had before?

“I love you…. You mean the world to me….”

Rang over and over, threatening to undo the delicate balance she had created to manage the daily raging war of emotions and thoughts. She kept telling herself all the rationale reasons to keep the inappropriate emotions at bay. Inappropriate was the only word that could summarize the emotions she had shoved to the deepest part of herself, what other word was there for these emotions, for falling in love? Elliot was her partner, a man who had been married, had a family, a wife who just recently died, a woman Liv loved and respected. She repeated the words over and over willing her rationale mind to win over irrational emotions. Elliot had called 4 times today. She should answer, she should call him, she should talk over what he found in Kathy’s investigation, but she feared if she did the delicate balance she was struggling to hold together would collapse. Was she really that close to the edge, all because of one person?

Knock… knock…

She turned her head to the noise she heard in the other room. Again… Knock…. After determining it was not the neighbors, Noah, or an intruder… she collapsed into her pillow with a sigh…. Elliot. It took all she had left to walk to the door knowing who she would see on the other end of the peep hole. There he stood, head down, dejected, tired…. With a sigh, she batten-down the hatches within and opened the door.

“Elliot… its 3am…”

“I know…” he shook his head… she could see the motors working in his mind… but the words just fell flat to silence. For a few moments their eyes just did the talking and the communicating.

With a sign she stepped aside and let him in. She pointed to Noah’s room letting Elliot know they needed to remain quiet. He nodded wordlessly. She stood watching as he paced… back and forth… back and forth… restless, rubbing his hands over his face and head. Olivia closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and walked over, placing a hand on his forearm, blocking his restless movements.

“Elliot… sit… please.”

He looked at her with wild red eyes, hooded in darkness. He nodded. Liv sat on the couch. He sat on the edge of a chair on the other side of the room. His leg moving uncontrollably. For an uncomfortable amount of time there was just silence.

“Look… I know the last thing you want right now is me here. I feel like I keep saying I am sorry, like they are these empty words that don’t mean anything anymore. I keep letting all of you down. I also know you have your own battles Olivia” Elliot’s leg stops moving for a moment as she watched him try to find the words to articulate, trying to detangle the balled-up twine of emotions. She allowed the silence to stretch, allowing him the space and time.

“I don’t know what to do with all of this Liv, and I don’t even know where to start unpacking this. I keep wanting to do what I have always done, what has always worked.”

At that she spoke… “Has it worked Elliot?” Her voice has a twinge of hardness she didn’t intend, or had she? Maybe the anger she felt was not just his struggle but her own inability to fix herself.

Again, silence stretched.

He signed deeply…. “No… It hasn’t worked, but it’s what has been easier to manage to prevent from becoming a burden to all of you.”

She spoke again… “Have you managed it, has it been easier for everyone else around you to manage?”

With that she watched his face drop… confused and deflated. His head fell. His leg resumed their restless bounce.

In that moment she regretted her questions and tone knowing her own struggled had tainted her emotions. She prepared for him to spring up red faced and leave.

“Well, I guess if I was better at this, I wouldn’t be here, would I?”

Olivia shook her head… “Look Elliot, I am sorry. I don’t want to fight with you. I am exhausted. I am here if you need to talk. But you are pushing me away, your kids away, and right now more than anything they need you and you need them. You’re not the only one going through this... this hell.”

Elliot’s hands came up again, rugging his face, wishing… wishing this was easier.

“You’re right. I don’t know what that means or what I am going to do… but you’re right.”

At this Liv’s face and body poster changed, relaxed. Some things had changed, evolved.

“You read the letter?”

Liv shook her head… “Elliot, we don’t have to do this right now. There’s….Its not the right…” But the words were just lost.

“Look Liv, your right. The timing is off. It’s always been off. But I think it’s the only way we can move forward. You’re right, I need to make amends with my kids, to Kathy, but if I am to move on from all of this I need to make amends to you as well.”

At that Liv had no arguments left, 3 am or not, right time or not.

“I don’t even know how to start this….. You know the job is the job. It comes with its battles. Talking over things that we saw with Kathy was just never anything I ever considered. I did my job and I came home and dealt with it. I don’t know when it happened but a time came where I just wasn’t... managing anymore. All I wanted was solitude. Over time the connection I had with you Liv, what we went through, was unlike any relationship I had had before.”

Liv shook her head, understanding without needing anything more…

“Let’s face it, it was me shutting down and the repercussions, that caused me to lose my family the first time and I almost lost you. And it’s the same mistake I am making now…”

There was silent reflection for a good minute before he continued.

“When Kathy and I divorced. I failed in my marriage, I failed in caring for my kids who were a wreck, and I was unraveling. My feelings… for you…”

Elliot shook his head, unsure how to fully articulate.

“They went deeper than I really know how to express. I felt it was a weakness. You took up so much of my thoughts, so much of my world. The worry, the care, the guilt, wanting better for you…. I felt I was losing my ability to do the one thing I was good at and that was the job and having your back. I resented you for emotions I didn’t know what to do with. Those feelings then changed into something more, into something different…”

Elliot looked up, to scan Olivia’s brown eyes. She shook her head… the depth of her knowing exactly what he meant… while her brain remained a blank mess.

“Ok…. I loved you Liv. I fell... in love with you.” With that said Elliots heard dropped. “There was a part of me that wanted to reach out, wanted to be honest with you because I felt this shift. I felt like the same battle I was fighting; you were also fighting.”

He paused, letting the heaviness of that sink in. He watched as tears began to brim in those eyes he knew so well. His restlessness ceased, and with a new determination he stood. He sat down gingerly in front of her on the coffee table.

“I knew the implications if we were honest with each other, and all the risks we would be taking. The thought of losing you. I was drowning, as I am now, and I went back to what was comfortable. What was easier. Kathy got pregnant. I knew in that moment what I had done was unfair to her and unfair to you. It was selfish. I went back to my family, but it didn’t stop what I was feeling… from getting harder, harder to compartmentalize, harder to ignore.”

The tears that had been pooling finally spilled in a steady stream onto Liv’s cheek. In an involuntary response he reached out, and stroked it away. Liv’s eyes widened. He pulled his hand away and lay them back in his lap, looking down at the damp of her tears on the tips of his fingers.

“The job had worn me down, I was scared of ruining… everything Liv… if I stayed. What type of man had I become? I knew there would be a time I would no longer be able to be who I should be to my wife and be who I wanted to be…. For you. So, instead of being honest, I was a coward Liv, I walked away. I justified in my head, I felt if I left it would give you the ability to move on and give me the ability to devote myself fully to my family…. And give me the time to work on becoming a better man, a better dad, a better husband.”

He ranched across the short divide to grab her hand, which were balled tightly together in her lap. She looked down at his outstretched hand, a peace offering. She undid her hands that had become white from the pressure, and rest her own in his. They were ice cold. For a moment they just looked down, at the connection between them. He began gently rubbing the life back into her cold hands.

Without looking up she said, “If you had been honest with me, even if I told you I felt the same, I would have never allowed you to, I would never expect….”

Liv's head shook adamantly but not knowing how else to articulate her thoughts.

He looked up, “I know Liv. Unfortunately, I can’t say...” Elliots head hung unsure if he should say what he really felt...”I can't say I would have been strong enough to be that honorable. I knew seeing you, hearing your voice, would knock down any resolve I had left….”

She looked up, realization rolling over her in waves. He loved her, she had not been alone in her slow descending battle of emotions. She shook her head, tears falling this time without stopping. All she had done to survive, all the emotions and battles, all the coping mechanisms, they were being undone.

“Funny thing is, I went to the other side of the world. And The first thing I thought of when I woke up and the last thing I thought about when I went to bed…. Was you. I loved my wife Liv please hear that, but I also loved you. Both of those loves were so vastly different.”

With that Liv groaned and the tears came stronger, she grasped tightly to his hand. Something in her that felt lost and abandoned desperately needed to hear… every… word… of this.

“Should I reach out, how would you react, had I destroyed everything, If I called would I cave and come home, what if you had been able to move on and I ruined that delicate balance? So, days just turned into years. But…. When I saw you that night Liv. I felt like a missing part of myself was found again. With all of this…. Seeing you again… Losing Kathy… I just don’t know what to do with…” He motioned with his hands… “all of this.”

With that silence filled the room once again. Liv had nothing… no words… nothing to give. His words hurt, they healed, they explained, they gave hope, they were the end of one journey and the beginning of a new one. They sat there, both hands now intertwined in her lap. She lifted his hand to her face, nuzzling into their warmth, and looked deeply into his eyes. She planted a small kiss to the inside of his palm. It’s all she had to give in that moment. He moved closer and stoked her cheek, trying to wipe dry every tear he may have caused, and shook his head. He understood. She had forgotten how easy it could be between them, this silent communication.

“Look, this is a lot.. too much… I don’t know how long this is going to take. I don’t know if I have ruined this. I just hope…. We can maybe start over, start clean. I’d love to get to know Noah. I’d love to get my best friend back. I just need… time.”

In that moment Liv felt lighter than she had in a long time, she shook her ahead again wordlessly.

Elliot’s hand dropped back down to her lap… “Can I stay?” She looked at him unsure. “I’m just… so tired Liv… so tired…” Without hesitation Liv moved over and Elliot crossed to sit on the couch next to her. He laid down allowing his head to rest in her lap. He let out a sigh he didn’t even realize he had been holding. Her arms came up around him, cradling his head.

“You have my word I’ll be gone before Noah wakes up.” She stared down at him, smiling, grateful for his understanding even in her need to protect her son, stroking the hair behind his neck.

“Thank you, now rest.”

In minutes, his beathing became long and even. His body relaxed and the restlessness ceased, the waging war stilled if only for a little while. She looked down taking in words she never thought she would hear. At some point she would have to unpack them, figure out what they meant, but for now, this was enough. They both had a long way to go and a lot of work to do. She leaned her head back to rest on the cushion of the couch, staring again at the white speckled ceiling, looking with new eyes, and soon sleep took over. In the eye of the storm, Silent, peaceful, still.

#elliot and olivia #law and order svu #svu fic #olivia benson #elliot stabler #bensler #dick wolf #nbc

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bobcathoneybee · 3 years

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that’s some next level catering to a yt person. reasons will become more clear as we go along for the ride. esp hurtful bc of everything going on in the last year alone. twinkie never rang more true until this year.

one. around xmas 2020:

“whatre you doing for nye”

“oh im going out to a small gathering”

“oh with who?”

“I DONT HAVE TO TELL YOU”

“whoa. okay...”

i was just asking since he NEVER wanted to go out to anything related to NYE in the five years. the reply was always, “YOU can go, i will be at home.” so see how i can be confused? also the spanish/grapes tradition? what happened to never not doing it? “oh last year really sucked so i dont see how doing it will help” cop out.

two. NYE to ring in 2021:

“how does this look?”

“i think you should button it, looks more put together”

little did i know i was helping him dress to impress new girl. that in itself was just rude and so disrespectful to me. if you’re going to see someone new. figure it out yourself.

a few days later he decides to finally tell me bc he knows he’s been acting so damn weird. but i dont think it’s bc he respects me too much (his rationale). i actually think it’s bc he feels guilty, and telling me will make HIM feel better, which was the driving factor for the previous Oct when he was not letting me pay for packing supplies and helping me pack. “it’s time (for me to start dating again)... weren’t you dating someone when you asked me about the boat noodles?” “NO. i was talking to someone and it was ONE date, which conveniently fit in the schedule while on my way home.”

three. a week before my bday:

“how was your weekend? what did you do?”

“oh K and family drove down in an RV so i was at my parents’ house”

“you went over both days?!”

“yeah”

“did you take pics of the RV or with family?”

“no”

in retrospect, i wonder if she was intro’d to the whole family that weekend. esp after seeing the pics from first friends gathering a few weeks later (two down).

sometime this week, he tells me that he’s thinking of taking june 1 off bc he wants to take me out to lunch for my bday. my bday is 5/31. so i’m like huh, cos it’s the day after. it’s the weekend. he doesn’t like to talk to ppl on the weekend.

four. my birthday:

bcb calls me in the morning but i miss it bc i wasn’t up yet. i called back at 230p or so and he doens’t pick up. calls me back around 430p and says he was at a bbq with some friends.

i believe this was when my spidey senses started tingling again. i bit my tongue and didn’t ask during lunch the next day bc it would make for such an awkward ride home. and me thinking oh he spent my actual birthday with new girl. i see.

five. convo from last week:

“whatre you doing this weekend?”

“oh i’m getting together with the guys bc it’s the first time we’re seeing each other since the pandemic started”

“ohh okay tell them i said hi!”

BET HE DID NOT TELL THEM I SAID HI. *side eye

six. social media that night, pics happened to pop up as i was doom-scrolling:

bcb likes to untag himself in things so i duno if R tagged him at all or if it was removed after he received the tag notif so that i wouldn’t see it.

either way, i was hit in both places since it’s posted on more than one platform.

wasn’t sure if they were still dating until i saw the pics. was finally able to put a face to the name. the name bc someone mentioned it to me thinking i knew her first AND last name. how absurd. why would i know this bit of info to begin with? maybe bcb needs to be more clear with what he’s telling his sibling about his dating life and how that relates to how he’s treating me.

seven. thursday, 6/17:

convo #1: in the afternoon -

“hey whatre you doing friday?”

“i’m not sure yet, why?”

“i’m having lunch with a family friend, thinking i could stop by (before my family dinner) since i’ll be in the area.”

“oh i was thinking of going to my parents house but i haven’t decided yet.”

“oh, okay”

convo #2: on my way home from dinner in the city -

“did you decide if you’re going to your parents house tmrw?”

“i’m probably going to hang out with some friends”

“oh okay.”

realized “friends’ is codeword for new girl.

oddities in behavior:

bought a new bike even tho he won’t use the rowing machine he purchased last summer that is LITERALLY sitting in his apt, doesn’t even need to go outside and see ppl. how many more times will he use it? not sure. it depends on how much how big the drive in proving me wrong is for this sort of thing.

watches hockey now. NEVER watched it before nor was he super interested. seems like he picked it up recently so there’s something to talk about if nothing else. (after breaking his NYE tradition)

went to a playoff game on a WEEKDAY. HE NEVER did that. to DRIVE to LI on a weekday for that sort of thing. complained that the tix were exp ($200+ each). and i’m like then why did you get them? “well they’re for the playoffs” “oh i didnt think you even liked hockey” i’m going to guess he paid for it bc someone wanted to go, and a topic they can connect on.

for trips and tickets to things, i usually split down the line and exclude a trip dinner or a few smaller things bc he says he got it and would like to pay for it. not sure yt ppl would offer to pay back in general. it’s an asian thing to offer/not let others always cover no matter how generous we know them to be. it’s to “not take advantage” bc we know better. and it’s considered rude to have someone else pay all the time.

at this point, it’s the emotional part that i’m supplementing (if it’s a missing piece) bc i have no idea if hes ever talked to her in regards to concerns about his life in general or if he’s still putting up some facade and only wants her to see the presentable side.

he didnt do his usual NYE tradition of the grapes this year on top of GOING OUT to something with other ppl present. he would rather invite ppl over to his place and provide entertainment and food instead of ever going out there. that is MAJOR.i cannot even begin to explain how impt doing this is to him. but not doing it and bending over backwards already. he NEVER misses the grape thing during the countdown no matter how “bad” a year may be. it’s like him having to watch it’s a wonderful life before xmas every year. it’s a thing he does NOT miss.

maybe it’s a mid-life crisis thing, like buying the car and then sort of regretting it bc it’s another thing to pay for so therefore has to stay at his job longer. btw, there were weird crumbs in the crevices of the front passenger seat the day after my birthday (when he picked me up), and then the whole actually voluntarily hanging out with ppl for a change. he absolutely hates being around ppl, yet he’ll do it for her. i’m sensing a pattern here for how he treats and changes for yt girl vs me and i didn’t even plan that many outings with my own friends for him to go to, max once every half year for a triple date.

but again, it’s like when we broke up, he removes things he can control when he’s super stressed. job he cannot control so the next thing to remove was me bc he can control that. now he’s finally thinking of leaving current job bc he has a sufficient amount saved. guess who helped him itemize and estimate his sinking and emergency funds? such a clown.

i’m done. i can’t do this anymore. it’s taking a toll on my mental health. all this walking on egg shells all the time when we speak on the phone/FT on every single workday/weekday. what C said about the situation rings true. i hope it happens. <^>

this brings me back to something i posted on my finsta:

“if you have to choose between me and her, choose her. because if you really loved me, there wouldn’t be any other choice.”

