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hoodharlow · 3 years

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Don’t Move, Honey

AN: Y'all were supposed to get a fluffy Disneyland fic with light smut but Calum decided to be a whore and y'all are getting this. Also fuck Tumblr for eating this when I queued this.

Requested: Yes by my #CECOC anon and @nowherebound who engraved the idea of riding Calum's face with the mullet

Warnings: smut, use of sextoys, talks about recording a sextape (spoiler lol), and blink and you'll miss it voyeurism

Word Count: 3.9k words

Calum tripped over his Docs when he kicked them off. He bolted upstairs to his room. Earlier, when he was getting ready to drive back from a guy's trip, they had a very intense facetime call. Claudia sent him a few explicit pictures of her in only his white jersey with his last name in the back. He called her and one thing led to another. Now he stood alone and hard in an empty room.

He fished his phone out of his pocket and facetimed her. He laid back on his bed. Duke came in and nuzzled him for some overdue cuddles.

“Bueno?” She answered. She placed her phone on the shopping cart and smiled down at him.

“Where are you?” He asked, sitting up.

“Target. Remember when I said you were getting a treat?” she asked him. He nodded. “Well, I’m buying stuff to make you a chocoflan.”

Claudia stopped pushing and got on her tippy toes to reach for the cocoa powder, allowing Calum to admire how her ass looked in her leggings. She looked around and smirked to herself seeing that she had the aisle all to herself. She gave him her back and pulled down her top, exposing her breasts. She covered them with the two different brands of cocoa powder.

“Which brand did you like again?” She asked him.

Calum sat up. He looked behind her making sure no was in the aisle.

“Fuck.” he murmured. He switched the camera so that it was facing his mirror and slowly began stroking himself over his sweats. He pushed his hips up and with one hand he tugged down his sweats, exposing his cock. He rubbed the tip and rubbed himself. “Are you coming home soon? I need my pretty girl’s mouth on my cock.”

Claudia squeezed her thighs together. It has been almost two weeks since she last saw Calum. She needed him desperately. Her toys helped somewhat relieve her ache, but it wasn't the same as him fucking her. Even the dildo that was made from a mold in the shape of his cock, that he got her as a gag gift for Christmas, didn't do the job.

"No, I have to go to school and drop off some paperwork. I'll be home in an hour. Can you wait?" She asked.

"I waited almost two weeks, an hour is nothing." He said.

"Okay." she said pulling her top up as a woman walked passed her. "I'll see you in a bit then. I love you."

"I love you." Calum said before hanging up.

He sighed. He just lied to Claudia and told her that he could wait an hour. He really couldn't. He needed her badly.

He pulled his sweats and rolled into bed. He pulled Duke in for a cuddle, but the old puppy shrugged him off. He scoffed as Duke hopped off the bed and wandered out of the room.

Calum pushed himself off the bed and went to the bathroom. He quickly got himself off and went back to bed. Other than being extremely horny for his lovely girlfriend, he was tired. He spent the past two weeks hanging out and partying with his friends. He needed some rest.

He got in bed and laid on his back. After fifteen minutes of tossing and turning, Calum called his trainer and asked if he could squeeze him in for a session. Jesse responded instantly and told him that he'd be there in fifteen.

Calum unbuttoned his flannel and reached for the white jersey Claudia had left on the floor next to her dildo and vibrator. He pulled off his sweats and grabbed some black USC shorts from his duffle bag. When he caught himself in the mirror, he finally got why his girlfriend always complimented his ass. He decided to pull a Claudia and send her a booty pic. He pulled his shorts just below where his ass curved and snapped a few pictures. He saw the pictures and sighed, he tried his best not to think about Claudia on her knees in front of him gripping his ass as she sucked him off.

He sent her the pictures and added 'wish you were on your knees with your hands on me'. Claudia responded with crying emojis. To get him back she sent him a few explicit pictures of herself with her toys. She was saving them for another desert trip but now seemed like the perfect time to torture him.

Calum cursed after seeing her pictures. The one time he wanted to have the upper hand, she still managed to make him suffer. He locked his phone and went downstairs after hearing Duke bark. He picked him up and opened the door. He let Jesse into the backyard while he set up Duke's fenced area so he could be outside with them.

***

"Alright one more set on each side and we're done." Jesse said.

Calum nodded. He reached for the band and pulled it toward him while he rotated his body. His arms ached. When was out on his trip he barely worked out. In the house they rented out there was a home gym so he occasionally ran the treadmill and did a bit of weight training. It didn't compare to what Jesse was having him do.

"And zero. Alright we're done for today." Jesse said.

"Thank fuck." Calum mumbled.

He did his cool down stretches and then walked him out, agreeing to meet in two days. When he walked in the kitchen he was met with a chocoflan beautifully displayed on top of the center counter.

Claudia was home.

Calum grabbed his HydroFlask and jogged upstairs to their room. He found Claudia in one of his shirts and some sweatpants typing away on her laptop. He remembered that she was lesson planning for her internship at the magnet middle school in Boyle Heights. He was proud of her, despite everything that went down last summer, she was able to pick herself up and start fresh. She was doing something she loved and that made Calum happy.

He tiptoed over to her and kissed her head. Claudia pulled him down and kissed him.

"I felt your treat in the kitchen." she mumbled against his lips.

"I saw. I'm gonna shower." He said before kissing her once more.

Claudia slapped his ass as he walked passed, startling him. She giggled as he covered himself in case she wanted to smack his ass again.

He quickly showered and walked out naked to get his boxers. He felt Claudia's eyes on him. He turned and looked at her just as she went back to work. He put on a pair of black Calvin Klein boxers. He scrolled through his phone, checking the group chat with the guys. Luke was asking if he should finally announce his engagement with Sierra. Calum jokingly responded to wait until the following day since he was going to post later in the day.

He went to his side of the bed and connected his phone to the charger when he noticed Claudia was fully covered by her clothes. One thing he knew about her is that she always showed skin. If she wore pants or sweats, she'd wear a crop top or just wear a sports bra. And if she wore one of his shirts or hoodies, she only wore panties under, but if they had people over she wore shorts under. Then the only time when she would be fully clothed was in the winter. Seeing her in his shirt and in sweatpants at the start of June left him wondering.

