#we just haven't heard of them (yet)

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[daily-hanamura]

#p4 #persona 4 #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #EVERYDAY IM HOWLING. EVERYDAY IM SCREAMING. #for context this comes at the heel of yosuke charging at mitsuo kubo in rage because of his flippance towards killing saki and he's hit har #but souji and kanji jump in to protect him #like ok a lot of things going on here such as the obvious OH MY GODDDD yosuke being yosuke and taking things on for himself #because he doesn't want to bother people?? because he's made it his own responsibility? because his survivor's guilt is still lingering? #i mean don't tell me he doesn't look at how he surrendered to his shadow like apart from his self-sacrificing propensity #i low key feel like everytime yosuke demands answers about saki's death from the murderer/god/etc there's this undertone of how #he would rather it have been him #he cheapens his own life so much and for what #BUT ALSO!! ALSO!! not just souji jumping in because we know he would he's down bad for yosuke BUT ALSO KANJI #listen you've all heard me talk so much about how i adore kanji yosuke friendships #i can't really tell whether it's kanji or souji that says “haven't we earned your trust yet” but it's a line that hits SO HARD #regardless of which one of them was saying it and i think it hits hard in slightly different manners #it's kanji's admiration and how he looks up to yosuke and how he wants to be closer to yosuke as a friend/kouhai/whatever you want #tatsumi “who's your partner now!” kanji has so much respect for yosuke he wants yosuke to rely on him too!!! #and this stands out because kanji is very conscious of social hierarchies and such but as a kouhai as yosuke's junior #he's so specific about wanting yosuke to treat him as an equal #i smtimes feel bad for kanji because he has a bit of that vibe of a poor puppy trailing after souyo because he wants to be in their convos! #he wants to be included! but critically he also just! wants them to SEE him!! #going a lil off tangent but i think kanji's attitude towards souji is very much one of kouhai respect like he understands his place #of like deferring to souji or getting advice from him and just generally regarding him as a reliable mentor #and it's the same with chie and yukiko? but idk man. with yosuke. guys. with yosuke i always feel like kanji wants to break that hierarchy #that convention. that social norm. to cross a line and be closer to yosuke. #he's more willing to tease yosuke in a way he doesn't with the other 2nd years. and this isn't coming from a place of disrespect either #AGAIN. KANJI REALLY LIKES YOSUKE. he wants to protect yosuke!!! he jumps at the opportunity for yosuke to rely on him!! #i'm getting delulu but there's those hints of “yosuke senpai i want you to see me as a man!!!” kind of energy here and i'm it's yknow hmm

[pagesofkenna]

i unironically love the Rat Grinders so much and its so funny to me that everyone on tumblr has jumped onto hating them so vehemently; these kids are transmigration light novel protagonists and it's hilarious. they reached level 100 killing nothing but slimes etc etc

that crap is some of the most soul crushing work imaginable. i will forcequit any video game the moment it's clear that grinding is the only way to advance because i hate it so much. they're not having fun. they're not enjoying the work. they got stuck with a DM who thinks XP leveling is worthwhile and they're slogging through it in the most tedious and boring way possible. they're 'powergaming' in only the most loose definition of the term. they're having the worst high school experience of anyone. they've traumabonded over spending 33 hours a week in abject misery and have now turned feral

#fantasy high #di20 #i also absolutely believe they have beef we haven't even heard of yet #like WHY have they been rat grinding? literally no one could EVER want to do that! #i ASSUME they don't WANT to be doing that so there must be an interesting story about how this all happened! #anyway i'm adopting all of them. holding their hands gently. showing them the healing mercies of milestone leveling #honestly that revelation just gave me flashbacks to the time one of my players really wanted to do XP leveling #and I had to like. actually SHOW them what I was doing at the end of every single encounter and session #before they were like 'oh. ok i get why you say this sucks'

[shimmerluna]

WAIT Elle has box braids in s3??? I could cry

I don't think she had bad hair in s1 or s2, but I'm excited that they're actually giving the Black girls Black hairstyles instead of having them wear it out.