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jarienn972 · 5 years

Text

A Simple Spell - Chapter Four

A Captain Swan Supernatural Summer Tale

We’re up to Chapter Four of my @cssns story tonight and I do have to apologize that I’m posting quite late this evening. I struggled a bit with this chapter because I wasn’t sure how to have part of this play out. Thank you @lassluna for letting me bounce ideas off of you and for pointing out some words that needed to be improved.

As always, thanks to the event moderators for all of your hard work and thanks again to @cocohook38 for the lovely artwork gracing the story header!

I also want to thank everyone for all of the kind words and feedback that you've left on this WIP! I haven't really had time to reply to everyone but every comment has brought a smile to my face! I wasn't sure what kind of replies I was going to get introducing Walsh in the last chapter and I promise, it'll all be explained soon. But first, we have not-a-date night...

From the beginning on Tumblr: One Two Three AO3 FF.net

Emma had to remind herself a few times over dinner that this still wasn't a date and they were just two old friends playing catch up, but even she had to admit that it sort of felt like a date. She'd been careful in choosing her wardrobe, picking clothing that was fancy enough to suit the restaurant's atmosphere, yet casual enough to not give off mixed signals. She'd decided on a simple, black twill pencil skirt with a hemline that stopped just above her knees and paired it with a pale pink blouse and matching cardigan sweater. She probably should have worn dress shoes with her outfit but instead, she'd opted to wear her favorite knee-high black leather boots - using the rationale that as a deputy sheriff, she could get called to duty at any time so she'd rather have something comfy on her feet.

Walsh, of course, looked a bit more dapper than she did since he was still clad in the same grey pinstripe suit as earlier and Emma certainly couldn't deny that she was still attracted to him. She also remembered vividly that Walsh had been her rebound. They'd met only a few months after Neal had abandoned her and while she hadn't really been prepared for a new relationship at that time, she and Gibbons had just clicked.

They'd both been searching for something that day - he, a stolen painting belonging to a client and she, the thief who'd pilfered it and then jumped bail before revealing the whereabouts of said stolen painting. She'd captured the thief, but he'd already sold the artwork that, as far as she knew, never did turn up again. Either way, they'd found each other - and it was exactly what she'd needed at the time. She hadn't felt so comfortable talking to another human being for a long time - maybe even more than when she'd been with Neal.

Tonight, even after a couple of years, they'd settled right back into that welcome conversation, each filling the other in on what they'd been doing since their relationship had ended.

"It was such a wonderful surprise to run into you this morning, Emma," Walsh flashed a huge smile as he took a sip from his goblet of pinot noir. "I knew coming up here that there was certainly a chance that our paths would cross, but I couldn't be sure if you'd even want to see me."

"Why would you think that? We ended things amicably enough."

"I couldn't be sure…"

"So, you were going to come into my town and not even contact me?" she chuckled. "It's okay. I get it… Even though we ended things on good terms - well, at least I think we did, we were both just heading in different directions."

"And what direction are you heading in now?" he asked, innocently enough, but the question caught her off-guard.

"What do you mean?"

"Just curious, I guess. I hadn't expected you to end up working as a small town deputy and I wonder if you were able to find out some of that family history that you were always talking about back then. I mean, obviously it must be what brought you to Storybrooke."

"I'm a deputy because my brother - well, half-brother, offered me the job, so I suppose that finding him put me on this path. As for the rest, I'm still searching, but I'm making some headway."

"But no one special in your life yet?"

"Not yet. I'm still waiting on that, but I guess most of my life is still a work in progress…"

"Aren't all of ours?"

"I guess so," she snickered, finishing off the last of the chardonnay in her glass.

"Would you like another glass of wine?" Walsh offered.

"No, I'd better not. It's getting late and I've got an early shift tomorrow so I'd better go easy on the wine."

"I understand, my dear. I'm just so glad that you agreed to join me this evening. Feels like old times."

"It sure does," she agreed.

"I have to say that this does kinda remind me of that one night at Frederico's…"

"Oh my gosh, I remember that night! Are you thinking of before or after that huge rat came running through the dining room though?" she laughed heartily as she recalled the night in question.

"Definitely before," he replied, joining in the revelry. "Things went a little downhill after that…"

"You don't say…" she muttered sarcastically as his gaze caught hers. He clearly was ready to change the subject, expression growing more pensive as he took in the sparkle of her emerald eyes.

"Definitely made us rush out of there in a hurry. Anyway, Emma, I just have to say that it was wonderful to spend this time with you tonight and if I'm not being too presumptive, I was hoping that maybe we might be able to do this again another night before I head back to Boston?"

"I'd like that," she responded with a warm smile. "Maybe we can plan something later this week." She took a quick glance down at her phone resting atop the table and saw that it was nearly 10PM. Crap, she had the 7AM shift tomorrow! "Unfortunately right now I really should get going. Thank you so much for a lovely dinner, Walsh."

"You are most welcome, Emma. What's the best way to get in touch with you?"

"Well, you can always drop by the station… or you could call. My cell phone number hasn't changed since we dated. You remember it?"

"I do. I'll give you a call when I have some free time tomorrow."

"Sounds good," she grinned as she stood up from the table and started to pull on her burgundy trench coat.

Walsh stood as well and helped her into the coat. "Would you like me to walk you home?"

"I'll be fine, I assure you. You do remember that as a law enforcement officer, I do carry a weapon? Also, Granny's is right around the corner. It's silly for you to go so far out of your way…"

"I don't mind," he pressed, offering deep brown puppy dog eyes pleading for her to give in.

"Seriously, I'm a big girl, Walsh, and I need to make a stop at the station before I head home anyway, but I'll definitely see you later this week."

"I do hope so," he sighed expectantly as she squeezed his left hand and leaned in to give him a quick, friendly peck on the cheek. As she did, she caught a glimpse of his expression in her peripheral vision and there was an odd look in his eyes. Was that disappointment? Had he expected something more? He was smiling as she left the restaurant so maybe she'd misread it. After all, this wasn't exactly a date…

_________________________________

She found it difficult to shake the awkward feeling that she'd committed some sort of faux pas that soured an otherwise wonderful evening. She dwelled on the thought all the way to the Sheriff station where she retrieved a warmer jacket from her locker, needing it after the nighttime temperature plummeted far lower than her attire was planned for. After that brief pit stop, she found herself taking an unplanned detour that led straight down to the Rabbit Hole, Storybrooke's most colorful tavern. She'd decided that she wasn't ready to return home and as long as she was walking home, a couple of drinks to cloud her overactive brain wouldn't matter.

She shrugged off her heavier, camel colored leather coat as she descended the staircase to the basement bar. There were a few regulars perched on their usual stools directly in front of the bartender, but the place wasn't really crowded - which was even more appealing to her. Emma slid into an unoccupied slot and flagged down the barkeep.

"Remy - can I get a Jack straight up?" she placed her order and immediately decided to amend it. "On second thought, make it a double."

The bartender nodded, swiftly swooping up the bottle of liquor from the shelf with his right hand while his left hand flipped over a clean glass. Placing the glass in front of her, he filled it with the amber liquor. Emma nodded her thanks and slid a twenty dollar bill across the bar as she picked up her drink, weaving her way through the dimly lit tavern toward a table in a quiet corner. She dropped her coat onto one of the chairs and then slumped her weary body into the other chair with her back to the wall. She sighed loudly as she took the first sip from her glass, grimacing at the initial bite of the alcohol as it coated her throat while simultaneously relishing the burn and its numbing effects.

She sat there alone and silent for a few minutes, absentmindedly lighting and extinguishing the candle inside the glass jar atop the table with repeated flicks and swishes of her wand. She was enjoying the solitude but before long, she sensed someone approaching her - someone who smelled strongly of leather with hints of salt water and sweet rum.

"This would hardly seem to be the type of establishment I'd expect to be patronized by such a beautiful lady…," a velvety, accented voice spoke up from above her. She immediately recognized it as belonging to the alluring Captain Killian Jones. Suddenly, this evening was developing some new complications - and intriguing ones at that…

"I suppose that would depend on your definition of lady," she responded nonchalantly, not even bothering to look up at him yet as the butterflies in her stomach had her fearing she might melt at the mere sight of him. "Not feeling particularly ladylike at the moment," she stated as she tipped her head back and swallowed the rest of the liquor in her glass in a single gulp.

"Well then, no proper gentleman likes to see a lady drinking alone." He took a step to the side and positioned himself directly in front of her just as her sight finally drifted upward, taking in every inch of his appearance until their eyes finally met. "You do look stunning this evening, Deputy Swan, and I would be utterly honored if you would allow me the pleasure of joining you…"

Rolling her eyes at his off-handed flattery, she gestured to the chair currently occupied by her leather coat. "Have a seat, Captain Jones. Sorry about the jacket there… I hadn't planned on company."

"Please - no formalities. Killian will suffice," he reminded her as he carefully hung her coat over the chair back before sitting down opposite her. He placed his own glass of spiced rum on the table top and leaned in toward her. "Would you like another?" he asked as he nodded at her empty drink.

"Sorry, Killian. I'll try to remember that… And sure - I'm not nearly drunk enough yet…"

"Rough evening, lass?" Killian asked as he waved to the bartender for a refill. It wasn't his intention to pry but her choice of words certainly left him questioning how she'd ended up here after purporting to have had plans with someone else earlier in the evening.

"No," she sighed as Remy dropped off another glass of whiskey then scurried out of their way. "Just a complicated one…" she added.

"Evenings that end in a lonely tavern generally tend to be," he agreed, swirling the rum in his glass before finishing it off. "Did your plans for this eve fall through?"

"No, they did not," she assured him, irritation evident in her voice. "I had dinner earlier tonight with an old friend - although I'm not sure why I'm even telling you this…"

"Old friend or old lover?" he continued, probably crossing the line of what a casual acquaintance should be inquiring.

"That's a little personal, don't you think?" she snapped back, annoyed that he'd even ask such a question when they scarcely knew each other.

"Apologies, love," he responded sincerely. "I was merely attempting to make conversation and I should not have been so forward."

"He was both, if you must know." She surprised him with her blunt honesty. "But we weren't on a date. We were just having dinner - and it was a nice dinner, too… We were enjoying some good food and reminiscing - at least until I was ready to leave…" She caught herself rambling and almost stopped there. Maybe it was the alcohol fueling her right now, but she chose to continue the story. "He seemed so disappointed that things ended a little abruptly because I'm supposed to be working the early shift in the morning. That probably isn't going to happen now, but anyway, it was almost like he was expecting more… You know…?"

"Expecting more of what?" Killian wasn't sure if it was wise to push for more details but she'd revealed this much of her evening's events and he was genuinely interested in learning more. Something about this woman fascinated him and he wanted nothing more than to learn everything about her.

"I don't know - like he wanted a good night kiss or something. Not something that you generally should expect at the end of a casual dinner with a friend…"

"Perhaps you misread his intentions?" Killian suggested, his first instinct to defend his potential rival to be less likely to offend her.

"Maybe," she sighed as she nervously tapped the side of her glass with her index finger as she replayed the events in her head again. "That's why I'm so conflicted about it. Walsh was a good guy, but when we dated, I was just coming off of a very bad relationship. I don't know if running into him earlier today was meant to be a second chance for us or if things will just end like they did before. I like him, I really do, but I'm not really sure if he's the love of my life or not."

"How does one know for sure if they've met the love of their life, Swan?" he queried, perhaps rhetorically as she downed half of the liquor in her second glass. "After all, you've not even had a night out with me yet."

"Are you always this presumptuous?" she half-asked and half-snorted whiskey from her nose at his brash statement. "You think you're the love of my life?"

"There are certainly an abundance of ways to find out," he replied with a side-eyed smirk and an almost sinful bite down on his bottom lip. "Of course, we could start with a proper date, if you're so inclined? Would you care to join me aboard my ship tomorrow evening to dine with me?"

"Dinner on a ship full of sailors? Doesn't sound very romantic… or private…"

"I shall give my crew an evening's liberty. Only necessary personnel would remain onboard so we would have the Jolly Roger virtually to ourselves. I assure you - none of my crew would dare compromise their captain's privacy."

"Alright then, Captain - Killian. It's a date." It was probably the whiskey talking, but she wasn't nearly drunk enough to consider her decision making compromised.

"How does 7PM sound?"

"It sounds like a date," she replied with a broad, mildly inebriated smile.

"Good. Now, since it is nearly midnight, I must be heading back to my ship. Would you care to join me for the walk back?"

"Oh, my brother would love that - a strange man from out of town walking his sister home in the middle of the night? I may be a little bit tipsy, but I'm still capable of getting myself home." She gave him the same I can take care of myself speech that she'd given Walsh, but as she took a moment to stare at the man seated across from her, she started second-guessing her resolve. "On second thought, you know what - my place is on the way to the harbor so yeah, we can walk it together. If anyone asks, I'm escorting you back to your ship…"

Killian let out a hearty guffaw, more than willing to play along. He couldn't quite place why he found himself so enamored of this woman yet he found himself utterly fascinated with every aspect of her - her beauty, her demeanor, her intelligence. For the first time in a long time, he sensed feelings stirring that no mere pretty face would trigger. He wanted to know everything about Emma Swan and that would certainly mean finding a method of getting through her tough exterior. He was up for the challenge and it just might take a different kind of magic than Storybrooke was used to.

#cssns #captain swan supernatural summer #cs ff #cs au ff #cs ff au #witch emma #a simple spell

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1358456 · 4 years

Text

Review Response, Dec 29 2019 - Jan 4 2020

A lot of stuff here. ... Yay!!

Legacy #009

1) Omg the confession chapter! Loved this chapter to bits! Also happy 2020!

Yes! The confession has finally happened! Hell, it’s about time. Happy 2020, the year of the rat 庚子年!

2) Lol sun being A scared shit and A sweet confession. Looking forward to the next chapter

Sun being terrified... heh. It’s what Black would be in that situation. Sun? ... Who knows. The next chapter might happen soon, depends on how this chapter went!

3) Hehe, it really did work out for the best for Blue. Makes perfect sense to give Platinum the LuckyShipping confession MVP award now. Her little chat with Red was probably the best scene in this chapter for me.

Nice to see a fluffy chapter before the action kicks in again. Poor Yellow, though - she's going to be suffering for a bit...though it would be nice to see if/how Yellow gets over it. And I wonder what the "calling" thing is about. I suspect her target is a Mimikyu, but is this more Moon's instinct saying that a potential new team member is nearby or maybe there's some psychic stuff going on here?

Anyway, it's nice to see this story finally getting so many reviews! Happy New Year! As always, can't wait for the next chapter!

Hehe. Platinum the MVP, even though she really didn’t want to interfere in the matter. ... And no one’s going to be giving thanks to White or Y. Hahaha.

Poor Yellow? Not yet. It’s too soon. And no, the target is not a Mimikyu. Sun already has one. And you know from the overhaul post that Moon does not get a Mimikyu. Moon gets a Banette. And in the Thrifty Megamart, there are wild Shuppets. Fun fact: I do research to see what Pokemon are in what area so the Dex Holders will run into a Pokemon that makes sense in that area. Psychic stuff? Nah. Ghost stuff.

And Happy New Year to you too!

4) AAAAAAH THEY DID IT OH MY GOD THE FLUFF IS REAL

The fluff is real and it’s going to get fluffier. It’s going to be so fluffy that Yellow suffocates and Red and Blue get a bad case of static shock. ... Wait, what?

5) They’ve finally done it and platinum once again proving to be of help to both red and blue in getting the together. Your slowly making platinum one of my personal new favourites from these and I fine with that. It’s a really sweet chapter. Anyways Happy new years!

Platinum’s so nice. Hehehe... She’s a wonderful character! ... Yeah, yeah. Bias. Happy New Year!

6) I love the interactions between White and Y - they honestly seem really close and it’s really nice to see! I love the chapter I hope you had a good New Year’s Eve and Christmas and thank you for the new chapter!

I like the interactions between White and Y too, which is why I put in a lot of them. And they’re not exactly a senior/junior type, but rather, good friend type. Hence Y’s line of “oh eat my ass” in the last chapter.

7) Loved iT! Looking forward to the next chapter

Thank you. More to come soon...ish?

8) So excited to see if moon hits the Pokemon. Loved this chapter and white with the rapidash was great

Hehe. Of course Moon would hit it. White failing miserably in riding Rapidash, just like in that one SC chapter (SC #007: Memory Lane).

9) I'm glad Blue managed to confess her feelings for Red after struggling so hard with them. Crushes are really stressful, and in her case in particular, with her fear of getting close to and hurting others- just ah. The secret's out, and Red reciprocates. Now at least they'll have this moment of happiness! ...Though poor Yellow has rather unfortunate timing.

Is Moon being called to by a Mimikyu, I wonder? That'd be a strong and cool addition to her party!

Only happiness awaits for Red and Blue! ... Until the plot hits them, as foretold. Yellow’s purpose in the story is now halfway over.