What was she up to?

But decided to put the question on pause. He finally felt sleepy.

"Can I nap here while you work?" He asked her.

"This is your bed. You can nap here." she giggled. She reached for the files on his side and placed them on the floor.

Calum awkwardly crawled into bed. He laid on his back, not wanting to move in case it distracted Claudia. He closed his eyes and let sleep take over. Not even ten minutes later, he felt something wrap around his waist. He opened his eyes and saw Claudia's leg. In his sleep he ended up laying on his side so he laid on his back, allowing her to wedge her leg between his and hug his side. They both fell into a deep slumber, wrapped up in each other's arms.

Calum woke up an hour later. Claudia was still sleeping peacefully at his side. He ran his fingers over her soft curls, but it got him thinking about wrapping her hair around his hand as he fucked her face. He pictured her clearly. A proud smirk on her face as she opened her mouth wider for him. He cursed and let go of her hair.

Claudia lifted her head and pouted. "Why did you stop playing with my hair?"

"Because I'm this close to coming in my pants." He groaned sitting up to fix his pants.

"That's okay. I can just clean up the mess." She said, nonchalantly. "You know I don't mind… cleaning you up."

Calum came up with a snarky remark only for Claudia's stomach to speak up before him.

"Sorry, I haven't eaten since breakfast, unless you count the matcha lemonde I got at the Starbucks in Target." she giggled.

"We can't have that." He said. He grabbed his phone. "Let me order you some carne asada fries."

"So food then sexy time?"

"Yes, food then sexy time."

***

After food there was no sexy time.

They were on the couch settling down to finally get it on when Ashton blew Calum's phone up, asking him to record a video of him playing the piano. They tried to ignore him, but he ended up calling Calum on the landline. He went to the guest room and put on a grey smiley face hoodie and some sweats. He propped his phone next to where he placed his songs and began playing. He began recording himself.

Half an hour passed and Claudia got restless. One of her many weaknesses was Calum playing the piano. She couldn't explain why, but seeing him play always left her wanting to get on her knees for him. She tried sitting next to him on the bench, but he shot her a warning look. She noticed Calum was in the zone so he wouldn't see what she's up to.

She ran up upstairs to get her vibrator. Before she left their room, she took off her shirt and sweatpants. She returned to the living and Calum was still playing. She sat on the couch and started taking a few selfies in the lingerie set she wore. It was a red mesh set. The bra cleverly covered her nipples while the panties did nothing to cover how much she needed Calum. It also didn't help that they were crotchless. Though they did help in giving her easy access to get herself off.

She laid on the couch, propping one leg on top of the back part while her other leg was planted on the floor. She didn't even bother teasing her clit with her fingers, she was that ready for Calum. She slid her fingers in and turned on her vibrator to the lowest setting, not wanting to have the sounds reach his phone. She sighed feeling the vibrations on her clit. With that she let her fingers get to work.

She immediately moaned out for him as she got closer to climax. Claudia felt it. She sped up her fingers and circled the vibrator on her clit roughly. She was so close. Calum's name was at the tip of her tongue when she felt nothing.

Calum towered over her, vibrator in his hand. Before Claudia could even react, he tossed her over his shoulder and carried her to their room. Seeing in her red, always left him with a hard on, especially if it was lingerie. But seeing her in a red mesh set and getting herself off? He was doomed. He desperately needed to be inside her.

He gently threw her on the bed and took off his clothes, staying in his boxers. He got on top of her and leaned down to kiss her.

They moaned into each other's mouths finally kissing how they craved. Calum held himself up in a push up position and took Claudia in, playing a movie in his head about all the positions they would be doing.

"What are you doing?" She asked. She pushed down his beanie and smoothed down his curls.

"Just wanna remember you like this for my next trip." he said quickly. He ran his fingers over the material on her breasts. Her nipples hardened as he ran his thumb over them. "I think this is my favorite set. I can still hear your whimpers from when you wore it on Valentine's Day. Nice to see you got the chocolate stain off your tits."

Claudia giggled. She sat up against the pillow and intertwined her fingers with his, making him look up at her. "What if you have the material at hand?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Like, what if you had a video of us, of me in this set, doing stuff…"

Calum furrowed his eyebrows together, confused. "I don't understand."

"What if we made a sextape? You can have the video with you when you're on tour or just out of town and we can't FaceTime for whatever reason. That way you can get off."

"A sextape of us?"

"I mean yeah. Unless you can get Tyler Posey to join us or just to fuck me." she joked.

Calum laughed sarcastically at her comment. He rolled off her legs and sat across from her. "Are you sure? About us making the video. I don't want you to feel pressured."

"If I'm being honest, I wanted to make one with you when you were on tour with the Chainsmokers. I never brought it up then because we were only dating for a few months. Now we've been together for two years."

Calum sat quiet, weighing his options. He always felt bad calling her in the middle of the night when he was out of town and needy for her moans. Now with the band finally getting to go back on tour, there would be time differences that wouldn't be ideal for them. But he didn't want to risk exposing her and ruining her reputation. Being a teacher is her dream and a sex tape of her out on the internet could hinder that.

"I want to, but we can't. I don't want to risk someone hacking out iCloud accounts and releasing it to the world. It could cost you a job in the future." He said.

"I was thinking we could record it on my GoPro and just transfer the video to a USB drive. We'd store it in your safe and only take it out when you leave. I trust you, Cal." Claudia said. "If it does get leaked, we can start a couples OnlyFans, so I don't stay unemployed and you can make extra cash."

"I doubt anyone would pay for us."

"You really think your fans wouldn't pay to see how you fuck? To hear the lovely sounds you make when you come. Please, we'd be so rich."

Calum laughed. "I suppose. Jokes aside, are you really sure?'

"1000%."

"Where's your GoPro?"

Claudia clapped her hands excitedly. She hugged him and got up. She pushed the sliding door of their walk-in closet open and went inside. Where her shoes were she had a box of miscellaneous items. She rummaged through it, pulling out the small camera. She went back out and closed the door. She connected it to her computer to see how long they'd have to wait for it to charge, surprisingly it was at 85%. She placed it back on the tripod.