Before, it felt like the (all-white, for context) hair department was just ignorant about Black hair, so they put wigs on the Black actresses and only did styles that also work on nonblack hair for their own sake/convenience. This theory was especially supported by the fact that Tara, whose 4c hair couldn't really be styled the same as nonblack hair, wore a twistout that would take literal hours to do every day, but she had box braids in s2! and Elle has box braids now!! I'm so excited!!!

I also feel like this fits her bold, fashion-loving personality so much better than leaving her hair out. Our hair is basically its own accessory, and the long box braids are very feminine. Again, I'm not saying not having a protective style isn't feminine or fashionable (I myself am a fashion girlie with an Afro), but having one is another outlet for her creativity, and I'm glad they're recognizing that now.

#shimmer's thoughts #heartstopper #elle argent #i have heard that apparently black people aren't allowed to have braids in uk schools? which is legitimately fucking wild #although it kinda looks like this had a big turning point in 2022 according to a quick google? but i'm not 100% sure #it depends on how much influence the ehrc has over the government. which doesn't seem to be much #we do have hair dress codes with huge anti-black bias here but no braids usually isn't in there explicitly #or something that's enforced afaik #all that to say it might just be that this happens to be a summer season and that's why their hair is like that #although even then I don't think Tara would be doing a twistout every day #i think slicking takes way less time so she'd probably be doing that if they didn't like afros either #she might though. i don't know exactly why she would do that but she might decide to do that #also to clarify again i'm not saying not having a protective style as a black girl is bad or negative or anything #i'm saying in the context of the hair and makeup team being completely white #and alice oseman being a white person who originally only gave the comic characters wavy/barely curly hair #them not giving them protective(/realistic for Tara) styles was sus. and this is a welcome change #i mean. we haven't seen Tara's hair for this season yet. and they really love that twistout #so maybe i shouldn't get my hopes up yet. but i'll give them their flowers for this at least

[hydrachea]

These new mons look familiar...

#pokemon spoilers #pokemon sv #fate series #fgo #and... technically fate extella #this is a joke don't come for me #i especially like how the first one is a perfect mix of melusine aka fairy knight lancelot and og lancelot #perfectly balanced as all things should be #and the second one just... is moon crux nero #it's all here the flame the helmet the big armor bits #do we know the names yet i haven't heard them #here we go ceruledge and armarouge #ray's records

[odpadkreativity]

How mainstream sci-fi authors name their short stories:

One sad and dreadful day they finally came down to Earth

unique name

it's easy to find (there simply isn't another short story with the same name)

you can tell this is a sci-fi right away

it pretty well summarizes the story

How mainstream sci-fi authors name their novels:

The Ship

the most common name you can think of

it is NOT that easy to find that one book you are looking for (there are literally like five other books with the same name from the same year and by the same author)

idk is this a sail tale? pirate story? a fanfic?

first few pages are located in a spaceship, but then they land on a planet and the ship is never going to be brought back ever again

#reading takes #sci fi #short stories #novels #i literally just made up both examples #but I'm sure you can name some of them #i have no mouth and i must scream #there will come soft rains #we can remember it for you wholesale #and surely a way more I haven't even heard of yet #odpad kreativity once wrote....