And no, Moon is not being called by a Mimikyu.

10) Awwwww that was really cute! Hope we get more fluff next chapter!

Oh, there will. Flufftacular chapters are inbound.

11) Looking forward to the next chapter!

Thank you.

12) Hey again, hope your New Years went well! Glad to see an update to this story. Regarding the latest chapter, I'm pretty mixed - but not in a bad way.

The first half was pretty enjoyable to read. Honestly, Red does seem like he's become the person to think things over a bit before diving in from what I saw in FRLG and him asking Platinum what was up with Blue was enjoyable. Red also deciding to take the leap and press the issue to not prolong Blue's suffering was pretty fun to read too. I half expected Blue to go on a rant about why she likes Red to him, she seems like the kind of person to justify everything (since you've shown her thoughts and rationale about why she "musn't" let Red she likes him in earlier chapters) but I guess it wasn't needed or maybe she'll do it when she's a bit calmer. I'd like to see Red react to him unknowingly saving her back in Chapter 1. Also, I've said it before - I used to like Red and Yellow, but this kinda does cement why I like Red and Blue - I kinda got a kick out of Yellow spying on the two of them, felt somewhat ironic.

I might be the only one but I kinda just gloss over the Sun and Moon parts of the story. I still read them, but I just feel more invested in the older Dex Holders' adventures since they're more emotional and I'm way more attached to those guys.

Regardless of my personal bias, great chapter. Looking forward to more as always.

Red is reckless when it comes to like... battling and combat. But outside of that, he’s not stupidly reckless. And hopefully, given how old he is in Legacy, he would’ve mellowed even more. And so he is now considerate. Huzzah! Blue will go on a ramble and talk about her fears later on once things have settled. Right now, she would be quite exhausted, actually. And then she and Red can have that discussion that was in Destiny, but in Legacy with updated interactions and no doomsday on the horizon. Getting a kick out of Yellow getting heartbroken, huh? Hahaha. ... More to come later.

Eh, it’s not that surprising. After all, statistically, the newest Dex Holders are generally ignored by the readers. Black and White in SA, X and Y in early Destiny, and now Sun and Moon in early (still) Legacy. Now, Sun and Moon aren’t that new anymore, so they’re not being as ignored, but they’re still the newest (since we don’t know sh*t about Sword and Shield yet), so... yeah.

13) Loved this blue being shy is so unexpected aswell!

Timid Blue is unexpectedly cute, eh? Hehehe...

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Surprised that no one talked about the title. I guess f*ck Heart, right? Heh.

So, good news is... the newest chapter is above 10. So... update will happen in this month. “Bad” news is... the update fails to reach the average. But given how the average was raised, the updated chapter is still above most of the others, and it’s been less than a week, so... update will still happen this month, just not this week or the next. Give me some time off, eh?

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DE #003

1) These two cinnamon rolls are so cute!

Yep. Black and White are stupidly cute together, whether they’re surrounded by fluff or blood.

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DE #013

1) Cute Ruby and White.

Surprisingly cute, huh? Same goes for Sapphire & Black!

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DE #020

1) Red and Blue (female) are so cute!

Yep! That they are! Hehehe.

2) So cute

Yes indeed.

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DE #021

1) Just give her a ring and kiss her already. Geez these two are so cute.

Hehe. Short Story - The Question. Pop the ring!

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DE #028

1) Cute,l!

Well, I guess this chapter was cute. Its prequel, however... hehe...

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DE #031

1) Good stuff. Will take a long while for Sun and Moon to even be this intimate tho. What with all the fighting.

I don’t think Sun and Moon can ever actually be that intimate. For one, Moon will have to surgically remove that coin lodged in his brain, and someone will have to shove a classy romance novel into his face over and over until he learns the concept of flirting and proper responses.

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There’s no need to see the DE chart, so...

SC #015

1) Coming back to this chapter after knowing what Red's up to makes their job occupations work very, very well together. Blue provides the advanced technology, Red carries out the "fieldwork". Both manage to work unique occupations during the day and still spend a wholesome time together when they're back home. Loving their dynamic!

Oddly, the Covert Ops series, whose idea I scrapped, has come back in a very weird fashion. Instead of Blue doing the fieldwork (or Rakutsu), she’s just providing the tech to Red. Interesting.

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SC #017

1) *Mission Impossible theme plays with the sound of jingle bells and terrified shrieks of thugs in the background*

Merry (late!) Christmas to the unfortunate baddies of the world who Dex Holders deliver justice to. Can't say I ever expected Red to become a hitman, let alone dress up as Santa Claus and deal out punishment to evildoers. Sure was a hilarious read, however!

“Santa Claus is gunning you down~” Ahem.

Red the mercenary. And coincidentally, the chapter is based on a Hitman Santa rampage that I used to do back in the days. “Santa’s coming to town!”

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I appreciate what you did, but... +1/+1 doesn’t actually do much. Like, SC #015 is now no longer the least reviewed chapter, but instead, TIED at the least reviewed chapter, along with the Wings update from many months ago. The two chapters you put the pity reviews for, are still not even at half of the story’s average. +4/+4 from now, and then maybe we’ll see.

#qna

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mrsspidermanmaryjanewatsonparker · 5 years

Text

You seem pretty well versed in Peter and Mary Jane’s history, and I just want to ask, can you go in depth about Mary Jane’s personality? I know her history, her terrible home life, her history with Peter, but I want to know about HER. Her personality. Her dynamic with Peter. I feel these days that she’s been reduced to the “Pretty love interest” for Spider-Man, which I hate. I KNOW Mary Jane has a lot of depth and evolution as a character.

I know she’s a party girl. Fun loving. Spunky. Independent. Funny. Intelligent. Confident. But I want to know MORE about her, as a person. What else does she do in her life? How does she interact with other people? Before she got in serious relationships, did she sleep around? Was the type of gal that did drugs? Is she open minded? Those seem like weird questions, I admit, I admit, but they really help define her character. How energetic and charismatic is she? Does she completely control the life of the party?

Mary Jane has really become a character I’m really interested in, but I’ve never really seen her “Comic Accurate” personality adapted to a modern adaptation right. The closest I would say would be the Spectacular, but even then she felt too calm.

So I want your answer. I wouldn’t mind hearing an in-depth one. I know you’ve got idealized versions (And I do to, I think I can go on an essay long rant about why I think the two complete each other) but I want to hear YOUR opinion. And if you could adapt the story into the modern day, what would your idealized Mary Jane be like? How would she and Peter’s lovely history happen?

Sorry for the long, oddly specific question, but I really want to figure out MJ, and you look like you have the matching passion and knowledge to help interested fans in her like me.

MJ’s personality is tricky because it evolves over time. But modern MJ when written correctly would have, as we all do, multiple sides to her personality.

She can be goofy, funny, carefree, a party animal, a worry wort, self-deprecating, harsh to her loved ones, selfish, self sacrificing, brave, fearful (but never cowardly), ambitious, beat herself up, socially savvy, very confifident, innately sociable, can keep a secret and just about everything between all that.

Her dynamic with Peter is also very complicated, it’s ort of easier to talk about examples you throw out at me. But I guess on a fundamental level her dynamic with Peter is all about mutual emotional fulfilment and how that is ultimately mitigates the extreme baggage that comes from life with a hero.

You can phrase it in many different ways but fundamentally MJ loves Peter because of his sense of responsibility.

In essence her Dad was her male role model in terms of a romantic partner, but in the negative. So she found herself attracted to a guy who on a certain superficial level (studious, a bookworm) was like her Dad but on a much deeper level was the polar opposite. Peter wasn’t a raving tyrant, he wasn’t a selfish dick, he wasn’t irresponsible.

She grew up under the fear of a (verbally) abusive man but in Peter she saw a guy who in spite of having a lot of intelligence and raw physical power to also be an abusive and exploitative person, instead NEVER truly abused his gifts and chiefly used them selflessly, even at personal cost.

It is not canon but a great summation of this is in Spider-Man: Reign #4 where MJ’s ghost tells Peter she didn’t love him because he could beat bullies like Flash up but because he could but never would.

Similarly in Web #6 MJ ponders how she could never marry peter due to the worry over his risking his life and how if he didn’t do that he’d have been someone she’d have jumped to marry. But then she realizes if he was someone who was selfishly going to use his abilities for fame and fortune he’d never have BEEN the kind of person she’d have fallen for.

So MJ, unlike Peter’s other girlfriends, is the one who loved him for the thing that most defined, him his sense of responsibility.

But it’s a double edged sword because in caring about him, she obviously doesn’t want him to be hurt, hence you have this brilliant narrative tension.

Wrapped up in this is the fact that MJ understands Peter’s issues with guilt and responsibility because she also renegaded upon her responsibilities and has felt guilty about it ever since because it also hurt her family.

So they are kindred spirits but whilst Peter passively stood by and let the burglar escape MJ actively ran away from her pregnant sister.* Then both of them kept that pain all to themselves for years before admitting it to one another, whilst also keeping their true personalities concealed behind public masks, meaning MJ gets that about him too.

But in confiding in one another they were able to remove those masks and be themselves in one another’s company.

You asked what else MJ does in her life. Mostly she has great ambitions in regards to usually acting, modelling, night club owning, stuff like that. MJ enjoys the spotlight and always has since she was a child.

Her interactions with most people used to be light and jokey or flirtatious. Now they are more even handed though she can be lightly flirtatious just because its in her personality.

MJ’s sex life is very much up in the air. Fans have presumed she had a lot of sex prior and after her first relationship with Peter but there is little on the page evidence confirming or denying this. Certainly she went out on a lot of casual dates.

MJ in terms of drugs is also something never touched upon in spite of her name. However the subtext of the Harry drug story implies MJ is aware of Harry’s drug abuse and she does dump him during that arc specifically when he is as high as a kite so it could be implied from this that MJ has little time for drugs.

When you think about it, between her abusive Dad and her need to maintain a facade around herself it’s unlikely MJ was going to use drugs. She wouln’t want to risk losing any control of her facade. She did smoke in high school though and later due to stress when she was married to Peter, but only briefly.

Is MJ open minded? Well...that depends upon the topic doesn’t it. She isn’t racist or homophobic. She was okay with doing a nude scene in a movie or wearing revealing lingerie on a modelling gig, only really being concerned with how Peter might feel about her doing that, so she’s no prude. She did display an initial prejudice against clones during the Clone Saga. Again what topic are we talking about.

How energetic or charaismatic is she. I mean...very charismatic and energetic most of the time. but it depends upon the situation. She’s not gonna be charismatic or emergetic after someone has died.

MJ could probably control the life of a party if she put her mind to it, yes.

Regarding the Spec cartoon, yes maybe MJ wasn’t comic accurate and more calm but in fairness everyone was because you aren’t going to present a modern cartoon with the same over the top characterization as a Stan Lee 1960s comic book. Peter was comparatively more chill in that show.

In terms of how I’d adapt her and Peter’s story and her characterization it would basically be as it was from the comics but with modern dialogue and pacing with more foreshadowing towards MJ having a hidden personality. I have mapped out my ideal Spider-Man TV series and in that you get MJ in season 2 ala her Romita era debut and then things are as they are in the comics up until she breaks up with Harry. I’d leave them separated unlike what happened in the comics (due to them repurposing an older story where they were together but that’s another issue) then have her and Peter fall in love as they did in the Conway run and break up as they did in the Wolfman run but change it from Peter proposing to MJ to asking her to move in with him.

My rationale is that in the modern day its very uncommon even for a college senior to be discussing marriage. You’d get the same thing with him surprising MJ with a crackerjack box or something but it’d have his apartment key in it instead of a wedding ring.

Additionally, I’d have her outright dump him (as opposed to the pair just not going steady anymore) and leave New York within the same story, the same story where Peter graduates, just because it’d make for a good season finale and makes the story more concise. In essence MJ just hard runs away from Peter the moment commitment rears its head.

This would lead to more of an impact in the next season when he’s dating Felicia and MJ (with no foreshadowing, which is how the comics made things happen) shows up at Peter’s door.

Again from there things would progress as they did in the comics except when we get to the MJ backstory episode I’d work her scenes from Parallel Lives into that too.

For reasons I won’t go into, for this hypothetical adaptation I’d bring the events of Hobgoblin Lives way forward in time so instead of happening when Peter and MJ are married shortly after the Clone Saga they happen shortly after Ned Leeds dies and after Peter and Felicia have broken up again. They would form the basis of another season finale wherein MJ’s role would be functionally the same as in the comic book but with two additions. Since this would be the season finale there should be some payoff for her and Peter’s relationship.

So after she, Peter, Flash and Betty formulate their plan to smoke out the real Hobgoblin MJ asks Peter how he copes with this stuff and he shows her by taking her out webswinging and we homage Sensational Annual 2007. Then later after Hobgoblin beats Peter hard he recovers at MJ’s place and she covers for him and they almost kiss before he heads off to save Betty.

I’d open the next season with the storyline wherein Peter proposes to MJ and they eventually get engaged. But instead of them marrying immediately I’d adapt loads of stories that in the comics happened after the wedding and use those to present challenges and doubts to Peter and MJ about getting married. It’d basically be a whole season about whether or not they will get married at all.

So you’d get things like the Jonathan Caesar storyline, the return of Black Cat, Kraven’s Last Hunt as the mid-season finale and the penultimate episodes would be the introduction of Venom. Obviously Venom debuted confronting MJ so there is that, but also Brock is a divorcee, the symbiote is literally one of Peter’s ex’s and a lover scorned, whom he tried to kill in a church bell tower. In the first Venom story and in my version Spidey and Venom end their first battle in that same church bell tower.

All of which is thematically juicy for an arc about relationships and marriage (because wedding bells get it).

I’d make 2 major changes though, one of which is Venom’s battle with Felicia from the second Venom arc would happen before he confronts Spidey for the first time and Peter would defeat Venom in his classic suit. The idea being that MJ makes a new version of his classic suit both because she prefers it and because it represents his true self vs the black costume which is what he’s like to be.

The classic suit = friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man/ the black suit = bad ass scary Spider-Man.

So only by being himself, by being the person MJ loves, can Peter defeat Venom this dark reflection of himself.

The story would end with Peter and MJ reunited but both clearly having doubts, as though Venom has ‘poisoned’ their future relationship.

The actual finale would mostly be an adaptation of ASM Annual #21 but with more of a focus upon the doubts each character has and unlike the comic we see HOW those doubts are put to rest. For MJ its having a conversation with Bruce and with Peter its having a conversation with the hospitalized Felicia.

Through their conversations the pair realize that rather than all the stuff they’ve been through (Venom, Kraven, etc) showing them they shouldn’t be together, the fact that they’re still together in spite of all those things proves that they can make things work. So the season wraps up with them getting married.

The next season would be a Harry Osborn centric season but MJ in response to Peter’s parents seemingly returning would seek out her sister and her Dad in jail and reconcile with them like she did in the Clone Saga.

Then I’d do the clone saga so that’s essentially going to be the same thing except obviously Peter will not be hitting any pregnant women in this version because fuck that shit. Also Peter and MJ wouldn’t leave New York although Peter would still temporarily retire as Spider-Man.

Finally I’d do a season set after the Clone Saga leading up to the pair reuniting with their kidnapped baby, Peter losing his powers and truly retiring forever, then we go into a Spider-Girl TV show.

*This is important also because when MJ closed the door after Gwen died to comfort Peter she was choosing to do the OPPOSITE of what she’d done with her sister.

In essence Peter made MJ a better person, he made her confront her issues or helped her to do so and she grew as a result. She became a more heroic, more self-sacrificing and more responsible person. This was always the case since before they were dating Peter pushed for MJ to give a witness statement to the cops about a murder which she didn’t want to do out of fear.

In turn MJ made Peter fight all the harder. He very much needs her in his life as she has emotionally, mentally and physically saved him multiple times, see Kraven’s Last Hunt for an example.

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itsbrandonkelly · 3 years

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10-20

10. Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?

Yes, I love giving and getting gifts and I’m awesome? Who doesn’t want awesome friends?

11. Does love = sex?

Absolutely fucking not. This is a very toxic and very harmful belief.

12. Your boss tells your coworker that they have to let them go because of work shortage, and they are the newest employee. You have been there much longer. Your coworker has a family to support and no other means of income. Do you go to your boss and offer to leave the company? Why or Why not?

Absolutely. I have enough money to be out of work for a while, I have a well off family and great friends if I was really desperate and it’s just me that I need to look after. Zero dependents. I know I’d be okay but I couldn’t guarantee that they would be. I understand that it would be hard though if I didn’t have things to fall back on.

13. When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt regardless of how difficult it was for you to say? Who was it? What did you have to tell the person?