"All set. We just need to figure out what we're gonna do." She said,

"How about you ride my face? I always wanted to see how we look." Calum offered.

She nodded. "Then I can go down on you. Or I go down on you then you go down on me, since that way you can hard so you'll be ready to fuck me."

"Doggystyle or our usual missionary." He asked.

"Doggystyle would look hot, especially when you fuck me facing the mirror." Claudia suggested, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Doggystyle it is."

"I have one request though…"

"What is it?"

"Can you change back into the flannel and sweats you wore when you FaceTimed me at Target?"

***

Calum leaned back on his elbows, as Claudia sucked him off. He reached forward and pulled her hair into a makeshift ponytail, so the camera could get her and her ungodly mouth. He gently pushed her back as he thrusted his hips into her mouth.

"Fuck, pretty girl." he moaned loudly.

He stood up and kept fucking Claudia's mouth. He maneuvered them so that the camera got his backside as she pushed up his flannel to his waist and dug her nails into his ass. He felt close so he loosened her grip on her and let her finish him off.

Claudia jerked him off on her tongue then she slipped him back in her mouth. She swirled her tongue and bobbed her head. Calum moaned and whimpered, begging her to make him come. She only had his tip in her mouth and stroked him. His climax came out of nowhere. He whined and cursed as she continued taking him until he was empty.

Calum slowly pulled out of her. Claudia opened her mouth, proudly showing him that she swallowed every last bit of him.

"That's my pretty girl." Calum said. He bent down and kissed her. He let his hand wander down to her chest to her core. He slid his ring and middle finger in her and pulled them out. "Fuck you're ready to sit on my face aren't you pretty girl."

"Yes. I want your tongue to make me come. I missed it so much." Claudia said sweetly to him.

Calum pressed a chaste kiss on her temple. Claudia tugged him down to the floor where they had a comforter spread out to prevent them from getting tired against the hardwood floor. Their kiss deepened and without breaking their kiss, she laid him down. They kissed with so much urgency.

Finally, Claudia settled above his face, pressing her hands against the mirror doors in front of them. Calum looked up at her from between her legs with the most caring eyes. He leaned upward, needing her hips closer to his face, pressing her dripping core against his tongue.

She gasped when he dipped his tongue into her.

Claudia moaned loudly, resting her head on her arm as one of her hands dropped to his hair. She tightly gripped his curls as she swayed her hips against his tongue. He brought one of his hands to her core and slipped his ring and middle finger in her. His other hand made her way to her breasts to play with her nipples.

Claudia threw her head back and moaned his name. He groaned lowly.

“Fuck, don’t stop, right there. Fuck me so good.” Claudia panted. She wiggled her hips on his face, riding his tongue as she came. He sucked her clit through her high, making her a moaning mess.

“Holy shit, Cal,” she sighed breathlessly.

Claudia pulled away and sat on his tummy. She laid down on top of him, and felt him wrap his arms around her.

"You did so good, pretty girl." Calum whispered. He smoothed back her hair and kissed her cheek. "We can stop. With what we have, I'm good."

"I just need five minutes." Claudia mumbled. She reached over for the GoPro and turned it off while they rested.

After the five minutes passed, Calum turned on the GoPro. He gently pushed Claudia on her back. They slowly kissed.

Without pulling away from their kiss, Calum placed her leg on his shoulder. One of his hands made its way back to her hips and lazily ran his finger tips around her core, sending her goosebumps all over. With the other, he balanced himself so he wouldn't squish her.

She sighed against his lips; she could never get tired of how his lips felt against hers. She pulled away and gasped as he pulled his middle and ring fingers out of her.

Claudia rolled her eyes as he exaggeratedly licked his fingers clean. She pushed his hand down and leaned down to kiss him. She moaned as his fingers fucked into her at a deliciously slow pace. Her hips followed Calum’s fingers. In a matter of minutes she was close.

“Cal—”

“I know, pretty girl.” He pressed his thumb against her clit and increased his pace.

“Sh—Calum.” She moaned out. She gripped his hand as she came.

"Hands and knees, pretty girl." Calum said. He leaned down and kissed her before he sat on his knees.

Claudia stood on her knees and fixed her panties. She laid on her stomach with her ass in the air.

He took his time stroking himself as he lined up with Claudia’s entrance. With one hand on her hip, he used the other to guide his cock. He rubbed his length up and down her slit. Claudia knew this was him getting back at her as he continued to run his tip up and down her folds.

She looked over her shoulder to him and pouted as he continued to tease her. “Cal.” she whined.

“I need to get hard.”

Before she could make a remark, he roughly pushed himself inside her. “Shit!”

“That’s what I thought, pretty girl.”

Calum used both hands to grip her hips. He leaned down, pulling Claudia’s back to his chest as he kissed her shoulder. He slowly started thrusting his hips, letting her get used to him. She kept her eyes shut as he fucked her.

“Fuck.” Calum moaned out.

His lips kissed all over her neck as he continued to fuck Claudia. She rocked back against him, meeting his thrusts.

“Fucking missed you, Claudia.” He whispered in her ear. Calum shifted his hips as he thrusted into her. The new angle hitting her in the spot that made her a moaning mess.

“Please, fuck—.” Claudia moaned out, not being able to finish what she was saying.

She pushed back rougher to meet his thrusts. He gripped her hips with one hand while the other went down to her clit. Calum worked his fingers roughly as he pushed his hips into Claudia.

He buried his face in her neck, kissing her sweet spot. Her quiet praises filled the room, egging him on. She quietly whimpered his name, lazily meeting his thrusts before her orgasm took over. Calum followed soon after. With a few thrusts, he pushed himself deep inside Claudia, spilling every last drop in her.

Calum pulled out of her and plopped next to her. Claudia reached over for the GoPro and turned it off. She curled up to his side, closing her eyes. She felt a soft fabric over her back as Calum undid her bra. She frowned that she only felt the fabric on her back. She opened her eyes and giggled.

"You wore the flannel the whole time?" She asked him.

"You said you wanted me to wear it." He argued.

"Yeah when I sucked your dick, not the entirety of our sex tape."