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: March 8

“Cosmo Canyon" by Nobuo Uematsu for Final Fantasy VII

#song of the day #sliiiightly cheating as kaylithographica reminds me we haven't actually heard this in its entirety in the game quite yet #but it's one of the songs I enjoy most and I do love Red and we did make it to Cosmo Canyon today #I've been talking mostly about game progress in my tag babbles these last however many days but I have a sillier project as well #as I watch the game I've been going through my bookmarks and drafts and notes to myself and organizing things #it keeps my hands busy and it is a project I try to undertake every spring-ish so I was about due anyway #and I am very proud of myself because I have taken my 'deal with later' bookmarks from nearly 2000 down to a mere 800 #a pittance! #(a lot of them I just shuffled to different better-organized folders but still! all progress is progress) #my tumblr drafts is also well over 1000 but it's also much better organized #once I finish with it I'll dump it all into the queue and probably it'll be hmm. #spitball math says probably 800 into the queue and 200odd to otherwise deal with #that's 80 days of queue at the current pace which also seems roughly correct #the post that came out yesterday that talked about queue lengths was four months after I first saw it but it was otherwise delayed #my queue stopped while I was sick in December and again while I voyaged in January and I think for work a few times before that #so I am in accordance to my own rough yearly rhythms still mostly on top of things!

[robotpussy]

like I'm actually sick of being at my grandma's house when one cousin leaves another comes in it's so crowded here and it's not anybody's fault I'm not even supposed to be here and I want to go back to my house so badly I'm constantly having to travel back and forth between homes because everytime I go back to my house my neighbours are doing something to drive me away again. last time I went back 2 neighbours were talking shit about me when I haven't even been at home for a month so all I can take from that is I'm staying on their minds constantly cause they haven't seen me for over a month and they're still talking about me

#basically my sister and i went to my house cause i really want to clear my stuff up #im just preparing to move out because that place is just so fucking horrible it'll be cool for like 2 days then im begging #to stay with someone else cause my neighbours are antagonising me or are just doing bullshit like gossiping about me #im just not comfortable there. and when i had to go back to my grandma's house i heard two neighbours talking about how theyre glad ive left #which i haven't i just haven't been at home for a month. and the thing that struck me the most was these were neighbours ive #done nothing to. i only have beef with ONE neighbour.... everybody else im polite to and i mind my business #so because the beef has extended to all of them even tho i barely know them... im just sick of it i dont want to be around them #i know its because of the last time i was there and the row me and that white woman had but i just know shes been #exaggerating whats been happening for neighbours I've done nothing to to start talking about me #because once they saw me one of the neighbours came outside cause i had to throw something out and just stared at me #until i walked away..... like what the fuck is going on...... i didnt think i would be wishing death on neighbours i thought was cool with #yet here we are.

[astrxealis]

really want to read more and more literature (esp classics!) aghhhh yesterday iirc i was on a walk with my mom and twin and an old guy (not a weirdo dw) who was jogging or walking too actually asked what book i was carrying and it's a little funny bcs uhm he just went "oh a classic!" you see. i was carrying dante's inferno. which i still haven't properly started to read but anyways he might... if my mom is right... be the local parish guy so oopsies !! LMAO anyways yeah really interested in lovecraft for a while now! horror scares me and gives me paranoia but i also enjoy the writing of it? and i remember once that something/someone said my writing is kinda similar to his. hm.