Oh god, when was that? A few weeks ago? Maybe? Might have been just over a month? Whenever I take on big projects, I can get a little.. Lot.. stressed about things? I want them to be perfect and not everything always works out that way, I know but I throw myself into these things head first and they’re almost my main focus until they’re done. It’s so easy for me to fall into old habits through that and I don’t always realise that myself at the time so Joonbug has permission to throw interventions when I’m being a dumbass like that and I have to be honest and open about how I am so that I don’t fall into a bad place again by not taking care of myself. It’s good to have someone to talk to.

14. What would be (or what was) harder for you to tell a member of the opposite/same sex, you love them or that you do not love them back?

It was harder to tell them that I didn’t love them back. I actually think I took it harder than they did.

15. What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Why would it be hard to lose?

Thing? I don’t.. I guess my business? I know that it was literally given to me as a gift but honestly, I have worked so fucking hard for years to keep it and grow it and I’d say that I’ve earned it at this point. It is mine and I’m happy with where I am right now. If I lost it after all of that, I’d be heartbroken.

16. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them. Who were they to you?

This morning. I told my parents on the phone because they always like me to call them whenever I travel to let them know I got home safe. It’s kinda cute.

17. If there was one moment and one time in the last month what would you change and why?

I would go back to last week and tell myself not to agree to make outfits for an entire bridal party because I am tired and if she wants them on time then she’s going to have to stop changing her mind about what she wants.

18. Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying? Why or Why not?

Well, yeah? Who the fuck wouldn’t? I mean unless it was some horror film plot-esque disease going around killing people through like human contact then hell no but generally? Yeah.

19. You are holding onto your grandmother’s hand and the hand of a newborn that you do not know as they hang over the edge of a cliff. You have to let one go to save the other. Who do you let fall to their death? What was your rationale for making the decision?

Well, that got very dark very quickly. I guess the baby? We’d all like to say that, wouldn’t we? That it would be easy to make that kind of sacrifice but in the moment, you’d have to actually feel all of those emotions and god only knows what you’d actually do. What if that baby was going to grow up to hurt a lot of people? You just lost someone who did nothing but treasure you your whole life for some pre-psycho. It’s not so straightforward in the moment. Logically though, my brain is telling me that in that situation, you’d try and save them both, obviously and it would make the most sense to lift the baby and put them near you so you could use more of your strength and energy and both hands to save your grandmother so I’d save the baby first and in this instance, that would condemn grandma. Jesus fuck this is dark. I think I need to call her and apologise.

20. Are you old fashioned?

Like the drink? Little bit of sweetness, little bit bitter, full of alcohol? Yeah, I can see the resemblance. As for the definition of old fashioned, I’d say no. With my job, I kind of have to be able to not only move and adapt with the times but try to be at least one step ahead of the trends. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the classics though.

A COUPLE DEEP QUESTIONS | Inbox (Still Accepting)

#vito-mendoza

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dawnaress · 4 years

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Why TV judge Jerry Springer supports court-packing: 'It's important to have a Supreme Court that recognizes America's values'

With Senate Republicans likely to confirm Judge Amy Coney Barrett as Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s replacement on the Supreme Court this week, Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden will face renewed pressure to expand the court’s ranks should he defeat President Donald Trump on Nov. 3. Court expansion — or, as some call it, court-packing — is a controversial topic that the vice president has so far avoided discussing in-depth, to the frustration of some of his supporters.

But if Biden decides to move ahead, he’ll have the support of at least one famous judge: Jerry Springer. “I originally didn’t think it was a good idea,” the talk show host-turned-presiding justice of NBC’s syndicated courtroom series, Judge Jerry, tells Yahoo Entertainment. “But now I’m OK with extending the Supreme Court if that’s what it takes to guarantee the ideal America.”

For Springer, the argument in favor of expanding is a clear-cut case of balancing more the conservative values Barrett is expected to favor in cases involving abortion and voting versus the more progressive values favored by majorities of the country in national polls. “On the one hand, you have the value of having nine justices for so much of our history,” Springer explains. “But I balance that against the value of, for the next two generations, women aren’t going to have control over their own bodies and we’re not going to enforce the right of everyone to vote. When I balance those values against the value of saying, ‘At least we kept it at nine,’ it’s not a balance of moral equivalency. It’s important to have a Supreme Court that recognizes America’s values of saying all people are created equal.”

Like the rest of the country, Springer — who was a politician and journalist before getting into daytime television in the 1990s with The Jerry Springer Show — closely followed Barrett’s confirmation hearings and took issues with several of her comments, including her description of herself as an “originalist” when it comes to interpretations of the Constitution. “That theory makes absolutely no sense, and I’ll tell you why: the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia was a political process, and everyone had different intentions and different ideas. It was weeks and weeks of bargaining and negotiating, so if you want to decipher the original intent, you’re not being intellectually honest, because there was no single idea. They all compromised! Maybe you can figure out one person’s intention, but there is no way you can figure out the collective invention.”

“Also,” Springer continues, “Are you going to rely on the intentions of people from 240 years ago who thought that Black people were three-fifths of a human being and that women should not have the right to vote? It’s just nonsense; these are people who are otherwise very smart using a big word to rationalize their negative point of view that hurts at least half the country. We can give it all kinds of names and rationales, but at the end, we’re down to this: Is it more important to keep the Supreme Court at nine, or is it more important that all people in America have equal rights? That's the only issue at stake. Whichever side you come out on, OK, but at least be honest to the decision that you're making.”

Clearly, Judge Jerry isn’t shy about adjudicating the current political situation in America. In a wide-ranging interview, he addresses why he voted for Biden, how the justice system is “set up to give white men the advantage,” and why the coronavirus will likely doom Trump’s chances of reelection.

Yahoo Entertainment: Because of coronavirus restrictions, you haven’t been able to have an audience for recent episodes. The audience reaction was always a big part of The Jerry Springer Show — is it odd not having people in the room now?

Jerry Springer: Well, the old show was obviously 100 percent dependent on a live audience, but in a courtroom, the audience has no purpose except to be background. Otherwise, they’re not involved and have to keep quiet. So it doesn’t really affect the decisions I make or the law I have to abide by, but it does change the atmosphere. What you’ll see in some episodes is that the producers have given me a laugh button, so whenever I make a quip or something like that, I push the button and you hear laughter in this empty courtroom.

Is it different for you to be put in the position of judging the people you’re talking to? As a talk show host, you mostly remained an impartial observer helping along the conversation.

The truth is that, in my life, I’m not very judgmental, and that’s due to my liberalism. I believe that people are entitled to live the lives they want as long as they don't hurt anyone else. I don’t cast judgment, because I don’t walk in their shoes. But you’re right: now I have that responsibility. I guess I treat it as if I’m their father or grandfather, and they need to be disciplined. I don’t [judge] out of meanness. I try to be understanding, and explain to them why I’m reaching the decision, and that it’s not a reflection on them or that they’re a bad person. In so many of the cases, the only entities that know the truth are the actual parties and God. Everyone else is just listening to what they’re saying and trying to make a fair judgment.

Do you ever get the sense that any of them are playing to the cameras?

When these suits are filed, no one has any idea that one day they’re going to be on television. Every morning, we have producers that look at every case that has been filed in the United States of America the day before, and if it seems like an interesting case, the plaintiff and defendant get a call going, “Would you like to have your case adjudicated by Jerry Springer on national television?” I am fully aware that if someone didn’t like me going in, why would they ever agree to have me be their judge? So obviously, the people that are coming before us are people that start out with a pretty good feeling about me. They think, “Hey, this is cool. Let's have Jerry do it.” So in the very beginning, you can almost sense their nervousness of being in front of a guy they’ve watched on television for thirty years. That creates a different dynamic, and I’m conscious of that. So in the beginning, I let them state their case and get comfortable with me. Often they’ll just call me, “Jerry” and the producers will have to tell them, “For decorum, call him Judge Jerry.”

Based on the cases that you’re hearing, what’s your sense of what life for ordinary Americans is like right now?

Generally, the things that people are most angry or upset about are the things that happen in their everyday lives. Stuff like, “Why won't the neighbors cut that tree down?” Or, “That person insulted me.” That stuff tends to make you more angry than reading about legislation that Congress may have passed that has more worldly impact. Most often people are — for better or worse — most concerned with the things that immediately touch their family. So you can’t really judge a nation on what makes them angry in the moment.

But you can judge a nation based on what policies they tolerate, and that’s why this election is, in a sense, more about the voters and what we tolerate in our country from our government. I think people are going to the polls to say, “Does Trump really represent our country and our values?” And so, on election night, the whole world will be watching to find out what America is really like and what we tolerate. Because if you tolerate someone who is in a position of power, then what does that say about you? Aren’t you basically just driving the getaway car for this person who assaults our values?

Are you supporting Joe Biden?

Yeah, I’ve already voted for him. I think this election has nothing to do with being a Democrat or a Republican, and the best evidence you have is that if you talk to a friend who says, “I’m voting for Trump,” there’s always an explanation. They always start the sentence by saying, “Well, I know what he's like,” or, “I don't approve of his values,” or, “I wish he wouldn't use that language.” There’s always a qualification, which should be a red flag. Character matters: in fact, I would argue that character is the single most important trait of any president because you can delegate everything else. What you can’t delegate is character. You can get the smartest people on the world to be on your staff, but if you have bad character as a president, you will get the smartest people to figure out ways to do bad things, and that’s exactly what we're witnessing now.

What we’re also seeing is that an incredible number of people that worked for him have been coming out with books, articles and political statements saying something bad about his character. So at some point, aren’t we all agreeing — even if we're lifelong Republicans — that this was not the right pick? Go back to being a Republican later, but at this point, be honest enough that America is better than this. Tom Brokaw would never write a book about this generation that would say, “This was America's greatest generation.”

As someone who defined reality television in the 1990s, do you recognize those tendencies in Trump?

Well, yeah. And you know what? I have nothing personally against Trump, I just don’t think he should be president. I was the host of the Miss Universe Pageant back in 2008 when he still owned it, and he was only nice to me. So this isn’t a personal vendetta. We ought to be able to separate that. Hopefully, we’ll stand up and say, “Enough of this. This is wrong and we know it’s wrong. Let’s move on.”

Character matters: in fact, I would argue that character is the single most important trait of any president Jerry Springer

We’re having a larger conversation right now about the racial inequities built into the American justice system. What’s your take on where we are in that regard?

I don’t think there’s any question that we live in a society where almost everything has been set up to give white men — particularly wealthy white men — the advantage. That's the whole system. I’ll give you an example: I graduated from Northwestern University’s law school in 1968. Mind you, this was a major university in Chicago. We had 190 students in my graduating class, and of those 190 students, two were women and one was Black. I mean, think about that! This wasn’t some rural community in the South someplace. And these are the lawyers that become our judges and politicians.

So how do we even pretend that race hasn’t been a factor here? So if I've got African-American parties before me on the show, and I’m sitting up there on the bench as this old, rich white guy, of course I'm conscious of that. That’s why I keep telling them: “I am no better than anybody here. Get it? And so here’s why I’m reaching this decision.” But that’s not something I do just because I became a judge. I think you grow up with those values. One thing my parents taught me, and which we teach our children and grandchildren, is that you never ever judge someone based on what they are. You only judge people based on what they do. If you can live your life like that, you will never be prejudiced.

Does it frustrate you to see cases like Breonna Taylor, where no police officers were charged with her death despite widespread protests?

Sure, you question that. The system is such that there are always particular details that we don’t know in terms of what happens before a grand jury. So the reason that decision is reached may have been built into the system, not because of anyone on the grand jury. But the rules are inevitably set up to protect a white society. I don’t care what laws you change now: it still hasn’t been an equal competition for several generations. You've been having this race in our country for 240 years where people have a cinder block around their foot as they're racing the white guy.

Then you say, “You know what? Take that cinder block off his legs. Now let's continue the race.” Well, the white guy is already halfway around the track! So when people say, “Look, we're not discriminating now,” maybe you’re not, but you're still living with the benefits of having had that discrimination for 200 years. That's what the institutional racism means. It means that you haven't leveled the playing field; you’ve decided to try to level it now, but you're not making up for what happened before. And that's what this moment is all about.

The worst kind of racism, sometimes, is the polite racism, not the wacko white supremacists. They’re evil, but they’re wackos and everyone sees that. It’s the polite racists that dress up, and then just justify policies that when they’re alone in the room with just God, they know are mean and not fair. Why do they support making it difficult for Black people or Hispanic people to vote? What possible justification do you have for doing it? Because you know that if you can stop Black people from voting, the Republican has a better chance of winning.

We live in a society where almost everything has been set up to give white men — particularly wealthy white men — the advantage. Jerry Springer

One interesting side effect of the Trump era seems to be that political sex scandals seem to be having less consequence now. As someone with a scandal in your own past, do you think that’s changed now?

When people voted for Trump, I think they made that clear. Society has changed altogether, especially with social media. Behavior hasn’t changed, but people's reaction to it has, just because we live in a different world. I remember when The Jerry Springer Show first aired, it was considered outrageous. Nowadays, it seems so ridiculously tame compared to what's on social media.

Have you adjudicated any cases where the pandemic is a factor? And are you seeing a frustration with quarantine restrictions?

Yeah, we’ve had some. We’ve dealt with cases of people being evicted from their homes because they couldn't pay rent, which may violate a local ordinance or a state law. When you watch the show, you won’t be able to tell that I'm in the courtroom in Connecticut, but the plaintiff and defendant are elsewhere in the country. Because of the magic of television, it looks like they’re standing in the courtroom with me. Of course, people are getting upset with this whole [quarantine] situation, but what we have trouble understanding is this is the United States of America and we have the worst performance in terms of getting a grip on this virus than virtually any country in the world. I mean, how did that happen? How could we be the one country in the world that couldn’t make enough masks, and that couldn’t get enough ventilators?

I mean, look at what FDR did to mobilize America when we were attacked at Pearl Harbor in 1941! Every factory was turned into making the planes and the tanks we needed, and we won the war. This administration couldn’t even mobilize to have masks made. And frankly, if Biden wins, it won't be due to any of these social issues. Trump will lose because of his being unable to deal with the pandemic: that’s what is doing him in. It’d be nice to say it happened because people had a social conscience, but I think it’s more likely to be because of his failure to handle the pandemic.

#Jerry Springer

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awholenutha · 6 years

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Learning Self-Acceptance Through Intersectionality: A Word By Nikko Nelson

Greet audience members and adjudicators (pitch only) for their time and presence, jump right into the topic of the talk [title]. Summarize intersectionality as “an understanding of the functions by which the varying identities we ascribe to, both willingly and unwillingly, can help expose us to a broader sense of self awareness through the modalities of social relationships and subject formations.” As we conceptualize the different identities we are assigned and take on through life (ex: “identifying as a man, woman, black, asian, gay, trans, child, adult, upper-middle class*, lower-middle class*) our codifications of what a man should be or how we value children or those of a lower financial class tend to derive from our interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships with the actual world, defining our own individual identities, as well as others, by how well or how unfit we are in relation to the staple of said identity. For example, a young girl may define her womanliness through impersonating female figures or expressions of femininity to either her benefit or detriment depending on her interpretation of what it means to be a woman. So what I pose today is what happens when the identities we comprehend ourselves and others to be contrast with the working definitions of our own intersecting identities? If I am Black and African-American does the near erasure of my diasporic identity through slavery invalidate my blackness because of a lost connection to an integral part my culture and heritage? Two essential factors to defining ethnic and racial identities in most parts of the world. If I am born biologically female but gender dysphoria shakes me to realize myself as something other than what I am assigned at birth, does my potential otherness become mute before consolidating with my own precepts and sensibilities that challenge what I know makes me anything but a woman? Who defines me? And how do I accept the conflicting rationale of a world constantly redefining and reassuring who I am? How do I accept myself? Introduce myself and a picture of me displaying my first signs of embracing femininity [a picture of me in a blond wig from when I was a kid] – Before I go any further with how I've come to realize intersectionality as a tool of self discovery I wanted to share a moment of realization, my earliest recollections of intersectionality at work. [Shows picture] Now in this picture is a black boy. A boy who in many ways is more candid about himself than the young man you see speaking before you today. If someone were to ask him “what are you?” he'd probably ask “who are you?” but would eventually recognize himself as a child, a black person, and a boy first and foremost. But growing up boys like me weren't generally taught to express signs of femininity with such a pride as this cornball on screen. Femininity was seen as shameful to be held in the head and in the hands of a boy, and if you are black more likely you were already seen as a man to others, just like Tamir Rice or Mike Brown. Treated with the same level of responsibility, sensibility, and accountability as a grown man. Wanting to play as the female character in the video game brought suspicion to the eyes of other self defining boys, so clearly being male meant I couldn't embrace any notions of femininity or it would usurp my masculinity – the very definition of my manliness. Practicing proper hygiene or having an aversion to sports meant you were confirmed to grow up gay, and being gay was related to being feminine so that wouldn't work out. So if I was black and a boy I had to already be ready to be treated like a man, but a man can't be feminine or he's not “really” a man. And what if I discover that I'm gay? With being gay of course meaning I had to imbue the gendered traits and characteristics of the opposite sex, because that's what being gay is right? One identity seemed to invalidate the next and after a while it became harder and harder for me to recognize myself with no solid ground. That being said guess who had an extremely self-conflicted time all throughout Middle and Highschool? Jokes aside what that struggle for a likeness in others paired with a somewhat hysterical identity crisis did was bring a developing contrast to my line of thinking. I saw things in myself as true to my character but not self defining and decided to redefine my identity in a light that was complicit with who I was. I didn't hate femininity nor did I favor the misogynistic undertones of manhood. I still wanted to be a man but for the parts of manhood that were loving with well intention. I am a man but not the type of man you expect of me is what I realized. And that's ok because I will be the type of man I expect myself to be through my own understanding of what I know to be true to me. As time progressed I began defining myself not solely by the affirmation of my interpersonal relations with my family, friends, and others but to my digression and compliance with myself, collectively challenging the social constructs that presented themselves as inherent, and immovable.