"I didn't hear you complain. In fact you were telling how good I was."

"I doubt it."

"I can prove it to you. We literally have it on tape, Claudia."

Taglist: @suchalonelysunflower @f-mu @another-lonely-heart @sunshinebabycal-deactivated2021 @calumscalm @karajaynetoday @cherryxwildflower @ashtonsunflower @idontneedanyone @findingliam-o @5-secondsofcolor @mulletcal @polycashton @fckingpernico @2fangirl4u @calpops

Special Guest: @nowherebound @wastelandcth

#calum hood smut #calum hood imagine #calum hood one shot #calum hood fluff #calum hood blurb #calum hood fanfic #calum hood imagines #calum hood oneshots #calum hood fanfiction #calum hood fan fiction #calum hood series #El Novio series

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botwstoriesandsuch · 4 years

Note

I recently read Shades of blue after you rwcommended it and Oh My God was it worth it. That was beautiful and amazing and do you have any other recommendations?

✨MISSIONS ACCOMPLISHED✨

AAAAAA I’m so glad you read it!!! Honestly I’ve been waiting for someone to ask me for recs for awhile because I have.........a few...

Miscellaneous ships here, not just Revalink but the first lot are

- Pinesong by @a-perplexing-puzzle D-Do I even need to explain myself more??? I talk about this fic every other day of the week..... it’s just great vibes....soft and fluffy and angsty just *chef’s kiss* two gay boys searching through their old memories to remember how gay they are

- Shades of Blue by @unapologetically-asexual OK I know original anon just said they read this but for you idiots that haven’t read it yet....uhhhh get on that. Nothing I could say would really advertise this fic better than this post

- somebody’s always looking (nothing’s quite as sweet) by @kouzaires One of my FAV Coffee shop AU’s for botw....so sof......so tender...........so warrmmmmm.............they characters are written so well.....just love it...a lot

- Broken Spirits by @legendoftoad It’s just AAAAAAAAAA??!!? My boys are hurting and the malice for half of it is frickin doing things to my boy and then of course you got your PTSD themes meddled in there and hnnnnnnnnnnhhhhhghgh my hurt/comfort itch is sufficiently scratched go read

- Linger On by ICanFlyHigher [idk if they have a tumblr] Ok I actually haven’t finished this fic yet but it’s been recommended time and time again so I’ve been reading this in my spare time I’m on like Chapter 12 or 13 I think but I can say with CERTAINTY that the writing is fantastic and tender moments are off the charts and my boys are so precious and also the Yiga are actually cool in this so that’s nice

- Learning Flight by homewardbound This is just *chefs kiss* *standing ovation* *throws confetti in the air* quality quality Revalink. Just a delicious chocolate cake of botw and Revalink. You got your mysterious Revali waking up 105 years later batter, and your angsty PTSD gay boys duo chocolate chips, and then you can chuck in some engaging sideplot elements as a few tall tiers, and then the cake is all whipped up with the wooden spoon of subtextual writing just mmmm delicious. and ALSO I betaed a thing that is gonna happen and let me tell you shit is gonna happen like VERY IMPORTANT SUPER COOL plot twists be happening so you better read it

- Conversations After The End Of The World by @bismuthllie Ok this one’s a oneshot but I always go back and read it because...idk it just strums my heart strings a lot...I’ve said Pinesong was my first big Revalink fic I’ce read, but this was like...my first, first piece of Revalink content I read ever so...yeah <3 ....and also the art for this comic is fantastic too even thought it gives me the emotions......hahaha ok Revali it’s time to stop being dead

- I See You Swimming In The Sky by @unavoidablekoishi OK OK I know my logic isn’t the best considering it’s the only Revali/Mipha fic I’ve read, but god dammit it’s the best Revpha fic I’ve ever read I still need to catch up cause I’m like 3 chapters behind but this fic CONVERTED me ok, miphvali went from a “huh yeah the art is nice I can kinda see it” to “THAT FISH IS SIMPING FOR THE BIRD 24/7 AND THEY DESERVE EACH OTHER″ This is some *claps* GOOD. SHIT. Ok? *slaps roof of fic* This bad boy can fit so much charming characterization and interaction (and also has made me scream both happily and not happily on several occasions)

- Guardian of The Wilds by @no-themes-just-memes in which I constantly miscall it “Guardian of the Wild” because I’m stupid This isn’t so much a ship fic but it’s so cool Link is a spirit, Urbosa and Zelda’s mom are a thing, Zelda is HERE and she is AMAZING like no spoilers but holy shit Zelda is here and slaying in more ways than one and riding Satori and hhnnnnhhhhhhhh it’s all about those ~plot twists~ and tone changes ya know? very very very nice...

- Firebird by @paellaplease Oh no, it’s Kip’s obligatory Firebird gush whoopsie poopsie who would have guessed surely not me. This is just my standard for Oc ship content now it’s so good I am gay for one fire girl Maiya is my spirit animal and I just wanna cup her in my hands softly even though I know she would probably burn me for it but it would totally be worth it. The writing is just superb and I am also gay for great imagery and action which this is chalk full of so go read it

Ok it’s actually 2am right now and I still need to finish a bunch of AP work so I’m just gonna speed run the rest of these recs