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #i never talk about literature here but hi i grew up reading books and i really love literature. both fiction and non-fiction! admittedly i #less prefer modern books because i prefer classics and all that? and i kinda fucking hate people who only like boring and/or famous #literature lmfao fuck you but anyways putting my bitterness aside! arthur conan doyle with 'sherlock' of course & 'a dream within a dream' #dazai with 'no longer human' is something i think i'll really enjoy reading one day as well and hmm #i never properly read 'lord of the rings' despite my relative having the books and i borrowed it once? but didn't make the time to actually #read it unfortunately :(( 'the great gatsby' is something i also have yet to read and then jane austen's works! #and then. louisa may alcott ... i asked my mom right now about her books that we have/had and i did not fucking know we had #'little women' all this time holy shit. i remember reading 'a modern cinderella' but also i am unsure now... but yeah. that/those too! #shakespeare's works are of course a must-read hehe we do have 'the tempest' and i've read a couple of his works but only a little bit #either based off the knowledge i just. know. or for school back then! but yeah. you probably know his works already lmao <3 #and then uhmm 'phantom of the opera' we have now as well! bought it alongside yk. 'the tempest' 'inferno' 'paradise lost & regained' #a few months ago but tbh i haven't made it very far in reading any of them yet but i really want to sometime! and learn more guitar! #and get back to playing piano and also finish and play more games but anyways. yes. #george orwell's books! we have a few if i'm not mistaken (love my family fr) i really want to read them. my dad keeps recommending #his works for us to read. especially 'animal farm' but i've heard '1984' is really good. i also really want to read more of narnia! #only ever read the first book and wow it meant a lot to me tbh? with. growing up and all. and then i read a bit of another book hmm. #'to kill a mockingbird' was something i have wanted to read since i read 'the hunger games' as a kid because i for some reason connected #the two in a way because of the word mockingbird. and then uh other books that i don't think are as... classics. idk what are classics tbh. #BUT okay yeah i still haven't read 'a monster calls' but i know it made my twin and mom cry! and then 'the fault in our stars' we have but #i also haven't read it... haven't read the witcher books either and then george r. r. martin's stuff. tbf i'm not an adult yet so lmfao. #'the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy' i know my dad really wants to read and i know my tita has it but i'm not completely sure if we have #it ourselves too now? but yeah. really interested in that book as well. and then i have yet to read 'frankenstein' and then i'd love to #reread books from my childhood from authors like roald dahl !! and then man i should read more from #neil gaiman ... i've read his short stories? and a book. or few. i can't really remember. #anyways. okay. running out of tags but i really love literature ..... <3 #also want to read more of modern literature tbh! the ones that are actually good tho <33

[duhragonball]

Akira Toriyama is known to never look over his own manga and thus is known to forget a lot of stuff, so there is bound to be some inconsistencies in his own work as it goes on.

See this is what I’m talking about.  Okay, he forgot the name of the series was “Dragon Ball Super”, so when he wanted the movie to be called “Super Hero”, he didn’t realize the name of the movie would have “super super” in it.  And he forgot about Super Saiyan 2 one time, like 20 years after he came up with it.   And he couldn’t remember 18′s hair color. 

Fine. 

I don’t have a beef with people poking fun at Toriyama’s foibles.  What does annoy me is when fans act like Toriyama is some drooling idiot who isn’t worthy of his reputation as a master storyteller, all because he didn’t memorize his own work. 

In the JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure fandom, it’s a meme called “Araki Forgot”.   It’s also been debunked in a series of YouTube videos, which carefully examines most of the so-called lapses in Hirohiko Araki’s memory, and addresses them.   Nine times out of ten, it’s the reader who wasn’t paying attention to the details.

Meanwhile, Araki was putting Part 1-7 references in JoJolion, and DBS: Super Hero is chock full of callbacks to Dragon Ball lore from 30-35 years ago.  Colonel Violet was referenced in the movie.  The thing where Guru awakened Gohan and Krillin’s hidden power was referenced in the movie.  Trunks killing Frieza was referenced in the movie.  The tree symbol that appears when Piccolo accesses his new Orange Piccolo form?  That’s an Ajisa tree, which the Namekians cultivated for purpose of beautifying their environment. 

My point is that, sure, there’s probably a lot of things Toriyama has lost track of over the years, but what deserves our attention are the details he does remember, either because he knows what’s important, or because he has a reliable staff to help him with these things.   The dude has forgotten more about storytelling than most fans will ever know.

#dragon ball #ask duhragonball #believe me i went into dbssh worrying that a bunch of red ribbon continuity would get mangled #and yet it all added up #it's not just memory it's asking the right questions and answering them intelligently #why haven't we heard of magenta until now? #because he was laying low as the head of the legitimate business that used to front the red ribbon army #why did gero's grandson not get involved until now? #because he was in jail for years and he never cared about gero until magenta approached him #how does magenta know about gero's androids? #because magenta was secretly funding his research the whole time

[fantabulisticity]

Just screamed so loud in my car that both my ears rang and a spider fell from the ceiling. My throat hurts.