#this is an unedited outline of a seminar I haven't done

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elizabethrobertajones · 7 years

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So I saw that gifset of Kripke's commentary on that season 3 episode (I'm a newbie watcher but I started the new season and and slowly working my way through!) and I guess I'm a little confused? Kripke is basically saying "yeah Dean really wants that apple pie life" and when I've been going through and reading people's meta, I've seen a lot of people's opinion (especially season 6 metas) that kind of disagree and that Dean really doesn't want that suburban life. Any opinions? Thanks much :-)

Heya!

https://elizabethrobertajones.tumblr.com/post/162713109665/sensitivehandsomeactionman-eric-kripke-on

Oh! Yeah, I reblogged this with the sense of irony about what Kripke was saying in place that you get from being a long-time watcher or deeply embedded in the meta community :P (I should have a /irony tag I use for the benefit of people knowing I’m thinking deep dark shade at whatever I’m reblogging but you know not in a mean way just in a this goes way deeper than what it looks like to me but maybe I just don’t feel like commenting right now :P)

I can’t remember if I have a Dean x Lisa tag that’s actually well-kept except for cute gifsets but 3x02 and 3x10 probably have a fair amount of discussion about it if you want to dig deeper… But I have literally just watched Dean’s conversation with Rufus in 3x15 which reminds me that this was a season-long arc, and 3x10 was a weird little part of it… 3x02 sets up that Dean has a sort of wistfulness for what he COULD have had, and 3x10 and 3x12 (and all these are Gamble-related episodes) have stuff about Dean yearning - this bit and the conversation with Victor where he makes it blatantly obvious that even with Sam he has a sense that he might want more from life and he is not currently getting it - Victor’s comparison of ex-wives and empty apartments is paralleled to Dean’s feelings. And in 3x15 Rufus warns him that this is what he has to look forward to becoming if he survives. (In 12x14 we had a parallel where Ketch buys his way in the door the same way Dean buys his way in the door with Rufus & scotch, but it was subverted in so many ways, it just seemed like the BMoL had sketchy intel you might be able to buy Dean this way.)

Anyway, by the end of the season the message is quite clear that Dean sort of years for it but can’t have it and in many ways has chosen this life of saving people over it. Though he’s dying for Sam, and never un-wishes that or can even think of it, from about the midpoint of the season he wants to find a way to break the deal but I think a lot of that is driven by not wanting to be a demon rather than wanting to grow old, since becoming a demon will pretty quickly undo all the good work Dean did saving people, he’d have to assume. 3x09 gives him any motivation to fight rather than cheerfully stroll off to Hell because Sam’s alive and that’s all that matters, you know?

I think in the context of season 3 the Lisa stuff was pretty interesting because I think Dean can have a contradictory yearning but Lisa is a ghost of an idea, literally where she fizzles out of the dream in the same way ghosts disappear, and to feel wedded to the hunter lifestyle and in many ways he’s been rejecting it from the start… In 1x08 (Bugs) especially he’s making a point about beeing skeeved out by suburbia and the idea of living SUCH a normal life. In 2x20 we see him as a civilian and he enjoys it for a day or two to hang out with Mary and Sam and Jess, and I’ve written a LOT on the over-lap of Carmen in that episode and Lisa in 6x01 since they’re connected by djinn dreams and I feel like the message is his year with Lisa was emotionally/functionally practically the same to Dean as if he’d been strung up in a warehouse the whole time. (That’s something in my 6x01 tag or 2x20 depending which you feel like scrolling through :P Sorry, I’m kind of in advanced brain bleeh from sitting in a noisy room so you can get surface brain rambling to answer this but no research or links in this state >.>)

Anyway in 2x20 he unequivocally rejects the civilian life because people died without him doing his job, even though he called Carmen “the One” and everything else seemed fixable or exciting to him, including his relationship with Sam. It was after discovering he’d “un-wished” all their work as hunters he angrily appealed to John about why it was his job, before stomping off to find and kill the djinn, and un-make his wish, assuming at this point it was a wish and not a dream. (I still call it a wish-verse sometimes because of how DEAN analysed it and I find it FASCINATING to look at that way when it comes to these decisions, while I’d just call it the djinn dream when looking at it from another angle).

I suppose Lisa comes not long after but he goes to see her as part of a farewell tour revisiting the best hookup of his life, and ends up smacked with the potential he’s mission out on of raising a kid and all that - a long-term investment he can’t get involved in for one year (do you feel the knife turning :P) because that’s not fair on them and offers them no long-term stability. He CAN’T make a home when he has a 1 year demon deal weighing on him, so the episode is just there to psychologically torture him. I think he never dreamed of suburbia before Lisa in 3x02 but by 3x10 we can see he took some unexpected emotionally scarring just from being told he CAN’T have something. Because posing the question opens up “what if”s (this incidentally is my entire rationale when you boil it down for why the male siren proves Dean’s bi :P). Dean had a moment to seriously imagine a NICE life where he would be with Lisa and have Ben as a son and it’s impossible for he can even start to have it. And in 3x15 Rufus confirms that even if Dean survives (or comes back from Hell as it turns out), being a crotchety old hunter who only opens his door to people if they show up with nice Scotch is about as much as he can hope to look forward to.

I think that’s a bad message too but it gels more with Dean’s outlook and experiences and I think helps him shut away the feelings he could ever have had more or that he was being unfairly denied, in a combination of personal choices to hunt/seeing the benefits of doing it over a normal life, and pessimism about his lifespan or what they can reasonably expect from their lives. In 5x18 he tells Lisa that when he thinks of himself being happy it’s with her, because of the scarring I mentioned that 3x02 specifically denies him this endgame and leaves an impression of it in his psyche as the Thing Dean Can’t Have, but DOES turn into a nice thought to hold onto as a what if. And Sam tells him to go for it and he does, and by the end of season 6 it’s a “never mention this again or I’ll kill you” situation and Dean doesn’t think about endgame out loud for like 5 more years until season 10, and the question is slooowly reintroduced through hesitant confessions and car conversations and meeting a pair of married hunters at a bar one day, to finally get the idea that while Dean’s unequivocally written off suburbia, wife & kids, there’s other things he could get out of life to make him happy and feel less like Victor or Rufus, dark mirrors of his present and future, like the ghosts of endgame visiting a long-term-relationship Scrooge :P

But yeah Kripke saying that Dean secretly has a romantic soft spot for the normal life and fluffy romance, personified in this case by Lisa, is really because he’s talking compare and contrast to Sam. He says Sam isn’t interested in Bela that way really, he’s just horny and they know no women really so… that happened. (I side-eye but whatever, different discussion :P) and that’s in contrast to Sam’s supposed sweet and nerdy surface layer, while Dean’s got the macho horndog outer layer so Kripke’s explaining in 1 go performing!Dean (and Sam) and that Sam n Dean are yin and yang to each other (which, again, in Baby, we have that great shot of them in red and blue contrasting colours, sleeping top & tail in the Impala from above that demonstrates this… Can’t tell if you’ve seen season 11 actually or joined in season 12 (oops apologies for those spoilers too, I tried to keep them super vague and if you’ve seen season 12 you sort of know where it led to >.>) but this is what it looked like:

from a meta POV it’s absolutely one of my favourite shots of Sam and Dean in the entire show. Anyway it’s visually demonstrating the same thing Kripke is saying in that commentary. Sam presents one way so they write Dean presenting in the absolute opposite way, and then choose to subvert both presented faces with an image each to absolutely destroy that image and show something deep underneath. From the way he was talking it sounded like they thought the Bela thing first so the Lisa thing might literally just have been a part of it because it was amusing to them to do that with Sam, and the rule is absolutely probably 1st thing in their character bible to always make Sam and Dean at odds with each other even if it’s in some innocent visual/character demonstration.

(This is why I hate Buckleming writing btw - they’ve been increasingly writing Sam and Dean as an utterly unified unit who think and breathe on the same wavelength and it drives me nuts because that is not their dynamic at all no matter how fan favourite “winsync” is (which is of course a totally different thing to do with them working well together meta-textually as actors and in the text as kids raised closely together, and who also have worked together for most of/their entire adult lives so of course they naturally move and talk together sometimes - I can be in sync with my twin and we have core personality overlap but we’re also utterly different people in extremely obvious ways e.g. quiet vs chatty - guess which :P)… In Buckleming’s hands it just means they can use Sam and Dean to alternately deliver exposition in lengthy talking scenes as if they’re one character, and that exposition to Mick in 12x17 when he “Hello boys” them in the Bunker was one of their worst incidents so far >.>)

Anyway, I don’t think that makes the Lisa thing insincere especially as it sounds like 3x10 more than 3x02 actually cemented her as Dean’s imaginary choice of perfect dream girl to fill the space Carmen the El Sol ad lady previously held, when it came to the writing. 3x02 stand alone is good to torment Dean as a “Hahahaha you will never have this” but 3x10 builds on it and shows them being intuitive to the character and things that make sense to write him… And I think from the very start they were aware of the contradiction and that Dean might sort of have a soft spot/dream of the normal apple pie life but that he was also at the same time profoundly aware of all the ways in which he hadn’t chosen it, it wasn’t his life, and there were abundant reasons he wasn’t having it and even in the same core places this dream resides, didn’t want it. If you go deep in my 3x02/2x20/6x01 Lisa x Dean metas (again, sorry, I’ll add tags to this post at least :P) you’ll probably find the post I made collecting my rewatch notes as I discovered this subtextual story through the season, realised where it all came from later, and by the end of the season realised that they knew and had talked themselves out of it being something Dean could have because the subtext took the same route as the actual Dean and Lisa arc in season 6, probably because Gamble helped craft the entire thing in season 3 and then brought Lisa back for season 6 and had a whole season to play the entire thing over again. So I feel like that suggests Dean talked himself out of it too with Rufus and Victor’s help, and fundamentally never changed track even with season 5 & 6′s Lisa stuff, because that closed the book on it so hard we have this parallel to Dean and Rufus in 12x14 and the idea he can have something more with a hunter maybe or ~someone in the life~ is now the subtext under that in the same way Kripke talked about him having this squishy interior to do with Lisa back in season 3.

#Asks #3x02 #3x10 #Dean x Lisa #kripke sed #performing Dean

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ownerwhale0-blog · 5 years

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Can you use diaper rash cream as sunscreen? Episode 162

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Can you use diaper rash cream as sunscreen?

Mari asks…Today a customer came into the retail pharmacy where I work and demanded that we sell him zinc oxide diaper rash paste so he could use it as sunscreen. I tried to steer him in the direction of actual sunscreens with listed SPFs, but he was not to be dissuaded and ended up leaving with a tube of generic diaper rash cream (with no listed SPF) in hand. His rationale was that diaper rash paste has a higher percentage of zinc oxide than zinc oxide sunscreens. Although this is sometimes true, depending on the brand, my concern is that (a) the formulation of a diaper rash paste might not make it an effective sunscreen and (b) without a listed SPF, there’s no way to really know. What are your thoughts on this?

We’ve talked quite a bit about sunscreens on the showgram but believe this is the first time that diaper rash products have come up. So a little quick background discussion is in order.

We used to think that urine was the primary cause of diaper rash which makes sense since a baby (especially under 2 months) can urinate up to 20 times per day. But the hypothesis was that urine releases ammonia which raises the pH of skin which opens it up to damage. But it turns out urine is NOT the primary cause…it’s feces.

The pH of feces is acidic due to bile and studies have shown that diaper rash is more prominent where the feces contact the skin. This contact can lead to yeast and bacterial infection. So mark your calendars that today was the day that the whole urine-diaper rash myth was busted.

And that brings us back to diaper rash creams. In case you didn’t know, both sunscreens and diaper creams are Over the Counter drugs and are controlled by the FDA.

Sunscreens are 1 type of drug…they are sunscreens. But diaper rash creams are actually not 1…not 2…not 3 but actually 4 different types of drug products: External Analgesic, Topical Antifungal, Topical Antimicrobial, and Skin Protectant.

In addition to Zinc Oxide other approved diaper rash ingredients include mineral oil, petrolatum, cornstarch, allantoin, calamine, dimethicone, kaolin clay, and cod liver oil.

How does ZnO help with diaper rash? It works 3 ways: It helps water proof (or feces proof) skin, it’s a mild astringent which means it can cause the contraction of body tissues, and it has some antimicrobial properties. That’s what makes it suitable for use in the 4 drug product categories we just mentioned.

So Zinc Oxide is an approved drug ingredient that is used in both products. But does that mean you could use them interchangeably? Can you use diaper cream as a sunscreen as the demanding gentleman in Mari’s pharmacy intended to do.

And conversely, can you use sunscreen on diaper rash?

Let’s begin by answering a fundamental question: is the zinc oxide used in diaper creams the same as the zinc oxide used in sunscreens?

In classic Beauty Brains fashion, the answer is yes and no. Chemically, they’re identical. Both have to use USP grade [what does USP stand for] which means they have to meet certain purity requirements.

BTW did you know that, being a natural product, zinc oxide contains somewhere between 1 and 10 ppm of lead?

Physically, there are differences. Zinc oxide powders are sold with different particle sizes and the size of the particle impacts how well the zinc screens out UV rays. It’s even more complicated than that because it’s not just the size of the particles but these particles tend to stick together to form clumps or aggregates which affect how well the zinc scatters UV rays.

In addition to different particle sizes zinc oxide is commercially available in different varieties such as surface coated varieties as well as dispersions in different materials like natural oils and silicone fluids.

So sunscreens HAVE TO use a version of zinc oxide that’s designed to scatter UV rays…and sunscreens are tested to ensure that they do indeed do that. But diaper rash creams do NOT have to use one of those forms. They may or may not and there’s no way to know since diaper rash products are not tested for UV protection. So that’s issue #1.

Here’s issue #2: Even if a diaper rash cream uses the exact same grade as a sunscreen, the way the diaper rash cream is formulated can impact level of UV protection it provides.

Yeah, the medium in which the zinc is dispersed can determine the final opacity of the product. In other words, the oils, waxes, and other ingredients used in diaper creams can make the final formula more transparent in which case it won’t filter out as much UV radiation.

And then there’s issue #3: The way the product is processed makes a difference as well. For sunscreens, specific dispersion technology can be used to one way to make sure these particle agglomerates are broken up.

Diaper rash products wouldn’t necessarily require the same kind of dispersion technology.

What does all this mean? IF a diaper rash cream contains the right kind of ZnO, and IF it’s used at the correct concentration and IF it’s properly processed, and IF the final formula doesn’t contain any ingredients that can compromise the UV scattering properties of the ZnO, THEN you certainly could use a diaper cream as a sunscreen.

But the only way to know for sure is to conduct SPF testing and it’s doubtful any company will do that because even if it works they can’t use that data to promote the product? Why not? Because the drug monographs and don’t allow for any combined claims.

Even if I knew all those IFs where true I’m not sure I’d want to use diaper rash cream instead of sunscreen. Aesthetically it could be a trainwreck: a diaper cream’s PRIMARY purpose is to create a hydrophobic barrier so they use high amounts of things like petrolatum. A high ZnO/petrolatum cream is great for babies but not very pleasant when smearing all over your face or body.

Is there ANY reason why you’d want to do this? I’m guessing it’s motivated by cost: depending on the brand, diaper rash creams can be cheaper than sunscreens. For example, Desitin costs about $1.75/oz while a ZnO-only sunscreen like Badger costs about $4.70/oz.

So the Beauty Brains bottom line is amount of money you save is not worth the risk of compromised UV protection or the sacrifice of aesthetics.