@echogekkos writes such cute and soft Miphlink fics that are on my top tier list like this one and oh crap this post made me realize Healing Touch updated crap there are so many things I need to read and catch up on anyways want more miphlink angst? BOOM read the inspiration for eternity by Merakkli and oh what’s that? You want deep lore that was custom made with lots of hot ocs in a fic that spans way beyond BOTW welp here’s Hyrule Bound a universe entirely created by @themisadventurescrew which is yet another fic series that I am behind on crap but oh shit @kittmoon has started a chapter fic called Jaded Seas recently so you should go read that but also all of their oneshots are great as well so you should follow them and did I mention that everyone I’ve tagged are people you should follow because yeah anyhow here’s a crackfic about Goron children that had me shaking out of either fear or confusion for a few days by @angsttronaut ok moving on @thatsnotzelda writes beautifully just take a look at this angsty Revalink thing and also bambambambam you’ve been ambushed by @hatenostorms @going-fancognito @ashrel @lizards-writing-blog so now go request some from them because I said so they’re great also uhhh @idiotic-canadian and @moonchildrenn [Pins_and_Patches on ao3] hate happiness but that’s ok because I get to be emotionally wrecked by their angst and whump hurray! wait fUCK I completely forgot to rec this earlier but my first Zelpha fic was this gorgeous Coffeeshop AU by @theseventhsage called Dreaming of Coffee and Love so go read that *flipping through entire history of ao3* let’s see let’s see... All of the Rito Chronicles by sturms_sun_shattered is great, and this Teba/Harth one is also a fav and oh CRAP my zelink content is just everything by @fatefulfaerie because it’s just *throws colorful streamers in the air* pretty and I love their writing welp I’m about to collapse lets just end it off with the z’s like @zzariyo and @zeawesomebirdie on ao3 they are some pretty radical french fries if i do say so myself and and ok ok read this other Zelpha coffee au which is also by @kouzaires and this Modern au also by @unavoidablekoishi ok that’s all I can remember right now bye

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redeyedryu · 7 years

Text

Apathy & Happenstance

Chapter 3 - Productivity and Perplexity | 1 | 2 | x | 4

I never got around to posting chapters 3 and 4 here on Tumblr since I wrote these when my laptop was being worked on and I only had mobile—which is absolutely terrible for formatting—so here they are before I get to posting chapter 5.

Summary: You go for a walk, grab some food, and get some questions answered. A hundred more spring up.

In the end, you decide it might be best to try and get in contact with the “friendly” looking version of Sans and Papyrus. However, doing so winds up a bit more troublesome than you would have thought.

Turns out Sans doesn't have any kind of social media account you can tie him to, though there seem to be quite a lot of fan pages dedicated to him? For some reason?? Across all kinds of different media platforms??? Apparently he's some kind of stand up comedian?

...

Wait a second…

...

Sans… Stand up comedian... A comic... A Comic Sans. Your expression goes deadpan at that realization and you barely manage to contain the urge to groan.

“Oh my god…” you mutter aloud, not even a second later, another realization clicking into place.

Then wouldn't that mean Papyrus as in the other graphic designer’s nightmare of a font? Was that intentional? A happy coincidence?

You shake your head, begrudgingly bemused. What's next, someone named after Wingdings? Jokerman? You're silently snickering at the idea of someone possessing the name ‘Impact’ as you work on searching up Papyrus. Maybe you’ll have better luck with him?

You're not disappointed.

Papyrus, or as you have managed to stumble upon his most used online handle: CoolSkeleton95, appears to have an overabundance of accounts across various social media websites. It doesn't take you long at all to find him on numerous social platforms, and judging by his friend count, it doesn't look like he ever denies a friend request. You didn't even know you could have that many friends on ExpressionBook.

Now… The big question is, how are you supposed to even broach this odd situation?

“Hey, so these two skeleton monsters that look an awful lot like you and your brother kinda just poofed into my apartment outta thin air. I'd really appreciate it if you guys would come and take them off my hands.”

...

You run a hand through your hair and puff up a cheek in frustration, pausing to lean against a nearby building. Yeah, no way is that going to work as an opener. Monsters and magic might be an accepted fact of life these days but that doesn't mean people are suddenly going to believe crazy talk.

You push off the building with a huff, resuming your aimless wandering.

“So what am I supposed to do, then?” you query the air around you, head snapping back with a sigh. “So you don't know me, and I don't know you, but d’you think you could come over to my place and rid me of a couple skeletons?” You shake your head with a chuckle. That sounded even worse. Like you were asking someone over to dispose of dead bodies or… something.

You sigh. Why does communication have to be so hard?

“I'm gonna be stuck with them forever, aren't I?” you mutter out, head hanging forward.

With any luck they won't have stuck around your apartment. Maybe they left? Maybe when you get back no one will be there and you can just write off the incident as some kind of lucid day dream? And then it I occurs to you that you just left two strangers unattended in your apartment. With all your stuff… Oops. Remedy that thought: You'll be lucky if they're gone and all your stuff is still in your apartment when you get home. You entertain the idea of running home, or of calling the cops, but inevitably you elect to merely shrug it off. You've got insurance if the worst case scenario happens, and it's not like you're especially attached to anything back at your place anyway. They're just material possessions, after all; easily replaced if lost or broken.

As you're crossing another intersection, one block deeper into the downtown district, you decide you've been overthinking this whole thing. Forgoing sending out a friend request first, you type out a message to the less edgy Papyrus.

You : Are there any other skeleton monsters beside you and your brother?

You nod to yourself, satisfied. Straight to the point and it doesn't give away anything unnecessary, nor does it come off as creepy and easy to misinterpret. You pocket your phone to await a response, feeling as if a weight has been lifted from your shoulders.

Boy does it feel good to be productive! You should reward yourself, you think, just as you round a corner and find yourself standing before your favorite local diner. Huh. Guess your subconscious was on the same page. There's a sudden grumble in your stomach and you're salivating, enticed by the idea of a good burger, fries, and an old fashioned milkshake.

Heck. Yes.

As you're pushing open the door there’s a ping from your pocket. A couple of wait staff greet you by name with a smile and wave as you walk through the door, retrieving your cell. You reciprocate their greeting as you take a seat (always a corner booth, close to the back), noting Papyrus has already responded.

For some reason you thought it would take a bit longer to get a response. Especially from someone who seemed to be such a social butterfly—surely he must get tons of messages throughout the day—but you're not going to complain. Papyrus’s speedy response time means you'll be able to get this figured out all the quicker.

THE GREAT PAPYRUS : GREETINGS, HUMAN! I SEE THAT YOU ARE INTERESTED IN SKELETON MONSTERS—A FITTING CHOICE, AS SKELETONS ARE QUITE GREAT! YOU HAVE POSED A MOST INTERESTING QUESTION, THOUGH I MUST CONFESS THAT IF THERE ARE ANY SKELETONS BESIDE MY BROTHER AND I, I HAVE NEVER MET THEM.

Dang it. That does not bode well.

You tap an index finger on the table (a nervous habit you’ve never quite been able to get under control) and frown. Not a good omen but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re boned.