#my pharmacy won't fill my meds AGAIN because some motherfucker decided to make a new policy that requires more instructions or something #i keep not getting my meds when I need them because every time i get a new script sent out (like one I haven't been on before) i hear... #...nothing back from the pharmacy; generally for days; and then when i call them (every 10 or 15 or 30 minutes for several hours) no... #...one picks up the goddamn phone and i have to make time to go in in person and ask the pharmacist when my meds will be ready. #and then they tell me 'oh yeah we HAVE the script from your doctor. we just need MORE INFORMATION and sent them an ELECTRONIC NOTE... #...(reminder that i live in fucking rural idaho so most people use a fucking phone and not 'an electronic note') and haven't heard back... #...from them yet so we're just waiting on that :)' and then i have to smile and thank them bc it isn't their fucking fault the policy is... #...some fucking bullshit and then i have to call my doctor on the phone (and can never reach them directly so i have to get a... #...receptionist to leave them a note that i HOPE they'll see in the next couple of days but sometimes they don't) and since i never have... #...an emergency it's often 2 or more weeks before anyone gets back to me. i usually have to call the pharmacy again. and then they don't... #...always answer and i usually have to go in and ask AGAIN why my meds aren't ready and they go 'oh we're still waiting on your doctor'... #...:) or 'they sent us a message back but it wasn't ENOUGH information and we sent them another ELECTRONIC NOTE that they won't see for... #...days or weeks so we recommend YOU call your doctor even though we're the ones flinging you around like a rag doll and you have 0... #...control over it. and by the way we're going to continue doing this for like a fucking year every time you get a new script. and when... #...your doctor asks you if the new meds are working you're going to have to say 'i have no fucking clue because it took 6 weeks to get... #...my goddamn prescription filled and it takes 3 months for the medication to show signs of working so my pharmacy wasted HALF of that... #...time sending electronic notes instead of filling my motherfucking prescription and i was supposed to be off these meds by summer... #...since they cause intense sunburn and shit and i have an OUTDOOR JOB NOW but my acne is still bad and hasn't gone away enough to stop... #...using the super intense stuff and my face hurts and swells and oozes and i have to wear a wide-brimmed hat and sunscreen EVERY time... #...i go outside because i can get a sunburn in 20 minutes now and i've been having heat rashes from the sun for the first time in my... #...LIFE and i have to fucking monitor myself every time i go outside and it's the warm season and i need a new pair of lighter work... #...pants but they don't sell above a size 18 for women even though men go up to like a size 45 which is like a size 24 or 26 in women's... #...and men's pants don't fit me bc i was blessed with the largest ass in the history of mankind' and i am so. fucking. tired. #of all the bullshit. #i feel miserable. my mom is buying me otc imodium bc i have NO IDEA when my prescription will come available. i just want the cramping... #...to stop. i've been having diarrhea all day every day since sunday. the cramps HURT and they keep me up at night. i haven't been... #...eating much bc there's so much shit moving around and hurting in my gut that i can't feel when i'm hungry and food doesn't soumd great. #so i'm weak and slow and tired and can't go to work and i'm using up all the sick days i was hoping to save up to visit my friend in... #...cyprus this winter. so that probably can't happen. but anyways. my mom came by while i was typing this out and i feel betterish. #personal

[silverskyy]

Ok so the thing about Izz is that they're fundamentally defined by love right? Love of Veylan (obvs), love of their family, love of any and everyone who treats them kindly. But, especially post-mental break, that love never extends to themself because they are, secondary to love, defined by guilt and self-loathing. We see this over and over and over; even as they've started the process of healing and accepted that they do have to live, it's bc they're resigned to this being their reality rather than thinking they deserve it.

Which is (one of the reasons) why Candor drives me insane! Because he loves Izz! He's maybe the only person who truly does and Izz might be the first person he's truly loved and Izz didn't build him to love them they built him to kill them but it didn't work! "Here is my hand that will not harm you" etc etc. They're two parts of the same mind, the same entity, and it turns out the love that Izz can't give themself was built into Candor instead.