References: https://www.badgerbalm.com/s-33-zinc-oxide-sunscreen-nanoparticles.aspx https://www.fda.gov/Drugs/DevelopmentApprovalProcess/DevelopmentResources/Over-the-CounterOTCDrugs/StatusofOTCRulemakings/ucm072574.htm http://www.zn-oxide.com https://www.ghchemicals.com/pharmaceutical-and-food/

Is facial massage good for winkles?

Mark asks…is facial massage good for wrinkles?

We’ve touched on this before. Way back in Episode 14 we answered a question about facial yoga being good for wrinkles. So go listen to that for a full recap. But the basic idea is that “plumping up” muscles by exercising them gets rid of wrinkles. Massage is essentially another way to stimulate facial muscles.

But as we pointed out at the time, muscle laxity is not the cause of wrinkles – rather it’s the collapse of structural elements like collagen and elastin. So if we’ve covered this before why are we answering it again? Because it gives us an excuse to discuss another aspect of this which is using electrical stimulation to get rid of wrinkles.

CNN recently reported electro-stim for skin and they quoted Jennifer Aniston who said that “”It’s like a little workout for your face.” And an aesthetician they interviewed said that the more times you have the procedure the more results you’ll see.

Sure, get a bunch of treatments – depending on where you have it done it costs between $200 and $600!

However, the consensus of the medical experts they talked to is that “there is no data demonstrating its effectiveness.” I did find a couple of papers on the subject. One study tested 6 women. Another evaluated 108 women and did show that the procedure resulted in SOME difference in facial muscle thickness.

But it required treatment for 20 min/day, 5 days/week for 12 weeks. That would cost you between $12000 and $36000. Who’s going to spend that kind of money for such a small benefit?

As always the important takeaway is that you think critically when you hear about treatments like this. Not everyone thinks like that.   RS: When I posted this on Facebook, one commenter said “Clearly Mr. Knott needs to experience micro current himself because regardless of “data” it most certainly does produce results and it is so much more than a “feel good” skincare modality. It seems like he is trying to discredit skincare therapists.”

I replied: DM: It may be nice for Mr. Knott to experience the treatment but that doesn’t prove or disprove that it really works. That’s what “data” is for and in this case there doesn’t seem to be sufficient data to prove that this treatment really works. If you’re familiar with any evidence we’d love to see it and share it with our readers.

Does this plant extract boost collagen?

Ana asks…We love the beautybrains podcast here in Portugal and I finally have a question to ask. I read recently about a plant called bulbine frutescens that is kind of similar to aloe. In some studies it says the juice of the plant stimulates collagen production. Have you heard about it? Do you think it would be a good think to use on the skin for the anti aging properties?

Bulbine frutescens is similar to aloe in that their both used in the treatment of skin wounds and burns. We found a study showing that leaf gel extracts can increase collagen deposition in wounds on pig skin.

I won’t go into details on how the testing was done but unfortunately I CAN’T say that “no pigs were harmed during the course of this study.”

But even if there is some data, before you get too excited, consider 2 of the Kligman questions. Remember what those are?

Mechanism, penetration, and data it works on real people.

In this case they’re applying the BF leaf extract directly to a wound. So the extract doesn’t need to penetrate and the mechanism of wound healing is NOT the same as the production of normal collagen that keeps your skin looking smooth and healthy.

In fact, we couldn’t find anything to suggest this material has anti-aging properties when applied to healthy skin.

If it is similar to aloe it may have some moisturizing properties and it may be good for sunburn but don’t expect it to fix the kind of collagen loss we all experience as we age.

Reference:

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/232319403_Bulbine_Natalensis_and_Bulbine_Frutescens_promote_cutaneous_wound_healing [accessed Jun 21, 2017].

Beauty Science News

J&J vs natural products

Link

I want to give a quick mention of an article I saw on Global Cosmetic News about Johnson & Johnson speaking out on natural products. First of all I love the title: J&J calls parents bluff over natural baby products. Let me quote the article: “While many parents want all-natural products for their baby, natural or organic isn’t always what’s safest for baby,” said David Mays, Senior Director of Global Scientific Engagement at Johnson & Johnson in an email sent to Forbes. “The debate over naturals and chemicals has been oversimplified where many consumers now believe that the more natural something is, the better and safer it is. It’s just not that simple and in fact that oversimplification is doing a great disservice to consumers.” I think important take away is this quote: ‘being natural is never more important than being safe.’

Artificial sun tan

Link

iTunes reviews

Ouija says…Your “showgrams” are fun, educational, and a much needed public service. Put me down for a yes on the banter.

Tornadogirl1981 from Germany says…So useful! Should be on a list for everyone who spends money on skincare. In addition to substance, the form of delivery makes you laugh out loud so beware when listening to the Beauty Brains in public places.

Tavelbella says…Just when I thought I knew it all! Love sharing your factoids with my clueless friends.

Rose from Australia…Great to learn more about beauty products and how they work 🙂

Sashawhyismynamenotavailable says…Great podcast for the closeted cosmetics junkie (or junkie to be) — 5 stars

Togahairgurl…I absolutely love listening to these Cos-chesmonauts! I would love to be in your industry, so listening to your podcast is fascinating.

Source: http://thebeautybrains.com/2017/07/can-you-use-diaper-rash-cream-as-sunscreen-episode-162/

#read more #see more #check it out #interesting #learn more

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robonomics · 5 years

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Automatic Blood Draws if a Drunk Driving Suspect is Passed Out

From my FB post:

The Supreme Court held that police may draw blood from a person who is suspected of drunk driving and is unconscious or in a stupor without a warrant.

In Mitchell v. Wisconsin, a guy was found stumbling around near a lake after being seen leaving a bar driving his car. After a roadside breath test (PBT) was performed showing a .24 blood alcohol concentration (BAC), police had probable cause to perform a professional breathalyzer at the police station. On the way there, the suspect passed out. The police took him to the hospital for care, and there a blood draw was performed showing that the suspect had a .22 BAC. The defendant challenged this as a violation of the Fourth Amendment for not having consented to the blood draw/search.

Held: The exigent circumstances doctrine allows police to get a blood draw if a person is suspected of drunk driving and is unconscious or in a stupor. (Suspected intoxication + unconscious = valid warrantless blood draw). This is an exception to the Fourth Amendment's warrant requirement. The court mentioned the fact that Wisconsin, like other states, is an implied consent state, meaning that when you sign up for a drivers license, you impliedly consent to a search if you are suspected of drunk driving. All 50 states have this implied consent rule. You can revoke it if you want, but an unconscious person is obviously incapable of doing so. Therefore, the search may be considered consented to. But I don't believe the court was really relying on this rationale. I think they are simply saying that these circumstances together create an exception to the warrant requirement because of exigent circumstances.

BAC levels change quickly over time as the body removes the toxins from its system. This natural removal of alcohol is considered evanescent or "fleeting" evidence, creating the exigent circumstance to get the blood before the evidence of intoxication is gone. It's just like police trying to get in a home before a suspect flushes a bag of cocaine down the toilet. Here though, the main reason for this exigency, according to the court, is because police are more concerned about the health and safety of the suspect than to take the time to get a warrant. Its another exigency, but equally valid one.

This was a plurality opinion, but based on stupid SCOTUS precedent, the holding I stated above is considered law.* In the end, the court left open the possibility that a case could come along where this rule is incorrect, like if a person hypothetically is suspected of drunk driving, passed out, and is clearly not in need of medical attention. But given the unlikely scenario of that happening, this case creates an easy to apply rule for officers to use in the future. In law school when you learn about the Fourth Amendment, you talk about the battle between rules and standards for applying the warrant requirement. Some things, like probable cause, are standards, while other things, such as this case's automatic blood draw scenario, create easy to apply rules. Rules are nicer and less open to debate unlike more fact-dependent standards. It's always nice for lawyers when a SCOTUS case creates a rule since they close off debate.

The big takeaway from this case: don't drink and drive, and if you do, don't pass out because you have no way of throwing the evidence against you out of court. But seriously kids, don't drink and drive.

*Rant about shitty legal precedent techniques: Justice Thomas was the fifth vote in the judgement only, not the ensuing rational/opinion. His concurrence would go further and make it a per se rule that if a person is suspected of being drunk while driving, they automatically are subject to a police station breathalyzer or a blood draw under the exigent circumstances doctrine. (I actually agree with his logic given the law on all other evanescent/fleeting evidence). There is a weird rule that if there is no majority opinion, the narrowest grounds on which all the concurring opinions in a plurality agree are considered binding law. How do you determine it? Well you need the Supreme Court to say what counts as the narrowest part in a subsequent opinion! Otherwise its a guessing game of which party read multiple concurring opinions in the right way. Helpful right? Not at all! I don't think this is a valid rule of constitutional/common law. However, courts seem to rely on it whenever it supports their view. The only way, in my logical eyes, an opinion can truly be said to be law that is applicable to future cases is if there is a majority of the court agreeing to it. 4/9 justices does not make a majority, so how the hell does one person's belief on what the narrowest grounds of agreement between the concurrences become binding law when 5/9 did not approve of that law? It makes no sense. See Marks v. United States, 430 U.S. 188 (1977) for where this illogical rule originates. There's been discussion of doing away with it in recent years, and I fully support it.

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katrinapavela · 7 years

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Rowan is connected to Liv’s Kidnapping and Fitz’s Attempted Assassination?: A Theory

NB: I just wanted to post two excerpts from things I’ve written in the past. I have been holding on to the belief that Rowan is connected to both Olivia’s kidnapping and Fitz’s attempted assassination. Since S4. With the new Mystery Woman, it seems like some of this may be relevant again. IDK.

Anyway, the excerpts after the jump are taken from

Scandal Season 4 Theory that’s Probably Wrong, but Still Entertaining to Me… (30th April, 2015)

The Madness of Queen Liv: #Scandal 517 Reflections (13th April, 2016)

S4:

“I’ve discussed some of these ideas with a few people and thought I’d just write them down. Yes, I’m well aware that this is written with Olitz lenses. It’s just me thinking, and most of it is probably wrong (which I’m used to), but here goes…

If Rowan is connected to Liv’s kidnapping, then… my dissatisfaction begin to make sense.

The Logistics:

How could Andrew, the VP, have the entire Secret Service replaced? How does he know ex-Special OPs guys like Ian? Sure, Andrew had motive to have Fitz trussed up by the proverbial balls for the tenure of his presidency, but why was he so adamant that Olivia remain unharmed (411)? Andrew has absolutely no investment in her physical well-being, nor do I think he was just being kind-hearted all of a sudden. How could Rowan, a man that has claimed to have done everything in his life for Olivia (407), refuse to lift a finger when Jake came to him for help(413)? He said he had no daughter. Six episodes later, he’s a papa who’s proud of his “girl” because she stopped “shining” Fitz’s shoes and is “standing on [her] own” (419)?

But then I remember that Rowan knows Special Ops and Black Ops guys. After all, he ordered Fitz to shoot down a commercial airplane in a Black Ops mission (307). Rowan had already infiltrated Secret Service with B6-13 agents (Tom) in order to keep abreast of White House goings-ons (312). So, replacing the entire team: easy. And the only person who has ever proffered Olivia’s physical safety to the detriment of her psychological, and emotional well-being, is Rowan. But why? How could he do that to his daughter?

Actually, this is exactly the kind of thing he’s perpetrated against Olivia for years. All done to toughen her up into some kind of steely, strong black woman archetype, that is only ever subservient one thing: his black patriarchal authority. This authority, she is told over and over again, is for her protection. This is the man who let his 12 year old believe her mother was dead, while he locked that mother away in isolation for her crime, and never let her see any evidence of her daughter’s development. Not even a fucking news clipping (not until she chewed through her own wrists (308)). He never let that daughter come back home; he sent her away (301). Sure, she received the finest education and learned a bunch of languages that have come in handy, but she is not OK. Rowan is the guy who, when Olivia was set to see Fitz again after a painful 10 month breakup (post-defiance), had his double agent, Jake Ballard, conveniently intervene in his daughter’s life. Why? To occupy her mind before she was set to see Fitz as Ella’s christening. I guess he didn’t plan on them fucking in a server closet. Woops. He sent his guy in to sleep with Olivia (405 admission), then had that evidence presented to Fitz. The purpose? A misogynistic belief that Fitz sees Olivia as his property, and since the property has been “defiled” (310) by another man, Fitz would no longer care for that property. Russell is yet another toy for Olivia to play with, and another means for extracting information in order to stay ahead of her. Rowan is also the guy who allowed his daughter’s name to be leaked by his own B6-13 agent, Tom, (301), when he obviously had the power to quash it. Why? Because it would conveniently allow him to get Olivia away from that “disappointing” (310) Fitzgerald Grant. He insisted that she would get on that plane “come hell or high water” (301). Seventeen episodes later, Olivia was checkmated into doing so (318). Bonus points for allowing her to think it was of her own volition. Lastly, Rowan is the guy who killed Fitz’s son for a dual purpose. Doing so gave his daughter another achievement under her belt because Fitz won; and it drove–what he hoped would be–a permanent wedge between them. “What love could survive that” (405), he said, as he built a rationale for the framing of Jake Ballard for his (Rowan’s) own crime.

In light of all of that, kidnapping and war actually fit perfectly with Rowan’s MO.”

I wouldn’t be surprised if the kidnapping plan was put in place the moment Liv returned to DC. Rowan told her he didn’t tell her she could leave (401)). This return to B6-13 and Rowan would make sense to me if Rowan is tied into the kidnapping. Otherwise, episodes 410-413 feel like a bizarre sweeps attempt.

Olivia is not a woman who reaches for personal help. For her career, sure. In some ways, Olivia can’t make a full emotional recovery while instituting a Cold War with Fitz. That coldness and anger are taxing on the body and mind because they take work to maintain. But it’s a sacrifice to freedom and justice. Olivia cannot be the woman she wants to be, or command control of her life while Rowan remains free to inflict all manner of violence and abuse in her name. She cannot fully recover, or have anything with Fitz (the person who knows her best on an emotional level), while Rowan remains unpunished. He will destroy it. If the kidnapping is any indication, he will truly stop at nothing to make Olivia into the woman he thinks she should be. Whoever that woman is supposed to be, she isn’t to be with someone Rowan finds threatening. And Fitz is threatening because he represents actual love. Something Olivia wants, yet fears. She fears it more than the actual fear and terror her father inflicts.

From 517:

“Lastly, the killing of Andrew has an obvious parallel with the attempted assassination of Fitz. The promo for the episode shows clips from 207/208 and 409/410 to explicitly link the two. Fitz took three bullets on Verna’s orders, but managed to survive. Verna then had the unmitigated gall to blame Fitz for the fact that she and others were “made” to love him, and therefore commit crimes in his name. It had nothing whatsoever to do with their own ambitions, which depended on Fitz’s office. Besides being an unsatisfactory answer, Verna’s reason sounds awfully reminiscent of the shit Cyrus, Mellie, and now Olivia (with Abby) have used to justify their actions. Fitz is to blame for everything they do behind his back, despite the fact that they would likely do it for anyone holding that office. Anyone who trusted them enough.

Verna tries to upend who Fitz had imagined he was, playing on the insecurities his abusive father drilled in his head—he’ll never be good enough (213). Andrew, too, used very similar trigger buttons we’ve heard Rowan use in the past toward Olivia (301, 305, 409, 419). Discovering that the cabal of Defiance included Olivia, Fitz quickens Verna’s descent to hell. The act protects his legacy as well as the DC5 from jail, with Olivia’s being the most important freedom to protect from among the five collaborators. Here, too, Andrew blames Olivia for destroying his life though he was the one coordinating her attempted destruction through Special Ops forces (very similar to Verna with ex-B613 member, “Becky”). What is different in Olivia’s case with Andrew is that his destruction had everything to do with Olivia and no one else, not even her candidate, Mellie—though I bet she would like to imagine otherwise. By going to war, Fitz asserted that Olivia’s black life mattered to him. Now Olivia, with a metal chair that recalls the chair laid over the body of Brandon Parker by his father (414, h/t @Janekas, Twitter), asserts for herself that her black life does matter, contrary to Andrew’s words.