“Heh. Boned.” You can’t help but snicker at the unintentional pun. It's silly and dumb but what can you say, you're easily amused.

There’s a bit more to the message, interestingly enough, so you read on.

THE GREAT PAPYRUS : I SEE THAT YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN TO SEND ME A REQUEST OF FRIENDSHIP, SO I HAVE DONE YOU THE FAVOR OF SENDING ONE MYSELF! NO THANKS ARE NECESSARY, YOU ARE WELCOME!

You quirk a brow at that last bit, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips. What an interesting character this skeleton is. The contrast between him and his spiky counterpart couldn't be more notable—and you haven’t even met this one.

Looking at your notifications, you do indeed see a friend request from “THE GREAT PAPYRUS”. Clicking it brings you to the ExpressionBook app proper and you accept it—not like it would hurt anything to do so. Besides, you can always delete him from your friend’s list later.

It’s just as you’re switching back over to the messenger to type out a reply that a waitress comes over to take your order.

“Hey there, Y/n!” she greets you with a smile. “Didya need a menu or’re you gonna get the usual?”

You flip your phone over and place it down on the table, sliding it a bit to the side. You smile up at her and respond, “Hey Julie! The usual would be great, thank you.” You can respond to Papyrus later, you decide, food first.

It’s a little over an hour later and you’re standing outside your apartment door, staring heatedly at it. You’ve got a paper bag in one hand and your keys in the other. You’re straining your ears, half tempted to press yourself against the door, trying to hear anything from inside. It’s silent, and that can be a good thing, but it could also be a very bad thing.

You take a deep breath, hold it in for one second. Two. Three. Exhale at four. Time to face the music. Either they’re gone and everything’s still there, they’re gone and so is everything in your apartment, or—heaven forbid—they’re still there and you didn’t just dream that whole situation up.

You unlock the door, fingers wrapping around the silver metal handle. Subconsciously, your grip tightens on the paper bag in your opposite hand, the paper crinkling ever so slightly with the action, and then you twist the knob. The door swings open and you step through the threshold. A quick glance around of what you can see shows everything still appears to be in order…

And then you hear it—a muted thump, thump, thump of something tapping out a steady rhythm. It stops abruptly, however, to be replaced by the sound of fabric shifting and of weight being displaced from the cushions of your couch. Then there is the sound of footsteps, two pairs, closing in on you. One pair sounds heavy and rushed, as if its owner is walking with a very distinct purpose in mind; the other a slower, more casual beat. You sigh.

Dang it. So much for that.

You slip your shoes off, hang your keys on the rack nearby, and slip out of your jacket, hanging it on the coatrack to the side. By the time you're done there are two skeletons standing in front of you and they don't exactly look like happy campers.

Your eyes flick over them, a brow quirking at the impatient look to the spiky Edgelord. He’s got his arms crossed, his sockets angled sharply. You get the feeling that if he had a nose, he'd be looking down it at you. You're pretty sure he’s scowling, too.

The sweaty one doesn't look all that different from earlier, though there appears to be more red sweat beaded along the crown of his skull than earlier. He's also shifting nervously, hands in his pockets and shoulders hunched, shark grin tight and bordering on something of a grimace.

It's weird, you can't help but think, how similar they look to the other two and can yet be so blaringly different.

“Ah!” you exclaim with a snap, the action smoothly transitioning into a point, that reminds you. “That's right! I nearly forgot.”

Before either of them can say anything, you twirl around to dig through the pocket of the jacket you had tossed your phone in. Pulling your cell out (and awkwardly fumbling with the paper bag in your hand for a brief moment) you quickly pull up your camera app and snap a pic. After the picture’s taken you tilt your focus down, intent on pulling up the specific messaging app you need. You miss the way Papyrus’s sockets squint at the sound of a shutter going off, miss the way Sans’s sockets crease and his frown dips into a scowl, far too focused on finally responding to the more bubbly skeleton’s message from earlier.

You : [image attachment]

I don't suppose these guys are related then? They kind of just showed up at my place today. Apparently they also go by Sans and Papyrus?

Locking the phone you slip it into the back pocket of your jeans. With that now done you're another step closer to reclaiming your apartment—your normality! Gosh, isn't this exciting? You’ll be slipping right back into your regularly scheduled monotony in no time!

But why’re you so eager to push this opportunity away?

Because you can't guarantee you'll be safe, that you won't get hurt, you argue against that inner voice. It's always wanting you to take risks, to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Trying to tell you that you really aren't happy with the current setup to your life. But no. No, it has no idea what it's talking about. Of course you're happy. Of course you are.

“TSK.” Edgelord ...clicks his tongue? Somehow? effectively snapping you back to reality. He's still giving you that ‘holier than thou’ look as his maw parts, clearly eager to get back to his interrogation from earlier. “JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, HUMAN, THAT YOU CAN JUST WALK OUT ON THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS?”

Yeesh. Control freak much?

You roll your eyes and mirror his pose, arms crossing over your chest, paper bag crinkling with each movement, and pop a hip to the side. There is no way you are going to put up with this kind of bullshit in your own home.

“For your information, Edgelord, my name is Y/n, and in case you didn't know, I live here. You and sweaty McSharktooth over there’re the ones who should be answering my questions, considering the way you two just intruded into my space.”

There's a split second where Papyrus’s eye sockets seem to widen but it's over before you're even sure that you saw it. You take a deep breath through your nose in an effort to calm yourself, and then press on.

“Look, Papyrus, Sans. I know it's been a good few years since the barrier was broken and monsters were integrated into society and all that, but excuse me if I need to take a moment to clear my head when two strangers (who look like edgy embodiments of the Grim Reaper, mind you) literally poof into my house. I know magic’s a thing now but that doesn't mean this is an everyday kinda deal for me, alright?”

“wait, hang on a sec,” Sans abruptly cuts in. “ya mean we're on the surface?”

Your brows furrow in confusion at that comment. You look to the shorter skeleton, some of the tension easing from your body. From all the hostility and anger exuded by Papyrus you had been preparing yourself to get into a fist fight or something; at the very least you were prepping yourself for a screaming match of epic proportions.