Which is just...aaagh! Radical self-love indeed 😭

#gonna start oc blorbo posting like it's just a fandom y'all haven't heard of yet and explanatory context is actually available #izz and candor ofc we know these guys #veylan? no more info needed his relation to izz and love is obvious #get with the program catch up on the media you know the drill #fr tho the izz/candor self love dynamic does genuinely drive me crazy #yes izz created candor with the intent for him to overwrite them #But He Would Never #izz et al #personal

[silverandebony]

.

#today i started thr math 31 course again (i did it previously in high school but now i'm upgrading to hopefully get a better mark) #and while doing the preview/review questions i was like ah! i will listen to music! so i pulled up the wolf 359 soundtrack because that's #what i have on my phone! and that was a mistake #i listened to wolf 359 pod a ton while studying for the math 31 final so having that association again obvioisly pulled up memories #and i fucking miss my friend so much #we were in math 31 together (it was literally our Only class together the whole time we were in high school) amd so we hung out while #studying! and i listened to wolf 359 while studying! and now starting it again and listening to wolf 359 music is like #friend where are you you are supposed to be here with me #between not seeing each other in school every day anymore and the pandemic and them moving to bc with their partner and #both of us being adhd we fell out of touch even though we were each other's best friend #the last time i saw them in person was christmas a year or too ago when we were able to sit and talk for a bit and exchange presents #we couldn't even hug because we were both concerned about covid. my family doesn't really do touch so thr last time i got to hug someone #was when i went to visit my friend thr february before the pandemic hit #and i mean we kept in touch for a little ehile but thrn we both fell off and were slow to respond to each other when we Did message #the last time we did more than one consecutive message to each other it was so... weird. they spoke like i was any regular person #not... me; in a way if that makes sense. like there was a sense of distence that'd never been there before #this christmas and their birthday i've wished them happy holidays and birthday and those they responded to but neither of us took #it farther; i messaged them today asking if they would be interested in us setting up a time to talk and catch up again and i haven't #heard back from them yet #i just miss them so fucking much #and i'm terrified i've lost them #i hope they're as healthy and happy as they can be wherever they are and whoever they're with #but i just want to talk normally with them and catch up and be friends like we were #i want that so fucking badly #a you're not going to see this because you're not on tumblr or at least you weren't before and you don't follow me #but i love you so much and i miss you and i hope you're well #i want things to be normal again. i want to be able to go visit you and not have to worry about covid. i want to have never fallen out #of touch with you. i want to tell you about all the new things in my life and hear you tell me the new things in yours #i want you to take the time in the middle.of your anniversary dinner to call me to ask about thr long term effects of cannibalism just like #you did before. i want to be able to spend time just existing in thr same room as you. i love you. i love you. i love you.

[ferociouslycreativemystery]

Me: I'm fine about my autism now btw, like I've come to terms with my fixated interests, limited tolerances and social inabilities. The alienation it brings is not ideal but it's just a reality I've gotta deal with now that I know it's just a part of who I am. I mean, it's not like an awkward conversation is gonna ruin anyone's life, is it? We'll both move on from it eventually. This is fine!

Also me: physically unable to watch beyond the first word of the first question of The Assembly because oh my god what if someone says something awkward or controversial or someone can't make themselves understood people are gonna get mad and scream about it online and I will freeze up and be stuck in the backlash forever I don't know how to handle conflict AT ALL let's just hide in the corner behind the sofa instead wait what if I became a hermit actually yeah yeah yeah that sounds good let's do that