The Rowan Factor

I have talked around what, to me, has seemed obvious since the second half of season 4: Rowan must be connected to Olivia’s kidnapping; Andrew’s resurgence; and the attempted assassination on Fitz. There are clues in this episode that intimate Rowan’s connection, and we see symbolic representations manifested in Olivia’s memory and PTSD episodes. Those things are: the color red (pyjamas and red doors—kidnapping and Rowan’s door); the record player and records Rowan brought to her in an attempt to recall happy childhood memories (when he still believed she was his progeny?); the song playing as she attempted to shrug her father off through dance; and the spilling of the red wine (his influence on her (302). Rowan, a unisex name, means “little red one” (h/t @teawaldo). The record player is nostalgia, but also spins ‘round and round in circles (Olivia’s direction since Rowan re-appeared in her life). And the spilling of wine indicates both blood and sacrifice (h/t @vvhallom). Rowan is her blood and her kidnapping is a sacrifice for her greatness. You see, the kidnapping was meant to break Olivia, cause irrevocable strife between her and Fitz (who wants to be used as a pawn in a dick swinging contest?). Moreover, she was to turn cold, angry, selfish, and replace the power of love with the power of …power, one that served her instead of “shined [Fitz’s] shoes” (419). When she couldn’t make it work in an honest way with Fitz (how could she, having paid no attention to her mental health), she defaulted right back to this position.

I know what you’re thinking: Kat, this is a bit much. You’re biased because you have never appreciated Rowan, so you want to blame him for everything. Besides, the writers aren’t smart enough to link all these things. This theory is a little out there. I also admit that, though I love Joe Morton and think Rowan is actually a great character because he stirs so much emotion in me, I cannot stand Rowan as Olivia’s father. He does not behave toward her as a father should, and never has. It has pained me so much that outfits like Afterbuzz, other outlets, and otherwise ‘woke’ people on Twitter have praised this man as some ‘strong black father’ figure whose abuse is seen as ‘tough love’. Get the entire fuck out of here. That kind of thinking comes from people who have justified abuse from family members in their own lives because of the shame associated with victims of abuse in our society. This is especially the case for those who don’t have physical scars to show for it. As someone who has been through emotional manipulation by a parent at various points in her life; early abandonment by her father; physical abandonment by her mother at the age of 12 due to prison, and had to eventually seek therapy years later for suppressing the effects of all of that, I know what the fuck I am talking about, even if I am biased.

Furthermore, we see Olivia doing the exact same justifications as a victim of abuse, including her repeated association with the dirty bathroom that is Jake Ballard, when she is lost. They are siblings of Rowan’s abuse, who have repeated those patterns with each other in addiction. This is why Jake is both terrible for her and also the reason why she keeps going back to him. A healthy Olivia Pope wouldn’t’ give this man the time of day. If you don’t believe our society’s penchant for blaming victims and defining them as “dumb”, look no further than to some of Scandal’s fans. Don’t say but, but, it’s the show runner who is writing Olivia as dumb because she doesn’t respect her own character enough. That’s not what my eyes see. I see a show-runner using the novelistic tradition of show-don’t-tell to portray a story about a woman trying to define herself against the struggles of various forces of patriarchy (including racism and misogynoir—all descendants of white patriarchal supremacy) wielded against her, and the influences of her own emotionally deprived upbringing. Olivia may be brilliant, bold and beautiful, but she is still a Mis-educated Negress in America trying to find her way.

Back to the Rowan factor. As I have mentioned before, the people who supposedly coordinated Olivia’s kidnapping (Andrew) and Fitz’s assassination (Verna) both used either Special Ops forces or ex-B6-13 members. Neither Andrew, nor Verna have cause to be associated with such people, but Rowan does. The level of coordination it took behind the scenes for both these events far-outweighed the capabilities of Andrew (a second rate politician) and Verna (the old lady judge). They didn’t have the pull. And if Rowan is as omnipotent and omniscient as he portrays himself to be, none of this could have taken place without his knowledge. Never forget that he allowed his own agent (Tom) to out Olivia’s name as Fitz’s mistress when he had the power to stop it. But he didn’t because letting Fitz out her, via, Tom (301) served Rowan’s agenda. Underneath it all, the aim of both these events was to break the emotional connection Olivia formed with Fitz.

“No family. That’s the first rule… No families, no connections. No sun on the horizon. Nothing to wish for. You’re now the property of the United States government, division B6-13… You come to work at acme limited. You fake-sell fake paper, and you run the world in a way that no one even imagines exists in real life, and then, little by little, you’ve been places… And you’ve done things, and there’s been so much blood. This becomes your home. This becomes your family. And you can’t imagine any other life” (Jake, 313).

Does the above not sound pretty much like the path Olivia has been on for the last three seasons, courtesy of the man who developed that ethos? Rowan essentially sees himself as power; the one who makes democracy possible (301). Three ex-B6-13 guys, over three seasons, have told Olivia, more or less, that she’s been treated by Rowan as a B6-13 agent: Jake (317), Tom (407), and Huck (512). She’s been in denial every time that Rowan was a father who would always love his ‘baby girl’, no matter what she did, no matter how many times she tried to shut him down, or walk away from him (304, 317, 405, 512). Contrast that with someone else to whom she’s done similar things, but, perhaps, lost hope that he could possibly still love her. Right.

With this justified homicide of Andrew on top of killing one of her previous kidnappers, letting the murderer of her lover’s son out of jail (506), aborting the only real shot at family she’s ever had (509), compelling the suicide of an innocent man (516), Olivia has now “done things” from which she, perhaps, doubts she can’t turn back. And to which “family” does she turn in the end, once she’s become a monster? Think about who encouraged her it was the only answer. And why would Andrew have any incentive right now to raise Fitz’s going to war for Olivia? Could it have anything to do with Fitz’s recent tentative involvement in Olivia’s life? Think about it. Andrew already blamed Olivia for his demise (it was her goon (Huck) who injected him with stroke medication (413)), and he’s wanted to tank Mellie’s political run since 412. He could have achieved that with the story Abby came up with—“Mellie Grant: One Affair, Many Lies” (lol). That leads me to Lillian. Why her? Recall that in 512 there was a leaked photo of Lillian in the WH parking lot after a tryst. Who has the incentive and the planted eyes (::cough:: Jake as NSA head ::cough) to get that photo? But Lillian is not just an ambitious, Pulitzer-winning journalist (511), she’s also thirsty in more ways than one, and has the connection to Fitzgerald to exploit. I’m just saying, this is all a little too convenient and smells of Rowan. He uses people who have grudges. All of this allows him to let the Republicans destroy themselves while he and his black Democrat, Edison, pop their collars.

I’ve worked hard to repair my relationship with both parents, but they put in work, too, and actually had real love for me. Because I think Rowan wears a parental mask and is not actually Olivia’s father (how could he treat her as he does?), I think he’s incapable of having an equitable relationship with Olivia wherein he can’t play Zeus with her puppet strings. That’s not a father. Rowan has always been more invested in the idea of “the formidable Olivia Pope” (310), than he has been in the actual woman. Hopefully, somewhere inside Olivia she can still imagine another life that bridges the gap between her current reality and her indulgent Vermont fantasy (410).

#Scandal #olivia pope #rowan pope #what is this all for #i don't want to see liv get any more fucked up

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deruste · 7 years

Text

chapter 3 Duran

I stood in a small room looking through a small window overlooking the sea shore. The view was superb with an overlooking gaze over a glorious coastal city with large complexes sprouting out of the ground like a proverbial forest and markets surrounding most of them like the grass floor of one. I was told the weather was warm and pleasant and I can see from the window that it was a beautiful clear sky today. I turned my head towards a single mirror hanging on the wall and I saw my own reflection within it. To give an accurate description of myself I’m 7 ft tall, a very stocky metallic being with clawed hands and a symmetrical head with two rounded eyes. My arms and legs resemble human ones and are interchangeable.

I looked at my chest and opened it up to inspect my insides. There were extra spare parts and some crystals inside. “Hmfp, at least he didn’t damage it too much.” I turned my gaze towards to a single crystal with a single crack irradiating arcane energy at my very core. “Should take some time to fix it but what can go wrong with waiting a little longer.”

Knock knock “Duran, you ready.” I heard a voice coming from the wooden door. The room was nice enough with its nicely crafted wooden interior and literal giant sized bed clocking in at about three feet high and 11 feet length. Sadly I don’t need sleep but it does room together.

“I’ll be right with you in a moment.“ I closed my chest cavity and walked towards the door. I grasped the knob and turned taking a peek outside. There was nothing there even as I turned my head both ways.

"Ahem, down here.” A low raspy voice caught my attention and I proceeded to look down as it commanded.

“Oh, kulen didn’t know it was you.“ I saw a short green man with bulbul’s feet and arms two sizes too big for his body and a face with jagged teeth and a nose that resembled a beak. Kulen is one of many oddities I’ve have found in this city, apparently, he is called a goblin, A race of small green humanoids that clock in at 3ft mostly living as merchants. He was wearing leather armor that was dark blue with a cloth headdress covering all but his face with a pitch-black scarf.

"So they send you as an escort. Guess they still don’t trust me.” He simply nodded to my remark.

"Well can’t blame the superiors. Well, you can but not directly please and don’t mention me, I need their paychecks. Besides its best to be cautious of someone, who two weeks into their espionage mission suddenly turns traitor to the other side.”

"I just saw those I served under as petty and saw the plan of attack they had planned. I won’t play steward or herald to such a massacre.“ I said back to the disgruntled little man but he gave a little smirk to what I said.

"And the legion accepts the defection with open arms but we still need precautions, we are still a military group after all.” He said straining to sound sincere.

I heard little about this “legion”. Apparently, it’s a military group that “deals" with magical incursions. Beyond that, they said nothing to me and just left me to sit in one of their fortress in a city called Kollesta. We cut the conversation short and walked through a long hallway dotted with stone doors and two-way mirrors, the interrogation rooms. I’ve made several trips here to reaffirm my story to the interrogator’s they keep sending my way probably in attempts to see if I change my story and have apple reason to call me a double agent just so they can hang me. As we walked down the marble corridors the two-way mirrors filled with questionable characters ranging from strange to mystifying.

I passed by one with what looked like a human made out of flames barely held together by garments looking to be more comfortable in a dessert arguing vigorously with a women with horns and leather wings in bronze armor consisting of bracers, sandals and a dagger-like short sword that looked more suitable for stabbing than the usual function of slashing.

"Is that armor typical here or is it a stylistic choice?“ I inquired as I stood watching the winged woman argue with the burning man.

"Depends could be a mercenary but the look of the armor screams demigod to me.”

I quickly turn to face him to see if he was straight faced about that line. “You’re kidding right?”

"Uh no, no I’m not kidding you. That woman probably comes from new-Athens or Jade city, both of them have populations that are nearly entirely demigods. Kind of a dumping grounds of unwanted godly children.” He kept a serious face with a bit of that smirking grin he always had but I just stood there and waited for the “gotcha” line I was sure was going to come. “Well if you’re done gawking, we should get on the move to the infirmary.”

With a renewed focus we walked pass the interrogation rooms into several blank hallways dotted only by some doors and the occasional painting. I kept a keen eye out for more of these demigods that Kulen talked about. In my culture, the appearance of one usually was the prelude of either great fortune or devastation but usually the latter. The fact there are enough to have two cities devoted to them gave me considerable shock…. just how. Just how much time must their gods have to pork and sire children must they do anything else.

“I would imagine someone would be overwhelmed by this information. *sigh*, If I can’t make a statue not be overwhelmed by this knowledge how will I do it with a 15-year-old girl. He He he.” I started to share in the laughter. The goblin was not a small comfort in this complex, he was the only one who didn’t see potential threat nor had the urge to try to rip my head off. He has also been gracious in telling me as much as he can of his organization and about this city.

“Trust me when I say that I’m doing fine, the fact something new is behind every corner excites me more than anything besides I can still offer my services to help with… her.” She was a matter of delicacy. Kulen told me that she was attacked by my old comrades and was sent through what they referred to as a shadow gate, a portal using one shadow as the entrance. Apparently, her soul was pulled out of her body when it came out the other end and the medics think she should wake today.

“About that Duran, I trust but will she Trust you.” His word stung me, I’m well aware of what my old comrades tried to do to her but perhaps if I explain it to her I can offer some help. I can help her adjust to her new life at least as something for her misfortune.

“Perhaps, how about if we both talked to her?”

“Maybe Duran, but I mustn’t take chances on this.” His words stung a little but I understand the rationale behind them enough to shrug it off. We were on our path again and walked through the grayish stone floor and black obsidian walls clashing with the scarlet doors. We stopped in front of a mass of people running between dozens of doors crossing every which way in white gowns, leather suits and heavy armor with wheeled beds. The beds have comatose patients in all kinds of garments but there was a single trend, most were human. Some were very dark skinned while others are very pale or little of both, the coloring blending of humans fascinated me very much. Are there near limitless combinations? Are some stronger than others? How does it transpire? It all permeated in my head but I shook off the thoughts as we got to the room we were looking for.

“How is her condition? I asked immediately

“She is stable and woke up for few seconds about a day ago. The shamans said they identified the problem and they say they can fix it now.” The room was isolated from the chaos of the other rooms, a lonely island in a giant sea of attendants and crying families. There were two guards that caught my attention, two very interesting looking soldiers with six arms and three faces. They were both in very heavy armor that perplexing had large spots of unprotected skin on the stomachs, hands and feet. I see they have Great…. The confidence I guess? The Arms and top of the head were buried in heavy, shimmering heaps of armor but rather than being protective it was mostly decorative but the arms seem very well designed, might make a pair of my own.

“What are those? I looked down at Kulen who seemed in the process of nearly soiling his pants. “Aaaah Kulen you all right buddy? He didn’t seem to move or even notice my question, just staring at the warriors. “All right, I’m sorry in advance Kulen.” I opened my chest cavity and picked out my non-sharp hands which resembled humans ones with five fingers and started to carefully replace my own arms by removing one at a time and then using the newly equip appendage to attach the other one and braced to backhand some sense into him. I put my hand in the right position and carefully gauged how much force to use. PHAW. I applied little force but Kulen nearly flew across the hallway but thankfully he seemed to pick himself up and seemed to compose himself now.

“I’m alright I believe I’m mostly all right. Although there is troubling news I have to deal with now.” He started to stare at them again but then he started to walk towards them, visibly trying to look more imposing to the creatures. “I see the Asura clans have donated your services to the legion. I hope that you’re not the last of them.” Though his words were ones of gratitude there was audible fear and reluctance as he said it.

“The Hindu pantheon saw fit that the Asuras give their strength to the legion in the light of recent events.” The first of the pair said

“We came along with some demigods from Jade city that also came for enlisting.” said the other whose only distinction from the other was that he was of blue skin and the other was of red skin. After that, I thought I would have to slap him again because the same dumbfounded face of despair was popping up again.

“I see, well again I hope you enjoy serving for the legion from now on.” He bowed his head and proceeded to walk into the room as the Asuras gave me dirty looks with all of their heads. “Don’t mind him he’s with me.” He said promptly.

“Is he some sort of golem sire or some sort of prisoner you’re not taking seriously? The red one asked

"No, he’s a new enlistee, Fresh from the clutches of the enemy, this one right here. One look at a decorative officer and he went up to him and joined our cause so would have to say officially he is your co-worker.” After that remark the Asuras backed away from me and started to do their best to avoid looking away from me, then the moment I dreaded for a day or so happened. The room was very crowded with two officers of the legion standing in the corner with going right to left are a wolf man and a man in heavy golden armor with a spear in the right hand. The wolf man was wearing what looked like a mix of leather and cloth armor with a cloth tabard covering the chest and arms and leg guards. There were also three humans surrounding one teenage girl in a hospice bed, who when given the circumstances was looking quite peaceful in her bed. She had long dark hair that had a bit of a curled look. There were two humans on both sides of the bed, the one on the right had a pale complexion with red hair that seemed for lack of a better term fake. She had on strange garments as well and not the good kind of strange as I saw from all the people in the facility but more in the sense it just looked strangely made and boring. She had a plain cloth-like shirt with the single design of a plush feline on the front of it and trousers of a strange material with a few ripped patches. The other was slightly tanned but not on the level of the hospitalized girl who was a brownish color but more in the realm of half way with a jacket over a plain bluish cloth-like shirt like the girl on the right. Same kind trousers too no ripped patches, though, are humans more herd based when it comes to fashion? There was a third human of dark brown complexion who sat at the foot of the bed burying his head in his hands. He had a red shirt and same trousers as the first two again herd mentality. His head was interesting, though, to be more specific his hair which looked liked a field of corn that barely sprouted from the soil.

“These are her friends?” I looked down at my green friend looking for an answer but he slowly walked towards the red haired girl.

“Has she woken up again Amber?” She turned her head to meet Kulen’s face and she looked like she been neglecting rest. “You have not have been getting sleep have you?”

“I have been staying awake since Mira first got up but it has been hours and …I just want to be awake when she finally comes too.” She looked extremely tired and about ready to collapse at any moment.

“Don’t worry; there are some people who deal with problems of the soul that are coming.” A golden armored soldier finally said from the corner.

“Uhhh my head feels like a pile of bricks.” The girl in the hospital bed slowly rose rubbing the back of her head with a pained expression on her face. The red haired girl started to hug her immediately while the two male’s moods seemed to brighten up when they laid eyes on her.