“Uh… duh?” Is your oh so elegant response. “Where the hell else would you be?”

“you mean we ain't underground?” You squint at him, head slowly shaking. Did they not even move from the living room in that hour and a half or so you were gone? You breathe out a quiet and low, drawn out “no…”

“holy shit.” he mutters, sparing a quick glance to the taller skeleton (who looks equally as shell shocked, you note) before focusing back on you. “yer jokin.”

He's looking at you, the emotion—the sheer confusion—clear on his face. He almost looks like he’s just daring you to confirm that this is all some kind of elaborate setup. A bead of sweat trickles down from the crown of his skull.

You shake your head harder, your hand slipping from where it's tucked between your opposite arm and torso to be angled at him, palm forward. A telltale sign for ‘stop, holdup’.

“No?” you respond, eyebrows raised, “I'm really not. That'd be a really shitty thing to joke about.”

The skeletons give each other a strange look and you can't help but to quirk a brow at their odd behavior. Why are they so surprised? Surely all monsters have migrated to the surface by now, let alone be aware that the barrier had fallen.

“You guys do know that Mount Ebott is something like… fifteen hundred miles northeast of here, right?”

It's silent for a moment, as if they need time to let this information really sink in. You absently register a muffled ping from your pocket as Sans mutters another “holy shit.”

#Red Drabbles #Undertale Fanfiction #Underfell Fanfiction #Reader Insert #Apathy and Happenstance

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greenguy57 · 5 years

Text

Someone asked me a 150 question ask list.

Here’s Part 1, time for Part 2! (Long post warning btw)

47) Ever been high?

Nope, no intentions of doing so either.

48) Ever been drunk?

Nope, same as 47!

49) Have I done anything recently that I hope no one finds out?

Kinda? All the people that need to know, do, and that’s all I’ll say! 😜 (And no this wasn’t anything criminal or illegal)

50) What was the color of the last hoodie I wore?

Green, big surprise! 😂

51) Do I ever wish I was someone else?

Not really! I’ve been lucky enough to have a solid life.

52) One thing I wish I could change about myself?

It’s gonna sound stupid but if I could have super powers I would do that. I’m lucky that I’m happy with myself and I’m very grateful that I’m at this point! ☺️

53) Favorite makeup brand?

I don’t have one!

54) Favorite store?

I don’t really have one of these either. I have a lot of favorite restaurants and chill spots but nothing store-wise.

55) Favorite blog?

My boi mimikyutie-chan! She’s always supplying me with some solid memes and quality posts!

56) Favorite color?

🤔

57) Favorite food?

Homemade chicken noddle soup 🙏, also traditional ramen and my brothers, girlfriends, mothers banana pudding! 👌👌

58) Last thing I ate?

Turkey sandwich on Italian white bread with cheddar cheese and mayo! 🥪

59) First thing I ate this morning?

Reheated leftover chicken and waffles!

60) Ever one a competition, if so, for what?

I’ve never won an official competition, I’ve probably one some small ones in the past, but I can’t really recall.

61) Ever been suspended or expelled,if so, for what?

I have not!

62) Ever been arrested, if so, for what?

Nope, I am an innocent man!

63) Ever been in love?

Yes, and currently still am! 💙

64) What’s the story of my first kiss?

Alright. So I went over to my friends house with my first girlfriend after taking her to homecoming in high school. Her parents came to pick her up and before she left I kissed her in front of the door. Then she left and I get picked up soon after!

65) Am I hungry right now?

Nope, just ate that sandwich from that earlier question! 👍

66) Do I like my Tumblr friends more then my real friends?

Most all of the friends I have on Tumblr I’m friends with irl.

67) Facebook or Twitter?

Facebook, I don’t really use Twitter.

68) Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr, for the same reason above.

69) Am I watching TV rn?

Nope, I’m listening to Super Mega as I answer this! 😂

70) Names of my best friends?

Tess, Nick, Adam, Kayla, Cam, Ruth, Callie, Kate, Matt!

71) Am I craving something, if so, what?

Not really craving anything right now, I’d be down for a pay check from work and a good lay though! ✌️

72) What are my towel colors and how many pillows do I sleep with?

My towels at school are just white, at home they’re all sorts. As for the amount of pillows, I usually sleep with 3.

73) Sleep with any stuffed animals?

I do not, but I sleep with a small blanket and use it as a head pillow.

74) How many stuffed animals do I think I own?

I have a ton in storage from when I was a kid, but I do have a few stuffed Kirby’s that I have around my room!

75) Favorite animal?

Great Danes, though I’m also a big fan of sharks and the Pistol Shrimp! 🦐

76) What color is my underwear?

Black, Gray, and varying shades of blue. Currently wearing blue! 😉

77) Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate!

78) Favorite ice cream flavor?

Chocolate Fudge Brownie... 🙏

79) Color shirt I’m wearing rn?

🤔 (I wear green shirts every day)

80) What color pants am I wearing rn?

Light Gray shorts!

81) Favorite TV show?

Avatar: the Last Airbender. 🙏

82) Favorite movie?

Right now, it’d be Avengers: Endgame. Such a great film! 👍👍👍

83) Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

I’ve only seen Mean Girls so the OG gets my vote.

84) Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean Girls is definitely more iconic and funny imo so gonna say Mean Girls wins yet again.

85) Favorite Character from Mean Girls?

This list really likes Mean Girls huh, I guess the main character cause I don’t really remember any of their names! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

86) Favorite character from Nemo?

Um, the stoner sea turtle, Crush was his name I’m pretty sure.

87) First person I talked to today?

My girlfriend. (Wonder how many time’s this will be the answer 😝)

88) Last person I talked to today?

My brother.

89) Name a person I hate?

I honestly don’t hate anyone specifically, but I guess I’ll just blanket statement say I hate people how are outspokenly hateful and ignorant? Also rapists, pedos, nazis, all the freebies.

90) Name a person I love?

My girlfriend! Also my family and the best friend I named earlier! 💙

91) Is there anyone I’d like to punch in the face rn?

Not particularly.

92) In a fight with someone?

I am not, no. I’m not one to stay in an argument or fight for a long time.

93) How many pairs of sweatpants do I have?