#unresolved trauma? never even heard of her haha 😅 #maddie debrief #that 2-minute intro/taster did nothing to calm me down either btw #I'm never comfortable around the types of shows where 'difference' becomes the core conceit of the premise #oh. so you've created a format dependent on making a socially alienated group face the social rules that made them alien in the first place #and then deriving your conflict from the 'natural contradiction' between the two? #sounds like the exact kind of conflict-seeking environment where I can let my normal guard down enough to meaningfully challenge #my deeply rooted feeling that people generally find me cumbersome to be around and mostly just tolerate my presence out of necessity #lovely that #(like i say I haven't seen the show #so idk if it is actually like that or if it's just the promo material stirring shit up as per usual #but as of rn I do not feel welcome in this room) #why does the 'we're not so different after all' always have to come at the climax and never the midpoint of the story? #why can we never find more than personal gratification in that realisation? #why do we always focus on the difficulty of coming to the realisation rather than the conflict of putting the realisation into *practice*? #I know why #it is because the human imagination is far more limited than we like to believe #and we find it hard to even *imagine* a world that we haven't seen functioning for ourselves yet #let alone find a purpose in *acting* on the idea #(especially if we ourselves currently feel dependent on the status quo for our personal welfare #which is why shows made to depend on 'difference = conflict' make my blood run cold) #so if we have to see to believe - how many cases of real world functioning equity does the average person understand? #very few. so let's instead lazily invert the state of power in an existing dynamic that people are familiar with #thereby reaffirming its false dichotomy through perpetuating what is essentially the same old conflict #while claiming to subvert it when in fact all we have done is reverse the dominance while keeping everyone locked in their roles #can someone just put some thought into how we might create a format that aims to loosen up the underlying skewed power dyanmic #so that everyone has to work together to prevent the elevation of a single way of being over all others #because that just becomes suffocating to *everyone* in the end #and that can still *acknowledge difference* but not as a source of conflict - rather as a source of collective strength? #but the story of changing one perspective will always be easier to both tell and enjoy than the one about building something new

[myblacknightworld]

Shitty day at work yay

#it started out fine. boring bc not a christian was coming in #but eh. #there was some rush around 8pm and then almost at 9 pm 11 guys (counting also 3 girls) come in to dine #they didn't book a thing #and while ok admittedly we did have the space. the important thing is that they didn't warn they were coming thry just pulled up and hoped #there was space. they start out waiting for the last kf the 11 to arrive and meanwhile order beers #they break one of the glass. i think bc of carelessness #they order some more beer #they sit down and they order 8 montenegro. BEFORE dining before even ordering their pizzas #they also order more beer #they're very loud. order more beer and at this point I had to go grab more glasses #their pizzas arrive. at some point in the evening they break ANOTHER glass. which is. great. fantastic. truly. #they also tracked inside A LOT of mud #ever heard of cleaning your shoes on the mat before entering???? NEVER????? #they go away. it's almost 23 #and I am alone at this point bc the pizzaiolo went away so I have to clean their table. the bathrooms. do the dishwasher not once but twice. #i gotta sweep the floors AND wash them bc they didn't only track mud inside nooooo there's all the dirt and dust #I'm hungry I haven't had MY dinner yet bc I'm not about to start dining at 5 pm I'm not british #and here i gotta clean all their shit #a little bit of consideration for the workers no eh? #worker singular. i was alone #i literally came home 15 minutes ago. I'm having my dinner as we speak. it's 15 minutes to midnight #peace and fuck this shit #vitadacami

[wisterioak]

my mom and I danced to 80s music in the kitchen while I cooked the meal I learned from my late great-grandparents who raised us all and maybe there's something to say about there being bits of beauty mixed in with all the complicated mess that life brings around

#skye talks #mom is just 18 years older than me and these songs were her middle school dance songs while I heard them first in the car as she ran errand #afterwards we played our family's favorite card game with my grandparents and my grandpa and I swept the game #we laughed so hard it hurt and we played half the game wrong #it's 50 degrees outside but we still sat on the porch with coffee and blankets and now they're watching comedy videos while I read fanfics #the bad still lingers on the corners of life but damn there's something about a cabin in the woods to make it quiet down just enough #I haven't told them yet how I'm planning to move back home cause my grandma will cry happy tears and I like the quiet right now