“Oh oh right the death hugs, sorry Mira.” Amber released the girl from her surprisingly iron gripped hug.

“No, it’s alright I think I’m fine now, Amber what’s with the green guy, walking statue, wolf-man and a burly man in golden armor?” She seemed dazed by the creatures all around her but not frightened, not the least bit which kind of surprises me I would’ve thought she would have fainted but nope she just is mildly surprised.

“ Hmph, when I first saw them I nearly screamed my head off. Damien tried to calm me down but I ended up punching him in the face.” The tanned human started to instantly rub the left side of his face with a pained look in his eyes.

“WHAT THE HELL IS THAT MONSTROSITY DOING HERE!?” The girl identified as Mira gave an accusatory finger in my direction.

“Guess your memory is still intact. My name is Duran and I’m the reason you’re not being sold at a deli in Albadon.” She didn’t appear to take solace in my words instead seeming to just take it as an insult.

“You had me and Amber in a choke hold on a tree while trying to stop one of your friends from using us as experiments!” The wolfman started to get out of the corner.

“Actually that was me under cover making sure they get their comeuppance, you just appeared out of nowhere making it more complicated.” His voice had a hint of some sort of gruff accent but damned if I know what kind it is.

“And for your information girl I hated that bastard for longer than you been alive.”

“Cram it you too, she has been through enough already. Tal-no and Kalzoron please stand outside let me break the situation to her gentle.” The two soldiers begrudgingly left the room leaving me and Kulen with the humans, oh joy this is going to be a fond experience.

“So I guess you’re in charge of this place?” The other humans started to gather around her giving me dirty looks but I didn’t really mind I should have expected the icy reception. I do want to help Kulen though.

“Why yes I am, my name is Kulen a commander in the military group known as the legion. What is the last thing you remember Ms. Mira?”

She started to tell us about her dream. I stared at her in mild surprise at her descriptions of her dream especially about the city being buried in water and the tower, the first of which cached Kulen attention.

“I’m sorry to say this but that vision about the tidal wave did happen. The east coast of the United States is halfway in the ocean and the entirety of human technology has apparently been disabled.” The humans didn’t take the news greatly from my perspective most of them with expressions akin to that of a child that told her entire family died.

“Wh… what about our families and town are they safe or at least being protected?” The red headed human seemed to almost beg for an answer from Kulen as if he can make it seem like it never happened or perhaps rewrite everything so that they were still in their town at least trying to comfort their families.

“Your town was sadly near the land invasion but we manage to save move some people from the area but not all of them regrettably your parents may be in the mix but we can’t be sure. Besides Miss Mira, your talk of this Zelnam is of more concern especial of his supposed gift.”

“Why is that more of a concern than if our families still alive he could have been a fever dream for all we know.” Kulen just swings his head back and forth at this.

“For all, we know he is a spirit who wants to take over your body or a rogue god trying to make a new cult.”

“A rogue god? What constitutes a rogue god?”My question fell on the death ears of Kulen but it seems to interest the humans, though.

“Wait for a god; what are you trying to say here, green man?” Kulen seemed to compose himself, trying to find the right words to lie upon them like a criminal put before a judge.

“I saying that you are no longer in the comforting world of concrete and steel. Now humanity is face to face with shadows of the past and the shadows have grudges to settle and old duties that must be affirmed.” He seemed to ramble off about higher powers like he was of the cloth of some cult and I should know I worked (although briefly) with such an individual. His words were foreboding and from my minute days of spying in Asia the humans are going to have a …short war with my old homeland.“Duran, would you have an arcane or mana crystal of some kind in that chest cabinet of yours?”

“Better, I have one fused together why?”

“I need to demonstrate something to these people.” I did as he asked and grabbed out the crystal. The crystal was blue and purple with the shape of a cube with spiked edges. I bent down and put it his hands and he put it front her on her lap.

“What’s this for?” As she reached out to touch it a dust like energy started to absorb itself into her hand. “Why is it doing that?”

“Well, it appears that this so-called “gift” This Zelnam promised seems to be arcane magic and possible some other form of it.” The girl ripped her hand from the crystal and proceeded to stare at it with a look of abject horror.

“Is that a bad thing or is it something that will blow me up?”

“If you don’t learn to control it but for now it’s probably best for to rest here especially you amber, gets some sleep. Damien and Alex please go with Duran to the market for some food shopping, here some money.” He handed me pieces of gold, silver, and platinum. “Tal-no will come with you so you won’t get lost.”

The two boys followed me out the door begrudgingly, especially the dark one who must be Alex. We walked down the infirmary to an enormous reception room with an immense ceiling mosaic depicting a human male holding up the world over his shoulder with an inscription saying Mundus super nos. “You aren’t still mad me are you?”

“Well the scar on my neck from your friend sword hasn’t gone away but you seem decent enough beside I blame myself for getting us in that situation.”

“Mind if I ask why you think that is not as though you’re the one who leads them … there.” The sudden words were apparently the hammer on the soft skull as the human started to look down on his feet.

“I drag them all there for a project for my science class that I need help with. Mira saw a light in the trees and we got worried and followed her and …you know the rest.” I see why the human feels responsible now but it still not his fault but it’s better for him to figure out himself. After that bit of awkwardness, we meet with Tal-no the golden warrior from the infirmary.

“Sorry, but you are wanted with Caduceus in the interrogation rooms.” Kalzoran the wolfman came rushing in out of nowhere looking haggard.

“May I ask why, why does he need me for?” The question was stuck in the air I start to piece together his meaning. “Fine, I’ll go there and help him, just guide the humans to the market.

Great I have to back to where I started an hour ago, this time with a wolf man that was almost as awkward as that Alex boy. But the most frustrating part is that I will have to talk to the people I stabbed in the back. "Well, something had to ruin this day."

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aafnakura · 6 years

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A letter to the “Moon Brother”

Dear जून भाइ,

I should have written something about you long before. It has already been more than 3 years that you are gone. You and I had shared such deep and profound moments together, you were always there one way or other, whenever I created something. As I have always admitted, “Everything that I wrote, I wrote not only my words.” Those were your words, those were somebody else’s words. I was just the designer and I just had the right placement. That’s all.

I remember when I was newly introduced to you as my cousin. You were just another little brother for me. You spent time in the village and you were trying to find your way to mold yourself in the city’s big canvass. For the sake of courtesy, we were meeting in the family/relatives’ gatherings. It was just a “hi”, “hello” thing. I was actually fond of your father when I was a kid. He was good then. But I always hated your grandmother; who is my father’s aunt (my grandfather’s youngest sister).

I can’t assume what your father or your grandmother wanted you to be or shape you in what way. But you were an adolescent who was on the edge of finding own identity. The way they wanted you to see the world was absolutely different from how I wanted it to be. But I was in no way to guide you or control you. Myself, I was developing over the course of time; finding meaningful companionship and creative outsourcing. The only thing I tried to do was not to deprive you from the resources that I had on my reach and which you were interested in. When some of our interests matched, we met so often. My friends became like your elder siblings. You became an affectionate younger brother for them.

I was watching you grow every time; as a person, as an adolescent, as an art enthusiast and as a people friendly individual. Over the course of time, your father and grandmother were happy that you became such an outgoing person and you were having the good company with some of the well-known people from the art fraternity. We were celebrating the festival gathering in the theater, sometime in 2011, I guess. And the next day’s newspaper and online had several pictures from the event and you were in some of those pictures. Your father and grandmother thanked me for that shift in your personality. Actually, they had requested me every now and then that I take you with me wherever I was going so that you would see the broad world and you will meet some well-known people and you will learn a lot. I didn’t have to intentionally do that because you were like a river yourself. You were flowing and you met other different rivers and together we made a sea. That was it.

I am very selective with the people I really spend time with. You were one of them. Sometimes, for my profession, sometimes for the courtesy, sometimes for the respect of people who admire me and want to talk to me for a while: I had to spend some time. I can talk, spend time but there really are few people in whose company I can open up my heart. I don’t care if I get hurt.

Then something came up. You were a much more grown up person and you reached your emerging adulthood phase. Both you and I were thinking about going to a 10 day meditation camp. None of us inspired or provoked or forced or convinced (or whatever the word is) each other. It just happened to be at the same schedule we went there. And our parents were happy that the cousins were together for the camp. They were less worried. Here, I must say, you are an individual and I am an individual. Together, we have one dimension and we have another dimension when we are single entities. Neither of us could sneak into each other’s body or mind and alter anything or know everything about how you and I are thinking or what you and I want as an individual.

We were abide by the rules and regulations of the place so we couldn’t communicate. I don’t know what you went through or how you received those 10 days, but I was very clear on how I felt and how I received those days. I wrote a memoir which was published on one of the national dailies. After that, I was reaching out to the friends and hangouts even more because I am a kind of person who likes the subtle touches, good warm hugs and the spontaneous conversations with friends for hours. I missed all of those when I was in the camp, meditating. So that’s how it worked for me. I tried to compensate for those 10 days. It worked the other way for you.

Later, I found out, you were meditating as per the techniques you learnt from that camp. And it was not only the meditation, but you were also showing some unusual behaviors. Nobody could believe that you wrote, “I want freedom” on the ceiling, with your pencil. Those big letters were imprinted on my heart right away. And there were other distorted images and letters which I couldn’t make sense of. My parents visited you. I visited you. I had to be in a photo story writing workshop. But I had asked you, “Do you want me to stay here with you?” And you had given me that faint smile and said, “No.” You were crowded by relatives; who were completely clueless about those unusual behaviors you exhibited. But everybody was anxious to come up with some kind of diagnosis. That’s how people’s psyche is. They know how to diagnose others.

My father is an educated person. He is dependable. That’s one reason your father respects my father. Not only because he is your father’s cousin. As per my father’s suggestion, you were taken to the psychiatrist. You were having medicines. And these things don’t just get fixed in a single day. After a few days, your father came to my house, started to threaten me, saying that I should be in a jail if something happens to you. It was all blame, blame and blame. The same person who came to me years before, almost helplessly requesting me to take you with me so that you would be more outgoing and communicative; the same person: was now blaming me for provoking you to go to the meditation. And I still feel disgusted, when I remember how ridiculously he said that I came out from there fine and his son came out as a lunatic. As if we were in a war zone or that was a matter of life and death.

“He was good but you took him to the theaters to see the play, you gave him the books to read, you took him to those film festivals and you were hanging out with those people and blah blah…..”

I never hated you Joon Bhai. But I am a very sensitive person. I couldn’t take it. People didn’t want me to see you but I know why you wrote “I want freedom” in those big letters. I had seen how things were developing on your end. Your father was a pathetic and miserable person. An asshole, to be precise, (I don’t judge people but he is) who always clearly signaled that your mother was ugly so he was having an affair and he would like to marry somebody and blah blah. Your grandmother is a bitch (Again, I don’t judge people but she is). She always gave a hard time to my parents when I was a kid and we didn’t have a good living standard. But my parents, out of respect and out of courtesy; didn’t say a word and let her eat, stay, have stuffs on credit from the grocery stores (using my father’s goodwill because he was a local school teacher). And she always envied our side of the family tree. I can go on and on and on because I experienced them and heard them since my childhood.

So, they wanted you to see the world their way which was different from my perspective. And, in between, you found your own way. But after your father created the scene like that, I had to go to the regular counselling sessions. And the tragedy is: the same doctor was counselling you at another hospital. I couldn’t take that. Somebody comes to my house, blames me for trying to kill somebody, creates a scene, embarrasses me; off course, I start having fear just by the sound of the opening gate. And specially when its some relative involved, just the ignorance or the yelling or the fightback is not enough. That is the whole different dynamics. I had that fear for several months.

Time passed. I had to have a safe side for myself. So I didn’t meet you frequently. I never stepped on your house and even in the festival when we are supposed to get the blessings from the elders, I clearly said to my parents, “I am never going to that house again.” I could feel how you dealt with them, being the only kid and not having any siblings. I was watching you from distance. You were improving but because you were in medications, you looked swollen. You didn’t have that charisma that attracted people towards you. You joined the college and studied psychology. Once in a while, we met each other but I never made you feel distant even after all that happened. Once in a while, I used to find the same magnitude of laughter you had from before. You visited my cafe frequently because you knew, all the people you admired and you hanged out with were accessible in my cafe. You couldn’t resist that creative space I created.

Everything looked okay at the surface. And, out of the blue, one morning, my father sent me the text and said you were no more. Samuna had stayed over at my place the previous night. So, I rushed to her, and threw myself on her lap and cried and cried and cried. You hung yourself against the beam of the staircase. That staircase which went to the terrace. For you, I assume it was the staircase to the heaven.

This time, they didn’t have anything specific to blame me or somebody else. Some people are so much used to blaming, they will always find something. They don’t want to think, discuss and come up with good rationale. The very first thing they come up with is to throw a blame card. So they came up with your bachelors degree in psychology. You were recently working with the kids to heal them through different therapeutic tools, after the earthquake scared everybody. They also came up with the diagnosis that you should have been depressed after the earthquake and working with the kids and using your knowledge in psychology. People were very shallow that’s why they always came up with a shallow perspective that studying psychology means losing a person because that person is going to be a lunatic. Or say, a normal person cannot have a psychology degree or work on the field of psychology. Same is the thinking about spirituality. GROW UP PEOPLE!!!! Don’t be such a burden on humanity!!!!

But you were so dear to me, I cried and cried and cried. That was one occasion when I was almost running out of the tears. I never cried that much in my entire life. You were taken to the cremation. I watched your pyre, burning bigger and brighter. You had a diary which my father kept with him because he didn’t want anybody to make comments based on that. He gave it to the investigating officers later. But I was able to read a few sentences where you had written about your mother. You had written, “Dad, please take care of mother. If possible, please replace all her teeth.”

If I was the same person as I am today, I could have snatched your diary and read everything and connected all the dots and describe it to all of them. I would have been able to tell people what really went wrong. But nobody thought about talking to me as if I never existed in his life. And the pathetic things is: the third generation is not considered to be strong enough to take these things. Or, lets say, when the first and second generation people are there, who gives a fuck about what I think! We were never able to create an environment where everybody’s opinions would be accepted. And later I found out that nobody really cared why you hung yourself. I completely get it how it feels like when somebody loses a grownup child. But at least, they should have tried to find the reason for real, not to just give an assumption based information in the relatives’ gatherings.

For the whole day and several weeks to follow, I had a very hard time coping up with your loss. I reported the Facebook to do something about your account so they put it as a “memorium” or something, as they do for the deceased persons’ account.

Your father is still the same. He was throwing me comments after you were cremated. But I accepted them because he was the father of a recently cremated son. Though I hated him, I put myself on his shoes and tried to console him. I was very respectful and I was very cautious on how I was communicating with him. I didn’t want him to feel that loss again and again. I didn’t intentionally ignore him. Every time I saw or met him, I joined my palms and said “Namaste”. I thought time will heal everything. I did the mistake of communicating with him again. But that was a compulsion. My parents can’t ignore him because he is a close relative. And I know, I couldn’t have written it if he was somebody from my generation and if I had to take notice of all the social and family-relatives dynamics. My parents have to think about that. I tried hard to do the same. But not anymore.

When I was coming to the US, your father sent me the message and said you could have come to the US if you were alive. But what bothered me was when he said I took your fate and deprived you of life and happiness and prosperity. He also said that I made you change like that which resulted him to join psychology instead and lost his mind and commit a suicide. I ignored once, I ignored twice and a few times, I also tried to have a good conversation with him and say that he should change the way he thinks about everything. I also told him that he is behaving like he is the most uneducated, uncultured, uncivilized and non-understanding person. But that didn’t work so I blocked him from all of my communications. I can’t stay unhealthy for my entire life just because your father wants to spit shit every now and then.

But I must say, you were a very dear one Joon Bhai. You are in PEACE. You don’t have to deal with your father and grandmother again but I feel very sorry for your mother. She was and is very innocent. I didn’t take her words seriously because she never meant what she said. She was expressing what your father and grandmother had always expressed. Because she spent such a long time in their surroundings, she forgot she had her own opinions. She had lost her reasoning power long before. I still have no hard feelings for her. She was your mother, you were her son. But she never had a good reach on you. You father and grandmother had you all. So I have absolutely nothing against her.

And I am writing this not because I want people to read it and hate your father and grandmother more. I am writing this because I had to, at some point in my life. I don’t want hate to overpower my memory in any way. From you, I learnt how to smile more often. You had that charisma when you smiled. After all of those happened, I think I have a different attitude towards approaching the bitterness that runs in the family and relatives circle. If not so, at least, I know I can step up and try to make things work. At least, I can step up for people I care despite of what everyone says or thinks or does. At least, I have the guts to say, “I am with you” or “I am here whenever you need me.”

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