Just the one, and they’re very comfy! 🤙

94) How many sweaters/hoodies do I have?

Just one hoodie and I have one v-neck sweater.

95) Last movie I watched?

Sherlock Holmes! The one with RDJ and Jude Law. 👍

96) Favorite actress?

Big fan of Dichen Lachmen and all she’s been in!

97) Favorite actor?

Can’t honestly think of one! Though my favorite voice actor is Nolan North, love his voice work!

98) Do I tan a lot?

I don’t. I’m pretty pale and I can’t really tan.

99) Do I have any pets?

I do, he’s a big dumb Great Dane named Neo!

100!) How am I feeling?

Feeling pretty good! Having a good time answering all these questions for any follower to see! 😁

101) Do I type fast?

Not really! 😅 I also still have to look at the keyboard when I type.

102) Do I regret anything from my past?

No I don’t. I have a life mantra I live by where even if I’m not proud of things I’ve done in the past, I try to learn from it and not regret the experience. Regretting things doesn’t help better your life so why do it?

103) Can I spell well?

W E L L, as for the quality of my spelling, I can spell alright but I tend to cut corners when typing since auto-correct is so common.

104) Do I miss someone from my past?

I mean, yeah I suppose. But like I said before, I don’t really dwell on it!

105) Ever been to a bonfire party?

I’ve been to many, my friends and I often did bonfire nights over the summer.

106) Ever broken someone’s heart?

I sure have, and it suuuuuucked. But sometimes it be like that and gotta move past it. And the faster you rip that band-aid, the faster both parties can move on and get to a better place!

107) Have I ever been on a horse?

I have not, no.

108) What should I be doing?

Checking the dryer to see if the towels are done, so I’ll actually do that rn. **

109) Is something irritating me rn?

The towels still aren’t dry, so that’s kind of annoying. 🙄

110) Have I ever liked someone so much that it hurt?

I few times in my life, I’d so yeah.

111) Do I have trust issues?

Not really, I feel like I answered this in part 1, but I generally trust everyone unless given a reason not too.

112) The last person I cried in front of?

I think my girlfriend? Though it may have been one of my friends though.

113) What was your childhood nickname?

Never had a childhood nickname, having a short name like Seth doesn’t give kids much material.

114) Ever been out of my province/state?

Yes! I’ve been out of my state plenty of times, but only out of the country once.

115) Do you play the Wii?

Not recently, I do own a Wii and played it a lot. I also got a Wii U with all the 3 games it has.

116) Am I listening to music rn?

Nope!

117) Do I like chicken noodle soup?

I don’t, I looove chicken noodle soup!!

118) Do I like Chinese food?

Yes, my favorite of chinese food is probably orange chicken, fried rice, and egg drop soup!

119) Favorite book?

Not much of a reader, I do read comics though! My favorite comic book is The Amazing Spider-Man: Issue 800. It’s such a great issue!

120) Am I afraid of the dark?

Not really. I get a bit tense walking in city streets at night, but I’m not really scared of the dark.

121) Am I mean?

No! 😂 Being mean isn’t fun and I always apologies if I make a mean joke.

122) Is cheating ever okay?

Nope, it’s not cool and no one should ever do it no matter what.

123) Can I keep white shoes clean?

Shoes are meant to get walked on so they’re going to get dirty if you actually wear them no matter what. This is definitely the weirdest question to be so far.

124) Do I believe in love at first sight?

No I do not. Infatuation at first sight exists, sure, but I don’t think you can fully fall in love with someone without getting to know them at least a little bit first.

125) Do I believe in true love?

Yes I do. True love definitely exists imo!

126) Am I currently bored?

Not really! Typing these answers are keeping me occupied!

127) What makes me happy?

Hanging out with good friends, playing games, good food, great sex, and sleep. I am a man of simple needs! 😂

128) Would I change my name?

Maybe my middle name, but I’m a fan of my first and last name so I’d like to keep both.

129) What’s my zodiac sign?

Pisces. 🐟🐟

130) Do I like Subway?

It’s pretty good!

131) My best friend of the opposite says that she likes me, what do I do?

Continue to date her! 😜

132) Who’s the last person I’ve had a deep conversation with?

I’m pretty sure I’ve answered this question, but I’m pretty sure it was either my girlfriend or the friend that drove me to my last exam!

133) Favorite lyrics rn?

I got nothing for this. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

134) Can I count to one million.

I could, I don’t know why I’d ever do that. Never been that bored!

135) Dumbest lie I’ve ever told?

Must’ve been so dumb that I didn’t remember it. I also don’t lie often so there’s that.

136) Do I sleep with my doors open or closed?

Closed! I don’t like sleeping with my doors open, that’s just weird.

137) How tall am I?

5′ 7″

138) Curly or straight hair?

I don’t really have a preference, but curly hair can be pretty cute on people!

139) Brunette or blonde?

You know, I used to think I had a thing for brunettes, but I’ve been with about the same amount of blondes so I guess I have no preference here either.

140) Summer or winter?

Summer for sure! I prefer heat over cold.

141) Night or Day?

Night I guess? I stay up late playing games so that’s my pick.

142) Favorite month?

I guess July? That’s when my anniversary is and it’s mid summer so it’s prime vacation time!

143) Am I vegetarian?

Not in the slightest, love me some meat! 😋

144) Dark, milk, or white chocolate?

Milk chocolate, though dark chocolate is a close second!

145) Tea or Coffee?

Tea, 100%. With lots of sugar too.

146) Was today a good day?

Today was alright, spend most of it sleeping and mowing the lawn, I did enjoy answering all of these though!

147) Mars or Snickers?

Snickers I guess? I haven’t eaten a mars bar before.

148) What’s my favorite quote?

“Life is a lot like this tunnel, you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you are sure to find yourself in a better place!” - Iroh

149) Do I believe in ghosts?

Not at all. Never seen solid enough proof for me to believe in them.

150) Find the closest book to me, turn to page 42, what does the first line say?

“After the tests were done, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon...”

And that’s all the questions! Thanks to whoever asked literally all of them and I hope this shows that I mean business when I reblog ask lists! 😂

#answered #long post #part 2

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